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#was it the fact that i have a thing going on with a gay guy who has a monogamous boyfriend and yet theyre both making an exception for me
distant--shadow · 1 day
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Do you have any favorite imogearne moments you'd like to share? Could be big moments or small moments, anything that stands out to you. Love your art btw!!!
ohhh, off the top of my head? okaaayyy-
Imogen telling fearne to not go to wondering round the back area by herself, fearne pulling a face at her and Imogen being instantly weakened, "she's so charming!" the gay panic is so real
when Imogen looks for the "bubble bead" thinking she has it after laudna asking who does, and in fact fearne had it hidden away under her ear, just love the playfulness that's something Imogen needed/needs so much
on that note, fearne rocking the cable cars, of course.
them bonding over shitty parents and both letting their violent tendencies show
all that bonding over both being ruidis born. period talks and kissing. yes.
when laura/Imogen gets confirmation for the first time that her circlet blocks out all of the background static, and everyone's so happy for her and fearne is all "you don't even know what I'm thinking now" and wiggling her eyebrows and Imogen is like "I can probably guess..."
the two of em rolling Nat 20s to buy smut. my women.
Imogen sharing her apple with fearne whilst they're on their witchy bitch Whitestone mission
"FEARNE. SIT ON ME." "OKAY!"
uhmmm fearne as the leaf sheep sea slug and Imogen fucking losing it at the thought of kissing her/eating her ass once she remembers she is a sea slug, and then feeding her a good berry afterwards caus she feels guilty for siphoning power from a lil guy.
fearne sticking up for Imogen that time ludinus crashed their meeting in the office at the University. the two of them in their chairs interrogation style with fearne being all sassy was 2 much 4 me.
[SPOILERS] just a lot of episode 108, for me, dragon riding goes without saying but also more trauma bonding and looks etc etc. them navigating their feelings on possibly being the vessel and potentially together is actively killing me, fearne ignoring ashtons set up of "I've got my pillow and blanket and I'm heading to the meadow" to instead reach for Imogen and ask for her to dream...
I know I will have forgot some things here, but they're my women. I love their dynamic so much.
(thank you! always happy to read that people like my drawings and also enabling me to chat)
I also have intentions of clipping a bunch of these, life's just been busy!
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dustteller · 6 months
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I think modern au Zhu SHOULD be the lesbian best friend trope to Ouyang except that its because this man is her pet project and gODDDAMIT she's gonna FIX him she's gonna MAKE him be BETTER she's going to SOLVE EVERYTHING and he will RESPECT HER (she is actively making him worse). She has a whole complex about it and everything. She has based a part of her identity on dragging this man up from his toxic funk and is fully convinced that if she tries hard enough he will eventually come to his senses and be an equal participant in this relationship. They have a terrible wonderful toxic loving codependent relationship that's neither a romance nor a friendship nor a rivalry but a secret fourth thing.
Predictably, this does not go well. The character arcs would be Zhu learning she can't fix a sinking ship and letting Ouyang fail by himself, and Ouyang learning to not be a shit person, actually, and coming out of his bubble of self-centeredness and working on himself instead of unloading his emotional labor onto the people around him. And they should both get to develop a healthier relationship with each other than what they had in canon bc queer solidarity is great and its even better when it's in the shape of some weird bullshit some gay people built out of the corpse parts of heteronormative romance (affectionate and completely unironic)
#brought to you by me thinking about the last half of HWDtW and how Zhu interacts with Ouyang post-betrayal#well. interacts with the concept of Ouyang. he kinda (spoilers).#she was unhealthily attached to Ouyang and honestly I think she deserves an universe where her whole deal is reciprocated.#but only AFTER i put them in a fully self sustaining terrarium jar and sic the emotional isopods on them.#that part comes first bc my personal entertainment is CLEARLY the most important thing here guys#the radiant emperor#my thoughts#zhu yuanzhang#OHHH AND ALSO i think Zhu and Ouyang should get to have their weird little gay relationship#while their partners stare in accepting horror.#ma would be supportive bc she knows how important this impressively awful man is to her girlfriend#but rest assured she DOES NOT like him. she will (very politely) bitch about him to Baoxiang and then feel bad about it#she shouldn't feel bad tho bc Ouyang deserves it and Baoxiang repeatedly reminds her of this fact#eventually ouyang grows on her.#kinda like the bowl of mold in the back of the fridge you've developed an emotional attachment to.#he shouldn't be there but now she feels bad about evicting him into the trash!#(she feels significantly less bad about evicting him into Esen's appartment)#Esen has even less of a clue what's happening with Zhu and Ouyang.#he just knows that Zhu is important to Ouyang and also is 90% sure that they fucked at some point.#30% sure that they are still fucking but he grew up around Baoxiang and Ouyang#he has learned Not to Ask! he does Not Want to Know!#and anyways it's none of his bussiness who his bestie/person that he wants to adopt a horse and grow old with/hot roomate is fucking!#its not his problem! he is not invested! he is not going to think about it! there is no reason to think about whos in Ouyang's pants!#he is not thinking about anything involving Ouyang's pants at all! much less about the inside of Ouyang's pants!#and since hes not thinking about it bc theres no reason to think about it then he cant have a problem with it :)#so he wont ask!
