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#us after experiencing 14 consecutive personal 9/11s: we can do whatever we want right now actually
defectzim · 3 months
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Omg hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii people who look at this blog how r we ^_^ /) <- ME WAVING AT YOUU
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Cinematic Comic Characters Ranked! (Year 2004) Final Part
After two consecutive years of multiple Comic movies, 2004 took it a bit slow with only five movie releases. Blade returns one last time in Blade: Trinity as well as Spider-Man in Spider-Man 2! We also get a spin on two cult classics with AVP: Alien vs Predator. Finally we also get the debut of two comic characters in Hellboy and Catwoman. Here is our TOP 20!
*SPOILERS AHEAD FOR ALL HIGHLIGHTED MOVIES ABOVE*
20. Drake (Blade: Trinity)
"Kill one man, you're a murderer, kill a million, you're a king. Kill them all, a God."
You know Blade's a badass when Dracula changes his name to Drake just to try to keep up with Blade's coolness. He's the ultimate vampire, yet I thought he was very lackluster (like most villains, honestly). I'm sorry but you're not intimidating if you have to use a baby as leverage on what should be a one on one fight. When the showdown between the two does actually happen, Blade ends up winning to no one's surprise. Not even Drake's, who respects him so much he even helps him out after his death.
19. Kroenen (Hellboy)
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*creepy laugh*
So was this guy a zombie made of sand? Because without the armor he looked like a zombie. And he was a zombie who knows how to work a blade. It was guaranteed in the movie that whoever was around when this dude showed up was going to die. He even took on six security guards, killing two of them with their own bullets. Of course I had to hate him when he killed Professor Broom and of course I cheered when Hellboy finally finished him off (I'd also like to point out that Hellboy believes in double tap). I thought this guy was emotionless but right before he dies he starts this evil laugh that's almost chilling. He was easily my favorite to watch die via Mortal Kombat dungeon spikes.
18. Liz Sherman (Hellboy)
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"Red, white, whatever. Guys are all the same."
Since she was a young girl Liz has been cursed with the ability to create and control-I use that term lightly-fire. She doesn't quite have a handle on it and seems she can only let it loose after experiencing traumatic memories or being physically hurt. Her destructive fires have wiped out a bunch of kids who totally deserved it and an entire psychiatric ward that totally didn't deserve it. She spent most of her life with the government and wants desperately to be in the real world living a normal life. It's one of the reasons why I think she can't return Hellboy's feelings for her, because she connects him with the facility she wants to run away from. In the end, after she destroys all the hellhounds and Hellboy saves her life, the two finally confess their feelings and share a passionate kiss that literally erupts them into flames.
17. Mary Jane Watson (Spider-Man 2)
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"Isn't it about time someone saved your life?"
I just felt so bad for Mary Jane in this movie. Granted, she's doing better career-wise but she's just so in love with Peter and just doesn't understand why he won't be with her when he loves her too. She tries to move on with John, who's like the definition of a good guy, but he's not Peter so  we all know how that story ends. I just didn't expect her to be so savage and leave him at the alter SMILING the entire time! I'm just glad that her and Peter are officially starting something because honestly she was already getting caught in Spider-Man's battles so might as well fill her in as to why that is.
16. Whistler (Blade: Trinity)
"Get out, Blade!"
There's a reason why Whistler is the only other character besides Blade to be in every single movie in the trilogy. He's the perfect partner. He knows that it's all about the mission and is willing to do whatever it takes to make sure Blade is successful. His only problem? Dude's getting old and slow. Man it was hard watching him go down when police came in locked and loaded, but I respect that he was still able to destroy all the evidence with every last breath he took. Even after death he made sure Blade was taken care of, because Blade WAS his son I don't care what anyone says.
15. Sebastian de Rosa (Alien vs Predator)
"Only the chosen ones may enter."
The Italian that just kept sending romantic vibes to Alexa through the whole movie. He's also the only one who seems to figure out everything that's going on thanks to his background in ancient civilizations. This doesn't save him from being alien cattle, though, and Alexa is forced to kill him when it's discovered an alien has already grown inside him.
14. Alien Queen (Alien vs Predator)
*Alien screech*
If the Alien Queen wasn't designed to literally kill everything that lives, I might've felt sorry for her. The ancient civilization that worshiped the Predators basically had her chained up so she could do one job: lay alien eggs. She gets tired of this, however, and has her children attack her so her acid blood can break her free. She then fights Alexa and the last Predator to escape to the surface but ends up being dragged into the sea where she instantly freezes in the Antarctic weather.
