#ughhh i would probably cry while writing lmao

[ofallthingsnasty]

I know I haven't been following you for that long, but I have gotten invested in your fanfics and ocs so FAST. Not even kidding when I say that I spend tons of time just daydreaming about your fics lol They just scratch that itch I have for dark stories, it's amazing😭😭😭 And damn all these character lore drops are just watering my crops😫 Especially the bits about Evan and Micah.

I knew I was right to be scared of Evan since the beginning but yikes on bikes, I didn't expect him to straight up resort to maiming you if you act out ⊙▂⊙ I imagine that if the reader did ever manage to escape while Evan was out, it wouldn't be at all out of character for him to go "well reader, looks like you're losing the 'having both of your legs privilege'🙂" And he would feel super bad about it, but he would still do it. Probably while crying and saying something along the lines of this is going to hurt me more then it's going to hurt you, while the reader is begging and crying for him to not do it. Ughhh I got chills just typing this out💀Yeah Evan scares me quite a bit, anyways amazing character cant wait to see more of him lol🥰

And our favorite resident jerk Micah Bell, I do hate his guts but I have always found his character really morbidly fascinating and fun to witness in game. I sit there and go 'wow this guy is such an asshole.....why isn't he in more scenes and missions?(look if you hate him then that means that Peter Blomquist did his job perfectly👌) Micah is definitely one of my favorite villains ever and my goodness you have done this awful and nasty man justice in 'through the briar' 😖 And that bit of lore you posted just adds to it. Micah already doesn't like the reader in the slightest, in the beginning he saw her as an annoyance, an easy target to bully, and a opportunity to one up Arthur. But from what you posted, if the reader ends up pregnant he seems to genuinely resent you for the situation "you" put him in. To Micah you just had to have the utter AUDACITY to get pregnant, when he just wanted to have a little fun. And now he has to do all this work to look after the reader and their children (by work it means he probably shows up once a month, twice if he's feeling extra generous. And hands you a single can of beans that prob expired three years ago, 15 dollars and a quarter, don't forget the quarter💀all that to feed maybe 2-4 kids? Gee thanks for the help🙃)

I imagine whenever he does come home its like walking on eggshells for the reader and the kids, cause Micah is looking for any reason to get verbally and physically abusive towards them, especially the reader. (btw do you think Micah has even a hint of affection for his children? I know he doesn't love you in the slightest💀 but maybe the kids got a fraction of his cold, dead heart😭😭) In the little escape attempt from Micah scenario you have planned, I can honestly see him calling the reader an 'ungrateful bitch' for running from him after all he's done for you🙃🙄 That he didn't have to do "right" by you after you got pregnant, but he did. And this is how you repay him? And after that little speech....yeah it won't be pretty for the reader🫥

Anyways enough of my rambling😅As you can see your fics are just feeding my brain hahaha (holy crap this is a long ass post I'm sorry lmao💀)

Oh my god, this is so sweet!! I am amazed that my writing could have such an influence on anyone 😭💕 You don't know how much internal back-and-forth I did before I finally was able to publish 'through the briar' - because I thought the concept was so silly and had big, big self-doubts but that fic really showed me that there is always someone who wants to read whatever idea it is one has 💕💕 So, thank you, really!!

I knew I was right to be scared of Evan since the beginning but yikes on bikes, I didn't expect him to straight up resort to maiming you if you act out ⊙▂⊙

Yes, yes you definitely should!! I only scratched the surface of his true nature in 'capture kill' but I was trying to leave some hints for the readers - I see him as a very 'classic' yandere, like the ones I used to read about when I was younger. Desperate, lovesick, willing to go to hell and back to have you - the only thing that holds him back is his little wolf pack because following their code is intrinsical to him. He's easy to underestimate, especially for a defiant darling.

I imagine that if the reader did ever manage to escape while Evan was out, it wouldn't be at all out of character for him to go "well reader, looks like you're losing the 'having both of your legs privilege'🙂" And he would feel super bad about it, but he would still do it. Probably while crying and saying something along the lines of this is going to hurt me more then it's going to hurt you, while the reader is begging and crying for him to not do it.

Yup, exactly! Like I said, it's all for the "greater good" - he already fucking hates what happens to you in 'capture kill' but again, he'll surely be the one to impregnate you and then you two can forget all about this, right? Then he will have earned you fair and square - and no one can take you away from him.

