#but barrell is gay and like you can tell watching this kid perform that that fact is at the forefront of his mind

[inkybinkyboink]

hi ok unpopular thought but you can tell when a cis/het person is playing a queer character because they always prioritize the queerness of their character over anything else

[thetravelerwrites]

Urgan (Orc)

Rating: Mature Relationship: Male Human/Male Orc Additional Tags: Exophilia, Monster Boyfriend, Orc, Male Reader, MLM, Gay Reader, Football Captain, College, Friends to Lovers Content Warnings: Alcohol Poisoning, Children, Kids, Pregnancy, Unwanted Pregnacy, Mention of Abortion, College Drop-Out, Strong Language, Drug Use, Angst, Super Angst, ALL THE ANGST Words: 4385

A super duper angsty commission by the wonderful @severedreamerbeard​​! Urgan is the captain of his college football team and all around cool dude. He's an extremely reliable guy with his whole life ahead of him... until the woman he's been dating winds up pregnant, which turns his entire world upside down. The reader, Urgan's best friend, tries to help as much as he can while watching Urgan's life fall apart. Please reblog and leave feedback!

The Traveler's Masterlist  

Urgan had been your best friend since preschool. You were human and he was an orc, but you were both jocks growing up, both in sports, both athletic. He’d been there with you through all the major events in your life. He was there when your parents divorced, when you came out as gay in middle school, and when the teammates who had once been friends started bullying you because of it. He was always there.

You hoped you had been as good a friend to him as he had been to you. You were there when his dad died, when his mom remarried someone he hated, and when his highschool sweetheart cheated on him. After all that, the two of you were closer than brothers.

College life was easier on both of you. You both had gotten a sports scholarship and found a friend group that was a lot of fun to hang out with. Parties were epic, classes were less so, but you were living the life and loving every second of it.

Then it changed. Not for everyone, not even for you. Or at least, it didn’t have to. You could have made different choices. It would have been far easier if you had, you were sure. But…

“How long have you been dating Kelly?” You asked him over a beer. The two of you were sitting out on the front porch of a house party currently in full swing.

“Who?” He snorted, half-asleep. He’d pulled an all-nighter the day before preparing for his psych exam.

“Kelly,” You said, pointing into the open door at the girl wearing a halter with a half-empty vodka bottle in her hand, some of which she’d spilled on her chest, grinding on another girl who was sucking the vodka off of her clavicle.

“I wouldn’t say we’re ‘dating’,” He replied, throwing back a large swig of his beer. “Fucking, yes. I’m not trying to date anyone right now. I don’t have the time.” He threw his beer bottle into a large trash barrel and stood up. “Where’s Derek? He owes me fifty bucks.”

“For what?” You asked, standing up and following him through the house. He slapped Kelly’s ass as he passed her on the way inside, and she laughed.

“I borrowed it to buy coke three weeks ago,” He said.

“Didn’t he almost OD?” You asked.

“Yeah, but that ain’t my fault, I want my money,” Urgan said, muscling his way through the crowd.

“Don’t be an asshole, bro,” You said, still following him.

“I’m not being an asshole! It’s not like he learned anything, I bet you five bucks he’s doing coke right now.”

“Yeah, I’m not taking that bet,” You laughed. “I don’t know of a time when he’s not on coke. I think he was high when we first met.”

“That’s my point. You know I’m cool about that stuff normally, but it’s affecting his performance on the field,” Urgan grumbled. “I’m team captain, and if he doesn’t straighten up, I have to kick him off the team, friend or not. We lost to E.U. because of him.”

You grimaced. E.U. had been your school’s rival for generations. The loss hurt and was a huge blow to Urgan. It didn’t help that it was televised nationally.

“If you kick him off the team, the other guys will be pissed,” You reasoned.

“I know that,” He said grumpily. “But managing the team internally is my job. If I don’t do something about it, coach will either demote me or kick me off with him for not handling it when I should have. I can’t afford to lose my scholarship over some douchebag’s coke habit.” He made his way into the garage at the opposite end of the house and smacked a seated Derek on the back of the head. “Hey, Derek! Money! Now!”

“Dude, back off!” Derek protested. “I’ll get it to you when I get it, damn!”

“Not good enough,” Urgan said, kicking the mirror that was in front of Derek. Powder went flying.

“Hey!” Derek said, standing up and taking a swing at Urgan. Urgan ducked and caught Derek’s arm, pinning it behind him. He was always quick.

