#un-apologizing if you got this far in my tag ramble LOOK AT MY THOUGHTS BOY

[dogcollarpunk]

ALSO had a print workshop today with stencil printing and uhhhhh it fucked

[glambitions-a]

it kills to know that you have been defeated.

audrey rose centric fanfiction | post descendants three | canon compliant | part three of ? | rating : teen | warnings : swearing, anxiety, past violence, harry steals a car, prescription drug use  | word count : 2489 | masterlist

prompt : part three of my audrey centric fic! previous | next

|  “no,” uma stretched out on the bed. “i was going to have harry do it and then laugh at you when he beat you.” audrey gave her a look that was less than what a proper princess should give.  “he’s not a very good teacher when you don’t know where to start, especially if you’re a princess.” harry scoffed at this, of course, but he wasn’t denying anything.  |

tags (open): @saturn-satin, @cosmosstarstudio, @go-sullivan, @tacobacoyeet, @andthatsonceliastophat, @johnmulanev, @lilychen, @youngjustices​

    with a mouth full of apologies, audrey followed harry into the room.  he had held the door open but it wasn’t the same as when ben or chad did it.  (maybe it was the way he bowed while he did it so mockingly) when the blonde set eyes on uma, she opened her mouth to apologize about how she had acted the previous day. but uma gave her a firm look that shut her back up, and audrey’s eyes cast down to her feet.

    now she wrung her hands together anxiously as she listened to gil ramble on about a new fruit he tried today to harry. (who sat and listened which confused her to no end because she was so used to him not listening to literally anyone) she was sitting next to uma, not right next to her because she was still nervous but they were still fairly close to each other.

   there was a movie on the t.v. that audrey didn’t know, but these days all she watched were ‘chick flicks’ so she shouldn’t be surprised that pirates were watching something other than those.  her knees were pulled up to her chest and it was now that she had begun to regret not keeping her sweat pants on. (only a very small part of herself wished this because it was simply un-princess like for her to be dressed so sloppily in front of her friends)

   maybe she had wished she had still kept on the comfortable clothes because uma had tilted her head when the two of them had sat on her bed together.  the pirate captain had asked her if that was what she wore to sleep, to which audrey replied, no. (the problem was she couldn’t give an answer that she wasn’t semi ashamed of to why she was wearing actual clothes at ten o’ clock in the night)

   audrey tilted her head back into the reasonably soft pillows uma had propped up behind their backs. slowly she let her legs stretch out in front of her. the princess was very good at pretending to be interested in the seven children screaming about something on uma’s t.v.,but apparently she slipped or something because uma put a hand on her shoulder.  “hey, you okay?”

    to this she sat back up and nodded, “yes, of course.  why wouldn’t i be?” she trailed her fingers over the braid that was slowly becoming loose.  really though, why wouldn’t she be okay? she was safe, and comfortable, and (according to the other people in the room with her, though audrey’s self doubt still ran wild in her head.) she was with friends.

    “i dunno, you just seemed, like, off almost.” audrey shook her head in response and chuckled delicately.   even if she felt a little out of place and like an intruder, it wasn’t like uma would care.  audrey has witnessed firsthand the kind of behavior you get if you talk to uma about your feelings.  (not to audrey, never to audrey, but to unsuspecting aks who get put in the dumb talking groups ben had put together to help ‘mingle’ the villain kids and the auradonian kids.)

    uma made a noise that sounded oddly like a scoff, but audrey turned her attention to where gil was laid on harry’s lap.  she pondered to herself how that worked, because it seemed far too affectionate to be friendly.  uma caught her eyes yet again and squeezed her hand on her shoulder.  when audrey looked over at her, uma’s eyes were on the television.  (it confused her but she came o the possible realization that maybe uma was trying to comfort her.  and then she accidentally melted into her grasp.) 

     uma made a little humming sound at the laughter of the two boys on the floor, a soft smile on her face that made audrey smile a little too.  and suddenly audrey didn’t feel quite so lonely.

     it was about an hour and they were half way through another movie before uma had taken audrey’s braid out and the two of them had sat much closer to each other than before.  uma was humming a song audrey didn’t know, and it helped to distract her from the fact she was almost leaning against uma while she was playing with her hair.

     audrey twisted her hands in her sweater, nervous that uma would do something to hurt her because she never got the chance to apologize.  the fear made her feel awful, so she apologized.  her words were quiet but she knew uma heard her because of her sigh.  

