#one of those two going through girl after girl to try to fill the void in his heart w/o his other half

[1980ssunflower]

if i dont see my husbands passionately kissing eachother RIGHT now im going to run into oncoming traffic

[jeon-ify]

thoughts - choi san ft. mingi (part 2)

a/n: idk girl… i kinda want mingi to fuck her with tied up san and make him watch 😩

warnings: mean!dom mingi, sub!tied up san, swearing, pussy slapping, fingering, squirting, mingi fucks reader in front of san, spit play, face slapping, degradation, titty slapping, etc. if i missed anything lmk !

enjoy! not proofread :)

—————————————————————————————

the 2 weeks went by extremely fast, considering how you’ve spent it with san the entire time— in and out of his dorm. you felt guilty, but he was filling that void for you.

the drive to the airport felt like a dread. you wanted mingi to come back, honestly. but you didn’t want to go back to the vanilla sex that you’d been having with your boyfriend from this point on. you pull into the lane with doubt, maybe he’s upped his sex game, maybe he doesn’t want sex anymore. you think about ways to bring up the topic, but it just doesn’t flow.

you swerve into the lane to wait for mingi. after 20 minutes, you get out of the car and wait in the airport lobby for him. he arrives shortly, running to hug you and seeming so tired after working so hard. he wanted to surprise you with his project, but the last thing that was on your mind throughout those two weeks were what he was doing in japan.

“my baby, i missed you so much! how was japan?” you exclaim. he hugs you tightly, kissing you all over your face. your heart ached before him, not knowing how to handle the guilt.

how could you?

“it was so great, but i missed you so much, y/n.” he relaxes his head on your shoulder through the hug, your body warmth making him sleepy.

you carry his backpack and take his duffles to the car as he follows you out. he sits beside you, turning up the radio and listening to your playlist. “what’d you do while i was gone? we barely spoke.”

his head turns to face you as he questions you. it feels like you’re being convicted of a felony, your heart falls to your ass as you try to come up with a lie. he watches your breathing change and your face flush with red.

“honestly i was super bored. i…” you pause, taking in a deep breath and chuckling before continuing your bullshit, “don’t know how i managed. how was your filmmaking? was it exciting?”

he stays quiet, his face straight, plastered with suspicion.

“it was exciting, thanks. what’d you do the day i left? yeosang said you stopped by. what was that about?” you literally cannot come up with anything else, so you decide to ‘tell the truth’.

“i was bored so i hung out with wooyoung and jongho for a little bit but then i went home, why?” you reach a red light as mingi grabs your thigh, squeezing tightly. he squeezes almost too tight that it begins to hurt.

“mm, but they weren’t at the house, y/n. what were you doing there?” he looks out the window, trying to think of what he’ll do when you confess and make it easier so he’s not worried about if you’re cheating or not— he’d just know. he hopes he’s wrong, though.

“n-no. mingi, you’re hurting me.” he squeezes your inner thigh as the car swerves just a little bit out of the lane. you feel like he’s gonna rip a chunk of your thigh off of you, tears welling up in your eyes.

“yeah? it didn’t hurt me when i heard you on the phone fucking san? do you think i’m stupid, y/n? i told you not to go near san, didn’t i?” you fall silent as your ears begin to ring.

he knew.

but san didn’t say anything?

but he heard your voice.

“fucking answer me,” he brings his hand up to your throat to cut off your airways as a threat to make you speak.

“y-yes,” you gasp. you literally feel like your body gave up on you as your limbs all fall numb into mingi’s touch.

“why are you fucking my friends? the one friend i told you to fucking stay away from. he’s married, hm? you’re home-wrecking, darling. are you a whore? are you san’s whore?”

“n-no, mingi, please,” you moan. he lets you go as you pull into the driveway of your home, seeing a familiar car parked in the front.

leaving all his luggage in the trunk, he slams the door closed as he goes to open your door. he pulls you out by your wrist, slamming the door shut behind you and dragging you into the house. you stop in your tracks when you see a familiar pair of shoes on the doormat.

“keep walking.” he demands. your legs shake in fear and somehow, arousal. mingi has never been this rough with you, and somehow it sends a shock down to your core.

you slowly walk over to your shared bedroom, opening the door and seeing what you thought you’d never see— san on your bed.

you stop and stare at the man on mingi’s side of the bed. he’s sat up straight with his hands tied behind his back, his feet tied together, and a black piece of duct tape on his mouth. a layer of sweat envelopes his toned torso, his black hair slowly moves with every breath he takes. the silver chain he wears is now covered in beads of sweat as the veins in his neck become more prominent. you would be lying if you said that you didn’t want to bounce on his dick at that given moment.

you feel mingi’s chest press against your back as his hand moves to wrap itself around your throat. he feels your heartbeat through your neck, gulping in fear.

“what’s wrong, baby? cat got your tongue?” his deep voice grumbles in your ear. his teeth graze against your ear, sending chills down your body.

“m-mingi, what’s going on?” you shake and try to break away from mingi’s grasp, not breaking eye contact with the man tied up on your boyfriend’s side of the bed.

“you thought i wouldn’t know if you were whoring around with my friends? i’m many things, but i’m not stupid.” he lets go of you, shoving you further into the room and closer to san.

you hear san whimper, his head thrown back in irritation from how he can’t fuck you into oblivion in front of your boyfriend.

san loved so many things about you— but what he loved the most was how turned on he gets whenever you get helpless. you’re like a brainless whore he wants to fuck over and over— just for him to use.

it’s almost like a continuous battle between the two— and hopefully, your boyfriend would win. you’re rooting for him.

san groans something that you make out to say “take this off,” but he’s enjoying every minute of it. he feels like he’s gonna cum in his pants from the way mingi is undressing you.

mingi takes your sweats off first, then proceeds to taking off your tanktop. you gasp and try to cover your chest as he takes your bra off with only one hand. when he sees your hands fly up to cover yourself, he pins your wrist between his large hands.

“let’s not act all modest now, y/n.”

he proceeds to sliding your soaked panties off, a string of arousal connected to your pussy makes mingi groan, and san’s eyes roll.

mingi pulls you by your hair and bends you over the dresser in front of san. he stands beside your bare body, staring at san through the reflection of the mirror. both of their breaths pick up at the sight, mingi glaring at san and watching him stare at his naked girlfriend.

“i’m gonna ask you once, y/n. is he better?” mingi challenges you in answering the question you fear your life to answer. of course san was better at sex, but you’d never admit to your boyfriend.

“fuck! no, please—“ you feel your legs weaken as mingi plunges two fingers into your sopping cunt, not giving you the chance to answer his question. he lands a sharp slap onto your cunt, making your body shiver.

“no?” his fingers move quickly, feeling the way you’re about to cum all over his fingers. he feels you sucking him in and clenching around his long fingers, so he pulls out before you could release.

“i’m sorry! i’m sorry, mingi.” your breath hitches as you cry out in desperation for a release— and a hint of guilt. you literally feel like karma is biting you in the ass, no matter how pleasured you are.

with your juices all over his middle fingers, mingi’s tall and lean figure walks over to san and rips the tape off of his face. san winces in pain, a smirk plastered all over his face. a soft red tint blankets his skin as he takes in a deep breath and licks his puffy lips.

“open— there you go. taste my girlfriend’s cum all over my fingers.” mingi groans— impossibly but somehow possibly— growing harder at the action of his friend sucking your precum off his fingers.

“she tastes phenomenal, mingi. you’ve missed out.” san breathes out deeply after mingi releases his fingers with a pop. you watch the entire scene happen before you, your thighs clenching with need. you’re taken aback when mingi grips the back of san’s head, forcing him to stand up straight.

“y/n, come here.” you follow his command weakly. you immediately fall to your knees before the two men, legs shaking as mingi moves the strand of hair that delicately falls on your forehead. he makes you seem so innocent, but he knows, and so do you and san know, that that is far from what you are.

san watches as you drool before your boyfriend. “open your mouth, pretty girl,” san speaks up as he lands a wad of spit onto your tongue. you swallow with pride, watching mingi glare at the encounter before him.

“you just open your mouth to anyone, mm?” mingi is upset, but san is so fucking turned on, he literally feels like he’s gonna explode.

you (un)intentionally unzip mingi’s pants, looking san in the eyes. you pull the band of his boxers down, revealing his aching cock, just for you to claim into your throat. you lick a long stripe up the length, not breaking eye contact with san as you so whore-ishly suck on your boyfriend’s cock.

“thinking of me, butterfly? remember me when you fuck him, ‘kay?” the man says as you take mingi’s entire length into your mouth, the aching tip touching the back of your throat making your eyes water.

as his hand starts forming a makeshift ponytail and pushing your head down, san wishing he can break free from the restrains on his hands. he so badly wants to pull out his painful cock and start stroking himself before the both of you.

“mingi, you’re so big. how’s she gonna take you?” san questions, his breath hitching and deepening.

“she’s been stretched out enough. i’m sure you’re loose now from all the dick you’ve been taking while i was gone, yeah?” he pulls you off of his length to throw you onto the bed like a ragdoll.

you gasp at the action, san’s head turning to face you as he whines.

“please, untie me. wanna cum so bad.”

mingi ignores his friend’s cries, moving down to spit on your abused cunt. he slides his tank top off, throwing it somewhere in the room as he leans down to plant a kiss on your forehead. a sign of care slightly shows in mingi’s eyes, but the way he plunges his cock so hard into you immediately blocks out the kind gesture he gave you. your legs jolt at the powerful and radical thrusts that mingi gives you, crying out for mercy.

“fuck, mingi sl-slow down! it hurts,” you’re not sure if you want him to stop, but it hurts so good.

he lands a painfully sharp slap onto your right tit, making you wince out in pain and pleasure.

“yeah? but you can fuck san for days and not say anything? who’s hurt, darling? which one of us is really hurt?” you feel so fucking guilty. your eyes well up in tears as you try to apologize, because mingi’s given you nothing but love, respect, support, and most of all, he understood you the way no one else could.

how could you do something so terrible to him?

“i’m sorry! i’m so fucking sorry-“ you’re reaching your orgasm, cumming on the base of mingi’s cock. he feels you clenching around him as his thrusts come to a slow. his hand rubs on the red area on your chest, leaving a kiss on the irritated spot.

“yeah? how sorry? use your words,” his deep voice is so beautiful, it almost makes you cum again from the way he’s talking in your ear.

“f-for fucking your friends, i— fuck, please—“ you cry out.

while san watches, a spot on his pants becomes a darker shade, indicating that he literally came in his pants. he’s been moaning and whining and whimpering, all while mingi fucks you senseless.

“listen to me, hyung. if you ever get near my girl again, i’ll fucking kill you, you hear me?” mingi doesn’t face san, nor does he blink. he doesn’t break eye contact with you as he pounds into you deeply, hitting your cervix over and over, making you squirt around him and staining his sheets. his hand caresses your cheek as his warm minty breath fans into your face. his eyes roll to the back of his head, listening to your cries.

san doesn’t answer. instead, he groans and tries to wriggle his hands out of the restraints. he watches his friend fuck you hard, wishing it were him. he’s fucked you all 14 days, he just can’t get enough.

neither can mingi— as he licks up the tears that flow onto your cheeks.

“why are you crying, hm? do you feel sorry for being a slut behind my back?” mingi’s faux concern masks his lust, making you clench around him for the fourth time tonight.

“you’re clenching me so tight, oh my goddd, ‘m not going anywhere,” he pulls out before you can cum around him, standing up to untie san.

“fuck, thank you, mingi.” san hurries to take his pants off and stand before you, stroking his painfully hard cock. mingi watches as san gets off on his own girlfriend, not understanding how he hasn’t killed him yet for looking at you.

“you can fuck her, and don’t hold back. she likes it hard.” mingi speaks up, making your heart drop to your ass as you’re about to cheat on your boyfriend again, in front of him.

“m-mings—“ you’re silenced by san’s hand around your mouth as he immediately plunges his long and familiar cock into your wet, stretched out pussy. he pounds into you almost in an animalistic manner, making your vision cloud and your stomach clench from the painful orgasm.

“don’t call out for him, i’m the one fucking you, look at me.” he groans out as he grabs your chin, forcing you to watch him fuck you again.

mingi sits where san was, jerking off his long and hard length from how hot it was that you were so helpless and ‘innocent’ from fucking someone else.

“slap her.”

san lands a sharp slap on the left side of your face, grabbing your jaw and moving you back into place just to slap you again.

he repeats the action one more time as you slap him back. his thrusts stop. feeling disrespected and taken aback, san thrusts into you harder as your body jolts and shakes. you squirt again, all over san as mingi whimpers and groans from beside you.

“shit! i’m cumming, fucking cumming, mingi. where—“ you whine out again, mingi standing up and reaching his orgasm as well.

“me too, fuck— cum on her tits, all over her.”

“cum all over me, please—“ you whine out with a dry throat while both men release their load all over your chest, even on your chin.

“so much cum, just for my bitch, yeah?” mingi groans breathily as you nod for him in response.

san walks away to clean up and put his clothes on in the bathroom, leaving the two of you alone.

“go near that fucker again, i’ll kill the both of you in a heartbeat. am i clear?” he says with a doe eyed smile as if he was a puppy, planting a kiss on your plump lips.

“y-yes.”

————

i—

my god.

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Headcanon, since it’s Mother’s Day, that Mother’s Day is a huge event in the mansion.

Slender’s brothers always come over and help out, as do the rest of the creeps. Slender’s mother and Toby’s mother will both come over, and everyone else always tries to make the day special for them.

Both of those moms do a lot of cooking for everyone, so in return everyone does a bunch of cooking for them, and it’s all of their favorite foods. The girls take them out to go to the spa and get manicures and pedicures, and they go out for lunch while the guys are back at the mansion cooking and decorating. When they return, they’re presented with the gifts that everyone has gotten for them, and then they have a nice Mother’s Day dinner.

Toby is practically glued to his mom’s side whenever he can be, trying to do whatever he can for her because she’s all he has left and she wants today to be as special for her as it can be. The Slender brothers are extra attentive with their mom as well, especially considering they don’t often get to see her because of their conflicting schedules.

I think it makes both of the moms incredibly happy that everyone in the mansion does their best for them because of the fact that to everyone in the mansion they are their mother figures.

They all sit around the table talking and laughing while they eat, with the moms sharing a few stories about their children growing up, some of which are embarrassing much to the chagrin of said children. By the end of the night Slender’s mom takes her leave so she can go celebrate Mother’s Day with their father, but I think Toby’s mom probably spends the night before heading back to Earth from the Underworld the following day.

However, as night sets in, a few of the creeps also sneak out of the mansion to pay some visits. BEN/Jane/Nina always goes to visit their respective mom’s gravestones on Mother’s Day, staying there for hours at a time, because it’s days like today that they miss their moms the most.

The other creeps that had good, loving parents that are still living also sneak out, enviously looking through windows, checking on them to make sure they’re doing okay. Creeps like Tim/Brian/Kate/Puppeteer that (in my canon) had loving parents and loving homes long so strongly to be able to just pay them a visit, tell them that they’re okay, they’re still here after all these years, but they can’t. Despite their longing, they settle for watching from a distance, and leaving anonymous gifts like flowers on doorsteps.

Creeps that didn’t have good mothers spend the night together, having done their best to make the day special for the two invited moms. Jeff/Liu/Natalie/Helen comfort each other, bittersweet about the fact that they wish they had a mom of their own to celebrate, a mom that was much kinder than the ones they were born to. However, they can’t do anything about that fact, so they turn to each other and the incredible mother figures they now have to fill that void.

Mother’s Day is always a big event, and it’s also one of the more emotional days of the year for the creeps. However, all of them are in agreement that no matter what they’ll always appreciate the two women that now care for all of them and do their best to support them.

[gourdyshome]

THAT EX PATRICK BLURB…….. you may have ATE i fear… bcs he IS self destruction. (there’s some references to casual by chappell roan i couldnt help myself hehe)

can’t let himself have true happiness bcs deep down he feels like he hasn’t done anything to deserve it. his corrupted parents could not give less of a shit abt him when he wasn’t winning tennis championships, so why are you, a perfect, untainted angel, worshipping him like a god no matter what he does?

he doesn’t want to fuck other girls, their pussy doesn’t even feel good, but he feels like he has to. so he does, but doesn’t tell anyone how he can only cum if he thinks about you. doesn’t tell anyone that if he gets too lost in the sex, he has to bite his tongue from letting your name slip from his lips. doesn’t tell anyone how after sex, he just leaves, because he can’t bring himself to hold the girl how he held you.

it hurts to live life without you, so he tries filling the void of you with more nameless girls and forgettable parties. which makes life feel shittier, the feeling of which he tries fixing with more parties and one night stands. it’s a vicious fucking cycle.

and you’re not doing any better, either. he’s heard from mutual friends that you’re confused and hurt, that they see you cry almost every time they visit you, and that, apart from going to class, you don’t go out anymore. not with friends, not to parties. patrick hates that he’s the reason for all this, he genuinely despises himself for hurting his girl. he wants to come see you, but he can’t.

after a month of so of wallowing in self pity, you decide to finally go out. fuck patrick, you think. you go to this party your friends were talking about, and how patrick was gonna be a think of the past after this. you enter, immediately grabbing a drink and mingling with people and finally smiling and enjoying yourself for the first time in a while. that is, until you notice a tall, blonde girl pinned against the wall, moaning as a guy shoves his tongue down her throat. ugh, thanks for the painfully brutal reminder that i’m single, you say to the universe.

you can’t see the guy because there’s people standing in front of you, but when they shuffle out of your eyeline, you catch a glimpse of those unmistakable curls. it… can’t be him, right? you watch them from afar for a while to accept that yes, that is patrick zweig. her hands run through his hair, and he grabs her ass. you feel sick to your stomach. he’s kissing her with the same lips he kissed you, touches her with the same hands he held you. you push through the sea of people to go outside, you can’t breathe. you cause a bit of a scene and eyes watch you as you leave in a hurry, including patrick’s. he had no idea you were gonna be here. tells the girl to fuck off, and follows you outside.

you’re standing there, arms wrapped around yourself, trying to breathe in the chilly november air and calm down. he waits, a minute passes, then two, and for the first time in his life, he doesn’t know what to say. or how to approach you. you feel his presence. you know it’s him. you’ve always been able to tell when he was around. soulmates, you used to say. sounds so naive in hindsight. he touches your shoulder, you break down. you turn around to face him. “god, patrick, i can’t get rid of you! you’re fucking everywhere! i-in the mattress, in my s-sheets, in m-my clothes, in my fucking textbooks… and now here? why won’t you just leave? i-i can’t breathe around you anymore!” smudged mascara runs down your face. patrick bites the inside of his cheek, he’s not gonna keep it together for very long if he sees you crying. he feels sick knowing he’s responsible. he tries to wipe your tears. you flinch away. “don’t fucking touch me! you lost that right a long time ago.”

in his head, he’s still just protecting you from himself. so he says something without thinking. in actuality, he’s also trying to protect himself from getting hurt, and his hands retreat into his pockets and he shrugs coldly. “i don’t know what to tell you… we were casual, sweetheart.” a beat passes. you look at him through hazy eyes, with heartbreak, confusion, a sense of betrayal and vitriolic rage. “c-casual? were we ‘casual’ when you were knee deep in the fucking passenger seat, and you were eating me out?? mumbling shit about ‘i can’t wait to keep doing this for the rest of my life?’ or were we casual when we had been dating for two weeks and your mom invited me to her house in long beach for the day? for fuck’s sake, you said you loved me while we were having sex!”

every word feels like a dagger to his heart, because he knows he can’t keep justifying his behaviour to himself. still, he keeps the act up. asks you, “why are you so bitter?” you are genuinely floored… was everything a lie? “you fucked me in the bathroom when we went to dinner while your parents were at the fucking table! …and you wonder why i’m bitter?! you said… you could never see yourself with another girl, and here you are, shoving your tongue down some blonde’s throat a month later. fuck you, patrick zweig.”

he doesn’t know what to do anymore. he needs you back. he can’t breathe when you’re not around.

(maybe that’s why that other girl’s mouth was on his… she was just giving him mouth to mouth CPR!! 😍😝)

ps: i did not proofread this, i’m rawdogging it… i hope it slays xx

oh girl ... patrick kissing a hundred girls in bars ... speak on it!!!

i feel like he's such a douche that he would decide to try and apologize in the cheesiest way possible. literally googles "movie apologies" to get ideas. picks a day when it's supposed to rain, buys your favorite flowers and the most overpriced chocolate he can find. and then he's at your door, like a kicked puppy, soaked to the bone and holding a bouquet of carnations in one hand, a package of fannie may mint meltaways in the other.

i'm sorry, he says. i was an asshole, i was wrong. i should've never broken it off with you, i was scared and a coward. i don't deserve a second chance, he tells you. and then he asks for one anyways.

and maybe it's the rain, but you let him in. you let him press you up against the wall, soggy and water-logged, dripping all over the hardwood floor of your apartment. fuck, that's gonna come out of your security deposit. but when he's kissing you like this, like he needs you more than anything else, like he's missed you with his heart and soul ... you can't bring yourself to give a fuck about that $200.

he fucks you slow and sweet that night. missionary, which is rare for patrick. he tells you i wanna see you, baby, missed you so much. missed your lips, your body, your perfect fuckin' tits. god, you're so wet. missed this little pussy, pulling me in like y'r made for me, god -

you fall asleep wondering if he'll leave before morning. he falls asleep wondering the same.

[doxypsychlean]

Hi! Could do a Aegon II Targaryen x Targaryen niece reader. Like there married and they get in a fight over something little and he disappears for the night and she thinks she he's cheating. But he's out been flying his dragon. Happy at the end please?

Pour Me Another

Aegon II Targaryen x Targ!Reader

Warnings: More Targcest

Thou shan't repost/copy/ translate any of my work or I'll sneak into your home late at night and bite your toes off!

English isn't my first language. I don't proofread. I slap commas wherever I feel they're needed.

A/N: Welp, idk about yall but to me, this is as close as we can get to a happy end w her thinking he's cheating.

It had been long since the last log in the fireplace had turned to ash and the fire had died. The wind that was coming through the wide open windows let out another enraged howl as it stormed into the room. It was gone just as quickly as it had arrived, leaving the young woman to stare at the canopy as she laid on the bed, not moving a muscle. She kept going over what had happened few hours earlier, in her head.

"I do not ask much of you, Aegon, just do not make a fool out of me for everyone at court to see!"

"I have done no such thing! I was just having fun! Nothing happened between me and that girl!"

"I do not care,Aegon! Have your way with as many whores as you wish, but have the dignity to do it behind closed doors!"

She winced at the memory of his pained expression. The way he dropped at her feet, knees slamming into the ground. Aegon crawling over to her, hands reaching for hers.

"Why don't you trust me? I haven't been with another! I love you..."

