#unjustified God i'm still so angry about that

[elytrafemme]

not putting under cut bc i feel like thats weird idk but jsyk im doing more mental health musings here 

u know something i find really interesting is like. okay i’m on my 4th therapist right now, right? which sounds like i burned through a lot and i guess i kind of did but really she’s my 3rd, the first one stared at me blankly for one session diagnosed me with GAD and “a mood disorder” with 0 other specificity and then recommended i go somewhere else. but the other two that followed were at that same place and i guess i just find it interesting how ill prepared they were with dealing with like... complex mental health issues?

because i mean, i don’t think either of the people i saw were bad people. but like. i told the first one about this one time where i was in one of the lowest mental states of my life (and at the time it was the worst i had ever felt) and my friends had been laughing at me during it, right. and so i gave them the finger. and my therapist laughed and was like well if someone gave me the finger i wouldn’t want to talk to them either. and then my second therapist said i hadn’t dealt with any “major trauma” and would watch me have dissociative episodes and do absolutely nothing but go like “i know sweetheart i know” and then the session would just. End. 

and it’s like, they were helpful when it came to things like my school stress, or ... well i guess just that. it was very basic things they could help with, it was like a school counselor. and that kept me from making these realizations about my mental health because they did not know anything more complex and couldn’t talk to me about it. 

my fourth therapist has been different, obviously, treats me like a person. it just so happens she’s the only private therapist i saw, and also the most expensive one. so like. fuck. 

[ghostofasecretary]

watching interviews with Israeli officials willing to get on the news feels like i am in the inverted world

"if you want to try Israel for this we should also try France and Great Britian and the US" YEAH. YEAH WE SHOULD. THAT WOULD BE IDEAL ACTUALLY.

"the UN Secretary General needs to be tried for supporting terrorism" "they say we can't completely wipe out Hamas but we can (reporter: no?) and we will" wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf

"we've evacuated Gaza" DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY BUILDINGS IN KHAN YOUNIS AND RAFFAH HAVE BEEN BOMBED. THE ROUTES FROM THE NORTH TO THE SOUTH WERE BOMBED. HOSPITALS AND CHURCHES IN SOUTH GAZA HAVE BEEN BOMBED. ONE FOURTH OF THE RESIDENTIAL BUILDINGS IN GAZA HAVE BEEN DESTROYED AND WINTER IS COMING AND PEOPLE ARE DISPLACED, HOMELESS, SLEEPING ON THE STREETS WITH NO BLANKETS BECAUSE OF THIS SO-CALLED "EVACUATION." WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

"UNRWA is teaching children antisemitism and jihad" what do you think words MEAN

a UNRWA guy is also on this al-Jazeera interview and i appreciate him snapping about how big of a lie that is but i'm still. screaming

i hate this world. i hate how Palestinians are being slaughtered and their homes and mosques and churches and hospitals destroyed. i cannot stand hearing people justify the unjustifiable. i hate how there's debate over whether or not the "Hamas slaughtered babies" photos are doctored and meanwhile it's incredibly incredibly easy to find raw verifiable photos of dead Palestinian children to the point that i cannot avoid seeing them in the news. how is the US still supporting Israel with so little caution.

i understand it, on, like, a "colonialism cares for nothing but its own power and never ever ever admitting wrongdoing" level but like. the Israeli guy i'm screaming about is a person with a heart??? governments are made of people who all need food and water and medicine and access to fuel so they can have the first three things? i basically get why global powers are horrible but i can't--i can't fathom how individual people get to this point. of hearing about entire families being exterminated for well over a week and seeing hospitalized infants who are the last survivor of their extended family and going "yeah, that's what i call a-okay self defense"

(i probably could. it just feels, very strongly, like i cannot, and i'm not sure i want to. honestly i don't want to. i am so sad and so angry. i want this to stop. i've done what i can and i'll go to more protests and make more calls and all that but--yallah, ay khoda, god, god, god, god, god, you absolute *fucker,* it's a good thing you don't exist because if you did *how dare you*)

[bobbyfiend]

9/11 stuff

I'm old enough that I had my own apartment on 9/11 and got up to watch the news as I often did. The first tower was burning. My girlfriend came over later and we were horrified at what was going on, then got way more horrified when the second plane hit.

Like I said, I was an adult. Throughout that day, listening to newscasters and talking heads doing the 24-hour news reblogging and bloviating, it hit me pretty hard (and I told said girlfriend and another friend or two who were around): We're about to lose a lot of rights, and it's going to be worse for minorities.