13. Tom Lone (Catwoman)
"Sorry, lady. I'm taken."
What's cute about Tom is he's already swerving other women when he's only been on like, one date with Patience. Granted, the other woman turned out to be Patience but it's still a sweet gesture. Tom's job as a cop makes things really complicated when he finds out Patience is really Catwoman because now he's struggling on whether or not to bring her to justice (this lowkey makes him Batman). He decides to trust his heart and ends up helping her clear her name and bring the right person to justice. Too bad at the end he just gets a note for a goodbye.
12. John Myers (Hellboy)
"My uncle used to say that we like people for their qualities but love them for their defects."
The new guy! Professor Broom hires John straight out of college to look after Hellboy, even if the other male doesn't think he needs watching. Most of his duties consist of cooking Hellboy huge amounts of pasta and pancakes as well as look after his army of kittens, but when the occasional demon comes around he also helps out with that. Its revealed that Professor Broom hired him because he's dying and needs someone to look after Hellboy when he's gone. How does he do this? BY GOING AFTER HELLBOY'S GIRL! Ok so she's not really his girl, which is why I don't blame her at all for going on the date with him because she's her own person and is allowed to do what she wants but John was foul! He knew Hellboy was crazy about her and tried to get with her anyways! At least he didn't get upset when Liz decides to be Hellboy instead.
11. Hannibal King (Blade: Trinity)
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"It's in the meat of my butt, just below my Hello Kitty tattoo."
Who knew Ryan Reynolds would star as Deadpool five years before he was officially cast as the merc with a mouth in the first Wolverine solo film. But really Hannibal King is exactly what I fear Deadpool would be if he was in movie with any other super-hero character. He was extremely annoying, half the time I wanted Blade to just slap the shit out of him every time he opened his mouth. It was like he had a serious case of word vomit. Him being the comedic relief was a tad bit overdone and no, him being shirtless didn't lessen the blow at all. At least we saw him go up against three vampire dogs.
10. Patience Phillips/Catwoman (Catwoman)
"Cats come when they feel like it. Not when they're told."
Let's start this off by saying that Patience Phillips is literally one of the most annoying characters ever. Where's Selina Kyle? Like why'd that change? Was it because Halle Berry's black? Because that's such a cop out. Despite the horrible movie, I actually really liked Halle Berry once she was in the cat suit. She had her strut, she delivered those lines, and looked so visually stunning it's like she came out the comic book. Too bad the movie wastes her potential with useless scenes at a basketball court, dealing with loud neighbors, and doing a random ass BDSM dance at a night club.
9. Abigail Whistler (Blade: Trinity)
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"Scream if this hurts, chica!"
Whistler's daughter out of wedlock ended up not falling far from the tree and caught the vampire hunting bug at a young age. She didn't let her father's rejection stop her and joined a team of hunters that helped Blade take down the main vamp, Drake (aka Dracula). She's got killer aim with a bow and is bound to get even more bad ass with Blade basically taking her under his wing like her father did with him.
8. Predators (Alien vs Predator)
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*Predator clicking*
Three young Predators show up to Earth to slay a bunch of aliens as of rite of passage into manhood (Womanhood? You can't really tell if there's different genders with them). To do this they trick a bunch of humans to show up so that the aliens can breed the Predator's perfect prey. Two of them go down pretty fast, to the very first alien they come across. One was killed instantly while the other put up a really bad ass fight before falling victim to the same alien. The lone survivor proved to be the more superior out of the three because it's taking down humans and aliens left and right. It teams up with Alexa to take on the big Alien Queen. They're successful, but the Predator dies in the process. It's clan, who was just watching the entire time, appears to take it's body away, not knowing there's an alien-predator hybrid growing inside it ready to come out wreck havoc on their ship.
7. Professor Broom (Hellboy)
"I already know what to call him. I call him 'son.'"
Professor Broom is my dad too, I don't care what anyone says. The fact that he was the only one who saw Hellboy as a baby when they first discovered him and not some red ape they needed to kill really shows what a caring man he is. He raises Hellboy as a son and nothing more. He grounds him, lectures him, and Hellboy knows better than to be caught smoking around him. I thought we were going to lose him because of his sickness, but he ends up getting murdered by Kroenen, although he goes out with the highest class.
