#was i the youngest person there? probably. the average age was like somewhere between 40 and 60 tbh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theaccidentalstepmom · 4 years

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Breakups suck. I’ve had a few- less than most but more than many. After a breakup my feelings for the other person lie somewhere between heartbroken, totally ready to move on and hoping the other person’s fingers grow fishhooks and that they also develop a strong itch in their genitals. Somewhere in there...

There are those select humans that can somehow remain friends with their exes and genuinely support them. I admire those people and I hope to be one of those people when I grow up. That said it does take two to make that work. But in general I think those people are on a different plane and there probably don’t need to read this blog. Actually no one needs to read this blog... who reads blogs anymore? Let’s be honest this is just a glorified online journal for me to unpack the crazy making in my life. But I digress...

Breakups happen. Wish them fortune or ill but eventually you move on. Right? Sure... assuming you CAN actually make a clean break. Assuming you don’t live/work/go to school together. Assuming you’re not married (because divorcing someone is a undoing a legal contract and that doesn’t happen in a vacuum). Also assuming there’s not a child involved because then that person that you’d much happier never having to see again EVER is someone you are forced to continue interacting with for the next 18 (minus your youngest child’s age) years longer.

We have a triple threat and that’s where our story begins...

This isn’t our love story (or is it?). Well okay... a quick background. It’s 1995, Wilson high school, Portland Oregon: I’m a Senior he’s a Junior. We didn’t date but we both liked one another- but I had a boyfriend and having a crush on two boys was too much for me to handle!! I graduated, went to college, loved my life. No idea what happened to him. 12 years later years and I’d just moved to SF and who do I see on the bus? What?? Still cute, he just moved to SF from DC after a few years living in Iowa... with his wife. He’s married. Of course he is. Cool let’s be Facebook friends and I’ll see you never. Berceuse WTF would I say if I ever met your wife? “Nice to meet you I had a big crush on your husband in high school”. That’s just awkward.

But we did exchange numbers. He was a chef and I was a waitress so when he got a new job he might text me and tell me to stop by (I never did) or if we needed a new line cook I’d reach out to him (he never replied). At some point on Facebook I saw that they had a kid. Cute little thing with a buttload of hair.

Fast forward 2.5 years. It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m showing a couple friends who aregg bet single how Tinder works: “Oh no... he’s no good. See you just swipe left- hard left!”. He was like the 3rd guy that pulled up. We chatted back and forth through the app a couple times then I just texted him because I had his number and I’m paranoid about conversations through apps. (I just imagine people who work for Tinder reading them and laughing their asses off at my attempts to play it cool.) Anyways, a week later we went on our first date and it was pretty much game over for me.

He was 8 months out of a 10 year relationship and had a toddler why am I not running the other direction? That’s a great question and I have no good answer. Or at least not a sexy one... I’m attracted to vulnerable men? They’re like my catnip: “Come here kitty- Mama like”!

His son was 2.5 when we started dating. I knew I was dating a man with a child and I knew exactly what that meant. I babysat A LOT and I was a nanny for 5 years. It’s not the same thing as being a parent by any means. But compared to an average childless woman I did have a better understanding of what I was getting into and what spending hours with a toddler was like. I knew that if we were going to be in a relationship the kid comes first, I’m replaceable the child is not.

His ex was trying to move to Hawaii to live with her new boyfriend and wanted to take their son. That’s a hard no. Absolutely not. R had already filed for divorce but that got sidelined by custody. She hired a more aggressive attorney and insisted she would be taking their son. When describing his ex and her behavior R was throwing around with like crazy and narcissist and borderline.

Okay, okay... this situation is really stressful. I’m sure she’s not that bad- you married her right? Stress does not bring out the best in people’s personalities- quite the opposite. It’s hard to think straight. This is probably situational- I’m sure she’ll calm down soon. Maybe try phrasing your text this way so she doesn’t get defensive- I’m sure she’ll be reasonable if you just explain it really clearly...

Bahahaha.

I spent months empathizing with her and trying to help R better communicate with her. All in vain- it toa long time to realize she doesn’t want to communicate or compromise she just wants her way. And any attempt to have an open honest discussion is just ammunition for her to use against you in a future conversation.

