#ugh im gonna have to fix it
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Fallout video update
Read more bc I'm shy I don't usually edit videos
I like this more but I'm still not happy happy with it I'm not sure why, but I did add captions for the song so there's that
#oh my god i messed up the captions of course i only catch it as i post it#god dammit#the show is the fallout tv series and the song is The Weight by Amigo the Devil#ugh im gonna have to fix it#actually it was insane to make this in the first place and it'd be even more insane to reupload for a minor detail#anyway please dont find my main blog#oh honestly i should take down my main blog gifsets and post them here#also sorry if the audio is loud it sounds fine to me but my ear is kinda meh#OH and this version should be crispy#i recorded it all myself instead of stealing clips from youtube to work the idea out in first version#honestly idk what this is even#like is it a moldaver appreciation post type deal is it just cause is it a roldaver (?) thing idk#i dont know the answer dont ask#i mean come on#shes a scientist a leader a prewar rebel against vault tec and the flame mother#not looking back on my tags but i think i fixed it before it got any notes#fallout show#fallout tv series#fallout tv show#did i say moldaver already#moldaver
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#just saw like half of a tiktok and the urge to make another vent post....#but i wont i dont wanna get into the discourse lol#all im gonna say is - just bc buck 'likes to fix things' doesnt mean he's gonna drop everything to deal with eddies mess#he has his own life and if he wants to have dinner with his bf after a hard day he can#bobby is with his wife and resting why would buck stick around#and Eddie's situation is not bucks to fix - he was there for support and did what he always does#like yeah eddie is about to lose chris and it's awful but what do you expect buck to do about it??? there's literally nothing he can#why are people now mad that he wasnt with Bobby or Eddie and instead went to have dinner with tommy#and it wasnt ooc imo - this is buck finally thinking of himself and his needs first like he should#he won't always be there to fix things for every single person bc he shouldn't be??#(and imo nothing about the convo was weird or ooc either - maybe rushed but they had a minute lol)#well i guess it did turn into a vent in the tags lmao#im gonna delete this im just sooooo annoyed#tiktok how many times do i have to say i wanna stay off 911tok ugh
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why can i literally not function at school like i swear i'm trying i just can't focus????
#luc posts#like i take notes but then i get bored and the doodle on the side of my page thst was meant to take 5 seconds took 10 minutes :(#and then im lost and bc im lost i get all fidgety and i keep doodling and then jts just a cycle#if i work for 20 minutes i feel like ive ran a marathon and i have to take a 40 minutes drawing/staring into the distance break#and im gonna fail maths but theres literally nothing i can do no matter what i do I can't focus for over 20 minutes at a time#and then its the end of class and i feel guilty bc oh i didnt do any work :( like i feel bad and i want to fix it but idk whats wrong so ho#can i fix it if i dont know whats wrong with meeeee#ugh#it literally makes me want to cry am i just lazy is that what it is am i literally useless why cant i work#like i was so ahead kf the average grades and i never learnt to study and now ugh i dont know how to function so i just dont#and it doesn't help that my friends are all geniuses#like they complain about their one mark away from full marks and im just like OH MY GOD if i could just focus then i coukd do so well#likr ok i guess i wont mention tjst i failed that test bc yall sre complaining about getting one mark off fukl makrs#likr fuckkkk okay i have so mucb potential why di i waste jt :(((((#i hate school so mucb#i genuinely consider dropping out sometimes like I CANT DO THIS hiw do these peiole di ut how hiw how someone tell me how to function#like these peiole getting top marks withiut eben truijgn and i tyr and i cant fishcis so i fail snd then ufh i want to die#bc its so embarassing i eas like top 10% of the class a few years ago and now i just cant function like how do these peiple do itso#someone explain ot me how oieolem focus and dony get distracted and ginish things kike ugh
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#ugh. im so tried. why is crying so exhausting? i havent done anything. this is bullshit#we went from a slow motion breakdown to full on freakout meltdown today#luckily no one was around in the lab this morning bc i couldnt stop crying#so i went to the counseling center and made myself their problem#canceled my committee meeting. which everyone tells me is fine. its all fine#think about going home for a while they say. maybe tell ur dad ur having a bad time thry say#but im so tired. and i dont kno what to do and its all falling apart#i just feel like im brushing up against the limits of what i can do intellectually and its like well where do i go from here?#what do i do with my old data? how do i move my project forward? whats the point of any of this?#why did i put myself in this position? would taking a leave even help? id still have to come back to the same mess#its just so frustrating bc theres no solution ill find satisfying. everything just sucks.#idk what my advisor even told my committee. bc we were supposed to meet tomorrow morning. ugh. it would have been so bad#it also sucks bc im so drained that i can just feel my own weight when im trying to talk to ppl#like u kno when ur being a wet blanket but u dont kno how to fix it. like srry my vibes r wretched. maybe im just stuck like this#i dunno. my dad invited us home for a week in july and also plans to come out to visit me in August. but that seems like a long time away#i dunno what im gonna do. what a disaster#unrelated
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My ACNH island is VERY slowly coming together (been working on it since.. I think July? Maybe august?)