     “i thought i told you i was getting sick of all these apologies.” she tilted her head down shamefully and uma tugged her hair to make her bring her head back up.  which made audrey squeak out a ‘sorry’. uma groaned at this and continued to mess with her hair.

     “harry?” uma took her by the shoulders and moved her so she was sitting in front of her between her open legs. harry turned around immediately and so did gil. (for some reason audrey was unaware of) “do you think dizzy has hair dye in her room?”

      he nodded, “i walked in on her redoing celia’s hair, they’ve got just about everything in there.”  audrey assumed that uma grinned before she turned and reached for her phone, the princess turning her head to follow her movements.

      she turned around completely so she could make eye contact with uma, who was looking at the screen of her cellphone rather focused.  “why do you need hair dye?” a lump in her stomach formed at a revenge plot for her.  maybe uma was just pretending to be her friend while really they were going to dye her hair neon green.  she shuddered at the thought, no one could convince her that there would ever be a right time to wear neon green.

      “well, if you must know.” uma sighed dramatically, obviously mocking literally every princess to exist ever, and set down her phone. “i thought we could make your hair brown again.”

      audrey blinked, out of everything that was not what she expected to come out of uma’s mouth. “oh, uhm, why?” uma had picked up her phone again and from what audrey could see she seemed to be texting somebody, probably celia or dizzy. (or both)

      uma groaned like it was the most obvious thing ever, “you told me that you dyed your hair because you wanted to look more like your mother.  so, i thought we could make you audrey again.”  the girl in question pursed her lips and brought a hand to touch her hair.  by now, harry and gil were still looking at the t.v. and uma was scrolling on her phone again.

      “well, that’s very kind of you.” she sat up on her knees and ran her fingers though her hair again.  “i’m just not sure-” uma pressed a finger to her lips to quiet her, and it worked of course.  who could ever refuse uma?

       “audrey,” uma slowly put her hand back down. “i can read you like a book.  you don’t need to pretend around me,” she waves her hand towards the boys curled up at the foot of the bed on the floor. “around us.”  audrey took her bottom lip between her teeth.  yeah, the reason she dyed her hair in the first place was so that she looked more like her mother.  but she did sort of change because she didn’t feel interesting enough before as well.  audrey isn’t sure what to think because something as simple as dying her hair wouldn’t make her happy, at least that’s what she thinks.

      audrey squeezes one of uma’s pillows against her chest in frustration, “i just don’t know.  my grammy already lost her mind when i dyed it the first time. i don’t want to disappoint her anymore than i already have.”  harry had looked up at her words, and that was probably because gil had sat up and peered up at her from behind the foot of the bed.  “she’s already kicked me out of the castle, i don’t want her to disown me or anything.” 

       uma sighed and squeezed her shoulder, “one of these days, i promise you won’t ever have to worry about your grandmother ever again.” audrey half smiled and shrugged.  gil got up and gave her a hug to match her smile, cautious. 

       audrey smiled in thanks and her hands found her hair as she worried it between her fingers. “i’m just not sure, uma.”  she let go of her hair and crossed her arms.  audrey used to be good at holding her own and being firm, but after the engagement and her little incident with the scepter her self confidence had taken a nosedive.

       uma groans, “if you let dizzy dye your hair, i’ll teach you how to sword fight.” the other girl sounds like this was a last resort option, and audrey tilts her head in confusion.

