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orionsangel86 · 11 months

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Subtext Glorious Subtext! A Dreamling on Netflix analysis in The Sandman - Part 7

1989

You've given me shattered dreams, but I know you'll come back to me...

Here's where we step into unchartered territory - what is a show to do when its source material ends 33 years too soon? Apparantly lean fully into the angst, pining, and misunderstandings tropes that all good fandom ships thrive on!

After the disastrous break up of 1889, Hob is clearly nervous about whether or not Dream will show up to the next meeting. In both comic and show, he calls out that he will still be there in a hundred years, and if Dream is too then its because they are friends. Dream doesn't answer leaving Hob to wonder whether he pushed Dream too far.

In the comic though, Dream escapes from his imprisonment in time, and is able to reunite with Hob, having spent 70 odd years contemplating his past behaviours and actions in his solitude, and evidentally makes the decision to meet Hob and accept his offer of friendship:

In the comic, they reunite with Dream reassuring Hob that they are in fact friends, and it ends there. The next time they meet in Season of Mists Hob states how surprised he is to see Dream before their next meeting. There is no hint in the comics that they had changed their once-a-century date to be more frequent.

But the show changes all of this. Dream doesn't escape until 2022 so he misses his date with Hob. Instead we get to see Hob grow more and more concerned as he waits all day for Dream.

Whilst Hob waits, they show the passage of time by playing a mix of popular 80s songs, and although I know the fandom talked about this a lot when the show first aired, I can't not bring it up here because it such a hugely important part of the 1989 scene. Song choices in media are always carefully picked out. Nothing is unintentional. Producers have to apply for the rights to use songs in their shows and get those songs signed off and it isn't always an easy process, so song choices are always significant. ALWAYS. They are one of the principle ways we can analyse media and theorise about what the creators are trying to tell us. Every song choice has meaning.

For example, in Stranger Things both Kate Bush's Running Up That Hill and Journey's Worlds Apart are important song choices which reflect the emotional conflicts and journeys of the characters in season 4.

Our Flag Means Death also uses modern songs in an exceptional way to support the story and the emotional journeys of the characters. Using Fleetwood Mac's The Chain at the emotional climax for the characters in episode 8 was a work of genius.

Whilst songs specifically about love, romance, and break ups aren't always used for romantic character arcs, using three break up songs in a row for what should be interpreted as a falling out/misunderstanding between platonic friends is... unusual. Outside of comedy where the song choice could specifically be used in a humorous way (for example an overly emotional lovers break up song used for friendships in comedy could be a commentary on how ridiculous and overdramatic the two friends are being, with them acting like dramatic lovers being part of the joke.) But the scene in 1989 isn't a comedic one. Hob is genuinely hurting and Dream at this point is imprisoned. The song choices are therefore sincere. The message in the song choices should be taken at face value.

So please dear reader. Tell me what you think the following is supposed to be telling us?

Song 1: She Drives Me Crazy by Fine Young Cannibals

I can't stop the way I feel Things you do don't seem real Tell me what you've got in mind 'Cause we're running out of time Won't you ever set me free? This waiting 'round's killing me

She drives me crazy Like no one else She drives me crazy And I can't help myself

I can't get any rest People say I'm obsessed Everything you say is lies But to me there's no surprise What I had for you was true Things go wrong, they always do

She drives me crazy Like no one else She drives me crazy And I can't help myself

I won't make it on my own No one likes to be alone

Song 2:Shattered Dreams by Johnny Hates Jazz

So much for your promises They died the day you let me go Caught up in a web of lies But it was just too late to know

I thought it was you Who would stand by my side

And now you've given me, given me Nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams Feel like I could run away, run away From this empty heart You said you'd die for me

Woke up to reality And found the future not so bright I dreamt the impossible That maybe things could work out right

I thought it was you Who would do me no wrong

But now you've given me, given me Nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams Feel like I could run away, run away From this empty heart

You've given me, given me Nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams Feel like I could run away, run away From this empty heart

From this empty heart

I thought it was you Who said they'd die for love

And now you've given me, given me Nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams Feel like I could run away, run away From this empty heart

You've given me, given me Nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams Feel like I could run away, run away From this empty heart

Oh, no, no, no You said you'd die for me Oh, for Die for me So much for your promises So much for your promises

Song 3: Keep on Movin' by Soul II Soul

Keep on moving Don't stop, like the hands of time Click-clock, find your own way to stay The time will come one day

Why do people choose to live their lives (lives)

This way?

No-oh-oh (Keep on moving) (Keep on moving) Keep on moving yeah, yeah (Keep on moving, don't stop, no) (Keep on moving)

It's our time, time today The right time is here to stay Stay in my life, my life always Yellow is the color of sun rays

I hide myself, from no-one I know the time will surely come when You'll be in my life, my life always Yellow is the color of sun rays

Keep on moving (Keep on moving) Don't stop! (Keep on moving don't stop, no) Like the hands of time (Keep on moving) Click-clock, find your own way (Keep on moving) To stay (The time will come one day)

No-o-oh (Keep on moving) Hey-ey-ey (Keep on moving) (Keep on moving, don't stop, no) (Keep on moving) Oh!

I know the time, time today Walking alone in my own way Extremely cold and rainy day Friends and I have fun along the way Yes we do!

I hide myself from no one I know the time will really come when You'll be in my life, my life always Yellow is the color of sun rays

Keep on moving (Keep on moving) Don't stop (Keep on moving, don't stop, no) Like the hands of time (Keep on moving) Click-clock (Keep on moving) Find your own way to stay, yeah (The time will come one day) Yes!

Oh! (Keep on moving, don't stop, no) (Keep on moving) Ah-hey! (Keep on moving) Keep moving along, moving along (The time will come one day) Hey-yeah!

Keep movin', don't stop, no (Don't stop, like the hands of time) Hey-yeah! (Click-clock, find your own way to stay) Find your own way to stay (The time will come one day) (Why do people choose to live their lives this way?) Oh-woh-oh Oh, why do they choose to live this way?

Yeah! Ah-hey! (Keep on moving) Keep on moving (Keep on moving, don't stop, no) No-woh-oh (Keep on moving) No! (Keep on moving) Keep on moving in my own way I know the time will come today (The time will come one day) Ah-hey! Yeah! (Keep on moving) Yeah-hey Keep on moving, don't stop, no) Don't stop Keep on moving) Ah-hey-ey (Keep on moving) Hey-yeah! (The time will come one day) The time will surely come one day!

Hey-yeah! (Keep on moving, don't stop, no) No-oh-oh! (Keep on moving) Oh-woh-oh (Keep on moving) Hey-yeah!

I mean... *gestures at all of this*

The way I interpret these songs is a very linear emotional journey. It's a narrative in itself of Hob's state of mind as day turns to night and he waits and realises that his date isn't going to show.

First he contemplates how he can't help the way he feels. The waiting around is killing him, he's being driven crazy by his feelings, he's obsessed. But his feelings are true, and he won't make it on his own without [Dream].

Next comes the heartbreak. He dreamt that things might work out, but his dreams have been shattered. He feels like he wants to run away from his empty heart.

Finally, he realises that life goes on, he's gotta keep on moving, because he has hope that the time will come when [Dream] will be in his life again and this time [Dream] will stay.

I don't think I even need to attempt to make this any clearer! All these songs are about love, either obsessive love, heartbreak, or hope for future love. This is the kind of shit Johnlock and Destiel fans would have eaten up back in the day. At this point in Dream and Hob's relationship, at this point in this half hour sequence of television, I am not sure how else to interpret this, which is why the conversation Hob has with the bartender comes across so bizarre.

Bartender: You waiting for someone?

Hob: I think I've been stood up. We had a fight, last time we were here, but it was my fault. wish I could say I was drunk at the time, but I was just an idiot.

Bartender: I've seen plenty of friends get into fights in pubs, even more of them laugh about later.

Hob: *chuckling* maybe in another hundred years.

We all agree how bloody bizarre this is right? I have to praise this bartender for not jumping to conclusions but it would have been far more natural for him to assume Hob was stood up by a date, a woman (this is 1989 after all) and instead given his apologies and said something like "Don't worry mate, just send her some flowers and be honest with her. She'll come around."

Why does he assume they are just friends? Being "stood up" is commonly used to indicate a failed romantic date. It just isn't a natural assumption for someone to make based on the information Hob gave him. Hob cleverly keeps his explanation gender neutral, so the bartender does too, but even with gender neutral language the immediate conclusion should be that Hob was abandoned by a romantic date.

But the natural conclusion would have prompted a clarification. A definitive from Hob on the nature of his and Dream's relationship, and for whatever reason, the writers decided they didn't want there to be a definitive clarification here. Just like how they removed all the references to canon queer characters in 1589 to avoid distinguishing them from Hob and Dream, here they made sure that Hob was unable to refute or deny any implication that he and Dream may be more than platonic friends. Instead they chose to go with clunky language that doesn't really make sense, all to avoid having to make clarifications. Sorry y'all, but thats some SPN writer levels of ambiguity layering and I ain't buying it *side eyes Neil Gaiman suspiciously*. What are those writers up too eh?

I did read an interesting meta on this that the bartender could have assumed that Hob was talking about a man, clocked him as queer, and spoken in safe language to avoid an accidental outing (1989 was a difficult time for the LGBTQ+ community) but I couldn't find it or remember who wrote it to link it here. I found that interpretation to be really interesting and certainly worth considering, even if it's not my initial reading of the scene.

The other explanation is that maybe it was an attempt to "no homo" what otherwise comes across as a failed romantic date. But if that was what they were going for, it was very sloppily done and in fact only called further attention to the very romantic implications of the whole scene at least from Hob's side of things. If they really wanted to "no homo" the scene, why not just have Hob tell the bartender that he was supposed to be meeting his friend?

Then in a totally new decision made for the show, Hob finds out that the White Horse Tavern is closing its doors for good. This adds a further layer of angst and drama to Dream and Hob's relationship that the comics do not have. The worry that should Dream ever decide to return, how would he find Hob if the tavern is closed? It's once again pretty tropey in that its yet another external force keeping our boys apart. Anymore of this and we start falling dangerously close to star crossed territory.

The 1989 scene ends with a distressed and sad looking Hob, with a hint of determination, leaving the audience expecting him to do something about this.

Then we get that final glorious transition, from the whiskey glass to the glass sphere holding Dream, reminding us all that no, Dream did not stand Hob up, he was in fact stuck in his prison. Dream looks stoic as always, but the glance upwards indicates that he too remembers the date, and is regretting his inability to be there to make things right.

That look then transitions seemlessly into the modern day, as Dream stares sadly at the ruins of the White Horse tavern. Which is where we leave this chapter.

Check out Part 8 for my analysis of the glorious reunion!

#Dreamling #dreamling meta #the sandman #sandman meta #dreamling week #dreamling week 2023 #dream of the endless #hob gadling #sandman comic spoilers

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the-insomniac-emporium · 3 years

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i stumbled upon ur writing looking for lady d x non-binary reader fics and ur work has just been a godsend i’m obsessed. it’s inspired me to start writing my own even though i’ve never written for fandoms before. i’ve never written for other actual characters before either so i was wondering if u could spare any tips for writing for lady d and her daughters? 🙏🏻

I can certainly try! I'll divide the tips into lil sections for each characters. Might be less tips, more character observations that help me figure out how to write them? Putting under read-more for length. Also! If you ever want someone to look over what you write before you post it, I offer my services! I can't guarantee how fast I can respond, but I've been editing/proof-reading/giving general feedback for my friends for years, with everything from fanfiction to college level essays.

Alcina:

Large and in charge, literally. Regardless of the situation, Lady D wants to stay in control, or at least look like she's in control. Okay, minor exception being anything involving Mother Miranda, since she's the one person Lady D has any real respect for. Otherwise, Alcina maintains a good grasp on any situation, looking for ways to put herself in control.

For example, she often uses her height as a means to establish dominance, even within RE8 canon. If you watch a video of the Four Lords meeting, Alcina stands up once she starts arguing with Heisenberg, towering over him in an attempt to intimidate. We also see the aforementioned exception in this scene, as Lady D sort of "shrinks" a little when Miranda responds.

As much as Lady D wants to be in control, she's not always actually capable of it. In the game, we see her struggle to contain her emotions, and often releases them in outbursts. Such as the infamous vanity throwing scene (god I love that so much). It can provide some nice contrast in scenes, having Lady D be so in control one moment, then as soon as she's behind closed doors she's letting it all out.

Uses the most old-fashioned language out of her whole family. It's kind of hard to describe how one goes about writing this way, but I recommend trying to find some journals that were written in the early 1900's and reading them. Or just some classic novels (not Moby Dick, tho, that one's a bit much, in my opinion). One thing I can say is occasionally swap contractions (can't, don't, I've, etc) for the full version of the word (cannot, do not, I have, etc). Something about that always makes dialogue feel older, though I can't really explain why. Whatever you do, just don't rely too much on using synonyms. Replacing common words with their cousins can make dialogue feel "fancier", but you often run the risk of unintended connotations (feelings, positive or negative, associated with a word) messing with how a text is interpreted.

Puts up a front/facade around most people, as part of her noble background and need for control, with words like "stoic" and "composed" coming to mind. Very rough with troublemakers, no mercy. But!!! So very incredibly soft with her family/loved ones. I've seen some people accuse her of "faking" her love for her daughters, but these people either played a different game than I did, or they can't read emotions as well as I can. Gentle touches when she's checking if her kids are okay, little glances and gentle nods for reassurance, pausing a chase just to help her daughters, etc.

Bela:

Wants to make her mother proud. Legally obligated to make her mother proud, because she's the eldest daughter. Not that I know how that feels, being the younger of two children. Regardless, Bela is the most well behaved of the daughters, even when her mother isn't around. However, she does resent this position to some degree, based on in game dialogue/dialogue files that are in the game but aren't used. Personally, I see her as someone who's willing to let certain things go in exchange for favors/blackmail ammo.

Cleans up after her sisters a fair bit, sometimes literally. Feels responsible for them, to the point where their mistakes are her mistakes, and she's forced to compensate on their behalf. Because of this she ends up complaining a lot, though almost only when her family isn't around.

Still very protective of her family, she simply does most of her protecting behind the scenes. Knows how to manipulate a situation, which she probably learned from her mother, and can be quite convincing when she wants to be. Less likely to use violence to solve a problem than anyone else in the family. Will she use violence if need be, or if someone fucks up enough? Yes, absolutely, but she'll focus more on efficiency than misery (unless someone really fucks up).

Generally speaking she's more eloquent than either of her sisters, though not by much unless she's trying to impress someone (usually her mother).

Cassandra:

Two words: Angry. Horny. To her, they might as well be one word. Horngry. Cassandra struggles with her emotions more than either of her sisters, being a pressure cooker ready to pop basically all the time. It's not hard to set her off, but it can take ages for her to cool back down. Let's her frustration (of any variety) build up until she can bludgeon someone to death with it. Harshest on the servants, and spends the most time toying with others in the dungeon.

Like Bela, Cassandra wants to make her mother proud, but it's less of an obligation and more of a "I'm the middle child and feel like I don't get enough attention" type deal. Is more than willing to stoop to "tattle telling" activities in order to get the attention she craves. Usually sticks to obediently following her mother's orders or hunting down enemies, though.

Bit of an artsy type, and the most likely to take trophies from her victims. Gross ones, usually. Okay, well, that's debatable, but I'm talking about general consensus rather than my specific tastes. Personally, I don't care if she's got some weird blood paintings. Hell, I've got extra blood, and also am clumsy and bleed a lot anyway, she can have mine!

Hides her non-anger emotions as best as she can. Hates talking about her feelings (even if it helps), to the point where it's usually impossible to tell how she's feeling deep down. Remember, anger is a secondary emotion! No one is ever just angry, there's always something else hiding underneath, such as: Sadness, disappointment, loneliness, jealousy, etc. Keep this in mind when you're writing her. Make sure you pinpoint the center of her anger, and hint at it, letting her actions show her true goal.

Swears the most, easily. Tends to speak in shorter sentences than her sisters, and prefers being blunt to being eloquent/flowery.

Daniela:

Love, love, love, love, love, ahhhh deep breath... love. Loves love, or at least what she processes as love. Would do anything for romance. Except she also craves "natural" romance, creating a sort of paradox that adds to her delusions, as she engages in the pursuit of unintentional romance (not to be confused with "The Pursuit of Unintentional Humor", a song that I very, very much enjoy). Wants to be loved for who she is at the same time that she attempts to mold herself into a more lovable shape. Struggles with intimacy, wanting to feel vulnerable without actually being so.

On some level she understands that draining people of their blood, and then drinking said blood, is not equatable to a healthy relationship. But seeing as this is the most common form of supposed "intimacy" that she experiences, she refuses to acknowledge the true nature of what she does. Instead she clings to the idea of "forever bonding" with her partners, pretending that each one is still with her, even when she no longer remembers their names.

Hates being rejected, no matter how gently. "Ugly" cries, but only if she's alone, often turning her pain into anger, just like Cassandra. However, her outbursts don't seem to last as long. In reality, her breakdowns simply occupy the inside of her existence, rather than the outside. Sure, she's giggling and causing chaos, like usual, but on the inside she's breaking a record for most depressing internal monologue.

Reads a ton, but not always "quality" books. Goes through a dozen books or more a week, often rereading her favorites several times, mainly within the romance genre (obvs). This affects her speech a fair amount, making her both cheesy and occasionally smooth as hell.

#j says things #character study #don't wanna tag as tips cuz this is so specific to resident #resident evil

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matoitech · 3 years

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Different anon but I would love to hear more about how Galo being autistic affects his relationship with Aina

oh i would love to talk about this cuz i think its an interesting example we have of galo being autistic and most other characters not rly making much effort to understand where hes coming from or connect w him! so first i gotta mention that in canon theres a lot of wiggle room for interpretation with aina and her and galos relationship just due to how little time its given, but to me it FEELS like they want her to be a parallel to galo (ESPECIALLY true w the lake scene) so sometimes she comes off more as like, also autistic and just doesnt rly mesh in communication styles or understanding why her own attempts at reaching out 2 galo arent working (same as he struggles w his relationship w aina and other ppl, and why theres so many songs abt him and lio Getting Each Other) so like autistic in an opposite direction from him, and sometimes (esp in the ova) it feels like shes meant to b read as allistic and thats why they arent rly meshing. i think the latter is probably more likely to be the intention but the former can b a lot of fun cuz autistic aina <3 anyway moving on

so like to make this more organized im gonna skim thru the ova and the major scene w them from the movie, galo and burning rescue meet in his ova when he introduces himself to them by way of bringing up his special interests and what he assumes are their shared passion for firefighting and everything that goes along w that. ive talked abt this b4 w this scene, but galo bringing his special interests in2 the convo right away and introducing them alongside himself is both a super common autistic way to try to connect w people as well as say hey this is what im about. that obviously doesnt go that well as we get our first introduction of how burning rescue is gonna treat him for the ova and duration of the movie, aina included, in being kind of rude to him (except remi whose very ableist compared to the others) abt it n immediately treating him like an idiot for trying to communicate w them the way thats natural for him. this kind of solidifies how theyll talk abt him and communicate w him for the movie, even as they gain some respect 4 him for saving thyma they dont change how they talk w/about him

im not gonna go over everything in the movie but the lake scene w galo and aina has the very obvious purpose of showing that galo isnt interested in like the potential woman love interest the movie is pushing at him but IS interested in lio, it also serves various other functions some of which being 1) exposition 2) introducing galo and aina as being more alike (paralleled even) than they can rly understand thru their previous attempts at getting 2 know each other 3) SHOWING more how aina and galo have not rly gotten along b4 and showing thru their faltering attempts 2 connect that even if they have stuff in common this is not the romance u r going to get i this movie and they just dont like each other like that

aina and galos communication styles and humor both feel different to me and dont mesh that well, theyre both blunt tho in different ways (aina even told heris galo was ‘honest and too blunt for his own good’ which i think is funny coming from her lol) like galo tries to be expressive and hes got this thing abt Proving himself while aina more quietly does her own thing, galos rly genuine and doesnt rly get that other ppl might not b being genuine (which is smth kr*y took advantage of to lie to him and manipulate him), aina however is rly dry so it comes off as barbed when i think its unintentional and while there r points when shes kind of mean i dont think shes like, going out of her way to hurt his feelings i just think she doesnt rly recognize that galo.. HAS feelings? theres a certain way burning rescue (and in general other characters in promare) treat galo where hes dismissed as being just an idiot for.. being autistic rly and i think thats just smth aina did b4 they had more of a chance to talk one on one and make more of an effort. i dont think she rly treats him the same way she did in the start of the movie and the ova as she does the further the movie goes on. they just didnt know each other very well and no one rly made much of an effort w him b4 then

the long and short of it is that from what we see in the movie it affects his relationship w aina a very similar way it does w burning rescue as general (they function sort of like a single character at times) and galo and aina having dif communication styles (galos very explicitely bcuz he is autistic) shows in making it harder for him to have like, genuine connections and relationships bcuz while galo and aina both sometimes try to extend olive branches to each other (like i think they have trouble getting along but it helped to find common ground) them not rly understanding each other or why the other person does things the way they do was smth intentionally included 4 the straightbaiting bit to work and showing galo and aina wouldnt rly work together and galo and lio r more like. attracted to/intrigued by/instinctively understanding of each other and have that compelling them to get to know each other, n their experiences lend them dif levels of respect towards each other that galo and his coworkers never had. in a way even tho aina made an effort w galo later he had kind of moved on from trying to be friends with his coworkers by then and pursued his relationship w lio instead (again lots of dif reasons they get each other and vibed on a dif level than he had w other ppl, the obvious among them being theyre gay 4 each other lol), tho thats not set in stone n after the events of the movie maybe they can b friends now

anyway umm yes i think post promare galo and aina find ways to communicate better and i would like for them to be friends but like galo being autistic is legitimately the reason trigger gave for him getting off on the wrong foot with burning rescue lmao. it definitely affects his relationship w aina in that way even tho i think she started being more receptive 2 his way of communicating later on. hope this somewhat answered ur question, i have a lot of dif ways of viewing their relationship and characters. as always if anyone has specifics u want elaborated on or has smth 2 add i would luv to hear it

#THAKN YOU... u all r sending me epic asks today #anon #fess replies #long post #promare #mine

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night-unfurls-its-splendour · 3 years

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The Critique of Manners, Part II

~Or~

A Candid Review of ITV's Emma (1997)

Disclaimer: I do know that both this and the Miramax version were released in 1996, but to avoid confusion, I refer to this one as the “1997 Emma” in reference to the US release date.

The bones of this review were written some six years ago after my initial viewing. I’ve watched it three or four times since then, two very recently (Within the past year). I’d started to soften on it in the most recent watch. So many people love it so much I thought surely maybe I’m just crazy or even wrong; until I found this blog post from 2008 (a year before my favorite version was released) that hit on almost EVERY SINGLE thing that skeeved me out about this version when I first watched it.

Like my previous review of Emma. (2020), I’ll be covering the cast and overall handling of the script in comparison with what I know from reading the book. I will also be commenting on my thoughts about the costumes (Whether they are attractive or accurate, or both, or neither) which will be a bit more in depth than it was for the 2020 version, and this will set a pattern for the costumes section going forward.

Directed by Diarmuid Lawrence with screenwriting by Andrew Davies (Or should I say “Written by Andrew Davies with direction by Diarmuid Lawrence”?), this version was a fan-favorite among Janeites for many years for … well, reasons I’ve never been entirely certain of. I’ve read the book twice through and referenced pertinent passages MANY times besides, and really I don’t see what they’re raving about.

Let’s dive in.

Cast & Characterization

I’d known about this adaptation for a while, but I held off on watching it, largely for one reason: my apprehension about Mark Strong playing Mr. Knightley.

I was concerned because when I watched this I had already seen Mark Strong as Sir John Conroy in The Young Victoria and as Lord Blackwood in Sherlock Holmes, both very unpleasant characters. But there have been several occasions when I expressed displeasure with casting choices only to eat my words when I actually watched the movie. So I entered into watching this with an optimistic outlook, sure that Mark and Kate would surprise me with brilliant performances. And I would like to say that they did, but that would be an untruth.