I sit there and go 'wow this guy is such an asshole…..why isn't he in more scenes and missions?

gdfdsgh same!! I would KILL for more lines like "No need to keep your face covered now. It's just you and me, sweetheart." during An American Pastoral Scene (link with timestamp for your viewing pleasure ehe) - I soaked all these missions up like a fucking sponge, both absolutely disgusted and captivated.

I imagine whenever he does come home its like walking on eggshells for the reader and the kids, cause Micah is looking for any reason to get verbally and physically abusive towards them, especially the reader. (btw do you think Micah has even a hint of affection for his children? I know he doesn't love you in the slightest💀 but maybe the kids got a fraction of his cold, dead heart😭😭)

Absolutely. You look at him a little funny and he'll be going off in an instant, laying into you as though you're his personal punching bag. For his kids? I think it's complicated. Again, he did write to Amos - whether it's to stake a claim on his kin or because of some brotherly love, we can't know - but I do think that even that man can't help but melt a little (like on a molecular level) when a little horde of Bell children vies for his attention. That lasts for three exact seconds, then he's back to cussing them out. What I'm trying to say is that he has his moments, as many abusive parents tend to have.

And I agree SO MUCH with everything you've said about Micah and the reader-character. Really, the only good thing about him is that he's gonna die in a couple of years. Although that would leave you in even rougher shape, financially. Maybe we can both hold hands and dream about John magically coming into money and helping her out or something 😭 She is so fucked. I feel so fucking bad for my own creation, especially because she's a really shy, nice little lady. She really doesn't deserve it.

(Don't apologize omg!! I really enjoyed reading your thoughts!! It's the highest form of praise that my writing makes you think™, it means I did something right 😭💕)

[neuvostoliitto]

LOL just went ahead and read the guide book for history students at my uni about what i still need to do for my masters degree fuck my life omg... first, i havent spoken to the teacher who was assigned for me to make a study plan.. well since my fist year at uni xDD nobody has asked me to do the plans! i’ve just done studies! im supposed to have done the third plan, the one for my masters when i started doing them but im only learning about it now. honestly, i dont want to talk to that teacher lol he doesn’t remember me even and the only feeling i have about him is intimidation.  then i read the part about having to do a training period (! i knew about this but have been ignoring it because i dont want to do one!) and ughhh ghh  hghh. . i cant even get a summer job how am i supposed to get this one...  then i read the part about the master’s thesis...it’s :D gonna have to be at least 70 pages long..... :D  i understand but at the same time (screaming) - am i supposed to know what im gonna write it about because i don’t know. i have no idea. 

then i read the part about what history students do for living after graduating :) and how you’re supposed to do all this socializing and connecting while studying lmao i havent even made single friend in 6 years. aghh . . . i didn’t think shit when choosing my minor subjects i just took the default ones xd xd like its ok.. i have enjoyed studying both of them (politics & sociology) but fuck i could have taken something else... only fucking job on this list that i can imagine myself kind of in is librarian but you would need to take 60 op (shit ton) of courses in information studies ... im at the part of my studies where i’m 90% done with my minor studies i think :D not 100% sure but also pretty done with history, only 1 or 2 courses and the stupid training period and the masters seminar.   the joke here is i took my time doing the bachelors and forgot everything and ifeel like i dont know shit about history anymore (theories and methods) :D :D and you kinda need to know something right for the thesis. i dont know who i can talk to this about. i dont want to talk to the teacher i mentioned.

(intermission: being alone at uni) i feel so dumb and like a hermit... :( i don’t like to go to student events or parties because i dont know anyone and i dont wanna drink with random people. + im super intimidated of everyone tbh i feel like everyone knows im trans and is judging me secretly (probably not true). :( also nobody ive talked to is into games or even anime or even the same kind of music that i like. im just a huge introvert lol. 

back to the point. i don’t know what im doing with my life. i don’t want to end my studies because i enjoy some parts of it and am almost done (in a way lol). but at the same time why am i doing this to myself xD. - debt, sadness, probably no career.. 

at the same time ive done pretty decently or even well so far it’s not all bad. >_> idk this was the monthly crying about uni post. idk if this makes any sense it’s mostly just for me. i hope i can work things out. 

honestly as i’ve told you guys, i went to uni because i felt like i have to (both parents have degrees - pressure) and didnt know what else to do. the studies have been interesting but i dont know how i can make anything out of this. i dont want to be a teacher, cant see myself as a researcher, working in government lol, and didn't do studies required for working in museums etc... :D i have ten thousand euros of dept and i know stuff.... i actually want to do something creative like art or writing and learn to do games ... idk. yeah. it’s not like i can’t do those things, i know.. i know... 

