#venus venting

[the--firevenus]

No one will mourn my death more than me.

I mourn every waking day of who I used to be, who I wanted to be, and who I cannot become.

If I were to die today, no one will be more sad and disappointed about it than me.

Because I want to live, I want to be okay so bad that my body aching every day in pain, the feeling so hopeless nested in me for many years that I've grown accustomed to it.

No one will mourn my death more than me.

[the--firevenus]

Personally I think the thing that made depression sucks so bad is that, some days it takes you slowly, making you lost interest, no energy, losing appetite and then one afternoon you suddenly realize you're still in bed, hasn't shower, the room is a mess, and you haven't talk to anyone properly in about a week or more. Crying feel like a chore but you can't really sleep and all of that just wondering, "how the fuck this happen?"

I hate it. I hate it.

[the--firevenus]

What you believe for.

Bonus alt:

Venting painting, cuz it's been a while since I did one (and I need it)

[the--firevenus]

.

I wish nothing but to dropped off from the face of the earth. I don't wish to end my life, I wish to never exist to began with. I wonder often what was the point anyway if all my life I'd be static. "It gets better when you're older", well I don't find myself to even live that old. I didn't expected I'd live this long. I used to pray that I'd die in my sleep, then it came to me that I don't wish to stop living. I simply wish I was detached from it all. What's the point if my life hadn't done any good to anyone or anything.

What's the point if I have given up a long ago and can't be change my mind anyway. What's the point if everything I grow to love turn out to be heinous shit and harm others. What's the point. What's the point. In the end I feel like a void, no matter how hard I try and know everything will be alright, it doesn't seem like it. It doesn't go on like that. I've turn jaded and I hate it. I've seen the worse of people and expected even worse to come and I hate that. I wish I were a child with eyes full of wonders again. But alas time stop for no one and will still moving on even if I were long extinct.

I wish I were to dropped off from the face of the earth, to not have any funeral held because I don't want to be attach to this world anymore. I wish my gone won't cause anyone any sorrow, I wish it'd be a good thing. I wish I could gave one last nice thing to the world of it meant I'd no longer be there.

[the--firevenus]

Everything you hold dear are now ashes.