#um there may be a few mistakes but i cant be bothered to fix them so </3

[player-tag]

afterlife, the ten lives of lizzie ldshadowlady.

reblogs are very nice and very appreciated so uh,,, i will sob if this flops

[chimchimsauce]

Marvel (5)

Synopsis: Park Jimin was much too familiar with how one night stands work. Not because he engaged in them often. As a matter of fact, he had only hit the sack with a stranger once. But that feeling of hurt - of disappointment - plagued him. Because a lot can happen in a single night. From falling in love with a foreign girl in a matter of hours inside of a shitty 7/11 to the small girl staring up at him with galaxies in her doe eyes.

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Namjoon

At first, I don't notice the little girl waking up. I only look her way when I hear her small voice.

“Where's my Mommy?” She says, speaking English.

Jimin beats me to speak to her.

“She’s . . . in the bathroom,” He says.

She nods, rubbing her eyes with her small fists.

Jimin walks over to the girl and sits next to her.

“Sleep,”

She shakes her head.

“I can't sleep if mommy doesn't tuck me in,”

Jimin blinks at her.

“What, sweetie?” He says, switching back to Korean.

The girl's eyes light up and she stands on her knees, crawling over closer to Jimin and cupping his face with her small hands.

“Fairy!”

“What?” I ask, butting in.

Jimin looks slightly afraid of the child as if he’ll do something to hurt her unintentionally.

“He’s a fairy!”

“A fairy? How?”

“Mommy says fairies speak like that,”

“What's she saying?” Jimin asks me, never looking away from Mina.

“She said you're a fairy,” I say, slightly amused.

Jimin and Mina grin at the same time and Jimin wraps his hand around the girl’s tiny one.

“What else does your mother say?” I ask her.

Everyone else is looking our way, curiosity on their faces.

“A lot,”

“A lot?”

“Mmhm,” she says, nodding.

“Like what?”

“Oh,” she says, “like ‘Mina, make sure you clean up your toys’, ‘Mina, let’s brush your teeth’. And ‘Mina, I love you to the moon and back’ that’s my favorite,”

The kid's kinda growing on me. She’s too cute. It’s making my heart melt.

“And what does your daddy tell you?” I ask her.

The kid is probably the easiest way to tell if Gaia is lying.

“Nothing,”

“Nothing?” I ask, a bit surprised, “why?”

The girl gets off of the couch, walking over to the window behind PDnim’s desk.

“He’s up there,” she says, pointing into the sky.

My heart sinks into my chest.

Her father is dead.

“My daddy’s a star,” she says, turning to me with a big smile, “The prettiest star in the sky. I talk to him every night. Mommy says I can't hear him because I’m little, but that he can hear me. He loves me very much, but since he’s a star, he has to stay far away,”

I don’t know what to say to that.

“What’d she say?” Jimin asks.

I relate our conversation to them all and Jimin’s face is something I’ve never seen before. He looks ecstatic and defeated all at once. Miserable and thankful.

“You’re a fairy too?” Mina asks, looking at me.

She must not have heard me speak to them before, or she was ignoring me.

“Yes,” I say, squatting in front of her, “I’m Namjoon,”

“I'm Taehyung,” the singer says, squatting beside me.

Everyone else introduces themselves in English, all falling to the charm of the little girl.

“And I’m Jimin,” Jimin says, him introducing himself last.

Her eyes light up and she grabs his hands.

“Really?”

He nods, a bit confused.

“Me too!”

“You too?” I ask her, “I thought your name was Mina,”

She shakes her head.

“Only my mommy calls me that. I’m -”

Gaia walks back into the room, purse slung over her shoulder.

“Mina. Let’s go,”

“Coming, Mommy,” she says, walking over to Gaia and holding her hand.

She turns back to us before the door closes behind them.

“I'm Jimin Marie,”

Jimin’s going to cry.

Jimin

Gaia’s fast. By the time everyone else and I snap out of the shock Mina’s actual name put me in, she’s left the building. The seven of us scurry out of PDnim’s office but we're unable to find her.

Panicking, I race to the secretary’s desk.

“Have you seen her?! The lady with the kid? The foreigners?!”

She looks startled by my sudden appearance.

“Um, yes, sir. They left just a few seconds ago -”

I turn around swiftly to run out of the building only to see Gaia stepping into a cab.

“Gaia!” I cry out, making a break for her.

But I’m not fast enough.

She slides into the car and it speeds away, growing ever smaller even as I chase it down like a madman. I only stop because I trip over a hole in the pavement, crashing down to the ground and scraping my hands and arms.

“Jimin!” I hear from behind me.

I don't pay it any attention, stumbling up to my feet. I don't get far at all, Jungkook grasping onto my shoulders.

“Hyung,” He says, his eye showing the worry he’s feeling for me.

I attempt to pull away, but he’s joined by Hoseok, and Taehyung, Seokjin, and Namjoon, Yoongi soon after.

“Let me go!” I say, pulling away from them.

“Jimin, you're bleeding,” Taehyung says.

“Let’s get you inside,” Hoseok says.

“I can't!” I exclaim, trying once more to pull away, ignoring the stinging in my hands and the blood I’m stamping onto the members.

“Of course you can! Let’s just go back into the building and get you cleaned up. Then we’ll get driven home and can get some sleep. We'll just go over to Gaia’s apartment again in the morning. I’m sure she’s just overwhelmed,” Namjoon says.

“I CAN’T!” I say, forcefully throwing them off.

I take a step back.

“You don't understand. I know this is crazy. I know everything is blowing up in our faces. I know it would be easier to just let her go. To deal with it later or to not deal with it at all. I get that! Our careers, everything we’ve worked our asses off for over the years. I don’t want to give that up!  I won't!” I tell them, pulling at the roots of my hair.

