#wammy's orphanage

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if you woke up one day and you were one of those Wammy orphans? wyd?

I imagine I am dropped out of the running for L extremely early, as most the orphans weren't actively in the competition from what we saw (if you take LABB as canon then that iteration was B and A and then later canonically we have only Near and Mello who are brought into the know/listed as serious contenders, it's unclear but implied that most the other orphans were not in the running).

If I am in the running...

I am not arrogant enough to think I can handle it when I have no evidence Light Yagami is guilty any more than anyone else does. I stay out of it and hope things go according to canon where Near managed to beat Light by the skin of his teeth.

[empressofthewind]

has anyone ever talked about how extremely depressing it must have been for L to choose a successor in his 20s????

[yeonban]

I know Wammy's House being an orphanage is mainly a cover for Watari's gifted children program but can you imagine how foul it is that none of these children can get adopted even though they live IN AN ORPHANAGE. They're taken there at the youngest age possible, stripped of their previous identities, taught everything they need to know to try and surpass or support L, turned into agents and then usually killed in action before/during their 20s. There's no way Watari would ever allow regular families to adopt any of his prized geniuses when the whole point of the program is that they need to have no ties and be able and willing to sacrifice themselves (<-in various meanings) to save the world. Watari was in shambles even just talking about how "overdeveloped talent can sometimes transcend the will of its nurturer" when K left Wammy's of his own volition instead of staying and doing what Watari wanted him to, ain't no way he'd further up the chances of disobedience by allowing normal people to take these children in & care for them or show them what a loving home's really like

[grimalkinmessor]

Just had an angsty Near hc pop into my head because what if,,,,,w h a t if Near didn't know his own name?

Like, what if, before the Kira case, he had no damn idea what his real name was? We have no idea when he was dropped off at Wammy's, but we can assume it was pretty young, and we all know about the Wammy tendency to yeet their residents' pasts into the fuckin' dumpster so they can't look back—plus you know, the general nature of orphanages. It's unlikely that Near was just dropped off on a doorstep with his birth certificate in his tiny lil baby hands (though that is a possibility I suppose) bUT COULD YOU IMAGINE.

Near not fearing Kira because he doesn't even have record of his own name, so without that secondary power, how is Kira going to find it? He mentioned destroying any evidence of Mello's name or face, but said nothing about doing the same for himself...

Can you imagine if the first time Near ever saw his given name was when it was written in a notebook meant to kill him?

[skooglybear]

I know we don’t know ANYTHING about A but I like to imagine that they were a fine artist. I think all of the children at Wammy’s House were definitely gifted but there are different KINDS of gifted and I need an artistically or musically inclined successor NOW.

And maybe that successor was none other than A. L’s very first next-in-line would meditate on facts given to them while busying their hands with painting or sculpting or whatever else they may have dabbled in. Personally, I think the subjects within their art would probably be pretty objective, especially if it was a thing they worked on while their mind was occupied with something else. HOWEVER, it could also be something more stylized and bold. I wouldn’t know, we never met A.

Regardless, it was abundantly clear that they were artistically gifted from a young age and at Wammy’s House it was approached in a “sticking your art to the fridge with magnets because we’re proud of you” kind of way. A’s art was admired and revered and, when they died, their paintings remained framed on the walls of the orphanage. Some feel a chill up their spine when looking at them.

[wammys-house-official]

what do you think of light yagami

I think he should be arrested and trialed for the Kira murderers, but hey, I'm just a teenager who's been trained to be a world class detective all my life.

@gods-light

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Do you guys remember how in Death Note they created an incredibly serious butler/handler for the famous superdetective and he turned out to be an incredibly wealthy man financing a series or orphanages specifically looking for young geniuses to turn into superdetectives and they gave him incredibly data management skills and sniping expertise and very distinguished facial hair and only after he died they told us in passing that his real actual name was

Quillsh Wammy

[mchib]

‘We need more bipolar characters’ 