If she asks R for a favor and his answer is no she’ll twist the conversation into her being victimized.

If she asks R for a favor and his answer is yes she’ll twist the situation and say that she actually did him a favor.

If R asks her for a favor she ignores him, calls him names and/or tells R he’s harassing her.

To be clear, most of the time she doesn’t ASK- she demands.

If R agrees to something once he has to agree in the future it or he’s a hypocrit.

She flat out remembers things wrong and when R shows her the screenshots of the text she wrote proving she’s m wrong she says he’s being petty.

When R asks her to discuss child related issues directly with him rather than asking their 4 year old son to communicate the message to him she tells R he’s being difficult.

When it’s her custodial time and R has a scheduled FT she bribed their son with candy or ice cream to end the call early. (He can have it after he’s done).

I feel like we’re in an alternate reality. She’s constantly coming after R legally with baseless claims. She projects all the shit she does to R and accuses him of doing it to her!! We read her motions and were like “What’s is she talking about? R didn’t do that to her she’s doing that to R!”. And no is not a misinterpretation and they’re both doing it- she’s doing it and accusing him of doing it. It’s crazy making.

Claim: R refuses to communicate with her and insists on going through attorneys.

False. She has ZERO emails or texts to back this up- they agreed to communicate via text and email. She hasn’t sent a single email or text to R to “discuss” anything so how is he refusing to communicate? R has written numerous long and detailed emails to her for years and even more over the past 10 months of Covid trying to communicate and co-parent with her, share information and get schedules finalized without the courts involvement and her responses are dismissive and often only one sentence. His attorney and her attorney even tried to resolve issues without the court but she refused to comply and court was the last resort.

Claim: wasn’t even a claim really, mores demand that both parents needing to be flexible about scheduled FaceTimes in their child is swimming or playing during that time and also be accommodating if the other parent wants to do an unscheduled call they can.

Reality: Totally... R has never denied her a FT, has been flexible when she’s asked to reschedule and he’s sent MULTIPLE emails to her saying she can do an unscheduled FT anytime she wants (just give him a heads up). She’s done maybe 4 unscheduled FaceTimes in 2 years. We don’t plan any activities during her scheduled call time because it’s her scheduled time... so her calls don’t ever “interrupt” anything. Please, I beg you, show any evidence to the contrary.

Oh and while she’s looking for evidence that doesn’t exist I’d like to show the email she just sent from December 2020 telling R that when their son was with her during Christmas he was ONLY allowed to FaceTime during his scheduled time of 6:40-8. No “bullshit” unscheduled FaceTimes calls like he did last summer when he called their son “every day” it was “harassment”.

(Calling every day would have been excessive, but not harassment. But he didn’t call every day. He had 2 scheduled FaceTimes per week by court order and in addition he called 1 extra day a week (so three calls a week). Also, important to point out is that their son, who primarily lives with his father, was going to not see his father for three months because of conflicting language in the ruling and delays in getting it clarified due to COVID and Jennie’s refusal to discuss shortening the time to what they’d agreed to.

He always texted her before his scheduled FaceTime to confirm the time would work and it wouldn’t conflict with activities they’d planned. But even though it was a scheduled call it always seemed to interrupt something fun that their son was doing: swimming, hiking, skateboarding. Funny how when she asked him to push back his call 2 hours he STILL was interrupting fun plans. It’s his SCHEDUKED time- plan your shit on a different day OR if you can’t contact R ahead of time to reschedule the FaceTime so it doesn’t conflict or interrupt your plans.

As for unscheduled FaceTimes he’d text in the morning asking to do a FaceTime in the afternoon (so giving her at least 3 or 4 hours notice so she can pick a time that works for her). She wouldn’t reply, instead he’d just immediately get a FaceTime call. To her credit she doesn’t refuse the calls and conveniently their son is often immediately available.

But it’s funny how if she knows R’s gonna call she seem to have plans, but when she doesn’t know he’s going to call she’s just sitting around the house doing jack shit.

She is bananas.

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grossly-unremarkable · 6 years

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50 Questions Tag

Tagged by: @listlessmaenads

1 What takes up too much of your time?

Being interrupted (in speech, work flow, etc...)