“But I won't give up Gaia either! Or Jimin Marie! I cant! It doesn't make sense! I know! But the hours I spent with Gaia . . . those are some of the most precious memories I have! Every day I think of those hours! Every day I wish I could turn back time and not leave her the way I did! Because as irrational as it sounds, as stupid and juvenile it may be I love her. I do! So much! So much,”

The boys are silent.

“I miss her so much. Her laugh. And the way her eyes light up when she remembers something. Or the way she plays with my hair and how she smiles when she kisses me. The feeling of her skin under my fingertips . . . it wasn't a one night stand. It shouldn't have been. That was my mistake. But now I’ve gotten this opportunity to fix it. To do what I should have done four years ago,”

My breathing is labored when I finish.

“Okay,” Yoongi says.

“Okay?” I ask, bewildered.

“Okay. Okay, let’s go. We’ve got a girl to catch,” Hoseok says.

I sprint back to the building, six other sets of feet pounding the pavement behind me.

It takes an hour. A whole hour to get to Gaia’s hotel. The car we had taken ran out of gas halfway there, forcing us to wait for forty minutes until the backup car arrived.

The lady at the front desk of a hotel (a different one than before) gives us a strange look as we storm into the building, taking the stairs three at a time.

I don't have a second to waste. Every tick of the imaginary clock drives Gaia, farther away.

I knock on the door frantically, not caring if I’m disturbing the other people on the floor.

“Gaia! Gaia, open up!”

Not a peep comes from behind the door. It’s utterly silent.

“Gaia!”

A maid a few doors down speaks up.

“Are you looking for the pretty foreign girl? The one with the child?” She asks.

“Yes! Ma’am, do you know where she is?”

“I’m sorry, but they checked out about forty minutes ago. She’s not here anymore,”

I feel my heart shatter.

“But aren't you that famous idol group? My daughter is a huge fan! Would you mind signing something for her?”

Even though all I want to do at the moment is cry, I nod, using the pen the lady has to sign a random scrap of paper she pulled from somewhere.

The drive back is silent. I stare out of the window, thoughts silent and head empty. None of the boys say anything either, not while we're driving or when we arrive home, exhausted. I climb into the covers, not even bothering to wash up or change info sleepwear.

Hoseok tells me in the morning I cried during my dreams.

Chapter Six

[spaceywormy]

hey wanna see the first draft for my short story for creative writing class? no? i’m posting it anyway

Yellow Tape

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it,” Alex says, curling the cord of his earbuds around his fingers.

“Are you kidding me? You’re not some white guy in Hawaii, Ax!” DJ argues, turning around to walk backwards, facing his friend. “I beg of you, remove the goddamn floral button-down.”

“Never,” Alex says dramatically. “It’s hot out, I couldn’t wear my sweater.”

“But why did you wear a floral button-down?! It’s like you do this just to piss me off.”

Alex looks over at DJ with one eyebrow raised, a smug smile on his face. DJ goes to knock his baseball hat off, but the back of his foot catches on the uneven pavement and he stumbles backwards. He lets out a high-pitched squeak as he falls, his backpack catching the brunt of the fall. He looks up to see Alex trying and failing to hold in laughter. Alex helps him up, and they continue the walk home.

“At least I’m dressed for summer,” Alex says, bumping DJ’s shoulder with his own as he walks beside him. “I thought you were gonna pass out today in gym with your giant hoodie.” DJ elbows Alex in the ribs, which starts a shoving-fight that eventually ends with DJ stumbling into his front yard fence. A small mutt comes running up to the fence, barking like mad. DJ laughs and reaches over the fence to pet his dog, Mikha, who snaps at his hand before licking it and quieting down.

“Wanna come in?” DJ asks, turning towards Alex. Alex is staring down the road with a blank look on his face, eyes slightly glazed over. “Alex?”

Alex blinks and seems to come back to reality, shaking his head slightly. “Sorry, what was that?”

“I asked if you wanted to come in.” DJ leans against the fence and drops his worn backpack on the ground next to him. “I’ve got food, and Apocalypse of the Damned 2.”

“No, I should, um… I should get home. The sun’s gonna set soon.”

DJ frowns, staring at his friend. “I thought your parents didn’t care.”

For a moment, Alex looks like a deer caught in the headlights. “Oh, I-- They’re, uh, starting to care more, y’know?

DJ pushes himself off the fence and takes a couple steps towards Alex, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, are you okay?”

Alex shrugs him off. “I’m doing fine. My parents just want me home tonight, I dunno why.” His voice is slowly getting more annoyed, and DJ backs off.

“Okay, whatever you say.” He sighs, not wanting the day to end on a bad note. “I’ll… see you tomorrow, ‘kay?”

Alex nods. “Later.” He starts walking down the road to his house, not looking back once. DJ frowns and opens his gate, nudging Mikha back with his foot. Mikha whines, looking up at him.

“You know me so well,” DJ says quietly, closing the gate and sitting down on the grass. Mikha jumps into his lap and licks his face, making him laugh and push his dog away. “Mikha, down! It don’t feel right to be laughing.” DJ notices a nearly torn apart tennis ball lying a few feet away and stretches to grab it, tossing it across the small backyard. Mikha goes wild, running after it and barking. DJ gets up and leans over the fence to grab his backpack before heading inside, closing the door before Mikha can ram himself into the gap and get inside too.

DJ runs upstairs and throws his backpack onto his bed, taking his phone out of his back pocket. He’s not sure what it could be, but he feels like he did something wrong when he was talking to Alex. It’s not like Alex to get annoyed at him like that, especially after something as small as pushing too much during a conversation. He feels the need to apologize indirectly anyways, so DJ dials Alex’s number and starts pacing around his small bedroom.

The phone rings once. Twice. Three times. It stops ringing.