“Quit the coke or quit the team,” Urgan said, snarling. “We’re not losing another game because you’re too high to play.”

“The fuck are you talking about, man?” Derek said, struggling. “Don’t blame that shit on me! It’s not my fault you can’t organize your team!”

“I’m serious, dude,” Urgan said, pushing Derek to the ground. “I’m not getting punished for you. Straighten up or fuck off.”

“Suck my dick, asshole,” Derek said. He jerked his chin at you. “Or get your boyfriend to do it.”

Words like that were water off your back at this point, but it always riled Urgan up. You could already see him tensing.

“Let it go, dude,” You said, pulling him back. “Derek, seriously, you’re bringing the whole team down. Lay off the drugs, at least until after the championship.”

“Get the fuck out of my house if you’re going to act all high and mighty,” Derek said, pushing past you. “And you can forget that fifty bucks. It’s all over the ground now.”

Urgan’s fists were balled up and he was breathing hard.

“He’s not going to stop,” Urgan said.

“Come on, dude,” You said, smacking him on the shoulder. “You’re not going to accomplish anything here. Take it to the field. Show him why you’re captain.”

“I guess,” He said. “I’m hungry, man, let’s grab something.”

“Sure,” You said. “Kelly’s coming over to your place after the party, though, right?”

“Yeah, but she won’t be any shape to do anything but sleep. She knows where the key is, she’ll be fine.”

Finals were coming up, and most people were holed up in their rooms or dorms studying. Urgan was a decent student and never really worried about tests, though you hadn’t heard from him in a couple of days, which was odd. He could have been working a lot; he had a part-time job to pay for his own studio apartment. He said the dorms were too small for him.

“Urgan? No, I haven’t seen him in a week.” Joey said. Joey was a coworker from the bar where Urgan worked and also an ex-boyfriend of yours. You bumped into him at the university’s library while looking for Urgan. Urgan hadn’t answered his door when you went to check on him, so you figured he had to be here.

“Is he sick?” You asked, taking out your phone. You’d texted him awhile ago and you saw that he had seen it, but he hadn’t responded.

“I dunno,” Joey said. “All I know is that he asked the boss for some personal time. It could just be finals getting to him.”

You frowned. “Hmm… I’m going back to his apartment. He’s never been this quiet before. Something’s not right.”

“Tell him to come back to work. All the girls try to flirt with me when he’s not there. I need him to be my shield.”

You laughed and waved him off, heading out.

“Urgan!” You called, knocking insistently on his door. “Open the door! Are you alright?”

No answer. Frustrated, you got the spare key that was hidden in a slit of the doormat and unlocked the door. His apartment was dark and looked normal. Urgan was a fairly tidy guy, and nothing was really out of place.

“Urgan!” You called again, walking around the partition that obscured his bed. There he was, passed out on top of his blankets. There were empty bottles of liquor everywhere. Your heart stopped.

“Oh, fuck, please don’t be dead,” You said, crawling on the bed to slap him in the face. “Urgan, wake up!” His skin was cold, which scared the shit out of you, but after a minute feeling for a pulse on his neck you found a heartbeat, and you could see him breathing very slowly, so at least he was alive. But he wasn’t responding to your attempts to rouse him.

“Shit.” You took out your phone and called and called emergency services.

“911, what’s the nature of your emergency?”

“Hey, I need an ambulance, I think my friend has alcohol poisoning.” You said quickly, hoping it was intelligible, and gave them the address.

“Okay, sir, how long has this been going on?”

“I’m not sure, I just found him. I haven’t heard from him in days. He’s got a pulse, but he won’t wake up.”

“Is he cold to the touch?”

“Yes.”

“Is he breathing?”

“Slowly, but yes.”

“Can you make sure his airway is clear?”

You put the phone down and opened his mouth. There didn’t seem to be anything in the way.

“It’s clear,” You said.

“Alright, sir, I’ve got an ambulance on the way. Do me a favor and turn him on his side and bend the leg that’s on the top. Keep his airway clear and keep an eye on his breathing.”

“Okay,” You said, doing as the operator said and trying to keep calm.

The ambulance arrived within minutes, and after several moments of the EMTs attempting to wake him and failing, they loaded him in the rig. You were able to ride with him to the hospital. They took you both to a room, and you stood back as they began hooking Urgan up to all sorts of tubes and wires. They put a tube in his mouth because his breathing was weak and slowing down. They put him on a heavy saline drip and debated whether or not to pump his stomach. Eventually, they left him to rest and you sat with him.