2 What makes your day better?

When I work with people I like or get to see my friends.

3 What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

I worked with my favorite people.

4 What fictional place would you like to go?

The world that’s portrayed in the video game “The Sword of Mana” (I’m not sure if it actually has a name......maybe Granz Realm??)

5 Are you good at giving advice?

Depends. In general, yes, but there are times where I’m just....kinda awkward

6 Do you have any mental illness?

I got depression and anxiety (both are classified as moderate-to-severe, but let’s not get into that)

7 Have you ever experiences sleep paralysis?

No, but I hear it’s beyond terrifying

8 What musician inspired you the most?

Probably........Kim Taeyeon. Just the way she deals with all the stuff that the media has thrown at her while not losing her composure. And I absolutely love her voice and style. Also Jessica Jung and the way she came back so quickly and confidently after the whole 2014 thing between her and SM.

9 Have you ever fallen in love?

Uh, no. Would love to do that one day (it’s on my list of things to do)

10 What’s your dream date?

No idea. Maybe.....something really casual. Like stay at home and just hang out. You know, converse, play video games, walk somewhere in the area to get food and then go back home

11 What do others notice about you?

It’s usually my height because I’m really short (I’m like 150cm) and my lipstick (I always wear a red/berry color)

12 What is an annoying habit you have?

I internalize personal problems. I don’t like arguing, especially if I think it’ll blow up into something it’s not, so I just keep everything to myself

13 Do you still talk to your first love?

I think I should probably find a first love to answer this one

14 How many ex’s do you have?

None!

15 How many songs are on your playlist?

Probably......300-400?? Not sure

16 What instruments can you play?

Flute

17 Who do you have the most pictures of?

Probably Jeon Jungkook (but they’re mostly meme pictures). I have a lot of aesthetic pictures of Joy and Yeri

18 Where would you like to go before you die?

My hometown in China. And I’d like to go back to Japan some day so I can experience everything I wasn’t able to the last time

19 What is your zodiac?

Virgo!!

20 Do you relate to it?

Yes, and no. I’m born in the third decan, which means I got some Libra influence (I also have a Libra moon), so I DEFINITELY have some Libra traits. I’d say I’m a pretty good mix of both signs

21 What is happiness to you?

Feeling like nothing needs to be changed or fixed because you’re that satisfied with how it already is

22 Are you going through anything right now?

23 What’s the worst decision you ever made?

Going into a job without researching it. The manager and the team were both........really bad

24 What’s your favorite store?

UNIQLO and Blanc&Eclare

25 What’s your opinion on abortion?

It’s a personal choice. I’ll just leave it at that

26 Do you keep a bucket list?

27 Do you have a favorite album?

BTS’ “Love Yourself: Tear”, The Rose’s “Dawn” and “Void”, f(x)’s “Pink Tape” and “4 Walls”, and Red Velvet’s “The Red”

28 What do you want for your birthday?

I don’t answer this question for two reasons: 1) I feel awkward receiving things, and 2) even if I send a direct link to someone, 100% of the time they’ll get me something else anyway, so I don’t see the point

29 What are most people’s first impression of you?

That I’m sassy and straightforwardly honest

30 What age do you seem according to most people?

Most people think I’m 18-19. I’m 22

31 Where do you keep your phone when you’re sleeping?

On my nightstand

32 What word to you say the most?

I swear a lot (so all of those words)

33 What’s the oldest age you would date?

About 10 years older. As long as he’s not old enough to be my father, we’re good

34 What’s the youngest age you would date?

I wouldn’t. I have a mental block with age, and I HAVE to be younger, even if it’s only by a few months. But......I seem to attracted younger guys more, so I got a problem there

35 What job/career do most people say would suit you?

A lot of people say I should have a podcast or a TV show. But like......dark, sarcastic humor mixed with brutal honesty and snappy, well-placed one-liners

36 What’s your favorite genre of music?

Jazz and Kpop

37 If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

China (let me go home), Japan, or South Korea

38 What is your current favorite song?

Yoona’s “When the Wind Blows” is always a good one. And Girls’ Generation TTS’ “OMG”