YOU COULDBNT EVEN HANDLE HIM

first of all i think this is common knowledge but he exhibits a complex and erratic personality which i think could potentially be interpreted as symptom of bipolar disorder - bipolar is a characterized by extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania) and lows (depression) - throughout the series and manga (i think the manga shows this better) mellos behavior fluctuates dramatically displaying periods of intense energy impulsivity and irritability which align with manic episodes,,. - in the manga mellos depicted as ambitious driven and sometimes reckless in his pursuit of catching Kira. he has a chronic case of impulsive decision making such as kidnapping poeple and hijacking a character showcases a lack of regard for consequences which is a hallmark trait of manic behavior - i also think mellos extreme emotional responses ranging from fits of rage to moments of despair mirror the intense mood swings characteristic of bipolar disorder. he also struggles with self esteem and identity also point towards bipolar disorder... individuals with bipolar disorder often experience fluctuations in self esteem oscillating between grandiosity during manic episodes and profound self doubt during depressive episodes - mellos constant comparison to near (who he he and only he sees as his rival) and his need to prove himself could stem from underlying insecurities exacerbated by his mood swings

him developing bipolar could totally be a normal trauma response from literally a lot of abuse that he has faced, most of the main characters from wammys house show no signs of like rebellion or outlandish behavior like he does but that doesnt necessarily mean that nothing happened and i think the author gave characters such as near and the other orphans way too much mental fortitude. bipolar can be developed at any age and its especially common between ages 15-19. not to mention other than it being genetic, theres a huge link between bipolar and childhood trauma. like imagine being groomed your whole childhood into this competitive environment with other 4 year olds to be the smartest toddler so u can substitute this crazy genius when he dies. and think of it like come on theres no chance all of these kids desperately wanted to be detectives when they grew up there was definitely like some sort of foul play. L is an exception obviously since the orphanage became abusive after he came and he was treated like a king basically while the other orphans mental state was completely disregarded because they were only brought in from several corners of the world solely to be his successor. in fact the first generation orphans were literally expected to kill themselves because of the pressure and A killing himself literally was not a shock at all to the orphanage in fact i suspect that a lot of the first generation orphans made to succeed L had a horrible mental state and also killed themselves which if you think about it B (which stood for backup) losing his mind was completely normal even if the way he went about challenging L was not. not to mention how he had to live with shinigami eyes but thats for another post lolol.,,, anyways yeah mello's behavior is actually justified when you think about how much of an abusive household he lived in even if its kind of obvious that the author disregarded coming up with an explanation for the orphans mental wellbeing and how it would have affected their adolescence except from the character of mello and even when they show mello they basically make him seem insane and watari like an angel . reading the la bb murder cases from mello's perspective really opened my eyes to like how it actually was in wammys house u can really understand it from his tone and stuff also with that one page hold on lemme find it

'but what if they could copy him? what if they could make a backup? that was us. L's children, gathered from all corners of the world. children gathered together, never told each other's names. but even for a genuis like watari, creating a fake L was easier said than done. even for near and i, who were said to be the closest to L... the more we tried to be like him, the closer we got, the farther away he was, like chasing a mirage. so i hardly need to tell you what it was like when wammy's house was first founded, when he was still experimenting. the first child, A, was unable to handle the pressure of living up to L and took his own life, and the second child, beyond birthday, was brilliand and deviant. B stood for Backup.'

'L was the goal of everyone in wammys house. everyone one of us wanted to surpass him. to step over him. to step on him. M did, N did and B did. M as a challenger, N as a successor. B as a criminal.'

sorry for my complete lack of spelling punctuation and grammar but i think i got my point across and also big thanks to @monards who helped me finish this draft by giving me the energy to continue and also encouraging my crippling death note addiction by feeding into it with questions and remarks like 'woah!' and 'eureka!'

[ashighcave]

While I think Wammy's house is a unethical concept and place I also think that orphans like L and Near that are probably disabled got something out of it. L got the care that made him feel comfortable and Near was not forced to interact with the other children. I don't think a normal orphanage would have had the space they needed. They were seen as valuable so the people there put effort into their care

[zimthandmade]

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE! 🍵

I'm Zimt (spoken “tsimt”, it’s german for cinnamon), I'm from germany, any pronouns are fine. Thought I'd give you a rundown of what I'm up to recently:

Death Note Alternative Universe, where Wammy's is a boarding school, not an orphanage. The kids have families. I try to make everything in canon make more sense. Heavy emphasis on Mello's and Matt's side of the story.

Read some story bits on AO3.

