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cousin-quartz-of-house-paradox · 4 months ago

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okay! more iris audios :3

[yes, i did basically cover most of the iris audios. read if you want recs / detailed reviews with both pros and cons!!! and, ofc, rambling about how much i loooove iris<3]

The Wormery: okay, so this is unique among iris-appearances-in-dw, because, unlike the others, where it's been iris-appears-in-a-doctor-who-story, this one is the-doctor-appears-in-an-iris-story. (bit of context to what i am talking about here.) also i just need to add i LOVE how steve cole writes iris...<3 (funny thing is that i don't vibe w his EDAs, but adore his iris stories lol) this story has everything. nightclub. iris falling over drunk in the first few minutes or so of the audio. six! sixie!!!! iris not-knowing and teasing them about the Trial and basically carelessly stomping all over their hurt. my beloved. the TEQUILA WORMS!!! Plot Relevant Alcoholism from iris<3 i just LOVE it. oh, and BIANCA! how fun :3 also the one Moment which can be objectionable (where six... falls in love (?) with bianca (?) can be written off as the psychic effect of the club / bianca on the doctor. it was definitely that. ALSO that scene where iris says she's been drinking more to figure things out and "convince [herself she's] not going mad" and six goes oh iris... i'm so sorry... like!!! beloveds!!! also iris falling asleep then and the doctor saying she's insufferable....<3 also WIMPS = weakly interacting massive particles<3 also, love the atmosphere, the whole- the whole way the audio's executed, the side character waitress narrating it to seven! sort of hurts how the doctor cares for iris a bit... especially when she tries to not have that lol. (elaboration here.) also, cabaret (and dark cabaret specifically) my beloved!!! thank you soo much steve cole + paul magrs :3 i love this audio so much you've no idea. the plot, hilarious and beloved. bianca's cabaret, i would go there if i could. six and iris interacting. the whole- just, everything. i love love love it!!! if i talked about every scene i adored we would be here for way too long and also i would run out of energy to talk about the next ones. so. onwards!

Muse of Fire: oh my fucking GOD i love this audio SO FUCKING MUCH???? like it's insane it's insane i love it wayyyy too much. alright. let's try to talk about this while staying calm. okay. okay. so! first of all, it's a seven-ace-hex audio!!! i love it i love them!!! the early ace-hex dynamic shown here my BELOVED. how iris compliments hex quite casually (to her) and hex, who has never had anyone compliment his appearance ever, is just SO grateful to iris. beloved. ace makes a joke about hex having s crush on iris (she hasn't met her yet lol, and hex is dragging ace to iris' party anyways,) hex replying, a bit taken aback in that adorable way of his, that she's quite older, ace saying that, well, that's not a problem. beloveds. then, iris effectively steals hex. later, in return, seven manipulates panda to work against iris. like i WOULD say 'don't drag other people into your divorce proceedings' but like. please do. it is so so entertaining. seven and hex snooping around the antagonist-of-the-week's place (not that they know it yet) and accidentally setting shit off, my beloveds. and ace and panda HATING each other is sooo funny :3 and that SCENE when seven and ace are snooping around in iris' bus, ace asks when/where/whether seven knows iris. it replying, "a long time ago in the future" <3333 ace finding iris' journals and thinking she's actually really cool, seven saying that they're all stolen stories (i won't be debating the validity, what i think of that here, maybe i'll make a post about it all some other day.) also, hex being a nude model. iris making one (1) sex joke (in the entire audio!!! free her from censorship, she can't live like this...) about it and ace being "WHAT." seven explaining that it was, in fact, a joke. THE FUCKING SCENEEEE WITH IRIS AND SEVEN STANDING OFF AGAINST EACH OTHER!!! I LOVE IT WHEN THEY'RE SOOO DIVORCED!!! IRIS TRYING TO MANIPULATE SEVEN INTO NOT GOING AGAINST HER PLAN BUT YOU CAN'T- YOU CAN'T OUT-MANIPULATE THE MANIPULATOR!!! wooooo!!!! "consider the battle lines drawn..." sylvester mccoy your ACTING!!!! seven and ace storming away after that. ace telling hex to go with them, him saying that he can't, ace getting so fucking mad at him and slamming the door. hex going "i mean... i can't... i haven't got any clothes on..." beloved XD the fucking SCENE at the party when it turns out seven's been tricked by the antagonist-of-the-week, everything's gone to shit, then dora muse (antagonist) confers the title of biggest (artistic/creative) genius upon IRIS!!!! and the doctor's 'surprised, and strangely disappointed' lol. and then, and THEN, the person iris loves most is PANDA!!!!! (doctor goes, "again, strangely disappointed..." like. lmao. i mean, ofc, from their point of view it's very obvious from iris' actions -- her chasing after the doctor -- but it's not that! because iris' head is a bit fucked up, and seven came to the most reasonable conclusion it could with the evidence at hand. proper explanation of iris' head/feelings on the doctor here.) iris throwing herself off a roof into the fucking seine, "give me back my Panda!!!" just- beloved. later ace and hex being upset over iris' apparent death, ace getting frustrated at seven for seemingly not caring. seven saying that "death doesn't seem like something [iris] would put up with" AGH BELOVEDS... seven and ace going to the bus to pay respects / tie up loose ends and seeing it NOT THERE!!! IRIS IS (ofc) ALIVE!!! like- she programmed her bus to pick her up in the water, she's alive, and panda due to his paradoxical nature is okay too!!! yay!!! like anywhere else this would feel like a cheap cop-out but i cannot emphasise how much this is IRIS WILDTHYME!!!!! >:)