Then came the slap. Her heart acted, before her mind. The thought of him, touching her with the same hands he'd used on those whores, filled her with disgust. Resentment. Jealousy.

"Do not say that again."

The woman turned on her side, hands clutching at her throat. She tried to swallow the lump, but the thing refused to go away. Her eyes were burning with angry tears. She sat up with her head lulling, as if she'd downed an entire barrel of the finest Dornish wine.

His eyes. Those crystal eyes, who'd been turned to her and only her, ever since they were children. They held nothing but pain in that moment, after she'd slapped him.

"I'll go..."

"Back to your whores, I suppose. Have you no shame? None at all?!"

Aegon left her there, quickly getting back to his feet and scurrying out of their shared chambers.

Another freezing howl came from outside, the sound bouncing off of the walls. She got up from the bed and made her way over to the fireplace, stumbling around as she walked. She stopped between the two chair, right in front if the table, where a few clean cups and a wine jug stood.

"He left me. Again." She whispered to herself, vision going blurry. "Again."

Hands slammed down on the table, the woman bending over slightly. She felt sick. Her throat had gone dry, and that lump... Still there, not budging.

Trembling fingers reached over to one of the clean cups. The woman straightened her back, her whole body swaying from side to side. Her brows furrowed, face twisting. She swung, the cup falling from her hand and into the dead fireplace. Glass shattered with a horrified scream for help, shards flying in all directions.

The doors behind her flew open, wood slamming into the walls. The hinges protested loudly, creaking as they were forcibly stretched to their full.

"What's going on?" Aegon's voice rang through the room, eyes trying to adjust to the darkness. He saw nothing at first. The silence had set back in, staring from above as the Prince looked around the room, searching for the intruder.

"Got your fill for one night?" A low voice came from the void.

Another cup shattered, this one dangerously close to Aegon's head. It flew past him and hit the door, the Prince raising a hand just in time before the new wave of glass shards could meet his eyes.

"How were they? Any good? Tell me, husband..."

The voice was getting closer, accompanied by the sound of something dragging across the wall.

Her face showed from behind the door, the light of the candles in the corridor bouncing off of it.

"I wish to know."

Aegon tried to move towards her, but the woman stretched out her hand. He noticed the wine jug she was holding, half empty.

"You're drunk."

A scornful laugh came from her, but her mouth stayed closed. She looked up at him, eyes red and pupils constricted. Her tongue ran over her dry lips.

"I take after you."

Her head dropped back down with another laugh. Her shoulders shook with the sound, chest going up and down fast. She lost her balance as she put the jug next to her lips.

"Now that I am a drunkard, like you, all I need is to find me a few whores to keep me occupied." The woman said with a smack of her lips. A floppy grin twisted her face, but her eyes stayed the same- cold and distant. As if she was far,far away. "Have to fill the time when I'm not drinking with something."

Aegon tore the jug out of her hand as she tried to take another swig. The woman hissed, hand reaching to take it back. Aegon wrapped his free hand around her waist, the one with the jug going high above their heads.

"Tell me, husband..." The word came out with a growl. "Do you not wish me to be like you? That way I'll stay out your way. I won't torture you. We'll both be free to do what we want."

She dropped her hands down, her head turned to the side.

The wind came back once more, the still open doors swaying violently as the unwanted guest strode in through the windows.

"It wouldn't be that bad, you know?" The woman whispered. "You'll be with all the servant girls and whores you want. And I..."

She trailed off as she reached to fix the chain that was hanging around Aegon's neck.

"Well, maybe I will take Ser Erryk for myself. Or Ser Arryk. Maybe both of them?"

Aegon frowned, his top lip curving in a snarl. His grip on her got stronger, fingers digging into the soft flesh.

"What? You can fuck half the Red Keep, but I can't enjoy the company of two handsome knights?" She teased. "Maybe I will seek them out on the morrow, once you're gone."

Aegon shook her, her head swinging as he did.

"You will do no such thing." The Prince said, pointed at her face with the same hand he was holding the wine jug with.

She eyed the thing, hunger in her eyes. Then those same hungry eyes looked past the jug and to his. A shiver ran down her back, the skin of her bare arms prickling.

"Why? Give me one good reason to not do it."

Aegon rolled his eyes, then let go of her. He took a step back, head shaking.

"Because I love you."

"I told you not to say that. Not to me." The woman closed the distance between them once more, chest touching against his. "You can lie to them all you want, if those women are foolish enough to believe it. But not me."

"I am not lying to you." Aegon said as he walked past her. He circled around one of the chairs in front of the fireplace, then sat down. His fingers ran over the glass jug one last time, then he placed it back on the table. "I wish you could see that..."

"If you're not lying to me, then why did you leave me again?" Her voice came from his left, slurring as she reached for one of the two remaining cups, then the jug. After, she sat down next to him, on the other chair. "You left me, so you can go back to them."

"I didn't. I was out with Sunfyre." Aegon admitted as he took the jug from her again. He reached for the other cup.

"Why?" She asked before she downed hers.

"I...I wanted to..." He was watching her from the corner of his eye, not sure of what to say.

"To get away from me?" Her cup hit the table. She bent forward, hands burying themselves in her silver-white hair.

"Do you think you'll ever find it in yourself to believe me?" The Prince asked, one leg crossing over the other as he leaned back. "I wasn't lying, I haven't been with another in... a while now."

"I doubt it." She whispered as she pushed her long hair away from her face, then turned to look at Aegon. "There will always be a part of me that will question you."

"Why?"

"What you've been doing throughout all these years has showed me all I need to know."

Her hands ran over the naked skin of her arms, just now realizing how cold it actually was. Aegon stood up as he unclasped his cloak. He stopped in front of her, then threw it over her shoulders.

"You lie, you drink, you bed every single woman that you lay eyes on. How can what you say ever be true?" Trembling fingers wrapped around the cloak, pulling it closer around her body.

Aegon walked over to the windows and shut them.

"It's late." He said. "And you're drunk."

The woman nodded her head with a giggle. She got up, leaving his cloak to hang off the chair.

"I'm also freezing." She announced, body swaying from side to side.

She was no longer feeling angry. In fact, she wasn't feeling anything. Just cold. And tired.

She stumbled as she got on her feet, knocking one of the cups on the floor.

Aegon reached her with a few big strides, then he picked her up. Another giggle came from her, hands wrapping around his neck as the Prince made his way to their bed

He put her down and pushed her back. Her head hit the mattress, bouncing up and down. Aegon laid beside her, then covered their bodies with the blankets.

She turned her back to him, then one hand reached back for his. She draped it over her body, eyes falling shut as he pulled her closer.

"Maybe one day..."

He placed a kiss on the crook of her neck, then sighed.

"I hope...Until then, I love you."

She didn't protest this time.

Aegon watched her for a bit, her body going up and down with every breath. Then his eyes closed.

The wind let out one last roar as it slammed against the shut windows, desperately trying to crawl back inside.

"I love you too."

[credince--writes]

Deep In Those Woods.

Keegan P. Russ x Fem!Reader

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3

AO3

You find a strange man in the woods, no doubt running from the federation. He seems, well, in simple terms beat to shit. May your act of kindness not go unpunished.

...

Alr guys, I've tried my hand at writing x reader but it goes so much goddamn faster writing for vague characters versus 'yourself'. BUT IMA TRY IT AGAIN BITCH!

It wasn't no man's land, but it had seemed no man dared to step into these treacherous lands.

Of course, until they did.

The thick woods, large mountains, and the pure water of the creeks that ran through the lands were seemingly forgotten.

Of course, it was, all until it wasn't.

It started with limited activity, maybe a helicopter, maybe the sound of a plane buzzing past too high in the sky to really know who or what it exactly was.

That's around the time he went missing, your brother that is.

The presence of Federation soldiers was small but large enough to know that this wasn't a simple injury in the woods- a broken ankle, anything of the sort would've been called through the radio.

You'd trusted him enough, trusted his skills to not fall victim to a bear attack. You'd both been raised out here- knew how it worked. It would take more than the maternal rage of a bear protecting her cubs to take either of you down.

Your father was what you'd consider a prepper. Long paranoid and embodied with the 'True American Passion', which was then instilled into you both from a young age. The property was bought long ago and turned into an off-the-grid homestead far away from the nearest town. When the evacuations had begun the two of you had waited before looting.

It seemed wrong at first.

But it was for the best.

The broken windows of the old shopfronts a days travel one way you'd gazed through as a little girl. Ripping open the doors to cars to pump the diesel from their tanks. The cases of fuel stabilizers were put to good use after managing to hotwire an old truck.

There was resistance, but if your father had taught you anything it was to stay far, far away from organizations like that. The kind that would preach equality, to give to the poor and help the weak but would strip you of your resources if they only knew how well you were stocked.

It wasn't selfish, no.

This was survival.

But that was a long time ago.

Dad died of a heart attack a few years ago. He was buried under that apple tree he'd snap a branch from to beat either of you two if God forbid you stepped out of line.

Seemed like a fitting place.

Better than feeding him to the pigs.

Civilization had started to heal itself, the local farmers proving their worth after the large highway's bridges were blown up. She'd remember vaguely hearing it was the ranchers, banding together to protect their lands.

Either way, whoever had done it had done a good job. The landscape protected those who called it home, those who respected the danger of its beauty.

And the days would blend together- the crippling feeling of loneliness, the suffocating sound of silence filling the cabin. You prayed your brother was alright- you could feel, deep down, that he was, he had to be alright. But you couldn't go look for him-

You weren't naive.

You know what they'd do to you if they captured you.

Your knowledge wasn't useful to them, no something much more horrifying.

Your body.

The soft clucks of chickens could only do so much to fill the void- the carnal need for social interaction. Even the arguments over the smallest things with your brother scratched the necessary itch, but once all of the chores had been done, everything dusted, organized, canned, prepped, dinner made, herbs dried, pillows fluffed, clothes mended.

You'd sit in silence.

Waiting.

...

Keegan was tired.

Exhausted.

Running on the fumes of fumes.

And God, did everything hurt.

He'd been hurt worse before- he thinks. But he knew it was starting to get bad, really, really bad when he could no longer feel the piercing pain in his chest, the throb of his ribs, the searing pain in his thigh.

His attackers hadn't survived- he knew that much. But his radio had fallen victim, and as much as he hated to admit it, he was close to being a casualty as well.

But he was stubborn.

The kind of stubborn bred into his genes.

He kept moving, stumbling through the forest bouncing from one tree to the next, tripping over himself and sending himself tumbling over a ledge and into a creek.

The water was cold-

He could feel the water slowly trickling over his cheek, soaking into his clothes as the soothing song of the water meandered past lulled his sight into darkness.

...

You suppose you could fill part of today's void with laundry, maybe even dipping your feet into the creek would bring some kind of temporary relief. The song of the creek shooing away the silence while you'd crouch in its safety.

Pulling the basket down, making your way out and through the pathways feeling the morning sun kiss the back of your neck as you marched seemingly on autopilot through the trail and onward.

The songbirds in the morning, the light hazy sound that the bugs would make as they hid in their crevices.

The sound of your footsteps soft against the fallen leaves and moss, the occasional squelch of mud.

Making your way to the creek, finding the large rock you'd sit on, and waiting to procrastinate the inevitable chore you'd find yourself mindlessly toiling at until sunset.

But there was a boot.

Why was there a boot in the water?

Your eyes narrowed at it, fell to its side sunken, and caught against stones with its added water weight.

Fear crept up the back of your neck as the implications of another person nearby becoming much, much more material. It wasn't something that could simply drift along the creek-

someone was here.

And there was no way to know if they were friendly- if there even was such a thing as friendly anymore.

Hesitantly, pushing your hands onto the cold stone and stepping into the creek, leaning forward to peer up the stream for your eyes to land on what was seemingly a corpse-

missing a boot.

A rifle strewn to his side, a mask, a helmet- a thick vest with a seemingly endless number of things tacked and strapped onto it.

This was a soldier.

You stepped forward, against better judgment to further investigate, eyes falling on the deathly pale skin. Hand reaching hesitantly up to grip the hem of the mask, some kind of skull-like distortion painted into the worn fabric.

Their black grease paint smeared and mixed with blood, eyes shut-

Which is why you felt like you'd jumped out of your skin when his eyes opened in a flash- the moment you'd tugged the mask upward. A large hand splashing through the shallow water and gripping onto your wrist, grip deathly strong as you shrunk back trying to pull your wrist away.

"Ssm.. Away." He shouted, voice slurred and eyes staring off into nothing as if his cold and tense body was acting on nothing but instinct.

English?

Was he-

He just spoke English.

He was American-

His grip became weak, his hand falling to his side as his head lolled as he lost consciousness again. Your body sparks like a live wire as you lunged forward, hands gripping onto his vest and calling out to him, trying to have him open his eyes again to speak, to clarify a thousand questions racing through your mind at that moment.

Your head lifted, frantically searching your surroundings trying to see if anyone had been with him. Letting out a frustrated puff and standing, trying to grip onto a strap on his vest and dragging the accumulated sopping wet dead weight of the large, unconscious man onto the moist dirt shoreline of the small creek.

Struggling- thoroughly before getting his upper body onto the dirt looking around as if questioning your own sanity.

Was this a good idea?

How could it be a good, idea- this was a red-flag paradise.

But, he was American.

That didn't mean he had good intentions.

But he is a soldier-

You think.

You think he is a soldier.

Why would a soldier be all the way out here?

Mercenary maybe?

A theif?

Your eyes narrowed on the thin line of blood tricking through he exposed flesh of his mask, over his eye.

You exhaled, closing your eyes and bunching your hands at your side while you started running back for home.

Throwing a pot of water onto the wood stove to start boiling, scattering out a bag and gripping the handles of the wheelbarrow full of firewood, dumping its contents out onto the soft earth before yanking it back and charging forward on the path to the creek.

Loading the man's body into the wheelbarrow was easier said than done.

You weren't proud to say it, but you did drop him.

More than once.

A few times, actually. Finally opting to throw his upper body in first, lifting his legs with all the energy you could muster and finally tucking his arms in as if you hadn't just dropped him like a sack of shit seven times prior.

Pushing him towards your home.

Simply pushing the wheelbarrow into the open space of your living room, pushing the couch as far back against the wall, and dumping his body out onto the wooden plank flooring near the stove.

Shucking the vest, the gear, unstrapping the gun, and putting it far, far away. The knives kept coming, tucked into random spots, hidden and clipped and strapped under every layer.

The mask was finally removed from his face.

The pants went too.

You'd forgotten his other boot in the water- you'd have to get it later.

It was like finding a stray dog- a dirty, bloody, unconscious dog.

But it was a large, shirtless, stinky man on the floor of your cabin.

You'd leave those thoughts for later.

You tended to his wounds, cleaning the blood from his skin, disinfecting and pulling the gunk from his cuts, carefully stitching the long gash on his thigh back together.

Setting a pillow under his head as his breathing began to even out, the heat of the fire warming his skin and bringing color back to it.

The many scars that rippled across his flesh.

You sat back, exhausted, staring at the rise and fall of his bruised chest. Listening to the sound of his breathing, albeit faint.

But all you could think about wasn't the fear gripping onto your ankles like a vice.

It wasn't silent anymore.

[eclipse-rain]

'Awalie (Once; in the Past) Part 2

☆☆☆

They rly dont be lying when they say fanfic writers be going through the most.

Guys i swear theres a plot twist in part 3 so pls stick around🙏

Anyway i hope ye enjoy part 2~

Part 1 Part 3

Masterlist~

Water lapped at the shoreline, bathing the sand in its cold richness and pulling what it could away with it as it retreated back into the sea once more. The sun way up in the sky was setting on the horizon in the distance and painted the sky a firey orange colour. At least thats how he remebered it...

He remebered the calm silence and then the laughter that filled the surrounding space but could not fill the void in his heart. For that memory, that reminder, only continued to push his heart further into the depths of sorrow.

She stood in that water. The water that lapped at the grains of sand under her feet, wrapping around her ankles as if trying to wash away any worry she had. It wasnt the water he was used to now but the one on the planet that was only a distent memory to him, the Earth. Her clothes flowed behind her in the wind as she waded in knee deep. She bent down slightly only to emerge once again back to her original position, yet this time instead of looking to the ravishing horizan her attention had been captured by something in her hands.

A shell. One she had just picked up. Quite a large one, splashed with a beautiful array of colours. It sparkled in the light of the sun, the one that cast shadows onto the scene that played out down below it. A kaleidoscope of colours spread out onto the surface of the glittering, rippling water and for a moment everything seemed just right.

But this and many other memories plagued his mind and burdened him with many more thoughts. Memories from through out his life. That laughter, it came from a beautiful face, one which no matter how hard he tried to picture properly, he couldnt. The mind is fragile and as time wore on the memories themselves wore down too.

The girl whos face was familiar, recognisable but blurred all the same. He knew who she was, how could he forget? He could never forget her. He never did. She haunted him. He saw her hair, flowing behind her with the wind, her skin tone, her shape, her size, her height, the sound of her voice like a calm melody on the winds that blew past them and her laugh. He remembered it all. But when he looked to the place where her face should be her features were not as in depth as they should have been.

Not as visable as he once knew them to be when he had seen her in front of his face, with his own two eyes, his human eyes. When he had seen and known her in his first lifetime, in his lifetime before he became one of the people.

Jake Sully suddenly awoke in a cold sweat.

He hauled himself out of his resting place, the place he lay asleep in the tent he and his family stayed in within the residence of the Metkayina clan. The clan they were all now officially a part of, since his eldest son lay with their ancestors.

It had been over a month since the funeral, his final send off and he often times now too apeared in his fathers memories. He had confided this in his partner, like he did often times because he was always weak to her, because he could share anything with his mate, his soulmate. He had shared his memories about that girl with her too.

He confided in her the memories of that girl that plagued his mind even before he had left for the alien planet he now called home and strived to protect. They never really went away, those memories he had of her. Over time they, the images, the memories, had faded slightly but the emotional impact always remained, never less but sometimes more.

Sometimes when he was down the most her image, that one at the beach mostly, would flash in his mind and he couldn't help but flinch. A face much like his old one but not himself would follow there after, a ghost of a person long since at rest, at peace. His older brother. And maybe that was why he had always been so hard on the one that now lay with Eywa.

Losing your siblings, your family, the ones you strive to protect, the ones who you love and who love you back no matter what, is a pain that is indescribable and one that no one should have to go through. He and his mate had both lost their older sibling and they could safely and knowingly confide in each other about those things.

Both were lost to humans and now the same fate became of his eldest son, his other childrens older sibling. He started to wonder if maybe they were cursed. If maybe it was always going to be this way, planned out from the start. Was the cause for all of it Eywas plan...or the humans interferance? For she only kept the balance of life.

Eywa could not reach the planet where the people had killed their mother. Fate was cruel and unkind but humans were even more so. They tricked and decived and thought themselves right and worthy of the things they stole from others. They stole their mothers heart and with gun in hand pierced the place where she had trusted them not to shoot. For loving someone is like having them point a gun at your heart and trusting them not to pull the trigger.

