#oh. oh. how weird the way time and memories overlap

[noxtivagus]

hjdfkbdfkjda guess i'm rlly gna have to read all and fix my notes now ><

[strelitzia-mystery1097]

Cloud 'needs so much therapy that it isn't funny' Strife

*spoilers* for Ff7 Rebirth.

So Sephiroth really is trying to break Cloud more than in the original.

To start off, Sephiroth tries to make Cloud think that Tifa wasn't Tifa. That she was fake.

Why would he do that?

Answer: Because she's the one to piece together Cloud's memories. If Cloud can't trust her than he can't trust her account.

He also does his usual tricks of 'Black Materia', 'Puppet', 'Reunion', ect.

But Cloud this time around is constantly getting harassed and manipulated by Sephiroth, like way more than in the OG. Cloud also is coming to different conclusions and ideas from the OG like for example, he's degrading. He thinks that's why his memories are a mess because of degradation.

Even when he takes one step forward by remembering Zack, he then thinks Zack got washed away by the river instead of that infantry guy.

There's even times when Cloud straight repeats something Sephiroth says word for word and it doesn't register to him.

But yeah constantly his mind is under onslaught of Sephiroth.

By the time when we get to the Temple of the Ancients I'd argue that Cloud's mental state is worse than what it was in the OG in the scene when he gives Sephiroth the Black Materia.

In the OG he still has the creepy giggle moment but he snaps out of it. And when he gives the Black Materia to Sephiroth it's an out of body experience where we clearly see Cloud's inner self be against it but powerless to giving his body giving the Black Materia to Sephiroth or to beating up Aerith.

But after that Cloud finally realises something is horribly wrong with him. That Sephiroth can control him and almost doesn't go after Aerith because he's scared of himself.

...And Rebirth Cloud has it worse in my opinion.

There is no inner self. And Cloud is an obedient puppet that Sephiroth is toying with. Sephiroth already had the Black Materia and throws to Cloud and tells him to give it to him, and Cloud is almost eager to obey. Tifa tries to stop him and Aerith does too and Cloud chases after her and it's almost worse than silently beating her up because now he's toying with her while still so eager. She gives it to him and Cloud only snaps out of it after he gives it to Sephiroth. He then tries to save Aerith and well-

He wakes up after the multiverse stuff and the OG dream of Aerith being like 'imma go bye'.

But this time he doesn't freak out, terrified that Sephiroth can control him. He just... doesn't acknowledge it. He just goes on to find Aerith. When Yuffie asks what happened how did Sephiroth get the Black Materia if he didn't beat up Cloud he just goes 'uh...' and when Tifa asks him to let her know if he's getting weird thoughts he asks Tifa about what she means. She gives the example of thinking she's fake and he apologises, but the fact that he doesn't immediately realise that she's also talking about Black Materia is a bit of red flag.

And he might as well be using those red flags later on for semafor because oh my god-

What happened with Aerith's death is weird. At first I thought it was two worlds overlapping but no-

Cloud's mind f^@&ing snapped and thinks he saved Aerith.

That's why Cloud doesn't properly react to Aerith's death. No speech about his feelings and no scene of putting her in the water. He's full on hallucinating her. Whether that is Aerith's ghost or not doesn't matter because he's convinced himself that she's fine.

That's why he talks about Aerith waking up or going home because he can't cope with her being dead.

Sephiroth screwed with Cloud's mind so much here that he genuinely is more insane now than what he was in the OG.

So you can bet when they get to the Northern Crater, Sephiroth will use the truth of Aerith dead along with the truth of Nibelheim to break Cloud even more.

...And now I have to wait 3+ years for part 3. Rebirth really was a gift that gave me despair.

[practically-an-x-man]

ok y'know what. I'm tired of all the same questions in ask games so I'm taking matters into my own hands

OC/Writing Art Asks

For the character:

Pencil: does this character have any "sketchy" habits? Have they ever broken the law? Do they regret it?

Pen: what's one minor moment your character regrets? A small mistake, but something they "can't erase"?

Paintbrush: How often does your character "brush over" conflict instead of facing it head on? Is there something specific they don't like to face, or do they avoid conflict as a whole?

Marker: what's one thing your character would never tattoo on their body, even if they were paid a million dollars for it?

Crayon: what was your OC like when they were four years old? Were they loud? Shy? Were they the resident "weird kid" or did they get along with others their age?

Colored Pencil: if given the choice, would this character splurge on an expensive (but potentially worthwhile) branded product, or buy a low-budget alternative even if the quality suffers?

Copics: what is this character's most expensive habit or hobby? Do they ever feel guilty about the money they spend on it?

Graphite: what's something decently common that your character does in a unique or different way? (like how graphite is present in all pencils, but not everyone uses pure graphite)

Charcoal: share any unique physical features about this character that are not scars or tattoos.

Tortillon: does your OC "blend in" with the people around them? Physically? Metaphorically?

Pastels: Give me three colors that best represent your OC. Now give me three colors that your OC likes best. Is there an overlap?

Chalk: what was one activity this character enjoyed with their sibling(s) as a kid? If they don't have siblings, what they did with their neighborhood friends

Eraser: what's one way this character has changed over time? Either over the course of their story, or over the course of designing them as an author.

Palette: list four of your character's primary skills, then share at least two ways these skills might blend or overlap

For the work:

Starry Night: are there any scenes in this work that take place at nighttime? Is this significant, or just the passing of time?

Mona Lisa: oh, it's the fanfic writer's favorite word. Do a find-and-replace on the word "smirk" and share any lines that pop up.

The Scream: are there any moments in this work that you think could scare a reader? Are there any moments where the characters themselves are profoundly scared?

Persistence of Memory: are there any moments in this work where a character's memory plays a strong role? Either an individual memory, or simply a character's ability to recall the past.

Girl With a Pearl Earring: are there any moments in this work where a character's clothing or accessories play a major role?

The Kiss: share your favorite kiss scene from this work. If there's no kiss scene, share your favorite moment of intimacy (romantic or platonic)

American Gothic: what's one relationship between characters in this work that you think people wouldn't expect? (i.e., how the people in American Gothic are not married, they're the painter's sister and dentist)

Guernica: look through a few of your imagery/descriptions in this work. Are they generally straightforward, or are they more "abstract"?

Wheatfield with Crows: are there any scenes in this work that involve birds? Do the birds play a definitive role, or are they simply part of the setting?

Woman with a Parasol: are there any moments in this fic that feel "blurry" to you? Is this a stylistic choice, or would you go back and clarify the descriptions if you were given the chance?

A Sunday Afternoon...: pick one "little moment" from this fic. How representative is it of the fic's tone and story as a whole?

Creation of Adam: choose one character that is not present at the beginning of this work. How did you introduce them into the story?

The Swing: are there any moments in this fic where the characters get to slow down and have fun? If not, why is that?

The Last Supper: does this fic incorporate any symbolism based on religion, theology, or mythology? If so, give an example.

For the author:

Paper: Who do you feel is your most two-dimensional or underdeveloped OC? Why is this? (including those that are still in development/haven't been written about yet)

Canvas: Do you ever "prep" your fics with outlines or warmups before you start writing, or do you just dive right in?

Graffiti: Have you ever had to research something that felt illicit or illegal for a fic? What was it?

Photography: What's one moment from any of your fics that you feel is preserved in your memory?

Clay: Do you usually take time to "sculpt" your OCs before you write them, or develop them as you write?

Film: Which one of your fics do you think would work best if turned into a movie? Who would direct it?

Adhesive: when you write, do you usually "stick" to one character or story for a while, or bounce around various characters and ideas?

Cricut: are there any characters you've had to "cut" from a story? Are there any moments/chapters/stories you've had to "cut" entirely?

Felting: how often do you include soft moments when you write? Do these moments play a role in the main plot, or do you include them as an escape from the rest of the story?

Weaving: are your works typically similar to one another? Pick two works, and share one similarity and one difference between them.

