#w him cause he NEEDS him THAT badly that he CANT LIVE W/O HIM

[1980ssunflower]

if i dont see my husbands passionately kissing eachother RIGHT now im going to run into oncoming traffic

[pagingevilspawn]

You Said You’d Grow Old With Me

again, another one-shot that i never posted on tumblr, only the link, so yeah! im also pretty sure this fic makes no sense, but my 4 am brain wrote it so...

____

"thought we had the time, had our lives, now you'll never get older, older"

~*~

TW// major character death

takes place some time after 16x15, before 16x16.

____

Jo was laying in her bed. Their bed. The bed that felt too cold. The bed that felt too empty. The bed that felt too big. After crying she felt better, having Link comfort her while she broke down. She wanted him back. She wanted him to answer her calls. She needed to know if he was okay. If he left her like she thought he did she at least needed to know if he was okay. One call. One text. Thats all she was asking for.

Except she wouldn't be satisfied with that. The five different positive pregnancy tests to the side of her were an example. She was pregnant. They were pregnant. How the hell did that happen? She was just pranking him about having a baby a two months ago, and now she really was going to have one? And at the best of times too. Right when her husband decides to go MIA.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there for, staring blankly into the distance, her body incapable of feeling anything. Numb. Thats how she felt. She felt like she was bathing in a tub of ice and all her sense and nerves had just shut down. Numb.

She'd only been numb once before, after seeing Paul for the first time in five years. Bu this was worse, oh this was so much worse. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't move. She couldn't talk. She couldn't do anything, she was just numb.

She wishes she could say she was startled by the sound of knocking her door, but she wasn't. She'd gotten used to Meredith and Link coming over at random hours of the day. Sometimes to rant about anything, or sometimes to just talk with her.

Maybe it's Alex, she thinks, and with that thought she gets up from the too big bed and makes her way to the loft's wooden door.

Please be you please be you.

The door opens and the sight she sees is one she wishes she didn't.

In one second she knew that her whole world was about to crumble under her feet. Oh god, how badly she wished she stayed in bed, how badly she wished she was at the hospital.

"Ma'am is this the home of Alexander Karev?" the officer asks, looking up from his notepad, his partner standing next to him dutifully.

Jo gulps visibly, already feeling the tears burning in her eyes. "Y-yes, he's my husband, i'm his wife."

The two officer share a sympathetic glance. "We're afraid there's been an accident.

____

After a short phone call with Meredith and one plane ride to some place in Oregon, Jo is standing outside some hospital she's never heard of, Meredith right by her side, holding her hand so tightly, like it was a life-line. Because it was. They knew nothing. All they knew was that Alex was involved in a ca accident that involved a drunk driver, and they hadn't been able to identify him for the past two weeks. They didn't know anything. Was he alive? Was he dead? Had they simply only contacted her so they would know what to do with his body? Was he seriously just okay and he was in a medically induced coma? Did he have amnesia? Did he not remember who he was?

For two weeks her husband had been just another John Doe. One that they see in the pit nearly every day.

He wasn't Doctor Alex. He was even a doctor. He wasn't her husband. He wasn't a best friend, a companion, a lover. He wasn't a surgeon who saved the lives of tiny humans. He wasn't a guy who made little kids less scared of the hospital. He was just another meaningless John Doe, taking up space in the ICU.

But oh, she felt guilty. So guilty. She was worried that he was having some kind of secret affair while he was really just in the hospital.

Meredith squeezes her hand, "You ready?" she croaks out, her red rimmed eyes string up at the hospital in front of her. Meredith wasn't ready. She wasn't ready for what stood behind those doors. She wasn't ready.

"No." Jo shakes her head, a few stray tears already coming down her cheek. She hadn't gotten them to stop. She physically couldn't get them to stop. Ever since those six dreadful words came out of the officer mouth.

Meredith sighs in understanding, "I know." she says, stepping forward and taking the first steps, Jo following behind her robotically.

No, not robotically. Numbly.

How naive she was, thinking that what she felt earlier was numbness, this was a whole new level. This was paralyzing. This was frightening. This was feeling her body start to disintegrate piece by piece.

Without knowing it she was standing on the sixth floor, the ICU. Meredith leans over the nurses station, asking for the room number for Alex Karev.

Jo doesn't see the sad, sympathetic smile the nurse gives the two, but Meredith does. And that's when she knew that things weren't going to be alright. Nothing was going to be bright and shiny and happy with unicorns and rainbows.

Somehow, they end up on the other side of the Alex's room, but Jo had yet to look up from her gaze on the floor. She's never noticed how white the linoleum of hospital floor were. They were shiny too. So shiny that she could see her reflection.

It was when Meredith lets out a soft sob that she finally decides to look up, not at all prepared for the sight in front of her.

The sight of her husband, the love of her life, lying in a bed, tubes sticking out of every possible place in his body.

It was then she felt her whole world crash down. Crash down and burn. A gut wrenching sob escapes her throat, a hand coming up to cover her mouth as the tears come down her face. They come down so fast she cant even wipe them away until her face is soaked again.

"Mer I-i," she chokes out, feeling her breathing start to pick up as she tries and fails to form her words.

Meredith nods, "Go in." she whispers brokenly, watching as a doctor makes his way towards.

The doctor holds out his palm to the blonde, "Hi i'm Doctor Kelsey, i'm the neurosurgeon on Mr. Karev's case-"

"It's doctor." she interrupts him. "Doctor Karev. Doctor Alex Karev." she says slowly.

The man nods, "Okay, Dr. Karev has been here for fifteen days now. There was an MVC on the 45 with a drunk driver and he ended up getting very severely injured-"

She cuts him off again, "I'm sorry, let me introduce myself. I'm Dr. Meredith Grey."

She watches as the man's eyes widen in surprise. He was standing in front of Meredith Grey? The Meredith Grey? Catherine Fox Award Meredith Grey? Daughter of two time Catherine Fox recipient Ellis Grey?

"W-wow. I-its an honor to meet you Doctor Grey, i'm a big fan." he says, smiling brightly.

Meredith jolts back in shock, eyes narrowing at the man who was about ten years older than her. "It's an honor to meet me?" she hisses, watching as the fellow surgeon's smile falls as quickly as it appeared.

"I-its an honor to meet me? That's what you have to say? You have the audacity to say that, as i stand here, outside of the room of my best friend, who is alive because of tubes and vents? It's an honor to meet me, when the only reason i'm here if because my best friend, my person, is lying there, unable to move or breathe, or talk? It's an honor to meet me?" Meredith yells , tears escaping her eyes, earning the attention from the others in the ICU, but she didn't care.

The man nods furiously, "O-of course, i'm so sorry Doctor Grey, that was very disrespectful of me." he says, going on to explain the extent of Alex's injuries.

___

Jo stumbles into the room lifelessly, seeing the unmoving body of her husband lying on the bed.

