Perfect
I’m really sad about missing the FE Aspec Week event, especially since I ended up getting this done like right after it ended, but it's here now!
”Plumeria doesn’t want what most others do, the arduous mixing of fluids and friction as some repulsing tax to love or be loved made her want to retch.
Her work inflicting those desires she despised so deeply onto others was torturous, seeming to be little more than a cruel joke to remind her that she was different.
That is until one night the owner of the dream she’s infiltrated seems to feel the same, and they stare through the fog with a smile to tell her that she is perfect.”
663 words. Tagged Asexual Character, Dreams, Self-Acceptance, and Sex-Repulsed Asexual character.
Link and Fic below the cut, I really hope you enjoy!
(and also that I did a good job realizing this, fingers crossed)
“Tell me Faery… do you think yourself perfect?” A smooth voice whispered from so close Plumeria could feel their breath warm against her ear.
She whipped around, how had they managed to sneak up on her, to lean in so close without brushing against her sensitive wings or even upsetting the still air in which she stood?!
A tall woman dressed in dark clothing stared back.
“Ursula?” Plumeria gasped, pressing a fist to her rapidly beating heart as though that would slow it.
“The one and only…” Ursula chuckled, reaching out to brush two fingers against Plumeria’s pulse-point before flashing a twisted smile. “I saw you in my dreams, precious Dökkálfr… to think I’d find a kindred spirit in that land of falsehoods.”
Plumeria froze, she had penetrated the fabric of Ursula’s dream recently. Loathe it as she did, doing so was still part of her duties, she had expected no shortage of things that would simply disgust her in that assassin’s head, lewd phantoms of the women Ursala so clearly leered at puppeted by shameful desires the likes of which even Dökkálfr magic couldn’t inflict…
Instead she found none of that, for all the ways Ursula flaunted herself to try and gain the affections of those few she chased, her fantasies revolving around them had been comparatively… tame, almost benign.
Sonia looking her way, acknowledging the depths of Ursula’s loyalty, the sheer quantity of emotion the woman held for her. Kiran engaging her in games of wit, playing chess in between courses of a candlelit dinner.
Plumeria had stayed watching far longer than she should have ever remained in a single dream, silent and still as she watched fantasy after fantasy never devolve into a mashing frenzy of the base instincts that disgusted her so.
Her presence never caused any effect, her only actions were entering and leaving, how had Ursula managed to perceive her?
“Tell me, did you expect an assassin’s mind to be… *undisciplined*?” Ursula giggled, the sounds harsh as she leaned in just a bit. “You succeeded in catching my eye Faery, now answer my question.”
*Do I… think myself perfect?* Plumeria forced her eyes shut, trying to rationalize an answer. She was long past the painful stage of considering herself broken for being different, there was a time where she thought of her feelings as an affliction, a curse so severe that her Aesir given duties were sign from above she had to be fixed.
Those pained times had passed, even if she was left wanting for the love she truly desired, unconditional and without the repulsing caveat of a physical bond, she carried more love for herself;
More acceptance for herself;
That… had to mean something, was self-love and by extension actualization not a form of striving for perfection?
“I think you are, Faery.” Ursula murmured, leaning even closer and interrupting her thoughts.
She… did?
“I… um, thank you.” Plumeria muttered, suddenly feeling the urge to take a step back…
But for whatever reason she didn’t
“At what level does a bond of flesh begin to repulse you? When my skin brushes against yours, if our lips were to come into contact, or perhaps not until my hand slid between your legs?” Ursula whispered.
“Anything past casual skinship.” Plumeria admitted, her heart speeding up again as Ursula nodded, seemingly in approval.
“My body is a tool, little more, pursuits of the flesh are nothing in my view of perfection, much less what I desire from intimacy.” She whispered, pulling back to a comfortable distance. “Few ever catch my eye, even fewer still can I be so confident in, comfortable that their perfection will never falter.”
“Those dreams… they were your truth, not the result of a mask you put on after noticing me?” Plumeria asked, still not fully daring to hope.
“They were, Plumeria.” Ursula murmured, flashing her a much more gentle smile. “I’ll have my eye on you, precious Dökkálfr, so do consider looking my way.
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