       “i thought you were already going to teach me how?”  uma had expressed a concern for audrey’s lack of fighting skills before, and the princess in turn had laughed it off, thinking she was joking.  but of course, uma had persisted.  audrey had been told that she would learn how to sword fight or at least something whether she liked it or not.

        “no,” uma stretched out on the bed. “i was going to have harry do it and then laugh at you when he beat you.” audrey gave her a look that was less than what a proper princess should give.  “he’s not a very good teacher when you don’t know where to start, especially if you’re a princess.” harry scoffed at this, of course, but he wasn’t denying anything.

        audrey really didn’t want to embarrass herself, especially not in front of uma, gil or harry. (now that she had confirmed that she has friends again, she really needed to focus on keeping them.  and she couldn’t go off the rails like last time)  it would be easier just to agree with uma, because the girl had proven to be persistent and audrey just didn’t think at this point she could get away from this especially since gil and harry were aware that this was would uma wanted. she doubted she’d walk away with her blonde hair.

       she propped up her head in her hands with a sigh, “okay, are they awake right now?” audrey smiled softly feeling gil’s head on her shoulder.

      uma gave her a victorious smile, “audrey, honey, not everybody goes to bed at nine o’ clock like a fucking middle-aged man.” audrey blushed and laughed softly.  she supposed they were teenagers after all, it’s not like they had a reason to go to bed so early.  audrey had cheer practice on every morning around seven, so sometimes it was still dark when she ended up getting up to get ready. 

      audrey purses her lips.  what uma doesn’t know is that she has to take a special pill (normally crushed up and put in her tea) because of the curse.  audrey finds it especially hard to sleep most nights because of the gnawing feeling that she could fall asleep and never wake up.  however, there was no reason uma had to know that.  and it would be okay because she could just go to bed and get her tea and stuff after her hair was done. she just smiled and nodded as uma took her hand and said something about leaving.  too wrapped up in her mind to care, she didn’t really notice when uma got up and picked up a pair of shorts and a t-shirt out of her dresser drawers.

      “you should probably put these on,” uma set the surprisingly neatly folded clothes in her lap before running an arm down the sleeve of audrey’s perfectly pink sweater. “wouldn’t want you to get this dirty.”

       audrey smiles and nods, uncrossing her legs so she can get up.  gil moves, and suddenly she feels cold again. she pretend it doesn’t happen and she doesn’t feel it as she goes to the bathroom connected to uma’s room.  “thank you.” is what she says as she opens the door.  and even though she wishes to say more, it’s all that she says.

       by the time audrey gets changed, she tries not to think about how she much she likes wearing uma clothes, even just the thought made her heart spin.  when she comes out uma has this soft little smile that audrey hopes means that she doesn’t look terrible.  they leave to go to dizzy’s room, and her heart is beating so hard.

      the amount of squeals that come out of dizzy’s mouth while audrey’s hair is wrapped in foil is honestly astonishing. audrey is worried, and as always uma holds her hand.  uma isn’t really paying attention to her, but she’s there and that helps.

      she’s afraid to look after dizzy leaves her with freshly curled hair.  by then, uma’s hand had left hers so she could go with harry and gil.  audrey thinks it’s to go back to her room but she’s not sure.  dizzy has this adorable smile on her face so she tries not to express her nervousness.  

      “audrey, audrey look! it’s so pretty!” a mirror was thrust in front of her face, and dizzy was right. it was pretty. shiny, bouncy brown curls framed her face and audrey hoped that her grandmother wouldn’t be too cross because she honestly really liked how it looked.

      as audrey looked over, she found celia curled up in her bed and dizzy practically on her toes hopefully waiting for praise.  audrey smiled in thanks, “thank you dizzy, it’s really beautiful.”  a squeal came from dizzy as she stood up and brushed off her shorts.

      a knock was heard on the door before a teal head peaked in.  audrey holds her breath and for some reason prays that she likes it.  uma’s smile says it all as she comes to her to touch it.  “there, now you look alive again.”  audrey laughs and smiles, like she knows she should.

     only after audrey starts to breath again and she had paid dizzy (which surprises her for some reason) does uma tell her that she has a surprise for her.  audrey is confused but smiles as she should and let’s herself be taken away with uma.