The sight causes a whole new round of tears to spring into her eyes and down her cheeks, "Oh Alex," she chokes out, grabbing ahold of his left hand, clasping it firmly in her palm.

it was cold. Way too cold. Normally his hands were warm. Not sweaty or clammy, they were just warm and soothing, perfect for her's to slip into at any time of the day.

She feels the cold band of his wedding ring touch her fingers and that's when she lets the sobs take over.

The gut wrenching, heart breaking, deep sobs as she collapses on the side of his bed and onto her knees, completely ignoring the chair next to her.

She couldn't hold herself up. its like her legs could not longer support her, like they had turned into helpless piles of water, "Alex please." she begs, lips trembling as she places kiss over kiss on his hand.

She wasn't stupid, she was a doctor. She knew what all the tuning and the wires and the ventilators meant.

"Please tell me this is just some joke. Some really mean, really awful joke. Please Alex. Please." she cries.

"Please tell me this is just a nightmare, an awful, awful nightmare. Please tell me this isn't real Alex. Please." she begs, holding his hand so tight as her body shakes with sobs.

She shakes her head, laughing softly at first, then louder and louder, "Oh god." she sobs, her laughter coming to a halt. "This is real." she whispers, feeling as her tears drop from her eyes to the floor.

"No Alex. you don't get to die on me alright? Because, because i cant live without you okay? You-you need to know that. If you, if you die, i die." she says, taking both of her palms and clasping her tiny hands around his big one.

She shakes her head, "No Alex. You don't get to do this to me. You don't get to leave me. We-we meed to grow old a and grey, and we need to have kids. So many kids. We need to have at least three kids. We need to get a dog a-and travel the world. We still need to do that Alex."

Jo sniffles, "But it's not only you that needs me Alex, this baby needs you too." she sobs, standing up and sitting down on the bed, taking Alex's hand and placing it over her stomach, hoping that this would be enough. That this would be enough for him to wake up, to defy all medical standards and wake the hell up.

"Please Alex, this baby needs you." Jo sobs, "Because, i sure as hell can't do this without you. Y-you're the peds surgeon Alex, you were practically born to be a dad." she wipes her tears to no avail, since they just kept coming. "You need to hold this baby in your arms, you need to be there with me to tell them about how we had sex in a shed next to a corpse on our wedding on their wedding day. You-you need to see them grow up and graduate Alex."

"Y-you need to be there Alex. I need you, Mer needs. Zola and Bailey and Ellis, they need you. The tiny children that you save all the time need you. They need Doctor Alex. I need Doctor Alex."

"I-i need you to get so overprotective if it's a girl when she has her first boyfriend. I need to watch you teach our baby how to wrestle if he's a boy. Or a girl, i'm not judging." she chuckles soft'y, holding his palm against her still flat abdomen.

She lays down beside him, laying there in silence for a long time. She lets the thoughts roam in her mind.

Jo sighs, "I hated you at first." she starts, absentmindedly threading her fingers though his hair like she had done so many time before. 'Like seriously, you were one of the biggest assholes I ever met." she chuckles softly.

"And then there was the teen mom who was just going to abandon her baby that i went al crazy on, rightfully so by the way." she smiles slightly, knowing that if he could somehow hear her he was probably rolling his eyes. "And then suddenly, i told you my whole life story, just like that. I'd never done that with anyone before." she sighs, glancing back down to her stomach, where she had her hand clasped in his in a hold over her stomach. "I'd never opened up to someone so easily before. It was like... my heart knew I could trust you before any other part of me could."

"I know i know, you're laughing at me. I sound like something out of a cheesy lifetime movie." she smiles softly. "And then came Ben and Bailey's wedding, and then, before i knew it, you were my best friend."

She starts to trace his fingers, something she always did to calm her down, "And then, one day, i was drinking a beer at Joe's with Jason, and all i could think was that i would rather be with you, on the couch that I bought, and watching action movies with you. That's when i realized i was i love with you." she whispers, some new tears building in her eyes.

"And then we wen through crap. So much crap Alex. That's why this can't be the end. Thats why this can't be the end of us okay? Because we've been through too much crap to let a drunk driver end us."

"Please Alex, i'm begging you, come back." she sobs, starting to pound her fists on his chest.

"Come back! Come back you son of a bitch! Come back!" Jo cries, unable to atop the steady flow of water coming down her face.

"Please Alex." Jo begs, her eyes so red and puffy that they looked like she had been crying for years. "You-you have my whole heart Alex. And i-if you die, you will crush it, and I wont make it. I cant live without you okay? You hear me? I need you Alex. I- i cant breathe. I cant breathe, ii cant exist in a world without you in it, okay?" she sobs, hyperventilating as she trues to get her words out, which only came out in barely audible sobs.

Somewhere along the way she cries herself to sleep, waking up a nearly a whole day later to a view of Meredith, Amelia, Tom, Jackson, Arizona, Callie, Link, Cristina, Bailey, and Richard standing outside the ICU.

And for one second, before she opens her eyes, she forgets everything, simply snuggling into the body and the scent she missed so much, a combination of aftershave and spearmint.

And then she remembers.

And oh god, she just wants to die.

She feels like a knife is being driven through her heart, stabbing her again and again and again, with absolutely no intention to stop.

Eventually Meredith breaks her out of her trance by knocking on the door, in which Jo responds by a head nod, letting her know that it was okay to come in.

The blonde enters, flowed by Amelia and Tom. "I called them. I wanted them here to consult, look at all his scans, everything." Meredith mutters, her voice hoarse and broken from trying to hold in her tears.

Jo looks up at the two, a small glimmer of hope shining in her eyes, "P-please." she stutters out, her voice high pitched and squeaky, sounding more broken than they'd ever heard her before, "tell me you guys can do something."

Amelia takes a deep breath, letting a few drops of water pool in her eyes, "Jo-"

"No," she sobs, shaking her head. "It took me twenty-seven years to find him, longer to realize i loved him, and even longer to be able to marry him." she starts to shake, trying to take in every detail of his face.

His overgrown stubble.

The soft creases around his eyes.

The slight wrinkles etched into his forehead.

"Jo, we can't bring him back. I'm so sorry." Tom says, trying to put a comforting hand on her shoulder, which she shakes off.

She slowly nods, unconsciously mumbling something about how she was going to let everyone say their goodbyes before she said hers.

So thats what she did. One by one the said their tearful, heartbroken goodbyes, still i denial that the man they loved would soon be gone.

Jo goes in one last time, lying down next to him, holding his figure in her arms. "I love you." she sobs.

"I haven't said that enough. I love you Alex. God, I love you so much jerkface. I didn't know it was possible to love someone as much as i love you." she cried, her tears an endless flow into a river. "I love you, i love you, i love you."

"And, please, please love me enough to come back." she begs him, still holding onto that tiny bit of hope.

"You said we'd be together forever Alex. You and me. Please, please let there be forever." she pleads with him one last time, giving him a soft kiss on his cheek.

With one deep breath she gives a nod to the nurse, who slowly begins to remove the ventilator. Then she unplugs him from all the machine.