And so if Jake Sully has learned anything its that humans cannot be trusted. Not unless they have proven themselves worthy. Proven themselves to be one of the people. Proven themselves to be a child of Eywa or even a human who was worthy of not being called by the title of demon.

~~~

"Say that again?"

"Twenty-one, Sixty-nine."

"Repeat it" You continued to ask over again

"Two. One. Six. Nine." He stated for the third time

"One more time"

"The year is 2169!" Neteyam repeated himself for the final time, exasperated

You paused trying to wrap your head around what you were being told. This couldn't be possible. You looked the exact same age and it was fifteen years into the future, never mind just six years! You wouldn't be twenty-two you would be thirty-one!

"You've got to be kidding me...You're joking right?

This was way too wierd, you were definitely sixteen mentally and physically.

Neteyam looked almost as worried by your reaction as you were about the information he gave you.

"Theres no way I'm fifteen years in the future..."

"Wait. What did you say? You're what...?"

"Oh God, dont make me repeat it." You stated while biting your thumb nail

"You said your 'fifteen years into the future'... is that even possible?"

"I dont know but thats what your telling me by saying its 2169. The last memory i have is when it was the year 2154 so please tell me your lying." You asked almost begging him to give you a diffrent, better, answer.

"Im afraid im not. Im not the type to play pranks on people, especially in this situation." He replied matter of factly and you had no choice but to believe him.

"So how old are you now then, i thought you were around my age." He asked

"I got shot and went into a coma only like a couple days after my sixteenth birthday from what i can remember so...i dont know."

You paced back and forth thinking it over a couple times in your head as the much taller male observed you steadily.

"Also the fact that i died just a couple days after my sixteenth birthday...what kind of bullsh*t life is that?" You asked rhetorically

"I died when i was fifteen."

You stopped in your trackes and faced the na'vi boy, who was aparently younger than you, deadpan - parden the pun.

"...alright, point taken."

You took a minute to absorb his words and fully take in their meaning leaving you even more puzzled than you already were if that was possible.

"Wait...what do you mean you died when you were fifteen?"

"It's kind of a long story but basically the humans shot me too and i died...i think, even though im alive right now. I'm assuming it was a human that shot you as well...like with a gun."

"Ya, it was." You replied

There was an awkward silence between the two of you for a brief moment

"...Well look at us...in this situation...together... This is fxcked, i dont even know what planet im on!"

"We're on Pandora"

"Yeah i sort of got that from the giant rainbow trees and the...well you. What i meant was i dont really know much about this planet so im basically lost."

"They must have brought you here while you were in your coma if you dont remember coming here"

"Yeah i think so too. So what do we do now?"

Before he had time to answer you a figure in the doorway snapped you both out of the intensity of your conversation.

Two people who wore long white coats stood underneath the frame. You knew immediately who they were since those coats were all too familiar to you, you had seen it on, now your most likely deceased, eldest brother.

Scientists. Human ones.

Before you could get a better look at them they had already fled and you would bet everything you had, which right now was really only the clothes on your back, that they were going to alert the other humans. Alert them that the one person who they shot to death and the other who they performed experiments on had woken up and may be potentially hostile.

Humans. They always jump to the worst possible conclusions first. Well, its to be expected since they probably knew they were in the wrong.

Oh, the guy you shot and the girl you experimented on woke up? Yeah, they would probably be pretty pissed, wouldnt you think so too?

Neteyam and i had no choice but to jump straight into action. We ran out the door as well and after the people who saw us. We wove down and out twists and turns and long hallways and eventually the people split up and went in diffrent directions.

Deciding it was best not to split up ourselves, we followed the female of the pair. We ended up getting ahead of her by cutting through a seperate room and waited for her around a corner up ahead as she ran towards us.

"What are we doing?! This is pointless, the other person still got away!" Neteyam asked you as you peered ever so slightly around the wall, waiting for the woman who was much the same height as you to get close enough to execute your plan.

"Shushhh! Watch and learn newbie"

Neteyam wondered for a time how you knew he was new to being in actual battles but didnt have much time to dwell on it as you lunged into action.

In a minute, with not a sound from the victim, you had her down and out and Neteyam helped you to drag her into the nearest unlocked, windowless, room. Here you and Neteyam both changed out of your hospital attire.

Neteyam changed into the clothes he had taken from the room you had both awoken in. Apparently they had been the same ones he wore when he was shot, he had snatched them up before running out to catch the scientists.

You, yourself, had no such clothes but opted to use the ones the female scientist had on. You now donned a black top, a long white fabric lab coat, black baggy cargo pants and black combat boots. To finish the look off you grabbed the womans clipboard, files and all, and made your hair look as presentable as you could.

You had enough conscience to at least clothed her in your previous attire instead of leaving her in her undergarments. If you wore her clothes it was easier to seek around this way, if you both got caught you could make up an excuse saying you caught Neteyam after he had awoken. You just had to hope that whoever caught you guys wouldn't know every scientist in the place off by heart. A mediocre and generic plan but the best you could come up with given the timing and situation.

With your mind on that as you both changed, Neteyams mind wandered to how you took down that scientist woman. He wondered how you did that when you were only a little older than him, a year at best. He wondered if human children were taught to fight differently than na'vi children were.

Or if prehaps they were taught earlier or more vigorously since there seemed to be such a diffrence in strength between you both. He also thought, since his dad had never mentioned such a thing about humans, that perhaps you had just been influenced to train hard by a person in your family. Or that you wanted to live up to the expectations of your family like he did. He wondered if they were kind...your family. He wondered if you would have acted differently towards him if you had both met under different circumstances.

This was all only his speculation. He could ask you, you were only a meter away from him, but did you really even know each other? You didn't. You both had met only an hour ago at most and made an ulikely team due to a common enemy and similarity within your goals but could he really trust you? You were a human after all.

The same humans who drove him from his home. Who murdered the tulkans and himself. The same humans who his mother and father fought against in the war...but also who his father came from. Who he was...is. And if his father was human and became one of the people and even Toruk Macto than maybe they weren't all bad.

His father was trusted among the people, made up for the mistakes he made and strived to protect the world that embraced and loved him. So why couldn't there be others like him? Good humans.

He was sure there was. Like Norm and the other avatars who had remained on Pandora after the war and his friend Spider who he grew up with. They all cemented this thought in him; that not all humans were bad. All those people showed him the life that the humans and na'vi could live if only the wars and fighting stopped and they chose to live together in harmony instead of bloodshed.

They came from very diffrent places. Diffrent planets even. So they would not always see eye to eye but that didn't mean they could never get along with each other. This was proven by his own blood. The blood that was his Mother and Fathers. His mixed human and na'vi blood that would bleed the path to tomorrow.

They bled the same.

Humans and na'vi.

For all his mixed blood it did not look any diffrent, any stranger, than it should of and that was shown as it flowed down those rocks and into the water as he layed dying. It flowed to Eywa and met her at the cross roads of life, death and rebirth.

It chanted to her a prayer. A prayer that she simply interpreted and concluded ment; If his death enticed revenge, war, and hatred than his rebirth will call for peace, tranquillity and rejoice. It would bleed the path to tomorrow and he would take his rightful place once again.

Where his rightful place was Neteyam wasnt so sure about anymore. He always thought it was to be the leader of his clan and to be the perfect son and eldest sibling. But now his position of Olo'eyktan for his clan was no more and while he had protected his siblings he had died in the process. His last words, being his true wish, never once uttered otherwise, to return back to the home they knew, the one they hailed from.

So in the future, he would work hard to find his place in this world, his world, but if he was going to do that he would have to focus on the now. Focus on the situation he was in right now and getting out of it safely so that he could reunite with his family. That was all he aimed for and he knew he couldn't do it by himself, he wasnt that thick headed unlike his younger brother and so if he had to enlist the help of a human to do so he would not hesitate.

And if at times when she fought the gleem in her eyes or the sharpness to their gaze reminded him of his father than that was only sturring him forward. Like a little reminder in the back of his mind telling him not to give up and to just keep going, keep pushing through.

"How did you know i was new to fighting in actual battles?" Neteyam remembered his thought from earlier and spoke it aloud to the much smaller human girl

"It's so obvious, i can tell by the way you conduct yourself." You replied with a lightness to your voice and a small laugh at the first part of your sentence.

You were both done changing now and knew time was of the essence, so while Neteyam was left to ponder your words once again you listened to the sounds beyond the windowless room and peeked through the keyhole to see if you could spot anything amiss on the other side.

Suddenly a blaring alarm went off and you both looked at each other in fright. You knew you were on the same wavelength by the nod you gave each other and made haste while exiting the room you had resigned yourselves to while getting changed.

You ducked under windows as you passed hallways and rooms swarmed with people, who were decked out in weaponry and looked like army soilders, scientists and even some avatars. The walls were painted red with a blinding light paired with the blaring siren most likely alerting those in the spaceship of your and Neteyams escape. After a while and some close calls you both made it to the room you were looking for.

The control room.

You and Neteyam peaked a look through a small circular window which let you view inside the room. You saw the room filled with various diffrent machines and pannels and one or two people in avatar bodies as well as many humans. You had to lure them away from there, if you wanted to escape, that is, and you most definitely did.

The only question was how did you do that exactly?

Neteyam and you shared a look. Alarms were still blaring in the distance and you could hear the flustered footsteps of the people outside the control room shuffling around not too far away.

Thats when you both decided to split up. You gave him a signal, putting two fingers to your forehead and pointing them in the direction you were going. You were going to create a distraction while he entered the control room admitsed the chaos. But you could not put your plan into action before he grabed your arm, hauling you back before you could leave.

He didnt have to say anything, you knew what he was thinking, what he ment. You knew that it would be better for him to create the distraction while you entered the control room : Because if any humans stayed there or if the distraction didnt work, you would be less noticeable sneaking in than him. But you wanted to let him do it since it seemed more dangerous to let him go by himself deeper into the spaceship.

He had no real battle experience, you could see it in the way he conducted himself. Everything was so practiced, like he had been well trained but it was just that. It was too rehersed, too stiff ; his stances, his footwork, it wasnt like that of a real fight, of real experience. But you wained and finally gave in to the look in his eyes that somehow reminded you of your brothers, maybe it was the determination. To what? Prove himself?

To you? Or to himself? Even if that ment he would have to fight. If it ment he could get hurt. He had already died once so what was one more time? Although he might not be so lucky as to return from the dead like he had the first time.

Finally, not wanting to waste anymore time, you gave him a swift nod and headed to the room you had earlier pointed Neteyam to go into before you had switched roles. You didnt have time to talk about where or when you would both meet up again but that was the least of your problems. You had to focus on the task at hand and get yourselves out of there before you were caught once again : Because the next time they caught you, you knew they would make sure you could not escape again.

Neteyam slunk off farther into the spaceship and eventually dipped out of your sight. Hiding yourself away in a room just opposite the control room : you waited for whatever he was planning. You closed the door and rested your head aginst the door, listening. You could hear your own breaths, the beating of your heart ; with all the adrenaline pumping through your veins you hadnt realised how scared you actually were.

The dents in your palms from where the screws of the window pierced your skin earlier tingled and itched a firey sensation all along them. But you did not have time to think about that as sweat poured down your forehead and along the bridge of your nose as you waited anxiously ; flexing your fingers as if cracking your knuckles without any sound. You peered through the keyhole for any sign of the people in the control room leaving, any moment now they would.

Only you wondered if you would be able to get up now that you had sat down. Somewhat relaxed now, your legs felt like jelly once again, just like they had when you had first awoken. Only this time is was from nerves. Could you really do this? No. It wasnt a matter of wheather you could or not. You had to do this! If you didnt you wouldnt just be risking your own life but Neteyams as well.

No matter how scared, nervous, anxious or unsure you were, it was either do or die. Thats what the situation you were in right now was and there was nothing you could do to change it : Because you would rather die then let them experiment on you again and you would rather die than drag someone else down with you, even if it was someone you had only met a little while ago.

Noticing an air vent at the other end of the room near the floor, you made your way over and tried to see through to the other end. Only seeing darkness, you proceeded to look around the room again to see if you could find anything to help you take the screws off the corners. Grabbing a lone scissors off of the nearest table you got to work. Being as quiet as you could, they fell to the floor one after the other. A little while later you removed the cover of the vent from the wall and placed it on the floor before slipping into the vent.

It seemed to perfectly fit you and you couldn't have been more thankfull for it. You couldnt do nothing while Neteyam was working hard to figure out how to distract your captors ; You at least had to figure out where the vent led if nothing else and if it led somewhere that benifited you both than all the more power to you. You had already swiftly reached the end and started making your way back to the room you had entered the vent from when you realised how long it had been since Neteyam had left you by yourself.

Although you didnt know what distraction he was planning or how he would manage it, all you could do as you waited was feel how helpless you really were. What if he failed and got caught? How would you know? Would you have to go rescue him? Could you really do it on your own? What if they just kill him on sight? Then you would be all alone. You would have to make the distraction yourself ; get yourself out of there without anyone to rely on, to share your burden, to help you along. And for some unknown reason you already had a fondness for the teen you had met not so long ago.

In the momentary time you let your faith in him waver you were brought back to reality by the growing noise outside of the room. Scurrying over to the door once again you looked out of the keyhole ; a fare amount of the people in the control room had left it, running, for whatever reason. Whatever Neteyam had done it had worked wonderfully in your favor.

The only people left in there were the pilot and copilot and a person in an avatar body who had left the room and was now stationed patroling the hall right in front of the door. It seemed they had been planning for the ship to take off just before you and Neteyams little escape. Noticing the guard, you racked your brain, remembering every possible bits and pieces of training you had done. You had been just as energetic of a child as your second brother Jake, preferring the outside, the adventure, rather than the books like your eldest brother.

Although, they had both taken extra care to make sure you could take care of yourself. Sure, that ment being able to take down any guy that might creep you out while walking home alone at night and not taking down a guy in a nine foot tall avatar body but : Hey! Is it really that diffrent?

Not only that but you had also taken martial arts classes since you were small, even if your body was in a weakened state from being drugged, experimented on and out of use it didnt mean you would go down without a fight. You couldnt take on the person in the avatar body ; for all your jokes and stress induced confidence you knew it was an impossible feat. But now that Neteyam had granted you this opportunity you wouldnt let it slip away.

You watched the avatar pacing the hall and waited until he was at the other end before hauling yourself up and grabbing a rench that was next to you on the floor. You swiftly began banging as hard a you could on the pipes that lined the perimeter of the room. You didnt cheak but you were sure he had heard it, how could he not have?

Hiding behind where the door would open, you mentally prepared yourself for what you were about to do. You were certainly not this nervous when you took down that lady earlier. But she was much the same height and build as you, this guy was at least three or four feet taller than you and had the na'vi peoples build meaning he was faster, stronger and more agile than a human.

This would be no easy task and you were in a stupid position, if only you could take him down than you would be good to go and you could set the rest of your plan in action. The chances of you actually escaping and surviving would go up ten fold. Unfortunately for you, the sound of his footsteps was almost drowned out by the beating of your own heart in your ears. You felt like all the blood was rushing to your head in anticipation.

You learned how to take down an oponent that was bigger than you but could you take down someone who was that much bigger than you. Especially an opponent who was very very hostile. You would just have to find out.

And you would, as he got closer and closer until he eventually stopped outside of the door to the room you were in. Slowly pushing it inwards, you caught a glimpse of him through the crack in the door where it was hinged to the wall. Your heart leaped into your throat.

A gun.

How had you not seen it when you were looking at him before? Had it been strapped to his back or was he holding it down at his side? You swallowed hard and gulped back your fear. He strode into the room, seemingly fully confident he could take on anything he found within or maybe he thought the clanging he heard was a waste of his time. It was now or never. When he was far enough into the room, with his back still turned to you, you let the door slowly swing closed ; blocking the view of outsiders to what happened within the confines of the room.

Your plan had changed when you saw that gun. It was now your first priority, you had to get it away from the avatar. But the question was ; how? You didnt know, so you would have to do what you did best, not all your hard practiced training like some would think but instead what you were best at was ; improvising. Making the best out of a bad situation, as if what you had done thus far since you had awoken in an unknown and hostile place didnt prove that already.

The alarms that still blared in the distance worked in your favor, so did the frenzied panic of the humans who worked on the ship. It could cover any noise you made or the avatar made in the room, any gun shot, any screams ; At least to those far enough away. Seeing the table that you had gotten the scissors off of and noting how close it was the the avatar, the improvisation of your plan started to play out.

Chucking the rench in the opposite direction of the table to create a distraction you ran to grab the table which was placed behind the avatar. Pushing with all your might, the noise of the legs scrapping off the floor could be heard over the sirens but even so nothing could be done. Before the avatar could turn around to cheak what was happening behind him, having had his attention drawn to the noise the rench made, you had shoved the table against him with as much force as you could muster.

Slamming the avatar into the wall in front of him, the gun dopped out of his hands as he went to brace himself against the impact of the wall. Climbing under the table to grab the gun, it brushed your finger tips as a smile spread out along your features.

You had won.

Sure you probably shouldnt have thrown away your only weapon, the rench, but now you had something even better. You were too flustered to try and grab something else to throw instead of the rench in case he might have seen you and just shot you there and then.

Of course, you were still human though, letting victory go to your head before you had even a full grasp of the gun in your hand. Letting it slip out of your clutches as the avatar kicked it away from you both. The door to the room was fully shut now, blocking you both from the outside. It was just you and him in here, just the two of you, like you were in your own little world. Like you were in hell, where he was the sole victor, the sole ruler.

And as you slowly looked up only to see the table, the only barrier between the two of you, being flung to the other side of the room, by the avatar bodies enhanced strength, it truly felt like that. Slowly crawling backwards, you tried to think of something to do. Maybe you could be fast enough to reach the gun, maybe, just maybe.

Of course not.

What were you thinking?

How could a human ever out run an Avatar? A full grown avatar body and a small human sixteen year old child. It really was no debate. Grabbing you by the back of you neak the avatar yanked your body off of the floor like a rag doll. You felt the pressure on your neak tighten, felt the imprints of his fingers slowly obstructing your airways. You could do nothing but struggle, clawing at his hands, his face, anything you could sink your nails into.

Were you really going to die? When you had just gotten the chance to live once more, waking up from a coma where you were most likly brain dead. It was unfair. Just so unfair. What had you ever done to deserve this. And whats more, by your own species, your own kind, your own people.

Only just then as these though flowed out from your mind he dropped you curtly, seemingly remembering something.

"Shit, i forgot they said not to kill the human." He talked to himself "You really had me going there for a sec Missy, to bad for you" he laughed turning his attention to you now

That seemed to be a mistake on his part since this time he was focused on you so how would he ever see the na'vi teen, whos features had become familiar to you by now, sneaking up behind him. With rench in hand, in one swift motion it was brought up to the avatars height and rammed across the side of his head.

"...Well maybe your not as inexperienced as i thought" you breathed out in relief seeing the avatar body fall slack to the ground

"I think what you should be saying is 'Thank you'" Neteyam responded as he pulled you up from your position on the ground

"Right..." you breathed "Thank y-" you got cut off

"I dont know what you mean by that little miss, since i find you both entirely inexperienced"

Putting Neteyam in a headlock from behind, threatening to snap his neck, the avatar from before continued ; "You really believed that i was knocked out by that pathetic little swing? I should have become an actor instead of doing this job."

Taking out the gun, strapped to your back, that you had previously picked up off the floor and pointing it at him, you didnt hesitate, for fear of retaliation, to pull the trigger.

"Ya, you should of." Were your final words to him, followed by a loud bang

Body going limp, he fell to the floor for good this time.

"Holy Eywa..." Neteyam breathed out in a sigh of relief after being released from the mans grasp "That gave me a fright"

"...Hah, shouldnt you be saying something else?" You questioned recalling his earlier words to you

"Hah...right. You saved me, thank you" he remembered his previous statement

"Just returing the favor" you replied casually with a shrug

You held out your arm towards him, just like how you had when you first introduced yourself to him, just like he had done earlier when he pulled you up off the ground. Only this time when you locked hands you put your forearms together, this time, as the gleem in both your eyes studied the other, it was as a sign of trust. Trust that hadnt been spoken of, or established yet either, until this point. This point, when na'vi and human faded away with their past and there was only two people with equal goals and trust in each other.

Only Neteyam and Y/n, and the last name that they had yet to know they shared. But of course this was bound to happen from the start, you both felt it, even if you both had tried to be cautious and or wary of each other. This was because of something that had been engraved into not only your minds and hearts but also your soul since childhood. One phrase that, unbeknownst to the both of you, subconsciously lingered in both of your minds even now, holding true ;

"Sullys stick together."

☆☆☆

I really wanted to write more but i think this will be a good place to end this part, im on summer holidays from school now so i promise not to take months for the next part to come out like i did with this one because of everything going on ; pls dont leave 🥲

I really cant wait to write the next part, there will be more interactions between Neteyam and Reader, so pls stick around and feedback helps lots thx loves 🤗

- trust me if i had kept writing the clifhanger would have been way worse so u guys r actually lucky... this time👹 *evil laugh echoing in the distance*

@im-kaii @jackiehollanderr @bubble-blu @sweetdayme4427 @zaddyneteyamlovergirl @thehoneymushroomhealer @neteyamforlife @corgicord @myh3artttt @potato-studez-hungryformore @kumachii @lunamhm565i @ale122alex

[mako-neexu]

Can I please hear more about number 2, the Stormborder windowsill?

hello! thank you for the ask! this is about ritsuka celebrating romani's birthday each year and requests time alone from everyone. this is in the perspective of goredolf though and i wanted to try writing him for a while now hehe

-