DJ pulls the phone away and stares at it, frowning. He sits down on his window ledge, leg starting to bounce as he sends Alex a question mark via text. Alex replies a moment later with “srry, cant talk. whst is it”

DJ responds back with “uh wanna have a sleepover? i got lotsa food” He waits for five minutes, staring anxiously at his phone. As soon as he had sent the text, it showed that Alex had read it. After four minutes, the three bubbles indicating that Alex is typing pop up before disappearing. They repeat this for a full minute before a short response comes in. “cant, i think im getting sick”

“that sucks,” DJ types back, lying on his back in the window seat and pressing his feet against the miniature ceiling of it. “i can bring u uhhh soup or smth”

“m jsut gonna rest.” Alex’s final response concerns DJ. Alex doesn’t have autocorrect turned on, but it’s usually a red flag that he’s upset when he’s making typos. DJ goes to ask if he’s okay, but remembers how Alex reacted when he asked that earlier today. He gives up and puts his phone down, sitting up on the seat. His stomach grumbles and he gets up to stretch and walk downstairs. His mother had left a small note on the counter, listing what she’d bought and what’s being saved for a family reunion coming up next week.

DJ grabs a soda and walks over to the couch, flopping onto his back and turning on the television. Nothing good is on, so he switches to the news to serve as background noise. As he stares at the ceiling, something catches his ear.

“The gang of rogue scalebloods known as the Talon Ring are now travelling the country, terrorizing local youths. The president has theorized that the gang is infecting people by awakening the dragon blood that may be in their systems,” the reporter on the tv says. DJ sits up and stares at the screen as pictures start flashing across it. “Half-scales all over the country are being harassed by humans who believe that any blood containing scales should be spilled.” The report suddenly stops, and switches to another scene with a man speaking urgently.

“This is breaking news for the area of Lake Fortitude. Rogue scalebloods assumed to be affiliated with the Talon Ring were seen wandering the streets of at eleven-am today. Authorities urge you to lock your doors and windows, especially half-scales. Police are searching the city for the gang. Updates on the situation will come hourly. Stay safe, citizens of Fortitude.”

DJ stares at the screen, mouth hanging open. The Talon Ring, patrolling Fortitude. No way. He springs off of the couch and runs to the front window, staring out into the street. He doesn’t see anything, save for a couple of his neighbors closing their shutters or drawing their curtains. DJ lets in Mikha and feeds him, foregoing a meal for himself. His stomach is turning slightly and he’s lost his appetite.

Alex.

The thought hits him like a brick. DJ sits up, eyes wide as he snatches his phone out of his pocket and dials Alex’s number. He stares out the window at the darkening sky, relief flooding his chest when he hears Alex pick up.

“Hello?” Alex’s voice sounds scratchy, almost distorted.

“Are your parents home?” DJ demands.

“What? No.” Alex seems to realize his mistake and scrambles to fix it. “I mean-- uh--”

“I’m coming over.”

“Wait, no, you don’t know-- just, no, don’t come over” Alex begs. DJ hesitates at the sincerity and desperation in Alex’s voice, but his mind is set.

“I’ll see you in a few minutes.” DJ hang up and grabs his backpack, setting his books aside and grabbing a first aid kit and a pocketknife, shoving them in alongside a phone charger and a sketchbook. He slings the backpack over his shoulder and makes sure he locks the front door behind him as he leaves.

Alex doesn’t live too far from DJ. DJ lives on Elk Street and Alex lives on South Niman, which is only three blocks from Elk. DJ walks quickly down the street, looking behind him every few seconds. Squirrels dropping acorns from the trees turn into menacing footsteps that have DJ whirling around with his knife halfway out of his pocket after every other step. He feels his heart starting to beat faster and takes a moment to calm himself down, decidedly avoiding having a panic attack in the street. He doesn’t have much time to keep walking, though, before three police cars zoom past him and turn down Alex’s street in the distance. DJ feels his stomach drop as the worst possibility becomes the only thing he can think about. DJ starts to run.

Worn tennis shoes slap against the pavement, accompanied by the frantic breathing of the sprinting teenager. DJ turns a sharp corner, nearly tripping over himself. He keeps running regardless, not stopping until he sees a familiar house in the distance. He stops for a moment, and his heart seems to stop beating as he sees three police cars surrounding the house, lights flashing. He feels heat building up behind his eyes and doesn’t bother blinking it away before breaking back into a run, racing up to the house. As he gets closer, a police officer outside steps towards him and puts a hand on his shoulder, pushing him back slightly.

“Sorry kid, you can’t be here,” the police officer tells him.

“What happened?” DJ speaks past the lump in his throat, jerking the hand off his shoulder. He know he looks and sounds frantic and probably a little insane, but he couldn’t care less.

“Go home,” the officer says firmly. “You can’t be here.”

“Where’s Alex?!”

“I’m not gonna tell you again, kid--” The officer is cut off by a strangled, bloodcurdling scream from inside the house. DJ feels his heart drop from his throat to his shoes. He shoves past the officer, ignoring her shouting. He runs as fast as he can to the front door and throws it open, only to be greeted by something that makes his entire body go numb.

Alex is curled up on the floor of his living room, breathing heavily. The back of his sweater is torn to shreds and absolutely soaked in blood. Protruding from his head at the hairline are two small horns, and sticking out from his back are two glossy wings, dripping in blood. DJ feels himself stumbling backwards, his head buzzing and his mind reeling. The house is completely dark, and out of the shadows steps a creature. A creature with large green wings, two twisted horns on her head, and a thin, shining tail that tapers to a serrated point. A scaleblood.

The woman looks surprised at DJ’s appearance, but her face quickly morphs into a smug smile. Her eyes are a blend of green and yellow, and they feel like they’re burning into DJ’s skull.

“This your friend?” she asks, pointing down at Alex. DJ looks back down at Alex, whose panting has turned to pained whimpering. His new wings are twitching, and each movement draws a small, heartbreaking shriek of pain from him.

“What did you do?” DJ whispers, breaking out of his petrified state to kneel beside his friend.

“I brought him to life,” the woman answers smoothly. “You’re welcome.”