My biggest fear about Mark Strong playing Mr. Knightley was that his rebuking of Emma was going to be a watered down version of ‘RAAAWWWRRR’ that I was familiar with, specifically because of The Young Victoria. It’s very hard for me to see Mark Strong point his finger in Emily Blunt’s face and shout at her, and then watch him do the same thing with Kate Beckinsale (only somewhat less aggressively) and expect to feel all warm and fuzzy about their romance. I expected that to be a tall order. And it was. Whenever he raises his voice, the right side of his face pulls up into a snarl. Now since it does this no matter what role he’s playing I’m guessing that’s just how his face is. It’s not his fault really and it’s almost certainly unintentional, but I’ve seen that snarl before and it does NOT belong on Mr. Knightley’s face.

Don’t ever think I don’t LOVE Kate Beckinsale, and I don’t necessarily think that my problems with this interpretation of Emma are her fault; these things very rarely fall on the shoulders of the actual actors, but those of the screenwriters and directors who guide them. However – and I am aware that this might sound a bit harsh – I would say that at points, Kate Beckinsale’s performance in this movie (In my opinion) barely outstrips community theatre or even very good high school drama club level acting. It seems to me that there’s burden on her here to sound historical or period. This lends to this interpretation of Emma feeling at once both cold and childish (more on that later.)

Her best moments are when she runs into Jane as Jane is leaving Donwell and when she speaks with Robert Martin at the end of the film. I always like scenes where Emma tacitly apologizes to Mr. Martin, and her feeling when she invites him to Donwell is Kate’s finest moment in this movie.

I found Raymond Coulthard’s Frank Churchill insignificant at first, but on repeat viewings I really started to hate him. I don’t think Austen intended Frank’s caddishness (to use more modern vernacular I’d say he’s an utter “Douche”) to be quite this obvious on first glance. He’s a creep in this version and Raymond Coulthard is just not at all attractive to me, from his big nose to his little shark teeth.

Olivia Williams was a good, even great, Jane Fairfax, and in my opinion does a much better job of portraying Jane’s vexation than, say, Polly Walker did (more on that next time), while still quietly looking like she’d like to arm-bar Frank rather than take his vulgar teasing lying down.

She also has the distinction of being the only Jane Fairfax who’s singing REALLY blows Emma’s out of the water, and I like that all of the songs she sings are in languages other than English (primarily Italian I think?). This achieves the double whammy of showing how much more accomplished she is than Emma by emphasizing that not only does Jane sing and play better, but she knows languages too.

Samantha Morton is a superb actress whom I love and I was sort of appalled at how she looks in this movie. Is she dying of a wasting illness? She looks like a gust of wind will carry her away, although since she looked the same in the 1997 Jane Eyre (In which she played the title role under similarly appalling direction) perhaps that was just her look that year?

Dominic Rowan, as Mr. Elton, is… there’s a perfect word to describe it and I just can’t think of it right now. Like every other young man in this movie (other than Robert Martin) he’s got this feeling of skeeviness to me but it’s more than that. It’s a dweebie-ness as well. This is so dissatisfactory to me because Mr. Elton is supposed to have every appearance of charm and agreeableness, with his only obvious fault being his over-eagerness to ingratiate himself to Emma and some rather vulgar locker-room type talk about marrying for fortune. He’s just so… (I’ve hit upon it now after some discussion with my sister) dingy. He looks less like a “very handsome young man” who “knows the value of a good income” and more like the kind of guy that scrubs up okay, but still you can tell from the rumple of his clothes and the pizzaroni odor wafting from him that he lives in his mom’s basement.

The shining star for me in this production was Alistair Petrie as Robert Martin. I love him as an actor and especially after watching him in Cranford, I think he was an excellent choice for Harriet’s Mr. Martin.

Davies wrote the character to be a little more romantic (Actually buying Anne Radcliffe’s The Romance of the Forest, where originally Mr. Martin was supposed to forget to – something Emma uses as a mark against him to prove how he will age into an “gross vulgar old farmer” who is “obsessed with profit and loss”.)

I especially like an inserted scene where Mr. Martin, working in his field, sees a distressed Jane Fairfax from afar as she is walking home (I think from Donwell). I thought it drew an interesting parallel between two emotionally wronged characters that otherwise would have no interaction.

What’s with Mrs. Elton (Lucy Robinson)? I don’t think nearly enough people question this. I’ve seen it explained away as her being from Bristol and trying to make herself sound more hoity-toity to hide the fact that she’s New Money. I’m not positive on what a Bristol accent sounds like (For that is where Augusta Hawkins is from) but… this sounds like an American trying to sound posh. At some points she almost sounds Texan. It’s all very confusing, because the actress is British.

Prunella Scales lists among her achievements being an outstanding actress and comedienne, as well as bringing into the world Samuel West, one of my all time favourite British screen crushes. She's probably best known for her work on Fawlty Towers, so its interesting to see her range as much less inscrutable Miss Bates. Her performance is by the book, but so much more engaging than Constance Chapman's 1972 offering, although i find her perhaps a shade too placid. She lacks a certain nervousness that I associate with the character (for more information, see my previous review.)

As for Bernard Hepton as Mr. Woodhouse, I can only say I. Didn’t. Like. Him. I have every consciousness of this being a personal bias. I have seen him play too many insufferable characters in too many things to like him as Emma’s lovable if tiresome father. This isn’t a knock on him or his performance; his reaction to Mrs. Elton is some great subtle visual comedy, this is just a me thing.

Another one of the better characterizations, though a relatively small role, is John Knightley. Played by Guy Henry, he is shown to be a good father, and an “Gentleman-like man”, with just the right blend of good humor and caustic comments.

Sets & Surroundings

I’d never paid MUCH attention to or questioned the houses and interiors used for estates in Austen adaptations until the 2020 version of Emma used such ridiculously lavish houses for relatively provincial gentry it forced me to sit up and pay attention. I think the houses used in this version are mostly suitable.

The part of Donwell Abbey’s exterior is played by Sudeley Castle in Gloucestershire. The Key words for Donwell from the text are “rambling and irregular” and while perhaps not as big as the Former Claremont House (Which, it is believed, was Austen’s inspiration for Donwell Abbey) it definitely is a suitable architectural style and situation and furthermore, having been purchased in the 19th century by a glove manufacturer and having been up to that point left in a little bit of a state of disrepair, fits the “neglect of prospect” Austen describes as well. Its interiors are a cobble-work of the Great Hall at Broughton Castle (Oxfordshire), various rooms at Stanway House (Gloucestershire), and the Strawberry beds at Thame Park (Oxfordshire)

(Top, left – Sudeley Castle; Bottom left – Trafalgar Park; Right – Dorney Court)

Trafalgar Park in Wiltshire and its interiors (a minty sage-green drawing-room fitting in perfectly with the mint-chocolate – primarily chocolate – color palette of the production) played the role of the Woodhouse’s home, Hartfield. A typical Georgian style house in red brick, I believe is consistent with Austen’s description of a “well built, modern house”.

Dorney Court in Buckinghamshire was used for Randalls, Mr. Weston’s recently purchased estate. It’s a Tudor style red brick house and it looks pretty on the mark from the front facade, but I think it’s still too big for a “small estate” with only two guest rooms (Although there’s no panic about the snow in this version – perhaps because it’s already snowing when they set out.)

My biggest problem is the lighting of this movie. I understand natural lighting and I LOVE it when you can even it out – but it is so dark in the evening scenes that it adds to the colorlessness of an already colorless production.

Fashion

Oh Jenny Beavan. You are a well-respected costume designer with good reason. However, I know that most of these costumes are rentals, but why is every-fucking-thing in this movie a shade of brown, beige or green?

As you can see, a rich tapestry of brown and beige. And this isn’t selective. this is (just about) every day-wear outfit in the movie (barring repeats and a few exceptions that I’ll give mention to below.)

Emma’s outerwear is brought to you by Hershey’s Chocolate. Also I’m not certain but I think that her light brown redingote is the same one as Elinor’s in the 1995 Sense and Sensibility? If anyone can confirm, drop it in the comments.

Perhaps the evening wear will be more colorful?

Barely – Mrs. Weston in a brownish orange; Mrs. John Knightley in an orange-ish brown; Emma gets a dark blue? Or is that just the wintery glow from the window on a dark green velvet? Green (either so dark it’s almost black, or washed-out mint) appears to be the only color Emma is allowed to wear other than brown or ivory/white. Even her gown for the Crown Inn Ball (upper right) is an underwhelming and rather dingy ivory. The champagne number she wears for Christmas at Randalls is not only lack-lustre, but also sports what I’m now calling a “Bridgerton Bust” (where the Empire waist comes up too high, with the seam apparently resting across her bust rather than under it.)

The pink frock (seen properly only from the back) on Mrs. Weston is as close to real color as a main character gets in this production, and can be recognized as one of Jane Bennet’s dresses from the previous year’s Pride and Prejudice.

Even Jane Fairfax doesn’t get a break. Rather than putting her in Jane Fairfax Blue ™ (honestly, Jane Fairfax being costumed in blue is so consistent at this point Crayola should just name a crayon in her honor - this is gonna come back in future reviews) she gets a black-green evening number with no trim at all, and a succession of what the Ladies over at Frock Flicks like to call the “Dumpy Regency Little White Dress”, or drab gray-blues.

Some of the background dancers in the Crown Inn Ball scene get to wear pink! Why not put Harriet in a nice pink frock for this scene?! Why is this so difficult?!

Strawberry picking at Donwell is the only time main characters are consistently wearing identifiable colors that aren’t brown or green: Mrs. Weston in pink, Miss Bates in (oddly the most colorful dress of them all) a nice refreshing lavender blue; Jane gets grey/blue and Mrs. Elton, a pastel mint. Harriet is also given a little break in Mrs. Elton’s introduction scene in a (very) pastel blue frock, while Emma sports white (with a trademark green shawl.)

So how about the...

Similarly dull. I almost screamed for joy when I saw that Frank’s jacket was actually blue, and a vibrant blue at that. (The red is too close to brown, I’m sorry.)

So yes, in short the costumes, while perfectly technically accurate (I didn’t get a lot of caps of them but the trousers sufficiently tight, not that I care to look), are drab as a peahen.

As always I’ll outsource any dancing critique by linking Tea With Cassiane on YouTube, since I find her insights on the approach to dancing in Austen adaptations just fascinating and I would like to share such witty and informed reviews.

The Andrew Davies of it All…

*Strong Opinions Ahead*

There are so many reasons why this adaptation isn’t for me. First of all the very idea of making Emma, one of Austen’s most socially complex works (certainly her most vivid) into a sparse 107 minutes is baffling to me. Perhaps I can understand if it’s a Theatrical release but this is a TV production. Why not at least make it a two part special?

And besides the issue that, in order to make this fit the time frame, the story is severely truncated, there’s… the Andrew Davies of it all.

I have some issues with Andrew Davies’ screenwriting for this adaptation particularly. A LOT of issues. Where does one start? I think Knightley is a good place.

It’s not just the casting I don’t like here; but it does say something to me that they chose Mark Strong for this role. It’s a casting decision I discovered with disbelief when I first saw clips from this version in a Period Drama men compilation video on YouTube. I mentioned above that I know Mark Strong as unpleasant characters with man-handling habits. That’s the kind of role Mark Strong is associated with because that’s just what he does well. And I think this played into the casting here, because Davies’ interpretation of Knightley is a bit… fierce. He shouts SO MUCH in this movie and in scenes like the Harriet Smith debacle (where Mr. Knightley of the book even gets a bit angry with Emma) I can understand this, perhaps. But in the book Mr. Knightley takes many pauses to collect and calm himself, because his goal is not to quarrel with Emma but to argue a point. 97 Knightley takes no such pauses and spends the whole scene in what some might call an escalating rage.

Knightley’s cheerful arrival to Hartfield to tell Emma that Robert Martin intended to propose to Harriet is cut out so we start right off with his indignant exclamation of “She refused him?!” and it’s all go from there. To make matters worse, Emma’s own arguments are crippled by Davies’ editing. Many of her more (what might even latterly be considered “feminist”) arguments are cut out. In fact once Knightley gets going, he juggernauts his way through all of his rebukes and speeches from the book, but Emma hardly gets a word in edgewise after arguing that Robert Martin is not Harriet’s equal. What Austen wrote as a heated debate is turned by Davies into a one-sided tirade. (By don’t take my word for it, watch the clip.)

The final cherry on top is having Emma, after Knightley leaves the room with the last word firmly in his grasp, childishly pout “You are wrong Mr. Knightley, and you will see you are wrong and then you will be sorry.” I half expected her to cross her arms and stomp her foot. Worth noting is the fact that Davies adds an additional “It was badly done. Emma,” in this scene where there was none in the book. Rather overkill to my mind. Is this his catchphrase?

At Box Hill, Davies has Knightley begin his climactic rebuke of Emma’s insulting behavior by grabbing her arm and hauling her aside, and concludes by leading her, still holding her arm, to the carriage. Well at least he doesn’t shout at her in this scene; but again, all but one of Emma’s responses are cut out and she stands there, pouting until Mr. Knightley leaves and then she bursts into tears.

When Mr. Knightly proposes to Emma I was feeling good about this scene, until he dropped the “I held you when you were three weeks old” line, and I immediately felt uncomfortable. Maybe you DON’T want mention how you held her when she was a baby after you asked her to MARRY you. But perhaps worse is Emma’s response to the line: “Do you like me as well now as you did then?”

Bringing up holding Emma when she was three weeks old at the proposal (A line which was not in the book) is bad enough but there seems to be a peculiar repeated emphasis on Knightley recalling Emma as a baby. He dragged it up previously when he and Emma make up after the Harriet debacle, as he holds John and Isabella’s baby daughter (whose name, I would mention, is Emma.) In this instance too, the line is a Davies addition.

Let’s talk about Knightley’s strawberry line.

This is delivered in voice-over as a transition to the strawberry picking party at Donwell, and is portrayed as a formal invitation: “Mr. Knightley invites you to taste his strawberries, which are ripening fast.”

At first I was confident that I was reading too much into this (but I think at this point I can safely say that I’m not). I can’t help bursting out laughing every time I hear that line. It was a questionable way to word that if you ask me, especially considering that this is (once again) NOT the line in the book, and it was NOT a formal invitation. It was said to Mrs. Elton and intended to be a joke.

“You had better explore Donwell then,” replied Mr. Knightly “That may be done without horses. Come and eat the strawberries; they’re ripening fast.”

‘ If Mr. Knightly did not begin seriously, he was obliged to proceed so...’

And here I thought Janeites hated adaptations that cut out “Miss Austen’s biting wit.”

To top it all off, we have Frank Churchill (Who I have already pointed out is a bit of a creep in this adaptation and even more detestable than he already was as Austen wrote him) praising Jane: this would be fine, if he wasn’t drooling into Emma’s ear about the turn of Jane’s throat, (He actually utters this line)

and how fine his dead aunt’s jewels will look against her skin. May I just be the first to say “Ehewhegaugh”.

I juxtapose this with the book where Frank's lines are almost exactly as Davies renders them, except Jane Austen never wrote the "have you ever seen such a skin?" Line. The difference i have highlighted in bold:

"... She is a complete angel. Look at her. Is she not an angel in every gesture? Observe the turn of her throat. Observe her eyes as she looks up at my father. --- You will be glad to hear that my uncle intends to give her all my aunt's jewels. They are to be new set. I am resolved to have some in an ornament for the head. Will it not be beautiful in her dark hair?"

Because talking about how pretty your fiancee's hair is, is normal and marginally less creepy than talking about what a fine skin she has or how lovely your (i cannot stress this part enough) dead aunt's jewels will look against it. Davies' script also makes no mention of having them reset, which makes me think he’s talking about the actual necklaces and bracelets Mrs. Churchill would have worn.

But hey, maybe its just a me thing.

Harriet Smith’s story suffers, primarily, I can with some candor admit, due to the time constraints. After Mr. Elton is married, we never see Harriet in any distress. It’s almost as though she’s forgotten all about it! Emma never has to appeal to her to exert herself or to move on. Perhaps this is better than Doran Godwin’s Emma gaslighting Harriet and manipulating her by constantly chastising her for… well general heartbreak (but that’s a bugaboo for a different review.)

My last complaint of note is that ludicrous harvest feast at the end of the movie. The whole concept of this scene just does not seem at all Janely to me. I was under the impression that I was meant to be watching an Austen. Not some bullshit Thomas Hardy knock-off. This is another Davies touch and I hate it more on the principal that it is one of his numerous, obsessive tweaks made solely to point out the existence of the lower classes.

If Davies wanted to show Mr. Knightley’s being an attentive landlord and gentleman farmer then I don’t see why he couldn’t just show Knightley actually running his farm?

“Okay’, you might say, “but I think the highlighting of the servants is to show how good Knightley is by treating them like real people compared to everyone else”, and I hear you. And in the situations where that is the case, like him greeting the Woodhouse’s butler and asking after his family I think that’s totally fine and in character. But things like the servants moving the knee cushions every time someone moves down the line at strawberry picking, to me, is AS ridiculous as the “servants clipping the lawn on their hands and knees with tiny scissors” trope. Like we get it, people took the lower classes for granted, but I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that it would be easier and more realistic to have Mrs. Elton have to move her own knee cushion. I don’t think Knightley would instruct his servants, who he treats so well, to do that kind of thing, but you could write in Mrs. Elton’s expectation of it if you wanted. It seems like the kind of thing she would expect the landed gentry to do.

Screenwriter for some of the best loved Austen’s (including the sacrosanct 1995 P&P Mini-series and my favorite Sense & Sensibility), I thought of Davies for years as untouchable; until Sanditon happened and left everyone who knows anything about Jane Austen really wondering where this mess came from. I put it to you now that it was there in Davies all along.

Davies admitted, when talking about the drastic “Sexing Up” he did in Sanditon that he felt Austen’s works could have done with a bit more sex appeal. I can hardly disagree and additions like Darcy’s little swim in the pond and Edward Ferrars’ angsty wood-chopping are welcome and beloved. But it seems that what he really wanted all along was what he gave us in Sanditon; and finally, without actual source material to stand in his way, he had a chance let his dirty old man show and gave “Austen” the sexing up he thought it needed.

And it gets more troubling as you look back.

In my opening paragraph to this review I mentioned a 2008 blog post that not only agreed with me that there’s something very off about this screenplay, but gave me some possible insights as to why. It points out numerous things that I have always questioned in this version but have never seen anyone else criticize (though I am informed that more recently it has gained its’ share of critics). In fact the post itself actually points out that almost no one in the Austen Blog-sphere had (at that point) criticized this version’s faults in any meaningful way, but my favorite thing about it is that it points out what you find in Davies’ screenplay if you pay careful attention to it “Rather than sitting there and cataloguing what is “technically faithful and whatnot”.

Many Austen bloggers have kind of been playing Miss Taylor to Davies’ Emma for some two decades and change.

The most troubling thing of all is Davies own comments on Mr. Knightley (and other things, more inferred in his screen play). All of the aspects of this interpretation of Knightley that I mentioned earlier seem to stem from the fact that, as quoted in Sarah Caldwell’s book on his works, Davies thinks there’s “Something odd going on with Knightley.”

Davies clearly reads foul, or at least questionable, intentions in Mr. Knightley but I find it interesting that, rather than cutting out material he may have found troubling about Knightley in the book out of his screenplay, he doubled down by adding MORE troubling lines and situations (that were never in the book at all, and imagined solely by himself) in a romantic story with a happy ending.

Perhaps there’s not so much something odd going on with Knightley, Mr. Davies, but with you.

Final Thoughts

At this point I might ask what it is that everyone sees in this version that makes them think it’s so perfect, but that would be a bit pointless since all I’ve read since I discovered this version is people on elaborating on just that and I don’t care to hear much more.

“The lines are verbatim!” textually, perhaps, but it’s the ones that added that trouble me.

“The leads have so much chemistry!” I’m glad you think so, but I can’t find it.

“The costumes are damn near perfect!” And brown. So, so very brown.

As a 90's TV period drama, this version is pretty standard. It sticks to the book (except in those places where the screenwriter saw fit to dabble with some subtle but troubling suggestions about the characters.) And if it floats your boat, as always I'm glad it gives you what you want from the story.

I know I hold unpopular opinions on Jane Austen adaptations, and perhaps this is one of them, but every time I watch this version I feel the need to read the book as a cleanse. Perhaps Davies’s ferocious Knightley was simply a pendulum swing reaction to Douglas McGrath’s almost too laid back interpretation in the Miramax film from earlier in 1996, but even if that’s the case it’s just uncalled for and is my biggest turn off for this film.

Tone: 3

Ribbon Rating: Badly Done! (40 Ribbons)

Casting: 5

Acting: 6

Scripting: 4

Pacing: 2

Cinematography: 4

Setting: 3

Costumes: 5

Music: 2

Book Accuracy: 6

#jane austen #jane austen emma #costume drama #regency #period drama #emma 1996

29 notes · View notes

jenivi · 3 years

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Top 5 Persona Characters?

oh i’m so glad you sent this ask!! for this, i’ll try not to include any of the protagonists because they technically don’t have a canon personality; their personalities are mostly widely known fan inferences rooting from their dialogue options and overall attitude (which i also believe as well,, but yeah we’ll just not include them in. plus let’s just have the other characters shine!). keep in mind, i really am not the best with putting my thoughts into words, so some sentences might seem kinda funky lol. and everything here is my opinion :]

1) yosuke hanamura (persona 4)

sometimes, it saddens me that people view his character from the surface level and are quick to renounce him as homophobic and pervy. to add fuel to the flame, atlus kind of flanderizes yosuke’s character in golden and the animation (trust me, i love the animation and they did add some parts for yosuke that i love, but you gotta admit they could’ve done his character a bit more justice). of course yosuke’s flaws should be recognized and be critiqued, but honestly, these flaws are what make yosuke yosuke. removing those things, in ways, takes away from the 3 dimensional-ness of his character.

i feel that it was made clear what his “stereotypical role” was going to be in the story from his easily perceived surface personality traits. some of these traits were his recklessness, competitiveness and the fact that he was constantly being dunked on by the other characters, making him seem like just the comic relief. but throughout the story, you find out he’s more than that (which i will talk more in detail a little later). most prominently known by fans, there is the “bro” aspect to him. in this game, yu is the one who has to walk up to people and ask them to hang out, but yosuke is the only one of all the characters who takes the initiative to get to know yu. he nicknames you partner, constantly calls you on the phone at night, and always kind of asks you questions and says things to get a reaction out of you. from this, a natural friendship between blossoms and you feel like you get know really know yosuke personally. you learn that he’s actually very strategic and intelligent, incredibly loyal and cares deeply about his friends, and is overwhelmingly insecure and repressed. okay, we have to talk about this part. he seems closeted, and that can be the reasoning on why he sometimes makes homophobic remarks. i do think it’s a shame that his romance route was scrapped when it obviously was far in development. for some, the bro aspect can super fixated on and might be one of the only reasons why someone likes yosuke. this sadly kind of subconsciously fetishizes their relationship. of course that’s not the case all the time! but it’s something to be mindful of. even looking past the souyo ship (which i love deeply!), they are such great friends platonically, and yosuke himself is such a great character. throughout the story, he matures and develops into someone more humble, thoughtful and appreciative. from the moment he first showed up on screen, i kind of had a feeling he was going to be my favorite. and it’s kind of crazy how much i grew fond of him over time and realized the impact his character made on me.