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keeps-ache · 3 months
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in a cafe rn. this place is nice :>
#just me hi#they have a lot of random old stuff in here it's fun :D#tons of books too; though most of them seem to be romance and unfortunately i've come to terms w/ the fact i'm a hater gfhsfh </3#oh and not that the old stuff is random in a new place; it's an old-looking place with a lot of old stuff that doesn't match anything else#lol ! there are some spots that are Almost uhh- the word is not coherent but it's something like it hfhvs#i've had a bisquit sanmich and a lemonade which was pretty fine. i liked the sandwich though it was a bit greasy bfsh :>#idk i'm just comfortable here. the guy running the counter might be gay and there's a bathroom sign that jokes abt gender n creatures for#them lol - it's relatively quiet too n i have a chair that's pressed against the wall w/ no windows so i don't feel like i can be snuck up#on ghfhsv. i like it here so far :D#//anywho i think i'm gonna get on my ar.ft attacks now hfhsvh#i didn't bother posting my first one this year but i'll get to that rn!! :3#i have 1 + 1/2 i gotta do - i say a half because it doesn't Technically count as an attack due to the System but ehe :33#//btw this place has a thing going on where it's Nearly symmetrical#every table is missing at least 1 chair that would make it so and if there Is an even amount of chairs they aren't the same kind#though they Are matching in colour if they aren't the same type! i like that. dunno why hfbvs#also i like how oddly everything has been placed. tables placed in a diamond form compared to the room and then others are situated like#regular tables ; i just think it's interesting lol :33#//oh and i've finished another chapter of my book ; it's taking me forever because i actually came to like it a lot n i don't want it to en#a common habit of mine hfhfsh <3#though ik it's hard to tell from the outside if i'm not doing it cuz i hate it or cuz i love it. fun for Me though hfhbshvs#//yea anyway. i like this place lol :>#gonna wander around prolly. n work on stuff hopefully :>>#i have a ~+~root beer~+~ so here i go !! toodles :D
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yanderespamton78 · 3 months
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damn it feels so good to actually have friends who i feel safe around. like to have friends who im not worried that if they find out that i like "cringe" things they wont judge me. woah!!