#dn au 2.0 | #l lawliet | #light yagami | #misa | #task force | #mello | #matt | #near | #the jeevas | #the keehls | #the rivers | #helix | #wammy’s house | #beyond birthday | #a | #rocket rick

DN AU 2.0 but Mello and Matt are a couple and survive the Takada kidnapping and are still kickin today.

Looking for uncensored NSFW art? -> Right this way, please. <-

#dn au 2.1

Intelligent animals inhabit an alternative earth, humans & apes never evolved. It's basically an excuse to draw real people and fictional characters as animals and put them into an elaborate setting.

#atrea

---

FAQ

What music does __ listen to? No idea, you tell me!

What’s your favourite fanfiction? I don’t read fanfiction.

What software did you use for the apartments? Floorplanner.

Do you ship __ ? No. Mellodramattic, my one and only <3

Can you draw NSFW for __ ? Sure, as a commission.

Do M2 ever adopt pets? No. The critters living in their apartment don’t count as pets and Bertram is more than enough.

Do M2 ever adopt children? No. They babysat a couple of times and they are stinkin sick of it.

What animal would __ be in Atrea? Give me some suggestions and I'll tell you if I think that's a fun idea!

[rosazoldyckk]

𝒀𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒆!𝑳 𝑳𝒂𝒘𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒕 𝑿 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

Title: It’s yours alone. Fandom: Death Note. TW’s: Extreme mentions of Yandere/Obsessive behaviour, mentions of kidnapping and manipulation, a bit of non-consensual behaviours near the end (ONLY KISSING THOUGH!!) . If these make you uncomfortable then please read with caution or skip

1311 words

It's been almost three weeks since the infamous L Lawliet had saved you. And you had not stopped crying since.

It was driving him insane, the tears rolling down your beautiful plump cheeks. He loved how you looked with your cute lip-pouted, and tear-stained face, how your skin gets tinted, and the sniffle and twitch of your nose. You were just so unbelievably adorable.

Yet how could he enjoy such a sweet impression when it was made by sadness and not pleasure or happiness? It completely baffled the man as to why you were crying so much anyways. You probably missed your friends and family and the outside world. But he was here for you, to listen to your venting and frustration, yet you refused to even bat an eye towards him.

He really tried to help, he gave you as much space as you needed. He made sure that Watari had memorised your favourite meals, games, books, whatever it may be. L loved you, he wanted to make you feel good before you got used to him.

He knew you tried to escape a couple of times when he had been out doing detective work. He had cameras in his home, and he made a habit of watching you from his little computer room. He didn't need to bring up punishments yet since you were barely functioning at the moment, so he settled for watching and making his plan.

It was how he was now in this situation. With a sigh, L pushed the door open, restless on his feet to look at you in person again. You were a drug to him, and he had previously satisfied his urges with a glimpse of you while you walked home, gazing at you while you changed, unconscious of the eyes watching. But all he had now was his cameras, and he was already tired of that.

When the door swung open, he saw your head snap in his direction, your semi-relaxed posture straightening on the bed, and sitting up in a more alerting position. When your eyes met, he could feel his heart racing, alive, more so than he had felt in years. Yours glistened with unshed tears, already puffy with the previous nights worth of crying.

The silence hung in the air waiting to be pierced through. And though the detective believed he outgrew the puppy-eyed awkward phase of his life you made him feel like he felt then, the small newbie in Wammy's orphanage he was when his obsession love started. He gulped a bit, regaining his composure and walking in, closing the door.

Your eyes darted around the room, fingers lacing in the sheets. He gasped softly, "...You... "

"W-what?" You're voice shook, it made him hesitate. Your eyes narrowed in a glare, "What? What do you want from me?!"

He was taken aback. You were screaming at him, chest heaving, short huffs for breath and anger evident in your eyes. Your tone was grating to the raven haired man. L held himself together, not to make a scene and appear lacking in control. But his heart jumped at your tone. He understood why you were reacting like this, he had calculated this reaction, it was the beginning of his strategy. So despite the strange feeling boiling in his chest, he ignored it. Instead, he focused on you. How beautiful you looked.

"What are you here for?" Your voice broke. Though he ignored your words and approached you, he held his breath, inhaling softly in hopes to steal a little of your scent, he stood in front of you, and he felt dizzy.