“It--” DJ swallows the lump in his throat and tries to put as much venom into his voice that he can. “It doesn’t look like it.” His voice wobbles, and the venom falls short.

DJ looks down at his friend, who’s shaking like a chihuahua. He sees tears streaming down Alex’s face and reaches down to brush one away, but jerks his hand back as Alex screams “No!”

“How do I help him?” DJ asks, looking up to stare at the scaleblood.

The smirk drops from the woman’s face, and she looks up at the police officers waiting for command outside the house. Guns are aimed at the windows, and more cars are pulling up behind the three stationary ones. “Go,” she says quietly. “Take him away from here. The other Talons and I will make a distraction. Take him to the sea.”

“To the sea?” DJ blanches. “Are you insane?”

“He needs it,” the woman insists, kneeling on the other side of Alex. “Go, now.”

DJ looks from the woman’s face down to Alex, who’s trying to take steadying breaths.

“Okay.”

After wrapping Alex’s wings and back with as much cloth and gauze as he can find, DJ sits back and looks at his backpack. He shoves his phone in his hoodie pocket along with his charger, and keeps the knife in his jeans pocket. He takes the small bottle of antiseptic from the first aid kid and puts it in his jeans pocket. He looks down at his backpack and nods to himself, turning away from it. He nudges Alex. “I’m gonna carry you, okay?” he says gently. “Like a koala.” Alex nods wordlessly, still staring at the floor. DJ picks him up with difficulty, holding him like a baby. Alex buries his face in DJ’s shoulder, holding on tightly.

“Where do I go?” DJ asks the woman. “We’re surrounded.”

The woman’s wings fold out and she gestures towards the back door. DJ carries Alex out into the backyard and the woman grabs him, lifting him up into the air. As they’re lifted over the roof of the house, DJ sees five other scalebloods burst out the front door and attack the police. He forces himself to look away as guns go off and screams rip through the air, most of which coming from humans. He hears Alex make a pained noise and holds him tighter.

#

The woman drops the two of them on the rocky shore of Lake Fortitude. She drops to the ground, her wings drooping as she catches her breath. DJ loosens his grip on Alex but doesn’t let go, scooting backwards on the rocks. The woman stands up after a moment and looks at them both.

“Good luck, kid,” she says to DJ. “You’ve got a dragon on your hands now.” With that, she stretches her wings and shoots into the air, flying back in the direction of Alex’s neighborhood.

DJ looks down at Alex and pinches his arm to get his attention. “I’m gonna let go, ‘kay?” Alex nods, and DJ carefully lays him down on the rocks. DJ stands up, looking out onto the lake. He reaches into his hoodie pocket and takes out his phone. He turns it on and sends a text to his parents: “i love you. i’ll be back one day.”

He makes sure it sends before shutting off his phone and throwing it as far as he can, watching it disappear into the dark water with a distant splash.

wow what a journey if you’ve made it this far, i uhh applaud you cause this is long and hard to read if you didn’t like it, pleeeaaase drop an ask and tell me what i can change!! i wanna Learn and get a good grade on my assignment

[snake-house]

Takao Kazunari X Male!Reader X ???

title: cant you see.

Takao Kazunari X Male!Reader X ??? warnings: sexual themes??? not really, language, mentions of mpeg he/him pronouns used for reader whenever you see '--' it means some time has passed or pov switch omegaverse au **Onesided, reader loves Takao, but... ___