Finger Painting: share a small snippet from your earliest work (or the earliest that you can get back to). How would you rewrite it today? Either share the rewrite itself or just describe how you'd do it.

Creative!: free space! share something you've been dying to share about your writing! Could be an OC that never gets the limelight, a moment you were proud of, or anything else you'd like to share

[thatlittleegyptologist]

I think I should explain that I don't usually answer stuff on Ancient Egyptian religion unless it's relatively easy to explain. This is for several reasons:

the further you dig into Ancient Egyptian religion the less it makes sense. this isn't a bad thing, it just becomes trickier to explain to people who have no background in it

the more you look at myths the more you find weird elements that don't always make much sense (they're a feature not a bug, they're supposed to be there). Like a kamutef 'bull of his mother' meaning that the son of a goddess is also his own father, because this means he self created and that means he's a creation god and those guys come from nothing and that links into the fact that they have a fertility aspect and that links into.... You see where I'm going here?

sometimes things are the way they are because the Ancient Egyptians said so. we've got no more or less insight than that. I'd love to explain but we simply don't have the answers, and how we came to that conclusion again requires a lot of cultural background that's not always feasible to write out here.

the fact that sometimes there's more than one correct answer? this religion was in practice for nearly 6000 years, and they change the plot of the myths over time because the god that was in it isn't in favour anymore. they interchange goddesses at will depending on where in the country the myth is being written. This means you get competing versions of myths, which are both accurate and both true at the same time, even though they differ, because they're written 1000 years apart.

due to this, making generalised statements can be tricky. so yes they did A but they didn't do it before a certain point in their history and it was as a direct result of an external force or cultural exchange. Or they did B up until a certain point and it stopped for similar reasons.

some stuff for a god overlaps with another god? yeah that happens

at some point the personality and aspects of a god are changed due to some stuff happening in the country, and it just be like that

there's a lot of stuff written on it out there that was published in the late 1800s-early 1900s that should be deleted from collective memory because it's just bad

I know it's what a lot of people can get their hands on, but oh my god we've moved on, these guys didn't know a lot of what they were talking about, sweet jesus the racism, and oh look christian themes where they shouldn't be because I'm ngl your average Nesamun on the streets of Thebes didn't know who Jesus was because it didn't show up until 3000 years after he died

I can't always explain why all this sort of thing happens. This is either because I don't know (Egyptian religion isn't my specialism), or it's pretty complicated and I simply don't have the hours to sit and write an explanation that I'd be happy with that also wasn't 5k words long and didn't invariably invite further far more complex questions that are extremely valid but would require a lot of work on my part to make them understandable to a lay audience.

[pencilofawesomeness]

Hi! I just binge read your How To Raise Your Dragon Slayers AU and I need to inform you that I have accepted it as my new canon. I like that you make sure actions and events have consequences and things don't just happen in a vacuum. The worldbuilding you are doing is just something and my inner nerd is just thrilled that the magic makes sense. Your characterizations are also fantastic and you can easily believe that a character would have turned out this particular way if things went differently.

But anyway, I'm rambling...

I know it's still some time away but I can't wait for your Edolas Arc! This surprised me because, I'll be honest, it's very much not my favorite. Mashima wasted a fantastic opportunity for some character development and foreshadowing, in my oppinion. On that note, some questions:

Does obscura work in Edolas? Does etherious? As one is the opposite of ether and the other vibrates in a frequency between the two, so to speak. That would be great, just to have a scene where some poor sod goes "You can't use your magic here! You're useless!" and Natsu and Mira go "Oh no! What a tragedy!" and wreck them.

I never understood why some member of Fairy Tail didn't just grab Mystogan like a baby koala and drag him home with them. It's obvious he didn't want to be there and he already made a life for himself in Earthland. Moreso in HTRYDS. He actually interacts with other people, however little, and even has friends and a twin! They would definitely miss him.

On that note, I dearly want Jellal and Myst to pull a Parent Trap sort of thing and pretend to be the other. Or at least have someone yell out his old name to get Mystogan's attention and Eathland Jellal answers because Myst hasn't answered to that name in years.

Will Acno be there? How will Edolas mess with a being of pure ether? That would be interesting to explore.

Will Natsu talk with Edolas Natsu about their respective brothers? After the Zeref reveal I was always mad they didn't include at least one scene where Edolas Natsu asks Earthland Natsu how his brother is or at least have a board with deceased/ex-members of the guild with Zeref on it in the background or something... It would have been great foreshadowing.

Will we get some Porlyuska backstory? I always wondered how she ended up in Earthland.

Not really Edolas Arc related but after my latest reread it's been bugging me. Is Zeref possessed by Anksheram? The Larcade POV with the red eyes sorta hinted at it, what with Zeref having memory lapses and the weird dark amusement during the whole deal. And the whole question of how he new some cultists were trying to resurrect Apopis on a different continent in the first place. Seun *did* know about it when he was finally kicked out of Rogue. And Loke said that that was one of the ways to survive for a god. Your Author's Note on chapter 23 of Demon Tails sorta did too with the "when I talked about 'fighting gods' in the series summary, I was dead-on serious" part. And there was a comment somewhere that you hoped that the series will end with fighting Anksheram. (Or was it someone else and I'm just mixing things up? Anyway)

Hope you're taking care of yourself! And take all the time you need with the writing. A hobby is supposed to be fun. Good Luck!

Ohoho HELLO! WELCOME!

I'm so glad you've been enjoying HTRYDS! And yes! Edolas arc! No lie I'm pretty excited for that one too because I get to go off the rails and make everything better and worse simultaneously lmao. Gonna be a big cast but also that's because it's going to be a whole family endeavor and I am h y p e d.

As for the magic, this isn't a spoiler for the arc or anything but it's not that Edolas is opposite to Earthland. It's functionally the same thing, except, unstable and also to the left. Imagine the same chart, except somebody corrupted the image and then slid it to the side so it looks like an overlap but it's not actually an overlap. Hence the magic being exceedingly harder to grasp in Edolas than in Earthland, though not impossible. And why certain medication and items can jumpstart that grabbing process and let Earthland mages use their magic. Gonna suck for some of them though. Like Acno lmao. Luckily he doesn't need magic to be a tank. Oh and obscura is a similar principle—exists just fine but to the left. Etherious is the fun one because it's already the directionless filler stuff so actually that one is nearly the same. (I've got a reason for this magic system and it's wild but idc I had a lot of fun with my worldbuilding and I wanted Edolas and its insanity to make a modicum of sense and I think I've got it.)

To that note yes yes a thousand yesses Porlyusica is getting backstory. I am so ready for it. Soooo so ready.

And yes!! The foreshadowing! That's what I've been saying! Edolas had a lot of opportunity to account for the fact that Natsu, Gajeel, Wendy, Sting, and Rogue were from four hundred years ago and shouldn't exist in a modern parallel unless there were modern interferences but nahhhhh that was brushed to the side. Same with family, like with Zeref!

Speaking of family yeah no Mystogan got robbed. Luckily I love Mystogan a lot and I ain't gonna do him dirty. (Also this arc will be ample opportunity for Mystogan and Jellal getting to work together in fic and I'm also super hyped for that.) But yeah no self-sacrificial tendencies do run strong in FT but the theme is that somebody else stops them so I'm making sure this theme stays intact XD

Also I've hinted at this enough so I don't think it's much of a spoiler but yes we are going to fist-fight Ankhseram. She's lurking around Zeref but there shall come a day, a finale-shaped day, where we gonna fist-fight her. Because yes I have expressed that I wanted that in canon and I am a simple woman. I know the opportunities I have given myself >:)

[silverstarfics]

@thunder-pride Day 2 which means it’s Scott’s turn to have a crisis. I’m just kidding - sort of. Anyway this was a lot of fun to write and it is completely ridiculous but ta da! You can also read it on AO3.

It was rare for them to be off shift at the same time and even rarer still for their official downtime to overlap, so when Gordon produced a crate of beers seemingly from thin air and suggested chilling on the beach, Scott agreed without a second thought. This, in hindsight, was the start of his downfall because in what world was it a smart idea to drink with Gordon?