The Devil in Ms Wildthyme: well, considering her everything, i am not at all surprised that the devil is in her. (<-bad sex joke XD) anyway, all that aside, it's nice! i like it! sure, steve cole's writing of iris improves later, but this is really nice too! the vibe, the iris wildthyme vibe, is there. the beginning is... certainly a choice? which i don't completely agree with? but it's alright, because tom gets roughed up a bit, and i love when that happens. steve cole is the #1 guy to get tom roughed up :3 (maybe i'll post a review of his short story in the Wildthyme on Top anthology, Beguine, which i love and where tom gets<3 roughed up<3) there's... a Lot happening here, and i feel it's a bit too much for one story? it's chaotic + confusing as hell (which, always fun for an iris story,) and shit doesn't completely get explained or make sense, but hey, that's iris for you! :P which is to say, if this was in literally any other series, it would be weirdly out of place, bad in how there's too much going on and nothing's properly understood because of the time constraints. (or alternatively, one could pull a Ghost Devices, and have a one-offs say that it "doesn't make any fucking sense" XD) but here, as an iris story, it is actually doing well! because that's the iris vibe. and it... it fits really nicely into the second type of iris stories which are just so iris!!! and i don't agree completely with steve cole's characterisation of iris, but it gets better later on. his later stories are better at iris.

Iris Rides Out: fun story! there's some exorcist dude with a summoning circle XP. iris installs a randomiser, ends up in said summoning circle, gets called a witch (and panda her familiar!) and then panda asks whether this guy's one of her exes because he's gotten quite a lot of things right XD besties stay bestieing XD. they go to hell! there's pig guys! telepathic communication used to try and bargain with said pig guys! the celestial omnibus as a fucking getaway vehicle when shit hits the fan, because when does it not XD. there's one scene where the guy takes off his shirt to reveal... tattoos (runes according to him) and attempts to use them to fend off the aliens. this does not work as this story works on the basis that supernatural things are easily explained as sci-fi. iris knows this. she still lets him suffer (try) because she's busy checking him out (fucking iconic) and at the last moment she does the actual shit and saves them all XD. it's a fun story! recommend it :)

Midwinter Murders: fun story as well! the bus lands... somewhere, iris sees some suspicious person and follows them right into a fresh murder scene, where she decides to investigate right then and there. yes. right in the murder scene. the police show up and OF COURSE she's taken, she's the main suspect, she is right there, holding the fucking murder weapon, over the body! iris...<3 give us nothing, girl<3 she tries to flirt with the cop to get out of it. it does not work. meanwhile panda is just ":/" all the while lol. she leads the cop on with some stupid story about some adventure IN THE INTERROGATION ROOM. the cop uses horrible cop tactics and tries to get panda to 'confess' and panda. he leads the cop on with some bullshit story about one of their adventures. i love them. later, they've been released, iris catcalls the cop to help in HER investigation (Better than theirs. of course.) iconic. panda's reaction is "iris where are your standards..." mwah<3 ohhh and that one scene where the Monster-of-the-Week is attacking some one-off, and panda says that he used his martial art skills to heroically fend it off. the one-off says that he caused a weird littol distraction.<3 panda is Embarrased<3 mwah mwah. anyway, a nice story!!! fun :D