39 How long have you had this blog?

I don’t keep track. About 2-3 years maybe

40 What are you excited for?

Nothing right now. I don’t have anything planned

41 Are you a better talker or listener?

......both? I’m a highly observant talker. I talk more than I listen, but I notice everything and I remember the vast majority of it

42 What is the last productive thing you did?

Made a list of everything wrong with my department that I’m going to present to my manager so we can fix it. Everyone complains about things, but no one does anything about it, and I’ve had it

43 What do you want for Christmas?

I don’t answer this question, either, for the same reasons I don’t ask for things on my birthday. No point

44 What class do you get the best grades in?

Science and history (did above average in everything else except math because.......I’m not good at math)

45 On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

Around 5 or 6. I just woke up, so I haven’t recalibrated for the day

46 What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?

I can never picture myself in the future

47 When did you get your first heartbreak?

I wouldn’t call it love, but there was a guy I really liked a couple years ago. He’s a childhood family friend, so I knew him for a long time, but I really started to get to know him in more recent years. But he asked me something one day that changed my perception of him. It wasn’t like it was immoral or illegal, but I just didn’t think he’d be the type of person to ask me that, and I can’t get over it. I no longer have a crush on him, but I’ll exchange pleasant small talk if I see him at an event

48 At what age do you want to get married?

I don’t know. I’ll have a better idea of that once I’m in a relationship, I think

49 What career did you want to have as a child?

Professional dancer

50 What do you crave right now?

Water and a honeycrisp apple

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sustainhealthmagazine · 5 years

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10 Questions About Cosmetic Surgery You Have Always Wanted Answered

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By HEALTH EDITOR FOR SUSTAIN HEALTH

PUBLISHED: 12:22, 07 January 2010 | UPDATED: 13:28, 07 January 2020

We spoke to board- certified plastic surgeon Dr Manish Shah www.drmanishshah.com for the top questions we often get asked regarding Cosmetic Surgery.

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Dr. Shah’s specialties include revision facial aesthetic surgery, rhinoplasty (“nose reshaping”), and aesthetic surgery of the breast (breast augmentation, breast lift, breast reduction). He is, however, well-trained in all areas of aesthetic surgery.

Dr. Shah’s aim is to obtain a natural appearing transformation that complements the real you! So who better to get our questions answered.

How long do breast implants last until they have to be removed and done again?

Although the implants themselves last forever, their structural integrity does not. Over time, the average wear and tear could cause a rupture or leak. In general, saline or silicone implants should be replaced or removed every 10 to 15 years if you notice any changes. A rupture in a saline implant tends to be more noticeable, as the deflation is visible. While that may sound scary, it’s actually quite harmless, as the saline is just absorbed by the body. However, it is not as easy to notice if a silicone implant has ruptured. For this reason, most doctors will recommend an MRI every 2 years for their patients with silicone implants to check for leaks. Implants may need to be removed or replaced for other reasons too, but in general, should last from 10 to 25 years.

If I have fat removed through liposuction, will it reappear elsewhere?Technically, yes, it is possible for the fat to return, but only if you let it come back. If the patient maintains their weight, the fat will not return or appear somewhere else on your body. A little bit of weight gain is fine, such as 5 to 10 pounds, as long as patients stay close to their “post-lipo weight”. Because fat cells accumulate in an evenly distributed manner, weight gain tends to be more noticeable in areas that are untreated than treated. So, even patients who gained a considerable amount of weight post-lipo look better than they did if they had not undergone surgery.

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After repeated Botox injections, will facial muscles ever lose the ability to frown?

Even though one of the side effects of Botox is difficulty smiling or frowning, the effects of Botox wear off in 3 to 4 months. Repeated use of Botox causes the muscles treated to atrophy and thin out. When they "wake" back up they tend to be weaker and less likely to make wrinkle. This is why many consider Botox a great anti-aging treatment. Botox can be administered in a way in which it does not freeze the muscle completely. This is something you would discuss with your injector. Discuss with the injector what your goals are. Some people such as actors need to be able to express themselves. In this case, Botox can be administered so as not to freeze the muscle completely. Others want certain muscles not to move at all. An experienced injector has the knowledge to make adjustments. We also have the ability to combine Botox with other treatments to assist your goals.

