#undercover chenford always and forever

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

[bronx-bomber87]

Hello my wonderful fandom :) I CANNOT believe we are at the finale already. This season went by in the blink of an eye. I was VERY excited for this finale and what it would bring. They don't have a ton of moments. But the ones they do the writers made count. My goodness I was happy and hopeful after this episode ended. Hard to believe we won't see our babies on screen till 2025. *grumble*

D sent me something about that actually (thank you bestie) Here it be. A.H. saying he's pretty sure all networks are doing this mid season 18 ep start. One of the reasons being the Election coming up. They want to protect shows and their ratings from the debates, coverage etc. And those usually happen on Tuesday nights. Which is actually really intuitive foresight from ABC. So to protect our ratings and show I get it. Especially if we wanna lock down a S8. I don't love it but I get it. Anyways lets get to it shall we? My last "mini" thoughts of the season.

6x10 Escape Plan

Always makes me nervous for Lucy going UC but still amazing to watch her in her element. Even if it makes my stomach tie in knots. Now maybe this is just me but Lucy seemed EXTRA uneasy on this OP. This is pure speculation on my part. But could be lending a little more credence to this not being the path for her? Just the feeling I got while watching her in these moments with with the kids in this one and the sneaking around.

I will say I do love seeing Lucy with the kids. Gives us a glimpse into her as a mama. I'm liking what I am seeing. Can't help but have that thought. I really can't. Chenford has taken over my brain and I'm very ok with it. Smitty's text to Lucy did crack me up. 'Red incoming.' Gotta love Smitty. Lucy is giving me a damn heart attack being undercover though.

The panic in her soul is so evident the minute she sees Monica is approaching. The way she guides the kids out of the room. Then the sheer terror when the kids wanna take a shorter exit. She has to pivot and redirect them quickly. I feel like the pressure of this specific UC mission was getting to her. I really do. It was felt in all her movements and body language through out these scenes IMO. I could be wrong but it was just a gut feeling I got watching her.

I think her expression in this scene after Monica departs is everything. Melissa be crushing it out here. Almost like she has to take a deep breath. Calm her racing heart down before unrooting herself from that spot to investigate further. I feel like her look of unease and panic here brings home the point I've been making.

Her questioning if doing UC is worth this stress? Worth the constant worry? Like I said back in my 5x20 review. Just because you're good at something doesn't mean it's meant to be your destiny. i.e. Lucy being a permanent U.C. Pretty sure her cover is blown after she runs right into him but she got the info she needed. At the expense of my own anxiety and worry though ha

The look in this scene oh my lord. How can they have so much chemistry with just one look? Melissa and Eric are a damn treasure to this fandom. To this amazing ship. Tim saying 'It's good to have you.' That loaded look between them. *screams into a pillow.*

You know that man is happier now that she's folded into this OP. His eyes were on her from the moment she stepped on scene. Be more in love with her Tim please. Then sharing a look with Angela. I’m dying. Angela is us we are Angela. She is the fandom in this moment watching this exchange. *sigh* So good.

Someone please tell me how do they look so amazing just standing next to one another? It's unreal how they can exude SO much chemistry just standing next to one another. Forever floored by the amount of physical chemistry these two have without even touching. It blows my mind in the best way.

Also I always enjoy me some Tim in T.O. mode it's sexy af. It revs my engine to watch him back in leadership mode. Not gonna lie. So very confident and sure of himself. Gah makes me need to cross my legs watching him in action LOL Sorry (sorta)Feral Caitlin made a return there haha But I do love seeing it. Like he’s getting his mojo back professionally. It’s nice to see. Does my heart good to watch it.

Oh my word they haven’t really been alone to talk (not counting the hug last ep) since 6x06. I’m so happy. I was legit buzzing watching this. My heart Tim telling her he took her advice and went to therapy. Yessss been waiting for this to unfold. Was hoping when they got a moment alone he would tell her about it. Look at him taking the first opportunity they have solo to tell her this. The growth of this man is incredible to see. I'm so proud of him it's insane. He takes a beat and makes the best of their time together. Breaking the uncomfortable ice with it. *happy sigh*.

I'm so proud of him. I can't state this enough. It is NOT easy to have this convo let alone be the one to start it. Another way to see he's grown. Tim is tackling the conversation. Being the one to broach it. Not Lucy dragging it out of him. I love her telling him that's not normal what happened for him. Definitely hasn't been my experience haha I do love her following up her little joke with being serious. Wanting to encourage him to keep going. I love this. Doesn’t want him to think one bad experience will tar the entire profession.

Tim nodding with a smile asking her if she wants to know the irony of it all? Lucy of course does. Tim continues on that she was a good therapist. The sessions they helped him. Damnit Blair.... I do adore the way Lucy is looking at him while he speaks about this. That angry look she started with has softened quite a bit. Truly hope he continues in S7 and we get to hear about it. God I would love to see sessions. Some of my all time fav Beckett scenes in Castle's S4 was getting to see her sessions with her therapist. It's on my wish list. *fingers crossed.*

His continued sharing with Lucy makes my heart so happy it might implode. Letting Lucy know therapy despite Blair being dirty has been good for him. She unearthed things he wasn't even aware of. I felt the same way too after a couple weeks. I felt more regulated tbh. I had massive sleeping problems from age 15 to when I decided to go to therapy in my 30's. After a couple sessions my sleeping issue's were gone for most part. I had been carrying my problems for so long. Like a pressure cooker with no release valve. So with no outlet they followed me into my unconscious and manifested into anxiety attacks. Couple weeks of sessions and my sleep issues all but disappeared.

Therapy when you truly lean into it can do wonderful things. i.e. Tim opening up to Lucy like this. Also look how SOFT Lucy looks with him as he bares his soul to her. I would be remiss if I didn't go in depth on this. The look of pride and love splayed all over her face is everything. Also reverence and love as well. This episode has a lot of loaded looks and I ate them all up. We started this scene with her face hard and holding a lot anger still. Then Tim melts it with his genuine vulnerability and sharing of what going to get help has done for him. Not only that but giving her props for the original advice in the first place. I'm beaming with delight.