Iris Wildthyme Appreciation Society: okay. so. ough. this one. i do like it! it's not that i don't! the ending is amazing!! hell, i've been that guy, that- that #1 fan guy, having nothing going for me in my life except iris. but, well, i don't usually fuck with stories that view fans as... less, as disgusting little creatures. if that makes sense? the critique of fangirls (gender neutral) has never been a big hit for me. (because we make fandoms! we're the reason shows are alive, the reason they continue to live on! hell, even the really fucking horny ones -- the iris #1 fanguy included -- make fandoms, it's the love for the character/characters! also citing that one tumblr post which says "if being horny about the Characters is what makes you make things about them/drives you, go for it." because sex isn't inherently less, of course it isn't. (saying that, especially in a place where the mc -- iris -- is hypersexual is so???? what even????) it's the fucking love for the characters, whatever form! ough. i hate fangirl critique sooo much.) of course i love how the guy sacrificed his life in the end, of course i love the whacky plot... but, y'know. also, the saneism really gets on my nerves too. if these are things that don't bother you, you should definitely give this one a try. it really is good... just, a product of the times? even though the 'times' aren't even that old, whatever. the guy's sacrifice is heartbreaking! and that moment when iris tries out about a dozen innuendos, fails, gives up, and goes "oh, [monster of the week] shags [planet] to death!" was HILARIOUS. and, yes, it is that story whose Monster-of-the-Week's entry's made rounds of tumblr. ah, i do love the bus straight-up locking down, when it figured out it isn't iris. (remembering that moment in Verdigris where, upon being asked whether it only responded to iris by the Guy-of-the-Book, the bus basically said yes<3) and panda not figuring out that iris isn't iris was... a choice, i guess, and his disbelief was sort of justified, as people do change, and iris has done worse before, and fame does sometimes get to people's head. iris desperately trying to convince her best friend was a really good scene too. shame about the saneism surrounding the scene!!! ough :/

Iris Wildthyme and the Claws of Santa: alright. ough. i... don't quite like this one either? tbh it gets so bad (To Me) that it loops back around to being funny. it's an absurdist comedy. well, supposed to be. some things i just straight-up don't like. mostly the fatphobia. can we please spend 15 minutes without a fatphobic joke thank you. also the ending sort of implying (coming off as such to me, anyway,) that them growing old was the problem in their relationship, and de-aging them to when they were young again... fixed it? their relationship soured due to aging? they don't love each other anymore because they've grown older? just. eugh. but, except that, i do like this episode! it's all just SUCH an absurdist comedy, and it's actually quite funny! and i do like it! another thing was iris getting a science thing wrong lol, like, stainless steel will NOT have the same properties as iron (which, in this case, is causing an allergic reaction in elves. yes. santa's elves. i am 100% serious) because COMPOUNDS DON'T HAVE THE PROPERTIES OF THEIR CONSTITUENT ELEMENTS!!! XD this isn't really a serious complaint, just a lighthearted thing lol. anyway, i love it a lot because of the comedy. it's genuinely fucking hilarious. the only complaints i have are the fatphobia and also the youth thing.