@angry-avaocardo @silly1xxx @gollyimsosoevil
#appreciation post for my besties✨✨#also the tags got reallylong and rambly just me complainign about the ex friend and a quick update so feell free not to read them if you#dont wanna#theres nothing of substance in there lol#ugh god my old friend the one i made the really long post about asking for advice#i probably mentioned this but i never felt safe to talk about things i like with them#oh god i would never be able to show them defrag#and i probably wouldnt even be willing to ramble about like. the arg or smth to them#id be too worried of them making fun of me#but also they had a way of making it so i hung out with them the most even tho i didnt want to#“me and friend are going to the canteen you two wanna come?”#“[with none of my input] no me and Charlie are staying here”#the only person i felt safe talking about my interests to was a friend that i made when trying to move away frrom the toxic one#a friend who they would consistently ask if i was replacing them with and was so fucking jealous of him#in fact that friend is gollyimsoevil yea that guy#hes great he likes gay addison shit so yk bestie#also they were so good at guilt tripping that now i use their guilt tripping tactics on myself to try and get myself to do things lol#and they would make fun of me so often but GOD FORBID I MAKE FUN OF THEM#they were making fun of me to another person a few /years/ ago so i made some snarky comment about them#because i was really upset by them making fun of me#and they brought it up to me like 2 months ago before we cut them off#like dude you mock and make fun of everything i do so much that ive just stopped talking and completely zoned out whenever im around you#and youre holding some snarky remark that i made when we were like 11 /because you were making fun of me/#UGH#oh ye update on that if anyone cares it went fine they seem to have moved on and are just hanging out with different people now#they havent made any attempt to contact any of us but also havent cut us off#i havent cut them off either ive just left it#i catch them giving me and the other two friends who used to be friends with them dirty looks#but i kinda just ignore it#i have like 5 friends my age who are much much much nicer than them
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inkybinkyboink · 1 year
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hi ok unpopular thought but you can tell when a cis/het person is playing a queer character because they always prioritize the queerness of their character over anything else
#like were in the middle of urinetown auditions#and this guy is auditioning for barrell#and i am too#and now i dont particularly care#like none of this is to say that his or anyone else's performance is bad or lesser than#but barrell is gay and like you can tell watching this kid perform that that fact is at the forefront of his mind#we were talking abt it later and he was like “yeah your barrell was like really snarky” and im like YEAH bro he kills ppl for a living#like hes not walking around constantly thinking about how hes gay#no gay person walks around fronting the fact that theyre gay#like i dont go to the mall thinking 'i am gay and going to the mall' dude no i just go to the fucking mall#i have a love hate relationship with cis/het performers who play queer characters because you could pull it off???#but youre lacking the subtleties#youre lacking the timing of when these things actually come into play#and again i really do hope this dude the best like honest to god if he gets the part thats great and i know he'll get there like i am#not the one directing this show and i trust the director completely#and im just using that as an example#but you see it in other things too#you can see it in good omens 2 and the danish girl and call me by your name#now compare it to something like cabaret and alan cummings portrayal of emcee#and you can tell theres a level of understanding there thats lacking in the other ones. our flag means death is also another really good#example. while rhys darby and taika waititi arent gay david jenkins is and it comes across in his writing that this is someone who#understands the queer experience and writes in a way that makes it possible for cis/het performers to understand what theyre playing with#turnip rants#delete later probably#all opinions and statements are my own we can coexist
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sweetshire · 5 months
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So, @silv-paru sent Sherlock Holmes for the character opinion bingo. thanks a bunch for this (and for your patience. my god, i’m answering this a week late. typical me behaviour). you’re a darling :D
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Did you know, i used to tell these stories to my friends? they delighted in them AND i got a chance to sort of ramble on and on abt him and watson. it was a win-win, really. ah, those were the days! now i haven’t reblogged much of him this month at all. i miss him. I MISS HIM.
Onto the bingo: well. he’s The quintessence of gender™ to me. and i relate to him so so much. fav character of all time fr. i want to carry him in my pocket at all times & study him. like. do i want to BE him OR am i IN LOVE with him, ykwim? pssh who knows? certainly not me. uh-huh ���a beast unleashed’ -does this refer to me or him? you choose. oh re: canon, i’m ignoring the part where holmes dies (or y’know, is dead for 3 years). that’s too angsty.