But now they were sprawled in the sand and all inhibitions had been thrown to the wind. It was only late afternoon but the drinks were already almost finished and a request had been made for Kayo to bring more when she got back from her rescue along with demands for enough pizza to feed a small army because Alan would probably have finished his own mission by then and had plans to pick up John on his way down so that they could have a nice family weekend. These plans had already been derailed because if Scott was buzzed, then Virgil was well on his way to drunk and would doubtlessly be nursing a hangover the next morning.

“It’s not weird,” Gordon proclaimed, still rambling about some nonsense he’d gotten up to during his Olympic days. Scott had stopped listening around the same time as Virgil had rolled onto his back and stared at the sky as if it would save him from his younger brother’s idiotic stories. “It’s, uh…”

“Weird,” Virgil repeated dryly, flinging an arm across his face to hide his smirk.

Gordon gave an indignant splutter. “Your opinion is irrelevant. Scooter? What d’you think? Weird or cool?”

“Um…” Scott had no idea what they were talking about, but he trusted Virgil’s judgement above Gordon’s. Virgil knew when to stop; Gordon had been known to get so drunk that he’d dyed his hair purple and tried to steal three inflatable flamingos from a public swimming pool. “Weird.”

Gordon knocked his shades down his nose to squint at him suspiciously. “You haven’t listened to a word, have you?”

“No.”

“Ugh.” Gordon flopped onto his back and stretched his arms, sending a small sandstorm in Virgil’s direction. “Whatever. Anyway, it’s your turn to pick the topic.”

“Can’t I just enjoy my drink?”

“No.”

Virgil reached for his bottle with a long-suffering sigh. “Leave him alone, Gords.”

“Hell nah.” Gordon rocked himself back upright to sit cross-legged like a little kid, eyes alight with mischief and hair covered in sand. “C’mon, Scotty, you must have some fun stories.” He snapped finger-guns with a delighted grin. “Worst date you’ve ever been on – go.”

“Um…” Scott sorted through memories until he recalled his college days with an honest-to-god shudder. “Shit, let me think.” He took a considering sip of his drink. “Oh. One time I took a girl to this restaurant where a buddy of mine worked. He served us and then turned to me and asked how my boyfriend was. For some reason, my date didn’t find that particularly funny.”

“Wait, wait…” Gordon gestured so wildly with his bottle that beer sloshed over the rim and foamed across his hand. “You had a boyfriend? Since when? This is new information!”

Scott propped himself on his elbows with a loud laugh. “Nah, we were just close friends. Everyone always thought we were together for some reason.” He picked at the label of his bottle absently as he recalled warm nights of laughter and drunken affection. “We hung out a lot. Nearly all the time, actually, but that’s because he was the first person I knew on campus.”

“Oh, okay.” Gordon’s frown cleared with understanding. “I guess I can see why people thought-”

“Sometimes we held hands. He always forgot gloves and I run hot so it was logical.”

There was a pause.

Virgil slowly sat up and stared at him. “Um, Scott…”

“He used to kiss me but he was physically affectionate with all his friends.”

“Oh my god,” Gordon choked. “Scott had a boyfriend and didn’t even know it.”

“What?” Scott took a moment to steady his voice before he could squawk again like one of the seagulls hovering above them. “No, we weren’t dating. That’s my whole point? We were just close friends who sometimes got drunk and hooked up.”

Gordon looked as if he’d just been granted the gift of the greatest secret in the universe. Virgil, on the other hand, looked so utterly shocked that he’d sobered up within a matter of seconds. He opened and closed his mouth a few times like a goldfish, then settled for draining his bottle, shaking his head slightly.

The conversation was momentarily put on hold by Kayo’s arrival. The distant rumble of engines promised that Thunderbird Three was on final approach and Scott craned his neck to glimpse the distant gleam in the sky as the rocket’s hull reflected the setting sun. Glass chimed as Kayo took the steps two at a time, new drink supplies tucked under her arm.

“Hey.” She dropped the drinks onto the sand and took a moment to untie her hair, massaging her scalp with a wince. “God, it’s been a long day. What did I miss?”

“Scott had a boyfriend in college and didn’t realise it,” Gordon announced gleefully. “They totally hooked up and held hands and went on dates and everything, but Scott thought it was platonic.”

“It was platonic,” Scott protested. “Tom was my roommate and he was a good buddy of mine, that’s all.”

“Oh my god,” Kayo stage whispered. “They were roommates.”

“It does sound like you were dating,” Virgil admitted, the traitor.

Scott snatched up a new drink, all of a sudden feeling overly sober. “I think I would know if I was dating someone.”

“Apparently not,” Kayo chimed in. “Because there’s oblivious and then there’s whatever you are.”

Gordon rolled onto his stomach to prop his chin in his hands. “I genuinely thought you were straight until this story.”

Scott lowered his bottle to level his brother with a deadpan stare. “When did I ever claim to be straight?”

“Oh my god.” Gordon was grinning like a Cheshire cat. “You’re not?”

“I feel like this story very much proves he’s not,” Kayo interjected.

Scott glared at her. “You can’t talk. You couldn’t keep your eyes off Penny when she wore that red bikini.”

Gordon looked up sharply. “Say what now?”

“Nothing,” Kayo snapped. She dropped her murderous look with a sigh, handing Scott a new drink as a peace offering. “So, you’re…?”

“I’m not straight,” Scott confessed with a longing look back up at the villa. Why couldn’t he have decided to stay behind and get some work done instead? “I’m not anything. I’m just… me.” He pressed his mercifully cool bottle against his forehead. “God, you guys think I have time to figure out my sexuality? I don’t even have time to sleep most nights.”

“Yes,” Virgil muttered in that particular blend of exasperation and concern. “I’m very aware of that.”

Gordon sniffed the air as the smell of freshly cooked pizza drifted down to them. Two figures appeared at the top of steps, one significantly taller and wobblier than the other. Alan could barely see over the stack of pizza boxes in his arms, while John was too focussed on not going head over heels to be of help.

For a few blissful minutes, Scott genuinely believed that the matter had been dropped for good. He stuffed his mouth with pizza just in case to give him an excuse not to answer. But then Alan asked the fateful question – so, what were you talking about? – and Gordon’s face lit up like the freaking sun. Scott flopped backwards onto the sand with a groan.

“Dude,” Alan whispered delightedly, “I can’t believe you were that oblivious. Also, since when are you into guys?”

Kayo sniggered. “Is this the real reason you keep rewatching Top Gun?”

“People are hot,” Scott muttered, burying his face in his hands and willing a black hole to engulf him, anything to avoid this conversation. “And why is everyone making this such a big deal? Gordon also flirts with anything that has two legs and a pulse, but I don’t see anyone getting on his case.”

“Okay, first of all-” Gordon held up a hand, visibly struggling to hold back laughter. “-two legs isn’t a requirement because I would totally hook up with a mermaid. Secondly, no one is getting on my case because I’m not dumb enough to date someone without realising.”

“Oh, for Chrissake.” Scott hauled himself upright with another exasperated sigh. “Next thing you’ll be telling me that it wasn’t platonic when Tycho said he’d like to see more of me after we met up for drinks last week.”

There was another long pause.

“Oh my god,” Alan gasped between laughs. There were actual tears in his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. “This is too good.”

“Scott,” Kayo said gravely, then trailed off. “Just…” She tossed up her hands. “What the hell?”

“You went on a date with Tycho Reeves?” Virgil questioned.

“No,” Scott corrected, “I met with him for drinks. And dinner. And- Oh. Oh.”

“So,” John drawled, “The takeaway here is that Scott can’t tell when someone’s flirting with him.”

Gordon grinned like a maniac. “You can make the moves, but you can’t take ‘em.” He took another bite of his mauled pizza and mumbled past pineapple, “Sucks to be you, Scotty.”