“What the fuck is happening with you, man?” You asked him quietly as he slept.

Eventually, you fell asleep, and when you woke up, they were taking the air tube out of his throat. Urgan was awake and groaning in discomfort as it was removed.

“Dude, what the hell?” You said, standing up.

His eyes were bloodshot and he looked extremely sick, but at least he was awake. He waited for the doctors and the nurses to leave so that it was just you and him before he answered you.

“Kelly’s pregnant,” He said hoarsely. “It’s mine. She’s sure of it.”

“Oh, shit,” You said, sitting back down in the chair next to him. “I thought you used protection.”

“I do,” He said in frustration. “The condom must have broken or something. She told me she was on the pill. I don’t know what happened. I’m so fucking screwed.”

“You may not be,” You said, trying to comfort him, but you knew he was right. Being team captain meant that you put the team before everything. If you had another priority, you couldn’t be team captain. Not to mention the scandal of having a kid during the height of his college career would destroy his reputation and make him seem irresponsible. A baby right now was going to ruin him.

“Don’t bullshit me. I can’t show my face at school. Coach is going to kick my ass as soon as he finds out. My life is over.”

“Don’t talk like that, man,” You said. “What’s Kelly saying about all this? Has she told anyone?”

“No, not yet,” He said, covering his eyes. “Well, she hadn’t when I started drinking, but I don’t know if she has now.”

“She wants to keep it?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t get farther than ‘I’m having a baby and it’s yours’. And then I just started drinking and didn’t stop.”

“How far along is she?”

“Three months, she said.”

“How does she know it’s yours?”

“I was the only person she was sleeping with at the time. We were thinking about dating seriously, but it didn’t work out that way.”

“Do you believe that?”

“I don’t know. We’ll find out, I guess.”

You frowned deeply. “She’s… been partying pretty hard in the last three months.”

Urgan rubbed his face. “I know. I’m scared shitless the kid is going to be born fucked up.”

“Do you… think you can talk her into giving it up? For adoption, I mean? She doesn’t seem like mom material.”

“I don’t know,” He said. “I don’t know what she’ll do.”

“What about…” You hesitated to mention it. “What about an abortion?”

“That’s her decision,” He said vaguely. “It’s her body.”

“Do you want me to talk to her?”

“No, don’t,” He said. “I’ll do it when I’ve got my head on right.”

“Dude, look where you are right now,” You said, gesturing vaguely. “Let me at least call her.”

He sighed. “Fine.”

You took Urgan’s phone, which was in his back pocket when he was brought in, and called Kelly. She was surprised to hear about Urgan’s condition and said she’d come up to the hospital.

She arrived an hour later and you gave them some privacy to talk. It was a while, so you went to grab a soda. When you came back, Kelly was leaving with tears on her face. You went in and saw Urgan sitting up in bed. His eyes were red from crying.

“Hey man, are you okay?”

“No,” He said, wiping his face and sniffing. “She’s going to keep it. I’m leaving school.”

“What?” You said, coming around. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m gonna finish out the semester but I’m leaving before the baby is born. I have to find a better job. I’m hoping I can come back when the baby is a bit older, like when they start school or something, and finish my degree.”

“But you only have a year left! Are you sure this is what you want to do?”

“No!” He shouted. “I don’t want to leave school! I’ve been dreaming of this scholarship since I was a kid! It was my dad’s dream! But I’m not going to be a deadbeat! I have to find a decent job before the baby is born. I don’t have a choice.”

You were stunned to silence and just listen to him breathe through his tears.

“Are you and Kelly staying together?”

“Fuck no,” He said vehemently. “We both know that would be stupid. She’s going to stay in school as long as she can. She’s supposed to be due in winter sometime, so I should have enough saved up by then to give her for the baby, to make sure they’re comfortable.” He scowled. “I’m sure Derek is going to be thrilled. I can just see the look on his face now.”

“Don’t worry about that jackass,” You said. “Dude, I… Is there anything I can do to help out?”

He shook his head. “Kelly and I are going to keep this quiet until the end of the semester so that we don’t have to deal with anyone bullshit. After that, we’ll start telling people.”

“You’re not going to tell your mom?”

“Not yet. I can’t face her yet. She’s going to be so disappointed in me.” His tears began to fall again, and all you could do was put a hand on his shoulder and be there for him.

“I won’t say anything to anyone,” You told him. “I’m still your best friend, no matter what. If you need anything, you know I got you.”