Later, I saw the invasion of Afghanistan, then Iraq. As a conservative (back then) I worked hard to understand the president's rationale, even though I voiced several concerns to people I knew. I didn't understand just how dishonest and morally bankrupt those wars were until a few years later, even though I did understand that our best intelligence said that Saudi Arabia was much more heavily implicated in the attacks than Afghanistan or (WTF) Iraq.

Even in the immediate aftermath, though, and even being God-Fearing Christian Conservative White Man, I knew the PATRIOT act was a massive handover of citizen privacy and power to extremely questionable leaders, that government responses to the (few and small, I thought) protests were unjustified assholery, that the Department of Homeland Security would be a fucking nightmare we'd never be rid of, and that the TSA was an abomination make-work program for people who will rubber stamp anything with "security" or "police" in the title.

And for at least a decade, nearly every politician--including most Democrats--did exactly that: rubber-stamped everything jingoist. We got the aforementioned PATRIOT act, another one later, the TSA, DHS, FISA and similar fig leaves for the FBI and a dozen other agencies to abuse for two decades (and counting), legalization of spying on citizens (remember when that was controversial? When it looked like the CIA and NSA might actually have some legal consequences for breaking the law hundreds of millions of times?), seizure of land for "security," crushing of constitutional rights "near the border" (i.e., where over half of Americans live) for "security", Border Wall 3.0 (or whatever; we've been building them for decades) because "security," Guantanamo, torture, outsourcing torture to countries that don't have any limitations on prisoner abuse, Abu Ghraib, and on and on.

We lost a few thousand innocent Americans. That was awful and tragic. So we caused wars that led to the destruction of multiple functioning societies, the deaths of over a million people--most "collateral damage" from infrastructure disruption--and a much larger toll of physical, social, psychological, and community damage.

And we rolled the US several notches closer to a fascist police state.

Then, Obama! Yay!

Except he doubled down on almost everything Bush and the Angry Republicans (and also Democrats) had forced on us. Don't talk to me about Obama as a president; he was nearly as nightmarish as Bush.

Anyway, I remember 9/11 as the day the US started down a very dark path for its citizens and anyone dealing with it. We're still on that path. We've still got the institutions rammed in after 9/11 hanging around our necks.

[beefcakenpinkyring]

Aight.

It's gotten so bad, I'm journaling in broad daylight.

Or maybe it is what I was missing in the beginning. Policing myself even through my hardest days.

I like her, she likes me. She knows I'm not following through with anything. She's okay with it; she has agreed to me flirting with her despite the impossible progression.

These are the facts.

Yet, I am rattled with fear. It has been an incredibly difficult day so far, and it is why I'm stopping to make sense of my fucking unjustified fear.

I am scared she'll become dependent on me. I am scared she'll get mad because I naturally run away. I do not want to sustain conversation. I do enjoy talking to her but I do not want to waste her time. She's talked about someone who did before and I would hate, hate, hate to be that to her too. I am terrified of her getting angry at me and thinking I want bad things for her. I am terrified of her getting back to me in any way, shape or form. I am terrified of my friends coming back with an unforgiving "I told you so", because it seems she's not nice when she doesn't want to be. I liked her more before, because infatuation is crazy, and I like her still but it doesn't matter. I did not expect her to reciprocate, but here we fucking are.

I am scared of the guilt. I am already drowing in guilt. I am already incapable of focusing on anything else. I can't even talk to her because we've made it clear. I am not going to follow through. She does not mind me flirting with her.

It's so simple but so hard to believe.

I had no game plan and neither did she. Where do we fucking go from here. What do I do. I want to reach out to her, but now anything could be interpreted as me backing down from my vow of celibacy.

I am scared of God. I am so scared of God. I am so scared I'll die now and fuck it all up. I am terrified.

I have no one to blame but myself. I shouldn't have chased her from the beginning because I know it wasn't going to happen. I wanted her to like me back but I know how I get when my feelings are reciprocated. I flee. I run for my motherfucking life. It is only until very recently that I indulged in ambiguity, compromising my peace and wellbeing.

I don't want any of this anymore.

I cannot live while knowing that I'm doing things against my parents' will or against God's commandments. Even when they're minimal; even when they're barely questionable.

I don't know what to do with all this guilt. And how to go back to safety.

Is growing up just disappointing all the authority figures in your life? How do I keep feeling like the scarediest child when I do the most adult stuff?

My anxiety, my panic are awaiting these moments to jump on me and trap me against the floor. I'm learning not to think I'm dying everytime an inconvenient feeling passes my body. But certainty is a myth and there are no absolutes but for the existence of God. Everytime it happens, I need to be strong, for me, for mom and for God.