She lays her head on his heart, feeling as he breathes one last time under her.

And then, she places a kiss on his lips, one last time

and all of a sudden,

he was gone.

"we had plans, we had visions, now i cant see ahead. We were one, were golden, forever you said."

"didn't say goodbye now I'm frozen in time getting colder, colder. "

"One last word. One last moment. To ask you why, you left me here behind."

"You said you'd grow old with me."

[ixiablogs]

discovered

(ft. ixia and his bro sans) 

It felt like forever already since they began their plan. Ixia would find himself constantly thinking about it, day in and day out. Thinking about... leaving home. 

Wasp started it, and was getting a few others involved too. That cat guy Spade, who took him to that really nice place to watch a sunset, and Bones, another alt he had talked to briefly. Should probably try talking to him more... but, thats something to worry about later. 

They had a few conversations about it on and off, planning to get Ixia out and looking at places to live and stuff! He was so... excited, but at the same time, mildly guilty. Cause... it was his brother he’d be leaving. Sure, maybe he’s not the best, but. Neither is he? Well, he tries not to think about it to much. This is... for the best. Its for the best. Its not like he’d be living with his brother for his whole life anyways. 

One day when Ixia finally got a free day from his brother, he found himself napping most of the day. Not really having anything better to do after all. Unbeknownst to him in his heavy sleep, Sans had quietly snuck into his room, finding his phone. He still didn’t trust his brother, sneaking around behind his back, changing his name all of a sudden for the second time, hanging out with other... alts. So he took it upon himself to see what exactly was going on, heading to his room to crack his way into Ixia’s phone and dig through it. Not like it’d be very hard, Ixia, Ace, Papyrus was never good with passwords anyways. 

Ixia did get a few hours of peaceful rest, at least until his brother came practically slamming his fist against his door. Startled awake, the taller skeleton stumbled off his mattress and groggily made his way up and to his door. What, what?... His brother was probably gonna drag him out to go see Alphys, or do some patrols, or... something. Though he didnt even know what time it was, let alone where his phone was to tell the time, but. Whatever. When he finally made his way to and answered his door, he found himself face to face with a very angry brother, holding... ah. Oh no. He could feel himself shrink down a touch. Before he could even get a word out he found himself being yelled at. 

“PAPYRUS I HAVE HAD A LOT, A LOT OF PATIENCE FOR YOU. I REALLY HAVE. BUT THIS? GOING BEHIND MY BACK, PLOTTING WITH THOSE SUSPICIOUS PEOPLE, TO JUST UP AND RUN AWAY FROM YOUR HOME? FROM YOUR BROTHER? HOW COULD YOU?!”

“w-wait it... its not like-”

He Tried to speak, but was cut off almost immediately, his brother’s voice just getting louder and more. Frantic?

“DONT YOU TELL ME ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. IM NOT DUMB, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THIS IS. I JUST, DONT WANT TO BELIEVE IT. AFTER EVERYTHING I’VE DONE FOR YOU?! AFTER I’VE TAKEN CARE OF YOU FOR YEARS?!”

His brother was... was tearing up? Oh, oh no. As if he didnt feel guilty enough as is. He.. maybe he was. Wrong. Maybe he’s not the best brother in the world but, but he still cared right? 

“i- l-look im... im sorry, okay? i.. i’ve just been so stressed out lately, i... you’ve been stressing me out and i just... havent known how to deal with it, i....”

His brother shakes his head, one of his hands covering his face. Hearing that tone of voice, he knows he has his brother right where he wants him. 

“PROMISE ME. Promise. That you’re not going to go through with it. That you’ll stop talking to these people. You KNOW why I worry. After what happened last time.”

Ixia winces. Hearing his brother of all people mention an incident that had been dormant for so long... he didnt even know his brother remembered all of that, it made his soul run cold, like someone was clutching his soul. For a moment it really felt like he couldnt move, he couldnt talk, until his brother reached out and touched one of his arms. It made him flinch.  After a minute of deliberation and maybe some mental spiraling, Ixia closed his eyes, resigned, and nodded.. 

“i.. o-okay, bro... you know best.” 

It didnt take long, hearing that, that Sans broke out into a grin, returning to his normal volume too. 

“THANK YOU, PAPYRUS. FOR COMING TO YOUR SENCES... I WOULD HATE SO BADLY FOR YOU TO GET HURT AGAIN LIKE YOU DID BEFORE... AND MAKE A HUGE MISTAKE.”

He glances at the phone in his hand, hiding it away in his custom battle body. 

“IM... GOING TO BE HOLDING ONTO THIS FOR NOW. I KNOW THAT MIGHT UPSET YOU BUT. I NEED TO BE SURE. I NEED TO MAKE SURE YOU STAY SAFE. YOU DONT HAVE TO COME OUT WITH ME ANYMORE UNLESS YOU WANT TO, JUST... LETS JUST FORGET THIS ALL EVER HAPPENED.”

Watching his brother take his phone from him made his chest feel tight, and make him feel like he was just some little kid, in trouble for doing something he wasnt supposed to do. Regardless, he nodded, complying with his brother’s wishes.  He got another pat on the arm before his brother left the room, closing the door behind him, leaving Ixia alone with his thoughts. He just stood there for a few minutes, not knowing what to do anymore. All those big plans... thrown out the window. All those friends, thrown out the window. It was just him and his brother again. 

But when those memories of an incident long since past dredge up in his mind, he cant help but think that maybe this was for the best as he returns to his mattress to go back to sleep. 

[littlebitoffanfic]