"Honestly, you guys are perfect together." You blinked at Takao, wondering why on earth would he say something like that. "Excuse me?" You asked, eyebrows narrowed at the taller male beside you. It was just like you to get your hopes up that you two would have a normal conversation as you walked home. "You and Shin-chan, you guys are so cute together." He beamed with a closed eye smile. Oh, that's what he was going on and on about, maybe you shouldn't have zoned out for a moment. "We're not even dating, and don't even have interest in each other," You commented indifferently, "Why are you saying that?" "Because it's true! You guys have so much in common, it would be a shame if he didn't court you by the end of the year, because if he doesn't I'll be sure to ask you." He talked so casually on the topic, how was it so easy for him. You refused to let yourself blush at his words, "Then I guess I better get ready for you to meet my parents, because that is never going to happen. Midorima is asexual and probably straight or at least bi, while I am really gay and really really like sex." You stated simply, side-eyeing Takao. You heard him laugh and slap a hand on your shoulder, making you stumble a bit with the force behind it, "He may be asexual, but that doesn't mean he despises sex, he's one of those sex-positive aces. It's something that's not always on his mind, or like want it all the time." You nodded at his explanation, "And you can trust my word, I asked him about it a while back since I didn't understand." "Oh," You cleared your throat, "But still, not going to happen, I am fine with whoever I end up with. My parents have been talking about an arranged marriage for like the past few months, 'cause I'm about to graduate, so you both may be too late." You grin seeing Takao's shoulders slump forward. "I wish you were in our year [Name]-chan," The boy whined, "Then you wouldn't have to worry about that and Midorima would have time to grow a pair and court you." "Why did you even bring up this topic?" You asked suddenly, stopping as you realized that you were in front of your house. He smiled at you, "Because I want my two best friends to be happy, and I am the best matchmaker, and I know you two would be wonderful together." With a sigh you turned to walk towards the front door, "Right, I'll call you the best matchmaker when one of your couples get married, anyways, goodnight. Are you still coming over this weekend? My mom wanted me to ask again just to be sure." "You'll see! And yes, I'll be over after practice Saturday, good night [Name]-chan!" He chimed before stalking off towards his own home a block away. You smiled and pulled out your house key and quickly headed to your room once inside. You threw your bag on your bed and made haste as you changed out of your school uniform. There was enough time before dinner you could do your homework and play on your phone. But even after having that conversation with Takao on your way home, nothing would have prepared you for the conversation you had with your parents during lunch. You were just relieved you were an only child and didn't have a sibling to scar. "[Name], your father and I have been talking lately," Your mother started, sharing a look with your father before continuing and looking at you, "But if we were to arrange a marriage for you, would you prefer it to be with a male of female?" You spit out your tea. "Wh-What?" "Would you like a husband or a wife, is what I'm asking. We have a few people in mind for either gender." She explained, but your head was still reeling. How could they know? You were out to your friends, but not your parents. "Uh, why do you ask?" You mumbled, looking away. She smiled and placed a hand over yours from across the table, "Because your sexuality will have a lot to do with if you'll be the one to have kids or not, since you're an omega. I thought they taught you these kinds of things in school?" She replied, "We want you to have some choice in the marriage." "They did... I guess I didn't look too much into it." You looked in between your parents for a moment, still unsure, "Um, would you be mad if I said a husband?" It barely came out as a whisper. There was a soft laugh from your mom, and then your dad joined in, "Why would we be mad?" "I don't know... I guess I was just scared." You said with a shrug of your shoulders. They could know you're gay, but they couldn't know how you spent your heats since you presented a year ago. "It's ok, really, we love you no matter what gender you're interested in." Your mother cooed, "We'll talk about this some more when we narrow down some of our options." And that was the end of that conversations. -- - "They really asked you that?" - Takao asked from the other side of the phone. You flopped down on your bed and groaned, "I know right? It was so weird and so embarrassing." You mumbled, "They basically asked me if I like dick or vagina and it was awkward." - "Well that's what you get for not coming out to them sooner, you should have told them when you told me and Shin-chan." - You sighed, you knew he was right. It would have saved you some dignity. "What am I gonna do if they pick out a douchebag for me to marry?" - "You refuse the marriage, and if they disown you, me or Shin-chan will make you our wife!" - He said it like it was so obvious. You snorted at the response, "Yeah right, like I could do that. My parents are leaving me all their stocks and investments, I can't let them disown me like that." - "I didn't peg you to be a gold digger [Name]-chan." - Takao teased, making you sputtered. "That's not what I meant! I mean by that, they sacrificed so much to give me a good life, even after they die, so I can't leave them like that." Your voice was heavy with voice. - "Hey-hey, [Name], it's ok, I didn't mean to hurt you," - His voice was so soft, and so kind, you smiled unconsciously, - "I understand what you mean, how you feel about leaving your parents is how I feel about my little sis. She's the one person I can't bear to let down or leave. I'm glad you have a bond like that with your parents, it's good, it's healthy. Just remember that." - Again, you were smiling, "Thank you Kazu, I mean it. I don't know why you keep telling me I fit well with Midorima, it's you I fit well with." Oh no. Did you just say that? A flush overtook your face, you needed to back out now before he read too much into your almost confession, "A-Anyways, gotta go, school in the morning. See you tomorrow!" And you hung up. You put your face in your pillow and screamed. He was never supposed to know, and if he really thought about your words, he would. He would know you deepest secret. The secret being that you've been in love with your junior by one year since the day you met him. You fell head over heels the instant you met him during lunch the second week of school last year. You ran into him and spilled your water all over yourself, he offered to help you clean up, apologizing for your mistake, and when you met his eyes as you tried to apologize, you were done for. He was the one, and would always be the one. You may have been a newly presented omega, and Takao being un-presented at the time didn't bother you at all. He could have turned out to be a beta and you would still love him. Every time you let an alpha spend your heat with you, it was him you were thinking of. Takao taking care of you. Takao telling you that he'd make it better. Takao telling you all those dirty things he wanted