2) elizabeth (persona 3)

elizabeth is so underrated, and i speak that from the bottom of my heart. she is so hilariously naive and funky, while also being one of the most powerful and intelligent persona characters. the way you are first introduced to her are through fulfilling her requests in the velvet room. as you fulfill her requests, you’re kind like, “you want me to do that,, really?” she tells you to bring her oil?? for some reason? and to feed a cat so it can prosper forever and ever? those are just some things i can think of at the top of my head. from these requests, you kind of get a peak at her funny weirdness and you’re just like “okay you’re weird but i like you.” and when you get to take her on dates (but i just see them as hangouts :]), you are essentially helping her make new experiences of the world outside of the velvet room and get into a lot of wacky hijinks. with this, her endearing weirdness and naivety really starts to shine, making you fall in love with the character. so now you’re like “wow, you’re really weird i love you lol.” her funny weirdness also translates to her dance style in persona 3 dancing, which i absolutely love. it really encapsulates that side of her character accurately (and you gotta admit she’s got some cool funky moves).

beyond the funny side of her, you find out how truly powerful she is as a being. she can wield thanatos, which was only previously held by someone with the universe arcana), and is unfathomably strong as she is one of the harder boss fights in the entire series. it is also important to note that she is also very determined and i found it bittersweetly heartwarming that she is still mourning over makoto/minato(i nicknamed him virgin walk)’s death years afterward (as seen in persona 4 arena) and that she is dedicating herself to free his soul that is bound to the door of death. she misses her dear friend, and i just really love that she threw caution to the wind and went on this journey to try to find a way to resolve something that is seemingly impossible. and she is still doing it to this day, into the persona 5 timeline (because persona 5 royal shows that minato/makoto/virginwalk is still bound to the door). persona 3 happens in 2009 and persona 5 happens in 20XX (which is assumed to be 2016). it has almost been a decade. i truly think it’s in her character to keep searching for a way to free him no matter how long it takes. with all aspects of her personality in mind, i love her character with my whole heart.

3) yukiko amagi (persona 4)

if i’m completely honest, yukiko was not one of my favorite characters at the time i played persona 4. i was one of the many people who overlooked her character because the others pretty much outshine her. because she is introduced in the beginning as the first dungeon, you start to put her towards the background once kanji, rise and naoto are introduced. from the surface, the first impression of her is “okay, i guess her quirk is that she laughs a lot?” i initially thought this too, but thinking more about it, i began liking that about her, and with more thought, i realized that i liked other things about her character as well. her sense of humor is so dumb? she laughs at lame stuff and fixates on things in conversation that just make you go “uhh okay,,, yukiko??” i think i opened my eyes to this when i was playing her story in persona 4 arena. i found it so hilarious that she fixated on the quality of the box lunch she prepared for everyone out of all the things happening, and that her whole arc in that game revolved around how bad it was (putting it into simpler terms). i also really think its funny how blunt she is too. she’s ready to shoot people down, and most of the time, it’s unintentional.

and other than her quirks, i kind of like how her arc developed in the game. i know that many people saw that the end of her arc as “wrong” because they were expecting the usual resolution to problems similar to hers. they expected her to “follow her heart and pick freedom” if she feels trapped in her role as an innkeeper when she inherits her family’s inn in the future. but that wasn’t the point. i actually kind of like that she ultimately chooses to stay. in her social link, she decides to stay in inaba and to run the inn because it’s her own choice. she chose this out of her own will and that’s the only thing that mattered; no one else is forcing her to inherit the business and she decides that’s what she wants. i also really like that the animation showed the responsibilities and hard work she has to go through at the inn; it was a nice touch and really displayed how responsible she was and how much she prioritizes and dedicates her time at the inn. although she is responsible, she is not necessarily the “mom-friend” of the group. she can be a bit crazy like everyone else too. honestly the whole investigation team runs rabid because there is no mom-friend to keep them in check (persona 3 has mitsuru and persona 5 has makoto). anyway, really taking the time to think about yukiko’s character made me love her.

4) yusuke kitagawa (persona 5)

okay, this is going to be very straightforward, but i think that yusuke was one of the most enjoyable parts of persona 5. i loved whenever he was on screen,, he’s super eccentric and i find it so funny to see the whole starving-artist thing taken literally. he’s definitely awkward but is trying his best! he definitely has the most stage presence compared to the other phantom thieves. the other members are pushed to the background whenever he speaks. he’s dramatic and over the top, but somehow this hilarious absurdity is relatable.

other than the tendency to steal the show, his social link is more focused on his own development and his own personal growth. whereas, with the other characters, it kind of focuses on the character and the people they associate with outside the phantom thieves. for yusuke, in comparison, it’s much more personal. you travel around with him to help him to figure out what the aspects of the human heart are and to help him get out of his artistic slump after opening his eyes to the abuse he went through with madarame. he originally had a narrow perspective but overtime he learns to broaden it. i just really like how the social link plays out, it was really satisfying. and i just love how genuine and sincere he is as he is always doing things out of pure intentions. it’s also so admirable to see how much passion he has for the things he loves. yusuke, with certainty, is one of my favorite phantom theives.

5) yuuki mishima (persona 5)

mishima is such an important and underrated character in persona 5. mishima throughout the whole game has been nothing but nice to you, even with akira/ren’s reputation. sure, he can be awkward and can be seen as overbearing to some, but he’s always had his heart in the right place. i’ve kind of always liked his dumb awkwardness and seeing how he’s trying hard to be our friend (it’s a shame our dialogue options toward him are always kinda mean but hopefully he sees it as teasing). he is so crucial to the story because honestly, he’s the one who got the ball rolling by creating the phansite, and that phansite actually helped so many people. he, himself, doesn’t even get recognition for making the site, he just really believed in the phantom thieves and wanted to help them in the ways he could. he did have an arc to humble himself after getting hungry for fame, but in the end he changed his own heart with his own will (and is the only character to do that!) which is pretty powerful.

i also love that he’s always been a supporter of the phantom thieves no matter what happens and what other people think. when the phantom thieves were being trashed on, he still held onto hope and believed they were doing the right thing (plus him supporting them in those times just proves he wasn’t just doing the phansite for fame!!). another moment that screams this most is toward the end, when everything was in destruction and people were forgetting about the phantom theives in the time literally needed someone to believe in them most. mishima was the only one who still had faith in them and knocked some sense into everyone else. without him there, things could have turned out pretty badly. and i know i’ve heard that some fans wanting him to be a phantom thief himself, but it would just mess with a major part of his character. there’s something about him not completely knowing who the members of the phantom thieves are and him deciding to help with the phansite despite this, you know? yeah i like mishima a lot :))

some honorable mentions are kanji tatsumi (persona 4) and aigis (persona 3)! some of the honorable mentions are characters i like over some others that are on the list but i wanted to make sure i included people from persona 3, 4, 5 (because honestly this list would be persona 4 dominated if i didnt lol).

#i'm sure everyone already saw this coming #im sorry i had too much to say about everyone this post got too long so i tried not to ramble toooo much #i wouldve put yu and virgin walk in a heartbeat but i said no protags soooo #long post #persona 3 #persona 4 #yosuke hanamura #elizabeth #yukiko amagi #yusuke kitagawa #yuuki mishima #persona #i wonder whos gonna read the whole thing.....if u do im so thankful and appreciative that u did #sorry if some stuff seems shallow or doesnt make sense? i did what i could #OK YEAH i realized how long this is IM SO SORRY #jenivi ask #jenivi rant #my post

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himbowelsh · 4 years

Note

Valentine's day alphabet for Lewis Nixon, pretty please! I love your writing! :)

valentines day alphabet ( accepting! )

A : AFFECTION. how does your muse show affection?

Gifts. When it’s someone he cares deeply for, he’ll shower them with gifts. He’s just that sort of person, and it’s his way of giving back to people who choose to stick with him. When it gets too much, he’s got to be told to cut it out. He also enjoys being close to people, even if that doesn’t always translate to cuddling; he likes curling up next to his partner on a couch or in bed, he likes touching his friends casually to show he’s there and he cares. It seems a bit careless, but that’s just his style.

B : BOUQUET. does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

This man is masterful with the bouquets. He has a really sharp aesthetic eye, and knows exactly what will look good in a certain spot, exactly what’s appropriate for a certain occasion... he doesn’t ask the florist for help, the florist asks him. Nix would never garden by choice, but he’s a bouquet connoisseur.

C : CHOCOLATE. does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

It’s called a guilty pleasure, leave him alone.

D : DATE. what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

Why must one... do things? Is it not enough to simply spend a night in, maybe in a nice hotel, ordering room service and watching a movie, before passing out next to each other? Honestly, Nix doesn’t need to go places --- he’d prefer a quiet night in, not around people, so long as he and his partner can spend time together.

E : EMBRACE. does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Honestly, they make him a little uncomfortable. He wasn’t hugged as a child, it does not compute. He’s tricky about physical affection in general, so he definitely won’t be the one to initiate hugs... and honestly, might stand there like a board if he’s the one getting hugged.

F : FLIRT. is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Oh, he can. He can, he will, and he’s good at it. Nix is a pretty natural flirt; when he bothers to lay on the charm, it can be overwhelming. He’s great at disarming people, and quite shameless when he’s interested in someone.

G : GIFT. is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

He’ll literally just hand out money, man. “Here you go, don’t spend it all too fast.” That’s for the people he likes. When it comes to someone he loves, like a partner, Nix is very, very different --- he enjoys spoiling them, even if he doesn’t trust himself to get it right all the time. Jewelry, tickets to shows, new hats, new shoes... the amount of things he showers his partners / best friends with it a little alarming. He’s definitely bought Dick a puppy before. A whole-ass puppy. Dick didn’t even ask for one, Nix just gave it to him, and suddenly, wow, looks like Dick is now a dog owner.

H : HEART. is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

He definitely doesn’t make a habit out of it. When it happens, it’s usually unintentional, and he ends up caring more than he ever means to, or knows what to do with. Nix’s heart is a fickle thing. It goes where it wants, he’s got no say in the matter.

I : I LOVE YOU. does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Oooooh, buddy. He’s not gonna say it first. He’d never dream of saying it first. He is legitimately terrified that he’ll say it to his partner and not hear it back; he has nightmares about it, and that’s honestly the moment he realizes how much he loves his partner. He’ll probably freeze up the first time he hears it --- just for one telling second, before covering it up with a smirk and a half-serious “aww, love you too”, like it’s nothing. Nix won’t be able to really say it for a long time... and even then, won’t be able to breathe until he hears it back. It’s a big thing for him, and he honestly needs to hear it a lot.

J : JEALOUSY. does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

Yeah, and he’s not even subtle about it. If someone’s monopolizing his partner, he’ll either insert himself into the conversation and completely take it over, or... just take his partner and lead them away. No explanation, nothing, just ‘c’mon, time to go.’

K : KISS. is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

Nix’s ability to kiss is firmly tied into how much alcohol is in his system at a given time. The drunker he is, the bolder he is... but way sloppier, too, and needier. He’s trying his best, but that might not be a good thing. When he’s sober, he’s a lot more... deliberate about it. He pays more attention to where he puts his hands, cupping his partner’s face and holding them like a precious thing. His sober kisses are almost chaste, not very adventurous, not demanding anything from the other person... but the more comfortable he is in a relationship, the more he’s able to put into a single kiss. Lots of touching (he loves getting his hands in a partner’s hair), breaking apart just long enough to gasp for breath, pulling them into his lap and just... kissing the hell out of them. Nix needs to get lost in a kiss.

L : LOVE. who does your muse love?

He adores his sister Blanche, has a soft spot for his mother that she may or may not return, loves his kid (even if he doesn’t know how to show it), loves his friends, loves Dick to the moon and back... Nix has a big heart, and more love to give than he realizes.

M : MOONLIGHT. is morning or night a more romantic setting?

Nighttime is where it happens, baby! Mostly because he resents getting up before noon.

N : NAUGHTY. what is your muse like in bed?

Naughty’s a very good word for it! Again, this depends on his level of sobriety at the time. When very drunk, he’s been known to just... stop working in the middle of the act, sometimes even passing out. (Let’s just say Kathy had her reasons for that divorce.) A more sober Nix, however, is very attentive. Talk about a tease. He likes to hold, to caress, to feel his partner. Definitely has a few kinks, and is tentatively eager to experiment; he really digs encouragement in bed, which is probably a fun topic for therapy. His hair is a thing, okay --- twist it, pull it, run fingers through it. He loves doing the same to his partner. This man is horrible when it comes to leaving marks in visible spaces, and has basically no shame about it --- one of Nix’s greatest turn-ons would be seeing his partner fully decked out in eveningwear, with a hickey he gave them just visible at their collar. Sometimes does a weird sort of thing in bed where he’s massaging his partner in the middle of the act? Because god forbid they had any tension in their back or shoulders while they’re legit on top of him! He’s quite vocal, murmuring a running commentary the whole way through, but doesn’t get loud until the very end.

O : ODE. does your muse have a way with words?

He’s an eloquent bastard, but 78% of what he says is sardonic. Don’t trust him.

P : PARTNER. what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

He wants a keen mind, someone who he can have discussions with; someone dynamic, open to new ideas and out-of-the-box thinking, with their own opinions they’re not afraid to express. He’d kind of love a partner he could debate with, honestly... but definitely one he can bounce off of. A person capable of reading between the lines, because he often doesn’t say what he means. Someone who gets his humor --- someone who likes to laugh. A good appreciation of music would be great, especially if his partner was a good singer! And definitely... someone patient.

Q : QUESTION. would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

He’s asked it enough times at this point, with a progressively bigger succession of rings; at the same time, he doesn’t expect anyone will ever ask him, so, what can you do?

R : ROMANCE. is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

Romance is for people who’ve never had their dog stolen by their ex-wife. (He can be super romantic, if the incentive is there --- like, astonishingly romantic, candlelit dinner and bedclothes strewn with roses. He’s got a romantic spirit, but needs a good reason to put that effort in, and the damn right person.)

S : SWEETHEART. did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

Bold of you to assume he had a childhood. Nah. Nix was raised by a succession of nannies and all-male prep schools. He never really had the chance. He never really dated until college.

T : TRUE LOVE. does your muse believe in true love?

Heh heh... no. No way. That’s a stupid question. Love’s just... it happens for some people, and they’re able to relish it, and thrive in it. For others, it’s distant and difficult and never quite what they want it to be. For some people, it’s right there, but they’re not allowed to seize it. There are lots of different types of love; Nix has known (or dreamed of) them all at one point or another. Nothing about any of them is true. There’s no such thing as ‘meant to be’.

U : UNREQUITED. has your muse had their heart broken?

He’d say no, but Kathy’s divorce definitely took him by surprise. Like... it wasn’t as if he loved her then, he hadn’t loved her for a long time --- hell, maybe he didn’t love her when they married --- but they had an understanding. She swept the rug out from under him, and Nix rushed into a relationship with his English bride to sort of... bounce back from that. That ended in heartbreak too.

V : VALENTINE. how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

Commercial and stupid, but you bet he’s booking the best seats at the fanciest restaurant in town. It’s what his partner would want, right? (He’d need someone to actively tell him, “no, let’s not, we can stay at home and I’ll be just as happy”, otherwise he feels like he needs to please.)

W : WEDDING. would your muse get married? why / why not?

You’d think he’d have enough of that after Kathy, but... nope, he keeps making the same mistake. Glutton for punishment.

(Marriage is an institution he honestly doesn’t believe in, but he’ll keep trying until somebody proves him wrong. Nix has a certain need to be in a relationship, to be bound to someone else in a way that feels permanent. Deep down, he has the feeling that everyone leaves, especially the people who make the mistake of getting close to him. Putting a ring on it makes things feel more permanent, like they won’t just up and run as soon as things start to get difficult. Nix isn’t afraid of commitment --- he just doesn’t feel like anyone can, or should, commit to him.)

X : XOXO. does your muse use / like pet names?

“Sweetheart” is his big one, and he’ll whip out the occasional “darling”... or “dear”, which is nearly always sarcastic. He’ll sometimes get creative with them, (ex: “Guts 'N Glory here applied for a transfer...”) but never use those more than once --- heaven forbid he become boring.

Y : YOURS. does your muse get protective easily?

Yes, and it’s completely removed from his jealous tendencies. Nix does not like to see the people he cares about threatened under any circumstances. He’s a lover, not a fighter... but he’s a lover with a lot of money, and a big brain he knows how to use. He has the resources at his disposal to publicly obliterate someone, and could find dirt on a saint. Just give Nix a reason. In the moment, he’ll diffuse the situation as best as possible, maybe warning someone off or leading his loved one away. The real show happens after the fact.

Z : ZZZ. how many people has your muse slept with?

Okay... okay. Listen. He went to Yale. He was away from home. He was partying... a good portion of nights. Like, he’s not a womanizer, but he’s been around, okay.

#thank you so much babe!! hope you enjoy ;)#lewis nixon #headcanons #Anonymous

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weareallfallengods · 4 years

Text

Flight from Grace Chapter 1 - A small stumble

The long-awaited complete 1st chapter of my WIP novel! I started this over 6 months ago and I’m finally getting into the swing of it.

Synopsis: What happens when a Fallen Angel with no memory of her own eternal past meets a woman who can see her for who she really is? A head on collision between the world as we know it and an eternal battle between the immortals tasked with safeguarding the mortal realm.

Grace can see things she shouldn’t be able to; after all, immortals have gone to a lot of trouble to make sure we can’t see them as they really are, so Something Has Changed, and she and her Fallen Angel will find out what’s going on, and why they seem to always be stuck in the middle of it all.

Themes: Angels and Demons, examination of mortality and our understanding of and belief in the supernatural as well as the eternal nature of existence. The battle between good and evil, and how no one is ever what they seem to be when we look past prejudices and social judgements. LGBTQ+, proper ethnic and cultural representation (read: most characters aren’t straight or white!).

Triggers: If you don’t like stories that put an often irreverant and sacriligeous spin on Christian mythos, this isn’t for you. LGBTQ+ romance, slow burn, non-explicit.

===================================================

“Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”

Some neanderthal interrupted my deep contemplation of the double whiskey sour in front of me. Which was very rude. Whiskey sours demand your undivided attention and get cranky if ignored for too long. He should have known that, but either he didn’t know or didnt care, so either way- neanderthal.

He was leaning on the bar with the casual air of someone who has done this same dance too many times, the practiced ease of a used car salesman slapping the roof of a car. At least this one’s breath wasn’t too foul. Not that this hadn’t happened before. Oh no, I’d never been badly hit on in this bar like ten thousand times already. No that never happened. I was able to just sit in peace with my drink for the entire night. Yeah, right. Why do I keep coming back then, you ask? Well, Grace makes one hell of a whiskey sour for one thing.

“Hey, did you hear me?”

Ugh, this one wasn't going away with simply being ignored. Lovely.

“Excuse me?” I looked over languidly, with as much disdainful irritation on my face as I could possibly muster from the depths of my three-drinks-in soul.

“I said, ‘did it hurt when you fell from heaven?’”

His stupid shit-eating leer didnt help my mood any. I wasn’t ever in a good mood if I showed up here, and that’s probably one of the reasons I kept coming back- assholes like this gave me a vent for my foul mood.

“No actually. It’s less of a fall and more of a stumble really. More like getting tossed out of a club by a bouncer than falling down the stairs. Couple of bruises, a minor scrape, more damaged pride than anything really.”

I could see his monkey-brain churning slowly to try and digest my response that didn’t fit his pre-programmed scenario. I half expected to see steam coming out of an ear. God, some men are just so... ew.

“Um, what?”

Apparently I broke him. Well, that happens sometimes, when I give someone a response they weren’t expecting. Which happens more often than I’d be willing to admit to myself.

“I said that getting tossed out of heaven doesn’t hurt as much as you’d think it would. It’s not that far of a tumble really.”

He chuckled, “That’s real cute darlin’, never heard that one before! How’s about you and me find a table so I can hear more about it? Maybe have a look at those bruises, make sure you don't need more…attention.”

Sweet Mother of Mikhail, that was bad. Like even worse than his initial pickup line. I almost had to respect his commitment to such a shitty way of trying to pick me up. He had some balls, that’s for sure, either from drunken stupidity or pure ignorant self-confidence. They say that bravery and stupidity go hand in hand, and here was their shining example.

“Believe me sweetie, you don’t want my 'attention’,” I said softly, for the first time raising my eyes to lock with his glazed gaze. “My attention can become very… uncomfortable.”

He started to smirk for just a split second, but when my eyes met his, both the smirk and the color melted from his face. His mouth hung slack as he felt his soul staring down the opening fiery abyss that he found reflected in my eyes. I watched his mind recoil in horror at the emptiness it saw as it tried futilely to pull back from the horror of empty infinity it was confronted with. I saw in his eyes the sudden awareness of how small and insignificant his place in the universe was, and shrink in horror, trying to flee internally only to find that there’s no escape from your own mind and the finality of human existence.

I looked away just as his eyes started to roll back in his head. No need to cause a scene with him passing out. After all, my whiskey sour was crying from being ignored. As they do.

“I think you should probably go home now Blake,” I demurred softly. “You’ve probably had enough, and your wife would be happy if you tucked the children into bed for once. Oh, and coffee won’t remove the smell of alcohol, so just have a peppermint. Your kids like that smell, reminds them of Christmas.”

He kind of half nodded, like a sleepwalker. I sighed. Hopefully he doesn't have an existential crisis later and just shrugs it off as being too drunk. Hell, maybe he’ll cut back on the sauce. I hate it when I hear about someone offing themselves after meeting me, especially if they have kids. Well, hopefully he just takes the daily inebriation down a notch or two. I can hope, can’t I?

As he shuffled off, lager forgotten at the bar, I hoped he’d be alright. Genuinely. Sure, I enjoyed taking my frustration at being stuck here out on them, but I didn't actually wish them lasting harm. A lesson or two in politeness and decency, a minor scuffle to break up the monotony, but no real damage. That’s what I told myself anyway. Made it easier to pretend to sleep at night. Hope he makes it home ok. Hope his kids get a happy memory of daddy saying goodnight for once. Hope he says he loves his wife, and apologizes. Hah. Yeah. Like that’ll happen. But, what can I say, I’m a foolish optimist at heart. And nothing hurts more than having your hopes crushed. I should know.

Damn. My drink was crying, a small puddle of condensation soaking into the bar napkin it rested on. Again. Another sigh. And one more for the first sigh. I hate sighing. It’s the most comprehensive sound of the acceptance of defeat ever created. The acknowledgment of futility. And I hate that. I thought I’d be fighting to the bitter end, but apparently Destiny had other plans. Fucking Destiny. She’s the whole reason I’m even drinking in the first place.

“Get you a fresh one?”

A sweet silver-bell tinkle of a voice broke my unintentional reverie. Grace was back, checking on me. She knew my peccadilloes by now. She knew how much I hated when my drink got watered down by the ice melting if it got ignored for too long. I nodded.

She smiled pleasantly and slid over a new drink, already prepped.

“I figured, after that creep pounced on ya.”

I frowned slightly. There was something different about this one. Hunh. Oh, the ice. There wasn’t any. There were two black cubes sitting in it instead. OK, why are there rocks in my drink?

I looked up at Grace, still slightly puzzled.

“Oh those? Yeah I noticed you didn’t like it when your drink gets watered down, so I bought some Irish whiskey stones! That way your drink stays cold, but doesn't dilute. Got 'em special, just for you.”

I cocked one eyebrow slightly, “Just for me?”

“Yep! Let’s face it, you’re the only one who comes in here with that kind of class, so I put 'em in the freezer back here with a big 'ol note so Jimmy doesn’t think I’m crazy for keeping rocks in the fridge,” her airy chuckle sprinkled across my ears.

I stared. I was in shock. OK, well maybe I’m being dramatic, but I was still surprised. People don’t normally do nice things for me. Or to me for that matter. If I’m honest, they mostly run away.

“Why…” I couldn't even formulate a coherent sentence. Jesus, get yourself together!

“I dunno, I just figured you don't seem like you have anyone looking out for you, and you seem to attract a lot of the wrong sort of attention, so I thought you could use a nice surprise, y’know, cheer you up a little.”

I nodded, more in surprise than agreement. I literally couldn’t recall the last time someone voluntarily tried to do something nice, just for me, no hope or expectation of reward or compensation. I was probably silent a little too long for a comfortable conversation. Hey, I was revelling in the new experience, cut me some slack.

“Well. Wow, um, thanks.” Yeah real smooth. Sweet Mikhail’s Grave I have no idea how to actually talk to this woman.

In retrospect, that should have been my first clue, but hey, I was a little distracted.

“I appreciate it, that’s really sweet of you.” Ok that’s slightly less glaringly awkward.

