#ugh ok so there’s a lot of nuance I couldn’t cover here this is more of a mini rant but yeah.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

idk why this bugs me a bit but I really don’t like when you see art or writing that delves into the dynamic between characters in a less positive way - like an argument, or clashes between coping mechanisms, or a miscommunication that causes some problems and doesn’t get immediately resolved - and you get people saying stuff like “oh they’re so fucked up” or “this would not be healthy irl but here it’s cute” and I just. what do you think a healthy relationship looks like. it’s never going to be perfect. people disagree. not everything gets resolved perfectly. sometimes there will be parts of a person you will never completely understand no matter how close you are to them. what matters is communicating in the ways that you can (which isn’t always in the way help books or therapists tell you to btw! there are lots of ways to communicate effectively that are specific to who you are as people), making active efforts to show your care (which yes, sometimes isn’t easy. that’s why it’s an effort), and enjoying this person’s company (they should make you feel good to be around overall! clashing a little is okay but they should not make you miserable!)

anyways I guess it also irritates me because I see these kinds of comments a lot under studies having to do with characters struggling with trauma or mental illness and therefore not communicating in necessarily healthy or productive ways and maybe always having issues that do not get resolved perfectly and I really can’t stand it. we already live in a world where people have to pretend to be fine all the time. I’m quite flattered when people are comfortable enough with me to let that veneer go. they feel safe around me! what a compliment! I always feel like that’s so much more than I deserve. sure things can be uncomfortable at times and I do sometimes have to say “I can’t listen or help right now but please tell me later” and that’s ok! because we all want to make sure we’re safe for each other to come talk to. to be honest with. a little personal discomfort at times is worth it. always.

people are messy. you’ve got to let people be messy. friendships, relationships, etc, they take time and effort from everyone involved. learning to manage less than ideal situations actually is going to help you draw better boundaries against things that are actually “fucked up” or toxic than expecting perfection, or for a happily ever after where all the conflicts you started out with get resolved.

idk. it’s just. people you care about deserve to not have to be ideal around you. likewise you deserve to have to not be ideal around them. isn’t that. the whole point of someone knowing your soul? the ugliness? and the way it’s a package deal with the rest of you? I would like to learn you. I don’t just want your scraps. I want every part of the whole I asked for. I will learn to manage the sharper edges.