6. Dr. Otto Octavius/Doc Ock (Spider-Man 2)
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"I will not die a monster!"
One thing the first two movies of Spider-Man did that were really successful were their villains. Once again we have a man with a brilliant mind but this time wants to use it for the greater good of mankind. Dr. Octavius turns into a villain after loses everything he worked and cared for and ends up being controlled by his technical tentacles. His fight scene with Spider-Man on the train was one of the best fight scenes I've seen in a movie, too. I'm glad he went back to his core values, even if he had to sacrifice himself to do it.
5. Abe Sapien (Hellboy)
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"If there's trouble, all us freaks have is each other."
Abe was probably my favorite out of the trio of 'freaks'. He was an aquatic humanoid with the ability to know everything about a person or object just by touching them. Looking passed his obsession of rotten eggs, Abe proved to be a very important member of the team. While Hellboy did all the ass kicking, Abe made sure Hellboy knew everything about the thing getting the ass kicking. He's not a fighter, which is proven when he's severely injured by one of the hell hounds. Healing his wound takes him out of the main fight but it doesn't stop him from giving advice to his friends when they need it.
4. Alexa Woods (Alien vs Predator)
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"To restore order, the guards need their guns."
Wow it was so obvious that Alexa was going to be the only human to survive this temple full of aliens and predators alike. Probably because she was the only one who didn't actually want to go because of how dangerous it was. She knew how to handle every situation and learned quickly that in order to stop the aliens from reaching the surface, she would need help from the Predators. After she kills her first alien, the last remaining Predator deems her worthy and the two team up to take down the Alien Queen. When the Predator's clan shows up, they let keep her badass sword and alien-head shield. I, personally, would have wanted a ride since the nearest town is a thousand miles away though I'm sure Alexa would figure it out just fine.
3. Blade (Blade: Trinity)
"I was born ready motherfucker!"
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Blade is the ultimate badass! Literally everyone in every single movie of the trilogy got hella worried once they realized they were going up against him. He is the ultimate nightmare of all vampires. In his last mission we see him turn into the mentor as he takes up Whistler's daughter and her team to take on Drake. Of course he's successful because he's a badass and that's what baddasses do. But seriously I could just hear him say motherfucker the entire movie if I could, but I get that the script had to be a little more complex than that. Even though the movie wasn't my favorite, Weslet Snipes definitely ended his time with this iconic character on a very high note.
2. Peter Parker/Spider-Man (Spider-Man 2)
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"Sometimes to do what's right we must be steady and give up the things we desire the most."
Our favorite neighborhood Spider-Man is back! Peter is going through a life bump two years after he first becomes Spider-Man. He's broke, struggling in class, and damaging his already fragile relationships. The main reason for all this is because he's putting his responsibilities as Spider-Man before anything else and it starts to take a toll on him. I can't blame him for wanting to quit, it's not easy for someone to give up everything they care about for a cause they didn't really ask to be responsible for. Except, he kinda did. No one forced him to become Spider-Man either so I'm glad he got out of the no-power funk he was in and went back to making the streets of New York safer. And because he went through all of this, he was able to help Dr. Octavius get his morality back, which is something you don't see a lot in the grand dynamics of hero vs villain.
1. Hellboy (Hellboy)
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"Second date, no tongue!"
He's big, he's sassy, and he's one of the pettiest people that's ever graced a comic book. Hellboy is exactly what his name is: a boy that came from hell. Granted he's a man now but Hellman doesn't exactly have the same ring to it. What's not to love about Hellboy? He has the best one liners, goes through all the teenage insecurities of liking someone that we all went through, and has a deep passion for kittens. Anyone who is willing to risk their life for a kitten is a hero in my eyes. The main struggle Hellboy has during the movie is fighting the demon he is 'destined' to be. He files down his horns and tries desperately to fit in with society, even if his main reason is so he could finally by with Liz. In the end, after losing his father, Hellboy leads the team to stop Rasputin from ending the world. And he's able to accomplish that by making the choice to not be what's expected of him. To not be a hell demon that will bring about the end of the world. After ending Rasputin and his plans Hellboy goes back to the indestructible badass we all know and love and finally gets to kiss Liz.
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