to do for you. Kazunari wanting you, helping you, filling you up to the brim with his cum. It was always him. But all he saw was how 'compatible' you and his best friend were. Couldn't he see it was him you wanted? Sure he joked about marrying you if Midorima didn't get his hands on you, but he never seemed like he meant it. He meant it just as a peg to get Midorima to make a move on you. You wanted Takao to make a fucking move already. Now you were going die because of this minor slip up and the fact you were probably going to marry some stranger when the one you really wanted was right in front of you in his stupid alpha height and laid back demeanor. Why couldn't you have him... -- Thankfully you were successful in ignoring Takao for the majority of the day, but it was only Wednesday, and you would have two more days to avoid him until Saturday. But on your walk home from school, you were pulled backwards from a tug at your backpack into two strong arms. When you looked up to see who it was, you blushed and shrunk down. There were two light blue eyes staring down at you, narrowed in frustration, something you've only seen on the court. "H-Hey Takao..." You mumbled. He let go of you and let you take a step away and fix your shirt. "Hey [Name]-chan, why have you been ignoring me?" Straight to the point again. You shrugged, looking down at your feet. He was using his alpha authority against you, you could feel it. He wanted you to submit to his will and tell him everything, but you weren't that easy of an omega like most people thought. "Have I? I've just been kind of put off because of this arranged marriage thing," You trailed off slightly, "My parents are treating me like I'm dainty and made of glass or something and it's kind of annoying." "You're lying." Takao stated sternly, "Your voice always wavers at the end like that when you lie." Damn, he knew you too well. "So what if I am?" You shot back suddenly, meeting him in a sharp glare, "It's not like you're my boyfriend or anything to make assumptions like you have the right to know what's going on. Maybe I just want to deal with this by myself." "Because I know you [Name]," He sighed, he sounded like he was trying to control himself from blowing up on you as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "I'm your best friend, I should know, so if something is really bothering you, I can share your baggage." His words were undeniably sweet, but you couldn't have that quickly. "Then if you know me so well as you state, you should know what's up." You spat, "I promised my mom I'd help her with dinner tonight." You stated before continuing your walk towards your house. Takao caught up with you after he understood what you said, "[Name]," He paused and let an unknown emotion wash over his face for a moment, "Is... are you acting like this because I keep pushing Shintarou on you?" His voice was quiet. Technically he was right, but didn't hit the nail on the head, "Partially, yes. It's annoying and I'm not the slightest bit interested in him, and I texted him this morning, and he feels the same." You explained, your words were no longer as rough. "I'll stop then," He said immediately, "I'm sorry [Name], I thought I was being a good friend by trying to get you a boyfriend that would like you." Pain flashed in his eyes, "Because I hate seeing you sneak off with those shady guys during your heats." His voice was oh so soft, it made you weak. He was too sweet for his own good. You were surprised a cute girl hasn't snatched him up. You were glad someone hasn't, but it was hard to believe. You couldn't stop the blush forming on your cheeks, "Thank you for worrying, but those 'shady guys' are better than doing it alone. Alpha ruts are nothing compared to the three to seven days of absolute pain I feel every few months. You get yours once a year." You paused and sighed, "Anyways, I'll be engaged soon and I can rely on the fiancé my parents chose." Your words were laced with sorrow and pain, it made Takao flinch. "Then maybe... maybe you should try it with Shin-chan, so you can be engaged to someone you know, and not a stranger." Takao reasoned, and you blew up. "SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT HIM KAZUNARI! Why can't you see me? Why can't you hear me? Haven't you been listening? Haven't you heard all the times I've almost slipped up? It's YOU goddamnit! Why are you so dense, why..." You didn't know when you started crying, but there was no stopping the hot salty tears now, "It's you I wish I could have, I like you, I love you, and all you want to do is push me away to someone else. A stranger is better than having you push me away for someone else to deal with. Can't you see me?" Takao didn't know what to make of your broken form. You were crying and trembling, he's known you for a little over a year, and how come he didn't know how to comfort you like this? "[Name]- I'm sorry, I don't know-" "Don't be, I'm sorry. Let me cool off and get over myself and we can go back to normal. Just-just let me be for a while." You cut him off, the words barely leaving your lips before you ran in the direction of your house. That was it. You lost Takao forever. -- "Shin-chan, I don't understand what happened, I know I messed up, but I don't know how to fix it." Takao whined from the bench the next day during practice. The team was taking a water break when Takao brought up the topic. He called Midorima after he got home last night and explained everything that happened, but nothing was really resolved. The green-haired male sighed, taking off his glasses to clean them, "I'm surprised [Name] hasn't blown up earlier on you if you still can't understand it." There was a hint of a smile on his face at this. "I get that, I'm dense, but how can I fix it? I can't lose [Name]-chan like this, for something stupid I did." Midorima couldn't help but feel bad at how hurt and bent out of shape Takao looked, "I don't know how I didn't know he liked me- he said he was in love with me." It was a whisper. Midorima sat down beside him, "Really? Are you really going to say that?" "What do you mean?" "It's been so obvious," He sighed, "Everything [Name] does is because he's trying to get your attention in a romantic way, not a friendly way." There was a pause of silence between them before Takao spoke up, "So, like the fact he calls you by your last name when you call him by his first name?" Midorima nodded, "Oh, I just thought that was because he felt more comfortable around me." "Then when something happens in his life, he always calls you first, and the way he looks at you when you look away, and how he only watches you during out games." Midorima connected more dots for him, seeing that Takao wasn't going to understand unless it hit him right in the face. The coach called practice back together, making the two stand up. "You'll figure it out." Midorima said and jogged over to the coach to see what play there were going to practice next. -- The next few days of school, you didn't even try to avoid Takao, just whenever you saw him, or whenever he noticed you, neither of you made the effort to go to the other. Takao didn't come over to your house that weekend, and those days turned into weeks of ignoring each other. It hurt every time you saw him. He was still smiling with his other friends, he still seemed happy, and completely indifferent to you when he met your eye. At least Midorima was keeping up with texting you back, and having short conversations