#sherlock holmes#my dearest blorbo#he’s my belovedest chewtoy basically#if i think abt how modern adaptations *looking at you bbc sherlock* have ruined his character i get so angry i have to take deep breaths#*mutters darkly* he is NOT an arrogant cold-hearted bitch like he’s portrayed; well he IS a bitch but not a cold-hearted one!!#see. the thing abt holmes is that he’s SUCH a sweet boy okay. and he’s compassionate#he cares sooo much. that’s the reason people come to him when they’re distressed. they trust him#he hates the police. he is a jester at heart. loves his watson#he’s here to help the truly desparate helpless people even if they have no money to pay him for the case. no questions asked. But-#he fucking despises obnoxious rich men. the first time he meets watson a total stranger he *very excitedly* tells him abt his experiment#it’s very adorable. he never stops trying to impress ever. infact blushes furiously when complimented by him#my guy has 0 knowledge of our solar system but he’s written several monographs abt different types of ASHES. go figure!#OH i almost forgot the most important fact he’s special to me bc holmes is an audhd gay disaster bastard. sometimes he’s even bisexual#but mostly he’s acespec and in a qpr w watson. he’s VERY adhd. behaves like an excited cat and oh so cute when he stims. everytime he does#i go SQUEEE. when he’s depressed it’s a goddamn hashtag big mood. as in many other ways he is me i am him#he’s PASSIONATE and KIND that’s all you need to know#acd stories are about just some guy who loves his job (which he invented himself btw after quitting college) that’s it#i am overcome with an almighty need to squeeze his cheeks#he’s everything to me <3#alright if i don’t stop now i doubt i ever will LMAO bye#acd holmes#if u read till the end u get a cookie and a kiss on the nose i love u#silv tag 💞
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moe-broey · 1 month
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Idk I also just hate the future actually. My ass is Always living in the past or simply day to day 💪💪💪
#HELP ...... SO MANY OF MY DAYDREAMS CENTER AROUND THIS ACTUALLY.....#like. huge point of drama/point of contention between alfonse and moe is that moe Hesitates.#even outright Refuses. to consider the future. where alfonse's future seems set in stone that is the path he's been striving for all long#moe feels like it won't have a place there. you'll be king. you'll be all set. you'll probably have to have a queen#and even if it's a political marriage thing (WHICH. I HAVE SO MUCH HC LORE ABOUT --#like no one specifically but like. alfonse is the type of guy who has accepted this long ago and just treats it as a fact of life#which moe RESENTS. HOW are you gonna fuckinh ACCEPT THAT. your life entirely out of your own hands#bitch i'll fucking KILL YOU. ect)#also as a side there was a whole wedding banner wip that explored that that i. forgor about#but like. alfonse tries SO hard to convince moe that there WILL be a place for it by his side. he will MAKE that place if he has to#also a king4king situation isn't feasible i think moe would be a concubine (gay style). or an enuch or something#like moe does NOT want to be in any position of actual authority. that's not its heart. it's a support guy through and through#but going back to the start. moe is the type of guy who's convinced it's going to be replaced.#moe is the type of guy who burns bridges and feels a sense of relief. moe is the type of guy who is looking for ANY excuse#to run away. and ESP to reframe it as 'you're better off without me'.#the only reason it was able to get so close to alfonse is bc it was convinced alfonse wouldn't get attached to it#and when he did moe was convinced Well. this will all be temporary anyway. i'll take it day by day#make the most of it. and whenever alfonse hits it w one of his classic zingers like#the more you have to lose the worse it hurts when you do doesn't that make you feel lonely. SHUP FUCKIYBNG SHUT YPUR FUCK UP‼️‼️‼️#moe is a normal guy with no problems. definitely no commitment issues or intimacy issues. i promise.#ACTUALLY THAT REMINDS ME. BEEN TURNING THIS AROUND IN MY HEAD TOO. ESP W MY CURRENT WIP#and the feelings it invokes in me. moe is SO CONVINCED. SO CONVINCED. it's gonna fuck alfonse over big time#do NOT make me your lifeline i swear to fucking god. i Promise You. i Will Fail You.#adjacent but moe being a healer is ENDLESSLY. FASCINATING TO ME. LIKE MY GOD#healer that is just SO destructive. that's w.. that's part of why... it became a healer.........#like god. being a healer to ensure that if you get rid of me you'll be at a disadvantage.#nevermind the fact that i have a role exclusive to me. not good enough. i need More insurance.#the way. the role it took upon itself. when it was younger. to be the fixer. to clean up after [redacted]#and its never ending cycle. ever since it was a child. its never ending cycle of tearing itself apart#to rebuild itself anew. better this time. Perfect this time. this time. this time. this time.
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horrorknife · 2 years
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i spend so much time thinking about them and feeling miserable. anyone else feel like this. like. the implications.