I’m really happy with the progress I’ve made except I’m now one of those people whose island lags because of the amount of stuff in some spots lmao 🧎🏻♀️ it’s a worthy sacrifice though imo because my orchard is the culprit and it looks banging!!
Either way. BEHOLD
#honest to god y’all. if you feel stressed about decorating or island and haven’t played/have restarted a ton bc of it#just do NOT terraform. or do it very minimally#bc that’s the only reason im making literally any progress lmao I really loved my last island too but#ultimately abandoned it bc the terraforming and water-forming(?) was stressing me out too much#anyway#I’ve been balls deep in trying to fix up the ~secret beach~ and campsite so I’ll maybe post pics of those too soon!!#they’re all in this area too!! campsite is to the left of the orchard and up a level and beach is to the left of the wheat#ALSO *cracks knuckles* I’ve had a land bridge on every island so far and this one will be no different#might start that today or tomorrow#that’s a whole thing bc. land bridge. HAVE to terraform.. and a lot too lol ugh#it’s just a strip though. I’m not doing anything too crazy with it#it’s gonna be perfect for my island’s autumn theme actually!! the bridges always looked best in autumn imo bc of the surrounding foliage#maybe it’ll lead to the museum?#sorry I’ll shut up#aspenposting#acnh#animal crossing#animal crossing new horizons#new horizons#animal crossing nh
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Oh boy it sure is nice not being alloromantic/allosexual enough to be "normal" but also not aromantic/asexual enough to be a good aromantic/aspec person (:
Sure is nice to finally have a community I totally fit into, everyone is SO welcoming
#chaotic rants#“there's no platonic explanation for this!” there is actually#“when are you gonna get a date/get married/have kids?” never#“let's get you fixed up so you and your boyfriend/girlfriend can have sex! ^w^” “i dont have one” “oh im sure you'll find one :0”#“i dont want a significant other and i never will” “oh that's just your anxiety talking. it'll go away once your anxiety's cured!”#vs#“ugh all these allosexuals are SO OBSESSED with shipping”#“are allosexuals okay”#“not EVERYTHING has to be a ship”#“if you ship a canonically aro character you're erasing the representation and are evil and should be hurt/killed”#vs...#“who cares about the lore of this game? what if the characters just fuck and nothing else”#“lol that character isnt het/bi that makes no sense!” it has canonical proof/is obviously shipteased all the time but okay#“lol that character isnt bi/pan that makes no sense!” it's not contradicted by canon even the tiniest bit but okay#-finally finds a character that's ACTUALLY similar my experience being aroaspec-#-that character is the butt of every joke and a mockery of me and everyone like me as people-#“yeah the 'aroace character is obsessed with food' thing is an annoying stereotype! but it's all you're getting so be happy about it :)”#“lol this character that is canonically het and is constantly sexually harassed is actually canonically aroace.”#“what? you find that offensive and uncomfortable? fuck you im asexual and i get to decide what is and isnt canonically aroace” okay#“you think this other character is canonically aroace? uhhhh no you're wrong that's an offensive stereotype idiot”#-it's the one character in the entire canon that's literally never shown any attraction to anyone else-#“this character was turned aroace by this other character. even tho this is offensive with any other sexuality it's totally fine here!”#“also yes you're a bad person if you ship this character even though they're only aroace in fanon”#“here's our webcomic where everyone's gay or trans or both! ...what? sorry there's no aro or ace or aroace characters in this.”#“fuck you if you were hopeful there would be”#vs!!#“oh everything in fiction is a person's idealized reality!”#“shipping is everyone's idealized romantic/sexual relationship!”#“if you like this in fiction then you like it and want it to happen in reality!”
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need a pretty girl to call me babe again
#i think itd fix me#the way i miss her#is honestly insane.#UGH FUCK. why must everyone who has ever given me any sort of affection have to live hundreds of miles away from me#the overdue asteroid strikes again#me handshake emoji reading every text shes ever sent me with the word babe or love in it im gonna off myselfjkdghdjkgh#she was sooooo pretty. she was absolutely gorgeous.
