#i rmber ffxiv really helped slow down time for me back then
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hjdfkbdfkjda guess i'm rlly gna have to read all and fix my notes now ><
#🌙.rambles#from my old phone! i'm gna transfer them to idk an app i can access on my iphone yeye#bcs my dad's gna have to use it for work#for as much as i write tho#i don't really like changing the old things i write. there's a lot of memories and emotions tied to every single word i've written#even something as trivial as a short musing... there's so much meaning in that for me#then again i also just really like to (over)analyze words. yeah you can bet i scrutinize every single word n how it reflects on ourselves#wahh my first note here was from way back in feb 2020#2020's a bit hazy to me#i rmber a lot in 2021 particularly in relation to ffxiv#i rmber ffxiv really helped slow down time for me back then#this year though. 2022 is#i think i've been writing at least a bit for what happens in every single day so far?#in the future when i look back on this time i trust i'll remember these moments#but maybe not some emotions. those thoughts get twisted over the course of time#T_T i was feeling sad again a bit earlier but i rmber that i want to focus on my work#i'll succeed no matter what. i'll sacrifice any part of myself in pursuit of knowledge and understanding#i need to live in order to know. i need to understand it all#hang on i just remembered. nearly two years of ffxiv means thet#oh. oh. how weird the way time and memories overlap#how soon we forget how life was like in moments long past#:') i rmber why they meant so much to me. they were the first grp of friends that apollo n i actually celebrated our birthday with#online from around the world. they greeted us even before our irls n we called for a bit 🥹#for as much as those ppl drained me in those months. i'm stil very grateful for the comfort n company they gave in that time#we had similar interests. tumblr stuff yh. n. aside from my sad mental health at that time#i cld share a lot of things w them. they listened more than my irls n were kinder at the time. a light in that darkness#that's how i get attached to ppl ffs T_T 2021 w my ffxiv friends n#that one in particular that. idk i wasn't used to ppl being so straightforward so that one person was a breath of fresh air in that week#humans are so interesting. i want to learn and understand everyone on such a deep level#T_T my wishes n ideals r so overwhelming but i'll continue to hold unto hope. /i'll/ continue forging ahead unto the morrow. that's who i am
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NIGHT IN THE BRUME
#🌙 rambles#[ ffxiv. ]#THIS MASTERPIECE. THIS SONG . it's so special to me#wait thinking abt it rn makes me feel like crying. night in the brume represents a lot of my emotions across time#i rmber when i finally reached ishgard way back in early 2021 i cried so much#n that meant so much to me bcs ffxiv really helped me be more open w my emotions again. it was so hard for me for the longest time#n i was so stressed at that time w the future i rmber but ffxiv really slows down time for me and comforts me#the feeling of success i felt when i reached that milestone in game. i finished arr. that meant so much to me#this melody brings back so much memories. it's safe enough for me that i can easily lose myself in it n be at peace#it reminds me of moments n late nights like these where i'm alone in my room w everyone else sleeping n there's just a light to my left#before i knew of emet's existence alphinaud/aymeric/haurchefant were my top 3 faves. all have connections w ishgard#listening to this song reminds me of all those moments as a sprout when i'd just chill in ishgard. or do msq. or wait in queue to level#times where i'd just happily take pics of my wol like i'm her mom or smth. posting on my priv twt. i was so young#i'd find peace and comfort in this little world in my video game. i was on free trial tho so i didn't play w any friends for so long#early months of summer soon i didn't know what i was doing. being stuck in the free trial reflected my own hopelessness w life in general#when finally buying the game tho i rmber logging into the inn of ishgard. i rmber going to ul'dah n finally being able to play w apollo#i rmber later on taking screenshots in ishgard as well n just relaxing. n night in the brume/solid wld play in the back#n it also just reminds me of a lot of things i've written. whether it be related to ishgard for example or while listening to the song#i rmber writing before abt imagining late night walks in ishgard while holding the hand of someone you love#imagine looking up at the beautiful night sky. it's a bit cold w the chill of the breeze but there's warmth w the person by your side#no responsibilities. deep talks or silence; whichever it may be it still gives you comfort.#looking back at my old notes my lore for my wol was 'in hw she learned to trust again'#oh god i already shed a few tears earlier but i feel like crying again bcs i still rmber writing these words so clearly#that was a time where i really really needed a long hug. n maybe rn i need that as well.#;;; i have notes on wolgraha here but for apollo's sake i'll change that to wol/oc omg#damn it's been nearly 2 whole years since i've (mostly consistently) written what happens nearly everyday#huh. 2022's nearly over n it scares me how fast time seems to pass by. remembering hurts so much but it also gives me sm comfort T_T#years months weeks days. sm changes so quickly. it hurts so much idk what to do abt it when there's nothing that cld console that#it's nearly 3 am tho i'll do a few things first then i'll head to sleep
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