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six-of-cringe · 2 years
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never thought i'd say it. not happy about gay sex
#look. some of it might not be as bad as it seems.#i don't have context or all the facts i haven't watched it yet#maybe this 'bathroom scene' is just a precursor for a later callback#but like. jesper had a one night stand or something with wylan and FUCKING FORGOT ABOUT HIM???#real cute real romantic. /s#the hypersexual bi man trope!! the unnecessary sexualization of queer relationships!!!!#like there's nothing wrong with stories about relationships like this! to me it's the fact that it's being applied to wesper!#a relationship which i enjoyed bc of the slower building of care and knowledge and trust and meaning and all that sap shit#these writers do not know how to show queer characters' sexualities without making them have sex.#jesper just forgot about the prince who fell into the wrong story dude i'm gonna be sick#of all the ways they could have written jesper and wylan's pre-SoC history........bruh#listen wesper might have been the least developed of the SoC relationships but holy shit it was better than this#jesper wylan get behind me sweethearts#idk how to describe why it feels so hurtful. it just feels like something has been taken from that story#shadow and bone netflix spoilers#sab spoilers#s&b spoilers#delete later#this isn't like SEX BAD GAY SEX BAD. it just has me going like. who are these guys. these are different guys.#they are doing strange things that the people they claim to be would not. this story has been altered in a way that makes me feel it less#if you enjoy it still fine. but for me it detracts.
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seilon · 28 days
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pro: ran into a coworker at a bar last night who I don’t really talk to usually (he works upstairs, I work downstairs) and we talked and im pretty sure we were highkey flirting and he bought me a drink and the bar merch shirt i was interested in and thanks to the power of alcohol i guess i asked for his number and he gladly gave it to me and. yeah
con: i have the second worst hangover i have ever had and have been fighting for my fucking life just to eat saltines
#it’s getting better but only now that it’s like. 6pm#as weird as it sounds part of why this sucks is that I volunteered to come into work today cause there’s a concert going on nearby which#usually means we’re at least somewhat busy -> make better tips#and I couldn’t go in because well. you know#I’ve been sick and dying in bed all day unable to move or eat or anything#let alone take the bus and go to work#but. as much as I wish I didn’t go this overboard I don’t totally regret last night cause.#yeah. potential thing going on with cute coworker guy. OH and potential job opportunity at my favorite bar in town#apparently said coworker Also has a job at the bar in addition to where we both work and the bar is hiring barbacks at entry-level#so I have someone to vouch for me and the bartender we were talking to seemed to really want me to apply too#one thing that’s kinda funny to me about all this is that the first two places (a bar then a club) we were at felt really mid because they#were packed with way too many straight people (at a gay bar and a gay club)#but the bar we ended up at (where we ALWAYS end up at. it is the oasis. it is the only thing I can rely on) felt. like. not overwhelmingly#straight? at all? I mean part of it’s just luck in a way with just who happened to be there and all that but it’s also that the staff seem#pretty significantly populated with queer ppl#I complained to the bartender about how the club we were at (one of the biggest gay clubs in the city- if not The biggest) just felt kinda#meh because yeah maybe there were some guys dancing in jockstraps and whatever but the crowd itself like. did not feel largely queer#or at least didn’t have the spirit I’d hope for in a queer space if that makes sense. felt very conventional. not enough wild outfits and#makeup and gender fuckery and so on#and the bartender was like dude I KNOW right? I went off outside there once about the invasion of cishets when this space isn’t FOR them#and so on and so forth. and god that was So real.#so the experience at my beloved bar last night was like. 1) guy comes up behind me just to order a drink but i was saving a seat for my#friend who was in the bathroom and mentioned that in case he was looking to take the seat. chatted a little. ended with him pointing out#that a guy nearby was trying to holla at me.#2) I look over and yes. the dj is. in fact. looking directly at me and mouthing the lyrics to whatever song was playing pointed my way.#it was pretty sweet honestly I think it was partly cause I looked like I was shy and alone#3) whatever gay shit was going on with my coworker and i. amusingly he seems to get more flamboyant when he drinks just like i do.#im not 100% sure what his sexuality is but i Am 100% sure it is Not straight. but yeah. if it hadn’t been so close to closing time ive been#hardcore wondering where that would’ve gone. maybe its for the best that i had to go when i did cause i was pretty drunk and who knows when#I could’ve hit the amount of drunk it takes to like outright say hey just so you know i’d suck your dick right now if you wanted
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infizero · 1 year
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every time i so much as think about that scene where light looks at porn magazines while scowling i go into hysterics its genuinely the funniest thing i've ever seen