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#having a bad time tonight tbh#1. i have a sore throat#2. bottom dysphoria is kicking my arse. breaking my queer little heart.#it's pretty new i don't have any tricks to help#3. thinkin bout cancer#like like um so#i don't want bottom surgery purely cs it's a whole thing to sort and you have to go under a bunch#and im terrified of just not waking up y'know#i can and i will for top surgery and hysto ill force myself through it bcs it is what i want#for trans reasons#and also hey i can definitely die slowly of various cancers#like my nan and her mum. and my gran (not dead yet). and my dads (bio one clear for 25/4 years. blacksmith one currently getting a diag).#or! i can maybe die quickly of something that is actually useful to me. y'know.#but bottom surgery is still 3 goes am i remembering right? for something that like#i am uh. like it's not fair. it's not. i should and i don't and ugh.#but it's too much to do to fix it. dyou know? and i just i just#bluh#im. gonna try not to think for a while. gonna watch stupid youtube videos instead
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idk if i like this but we're going with it ..!!!
#୨୧⠀┆⠀𝑜𝑜𝒸 › ada speaks.#i'm thrown OFF#ugh i still have to fix absolutely everything else abt the theme im gonna jump#update i’ve warmed up to her lol
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coughs. i still have that headache from yesterday. i tried to write the bios and i just got a big error sign in my mind. i am going to go. drink an overwhelming amount of water. and try again later.
#(OOC.) ''The kind of tired regular sleep can't fix.''#((bitch i slept eight to nine motherfucking hours last night. there is no reason i should still have a headache))#((but i Woke Up with this shit and it's Still not gone. ugh))#((it ebbed and flowed during work but im just gonna say it's the usual hydrate or diedrate that it usually is with me))#((...even though i already drink a lot of water but Whatever))
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#ngl i feel like im spiraling a little bit#like i feel out of control and like everything is out of control#my sleep schedule is fucked#i feel like i'm floundering at work#and you know what usually fixes this stuff? trips to the dungeon#but you know who can't go this weekend? my gf and i :(#so now we have to wait until the first week of feb and idk how i'm gonna hold my shit together that long#i like don't know how to fully explain that i actually really /need/ this dynamic#it helps me soooo much#and not being able to do it makes me feel like the seams in my brain are unraveling#its such a fucking strange experience how much getting whipped and choked in a room full of strangers really quiets my brain#but GOD do i fucking need it :(#like sexually yes yeah its fun and good#but i also need it mentally#ugh im rambling oops#i have nowhere else to vent so feel free to ignore <3#i just had to get this out of my head
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#periodical life updates#lets hope this one goes better than the last one </3#anyway hi everyone. im in an entirely different timezone during this trip so its actually mid afternoon right now#thats not what this is about though this is about how im EXCITED FOR ARTFIGHT AS USUAL!!! lemmy posted his s/is and theyre so cute <3#also the theme reveal is coming on the 23! i hope its enough time for the theme templates? i love doing the theme templates with everyone :#this'll be my seventh year participating holy sht!! ive been doing this for seven (7) years!!!!!!!!#ive been feeling like ive been improving in art every artfight but idk how i'll fare this year. i feel like ive been a bit stagnant#and i did some PRETTY KILLER PIECES LAST YEAR;;; who knows if i'll top it; especially with summer college classes UGH#miserable about that btw. college my beloathed forever and ever amen. :/ ive been meaning to fix a few characters profiles and add some too#FINALLY going to separate kelly and jace! kelly is now the bureau of balance halfling only <3 ive been redrawing a new design of her :>#she has cute pointed ears now heho!! and actual more fantasy-esque clothes to fit her universe <3 jace is getting a separate profile!#jace is now solely my sona and i look SO much more gender now with the haircut and i can post my refs <33#i also want to post agent and icarus and all the javelins but that means i have to draw them actually hfjkh <33#i should also actually add something to shen's profile hfkjfh i care more about xer worldbuilding than xer character i feel </3#IVE BEEN MEANING TO GET QUEUE BACK UP but everytime i look at my drafts i feel so tired </3 theres ART i want to reblog!!!#ough. some other time. okay! im gonna get my artfight discord channel back up and running for the new artfight season! let's go let's go!#oh and i'll be sure to announce which team im joining obviously hdjfdh it'll probably be the lighthearted one <3#some of the themes this year are a little off? (stars vs nebula? heart vs soul? arent those the same thing?) but im hoping for the best <3#okay frfr going now! hope for queue soon maybe if i have time/energy! working on artfight! lets goooooo!! <3
