#ughhgh i dont usually have this problem with other ppl but i dont actually feel exposed around others like in therapy
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I just wish I could feel completely safe with another person where I can just exist genuinely in front of someone and not get panicky
#im like.........getting there in therapy but its really hard#i wanna be able to fee safe enough to make eye contact because i feel weird and rude that i cant but she knows sm about me i just feel rly#exposed ig even though i like her and trust her with some of the most personal shit in my life#i tried to work up the nerve and find the right time to just dart across her face and back#but i couldnt do it#the one time i actually looked at her was when she came out to get me and once in session when i knew shed be looking away#ughhgh i dont usually have this problem with other ppl but i dont actually feel exposed around others like in therapy#i wanna feel as safe as possible and the eye contact thing is weird but i feel like it hinders my ability to communicate a lot#also sometimes she’ll get this really therapist-y voice bc i#i dont look at her so she has to communicate it somehow!! but inalways kinda take it as fake even tho i know it’s not#i think im afraid ill see judgement in her face but realistically it’d probably be straight up compassion#i just........it’s not helpful for me to be so closed off anymore. i have so many repressed emotions that are coming out of nowhere#and i need to deal w them but i can’t unless i feel safe enough and i damn sure am not gonna motivate myself to do it alone right now#p#therapy#cptsd
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