We move onto Tim is being anxious his sessions are going be heard for evidence cause of the FBI investigation. Ugh. This kicks Lucy's brain into gear about that. Asking if he said anything revealing about her? His reply had me rolling. I adore him making a joke like this. Letting her know he mentioned ‘Freak in the sheets.' about her. I’m dying. I have no doubt there is some truth to that for them both LOL Look at our boy making jokes and getting her to laugh. God it was so so nice to see her laugh again. He earns a smile out of her too. The first time he's been the cause of that since her gifted her that KIA Radio in 6x05. I'm floating. They're both smiling by end of this scene. *sigh* We needed this.

We got to see some BAMF Lucy in this moment. Something that just like Tim in confident T.O. Mode has been missing since 6x06. I love her being like take this guy my man is in trouble. Getting him dropped off and instantly taking off after Tim. Who is also trying to pull off some bad assery tbh. A little recklessly but that's why Lucy is coming after him.

She see's his play and wants to be there to back it. Literally waste's no time in pursuit of him. Peels right out of that damn laundromat after him. Tim's play going south VERY quickly when this guy catches on to him in the bed of the truck. Sends his gun flying and my heart racing.

Adore the worried wifey look as she watches from the car. It's pouring out of her in that brief shot. Well done Melissa. Just like Eric she knows how to convey so very much with just a look. Lucy knows Tim is in trouble. That she can't just sit there in pursuit of the vehicle without helping him.

Especially after she watches him get pulled into the cab. Knowing that he is currently at a tactical disadvantage. No way in hell she is leaving him to fight this guy off alone. Telling Lopez to take the wheel as she makes her way out to help him.

Lopez's face when she makes the jump is shocked and amazed. Lucy continuing her BAMF streak on this OP. I loved the surprised look on Tim's face when she first jumps on the truck. Like he can't believe she just risked her life to come help him out. He can't stay in the feeling long as she takes the guy out for them. But it needed to be noted his utter surprise she was there to have his back. Risked her life to do so. Such a bad ass battle couple. Back to back finales we get to watch them be poetry in motion in the field with a battle.

Oh my lord what an epic scene to watch. Lucy jumping onto that moving truck bed to save her man. They take him down together. Their work dynamic easily coming back into play here. They don't miss a beat in this moment. Working as harmoniously as they always have in the past together in the field. I love the looks shared once they've stopped the truck.

Especially Tim's. He is so damn impressed with her. Always finds a way to blow him away with the bad ass she's become. Man is falling in love all over again. It shows all over the two looks he gives her in this scene. First one is his falling back in love again. I mean he already was but think sunk him deeper. Second one is more of just being in awe of her. The pride he feels watching the amazing cop she's developed into. I love these two so much.

Let me start with how happy it makes my heart that Tim smiles when she walks up to him. Despite all the hurt just the sight of her elicits a smile out of him automatically. His walking sunshine. Love of his damn life. She truly is his happy place in human form. Lucy making a crack about him taking a half day. Their banter still simmering beneath the surface. It's a little subdued in this moment but it's alive and well with Tim's reply. He is ever the gentlemen letting her go first.

His elevator version of holding the door for her. That chivalry never dying with him. It's the little things. Can't ignore how Lucy is looking at this man the entire scene. From start to finish. With such reverence and love. Still so in love with this man standing in front of her. Lucy can't help it. She is a moth to a flame with him. Especially with Tim thanking her for saving his life. Let's delve into that a little shall we? Tim Bradford is saying he didn't have it. Admitting fault he would've lost that battle without her.

Saying not only did he not have it but Lucy did. That he wouldn't be standing here without her. Giving her the kudos and all the praise for saving his life. Far cry from 1x01 and his future reaction to that moment in S5. This is a different Tim we see standing before us everyone. The amount of growth in this moment is immense. Because not only did she save his life but she saved him in a deeper sense. Feels like it's truly hitting him like a freight train the impact she's had on his life. I think there is double meaning to his words above. It's what leads him into this next section below.

The loving expression on Lucy's face when she replies ' You're Welcome.' That look of I'm still in love with you, I would do anything for you despite the hurt, and her realizing the deeper meaning of Tim thanking her. The growth she is currently seeing in him is prompting this soft/warm look and even softer reply. It's what encourages Tim to say his next portion. You can see him psyching himself up before he turns around to apologize. To own what he's done to them. To her.

Tim starts his apology by telling her he knows what he’s done (thank you lord for this) That he knows he ruined everything. You sure did babe...but you’re gonna earn it all back I know it. Lucy has the most loving and forgiving nature. The biggest heart. Also we can see there is still a tinge of anger to her expression at first above. So that journey will not be an easy one for Tim. Nor should it be. He has a lot to make up for. But my god will it be worth it in the end. I truly believe that. I'm going to be crying river's when we get there.

Look at how he has grown. Immediately spilling his guts emotionally to her twice in one episode. Not once but TWICE. Hell three times really. With saying she saved him and admitting fault to what he's done. I can't get over this. He had two really hard conversations with her in this episode. Swallowing that pride of his he's trying to hard to overcome. Doing this in order to communicate better with her. To show her he's putting in the time and the effort. To let her know he knows he messed up and is owning that. Something Tim wouldn't have done before. At least not easily. These are great strides for him. I couldn't be prouder of where they are ending the season for him. Imma need more therapy though in S7 you hear me writers?

Tim thanking Lucy for extending him the kindness she has shown him. *my damn heart.* That he can never explain how much he appreciates it. That she could've easily turned on him and he would've understood. But that's not Lucy. We all know that's not who she is. Or ever will be. It's that forgiving nature of her's that is one of the many reasons Tim is so damn gone for her. I think there is once again a double meaning to his words. To me Tim is saying this is for far more than just post break up. It's for their entire relationship. Together/apart and especially when they were not 1-4. The kindness and the empathy she's aways shown him. Even at his worst.

Like I said earlier it's all hitting him hard. The place she held in his life for so long and the impact she's had on him. Imma cry. A giant epiphany moment for Tim I think. Maybe starting to slowly understand the unconditional love she has for him. This scene made me tear up. That anger that is still present melts away a little more for Lucy. If she continues to see Tim work on himself. He shows her his continued growth. No reason she wouldn't take this man back when he's put in the work to re-earn that place in her life. Tim saying he's gonna spend rest of his life repaying her back for said kindness. *screams into the void.* In whatever small doses she allows of course.