Eventually

Fandom: TMNT Characters: Mikey, April Relationship: Mikey/reader Request: Hello! I absolutely love your work! Could you do a tmnt ff where Mikeys s/o is coming over to visit but walks into April and him kissing but what she didn't know was that April had just initiated it and didn't know they were dating. S/o has body and self issues (chubby) says something along the lines of "I knew something like this would happen eventually, I'm not angry, I'm happy you found someone better than me" and runs home hating herself for not being good enough. Mikey follows and comforts you walked towards the lair, a soft smile on your lips. Mikey had called you earlier, saying he really wanted to see you and wanted you to come over. Having been dating in private for about 6 months and things couldn’t be going better. It had been your idea to keep it quite for a while. You didn’t want to be judged by the others, not that they would. Your low body image and self worth issues were a big obstacle in the relationship, but Mikey seemed not to mind. You truly believed he loved you now. He always wanted to see you, to be with you. While overdramatic at times, his want for you allowed you to forget that nagging voice in the back of your mind for just a moment. Of course, that changed when you were alone. But then your phone would ping with a message from Mikey about how he couldn’t stop thinking about you. Slowly but surely, you felt yourself becoming a little more confident. It was only trickles, like sand, but it was building. It wasn’t with everything you did, just when you were with him, but it could lead to so much more. you were incredibly grateful to Mikey, not just for his love but for his support. Hes so use to being the clown, that you thought this might be a challenge for him, but its not. Glancing at your phone, you saw you had made it here in record time as you walked into the living space of the lair. But then your heart stopped. IN the centre of the room, was April standing on her tip toes and pressing her lips against Mikey’s. She had her hands on his shoulders and her body pressed to his. In a moment, you felt everything you had worked towards, everything you loved, shatter into a million pieces. You should have seen this coming, you should have seen it from a mile off. There was no chance that he would chose you over her. Tears streamed silently from your eyes and the only sound that alerted them to another person presents was your phone dropping from your hand and clattering on the floor. Mikey jumped as he pulled back, his eyes moving towards the noise and meeting your stunned and heart broken figure in the door way. Your mouth slightly open and you eyes wide with surprise. April looked at you too, her cheeks lighting up red as she stepped back from Mikey. “[y/n], it aint what-“ Mikey moved quickly towards you, his voice shaking as he left a confused April behind him. You shook your head as you bend down to grab your phone from the floor. You didn’t want a reason to have to come back here. When you stood back up, Mikey was in front of you, his hands on your upper arms. “Its not-“ He stuttered, his eyes giving away something you had never seen in them before. Fear. “Its okay.” Your word took Mikey by surprise as he started at you in confusion. “I knew something like this would happen eventually. Im not angry. Im happy you found someone better than me.” stepping back from him, his hands dropped from you. He sputtered a little, his mind racing as you backed away from him before running out the door. After a moment, you heard him following you but you kept going, making it into the streets before he could catch up. It was raining heavily todays, so it hid your tears from the strangers walking down the side walks who were few and far between. Occasionally you stop to nip into an alley way and sob to yourself when you were unable to hid it properly. April would be better for Mikey. She was smart and funny and incredibly attractive. You were good friends with her, which was something else which had hurt you deeply. But in her defence, she couldn’t have known anything. She had managed to get out of you one time that you were seeing someone but refused ot tell her who. She had never made the connection. eventually, you made it home. Once your door was closed, you collapsed against it, sobbing so hard into your hands that you were barely able to take a breath. Your chest ached, physically and emotionally. You felt sick to your stomach as you realised you had lost two things that meant a lot to you. Your friend, April, who you had grown close to and adored like a sister. And the love of your life, Mikey. You couldn’t stand to see them together, to see him look at her like he use to look at you. To see his arms around her, his lips on hers. you tried to breath, to get some air into your lungs, but you couldn’t. you sat, shaking on the floor of your dark apartment as every negative thought you had ever had come floor back to you, being screamed at you by every voice in your mind. your eyes squeezed shut as your body shook. “[y/n]?” A timid voice from in front of you made you jump. Opening your eyes, you saw Mikey, kneeling in front of you. His eyes were streaming with tear, his bottom lip shaking slightly. “Mikey? W-wh-what-?” you couldn’t even string a sentence together as you tried to figure out why he was here and not with her. “it wasn’t…. I didn’t….” Mikey stuttered, seeming to mirror your inability to speak properly as well. “April, she just kissed me. I didn’t, I didn’t want… I wanted you. Always. She… shes not you and I don’t…. I cant live without you. It was once. Only once. I swear. I didn’t chose her over you. I love you.” Mikey seemed to begging as he spoke, his voice shaking badly as he struggled to breath like you were. “but I saw-“ you tried to say, without having that picture in your mind. But it came back and you noticed something. When Mikey kissed you, his hands were always on you somewhere. He normally liked them to be on your waist or wrapped around you. But in that kiss, his hands were by his side and open, like he had got a fright. “She just kissed me. Once. I swear!” Mikey moved close to you but not touching you, which you were glad of. You didn’t want to be touched right now. “It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to stay with me if she-“ You tried to reason, not wanting him to think he had to stay with the poor, pathetic girl in front of him if he had a chance with someone else. But he shook his head. “I don’t want her.” He sobbed, tears streaming down his cheeks as he spoke. “I told you I loved you. Only you.” “Mikey?” You moved so you were sitting on your knees in front of him. You had never seen him so distressed like this in his life. He was shaking and crying, why? Because he thought he had lost you? “I didn’t realise you thought I would eventually…” Mikey trailed off, his gaze coming up to meet your own. “Most people do. Its fine. I just want you to be happy.” You try to calm him down despite your own appearance being just as bad as his. “Im happy with you. Happier than ive ever been before.” He reaches out, taking your hands in his own shaking ones. “Is there a chance we could… that you would-“ His question was left unfinished when your phone buzzed and April photo and contact came up with a message. She had tried to call you a couple of times on your way back. ‘Im so so so sorry. I didn’t know you and Mikey were together. I would have never done anything if I thought it would hurt you. Nothing more happened. I kissed Mikey, I admit it. But it was a rash decision. I was just feeling lonely. I know it doesn’t excuse what I did, and I never meant to hurt you or to cause any problems between you and him. And I know theres no competition between you and I and Mikey would chose you in a heartbeat. I just thought you had been seeing someone and I saw how happy they made you. I love you - you are like a sister to me. I hope you can forgive me.’ you read the text over again as she confirmed everything Mikey had just said. Placing the phone o the side, you look up at Mikey, who was staring at you. “I’ll do anything to make it up to you.” He breathed, earning a soft smile from your lips as you looked down. Yes, you were hurt. Yes, it would take a lot to regain the trust that had been broken tonight, but it was malicious on either of their sides. They weren’t doing it to hurt you. April had been desperate for affection which you knew was something she was known to do. Could she even have been jealous of you and your mystery lover. And Mikey had come straight to you, he was begging for you back. Looking back up to him, you knew you couldn’t send him away or reject him. “You can start by ordering a pizza.” You said, your voice still shaking but not nearly as bad as it was. Your response took Mikey off guard as he stared at you for a moment before a smile dawned on his face. You much preferred to see him smiling that upset. you slowly got to your feet, and Mikey followed, even helping you stand when you back ached from the way you had been sitting. Once on your feet, Mikeys eyes dipped to your lips. “is it too soon?” he asked. You shook your head and Mikey dived at the opportunity. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you tight against his front as he ducked down to kiss you, his lips moving against yours in a desperate way. Your hands settled on his shoulders then running up to rest on the back of his neck as he kissed you. He pulled you to the sofa and sat you down. Running to your bedroom, he pulled through the covers. The two of you settle on the sofa, Mikey ordering a pizza with your favour toppings as you chose a movie to watch. This was what you needed. Just time with him. You messaged April back, telling her you would speak to her tomorrow properly but told her things were okay. Once again, you would have to work on trust issues with her as well, but you were willing to do that. Mikey spent the whole night with you in his arms, peppering kisses wherever he could and it made you smile. He refused to leave your side for a few days after that, but his brothers didn’t say anything. You wondered if maybe April had told them what had happened. At least you wouldn’t have to do it yourself then. You knew it was a long road ahead, but with Mikey by your side, you knew you could do it.