“Not trying to be rude at all, but I gotta ask- what’s your deal? Like you come in here all the time, lookin’ like a million bucks, never talk to anyone, get in fights every so often, get harassed like every single time but you keep coming back? I mean, I’m not trying to pry if you don’t wanna talk, but you know, like I’m totally trying to pry!”

Now it was my turn to stare slack-jawed. Oh Fates, how your twists are cruel. I closed my mouth a lot faster than the sot from earlier though, so my pride wasn't too damaged.

“It’s kind of a long and uninteresting story really. Mostly, you make the best whiskey sour. And the people here are…interesting.”

“Honey, there’s no way a story coming from someone who looks like that,” she waved generally up and down at me, “could possibly be boring. Plus, it’s slow, as always, so humor me.”

Sometimes, I can be kind of thick. Slow. Moronic. A nincompoop. A maroon. Several minutes of conversation with this girl and I only just now noticed- she hadn’t looked away from my eyes. She was meeting my gaze with no problem. She wasn't sweating and shaking and passing out. She was looking me right in the eye, just like a normal person, no fear showing on her face. No reaction at all. Just a normal girl, having a normal conversation, with what she thought was another normal person.

“Are…you OK?” Grace looked a bit concerned.

Aw shit, I was staring, and not even trying to hide it. Well now I felt dumb. And, why did I feel dumb? What was up with this girl that she made me feel so self conscious, so uncomfortable, like one of those fainting goats that just freezes and falls over when you blink too hard at them. Speaking of blinking really hard.

“Um, oh, yeah, sorry, I’m fine. Really. Sorry, just not many people actually want to have a real conversation with me.”

Grace leaned over the bar a little, propping up on her elbows, lowering her tone a bit. “Well, I don’t know why, 'cuz you sure seem hella interesting to me.”

“Hunh. Well, I don't know about that. But I would like to ask you something first, if you don't mind?”

“Fire away honey!”

“This might sound odd, but, why aren’t you looking away? What do you see when you look at me?”

She pulled a tiny bit closer. “Nothin’ more than just about the sparkly-est green eyes I ever seen; a dash of blue, like the Bahamas. Somethin’ else I can't quite put my finger on…” as she trailed off, I felt her finger lightly brush the knuckles on my hand that was still holding my drink. “I kinda wanna find out though.”

OK, now that was smooth. Holy fuck, that was really, really smooth. Like two hundred year old Laphroaig single malt filtered through the blessed socks of His Holiness the Pope smooth. Hold up, now she was trying to pick me up? What the hell universe? What’s going on here?

I swallowed, unable to look away now myself. “That’s all? Nothing that scares you?”

“Not yet, sugar.”

Alright, that’s different.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I grabbed her hand. Maybe a little too hard from the slight wince I saw.

“OK we need to leave. NOW.”

“Hold up honey, we were just talkin’, we ain’t there yet!” She tried pulling back a little.

“No, no, you don’t understand! I’m sorry, but you shouldn’t be able to see that. I can’t explain right now, but we have to figure out how you can see me that way.”

“But my shift’s not over for a couple more hours!”

“OK OK, I’m not being clear, sorry, this is the first time this has happened, so I’m a little shaken.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” She actually blushed a little. “I just saw how you shot down every guy who came up to you, and I thought….well, you know, maybe…omg I’m sorry I didn't mean to upset you! I come on strong sometimes, when I’m interested in something, and when you first walked in, I saw those heels and that dress, and I just was like ‘oh wow’ and kinda couldn’t breathe for a minute, you know I don't see many girls come here lookin’ like that and oh God now I’m babbling and someone please shut me up I'm so sorry…”

I put a finger over her lips, gently.

“I’m not upset. Far from it actually. But we have something a tiny bit more urgent than that to address. I’m not who you think I am. Or what, I should say. But more to the point, there’s something bigger going on here. And I need to find out what. Fast.”

“Wait, so you’re not mad I hit on you?”

“We don’t have time for that now!” She recoiled slightly at my vehemence. “No, I’m not upset, but that’s not the point! You shouldnt be able to see my eyes. My real ones anyway. I was too slow on picking that up right away, and I’m sorry, but we have to get out of here, now, because something is different, and in my world, that’s never a good thing.”

“Your world?”

I was getting frustrated. “Yes, but I’ll explain later! I need you to come with me now. We need answers, and we need them fast. So, do you trust me?”

She hesitated. “Yeeeeees? I think? Like I wanna, but I don’t really know you?”

“Good enough for now! Let’s go!”

To her credit, she just dropped her bar towel, grabbed her phone from under the bar and came out from behind it, grabbing my hand as she yelled to the back, “Hey Jimmy! I gotta leave! Personal thing- cover for me?”

Just then, there was a bit of a commotion at the door. Grace turned to look, but I didn’t need to. I already knew what was there. I just clutched her hand even tighter and yanked her towards the back; there was an emergency exit near the bathrooms from what I remembered of that one really bad 'birthday’. Yeah, that was a bad one. But we ran.

Good thing I’m not super tall, wouldn’t want to draw attention, I thought to myself sarcastically. Goddamn heels. Why do I even wear these?

Sounds of glass breaking and shouting reached us as we plowed through the emergency exit into the alleyway. Don’t worry about that now, just keep moving.

“This way!” I pulled her to the front of the alley.

“Holy shit, that’s your bike?” She sounded genuinely impressed. Finally, I wasn’t the only one who had that reaction at seeing it.

“Oh yeah, she’s a sweet ride, and perfect for this situation. Or any situation, really. Jump on.”

I probably should have shut the door behind us, but hey, it was a day for me missing obvious things. The noise coming from the bar was getting louder.

“I’ve never done this before!” Grace exclaimed excitedly in my ear as I kicked my beast to life.

We roared out into the street, my white and gold Valentino’s left sparkling on the pavement where I kicked them. Fuckin’ useless, beautiful shoes. Sigh, they weren’t cheap. Oh well, they’re just shoes.

“Where are we going!?” Grace yelled over the rush of wind whipping our hair like tiny flails of purgatory.

“Not sure yet! But we’re going to find out!”

“I don't even know your name!”

My heart sank a bit.

“Don't worry! Neither do I! ”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The bar exploded behind us as it faded into the night thanks to the fabulous Ducati between our legs. Oh and that wasn’t metaphorical- I glanced in the mirror at the sound; it literally exploded. Ball of fire and all. I guess that’s to be expected, what with all the alcohol and what I’d suspected for a while was going on in the basement. Way too many flammable liquids in one place. But that didn't really matter now. All that mattered was getting away from what caused the explosion as fast as we possibly could.

“What the hell was that!?” Grace yelled in my ear. Again. I’m going to have to get some headsets or something if this is going to be a habit. Well, the riding together part, not the fleeing for our lives part anyway.

“I’ll explain as soon as we can talk, promise! For now, just hold on! And don't look behind us!"

“As if I’m gonna let go now!”

That glance in the rear view told me as much as I needed to know, which was more than I wanted, but enough to have an idea of what we were running from. I mean, I figured that’s what it was, but I’m still tired of being right, even after all this time. You’d think I'd be used to it by now.

That pale blue and red glow was enough. Hell, the noise it made had been enough for me to know what it was. And trust me, I was not overreacting by running first. I’d seen that color a few too many times in my life to think that there was anything else to be done except run. Once was more than enough for anyone. Who am I kidding? Most people don't get a chance to see it more than once. Guess I’m just lucky. Or the opposite. Pretty sure I’m the latter actually.

Grace was shivering on my back as we sped away. She’d gone quiet, her mood matching the night around us, the neon signs and street lights reflecting their multi-colored halos in the rain-slicked streets. Fog was starting to rise from the pavement, adding to the soft glow the streets were taking on. Thin, wispy strands curling around street lights and bus stops, blasted into nothing as the bike tore through them, the roar of the exhaust shattering the relative quiet of the late night calm.

Well, it should have been quiet anyway. The explosion of the bar kind of changed that. Then came the sound.

It mixed with the growing whine from the crotch rocket under us, which seemed like a fitting counterpoint to the cacophony of something that sounded like if you’d thrown a hundred maltese dogs into a tornado and then blasted it over a crappy school intercom. I hated that sound. Almost as much as the dogs it reminded me of.

“Aw shit, it saw us.” Time to see if the tires on this baby gripped as well as the kid at the shop claimed they did.

Well, at least there wasn’t too much traffic. Still, even though there weren’t many trucks and accountant-driven sedans to weave in and out of, there were still enough of them that it took a hell of a lot more concentration than my alcohol soaked brain was ready to deal with. Definitely hadn’t planned on being the next Lewis Hamilton after a night at the bar, that’s for damn sure.

“What the fuu….?” Grace’s expletive trailed off in the whipping wind as I kept us weaving in and out and through, gunning the shit out of my bike whenever there was an opening big enough to do so without turning us into extremely messy, if fashionable, pancakes.

“Try not to worry about it! OK I mean, yeah, worry, but not like understand worry!”

“How the hell do you not worry about...that!?”

I took a good look back for the first time as we whipped around a corner, using the rain-slick street to slide without losing any speed. My heart sank. At least it wasn’t in my throat choking me anymore. Sarcastic positivity in the face of death? Yeah that’s my jam. Even if I do keep it to myself. Most of the time anyway.

The damn thing was getting closer. Faster than I thought it could. Damn, tonight just wasn’t my night for noticing things, now was it?

That second of splitting my attention nearly sent us flying and a tired busboy standing at the corner bus stop to the hospital, but we only just missed him, with barely enough room to avoid slamming into the back end of something that should have been parked at a kids soccer game, not getting on the expressway at this time of night.

Slipping into an alley entrance, Grace’s nails dug through the flimsy material I was wrapped in, making me yelp in surprise.

“Sorry,” she muttered.

I was about to tell her it was cool, considering the circumstances, and given that I wasn’t sure if it made me jump because it hurt, or her hands were cold, or because of where they’d slid down to, when we blew out the other side of the alley, causing a literal postcard explosion from the stand I clipped as we bounced out on to the main road again, just in time to swerve hard to avoid becoming Penske poster-girls for a single truck.

"Sweet Jesus fuck! What the hell IS that?"

Goddammit, didn’t I tell her not to look back? I wasn’t going to tell her how the beast chasing us had seen us dart down the alley, and since it couldn't fit through the traffic as neatly as we could, silently charge down the side of the building, slamming into the same shop front that had so recently lost it's postcard stand as it tried to take the same corner, still snuffling the ground and air to track us. I managed to gain us a few precious seconds of lead as it disentangled itself from the fruit cart, re-launching itself down the alley, bicycle wheel still caught in it's whiskers that streamed and whipped behind it.

“It’s running fucking sideways on the buildings!”

Aw shit. She can see it. I was afraid of that.

And that was all the distraction it needed too.

With a last spring off the corner of an empty flower shop, the beast took a massive swipe at us. Come on, come on, make the corner! It's thick talons cut a blazing arc through the rain as it howled. One of its claws caught the rear end of the bike, knocking it heavily to the side, and nearly throwing Grace off. Good thing she’s got a death grip on my hips right now. Oh boy don’t think of that, too distracting right now, that’s how you get killed!

Grace screamed again as the bike was whipped around violently from behind, and Grace she was confronted with a vision not even her wildest nightmares could have come up with. At least, I hope she doesn’t have nightmares like this anymore.

The beast’s jaws opened wide to crush us like a nutcracker on adderall, glowing drool whipping around in thick, viscous strands from teeth bigger than my hand, while she seemed mesmerized by the halo of tentacle-like whiskers that seemed to float in slow motion, despite how fast everything was happening. The beast looked at me, it’s eyes burning red meeting mine as I tried to maintain my grip on the bike that was rapidly being torn from my hands. I was holding on to that tank with my knees in a way that would have made the Russian Women’s weightlifting team proud. I could hear the scream that tried to jump from Grace’s mouth only for it to turn into a slow rush of soundless breath as she slammed into my back from the force of me yanking that bike around as hard as I could possibly manage.

Ground. Street. Tires on. People off. Stay upright. Don’t let go. Run.

The bellow from the beast behind us meant nothing to me now. I was numb, my world narrowing to the few feet in front of me, and Grace behind me. Swerve. Dodge. Car. Bike. Red light. Faster. Green. Faster. Faster. Get away. Car. Car. Bus. Turn.

Suddenly the cars all dropped away. The turnpike. Oh thank God. I opened up the throttle all the way and finally realized I should probably start breathing again.

Grace was trying to yell something, probably wanting an explanation. I mean I can’t blame her, but I said I’d explain! Did it look like now was suddenly the time for it? Then again, maybe it was important.

I turned my head a bit to try to talk to her, but I paused with my mouth still open. The beast was gone.Like gone gone. Vanished. Vamoosed. Not even like really far away gone, just not there any more. I squinted. Yeah, that was a little too easy.

“Did we get away?”

I was actually about to answer her, when a glowing blue shape cashed into us from the side, just as I was starting to finally let my legs relax a little. Everything seemed to slow down. I know, everyone says that, but it’s true! I don’t know, maybe it was the whiskey sours, but as soon as we got hit, the world turned in to super slow-mo as the bike was ripped from my hands, and I felt Grace be pulled away from me.

This thing tossed us like a couple of rag dolls thrown from a child’s stroller being kicked by a football player. Or at least it started to go that way. Somehow, as the bike ground across the pavement, with just my left hand managing to keep any kind of hold on the bike, I managed to swing myself around it like a gymnast on a gold-medal winning vault-horse routine, snagged Grace’s bar apron with my free hand, and with sheer desperate strength, yank all three back together, right as the beast’s slavering maw snapped shut on empty air where Grace’s head had been just milliseconds before. Through pure accident of positioning, my toes raked across it’s eyes as my leg swung around and I slammed them back down on the pegs, jammed the throttle all the way open, even as Grace somehow managed to complete the circle I’d pulled her in, ending by straddling my hips, arms and hair akimbo while we slid sideways, fortunately tires first.

Grace’s eyes were wider than a kid who opened their eyes to Disneyland on a Christmas morning as she slammed into me, and I used our momentum to get the bike fully upright, only barely escaping a second snap from the beast as it lunged again, trying to tear us apart.

That near miss, and the sigh of relief I almost let happen, didn’t get a chance to last long.

Her damn hair was in my face, which at any other time, wouldn’t have been a problem, really, but just at that second, was incredibly, blindingly, distracting. And it might have saved our lives.

Something hot burned into my shoulder and face as the sound of crashing metal and people yelling slammed into me. Hm, spicy.

“Shit! Watch out! Sorry!” Grace called to the one lady who wasn’t running for the hills as we smashed through her food cart. Can you get third-degree barbecue sauce burns? Food trays, sauces and meat all went flying as we dervished our way right through the middle of her street-side restaurant, sweet and spicy and sticky all at once, all over the ground, and all over me and Grace as well. I couldn’t think of anything more than just keeping everything together and moving forward. Run. The only thought occupying my mind. Just run.

“Hey.”

The softness of her voice is what brought me back to the girl squished up against me and out of the rabbit-instinct flight mode I was in.

I don’t know why but for some reason, my brain decided that was the perfect moment to notice that I’d never realized how captivating the color brown could be. Grace’s eyes were less than inches from mine, and I froze for a second. Again.

“I think it’s stopped.”

I glanced back. The beast had been right on top of us when we hit the food cart, but now it was standing there in the middle of the sidewalk, sniffing around for all the world like the biggest, dumbest, glowiest dog you’ve ever seen. OK, a dog that could tear a truck apart like a box of tissues, but still.

“What the hell is it doing?”

“Maybe it’s hungry.”

I didn’t realize I’d said that out loud. I’d never seen one of these things just...stop like that. It didn't make sense.

No time to think of that right now, just enough time to dart down another alley, blocking the beast from view as it sat down to lap up all the spilled barbecued beef at its feet.

As we weaved and darted through alleys and parking lots, squeezing through sidewalks and darting across small streets, I started to recognize where we were now, and had the barest inkling of a plan besides ‘get away without dying.’

“Whatever that thing is, I think it likes barbecue.”

Grace’s whispered comment snapped me back to what was right in front of me, the whole reason I was in this kind of mess again in the first place. .

“Hunh?”

“I think it stopped to eat at the barbecue stand we knocked over. It’s not chasing us anymore- look.”

I tried to check the mirror again, only to find they’d both been ripped off by now, so switched to glancing over my shoulder quickly, and saw no ominous glow behind us, other than the few street lamps on the small boulevard we were going down.

“Barbecue?” I was still pretty confused. Probably drunk too. But definitely confused.

Grace’s laugh was carried away on the night like fireworks swept away in a light breeze. “Well, I dunno what the hell that thing was, but I haven’t met anyone yet who wouldn’t drop everything for good barbecue, honey.”

Raising an eyebrow, I laughed, “Well it’s good to see I’m not the only one here who can make wildly ridiculous comments with horrible timing!”

“Funny the things you think about when you should be focusing on other stuff that’s a little more important, hunh? Like right now, all I can think about is a nice rack of ribs.” Grace grew quieter as her head sank back down on to my shoulder. “Where we headed, sugar?”

“Somewhere close. Safe. I think.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The old loft was just as dank and dirty and run down on the inside as it looked on the outside. Probably worse. No diamonds in the rough here, that’s for sure. Broken glass scattered on the beat up industrial floor scattered the glow of the streetlight through the mist that filled the space. Definitely not up to my usual standard, but hey, we couldn’t really complain too much.

Throwing an old, discarded, and probably moldy, but definitely more disgusting than I wanted to ever touch again, mover’s blanket over the plate window helped to at least hide a little bit of how gross this place looked. Plus, privacy. A quick scan around and I found a pile of old tarps and a couple skeezy mattresses that I definitely wasn’t going to think about where they’d been or who’d done what on them for how long. It’d have to do. A dirty mattress was a small price to pay for still being alive.

"It's not the Four Seasons, but it'll do for now. It's kinda cold- I don't think the building even has heat, but I think we can keep warm enough to make it through the rest of tonight at least."

Grace flopped down heavily on the mattress, exhausted, shoulders slumped, staring vacantly at the floor.

"That was...was that...I don't even know where to start. My brain's been turned to oatmeal. What…? What happened? What in the name of all fucks just happened?"

“Yeah, there’s kind of a lot to unpack here isn’t there?” I just crumpled down into one of the old blankets like a sock puppet being dropped into its nest. “I’m not even sure where to begin.”

“Ya think? Like one minute, I’m trying to mind my business, working my shift at the bar, wondering whether I’m going to have to give another statement to the cops after another bar fight breaks out, and the next I’m getting tossed around like a hot sweet-potato, almost get eaten by a glowing, walking catfish that got beaten a little too hard with the ugly stick, get covered in barbecue sauce, do-si-doed by a goddamn motorcycle ninja, only to wind up in some place that looks like it was lifted straight out of Zillow for Crackheads!”

A snort of wry, tired amusement escaped me. “Yeah, I guess it really does look that bad here. I mean, I’m surprised this place is even still standing after all this time, but you’re right, it definitely looks a bit sketchy.”

“Way to avoid the point, hun.”

“Yeah, I know.” Not sure why, but she kept making me nervous, and the way she was sort of frowning while pinning me down with those sparkling coffee eyes definitely wasn’t helping. Probably just wasn’t used to people making eye contact. Which was the whole reason I was in this mess to begin with. Another sigh.

“Alright. I’ll explain as much as I can. You deserve that much.”

Grace flopped down on the edge of the mattress, chin propped in her hands for all the world like a kid during goddamn story time. How the hell was I supposed to concentrate when she’s doing things like that? Look away! Only way to save myself for now.

“OK, here goes. So the thing you saw? Well, it’s a…” I scowled. “It’s a...sunuvabitch, I don’t really know what it’s called. Alright, further back then. The basics. Got it.

“Supernatural things exist. Like you believe that humans are the highest species on this planet and that you’re all alone in the universe, and no one can quite agree on whether there was anything before or after this life or what happens when you die, right? Well, a lot of what most people believe to be myth or religious superstition is actually, um, real.”

So she hasn’t tried to run away just yet. That’s a good sign, right?

“From what I’ve been able to piece together, from the bits I can remember, what you would call ‘heaven’ and ‘hell’ are real places- they’re just not really visible to mortals. Most of the time. ‘Angels’ and ‘demons’ are real things too, but they’re a little bit different than most people tend to think of them from what I’ve seen.

“I don’t know how many there are, but there’s angels and demons walking around, living just like you and me, every day. The thing is, that mortals like you can’t see them. And that’s where the problem is.”

“Like me?” It wasn’t really a question. Her tone made that clear enough.

“Oh boy. OK, here’s the big one- because with the heaven and hell stuff, most people can be like ‘meh, it’s all superstitious nonsense anyway’ and brush it off. This? Not so much.

“I’m not human. Or mortal. I can see angels and demons walking around plain as day, just like the ones I’ve met can see me. Mortals...see something else.”

“Like the creep at the bar earlier? Did he see...something else? In you?”

“Yeah. On the outside, at first glance, I look like any other girl. But look closer? Well, you saw what happened. People just aren’t ready to see my real nature.”

“But that didn’t happen to me.” Now Grace was looking a little bit confused- but the kind of confused you get when a teacher is explaining something that you know should make sense, even if you were having a hard time getting it.

“No, it didn’t. And it took me way too long to pick up on that. I should’ve realized right away. If I had, maybe I could have gotten you out of there faster and that whole ‘sweet potato’ thing wouldn’t have happened.”

“So what should I be seeing? When I look into your eyes I mean?”

“Probably something along the lines of falling through an eternally expanding universe, a sense that you’re tinier than a piece of sand in the scope of the cosmos, that sort of thing. At least, that’s what I’ve heard from a couple of the ones who were able to be slightly coherent afterwards. There haven’t been many of those over the years.”

“Wow. I definitely don’t see that.”

“And that’s the problem, really. I’ve never heard of something like that happening before. I don’t know what it means, or why you can, or anything! All I know is that something is very, very different, and very, very wrong, otherwise that thing wouldn’t have been after us. And right now, I don’t know if what’s wrong is you, or me, or both of us. But we need to find out if we’re going to not be looking over our shoulders for...what did you call it again?”

Grace laughed. A genuine laugh, not weighed down by worry or terror. “A glowing, walking catfish?”

“Ha ha, yeah, that got beaten too many times with the ugly stick!”

Grace sat up suddenly, nodding sharply to herself. “Alright, well, you’re either batshit crazy, or I owe my gran an apology.” Grace was still half chuckling, but looking very intent.

“Your gran?”

“Yeah, she was super religious, always prayin’, talkin’ and singin’ about god. She must’ve gone to church three times a week! Boy, would she have loved to hear all this.”

“I’ll bet!”

“So, I just wanna make sure I’ve got all the stuff you said- angels are real, and something’s wrong with the fact that I can see your real eyes, and not like, the fires of the Big Bang or something, but you don’t know why that’s a problem or what caused it.. Right?”

“I’d say that about covers it for now, yeah.”

“Alright, I can live with that much for now. I’m clean tuckered out, and you look like you’re about to just fall over any second now. Whaddya say we call it a night?”

“Yeah.” I really could barely keep my eyes open at this point. I guess pretending my motorbike was a juggling pin kind of took it out of me.

Grace popped up, suddenly all business.

“So doesn’t look like this place has a big ol’ tub to dump you in, so we’ll have to settle for a couple of wet wipes. Here, help me get these blankets on to the mattress here. They’re gross, but it’s better than freezing to death.”

“You’re the boss!” Those wet wipes were a pocket-sized blessing, wrapped in foil paper. I’m more of a Chanel and gunpowder type, not so big on the earthy, barbecue scents.

I was starting to stumble a bit as we plopped the discarded blankets down as well as we could in the relative darkness of the loft.

“Probably better to stay dressed with how dirty these blankets are.” Grace frowned as she watched me struggle to pick up one of the heavier blankets a couple of times.

That didn’t even register until much later.

“OK, you, lay down. No more for you tonight. Sleep.”

I couldn’t even argue with her. I just curled up in a ball on the bed, barely aware of Grace pulling a couple of the blankets over me, but I thought I could just make out her arm resting on mine as we both drifted off into the heavy, dreamless sleep that comes when you’ve been pushed to your limits. At least, I kind of hope it was.