I've done it to myself, and there are very few people I can tell this shit to. Only one to be honest. With whom my friendship would also upset my parents.

I cannot deal with my queerness.

I don't know how to. I want to get rid of it. I want to distance myself from it. I want it to be far, really far, as far as humanly possible. I don't want any of it.

But it is me. It is fundamentally me. I've always lived this way, I just did not know the names. I don't want any success gay stories. I don't want to see any gay people living happily ever after in their sin later. I don't wanna see any of it.

I don't care how discriminatory it makes me seem, but I don't need the hope. I don't wanna think that I'll accept it some day. I don't want to see how radical it is, either God or gay. I don't want the world reminding me of the fact that it is impossible to reconcile. It is impossible to be on the fence. In this shit, it's either here or there, either yes or no, either peace or war.

I have never touched her. I have never let her think that I'd hit someday. But I also have. I have flirted my ass off with her, I have told her I liked her. I told her I liked her.

I told her I liked her.

There's no going back now.

She likes me too.

And there is no way to run.

I either ghost her, and make the link between us liking each other and me dipping crystal clear in her mind; or I keep talking to her, and hoping it turns out alright. I am not even sure what I mean by right here. But I hope it means we "stay homies".

I don't wanna be seen as a coward; but I also don't wanna be seen as a lying enabler. I don't wanna cut it off with her; but I don't wanna lead her on.

My mind is spinning circles around her because I know if I ever see her on campus after I've ghosted her I won't live it right. And if I see her on campus after I've relentlessly flirted with her, I also won't know what to do.

Shit, she also said I was the first person she's ever seriously talked to.

I haven't asked for any of that. If only she didn't like me back.

What the fuck is wrong with me. What the fuck do I even want. I really should just distance myself from all the temptation because I cannot keep playing with my self-control like this. I've buried myself in trap of my own making, for lack of discipline, for lack of strength.

This negative talk cannot be helping but I'm being as honest as I can here, for I cannot keep parading around all this guilt like some war wound.

My biggest fear is to drag someone into my mess of a queer journey. I know these feelings are inescapable and necessary for growth. But I also know I'm mostly overwhelmed because my mental health is incredibly fragile these days. If it had happened in highschool, I would've probably been better at handling it.

Highschool.

I've been living in constant anxiety since.

Finding reasons to obsess over the future, over my responsibilities, over death.

An unstoppable descent into madness.

Waking up on random days truly convinced I've lost my mind.

Living three thousand relaities in a week. Feeling like existence's a burden.

Impatiently waiting for and nervously dreading its end.

I have no clue what to do.

[normalonline]

Patrick Bateman walks into planned parenthood

Everyone should agree with me because I'm normal and sane and the world is crazy and wrong. 90% of arguing addicts give up right before they convince the person they're debating that they are right and 10% stop before they get angry. Abortion is something I don't care about. I think it's something for women, both sides of it. That isn't a statement about it being a female right to decide, but it's an emotional issue that impacts women more. I was thinking how ineffective and delusional most anti abortion activists are. It's funny to me that they truly thought most people agreed with them. I don't think most people disagree with them, most people would rather have the "right" to the "option" though. I said this to my friend, he and I both view it as murder, but he thought saying that was immoral. Murder isn't immoral in anyones worldview though. No one thinks killing soldiers is wrong and most people like soldiers! Only insane pacifists think absolute non-violence is good and most of them support abortion so the whole thing is stupid.

This isn't really about abortion though. My friend said something to me that started a tangent of thought within me that was really interesting. He said that he thinks that everyone fundamentally knows what is moral and feel bad all of the time about their immorality. I don't think this is true. We're all born babies, if we aren't aborted. Babies get taught they're special and then told they're equal to other children and then have to rediscover that they are special when they learn no one is equal. There is one true point north moral compass in the world, deviation from that is wrong and will make you unhappy in the truest sense. But suffering is the basis of Christian morality and the way we orient morality more generally. Christ suffered despite perfection. Everyone who suffers generally feels it's unjustified regardless of what they might have done. To feel otherwise is base nihilism. Some people are like this. You can abduct a terrible person, in this scenario by random, and torture him, he will still feel and play the truth of a victim of circumstance. No one ever went to their death thinking they would burn in hell. The hero is Faust, we are all him, despite moral fault God will still save us in particular right?