“Thanks, man,” He said, his voice breaking.

Urgan finished out school as he planned, barely scraping a passing grade, and then notified everyone that he wouldn’t be returning. As expected, his coach was furious, his mom was disappointed, and the team was dumbfounded. Derek was the only person who seemed to be enjoying the situation.

During summer, he asked for an amniocentesis, both to prove whether or not Urgan was the father, and also to check for any genetic conditions, since Kelly’s family had a history of genetic diseases. Urgan was hoping that she was lying about only sleeping with him around the time she conceived and that he would wind up not the father so he could go back to school, but the test was conclusive. The baby was his.

Urgan found work pretty quickly at a seafood processing plant near town. It was grueling work and it didn’t pay much, but it was a full-time job and had healthcare benefits, which was the best he could hope for in these circumstances. He began saving immediately to buy clothes and diapers for his kid, which he recently found out was a little girl, and was in frequent contact with Kelly. He didn’t attend any of the doctor’s visits at Kelly’s request. Not that he wanted to be there in the first place.

You continued with college and partied like a normal college guy, stayed on the football team, and was promoted to captain. Urgan seemed happy for you and gave you pointers on leadership. If he resented you for it, he gave no sign.

Many of Urgan’s old friends, mostly team members, dropped him immediately. They no longer invited him to parties or events, and when you mentioned inviting him, they shot you down. As far as you knew, the only one who still stood by him was you, and you couldn’t be there as much as you wanted to as you now had responsibilities with the team.

Even still, if he called, you dropped what you were doing and went over. You promised you’d be there, and you were going to keep that promise. He was your best friend and you were going to stand with him. No matter what.

Urgan’s daughter, Roga, was born in November. She was small, even for a half-orc. You were there in the waiting room for the birth with the grandparents. It might have been your presence that stopped them from being at each other’s throats; the animosity in the air was palpable. Kelly’s dad was there, looking not-best-pleased at Urgan’s mom, despite her being nearly twice his size, but no harsh words were said.

Urgan came out in the full paper surgical outfit, holding the baby. He even seemed happy.

“Here she is,” He said, holding her out for the grandparents to see.

“Oh, isn’t she precious,” Urgan’s mom, Reana, said. “She’s got your eyes, Urg.”

“Yeah,” He said, smiling. “She looks a bit like dad, don’t you think?”

“She does!” Reana said brightly. “That nose definitely looks like his.”

The grandparents took turns holding the baby, and then went in to see the mother.

“Hey,” Urgan said to you, the only one left in the room. “Do you want to hold her?”

You chuckled nervously. “I dunno, man, I’ve never held a baby.”

“Neither have I, before today,” He said. “You don’t have to. I just wanted to offer since everyone else got to.”

“Yeah, but they’re family.”

“You’re family, too,” He said, looking at you like you were being an idiot.

You smiled a little and held out your arms, and Urgan carefully lay the baby into them. She was small and squishy and her face was all wrinkly. Babies all looked like potatoes to you. But she reached out and yawned and grabbed at your hand, and you couldn’t help but smile.

“She’s cute,” You said, letting her grip your finger.

“Yeah,” He said, grinning.

“How’s Kelly?”

“She hates my guts, but she’s okay.” Urgan reached out to take the baby, and you handed her over. “I should take Roga back. The lactation specialist wants to work with her.”

“I didn’t know there was a such thing as a lactation specialist,” You said with a laugh.

“Oh, yeah,” Urgan said. “The last nine months have been extremely informative.”

You snorted. “I bet.”

He took the baby back to Kelly and you sat in the waiting room, feeling a little awkward. Why were you here? You weren’t really family. You knew you were supporting Urgan, but… he didn’t really need you there right now. He seemed fine. Happy even, considering the circumstances. Maybe… maybe you should go. You really didn’t belong here.

You texted Urgan to let him know something had come up and to call you if you needed him, and he told you that it was okay, and to be careful going home. As you left, you sighed in relief. But you also felt a little guilty.

Six months later was graduation. You finished top of your class and made valedictorian. You knew that if Urgan had still been in school, he’d have gotten that honor, but…

Urgan didn’t come to graduation, and you understood why. Kelly crossed the stage and accepted her diploma, and you couldn’t help feel a little resentful at her, despite the fact that it wasn’t her fault that Urgan wasn’t there, either. They really had done everything they were supposed to do--used protection, used birth control, was careful--but things just happen sometimes. Even still, it felt like Urgan was the one who had sacrificed the most and had gotten nothing in return.

