#want to manipulate and persuade vs need to understand and be understood strikes again. duck shaking head smoking gif

[toastytrusty]

thinking a lot tonight about my favorite hickey interpretation which is that he is essentially a failed religious fanatic. to Me it is so much more compelling if he genuinely reveres the tuunbaq. he doesn't want to dominate it, he wants to worship it, or exist alongside it. he is deep in delusion and truly believes he has a genuine connection to it. he thinks that if he sacrifices the remaining men he has under his control to it, the tuunbaq will accept him as a follower. he has always believed himself separate to britain and its empire, an exception to its corruption. he believes that using the imperialist system to get away from the imperialist nation he hates makes him different than those who use the imperialist system to carry out explicitly imperialist endeavors. he thinks his past actions are inconsequential, thinks his resentment exempts him, thinks denouncing britain and allowing the tuunbaq to kill his crew will win him the respect and acceptance of this godly creature. but it doesn't. he isn't different. the pain he has caused for his personal pursuits is just as damaging as pain caused for grander, imperial pursuits, and is in fact the same thing. he is just as much a force of destruction as anyone else, just as much a target of the tuunbaq's rath as anyone else. perhaps more than anyone else. he lived his life hating britain, yet he still exhausted his endless quest for connection and purpose within the british framework before looking outside of it. he thought crozier saw things the way he did, recognized the same things he did, and he played the imperialist game as he saw it to be (abusing native people), attempting to chase that connection. but when crozier came up lacking and he came up brutalized, he stopped trying to find it there. he thinks instead that the tuunbaq sees him, recognizes he is different in a way crozier never did, can give him the soul bonded Purpose that he so deeply craves. he is genuinely mystified by it, sees it as so much larger and holier than anything britain has ever offered, and thinks it respects him the same way he respects it. tuunbaq killing him is much the same as crozier lashing him. he committed acts of violence to appeal to both of them, thinking it would win him their respect and admiration, only to end up as a subject of their violence in return, because he isn't what they want and he is never able to truly connect with people in the way he wants