=============================================

Story tag list

@random-with-garlic @a-dinosaurs-left-phgkneecap @flower-in-the-ashes @nixabee @luvnaught @pens-swords-stuff @alice-and-cheshire-cat @humans-are-seriously-weird @flying-f1shsticks @Neil-gaiman @glumshoe @lykanyouko @kaylewiswrites @just-a-bit-paranoid @thatsmybluefondue @Alice-and-Cheshire-cat @violet-galaxies @biggest-gaidiest-patronuses @midnight-spectrum-again @slytherinlovespuff @friendofcybermen @hemi528i @mirbisduschoen @khelladon @walkin-in-the-cosmos

As always, if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list, just shoot me a message and your wish is my command.

#flight from grace #supernatural #angels #demons #angelic fiction #wip #story #writeblr

13 notes · View notes

hearthhhh · 4 years

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Could I get a matchup? I'm older than your usual audience at 33 lol. Non-binary pansexual. I love Mystic Messenger, BNHA, and Seven Deadly Sins. I'm told I'm very sweet and understanding, but I can go full protect mode when needed. I like BJDs, sculpting, reading and video games. I'm a major goth babe even if I'm fluffy. I have green curly hair and green ish grey eyes. I've been through literal hell but keep smiling for my friends because they need me to be their light.

Okay ball jointed dolls look hella cool and I never really knew they existed until this ask. Also I originally paired you with Jirou, but I think you wanted a matchup more your age so I took that into consideration!

I pair you with…

🥢 This took me a bit... I looked through heroes and couldn’t find anyone, and the second I started considering villains, I thought Shigaraki was perfect.

🥢 I feel like Shigaraki wouldn’t pay attention to anyone that isn’t a villain. Heroes to him are scum, and he has no problem murdering the innocent. So you’d have to be a villain, and eventually would join the league.

🥢 I think you being apart of the Liberation would make this a whole lot more interesting, but I don’t want to risk spoiling anything for you. So I’ll stick with plain and simple, you’re apart of the League of Villains.

🥢 I can imagine your aesthetic mending really well with the League. They mostly dress in cold dark colours, and I feel like your goth babe vibes would fit nicely.

🥢 You’re so sweet I cant imagine you being a villain without a huge reason. You’re doing this to protect someone, maybe a best friend. The League is eventually made aware of this. Dabi’s the one to reveal it, moodily and a bit rudely.

🥢 You’re such a mom to the League. You dress their wounds, try and keep their sleeping schedules in check. I’d imagine you fawning the most over Toga and Twice. You’d try with Dabi, he’s a hot mess, but he pushes you away.

🥢 What’s really important to Shigaraki is loyalty. You create strong platonic bonds and protect your friends really well, so I feel like that’s why Shigaraki noticed first about you.

🥢 Shigaraki would begin to warm up to you after a fight. He sees you mercilessly defending a wounded league member, and Shigaraki’s able to properly see how seriously you take this whole villain thing.

🥢 After this, Shigaraki reluctantly lets you sore on him. He’ll glare, scoff, and sigh in irritation, but sometimes he’ll lean into your touch. Shigaraki would never voice it, but he loves getting his wounds treated by you. He also likes the caring attention you give him, especially due to the significant lack of attention he gets on a daily basis. Shigaraki’s so touch starved.

🥢 So you guys get closer that way, with your protectiveness looming over the league like a protective cloak. You love them and they look up to you. Shigaraki’s admiration for you grows steadily.

🥢 You two play lots of video games together! He hates losing and gets pretty sucky about it, so sometimes you’ll let him win. But you both have fun and exchange playful banter!

🥢 Considering your parental nature , I feel like Shigaraki’s sense of humor would bring you just a bit of concern, but be an entertaining dynamic. He has a dark and offesnive sense of humour, and I feel like you’re softer and a bit fluffy.

🥢 You know that one meme where person a says “someone will die” and person b happily adds on “from fun!”? Yeah that’d definitely be you two, to an extent. While you definitely fight when it comes down to it, especially in self defense, you’re softer in comparison to Shigaraki.

🥢 Getting into a relationship with Shigaraki would be a little difficult. You’d have to know him well to understand exactly what he’s getting at. But then again, also knowing Shigaraki, he’d have to have known you for a long time and understand you like the back of his hand (unintentional pun oop).

🥢 You two don’t ever really confirm your relationship at first. Shigaraki would ask you casually and kinda gruffly to go out, maybe to eat, and that’s all the confirmation you need that this is a bit more than platonic. He’s acting reserved and you can tell the question brought him significant embarassment. Shigaraki even asked you out in front of the rest of the League, who are watching through warry eyes because why the fuck is he acting so wierd? But you get the underlying message, somehow.

🥢 After you two start going out there isn’t really a change in your relationship. Shigaraki looks after you with concern and tries his best to match the parental concern you emit like second nature. He admires that aspect of you and tries to show his appreciation by doting over you to the best of his ability. Others say it comes off as nosey and a bit heavy, but the poor boy tries his best.

🥢 He’s really protective of you. Shigaraki wouldn’t so much as let people look at you too threateningly, let alone raise their voice, and stays glued to your side during missions.

🥢 Shigaraki likes chilling in your room. He’s afraid to touch any of your BJDs or sculptures in case he accidentally turns them to dust, but he likes admiring them from afar. It gives your room a cool vibe and he likes being in there, sometimes wordlessly walking in and finding a place to sit randomly.

I pair you with…

🥢 I’d imagine you catch Merlin’s attention. You’re pretty well known in your village for your sculptures, and she catches wind of your talent. She comes asking for a sculpture for a spell.

🥢 You two get along pretty well. You’re really open with what you do, and Merlin admires your sculptures and praises you. I think she’s also have an interest in BJDs, maybe even have a small collection herself.

🥢 Merlin grows intrigued with you from your first meeting and visits you several times afterwards.

🥢 I feel like Merlin is the type to have a ton of contacts, so she keeps in touch originally just to have you as an acquaintance she can go to for favours. She’s alright with popping by a couple times to help you out with some stuff, and you’d have a magic tool that you use to keep in touch with her.

🥢 It takes a while for Merlin to start to get to know you well. During some of her random visits to your village, she catches you with your friends a couple times. Imagine her literally just appearing behind you, calling out from the weirdest places. Peeking out from a rooftop, sitting at a table that you could’ve sworn was empty when you looked at it a second ago, walking out of a dead end alley. Merlin’s full of surprises.

🥢 But on that note, Merlin likes seeing you with your friends! She thinks you look full of life, and you’re always smiling and just overall so giddy. She admires you from afar from a lot, or pops in and joins you all because she likes seeing you that happy and carefree.

🥢 Eventually you ought to notice Merlin’s interests. So you invite her over for tea, hot chocolate, coffee, whatever you prefer. Merlin isn’t picky I see her liking just about everything.

🥢 But you guys chill pretty regularly after you reach out to her. You’ve opened the door to friendship rather than acquaintanceship. Merlin usually shows up unannounced, but at least comes at reasonable hours, like in the afternoon.

🥢 I bet Merlin would bring small nicknacks from her adventures, and learns after bringing a book that you like reading! She takes that into an account, and now whenever she visits brings one book from whereever she traveled. Invest in bookshelves, buddy, cause Merlin’s going all out!

🥢 Merlin’s definitely a big reader too. I can totally imagine you two choosing one book from the collection Merlin steadily brings you, you two get together to talk about one book you’ve read after the month is over. It’s really cute and casual and overall great bonding time.

🥢 Merlin is definitely the type to sit down and talk thuroughly about a relationship. I’d imagine she literally sets a date for when she’d like to talk, even calling you before hand.

🥢 Merlin tries to be as friendly as possible, and the conversation isn’t as intimidating as you’d think! You two sit down and talk maturely about what you’d want in a relationship, what your boundaries would be, and what pace you’d like the relationship to go at.

🥢 Afterwards there is a noteiceable change in how you and Merlin act. She’s much more romantic and definitely surprises you with flowers a lot. She doesn’t leave a note with them or anything, she’d love leaving them in random parts of your home for you two find.

🥢 Merlin would totally be the Queen of romance. Dates with her are the absolute best and so romantic. She likes taking you to faraway places and spoiling you rotten.

🥢 Merlin loves that parental side of you, and as much as Merlin tries to spoil you, you ultimately win her over a lot.

🥢 Merlin loves when you make her hot drinks and force her to rest and eat. She’s the type to overwork herself to the point of fainting, although she rarely shows anyone. But you can see how tired she is, and how she stubbornly pushes through it.

🥢 Merlin is a sucker for cuddling! It gets her to stay still and rest, too. So really it’s a win win; Merlin’s able to settle down, and you two get to be mushy and romantic.

🥢 You guys aren’t the most mundane, but you guys are spontaneous! There’s always a surprise around the corner when you’re with Merlin! She’s a really exciting and romantic partner.

I pair you with…

🥢 I bet you and Yoosung would get along almost immediately!

🥢 You two would obviously bond over video games at first. Yoosung’s very vocal about the interests you two share and is excited that you click so well! You guys would end up totally flooding the messenger, and the rest of RFA would have to usher you two into private text messages.

🥢 If you’ll let him, Yoosung can talk to you for hours. He likes people who are nice and just overall loves your vibe.

🥢 While Yoosung tries to brush of your parently doting, he sorta needs someone to remind him to eat and sleep and basically take care of himself. Yoosung would show his appreciation later, telling you how great he feels and thanking you immensely.

🥢 You guys start to build this really cute friendship. You two bond over the smallest things, and make up the RFA’s cheerleading duo. You guys are both so supportive of everyone else and everyone looks forwards to your commentary whenever they share anything with the group chat. Even if the comments are late, you and Yoosung never fail to share your words.

🥢 No one’s really surprised when you two start hanging out regularly. You guys just get along so well you basically drift to each other’s sides.

🥢 You two become a powerduo that everyone sort of loops in together. Your names are usually in the same sentence. You’re basically the same person.

🥢 Yoosung frequently talks about his lack of success in his love life throughout your friendship. Gradually, you begin to think of him in a different light, and I’d imagine you gain a crush on him slowly. Yoosung on the other hand falls for you hard, near the beginning of your friendship. Except he doesn’t voice anything because he likes being around you so much, he’s afraid to jeapordise your friendship.

🥢 You guys spend a lot of time being friends, and the rest of the RFA tease you two occassionally. To them, it’s pretty obvious you both caught feelings. Jumin even makes it a point to state how pointless he thinks the secrecy is. Why not just confess?

🥢 Yoosung eventually bites the bullet and tries to mention it as casually as he can. But knowing him, this comes out the opposite. He’s pretty awkward about it and stuttering over the phone. Yoosung basically confesses that he has feelings for you, but respects how you feel. He practically prepares for a rejection, he sounds so sad.

🥢 When you tell him you feel the same he’s ecstatic!

🥢 Prepare for daily rants on the groupchats from Yoosung about how much he likes you. Everyone’s relieved you two finally got together, and they praise the both of you.

🥢 Being in a relationship with Yoosung is the absolute sweetest. He’s so supportive of you and whatever you do, and he’s forever showering you with praise. He’s awestruck at the simplest things and loves you so much.

🥢 You’d definitely have to be aware of how he’s handling himself. While Yoosung is pretty vocal about how he’s feeling, that makes taking care of him easier.

🥢 Yoosung is really vocal about just about everything. This really builds the foundation for trust, and you guys don’t really have any barriers when it comes to sharing things. Overall, you guys have a really healthy relationship and you’re just two really sweet babes.

#mystic messenger matchup #mystic messenger #seven deadly sins #bnha #mha #boku no hero #my hero academia #bnha matchup #seven deadly sins matchup #matchup

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downspiral · 4 years

Text

* / BPD ( borderline personality damon )

lil talk about damon’s behaviour, emotional patterns and mental health! i’m categorising this as a headcanon for simplicity’s sake but this is all based on canon material, whether unintentional or not i do genuinely think he has it in canon and will sort of be elaborating on why that’s clear to me. as a disclaimer none of this is meant to excuse any of his behaviour and hopefully it won’t come off that way either, but bpd and its associated stigma is a personal topic to me, so please go in with sympathy and an open mind. under the cut bc this could get lengthy!

so to start off with i’ll just briefly explain borderline personality disorder (BPD) for people unfamiliar with it— it’s a mood disorder that has many associated symptoms with various mental illnesses like depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder, as well as substance issues, eating disorders and other personality disorders eg. antisocial or narcissistic personality disorder. it’s classed by four groups of symptoms:

emotional instability

disturbed patterns of thinking or perception

impulsive behaviour

intense but unstable relationships with others

( obviously this definition is too broad for any specific diagnosis, since everyone is different, and can’t be used alone to diagnose someone without ruling out other disorders and subjective opinion of a professional who knows enough about your behaviours to make an assessment, so from here on out i’m going to be drawing on my own experiences, and hopefully i’ll be able to articulate it in a way that makes sense, but please let me know if it doesn’t. )

***

the first and most glaringly obvious identifiers of this where damon is concerned in my opinion is a), his tendency to spiral very suddenly and abruptly after even minor triggers, such as failure, rejection or even just feeling insulted by someone he cares about, and b) his frequent impulsive behaviour, and what might be termed a lack of self-control in following those impulses - the first examples that come to mind would be his leaving for a road trip with katherine despite hating her, or killing jeremy because he was the first person he saw after feeling rejected by elena - and as he later admitted honestly, not knowing that it wouldn’t be permanent.

so starting with a), his irrational spiralling — i’ll preface this by saying that in my own experience, my initial diagnosis where my therapist suggested BPD as a possibility was immediately after i told her that i felt my emotions were just more severe than most people’s, which is why i always felt i was overreacting to things, both bad and good, alternating with feelings of extreme numbness and dissociation which would follow immediately after as a coping method. bouncing between extremes of emotion is also something we see damon do constantly; not regarding the humanity switch detail and focusing solely on his ‘humanity-on’ behaviour, we still see him go between extremely cold, numb and uncaring (albeit often this is hidden behind deflection and humor) to deeply hurt, loving, and willing to make huge sacrifices for causes or for people.

this is also a little muddled by the in-world lore of vampires having very heightened emotions. if you consider that damon already had BPD while a human, which is highly plausible given what we see of the decisions he made even then, then it follows that as a vampire those already-dysfunctional behaviours would be driven to extremes. this isn’t only obvious to the person watching; other characters comment on it constantly, e.g. almost any time katherine shows up, everyone immediately starts worrying if damon’s going to snap, having learned that the tiniest of things can send him into extreme behaviour, harmful to both himself - picking a fight with julian out in the open, described as having a death wish, and various suicide missions - and other people - e.g. attempting to kill jeremy and bonnie, despite it being abundantly clear that those two murders would make everything worse for him, and logically, make no sense, and serve no benefit to him. they were not thought-out decisions, not premeditated, and not something he would do in a sound state of mind, which is part of why they’re so painful to watch - they’re stupid, unjustified decisions, and seem irrational and disproportionate to whatever triggered him to make them. this also falls into the category of ‘lashing out’, something damon is frequently noted to do - often in the form of destroying or severing relationships, which may be done via simple purposeful negative interaction with someone, or doing more, genuine harm so that those relationships are ended regardless.

this ties in both with the impulsive behaviour aspect, but also a comment elena once made which struck a huge chord with me as an identifier of BPD - she said he felt that everyone hated him, and in an attempt to face those perceptions or correct them as someone of sound mind would do, he instead tries to come to terms with the pain of that by making himself believe that they were right - ‘proving’ both to others and to himself that they were right to hate him, via doing bad things. while this particular incident was partially due to enzo’s influence and damon seeking approval from the only person he felt he could still get it from, he still had the agency to make that decision, and this wasn’t the only time where that behavioural pattern could be observed.

the depth to which those thought processes go can sort of be seen when you consider season 8, where enzo and damon were both under the mind control of a siren, leaving only their subconscious with free will to resist. enzo’s instinct was to try and weave messages into the things that the siren had him do, knowing that bonnie would recognise them and be able to save him from doing more harm. on the other hand, damon’s instinct was to sever those relationships so completely that none of them would ever attempt to save him again, thus keeping them, in his eyes, out of harm’s way.

i don’t wanna make this so long it’s unreadable so i’ll try and end it with this last point, which is that another symptom of BPD is latching on to one particular person - whoever might feel most significant to them at the time, whether a friend or romantic interest, though often those feelings can combine and become confused when that emotional connection is made (most obvious example being elena, who damon had a relatively good and stable friendship with, that seemingly functioned fine as it was, yet progressed into romance anyway and became destructive). when that said person is found, the intensity of your emotion leads to a usually unhealthy amount of attachment on your part - often leading to possessive, manipulative or even emotionally abusive elements of relationships that more often than not become toxic. this person becomes the sole way that you feel validation/love/approval/happiness, any good emotion at all - in a way, your brain compensates for previous and more significant traumas, e.g. parental abuse/neglect, by channelling all this emotion into the nearest outlet of love and acceptance you can find. as a result even the tiniest fraction of attention or approval from that person can completely brighten your mental state for weeks, while the tiniest perception of disapproval or neglect from them - note perception, this could be something as miniscule as a misunderstanding, a tone being read wrong in a text, a genuine mistake being interpreted as a deliberate attempt to separate - can be enough to drive you to suicidal ideation.

obviously, whether it’s known to them or not, all this puts an unrealistic amount of expectation on the other person - one individual cannot possibly be responsible for the entire mental state of another, and will often - quite rightly - lead to the decision to end the relationship out of self-preservation. this is observed very frequently with damon’s close relationships; at some point, most of the people he’s been closest to have, with some degree of regret, been forced to write him off, because he puts too much strain on their own mental state. without significant effort to change on the part of the disordered person, sadly, this situation doesn’t usually have a resolution, because one’s own mental health is never the sole responsibility of others. it’s worth saying that most of these behaviours are done unintentionally and instinctively, as what seems the first logical conclusion in a brain that has been wired - physically, neurons and pathways in the brain have been grown by trauma that leads to those paths becoming the ‘right’ ones, rather than the healthy alternatives, which is usually what therapy’s end goal is - minimising the disordered pathways while reinforcing the positive ones, via practice of healthy behaviours and identifying bad thought processes so they can be stopped with the hope that those ones will take priority eventually. that being said, decisions that are motivated by and followed by, self-hatred, doesn’t excuse them from the harm they may cause other people. and it’s not fair - none of it is, because immediately what that situation seems to become is, ‘i didn’t ask to be this way, i don’t want to be harmful, but because i have been traumatised this is how i turned out, and now if i want healthy and good relationships, i have to work twice as hard against all my natural instincts just to ensure i come off as a person worth caring about’.

this is getting a little off-topic, but to say - there is a stigma about BPD, often associated with emotional abuse and manipulation, and it’s too complex a topic to sum up in one paragraph, but the gist of it is that sadly in my experience there is truth to it. i feel as though my disorder increases the likelihood of me being harmful, which means i have to work twice as hard to stop it - things that seem like common sense, basic decency, human logic that comes naturally and as first instinct to many, have to be actively strived for by people with this particular disorder. so while failing to do so may happen more for those people, and thus lead to them coming off as a worse person, there is some explanation as to why - and of course that doesn’t mean excusing that behaviour, never! but, there is a grey area between ‘excusing and enabling unhealthy behaviour’ and ‘your disability grants you no leeway whatsoever’. there is a middle ground and it’s hard to find the right place to walk it, and probably differs for everyone, but for me that’s why damon is relatable, and why i think i have more tolerance for things that he’s done.

i’ll just end this by saying that this is all one person’s experience of bpd and what i’ve observed from a few others i’ve known. i don’t speak for everyone with bpd, it’s not my call to make, mental disorder is overwhelmingly complex and hotly debated even in medical circles. but all that being said, i have recognised a lot of my own emotional experiences in damon’s and how the characters around him react to it (without the murder, obviously) and to me it is slightly more complex than ‘this is a shitty person’. thank you for reading all this if you did, it’s kind of hard to talk about, but hopefully for some this adds a little more insight into my portrayal and attachment to the character.

#I WAS. WORKING ON REPLIES I HAVE A FEW HALF DONE BUT thinking abt therapy got me thinking abt this so. i'm dumping this out first #apologies. but *points at him* he's got bpd #you've ruined a perfectly good vampire is what you did look at him hes g #sorry. anyway #HEADCANON.#CHARADEV.#i'm saying headcanon but this is literally his canon portrayal and as a person with bpd i'm diagnosing him so there. periodt #right. adding this tag after i just finished writing this thing. sorry it got long and now i'm emo shun al so i'm gonna go do replies #watch no one read this. it's fine

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cawolters · 5 years

Text

The lovely @theevolutionofledarose tagged me for an 11/11/11 - Q/A, and I loved the questions! I really miss taggames and should definitly get back to playing more often (thanks for still tagging me everyone!!! I see it, read it, adore it!) !!

Eleven guide: answer the 11Qs, make 11 new Qs and then tag 11 friendorionos!

Let’s get goin’!!!

1. Do you care how long a chapter is or it doesn’t matter?

I care! Too much. But I usually try to let the chapters be organic. If a chapter is long because it has a lot of worldbuilding, or a lot of new character introductions, or maybe gathering some plot threads, then it probably needs to be longer. And if a chapter is short, I try to go back and see where I can write it a little longer —giving scenes more plot meaning.

Ah, and my usual chapter length is between 3500 to 5000 words in my fantasy novel ‘The Serpent Kiss’.

2. What do you consider is your writing quirk?

I act out most of my dialogue and interactions. Ehm. And I like to mildly ‘method act’ my characters, meaning dressing up as them and live through their emotions and physical experiences (those that are not harming to myself or others). I write sleepy scenes when I’m tired, scary scenes when I’m scared and so on.

And, yes. I write in wig, cape and fangs once in a while. I can recommend it.

3. What’s your favourite scene you’ve ever read?

That’s too big a Q. I’ve read literally millions of scenes in all geres.. hmm but on the very top of my mind (glancing at my bookshelve) we’ve got:

The flogging scene in ‘An Ember in the Ashes’

The staircase scene where the cook dies in ‘Prince of Thorns’

The forest - something is in the woods OR the -something is in the house, scenes in ‘Watchers’ (brilliant)

4. What inspires you?

Death and art and smut.

Sometimes humor.

5. Do you have a writing space? What is it?

Yea! As of next month (slash technically this month) I’m officially a full-time writer and my physiotherapist was very stern when we talked working positions!

I have my office in the living room of our teeny apartment! It’s a homemade fold out desk, build by mr T and his dad, and it’s beautiful and had it’s mounted spot by the window. Duo screen and LED lit monster below. I love love it! And I’m super psyched about ‘moving into’ the spot. I’m also getting a serious chair so my spine will have a great time. Yay!

6. Do you have soundtrack for your WIPs?

Oh ma gawd. Yeah. All the cinematic atmospheric sounds and tunes!!

You can actually find me on Spotify and listen to all my strange sounds: CilleAlisa

7. Do you have face claims for your WIPs or just description?

Not reeeeally. I’ve got a few guys who comes close to how my characters look, but I never actually find the exact face to match the one in my head.

8. What was your hardest scene to write?

The opening one. Ugh. And I’m still not happy-happy with it. It need an editor to tell me how to tweak it.

9. What was your hardest scene to read?

Ehm. Hm... I love it when books makes me emotional. The sobbing, the bursting laugher, uh the chills!! But I do NOT like ‘the cringe’. So, all scenes that are like criiiingy social interaction or really embarrassing humiliation, is hard for me to read.

I must admit that I also have a tough time getting through scenes that are flat out poor dialogue. The unintentional cringe.. oof.

10. What’s the character you can relate to most?

Shiroin

Kiel

Deria

11. Do people close to you know you’re writing?

Yeah!!! I’m very actively trying to tell the entire WORLD that I’m writing !!

*shouts from the rooftop* IMMA WRIIITER!! IM FOLLOWING MY DREAM!!!

*trips off the ledge*

And that’s that! Thanks for reading along and now here’s my interview Qs:

Three favorite words? And why!

Fave genre?