Respecting her boundaries and hoping she will allow him to do so. It's the sweetest most sincere part of his apology. The way she looks at him as he departs. *heart clutch* You can see he's stunned her into silence. But also Lucy can see the growth in him and it’s written all over her face. This is a fantastic way to end the season for them. It wouldn’t be right to get back together right now or even just a 'we almost died' hook up. (Wonderful fic's out there for that just recently BTW.) Just wouldn’t. As much as my shipper soul LONGS for them to be back together. Legit longs so much it hurts. This was a good way to end them for the season. With some hope, some growth and a path forward leading us to S7.

Some Final thoughts below. With a Chenford hug to this lovely fandom of ours.

First off I want to thank you all for doing this not so mini review journey with me. I was nervous to do them. Even after doing 9 plus months of them with 1-5. This was different. It was first impressions. Hope you all enjoyed them. I'm more than happy to do this next season too. First impression thoughts for S7 as well if you are all interested. Let's move onto some final thoughts I'm having. You know months could pass by when we get to 7x01 in their timeline. I’m hoping he’s in therapy during this duration. Ready to prove he wants to earn her trust back. To earn her back. I don't think for one second that moment in the elevator is the last deep conversation they're going to have before we get a reconciliation. Tim has her love. Always has. Always will.

Lucy's decisions and responses in 6x10 show that. No matter what she loves this man. What he needs to gain back is her trust. To prove over and over again. He's there to stay. To show her through kind acts. To rebuild his rapport with her. I’m excited for that journey cause when we get there. *phew* God the fandom is gonna implode with happiness. It’ll be well earned. Their relationship is going to be even better with the growth Tim has done. (Hoping for some more for Lucy as well and getting the support she needs/deserves)We saw massive results in this episode alone. Can you imagine how it’ll be when they’re back together? *chefs kiss* it’ll make all the hurt and pain so worth it.

Getting emotional writing about this. This ship has a stranglehold on my emotions and I’m ok with it. Eric and Melissa love our passion for this couple. So I won’t be ashamed for the affect it has on me. I’m excited for s7. It’ll be a long hiatus. But we will get through it together. I will probably wait till mid July to do my thoughts fully fleshed out for S6. Think we all need time for finale to settle. For us too as well. I'm most definitely not ready to re-dive into everything just yet. Especially 6x05/6x06. But I'm hoping couple month hiatus for me will help with tackling that. Then we can start that journey for us all to go on with my deeper analysis.