I thought more about what person, or type of person thinks of themselves as a kind of monster despite still being axiomatically good. It's the RW incel on twitter. This is the origin of the "chad" as it exists within the wojak paradigm, not the OG bait. More specifically though, the Patrick Bateman archetype. This was a character created to be unequivocally bad, yet he and many other villain-main characters personify the raison d'être of the based guy. If all of society tells you you're bad even if you know with absolute conviction you're in the right you will internalize this message. This is why everyone I know, including myself, chain smoke cigarettes. All institutions and the majority of society says it's bad so it must have merit. Smoking is good though and all men should do it because it's cool and feels good. It's serious mental rot being made the only example that exists in society of the thing you really shouldn't be. People want to be what they're expected to be even if it's bad. This is a natural human condition and very social. Being "bad" is bad for you though. Maintaining a positive outlook despite being the villain-designate is very challenging. This isn't self reflection. Outsiders are tools of change but in enacting it often break themselves or more commonly break before enacting change thus becoming loud annoying and useless which is a tragedy. The force of time breaks us all but none quicker who are utilized as its agents.

[syeunko]

Firebender

I watched Avatar somewhat recently, and more than one person put me in the firebender category. I was duly offended. I still am slightly offended because I know this most likely stems from my outward brashness.

But it got me thinking, and I've come to acknowledge I have a lot of anger. I had a difficult time accepting this, because - can someone full of rage enjoy life as much as I can? Don't I love, fully, deeply? I know what rage looks like, feels like, explodes like, and I'm not that. Am I embittered with self-doubt and insecurity? Fueled by ambition and distrust? Do I seem like someone hell bent on revenge? I think not!!

I AM NOT FULL OF ANGER!!!!!!

Anyways, I get it. Anger isn't desirable or wanted. Or even understood. The other day, someone said to me, "I don't understand why you get so angry or upset." In their defense, I think they were probably talking about more trivial subjects - like why do I get so annoyed if someone asks me seemingly innocuous 'how do you do' sort of questions, or why do I start to bubble at ignorant comments I could just let by - or maybe, it was just a subtle suggestion to calm down. In any case, valid.

But there was another part of me that was a teeny bit - yep, you guessed it - annoyed. How nice it must be, to just not get upset, and be able to say so easily that you don't understand, I thought. If you don't understand, then is my anger not valid?

Tim Keller, in his sermon called "The Healing of Anger," brings up how anger leads to denial. It's true.

I can admit I am sad, upset, or annoyed very easily. I frequently say, "I'm mad," except it's usually a temporary emotional flare up than a bout of quiet, extended serious anger. But I don't like admitting I'm angry.

This is because ever since I was a kid, I equated anger as this explosive, uncontrollable, physical and emotional manifestation of unadulterated fury. When I denied my anger, I was denying that. I would never hit someone, yell degrading things, break and throw whatever I could get my hands on, or let myself blow up.

My anger was more...annoyance, is what I told myself. And on the contrary, I thought anger was a good thing sometimes. As someone with a very gray moral compass, I was almost relieved there were certain things I'd flare up for, especially if it was on behalf of people I cared about or certain injustices of the world. My friends were too good for their own good, conditioned to endure, hold in, and downplay.

Tim Keller supports this. "In its uncorrupted origin, anger is actually a form of love. Anger is love in motion towards a threat to someone or something you love." The Bible sees anger as a basic goodness yet also as a destructive and dangerous power. He claims if we have a God that never gets angry, we cannot have a God of love. He quotes Becky Pippert, “Think how we feel when we see someone we love ravaged by unwise actions or relationships. Do we respond with benign tolerance as we might toward strangers? Far from it. … Anger isn’t the opposite of love. Hate is, and the final form of hate is indifference… Human love here offers a true analogy: the more a father loves his son, the more he hates in him the drunkard, the liar, the traitor… [Similarly], if I, a flawed narcissistic sinful woman, can feel this much pain and anger over someone’s condition, how much more a morally perfect God who made them?”

But often it goes wrong. And it goes wrong, as Tim Keller says, because it is disordered and disproportionate. He gives an example of a child lashing out to their parent - "it is the most unjustified, disproportionate rage possible." Zuko is a prime example of this, blowing up at Iroh multiple times. But Iroh does what Tim Keller suggests: "You have to come close, insist on the truth, and absorb their anger without payback."

I have this disordered and disproportionate rage, and the denial that comes with it. A practical approach I gleaned from the sermon is to ask yourself - "what are you defending?" Most of the time it is your ego, pride, and self-esteem.

But I am frequently angry at God, and I don't always know why. I know, though, that it's completely unjustified, disproportionate, baseless, and juvenile.

It's funny, I've never had trouble seeing myself as a daughter (of God), like a mature, well-seasoned, 27-year old eldest daughter. But never have I thought of myself as a 2-year old infant, like a literal child (of God). During Kevin's sermon, he painted this picture of God reaching out His hand to us, and it stuck with me.