He felt his breath evaporate, he couldn't feel anything but notice how your hair looked, how your skin seemed to glow despite the dimly lit room, how your eyes, despite the rampant hatred in them, held the galaxies in their depth. Your presence threatened him by wobbling his knees, demanding him to fall to his knees and truly worship you. You were divine, he was lucky to be in your gaze.

You were so ethereal.

Your lips shook with a sob, and snapped him out of his mind. Your hands rubbed your eyes, though the tears didn't leave, only fell faster, bigger, and your sobs louder. "...Are y-you going t-to..." You breathed in a soft shaky breath, "k-kill me?"

...kill you?

It took him a moment to comprehend what you were saying. Kill you? He would never even fathom such a sinful thought. Ever since he met you at Wammy's orphanage he fucking cherished you, you were his everything. His whole existence rested on yours, that's exactly why he had to save you. That's why he have to rush everything. But it's okay, it will be now, you were here, and his strategy had changed. He reached out, ignoring the way you flinched back when his hand touched your skin.

You hated the response you gave. The way your body froze when he crept close, the raven-haired man's eyes wide and watching, unnerving you more. His fingers slowly caressed your skin, even with your brows furrowed, his hands caressed you with all of a strange intent in his touch.

"kill you?" he muttered, dazed. "No, No. No, never, darling, I would never dare, your life is mine, mine is yours." His voice lowered still. "Love, I only saved you, I'd never do that."

Your eyebrows furrowed, cringing in your own skin when he leaned in more, his forehead leaning on yours, even if you tried to back away. His hand moved down, dropping onto yours. His crooked fingers gripped your own, and you jumped a little, but he didn't do anything to respond to your jittery behaviour, he was too dazed. Too dazed by something you couldn't understand.

L stared, his large coal eyes bore into your own. His hand pulled yours upwards and towards him. You were frozen still, and nervous to resist. Thoughts of when he abducted you in your mind, the way he manhandled you, the bruises still staining your skin, and you couldn't resist. You couldn't resist. You were terrified.

He placed your hands on his chest and inhaled deeply. He smiled softly, "My heart, can you hear it, love?"

His heartbeat fluttered softly. You hated the way his heartbeat made your stomach explode in butterflies, It was warm, a shiver crawling up from your stomach, it burned faintly. You didnt understand.

"Do you hear it?" L whispered. "Do you hear my heart, Y/N? It's beating. It's beating for you."

You shook your head slowly. “Please-“

"I live for you, Y/N."

L leaned in, you squeezed your eyes shut, preparing for the worst.

Warm, soft lips pressed against your own, and your eyes opened along with your mouth from pure shock. L did not let this opportunity slip by. Before you could snap it shut again, he slipped his tongue into your mouth, sliding it around every-which-way, exploring every single corner. Nothing was left untouched.

Stop -

You squirmed, trying to shove the sick man off of you, but he pinned your wrists to the sides of your hips, pressing his mouth even harder against yours. A low rumble of pleasure sounded in his throat as he kissed you absolutely breathless.

L pulled away, both of you gasping, one simply for air, while the other from need of oxygen as well as horror. You tried once more to break free of L's grasp, but he was simply too strong for you.

"Y/N." L's voice had gone husky. You avoided his eyes, afraid to set loose the monster inside that was already making it's presence known.

"You must understand my heart…it's yours alone."

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What do you think L thinks of the successor program?

Previous Thoughts on Wammy's and How the Concept is both Bonkers and Toxic

Well, what we see is pretty damning.

L... Doesn't Talk About it Much and Other Bad Signs

L brings up the successor program once in the manga (this line is removed from the anime adaptation). It's a very one-off line in which he tells Light (while still in the college arc) that "you know, even if you were to kill me, L is legion and I'd just be replaced by the next L" and Light sort of stares at him.

Neither touch on this ever again.

Worse, when the torch is passed, it's only because Watari happened to be in the room where he could push The Big Red Button (TM) that sent information to Wammy's. And yes, while there was clearly a protocol in place to let the successors take on L's legacy, it uh... sure wasn't L pushing that button and the fact that it's a secret button in the security room where Watari hangs out (and certainly not L) leads me to think this is a Watari idea (the orphanage where people compete for the title of L, being in fact, Watari's weird fucking idea).