[breastmiilk]

Heyy so i've been a long time fan of your writing and aus and a sort of long time follower of your blog. I just wanted to ask your opinions on infinity war? Because even as a major marvel fan i felt like this movie had a lot of lost potential and in the end wasn't as good as fan reactions have made it out to be? Also while i do love tony what made me slightly annoyed by him in this film is his lack of ability to think clearly and just panicking anytime asked for an opinion or plan?(1/2)

(2/2) and i just felt like it’s wrong the way peter has to fear disappointing him at every turn and just that kind of pressure being placed on him? so yeah just looking for some friendly opinions if this is rude just ignore it. Thank you! (oh also i think i missed when steve called tony the best defender? i cannot for the life of me remember where he says it? thank you for any help!!)

ajsdhjsdsfj anon!! 

xDD okay hi, um, idk why youre looking to me for counsel lol im not qualified enough for this, im just a marvel geek but hmm lets see. im one of those fans that really enjoyed the movie?? oop. sorry yeah, i really really loved it for what it was, at least i can tell you why; 

1) the villain. marvel has a way of getting me invested in their villains or at least getting me to like them even when theyre hurting the ppl i love. i enjoyed thanos a lot–he was an actual threat (terrifying grapes be terrifying), he wasnt even really pursuing the avengers (only fought them because they were stopping him from achieving his goal) and also i love villains that are morally grey/dark-grey. as far as thanos was concerned he was doing the right thing and so he continued with his plans, these pesky mortals can just *smacks them down* 

2) the fighting. you can tell when The Russo Brothers directed a film because the action scenes are always on point *flash back to the fights in winter soldier + civil war* so for the fights alone i was really pumped for that. and they delivered, as tense as i was during most of the fight scenes, i still enjoyed them (esp when people teamed up with their powers/put them to good use: e.g. peter + strange’s portals)

3) the character interactions. i loved the interactions they managed to put in despite the whole Thanos Be Among Us looming threat thing, they checked most of my boxes for those anyway (i.e tony + strange, starlord being starlord, drax being drax, rocket + bucky’s arm, etc.) these little things were what i was actually excited for and i got them so why would i be displeased?? lol

4) flow and character control. with a bunch of characters running around in one film from different universes its easy to become a train wreck and while they were even set in the different countries and planets the story and plot flowed into each other smoothly and it didnt feel like they just shoved a bunch of random supers into one movie just because they could, but have no idea what to do with them (no shade justice league, no shade). Also bearing in mind that these superheroes come from different mcu series with different directors yet they still stayed in character + within their abilities was really relieving to see, it didnt feel like different directors manipulating the characters 

5) SOME. OF. THOSE. SCENES. just the scenes in the movie itself made the movie epic for me?? like when we first experience the flying donut and the whole city is in mayhem (i got chills) or when thor crashed into the gotg’s ship or the fight with peter/tony/gotg/thanos, like. there wasnt a time in the movie at all where i was bored or uninterested in the ‘narrative’ i was like yes please give me more. 

6) when i was waiting to see iw i didnt even study plot i was just theorizing over who would die and if thanos tortured loki into the Invasion of New York lol so honestly anything that would have happened in this movie would have blown my mind, but even then if it was crap i would have called it out (*cough* thor dark world, avengers age of ultron)

7) its just the first part. i feel like this movie is nothing compared to the epicness thatll happen in part 2 “first we’ll break your hearts, then we’ll blow your mind”. this was like set up to the Real battle you know? and i can safely say none of us are ready, but bring it 2019.

honestly, i enjoyed this movie a lot. i loved the plot, the action, the interactions, the pain and the suffering lol just all of it was phenomenal for me, but theres always difference in opinions and thats okay too but for me this was by a long shot nothing at all like a bad movie; i laughed, i cried, i was in suspense, and i want to see it again honestly thats two thumbs up for me. 

