#usersloth

[fanboy-sloth]

My first Mando fic is on A03. It’s called ‘Looking’ and is under the username SnowyOwl102. 

Feel free to give it a read, I’m hoping to update with the next chapter soon but i like to be a chapter ahead (so when chapter 3 is written i’ll update with chapter 2, etc). 

It’s set after season 2 so if you haven’t finished the show yet/ don’t want spoilers be very careful! Any feedback would be great. Hope you like it ^-^

Also big thanks to @helmet-hustler for helping beta read this! Hopefully I can reach a decent arc with this story before giving up D:

[anxiouscritter]

we knew it was coming

TW: Negative self talk, stress, anxiety, loans, university stress, poor parental relationship.

Getting serious for a second guys so buckle up.

I’m a UK student, my mother (who I don’t feel as though i have a good relationship with) urged me to get online banking. This will become relevant later.

As the UK enacts a third national lockdown, university students have been given ‘stay put’ orders. Essentially we can’t return to campus or our accommodation unless it’s under a very specific set of circumstances (which is literally a list of 5 vague bullet points). However, we are still expected to pay the full amount not only for our education, which is now held over the internet which can be very unreliable for someone with a crappy broadband plan or shit technology in general (i expect to miss out on the majority of my second term education due to outdated technology and poor internet). But we are also expected to pay fully for our accommodation, which we aren’t allowed to return to. I am expected, in four days time, to pay £2000 OUT OF POCKET --not fake loan money-- for a single room and shared kitchen that I am not permitted to return to.

This is where internet banking comes in. Over the past week I have been putting the steps in place to set up online banking for myself so I can keep track of loan payments, etc, and so I’m not late for paying the extortionate rent for the room I cant use. Of course, In true Ellis style, I mess it up, have a meltdown, two anxiety attacks, and now have to ring a phone number and talk to someone about something?? I don’t even know what I need to call them about? They also didn’t send me a complete set of login details, at least, none that work. 

My PC is currently inside my uni halls flat, and before i came home for Christmas i would do all my work on my PC instead of my laptop. This is because my laptop is almost 12 years old, half the keys no longer work, and it overheats and dies without warning constantly. I am not allowed to return to halls which means I am not allowed to return to pick up my PC (bare in mind I live a 10 minute drive away from my university campus). This whole technological kerfuffle will add to my frustration with the course and make me burnout faster than I did last term.

I think the main thing that is stressing me right now is that i will be online learning from home which did NOT work for me before. Being at home also means i have to mask the majority of the time, not only my autistic traits but my queer and gnc traits also, and i’m not sure how long I can keep that up.

In no way am i suggesting uni be open again, but that costs should be lowered as well as the general standards for work. We aren’t getting the same education as everyone else so why are we being pinned at the same level?

I’m genuinely so over uni now. It’s fucking me up without even starting yet and I just don’t know what to do. If I drop out, which is the glaringly obvious choice for me currently, then I will be forced to remain at home and get bombarded by my mother to get a job, which is essentially impossible for someone with my sensory/social issues (entry jobs are mostly retail or hospitality which do not work for me in the slightest).

I’m so stressed and so tired, I can’t hack it. I’m currently mid-meltdown while writing this. The room i am sat in is 11.5 degrees though i imagine it is more like 9.5, and i don’t want to do anything anymore.

[fanboy-sloth]

‘Looking’ Chapter 3 is now up! Don’t forget to let me know what you think, either on the fic comments or in my ask box :)

Thanks to everyone who has read/ is following this fic so far!

[fanboy-sloth]

Fic Update!

The new chapter for ‘Looking’ is now live on Ao3!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28614870/chapters/70418484

Feel free to check it out, or bookmark it to read later :)

Also, don’t hesitate to drop any thoughts/ feelings or theories in my ask box. Hope you guys enjoy!

(also, also, should i post this fic on my blog too? or is that too far?)

[anxiouscritter]

I'm doing that Tumblr Pride thing, Day 1

So, here are my flags and pronouns :D

First is...

The Non-Binary flag! I consider myself pretty GNC but i'm not a binary trans person, which is why i choose not to identify with the Trans flag (though some enbies do identify with both). This flag also (somewhat) reflects my comfort with They/them pronouns.

Next up it's...

The Demiboy flag! Though I identify as non binary, I identify with this flag too, as I view myself as a butch/masculine enby. I'm also fine with he/him pronouns and feel like this flag helps reflect that.

And of course we have...

The ace flag! I am asexual, and find my friends' desire to pin fictional characters up against a wall (in a sexy way???) somewhat confusing. I wouldn't mind having someone who'll hug me to sleep in the future, but amid post pandemic anxiety, and living in an allo-normative society, i feel like that may be one of my more abitious life goals.

So there you have it! Feel free to share your pride too!"