As always thank you all for the likes, comments and reblogs. For being interested in my thoughts at all. It means the world you have no idea. Love this fandom, love this show and this incredible ship we are so fortunate to have. So once again thank you all for being on this journey of S6 with me. Like said earlier I’ll get started in my fleshed out S6 reviews come mid July. :)

~~~

Side notes-Non chenford

Monica cleaned up a mess for Blair. Manipulated her by helping her most Monica thing I've ever heard. Glad to finally have answers to that. I knew it felt like manipulation. She had too much of a conscience to be dead inside and doing it for money. Sucks cause she is very good at her job. That scene with Aaron was a mic drop moment for him. So proud of how far he came this season as well.

Friggin Nolan never listens. And get shot for not listening. In the ass. Because he's a pain in one. Was apropos. Also he's right back to being a dumb putz to me. It was short lived john you made it half an episode before falling out of my good graces LOL

Once again music amazing for their final scenes whoever handled that this season crushed it. Bringing out all my emotions.

See you all later this summer for my in-depth ones. Till then be kind and rally around each other. Gonna be a long hiatus.

[theflyindutchwoman]

Do you have any Chenford fic recommendations?

I wasn't sure what kind of fics you liked, dear Anon, so I tried to include a little bit of everything. You can already search my tag Chenford fanfic to get you started. And here are some more suggestions (in no particular order) : I tried to only pick one fic by author to keep this list short and sweet, but really, I recommend checking all their stories

Every High And Every Low (M), by @onlymylovesurvive - Inspired by, “A dead kid is different. A dead kid changes you forever.” (3.09)

All The Bright Places (M), by Ellitheria - AU from 1.11 : Lucy is diagnosed with cancer

Who could stay (you could stay), by @queseraone - The fear has always been there—always. (About Tim's fear of being like his father)

A great honor to hold you up, by @fromiftowhen - Missing scenes and post-ep for Day of Death

Beneath Your Beautiful (E), by @cfr749 - AU where Tim and Lucy gets married at first sight for a TV show

Streetlamp to Streetlamp, by amaradangeli - Lucy is told she can get Caleb's tattoo removed once it's fully healed. A lot can happen in six weeks

Empty bed's and Broken memories, by AllMyTomorrows - Waking up to find Lucy not in his bed or house triggers deep fears inside him that even he didn't realise he had.

Roots Won't Keep Me Warm, by @silverskull - AU 4.22 : Tim and Lucy go undercover to take down Mid-Wilshire's greasiest drug baron (written during the summer hiatus)

Where we gonna go? (i think he knows), by @fromiftowhen - Tim and Lucy go on a first date. It doesn’t go exactly as planned (written before s5)

Tell me you love me (without any words), by @dmarx - AU 5.13 : Tim struggles to put his feelings into words after Lucy finds him a new job.

Little bit of Love, by @chenfordspiral - A look into what the future may hold for Tim and Lucy

Baby, it's halloween (there’s a first time for everything), by @americorys - AU from 5.05/5.06 : Tim and Lucy spend Halloween (not) giving out candy in costume and (definitely not) skirting around their feelings for each other

You Taste Like Whiskey When You Kiss Me, (E) by universallongings - Tim and Lucy go to Las Vegas (for Angela's bachelorette party)

Oh and you can also check out @centralperkchenford who's doing an amazing job at keeping us fed every day with new stories.

[starseneyes]

Chenford REWIND- Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 5 - Ep 2, 3 & 4

Sitting here in a slight bit of disbelief that I'm writing another one so soon, but there have been pockets of time that have opened up in my life, and I'm going to take advantage before I run out, again!

Combining a little, here, because where we had 19 minutes plus of screen time in Episode 1, the number goes down considerably for a few episodes to off-set and focus on some other story lines/characters.

SPOILER ALERT: While I'm primarily writing these as though I were watching the episode for the first time, I will definitely spoil these episodes and MAYBE a little more (there ARE some nice points to reference as we go forward). Consider yourself forewarned!

Can Tim and Lucy untangle the mess of last episode's impulsive near-boinkfest? Let's dive in to find out.

Labor Day

"I'm positive your Sergeant will approve it?" "Yeah, he would, for sure. It's just, um, I have some things going on in my personal life right now."

There is so much to unpack, here. Let's start with Lucy's absolute surety that Tim would approve her going to the Undercover Academy.

When she first thought about pursuing Under Cover, Tim was totally against it. Yes, he has his own history regarding his ex-wife, but he also wasn't sure that Lucy could handle it.

Obviously, he under-estimated her, and he's repeatedly remarked on her doing a good job every time. "Not bad." "I thought she needed rescuing." "You're really good at this." Tim will approve it. No question.

The second is "I have some things going on in my persona life". Because, Chris immediately assumes he's the only roadblock to her happiness, at this point (and, Chris, honey, you are a roadblock... just not the one you think you are).

If you watch to the end of the episode, though, this isn't the only thing on her mind. Tim is, too. Not Sergeant Bradford, but Tim... the man.

They didn't get to finish their moment, and there's no way to take it back. In the flash of a moment, Lucy had to acknowledge her cheating ways and then register that the man she was cheating on was dying on her couch.

And what if that drove Tim away forever? What if that was her only chance, and now it's gone. What if it could have meant something, but she'll never have the chance to know?

Yeah... this is messy.

"How's Lucy?"

Hold the phone right there. Angela is asking Tim Bradford about Lucy.

In the past (especially post DOD), it was always Tim asking others about Lucy. He was the one on the outside who wasn't as close. Now, he's the mouthpiece for Lucy's state of being... and that's huge.

Tim has been in contact with Lucy. Maybe a call, but more likely text messages. But, however he's done it, he's been the one to check on her directly instead of going through someone else.

"Are you checking up on me" is now Tim reaching out to Lucy about Lucy. And that's huge.

"Uh, she's still a little shaken. Taking some time to get Chris settled." "Remind me what you were doing at her apartment... when you found Chris bleeding out."

Hermana! You are not giving this man any leeway and I am living for it!

Look, gossip gets around, but Angela's the only one who knows Tim's caught feelings for Lucy. It's unlikely any of the others would think Tim, who never stops seeing his Boots as Boots, would even consider boinking a Boot.

But Angela's different. She knows her Man of Honor better than most, and she has a feeling there's a reason behind Tim's presence in Lucy's apartment. "Search your feelings, you know it to be true."

"Just dropping her off after we got back from Vegas."

He leans into the truth. Honestly, that's the best thing you can do in a situation like that. But he knows she is fishing and he is hoping she will bite onto his lure away from the truth.

"Mmhmm."

Yeah, she's not biting, Tim.

"What are you implying?" "What do you think?" "I was just dropping her off." "Mmhmm."

Tim narrows his eyes at her, frustrated that she's now going along with his half-truth. Because, for goodness sake, this is messy.

Imagine Tim and Lucy don't get interrupted and they go through with it. Who would ever know? Tim goes his way. Lucy goes hers.

And then they'd have to deal with the inevitable emotional fall-out... but neither of them was thinking past that moment. They certainly never thought they'd have to explain it to others!

A Knock At The Door

Melissa O'Neil has some beautiful physicality to this scene, as she leans up to look out the peephole and sees Tim standing there. Gosh, is that indicative of her life, right now.