Alan wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Okay, forget Scott’s identity crisis for a moment – Gordon, what the hell is that?”

Gordon held his pizza aloft like a trophy. “Hawaiian.”

“An abomination,” John amended.

Kayo arched a brow. “It’s great. You two just don’t have taste.” She stole a slice, ignoring Gordon’s protests. “See?” She tossed a pineapple cube into the air and caught it in her mouth like a circus trick. “It’s good.”

Virgil shuffled across the sand to pat Scott’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I had a boyfriend. I might have a boyfriend. How didn’t I realise this?”

“Because you’re an idiot,” John called, shortly before being tackled into the sand by Alan for stealing the last slice of pepperoni.

Scott pushed himself to his feet.

“Where are you going?” Virgil queried, making no move to get up too.

“Where do you think? To call Tycho!”

[lavenoon]

AU AU AU random tidbits

Some bastard Dawn, sweet Moon interactions, and general characterization thoughts. Also the realization that the reverse AU is just the pining AU

Y/N thinking they're the suave one with Moon and taking him out on a date to some climbing park, and it's the first time he slips up - and Y/N just ends up both in awe and flustered when he's suddenly just that tad more conversational, and smooth about it. Thought they could show off, and he just keeps up so easily, and then they get giddy - they don't get this with Dawn since they barely parkour nowadays for work, but here's someone who can just keep up with them and actually make it a challenge - they don't even realize how strange it is that Moon is that good, or suddenly acts out of character, because their cover slips, too (and Moon of course also doesn't realize - the familiarity of the situation combined with the familiarity of the person, and they overlap and cover any inconsistencies. Like they just go. I know this person. I know parkour. Means I know all of this, and it's normal! While they completely miss the fact that it isn't supposed to be normal)

re: Dawn calls Robin "little thief" - it's exacerbated by the fact that they may pickpocket a lot while undercover, being the one to sneakily grab wallets or phones or whatever for the info. Night shift/ canon Robin doesn't interact with people much, any time Dusk and them run into someone, it's basically unwanted trouble. But Day shift Robin has to really mingle, and steal right from under people's noses. They are good at it, but they don't quite enjoy the inflection with which Dawn says it. He definitely gets a little line about them stealing his metaphorical heart post-reveal.

Reverse Y/N doesn't wear the mask usually during missions - that's just a tad too obvious for undercover work

Sun and Moon don't realize in this case because there's even more of a mental distance between the guarded but hotheaded rival and the open and earnest neighbor - and still no memory comparisons. Again much luck, but it wouldn't be interesting if they weren't idiots this time around

Prompted by @lulu-lullabies: Robin calls Dawn "Sunshine", with SO much passive aggression in there, but the sweetest smile. It's their favorite nickname, ESPECIALLY when faking a relationship for a cover because he really cant do anything then

Rando, delighted: "Oh, like the song! You are my Sunshine! How sweet"

Robin, choking on blood: "Yeah that exactly"

Undercover Dawn also lays on thick in response. Sweetheart darling my love (if he's feeling particularly daring) and enjoys the bittersweetness of Robin looking like they bit a lemon and trying to cover it. He's a bastard he gets to pine and think its unrequited

Whenever they do end up blushing however, it gives him hope - which is part of the reason why he does aim to fluster them so much <3

Sad thought of rival Dawn learning quickly that he has to mask his concern somehow and trick Robin into self care because they're unreasonably suspicious of anything genuine from his side

Not AU AU AU specific, these boys are still caretakers at the core. They have their jobs and are good at that, but with Y/N they just. They care, so they have the urge to take care. In all iterations - we've seen it in canon Moon, fretting after they got hurt, same as reverse Dawn - the gift baskets are genuine, and they each throw in a little taunt as a cover because they can't have their little rival catch on.

Sun and reverse Moon have it easier (though Moon makes it harder on himself), because they're the friendly neighbor, and neighbors care about each other, right? That's - that's normal. They're all stupid and Y/N doesn't know it's out of the norm because they're just as weird about it (after all, they're the landlord desperately trying to befriend their tenant). So as neighbors Sun and Moon get to talk, and reassure, and care (and provide) in all the ways that are out of reach for their respective reversed versions, and Y/N, used to living alone and being socially isolated due to their job, doesn't realize that's not quite how it usually works. It works for them <3

Now forget everything I just wrote for a bit to enjoy the next bit of Dawn being a scary bastard:

Hilarious as outsider but probably somewhat terrifying for Robin in the moment (and also SO telling on myself here): pretty early in the rivalry, after a solo mission that required parkour, they encounter Dawn, and think "hey, I have a height advantage for once" and just. Think they're so funny for taunting him from like a couple yards above him. Not too far - they don't need to yell, don't make a scene. Dawn isn't amused at all. But he just grins, and squints in that way that should (and in the future will) tell Robin that they fucked up, and just takes a pair of gloves out of his pocket. They kind of snort about that, get halfway into another jab, but then oh no what is he doing

Because loafers and suit be damned, he doesn't have to climb very high, and Robin is just so startled they barely start to scramble away before he grabs them by the ankle and pulls them back, closer to the edge. Neither of them is dangling anywhere of course, but whatever ledge they're on offers enough space for him to just loom over them as they're flat on their back, looking like a deer in the headlights, with his legs just tightly flanking them, not quite pinning but close enough, and both hands on either side of their head. The most wicked grin as he switches to the sharp teeth, and while Robin really doesn't dare look away from his face, they can hear the soft scraping of his fingers on the concrete

"Well, would you look at that - I've caught a little thief. Anything to say for yourself?"

Robin kind of chuckles, but they're shaken up and it carries in their tone

"I thought you'd recite my Miranda rights."

He just leans closer, and they click their mouth shut with a click. It's still bright out, but he's big enough and close enough to keep them in his shadow

"If we were law enforcement, sweetheart, perhaps I would have. Don't think you have the high ground - I'll catch you, wherever you are."

And just like that, like nothing happened, he leans back again, gets up, steps away, and jumps back down to the ground.

Robin isn't quite so daring yet - crawls kinda closer to the edge to look at him, but definitely stays out of reach for now. He catches them staring, and smiles up at them, teeth back to normal and for everyone just looking on completely polite

"Next time you try something like this, you'll be the one to pay for the dry cleaning. Looking forward to tomorrow's mission."

And then he forever regrets it because from then on Robin is (un)reasonably wary of him. Fucked around and found out, both of them

st. stargazing date with reverse Moon.

Driving out of the city to see some actual stars, sharing a blanket even tho he doesn't need it, because it's comfortable and neither mention it, anyway - Y/N excitedly taking his hand and pointing with the other as they recognize the big dipper or something, and he softly starts telling them about the night sky, about which constellations are visible when, and how it's supposed to look, and maybe, in a moment when they're distracted, he tacks on the mutter that he'd like to take them some day, see the real stars

Everyone say thank you Lulu (again) for making this better: They get the classic "accidentally gets close enough (theoretically) for a kiss" but Moon's a shy idiot and Y/N is an oblivious idiot and.

He's in nightvision mode, and Y/N pauses for a moment, then cups his face - just a little awkward, maybe, but they make do and just absolutely destroy him by saying "Your eyes are kind of the color of an aurora borealis. Wanna go compare one day?"

They just laugh softly and let go after a moment, and he has no idea if they meant it, but stars how he hopes (and dreads) that they did

[donutcats]

incredibly short holmesbury au where I change just a few scenes so tewksbury can confess via the language of flowers

-

there’s knocking at the door and tewksbury is handing her a dance card and it all feels very rushed in enola’s opinion. one moment her hand is on his neck and his is at her waist and she can feel each breath he takes against her chin and then- knocking and rushing.

“but I don’t know enough!” a few stolen moments in a bathroom won’t hold up to people who have been doing this for their whole lives. she might also miss the feel of him already but that’s neither here nor there.

before she can even finish speaking, he’s moving away and snatching a single stem from a nearby vase overflowing with flowers of all differing colors, just as quickly stepping close and handing it to her.