I'm imagining God enveloping this wailing, red, inconsolable baby and waiting patiently until she tires herself out. If there is a moment I feel God's love most intimately, it's when He is absorbing all my anger and hurt. He lets me wail and sob and throw temper tantrums like a child, and understands, in the same way a mother might understand her child isn't crying because she simply doesn't want to go to school, but because she's scared or anxious. I can be fully angry in His presence and He isn't scared, doesn't shirk away, or get angry back. It's one of the times I feel utterly safe, and like a complete child again.

And I am now okay with being a firebender. I recognize the danger of fire. You can't fight fire with fire but maybe I can...absorb it? Channel it somewhere else? Find a new source of energy like Zuko? But fire is not inherently bad. It is a source of power.

Anyways, Tim closes the sermon with this: "The proof that we are mad at him, and it’s the most unjustified, disordered, hurtful possible rage, but the proof that it’s there is that was when God became human, vulnerable, killable, we killed him. What was He doing? God didn’t withdraw. He went to the cross. And on the cross, he told us the truth, and absorbed our disordered rage. He didn’t just take our undeserved anger, he took the anger we deserved. And without paying back, he gave us the gentlest word:

“Father forgive them, for they do not know what they're doing."

God, I beg for forgiveness. Let my anger be the good kind. Thank you for holding me and absorbing me.

[trainwreckweather]

.

[fcb-mv33]

Every single team and driver were fucked over by FIA last season and more often than not Merc was the one who benefited from it. The drivers were all placed in unnecessary danger in Spa (thank God Lando was ok), every driver said they shouldn't be out in those conditions but they were sent out anyway. After so many incidents this year it took FIA far too long to red flag the incident (I always think of Charles on the radio after Max's wheel came off Baku, his anger was 100% justified) or send out the safety car (Also Toto shouldn't be allowed to talk about driver safety when he was the one stirring shit about a crash between Max and Lewis and didn't want the safety car out in Abu Dhabi WHEN ANTONIO WAS STILL ON THE FREAKING TRACK I'm sorry but that one still angers me to no bounds. They're mad Christian said all they needed was one more lap but Toto wanting to endanger Antonio is fine). (Saudi Arabia was a joke in terms of restarts too. No driver knew where they were starting from because FIA wasn't clear and wasn't communicating to everyone and Seb & Lando were especially fucked over at that race). The penalities have been pure bs this year and beyond inconsistent. Here it comes "Silverstone get over it" (the same people harping on about Abu Dhabi... At least their driver didn't have to go to the freaking hospital. "It wasn't a big deal". Go get by 51g then come back to me!), but Lewis' penalty was a fucking joke. Max's car was wrecked, it needed a new engine, Max was literally hospitalized... But sure 5 secs or whatever it was enough FIA... Also the fact Max got more of a punishment for touching a car than George did for hitting another driver in the head after crash, with said driver still in his car after said crash, is fucking bullshit. "But Max broke the rules", and what the f did George do? Do you think he "tapped" Valterri's head to make sure he was still conscious or something?! He was angry and reacted horrifically and unsportsmanlike and all he got was a "stern" talking to from Toto (who has also gotten angry and reacted horrifically this year) which is just ridiculous. Redbull have been one of the most vocal teams about FIA'S inconsistency, Merc didn't care until Abu Dhabi when it went against them in the last lap. Redbull were told to suck it up all season, even at the start of the last race. They did and things went their way in the end.

That idea that this was a conspiracy against lewis is the most laughable thing I ever heard. Max would've won the championship as early as Turkey if that was the case because FIA'S decisions would've benefitted him instead. But every driver & team were fucked over by FIA. That didn't start in Abu Dhabi, it's just a whole lot of those people calling FIA out wouldn't have cared if it hadn't effected Lewis there. I could sympathize if they were actually going for the real enemy (which is FIA, driver safety shouldn't be in question) but they're determined to shit Max and anybody who's ever said anything positive about him. Ever. The abuse Alex received was beyond disgusting and I'm still appalled. Latifi & Mick too, though the hate Alex & Latifi got was incomparable to what Mick got (though that too was deeply wrong and unjustifiable), as it was also racially motivated (I don't know if you saw the comments some made about Alexs deceased pet but they were so beyond disgusting, it genuinely makes me sick). I can't emphasize with people who condone that behavior. (Or people who are like "I'm disgusted by the hate Alex got, anyways I get why Alex said it but I'm still deeply disappointed in him for associating with a driver I personally don't like he should know better" you aren't much better. Also I haven't seen George get any type of this abuse (definitely not saying he should or condoning it; just comparing) for being friends with the nameless Haas driver who you know inappropriately touched a woman without consent... It's a "we don't talk about Bruno" situation on here. If anybody thinks the nameless Haas driver & Max are comparable in any way, I invite them to go take a running jump).