Fave fanfic?

Fave worldbuilding detail?

Best read of 2019?

Fave book cover of all time? (Pic pls)

Most words written in one sitting?

Three main topics your passionate about in literature (class, race, social constructivism, gender, politics??)

Do you consider horror and romance lower tier genres? Why? Why not?

Three character traits that always pop up in your WIPs main cast.

Do you want to be a professional writer? Why? Why not?

I’m tagging @kainablue @inexorableblob @myhoniahakah @silentwriterprompts @yeraswifey @ejsyson @royalbounties @k-w-writes @fourohfourlifenotfound @somethingwriterly @zburatorii @wingedcatwblr @alessia-writes @alexiswrote @lynnafred @writingonesdreams @shewolves @alexwillow @writersloth

-ciao-

#writeblr #cawolters #writing #writer #author #riseoftheblooddawn #theserpentkiss #111111 #💕

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emotionally-imbruised · 5 years

Note

Okay lol I didnt want to send it again and have you had already gotten it lmao. Well I was just thinking like we know how YN was during the time between her leaving Harry's and him and Gemma showing up at her place, but we don't anything about his time. Like, how he felt knowing she left while he was puking for example, and all the rough times during that week and the times he wanted her to hold him, thinking he fucked up, Gemma persuading his sick mopey ass to go to her place. You know? :)

I PROMISE I DIDNT FORGET ABOUT THIS BUT HI HERE SHE IS

Accidentally In Love: Harry’s POV (kinda?)

“What’s the problem, I don’t know. Well, maybe I’m in love.”

Pt. 1 | Pt. 2

A/N: I recommend reading these other parts first to make more sense of this, but like, you do you fam

In the many years, Harry has spent getting to know you from you being one of Gemma’s best friends as well as one of his own, it’s very easy for him to deem you as unpredictable. You like keeping people on their toes. Whether it be with your witty humor or sarcastic remarks, there’s something about making people face the unknown that you find rather intriguing; even if it’s unintentional and at the worst possible times.

During those years of forming a significant relationship with you, Harry also couldn’t prevent the attraction and feelings he developed along with it. However, he tried his best to not do anything in regards to it for the sake of his sister, as well as the thought of there being no chance in hell you felt the same. That was until he decided to invite you over to watch some movies on Christmas Eve because he was sick and didn’t want to be alone. Somewhere in the process of doing something so simple and harmless while cuddled up on his couch, it was determined that you indeed felt the same about him and well, things escalated pretty quickly from there.

As someone who has made out with quite a few people throughout his years, he’d never been so taken aback by how good someone’s lips felt against his own. It was something he found himself getting lost in, and knew he’d continue craving if it were to end before he was ready. He couldn’t get enough of this new sensation and wanted to have you closer – finding pleasure in the way you felt on his lap with your hands being tangled into his curls; moaning against his lips to indicate you're enjoying what’s going on as well… But then his mum and sister walked in.

In the whirlwind of events, the illness Harry had been feeling before all this took over and he had to rush out of the room as his mother and sister silently asked for answers; leaving you to stand there shocked, alone, and unsure of what to do. A few moments later one he finishes emptying the contents of his stomach and finally recollects himself, he is thrown a complete curveball about the entire predicament he’s found himself in.

“What do you mean she left?” Harry questions his mother with furrowed eyebrows while staring at her through the bathroom mirror’s reflection. A soft sigh escapes his mouth as he reaches forward to turn off the rushing water coming from the tap after he’d just finished brushing his teeth once finally being able to stand up from his hunched over position beside the toilet. He turns around to face his mum but has to take a moment and leans against the sink as he starts feeling a bit nauseous again. “Y/N, s-she really left?”

“Harry, I think you need to go lay down,” Anne’s soothing voice states in a concerned tone, but Harry just closes his eyes and shakes his head.

“Where’s Gemma?”

“I asked her to get a damp cloth for your forehead, you’ve got a fever love,” she continues as he looks at her again. Just as he’s about to say something else – his sister appears in the doorway with a cloth and wastes no time in chucking it towards him as anger takes over her features.

“What the hell was that Harry?” Gem seethes as her brother reaches up to catch the cloth just before it can peg him in the chest.

“Gemma,” Anne warns her daughter, but the oldest Styles sibling just isn’t having it. “Take a couple breaths, please.”

“No, mum. There are literally so many other people he could’ve chosen to mess around with, but he just had to choose my best friend? What even is that?” Her eyes snap to those of her brothers, and boy if looks could kill; Harry would cease to exist. “She’s not one of those fuck buddies that you just get to toss away once you’re done with them, Harry. She's-.”

“Do you not think I know that?” He snaps at her and lets out an aggravated groan as he harshly pushes a hand through his curls. “How could you think I’d ever do something like that to Y/N? Fuck, I need to call her.”

No more words are exchanged between the three as Harry exits the washroom and makes way to the living room to retrieve his cell phone from where it’s laying on the couch. He wastes no time in finding your contact and pressing the call button. The first couple of rings go by and Harry feels his heart pace increase when the other end of the call finally picks up; however, that rapid beating he feels diminishes as your voice chimes in asking him to leave a message and that you’d back to him as soon as you could.

With a defeated sigh, he waits for the tone as he stressfully tugs at his hair. “Hey Y/N, uh yeah, it’s me. Mum told me that you left and well, I really think we should talk about this. Give me a call back when you can, please.” Without any other words, he ends the call and tosses the device aside; thinking you’d call him back once you were home – but unfortunately, that never happens.

The days afterward come and go in a blur for the Rockstar, but not in a good way. He tries to be as positive as he can seeing as his mother and sister flew all the way to LA just to visit him for the holidays, but there’s one thing that is always nagging at the back of his mind despite how hard he tries to focus on literally anything else other than, well, you... And how it seems you’ve very much gone out of your way to ignore him.

You’re all that’s consumed his thoughts, and it’s slowly beginning to eat him alive because he hasn’t been able to talk to you. Did he do something wrong? Was it a mistake finally telling you how he felt about you? Why haven’t you called him back? Are you regretting kissing him?… Maybe you’re just embarrassed and want to pretend like none of this happened, but that is the last thing Harry wants.

Reaching out to you has become a lost cause, and as the days turn into weeks; he continues to send you a message every day in attempts to finally speak with you about all of this. He’s feeling rather pathetic about the whole ordeal, but he cares too much to not keep trying.

Things between him and Gemma have been a bit awkward during this time, to say the least, but with their unspoken sibling pact to not address the elephant in the room until they’re both ready to calmly speak about the matter; they avoid it altogether… Until one day, Gemma decides to change that.

It’s now been over two weeks since Christmas and Harry’s in a rough state. He’s somehow managed to become even sicker than he was before the holiday’s. It’s left him with nothing else to do but wallow in self-pity over everything that hasn’t gone his way as of late – and to watch an unnecessary amount of TV as he remains planted on the couch; jotting down the odd lyric that comes to mind when his eyes need a break from staring at the television screen for so long.

One afternoon, he finally stands up from the couch; wrapped in a blanket as he makes way to the kitchen for a glass of water as a rerun of Shrek 2 starts playing on the television. The opening scene of Shrek and Fiona on their honeymoon can be heard from the other room and has him scoffing at the cliché romance being displayed when he can’t even get a text back, but also has him nodding his head to the catchy Counting Crows song that plays in the background. Soon enough he’s humming along to the few words he recognizes and doesn’t notice the presence that stands behind him now, watching him in his own little world and trying their hardest not to laugh.

“Seriously?” Gemma’s voice speaks up from the doorway, startling the Rockstar. She chuckles as her brother whips around to look at her, and shakes her head before continuing. “This is what your moping has turned into?”

“I have not been moping,” he grumbles and rolls his eyes as Gem leaves the room for a second to go turn off the TV before returning shortly after. “Heeeeey, m’watching that.”

“Not moping hmm? Then what’s with all the sappy rom-coms you’ve been watching for the past two weeks straight?”

“I like rom-coms, and I’ve been sick Gemma,” he replies, narrowing his gaze at her as he moves to the cupboard to grab an Advil for the headache he feels coming on. “Why are you on my case?”

“Have you talked to Y/N?” The older Styles questions, causing Harry to freeze in his tracks completely.

He lets his shoulders slouch before slowly turning back around to face his sister. “No, I haven’t. She won’t answer any of my calls or texts.”

“Thought she might pull something like this on you,” Gemma continues. “She always was a coward when it came to boys she liked. Anyways, I’m going to see her. Are you coming?”

“Right now?” He asks incredulously and looks down at the baggy grey hoodie and jeans he’s wearing; shaking his head as he processes everything. “Wait, when did you talk to her?”

“I haven’t yet,” she explains. “But I’ll send her a text to see if she’s home and we’ll go from there. I’d be surprised if she weren’t though, mum said she seemed pretty sick when they ran into each other last week.”

“Mum and Y/N talked last week, and no one wanted to tell me?” He asks slightly annoyed

“Hey, I only found out last night. Mum and I discussed all of it… this.”

With a heavy sigh, the two know what is to come. The elephant has been addressed, and Harry couldn’t be more relieved but panicked at the same time. He observes his sister as he waits for her to continue, but when she doesn’t; he takes it as a hint for him to speak up. With a deep breath, he prepares himself to tell her how he’s felt for quite some time, and it’s pretty nerve-wracking. “Gem, I know you probably don’t want to hear this because Y/N is your best friend and all… but I like her a lot. I have for a really long time now but was always too terrified to let her know that, and now that something has actually happened between us; I-I just can’t stop thinking about it. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, but it’s how I feel and-.”

“I get it, Harry,” she cuts him off, and sends him a small smile. “I can tell how much her not responding has been bugging you with how much you’ve been sulking around, and not really doing much… This is all very weird. That’s for sure. But who am I to stand between my best friend and brother if they really do have such significant feelings for each other?”

“Do you mean that?”

“I do,” she says with a sigh. “Now, I wouldn’t be offering to take you over to her apartment, so she’s basically forced to talk with you if I wasn’t. So, are you coming or not?”

“Yeah, I’ll go,” he replies with a chuckle, moving around the counter to pull his sister into a little sideways hug. “Thanks, Gem.”

“Don’t thank me yet, you still have to win over your girl.”

Their drive to your apartment is filled with conversation about just how long Harry’s felt this way about you. He explains how he doesn’t even know when he started liking you as more than a friend, but how it’s always been something that was there. He has no issue in telling his sister his favourite things about you, including the little things that just simply have had him wrapped around your finger for years now, but neither of you had bothered to notice.

Gemma can’t help but feel happy for her brother as he goes off about this incredible girl who just so happens to be one of her favourite people on this entire planet. As your best friend she’s always felt protective over who you had relationships with because no one was ever good enough for you in her eyes, but with Harry now stepping up to make that type of effort; it’s just different… a good different, and it makes her smile hearing how much admiration he truly has for you. Once he’s done rambling, she glances at him sideways and smirks to herself. “You love her, don’t you?”

With a deep breath and the pushing of his hand through his hair as he realizes they’re pulling up to your apartment building, Harry can’t help but smile at the thought. “I think I might.”

The two park the car and are soon making way up to your apartment. Much to Harry’s dismay, Gemma doesn’t listen when he suggests just knocking on your door to get your attention and decides to use the key you had given her to just barge on in instead. He doesn’t see your reaction to his and his sister’s sudden appearance, but with the loud thud that sounds from what he assumes is you falling to the ground; he knows they’ve caught you off guard.

He stays back a bit as he watches Gemma help you up from the ground, and observes as two of the most important women in his life interact – happy to see them talking again, but insanely nervous because soon enough he’ll have to speak up. His heart is fluttering like crazy just by being near you again, and as much as he wants to be upset with you for ignoring him; he instantly feels himself melt as soon as your gaze meets his.

“Oh fuck, H,” your voice croaks out before being overwhelmed by an intense coughing fit. He hates seeing you like this and wants nothing more than to pull you against his chest and rub your back until the coughs subside, but knows he shouldn’t.

With a shake of his head, he steps forward and expresses his concern. “Y/N, please tell me you’ve gone to the doctor.”

Before you can answer, Gemma speaks up, and the two of you soon discuss what happened on Christmas Eve. Harry observes as you apologize to his sister, and feels himself relax slightly as it seems you’re not regretful of what had happened between you and him.

“Can’t say I’m the biggest fan of my best friend and brother being all over each other like the way you two were, but I can say that you two are each one of the few people I think are actually good enough for the other. Y/N, as weird as it is to even think about – you’re one of the best people I could ever imagine my little brother with; and Harry, you’ve got some work to do, but Y/N can help you get to her level,” Gem explains, and Harry scoffs.

“Thanks?” He mutters, but can’t help the stupid grin that’s stretching across his face because his sister's approval means more to him than she’ll ever know it does. He knows the weight that feels as if it’s been lifted from his chest is what you’re feeling as well, and sends you a knowing look before the two of you move in to engulf Gemma in a group hug against her will.

Once the eldest Styles has squirmed her way out of your joint hold on her, she mentions how she needs to head out, and soon departs; leaving the two of you alone.

As soon as she’s out the door, you turn to face the Rockstar, and he awkwardly glances to the ground; not knowing how to approach the situation between the two of you. “H, I was so caught up in worrying about your mum and Gemma I didn’t even consider your feelings in all of this, and I know I’ve said it a lot lately… but I’m especially sorry for how I just left after well, we kissed and-.”

“S’alright Y/N,” he chuckles at your rambling. He steps towards you and feels those damn butterflies in his stomach again, mentally cursing himself for feeling so soft. “I’ve never had a girl walk out on me like that before.”

“Is that supposed to sound appealing to me?” You scoff dramatically.

“No, I guess not,” he continues laughing, and you let out a huff. “But m’sorry as well because I never told you how I felt about you sooner. It’s been for quite some time now, I’ve just been too much of a coward to do anything about it. S’a bit intimidating having feelings for someone who is not only your sister’s best friend but also one of your own. Not necessarily an easy thing to discuss.”

“We could always start talking about it slowly?” You suggest and smile at him shyly. “Could watch a movie and see where the evening takes us?”

He smirks smugly but slowly nods in agreement; feeling a great sense of deja vu at the idea. “I’d like that.”

With broad smiles, the two of you make way to the couch and bundle up again… together. Once you’re both comfy and all cuddled against the other, you glance up at him and speak again. “It’s your turn to pick the movie.”

He tugs his bottom lip between his teeth as he gazes down at you, wanting nothing more than to crash his lips against yours again as he takes in the way you gaze up at him affectionately. “Let’s watch Shrek. I’ve had a song from that movie stuck in my head for a while now,” he proposes and wraps an arm around your waist, so you’re snuggled up against him even more. With a small smile, you nod before unexpectedly reaching behind his neck to pull him in for a sudden deep kiss.

The action catches him off guard, but he responds instantly by leaning back against the armrest and pulling you with him; firmly gripping your waist so that you remain on top of him as you moan against his lips seductively.

Maybe you two won’t be watching Shrek after all.

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overly-affectionate-animatronics · 5 years

Text

Service With A Smile - Chap. 05

Title: Service With a Smile - Welcome to the Fazbear Hotel! Part: 5/?? Author: Murasaki Rose Beta: none Genre: AU/Romance/Adventure/Sci-Fi Rating: PG-13 Spoilers: None that I know Warnings: Slash~i.e. male x male pairings, swearing, suggestive language and humor Pairings: Golden Freddy x Phone Guy Minor Pairings: Foxy x Chica, Toy Bonnie x Mangle, Toy Freddy x Toy Chica

Summary: After being picked as the new general manager, Paul has one month to prove he’s the man for the job. But with xenophobic customers, jealous employees, a former employer out to sabotage him, and a flirty hotel owner, does the human stand a chance, or will he be sent back home?

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Ah, Mr. Cawthon, just the man I wanted to see," a voice called out as Paul walked by Golden's office.

"Hello, hello doctor!" the human replied in greeting, a faint blush dusting his cheeks when Golden waved at him from behind the hotel physician. "What can I do for you?" he asked, entering the room and walking over to stand at Golden's side.

The older Tieran gave him a friendly smile, "Well young man, since you are now a permanent member of the staff, I've been brushing up on my human biology. That was when I realized that there was an unintentional omission from your records."

"Omission?" Paul and Golden asked in unison.

"Yes. It's nothing serious and the fault lies in our medical form." A small frown formed on his muzzle, "However, I'm not sure how sensitive humans are about this, so if you prefer I can ask you in private....I wouldn't ask at all, but I do need this information in case of a serious injury."

Paul smiled and shook his head, "My health record is clean, so uh, anything you want to know, you can ah, just ask me now."

"All right then. What I need to know is whether or not you have had the bearer surgery."

Golden's eyebrows lifted in surprise as Paul's face turned red, his brown eyes going wide before he answered.

"Oh! W-well, I ah-no. No, I h-haven't had the surgery. The results were t-too finicky when I was the r-right age, s-so my dad didn't uh, didn't want to risk it."

"All right, I'll get this into your records then." Knowing the human was in good hands, the doctor decided it would be best not to call attention to Paul's obvious discomfort and left the office.

Alone now, Golden noticed how quiet and withdrawn his human had become. His head was downcast and he seemed lost in his thoughts, a heavy, melancholy air hanging about him. Sensing Paul's need to talk, Golden got up and closed the door to his office; something told him this was best talked about in private. Sitting on the edge of his desk and placing a paw on Paul's shoulder, the bear waited patiently until his human lifted his head. He wasn't surprised to see the red-head's dark eyes glimmering with unshed tears.

Taking a shaky breath, Paul finally began to talk. "D-do you uh, remember when I m-mentioned my brother standing up for me?"

Golden nodded, he wondered when his human would want to talk about that. (1)

"W-well you see uh...even though our dad d-didn't want to put us th-through the s-s-surgery, he always expected us t-to have kids. A-after a few bad r-relationships, m-my brother decided to go ahead and raise kids b-by himself. So he f-found a surrogate before I w-was out of h-high school. Then three years l-later he h-had a second one with the same surrogate."

"How old was he?" brow furrowed in concern, the bear gently rubbed Paul's back.

"S-same age I-I am now...that's p-probably why...no. That is why Dad started p-pressuring me to find a surrogate." Paul frowned, "B-but I hadn't d-dated much at all and I d-didn't...I didn't w-want to raise k-kids on my own." A stray tear escaped, hastily wiped away by the frustrated human. "I-I love kids, but w-with this kind of job I c-couldn't do it on my own! I-I mean m-maybe here I could, b-but back on the colony..?" He shook his head, "I-I didn't even have time t-to date, how could I raise a child? I-I'd never be there for them!" His fists clenched, "I-I tried to explain that to my father, but he wouldn't listen! He just kept going on about doing my duty for humanity, l-like I hadn't said a word!" The red-head visibly deflated, "I finally yelled that I refused to have a child with someone I didn't even know." The tears that had been shimmering in his eyes began rolling down his face unchecked, "Th-that was when he said-" Paul's breath hitched, "he said...that i-if he had known I-I was g-going to be like this, he'd have......had me go through the bearer operation," he finished, choking back a sob. "That w-was when S-Scott jumped in. He told Dad he was out of line, but Dad was so worked up, he wouldn't listen to him either. They started arguing and just got louder and angrier until Dad stormed off." Paul took another shaky breath, "That was m-months ago and I uh...I haven't...spoken with him since. I've left messages, trying to get in contact with him, but he hasn't replied to any of them. I-I-I d-don't even think he knows I-I'm not on the c-colony anymore!" His explanation done, Paul crumpled into the strong arms that caught him, tears streaming unfettered down his face.

Scooping Paul up in a bridal carry, Golden carried him to one of the couches in his office and sat down. Looking down into his human's surprised and tear-stained face, the bear didn't know what to say. What could he say? He knew that the human species had been fighting a dwindling population since the destruction of their home planet, but that they would pressure their people to the state that parents would shun their children for not wanting to have one with a stranger....

Pushing those thoughts aside, he leaned back with his human still cradled in his arms and pressed a gentle kiss to Paul's forehead. Relaxing into the embrace, Paul felt a few stray tears roll down his face as he soaked in the comfort his boyfriend was providing.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

One of the additional perks to living in the dorms at the Fazbear Hotel were 2 hours a week for long-distance phone calls. Having few people back on the colony he was close enough to stay in contact with, Paul spent most of his time talking with his older brother. The two were deep into their weekly talk when a knock came at Paul's door; the younger sibling going to answer after apologetically asking his brother to wait a moment.

Though he couldn't quite make out the words, Scott could hear the joy in his brother's voice at his surprise visitor who spoke in a deep, soothing tone. Moments later, Paul popped back into view, a shy smile now on his face. "Ah Scott? I've uh, got someone I'd like you to meet." Tugging on the hand he was holding off screen, Paul sat on the far side of the couch leaving room for a large, gold-furred bear Tieran to sit next to him.

Much to the red head's delight, his brother and boyfriend got along wonderfully, which had never occurred with the few boyfriend's he'd had in the past. Somehow though, their conversation took an odd turn and Paul wasn't quite sure how the topic even came up, much less begin to fathom why Golden was so interested when his brother mentioned it.

"You have a picture of him in a skirt?" Aqua eyes lit when the brunet nodded, "How long is it?"

"Above the knee," Scott answered, laughing when his little brother moaned in embarrassment while Golden's ears perked.

"Scott why?!" Grabbing one of the throw pillows, Paul covered his face and considered smothering himself with it.

"Paul are you all right?" Golden asked, gently rubbing the red-head's back. Receiving no reply, he frowned and easily lifted his human up onto his lap with his legs on either sides of the bear's hips. Nuzzling his head, Golden tugged the pillow out of Paul's hands and brought their foreheads together. "If it bothers you so much, I'll stop asking about the picture," he promised, kissing his human's temple.

Sitting back, Paul shook his head, "Oh, n-no. It's not that. It's just-it's a silly picture from a drama production back in high school. Y-you can see it if you want."

Hugging his human around the waist, Golden chuckled, "Tell you what; I'll show you one of my old school pictures in exchange." He rubbed his nose against Paul's, "and to be totally fair, I'll let Freddy and Kima pick which one."

Brown eyes twinkling in delight, Paul leaned forward and kissed Golden's cheek. "It's a deal."

"I still don't understand why you want to see it so badly."

"Because you're wearing a skirt," Golden answered as if it was obvious.

"What does a skirt have to do with anything?"

Golden coughed and muttered that he'd explain later.

Trying not to laugh at them both, Scott decided to fill his brother in...at least partially. "He wants to see your legs Paul."

"Scott!" Paul whined, covering his face with his hands and attempting to fall off Golden's lap to one side. Holding his human close, Golden nuzzled Paul's hair in an attempt to hide his own blush that threatened to show through his fur.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

With the hotel's prestigious standing and stellar reputation, Paul had quickly learned that he was a great point of interest to those who held long-time connections to the hotel. Because of this, he'd grown accustomed to occasionally being pulled from his routine to meet with various patrons and business associates.

"I'm impressed that you were able to meet Rolfe's standards so well. He holds this place and this position in high regard. I didn't think he'd find anyone that he fully trusted to take over."

"Thank you Mr. Ursa," Paul replied, a hint of red dusting his cheeks. He still wasn't used to getting so many sincere, glowing compliments.

Ursa chuckled as Golden wrapped an arm around the almost bashful human. After hearing stories from Golden's father, he'd wanted to meet the young man himself and see if the rumors were true. A quick change to his trip itinerary was all it took to give himself and his son a chance to visit and see things for themselves. Unfortunately, his son wasn't making a good impression as he chose to pretend Paul didn't exist while trying and failing to catch Golden's eye, despite the other bear stating upfront that he and the human were courting.

Paul's tablet suddenly chimed as a reminder went off. "Oh! I'm sorry but I'm afraid I have to go. I've got a meeting with some of the managers to get to."

"That's quite all right young man."

Having caught on to the young bear's intentions right away and fed up with this sort of behavior from people in general, Paul decided it was time he started following in his boyfriend's footsteps and show others that Golden was his. Placing a hand on Golden's shoulder for balance, he lifted up on his toes and pressed a kiss to the bear's cheek, "I'll see you later."