Most tellingly, L doesn't even bring it up when he knows he's going to die. He doesn't even think to himself "ah yes, those bratty twelve-year-olds in England will get vengeance for me and then Light will be put to justice". L doesn't think about the Wammy program at all in his last day, in fact, he knew for several hours he was going to die and he didn't seek out any means to bring his successors in or even think "oh woe that Light is right there or I could inform my secret successors of everything we need to know".

We learn later that Near and Mello never actually met L, in fact, and if they ever did speak to him it was... brief and impersonal. This leaves them both with weird complexes about the man and their relationship with the role of successor.

In fact, L blatantly says "Light is my successor" and seems to mean it. True, L knew Light was Kira and was perhaps doing this for the mind fuckery, but on the other hand he had no reason to do this and again, had time to take it back once he realized Light was Kira again (which he did very quickly after Light got his memories back). Had L not done this, he could have either a) directly had a Wammy's person take over and explain the whole successor thing (he does not) or b) left it such that Soichiro was in charge. He has nothing to gain by even hinting that Light could take control over his title after he left. And the fact is... Light does do it. He's the power behind L for six years while Near and Mello do... well, Mello joins the mafia and has a time in Nevada, Near does who fucking knows what.

Basically, L couldn't be less supportive of the Wammy's orphanage unless he actively shut it down and fired Watari (but then who would bring him snacks?)

But Why?

L's in it for personal victory. L wants to beat Kira himself, he wants to do it on his own terms, with his own ingenuity. It's not so much about beating Kira but the fact that he will be the one to beat Kira. His 'successors' doing so would be less than meaningless to L.

Leaving it to some twelve-year-old to solve, hand-picked by Watari because they solved puzzles good and read good too, would be worse for L than fucking Matsuda or Misa making a major break in the case (and canonically, both those things happen, and canonically L handles it fucking poorly).

Worse, Watari is not even implying, but outright saying, that L is not so special a super genius snowflake and that Watari can cultivate another one simply through hard work and careful selection. "Congratulations, L, you are irrelevant and superfluous!" And worse, those replacements are little kids and I imagine L finds their quirks... annoying. (I'm not convinced L's not just s troll).

And if we take LABB into account, all L sees them do is kill themselves or make trouble for everyone (through murder). L does not want to deal with these people (and so he doesn't and makes Naomi do it for an entire hilarious novel).

TL;DR

L hates those fuckers.

[bucklway]

how mello & near fail as proper antagonists from the perspective of a mello & near fan

the most interesting thing a character can do in a story is surprise you. to be caught off guard by a character, you need to already have an idea of who they might be.

for example, if a character is introduced to an audience as the greatest detective the world has ever known, someone who’s intelligent & calculated, the viewer might be shocked when that character makes many wild & risky decisions. it might catch someone off guard to hear that character say something like “i had to test this just in case, i never thought it would actually work..”

it’s such a small piece of information but it tells us SO much about the mystery of L Lawliet. L is known by many as the greatest detective, but his first true introduction to us, the audience, is his boldness, his capacity to take risks. his genius is so great that a shot in the dark for him results in a bullseye.

to introduce a character through other characters’ opinions of them is my favourite way to challenge the viewer’s expectations in a story. i think to be curious is to be engaged, a story should be setting you up with a million questions that are compelling enough to keep you interested bc you know they will be answered eventually.

it’s not very interesting when you know everything about the series’ antagonist right off the bat.

L as an antagonist is so compelling bc he’s shrouded in mystery, not only is light desperate to know his true identity & true feelings, but we are as well. this is where near & mello fundamentally fail as proper antagonists, every part of their characters work for me aside from the way in which information is learned about them. it’s such a harsh contrast from the genius that is L, it’s insulting to the viewers who are reading/watching bc they actually care about this story & its characters.

so why is mello and nears introduction so bad? simple, we receive too much information.

the scene in which they appear for the first time is literally set in the place where they live, talking to the man who is raising them, it’s insanely personal. compare it to how we meet L for the first time: through a computer screen, held by a man who’s identity is hidden by a mask & all we see on that computer is the letter L. sorichiro tells us he’s the greatest detective but no one knows his true identity. it tells you all you need to know about him at that point in the story, L is a smart detective who is overly cautious about revealing his identity. we aren’t told why he’s overly cautious or who the man is holding the computer but it’s enough to get us thinking.