“what does this mean?” she demands, because it’s tewksbury and because it’s a flower and of course it has a meaning. they always have meaning in his hands.

but he just smiles, already angling to slip out of the room. “you’ll figure it out.” and then he’s gone and enola has no choice but to stick the flower into her bodice and hurry out of the bathroom as well.

-

she takes the time to weave the stem into her hair as she hurries along, hoping it looks somewhat presentable as she’s loath to let go of it just yet. it feels rather important.

it’s just as she’s securing it amongst the twist of her updo that she watches cicely barrel out of a nearby room, leaving william in her wake.

perfect. now is her chance to have a word with sweet william. 

-

he’s laughing and signing dance cards, being his perfect amiable self, and enola feels something akin to a boiling pot on a stove. oddly hot and agitated. 

cicely mentions her, pointing, she can faintly make out the sound of her fake name, and then tewksbury is looking over. it’s all enola can do to look away. he catches her eye again, his gaze flicking up to her hair, and he almost positively lights up at the sight he finds. there’s a brief, wild moment where enola considers ripping the flower from her head and tossing it among the dessert table.

if only to make him stop gazing at her like that.

stupid.

-

it’s almost midnight, and enola is twirling the flower between her fingers. pondering.

“oh, how I itch for the book my mother gifted me. perhaps then I could make sense of this ridiculous message, from an equally ridiculous boy.”

there’s a sound at the door, and the flower is abandoned on the table in favor of something a bit sharper. speak of her ridiculous boy and he shall arrive, it seems.

as she’s being led away in handcuffs, she has the fleeting thought that she’ll never learn the meaning of her flower now. 

-

the next time she sees her ridiculous boy, she’s standing in his doorway, asking for help. 

tewksbury’s home looks and feels like a greenhouse and it’s so incredibly him that if enola weren’t in such a state, she’d appreciate it more.

he’s weird and wonderful and so incredibly good, and he truly understands her in a way she fears few others do. he has a talent for saying just the right thing to kick start her brain into motion.

“did you understand what I said… or what I didn’t say- did you understand what I didn’t say?”

“yes!” she did, honest she did. even while her mind was working double time and connecting every clue she’s missed, she could hear him. some of the words might have been lost in the torrent of her discovery but the meaning was clear. doesn’t he understand? 

she could pick his voice out of a crowded room. 

“you were saying…” 

suddenly, it catches up to her. his ramblings in his parlor, the memory of him handing her a flower in the bathroom. overlapping with an older memory, when his hair was shorter and the day was brighter. handing her a flower with a smile. 

“that message you sent, with the flower at the ball… what did it mean?”

tewksbury swallows, she can see it from her place at the bottom of the stairs. “it was a heliotrope.” he says, putting a name to the purple blossoms. “it means I love you.” something in enola’s brain freezes at that. the soft look to his eyes, the way his face is limned by the lamp light. “more specifically, it means I am devoted to you.” 

oh. a warm wave crests in enola’s chest at the realization. suddenly, puzzle pieces are fitting together seamlessly. it's as if her mind has become one of sherlock’s maps, with strings tied around each important moment, tying them together. 

there is a spark and she can not help as the words tumble from her, working the mystery out even as she speaks. sarah and william, in love and creating a plan together. 

it isn’t until tewksbury tries to herd her back inside that she snaps back to their previous conversation. she knows that they have much to talk about, thank you very much! there has been quite a few revelations tonight.

she’s never said the words to anyone besides her mother. she loves him and it should feel big and scary and unknown, a foreign feeling settling in her bones, but she says it. she tells him and it's that same feeling as figuring out where a clue fits into the bigger picture. a case coming to fruition. 

it feels right. it feels good. he is her wonderful and ridiculous boy who confesses through horticultural means and she loves him.

[whatsabriard]

I was asked last night what my top 10 of all time eps of Hart to Hart were. Let me tell you, friends, that one threw me for a loopy loop. I finally settled on the final ten, but I have to say that these are my personal favorites - the ones that bring me the most joy and the ones I've rewatched most often. It's possible that a venn diagram of good eps and my favorite episodes might have very little overlap. I like what I like. So, in no particular order, I present the Top Ten of All Time.

Pilot - In many ways this episode is a mess. It seems like they decided to retool some things from the pilot to the series. What they didn't change, however, was the chemistry that they introduced. This episode had THE BEST one-liners and they were back-to-back-to-back. "This is going to be your first time isn't it?" To be fair, not exactly. | "If I rolled over right now and tried to make love to you, would you call the police?" Only if I thought you needed help. | "Your feet are cold." Compared to whose, your fulsome friend? "She threw me out." No taste broad. | "Or, I could refuse to make love to you for the rest of the year." That sounds like you. | "Mind if I sit down?" Mind if I scream?" The whole thing makes me giddy every time.

Hart of Darkness - My affection for this one is two-fold. It was my late best friend's favorite episode. She did things like taped the show (ON VHS, from FX and then hallmark) and sent them to me, and whenever we would discuss it she always always ALWAYS talked about this episode (and when Jennifer is in France and Jonathan has been taken hostage). She liked the angst. One of my very first gif sets was for this episode. It's deliciously angsty, has some very mild friction caused mostly by Jonathan's insecurities, and also features Jennifer being a totally protective mate... I had to write a post-ep for it, because the episode is one I've watched absolutely the most.

Downhill to Death - to this day, I'm not sure I could actually recount the plot of this one. Something about cheating spouses and double crossing and murderous frosty the snowman. I am here for that hot tub scene and Jennifer's absolute inability to control her face journeys. In every scene with side pieces and what not, she looks like someone watching a live action soap opera. No chill at all. None. Also, when Kate asks her in the steam room about how everyone falls out of love or whatever and Jennifer just LETS THE WORDS HANG IN THE AIR. she couldn't even be bothered to be like "oh yeah, I totally know what you're talking about." She just let the crickets sing. Good job, Jennifer. You made it weird.

What Murder? - I have watched this episode no less than five times *since September*. Watching Jonathan fall in love with Jennifer all over again *CHEF KISS*. Watching Jonathan seduce Jennifer all over again *CHEF KISS*. Max being the one to help him start to regain his memories? (he gave jonathan away at the wedding jfc) *CHEF KISS* The ENTIRE conversation about whether or not she'd know if he had a woman on the side? *CHEF KISS* The moment Jennifer thinks Jonathan died in a car accident *CHEF KISS*

Hart of Diamonds - this has been previously discussed but Jennifer mentally overcoming serious hypnosis purely out of love for her husband? I'm in. RIP ME.

You Made Me Kill You - I love a good stalker episode. This is a good stalker episode. (Robin was too much. Too crazy. The cop guy didn't take the surveillance seriously. the creep factor on that one was set to 11.) Peggy was nutty and scary and yeah she totally tried to kill Jennifer and dragged her around by the hair in her slip (ok, saying it out loud maybe it is that bad). But it leaned into the camp of it and Peggy wasn't super great about killing people. She was a lil bit bad at it even. I think it's perfectly reasonable that someone a little bit unhinged would take Jonathan's kind demeanor and respect towards women as something more.

Two Harts are Better Than One - do I even have to explain this. no. origin stories are the shit, and this one was perfect. (made all the more perfect by Harts All AFlutter by @andallthatmishigas yes i am interrupting this post for a commercial read it ok)

On A Bed of Harts - Jonathan Hart bought a bed for Five Million Dollars because he wanted his wife to have their honeymoon bed. He bought a vineyard and a hotel too, but his intention was THAT BED. The whole chasing the bed through san francisco was a silly mess and the real estate developer and the french government but the episode ends with the Harts fucking in their bed while it was on display in Versailles. Velvet ropes at all. Start to finish, zany madcap romantic hijinks with people who have more money than sense. EXACTLY the formula for this show.