She has Chris. He's right here on her couch. But she wants Tim, and all she can do is glimpse him from outside her world. He's right there, but he's not inside... He's back on the other side of that threshold.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" "Just checking in. How you feeling?"

Look. At. Lucy. Her face screams, "Are you seriously doing this?!" This is likely the first time she's seen him since that horrible moment... the first time she's seen him wearing his own clothes and rocking his own hair (slicked back Tim was sleezy, I'm just sayin').

"Lucy's taking great care of me." "I have no doubt."

Tim's voice is so soft on this. I'll later come to identify it as his Velvety Voice... because he's talking about Lucy, the natural caretaker. The one who watches out for others. The one who sends food to her TO to help expedite his recovery.

Lucy is a beautiful caretaker, and a part of him wishes he was the one receiving her affection, right now.

Everything in him is aching to reach for her to offer comfort, right now, because he can see she is hurting. But his hands are firmly in his pockets, and have been since the second he stopped knocking.

"Can we talk?" "Yeah, sure."

He motions his head to the hallway, drawing her back out, across her own threshold. His voice is almost hesitant, and she doesn't know what they might discuss, but I think they both know their "almost" is going to come up.

She leaves the door open, probably to keep herself in check. And as she steps out, she and Tim are now standing in almost exactly the same positions as the last time they saw one another... standing at a threshold prepared to go in.

But, now they've both stepped back out.

"So, I, uh, I hear you're on the fence about going to UC school." "Chris called you?" "Yeah, which was expected. He wanted me to talk to you."

I love his little smirk on that. Not so long ago, his girlfriend called Lucy, and she wasn't phased a bit. But this is different for Tim.

Tim has feelings for Lucy, and that's making things complicated enough in this moment. Now, her "work in progress" is calling him to get him to nudge Lucy in the right direction? Because Chris trusts Lucy will listen to Tim.

Tim is Lucy's person. Man, these people are so bloody dense.

Because Lucy is standing before the man she truly wants to be with, and she's aghast that her stand-in cardboard cut-out is reaching out to the leading hunk in her life.

"It's not the right time." "He's gonna be fine. You owe it to yourself to go." "I know, but-" "What happened to him isn't your fault."

This is important. We're hearkening back to post DOD when Lucy ensured Tim understood Caleb wasn't his fault. But, the problem is that Chris isn't the only thing on Lucy's mind.

"We were about to." "But we didn't. We didn't."

Tim's shaking his head as he's speaking, volume dropping to barely above a whisper, pain in the assertion. I've thought a lot about this... and Tim's trying to assuage Lucy's guilt. He thinks she feels guilty. He thinks that is what is holding her back. Guilt.

But Tim is as wrong about Lucy as she was about Tim when he tried to talk to her in the hotel room. Lucy has had time to think about everything that has happened, and even as she is nursing Chris back to health, she's been thinking about Tim.

Yes, in that moment, they were both going for sex. But, here's the thing, Lucy thinks she's revealed herself to Tim. She thinks he's onto her feelings for him. And right now, she's trying to have the same discussion he wanted to have in the hotel room.

But they have this bad habit of not listening and instead assuming.

"Are you trying to get rid of me as your Gofer?" "No. No. I'm trying to look out for you."

Listen to how Tim's voice breaks. Look at how his face crumples. This is killing him. But he truly believes Lucy feels guilty about what almost happened. Maybe he worries his conversation in the hotel pressured her in some way.

But no matter what, he doesn't believe for a second that Lucy Chen has feelings for him.

He's had time to think this over, and over, and over. And every time he comes to the conclusion that she doesn't feel anything for him, and that she really wants to be with Chris. And Tim wants whatever makes her happy.

Lucy, in the meantime, is breaking. Tim rejecting sex was one thing. But now, as she's trying to talk to him about them, he's pushing her away. That's how she sees it, at least. Tim's pushing her to UC school. he's going to replace her as his Gofer. "Tim doesn't want me."

"It's time for you to move on." "And some time away would be good." "It's a great opportunity, Lucy." "Mmmhmm." "You should go for it."

She thinks he's using US school as a prop to reject her, to push her away, to separate them. And it hurts.

Lucy looks up to Tim's eyes, searching them for something to tell her that she's wrong, something that'll make her believe he means this for her good, truly. Something that says, "I'm not rejecting you."

But Tim turns away. Because this burns. He glances inside to see Chris on the couch, through that threshold Tim thinks he will never cross, again.

He barely glances back at Lucy... because the tears are already brimming in his eyes... and he can't let her see.

Lucy stands in the hallway in pieces. Because she wanted to talk to him. She had time to consider their actions, and she needed to know why he crossed that threshold. Was it just physical? Is there something more there for him, as there is for her?

But they're still talking past one another. Time will tell if they learn how to have an actual conversation.

Dye Hard

"I'd like to congratulate Officer Lucy Chen for successfully completing the DEA Covert Operations Training Academy, which is no small feat."

Tim is watching her the whole time, smiling at her accomplishment. It's no longer, "Your accomplishments are my accomplishments". Lucy did this all on her own.

And Tim is going to support Lucy however he can. Because, in his mind, that's all he can do, now.

Look, 5x01 was all over the place for Tim, emotionally. But in 5x02, he had time to consider what happened, and he has determined that he is Lucy Chen's biggest mistake.

Think about it. He knows how heartbroken she was after her ex cheated on him, then married the girl. From what he knows, Lucy has never cheated, and we know that he never has, either.

So, he has to think about what went wrong, and in Tim's mind... it was him. We know that's not right. We know how these two feel about one another. We know it was a lapse in judgment, not an absence of emotion.

But Tim grew up in an abusive household, with a father who likely blamed him for every beating. He was never good enough... maybe he questioned if anything about him was good.

He puts himself in harm's way every day to protect people, to help people, to put some good out in the world. But what did he do with Lucy? He led her down a path that left her guilt-ridden.

We know that's not true! But, Tim is keeping his distance from Lucy, now, in an effort to protect her... and himself. It's such a mess.

He doesn't even walk over to congratulate her. For all he know, he hasn't texted her since she left for UC school. They're both stuck in their heads thinking the other needs/wants space. A simple conversation would solve everything... but they're too hurt to even start it.

"He hasn't replaced you, yet, so he's happy."

Ouch. Lucy gives us quite a bit of insight into her head right now. She thinks Tim's unhappy, so Tim replaced her... and is avoiding her.

Her eyes land on him across the room, and he can feel her gaze. He looks back, but he has no idea what to say. Lucy breaks the eye contact, feeling even more lost than she did before.

"When did you last hear Chen on the radio?"

It's Lucy's first day back on the job since leaving for UC School, and Tim's hyper-aware of that. He's keeping a listening ear out for her, even if he would never admit it.

He jumps into action, immediately, to go rescue Chen... Chen... He said "Chen", didn't he?

In the past, Tim stuck to "Boot" or "Chen" with Lucy nearly all of the time. "Lucy" was a rarity. But, in 5x01, that's all he called her. He uses her name at the end of 5x02 during their breakup scene (thank God we got that out of the way...).