[askmyboys]

Taz

Name: Taz | Gender: Male | Age: Oh god who knows | Species/Race: Darkness (literally, he's just- a pitch black being of pure darkness) | Height: 3 inches tall (he can sizeshift tho, I mean, it seems only natural he can do that) | Appearance: See, he has a human form of his own that he takes on, he can sorta like, its like a copycat situation, any human he sees he could technically take a form of like a doppelganger but he has certain styles and bodies he fancies... BUT his actual human form that he has wears a lot of punk like clothing, leather jackets with spikes on them, pants with chains hanging on them, combat boots, he also has a circle beard, his eyes in his human form are a dull grey-ish kind of color, he also has razor sharp teeth, pointy ears, and claws but he does at least hide the claws with black gloves with spikes on them, oh and his hair is like jet black and p much just flows. His true form is literally just a shadow-y cloud of darkness, nothing too special bout it really except for his eyes, they are a red color (he can shape himself into someone's worst fear or really just whatever he feels like if need be, I mean it IS a cloud of darkness, its like a shapeshifter situation, yeah!) | Personality: Now THIS is a true bastard incarnate, like seriously, even tho he's probably an ancient being of pure darkness, he acts like a toddler when he doesn't get his way, he has somehow successfully managed to annoy even the OTHER beings of darkness, he's more annoying then scary but he can use that to his advantage, he has annoyed a human so badly they moved out and when he followed them, they just... kinda broke.... Which wasn't as fun, now if he puts his mind to it, I'm not saying he CANNOT actually be scary bc he can, oh my god he absolutely can if he puts his mind to it, but he just prefers to be the most annoying lil shit to people to drive them insane that way, its much more fun! (tl;dr: He's a bastard, like usually I joke bout that but nope, he is 100% bastard who will steal your food and drinks and toss them away bc he doesnt actually need to eat then he calls you a bitch, he'll steal anything he wants truth be told, he doesnt care- hell, he'll steal your fucking loved ones away from you if you mess with him too much, he has a short temper and can get angry p easily tbh, honestly he'll just do e v e r y t h i n g in his power to make your life a living hell and your mind? S h a t t e r e d- even tho its not fun anymore when they break but eh it happens every time) | Side Facts: Welp uh, it DOESNT happen every time, he's living with a human right now and they haven't been broken yet, they just seem tired and irritated all the time for no apparent reason, they always look like they haven't gotten a good night's sleep in ages which is probably true, there's also another being of darkness that was assigned to this human so Taz here is ALWAYS trying to one-up him, NO being of darkness is better than him after all! He has a bit of a narcissistic streak in him, I won't deny that- So anything he does to the human, Taz can ALWAYS do better! This other being of darkness, Aldrich- who's description you'll see in a second- Taz just, he doesn't seem to like him too good and for good reason, Aldrich is definitely a higher class than him, a higher rank, top tier even- He is absolutely above Taz, and that's what Taz absolutely cant STAND, nobody should be a higher class than him, anyone above him needs to be put in their place, the way Aldrich talks and just- his attitude towards things doesn't help, he's too classy n clean- So Taz gotta see to it he deals with this human before Aldrich does. Gotta prove that Aldrich isn't above him in any way, nope- not at all! He's actually secretly scared of Aldrich, yep, you heard me- a being of darkness is actually afraid of something, he just acts tough and not scared around him, but, secretly, he is ABSOLUTELY terrified of this being, Taz KNOWS what he's capable of, if he just so wanted he could plunge the world into eternal darkness, and who knows that might be his goals for the future, might not be, Aldrich can be a v e r y unpredictable being, ya never really know what he's gonna do next, but- Taz will NEVER reveal that he's scared, nope- Aldrich CANT find out, or else... Well let's just say something not good will happen... Ya know, there IS a reason Taz is like he is, even if he is a being of darkness, it was when he was... y o u n g, well to the other beings of darkness he was young, to a human his age would have still seemed ancient, but anyways, he actually did have a family, in fact, him and Aldrich both did but, eh, im not gonna reveal a n y t h i n g bout Aldrich's family just yet, for now its time to focus on Taz, his family ehhh well... they weren't the best, they weren't good at all- hell I wouldn't even call it a family, its more like just a gang where everyone fends for themselves, nobody helps each other, the weakest are always left behind to die or fade away. Taz, he was... one of the weakest, I won't say he was the weakest of EVERYONE of them bc he wasn't there was someone else but he doesn't... talk about them, he just sorta repressed his memories bout them, hell, probs for the best- their probably dead now... Or worse, but his family never did care for him, no affection was had for ANYONE, almost everyone was out for blood or something similar to it, if you even THOUGHT about asking for help with anything you were considered weak and affection? What kind of being of pure darkness needs that stupid shit?! That was VERY frowned upon in his "clan" yeah, let's call it a clan, he's pretty much had to fend for himself his entire life, nobody to help him, nobody ever showed him any love or affection, it'd have made him weaker than that other being, or that's his mentality, love, care, help, all of that, it makes you w e a k, pathetic, the only way to get by is to rely on yourself and yourself alone. His "clan" treated him like pure shit, at first when he was "learning" about the consequences of asking for help, it was horrid, he got picked on, called names and even got hit and beat up, by what humans would consider his "parents" even, his father and mother tolerated n o n e of that, no "child" of theirs is going to have any affection, help, etc- It'll make them weak and they. will. NOT. have. a. weak. member. of. the. clan... After Taz grew up, he definitely became stronger, for sure, he also became more.... chaotic, more unstable, and he'd do anything and everything he could to get attention, at this point he just began fucking CRAVING it, he'd act out, do anything he could to piss his "parents" and the rest of his clan off, never in his entire life has he ever gotten any positive attention whatsoever, so whenever he didn't have any attention at all, it.... he just began freaking out and throwing tantrums, he couldn't deal without having any attention on him w h a t s o e v e r. Essentially, like, even tho nobody cared for each other n shit, they did have some kinda mentality to stick around with each other, it was mainly just because, they did AT THE VERY L E A S T need their kids to survive, survive the baby stages, and grow on up so there could be more of their species/race, once they grew up though, they were all on their own, armies were an option of course if need be, but Taz? He didn't need anyone, he d o e s n t need anyone, he can take care of things himself, he can do what he needs to, after all, his mentality p much got fucked up so badly now that he thinks any being who needs an army, help, etc- just any of that is weak- His childhood, fam, its all wack yo- my fingers are tired and I cant think of a better way to describe this, basically, they are the cause of why he's so fucked up like he is, why he's so chaotic, a punk bastard, and just- honestly a fucking asshole in general- bc of the mentality they basically FORCED onto him.