I thought silicone breast implants can rupture, so why are they still used?

Both saline and silicone implants can leak. But, it is much harder to tell when a silicone implant has ruptured over a saline implant. Someone with silicone implants may go months or even years without noticing. This is due to the very thick and viscous silicone filling, moving only at very slow rates. It will generally stay within the capsule of breast tissue surrounding your implant, which makes for a simple replacement. Additionally, silicone is the gold standard against which other implantable materials get compared. It is a safe material when used in the human body.

Will liposuction eliminate cellulite?

Although patients used to think liposuction could eliminate cellulite, today doctors are not recommending it for that use. In some cases, liposuction can actually make the cellulite worse by creating more dimples in the skin. While it is true that excess fat can make cellulite worse, it’s not the real cause. Liposuction on the thighs and butt only marginally improve the appearance of cellulite. On the contrary, thin skin in these areas can exacerbate the problem, especially in older women where the skin tends to be less elastic. Doctors have found that ultrasound and laser-assisted liposuction can effectively reduce cellulite because it tightens the skin as it removes fat. But again, these alone will not rid you of cellulite.

Will I have to wear my hair over my ears to cover face-lift scars?

On average, face-lift scars around the ears take about six months to fade and become almost invisible. You probably are going to want to wear your hair down for the first month for recovery purposes. It’s best to choose a hairstyle within this time that will not apply added pressure to the area of incision while still helping to cover up the scar at the same time. Ask your doctor how soon it is safe for you to wear makeup over the scar as a cover up option until they fully fade.

Could my breast implants pop?

Unfortunately, yes breast implants can “pop”, but it is rare and easily treatable. Both saline and silicone implants have an outer shell that can potentially develop a tear, called a rupture. The rupture could be caused by a variety of things such as normal aging of the implant, trauma caused by a car accident, a needle insertion during a biopsy, or other factors. If you experience any changes in breast shape and size, and increased pain, firmness, and swelling over a period of weeks, these may be signs that your implant has ruptured. Most corrective surgeries include removing both implants and replacing them in the same surgery. Your surgeon might also recommend that you switch to a different type of implant. In any case, discuss with your doctor in detail the best option to avoid risk of rupture in the future.

What happens if I’m not happy with my surgical results?The first step is to be patient. Some patients look good in as fast as three weeks, others three months, and, for some, the full results aren’t apparent until six months after surgery. You should wait for all the post-surgical swelling and bruising to go away completely before fretting over the end result. With that being said, speak up if you are feeling anxious. At your follow-up appointment, it is perfectly fine to voice to your surgeon that you are feeling disappointed. A good doctor will address your concerns, walk you through the recovery process, and if necessary, talk about the next steps.

How soon after my lipo can I have sex?After having a procedure like liposuction or a tummy tuck, you will definitely feel some moderate soreness and swelling. It’s normal. When it comes to resuming sexual activity, your personal level of comfort plays a large factor as there is no specific body structure you can damage after liposuction. This means your soreness or the healing process of your incisions may be the only thing stopping you from being intimate. As soon as you feel both physically and emotionally ready, you are safe to resume having sex. For most patients, it takes about a week. But if we removed excess fat on large areas of your thighs, belly, and/or buttocks, you might have to wait a week to ten days. Before then, your body will be tender and that could make the experience painful.

What is the youngest age you would consider performing a facelift?

When evaluating a patient for facelift surgery, age is only a relative consideration. I've performed facelifts on patients under 40 years of age who lost a lot of weight causing their face to deflate and sag. That being said, most facelift or neck lift procedures are performed on patients between 45-70 years old. If the volume loss can be managed by treatments other than facelift surgery, patients will opt for them. However, once those minimally invasive or noninvasive treatments no longer cut it, a patient can choose to have a facelift. For some patients that may be in their early 40's.

Is there a trendy cosmetic procedure that you feel is a waste of money and time?

The procedure that I find a waste of time and money is Kybella. It is so expensive for patients and has significant social downtime. I can get better results, more quickly with neck liposuction. Also, I am still waiting to see if patients can get decent results with Sculptra injections for buttocks augmentation. For doctors that can't perform surgical procedures, or for patients who want to avoid surgery, these may be their only choices.

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