(also i didnt find tony was panicking like all the time? the dude straight up was like chillin with pepper–okay bruce came out of a portal, weird–theres a wizard *follows him into portal*–ughhh call steve?? i hate all of you–chaos in the city, lemme just help this lady up real quick–dammit squidward, hulks not working so imma just *nanotech*–wow im trapped on this ship and probably gonna die so okay guys heres the plan, oh wait peter has a better one lemme hear it *actually listens to peter AND strange eventually too like, he was pretty chill to me lmao) 

and peter doesnt fear disappointing tony in a severe way; because he doesnt even listen to him half the time LOL yeah tonys his idol, he wanted to make a good impression in homecoming (you wouldnt want to disappoint anyone you love/respect) but like generally peter and tony are cool–their relationship/interactions arent powered by peter wanting to be ‘good enough’ lol he IS good enough, just that sometimes IronDad wants him to be safe and Peter’s like hell naw, imma fight this baddie real quick and you’ll just have to get over the fact that i snuck on board the ship lmao. its a very do first, ask later thing that all teens do–i dig it.

But yeah like i said, maybe the fandom got something from the show you didnt, maybe we saw everything in a different way idk my dude–we just came to have a good time and cry and stuff, because i guess thats what marvel fans do lol. hope that helped you with your own feelings about it ?? at the end of the day, its just a movie (HAHA yeah right) and im not a critic or an expert, just a marvel fan sobbing in misery and anguish–but like,,,the good kind.

;)

[mama--snail-blog]

Our Birth Story

I’m putting it under a “read more” because it’s really long. If you’re pregnant, you might not want to read it right now. What happened to me was pretty much the worst case scenario and I don’t want to scare anyone. I wouldn’t worry about it happening to you. <3

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a long time now but it’s so intimidating! It probably won’t sound very poetic or pretty because, honestly, my memories surrounding the day are really fuzzy.

On the night of Thursday, March 23, Peter and I drove to the hospital to get all checked in at 10pm. I was so excited!! I had really been looking forward to my induction day and meeting my babe. I was 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant.

The labor room I was in was so peaceful and lovely. Peter was stretched out on a couch next to me while I watched Netflix on a tablet in the hospital bed. They gave me an IV drip but it didn’t even hurt when they stuck me.

I was probably only like two cm dilated when I got there. Cytotec was administered probably a couple hours after we got there to dilate me. They only gave me half a dose to see how I reacted to it. It was just a little pill I swallowed. They gave me sleeping medicine too.

Two times during the night I was woken up by nurses rushing in and thrusting an oxygen mask on my face and telling me to stay calm and breathe. Something was happening with the baby. Maybe his heart rate was dropping? I can’t remember but it was terrifying. The sleeping medicine must have been really strong though because as soon as they left I would fall right back asleep.

They didn’t give me anymore Cytotec because they said the baby was reacting poorly to it. So I feel like I didn’t get enough to really get things going.

At 5am on Friday the 24th, my midwife came and they started to administer Pitocin via IV to start my contractions. This is when my memories REALLY start getting fuzzy. I remember texting my birth photographer and telling her everything was starting so she probably needed to get to the hospital soon. My contractions only felt like mild period cramps at that time.

The next thing I remember is probably a couple of hours later. My birth photographer was there taking photos and I had two of the SWEETEST nurses. (During my entire stay at the hospital I had so many amazing nurses!! I wish I could hug every one of them.) One was a young white woman who was hilarious and the other was a slightly older black woman who was so, SO nice.She kept patting my hands and wiping my forehead, reassuring me I could do this and everything was okay. By this time I was in an excruciating amount of pain. I remember screaming and crying. I’m sure the Pitocin was what made it so horrible.

It took the anesthesiologist FOREVER to reach me for the epidural. There were two other women he had to get to first. My nurse just kept holding my hand. It was weird because I didn’t want Peter to touch me but when that nurse did it helped so much.

The anesthesiologist was this cute, tiny old white man. He puttered in with his supplies and got to work. I was so scared because I just HAD to watch a video of an epidural during pregnancy and I knew what the needle was like and ughhh. But I was willing to do anything to make the pain go away.

Except it didn’t.

Because the epidural wouldn’t work.

The guy kept sticking me in my spine and I would let out bloodcurdling screams and he kept saying things like, “This doesn’t make sense. You shouldn’t be able to feel that.”