The Two Irises: okay starting off w the fact that i do not fuck with simon guerrier's writing. like. the heteronormative / traditional straight culture bullshit that i am averse to. like. it's fine (mostly) normally, because i can write it off as, say, the opinions of the POV character or whatever, but here? like, to me, one of iris' core traits (arguably THE core trait of miss wildthyme) is being queer both literally and narratively (as in like, an allegory for queerness. more abt that here.) you can't just take that away! like- what the fuck, you can't just make the whole- whole thing straight? what the fuck. and it just pisses me off SO much, the whole, the whole episode having homophobic undertones, panda being written as slightly homophobic in the way that elderly people are. just. eugh. like WHYYYY are you so afraid to go gay this it LITERALLY IRIS WILDTHYME. agh. what sucks is that the rest of the episode is actually really fucking good! like, genuinely, hilary's whole- whole computer-generated nature was GENIUS. his first words are "ahh... lungs not ravaged by nicotine!" and like!!!! i LOVE him!!!! immediately attempts to throw out all the booze, it's fucking hilarious. panda dislikes him for his nature, of fucking course. hilary keeps trying to suggest better alternatives to alcoholism and panda is NOT having it!!! XD. and, like, roger is beloved too. i will NEVER tire of the evil ex trope in iris wildthyme, it is just so so funny. like. Miss Attachment Issues fucks off again, two dead ten injured the world is about to be nuclear bombed. hilariously good. the fact that the plot hinges on club music. 100/10 i will not elaborate. iris being in the rehab dimension for reasons i guess, hating it there (a place full of washed-up musicians... a horrible place XD) iris just causally calling up one of the two warring world leaders and being sooo flippant about everything, my beloved. and the- the fucking SCENE with all four of them gathered and hilary's nature being revealed by iris!!! the emotions are so well done there!!! hilary's specifically! panda being mad at iris for doing this to him, for making him go through with this plan. for using him etc etc, just so good. iris tearing up and saying she didn't mean to upset her best friend. the whole thing!!! the resolution!!! the second fake-out, anywhere else would come off as bad, but here it is just sooo fun and very iris wildthyme in vibe, and its just!!! like!!! YAY!!!! the last part having hilary and roger be like "oh we're partners now!!! BUSINESS PARTNERS." like COME ON whyyy are we so afraid to go gay??? they are just insanely beloved to me and in my head they're living together happily, with their little nightclub and also the yoga place right beside it that hilary wanted. yes. i love them. also that adorable little exchange with hilary and iris, h: "like mother and son :3" i: "i'll settle for big sis, thank you!" like. yes. they're siblings your honour. :3 i love hilary (and roger) wayyy too much, like, genuinely one of my favourite one-off / side characters ever. the only problem with this audio is the homophobic undertone, otherwise it is just so so good!!!! in my head they live w/o the homophobic undertone. like it genuinely has SO MUCH POTENTIAL!!! mwah mwah. love them.

so, that's it. of course i haven't covered every iris audio story here, mostly owing to the fact that i have not given a recent re-listen to the fifth season of iris audios (aka wildthyme reloaded) or the last one of the fourth season, a lift in time. irl things happened, and unfortunately i've forgotten most of the events of these due to my memory issues, so i can't provide a fair opinion. sorry, iris. i really should re-listen someday... captain turner and iris make me way too emotional, really. anyway, that's it! if anyone wants to add anything (about the episodes i haven't mentioned, or their own opinions about the ones i have, they are, of course, free too. any questions will also be taken! i really really love iris, and would love to answer anything!!!)

anyway, that's all for now. this is like the third time i've said this lol, but i feel a proper farewell should be given. thanks for reading, if you made it here. bye-bye!

[footnotes! ** being iris and panda in Muse of Fire, where panda says that he doesn't actually want to fuck with history and put the great artists like picasso and dali and such out of their jobs, but iris told him to. and if anything he trusts her, but he's worried for her cause he can't see why she's doing this. and it's so so good, and maybe i'll make a post about this one day, but their DYNAMIC!!! mwah mwah. seven uses this concern to get panda to work for it against iris btw. mwah.]

Top 5 Iris Wildthyme Audios

>:3

Looking For A Friend: give me iris and panda and i will go insane. also paul magrs wrote this. also also iris isn't having a good time i love when her mental illnesses show. she's Insane here and i LOVE HER. unfortunately i have not given a recent relisten to this so i can't rant in-depth like w the others

Iris At The Oche AND ALSO* Whatever Happened To Iris Wildthyme?: (a) INSANELY fun iris story which feels a bit like Return Of Doctor Mysterio to me (it's the, the mc-takes-the-seat-of-mentor, while one-off Special Guy / Chosen One is main for the plot shit.) it is just SO fun. iris interrupts darts competition for fun. plays for fun. creates chaos. i adore her. oh and brenda soobie (aka shirley bassey's iris) mention!!! ADORE how whacky the plot is. also my discord status is a line from this audio ("Wildthyme's Law, Rule Number One: if at first it doesn't work, WHACK IT!" and then i imagine iris kicking the everloving shit out of the transmat with her knee-length bright pink heeled boots :3 ) it's just VERY fun, and VERY iris. oh, and ofc, the "you'll feel the wrath of Wildthyme!!!" line, which is just SO beloved. because surface-level, iris is completely bullshitting, but i know her and if let, she would bullshit up something that truly showed Monster of the Week (hilariously fun concept for them btw) the wrath of Wildthyme (as seen in "The Unholy Ghost, first story of the second Iris anthology) hehehe !!! i Love it :3 (b) LOTUS EATER MACHINE TROPE BABEY!!! i looove it i love them so so much. live in your Best Dream Life but it's incomplete without your best pal and you start fucking hallucinating them or whatever. oh and also Plot Shit, love how it follows from Midwinter Murders. oh and hilary mention!!! i love hilary. it's tropey but i love it. OH and that mention of "men and women falling at [iris'] feet"... like To Me iris is VERY inextricably queer, both literally and narratively (as, like, an allegory for queerness/queer people) and i LOVE when that is shown??? so so much.