before going to class. That was when you knew your feelings weren't mutual. Because how can he look so unfazed by what happened, while you looked like you dug your way up from hell. Even people you've rarely spoke to were asking if you were ok. You knew what was happening, and you were glad that no one else was catching on. Love was a stupid emotion. Nothing good could come from love you decided. Lust was one thing, like was one thing, but love was it's own thing that nothing could compare to. Romantic love is horrid. -- Life wasn't much different without Takao in it. That was a lie actually. It was different. But, slowly but surely you survived. You were so in love with him, that it was hard, imagining and living your life without him next to you. You may have had a crush on him and he may have not felt the same way, but he was your best friend. Surprisingly, Midorima helped you out along the way. He told you that Takao honestly didn't know what he did wrong, and it made him furious, as well as you. Whenever Takao would ask about you, Midorima always told you and kept you updated. It was sweet. Maybe Takao was right, that you guys were perfect for each other, because Midorima was starting to fill the spot that Takao left behind.   You tried to shift your feelings towards the green-haired giant, but they weren't the same, they felt too forced. It was Kazunari. When you saw Midorima, you saw him.   It was Takao, and then it was no one. You didn't need him romantically in your life anymore. It was going to be ok. You kept telling yourself that once you got over your feelings for Takao, you could find away to love the man your parents would choose for you. -- "I'm home!" You called as you entered your house one Friday. You only had a week until you graduated. Your parents had you meet a few men that were possible people you would marry, but none were official. Oh, and you meant men, all of them were in their mid to late twenties, even though some of them weren't business professionals, they all seemed happy in their line of work, and they were all alphas. There was no response, so you assumed your mom was probably in the back yard in her garden and your dad was late home from work. You toed off your shoes before going to your room to put your things away and change. You hated your school's uniform with a passion, it was the only thing you were happy to leave behind when you graduated. Once you were changed, you headed to the kitchen to only be stopped in the doorway when you saw your parents at the table, along with two other adults you were almost positive were Takao parents. "[Name]," You mother started with a smile, "Good timing, I'm guessing Takao isn't with you?" You shook your head, "Then he should be here soon too, come sit." She said and patted the empty spot between her and your father. You did as she motioned to and sat down next to her, and as soon as you did, you heard the front door open and close. Takao walked into the kitchen, not as startled as you were when he saw everyone. Silently he sat down between his parents, across from you. "I'm guess you're confused why we're all here?" You father asked directed mainly at you, meaning Takao must know what's going on. You shot Takao a look, but he remained passive, not giving you any hint to what was going on, "I'm very confused." "Well," It was Takao's father that spoke up, "Kazunari here came to use yesterday with a very serious question. And because he's still underage, that is why we are here." "I asked my parents and your parents if I can court you." Takao blurted, making himself as well as you blush. Your flustered blush quickly turned to one of anger, but you remained as well composed as you could, "Oh really? And why's that?" Just when you forced yourself to get over him in these past few months, he comes tumbling back in your life like this, to ask for your hand in marriage nonetheless. Takao glanced at his parents before sighing, slumping forwards slightly, "Because you said you loved me," Your parent's gaze shot to you, "And when we stopped talking, I didn't realize how much I cared for you." "But you don't love me." You cut him off. "Well, no-" "Then that's it. I'm not going to say yes to your offer of courtship if you don't feel how I did about you." You cut him off again, shocking everyone in the room. "D-Did?" He stuttered out. You nodded, "I know I didn't make an effort to try to reconcile with you, neither did you," A look of guilt flashed over his face, "I got over my silly crush, and I moved on." Your anger slowly dissipated into an passive look. "I'm sorry Kazu, but I have to decline your offer." "Don't you want to talk about it with him in private for a while [Name]?" You mother asked, you could hear the concern in her voice. You gave her a smile and shook your head, "I'm sure, don't worry." You turned back to Takao and gave him a smile, a real one, "You'll always be my first real love, but I can't force you to marry me just because I love you and you don't love me. It would be wrong." "I could learn to love you more than just my platonic love I have for you." Takao begged, he looked so sad, you felt your heart go out for him. But you shook your head once more, "It wouldn't be the same, I know you won't be able to feel that way about me. Plus I'm older than you, and I have no doubt we can continue our friendship, I'll-I'll be ok too." Your parents looked stunned at you for a moment, obviously not expecting like sort of reaction to come from you. They were expecting you to snatch up the opportunity to have someone you knew court you. Takao sighed again, "Are you sure?" You nodded, a grin wide on your face, "Positive, plus some of the guys my parents have introduced me to are like super hot, so I'll be fine." You teased, surprisingly making everyone laugh. Your mom asked Takao parents if they would like to stay over for dinner while you and Takao headed to your room like any other time he was over. Kakao was lost from you for a moment, and you were so glad it was only for a few months. If you lost him forever, it would have crushed you. -- Even though it was a rough and bumpy road, everything panned out for the most part. Two months after you graduated you and your parents decided on one of the eligible guys they had pick to court you. You thought he was rather attractive, even if he was ten years older than you, and a little rough around the edges, but that meshed well with you. He wasn't one of the most successful one out of the pack, but he was still your favorite. Maybe it was because you found out that his grandfather was the one who forced him to take advantage of your parents invitation. It was cute that he only did this to appease his grandfather, it made it easier for you to be yourself around him than anyone else you met before. His name is Ukai Keishin, and you were surprised that through the midst of everything, you guys actually managed to fall in love with each other, even if he was older than you. Your courtship lasted only half a year before you got married in the fall. Takao was your best man at your modest wedding. Well, it was as modest as you could get with Ukai inviting his entire volleyball club, it was too cute. You still loved Takao, but in a different way now. You supported him wholly when he asked for your advice a year and a half after your marriage, and while you were expecting your first child, how he would ask his girlfriend to marry him. You were so glad you didn't lose him.