this is the amount of information we get through mello & near’s introduction: their caretaker is named roger, he works at wammys house (the orphanage watari founded, which is also information that was revealed in the last episode) where mello & near live. roger reveals that L is dead, meaning that mello & near have some kind of connection to L. mello is devastated at the news but it’s quickly revealed that this devastation is most likely the cause of frustration that L can’t “pick one of them” what does that mean? don’t worry, this scene makes it very clear. mello & near were raised to be great detectives, one of them was meant to be picked so they could carry on his legacy but he hadn’t chosen one yet. near is cold, seemingly emotionless & fixated on solving puzzles. mello is loud, aggressive & overly emotional. roger suggests that they could work together on the kira case, near seems up for it but mello is enraged. he tells roger “you know i don’t get along with near.” which is such a funny way to establish something about a character, having them explain a fact about themselves to someone who already knows it. mello reveals some deeper insecurities about not being better than near & he runs away from home. near is officially the new L, working to defeat kira.

..so that’s way too much information, right?

that scene is like.. if in episode 11, when misa is being introduced thru the sakura TV tapes, we were also seeing misa’s perspective, watching her every move & hearing all of her opinions. the introduction of misa is interesting because the audience isn’t given the information that there are 2 notebooks yet, we are meant to assume that light is the one doing all of this even if it doesn’t seem like something he’d do.

mello & near fail as proper antagonists bc the narrative doesn’t take them seriously & doesn’t give them the time they need to establish themselves as threats.

i truly do think near & mello could have been amazing, i have my own ideas for how i would’ve personally taken the story after L’s death but this post is already too long lol!

[yeonban]

Sometimes I think about how Elijah is a normal person in most other verses. In some of them his mom survives and takes care of him. In some of them his dad doesn't act Like That to him and they have a good, if a bit distant, relationship. In some of them he doesn't end up disliking his talents because of abuse, but rather uses them as a hobby or even pursues a job in the field of his own volition. Meanwhile Tobias gets the same parents every time, in every verse, over and over again. In some of them his parents die again and he's picked up by another variant of Wammy's House. In some of them they live and he remains with the family/takes over their business. In some of them they die and he isn't found by a Wammy's House variant, which leads him into a life of crime even after escaping his parents.

[grimalkinmessor]

Not to keep harping on it but Death Note has plenty of fridge horror to go along with the unintentional humor and romance.

Like,,,the ENTIRETY of Wammy's House is such a fucked up concept. An orphanage where they crank out genius kids into the world by...what? What are they doing with those kids? What do you mean one of them died in there? Wait—and the second one is a serial killer? And one joined the mafia? What—WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THOSE KIDS—

Not to mention the intricacies of L and Watari's relationship. He's seen as a butler/father figure until you find out that he's an inventor/war vet who took in an orphan with the express purpose of making him useful. No wonder Wammy's runs the way it does when the og, the man it is named after sees children as tools and means to an end. And, given that L has already made them so much money playing stocks that it doesn't even matter anymore (Mr. Builds A Skyscraper To House Five People), why is Quillish still with him? To keep an eye on him? To make sure L doesn't forget where he came from? Out of some sort of guilt for never teaching him how to take care of himself because those weren't the skills that Quillish thought it important to cultivate? Or maybe even to keep him dependent on Quillish to keep functioning properly.

And then there's the horror of L himself. Not even the implications of him, but the proof of who he is and what he can do. The thought of a man with so much money and power and influence that if he wanted to make you disappear, if he wanted to torture you or hold your loved ones hostage or kill you and everyone that's ever shaken your hand he could and no one would fucking bat an eye—that's fucking terrifying. (Where the fuck is Beyond—) And, not only does he have the power to do all that; no one would question it because he's part of Law™. His every action can be excused as being part of the Greater Good, despite the fact that L himself has admitted that everything he does is for his own benefit and/or entertainment.