Blue and Broken-Harted - This one was just a rip-roaring good time. The Harts "fighting". Knowing they're being bugged and deciding they're just gonna turn the radio up real loud so whoever's listening doesn't know they're shagging. Jennifer going to a singles bar and ending up in jail overnight - in a FUR COAT. It also had some nice details about their wedding and Jonathan's ex girlfriend and Jennifer got to absolutely cut the woman pretending to be Irene into tiny little pieces with her words. I love episodes where the people around them are like "these two idiots are so fucking in love it's almost gross."

What Becomes a Murder Most - setting aside the entire epic intro photoshoot, the beginning and end of my love for this episode sets at the feet of Jonathan Hart. This episode makes me lean into the whole "made in the 80s" and fucking DIG the part where Jonathan is about to rip the world apart to save Jennifer. Similar energy to "The Lady is Murder" but this time he's letting his roots show a bit and he was going to intimidate everyone and if that didn't work he was just gonna beat the living shit out of them. Jennifer's name will never be associated with Whitefury. AYE AYE MAN. YOU GOT IT, YOURE SCARY. (aside: those were some midly spicy pictures that Jonathan would have loved to keep with him for business trips without her. but you know the murdery stuff ruined them so Jennifer made sure to get another set made for him. Spicier. that's my story.)

Now I would very much like to hear from my ducklings. When the stories are fresh and the episodes are new, they hit different . Indulge me. ;) @andallthatmishigas @blossom--of--snow @glittermermaid18

[femmeslash]

cooking some weird yuri. fausin?? sinfaust???? faustclair???? grippy faust kromercore sinclair kissies?????????

text under cut for accessibility if you prefer to read that way

Sinclair doesn't know exactly when he realized it, the existence of Faust's N Corp. identity that ties the two of them together. Oh, there's a few of them in the same Mirror World—Kleinhammer, Mittelhammer, Großhammer; but none have such a firm hold as Faust. Faust, tangled up in an N Corp. uniform and covered in blood and kissing him on the lips, feels to Sinclair like a memory that has not yet happened.

She's not Kromer, but she fits in Kromer's place, slotting in neatly as the One Who Grips. The Faust that Sinclair has come to know is nothing like Kromer: she's always tired, soft-spoken, blunt. Faust doesn't do things she deems unnecessary, and thus has never brought up their shared identity to Sinclair. (He wishes she would. It would be easier that way.) So Sinclair remains trapped by the thought of her, the way she moves when she uses that identity, the way her eyes seem bluer and brighter when she looks at him. The way he imagines her body, though he tries not to—the way Kromer overlaps her, the way he can't stop himself from staring as he tries to imagine seeing not his dead ex-girlfriend or his family's murderer, but only Faust.

~

A gentle knock on the door in the night isn't unusual on the bus, though normally it's just Ishmael coming to wake him up for their shared night watch or Don Quixote visiting because she's bored. It's certainly never been Faust before, and her presence in the doorway has Sinclair kind of puzzled, honestly. Especially when she has her usual unreadable blank stare, leaving Sinclair's imagination to run wild with all the potential things that could be wrong. "Um, good evening," he says, instead of voicing any of them.

Faust ignores his greeting. "Faust has noticed that you have become distracted as of late."

"Huh?" (Sinclair wonders how it's possible to be both so enigmatic and overly honest.)

"Faust's observations suggest a preoccupation with the N Corp. identities we share. Let Faust in. It would be difficult to explain fully while standing in the hall."

Of course she'd get it in one. "Ah, um, okay," Sinclair says, wishing he wouldn't stutter so much. Faust walks past him, deliberate and catlike, and moves to sit on Sinclair's bed. "What about N Corp. did you want to talk about?" he asks. His heart is fluttering; he doesn't want to believe this could be about, well—Sinclair doesn't even want to put it into words.

"Since Manager Dante's acquisition of the link that allows them to draw from the mirror world where we are Nagel und Hammer's One Who Grips and One Who Shall Grip, Faust has noticed you are distracted." She's unbuttoning her vest, slipping it over her head as she speaks. "When considering combat application, these identities are a tremendous asset. Yet you, Sinclair, have been performing below your usual average. Faust has considered all probabilities and is here to address the problem at its source." By the time she's finished, she's unbuckled her belt too, though she leaves it on.

"The problem?" Sinclair asks, lightheaded. He feels out of place in his own room, unsure what to do about Faust undressing on his bed.

"What do you remember of our lives, Sinclair?" Faust's gaze is piercing, like she's reading right into Sinclair's soul. "Come sit with Faust, please."

[fictionkinfessions]

You know when you're kind of stuck between "oh hey it me" and "no no it not me" and then you realize it's an AU thing?

Yeah so it turns out, I am the ridiculous aristocrat turned pirate, just, I wasn't a land-owner because I was AFAB. And that's why I ran off. Husband, kids (whose conceptions and births were traumatic), all of whom believed I was a woman and so me not being one ironically made my real self a perfect disguise. The guy I had trauma about sort-of-but-not-really killing (it was an accident, also who tf holds their sword in such a way that they fall and it stabs them in the eye? His own damn fault for holding it weird anyway) thought I was someone else (my twin brother who mysteriously disappeared, I think he may have been murdered at some point but that's another story, I borrowed his name, he sort of gifted it to me when he ran away before he was to be married). He figured it out, actually, moments before my crew made a very timely distraction (not that they knew I needed help, but it was a happy accident, for me at least, and men like him don't deserve happiness) and started talking about making good on something he'd always wanted to do but couldn't since I was promised to another man.

I recall being around for the Very Much Male Stuff shown in flashbacks, though, like, as a kid, but with my brother. I think our parents realized it was easier to just let me never leave his side than to try to separate us after I completely shut down and didn't eat, drink, speak, or move without him. I was always a bit tougher than him. I didn't mind the blood, and I think our father wished I'd been born male rather than my brother. I think our mother would have also preferred it the other way around.

Now that I think about it... I could've had a sister, in the same way my twin had a brother, but I told my twin how I felt and he just kind of shrugged and asked if he should call me a boy (I said yes, but only in secret, and he did <3), and this was years before he left. I think he would've told me. So he/him and brother it is unless I get other memories to the contrary later or am talking about a theoretical trans iteration of my twin. And boys can be feminine, too (heck, I was and am now), it'd just be interesting to have trans twins who both ran off at different points in our lives and it's a possibility that I want to acknowledge even if I'm not leaning into it.

He ran off first, so maybe in the end, he was the braver one. Just not in a way society accepted back then. I hope, if my twin was a woman, she took my old name the same way she gave me hers. It'd be poetic and beautiful and I hope she would have known I would have given it freely to her and only her.

Oh and I was not quite as cringe. Like, don't get me wrong, I was a cringey man, but like... Not that much so. Perhaps in a way, my very existence was a canon divergence and the show is about my twin in a world without me. But who I was and who "he" is in the show overlap so firmly in many ways that it's impossible to tell. It's like that version is both of us squished into one character. I wonder what that makes doubles from canons that didn't have twins... That's a really weird thing to think about, good thing I'm too shy to ever go looking for others who share my source and so will never discuss it with any such doubles.

📦

[breesays]

Confront all of your pain like a gift under the tree

It takes a lot of energy to keep it together. I had so much fun at Emo Nite on Friday, celebrating my birthday (early) with my best friend, singing to Fall Out Boy, Paramore, MCR, TSL and even Brand New (I've seen more spine in jellyfish / I've seen more guts in 11-year-old kids). It was exactly what I needed.

It was fun, but I felt just on the edge of losing my shit the whole time. I only cried a little, when they played "I Miss You" by blink-182, because that came out in 2004. Peak me and PJ. Oh, and "Memory" by Sugarcult. Just trickles. I am still having so much trouble with how sad I am. The grief feels physical, heavy.  The sobs suck the life out of me. This is stupid. He was just my first boyfriend. I'm just an ex-girlfriend. Worse, probably one whose timeline overlaps with several others. What I'm learning is that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if the relationship was credible. It's not a court case, it was a formative experience.

I went out instead of staying home alone and grieving, excavating. It felt like progress, but I know I still have complicated feelings to wade through. Lots of water metaphors lately - waves, the sea, swimming.