Goredolf hummed with approval and satisfaction. The cake he baked truly was the highlight of his day, he thought as he walked down the hallways after leaving his dish with the servants in charge of today’s kitchen.

Perhaps, he should do it more often. To bake more desserts and receive praise- Suddenly, there was a chill down his spine.

Oh, Lord-

“I-I won’t actually do it, Toole! Rather, I’d only do it once every two weeks! My technical advisor did put me on a diet and training regimen, so I deserve a little break, right?!” He muttered under his breath. Even to this day, he hasn't forgotten about her teachings…

The man stopped in his tracks as he saw a familiar figure sitting by the window sill of the ship.

It was Fujimaru.

Straightening his back and quietly clearing his throat, he walked forwards in an attempt to seemingly pass by.

Yet, as he grew closer, he couldn’t help but notice how… sad her eyes looked.

“-And then Mandricardo used Durandal to save us.” She played with her cake as she smiled. Yet that smile both held joy and sorrow, an ache that had Goredolf pausing with his breath held.

Who was she talking to, he wondered? While there are many Servants who could use presence concealment… Goredolf felt as if… there was no one there at all.

No one but Ritsuka and a companion only she knows.

“After that, Orion finally put Artemis to rest and we defeated Poseidon with a little help from Jason.” Her fork punctured through the strawberry, bringing it to her lips before settling back down on top of the slice of cake.

She sighed with that same sad smile, “I’ll hold off on what happened next so I don’t talk your ears off.” Her chuckle was quiet and low, yet genuine…the way she expressed herself was simply filled with fondness.

He felt awkward. It was likely that Fujimaru was talking to someone she had lost before the lostbelt ordeal, but it wasn’t clear just who that dear person was.

The girl who smiled so cheerfully and kindly was wavering and melancholy in this empty hallway void of people.

Goredolf had a sudden urge to pat her back and tell her that everything was going to be okay, even as things would get worse the more they moved forward. 

He sighed. Perhaps he should stay in the command room for a bit so she could have some privacy.

But those plans were thrown out the window the moment muted footsteps were heard behind him.

He turned to see who they were and found Mash Kyrielight waving. “Hello, Director.”

The blond man brought a finger to his lips and gestured to the Master laughing quietly to herself and in front of the untouched cake before her.

“Oh.” The demi servant says, her eyes drooping down as well, “It’s that time of the year again.”

“What?” He asked, his heart pounding in concern and anxiety, “What time?”

“Well, it’s-” She looked to the side and bit her lip. 

And Goredolf didn’t miss the way Mash’s eyes seemed to shine so suddenly. 

She swallowed and gripped the sleeve of her jacket, “It’s Dr. Roman’s birthday.”

[felikatze]

idk if you still have thoughts of library of ruina but i would love to hear about an analysis on the floor realizations (it doesn't have to be all of them, it's up to you on which ones or if you want to do this).

you're gonna have to forgive inaccuracies since these thoughs have been crystalized in stasis in my brain since i first got thru lor and i KEEP meaning to reread the story but i never do because (gestures vaguely at the past four month of me being exclusively obsessed with FE)

i dont have a lot of thoughts on them overall besides "ohh coool" most of the time BUT

i really love tiphereth's.

i think the pick of the magical girls is GENIUS. at first it's easy to brush off as "she's the young kid so she gets the shojo squad" but it actually ties into the magical girl lore extremely well.

tiph's topic of discussion is "the meaning of life," centered on how tiph struggled to go on after enoch's death and, after her core supression in lobcorp, letting tiph B die forever. The constant replacement of Tiph B and his subsequent shutdowns really just hammered home Tiph A's inability to let go. But now that she has, now that she's made that step forward, what then?

And this is EXACTLY what the magical girls are all about. the premise of the magical girls is that they did it. they defeated the great evil. the world is saved. but now their fighting has no use anymore. all of them struggle to fill the void left behind by their battle. Queen of Hatred enacts evil so she can "defeat" it, Knight of Despair, well, despairs over everything she could not save, and King of Greed gave herself to her earthly desires. It's all maladaptive self-destruction.

Servant of Wrath in particular is an interesting parallel, since they had a mini arc centered on them in Wonderlab. They were separated from a friend, and try to fill that connection by any means; particularly, befriending an Agent. This, of course, ends in that Agent's death, and Servant of Wrath's friend abandons them. Since LoR directly posits the parallel, it's easy to see Tiph replacing Enoch over and over again in this. Particularly because Servant of Wrath had friends before the newest one. Three guesses what happened.

And then, of course, there's how all this parallels to Roland. Roland's backstory is presented in reverse through the middle tier of the library, starting here: Roland, who has lost everything. His wife, his unborn child, his home, his purpose. We are shown Roland in depression, alone in his apartment, adorned by an unused mobile.

I made a joke post once about one of Roland and Tiph's first interactions. Tiph offhandedly mentions Enoch, to which Roland teases her by asking if he's her boyfriend. She says he's dead. Roland, the dead wife haver, instantly regrets this.

And like. That's the thing!! These two suckers both lost people they care about. Tiph was similar to Roland in that she just floundered after the lab crew bit it. She lashed out at others, mainly Tiph B and the Upper Sephirah, out of her own powerlessness.

But now!! Look at her!! She has expectations for the future that stem from her past experiences. She's not living for Enoch. She can't. He's gone. But she can finally understand what he wanted from life: to make it better. And that's something anyone can work toward. Everybody has expectations for the future, and sometimes, often even, those expectations will be shattered. Whether your goal is failed or you succeed, you need to find the next thing on the horizon.

But... if you can't, then that's okay. If you don't expect anything from life, or can't bring yourself to, it's still good enough. Because "the meaning of life" and "the value of life" are different. Tiph decided her meaning of life is a better tomorrow, and Roland decided his meaning of life is that it has none at all, but both their lives are equally valuable, just by being.

The magical girls still tried to fulfill an expectation that was already completed. That's a fool's errand, though, and that's what destroyed them.

I just. I just think Tiph's realization is very nice, is all. The way the three-way parallels between Tiph, Roland, and the Magical Girls play off is intensely satisfying to me. Interpreting each of them through the lens of the other is really cool to do, and brings up new sides to all of them.

[aaliyawrites]

From Perfectionism to Progress: Aaliya's Story of Breaking Free from Procrastination

Hey there, I’m Aaliya, the pen with a story to tell. I’ve been with my human, V, since 2018, and trust me, it’s been quite the journey. I’ve seen her smile, cry, win, lose, fall in love, and sink into some deep pain. Her path’s been full of confusion, heavy expectations, and, well, let’s just say, a lot of procrastination. But through it all, she’s kept going. That takes courage — even if she’d never admit it.

You see, V’s methods aren’t always the best (and yes, sometimes they suck), but her heart is in the right place. This blog? It’s not about her past (at least, not all of it). It’s about where she’s at right now. But hey, a little context never hurt anyone, right?

V’s Battle with Perfectionism: The Journey to Self-Acceptance

Let’s get one thing straight: V is human. Shocking, right? You’re probably rolling your eyes, but it’s important. She forgets that a lot. In her world, her worth is tied up in accomplishments — money, looks, killer communication skills, friendships, or finding her "perfect" crew (think Luffy’s gang, for you anime fans).

She’s convinced that if she doesn’t check all those boxes, she’s just… not enough. She believes that if she doesn’t have it all, people will leave her behind. And if you’re sitting there thinking, "Well, that’s wrong," you’re absolutely right. But does she know that? Sure. Does she feel it, though? Not quite.

Knowing something’s wrong doesn’t mean you can magically stop feeling it.

Meet the Monster of Procrastination

For too long, V has been stuck battling Profecta — the monster born from perfectionism and procrastination. She’s caught in an exhausting loop where her efforts never feel good enough, and there’s always something more she thinks she should have done. This creates a void inside, filled with guilt and shame, which leads to procrastination — a victory for Profecta, her inner perfectionism.

Has she tried to escape this cycle? Absolutely. But she usually lasts 3-7 days before something breaks her rhythm. Overload or distraction stops her, and it takes her another 1-2 months to get back on track.

Love, Loss, and a Whole Lot of Mess

V, like anyone in their twenties, has loved with all she had. Her first love? Miss K. Yep, Miss. But Miss K didn’t return those feelings. She wasn’t interested in girls, in general. Even though V never fully accepted her feelings or confessed, they stayed friends. Miss K was her Safe Place — full of love, acceptance, care, and support But when their paths diverged, V convinced herself that she wasn’t worthy of Miss K’s time and never contacted her again. Also, those emotions connected to Miss K? Way too overwhelming for V to face.

Two years have passed, and V is still holding on. Too much? Welcome to the mess.

Did she try to move on? Of course! But she couldn’t bring herself to delete Miss K’s number. She’d still watch her stories online, and instead of deleting photos, she just hid them in a folder. Silly, right? But facing her feelings was too hard. So, she buried them under distractions.

Escaping into Fiction: A False Safe Place

When battling the Profecta monster became too much, V sought comfort in a form of escape — creating a fictional world where she felt safe and loved. It became her refuge, but soon it turned into an unhealthy coping mechanism. Instead of preparing for her exams during her gap year, she threw herself into fanfiction, reading it for 13-15 hours a day. Not exaggerating.

She isolated herself from the real world, cut off friends, and stopped replying to messages. Why? Because she felt she wasn’t enough. She’d suffered two huge academic setbacks, and even after taking a gap year, she couldn’t get back on track. The weight of her past failures made the present feel unbearable, so she sought refuge in a fictional world, even at the cost of her health, sleep, and academics.

The Turning Point: Letting Go of Miss K and Fiction

V cared deeply for Miss K and didn’t want to hurt her. She didn’t mind if her escape ruined her, as long as Miss K was safe. But one day, V’s thoughts took a darker turn. She imagined hurting Miss K emotionally, just to make her feel the same pain V was feeling. It shocked her.

That was when V knew she had to change. She deleted Miss K’s number, erased the photos, and cut all ties. She even stopped reading fanfiction — something she had tried and failed to do before.

A New Battle: Seeking Comfort in Unhealthy Escapes

Without her fictional escape, V felt lost. So, she turned to another unhealthy coping mechanism. Let’s just say it involved content that didn’t make her feel any better. She started seeking comfort in role-playing communities, hoping to find real love and comfort. But it only messed with her mental health even more.

Journaling: A Ray of Hope for Healing

Despite all the struggles, there’s been one thing that helps V find her way back: Journaling. When she sticks to it, things start to shift. Journaling helps her process the chaos inside her head. It’s not a perfect solution — she’s had bad days that stop her in her tracks — but it’s a start.

This is why V decided to start writing on Aaliyawrites. Because, let’s face it, Aaliya writes ;) .Through this blog, she hopes to create a space where healing becomes possible, even if the path isn’t always straight.

Building a Community: Sharing Stories and Healing Together

Aaliyawrites isn’t just V’s story. It’s for anyone who’s ever felt lost, stuck, or overwhelmed. V wants this space to be a community where people can share their experiences, support each other, and offer advice. Healing doesn’t happen alone, and through this blog, she hopes to help others feel a little less alone on their journey.

Have you ever battled perfectionism? Or found yourself stuck in an exhausting loop of procrastination? If so, V and I (Aaliya, the pen) would love to hear your story.

George Herbert once said, "Good words are worth much, and cost little."

Your words might be the lifeline someone needs.

So, What’s Next?

V is still figuring things out, but she’s trying. Her journey isn’t linear, and there are still battles with Profecta. But every small step she takes matters. And through Aaliyawrites, she’s hoping to keep moving forward — and hopefully help others do the same.

Please, share your story, give advice, or drop a few words of encouragement. Let’s build a space where we can be open, vulnerable, and support one another on this journey of growth and healing.

Final Thoughts: A New Beginning

This post marks the beginning of something new, not just for V, but for all of us. Together, we can create a space where healing and growth are possible, one step at a time.

Signing off, Aaliya the pen (P.S. — Classic Profecta move: this draft was written four days ago!)

[masked-and-doomed]

heya do you got any oc's or anything? like funger oc's n stuff? i'm obsessed with oc's

*since this post mentions her relationship with pocketcat, implied csa warning. also she's depressed so suicide warning ig*

Also. this is 2k words. waow.

Not specifically funger OCs, but I do have a self insert character that I've put in the funger universe!

(the hair is supposed to be black btw it looks more brown to go better with the colour pallette)

I welcome you to- uh. Right. *Turns to face her* You don't have a name. It's been what, fuckin' 3 years? You still haven't decided anything? Oh, now it's kinda maybe meaningful for your character to have no name? Poetic shit? Yeah sure. *Turns back to face you* So, no name. For our sakes, I'll call her Unnamed Girl(ie). UG for short.

She was a human that suddenly got snatched from Earth and put into a white void. And she was trapped there. With memories of nothing. Why she has no name. Well she has some vague memories of her previous life, like her being fatherless, she doesn't remember any names, faces. Just some interactions.

We dunno what the hell happened to Earth nor her, really, all we can assume is that there's probably some sadistic ass higher being that's putting her through that shit? Watching her suffer every moment here. But, we never got to know. They don't really matter to us really, they've never showed up. Not important.

In the white void, she also gained. Some sort of Godhood? She got powers of some sort. So that's one upside. Downside with this is that she's immortal. And as you see, a white void. Is well. A white void. Nothin in it. Sure, she's made a room for herself to get comfy but then you start to go insane with the fact that you're isolated and that there's no one to talk to and you have no purpose in life and that it feels like you were an unwanted part of the universe that wasn't meant to ever be existing but yet you still do, and then erm she can't take it anymore and tries to. Off herself. Multiple times, in fact!

Too bad for her, immortality exists. Or perhaps better called, eternal youth. She hasn't aged since she got here. Perpetually 12, what a hell to be in, huh buddy? Fucked up thing to add on, the way her immortality works is that she suffers the wounds, damage, pain, before her body starts to regrow it back. (Usually like a minute but if she pushes it, it can be instantaneous.)

After a few days in the white void she starts conjuring up friends in her head to try and combat the eternal loneliness. Barely works. She's got three guys in her head, that talk to her from time to time. They're pretty flat and 2D in personality, UG really isn't that much of a creative girl.

(Oohh tumblr compression...)

So, with these characters, let's show you how horrible she is at naming, hm? We got the furry one, Kats. Sadistic and mean one. Guy with the hat is Meowzerz. Cheerleader, also tries to advise UG to be kind. Gas masked fellow is Koolmeow. Wild card, she does whatever she finds fun. Mostly burning things up.

Really shitty names for those last two. No wonder she hasn't picked a name for herself if these are the names she gave these mfs.

...

Well, fuck. Friends aren't really friend-ing great unfortunately. What to do?

Oh, lookie that. That's a buncha.. games and anime. Huh. Well, might as well get through them. All this white is awfully boring.

So after some days of hell, she got to see stories she's vaguely familiar with. Must been stories she experienced back in her previous life. Entertainment is entertainment.

With nothing else in the void really, she gets heavily attached to these media. Filling her time with making fanart and obsessing over the characters. Three in particular she got attached to, but only one of them is of importance considering where we're headed to in this timeline.

Ahh the cat. The horrid horrid cat. I mean she's a young child, having a man tell him she loves her even when it's just a character written by someone else to be a creepy piece of shit is. Well a charming and interesting specimen such as him sharing affection? She can't help but reciprocate back.

With all the time in this non-existence, she makes a whole shrine of shit. Plushies, posters, figures. She loves recreating his likeness and having something physical to hold. Well, she is most well versed in digital art. That she does remember about herself. She was an artist. And most of him is drawn in a computer over and over again. She has no other way to show her love other than to put him in silly situations and emulate how he reacts. Yes I do mean fanfiction. She has a lotta files of just art of him she made, you don't wanna know how big it is.

Even besides him, she's pretty enamoured with this world of Funger. She'd much rather go through that hell than this hell. At least you can die there. And things actually happen.

...

Oh? We can finally go out? After all this time?

You really did get to find a way out, Kats?

It's.. Ahah. The multiverse thing does actually exist, doesn't it? This.. this is the dungeon...

...

Ah, so much explaining her backstory and I haven't gotten to her personality! Well she's. Seriously mentally ill for one. Isolation for god knows how long and all that. I can only conclude Depression or some variation of it for now, though there is definitely another mental disorder at play here. Erm. We might never know. I don't think she'll ever go to therapy or a psychiatrist.

Due to her being in that void for so long, and with barely any memories, there's some things that she's real bad at. Of course, she retains her memory of how to walk, how to speak and communicate, and most basic human things.

However, this bitch cannot social interaction. How unfortunate, my friend.

She can be very blunt and clear with her words. Oh she also has this stupid thing where she's either really crass and informal or just talks fancy and with a thesaurus. Fucking weirdo. can't talk normal ever.

Next note, she has no respect for anyone. That's not to say she doesn't appreciate anyone's company, she definitely likes a good amount of people. Thing is, since she saw this all in a game she played and saw as fiction. Little dolls for her to play with. She never really got to get out of that thinking. Also that with her being some sorta higher being? Yeah, she thinks a little high of herself. Sometimes. Sometimes. (She also think she's the worst thing ever that existed lmao)

Adding on, she also possesses no self respect. No shame. No dignity. No regrets about anything ever. She just lives on. She's a very YOLO it is what it is kinda gal.

UG has a very normal perception of love. She thinks of violence as a sort of love language to her, she just wants to rip her beloveds to shreds. She also has an intense hatred for the cat, despite him being the one she loves most. The hatred plays along with her obsession of the cat. Also. Um. Yandere. yeah. She's obsessive. Isolation and all that. Makes you intensely crave affection and attention. And also being a child. Forever. Yeah she's quite an attention whore. (self label)

Other effects from the isolation also happen to be extreme boredom. She wants to do anything. In her life. And hey, she's got a lot if it to spare.. plany of time. It is mildly boring her that she knows she's most likely gonna win any battle with enemies but still, the experience of fighting is pretty banger. The adrenaline... Thrill seeking. Ahh... She loves fighting.

So um, with those last two paragraphs, she does normal things to both the party that dared step into the dungeon, and the termina contestants. She's normal about them. She is both heavily protective and extremely violent murder maim.

Ah, next thing! She's quite the contradictory thing. Mental disorder again, she can go from one extreme scale to another. Like her love and hatred, protecting her allies to killing them. High self confidence and self praise to self loathing. Sometimes a little bit of a hypocrite. She's weird.

Her morals are. Eh. Eh. Again, she both cares about everyone's lives yet is also apathetic. She doesn't mind murder too much, as she'll dirty her soul a lot through experiencing the funger universe. This. Image.

Everything might as well just be a game to her.

With all o' this. There's multiple timelines of her doing many different things because of how much she can vary and still be in character (well to me, at least). She can do so much. Silly girl.

--

That's all I can think of for now about personality! Little tidbits about her powers before onto the brief timeline. She has some future telling. If the future is far, she can see more possibilities it can go in, not giving an exact determined route of what will happen. If the future is soon, as in, will this guard swing at her right arm or her left arm in 5 seconds? She can check and the future will be certain, that it will be her left arm that will get cut if she doesn't prevent it.

Most of her powers stem from the other media she watched during the isolation period; she rarely uses the Gods' powers in funger purely to fuck around with it and also confuse smart asses. (enki)

--

After finding an escape from the white void, she wakes up in front of the.. dun dun dun... funger dungeons...

She does what any sane person would do and explores with glee.

They aren't really all that scary to a creature like her, only serving her to activate fight mode and get a rush.

She recruits everyone possible with her knowledge of these dungeons, and decides to change some things.

She approaches Pocketcat as she is done with her journey. There are no more battles to fight. No more exploration to be done in this dungeon. She is satisfied. The girl wishes for Pocketcat to eat her, since she hasn't tried that method of killing herself. (Also because she is crushing hard on this man and she knows he loves her too)

He instead gives a different proposal...

...

Remember how she's a sort of 'god' (but not in the funger way) and has OP ass powers? Well there's actually 2 drawbacks to them.

First one, it is quite exhausting. It is also exhausting just living and breathing in fact, but that's the mental disorders. She can go on long without rest but she will be extremely fatigued if she pushes. And my, she pushes a through a lot.

Second, there's one thing that nullifies her powers. Fear. But ah, with a soul like hers, it is quite difficult for her to fear anything. With problems in her way, she either brushes it over, gets enraged, or drowns in sorrow. How on earth could anything scare her?

Ahaha... Well a few actions made by a specific person could scare her...

(he soo gets off being the only one that can get her into such a submissive state, btw)

The one thing keeping her heart from total darkness, now entirely painted black. What a sad soul.

...

So, he didn't kill her. big whump. Fine though, she thinks about the termina festival in 350 years. She wouldn't mind living for that long to see more silly people. Plus, the dungeon took a lot out of her. A lot more magic she used than usual. This period will be... A nice and long break, she thinks positively. One hell she has endured in here, she will prepare to live through and enjoy another. Plus, if it's all adrenaline rushes, how is she meant to savour Termina?

She occupies her time by living with Pocketcat, and.. His usual activities. She joins in on his child murders from time to time. Not as fun as killing monsters that are fully intending to end her life but snuffing another life is still somewhat satisfying, nevertheless. And hey, fun bonding activity, right?

She also does the same as she did in the void, making a bunch of art and stuff. But this time, she actually has someone she can show it to! Speaking of the cat, they do typical lover activities time to time. Dates, and stuff. Doing things together. Fun!

Both of them had their fair share of isolation for a long period of time and needless to say, their 'eternities' are much more lively and worth living through with a like-minded being by their side.

She also.. has a little fun with the contestants before they enter the worst period of their life..

(This part is totally not because of recent events) After spending 350 years with Pocketcat, she picked up some of his mannerisms to her misfortune. Her hand feels like it should be doing something within conversation, so her subconscious makes her jack off a ghost dick. She's gonna have a fun time with talking to people.

...

Now we're at the festival, one meant to end all festivals! And boy it'll end more than just festivals, alright! Hehe.

At the end of this festival, she has one plan.

And that is to finally rest.

She will not be returning from this trip.

...

So, some stuff were left vague because. well. yeah. I don't fully expect to write this into actual fanfiction, but no worries, I'll reveal the gist of what happens at some point. Whether I actually can find it in me to write it out or just make a post about what happens, we shall see.

Extra stuff to mention:

This is basically her. In every universe she visits.

You can check out the '#unnamed OC core' tag to see. More of her vibes.

I also got a playlist.. of her..

(Also, since this is a self insert about half of the traits mentioned are. me. so. yeah. I should try getting diagnosed for something but idk man I can't find shit)

Got any questions! Feel free to ask anything!! >:3 Hell, I'll even answer in character for fun.

[maxemilianverstappen]

girl, we need your Lestappen fics! Or at least headcanons stories

I am a slow writer 😭😭

But here are two parts from a horror fic I am writing based on TS Elliot's poem The Hollow Men:

He couldn't love.

Charles simply didn't have the luxury of acknowledging love even if it had been given to him freely and in abundance. Even if it would have been right in front of him, waiting for him to recognize it and embrace it. He had a rival to best, Max. The man against whom he had been fighting for years since their boyhood and failing and failing and still failing. Still being a failure...

Their roads were so intertwined that Charles couldn't even recall if there was a time when Max had not been in his life in some capacity or a time when his shadow wasn't cast on his road. Always ahead, but never rubbing it in Charles’ face. Never obnoxious about his success. Deep down inside, Charles had always wished Max would have been an insufferable jerk about it, so that he had somewhere legitimate to dump all this anger and disappointment. Instead of carrying it around on his own shoulders…