You managed to get a job at an accounting firm almost immediately after graduation. It was a boring job but the money was good. You were hoping it would be a stepping stone to a better career later.

Since getting the job, you hadn’t really seen or spoken to Urgan much. You were still his best friend, but… you had your own life to live. You felt guilty about it, but your world couldn’t stop just because his had.

Urgan was still working at the fish processing plant, working long hours to support Roga. Urgan was basically paying Kelly’s rent and bills plus everything Roga needed for both homes, since he took her on the weekends from Friday night to Monday morning, when he dropped her off on the way to work.

However, a month after graduation, Urgan called you in a panic.

“Kelly’s gone,” He said. “She’s left. I got a text from her saying she’s gone to Canada.”

“What?” You asked in disbelief. “Did she take Roga?”

“No, I’ve got her here.” He said, his voice shaking. “When she texted me, I was scared she had run off with the baby, but she left Roga with her stepdad. I just picked her up and I’m bringing her back home with me.”

You felt terrible for hoping Kelly had taken Roga with her to Canada. Even though you knew it wasn’t Roga’s fault, all you wanted was for Urgan’s life to go back to normal. You just wanted him to have the things he should have had if Roga hadn’t been born. And you hated yourself for thinking that.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” He said. He sounded extremely distressed. “Can you meet me at my apartment, please? I need someone to talk to. You’re all I have left.”

“Yeah, of course, I’ll be right there,” You said, picking up your keys.

“Thank you,” He said, and then hung up. He was audibly crying.

You made it to Urgan’s apartment before he did, and you saw him step out of the elevator carrying a ton of baby stuff in one arm and hauling Roga in her carseat in the other.

“Can you take her, please?” Urgan said. He looked pale and in shock.

“Yeah, of course,” You said, taking her carrier and looking inside. She was sleeping with a stuffed griffon clutched in her baby hands. “Is she okay?”

“I think so,” He said, unlocking his door. His apartment was strewn with kid stuff. It was so much different than the last time you’d seen it.

“I’m sorry about the mess,” He said, dropping the load he was carrying in the middle of the floor.

“Dude, I don’t care about the mess, are you okay?” You asked.

“I…” He ran his fingers through his hair. He was visibly shaking. “I don’t know if I can do this alone. I had accepted being a dad, but I don’t know if I can be… the only parent. I… I don’t know any babysitters for when I’m working. I don’t… is she off breastmilk? When was her last check up? When is she supposed to see the doctor again? Kelly didn’t tell me those things because I.. I figured she had it handled. I was making sure they had everything they needed. I didn’t think I’d…”

“Okay, calm down,” You said. “Roga is fine. You can find all of that stuff out. I’ll help, I’ll help however I can, okay?”

“Okay,” He said, sitting on his couch heavily. “Okay.” He reached down into her carseat and unstrapped her, putting her against his shoulder, clutching her as if she was a warm stone and he was freezing. He was certainly shaking like he was.

This was the first time you’d seen Roga since she was born. Now that she’d had a chance to grow, she did look a lot like Urgan. It made you feel worse for resenting her.

“Look, can you watch her for a few minutes?” He asked suddenly. “I’m almost out of formula and I didn’t expect to have her right now. I was going to go Thursday to stock up. I don’t want to run out.”

“I…” You hesitated.

“Please,” He begged quietly. “Please. Ten minutes. I promise.”

You sighed. “Okay.”

He transferred Roga from his shoulder to yours. Uncertainly, you gripped her firmly.

“I’ll be right back, I promise,” Urgan said, and he was out the door.

There was a rocking bassinet near Urgan’s bed behind the divider, and you settled Roga in it, staring down at her peacefully sleeping form.

“I wish I didn’t hate you,” You told her, tears welling up in your eyes and falling down your cheeks. “But you took everything from him. I know it’s not your fault, but it doesn’t change anything. He’ll never be the man he should have been because of you.”

Roga sighed in her sleep and snugged into her bed without waking. You did nothing but sit on Urgan’s bed and stare at her the entire time Urgan was gone, allowing yourself to hate her and Kelly and the team at school and everyone who turned their back on Urgan when he needed them the most. When Urgan returned, your tears had dried, and you left.

Roga was still sleeping.

Since my work is no longer searchable, please do me a favor and reblog this story if you enjoyed it. Help me reach a wider audience! To help me continue creating, please consider becoming a Patron or donating directly to my PayPal!