Light, of course, is an obvious horror—but one of the most horrific things about him is glossed over. I'm not someone who personally believes in the Death Note's corruptive powers or aura or whatever, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the fact that, once you give up the Death Note, your memories of it are erased. All the people you've killed, all the things that you've seen, you've still seen and done all those things, you just don't remember it. There's a hole in your mind, and all that prickly, thorny mess that grew in you when you were a killer is still there, choking you—you just don't know why. Why are you so unfazed by death? Why don't you cry when your mother dies? Why are you so afraid of being something that looks like you? Will you ever be certain of anything again? Will you ever, truly, know yourself when you can't remember all the atrocities you've committed? Can you ever change and grow again if your roots are gone? Or are you stuck in stasis forever now, your mind stalling in one place in order to keep you from remembering the people you've killed?

[jessaerys]

that poll made me think of this excellent post by @magicaii re: mello’s fanon interpretation as overly emotional, and i broadly agree with all the points made, but i would also like to posit that if one subscribes to the hypothesis that mello and near grew up in a somewhat foster-sibling-like environment (which seems to already be almost universally accepted in the matt-mello relationship. is it even canon that they were roommates? it is so prevalent in the fandom that i forgot to even question it. but i digress) 

in a foster-sibling-like environment at the orphanage a certain level of childhood intimacy would be inescapable between mello and near just by virtue of growing up together: having meals together, attending the same classes, sharing caretakers and chores, being teamed up by teachers during assignments, existing in the same recreational spaces, etc. even if they were never particularly friendly with each other, they would inevitably, perhaps even unwittingly, develop some kind of understanding (“something identical in them [��] something which would dart to one face, then to the other, depending on an expression or a trick of the light or the angle at which a head was cocked”) by virtue of being intellectual equals above the rest of their peers. they are, after all, foils to the L-light relationship.

in fact i find it harder to believe that they would not have interacted often at wammy’s. being slated to become and in competition for the role of L’s successor, their tutors would have set them up to push each other through special assignments/tests/projects. it is a highly effective didactic tool used in all sorts of competitive and academic environments. mello’s “you know near and i don’t get along” would be thoroughly justified: who amongst us would not hate being Assigned Partners At School with your (self-declared) nemesis!  roger knows this! he has probably threatened mello with a get-along-t-shirt! mello’s emphasis on you know is not clunky as-you-know exposition but an exasperated teenager going UGHH MOM! at a guardian that keeps refusing to acknowledge mello's protests

all of this is to say that, with this context in mind, i can imagine mello lightly “bullying”⁽¹⁾ near not because he wants to make a punching bag out of him but because in the way kids naturally learn through play and social interaction, he'd be feeling for his advantages over near (being more athletic, better with people, easier to get along with, etc) debatably he might even want to establish/prove these differences in the social hierarchy at wammy’s (given his high “social life” stats in dn13:htr) it is these differences (that near is too passive, emotionless, haughty, at least in mello’s head) which seem to frustrate mello the most, so it doesn’t strike me as out of character to think the boy who is introduced hitting someone with a ball and tugging at someone else's hair would surrender to his id⁽²⁾ and try to get a rise out of near, that he’d want to bring near down to everyone else’s “level"

and perhaps this is the shipping goggles i have on but there is something thoroughly intoxicating about being the center of attention of someone who you passionately resent when you are undoubtedly on top.⁽³⁾ you could argue mello subconsciously desires near’s admiration and either refuses to see it whenever it is there (“near told me i did good job, the condescending dick”) or near is absolute shit at communicating it (“your thought process in this essay was almost impossible to follow” <- badly worded compliment), so mello veers for the next best thing: near’s attention. much like with a bad cat, negative attention is still attention, and on god he is getting his fix of being so fucking annoying (look at me, why won't you look at me!) wherever he can get it

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⁽¹⁾ie. wrestling him down in the playground, toppling over his towers, hiding favorite toys, pulling his hair, locking him in closets etc. nothing life-threatening or overly painful; the mean teasing of a resentful older brother, not the harassing of a bloodthirsty middle school terrorist 

⁽²⁾especially when they are younger mello would have far less developed self control lol. by the time we first meet them, at 13 and 15, this light bullying would've been largely a thing of the past, with mello becoming gradually more distant around the time he transitions into brooding teenagehood while near is still a kid, which would've made leaving wammy's far easier (i also think that mello would firmly believe that he has earned the right to bother near while everyone else has not and he WILL be fighting them about it. only he can mess with near, thank you very much. typical older brother behavior. but this post is already too long)

⁽³⁾ no. i shan't say it