Sorry for the long ass rant which I'm not even sure makes sense but I needed to get it out

Anon if I could give you a standing ovation for this I would…you are SO CORRECT😌😌

Spa, Baku, and Jeddah are the races that MUST be looked into. If the drivers are saying the conditions are to wet to drive in a red flag should straight away be sent out, they are racers yes but their lives should not be put on the line like that….Lando was so lucky that he was not really hurt, I mean my heart stopped seeing the car like that. Baku was a joke, Max’s car was in a dangerous area and also it was the fact it was the same tire that blew on Max and Lance’s tire which is why Red Bull calling on a red flag was correct because god forbid another car’s tire blew and hit Max while he was in the car, and yeah I don’t think I have ever heard Charles so pissed on the radio. Silverstone was an accident that could have ended Max’s season and I don’t think lh fans accept that Lewis was at fault…he should have not been left win that race…he didn't deserve it, he didn’t deserve to celebrate.

I think that Toto needs to be called in about his behavior in those last few races, asking for no red flag in two races while also making comments about Max’s character that he would be the one to crash into Lewis when it was Lewis who caused the biggest crash this season and that really was Defamation. Toto and Lewis had no right to make these remarks about Max, like I have said they used the media to make Max fit into the villain role when it wasn’t like that. Toto’s attitude these last races was a joke and HE wanted to put drivers lives in danger by TELLING not asking but telling Masi no red flag….he needs to be held accountable for that cause if it was Christian…he would be slated. George should have gotten a reprimand for hitting Bottas on the head, Max got one for shoving Ocon and also George's comments after the race??? Disgustion, he is learning to blame everyone else for his fuck up like Lewis does. Red Bull have called Masi out all season…Merc didn’t care cause they benefited all year.

I can say that I have no sympathy for Lewis or Merc, their behavior this year towards Max, basically using the media to bully his was disgusting and honestly their fans being this upset is what they deserve. The abuse Nicky and Alex got and have been getting is disgusting, they think they can say whatever cause they support Lewis. Also don’t forget that some of them said they wish Max died in Silverstone. I am happy they lost, they deserved to lose and Max was better than Lewis all season, Lewis only showed up in the last few races, unlike Max

Don’t apologize honey!! I enjoy reading these rants and replying…please do send more if you ever want to get it off your chest🧡🧡🧡

[bowandcurtsey]

Imagine Augustus trying to one-up Julius like - once he finds out Julius was reduced to the age of 13 right? Augustus arrests and imprisons Mrs. Novachrono for being married to and having relations with a minor. Like legitimate uses his resources as king clover to legally have her arrested and no one can go against him.

How would this play out? Would this be Julius alone going up against Augustus for his wife’s freedom or would Marx be backing him up (hc Marx has wanted shoot one of those arrows at Augustus for God knows how long) would the Black Bulls hear about this and show up (of course, by breaking down a wall) and be like ‘Aw hell no!’

Somewhat comical but also freeing unjustified imprisonment - saving his true love kind of theme.

How do you think this would play out?

Oh King Augustus...

Let's do some headcanons for this one!!

Julius Novachrono x f! reader ft. magic knight captain

The moment the guards came over to take you away, Julius was F U R I O U S . You could see it in his purple orbs, if he had his powers, people would vanish into thin air.

Marx could sense his fury and of course he was angry too. How could they bully you just like that? Just because Julius has lost his power, the guards no longer show respect to him?

Marx would try to talk to King Augustus and tell him that this would only be temporary, so when Julius got his power back, hell would actually break loose.

Everyone knows how much Julius prioritises you ok? Everyone.

But Augustus does not budge, because he made a hoo ha from dragging you into jail, so letting you out looks like a slap to his face.

Instead, he announces that there will be no wizard king temporarily and that he will be in charge until they announce the next wizard king.

Julius calls for an emergency meeting (because king Augustus is Sus AF)

Yami suggests just breaking into jail to get you and for the first time, nobody is against using violence for once.

-----

You were just chillin' in jail when suddenly the entire wall crumbles and the black bulls base stood in front of you. Julius was sitting in the middle of the giant bull's body, waving and smiling at you.

The guards try to fight, but they're shaking in their boots. Hell, they were in their full armour and the bulls were in their normal clothes but they were still hella scared.

