#wahh my first note here was from way back in feb 2020
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hjdfkbdfkjda guess i'm rlly gna have to read all and fix my notes now ><
#🌙.rambles#from my old phone! i'm gna transfer them to idk an app i can access on my iphone yeye#bcs my dad's gna have to use it for work#for as much as i write tho#i don't really like changing the old things i write. there's a lot of memories and emotions tied to every single word i've written#even something as trivial as a short musing... there's so much meaning in that for me#then again i also just really like to (over)analyze words. yeah you can bet i scrutinize every single word n how it reflects on ourselves#wahh my first note here was from way back in feb 2020#2020's a bit hazy to me#i rmber a lot in 2021 particularly in relation to ffxiv#i rmber ffxiv really helped slow down time for me back then#this year though. 2022 is#i think i've been writing at least a bit for what happens in every single day so far?#in the future when i look back on this time i trust i'll remember these moments#but maybe not some emotions. those thoughts get twisted over the course of time#T_T i was feeling sad again a bit earlier but i rmber that i want to focus on my work#i'll succeed no matter what. i'll sacrifice any part of myself in pursuit of knowledge and understanding#i need to live in order to know. i need to understand it all#hang on i just remembered. nearly two years of ffxiv means thet#oh. oh. how weird the way time and memories overlap#how soon we forget how life was like in moments long past#:') i rmber why they meant so much to me. they were the first grp of friends that apollo n i actually celebrated our birthday with#online from around the world. they greeted us even before our irls n we called for a bit 🥹#for as much as those ppl drained me in those months. i'm stil very grateful for the comfort n company they gave in that time#we had similar interests. tumblr stuff yh. n. aside from my sad mental health at that time#i cld share a lot of things w them. they listened more than my irls n were kinder at the time. a light in that darkness#that's how i get attached to ppl ffs T_T 2021 w my ffxiv friends n#that one in particular that. idk i wasn't used to ppl being so straightforward so that one person was a breath of fresh air in that week#humans are so interesting. i want to learn and understand everyone on such a deep level#T_T my wishes n ideals r so overwhelming but i'll continue to hold unto hope. /i'll/ continue forging ahead unto the morrow. that's who i am
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