--

     “are you fucking kidding me!?” she screams over the wind and the roaring engine of chad charming’s car.  uma just laughs and gestures to harry with his wild smile and the key that doesn’t belong to him in the ignition. she pulls her hand with her as they walk closer.

     gil looks over to her with this confused puppy look, then he looks to uma.  “she knows fuck is a curse word here, right?”

ʚĭɞ | if you want to be on my taglist, all you have to do is like this post. gahhh i lovelovelove the moodboard i made for this!!  imagining literally any word in china’s voice makes my heart flutter so this was a DREAM to write truly.  comforting!uma? kill me please xx i’m really trying to write more so hopefully part two of only angel should be up after this.  i hope you enjoyed this part and please check out my other works if you’d like 🥺🥺 - rory

[famder-news]

Video Review Wednesday: Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS

Hello, everyone!!! Before we begin, I wanted to let y’all know that due to the new-ness of this video, ALL of our normal top-of-the-post chatter, including the characters in the video and the length of the video, will be under the cut in order to avoid spoilers. This post will remain not properly tagged as well; at least, it sill remain so until 2 weeks after the video’s been up to refrain from spoilers. Mobile users, just,... scroll REALLY FAST!!!

Watch the NEWEST Sanders Sides video HERE!!! (But make sure to read the warning card at the start of the video first!!! Keep yourselves safe!!!)

SO!!! To be fair, I was going to write a video review for Selfishness Vs Selflessness. BUT!!! This video is New and Exciting and we’re going to review it!!! Unlike other Sanders Sides Reviews, I’ll be writing about this one as I watch it!! I’ll be numbering my thoughts as I go under Stray Thoughts plus my random thoughts that might be wrong about the video’s content, along with the time in the video (

put in parenthesis and then italicized

) that I thought of it so that you guys can keep up. I’m really excited to watch this, so let’s go!!!

Video Length: 41:16

Characters In Order Of Appearance: Thomas, Virgil, Patton, Roman, Logan, [DATA EXPUNGED]

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Our video starts with!!!! A CONTENT WARNING!!! The first content warning placed in-video for Thomas’s content, save for possibly Accepting Anxiety because I’m not about to go and check. Then (ignoring the ad), the video opens with a LATE and TOTALLY PANICKING Thomas getting ready to film. I noticed that he looked REALLY tired, but at this point I’m pretty sure it’s Thomas and not Virgil.

Then, the intro card!!!

Thomas is... in a bath robe, obviously exhausted, and trying to film his video. He’s rambling, he’s exhausted, he looks like the emotional equivalent of getting hit by a bus, AAAND Virgil and Patton show up when Thomas is like “yeah everything has gone to SHIT.” Patton looks.... Surprisingly anxious, even for him. Virgil agrees to try and change the subject, but Virgil looks FAR more tired than normal. His eyeshadow is darker than it’s been in a long, long time.

And then Roman appears RIGHT as they’re trying to change the subject. Patton and Virgil won’t tell Roman what’s going on; weird, to be honest. BUT since they’re lying, I’m pretty sure Deceit will appear (2:10). Roman insists that he wants to know what’s going on. Thomas AND Virgil both said Ro wouldn’t want to know, and Patton’s just trying to help kep Ro distracted, and failing miserably.

AND HEEEERES LOGAN!!! Who gets IMMEDIATELY roasted because he’s pretty sure the whole Thomas Feeling Bad thing is because of Lee and Mary Lee VS The Callback. He calls Patton and Virgil’s reactions an over-reaction only to get roasted because of Logan’s self-defined state of having no feelings. Cue the falsehood screech when he gets called out, and then Roman’s STILL trying to figure out what’s going on.