Of course all the guards are taken down in a blink of an eye, and king Augustus is livid. Just imagine the little man jumping around with his fist clenched.

"I'm in charge of the magic knights now! You shall listen to me!"

"oh?" Yami smirks. His smirk is so menacing, even Augustus has sweat dripping down his forehead.

"It seems I only Salute to Julius, since he's 'not around' then I only listen to Mrs Novachrono, so whaddya say?" Yami turns to you.

"I will put all of you in jail!" the angry potato has steam coming out from his head.

"You and what army?" William and the golden dawn comes to stand by the bulls.

The king calls for Damnatio. But he says technically there's no solid 'proof' that that 'boy' is Julius so you cannot be said to be 'married' to the boy instead of adult Julius. (Damnatio is low key on Julius side too)

"You broke into jail!! This is declaring war!! I will call the rest of the magic knights!"

Nozel, Fuego, Dorothy, Charlotte, Jack, Rill and Kaiser were summoned.

"Sorry, but it's many of us against 2 teams, the Silver Eagles does not participate in unfair fights, it's unbecoming of a royal" Nozel nods to the king and he leaves. (Afterall, that boy is royal too)

"I have to agree with Damnatio and Nozel. The citizens will think we're a bully.." Fuego leaves.

Dorothy just sleeps, and Charlotte will never want to fight against Yami so she makes some excuses about it's a men's fight don't pull the ladies in and the girls leaves.

Jack says he can quit the magic knights and he laughs in the face of King Augustus. Mr Jack the Ripper does not give a damn and Augustus is low key afraid Jack would really slash him in half.

Rill thinks that "this is all so boring! you grown ups can settle yourselves!"

Kaiser, being Mr Nice man, persuades the King the let this go. He just asks the King to release to the public that the 'boy' is actually Julius and y/n's son that they kept secret about.

The king quickly agrees because he finally has a way to get out of this mess he created with his dignity still intact.

-----

"sorry I was late," Julius gives you a sheepish grin

"Hey you made such an entrance, I'm not complaining," you laughed, "my hero~"

There was a twinkle in Julius' eye, he vowed to go back to his usual self and protect you with his own hands.

-end-

Well this is what I'd think would play out! Well I guess everyone would be more or less used to Augustus' dramas so most of them wouldn't give a damn about his dramas.

Yami and William are very loyal to Julius so I think they would just quit the magic knights if necessary, to be on Julius' side.

[queerconfusionthings]

Same as Him

Thirteenth Doctor x reader

this is sort of a sequel to 'for her' but also sort of not, so let's not worry about that.

Taglist: @psychobitchtess @oster-hagen @dykecious @lostshadow12 @thejinxmaster @bitemealiienboy @ellacannotdance @hcney-lemon @im-tired-24-7 @sweetlittlesoufflegirl @truthbehindthemysteries @startrekkingaroundasgard @ettorah @theaussietimelord @captainlgordon @findingyouagain

"Stay stil- stay still."

The Doctor sounded stressed. Angry even. That in itself managed to both irritate and upset you; mainly irritate if you were being completely honest with yourself. You'd only gone and saved her life, not that she was too appreciative with her 'I can regenerate,' spiel, but that was fine. Perfectly fine.

What had somehow hurt more than the knife - and that was an achievememt in itself, because that knife had bloody hurt - was her mumbled utterance, more than loud enough for you to hear, of "Should'a never let you out of the TARDIS." That had really made you flair up, because she surely realised the blazing cruelty of those words.

You could have gone home if you wanted after the supposed incident of your 'betrayal', it had been your choice to accept the offer of staying in return for safety and help. The Doctor was talking now like she was your jailor, which alone ingnited anger beyond definition, anger you'd never felt before.

"I'm fine," you bit out, practically flinching away from her with gritted teeth. It had barely even scratched your skin.

"No, you're not," came her unusually stern response. "Sit still so I can sort it."

"Right, because you're so good at that," you muttered. It was snarky and quiet and a little bit unnecessary, but only a little. She could have been perfectly reasonable about everything if she'd chosen to.

She wasn't even 'sorting' anything anyway, so she could take that for a start, you thought bitterly. You had been hunched over with no top for what had seemed like an age now, foot twitching, back bare and tingling with the cold of the medic bay. You could feel the near warmth of the Doctor's hands pull back though, stilling in the silence that lasted far too long.

"What?"

Bloody hell.

If it was possible, you managed to hunch over further, almost recoiling in on yourself at the sudden replacement of the atmospheric harshness with a very tense awkwardness.

"Nothin," was the only thing you said to try and end it, near to whispering.