And yet, all Max had ever given to him was soft smiles, gentle touches, and kind and thoughtful words. Sometimes, it all took one lilting chuckle from him, and it was enough to ease the pain and the rage brewing within him. Charles couldn't even acknowledge how desperately he wished that he didn't feel the need to catch and stop himself in the act of forgetting and letting it go after seeing that laugh and looking into those brilliant eyes and just not grimace internally at the way that he needed to remind himself to hold on his rage and disappointment, so that he could carry on and not give it all up there and then. It almost felt like falling in love. Almost…

And he didn't need that love. He didn't have the time to dissect how being the object of Max's sunny smile and single-minded attention both felt humiliating and also liberating. How it muddled his thoughts and made him lose focus, and how it almost tasted like a balm to the gaping hole in his chest when that hole was literally the sole thing that kept him continuing even though it was mostly just suffering. No matter how genuinely Max might adore him, it was futile. He refused to acknowledge it, put a name on it, and deal with it. 

He had a dream to achieve. 

I posted this part before, so, in case you missed it:

"There are an infinite number of ways to arrive at the inevitable. Today, which way do you want to try, which way would you like to exhaust?" The demon asked, clad in Sebastian's skin. The half bored half deprecating look in his eyes was judging Charles even more severely each new time he came face to face with him in this void. "Are you thick in here?" He spat, lips drawn back and showing his sharp teeth in disgust. "When will you realize you can't change the inevitable? When will you realize you can't have both things at once? Or do you no longer want to be what you have been desiring for so long, so strongly that it drew me to you?"

Charles looked back at the demon and held the manic blue eyes with determination, even though something was dying inside of him at each new try and each new attempt. "Never." He refuted firmly. "That's the bane of my existence."

Sebastian regarded him with contempt at first, and then his expression turned into gleeful sadism as he slowly walked up to Charles and pressed a talon-like finger onto his chest. "Then, he can stay dead. That's his destiny. For as long as you want that trophy, he has to die for it. And you have to watch him crash himself against walls for you to achieve your dream."

Sickness brewed inside Charles's stomach like some poison, but he kept the bile inside by holding onto his rage. He snarled at the youthful face of the Redbull's first golden boy, even though his eyes were filled with unshed tears. "There has to be a way." He bit through his gritted teeth. "There has to be a way to undo this. And I will find it!"

Sebastian snorted at the defiance, finding it both pathetic and irritating. "Go and try again, then." He pushed Charles back with inhuman strength and Charles fell and fell and fell backwards and then violently woke up to the same day, panting and whining at his fate like a wounded animal, the tears now falling. 

[youhadmefromhello]

Dear John,

Dirty Dancing was always my favorite moving growing up. My mom would put it on in her room while she folded clothes, relaxed from a hard day's work, or did whatever it was she did to escape the emotional anguish that she had suffered since she was a child. She would fast forward through all of the "sexy" scenes, and it was one of my favorite things I remember doing with her growing up. It was during this time that I developed my first crush. Patrick Swayze could move his hips like nothing I had ever seen. I was five. That is where the fantasy I built started. I didn't know it then, but it was the start of my love for bad boys. Who wouldn't want the baddest of them all to change for you? To love you that much?

33 years have gone by since I fell in love with the movie, and my need to romanticize every situation (especially with bad boys) has only grown. But nobody, and I mean nobody, will ever compare to you, John. In over 2 years, you never told me you loved me. Not once. But me... oh John. I loved you like I've never loved before. I changed. I went from this self-centered, spoiled brat to a woman. I became a woman who loved her man with every ounce of her being. There was nothing I wouldn't have and didn't do for you. You taught me how to put my selfishness aside and give myself fully and completely. You knew my darkest secrets, and I knew yours. You were my best friend.

Even now, I often think about Frances "Baby" Houseman. I never knew that 33 years later I would resonate so much with this line, "Me? I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of what I saw, of what I did, of who I am. And most of all, I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you."

How can a movie that came out in 1987 have such a powerful line that haunts every inch of my existence? The way I feel about you has nothing to do with how you felt about me, John. Nothing. I can't say that it was the great love of my life because at that point in time, you barely had the capacity to love yourself. I understand that now. I do. I was brought into your life to show you what unconditional love felt like. And you were brought into mine to help me transition from a girl to a woman. I've never been the same.

There are nights that I lay awake in bed and tears flow like a river down my face. In those moments, it feels as if my soul and entire being just can't go on another minute without you. I replay every little thing. Every kiss. Every time I laid in your arms. Every devilish grin. Every moment that I looked into your eyes and my heart felt like it would explode.

Maybe it is not so much you that I miss, John. I miss how much I loved you. I miss how my heart would race anytime I knew we'd be together. I miss how your touch set my skin on fire. In my 38 years of life, I have never been kissed by a man and felt the electricity that I felt with you. And I've kissed a lot of men. I remember going home after our first date and just letting my fingers graze my lips for hours with the stupidest grin on my face. You changed me, John. You lit a fire in my soul that I didn't even know was there. You set me ablaze and you left me burning without you.

I've spent the last two and a half years mourning the way I loved you. I've tried to find you in other men. I've tried to fill the void with every thing you can think of. But nobody, no matter how hard I try, makes me feel the way I felt when I was with you. Baby didn't want to walk out of that room, and I understand why. After tasting and feeling a blaze that sets your world on fire in the best way possible, how do you go back to living a half-full, mundane life?

[lunaekalenda]

Own Character's Post: no one asked about edition! today with: Mei and Jian

warning: under the line you'll meet the most crackhead couple but still the cutest one i have ever wrote, also, a feminist plot, ancient china inspired lore in which i spent more time doing research that in my own uni works, my protected babies, me basically screaming about them and a couple extra scenes i have made specifically in the case i ever publish this and anyone asks for romantic extras to fill the void of the dramas i'm gonna write (this is a joke. the first part, i mean. angst is confirmed). sorry in advance. also, let me know if you would like to meet my other characters (such as Yvonne, Martiño, Ares, Ryu, Micah or Shi hehe) also, plot is still in development so patience pls jfhafjka. i hope you love them as much as i do <3

Mei Yun

Mei Yun is the third kid from a family of seven children. She's honest, smart and quite a daydreamer most of the time. Even when girls couldn't study on her times (and less a girl from the lowest class like her.), his big brother's drinking buddy turned out to be a royal scribe, one of the highest public charges, for the Prince Li at the Blue Palace ( in Olquivilla, the capital of the south district of the island), and, illegally and by secret, he accepts to give classes to her as a favor to his brother, for all the times he has helped him. What the scribe didn't expect to find was a writer. With all the letters. A girl with an imagination beyond humans, someone whose words tangled so beautifully ones with others, with so many stories to tell. As an author himself, he's amazed by her capability of tangle the plots, to give characters real emotions and her ability of avoiding plot holes. But, still, she has a big problem: being literate for a girl her age, without any type of relation with high class people, and, specially, without a husband, something she doesn't need and something she doesn't want, is forbidden and punished. She's almost 22, and it will be fast when the royal palace assigns her some type of horrible candidate to marry, the one she will accept, or else she'll be accused of practicing the old demoniac magic and burned alive, to say the least. But, so unexpectedly, the same man that saved her stories, is willing to save her life by asking for her hand in marriage. Maybe he has other reasons to stay near her.

Jian Gao

On the other hand, Jian Gao is the youngest of two. Raised up by his granny and feeling as the needed and unwanted male heir that the Gao needed, he writes romantic stories to try to find the real meaning of love, to try to get an idea of that idilic, romantic relationships he has dreaming of since he studied abroad, reading tons and tons of novels, for his translator condition. Even when he's the Prince's right hand, Jian likes to be, as much as the Prince himself does, mixed with the people on the city. Talk with them, help them, learn from them. And his very favorite liquor is from the little tavern in front of the Yun's house, where he meets Tai Yun, Mei's older brother, who helps him at nights he feels the most stressed and becomes a friend with who Jian loves to share a cup. In exchange, Tai asks Jian a complicated question: to help his sister to learn how to write more complex, a forbidden action that could cost his work, her life, and all of her family's money. But when he meets her, asking why she wants to learn, he listens to her ideas, to her plots. And he thinks everyone should be able to read those words, and to feel, even through a book, the intense feeling she's willing to share. And, somehow, he feels an strange attraction to her stories.

so here they are! <3 the plot is still under construction, after all, jian wasn't going to be anything more than a scribe in one chapter and mei a side character and crush of the prince, but i felt like i needed to give them the leadership they deserve! i wanted to write something light hearted (not like stalker bc i swear i can't handle this bunch of little devils), but something to just make people smile and fall in love slowly with the way the two of them see love as. omg i'm so nervous i'm sorry dhjfkhal i feel like i'm presenting my children. and now i'm leaving here a couple of extras i wrote for them <3 i hope you enjoy and pls lemme know any opinion or criticism aaa

Extra 1

(...) "Tai is at the inn. Grandma is here" Kumiko says. I bend down to kiss her hair before leaving.

"Tell her I've gone to take something to Tai, that I'll be back before dinner" I leave the living room and the house quickly. I see Tai's large silhouette sitting at one of the tables outside, his hand holding a small glass. He's talking to someone.

"Hey, Mei!" Tai shouts when he sees me. I sigh when I hear him, walking towards his table. Tai is too loud when he drinks, and I'm sure he's not even drunk yet. "Sit with us, sis."

When I reach my brother's table, the bodies that kept me from seeing his companion dissipate. It's another man. Tall, perhaps a little more mature than the last time I saw him. This time, he wears his hair down, a couple of front locks pulled back, leaving his profile in full view. I know he's smiling when he speaks, even though his glass covers his mouth.

"Long time no see, Yun Mei." Jian's voice is still as calm as ever when he speaks to me. His movements, even though he's had a little to drink, are just as fluid and elegant, slow but graceful. Her cheeks are slightly flushed, so I sense that the scribe must have more alcohol on him than he appears to have. Tai pats a seat next to him, but I don't trust him. I don't want to tell my brother about this here, he might shout it out loud and expose all three of us. Me, for writing. Him, for lying to the Prince. Jian, for disobeying the law. I decide to keep quiet for the moment. My old tutor is still watching me. Although the last time he taught me I had already turned nineteen, it is true that I had changed. However, he is still the same as ever. "How have you been?"

My cheeks begin to redden as I notice Jian's golden gaze above me, his fingers playing with the small glass near his mouth, which glistens from the traces of alcohol he just licked. "Good…. Thank you," he smiles at me before getting up and paying. "Do you have to go now?" I ask. Jian sighs, the smile returning to his lips as he turns to me.

"I'm… Maybe I'm not quite sober…" his hand moves up to my cheek. "And you look beautiful, as always…" With one last smile, Jian leaves the little square, walking calmly back to his house. Tai puts an arm around my shoulders.

"Let's go, Tai."

Jian's caress still tingles on my skin as I walk back to my brother. I remember feeling that the first time we kissed. Going home with my finger on my lips as I felt them tingle. Hui Ying had compared it to the brush of a butterfly's wings on the skin. I looked back, but Jian's slender silhouette had already disappeared.

I liked Jian. I liked him a lot, ever since the day he came through my front door claiming he was coming to give me lessons, when I was days away from being twenty and he had just turned twenty-four. It had started to rain and the bottom of his hanfu was wet, and his hair was dripping incessantly on his face. I prepared hot tea for both of us and offered him Tai's dry clothes, which he declined. We started the class and there I realized how attractive I found him, how intelligent he is and how gently he smiled at me when I was wrong. My heart was beating especially fast when his huge hand rested on top of mine, helping me to trace the drawing accurately. It was common for him to do that, but my body never got used to the touch. I would look up at him in awe, my cheeks flushed and my eyes sparkling. With each passing class, his closeness began to become more comfortable, how he would lift my chin with two fingers to look at him when I became frustrated after a very difficult word; how he would reach over my shoulder to read during our classes, the innocent brushes of our hands when we exchanged papers. The attraction turned out to be mutual after a year of teaching, when the brushes were no longer casual but sought after. Jian would go for walks with me in the huge garden of his house when he attended class there, always with his hair down and without any adornment to show his superior position to mine. We would walk while he explained to me what scribe's work in the palace was like, while we laughed at any nonsense and he gently brushed my hair away from my face to look me in the eyes.

Jian, at any rate, never did anything I didn't want him to. He stood by until I allowed him to kiss me, the hand touches were purely casual until he took my hand. I still remember the hint of tea and alcohol from the last kiss we shared, just before he gave me the most painful letter I had ever received.

It was an envelope with a leaf from the peach tree we liked to sit on, and a piece of paper written in handwriting that didn't look like his, blurry and shaky.

"We can't see each other anymore." (...)

Extra 2 ok no more angst i swear this one is even painful from the corniness

(...) "It's a good idea, after all, he is an erudite" my father talks to himself as if trying to convince himself that Tai's idea is not terrible. Kumiko keeps watching me, studying my reactions despite being so young. My mother has a huge smile and my grandmother has my hand locked in hers. Opposite on the table, Hai holds a half-asleep Zihao in her arms, listening intently. "Still, aren't the parents who search for the daughter-in-law? Why a poor young woman? I mean, my daughter, you are beautiful and intelligent, a good match…. but shouldn't he marry a noblewoman?" Tai asks for silence as he picks up the letter. He rereads it quickly. "Apparently, Jian Gao spoke so highly of Mei to his parents that they allowed Jian to marry her. You can tell he loves her very much." Everyone's gaze falls on me. It's true, Jian loves me, as much as I love him. But marriage is a big thing. Especially for a girl like me, used to eating just enough dinner to keep from fainting from hunger, reusing and sewing the same hanfu over and over again, and pretending to be illiterate on a daily basis while i study next to him. To marry a man like him. An erudite, a royal scribe, taught in all the arts and excelled in letters, with a job in the royal chamber of scribes. Known as an author, with addictive literature. And very attractive. Tall, amber-eyed and pale-skinned, with rosy lips and an easy smile. Women whisper when they see him pass by, offering to carry his books or fix his manbun. Always so attentive and affectionate, so close….

"….which is why I think they should get married." Tai finishes.

(...)

"Are you unhappy with the proposal," Jian asks later, walking beside me near the watercourse in his garden. The hanfu he gave me fits me well, as if it was sewn for me. I clear my throat and force myself to smile, though I don't look directly at him.

"No, no. It just caught me by surprise, that's all. I'm not unhappy." Though Jian gives me a worried look, which means he doesn't quite trust what I say, he sighs and continues walking silently. As is common, he does not wear any ornaments in his hair or hanfu to show his superior position, despite being on his property. When I arrived at his house, perhaps a little before the appointed time, Jian was just finishing taking a bath. His servant ushered me into the sitting room to wait for him, and I saw him appear shortly after with his damp hair tied up in a high bun. He looked so ethereal and unreal. I could tell he looked like an appetizing future, but it terrified me. To be the mistress of a house like that, to walk beside him as his wife. To be seen as property.

I know Jian doesn't intend that. His eyes are sincere when he speaks, but I can't help but think so. It's what people will say, deep down. Jian stops walking, his hand gripping my waist, making me stop. He watches me closely, amber eyes roaming my face, so close, I could even count the dark flecks glinting in his irises.

"I don't know what you're thinking," he murmurs, softly. "But really, Mei. Don't do something you don't want to do. I don't want to force you into anything, let alone pressure you. I want you to have the final say. Not me, not your father, not mine. You." Jian's fingers are even faster than my tears when he wipes them away.

"It's not for me…" I whisper. Jian watches me, listening carefully. "I don't want people talking about you. That I'm younger than you, that I'm poor, that I'm not one of those pretty candidates the matchmaker is looking for. That you let yourself be lured by a girl with a lust for money."

Jian smiles subtly, before pressing his lips gently against my forehead.

"Mei…" he pulls away from me slowly, fixing his eyes on mine again. "I don't care what people say about me. The important thing is that I'll have you by my side. And I know what I feel, just like you know what you feel. As long as we are sure, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks." (..)

[starlit-fantasy]

It’s strange being in someone else’s bed and knowing how much love has resided there while knowing that I will never have that.

Well, everything is good until it’s not. My eyelids were open, and I could see his face within a proximity I didn’t realize we were at. His snores are soft, and I’m just glad he’s finally catching up on sleep. The past few days have been rough for him. The lead time from discovering the airplane tickets and hotel receipts to the fights and eventual breakup was short. He’s a sweet guy, always has been since college, and I couldn’t imagine that out of anyone I know it has to be him who suffered that kind of betrayal. I, for the most part, couldn’t say much that would help. For the last couple of days we made it a routine to go grab dinner together after work–in which for every occasion he would prolong the chats until the restaurant would kick us out. I understand him, it is never easy coming back to an empty apartment where there used to be so much love inside. The traces of her still remain in this place.

The hangover still drags me down, pinning me to the pillows like an unseen hand. I’m not fully awake, but my mind drifts to the furthest reaches of this place, tracing every detail my eyes can follow. Strips of photobox pictures hang on the wall, the same ones I’ve seen scattered across her Instagram. Crumpled gift bags sit discarded in the corner, bright and careless, relics of birthdays or anniversaries I’ll never know. The pink quilt wraps around us, spread like a quiet assertion of who truly defines this home. Dolls, toys, unisex perfumes clutter the space, more photos scattered on the bedside table. It feels intimate but hollow, like stepping into a memory that isn’t mine. And as I lie here, pretending I belong, I start imagining them—laughing in the kitchen, recounting their days in this very bed, fighting, then finding their way back to each other before the sun climbed the sky. I can’t help but wonder—am I reenacting their past, or am I just reaching for the feeling of love I’ve never let myself have?

In truth, I’ve never let myself be vulnerable like that. I’ve wrapped my heart in hobbies, distractions, little luxuries to keep the loneliness at bay. But all those things are just locks on a coffin, the one I’ve buried my heart in, safe from anyone who might want to crack it open. And I sit here, pretending I’m okay. Pretending I don’t want to feel what she felt, even if it was doomed.

I hate myself for it. For wanting what I swore I’d never need. For being here, in someone else’s bed, like a thief trying to steal warmth from a fire long extinguished. I write to fill the void, I devour art and music like it’ll make me whole, but there’s never enough. I go through the motions—work, friends, laughter—but at the end of the day, I crawl into bed alone. Every night, staring at the darkness behind my eyelids, I wait for sleep that never feels like rest.

I think back to August, twelve years ago, when life still brimmed with possibility. But even that memory feels heavy now, tinged with a sadness I can’t quite shake. I’m not sure how I ended up here—stuck in a town that feels like a slow death, where the distance between two people grows like a poison. And then, there’s the girl from last week. I stood in the same ocean she disappeared into, my mind circling around Woolf’s pockets full of stones and Plath’s head in the oven. Every Saturday, I row out into the open sea, staring into that vastness, always wondering if I’d float. When I fell off my board, I’d sink under, holding my breath until my lungs screamed for air. That pain—it felt real. More real than anything I’ve let myself feel in years. And sometimes, when I’m under the water, I wonder how anyone could love someone who keeps testing how long they can stay down there.

And yet, I’ve spent my life craving that love. But now that it’s within reach, it feels like cheating. Like I’m devouring something forbidden, too quickly, too recklessly, afraid of being caught with the evidence smeared across my face. It’s not just that I want to be loved—it's that I’ve always wanted it too much. And nobody wants someone starving for affection. So I hid it. I walk through the harsh January sun, hands stuffed deep in my pockets, pretending I don’t want anything at all. But the truth is, I want everything—so much that I feel like a bottomless pit in the shape of a person, swallowing up anything that looks like love, too desperate to even taste it.

And now, as his eyes flutter open and he smiles softly, brushing his hand against my head, I feel that familiar panic rise. I need love, but I don’t trust it. I’ve never trusted it. If I stay, if I let him see too much, he’ll leave—like everyone does. I can’t bear the weight of that, not again. So, I do what I always do: I’ll leave first. I’ll find some flaw, some imperfection in him, even if I have to invent it. I’ll make myself believe it was never going to work, that this was all a mistake. It’s easier that way—easier than waiting for the inevitable goodbye. 

I slip out of his bed, out of this place that was never really mine, before he even realizes I’m gone.

[rennyji]

60-90 old randomness

"In my situation, libel admits the notion of a hack/relay, is one of the charges. Let's say someone's mind was hacked. -",

"-Relaying everything rolling through the mind and interpreting everything as a thought, all on premise that people and only Americans are responsive to every, or what constitutes every thought for their biology. Ex. Feel hungry, Let me eat. Aroused, let me ask the girl out.-",

"-It becomes libel if a hacker relays what I wouldn‚t write, what wouldn‚t just go through one metaphorical ear and out the other.",

"Regarding kids and social TEXT, After writing everything in this tweet to myself, I‚m feeling stimulated from my content, an involuntary self adulation, maybe from a dopamine release‚-",

"-kids on their phones all day, from the white light of their phones, must be mentally jumping from one thing to another. It‚like impulsivity or succumbing to basic impulses is becoming a problem.-",

"-From the Wolf of Wall Street movie with Leonardo DiCaprio, he relies on cocaine when he needs to use his brain for his business. Then he relies on marijuana or alcohol or shots of alcohol to calm him before a meeting or to sleep. -",

"-Maybe we‚re not advancing quick enough mentally and physically with the standards of modern day life.-",

"-Why does a barber need a pack of cigarettes and two lattes to cut hair. If only DiCaprio‚character or people in general, could just will the desire to work and carry out the work. -",

"-If only people could will the desire to sleep instead of these ridiculously advocated sleep routines like no computer or no lights prior to sleep.-",

"-On a somewhat related note, this chemical reward for watching true crime series, sending pics of ur nudity to girl friends/boy friends, stealing someone‚sex tape like in the Pam and Tommy series on Hulu- true crime enthusiast? Settle 4 the news.  news should be titillating.-",

"-Trump has to stop making the news. Hunter Biden, heard it. What about a follow up on the Great Wall Trump promised. You turn on the news, and you hear about rigged systems and such. People have a need, a desire, they need places to satiate those needs and desires.-",

"-I think people need to step back, and understand what are food tendencies, what is society getting their dopamine fix, are some selling drugs because they don‚t get lunches from school anymore?-",

"-It‚kind of like file sharing era. People want ready access to TEXT. Streaming services provided a way for everyone to be happy. Spotify, HBO max, Hulu, Netflix, Apple TV‚-",

"-Understand what people need/want. Then provide outlets. Regarding tendency 2 leek sex tapes, become a serial killer, share nude pics, leak sex tapes‚what void is really being fulfilled? These actions aren‚t the illness, but symptoms of some void these people R trying 2 fill.",

"-I heard that an ex girl friend of the alleged Gilgo beach killer said he was bored with his life. His brain was getting a thrill or a dopamine fix to the otherwise dull nature or lack of activity in his life.-",

"-Rather than sedating the serial killer, for future purposes, give them an outlet.-",

"-Mind reading is happening. Mind control is happening. Give these bored people something promising like the Apple be headset where they can live out their fantasies.Is virtual or augmented reality harder than wireless mind control?-",

"-These people need to acknowledge their tendencies and find an equally rewarding outlet.-",

"-In NBC series Heroes, the villain Siler had 2 ways to reach the end goal of having other peoples super powers. He could attain it through murder or empathetic connections with an individual. In the series, he chooses to be a murderer, dissecting brains, but he made the choice.-",