But once they're both back on the job, he's gone formal as a way to protect and distance himself. But that was before his woman was in possible danger.

"Chen? Chen!" "Yeah. Yeah, I'm in here!" "Hang on. The door is stuck." "No kidding." "You okay?"

Tim is looking at her not entirely like an SO, but more like an... SO. Oh, you know what I mean. He looks her over to make sure she's alright, and there's this softness to it that reminds me of how he looked at her in her apartment before they found Chris.

This is their first interaction since he encouraged her to go to UC school. And it's him rescuing her, again.

Getting to say, "You okay" is the first opportunity he's had to gauge how she is directly in weeks, and her brain is already firing on the Rosalind angle.

This episode is the peak of their era of discomfort. And we needed it. We needed to see how it looks when these two are pining and aching for one another, but not knowing the other wants them, too.

Sure, they could have skipped this era, but this is a huge transition for these two. Every step of this relationship has been earned. There are times he was in the wrong, and times she was in the wrong, and now they're both wrong.

The Choice

"I'd like to stay, too, and make sure Bailey's never down there by herself."

Tim glances back at her as she says it. Rosalind's acolyte... another... trapping another woman in a hole. But one thing I love about this is how Tim never once tells her to sit it out, or acts like she can't handle it.

Lucy once said if she couldn't handle Rosalind in a cage, she shouldn't be a cop. She also said that she knew Tim would help her if it got to her head. (and he protested... but... c'mon, we all know he's going to do it).

"Is John there? Lucy, where's John?"

Lucy looks up to Tim, unsure how to answer. He feels her glance and he kneels down, taking over. "If you need a cop, tag me in" comes to mind.

"Chen." "I'll go down." "No. There may be more traps. It's too dangerous. Just be ready to follow if it's clear." "Okay."

I get both perspectives in this moment. Lucy wants to help in every way that she can. She survived one of Rosalind's acolytes. She wants to do everything she can to help Bailey.

But Tim's not about to lose Lucy to Rosalind twice. He already has his gear in hand as he preps to go down. And he can't look at her.

Tim can't meet her eyes as they're arguing here about who should go down. The last time they were on opposite sides of an issue they were in the air and she kissed him out of nowhere. It's still too fresh.

He settles into position, and as he does he can't help but look up at Lucy—to find her staring back at him. And then neither can look away.

Because they both know that if there are more traps, this may be their last moment looking at one another.

It's the risks they take for their job, but sometimes when you face your own mortality directly (and I have a few times), you consider all the things left unsaid. These two have a lot left unsaid.

In classic YA romance style, Lucy seems to hold her breath until he disappears from sight, when she starts breathing, again.

The rest of the episode isn't Chenford-heavy (this episode isn't about them), but the fact that Lucy was the one to bring Bailey back? Oh, I'm in tears. Because not only did Lucy beat Rosalind's acolyte once by cheating her Day of Death, but she did it twice by saving Bailey.

Stopping here with these three. I feel like we really needed this episode for Tim and Lucy, though. This is the first episode they're working together, again, after things started to get weird. And they easily found their rhythm of leaning on one another, again.

They needed that. They needed to get here so we could get what we see in the rest of the season. If the avoidance had lasted too long, I fear it would have gotten tired and frustrating. Yes, Tim and Lucy aren't yet ready to talk about them, but they're talking, again. Even if it's only work-based, they're talking, again.

And that gives us what we need to get into "The Fugitive". But that, quite literally, is another Meta.

As always, thanks for reading!! This has been a lot of fun!j

[sunjaesol]

love, between the shadow and the soul

chenford | drabble | post-canon | title: sonnet xvii - pablo neruda

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Look, Tim Bradford did not get attracted to rookies, okay? In all the years he had been a TO, none had grabbed his attention. Not when he and Isabelle were dating, or married, or when she disappeared into the night with a trail of illicit affairs and a shot of heartache for him. Dozens of young women had sat in that car beside him and never ever had he let their femininity distract him. He served his country. He fought wars overseas. He looked Death right in the eye every single day and never blinked.

But then came officer Lucy Chen. He instantly knew the type of cop she’d be the second she turned in her seat, meeting his gaze for the first time, and nervously smiled at him. Nerves were normal, he was aware, but the doe-eyed look and the hopeful grin sold her out. No mystery. Just another young cop that would either slip through the cracks by the exam by tanking their grade due to stress, or she’d become a desk duty cop — one that stayed far from danger, that handled life with a perpetual softer touch ‘cause of her shrink parents.

Nothing wrong with that, Bishop would chastise him. Every cop had its use, she’d add. Sure, that might be true, but Tim didn’t want to babysit an armed toddler waiting for it to cry and call for mom. With just a couple well-placed Tim-tests, she’d be out of his hair in no time and then he could cross his fingers for a better recruit in the following weeks.

Life had the ability to change in a snap though — their funny, yet stern reminder that the universe called the shots, not the gun in his holster, or the rulebook. He got shot. Officer Chen backed him up. Her stubborn, yet brazen, yet honest attitude reeled him in just enough to ignore her little quirks she always joyfully displayed in the shop. Whenever he didn’t nip her ramblings in the bud fast enough, she babbled on and on about her personal life, her personal issues and relationships, like they were best friends (They weren’t! Boots and him never befriended!), like their relationship was anything more than a transactional training period. They got each other’s six. That was it.

But fuck, man. She got under his skin, too.

Lucy wore this… really nice perfume. A lot of female officers had make-up and perfume on, allowed a small sliver of self-expression, and he and Lopez had spend countless hours in a shop together. He was used to it. But somehow, Lucy’s stuck in his nose and didn’t leave. He felt like a creep, thinking about the blend of cardamom and oranges and cherry blossoms mixing with her warm skin, uncontrollable while also wanted. He wanted to fantasise about that fucking perfume of hers, a realisation that took a long time to come to terms with.

That didn’t mean he liked her though — he quickly corrected himself the first time he caught the pattern of behaviour — all it meant was that Lucy had good taste in perfume. Case closed.

So why did he linger whenever her shimmery eyes flicked up at him, why did his breath catch in his throat when her voice dropped to that infuriating sincerity as she uttered words of appraisal? Why his heart go haywire when she recorded all those audio books for him; an out of line gesture and overzealous task for a boot, which would normally result in him laughing their face.

Tim never thought he’d get over Isabelle, nor did he ever believe he’d have his happily ever after with Rachel, but with Lucy he foolishly hoped for more. A more that came from such a stupid and deluded place, probably fostered through months of loneliness and the Pavlovian response to her perfume, but one he didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop it. The man was always in control about everything, ran his own tests and went over every possible outcome every day, every hour — and yet he didn’t see her coming. Lucy Chen had been right under his nose and he hadn’t been prepared for the ground to disappear beneath his feet; something that should honestly get him fired. The callousness of his emotions while entertaining the idea of a relationship with his own boot sentenced him straight to P2 or desk duty, or whatever.