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTERS 10 + 11

we had a week of peace and now we’re gonna get annihilated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have no clue how long this liveblog may end up but hell and high water i’m combining them both

she tore the jade pendant from her neck and flung it into the darkness.

let’s give a warm welcome, to sadness,

i’m very excited for all-new cinder content hhhhhhh if u havent gathered by now I Love This Bitch and I Love Her Many Problems so im thankful for this gift 😞

Cinder was a ruin, her pride carved and served like slabs of meat.

i can FEEL diesel n kc rly patting themselves on the back for every bit of wet meat they can toss at me!!!!!!!!!! U HEAR THAT I CAN FEEL U!!!!!!!!!!! but also i still love this shit w/ all my heart!!!!!!!!!! IM NEVER GONNA STOP SAYIN IT

She had never looked at Glynda’s files.

im so sorry cinder baby but that whole thing? is still HILARIOUS oh my GOD i cannot believe you fucked up that badly. u shoved yr entire head into a beartrap. u absolutely crapped yr pants on that one. yr gonna be thinking abt that on yr deathbed,

/looks at the chapter title again

hhhhhhhh im. so pumped. its gonna be hard to talk abt most of this w/o doing a million fingerguns a minute but i’m gonna try my best

Cinder approached the mirror and touched its silvered face with black-tipped claws,

I SAID IM GONNA TRY MY BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She was iron barbs beneath the nail bed, glowing coals underfoot, the singular capacity to do harm. She was a beast, armed with fang and claw and a deep, dark void where her compassion should have laid, and she was dressed for dinner.

HHHHHH god YES THIS IS THE CINDER IM THIRSTY FOR............ i literally cannot say anything that isnt a massive 👈😎👈 but AAAAAAA

like im reading thru this and i cant cherry-pick lines this whole bit? is SO GOOD...  kc n diesel are Yet Again obliterating me w/ their mastery of the narrative style of offal hunt and i just love all of this i rly wish i could explain how offal hunt is EXACTLY MY BRAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F U C K

The final touch on her mastercraft disaster: the four sawed-off horn stumps which grew among her silver-streaked hair.

HOOOO B O I i am. Losin it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER HORNS.......... CINDR...............

Wretchedly, she wondered: did Glynda even respect her now?

any other villain: my plan didnt work and im mad >:( cinder fall: my plan didnt work and now im mad but also mostly sad :(

CINDER’S TRYING HER BEST GOD.......... i literally hate how the remaster has made her So Soft, Actually... I BELIEVE IN U CINDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YR BEST

Every part of her was hot and hollow. She was sick with loathing.

i LOVE HER.... CINDER I HOPE U KNO THAT YR LOVED... god tho i dont like how SAD I AM RN... cinder’s so small and the world is so big and wants 2 Shit On Her blease

honestly like. im rly- LOOK I SAID THIS BEFORE BUT. this is why im rly lovin the new cinder content because in the first version we only got glimpses of her internal machinations and now we’re in full-blown Always Sad territory and everything is suffering :)

She blinked. Her double did not.

‘well’, thought murphy. ‘that’s terrifying.’

she’d only survived thanks to a keen instinct for danger, cultivated during her tenuous teenage years.

i NEED. I NEED. CINDER BACKSTORY. all these lil nuggets dont constitute a meal! I WANT A BIG MAC AND FRIES. WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS BABY DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also again. the body horror of offal hunt? peak content. Im Lovin It

its getting harder to divine what is and what is not a 👈😎👈 because we got bits sprinkled around and theres only rly a spoiler potential if u glue em all together so im still being extra careful and the answer is blared in everyones faces so this whole kondor scene will go uncommented unless some Bullshit Happens which it will, so,

When she had become so invested in Glynda’s approval? When had a desire to be recognized as something inhuman, something ferocious, something black and terrible and capable of keeping up with Glynda Fucking Goodwitch turned into this?

oh! oh! i have the answer! i do! i know the answer! it’s you a lesbian,

The spectres of her youth haunted this city, owl-eyed children and fox-eared teens. They’d been a second sort of family, the only kind she’d had within these walls, and she’d wondered what had become of them in the past decades, but…

It was too sentimental, and she wasn’t meant to be a creature of sentiment.

oh boy okay wow

okay so actually this bit made me cry??? fuck OFF im losing it!!!!!!!! LET HER BE SENTIMENTAL!!!! LET HER HAVE PPL TO CARE ABT!!!!!!!!!! IM LITERALLY CRYING IM GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!

She would go barefoot from this point on, her heels clutched at her side. When she left the hotel room to steal into the night, she promised herself not to look back.

im sorry im just. so sad rn. i havent cried over a fic in YEARS and we still have another chapter ago i hate this SO MUCH..............

here comes chapter 11 

if i cry even once more im going to stab!!!!!! im not sure what BUT ILL STAB!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even without his wings, the Manticore would easily have been twice the size of any of the other Grimm, far outstripping them in sheer bulk.

HATI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HATI HATI HATI

holy shit we actually get to see him this time!!!!!!!!!!! WE GET TO SEE THIS LEGENDARY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS CHONCC,

also hes a manticore now which is, Radical, may i just say, and just a little bit sexy,

The effortless grace in each move betrayed power most Grimm would not live to achieve. Once he stood, he had to dip his head low to meet her eye to eye. His canines were the length of her forearm.

if u werent here for the remaster? we never even SAW hati but now hes here, hes Big, and rly thats all that matters,

Like a child who’d been allowed to lie and lie until at last they’d strangled themself in the web they’d spun, Cinder couldn’t speak. Could only wait on his verdict.

every single one of cinder’s inherent themes is killing me and this business w/ family? stop. im dying. this is rude

The scant space between them popped and cracked like an sparking flame, warm and effervescent, and this time, Cinder lingered, hugging Hati close.

IF I CRY ONCE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF U ASSHOLES MAKE ME CRY ONCE MORE I WILL DOXX YOU,

aaaaaaaaaaaaaah im loving this content i rly dont have words for it dhjfgsdfgjh i just, rly like the words, and the order theyre in, and i honestly keep forgetting to liveblog it cause i just wanna READ EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tempting as it was—as it always had been, ever since she’d left the relative safety of the wastes and learned what happened to scraggly-limbed teens with horns and fangs and gleaming eyes—

with every chapter i desperately have 2 kno more abt baby cinder i HAVE to know i am so. UNBEARABLY CURIOUS... baby cinder what happened... what happened 2 u....

A lantern’s glow warmed her, bleeding into the darkness leeching at them both. It was a gentle gold across her skin, and like an answering signal from a distant outpost, Cinder saw a flush of light through the dark fur lining Hati’s throat, as though flames licked at his insides.

i forgot. that cinder glows like that when she feels Loved or full of pride and you know what i dont like these chapters. they were made to hurt me and i Dont Like That (im mclovin it)

From the safety of Hati’s neck, she found it easier—after all this time, he was still her bastion.

WHEN YOU REALISE? THAT YR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?? STOP,

For a regular person, the machine would be able to draw out short bursts of power, the likes of which no Semblance could ever channel. The taxation would eventually destroy the soul so deeply, so thoroughly, as to leave it empty for good.