Almost hesitant, she moved closer once more, resuming her position to presumably berate you further about her immortality and your moral wrongdoing. The first trip you'd been on in far too long, promised to be 'proper brilliant' - 'you'll love this I promise', and it had become a self loathing, anger infested nightmare.

"Look- " She started.

"It's fine, I'll let you die next time and leave no one able to help before either being killed myself or getting stranded on an alien planet." God, you'd practically spat that out. "Might save you the effort of being such an arsehole. Bloody hell, you're the same as him."

The Doctor didn't need clarification on who you meant, and by the breath that landed on the skin of your back, it had hit deep. You hadn't thought when speaking, but you can't say you regretted it. Not when you were positioned away from her bloody guilt inducing face and couldn't be pulled into some sort of unjustified apology.

The tenseness only prevailed further, her hand accidentally brushing against your skin in the way it quivered.

"I'm just- I'm gonna- I'm gonna fix this. Just please try and keep still." Disparingly quiet. Part of you had very much wanted her to be angry instead. She always was argumentative - this was completely foreign to you.

Her hands were finally on your back and you wanted to cry. It wasn't exactly the way you'd pictured your reaction to her hands on you before.

"It's fine, 's barely a scratch." You finally pulled away from her to lean down and pick up the slightly tattered shirt that lay on the floor. You probably should have waited until you were out of the room before slipping it on, perhaps sparing the Doctor from seeing the jagged stains of blood and the torn hole. Your favourite shirt as well.

Not the thing to be worried about, you supposed, yet you still found yourself forlorn over the semblence of excitement you'd had when picking it out in the morning.

Before managing to land your feet on the ground, her overtly tense hand landed on your shoulder. Christ, she was truly awful at physical contact. Her hug of forgiveness a few weeks back hadn't improved anything; quite frankly, it had been a set back.

"I'm sorry." Another rarity. You almost choked on nothing.

She shifted around to stand before you, hand still situated in the same spot. It was almost as if she had no idea what to do now she'd actually come to the physical contact. Frankly, neither did you.

"I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if you got hurt because of me." It was sincere, and yet you couldn't help but throw back a bit of cynicism.

"Last I checked," you gave quietly, chin ducked down, "You weren't the one with the knife." With an undetected sigh under your breath and a slight stutter from her, you finally give in with an even quieter "I'm sorry too."

Taking the plunge, the Doctor moved to tilt up your chin, looking at you with so much regret that the last shred of annoyance or anger trickled down into guilt. Like it always did. "Can I fix that now?" she gestured to your side.

You only nodded, looking incredibly sheepish at how dramatic everything had seemed just moments before. Her hands assisted your own in taking the shirt off, which felt like a moment you'd certainly be looking back on. It'd make for a much better memory than anything else.

Still, it had been a development. You didn't think she'd try and ignore that this had even happened, and you weren't quite sure why you thought that. But it was a good thing.

[cherryblossomsii-blog]

Bitter roots

So I have a sister who grew up feeling jealous over me and hence, have always been making attempts in crticising me and putting me down, perhaps to nake her feel better about herself. And the thing is she is smart to always do it in a subtle way that I won't even realised when she's doing it, cause she managed to make me feel really bad about myself. It's only after that when I realise her attempts in emotionally bullying me, I'd be angry. And times when I bring it up to her, she'll turn in to the victim position, suddenly turned nice and whatsoever and made me in turn, the bad guy who's trying to accuse her of something she didn't mean it.

I am really mad at this, unjustified more like. Even till now when we're all grown up, when I thought we're all matured enough to stop playing all these games, she'll still idk subconsciously or what, put in all these abuses. Perhaps she herself feel bad about her own life and this wil help her to validate herself that she's a better person perhaps? Or the bitter roots were still in her, and yes my bf was right, people got stucked in doing sinful things when they don't ask for deliverances from God.

In my head formed the thousand arguements and stuff I would say to her if she ever tris to bully me again. But I know these words might never work cause 1. She'll always do it when I'm least alert. (It's a trained since young thingy, I doubt she's even aware of it.) 2. If I ever want to bring the defense up, she'll make it look like I'm offensive and ta-daa, she'll be the victim and hence, free of guilt. Actually I'm not even trying to make her look guilty, more like a reflection of what she's really doing. Cause it's really sad isn't it one doesn't feel satisfied about her own life and hence she's going around putting down people down to make herself feel greater. Super sad whey. And 3. I don't think it's biblical to attack back. I know I should go to God and ask for deliverances of these bitter roots. But I guess it's not wrong to be wise also when we face all these emotional bullies. Sigh. God help me please.