Lucy deserved someone better, anyway.

Someone that understood her love for sage and cleansing homes. Someone that liked veggie burgers, chai lattes, karaoke nights and social media lurking. Someone that wouldn’t hesitate for one second to open her door for a teenage girl in need of safety and a little bit of that Chen-love. Someone that wasn’t any of those firemen assholes, but wasn’t Tim either.

He never let his insecurities get the best of him, but after seeing her thrive as a P2 without him, handling undercover stints like a pro, conquering her trauma of being buried alive, it only showcased that she had more bravery in her index finger than some army members had in their entire body, all while staying innately kind. Of course Tim lost his mind over her. Of course he tried shaping officer Barnes to be more like Lucy — more sun and bite and charisma, less army BS. Of course, of course, of course. Even Rosalind, the person he hated most besides Caleb, had him figured out in seconds. He was obvious as hell.

Which was why he had to move stations. Away from the Mid-Wilshire Division and to another. He couldn’t be around her anymore and risk compromising missions or attacks. He didn’t tell Angela the details, though her knowing look said enough, and simply replied that she’d miss him and that she was sure the chief would happily reinstate him any time.

He should’ve known that information leaked through like a wildfire.

The morning of his resignment, uniform neatly folded in his locker, Lucy stopped him in the hallway with the most befuddled expression he’d ever seen.

“What?” he said.

“What the hell,” she exclaimed. “You’re leaving and I have to hear it from Angela? Why’re you…? You love this division. Is everything okay?”

Shouldering past her, he drawled over his shoulder: “Everything’s fine, officer Chen. I’d advise you to put on your uniform and get to roll call.”

“Don’t pull this crap with me,” she bit back, latching onto his arm before he was out of reach. His feet reflexively stopped in place, stupidly waiting on her to finish her train of thought. “Tim, you can tell me if something’s wrong. We’ve been through… way too much for you to act this cold with me.”

He scoffed, feigning mockery, and put his hands on his hips. “We? Chen, I was your TO. That’s it. Get it out of your head it was more.”

Lucy blinked, once, twice, a hurt expression crossing her features, followed by disbelief and a quiet contempt he had become awfully familiar with. Swallowing back the regret, he watched as she pursed her lips and took a step back. “Wow. Okay.”

“Don’t take it personally.”

“Hard not to, officer Bradford,” she muttered. Turning to the locker rooms, she added, “Talk to me when you’re ready to not be an asshole.”

That should’ve been his cue to let her go and resume his trek to sergeant Grey, but a whiff of her fragrance wafted in his face from her dancing curls and any sensical thought was knocked out his head. He wanted to embrace her and burrow his face in her hair, he wanted to hold her with intent, he wanted to kiss the scent off her skin. His feet followed her instead, both fully aware and totally impulsive at once. He chose the excuse of loving a good argument with her to then utter: “I’m not an asshole, Chen. I’m honest.”

“If you’re honest, you’d admit that we’ve been very close friends these past months,” she exhaled, refusing to look him in the eye. He supposed he deserved that. Stopping in front of her locker, she continued with, “Distorting your own reality to fit your macho narrative isn’t healthy. Also, this is the women’s locker room. Out. Now.”

Tim sputtered out a laugh and crossed his arms. “Macho narrative? Please.”

Lucy’s eyes narrowed, all air sucked out the room at the intensity of her stare, and Tim felt himself flailing, suddenly wondering why the hell he wanted to turn in his badge when the only place he could have moments with lucy was, well, here. Why was he giving up on this, how silly it might be?

With a resolute voice, she said, “Tim, why are you resigning?”

Nothing in his entire career prepared him for this. Tim Bradford had survived Iraq and Afghanistan, twelve years of the LAPD and counting, a deadly virus, hundreds of bullets taken by the vest and felt the power of death on the blue lips of Lucy in the quiet countryside. Fear got pushed aside. Pride pulled him forward, onwards. But right now, he had to take a leap of faith — the sole thing he never relied on, but Lucy did — and trust she’d be there after the fall.

(He wanted to be that amazing someone for her.)

“Because of you,” he whispered. His fight or flight told him to run for the first time in forever, but he kept his feet glued to the floor.

Her jaw fell slack in shock. “E-excuse me? Me?! I’ve done nothing wrong!”

“Exactly,” he spit. “You… you’re…” Tim sighed. “You’re the best, Lucy.”

Faltering, her brows furrowed in utter confusion, a grain of her fury replaced with compassion. He wasn’t sure if that was warranted. All he was trying to do was get it off his chest, confess, before it escalated to insurmountable heights. “I don’t think I understand.”

“Uh…”

“You’re resigning, because I’m the best?” she tried to deduce. “No offense, any other day I’d be dancing right now, but this is just…” She gestured at him. “So weird.”

Tim let out a miserable sigh and ripped the band-aid off. Fuck it. “I’m trying to be honest about my feelings, Lucy.”

She froze. “What?”

“I like you. A lot.” Her wonderstruck expression didn’t make him feel better, so he quickly added: “Which is why I gotta decrease the risk of this exploding in our faces and go.”

“Whoa!” Lucy’s hand wrapped around his, eyes wide and searching, like any empirical data would be found within his green irises, otherwise known as fondness and unresolved tension with every quiet moment they had. “Is this… another test? Are you getting back at me for pranking you?”

He quirked a brow. “You’re a P2 now. Tests are over.”

“Right,” she quipped, catching herself. She let go of him and nervously tucked a lock behind her ear. “Yeah. Okay. And you’re serious?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. O-kay. Let me, uh…” the locker swung open “… wrap my head around this.”

“It’s a pretty easy thing to—”

“Tim.”

“Yeah, okay.” He backed off, hating how the control was out of his hands now, how he practically shoved his heart in her grip and her pretty fingers could crush it to dust if she wanted to. “I’ll let you do that.”

Walking out the locker room, he took a deep breath and straightened up his face. Alright. He royally screwed that over. If his army buddies knew, they’d all laugh in his face and tease him for the rest of his life. But at least he told her and got his answer, that a relationship was off the table but that they could save their friendship once he switched divisions and some distance mended his twisted, inside-out heart. Lucy had rocked his world and all she had to do was exist.

“Tim!”

“Wha— wow!”

Her body crashed into him the second he turned around to her beautiful voice, Lucy’s arms wrapping around his neck and pulling him down to her level ‘til all he experienced were her sweet eyes and breathless smile and a kiss. Lucy kissing him, slow and tentative, but it lit his heart aflame and urged him to hold onto her. Her perfume was all-encompassing, nose full of the fragrance and the soft slope of her neck and long, brown hair and fuck, he was kissing Lucy Chen. Except he didn’t care if the entire precinct idly watched by, or if she yanked him out the building on impulse, or anything — ‘cause he was kissing her and it was perfect. Her plump lips were better than he ever imagined.

Her hands slid from his hair to his shoulders, arms and then his hands, squeezing. His forehead pressed against hers, embarrassingly weak in the knees from that incredible kiss that he didn’t dare to stand up straight. Two silly grins broke loose on their faces. He had no clue what to do now, or not do, but he did know he wanted her. He wanted everything.