#the funniest thing is is that i truly believe he thought he was being 100% convincing. that that's normal behavior for a completely straight#completely allosexual man#light is fucking awful and i hate him but also there's nuance to him. and sometimes i can get a little like. oh thinking about his life#before the series. specifically factoring in my headcanons about him being gay aroace and autistic and stuff. ppl have written some rlly#good fics surrounding those topics.... but yeah thats not even canon stuff but i dont care#anyways its not in a way of making excuses for how he is i just think it adds more to his character#hes total garbage but i think theres really interesting stuff with him when it comes to how he's.... VERY disconnected from others#just in general. he's like aware of how to act ''normal'' on like the most textbook surface level without being like. Aware enough to#be able to make it more convincing. and as ridiculous as it is i do see some of myself in him in that sense#also that person who said light and L is just autistic guy who's been masking his entire life vs autistic guy who's never masked in his#entire life. LITERALLY EXACTLY. genuinely perfect way to describe them they are both so similar when it comes to this#but the ways they go about it are very different. light has been playing the part of the perfect son his whole life. L doesnt try to change#himself for anyone and doesnt care when people think hes weird. both of them arent very socially aware and havent had any real friends#their whole lives. its such a fascinating parallel between them#i could go on a whole fucking thing about how light was pretending to be someone he's not around his family and at school and everything#long before he got the death note BUT. i wont. at least not right now#jesus christ how did i go from laughing about him with the magazine to this. my bad#derailed my own damn post. idk swagever#will say rq tho. watched a vid on youtube that pointed out how light expected his family to think nothing of the fact that he's gone to#such drastic measures to hide his diary when making the plan with hiding the death note which is like#that level of dedication would NOT be normal. so the fact that light expects his family to think nothing of it......#i mean you could read that as light just once again being socially unaware. but it could also imply that light's family kind of Knows#he's hiding something and just doesn't address it. (he's gay. im talking about him being gay)#the video also referenced this comic that i didnt rb cause the actual premise of it (lawlight wedding) is um.#not at all my kind of thing. BUT it was light describing himself as a house with a basement when his family sees him as a one story house#and i thought that was such a cool analogy#ANYWAYYYSSSS i need to go to bed. thanks if you read my ramblings#serena.txt#death note posting
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mx-paint · 2 months
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#do you ever see someone get delivered a devastating line and they. just keep fucking going#like what im certain is a straight guy made a account just to go like 'actually harley quinn is the abusive rapist (and joker is innocent)'#and he keeps adding to it#a big thing hes upset about is how 'dc pandered to the gays'#bc apparently bisexuality is nonexistent#and someone pointed out how 'everything is meant to pander to something you just consider this one bad bc its gay'#this guy made a whole list of it and seems to think his smol boi joker was raped by his psychiatrist#(conveniently forgetting everything that led up to such a event)#hes also a 'barbie super fan' whos critique of the movie was 'it was too feminist and wokey'#its like listening to ratm and being surprised theyre theyre not raging against the washing machine#i think my main thing is theyre Are adaptations where she Is abusive#(telltale had a good spin on it imo)#but you pick the animated series? the lego movies? the suicide squads? her fucking Show???????? okay#all of the above showcasing how joker is Not some victim that harley abused?#okay...#idk man#its weird how something can literally look you in the eye and say 'this is a abusive relationship where the man is abusing the woman'#and Somehow you take it as '*nodding* she was a abuser because he was her client before#(and yes i am going to completely disregard anything that he did)'#.....tbh considering its coming from someone that literally said he doesnt think sexism and systematic oppression is real#im. not surprised#thinking on it i think the only reason he thinks shes abusive isnt whatever the hell he comes up with#but rather. the fact shes decidedly not straight.#like i genuinely think if she stayed being abused by the joker this guy wouldnt have had a problem with it.
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thesnowqueen · 1 year
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if i had a nickel for every time the best friend duo that was the cornerstone of an entire trilogy got split apart at the end of the 3rd movie, ruining the entire trilogy for me, i'd only have 2 nickels, but it's strange that it's happened twice
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rustbeltbabey · 4 months
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boo hoo sad pity party posting hours LMAO but I rlly truly don't think I will ever be in another relationship again. I don't feel that I will every b desirable or deserving enough, and I don't feel like I will ever even b seen as a guy n idk. I just don't know.