AND LOGAN DAMN NEAR REVEALED IT!!! and EVERYONE starts yelling at him to SHUT HIS MOUTH!!! To be honest, I’ve never seen this happen in ANY Sanders Side video--Like, sure, we’ve had 1 side yell at another, but THIS? Dang...

HE WAS GONNA SAY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS!!! HOT DAMN LOGAN, YOU GO!!! And NOW I know why there was so much yelling!!! Thomas wants to Not Think About It!!!

And now they’re talking about a movie (that I, Mod Wheat, have never seen), and Thomas... Spaces out. And has an Intrusive Thought. AND holy shit THERE ARE hands BEHIND rOMAN’S TV!!!!!!!

Ladies and Gents, introducing our Newest Side: Bastard Man!!! He’s got the world’s most COMICAL mustache and, honestly, his appearance is Unnerving. But, that’s probably the point!!! I had to pause the video because of my yelling about the new side, so... Back to the vid!!!

And OH WOW, Patton and Virgil are SCARED SHITLESS of him!!! And now Bastard has a staff!!! WHAT IS GOING ON!!! IT WAS A MACE NOT A STAFF HE HIT ROMAN!!! BASTARD MAN IS A DOUCHE!!!!

And NOW we can call Bastard Man Duke!!! I... Don’t know how I feel about how Roman was handled.

AND: MUSICAL NUMBER!!! Duke jumps STRAIGHT into an adam and eve comparison, and we have Virgil and Patton looking uncomfortable and nauseous. AND THEN HE STARTS SINGING ABOUT GETTING THE SCARY PIECES OF CREATIVITY!!! Which, base don the fact that Thomas canonically and IRL doesn’t like Scary Content, is... Weird. And the other sides... Can’t seem to get this New Boi to STFU. WILD.

DECEIT KIND OF APPEARS!!! MY SNAKE SON!!! STOPPED HOLDING DUKE BACK!!! Honestly, it looks like Duke took Dee venting about the whole Lee and Mary Lee situation WAY OUT OF HAND, but still!!!

and NOW we get into more interesting material!!! Duke starts running through... What I would call intrusive thoughts. Licking the blowhole of a dolphin? Wild. Best friend shut inside a coffin? ALSO Wild, but in a less good way.

And Duke just straight-up saying “YEAH you’re a BAD PERSON because you THINK these things????” Like... Holy SHIT, dude. If I had to guess, Duke is Intrusive Thoughts. We’ll see if I’m right.

Music ends, and Duke claims he’s Thomas’s Creativity. But, only a piece of it. The piece that goes to the gore and the scary and the “juicy stuff”, as Duke puts it.

And then they talk about Jeffery Dahmer... Thomas tries to get the Duke to shut up, which only succeeds in getting the Duke to... NOT shut up.

And then they get into WHAT the Duke is. He’s half of Thomas’s creativity--the half that he’s squirreled away, banished as bad imagination. This, in turn, led to the Duke being experienced as Intrusive Thoughts by Thomas. Which, at about 15 minutes into the video, shouldn’t be where they leave the defining off.

And then... Virgil says that Thomas is, inherently, NOT the good person he wants to be. Because of the intrusive thoughts caused by the Duke. Now, I don’t know much about how intrusive thoughts perpetuate, but I DO know that having them doesn’t inherently make you a bad person; it’s when you ACT on them (and by them I mean the WORST ones) that you are.

After that, Virgil tries to claim that the Duke is, well, kind of useless because some thoughts have no meaning. Which is great!!! Except that he immediately crumbles afterwards, stating that clearly they MUST have a purpose otherwise why would they have been thought? this goes on to claiming that the thoughts aren’t Thomas’s, and that therefore means Thomas is innocent. Which... doesn’t end well, since only Thomas can think Thomas’s thoughts.