"-People have all sorts of tendencies. Not all are good. You could bandage an entire hole or problem by sedating them or their impulses. -",

"- buts its the good and bad that makes us human. So, Or you can consciously acknowledge your tendencies, and make a mature choice toward a morally or ethically or legal route to satiating your tendency. Don‚t be a Siler. -",

"-Use your head, rather than letting the aggressive part of your mind run the show on autopilot. Whether it‚with driving or anything, psychiatrists say it‚ok to autopilot things. -",

"-In drivers ed, I heard lane change signaling should be a force of habit.I advise mindfulness. You shouldn‚t autopilot. I disagree with that American medical perspective.-",

"-An idle mind is the devils playground as I think I heard but may have mis phrases it.Kids resort to substance abuse in part because of boredom.-",

"-With augmented reality glasses or free internet or rewarding the creativity of American youth by giving them a paid outlet on YouTube or Netflix for a tv or movie they create, you can help everyone‚boredom. -",

"- YouTube sort of does this with short clips like Jenna Marbles. Why not a whole limited series? Kids go to work, get recognition from their peers, keeps them out of trouble, makes them popular-",

"-The DC comics hero, Wildcat is known to come from a troubled childhood and neighborhood. He finds an outlet for the negativity that results, though boxing. If it were today,psychiatry would sedate that useful energy that could‚ve been channeled for greatness.-",

"I want my word, my reality, to be all natural. I don't want people playing games or following someone's instructions. Chances are the \"instruction-giver/stalker\" is just that. The crazy thing is, in 11 years, I don't know them, speak to them, yet they still do what they do...",

"- chances are \"instruction-givers/stalkers\" are doing what's best for them, while giving the illusion its for me. Through hype, and time, people think they're worth believing. I feel I have everything I want in life, short of a girl friend, or a family/network of my own...",

"- if something were done on my behalf, I'd be OK losing a billion dollars, or even possible justice against deranged stalkers and UAlbany, which screwed me over in 2012, and is using me to build the reputation of their party school...",

"I have everything. Over 11 years, with the exception of:No matter how long, how sad/crazy, I value people, friend people, who tell me the truth of what's transpiring, or talk to me, Period. I can take it.",

"- Would U believe in the last 11 years,1 girl, met thru a random place, & a coworker in a recent place, are the only 1's who extended a hand out 2 me or were quality human beings W/kindness in them? How crazy is it that in 11 years, aside from family & these 2, talking is rare...",

"- Whatever I know is thru instinct/senses/intuition, patterns/evidence built thru 11 yrs- regarding my situation. No 1 has ever talked 2 me, done anything W/my consultation. Schools/Police let them roam. What they possibly put out is based on who they want me 2 be, not who I am.",

"- People do the most random things in this \"program/situation\", whatever the h*ll it is...stand in my presence & I think wait 4 me to do something, walk around with phones, nod, or...heaven knows what...",

"- to continue on the previous tweet, I think it's b/c such behavior is recommended by the \"instruction-givers/stalkers\" or \"program/situation\". Please remember that I don't know them or what I'm in...They don't know me. They never spoke to me. They do as they please, illegally.",

"- 2 continue on the previous tweet, they have the most random access 2 my life - would U believe the government, law, police allow this 2 an American citizen against his will/complaints/&11 yrs of suffering (despite public smiles/etc.) ... -",

"- (to continue on previous tweet) The government, law, police, allow what's known b/c government/police are hiding their secret project in the known thing. Ur not going 2 believe what that is. If U use ur head, to allow something like this for 11 yrs, clearly they have incentive.",

"-(to continue on the previous tweet)..probably starts W/a contract or project offered to UAlbany..I mean phD's..their nano engineering school..all get involved in projects in what they do...Y else do they want 2 get their hands in my reputation & a matter W/crazy kids? Incentive!",

"-While I can be silly/loose/funny, Im a serious guy. Short of talking, I don't know what any1's doing. I love networking/making friends/or a girl friend. Like any1, my dream girl is attractive, some1 I can talk 2/some1 who listens 2 me/takes what I say seriously/can extend a hand",

"- Regarding girl friends, in addition 2 the other things, I want a woman I can love, who will love me, who will be truthful 2 me, & who I can hold/hug - Some1 who will face obstacles/disasters with me, & together escape/reach new heights. Some1 2  go on any/all life's adventures.",

"- As no 1 talks to me in my situation, particularly women, I don't know what the \"situation\" tells them. But I'm trying to express me. Read these tweets, starting with the oldest one. After 11 yrs, I want the next adventure. Whatever is to be gained from this, not interested.-",

"-It's not their program or making what I do public that shines a light on me. It's my actions, my personality, my words. By living, getting something like a twitter, I can do what they do better. I'm a regular guy who's content with what he has in life. -",

"-While I have a decent job, I'm always on the lookout for better opportunities, more enjoyable opportunities, more financially rewarding opportunities. I'm a computer science graduate W/an MBA in Management Information Systems, seeking a good job to help make dreams come true.-",

"-Not seeking a program/situation. I'll make my millions through a great job. I'll meet people through my actions.  If I'm destined for fame, it will happen through a means that isn't illegal, that doesn't practically get me worked up, tortured to speak. -",

"- & 2 get justice 4 these 11 yrs...that shouldn't be an excuse or reason 2 not tell me the truth or speak to me. If I knew how something illegal is happening,  I could move on W/my life, & maybe even taking any/all necessary legal action. These people are not my friends/family.-",

"-When all craziness & reputation stomping started,  I was in my early 20's. These people destroyed a decade of my life, & possibly the best time in a persons life, while making it seem like - some crap - like Im afraid 2 go out or am embarrassed...remember, they don't know me. -",

"-and the crazy thing is, people believe these monsters. These instruction-givers/stalkers inflict variables in my life that are restricting and prevent me from living life to the fullest. Now I'm in my very early 30s, and I'm tired. Remember, 11 yrs. -",

"- I don't know if any1 sees this, I don't know if the instruction-givers/stalkers use tech 2 prevent people from seeing this..but this twitter is mine. If I want to vent, thats my right, not an excuse 4 a - remember - \"stranger\" 2 react to. I'm Regular guy \"minding his business.\"",

"-All I want, is my life to be as God intended & natural, With people doing what they feel like, whatever they originally would've done if this situation didn't exist. The only help I seek is the truth hidden from me for 11 yrs. It costs another person, a stranger even, nothing.",

"‚It takes a special person to do something, when everyone else is standing by..‚ - Lightning (from CW show, ‚ÄòBlack Lightning‚)In old neighborhood behind central ave, there was street racing on Thurs. night. Went on for yrs. Rather than speaking up, people put up w/it for yrs.‚",

"Letting my dad and brother borrow my car in the mid afternoons and evenings for a while...as I have the privilege of working from home...Hope remote work opportunities continue...",

"If you like the animated ‚Justice League‚ or ‚Justice League Unlimited‚ series, you‚re going to love ‚Invincible‚ series on Amazon Prime...great show, can‚t wait till the next few seasons come out...",

"Oh did u no what‚an awesome snack! Hokkaido cream rolls from cold food section at HMart or from wherever they keep snacks/breads in other Asian supermarkets. simple Japanese bun snack.-Chinese friend introduced them 2 me. yrs ago, I‚d eat them like 3-4 @ a time-simple but good!",

"In reference to my tweet 9 hrs ago (early morning), regarding the quote from Black Lightning show on the CW, it reminds me of something that happened in my freshman year at the college I was in, before I transferred to Albany-",

"When I was dorming in the dormitory referred to as CIW, a lot of the other freshman in the hall outside my dorm room, and my roommate, were talking about, checking out, and gathering around a website called ‚do not tell Ryan dot com‚ -",

"- through the commotion, I found out about it too. Ryan lived in a dorm on the same campus where it was suite style. He lived with 4-6 others with a common room and a single bathroom reserved for them all. The other 5 roommates got the brilliant idea of connecting a camera -",

"- to website in Ryan‚room and not telling him about. Ryan would go on doing his personal stuff-whatever that may be-thinking he was in the privacy of his space. People like animals got together to talk and check out the website. When walking by Ryan on campus, he might‚ve seen-",

"- giggles, whispers, or some sign of affirmation that something was up involving him. At the time, I was busy with classes and didn‚t have the interest to focus on the website. At that time and I guess age, without someone putting the idea to tell Ryan about it, I didn‚t give -",

"- being a friend to this guy or just a good human being to this guy, a second thought.  After the issue with Ryan wAs resolved with authority figures and some time passed and I had time to think, I wondered to myself why I didn‚t tell Ryan, even though he was no one to me-",

"-it may have come off random or him seeing me as an intrusive stranger, but I would have had the salvation of ‚helping someone, truly.‚ When I came to that realization, I got over my, ‚staying silent about problems ‚, and went to seek solutions. If something like Ryan were to-",

"- happen again, I‚d definitely go and tell the other person, especially if it‚a matter of human dignity and right and wrong, or because of random hype, I thought he/she (person ‚I‚m‚helping) is worthy of a friendship. I mean, it like the story of the woman baking cake, was it?-",

"- she asked her network or circle, 2-3 people, if they would help her make the cake. They all denied help and came up with excuses. When the cake was ready, those same people who wouldn‚t help ‚make‚ the cake, were ready to ‚eat‚ her solo hard work cake. -",

"- not willing to struggle with a person or do the hard thing when it counts, but ready to jump at the rewards? To be blunt and a little...I dunno the word...prideful, disgusting?...I mean if it were me, if I go out of my way and expense to put myself in a different world-",

"- (and different from my post college,post bar/party life, remote job life, or whatever else), and clarify points by talking to myself  or tweeting or facebooking or networking, and people do what someone else says to them...then well, sorry, I survived 11 years without you, -",

"- and in the years after, like the woman with the cake, I won‚t need you later. ‚Love one another as you love yourself.‚ It‚clear most people don‚t love themselves or can think beyond mechanical, established means of volunteering, community service, whatever. -",

"- read my tweets from the beginning, going backwards. There aren‚t that many. Don‚t just bookmark my page/link and peer, follow me on Twitter...let me know there are real genuine people, where I‚m not wasting my time.",

"-When 1 of my tweets tells a story or a point & it continues from 1 tweet to the next, they‚ll begin and/or end with ‚-‚ . It‚a sign of continuation. In such continuation cases, gotta go backward with tweets, past tweets with ‚-‚ ,& read from the beginning, scrolling bottom-up.",

"Imagine after an 11 year ordeal, someone wants to make you a role model...I mean are you f*king kidding me...I think some are so plugged into this, they forget the reality that this is crazy and cruel...11 yrs to make a hero/role model?! -",

"- ‚this is An impracticable situation, a cruel situation where they don‚t disclose what they do to make things happen, where u cannot feel or put urself in my shoes 2 empathize..-",

-I mean most are probably lost in details like me buying an espresso   https://t.co/ZW9V7MCaSm this? why relay it? I‚m kind of like a guy who just got a new house and is trying to fill it with things that fulfill the needs of the demands of his life. -

"- to be honest, I don‚t want to talk about things are make things part of my public identity. Normally you choose how people see you, not something from h*ll throwing details that are no ones business, when it has nothing to do with anything-",

"- I think Christ and Joe Biden are genuine role models. But religion puts people off and makes people think ur some kind of priest. So let‚talk joe Biden. A role model. Do you know what he bought or what he‚doing or thinking all throughout the way?  No. -",

"- what do you know of Joe Biden? President of the United States. Lost a wife, lost children. Conquered the emotional toll and picked up his life and moved on with the next adventure through another wife and kids. Him becoming president shows hard work, that he is a strong man-",

"- these are things that people can relate to in Joe Biden. ‚If you work hard, you can achieve anything, even be president of the United States.‚ When tragedy strikes, you get back on ur feet‚-",

"- Joe Biden‚life achievements were made known through contact with people-something Im encouraging.-",

"- Biden Is not a role model because he talks about everything he did, or something relays it, be it through Twitter, other social TEXT, or some other medium or platform. I mean it sounds like the definition of bragging and who likes a bragger-",

"- you know Joe Biden for what he says and the things he‚done, professionally, not in his personal life- such is the definition of a personal life...it‚personal, it‚private-",

"- you put the wrong or unnecessary things in peoples heads, it affects what opportunities come your way, what kind of people you meet...You put out what you want to get what you want/need.-",

"- beyond friends, In a natural setting, I think people get the impression I‚m not one to play games with. It‚been like that for years. Then all of sudden, people just started doing weird things, thinking I get it-",

"- remember what I said a few tweets ago? U let people know what u want them to know about I...friendships, relationships work that way..not everything is more comprehensive then a criminal background check for a job opportunity-& those things are privileged information by a few.-",

"- like I said people know what you want them to know...if you broadcast randomly how I am in one setting or with one individual, every1 expects that of you all the time. Is it practical to be the way u r with a relative/friend with somebody completely random or another context?-",

"- I keep saying this...people know what you want them to see or  know...you define you...sometimes people need to hear/read these things...And reminded about how they, themselves are...-",

"- let me tell you something you already know. Hundreds of thoughts go through a persons mind all day. Some are based on 1st instinct, based on something that happened in the moment (may change in the next moment), based on past information acting as a pair of glasses to see thru-",

"- but how any of those thoughts are actually you, what you want, what your belief or perception is, overall-",

"- ( maybe that‚when a sporadic impulsive thought ‚evolves‚- when it becomes a belief/ perception-perception/belief is something you ‚thought through‚ and not a biological/impulsive/mechanical thought your ‚thinking.‚)-",

"- what matters is what you ‚thought through‚ and not just ‚what ur imagined to be ‚thinking‚ for a ‚given moment in time.‚What you ‚say‚ to people, what you speak, what comes out of your mouth and not ur mind, is what matters-",

"- what I say is probably ‚thought though‚ and not just something I‚m ‚thinking impulsively, for a given moment in time, for one reason or another, as described earlier.‚ -",

"- I think we‚ve all been in situations where we wonder ‚ why did I say that)‚ or been accused of ‚talking out of our a*s‚...-",

"- when speech is that, it doesn‚t make sense to hold someone accountable for everything that comes out of their mouth in their non public lives-makes no sense to wonder why he/she said or did that, when it wasn‚t for you, to begin with. -",

"-imagine if people were 2 react 2, or judge U (judging can mean seeing U in 1 way) 4 a biological response of a sporadic/impulsive thought thatRoams thru consciousness, that ur probably focusing past, as U live ur life in reality, & interacting/taking part in elements of reality.",

May 21st tweets right side up:  https://t.co/9vNbSD3K1kMay 23rd tweets right side up:  https://t.co/eOvt1QxFpHMay 24th tweets right side up:  https://t.co/SYvJxqi3sw

"...ok, so if you post three links in one tweet, only the last link gets a preview...lets post each link separately...",

May 21st tweets right side up:  https://t.co/9vNbSD3K1k

May 23rd tweets right side up:  https://t.co/eOvt1QxFpH

May 24th tweets right side up:  https://t.co/SYvJxqi3sw

"All tweets up to now, right side up, grouped together accordingly, in the three links, in the below/last three tweets (right before this tweet). Enjoy your day.",

At least make sure it doesn‚t happen you:  https://t.co/9dqNjonE7w

"May 25th...",

"Years ago, I complained about slander against my reputation. When you realize ur publicly known, from my understanding, it evolves into libel. I wonder if these geniuses (orchestrators responsible), for 11 years, think they can evade the slander charge by relaying -",

"- whatever possible about me. Does that make sense after the May 24th tumblr post/tweets talking about speaking, thinking, doing? -",

"- I think what makes slander and libel so bad is that ‚people act on‚ false or inappropriate ideas/beliefs. Imagine treating someone as crazy, in every possible way, for 11 years, and restricting their life, when the orchestrators went into this without thinking of past,-",

"-without thinking type of Family,  background culture...all on the basis of kids & maybe even a girl that I wanted to go out with years ago, but didn‚t, and never was my girl friend or even knew me. -",

"-(Amidst pictures of me, God forbid I mention the name of the girl for three days somewhere in my quiet unknown reclusive life,-",

"-where being as thorough as I am, I explained away all the situations i saw her/bumped into her-the whole thing probably lost focus over a name... for anyone to care or even know what‚talked about, am I-",

"-or she, a public figure?, or residing or studying in the same place, even?!) , None of these people know me...these are the kinds of stalkers I‚m dealing with for 11 years...-",

"something else...",

"From what the I said on 5/24/2021 about Joe Biden being a role model, in life challenges, he acted admirably. Christ lived admirably. When ur afflicted with a problem people can‚t feel or relate to, for 11 yrs!,-",

"-and speaking/writing/complaining thru the routes you have, doesn‚t rescue you, then less admirable means of acting become justifiable. When less admirable is the way to go, ur wasting ur time on the role model thing...-",

"and another thing...",

"American psychology, touchy/feely ways of handling people, ways of thinking, having to tell people things they should already know or think, people robotically following instructions instead of using their heads...dealing with people who are not objective, who are not-",

"-pragmatic...makes you wonder...am I of the same culture as these people?... or do I need to find another place in the world to live...and that‚when ‚they‚(orchestrators responsible) want me to be a ‚role model‚ for them. If you act as a team against someone, how-",

"-am I symbol to you, or how do I represent you, or how do I model your beliefs? Chances are, I've come to not understand the people in my environment or their 11 year way of handling things. I mean if you were to pass on today, and ur asked about your role in this,-",

"-what will you say? I went with the flow? Everyone else was doing it? Do you know what its like? What were your last 11 yrs like? At least event filled? Anyone sending you signs instead of \"being direct\" and talking to you?",

"another thing floating through the mind...",

"Christ, being God, spent 40 days in the desert. Faced the devil himself and three temptations. I'm a guy who does yoga (Surya Namaskar, pranayama meditation, from Hinduism), but I was born, raised, and am and continue to be a Christian. -",

"- For those against religion, just sharing something from my belief system. Personally, I‚m open to all religions. But anyway, Christ faced off with the devil for 40 days. My ordeal is lasting 11 years+. -",

"-I am NOT God or a god. Christ faced 3 temptations. Everyday, peace of mind is taken from me. Christ faced the devil. I dunno if Satan returned to being the angel, Lucifer, & needed a replacement, or what..but someone or someones, who take this kind of initiative against their-",

"-fellow man, for this much time, while infecting the world like the group of demons - Legion - with their instructions...There is something worse than Satan and his demon following: Man or humans who possess the power of a god and can have a mass-",

"-following against one individual...Me? I'm just a regular guy amidst all this hype(happens naturally through 11 yrs), getting his life together. Where I buy my coffee or even me doing things like buying my coffee shouldn't challenge that perception. I work for quality, look to -",

"-attain quality. Thats my business. Point being, not even Satan challenged Christ with this kind of an ordeal...I guess this is where that saying comes in: \"What you did to the least of my brothers and sisters, you did to me...\" Being overpowered by the-",

"-world...that puts me in a lowly position...or how about \"Whoever perverts the innocence of one of these little ones, should tie a millstone around their neck and jump into a body of water\" As everything has to be explained, little ones doesn't have to mean-",

"-children. It could mean someone innocent, projecting NO ill will against another. Food for thought peepz. America, a Christian country? Bull sh*t. My a*s. American citizenship powerful? Bull. For 11 yrs, every illegal thing, impractical thing, continues...",

today's tweets right side up on this blog:  https://t.co/A753K5G4Om

"Huh...now the concern hits...In writing so much in one day, will people read? will they digest? will they process? will they get it?",

"May 26th tweets and tumblr post...",

"- Keeping high end projects secret or from those it involves, won‚t prevent it from happening to you or get laws enacted. Since when does silence do that? Hence protests, etc. In this case, look at the facts. 11 years someone is suffering. Does that make the authority-",

"- figure look credible? And they picked a brown kid in the same way the Nazis chose Jewish minorities for their eye color changing experiments. It‚never someone who‚white who‚picked for ridiculous things.-",

"- The American white orchestrators cannot bear the thought of a brown guy having a decent life. So let‚pick him to do this, amidst all the opportunities present in his life. Let‚rob him of all that, give him an unbelievable amount of stress and make him prematurely bald.-",

"-Just because this is America, does not mean the orchestrators will keep their word to you, the public, or give whatever incentive promised. I‚m an American citizen for 30+ years. I‚d say with it pride, but now it‚a source of humiliation. -",

"-That citizenship wasn‚t strong enough to prevent illegal activities. Don‚t be ignorant. With what‚happening and it‚way of happening, I can understand fear. What use are notions of the Holy Spirit in you or just plain human spirit,-",

"-if you cannot confront evil. If what‚happening to me happens to 10 more people, the only way to help yourself and them is to speak up and lend an ear ‚about‚ and ‚to‚ unusual activity. Staying silent is giving horrible people under worldly reputations and possessions the-",

"-freedom to abuse another human being. Since when do men in power keep their word? It is the job of the public to use their spoken word, our sword, to confront evil. Lay down the facts and look at what‚been done and for how long, not sweet sounding-",

"-voices/motives/gender/age. I bet the devil, when he tempts and torments someone toe to toe/head to head, he comes in the most appealing form to throw off his victim from suspecting anything. -",

"-Tally up what you can understand as done and destroyed, not what‚‚said‚ by a stranger to be done.",

"-There are 2 groups involved.From what I understand, theres group1 talking 2 every1, & probably explaining away &justifying their end (despite 11 yrs) in face of my tweets/tumblr post. Then theres group2 hiding behind group1's public distraction. That's the high end project.",

May 26th tweets right side up in blog link below...I think twitter even provides a preview...same as tweets from early morning (before 6 AM)...  https://t.co/9dqNjonE7w

"Looks like theNext instruction or twist onWhat I actuallySaid/wrote/tweeted made its way..just Why?..what is so hard about the ‚be natural‚ Concept-no skin off ur back..right, then the orchestrators (1‚responsible) have noPoint orJob. The Americans side with their own, clearly.",

"There is a Facebook, a Twitter, a tumble all directly from me. I‚m big on being direct with people. That‚interacting/talking with someone not through something acting like a celebrity‚agent...just a regular guy, the rest is hype-",

"What happens to the concepts of fate and destiny if you tell everyone where I‚m going all the time? But then if you didn‚t, once again, the pointless orchestrators would be jobless. When two people meet, normally it‚chance, luck...-",

"-kinda like the movie ‚The Adjustment Bureau‚ with Matt Damon‚and Emily Blunt. Not everyone is supposed to meet everyone. It‚ridiculous that a grown man has to deal with a program for a reputed particular party schools and teenagers...-",

"-they soil my reputation by perpetuating teenage concerns about bullying, ‚oh my gosh, is everyone looking at me‚, and other nonsense...",

"- I‚m out to score a wife, more money through business and jobs, and that‚when the American psychology fueled little kids program pursues me like psychopaths over the course of 11 years... hey orchestrators, know where ur not wanted, have some dignity, and find someone else.",

"Being 1st generation Indian American, born & brought up here, Ive had the usual problems...culturalClashes, aDoubleLofe w/family&friends, too much time w/their own community-it gets old, when just telling foreigners ur an American citizen leaves the impact of jealousy & wonder.",

"- growing up, kids (let‚not forget I‚m a grown man in his very early 30s who people hold accountable for every second/word of his life...imagine if it was you, anyway...)- growing up, kids like me are out to be as American as possible. We don‚t want the culture of our parents-",

"I went to Iona Prep high school, I‚ve left the Indian Orthodox Church (stricter form of Catholicism: hence, the word: Orthodox), to be around the larger culture and a variety of people through the Catholic Church I embrace as my own-",

"- there are Italians, Irish, Mexicansnd other Hispanics , Indians, brits, and so forth. I always seen myself traveling and being busy...a service is always available, any day, and it‚all over the world.-",

"- but despite all my attempts at embracing American culture and my natural born citizenship, in the end Americans and people of my background left me to rot and side with the orchestrators. Not one person of any background had my back in a time of need.-",

"I got so fed up when all this started over no one believing me/or everyone lying to me, I left my home state of New York to go to/live in the country of my background: India. Then these people, these orchestrators followed me there and messed up a chance at a fresh start-",

"- be it thru a new apartment of my own or a great IT job. I got tired of America and left,&their people followed me, to bring me back,&harass me for 11 years...I say ‚their people‚ because you‚ve all clearly indicated through a project/program, that ur on 1 side, &im onAnother.-",