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#i spend so mad god damn time bitching on this website. its bc i dont talk to ppl. whens the last time i had a non functional conversation?#uuuuhhh last weekend or maybe the weekend before that? so like i gotta complain somewhere. so if i stop complaining u can assume i made#friends lmao. ugh. its just. im worried. im worried abt how this semester is gonna go. how this phd program is gonna go#bc i spent the last 2 years destroying myself. realized ive gotta stop doing that. haven't figured out how to stop and now im gonna triple#the amount of pressure im under while trying to do things in a more healthy way. its just like. it objectively doesnt seem like a formula#for good things to happen. im more worried for how catastrophic its gonna b on my brain than i am abt the things i think most ppl would b#concerned abt. like im not worried abt planning and executing a project or teaching beyond fear of the unknown#its like. ive done these things before. theyre difficult but u make due and tackle the problems. but when it comes to: how to maintain a#healthy school/life balance? i dont even kno where to start with that. i just dont bc when u have a learning disability things just take#more time but like how much time is too much? where does it end? i dont kno how to manage it and i dont wanna hate my project by the end#of this. i want to b excited and not paralyzed bc im afraid i cant change my behavior and its gonna kill me#and im worried bc im meeting with my advisor for the 1st time since march before i agreed to join thr lab and have i prepared for this#project which is almost complete unrelated to what i did in my last lab? no bc ive been managing data and im still not done managing data#bc i cant focus bc i collected that data in a way that was actively self destructive. and i mean i kno itll b fine. thr guy seems nice i#just hate that im showing up devoid of enthusiasm bc its all been drowned out by the fear. and thats also gonna make teaching a problem#bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping#ppl does usually make me feel better so maybe itll b a good thing. forgot how much i feel like im dying when i sit in meetings and#classroom tho lol. god its been 2yrs since i was a student. classes feel like such bullshit now. and yet if i dont get all As i might die#my students better b good. i have the 1st lab section bc thr lead ta couldnt do that time. so im the trial lab and i start fucking Monday#who tf does labs the 1st week of class? ugh. also its an intro bio so like 2/3 of thr class r freshman. lil bby 18yos and some r non bio#majors. and ive been warned that sometimes there r problems with ppl who don't believe in evolution and cause problems. pls let my classes#b good. im not that worried. its just gonna b annoying as fuck. im not good at being authoritative#ugh. i should b reading papers so i dont look like too much of an idiot tomorrow. itll b fine im just an anxious freak. a lil over a week#until i can try to find a therapist. probably seek medication bc i dont kno how else to stop this bullshit. annoying. i grew up with a dad#who gets anxious abt the idea of taking too much medication when he tskes a single ibuprofen. in this household we feel pain and then we#die miserable. this is all his fault. we have the same brain.im just a lil more irradidic than him#its so funny i say that bc im like the least irradic person ever. i do the same things every god damn day. im just irradic in terms of#sometimes i feel like my brain is on fire and im a cry bby lol#whatever. enough bitching. ive got papers to read. or maybe ill just go to bed and read them tomorrow 🙄#unrelated
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YEAH........... YEAH..... LIKEWISE, NO NOTES AT ALL, THAT'S EXACTLY IT... Main antagonist deaths are often treated as "comeuppance," but that would be the ultimate comeuppance for Aoki. As it stands, the only people who actually suffer for it are Ichiban and Jo, and Ichi didn't even do anything wrong. Also please I'm positive there's more to wring out of Aoki and Jo for an essay 😭😭at the very least, I always love to hear your perspective!
"he'd made a social circle for himself where people predominantly liked him for the power and influence" <- incredibly Mine-core of Aoki btw (I also feel the rest applies a little in terms of Mine probably being very quick to write off people who Do care about him as not caring about him, as with Katase, but it's nowhere near the extent of the Arakawas)
Wait actually it's kind of funny... for both Mine and Aoki, I was so sure their endings would go a certain way. Mine and Kiryu'd fight Richardson off together and Ichi'd, I don't know, shield Aoki or hug him so Kume couldn't get to him in the first place, or after that INSANE direct parallel to Arakawa running to the hospital with Masato, he'd miraculously pull through like he did on New Year's. Tormented with visions of the better timeline... With Aoki in particular, it makes me want to tear my hair out because the moment of him choosing to put the gun in the locker was REVOLUTIONARY for the series, looking at the characters he was most heavily based on.