#mayave its imposter syndrome maybe its internalized transphobia but i dont think any gay man would ever date me bc i dont thibk any of them#would thibk of me as a man. idk. maybe this will change once i start like. PHYICALLY transitioning but i rlly feel like theres no hope 4 me#i feel like i will always be thought of as a woman for the rest of my life i feel like i will never pass as anything but a woman i feel like#i dont have any positive qualities i don't like a single thing abt myself i dont thibk im capable of loving someone im so distant w everyone#im so scared of phyically and emotional intimacy i feel like a burden i dont even know how to act like a man and i KNOW that thst isnt a#fucking thing i KNOW theres no right way of being a man i know that logically but still the fact that i grew up isolated from men and#that i rarely interact w them even to this day i have no male friends no male role models nothing im so scared im gonna like.#break social rules n shit which is RIDICULOUS bc once again there's no right way to b a guy or to preform masculinity and also im so early#in my transition no one even knows im a guy anways. but also im worri3d bc of thst no one will ever seen me as one unless i start conforming#to traditional masculinity and i dont know now to emulate it bc ivenonly ever seen it from afar i dont actually know what guys talk about#howbthey act around eachother what is socially acceptable or not i dont have a clue bc i dont ever interact w men and its like. fucking#stupid of me to even want to know bc it shouldn't matter to me BUT IT DOES and it makes me so anxious that i do not know how to emulate it#even if i wanted to i wouldnt know how bc i grew up in a fucking cult and i know so little men and i have terrible social skills n i#probably have autism which just. everything is compounded upon eachother n i feel like im going crazy i dont think ill ever be enough.#I hope i'm in a better mental place when i start t but even that im so fucking bad at doing things bc i have executive dysfunction that like#i havent even started tbe process or called thr clinic im just likem fucking spiraling. I hope my mindset becomes healthier once I start.#anwyss lol. do u guys like me? bc i feel like im unbearable n im trying not to be let me know if u do or not so i can try to cahnge ^.^#🪽
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mercuryislove · 4 months
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I've been playing persona with my bestie almost every single night since p3r came out and we just finished p5r last night and now I'm like. what's going to fill this arcana-based void in my heart. what else could possibly be the means by which all is revealed
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giantkillerjack · 1 year
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What up I'm married to a tall person who is basically Milo Thatch but agender, and uhhh, basically, yeah, everyone should be jealous and I LOVE MY CUTE TWINK NERD WIFE!!!!! 😤😤🥰🥰🥰❤❤❤👌👌
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#original#i love my wife#had a big crush on that character growing up#you know who else is really into her? EVERY OTHER CHUBBY TRANS GUY IN CHICAGO apparently we just see her and are like OH HELL YEAH#do you know why this is? it is because we have excellent taste that is why.#and also we want non threatening masc people to be into us and respect our gender! that's me anyway#and this is excellent news for her anyway bc we're in an open relationship & she thinks guys like me (her HUSBAND 🥰😁) are incredibly hot#this is also bc she has excellent taste.#but it is a running joke that she keeps getting nice OKC matches that look a lot like me 😂#anyway this post is a thing that would have made young me BOIL with envy if someone else said it but in fact it is ME#and young me grew into me and is in here like AAWWWWWWW YYYEEEEEEEEAAAHHHHH 🤘🤘🤘🤘🚀🚀🚀#she doesn't just look like Milo she also moves and emotes and talks like him. and until recently her glasses would not stay on her face!#she got new ones. nerd. i adore her.#she is so kind to Jack (me) and to my giant anxious pitbull child#she puts his blankie on him as he rests on her toes to make sure she doesn't go anywhere 😭😭❤#she is my best friend and she never makes me feel stupid or fake or undeserving. she just likes me so much and she fkn acts like it!#and we have good boundaries and communication in a very autistic way [positive] and she is so smart and funnyyy#oh i am falling asleep now#probably has something to do with how thinking about my wife makes me feel safe and warm or some gay shit like that 🙄 ;)#edit: omg it just occurred to me that she is like 80% Mill and 20% Jessica Jones. just in terms of like. vibes. XD#she cares a lot about Jessica Jones. I will tell her my findings in the morrow#*80% Milo
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