[grubhivemind]

JACE: -the past few days have been full of some intense introspection, mixed with all manner of emotion, and some that aren't even his own. he knows what he wants to do, but he can't just do it. he needs to tell people. he needs to quit keeping secrets.- JACE: -it's a little late when he emerges from his room and he'd prefer not to bother his parents right *now* but they weren't the first person on his mind anyway. he starts his search for joel, who... he's fairly certain is still here. he hopes he is.- JOEL: *Definitely still here. Joel finds himself out in the patio, having a drink and sitting crosslegged on a deck chair cushion. He seems preoccupied talking to someone via text but is otherwise on his lonesome. Probably responding to Rammie's string of snapchats regarding her trip to Febrealia.* JOEL: *An ear angles back to Jace when he enters. That old concern starts gnawing on him again.* Hey. JACE: -aw geez... his heart starts racing as soon as he sees him. he wishes he were braver.- JACE: Hi. -steps over and takes a seat with him, probably too cautiously.- Um... JACE: I wanted to talk to you. JACE: Is that okay? Uh. Are you good to talk? -geez way to make it obvious he's a mess. not that it's a surprise to anybody.- JOEL: Im good to talk. *Joel would say he doesn't bite but that is the very opposite of true.* JOEL: ... JOEL: *gestures at another deck chair. Maybe the one at the opposite end.* JACE: -nods slowly and plops down in the chair. for a second, he just wringes his hands, posture anything but relaxed as he leans over his legs.- JACE: I... JACE: Well, I mean... JACE: -exhales, shoulders sagging.- You probably already know why I was in the forest that night. JOEL: *slowly puts his phone away to give Jace his undivided attention.* No. I dont why you were in the forest. JACE: -alright, he's PRETTY sure he's just trying to get jace to be straight forward which... is fair. and he wants to be. for another second he avoids eye contact, heat rising to his head quickly.- JACE: I was following Kougah. I wanted to check on him after what happened at the town meeting. JACE: Because... Because Ive still been hanging out with him. A... A lot. JACE: And-- And I was worried. About him. -eyes start to prickle with tears already. why does he have to be like this??- JOEL: *He hears all this and swallows against an ugly amount of bile rising up as he makes connections.* You still been hanging out with him. /A lot./ *echoes the words so Jace can hear them too. As well as how disbelieving Joel is that they're real.* JOEL: *but now he's swearing under his breath, unable to keep a cap on the hiss in his voice.* ...God. JOEL: Just... *Is there even words for this? Joel can't seem to grasp the concept.* What... the hell is wrong with you?? JACE: -shrinks into himself, the bite of joel's words resounding in his head, somehow managing to overpower even the thud of his heartbeat in his ears. it's a good question, really, but he knows he can't let himself be bowled over. swallowing the tightness in his throat, he squares his shoulders in prepartion for more verbal strikes.- JACE: When you told me what you did... I was angry... And I wanted to understand. I didnt... I didnt get it, because he-- JACE: He saved me. JACE: I started coming to Avalon when I heard about the missing people... And the spiritual activity. I wanted to study it... Because I wanted to help. But I didnt know what I was getting into and... I might have died if he hadnt shown up. -eyes flood with fresh tears again remembering it. it makes everything that happened that much more painful.- JACE: So, I... I wanted to confront him. About why. And how. He could do that. And I told him-- How much Rammie meant to our family. And to me. And I told him to make things right. And he said he would, because-- Because how I felt mattered to him. -ducks his head, choking a little on the tears now.- JACE: I thought that maybe things could get better. That we could work something out because... He-- I cant... I cant explain it. I guess it doesnt matter. Its no excuse. JACE: I just... didnt feel so lonely anymore. JACE: ... Im sorry. JOEL: *Rage is flooring past any amount of sympathy or understanding Joel might have had for Jace. It's fueled by the gut-wrenching fear and the heartbreak of knowing there wasn't a damn thing Joel could do about any of this. Joel stands with such a vicious snarl.* YOU COULD HAVE DIED IF YOU STAYED WITH HIM. DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT??? JOEL: And you... YOURE the one worried about HIM??? HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT JACE???? JOEL: It only took ONE FUCKING MISTAKE AND RAMMIE SHE JUST... He FUCKING LEFT HER IN THAT FOREST JACE. HE WOULD HAVE LEFT HER THERE AND WE WOULD HAVE NEVER FOUND HER. JOEL: So Im asking again WHAT THE *FUCK* IS WRONG WITH YOU??? YOU SAY YOURE HELPING PEOPLE??? YOU JUST ADMITTED IT! JOEL: YOURE JUST HELPING YOUR OWN GODDAMN FUCKING *SELF*. JOEL: WHY WOULD YOU THINK ANYONE WHO GIVES AN ACTUAL SHIT ABOUT YOU WOULD BE OKAY WITH THAT?????? JACE: -drags his hands over his hair and through his hair, trying with all his might to stand tall and take it, but he just can't, eventually crumbling into desperate sobs. he doesn't know what's wrong with him, and suddenly he's unsure all over again what he should do.- JACE: -did he really want to go back to help, or was there some fucked up selfish ulterior motive he couldn't quite identify? images of the dead pack of wolves and what may become of avalon flood his thoughts, followed by a rush of rage and grief and uncontrollable helplessness and it takes all his power to keep him planted in this seat instead of finding something to drive his fists into. instead, he j JACE: ust digs his nails into his scalp and mutter under his breath.- JACE: I dont-- I dont know...... JOEL: Well you better fucking know. *growls, the sound very real in the way Joel grits his teeth. Trying not to give into the ill feeling he feels in the deepest part of his stomach.* Because youre thinking of going back there. And trying to fix a goddamn PROBLEM that was never yours to begin with. JOEL: You just??? SOMEHOW made this your problem. And I wont say somehow. You know exactly what youre doing. JACE: Thats not... -not true, he wants to say, but it pitters off meekly as he completely loses sight of what even is true. he doesn't know why he listened to anybody who supported him. the reality is that he's a selfish idiot, so desperate he'll forgive anything just to grasp at a little bit of happiness, and that complacency makes him an apologist of unforgivable things. that makes him no better than JACE: a murderer. maybe in some sick way, that's why they deserved each other.- JACE: I wont go. JOEL: *He exhales sharply, feeling like his chest was being cleaved in two. The wound seeps with pain, invisible but very very fresh. Joel would clutch at it if he only could.* I hope so. I dont... *falters, his guard wavering* JOEL: I dont know what else to do with this. JACE: -keeps his voice quiet and his head lowered.- Theres nothing else to do. Theres nothing... JACE: Theres... *nothing.* -hiccups, kick starting yet another series of sobs.- JOEL: *Everything hurts and nothing is okay. But Joel keeps pressing on, draggig his hand down his face. As long as it helps steer off the waterworks.* Theres not nothing Jace. Dont you see that? JOEL: Theres still You. JOEL: And damn if Im gonna let you believe thats not good enough. JOEL: Whatever else happens... you did try. JOEL: And it fucking counts okay? I dont care what anyone else does or says. JOEL: You just... JOEL: Cant fix something like this. Or someone like him. JACE: -it's hard to swallow any kind of reassurance after being repeatedly questioned about what's wrong with him. so what if he has himself when he's awful? so what if he tried when he did it for selfish reasons? he gets the feeling he's just being talked down so he'll stop crying, and the idea leaves him hollow enough that sobs dissolve into sniffles and he can start to wipe away tears without more re JACE: placing them. he just nods slowly.- JACE: Okay... JOEL: *he's quiet a moment, grappling with the physical desire to reach out to his brother. But it feels like such a dangerous thing. Like they could both hurt each other more than they already had.* Im... JOEL: Really sorry. JOEL: *Joel doesn't suspect there's more to say after that. With a trot down the patio steps, he's gone down the beach. Taking off into the stretch of night.* JACE: -there's another long moment where jace sits alone, blotting out everything till he's only left with a buzz of white noise in his head. and only after his thoughts are disturbingly clear does he get back up to go to his room. nothing left to do now but sleep.-