"Here I am doing crazy things totalk to a girl or get a girlfriend, and my own network of people as a whole...but then, after all this, I gotta wonder...being an Indian American, I can go back and select any woman from a large selection to be my wife... I can pick a real woman-",

"- as I feel females in America tend to be more girly then womanly ... I mean I look like a grown man (I wouldn‚t go so far as a prime example or definition, but I‚m close, on any day, whether fat-sadly, currently-skinny, or muscular). I need a woman.-",

"I could skip a dozen steps&formalities of a girl friend 2wife,      by jumping 2 the chapter of a wife &family of my own, thru the concept of arranged marriage. At this point, I don‚t care about the American bit. Through my habits, personality, &the well known Indian work ethic,-",

"-through the stuff in the previous tweet, I feel I‚m more a typical Indian man, despite my lifelong efforts at being more American in the Indian American part of my identity.-",

"-The orchestrators making my family act against their culture, inflicting what they see as a normal life on me, and judging me for being me...everything you done is ample evidence of racism in practice/action, and the 2013 charge of a hate crime that I made to the idle police-",

"-, all while the orchestrators and the reputed party school hijacked my calls to the police, and even went so far as to tell me on the phone call to the police:‚stop calling.‚ At least try to ‚act ‚ like law enforcement...",

"And maybe now to return to normal tweets for the most part...",

"Was on my Peloton bike this morning and couldn‚t help but notice how these female trainers look like ‚women.‚ From the dancing on the bike to whatever, all have personality, all are lively...you don‚t see too many females that look like women over girls in real life...",

"Give what I say/write, that‚verified as from me (an example of being direct with me), like my Twitter, tumblr, or Facebook precedence, 1st preference, over what anyone else says, or what the indirect folk resort to.",

"RT @RennyJi: May 26th tweets right side up in blog link below...I think twitter even provides a preview...same as tweets from early morning

Already tweeted this @6AM after my pre 6AM tweets but posting this link again since its buried under myTweets from 10:15-11:15..&retweeted this 2..yeah umm U wouldn't believe the time/expense it takes to tackle the unknown...but here's the link again:  https://t.co/9dqNjonE7w

Tweeted before 6 AM today posted those tweets in a link twice and in a retweet Tweeted from 10:15-11:15 today posted those tweets right side up in the link below:  https://t.co/6NBwjXIOSt

"May 27th tweets...",

"The reputed party school wants to spend 11 years wondering why ‚I don‚t go out‚ in the sense of bars/partying. For their personalities or the kids they‚re used to, from the low grade requirements for their school(nothing against anyone for getting admission there), -",

"-I suppose it‚to be expected.With my grades at Iona Prep High School, I had scholarships with free laptops at some decent private schools. But I chose to go to the Harvard of the SUNY‚s: Binghamton University. -",

"-I transferred out, because I wanted a fresh start with a new major, late in my academic career, after an attempt at electricalEngineering. The only place that‚d take me is a reputed party school. Theyre probably like F* you in reading this, but being the truth, it‚undeniable.-",

"-And at that point in my academic career, I thought, what's in a name to a school or its reputation. But look what happens when you go to some places. Leaving Binghamton was the worst decision for so many normal/abnormal reasons. -",

"- i mean, for one thing, your grades reflect on the kind of person you are. it can say your hard working, or equally smart but just want to take it easy and do things like party and alcohol and drugs all day. but different story, moving on...-",

"-I used to spend a lot of time in computer science lounge and in the faculty department common room, at said party school. Despite me being there almost everyday, and at the Starbucks in Colonie, NY for networking, where this location is at the center of multiple Universities,-",

"-the professors who had a role in this, sided with random kids they don‚t see in that area often. I guess it‚because they partied and I studied. ‚Sided ‚in that they listened to random kids who don‚t know me, rather than talk to the guy in their vicinity on a daily basis. -",

"-Such is the reputed party school. While in the common area, I heard one of their professors say, they take as many kids from a local community college: Hudson Valley, to boost their graduation rates. -",

"-I guess they don‚t get the kids they need for that in normal admissions at a reputed party school. As I hear them talking sometimes, while making me look crazy for it, you should have heard their astonishment at the Binghamton common computer area in comparison to what they-",

"-have at their reputed party school. It says a lot about reputations. The orchestrators try to make it seem like, the way I am in a ridiculous situation(probably filmed or the equivalent all day), while living with my parents, is how I am. -",

"- They‚ve been doing this for 11 years, after robbing me of my opportunities for 11 years. I had a life before this, and I intend to continue to, after, with my own network, family, etc, away from these orchestrators and their craziness.-",

"- &another thing, regarding the party school, think im just saying things? check the books. and are their graduates or students going to get mad at me, despite the school's clear role and for calling the students equally smart, a number of tweets ago? well, oops, OK..moving on.-",

"moving onto addressing something else...-",

"-The orchestrators are always misusing people under the pretense that I‚m a picked on kid. I‚m a successful, grown man. -",

"-Not because I‚m conceited,  but from life experience, I wrote 11 yrs ago: ‚I‚m not the last person people harass, but I‚m also far from the first.‚ When it happens, with my image (while chubby, and not handsome now), I know somethings up. -",

"-Try me, and be direct about it, rather than do something ridiculous from afar. I don‚t waste time on idiots. -",

"-The orchestrators perpetuate and take part, and make official and global, a small rumor of a girl I don‚t know or knows me (or her misguided teenage friends who also don‚t know me nor do I know them-big theme in this, with all involved) from 11 years ago.-",

"-The only thing that ever harmed me, abused me, or robbed me of health and opportunities, is the orchestrators. -",

"-Teenage kids have no power. Whatever effect they have dies down. It takes something big or reputable (like adults of a particular standing) to give their ideology power. -",

"-These adults...I don‚t know them, they don‚t know me...I don‚t understand their 11 year project/vendetta/-whatever this massive lie is, against me. Maybe it started with just wanting to make money off of me and my life and my lifestyle. -",

"-In trying to address this 11 year problem, my true focus: my career, gets hidden, and you end up thinking I‚m taking part, or after the cr*p-ola of the orchestrators. I‚m big on what‚natural. -",

"-Anywho, I wrote this 1st in the ‚Notes app‚ on my iPhone yesterday, to publish on Twitter & tumbler today, in case I forgot. - in case todays posting was seen earlier...think it happens to emails sent to myself and other things...-",

"-Focus on what‚4 each day on Twitter &tumbler, despite what cannot be helped i.e. the random relaying of everything @ any time, since no 1 helps me stop it by talking 2 me. Imagine what would happen if you told me-the power to save myself...what a great thing you'd be doing...",

"about that party school? before things escalated, as soon as I noticed the potential for a problem behind a situation occurring without telling me, I went to their Conflict Resolution office at their school and told them about my concerns and what I noticed-",

"- the next day, the guy that spoke to me, walks in a different direction, from a small distance, forces a head turn, and gives me a retarded smile. -",

"-Despite my \"reporting things\" like one does to the police in the face of a problem, that school went crazy against me on the day of my 2012 finals. can you imagine a school allowed to go nuts on the day of a student's final exams? -",

"-once again, goes back to the talk about reputations from several tweets ago - this morning. Ur reputation is who you are and reflects in your actions...and here we're dealing with a reputed party school...while they slander my reputation by putting me in retarded predicaments.-",

"- so many bad experiences with students and faculty at that school...in the first dorm suite i lived in, 5 guys pushed me into my room for pushing them back alone, by myself, for telling them to pitch in cleaning-",

"-&one of them - a stupid fraternity idiot - rushed to tell on me, saying i punched him. in a part time job, i told  the guy i was working w/to teach me the trade or get the phone in my cubicle working in an area with no cell reception. he just responds nastily and it culminates-",

"- on another occassion, i locked myself out of my room in a different dorm suite, b4 going to my next part time job, which was in their down town. took the highway to get there. went to the faculty and told them my problem - that i had work, can't be late, need to get in my room-",

"-they tell me that i have to wait 2 hours b/c that's when their services are officially available. what if it was class & i needed my backpack? when they eventually agreed 2 help me, the woman i was speaking with, probably saw me going to my dorm building, -",

"-& she drives around &past me w/a nasty look to spite me 4asking them, when saying she'll go to my room and unlock it. when i think i went back to their office &told them about it, she claims she went to my building &waited, but i didn't show up. i saw her drive in a circle.",

"- and that second part time job...to prove myself useful when things weren't busy with a computer job, i would, alone, move big shelves, i think desks, &other furniture, down a floor or two. It was a gesture on my part after hearing them talk about no one clearing their office-",

"-after the things i did for them, i emailed them if they knew anything about this, &never a response. -",

"this is the party school now wondering about why i'm not out, socializing, getting laid all day/everyday, hitting the bars, or whatever. To the orchestrators: leave my life alone. They're so much proof to all this...i guess amidst everything else, maybe they can see memories...-",

"- i mean would it kill these people to go the conventional route and use a lie detector with all involved? It's so easy to clear this up. Based on what I truly want for my life, all of this is a mess.",

"- based on tech they use, in claiming 2 help me(when i need no help aside from telling me whats happening), they try to justify lies 2slander me or try to get me 2write all day. They perpetuate nonsense 2get me 2write, 2 I guess, see if they can predict it-to put it another way.",

"and going back to conflict resolution at the party school? there was one thing i forgot to mention. not only did he allow this to transpire without telling me. -",

"-on the day of my exams, when the sounds projected 2 me, made threats 2 a relative of mine, there, by saying \"maybe we should help him too\", I called Conflict Resolution @ party school several times. They wouldn't pick up. I think I left messages, but no call back. -",

"- in the face of harassment, threats, evolving to what it is today, under a false impression by people of power, such is the party school.",

"- U gotta wonder amidst yrs of this mental strain, especially at party school, where was cr*p flowery Amerian psychology/counseling system, what was the school's Conflict Resolution doing. -",

"-at that party school, failures all around..at the time I was there, academic departments were closing like i think their French department. but whatever. orchestrators are people in power, parading as those of quality, when they're not. 11 years of torture attest to that.",

"and one normal tweet for when we can move past this...-",

"love the @onepeloton (peloton). love #leannehainsby (cycling trainer) for her appearance, personality, and training.",

"leannehainsby",

May 27th tweets right side up in blog link...hope the length doesn't make people miss certain elements...  https://t.co/sMsllxDNy4

"May 28th tweets...",

"For 11 years, me and the word ‚girl‚ always end up translating to association with this one girl I don‚t know. Wanted to go out with her once, approached her at a bar, in the dining hall on campus, -",

"-but then she talks to some other guy in front of me, gives me an angry look all the time, disappears from the dining hall, or dances amongst other girls. You figure ur giving the wrong idea and then this randomness seems to start, -",

"-as you nicely move away from that. I left the idea of that girl by giving her a letter, explaining things, and ultimately leaving the ball in her court. That‚when random kids go on about the idea of someone for years after.",

"I mean I‚ve had the privilege of going out with this Muslim Pakistani girl (i totally respect what you consider haram) older than me and a genius Sikh Punjabi girl (to you Sikhinis, I share in you or love for one God and traditions) who drew my picture in that epic Facebook-",

"- and would distract me like h*ll while in class. Things didn‚t work out, I see this new girl, with one of the best first names on the show Friends: Rachel- possibly my favorite name. -",

"-I hope the mention of 1 of the most common 1st names, 11 yrs later, in this general fashion, doesn‚t cause problems 4me. But her &other women Ive come across lately might give U a glance, but also give the impression that if U return the look for 2long, theyll be creeped out.",

"W/everything, it boil down 2 \"what void\" ur trying 2 fill. Being human=ugly-&gt;a lot of good&bad w/in. Violent offenders should output aggression&resulting brain reward centers, by finding noble idea/value 2 fight 4. Disabling such obstacle fulfills inclinations thru powerOfChoice.",

"RT @RennyJi: - you‚re provided for, have a nice place to live, you‚re a prominent family, can go out and eat, have a healthy son, can buy t

"- so I tweeted that last retweet's clip, yesterday. On top of everything else, when a couple gets a divorce, usually, \"the male spouse\" loses half his income, and for some reason: the family house, to his wife, who then gives hourly weekend visitation rights...-",

"- divorces happen in America on something trivial. \"Oh the marriage lost its spark...I'm not attracted to him anymore...\" Nowadays you see on TV, friends becoming a marriage pastor online and wedding their male and female friends. Somethings lose their seriousness then.-",

"- But in the more formal Church practice, you say \"through sickness and health, to love and to cherish, 'till death' do us part...\" its part of a phenomena, nowadays, where no one says what they mean and don't speak with meaning.-",

"- when you say something as deep, as \"through sickness and health,\" in the form of a vow ('a promise'), in Church, in front of the God (who Americans abandon in favor of atheism or agnosticism or apathy), how can you even contemplate divorcing someone on something trivial?-",

"- \"in sickness and health\" could mean 10 years into your marriage, your spouse becomes paralyzed and you end up bathing them for the rest of both your lives. It could mean they cannot even kiss you, let alone have sex with you. But that's what you sign up for. -",

"- but nowadays, Americans are under belief that U live once. Reach 4 happiness at whatever cost. In places like India, they're not that innocent either. People in 3rd world countries may share a similar philosophy in form of, \"I've had it bad, and I'll do anything 4 happiness.\"-",

"- I remember talking on relationships, in passing, w/a doctor, & I remember him saying: there's nothing wrong w/asking 4 a prenuptial agreement (as mature people plan 4 it all & aren't blinded by emotion), & asking 4 bloodwork at onset of relationship 2 prevent unwanted diseases.",

"Everything in time seems 2 go through a cycle. People adhere 2 formalities in one season, then wonder Y across time, relax on those formalities, as 1 example. -",

"- An ex. of a past thing gaining prominence in present is ancient practice of Feng Shui, or what Indians call \"Vasthu Compass\", inviting people 2 build homes on non-toxic energy points in ground/earth. Toxic locations can bring unfortunate circumstances 2 the resider of a home. -",

"- I believe the History Channel's Ancient Aliens show alluded to Washington DC being laid out on positive energy lines. Washington's creators even planted an obelisk (the Washington Monument) as if to magnify energy. Maybe its all a coincidence.-",

"- people blame God 4 everything going wrong. When something good happens, no 1 says Thank You. Some say bad things happen b/c a child not walking & suddenly walking, is God's way 2 bring us down from  airy heads in a cloud/distractions &appreciate something as simple as walking.-",

"- a sciencey/maybe eve metaphysical? way of understanding a tsunami in Japan or an earthquake in Haiti, is people's choices contributing to negative energy accumulating in the earth, leading to an energetic push toward negative happenings.-",

"- now I mentioned 2 places in my last tweet. But we as a world are 1, like an individual's 1 body. Your mid region back pain or lower back pain could be because of a problem occurring in another region in ur body. The pain and the cause of the pain could be in different places.-",

"- a collected period of darkness in multiple places throughout the world might puss out like acne in the form of a tsunami or earthquake in another part of the world.",

"When Trump talked about his \"big beautiful wall\", I didn't get the pushback. What are you saying? You don't want effective border protection? -",

"- On something rooted in mixed feelings in just saying, when coal miners and people working with oil rigs complain about renewable energy sources, it's kind of like the issue with the wall. Are you saying you want to deplete the world's nonrenewable sources of energy?-",

"- I believe augmented reality glasses like what's reported as being called Apple Vision, along w/free internet, can provide people w/ways 2 spend  time. Regarding pharmaceutical industry, I believe  focus should be on cloud controlled nanotech to produce meds w/o sideEffects.-",

"- in the presence of big game changing things like that, going back 2 coal miners, U should train the workers of the coal mines and give them preference for jobs replacing the resource they worked with. New Tech like nanotech in place of conventional pills will result in losses.-",

"Though born a Christian, I see all religions as different languages to speak about one truth, and to one loving God. If I were to identify myself, I‚d prefer the label of a God-fearing individual, more than anything. Reminds me to say, I like to relate with people. -",

"-While these women of the past were of the Asian persuasion, I‚m open to all cultures and religions when it comes to a relationship.",

"I saw a very modern Bollywood movie a while back about 2 people at a club, &the girl asks the guy, ur place or my place. On the flip side or other extreme, I saw a humorous clip on Facebook recently, about this very attractive girl, 4some odd reason, nervously approaching a guy,-",

"-&telling him she‚interested and would like to go out. The TEXT and reality are very different. I think in reality, it always falls on the guy to initiate a conversation, while in tv and movies, it‚the opposite. Anywho, kindly, do me this favor. When I use the word ‚girl‚-",

"-in conversation or writing, please stop associating it with any women or the past. Past is past. Why random  kids think I‚m only capable of walking away from this one girl, and can only refer to this girl, is beyond me. To make any type of commotion, is she famous? -",

"-Does anyone, wherever in the world I go, even know this person? The word ‚girl‚ should not be associated with previous associations. I could be using the word generally or specifically about someone else. -",

"-Binghamton undergrad: I had my freshman days, sophomore days, etc, along with the full college experience. -",

"-In party school/ transfer college, I went as an adult - not a teenager- to finish my school as quickly as possible without distractions.-",

"-I had an apartment of my own, readily available/accessible food - thanks to my parents- all so that all I have to worry about is studying. Then the randomness from the orchestrators takes over, messing everything up.-",

"My Twitter username is @rennyjiThe orchestrators-possibly involving party school professors- perpetuated the rumors of a girl and kids and took advantage of a situation for the purpose of their government project, that the world is unknowingly helping in.",

May 28th tweets between 5:29 AM and 5:40 AM on blog link with words right side up unlike twitter which displays most recent tweet even if its a continuation of an account/detail/story through multiple tweets:  https://t.co/2gjosWayuf

"lonely Indian male seeking puertoriquena wanting esposo, or \"middle eastern i dream of jeanie\" wanting alzawj, or italiana wanting marito, or punjabi wanting pagdiwala, and so forth in every other culture and language...its an all points bulletin...",

May 29 tweets..@ this day&time there isn't much more 2 say about \the situation\ weird \past\(being past) or@present there isn't aNeed where every littleThing needs 2be explained even more..so 4now going 2switch 2normal tweets..note my tumblr page:  https://t.co/YBHaO5OLil

"I miss the days of long hair and bangs on the corners of my forehead, drooping onto my face... awesome feeling...to relive that...oh mannn...",

"-semi long hair with potion 9 leave in conditioner/gel...I wonder if they still have that stuff...",

"Years ago, like 11 years ago, I think I heard something along lines of ‚let‚or theyre bringing back the radio...‚ I also remember seeing a white page on some1‚laptop screen with a black square in the middle...the kind of square that goes black when there‚no visual input...-",

"- anything 2do with(w/) ‚the thing‚?!..who knows..I don‚t have a real/genuine friend who‚d tell me things during bad/hard times..its true whats said..U realize whos truly w/U when going gets tough...in my life, its just the good Lord...not a single empathetic/sincere human being.",

Pic from more than 10 years ago on twitter below and on tumblr:  https://t.co/adxFzcZ8fA

May 29th end of day summary of tweets...  https://t.co/m8iuxXeWuX

"May 30th tweets...-",

"- So, as some of U already no, amidst a problem for 11 years, Ive been frequently doing things likeDeleting &recreating facebook. 11 years ago, around that time, when all this started, when I started @ party school, I had 2facebooks. 1 registered 2 Binghamton, 1 to party school.-",

"- the one registered to Binghamton, I deleted my friends, put up a drawing of me as a picture, and wrote something random to put down a rumor and return to normalcy in the 2010 bare bones facebook. It was to tackle what I believed at the time to be the source of the problem.-",

"-As per the ultimate source of the problem, I could always be wrong, but I imTEXTtely got a reaction to the writing on that page by people in my surroundings, making me believe I was write about the first assumed source of the problem. -",

"-At the same time, like said previously, I had a facebook registered to party school. On it I had friends made at party school, people I met in the local area, and also my dorm/suite mates. This even had a picture of me, not a drawing. But the original orchestrators?-",

"-whoever they were, they focused on my \"test facebook\" to figure things out. sometimes you gotta put out random things in your environment to figure out an unknown situation, by observing for reactions...-",

"- amidst a drawing on the stalked facebook, 4 an otherwise uknown recluse like me 2 be in the \"awareness of strangers,\" it means there is a photo of you going around. Why jump to that? I saw friends of a random girl & other strangers take pictures of me from afar at Binghamton.-",

"- Despite my awareness that something's wrong for 11 years, \"the situation\" continues. Imagine the compounding stress...1years of stress from normalStuff like school or work,  2 instruction fueled parents or complete/total/illegal randomness...how do U deal with that all that?!",

"- moving on...",

"-My family and me, in my youth, never took a lot of pictures after 13/starting high school. Not for any reason, despite dads love for Nikon cameras. due to school or work, there was never the time. That and before my parents made it in their careers, -",

"-aside from family trips to India to see family, not a lot of vacationing to exotic places. college, and when I joined college, Facebook started for first time, never got to posting pictures. -",

"-On a different note, Facebook was nothing like it is today. Very simple in, I think 2006-my God, it‚202-but anyway, even my more notorious Facebook writing wasn‚t even in a modern ‚Note‚or whatever. It was in the ‚About Me‚ ‚section‚ of a very basic/simplistic Facebook-but -",

"-back to the point...I think it‚beyond random and weird that there may be total strangers with possible pictures of my youth...",

"Oh my gosh... Becky...look at her bu....no, what I mean is...oh...my...gosh...for 11 years, what if ur orthodox Christian-cultural clash-parents steered the direction of entertainment on your life...how would they do it...the orchestrators clearly want me to be crazy...-",

"-and the school, from their involvement is going to be in legal trouble...how are all these people painting me...regarding my strict parents, I can‚t do anything with a girl in the house I grew up in, not that as a grown adult that I care. I mean I was scared to ask -",

"-my culturally different parents to go to my high school prom. Didn‚t want to hear their No! My brother, on the other hand? About him, he‚also a grown adult, finishing his residency as a doctor and moving onto bigger and better things. My parents think the guy-",

"-who wasn‚t as focused on school as I was or who didn‚t please them all the time like me, is the ideal or better son. Me? Particularly after involvement with the orchestrators, my parents -",

"- just think I‚m out of my mind in everything I do. What did my brother, the ideal son, do, for his prom? The nuts on this one is ridiculous...he begged and got permission to go with a blonde girl at the prom at our all boys private college preparatory high school. -",

"-Then to make his secret girl friend happy, he tells my parents he‚going to sleep over at a friends place. What does he actually do? Him and the friend at the pretend sleep over take a train to Connecticut from New York to attend his blonde girl friend‚s-",

"-prom at her school there. They do what they do, return the next day, and my parents aren‚t any wiser. My parents praise my little brother. What do I get for a lifetime of obedience? Random obstacles, and getting yelled at or provoked, to get me to say things for entertainment. -",

"-I‚m in the shoes or boat of someone who just can‚t set things right in this praising of my brother vs. me...such is life...-",

"-As part of the nonsense that goes on to make what I‚m calling sick ‚entertainment,‚ happen, today my mother comes to me and says she wants to wax the floor of my bedroom/office/space in our family house-rent for nice apartments in good areas cost $1700-$2000. Staying in the -",

"-house saves me money and allows me to use that money for other things. But anyway. She tells me she also wants to vacuum. I‚m like Ok. Then, as usual, the random dialogue starts. It randomly escalates. -",

"-It‚one of those ‚but you said...now ur saying this...it doesn‚t make sense...what are you even talking about...‚ situations. -",

"-Usually In this ‚show‚, randomness like that occurs, where my mother makes faces at me, slams a hammer or walks to another room while I‚m talking, or says something condescending. This I believe is to get me to say things at a point of aggravation.-",

"-Keep provoking until you get a show. This is what all of you witness and allow to continue by never telling me anything. It then fills the mind with distracting, resulting anger/frustration, the resulting thoughts, and the mind of lack of focus that fails to get things done. -",