Iris Wildthyme and the Sound of Fear: it has iris ft her almost-husband who she abandoned at the altar and subsequently ruined the life of. and he runs a radio for old music. i love it. it shows off iris' attachment issues so fucking well (she HAS to save the multiverse after all, no time for serious attachment IS WHAT SHE SAYS AND I LOVE HER) and the horrible consequences it has on others. and she even carries around a MALLET in her purse!!! iris smashing that Important Chip or whatever without thinking much about it and then later actually needing it and having to rebuild it was SO iris<3 and the ending!!! almost-husband and assistant who turned good at the last moment DYING and iris going "we are going to have the best send-off the universe's ever seen!" is. wow. i think this was the definitive moment i completely and utterly fell in love with katy manning's iris (first moment being her first LINE in the audios. her fucking ENTRY my beloved.) because, like, obv she's going to pretend everything's alright while going "oh yeah this send off is def me dealing w it lol, don't you worry! ;P" i just love her. like, she doesn't deal with shit. she avoids it all so bad, and she is definitely not going to be properly mentally Present at the send-off, and she'll ignore this like all her other problems, but pretend she has Dealt With It. beloved. and panda!!! all the panda moments my BELOVED. just- excellent story. it's all so good and very formative in my mind for Iris.

Wildthyme at Large AND ALSO* Iris Wildthyme and the Land of Wonder: excellent iris stories by paul magrs. unfortunately i have lost my energy typing so these will be short. (a) AMAZING iris introduction, immediately fell in love with her from her fucking ENTRY itself. she fucks around w robin hood. tom is there and very Tom. panda is also there! iris is just SO iris, and everything's amazing. the plot is very iris wildthyme, and i love it. (b) wonderland time!!!! fuck yeah:3 we have miaow. we have in-the-formula-of-a-three-era-serial (with iris and panda playing obvious parts, of the doctor and the brigadier. ofc, we can't get fully accurate characterisation like this, but it's still fun even though they're not fully themselves.) we have WONDERLAND. we have iris THROWING A TANTRUM when that one being was killed (it was harmless!!!) And that's such a moment for her. i think she hoped to do something as a last-resort to get them to feel bad for killing it with that tantrum, but it didn't even fucking work. paul magrs writing pacifist katy manning's iris my BELOVED. such a character moment for her<3 EVERYTHING in wonderland, holy FUCK! i LOVE IT... it's sooo iris wildthyme, in all the ways i adore. oh, and iris keeping the feasibility generator!!! and the WAY in which it happened, panda making the call while iris (who, let's be honest, is already having a tough time of morality and decisions) is conflicted... besties!!! i LOVE their dynamic (and also how it flips sometimes**)

Iris Wildthyme and the Panda Invasion: it's amazing. and NOT for the sean carlsen being there, which is probably what it's most famous for. what I love it for, is. well. a lot of things really. the fact that the tvm is JUST happening off-screen, and we can catch the beginning of news reports featured there. it's 1999, babey, san fran! and the whole- whole plot, is just delicious. the last story (The Two Irises) mentioned the 133rd law of time being "don't spill spirits into the time vortex." beloved miss wildthyme accidentally spills spirits into the time vortex and opens up a fucking multidimensional rift, from where evil versions of her best friend appear hell-bent on conquering the world. i love it. panda's interactions with lionel pandau, i LOVE. time to meet the evil version of yourself!!! <3 lol and the LAST SCENE, panda beginning to monologue before going the equivalent of "tf am i doing, i don't have time to Monologue," and SACRIFICING HIMSELF TO SEAL UP THE VORTEX!!! Beloved. ohhhhh so beloved. oh, and the fake-out with george (strangeaways. grace holloway fill-in lmao) seeming to drive the helicopter right into the vortex, after which it's revealed that he jumped out like a coward. :3 Oh, and iris is SO iris here!!! mwah mwah.

now for the footnotes: * the "AND ALSO" is because I genuinely have way too many stories to talk about, so i cheated and made some time for positions on the list. :P in fact, there's a LOT more iris audios i absolutely need to mention, but i will do so in reblog as that's not what you asked, anon. (also, the ** will be in that rb.)

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