For a Witch? For—

the fact. she cut herself off before she could think ‘for glynda’. has me on the FLOOR. this bit is just So Much i dont like it

Glynda Goodwitch would not abandon this hunt. Cinder knew it, had read it from her palms like an open book—Glynda Goodwitch did not know how to stop. If it had been anyone else on Remnant, they might never return, might never pull themselves back into action after today—but Glynda did not have a shred of self-preservation.

me, knocking against cinder’s head: u kno for someone w/ so many schemes in yr brain yr pretty dumb and gay, huh,

firstly let’s talk abt cinder’s “””””””””””””””””””self-preservation””””””””””””””””””” instin-- whats that? not found? yes

[Glynda’s] eyes were empty, hungry, insatiable.

i feel like ive read this line before! lets jump back a chapter--

In [Cinder’s] eyes, there was a subtle, endless hunger.

WAKE UP CINDER SHE’S YR SOULMATE!!!!!!!!!!! THE COFFEE’S READY U CAN SMELL THE BACON FROM HERE WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With a fluid leap, they were in the air, the ground quickly shrinking beneath them. Pressing her face against his neck to shield herself from the wind, she closed her eyes and prepared herself for what was to come, trusting Hati to deliver her safely.

that said i ADORE my boy hati is literally the best part of offal hunt kc and diesel do not interact,

He was frozen in horrific anticipation, like watching an imminent tragedy and being absolutely helpless to stop it. Like all the tension was mixed with grief and hopeless, futile fear.

when will offal hunt be nice to me. when will any of these characters get to be happy. hello. im full of sadness.

The sound was like a saw working back and forth, but resonating inside her head, rattling every tooth in her jaw, deafening to her ears.

im literally gritting my teeth at this i can hear it in my own head and its Very Bad!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

okay god i can barely handle to quote anything more this bit is hurting ME so lets swiftly move on before I Die

Cinder closed her weary eyes, sinking into sleep like a shallow grave.

BE NICE TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BE NICE TO HER JUST THIS ONCE, PLEASE, IM BEGGING YOU,

They only knew death, only ever sought death; fangs and claws slicked with blood, magic rending meat and marrow apart, and everywhere that choking, scalding heat, spilled blood like magma, like the core of a planet.

hmm... that seems like a 👈😎👈 ~reference~

They were all alert, ears pricked, hackles raised like Hati’s. They all fixed on the same spot, somewhere beyond the darkness of the cave opening, and though she could barely think, she knew:

She was out of time. The Witch was here.

oh no.

okay so THATS CHAPTERS 10 AND 11! i only cried ONCE and u kno what thats. a Victory. these two chapters were VERY GOOD i rly loved em and i can tell new readers r gonna have a blast w/ this shit!!!!!!!!!! meanwhile i, a veteran reader, am full of peril,

terrible.

[pidgezero-one]

dont message me about this please. I just need somewhere to dump it

I had a falling out with my best friend at the end of july and he completely cut off contact with me. i trusted him more than anybody in the world and there are no words to describe how much his friendship meant to me. the way this happened destroyed my sense of self-worth and I isolated myself from people and tried to fill that empty void with drinking and shitty eating habits (namely starving myself followed by binge eating). fell into a pretty bad depression and was constantly lethargic and unproductive. hated going out in public because I hated myself and didnt want to be seen.

suffered a death in the family at the end of august. this isnt something I cope with in a healthy way. especially during that period of time

started talking with my friend again in september but that didnt go very well either. still felt shitty about this every day, just having this constant nervousness and wanting to throw up and feeling like im carrying a huge weight on my shoulders, every day 24 hours a day. i had dreams about our situation all the time and it fucked me up. cant remember the last time I got a good nights sleep. developed a lot of trust issues from revelations that came out in the few discussions we had. we havent spoken in almost 2 months now. still really miss him but also still hurting over the things he said and did

2 weeks later, boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me when I got back from dreamhack. it wasnt really a surprise and there's no bad blood but was still a really hard adjustment. we had lived together since before we started dating.

we were splitting rent on a 1 bed apartment so now I have to pay for it myself. i dont really have the means to move. this fucked me over financially bc I was in the process of paying about 8000 dollars worth of debt accrued from when I was unemployed in 2014. so that's why none of you have really seen me since then, im saving money instead of going out to do things. this is also around when I decided to cut the drinking to prevent it from getting out of hand and decided to fix my eating habits, both of which are saving me money

met someone new in november who I got close to pretty quickly. he knew I was hurting from something, a lot of things, and helped me recover and was somehow over time able to convince me i didnt deserve any of what was going on. i started to believe it too. we spent a lot of time together and became very good friends.

around the same time i saw another friend have a falling out with his best friend and the way it got him down made me really angry. he didnt deserve to feel that poorly. this helped me realize that neither did i.

start of december, i fell mutually in love with the new friend. although it was just the beginning of the relationship, it was unprecedented in how genuinely loved I felt. we were supportive of each other in ways I didnt even know I could be. never enjoyed someone's company so much before or felt so totally safe telling them literally anything, and after I was having so much trouble and anxiety over opening up to anybody like that again, this was really really special that he could make me feel that way. especially considering the vulnerable state I was in, I tried to be cautious about getting this attached so quickly, but I decided to trust him. you kinda had to be there to understand just why I let myself feel this way despite it looking like a textbook mistake and me being well aware of that fact. he was thoughtful and respectful and considerate and was the most loving person i've ever known. we live a long distance apart and decided we'd take things slowly until we had the chance to spend some time together in person and discuss what our future looks like at that time. we spent a lot of time together calling each other around the holidays and never let a day (or an hour, really) go by without making the other feel loved and appreciated and worthwhile. for a christmas gift he contacted a lot of my friends and compiled a series of video and audio clips from all of them sending me kind words at the holidays to remind me that i'm loved. he really was a wonderful person.

being able to really believe that I didnt deserve to feel as badly as I had been since the summer, combined with falling in love again... I was finally something resembling happy again, I got my confidence back, I was energetic and productive and in an improved state of mind... not completely, things still hurt and I think they always will. but I was at least functioning. the wounds were still there and they were still fresh but I was at least starting to heal.

had to replace my pc because too much of my hardware was just not working anymore. that was a big financial setback I wasnt prepared for. my laptop mobo also broke so now I dont have one of those anymore. oh well. once im done paying off the last part of my debt im going to save up for a new one

start of january, one of my closest friends goes radio silent and unresponsive to texts and calls for over a week. i was a fucking mess worrying about him. (we hung out a few days ago but at the time holy shit)

my coworker at my job (the only other dev on my team) is leaving, so I have to learn a ton of new stuff and also train who we hire next, and im pretty stressed out about that on top of the status of my current major project

i didnt go to agdq this year, but that entire week was rough. wanted to stay off social media and stuff to not be reminded of it but this is where all my connections are and I need to work on shit. I spent a lot of last agdq making good memories with the friend i had the falling out with and thinking back to that just makes me really sad now.