What does it mean, that I'm having such a hard time with this?

A breakup is immediate pain, surface pain, relatable, identifiable, categorical. A hole. A changing of roles.  This was a TWENTY year old relationship. Is he haunting me? I do feel like the time I didn't know about it (almost 3 years) was kind of a gift. There is no way I could have handled this news at the top of 2021. With a kid under two, quarantine and a bubbling identity crisis?

A weird thing I tried to figure out is - what was I doing when he was dying? What was I tweeting, what was I writing, what was I thinking? We didn't have any kind of cosmic connection, that's not what this is about. (This is what I was writing)

It's hard for me to say we were friends because that feels like an insult to the friends who were good to me. Mostly we flirted, and we fought. But I did care about him, and I wrote about checking up on him a lot. Once he asked me to check his email for him while he was traveling. It was 2003, so that's not a thing we could do on our phones yet. He never changed his password after that, so I sporadically checked his email until like, 2010, when two-factor authentication appeared on the scene. This is how I knew he was a compulsive liar. This is how I knew he did NOT have "abdominal" cancer in 2009, and that it was just a ploy to get me to talk to him again.

Should I have done something? Could I have done anything?

My therapist asked, what did he make you feel? I had trouble putting it into words, called it elemental - I had such strong reactions to him, I said. "Oh," she said, "so he made you feel alive."

And that's where the gut-punch is, right?

I'm glad I wrote down everything. I saved everything. He still lives there. I was already diving into past stuff for the book I'm writing, but now I'm a little more focused on getting the timeline right. And it's all there.

That fraction of my life feels so neon-bright. So sharp. I was so unfiltered.

I can't believe I'm still feeling this. I can't believe I'm still writing about it. It feels like a little like purging, like I'm trying to exorcise it so it exists OUTSIDE of me. Wringing it out of my organs, pushing on the bruise again and again and again until the pain is base level.

"What makes you feel alive now?" she asked.

Music.

[poisonandpages]

So my sister (who is training to be a therapist) and I were talking about how sometimes when people are abused young, they have this experience later in life where they go "Oh... I think I was abused!" Sort of like Bob Belcher going " I just realised I had a bad childhood!". Not just thinking what they went through was normal, not just the brain going "That was traumatic so I'll forget it", but a sort of combination of the two where they see "Things that are abuse" and "Things that happened to me" as two entirely separate things that could never overlap until they do. And it sort of lead me to have this kind of... epiphany? Remembering a repressed memory? I'm not sure exactly what it was and it's horrible but I think it might help me in a weird way.

When I was approx 10 years old, two of my cousins nearly killed me.

I don't think they meant for exactly that to happen, but the way they were "playing" was...I don't know. Cousin 1 was a known sadist the same age as me who loved hurting weaker kids while charming adults so he'd never face consequences. Cousin 2 was a follower a year younger who'd do whatever the other one said if it meant being spared. So they had some fun together by pinning me down, putting pillows over my face, and jumping on my head. I screamed and screamed but they didn't stop until I pretended to be dead and went limp. And they didn't stop because they were concerned, they stopped to laugh.

So in tears and with my head spinning from suffocation, I went downstairs to tell the adults and they just. Stared. Looked at me with the most blank expressions anybody could have and just stared. Shrugged. Told me to sit at the table as dinner was ready. And the wildest part is this was not the worst thing they ever did (this is the same set of people who essentially psychologically tortured my siblings for years and isolated my uncle to the point where he hanged himself and then pretended they were super close at his funeral).

And I realised something today. While I've been aware of my own mortality for as long as I remember, I think this was the first time I had the thought that nobody would care if I died. My birth mother's family weren't the first people to be cruel to me, but I think they were the first people to put that particular idea in my head.

Which is. Awful. But now I think of it that actually kind of makes the idea that nobody would care easier to dispute? Obvs I know logically I am cared for and multiple people would miss me. But when I have my Really Bad Episodes it's a thought that pervades, that people would get over it quickly if I killed myself. Now though, imagining that the source of this thought is my cruel aunts who have done many extraordinarily horrible things, I think I might be able to fight back against it next time. Nobody would care? Untrue. My aunts and cousins wouldn't care, and that's because they're horrible people who cause nothing but suffering to anyone who knows them.

So. Yeah. I remembered something horrific that happened to me and I hate knowing that my relatives are still out there facing no consequences (as far as I'm aware, we haven't spoken in over a decade). But I think this might actually be good for me going forward, in a way.

[frowningfox]

Right back at you with the numbers! Asim: 1, 7, 15, 32 / Cadwgawn: 1, 22, 31, 38

Thank you so much for the questions!!! <3 Asim: Undead Drow/Orc - Paladin/Warlock 1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

Basically no time at all. He barely ever trances. Someone help this man. He resorts to tinkering and reading a lot - he's learned about 12 languages at this point. Please. I'm serious, someone help him. 7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

This is something he's still figuring out. He had a serious brain injury that's caused his memory to have a lot of black spots, and he's also recently gained all the memories of his past lives. He's basically being reintroduced to his life/lives as we go along and any new experience could be a sudden surprise nostalgia.

But always, always, his husband Gearheart. They've been running into each other in different lives for about 2000 years and every time he sees his husband it's nostalgia times 100. It's a pleasant nostalgia. Fond memories of the few times he managed to feel comfortable sitting still, holding onto his favorite person* in the whole wide world.

(*everyone asim loves is his favorite person, but that doesn't make it less special)

15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

He has no filter and says whatever comes to mind, but his sincerity and kindness saves him from being a complete ass. If he does manage to make a social blunder - because lets be honest social rules are kind of weird and don't always overlap with sincerity and kindness and his difficulty speaking common can make some of what he says seem rude- he immediately tries to right the wrong.

32. Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? 

Oh my god yes. He will ramble about the day his daughter Zia was born at ANY GIVEN OPPORTUNITY. He'll whip out the photo of him holding her and coo over how she could fit in the palm of his hand and how the dress she was wearing was a little dolly dress that an orc neighbor kid had given them for her.

He will on purpose ignore or even growl at anyone trying to point out she looks Very Goblin and not at all orcish, and doesn't resemble him in any way so he can keep going on about how cute she is and how he could just eat her up.

It's one of the few solid memories that really stuck with him after his head injury so he holds onto it for dear life. That and she fit in the palm of his hand and he is so gosh dang tickled by that and everyone needs to know.

Cadwgawn: Teenage Undead Gnoll - Druid/Monk

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

Again, not long at all, but he has a much easier time of it than Asim. He can actually do a bit of mediation but he DOES try to circumvent the "do nothing" aspect by performing little ritual things or sewing fabric together.

22. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

Possessiveness, protectiveness. He is prone to a bit of hoarding, a bit of packrat behavior. Cool Things are for him and his friends. You can't have them. And he gets sad puppy over friends spending time with other people without him.

In meditation he can reassure himself that if any of his things get taken away, he can just steal them back. And for losing people... psshhhh he's too cool for people to get stolen away from him.

 31. Who are they the most glad to have met? 

Jeff! The halfling that dug him up when he awakened in his grave.

They're good friends and Cadwgawn has a BIT of a crush on him, but Jeff is far too old for him so it's staying at friendship and they're both fine with it. Also Cadwgawn sometimes calls him Yeff. Jeff is not sure if Cadwgawn is seriously unsure of how to pronounce the "J" because he's from a different time period and not familiar with commone(Cadwgawn definitely knows how to pronounce the "J" and is just teasing him)

38. What memory do they revisit the most often? 

Not really sure on this one! He's a very in-the-present sort of guy.

But I guess he DOES dwell a bit on the night he was murdered.