Lucy decided for him.

“Don’t go,” she whispered.

Tim smiled. “Okay.”

[silverskull]

Petition to make Gold Rush Kid the Chenford album

LOL not really, but much as I love Harry Styles, I akshully think George Ezra is far more Chenford centred.

ALLOW ME TO ELABORATE.

IT IS LONG AND HAS LINKS AND GIFS.

1 Anyone For You

I could be Anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone for you Anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone

I can love you, I could be Anything you want of me And in the darkness of the night Baby let me be your light

2 Green Green Grass

Now put your hands up This is a heist And there's no one in here living Gonna make it out alive

Load it up when the sun comes down Getaway car for two young lovers Me and the girl straight out of town Over the hills and undercover Undercover, undercover

3 Gold Rush Kid

"Boy, you're not alone Although you feel alone You're just like everyone You're holding on"

I'm the gold rush kid Robbing the bank Making a run for it And learning to dance

5 Fell in Love at the End of the World

We fell Fell in love at the end of the world Oh, we fell Fell in love at the end of the world, oh

Goddamn, what's a boy to do? Tryna keep his cool while the walls fall in Goddamn, what's a boy to do? Tryna keep his cool stood next to you

And if we make it out alive Won't you be my ride or die? And if we make it out alive Baby, I'll be by your side Won't you be my ride or die?

6 Don't Give Up

We could get dressed up and make-believe, we've got class You drink a little champagne, wear a little lace With the flash of smile across your beautiful face I believe we can make it tonight

And I said, sometimes living scares me but I'm holding on I don't sleep too good and I work too hard And I'll never find love at the same old bars But I believe we can make it tonight

7 Dance All Over Me

Dance, dance, dance Let it be, be, be Dance all over me C'mon and dance, dance, dance Let it be, be, be Dance all over me

Tonight with me Tonight with me Won't you cut it up and dance all over me? Tonight with me Tonight with me Won't you cut it up and dance all over me?

8 I Went Hunting

Change my name and book a holiday Tryna get out of my head The fact is, I'm obsessed And I always have been, mhm Imagine having a thought And then thinking it again

10 Sweetest Human Being Alive

We'll dance by the light of the moon in the sky We'll sail on through forever for a while You'll tell your friends and I'll tell mine Well, goodness gracious, what a time I've found the sweetest human being alive

12 The Sun Went Down

Down, down, down, the sun went down Down, down, down, the sun went down Mmm-mmm

Well, I could die now I'm so happy I could die now Mmm-mmm

[jaylamcd68]

The Rookie 3x13

Major Spoilers for tonight’s episode .. I decided to do a much more thorough recap as requested by @piratesbooty63fan

Once again we had no Chenford this episode .. I am majorly looking forward to Tim finding out Lucy is going on a long term UC though!! I just need the interaction!!

I am going to split this up into 3 parts:

1. Bradford/Nolan/Lopez

2. Jackson

3. Lucy/Nyla

1. Bradford and Nolan are working together they hear a shootout happening and pull up on a bunch of dead gang members - the drug war with La Fiera has started. Only one Wopez scene this episode as well and it is the scene they already released about Wesley saying they have too many guests and Angela being all 72% sure he’s her forever husband.

Tim and Nolan go to see Cesar (the son of the head of the LA gang, who ordered the kill on Diego) to warn him he is in over his head. 

Lopez goes to see La Fiera, she tells Lopez that she’ll stop the war if she gives her the recording of the father making the deal to merge operations. 

The Feds meet with Angela and want to know what LAPD knows about La Fiera because she is so high profile she’s a federal case and LAPD doesn’t need to be looped in. Angela is rightfully offended and says she will decide what to do with the recording that La Fiera wants, the Fed says he’s just going to go over her head to her boss and then cut LAPD out of the whole operation. 

Bradford and Nolan are watching Cesar’s hideout while also trying to cut down Wopez’s wedding guest list (hilarious moments with John telling all the guests that they have to cut that Tim is really upset about having to cut people or that it’s his fault that there are too many people invited).

Lopez revisits La Fiera as the feds decided she’s actually an asset since giving her the tape presents an opportunity to upload spyware onto La Fiera’s computer but she expects this and uploads the file to a brand new computer. She tells Lopez that people always underestimate chicas like them. Lopez realizes that La Fiera put a hit on Cesar’s infant son, who is in the house that Bradford and Nolan are. They are rolled up on by 5 gun men but they are able to get all 5 in custody before backup arrives.

Back at the precinct Bradford grills Nolan about whether he’s serious about becoming a TO, apparently he is convinced. 

The fed is waiting for Angela at the end of the night and insinuates that the plan didn’t work because they left it in the hands of a rookie, to which Angela responds that La Fiera is smarter than either of them is and the reason why she is going to be the one to catch La Fiera is because at least she can admit that.

Major badassery from Det. Lopez and I am HERE for it!

2. West meets with Nolan’s professor to talk about police reform.

Jackson gets called to be backup on a call and it turns out Stanton overturned his firing and is back on the job in Hollywood division.

West rightfully freaks out that Stanton is back on the job to Grey, and feels defeated that this guy is back on the job with basically no repercussions for leaving him to die.

Jackson is having flashbacks about being attacked while he watches Stanton and his coworkers have lunch.

West bring Professor Ryan in to help with the situation, she suggests going public, grey disagrees saying that it will just make him a martyr because the LAPD will double down on their decision to protect Stanton. Professor Ryan tells Grey that unless he can tell them another way to protect Jackson by the end of the day they’ll go public.

Jackson and Grey go to Doug’s new precinct and get the watch commander there to show the body cam footage from the day Jackson was attacked as part of “training” so that everyone knows what kind of cop Stanton is.

Suck it Stanton.

3. Grey wants to see Lucy and tells her she is going undercover if Nyla can get her ready in one day.

Nyla takes Lucy to a party with one of her old undercover contacts to test how she will be able to keep her cover in tact. Tamara ends up in the street with a guy who is harassing her, Lucy nearly blows her cover trying to handle the situation when the guy they meet notes that Lucy’s gun in PD issue, but Lucy is able to smooth it over. 

Turns out Nyla was setting Lucy up by having Tamara there to distract her, Lucy adorably is still super overprotective out about the guy she was with whether they were actually fighting or not!😂 

Nyla takes Lucy to get lessons in how to actually be a chemist cooking drugs, and the detective teaching her turns out to be the “contact” from the party that Lucy was trying to convince she was a chemist.

Nyla gets a call from the detective teaching Lucy how to cook and apparently she’s better than half of his guys already so Grey approved Lucy to go undercover. 

Lucy gets kidnapped at the end of the night where it turns out “Coco” got caught and confessed she and Lucy and Nyla were all cops. The kidnapper tells Lucy she needs to tell him what the cops know or he will burn Nyla alive. Lucy talks her way out of it, and ... Spoiler:

it is revealed that this was Nyla’s final test to see how Lucy would react in a situation where she was kidnapped again and to give her one final out before she goes under. Lucy says she’s still in!!!!

Our girl going UC .. my nerves!!

Gah .. It is all too much to handle, I can’t believe next week is the season finale, how am I going to survive all summer .. fanfics it is!!