I’m going to... SKIP a bunch of content here, since I’m 20 minutes in and I want to finish the post before I hit a word limit or my power goes out aka I got distracted watching the video akdfhklshd, so we’re jumping to... LOGAN!!!

Logan starts debunking the Duke, running through why the Duke exists at all as well as the fact that the Duke having as much power as he does is because of Patton and Virgil. Virgil, because the thoughts make him anxious and make the anxiety jump WAY through the roof, and Patton because Patton doesn’t want to just... leave the thoughts be and let them happen.

And with this reveal, and the use of Logic to dismantle the Duke, we are left with several things to think of; the fact that intrusive thoughts can be combated with Logic, the fact that if you just relax and let them go they can’t hurt you (very much), and the Duke’s name: Remus.

After that, Remus nyooms off to... wherever Remus goes, and Roman’s back to consciousness!!! God bless you Roman, we missed you!!! And then... Roman apologizes to Logan for calling him a name!!! Score!!! And then Thomas is feeling alright, and HE THANKS LOGAN AND CALLS LOGAN COOL!!!! AND MY GOD!!! MY SMART SON!!! LOOKS SO BAMBOOZLED BUT LIKE CONTENT!!!! HELL YEAH!!!

And Remus pops back up one more time, Roman reveals that he doesn’t LIKE Remus because Remus is all the BAD things bout creativity, and then it’s Thomas and Virgil. And BOY OH BOY does Virgil have ONE HELL OF A REVEAL!!! For the sake of those whose mobile doesn’t scroll fast enough, I won’t spoil it (even though I’ve spoiled pretty much most of the episode), since SOME things must be discovered for their own merit!!!

And then... it’s the end of the video!!! It’s confirmed that the Thomas that does the Ads in the beginning of the longer videos is the Sanders-verse canon Thomas!!! Really interesting take, honestly!!!

End Card:

Remus is the Trash Man. He eats the deodorant while watching Thomas, it’s fucking WILD!!! And then at the LAST SECOND, Remus pops up like “There’s a snake in my butt!!!” like HELL YEAH REMUS YOU GO REMUS!!!

Stray Thoughts:

(1) The music cover for the content warning is a Bop tbfh (like 4 seconds in)

(2) I know the robe is probably a bad thing but I am LIVING for the tired robe life. Reminds me of college student horse shit surrounding engineering finals (1:42)

(3) “It’s Virgil, everybody give it up for the purp man...” has me CACKLING (3:55)

(4) I do not LIKE the bastard man... But god DAMN does he look good in Green (6:22)

(5) When Duke said Thomas Lacked Imagination after knocking Roman out and then yeeted STRAIGHT into an Adam and Eve thing... Makes me wonder if he can control the Imagination too :/ (6:54)

(6) Ok as much as I don’t like the Duke he is just... a litel creatchure... he canot change this... (17:35)

(7) The duke is... Growing on me. Still doesn’t take Dee’s spot as my favorite, but he’s a Chaotic Neutral at its finest. (25-ish mins in)

Quotes:

"It’s Virgil.... Everybody give it up for the purp man...” -Thomas, un-enthused

"Roman is sort of like Netflix kids and family. He’s the option that you select if you want to--” “Block out all the juicy stuff!!!” -Logan & Duke

“Either way, you’re not my creativity.” “Yeah! That’s the brave, handsome, unbeatable ROMAN!” *Roman, still unconscious and mumbling things* -Thomas, Patton, and Roman

“There’s a snake in my butt!!!” -Remus

This was a super good episode!!! I really like Remus, even though he could, admittedly, be taken to be More Evil than Deceit currently is. I need to watch and re-watch the video to have more theories about it, but I am LOVING our newest side and I cannot WAIT for an episode with both Remus AND Dee in it. It’d be a pretty interesting episode!!!

- Mod Wheat