Suddenly, my midwife grew very concerned and said my baby’s heartbeat was dangerously dropping. Since it had already dropped twice the previous night, she said I needed a c-section and immediately. It all happened so fast; I was so confused (and still in pain).

They all grabbed me and quickly moved me onto a gurney and raced me to the operating room. My poor husband was left behind and given scrubs. By the time he got them on and reached us, they already had Archer out! The actual c-section only took minutes. He got to go with him to get his first bath and make sure he was okay.

Meanwhile, what happened to me was a little more terrifying lol. I remember being naked on a table with bright lights everywhere and people in scrubs and masks. It felt like an episode of the X-Files. I was shaking uncontrollably and someone said something about how they needed to get me to stop. My midwife was there, telling me she wasn’t going anywhere and to breathe. The amazing, nice nurse was there too. I specifically remember her grabbing my face and putting her eyes up to mine and telling me I was going to be okay and that I could do it. I wish I could go back in time and hug that woman. She was a miracle for me.

They put me to sleep and I’m so happy they did because I think what happened next would have traumatized me even more if I was awake. After they got Archer out, my uterus wouldn’t contract and I was hemorrhaging everywhere. They gave me injections and suppositories to try to make it contract and stop the bleeding. The surgeon said he even, “held my uterus in his hands and kneaded it like bread to try to stimulate contractions.” Nothing was working. Finally, they were able to stitch it a certain way that stopped the bleeding. He said that if it had happened 20 years ago then I probably would have needed a hysterectomy!!

On the positive side he said he got a good look at all my organs and they look great lmao.

Our photographer took photos of me back in the labor room afterwards when a nurse helped me breastfeed for the first time. Basically I’m just laying there with my mouth open while she helps him latch onto my boob. I don’t remember it. I don’t remember our first time breastfeeding. I don’t remember our first skin to skin. I don’t remember fucking meeting my baby for the first time.

The first thing I remember is waking up that evening, seeing the baby is his little bedside pod thing and going, “Is it over? Is that him?”

I was in the hospital for four days total. I had a couple blood transfusions and was poked with a bunch of needles. I was in a lot of pain from the incision but its healed perfectly. Physically, I’m fine now.

Mentally, it’s been really hard. I didn’t feel attached to our baby at first. I wanted to care for him but he didn’t feel like he was mine. I’ve dealt with a lot of feelings over the decision to be induced and how I missed so many “firsts.” Ultimately, I don’t regret getting induced though. The reason he went into distress was because his cord was nearly wrapped around his head and he was putting weight on it down in my pelvis. I keep getting these horrible thoughts like what if it had eventually wrapped around his neck and killed him?? What if I labored at home first and his heart rate dropped without me knowing from him being on his cord?? I feel like what happened was probably for the best even though it wasn’t what I pictured happening. I’m healthy and my baby is safe and healthy and isn’t that what really matters?

Archer is a little over three weeks old now and we’re starting to really bond. He’s amazing. I think I will be dealing with the mental aftermath from my c-section for quite a while but I’m glad I have him to focus on. He was worth it.

[inthewordsofahalfgoddes]