Golden nodded, a silly grin forming as he put a paw over where Paul's lips had touched. That was the first time his human had kissed him first in public.

The older Tieran chuckled at the cub's expression, "Your father had that same look on his muzzle the first time your mother did that to him."

If anything Golden's grin grew brighter and he breathed a happy sigh as he watched the red head until he was out of sight. "He's something special isn't he?"

"He's human," Ursa's son grumped, earning himself a dark glare from Golden.

"And he's mine."

The youth's next comment was cut off by a yelp as his father smacked the back of his head.

"I'm sorry Golden, it seems my son still has some lessons to learn in manners."

Tension gone, the gold bear made an exasperated sigh, "he's not the only one."

"Ah yes, your father mentioned that incident a few weeks ago." He laughed as the younger bear groaned in disgust.

"Please don't remind me," he frowned and shook his head. "At least we learned that Paul can calm me down before I go feral."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Paul nearly dropped his tablet to the floor when the urgent message alarm went off. Recovering from his fumble, he swore his heart stopped as he read the message from security:

[["Paul! You need to hurry! There's a guest making advances on Golden!]]

Taking every shortcut he knew, the human raced for the main ballroom, dodging staff and guests alike, all while hoping and praying he wouldn't be too late. He was running so fast, his momentum took him past the doorway coming to a graceless stop a few feet beyond the entryway. Spinning on his heel, he back-tracked into the ballroom at a slightly slower pace to give his racing heart a chance to slow down while he assessed the situation.

The scene that greeted him left the human debating whether he should be amused or annoyed.

Amusement won out as he watched his seven-foot-plus boyfriend awkwardly try to fend off a couple of tiny, flirtatious elderly ladies. Nearby the event manager was attempting to deter the ladies but wasn't having much luck as he was also trying not to laugh at his boss' plight.

Stifling a grin, Paul approached the group with a pleasant smile, "Hello, hello!"

"Ah, Mr. Cawthon!" the event manager called out, drawing the ladies attention away from Golden, giving the bear a chance to dart behind Paul. "Miss Ligar, Miss Daora, this is our General Manager."

"Pleased to meet you," Ligar greeted, eyeing the human from head to toe.

"Now aren't you just the cutest thing?" Daora cooed, fluttering her eyelashes.

Afraid for Paul's safety, Golden instantly recovered his composure and wrapping an arm around the human's waist, pulled him back to rest against his chest. Used to this behavior, Paul subconsciously relaxed against the bear and placed a reassuring hand on top of Golden's paw.

Ligar's eyes widened, "Ohhh, I see." Leaning over, she "whispered" to her friend, "No wonder the boy wasn't interested...he's got a lovely mate already!" Honestly, that was one of the cutest things she'd seen in some time.

Both men blushed brightly, sending the elderly women into a fit of giggles.

Waving a hand in their direction, Ligar drew Daora away, a knowing smile on her face, "Well then, I think we'll let you boys go about your day. Mr. Serata can take care of us from here."

"It was wonderful meeting you!"

With that, they each took one of the event manager's arms and walked away, Golden slumping in relief as they left the room. His arm still around Paul, he let the other join it as he buried his face in his human's hair. That had been freaky.

Leaning back against the bear, Paul sighed and sagged a little as the adrenaline finally wore off.

"You all right?" Golden asked, lifting his head to nuzzle the human's cheek.

"Just a little tired," brown eyes glanced sideways at the bear. "I ah, ran here from the laundry room."

"That's on the other side of the hotel!" Golden was impressed, his human must have broken some speed records with how fast he had arrived.

"Oh, well I was a little ah, motivated," he held his tablet up to show the bear, "I received this message from security and after last month I was a bit concerned, you know."

Reading the message, Golden felt a twinge of annoyance that security had scared Paul so badly, but it was easily over-shadowed by the warmth he felt knowing how much his human cared. Scooping the red head up into his arms, Golden brought their faces nose-to nose to kill any protests he might make and grinned at the blush that bloomed over Paul's cheeks.

"Since I'm sure you've worn yourself out running, I think we should take an early lunch and let you recover."

Checking his watch Paul noted it wasn't too early for lunch and nodded his consent. His legs were starting to feel like noodles anyway. "I uh, don't suppose you'd be willing to put me down would you?"

"Not a chance," the bear replied, his low chuckle morphing into a deep, hearty laugh as Paul collapsed against his chest with a resigned sigh.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"You need to work out a code," Golden growled as he let himself into Spring's office, later that day.

The gold rabbit rolled his eyes, "he's fine, but I'll work on something, alright?" He smirked, "can't keep sending our general manager into a panic every time you get cornered by little old ladies."

The bear scowled and punched Spring's arm, "Knock it off."

"You should have seen him running though. He might actually be able to keep up with Foxy and Mangle."

"Really?"

Spring smirked, "Wanna see? I've got his whole run queued."

Pulling a chair around to sit next to his friend, Golden raised an eyebrow, "You have to ask?"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Paul laughed as Golden recounted one of the sillier scenes from the movie they'd just watched. It was supposed to be a serious action movie, but the corny lines and poor acting had the pair in stitches. Fortunately, the theatre had been largely empty or they might have been thrown out for causing a disturbance. As it was, the duo managed to keep their chuckles and guffaws down to a "mostly" polite level.

Reaching the employee housing, they lowered their voices as Golden walked Paul to his dorm. At the door, Paul sighed and leaned into Golden, not ready to leave the other's company just yet. Sensing his conflict as it mirrored his own, Golden turned him around and held him close. Returning the hug, the human sighed in content, resting his head on the bear's chest until the familiar sensation of being watched caused him to lift his head. Warm brown met with intense aqua as Golden gazed down at him, a determined glint in his eyes.

"Golden?"

Giving him a small smile, the bear cupped his chin and leaned in close, "I'm going to kiss you."

Heart hammering in his chest, Paul tilted his head in invitation, "O-okay."

Leaning in slowly until their lips brushed, Golden paused for perhaps a millisecond before closing the gap. It was a little awkward at first; Golden having never kissed anyone in this manner and Paul having never kissed someone with a muzzle, but it didn't take long for them to figure it out. Pulling away to gauge Paul's reaction, Golden saw the same need reflected in the other's eyes and eagerly dove back in, holding the red head even closer and wringing a cute moan from his human that only encouraged him.

Dizzy and overwhelmed, Paul couldn't believe a simple kiss could feel so good! He'd kissed and been kissed before, but even the most heated, full-blown makeout sessions he'd had couldn't compare to this moment. This slow, chaste kiss had more emotion in it and set his nerves on fire in the best way possible.

It was the unsettling feeling of several sets of eyes glaring daggers into his back that made a reluctant Golden pull away. "I'd better let you go before your "moms" decide to intervene," he murmured, casting a wary glance down the hall.

"Well I uh, wouldn't want to ah, get you in trouble," Paul chuckled. Though he was loathe to part from his boyfriend, he slid out of the bear's arms and unlocked his door. Just before stepping inside he pushed up on his toes and pressed a sweet kiss to Golden's cheek. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Golden replied as the smiling human slipped into his dorm. When he heard the door latch, Golden left, nodding to Mrs. Chouette as he passed the watching ladies, a happy smile on his muzzle.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"So...how was it?"

Seated in the dorm lounge with his "sisters" Paul tilted his head, brown eyes blinking once, "How was what?"

"Don't play coy...we heard Mrs. Chouette talking with the older ladies this morning."

"About what?" Paul was so confused.

"Your kiss with Mr. Fazbear of course!"

"Wha-?" Paul stared at the women, his mouth hanging open in surprise. He'd never had anyone express this much interest in his dating progress. They giggled as his face turned red while he thought over their question. "It was amazing, I've uh, never h-had a kiss that good before."

The girls burst into a round of soft squeals and sighs, further confusing the human.

"Did he use his tongue?"

"!!!!!!" Paul's face darkened to match his hair, "N-no! W-we d-didn't go that far!"

"All right girls, that's enough questions for now," Mrs. Chouette interrupted, much to Paul's relief.

"Aww."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

1 - See Chapter 1

#fanfic #fnaf fanfic #golden freddy #phone guy #Hotel!AU

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wrckhvck · 5 years

Text

In PORTLAND, ME I found JAX COYNE, a child with the ability of BLOOD MANIPULATION. At first HE came off as IMPETUOUS but they also seemed GREGARIOUS. I was unable to procure the child, as an adult, they should resemble GRANT GUSTIN. ( c, she/her )

hey hi hello everyone! i thought my rping days were behind me but i loved TUA and decided to give this a go. we’ll see how it works out shshshss. i love yelling about riverdale ( so bad its kinda good ), shadowhunters, broadway, and love cats more than people and i’m super hyped to be here. for a little more about jax, you can keep reading ~ also this is important !!! there are a lot of trigger warnings re: his past / life so i’m going to list them all here instead of in the tags at the bottom. you have been warned.

trigger warnings: minor child abuse, child abandonment, domestic violence, negative self-talk, lack of self-esteem, suicidal ideation, self harm, self mutilation in the name of science, lack of self-worth, lack of self-preservation, unintentional suicide attempts, warped self image, bloodplay(ish), mentions of violence / self-violence.

TLDR: jax has a fucked up sense of self and likes to experiment on himself. proceed with caution i guess ???

&. basics

full name: jackson ‘jax’ edward coyne

nicknames: jax, jaxxy, jack

age: 29

sexuality: pansexual

relationship status: single

date of birth: october 1

place of birth: portland, me

gender & species: cismale, enhanced humanoid(?)

current location: unknown.

&. more basic info

languages: english, spanish, french.

religion: n/a - he’s an atheist.

education: BS degree in human biology concentration from the university of southern maine & MD from uConn school of medicine. 3 years studying to be a forensic scientist and now completing a one year residency/fellowship before getting board certified.

occupation: forensic pathologist

drinks, smokes, & drugs: yes, no, yes.

&. personality

zodiac sign: ( references: one, two ) libra

mbti: ( reference link ) istj

likes: emo music, pasta dishes, cats, supernatural (tv), black nail polish, coffee, true crime podcasts, greek yoghurt.

dislikes: socialization, herbal tea, vaping, people who don’t use their turn signals when driving, one way streets, mustard, taylor swift music, and reality tv.

bad habits: bites his nails, picks scabs when you’re not supposed to, obsesses over getting song lyrics right, poor posture, obsessing over things that can’t be changed.

secret talent: tattooing. he’s not licensed to do any work on anyone else, but he’s done a lot of the work on his sleeves himself. he had his in love and death tattoo done when he was 16 and he’s been addicted ever since. he was too broke to be able to afford constant work so he had to learn how to do it himself with a lot of trial and error.

hobbies: listening to true crime podcasts, research, drawing/sketching, watching wrestling, boxing, studying, etc.

fears: isolation, decision making, the future, responsibility, the truth about his origins.

five positive traits: determined, altruistic, loyal, competitive & vulnerable

five negative traits: impetuous, cowardly, stubborn, blunt, & prone to self-harm in the name of science.

other mentionable details: jax has done some Questionable Shit TM in the name of science. as he can control / manipulate blood, he’s frequently injured himself to test the extent of his abilities. he’s also caused some health issues by increasing his blood pressure / fucking with the way blood is supposed to work that has landed him in the hospital a few times. he’s also tried playing operation with himself and has been studying his genetics obsessively to try to figure what the hell is he / who he is. he grew up thinking he was a monster (bc thats what they told him he was) so he sometimes considers himself more of a science experiment than a person.

&. appearance

tattoos: he has full sleeves up and down his arms. i can’t really find anything that suits it but i think the left side would be venom / symbiotes and maybe some nightmare before christmas elements??? idk. the other one would be like a graveyard kind of theme with like tombstones, skulls, some wild looking shapes and black roses.. he also has the album artwork from in love and death by the used on the side of his ribcage (x) he also has the tattoo from supernatural (x) bc he’s a fucking dork and its his favorite show.

piercings: nipple, septum, tongue.

faceclaim: grant gustin.

&. family information

parent names: helen & n/a.

parent relationship: he doesn’t have a relationship with his parents. his mother gave birth to him at 17 - after having not been pregnant until she went into labor - and always considered him an abomination. helen’s boyfriend broke up with her thinking she’d been unfaithful and wouldn’t believe that she hadn’t broken their agreement. they’d been saving themselves for marriage and were planning to get married the summer after they graduated. betrayed by her love and judged by her extremely conservative, religious, family, helen found herself looking for love in all of the wrong places. this love was never shared with her son. when she abandoned him at a local orphanage, he was only 5 years old. he never saw her again.

sibling names: n/a. he doesn’t consider himself having any siblings. he bounced out of foster home after foster home and never made any lasting connections.

sibling relationship: n/a

other relevant relative: none. he had a maternal uncle but he passed away when he was a baby. he never knew him.

children: n/a

significant other / spouse: n/a

pets: he has a pet snaked named anguis. it means snake in latin. he thinks he’s clever. he’s not. sdkjgsds.

&. biography

it was a blustery october day when helen coyne doubled over in the park across the street from her house. she was meeting her boyfriend, edward lovington, and they had plans to get milkshakes and go to the movies. instead she was rushed to the hospital under suspicion of a burst appendix, only to give birth to a healthy baby boy some minutes later. this phenomenon would later be known to be the moment that 43 women around the world delivered babies without ever having been pregnant. each child would have abilities beyond comprehension and some would go on to become students at the umbrella academy. jax would not enjoy such a fate.

helen’s parents were extremely religious. she and her boyfriend had pledged their chastity under the belief that they would be married come the summer and he believed her to have broken that vow. he ended things with her and her family turned their backs on her. only her brother kept in contact, allowing her and the baby to move into his guest house until they could get back onto their feet. he was named jackson edward, after his maternal grandfather and his mother’s former love. jax never met either man but had heard the story from his mother as he grew up. to this day he doesn’t know why helen decided to keep him; why he wasn’t given up for adoption as a baby, or abandoned at the hospital on the day he was born.

desperate for love and looking in the wrong places, helen suffered a string of abusive and controlling men. it was a circle of abuse that she seemed caught in, believing to her core that she deserved it because god had punished her. this continued until jax was five, when her latest boyfriend scratched her face. the cuts welled up - the first time a boyfriend had drawn blood in jax’s presence - but to everyone’s dismay, the wound coagulated and the blood disappeared, back where it came from. her boyfriend would have killed them both - afraid of what he’d seen when jax yelled at him to stop - but his eyes ran red as the blood inside his body boiled and cooked him from the inside out. the sound of his body hitting the floor was drowned out by helen’s screams. jax was abandoned at a local orphanage days later, his mother unable to look at him as she believed he was a monster.

maine isn’t a big city. the area they were in was extremely small, so whispers of what had happened to helen’s boyfriend ran rampant. jax was branded a freak, kept in isolation at the orphanage in fear of what he’d do to the other children. he didn’t understand his powers yet and believed what his mother said was true; that he was a monster and that he deserved whatever happened to him as a consequence of it. he withdrew into himself and was selectively mute until his teen years, bouncing from foster home to foster home as he grew. it was only when he was 13, now exploring his powers with a morbid curiosity he would later attribute to scientific hypothesis, that he started speaking again.

jax grew up very isolated and socially awkward. he doesn’t always know how to talk to people or how to appropriately react in certain situations. he’s very morbid, has a dark sense of humor, and has a lot of questionable interests. his music taste is skewed towards screamo / emo music and heavy metal. he prefers horror movies to essentially every other genre and spends hours listening to true crime podcasts and lives on CSI / Criminal Minds / SVU etc. his favorite bands are my chemical romance, the used, saosin, underoath, black veil brides, and disturbed.

academically, jax is kind of a genius. he didn’t really have friends so he spent a lot of time studying. he finds biology interesting because his own biology fascinates him. he can control blood; can make it coagulate, raise his own blood pressure, and even create it from his own cells. it doesn’t make sense. it doesn’t fit into what he knows about the human condition and that fascinates him. experimenting on himself has become second nature and he covered up the majority of the scarring with tattoos. the only friend he ever had showed him how to do some of it himself as a teenager and he’s kept up with the hobby - buying cheap supplies online or cutting corners to keep up with the artwork decorating his body.

with two degrees under his bet, jax is swimming in debt. honestly his checking account is a terrifying place to live. he’s been low-key indulging in credit card scams for years to keep his head above water. he has a ledger where he’s written down every card, every loan, and every payment he needs to pay back. it’s locked in a safe so no one can ever find it. as a forensic pathologist he’ll make good money and hopefully be able to pay it all back before the cops come knocking down his door.

#all43intro

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sciencespies · 3 years

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Atomic Bomb Scientists Wanted To Make A Cautionary Movie About Nuclear Weaponry. An Interview With Greg Mitchell About How Hollywood Destroyed Those Hopes

https://sciencespies.com/news/atomic-bomb-scientists-wanted-to-make-a-cautionary-movie-about-nuclear-weaponry-an-interview-with-greg-mitchell-about-how-hollywood-destroyed-those-hopes/

Atomic Bomb Scientists Wanted To Make A Cautionary Movie About Nuclear Weaponry. An Interview With Greg Mitchell About How Hollywood Destroyed Those Hopes

Greg Mitchell’s “The Beginning or the End.” Published in July 2020 by The New Press

Photo credit: The New Press

Better late than never, right? In July of 2020 The New Press published Greg Mitchell’s The Beginning or the End, which was about a 1947 Hollywood docudrama that portrayed the development of the world’s first atomic bomb. A little more than a year later, this week provides a stellar opportunity to talk with Mitchell about his book. That’s because August 6 is the anniversary of the day when the United States detonated the world’s first atomic bomb over Hiroshima, a Japanese city with a population of about 300,000 people. Three days later on August 9, 1945, an even more powerful bomb was detonated over the city of Nagasaki, which had a population of about 200,000. As acknowledged by the United States government, the number of civilian deaths in Hiroshima (immediate event + radiation sickness) was about 100,000. About 70,000 died in Nagasaki. Appalled nuclear scientists reached out to Hollywood for help informing Americans about the needless deaths their atomic bombs had caused. The movie that Hollywood produced merely fanned patriotic flames and elevated nuclear madness.

Welcome to Los Alamos

The Manhattan Project was the name of the effort sited in Los Alamos, New Mexico, through which atomic bomb technology was developed. Well before the bombs were dropped, seventy scientists from the Project had become aghast at creation. They signed a petition asking asked President Truman not to drop atomic bombs on Japan. Ultimately, of course, Truman disregarded their plea.

In 1945, shorty after the end of the war, some of those same scientists reached out to Metro Goldwyn Mayer’s Louis B. Mayer in hopes that we would make a movie that depicted the horrors that their weaponry had produced and that warned the world about the dangers of a nuclear arms race. They offered to serve as advisors to the movie.

Mayer thrilled at the idea. He imagined a potential blockbuster. The scientists were overjoyed.

Then they weren’t.

Circa 1935: Russian-born American film mogul Louis Burt Mayer (1885 – 1957), head of production at … [+] MGM. (Photo by General Photographic Agency/Getty Images)

Getty Images

Atomic Bombs Are So Conveniently Top Secret, Aren’t They?

Because the scientists who would advise the movie had top-secret information, Mayer gave Truman and General Leslie R. Groves (who led the Manhattan Project for the Army) script approval rights. Unfortunately, Groves’ and Truman’s vanity took over. They didn’t just edit sensitive information out of the script. They used the opportunity of concern about national security to put the script through meat grinders designed to make them sound good and look handsome. Meanwhile, MGM scriptwriters added romances and subplots. What eventually emerged was a hackneyed, over-hyped docudrama that glorified the president and the military and that created astonishing myths about why the use of the bombs had been the right choice for the United States of America and the world.

Author Greg Mitchell is a journalist who knows military history and United States politics well. He is the author of The Tunnels: Escapes Under the Berlin Wall and the Historic Films the JFK White House Tried to Kill; Tricky Dick and the Pink Lady (a New York Times Notable Book); The Campaign of the Century: Upton Sinclair’s Race for Governor of California and The Birth of Media Politics (winner of the Goldsmith Book Prize and finalist for the Los Angeles Times Book Prize). He also co-authored with Robert Jay Lifton, Hiroshima in America. Mitchell is the former editor of Nuclear Times magazine and the writer/director of the 2021 documentary, Atomic Coverup.

For Forbes.com, I talked to Mitchell about his nonfiction examination of the scientists’ motivations in reaching out to Hollywood and about Hollywood’s distortion of their intentions and message. Mitchell’s book is called The Beginning or The End — and that, by the way, is also the title of the MGM movie that so sorely disappointed the scientists involved. I have edited the conversation for length and clarity

The Conversation with Greg Mitchell

Rebecca Coffey: Your book tells the story of scientists who were sickened at the deaths caused by their work at the Manhattan Project. They wanted Hollywood to help them create a movie that would be a cautionary tale. What they got instead from Hollywood was a movie designed to help Americans feel good about the appalling Hiroshima and Nagasaki news. The movie didn’t raise moral questions about scientific matters. It celebrated nuclear weaponry and its “heroes.” Am I right about that?

Journalist and author Greg Mitchell

Photo credit: Barbara Bedway

Greg Mitchell: I think that’s a fair assessment. The country had mixed feelings about how the bomb had been used. The scientists had mixed feelings about what they’d created. Truman and Groves had script approval. A movie filled with distortions and outright lies was the result.

RC: I’m surprised at how good a job the movie did in creating lasting distortions. I mentioned to a well-educated, well-read, peace-loving friend the other day that I would be interviewing you and I also said that you had spent a significant portion of your professional life examining moral questions about the use of the bomb. He said, well, what is there to talk about really? Using the bomb was necessary. If we hadn’t done it the Soviets were about to do it. I responded that, no, Russia had spies at the Manhattan Project. That’s because they had no bomb. Japan and Germany didn’t have a bomb, either. Apparently, the wool that the government and this movie pulled over the eyes of even educated, peace-loving Americans has held up over the years. It still controls the narrative.

GM: That’s why I wrote this book. It’s what has motivated me for 38 years now. Last year was the 75th anniversary of the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. It was an opportunity for reassessment. That didn’t happen, perhaps because of COVID-19 headlines and the election. There was a best-selling book by Chris Wallace [and Mitch Weiss] defending the use of the bomb, but it included all sorts of errors. And there was Wallace’s Fox special about the bomb. But there was no impartial assessment 75 years after the fact. I’ve always wanted to promote an honest debate about what happened. I want all of the facts out there. I want Americans to have conversations and examine moral issues.

American actress Donna Reed (1921 – 1986), circa 1945. (Photo by Silver Screen Collection/Getty … [+] Images)

Getty Images

RC: If I remember correctly, one of the Manhattan Project scientists who had misgivings about the future of nuclear weaponry reached out to a former high school student. She was the actress Donna Reed. She brought her agent husband into the conversation and he sold Louis B. Mayer and MGM on the scientists’ idea about a movie that would warn audiences about the dangers and moral complexities of atomic bombs. Mayer was excited enough to call the movie the “most important story” he’d ever get the chance to tell. But the movie that MGM ended up making was not at all a cautionary tale. Do you know whether Mayer had a personal sense of loss about how the project turned out?

GM: I couldn’t find any testimony about that. I think he kind of bowed out. So many MGM movies needed his attention. This one didn’t seem to be a high priority, after all.

RC: The movie is a docudrama, though it’s hard for me to understand how any audience member accepted the supposedly nonfiction aspect of it given how predictable and corny the dialog is. Even so, they did. As a documentary-plus-drama, it was a “cross-genre” movie. And in some ways, your book is a cross-genre narrative because it’s about such serious matters but it incorporates lots of dark comedy. The photo on the book jacket’s speaks to gallows humor even more than it does to the book’s important historical information. Do you have any response to that?

The Beginning or the End (1947) Directed by Norman Taurog. MGM promotional photo. Shown: Tom Drake … [+] and his wife.