was finally starting to enjoy streaming again and I injured my hand recently and cant use it to use a dpad or joystick, so now im not doing that either. it got infected pretty badly and ive been worried about that for a while, but it's healing up now. hopefully ill return soon. also having numerous other alarming things happen healthwise that are too TMI for here but... yeah

last week the guy i loved dumped me. not going to go into detail on this but i feel very very slighted by how he chose to do it. it had only been a month but im pretty messed up and blindsided by it. despite the short length I can't remember the last time I had any kind of interpersonal relationship that was so emotionally fulfilling. i still don't really understand. being around him hurt so much that I left my favourite discord server where a lot of my close friends are cause he's in there too. i miss being in there so much but i just cant do it

on saturday I got the news that one of my friends from the smash 64 community passed away unexpectedly. i went to the visitation on sunday. it still doesn't feel real.

i dont want to talk about it, I dont want any offers to talk about it, I dont want to relive it, I dont want to think about it, and especially especially I d o n t w a n t t o t a l k a b o u t i t. just getting it out there bc I feel kinda overwhelmed atm from everything. i just wanna focus on doing the things I need to get done to keep my mind occupied. i want my best friend back, i want the person I love back, i want my friend to come back to life. there's nothing else that can be done for me

[gxrobs]

Haven't given y'all an update for a while so hopefully this won't be too long (its so fucking long...If you wanna scroll to the last paragraph there is a long story short )but I know some ppl feel personally invested in my love/sex life so here it goes!! 

Last time I was posting I was still obsessing over my neighbor and going crazy over wanting to fuck him again / wanting the time of day from him. Well, now I'm pretty much over that and for a few reasons - ya he's totally hot, like a real life babe, but he's also like the biggest asshole I've ever met and I can't even believe I was dickmatized enough to look past how badly he treats me / most women when he's not trying to fuck them. The only time he was ever "nice" to me was like the days leading up to us sleeping together and the only time after that he's been nice to me is like 2am drunk in his apartment (and not even nice just him making comments about my boobs or waist or something) but still...not really including me in conversation. Every time I see him I just try to be cordial and say what's up but he's just like "hi" and that's it. Honestly he’s probably weirded out by me being into him after we fucked (bc of various social media followers, yall know i post EVERYTHING) which I guess is fair because ya... it was kinda weird. So if he's been rude to me the last month to get me over it -- it worked. Over him! He aint that great....I've definitely slept w guys w better bodies and better attitudes. Fuck him and his Connor Mcgregor tattoos lmao.

ANYWAY, so after that fiasco I went to New Orleans and had sort of a shitty time at first just because the friend I went with was on some other shit, and we weren't getting along. So I started swiping away on tinder and matched w this guy Johnny and I wasn't really into it at first but then once I got a little drunk I was like "meet me" but I actually ditched him (fell asleep for 3 hrs) anyway eventually I met him and he walks up and he's immediately x3 hotter in person than he was in any of his pictures AND he comes up with a thick Greek accent and y'all.....I love the whole (eastern...ish) harsh European accent so I was like DAMN! So we had a great time, has great sex and by the morning we were pretty amazed at how into each other we were and the connection we had both physically and emotionally was wild and we spent the next two days together basically just fucking and talking about everything ever in life and it was a really great time and I'm prtty sure he's my soulmate. We even have plans for him to come and visit me in Florida next month! So that's cool, got that little babe in my pocket. Some issues arise w the language barrier because hes not the most fluent English speaker (he's only been here for like 6 months) and I obviously don't know any Greek so it's tough buuuuuut there's that. Also, what's wild is he's only 21!!!! Which is CRAZY? Never really into guys romantically who are anywhere near as young as I am so having a connection w a 21 y/o is crazy to me. Also...he looks so young compared to the guys I'm usually with (with the exception of my neighbor who is only like 22 every guy I've been with in at least the last 6 months has been 28-48) but in 10-20 yrs when he is in his prime god damn is he gonna be a killer... he looks like the spitting image of a younger, leaner,Max Riemlet tbh (Wolfgang from sense 8)

But despite me having found my "soulmate" I still have to live a life in Saint Augustine and get laid somehow so I've just been going out, meeting people and occasionally tindering. Last night I ended up sleeping with someone who I slept w when I was 19 and it was underwhelming (AGAIN) just like it was when I was 19...he was better I guess. We watched TWO fucking movies and drank and then it literally was like 20 mins of making out and I couldn't take it and it was so late and I was like "ok can we just fuck now" and he finished in...you guessed it....less than a minute...and I was like "uh ok I hardly moved??" He was like "yeah but you were moving from the inside and talking to me and making sounds" and I was like like LOL. I mean I guess...because he did feel good for the 45 Seconds but i like tried to move my hips with him and he made me stop cause he was gonna cum and then like 10 seconds later I think all I said was "ur cock feels so good" then he was like "oh shit" and fucking busted GOD DAMN IT?? So to have sex...I can't move....and I can't talk??? Lmao ok. I rlly did feel like a 19 y/o. Luckily (or maybe unluckily?) he lives literally across the street from me so I just got dressed and went home but before I went I was like "uh do u wanna take my number?" Yknow, because he felt good for the bit and I was thinking maybe if he just gets used to me he can go longer and I'm like HOW convenient would dick right across the street be??? Because dick right upstairs obviously work out... But he like paused for a few seconds and I was like "ok nvm thanks for cuming in a minute and not even trying to give me an orgasm have fun dude" and left and then he messaged me on tinder and was like "here is my number if you wanted it I'm deleting tinder now because i cant deal with fucking peoples feelings up" and I was like HA HA HA "I'm literally chilling idk what about that could've hurt my feelings but I left my glasses there if you could put them in my mailbox that would be great" and he said some shit about how he got dumped a week ago and how it's "not a good way to get over himself" but I didn't reply and I woke up in the morning and my glasses were where I asked them to be so I guess that's good. 

Also, I'm back on my Mitchell bullshit. We matched on tinder and I didn't say anything because i was trying to BE STRONG but I think it was Friday night and I drunk called him and he didn't say SHIT all day then last night at like midnight before I went over to that guys house he messaged me "you rang?" and we fell into our usually rapport and then later today he texted me so now we are back to talking? Maybe? Probably not.... and if we are I already know how it's gonna go but I'm a weak bitch I know i’m sorry but honestly he doesnt even hurt anymore. 

So yeah, that's where I'm at. Long fucking story short: I'm done w my dick head neighbor crush, I met my Greek soulmate in NOLA and miss him everyday but a future w him is next to impossible, especially bc he goes back to Greece in April and has to join the military....so I need to fill the void by getting laid and going back to the familiar rollercoaster ride of pain that is Mitchell. That's all folks. 

[angrybelieverconnoisseur-blog]

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Poll: how much do you pay for car insurance?

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How much do you pay for car insurance?

How much do you pay for car insurance?

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where can i find cheap young drivers insurance in uk

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How much will insurance cost for a 16 year old.?

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""I live in California. and need cheaper auto insurance, and have 2 dmv points. Any ideas?""

I live in California. and need cheaper auto insurance, and have 2 dmv points. Any ideas?""

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