Free Writing

I went out on saturday and had a blast. I was wild, free and enjoyigng all the attention i was getting. I felt like i was shining and it felt really good. I met a lot of people and though i was still in control of myself I let people express their drunk seleves. I learned a long while back that making connections while people are drunk willl lead to nothing lol. People are free when they are drunk but go back to being closed off. i guess I should say they go back to being their sun signs/risings more so then their moon signs. People projected so much onto me it was kind of funny. I actually enjoy being drunk and in that frame of mind ebcause people re free and i can sit back and observe their interactions. It was crazy though. I always walk away from going out with an interesting take on people and myself. So i met this guy while out and apparently he’s a well known artists around here. i was interested to know that he actually was who he siaid he was. We ended up going back to his place and I ended up sleeping with him. not gonna lie it was good. I woke up at his palce the enxt morning  and ended up fuckig and sucking him more. It felt so good. like I forgot it was lilith season and my body is lie fucking crying out for sex it scars me a litle. Because I feel like people can sense it so i have to be careful about how I go out and who i ama round. lilith really don’t play T_T magic mike even said that those who are trying to b celebate won’t be able to escape it and here i am fucking people T_T it was okay though. I didn’t beat myself up over it. I do keep my sexuality contained like 99% of the time to avoid problems so once in a while letting her come out to play is good for me. I still need more but I have to pace myself. I met so many people when i went out and made an interesting connection. I remeber thinkign to myself ‘is this what i manifested?’. this partying scene has put me in a very unique and new environment and I’m not sure if i should go through it or retreat back. See i was asked if I would strip. And at first i was like nooo wtf nahhh I don’t want that shit following me when i go on to do my own shit but as I sat their thinking about it i realized that this matrix and system has a cheat code that does have its dangers but the rewards may outweigh the consequence. It’s not illegal and i would be able to pay for my schooling and actually support people around me. one of the things i wanted to doa s soona s I made a lot of money was to do a lot of anonymous donations to things. Like i was thinking about the money i could make and what i could do once i got it. like i want to open up a school for children where I give them a very good educationa nd produce amazing students who will innnovate and save mama africa. I want to buy and renovate old abandoned houses and give it back to the hood. i want my people from around the world to be safe and dreamign again. this system has really fucked everyon up. the diaspora is healing but it is not healing fast enough. i also want to set up a safe house for when shit hits the fan. i want to have it laoded with weapons, seeds, survivial equipment and information to help whoever gets to it. i want to ensure all my siblings know whwre it is so that they can go there if i am not around when things get bad. I have all these plans and money is singlehadnedly the thign holding me back. I have about 6 years to make things happen and to secure myself so i feel like if i play the game smart, get in, make my money, invest in things, create multiple streams of income, keep my mouth shut and focus I can do this safely and queitly. I still have tot hink about it mroe though. i want to talk to nampende about it too because I want her opinion. ughhh this has put me at a crossroad. anyways I have never been told i was beautiful by so many people. it was kind of enw to me but i took the compliemnts nicely and felt gracious with it. though i hate when people project jealousy onto me with complients thata re veield lol. i try to make other people shine too though cause I want eevryon to feel great lol i felt like such a hype man. One thing that was crazy to me though was i was drunk right and didnt feel good at this guys place. but i was also really horny and wanted to fuck but like i didn’t feel good so my dumbass was calling out for jesus??????????????????????????????????????? I’m a little upset with myself for wanting him around me when i felt not good and like thats a testimony to my attachment to him. We’ve been doign well as friends all we do is watch dbz abridged togetehr, make jokes, he annoys me with his fucking impressions which are like spot on like errily close. anyays we being big ass nerds and shit and its kind of cute like he’s being so fucking cute and shit and i’m a lil suspsicious  because i’m trying to understand why he’s changed. He;s being really sweet to me and nice and wants my attention and shit ooooh wait i remember now. its caused i told him i only missed him 7/10 when he asked and he was a bit sad (or fake sad cause this boy gets fake mad bout everything cause he a troll lmao). maybe he tryna chnage that make me like him more idk i’m treating him like a friend and keeping a bit of distance but like he’s getting me to open upp more and i’m like aaahhh whyy??? let me be distant pls lmao. he got something up his sleeve lol or it could be me just being apranoid and not trusting him which is highly probable. I sometimes fall back  inot my ‘how could anyone like me’ mindframe which is a reflection of  me at a low sense of self worth. I wonder what purpose the univerese is arranging my life for. I find it strange just how i meet so many prominent people, get into the sreas I wanna get into and like just get to expand my pool of people i know. I have been looking into my ascendent and yep seems about right with my leo ascendent and sag sun. recently i have been feeling down and disconnected with my spiritual self. I felt weighted down by something and i think its like a warning for something dk. or maybe things are changing. i noticed that when i start feling down it usually means something new is going to happen. i constantly ask for change and refinment from pluto and since he odoes take forever to make his cycle i may not feel the changes for a bit. i just ughh idk i’m at a crossroads again and i have to be careful with the choices I make. I will meditae on it, figure out where i need to go and then see if i can manifest it. I mean i managed to manifest allthese connections all this shit like wow it amazes me. the luck of the sag and leo is crazy. i want to spread it to everyone i know. i just want happiness, money, beauty and a peaceful world where i can help people heal. eventually i want to have my clinic some palce nice and sunny where i can help people heal. if i cana chieve thee goals i will be happy. anyways love myself the world and everyone.