MGM/Photofrest

GM: I think there is a lot of unintentional comedy in it. There was the absurdity of trying to make a romantic, Hollywood blockbuster about the creation of a horrible, potentially world-destroying weapon. MGM went through all the usual promo processes, and they were oddly out of place. You know, “Here’s a beautiful actress getting her ID checked!” “Here are cool signs that say ‘Top Secret!’” Everything MGM said about the movie was inadvertently tone deaf. A nearly final version of the script had the Japanese receiving instructions on how to build an atomic bomb from Germans who arrived, as Germans apparently often do, by submarine. Having received the instructions, the Japanese took them to their secret atomic bomb factory … which was supposedly in Hiroshima! There was no factory in Hiroshima. No Germans were crawling out of submarines and bearing instructions for Japanese scientists. The script, the casting, the promotion, and the filmmaking process all were absurd.

Scientists and army personnel discuss nuclear science in MGM promotional shot.

Courtesy Greg Mitchell

RC: In general, Hollywood movies have clear heroes and villains. Your book doesn’t, but let’s just talk about its cast of characters. In the whole mess that was the creation and use of the bomb, is there a character who disgusted you most? Is there somebody whom you consider to be the true villain of the atomic bomb story?

GM: I suppose I’d have to say General Groves. He had his finger in everything. He got the bomb built. He covered up radiation accidents at the Manhattan Project. He helped pick Hiroshima and Nagasaki as targets. He moved up the schedule so the bomb would get used earlier. After the cities were bombed, he covered up the effects of the radiation on the civilian population and later he pushed for building more and bigger weapons. He capped it off by getting a massive amount of money from MGM to advise on the movie. By the way, no one else got paid, even though the scientists were promised money. Then, when questioned, Groves denied taking the money. He ruined the movie that had the potential to bring some truth to millions of Americans. Because he had his finger in everything, he would have to be the villain

(Original Caption) 9/11/1945-Alamogordo, NM: Maj. Gen. Leslie R. Groves (r), and Dr. J. R. … [+] Oppenheimer.

Bettmann Archive

RC: What about J. Robert Oppenheimer, the chief scientist at the Manhattan Project? I’ve read several books that portray him as an unreliable, weird, and perhaps overly self-involved figure. He had to give his approval to the movie for MGM to use his name, and his name was so well-known that MGM really had to use it. Why did he give his approval to the script?

GM: One of the subplots of the book is the continual engagement between MGM and the scientists including Oppenheimer, Albert Einstein, and Leo Szilard. [Before the Manhattan Project, Szilard had conceived the nuclear chain reaction upon which atomic bomb technology relied. He’d also patented a nuclear fission reactor design and he’d convinced Einstein to join the Manhattan Project. In 1945 Szilard drafted the petition to Truman asking him not to use the bomb against Japan.] Some of the scientists were very famous and were hesitant about cooperating. Whenever they dragged their feet, MGM got nervous and came up with pseudonyms for them. Even Oppenheimer had a provisional pseudonym. It was “Whittier” — funny because it was WASP-y and he was anything but. I’m not sure why ultimately he gave permission and let the MGM screenwriters use his real name. He was being surveilled by the FBI, but there’s no evidence that he cooperated just to get J. Edgar Hoover off his back. He had gotten some changes made in the script. Maybe that was enough for him. Maybe he knew that he couldn’t stop the movie altogether or solve all of its problems. Maybe he liked the idea of being a character on the big screen. Even Einstein and Szilard approved the script eventually.

RC: Why do you think Einstein and Szilard approved it?

Albert Einstein (1879-1955), American theoretical physicist and winner of the 1921 Nobel Prize for … [+] Physics.

Bettmann Archive

GM: MGM brought Szilard out to the lot for a week or two. That might have been flattering and fun. And Szilard didn’t have a lot to protect. The movie just showed him in the lab early on doing some of the groundbreaking work on nuclear science. He got some changes made to the script. The movie may not have deeply upset him because it doesn’t portray or distort his attempt to stop the use of the bomb.

Einstein, on the other hand, was a little different. In the book, there’s an exchange of letters between Mayer and Einstein. Mayer tried to twist Einstein’s arm. Einstein held firm. Then, a couple of months later, Szilard seems to have told Einstein, “Look, I got some changes made. I think you should sign. No big deal.” Einstein may have thrown up his hands and signed. It seems that, in the end, when scientists believed they were being treated fairly on screen they signed. Maybe they’d just been worn down.

Corbis via Getty Images

RC: Did the scientists get anything for all of their trouble?

GM: MGM didn’t pay the scientists even though they’d promised to. With their dithering, though, the scientists did succeed in delaying production. By the time the movie was released, the bomb had disappeared from the headlines.

RC: Poetic justice?

GM: Well, if you’re bothered at the idea that the movie that was supposed to be a cautionary tale ended up having a pro-atomic-bomb message, at least you can take some comfort. The scientists succeeded in ruining the audience for the movie. They delayed so long that America had lost interest. Mayer’s “most important story” was a box office flop.

RC: What are your favorite darkly comic moments about the development of the movie?

(Original Caption) 1949: Official portrait of Harry S. Truman (1884-1972), 33rd president of the … [+] United States.

Bettmann Archive

GM: I like Donna Reed’s involvement because it’s so unexpected and strange. Another favorite of mine is the fact that Truman got the actor playing him fired for not having a sufficiently “military bearing.” The actor then wrote a letter to Truman that appeared to be respectful but, between the lines, was deeply sarcastic. He suggested that Truman should play himself. He said something like, “No doubt you would love to be the person who takes credit for this historic use of the bomb.” Truman wrote a polite letter back, evidently not having caught onto the actor’s mockery.

By and large, I found reams of jaw-dropping stuff in the Motion Picture Academy Library. For example, Groves, who was overweight and not happy about it, ordered MGM to remove from the script a second reference to him liking chocolate. He and Truman allowed incredibly large falsehoods about science to stay in the script but disallowed details that they didn’t make them look good.

RC: Because for thirty-eight years you have researched this part of history, let me see if I can get you to opine about certain matters. In Einstein’s interview with the New York Times Magazine, he said that he believed we didn’t have to use the bomb. Do you agree with him about that?

GM: When I started writing about this in the 1980s and went to Hiroshima and Nagasaki for a month, I didn’t have an opinion. I just wanted to delve deeper into the story. Over the many years in which I’ve read more, I’ve become convinced that it was not necessary to use the bomb in that time period to produce a surrender in very short order. That’s what General Eisenhower and others believed. They could see there were other ways to end the war.

RC: Do you think President Franklin D. Roosevelt would have approved of using the bomb on Japanese cities?

GM: I’ve thought about it but I don’t have a firm opinion. The evidence is not crystal clear. I’m satisfied that I’ve raised some conversation about it. Could he have been bullied the way Truman was by Groves? Maybe not. But, like Truman, he wanted to end the war as soon as possible. He’d ordered the creation of the bomb.

RC: What about impersonating scientists on film? Do you think that getting B-grade actors to fiddle with flashing gadgets while pretending to be world-class scientists does a disservice to science — especially on matters as grave as this?

GM: The scientists who were impersonated in the MGM movie were disturbed by the screenings. Szilard ran out and kind of cowered in a waiting car. It wasn’t just that the movie celebrated the bomb. It was the hokey way scientists were portrayed.

The producers tried to placate the scientists. They pointed out that one major character functioned as a representation of the qualms of some of scientists. It was the character of Tom Drake. He appeared in much of the movie. He was a sympathetic-looking guy. He gave voice to their concerns about civilian casualties and the future of nuclear weaponry. But, of course, in the movie he was a tragic figure and he died, and in the very last scene his ghost came down and talked to his wife and said that the bomb is a great thing. It’s our salvation. God gave it to us.

This gets back to my motivation for writing the book. So many Americans remain ignorant about the history of nuclear weaponry in our country and the ongoing possibility of its use. Unlike many of our allies, we have a “First Use” policy! We reserve the right to use nuclear weapons first. Many Americans don’t know about the First Use policy. That fact is enough to keep me talking about the dangers of the nuclear arms race and inspiring me to write books like The Beginning or the End.

RC: Thank you so much for talking.

Greg Mitchell’s The Beginning or the End: How Hollywood — And America — Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb is gripping, surprisingly well-researched and fun storytelling about a devastating topic. Mitchell’s Twitter handle is @gregmitch. His news and politics newsletter is Between a Rock and a Hard Place.

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#08-2021 Science News #2021 Science News #acts of science #Earth Environment #earth science #Environment and Nature #Nature Science #News Science Spies #Our Nature #planetary science #Science #Science Channel #science documentary #Science News #Science Spies #Science Spies News #Space Physics & Nature #Space Science #News

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getoffthesoapbox · 7 years

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[SnB:VS] EP4 - Of Baka Demons and Blushing Dragons

Not as much room for speculation on the plot front in this episode, given it was mainly a set up for the future. Still, there were some interesting developments on the relationship fronts and one revelation that will likely have significant reverberations further down the line in the series.

On Nina & Azazel - An Unintentional Love Story

I was quite surprised and pleased by the significant amount of time this episode devoted to Azazel’s and Nina’s relationship. There’s quite a bit to unpack in the two scenes they have together, so I’ll be dividing this section up into two parts in order to dig into it all, with a bit of a wrap up section at the end for any remaining points.

Reliance and Trust

The first significant scene between Nina and Azazel in episode 4 heavily involves the evolution of trust between the two of them. This trust between them seems for the most part instinctive on both of their parts; it’s neither earned nor requested before it’s given by both of them toward each other. This alignment of core respect for each other is one of the essential foundations of their bond.

On Azazel’s side, he entrusts Nina with two things: Mugaro and the demons. This is a demon who has been surviving on his own for who knows how long, who has been fighting for his people without accepting help from anyone--even Mugaro must stand down. Yet, here he is, first entrusting Mugaro’s safety to Nina, and then burdening her with the request to protect the demons should he fail. It’s incredible how much faith he has in the abilities of a woman he barely knows. He was so impressed by her power in the first episode that he wants to lay his entire world at her feet. For a demon as proud as Azazel, this must have been no easy admission, yet he accepts her superior strength without even a twinge of envy. Something about her must really call to him. (Interestingly, Azazel doesn’t change his opinion of Nina after he learns she’s a half-human. Signs he’s already starting to reevaluate his estimation of humans perhaps?)

For her part, Nina’s just as drawn to Azazel for no explicable reason. She instinctively goes racing after him to save him from himself the moment Kaisar even hints he’s in danger. She looks out for Mugaro for him. She gets in his way when he’s about to make his suicidal charge. And, far more significantly, she reveals the secret of her transformation to him. This is huge. We learn later that her transformation nearly destroyed her village and all she loves. It’s a dangerous weapon that, in the wrong hands, will have traumatic consequences. Yet she offers it to Azazel without a second thought, and for him she’ll become a monster.

More important than this instinctive trust between the two of them is that that trust is earned and reciprocated. Azazel doesn’t run off and blabber to every demon in the world about her power. Nina doesn’t abandon Azazel--she finishes what he started and takes down Charioce’s men. They have formed a team with the mutual bonds of trust and reliance, and that’s going to be a potent advantage in the upcoming war.

The Unintentional Love Confessions Continue

The running gag of this show seems to be Azazel’s completely innocent unintentional love confessions. The boy needs to learn the ways of the romantic world quick or poor Nina’s going to be very confused.

Joking aside, a major facet of Nina’s and Azazel’s relationship is suggested a bit in their first scene this episode, but really fleshed out in their second scene. I’ll discuss both in this section because they’re thematically similar.

Azazel and Nina are both innocent in the ways of romance, which I find fascinating in light of Azazel being a demon who arguably is much older than Nina. Azazel’s a complete dork who clearly has never had a relationship before (or at the very least doesn’t understand much about relationships), and Nina of course is a young woman who has some serious hangups about young men. When Azazel interacts with Nina, he’s always completely 100% innocent, as if he doesn’t even notice the potential romantic context of any one particular interaction. Nina, being hyper aware of handsome men, takes everything out of context or misreads the situation. This is both comedy gold and a way to make Azazel stand out against Charioce, who will most likely seduce Nina with calculating purpose and intent.

Proof of Azazel’s innocent intent:

Back in episode 2, Azazel tells Nina that it’s no good if it’s not her, which can be misunderstood as a love confession. Episode 4 makes it clear (if anyone wasn’t before) that Azazel meant his “accidental” confession in the most literal way possible--he needs Nina’s dragon’s help, not that Nina’s the only one for him.

When Nina orders him to hug her in episode 4, he gets all bashful and flustered and makes a big hairy deal about it. (It’s just a hug, lovey.) A demonic seducer shouldn’t be getting worked up over something that platonic, lol.

When Nina’s putting herself and her ability to control her dragon form down in the second scene from episode 4, Azazel immediately rushes to reassure her in the most awkward way possible. He says to her, “If you can’t control yourself, let me embrace you and turn you into a dragon!” The word he uses in Japanese actually means both just simply “to hug” (in the platonic way) and “to have sex”. We know Azazel meant the former because he has no clue why Nina goes racing out of the room, and when Rita scolds him (she calls him a pervert demon, which implies she thinks he’s seducing Nina like a cad), he genuinely seems perplexed by her implications, because he never put the romantic meaning into his words.

My theory for why Azazel’s saying all this unintentionally romantic crap is two-fold. The surface level is of course that the unintentional confessions are funny for the audience and cause Nina to get all worked up. But the true reason for the unintentional confessions is because Azazel, being a romantic innocent, actually has developing feelings for Nina and those feelings are bubbling up from his subconscious in the way he talks to/interacts with her.

The problem with Azazel is that he’s so myopically focused on his mission and goal that he doesn’t have any time for self-reflection or to figure out what he himself is looking for. What does Azazel want for himself? Who knows, because Azazel doesn’t have the time to think about it. Every cell in his body, every moment of his day is devoted to his cause.

In light of the trust and reliance bonding being so strong with this couple, I suspect part of the reason why the creators are giving Azazel these unintentional love confessions is that by the end of the story they will be real because they’ll be his true feelings. (This will likely contrast with Charioce’s “false” love confessions, but it remains to be seen how they’ll handle Charioce.) In order for Azazel to “win” the love game, his words must be true. And by the end of the story, they will be in retrospect, even if he didn’t mean them in their romantic connotation when he initially said them.

But we can already see evidence that Azazel is beginning to fall for Nina not only from his unintentional confessions and erotically charged phrases, but also from the way he interacts with her.

In the earlier scene between them in episode 4, Nina yanks his arm to stop his suicidal march back into the fray with Charioce. The two of them topple down the small hill. Nina grabs onto Azazel’s neck for support. Azazel did not have to do anything; he could have let her get hurt--and as a true demon, really should have let her take the brunt of the fall.

Instead, we see his arms coming around her, securing her, and he makes sure she’s on top when they finally land. This is all completely instinctive on his part, none of it is conscious.

Similarly, when he hugs her shortly afterward, his hug is very much an unnecessary embrace. His arms are tight and secure around her, and his head is resting between her neck and shoulder, an entirely unnecessary position. It’s pretty darn intimate for an emergency dragon-transforming hug, and it causes him to get blasted by her transformation to the point where he can’t even move. There’s clearly a physical component to his attraction to her that perhaps is still in his subconscious and only arises on an instinctive level. But demons are instinctive creatures, so it works.

The following scene between them reveals other aspects of his growing fondness for her. He’s incredibly gentle with her when he talks to her, and he begins by acknowledging that she saved him. It’s not yet a “thank you,” but baby steps with this guy. More importantly, he is kind and considerate to her--he listens to her without interrupting her and he does what he can to be supportive, encouraging, and reassuring. It’s just that he’s a baka demon and has a lot to learn on the relationship front, so it doesn’t all come across as smoothly as it might have from say, Kaisar or Favaro. He also looks at her as tenderly as he looks at Mugaro, but unfortunately she misses out on it since she’s too self-conscious.

For her part, Nina launches into a back story monologue to cover up how self-conscious she is. This yet again reinforces her bond of trust with Azazel, which he makes good on by keeping her secret. He might be willing to use her, but he’s not going to rat her out. Nina’s willingness to talk to Azazel about her past demonstrates what a burden this has been for her to carry alone, and it also shows her developing comfort level with Azazel, despite being unable to look him in the face yet.

Some of the humor in the second scene comes from Nina and Azazel both myopically focusing on things the other one doesn’t care about. Azazel only cares about Nina’s transformation and how it can help his people; he doesn’t see her very real embarrassment about her situation. Nina on the other hand is so focused on her embarrassment about “how” she transforms that she gets frustrated with Azazel for his nonchalance about it. It’s also funny that she doesn’t want Azazel to think he’s the only one who makes her heart race (which he isn’t, but he is the only one who’s turned her dragon mode so far). Azazel asking Nina to give him a break with her requests for him to hug her also cracked me up too (guess he can only take getting blasted apart once every episode lol).

Despite the continued misunderstandings, they are beginning to connect with and understand each other. This is a good place to start with a developing romance, though I suspect it’s going to take some unexpected twists and turns once Charioce really enters the picture.

Where It All Goes From Here

So where do we go from here? This episode revealed a few new avenues for future development which I think might be quite fun:

The creators are very specifically not allowing Azazel to call Nina by name, though he must know it by now. This is one of my favorite Japanese tropes, so I’d say it’s safe to expect Azazel saying “Nina” for the first time to be a major dokidoki development. ;) (Likely causing a dragon transformation, haha.)

Nina is able to look at Azazel’s face when she first wakes up, but only after she realizes who he is does she begin blushing. This implies that she’s perfectly capable of looking at young men’s faces, but she’s bashful and self-conscious. Once she learns to overcome her self-consciousness, she’ll be able to look anyone in the face without going dragon mode. This is likely part of her future journey, and probably will occur naturally over the course of the show as it will take more and more “extreme” romantic situations to make her blush. The story’s called “Virgin Soul” for a reason, lol.

I don’t think controlling Nina is going to work out the way Azazel’s thinking. He’s clearly thinking he’ll unleash her in specific, controlled encounters. However, I do think he will, perhaps unintentionally (per usual), help her learn to control both her transformation process and her dragon mode itself. I’m also hoping we get one of those lovely scenes where her dragon goes out of control and he’s the only one who can chill her dragon out long enough to get her to revert to human form. ;)

Phew, AzaNin took up most of the post. I’m exhausted here. ;D

On Nina’s Dragon Mode - The Loneliness of Chaos

Nina’s transformation was supposed to appear powerful, but something about the whole scenario from beginning to end struck me as deeply lonely. Nina’s transformation isolates her from all she cares about and is incredibly destructive. It also leaves her vulnerable to abuse if she doesn’t have anyone watching out for her. The fact that they chose to end her transformation by showing her vulnerable and huddled on her side, it just emphasized how isolated she is.

We learn that she remembers nothing from her transformations. This explains why she doesn’t connect Charioce with her turbaned crush. But despite not having conscious control of herself in dragon mode, she clearly still does retain her loyalties to the people she loves. She hesitates to attack Kaisar, which implies recognition on a subconscious level. This is an interesting development, and may have devastating implications once she actually falls for Charioce.

Nina is confirmed to be more powerful than Azazel. She easily breaks out of Charioce’s mages’ energy containment field whereas Azazel was crushed by it. She decimates Charioce’s forces. Azazel acknowledges that she has the power of a small Bahamut. Whether her entire dragon clan has the same power or not remains to be seen.

Also, we have it confirmed now that Azazel has seen her naked, lol. It was implied before, but now it’s confirmed. Take that, Charioce. ;D

On Nina & Charioce - Much Ado About Dragons

Not much happens on the Nina and Charioce front this episode. However, we do get some implications as to who is going to be present for the “final showdown” with Charioce. I suspect we’re going to have a critically injured Azazel with Nina defending him against Charioce. When this’ll happen, who knows.

Anyway, Charioce gets a front row view of Nina’s dragon in action, and he is entranced by her power. Not in the astounded, mesmerized way Azazel was in episode 2′s flashback, but in a calculating manner. He’s computing what he can do with this dragon once he captures it. This man is a hunter through and through, and he likes a good challenge.

The other development we get is that Nina has a low opinion of Charioce for what he’s doing with the demons. It’ll be interesting to see how this squares once she falls for him. It also shows Nina can be judgmental in the right circumstances, so she doesn’t just accept everyone and everything at face value without ever changing her opinions as she gets more information. Quite encouraging.

So far they’re not giving Charioce any redeemable qualities other than “eye candy”. He’s going to have a long road to walk if he’s going to be a heroic character later on, lol.

On Mugaro - Jeanne’s Little Secret

The zinger near the end of the episode was a big one. Charioce wanders down into the dungeons to confront a woman familiar to anyone who watched the original series--our beloved saint, Jeanne d’Arc.

Before this episode aired, @starsandthunderstorms predicted Mugaro would be Jeanne’s actual child while we were chatting, which I didn’t believe because Michael hadn’t...well...done anything with Jeanne in the original series, lol. I thought Mugaro would just be some reincarnation of Michael. But sure enough, Mugaro is Jeanne’s kid, and I’ll just accept it as an immaculate conception. =P (Though really guys, Gabriel would be a better choice for that and it was Mary who had the immaculate conception, goodness.)

Regardless, it’s now confirmed that Mugaro is Jeanne’s child, whether spiritually or biologically. More importantly, she’s the one who hid him among the demon slaves--that is going to come back to bite her. I’m not sure how forgiving Mugaro is going to be; we already know he can be resentful (he resents Azazel leaving him behind this episode and clearly has abandonment issues). I’d enjoy it if this gave Mugaro and Jeanne a bit of conflict, but since he’s angelic, we may not get that.

More importantly! Goodness! Charioce! What are you doing! There’s more chemistry between Charioce and Jeanne than Charioce and Nina at this point! He clearly respects the hell out of her, even though he’s trying to break her. Like, he taunts her but...his taunts are almost concerned lol? His expressions with her too! Far more gentle/contemplative than he’s shown to anyone else in the show. He’s also...kind when he tries to convince her to join forces with him. I’m quite flabbergasted with him!

And all the weird, unintentionally erotic things he says to her! She’s not giving him “the answer he wants” while his eyes are closed! Goodness! He even acknowledges she beat him when it comes to Mugaro.

When she glares at him, he actually flinches. What is this! And although he threatens Mugaro, the fact that he still tries to offer her an olive branch to see him again is quite interesting.

It just makes me think Charioce has been aiming for Jeanne and is a possessive, jealous, semi-yandere type of guy who can’t accept that Jeanne would rather have an angel’s child than his lol. (Blast it, this is the type of villainous crush I love. I’d much rather have this than CharNin. Jeanne is the kind of woman men should be falling all over themselves for.)

Jeanne clearly hates Charioce’s guts, which is even better. New ship sealed. XD (Please forgive me; I usually love one-sided villain-to-heroine ships, so long as they stay one-sided lol.)

*ahem* Moving on...

Miscellany - Wrapping Up Loose Ends

Just a few random thoughts that didn’t really fit in any of my main sections:

Azazel’s personal growth still has a long way to go. I’m not sure how I feel about his declaration to take back the pride the demons lost. I think he hasn’t learned his lesson yet--pride goes before the fall. =P (He needs to read him some Milton.)

It’s interesting that Azazel has a half-human/half-angel and a half-human/half-dragon at his side. He now has a complete circle of all the races helping him out. He better start realizing demons aren’t the end all be all of life soon, with all the love he’s getting.

Mugaro and Nina both are lonely without Azazel. Nina doesn’t say as much, but her question to Mugaro implies she misses Azazel too. Mugaro’s little pout is so cute. He clearly adores Azazel and doesn’t like missing out on time with him.

I think Mugaro’s actually trying to help connect Azazel and Nina, lol. The little shipper was hard at work this episode too. =)

Kaisar’s loyalties are going to get seriously tested soon--Charioce is already onto him. I’m really looking forward to this (and to his reunion with Favaroooooo.)

My goodness, I didn’t expect this episode review to take this long! (Are these getting longer? I have no idea.) For those of you who sat through this whole thing, I offer you my humble thanks. For those of you who waited for me to finish this, thank you for your patience, and I’m sorry I couldn’t get it out sooner. I actually wrote two versions of this post; my head was such a jumbled mess about the best way to approach it.

All that being said, thank you for taking the time to read my posts, and here’s to a new episode this week! <3

#shingeki no bahamut #shingeki no bahamut virgin soul #rage of bahamut #azanin #azanina #charnne #snbvs

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