"-Such is 11 yrs of life. If the provocation is to get me to go out, there‚only so many places I can go, so much money I can spend, while simultaneously no one says nothing to me. So what is the point of all this?! What happens with the room waxing/vacuuming?-",

"-Well mom has me like all my things onto bed &other places where things shouldn‚t be so that the wooden floors are clear. Then after provoking me, she makes it seem something that didn‚t happen or she thinks happened is my fault. She walks out without her completing her desire -",

"-2 wax &vacuum, &now leaves me w/the burden of having 2fix my room up, so that my bed is clear to sleep on, all after I finish a personal-but actually 2 person- project Ive been putting off, &showering. I guess this morning(W/respect to yesterday, that is-forgot to clarify that)-",

"-is the only relaxation I get...and like that, with a constantly aggravated or busy mind, I have to finish work for my job and get other things done...you look to things like a massage at places, but that‚90 minutes, and the weird life thing is all day amidst 11 years...-",

"The even with dear Ma happened yesterday, and clearly not at 6:14 AM. forgot to clarify that. will make the correction when it goes into my tumblr link...",

"Moving onto normal stuff -",

"- Did any of you know that dark roast coffee contains less caffeine than light roast. I think everyone shares in my misconception that dark roast is stronger, but its written as not, online. Google it...",

"I said it before, I‚ll say it again, peace of mind is priceless. I hope I end up with woman who fuels that, rather than more drama.",

May 30th early morning tweets in a blog link:  https://t.co/e8ypLigR11Might tweet later in the day and post another blog link at the end of the day with all of that...Enjoy your day...

"You know, some people get a nose job cuz they‚re not happy with their noses, or something else from like, I think a plastic surgeon. On that note, I learned something from my younger brother, from when he was little.-",

"- every time he did something that got him in trouble, he‚d just give the cutest smile. By default, I have a serious kinda looking face.-",

"-Like I remember seeing the infamous girl to my story and one thing I learned-as you learn things from seeing and hearing things  from progressing in life-is that some people have the perfect facial configuration that contributes to a great smile.-",

"-Whoever or whichever woman I end up with, I decided for future purposes,has to have a great smile. Has to be pretty, has to be a shoulder to lean on, someone I can talk to, and be a day of sunshine through an amazing smile.-",

"- and going back to people changing things and the unrelated tale of my brother- for all those random, unpredictable, awkward situations in life, if I could have a way, I‚d get the perfect smile, to smile right through those situations...",

"Moving on, but on the idea of facial features-not cuz Im conceited, arrogant, or full of myself, but growing up and through my college years-I used to be the notably and recognized handsome man or young man in my Church, family, school, a social gathering, or whatever it may be.-",

"- people would always comment and it was a part of me. Have you ever had random strangers on the street comment on you being a ‚good looking man‚ or on a separate occasion, hitting on you, while waiting for a bus?I‚ve had that privilege.",

"In my Indian community, there is a handsome actor named Hrithik Roshan. In my prime, people would tease or comment me as him in their presence. After the turmoil of Albany, I lost a chunk of my overly thick black hair. I took a beating all around from stress.-",

"- I had to face the reality I‚m not the guy I grew up as. Looking like me was a core part of my identity. It‚like when the character, ‚Lightning‚, on the show ‚Black Lightning‚ had her molecules and atoms rearranged and got a new face that wasn‚t what she was used to.-",

"-that‚when this retarded program is advertising you as ‚handsome‚ and a bunch of other nonsense. Without ur long hair and stress beaten, you face and accept facts, even take the American route of shaving what‚left off and having a clean shaven head.-",

"- ur down about not being you, your world being fake because of a nonsensical program, and they‚re trying to show off you...parents think there‚something wrong with me cuz I shave my head. In India, only literally crazy people shave their heads. Once again, a cultural clash...-",

"- you lose interest for a period in ur hobbies like working out, and some things you need to work out through time and life experience-no matter how seemingly inane or childish or stupid. Different things matter to different people.-",

"-The normal person doesn‚t have an anal retentive set of orchestrators and program trying to seemingly get you broadcasted for good, when really they‚re just trying to evade legal trouble...I mean the program and then the mental harassment...it‚unprecedented...",

"-In sharing a bit about me, amidst orchestrators creating random hype, gotta let you know, ‚I‚m a tell it like it is‚ guy. Please don‚t compliment or filter me, based on the past. I am what I am, today, whatever that may be. Past is past.-",

"-This ‚thing‚ just violates all psychological boundaries in what they say/do and how they do it.",

"- on that note, I guess I can understand my parents shoes. Having a son who‚always complimented, who‚among the top 10 of his class of 200 at an all boys college preparatory school with a weighted GPA of 4.2 out of 4.0...or being the exemplary altar server at his Church...-",

"-when this ‚thing from h*ll‚  comes into my family‚and my life, I stopped going to their Church and found my own, I was shaving my head, they were being instructed to be mean to me by the orchestrators...as irritated as I am with my parents for these 11 years, I guess maybe -",

"- their psychology must have been warped by the orchestrators and they missed being the mom and dad of star in their community...but, after 11 years of having no one but God Almighty, I realize I gotta do, what I gotta do, for me, first and foremost...",

"ud be surprised how different people look with and without hair. Really makes em look like a different individual. Something so simple, ud think people would have a solution, rather than a $20,000-$35,000 hair transplant, where hair isn‚t as thick and full as it once was...-",

"- I mean..lets think about this..if u can ‚do everything U can do 2 me, in how ur doing it to me‚, how is it u can‚t restore hair..in comparison, when u think of the simplicity of the idea of restoring hair, its ridiculous..but I guess w/ hair, theres no government/military gain.",

"On a lighter and different note,-",

"While I love my younger brother to death, I also wish I had a sister. There‚something nice and special to having that female in the family. As per sister type material, I see myself talking and hanging out with, I guess my younger cousin Nicole. But then she‚in Texas now.-",

"-The orchestrators want a moving, bustling show, but then at the same time, they gotta realize that they keep people away from me, while the rest of my family is miles away, in different cities, states, and countries...-",

"- but to original point: a realSister wouldve been nice, especially during these weirdTimes. Stuff like that has added a 2 my desire 2 have @ least 1 boy & 1 girl, for children, whenever I have them, after orchestrators leave, women talk 2me again,&I get a girl friend,& married.-",

"- it makes you think of women as a whole. Youve heard of, I think it‚called the human element or human touch. But a woman seems 2 have that kind of positive impact times a 100. A woman is something naturally beautiful in creation..as corny as it sounds..like a rose or a flower-",

"- to brighten a mood or environment, you need women. Thank God for female baristas, cashiers, Doctors, nurses, etc. they add to the daily beauty of a day and scenery with their voices, and for the most part, their faces.-",

"- I guess that thought was spurred on by a sketchers go walk 5 commercial. It makes you think of fitness wear and yoga clothes, and how they enhance the beauty of women. The creators of these outfits had some clear insight and have got to be geniuses...",

wrote a lot today-in early MORNING&early AFTERNOON. Theyre stories about past (not usual nonsense)/ideas/etc. After earlyMorning tweets posted them right side up on tumblr&tweeted link. Now tweeting here another tumblr link containing afternoon tweets:  https://t.co/HI0haqUVL3

"May 31st tweets...after yesterday's morning and afternoon tweets, which were posted in two separate links, yesterday...",

"I value meaning not cultural violations, ‚every‚ random tradition. That‚one of the reasons I switched over to Catholicism from Orthodox Christianity, where I used to be an Altar server in 4 hour services while fasting. -",

"-The service, being the Indian Orthodox Church, is not in English, but highly advanced Church version of the Indian dialect I normally would speak to my parents. For four hours, I have no idea what‚being said and then there‚the random guilt of your mind wandering -",

"-while singing transliterated words (another languages words written in English script) throughout the service. It‚long, only on Sundays, has only one flavor of people, and other things I can‚t presently call to mind. I‚ve been going to Catholic school since the sixth grade. -",

"-I remember the first time seeing Sacred Heart Church. The aesthetics alone amazed me. The service and responses were in English and the service was short to fit in your schedule and available at multiple times, almost every day, making it easy to fit in a-",

"-schedule. It has people from all over the world and is always in the vernacular, or language of the people. It is a a Church with diverse community, it‚own good school system, and available throughout the world. It‚hard to miss Church. -",

"-The services being short are a good thing not out of laziness. But when something is long like a four hour service, it becomes hard to maintain focus and enthusiasm. -",

"-My reasons for switching to Catholicism is because it fits who I am as an individual and I found meaning there, just like, before this situation, I found meaning in New York as my residence through the power of the American citizenship, which unfortunately is lost. -",

"-A life of meaning is my reason for wanting to marry into another one of India‚many cultures, or another people/culture as a whole from anywhere in the world. I just feel there are more-",

"-similarities, more things to talk about, as I‚m more of the black sheep where I‚m from in what and how I talk, or regarding beliefs and goals.",

"hmmm...what else...",

"First 18 years of life, living under my strict Orthodox Christian Indian parents &being sent to all boys schools, what kept me going was the dream, after watching my 1stBollywood movie, that 1 day/someday, Ill find a girl as pretty, full of personality, -",

"-like the women in their film industry. That said, interests have expanded beyond Bollywood-like women.",

"On another note, 2 be blunt...and crude?!...In the language of the cool, \"Im a face & nice smile man in women,\" not so much a big t*t/a*s man. I want a face I can look at all day & never get tired. The other stuff, great, as Im not gay, but face comes first. Just being open.",

"Throughout ‚this situation‚, every person, male, female, catholic, orthodox,Indian, non Indian, left me to suffer this alone. That too for 11 years. You thinks it cute, but thats not what transpires internally and externally. You‚re likely seeing a filtered version, -",

"-cuz I have a hard time digesting that people react 2 something like this, this way, &that too, world saving Americans? Acting like nazis experimenting &killing Jews? But back 2the point..whether it be the people of my background or not, ur loyalty has been 2the ‚orchestrators.‚-",

"-In expanding my community/network/\"my peepz\":my parents need to understand that the people of my background and not of, all held their loyalty to the orchestrators, not me.-",

"-If it‚for something good promised to me, my Christian Indian brethren, Christ says believe and you can move mountains. If you believe and love me like yourself, we can get the same benefits of this program and relieve me of my 11 year indignity. -",

"-Christ also has another saying. When I was hungry, you didn‚t give me food. When I was without clothes, you didn‚t clothe me. What you did to the least of my brethren, you did to me. I don‚t know you, he says. These are the values of my God.-",

"-His Kingdom is open 2all peoples/all faiths, be it a decent humanBeing whos an atheist, or a devoutChristian. Despite this h*ll of a situation or b4 it, I used 2think of heaven 2be likeAmerica-a place open 2all peoples. But on evidence&proof of 11 yrs, this has proven 2be h*ll.-",

"-Now I am the least of my Lord‚brethren, because of my 11 year situation, where I am truly alone, despite the world observing me.-",

"-Nodding at me means nothing. It‚just more drama. Talk to me and talk to me about ‚the situation‚...are you their puppet, or my friend? Were you helping your God, when His followers were in need?",

"-But the point of all this, to my parents/my old Church/whoever: my relationships, friends,community, neighborhood, city will be with all peoples, cultures, and faiths or the lack of, not simply a mechanical attachment to the people of my background.-",

"-My values are Indian, but my interests are American. -",

"-Regarding the people I want to encompass in my world or my network, especially the woman who will be mine, I need someone and things and community that I can hold a conversation with. I can‚t just talk about tradition, Church, and such things like some of my family members.",

"and moving on...",

"About Cr*p about going out, amidst environment being fake and no one interacting.-",

"I mentioned in the past about a double life among us Indian American first generationers. The orchestrators go on and on about ‚going out‚ but if they could see my memories, Indian parents like to keep their kids home.-",

"-You are restricting me from my other life and keeping me as a good Indian kid. They‚re constantly in our business. You say even as an adult‚going out‚ , they‚ll want specifics and a time of return. It‚annoying,  and arguing becomes a source of a fight. -",

"-You stay home, to gain the opportunity to spend ur money elsewhere, instead of $2000, for the rent of a decent apartment like The Print House in New Rochelle. You gotta go off TO or STAY IN college as long as possible, far from home, to escape this.-",

"-But sometimes you gotta ask if it‚worth it. So the orchestrators have no outdoor events, family in far off locations...but these stubborn f*, cannot come to the conclusion, after 11 years of failure, that you cannot and do not have a show.",

"and a few normal tweets...",

"If U use a sinus rinse in morning like NeilMeds or Alkalol, I think Navage is littleBetter. As salt can dry ur nose, 2lubricate it, so as 2avoid irritated nostrils w/possible sounds when either inhaling/exhaling, look into/invest in \"Nasya Oil.\" Its from aScience called Ayurveda.",

"If U want a closeShave thats possibly quicker&cleaner than a wetShave w/a typicalRazor, checkOut the Panasonic Electric Shaver. I think its the Arc model. Expensive, but good for a dry shave. Irritated skin? Amazon's \"Freelette\" Cream for pre/after shave is good w/Braun shaver.-",

"Today, going to try the Kiehls Shave \"Lotion\" with my Panasonic Razor, as skin got sensitive from shaving everyday. Hope it works...their aftershave takes care of the sensitivity in like a day...you can get it at Macys...",

"If you get into time and mood to see shaving as an art, the \"Feather\" razor is a quality purchase. I believe its Japanese, and its a straight razor that folds.",

"If anyone is actually nodding in a way of approval or acknowledgment or whatever, through the unbelievable methodology of the corner of my eye, I don‚t know what that means, or why you cannot do that face to face, and tell me why you‚re doing it to begin with.",

"Some great stuff if ur into yoga and meditation: kulae yoga mat (machine washable and pvc free unlike conventional mats), alexia meditation seat (if sitting cross legged for a period is hard), meditation stool to aid in sitting in the position known in yoga as vajrasana.",

"RT @shakira: Get 150 extra entries to join us in Barcelona when you enter with promo code KIND150 by February 18 at 11:59pm PT. And make a

"- I retweeted that, because of how @shakira always looks amazing...wanted that on my profile page...",

May 31st tales and normal tweets from early morning (before 7 AM) right side up (unlike twitter) in blog (tumblr) link below:  https://t.co/uqO1soqH1v

"Its June already...another month in \"the situation\"...June 1st tweets...",

"You know, with the exception of one or two cousins, most of my family, maybe because of ‚the situation‚?! Is more loyal (for lack of a better word) to my parents, than me. Such is my revelation over the last 11 years. One cousin I lived close to, in India for a while, -",

"-he‚around my age, and should be a brother I can tell secrets to, or ‚hooks me up.‚Otherwise, he‚a very sincere/caring individual who is a real asset to our family. ‚Hook up‚ as in connect me -",

"- with my kind of women from his multicultural work establishment at TechnoPark or take me to a ‚todi shop‚ , where you get special kind of alcohol and spiced beef in this part of India, so that I can get different taste of life, make a memory, and have life experience. -",

"-He‚attending to my parents desire of keeping me as an individual who prays all day who needs to talk to someone, when that‚one side or nonexistent side to a guy who‚image is facing life‚obstacles in a leather jacket. -",

"-At this age and in my freakin‚ 20‚s, he chooses to be like a parent or uncle worried about what my parents think, or doing what my parents want for me, instead of thinking of what I as an individual need. All instead of being a brother or friend, understanding of me. -",

"-I think he‚d try to talk to me or ask me questions to get information for my parents and this undignified ‚thing‚ of a situation-very brotherly.-",

"-On a different note, I mean, he spends a lot of time knowing his kids, but my parents, no offense to them, don‚t listen to me when I speak because they‚re in a rush to speak or defend, and they don‚t know my likes/interests/hobbies.-",

"-Until recently, my mother didn‚t know my favorite color. She‚stubborn to the point where she won‚t try to learn either.They may have recently found out about such things like likes/interests/hobbies through the eavesdropping/stalking situation. -",

"-I mean, for the sake of a point, while in my very early 30s, it‚only now that I even shared with my mom, and not my dad, that I had two girl friends while in college. Some things like that, you cannot share with Indian parents until things get serious -",

"-and you want to move to the next chapter/adventure. I love my mom and dad, and would die for them and care for them in old age, but they don‚t know much about me. My memories of my mom, for instance, are of her cooking, cleaning, buying me clothes,-",

"-taking me to doctor appointments when sick, and used to paying tuition, and a lot of yelling - actual big things but nothing that requires a heart, it‚a parents duty. I tried telling her that, but no patience. She‚too busy taking it as an insult. -",

"-When Ive had any kind of problem in life outside of getting me a tutor for school or whatever when struggling, I‚ve been on my own. Never helped me with a problem. It‚culturally not allowed to talk to her about problems with a girl friend, fears you may be struggling with,-",

"-or the cherry on top: talking about ‚this situation‚ and its origins. It‚a hard sad d**che bag thing to say, but if I manage to get my own maid, there wouldn‚t be much to reminisce over my mom. -",

"-My dad is too busy philosophizing about family ideals &preaching. I mean he couldn‚t dream of making the religious points I do, or no offense, pray ‚heart fueled‚ prayers in the mind over ‚out-loud‚ mechanical singing/praying out of thinking that makes him a solid human being. -",

"-Both my parents need to listen more and talk less. When I share something I like or about myself with my mom, she‚ll be like, why are you telling me or will hammer @ something while I‚m talking, literally. I mean I tried correcting things with my mom by talking to her about it,-",

"-but you never get through, although forgivable on both sides as and when needed. On a side note, quality of life in India is understood as how religious you are and your spending power. Me using potential rent money on fitness equipment-",

"-and massage guns makes it seem like I have nothing to complain about. It‚adds to my family being unable to admit to problems, when I mention things to do with a life of meaning. Stuff like that gives life experience and teaches you what you want. -",

"-In my girl friend/wife, I need a woman who‚patient, listens, comprehends, and so forth...but back to the point about the cousin...-",

"-I mean, after a certain age, you want friends in ur family. In India, amongst my family, if a relative does a favor like sit with you for a day in mostly silence, at someone else‚suggestion, that means ur best friends.-",

"-All these random formalities and awkwardness arises with genuinely good, sincere people. My best friends are people who ‚do stuff with me or for me‚ and that I can ‚confide in.‚But I guess that‚where you gotta go out and meet people. -",

"-Family can‚t always be as you desire or expect, as life is complicated in its own respective way for everyone, be it through difficult personalities or cultural formalities.People need to find their kinda people to be friends and family. I‚ve heard:-",

"-‚Friends are the brothers and sisters God forgot to give us.‚",

"what else, what else....",

"I don‚t understand how the orchestrators overpower or left me under my parents. For that, do they meet all the criteria for their entertainment? Did anyone do psychological background checks on everyone involved for something as massive as this? -",

"-This could take a toll on my parents when they have to betray their son. This could take a toll on the orchestrators after 11 years of failure and lies. I mean parents‚ culture restricts them from letting me live the normal American life required of the ‚show.‚-",

"-For them, it‚religion all day/everyday(Christian that is). While they‚ve been in the country for 11  years & dealt with non Indian people, do they understand things or see things the way I have the potential of doing? Did they understand the depth & severity of this project?-",

"-&like a lot of minority parents, or parents from elsewhere,or who haven‚t been in America's love dovy way of handling things for generations, despite myParent‚undeniable love4me &willingness 2give me everything b4 this, theyd beat me as a child if I misbehaved/got a badGrade.-",

"-There were instances where my dad, who I don‚t see any less &just doing his job cuz of what Im used to, beat me w/a hanger till my legs turn red. But when American entertainment officials come along yrs later, does this kind of history check out w/ ur possible background check?-",

"-Did the orchestrators do their homework at all? Its amidst this kind of setting, that Ill punch a wall once or throw things twice in 11 years after days of provocation. In our normal lives, do the orchestrators think any of this matters or at least 2 us, as people, as a family?-",

"-For taking eleven years of my life, when I was at my prime, when friends have mine have become lawyers with beautiful couples and children, if I can take that kind of beating and what you did to me through these years along-",

"-with personal hardships and growth, wait till you see what I do to you, one by mine. Riches and glamour can‚t replace 11 years of torment. -",

"-Life is great, but between the orchestrators and me, it‚kind of like Jefferson Pierce in final few episodes of Black Lightning against Tobias Whale for killing his father and tormenting his family. Jefferson has a life with super powers. But when he loses them, -",

"-he faces Tobias in a showdown, where he accepts the possibility of death. I am willing to lose everything and end up on the street to see the orchestrators rot in jail for persisting, carelessly, in what is, my life.-",

"-You messed up my youth, my family, my chance at a 4.0 gpa education, the resulting career opportunities, my health, social opportunities, putting me through the indignity of having my world basically on team on speaking terms against me who they never talk to...-",

"- all for an America that I once compared to heaven because of its potential for altruism and representation from all over. Do the orchestrators realize what they set up today I had already without them years ago? Way to steal my life on \"multiple levels.\"-",

"-Enjoy the rest of our time together, orchestrators. U, the orchestrators, cowards, hide behind high end tech &possible authority figures or government contracts, but when we‚re face 2face, provoke me in person, I dare you, as urself, &me as me, not you doing ur weird mind cr*p.-",

"-Let‚see if the orchestrators have the b*lls, before one of us undeniably is guaranteed to go down, whoever it is.",

"moving on ... what else ...",

"I‚m honestly talking about my family and the situation, because after 11 years, through observations and the situation not ending, I‚m convinced no one is actually being honest about me.  (I used the word ‚observations‚ in the last sentence.-",

"-Problem with using that word is that the orchestrators will forge the next setting with things for me to pick up on cuz they‚re psychotic and refuse to restore the natural setting and normalcy of my life-natural setting is what I‚ve been after for 11 years...)-",

"-I mean what comes to mind in seeing me without any of this in ur head, while not denying/hiding/ what‚happened to me over these 11+ years?! - THATS THE NATURAL SETTING. ONE directive, ONE instruction...and if taking care of what I‚m after was ur goal, this is it, ur done. -",

"-Doesn‚t require resources or effort on anyone‚part. It‚just people being themselves- natural.-mentioned/repeated multiple times in old complaints.) -",

"so now some normal tweets before I get on with my day...",

"So apparently, a massage gun isn‚t a substitute for foam rolling or stretching...",

"‚Tea tree hair and body moisturizer‚ leave in conditioner is, I think, the greatest hair gel ever. When my hair was thick and long, I used to use tea tree styling wax, topped off with Sebastian potion 9 leave in conditioner...but I really love the tea tree moisturizer...-",

"-the tea tree moisturizer...you can use it on ur hair and skin...wish this stuff existed ages ago...",

"-The kiehls blue eagle shave cream provides a smoother shave 4‚me‚ than their lotion...they have another version that I just want to try: the white eagle version-$7 more...I put ‚me‚ in quotes, cuz it might work for others...i think different men have different kinds of stubble.-",

"-There‚this one guy working at a coffee shop I go to, who‚got to be having the smoothest cleanest shave. You see no stubble. But I mean the concept of shave lotions are nice cuz you can just wipe off when done. -",

"With Shave creams, you gotta wash off, and washing ur face and neck in the sink just gets water everywhere.",

"‚Yogibo Support‚ is good for reading or looking at your phone on your bed. Google it.",

"I‚ve talked about punjabis and pagdiwalas, but that being said, if there are any Guju‚like Ameesha Patel, hit me up.",

"Best combination of an idea: get the DoorDash dash pass free trial for a month and if you have around a $150 rewards from ur credit card, transfer it to DoorDash gift card. It‚ll get you 2 weeks of outside food or restaurant food for breakfast, lunch, dinner. -",

"-Credit card rewards! Take advantage. Nice to use card with benefits-quite an incentive over cash. That‚how I‚ve been ordering food, if that too is part of the ‚entertainment‚, not cuz I‚m loaded. Just a regular guy under 11 years of hype. -",

"-Be natural. React in what comes to mind on seeing me, minus pre-exisitng cr*p in ur head, without hiding/denying the existence of that cr*p.",

June 1st accounts of family friends enemies desire for things to be natural and normal tweets - all right side up on tumblr blog link below:  https://t.co/386AQbxvzB