Anyway. Bottom line. These bitches need to hug it out. It was so evil Arakawa didn't hug Ichi at Omi HQ or on the waterfront like bro stop being """manly""" for five seconds you're ruining my life you're ruining your own lives
There'd genuinely be nothing more painful yet more satisfying for an antagonist than being confronted with the consequences of their actions and having to navigate life after having making those decisions, ESPECIALLY when it comes to mending the bonds that- for anyone else- would have shattered long ago. With Aoki being motivated by the want to be loved and appreciated for himself, it would've been nice to see him finally acknowledge that he did have that love and start to better himself as a result (however much he'd be able to while in prison anyway lmao).
The Mine and Aoki comparisons are so real though, I remember joking to myself about it days after beating the game but it just fuels my mental illness every time I think about it ☠️ I LEGALLY AM NOT ALLOWED TO GO OFF ABOUT THE Y7 ENDING I'VE DONE IT TOO MUCH it makes me so mad every time I think about it 😭 ESPECIALLY THE PARALLELS WITH ARAKAWA AND THE LOCKERS UGGGHHH IT COULD HAVE BEEN SUCH AN EPIC CONCLUSION WITH THAT... Arakawa running from the lockers at the start of Aoki's life compared to Ichiban running from the lockers and getting Aoki to the hospital so Aoki can restart life I'm Going To Kill Someone (myself) (in Minecraft)
#snap chats#theres a note here about aoki's self hatred and ergo his inability to believe people could love him without 'worth'#and some kind of. I Dont Know occurs that comes with aoki accepting that love and ergo At Least Tolerating himself#and again becoming better as a person as a result. not WHOLLY you cant undo Everything Wrong With Him with one therapy session#but itd at least be a start and thats far more than anything else rgg has given since like. ryuji in dead souls#but w/e i- as per usual- have the vocabulary of a walrus so we're just gonna have to imagine i said something profound#AND THE LACK OF HUGGING IN THIS FRANCHISE IM GOING TO STAB ALL OF YOU. IN MINECRAFT.#with the power of delusions and this like seven-year-old wacom tablet i can fix that......#it'll never be enough it'll never fill the void in my soul but it'll be something i guess#BUT UGH NO SORRY IM JUST MAD NOW#nothing in my life has ever genuinely triggered anger in me than the y7 ending its just soooooooOOOOO#IT WAS SOOO CLOSE TO BEING PERFECT I CANT#im going to give myself a blood clot thinking about it anymore i feel my heart stopping Do Not Call An Ambulance I Cannot Afford It#so to stop myself from going in any more debt than i already am..... the possibility of any essays from me are very small#my ability to use words is near non existent. i feel like a right ninny sometimes#in any case im not sure what else i could expand on that isn't restating what you've said#cant ever be upset with bein on the same wavelength tho it gives my inarticulate ass a helluva easier time trying to explain LMAO#plus im petrified of trying to interpret anything from the english dub or english subs#and looking into language use is Very Much important when dissecting abusive relationships#i guess there's always just talking about general actions committed and not inspecting the exact words used#idk.. at the very least ill rotate the concept in my head and then fend off the urge to eat my teeth#i'm gonna throw up.... im still thinking of it........ gonna make an unrelated-but-arguably-related post in like three seconds#dont look at it its cringe
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through gritted teeth i love coding so so so much. have been desperately searching for the reason why my program doesn’t work for the past month only to realise that its bc I wrote a > instead of a <. in a block of code I wrote IN JULY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#im going to kill myself this has been causing me so much grief#UGH ADN NOW I HAVE TO REMOVE ALL THE SHIT I DID TRYING TO FIX IT. ITS GONNA TAKE ME SO LONG
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wow, romance truly isnt dead 🙃
#im not gonna lie. im extremely pissed off lmao#117 hours for... a completely bugged ending scene? ugh#it was all going so nicely. i got to piss off and kill the emperor. bittersweet and ultimately sad abt karlach. sad but resigned abt#saying goodbye to laezel. triumphant abt having made it with my friends and finally having our minds to ourselves#only for it to be capped off by this? you can imagine how that disheartens you lmao#well. at least this makes one of my wishes more true hdkfkdkd i truly now have a reason to play this character again#ill keep an eye out and when the end is fixed ill play his story again and earn the ending scene anew#why is my character freaking out tho hsjzjdjdjf all the screenshots i saw of others games had their character just idling like usual#also the red feet imply the game thinks hes standing in difficult terrain. woof my game is just extra cursed or something ⚰️
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