[carcharsaur]

alright I finished another game, this time it's amnesia: crowd

^a succinct summary of my thoughts on this series as a whole this came out as a 2-in-1 pack on the switch last year, bundled with amnesia: later as both are follow-ups to the original amnesia: memories but I had to take a uh. almost 7 month break after finishing "later" because I literally have to build up an immunity to the parts of these games in particular that piss me off. but also I still really really like kent so I keep buying it LOL I'll put my deranged unfocused rambling under the cut though

my fav parts of this game were the "suspense" scenario things for ikki and kent, most the "work" scenarios and then like basically everything else is just "ehh" or actively grated me.... the after stories were weird also because some of them had to jump around to avoid overlapping with the after stories from "later" which for the most part I liked much better (for the characters I actually care about anyway). I'm too lazy to go into real gritty detail but a lot of stuff just felt regressive compared to the developments that happened in the first FD!?!? and I don't understand why.... it felt like suddenly they had to be a god-fearing christian game.. was there some controversy back in the day when they first were developing this for the vita LMAO it might just be I'm weary with it's... extremely stereotypical japanese 'demure woman vs voracious men' thing but it felt worse than normal. I think I might just spoiled from playing games that are as good as cupid parasite but also just most newer otome games being more comfortable with talking about sex in a way that doesn't feel fucking insane to me. there's making a nonsexual or asexual friendly mc/game and then there's "how are you alive" levels of airheaded unawareness that are just plainly grating.

I will hand it to this game that it finally did make my like ukyo more than I did through the first two games, where I thought he was just very "whatever" but despite the like... weirdass nature of "evil alter ego" they ended up resolving it in a way I think was pretty good and fully undid the initial game's thing about supernatural mental illness = inherent evil nature uh oh!!! but he still has hilarious joker mode sprites so it's still like. funny as hell but also taking itself seriously? at least I'm amused instead of completely checked out I still want toma to just die forever, hate his whole character and the dynamic he has with the heroine and I WONTTTT say more because I will write 3 paragraphs analyzing his character and tearing into how much I hate his fucking writing and how gross every bit of his execution feels. shin is still just unsatisfying as hell and actively frustrating at times (STOP BRINGING UP WHEN YOU WERE ALL 6 YEARS OLD YOU'RE LIKE 19-20 YEARS OLD MANN) also I'm still bearing a grudge on whoever did voice direction for the game because I'd never imagine kakihara would be so boring to listen to!!!!!! ikki was a little funny, sometimes good, but other times just... eyerolls forever and ever and less interesting than in the first FD and thennnn kent is still one of my fav LIs ever, to the point that I still don't know how someone that wrote him and his dynamic with the heroine and then also wrote the rest of these damn games... but his after story frustrated the fuck out of me. it wasn't necessarily ooc but just a couple of the narrative choices they made for it were unfitting and felt contradictory with the "later" route which is somehow still canon and so I was left kind of conflicted and frustrated with it.

the work scenarios were all cute though, and I enjoyed the really good side characters still being involved in the unlockable mini scenarios (except the New side character is just straight ass no question about it) but the minigames were tediously time consuming to get all of them unlocked =_= also kent was SO good in it that I wish his canon route had their coworker dynamic... instead of "math tutor to rival to lovers" LOL

and other than the ones I mentioned earlier, the "suspense" scenarios were just.... mehhh... and the fact I did enjoy kent and ikki's a lot leads me to think it's not just me. or it's just because I do not care for the other characters much LOL maybe both also the unlockable scene with orion, it's not outright 'wrong' sure but it's so fucking weird man. obviously gross bait. wish it wasn't there lmao

anyway taking a complete left turn, to me in my delusional mind palace they're a throuple with an adorable adopted child. or ikki is the mother👍

(the other half of this cg has all the other LIs pointedly avoiding holding hands with each other so this is real TO MEEE because ikki and kents dynamic is so fun forever also this:)

also, pointlessly, here's my fav clip

[magniloquent-raven]

Ooh ooh! OFMD ask game! How about 8, 10, and/or 13! If nothing else—17. I must know!!

AHHH TY! 💕💕 i hope ur prepared for me to ramble i have too many thoughts about this show glkdfd

8. What moment emotionally fucked you up the most?

i know it’s a moment that fucked us all up, but the final shot of ed really was a massive gut punch. like, no exaggeration here, it is THE reason i had to re-watch the show in its entirety the next day. and the day after that. because i needed closure but there wasn’t any, so reliving the happier moments of the season was as close as i could get lmao. i don’t usually have clear memories of the first time i watch something but i remember that moment hitting me like a bus.

10. What the fuck is Izzy’s problem? Is it/should it be fixable?

i mean it’s not really a fair question is it, he has MANY problems and they all overlap in horrible terrible ways lmfao. but obviously the simple answer is his very narrow idea of what it means to be a man & his almost religious devotion to maintaining those standards. like, yeah, he’s in weird codependent love with ed and that’s a big motivator for a lot of his impact on the plot but i feel like he’d be less shitty about that whole situation if he allowed himself to like. talk about it. or actually feel his feelings without dousing them in anger first. which, yknow, he can’t do because Toxic Masculinity. 

and. idk about “should” but honestly i’d love to see him grow as a person. i wanna know more about what made him the way he is (because no one just wakes up that fucked up lmao) and i wanna see him process whatever it is he needs to process. not just because i think it would be interesting to see but because i care deeply about ed, and ed cares about izzy. which is kind of a problem when izzy is such a mess that he’s taking everyone else with him. 

13. Did Ed really plan to murder Stede when he told Izzy the plan?

ldflgkj alright so i’ve made a post about this and also rambled a lot in the tags of some posts and my opinion about this keeps changing/evolving, but i think my answer has landed on like…not really? 

i think it’s definitely more complicated than ed having this master plan all along, and he was always planning to kill stede. like…that one post i saw that said the the scene where he tells izzy his plan is meant to mirror earlier, when he reveals that he had a plan to evade the spanish all along, he wasn’t just innocently pointing out cloud shapes, he was scheming. therefore we’re meant to read his actions throughout the episode as all having been part of his plan. and…i think that’s partly correct, but…also not.

imo that scene is meant to mirror his earlier Plan Reveal scene but not for us, the audience, for izzy. izzy is the one seeing ed pull off yet another masterful plot. ed’s renewing izzy’s faith in him. promising that he’s still the man he pledged to follow. because izzy’s just been saved by his tactical prowess, and so of course he’s going to buy that ed wasn’t just goofing off, having fun, it’s another “oh my god he had a plan all along” moment for izzy, because he wants to believe that’s who ed is. and the viewer is swept along with it, right up until the camera switches to an angle izzy can’t see, and we’re shown another layer. we see ed’s facade drop. 

and then we remember. his plan earlier didn’t work. he’s so out of touch that he didn’t even know what day it was. it wasn’t until him and stede came up with something together that they actually made it out. he’s spent the whole episode telling us that he doesn’t want to be blackbeard anymore, he doesn’t want to be the man with a plan anymore. this idea that he’s some ruthless puppetmaster, that he was just playing stede the whole time and everything he did was a ploy, that shit is all a performance, and one he’s getting worse at putting on. 

that being said there was probably a grain of truth to what he told izzy, i think he, on some level, wanted to be telling the truth, hence why he actually tried to go through with it (plus he just wasn’t ready to say goodbye to izzy i think, and there wasn’t really any other way of keeping him around), but i also think that he knew deep down he never would. i think that the plan wasn’t so much a plan as a series of intrusive thoughts that he hated himself for, even more so when he needed to use them to keep izzy from leaving him. 

17. Does Ed eat soap or just use “yummy” to describe scents?

i firmly believe that he just uses the word yummy to describe scents and i actually have…….way too many opinions about this ldkjlkdf

but if im tryna keep it short: there’s actually a lot of little moments throughout the show that tell us he just enjoys good hygiene. like, he was probably always doing everything he could to keep neat and clean it’s just difficult to do when 1) he had appearances to keep up and couldn’t go around smelling like flowers cuz that is not intimidating at all and 2) i doubt fancy soap was common aboard the ships they were raiding so like, where would he even get any of this stuff before he met stede. so i doubt he’d be wasting precious resources by eating them 😭