Thanks for reading!

My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[cyhyr]

Summer of Whump Day 15: Sleep Deprived

Fandom: Naruto

Rating: G

Pairing: Hatake Kakashi & Umino Iruka; Umino Iruka & Uzumaki Naruto

WC: ~3320

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Notes: AU backstory for the purposes of I Wanted To.

A/N: This is just. I don't even know guys. I started writing and then it got bigger and bigger and I couldn't stop. It's just. A Lot.

~

Kakashi has not been able to take care of his sensei’s child the way he should, the way the boy admittedly deserves; and yes, absolutely, he takes that fault personally but also doesn’t do anything about it because really… what can he provide for this child besides instability? He’s hardly in the village anymore, though Sandaime has hinted that, if Kakashi asked, he could be assigned missions closer to home. Instead, Kakashi does what he can without bothering Naruto or letting the boy realize that he even exists. He ensures the bills are paid up in six-month increments, and has the utility companies know to charge to his personal account anything he misses due to being out on mission. He provides non-perishable groceries, placed in the pantry late at night every month or so: oats, rice, dried or tinned meats, beans and legumes. He’ll bring a small selection of vegetables with him at the same time, (no more than three or four items, so they don’t rot before Naruto feels obligated to eat them) usually pilfered from Gai’s garden so he knows they’re not poisoned.

And whenever he’s in the village, he makes a stop at Naruto’s apartment at least once to check in on the wards wrapped into the walls and window frames.

This is how he learns about Umino Iruka and the interest he’s taken in the village jinchūriki.

~

The wards when he gets to Minato’s son’s apartment this time are different. Odd. Not… well, actually, they might be stronger; Kakashi glances at the walls with the sharingan and finds himself mildly impressed. Whoever placed these wards knew about the ones Kakashi put up, and modified their own to augment and strengthen Kakashi’s.

Kakashi says modified because he’s seen these styles of wards before, but never used like this. The key in the front door jingles a bit, like the person unlocking the door knows Kakashi’s in here and is giving him time to leave. Kakashi takes the out for what it is and slips out the window, closing it quietly behind him. He stays plastered against the wall beside the window for a moment, however, wanting to get a glimpse of who’s taking care of his sensei’s kid in Kakashi’s stead.

The door opens and Naruto—gods, how old is he, seven? Eight?—barrels by the figure in the doorway with a grin and shoots straight for the pantry.

“Naruto-kun, take your sandals off first. I mopped for you just earlier this week, I’m not doing it again so soon.”

One arm balancing a paper bag of fresh groceries, a leather school bag over the same shoulder; hitai-ate and vest both neat, but his sleeves and pants legs are scuffed; and his fingers carry the faint dusting of chalk that hours of holding ingrains and a quick wash won’t wipe away. A teacher.

“Iruka-sensei, I can mop later; I’m hungry now!”

“I won’t ask you twice.” The man—this Iruka-sensei—walks barefoot through the apartment and sets the grocery bag down on the kitchen table. Naruto hangs his head and goes back to the door, and once he’s out of the room, Iruka looks at the window Kakashi is peeking in, scowling initially. The scowl lessens when he sees the Konoha ANBU mask, and he nods, but makes a slight shoo gesture.

“What’re we making tonight, sensei?” Naruto bounds back into the room, barefoot as his sensei.

“I’m thinking of teaching you breakfast for dinner,” Iruka says. “Miso soup, tamagoyaki, steamed salmon; how’s that sound?”

“Sounds great!”

“And if we make enough, you’ll have enough for the morning, too,” Iruka ruffles Naruto’s hair. “Go grab out the rice and we’ll get started, okay?”

Kakashi leaves. Iruka-sensei seems to have only good intentions.

~

Iruka is a new teacher, one that (if the very quiet rumors are to be believed) didn’t initially want to be the jinchūriki’s homeroom teacher. Something changed his mind, clearly, and now he’s spending every moment outside of class with the kid.

Every. Moment.

Kakashi notices the third time he’s in the village after meeting Iruka—notices how tired the man seems. He follows the teacher from just before dawn when he wakes up and heads out to Naruto’s apartment and fixes him breakfast. Kakashi watches Iruka herd Naruto around the apartment, brushing teeth, getting changed, gods Naruto where’s your homework I told you to put it right back in your bag last night after I helped you with it. Then they’re out the door and one of them locks the deadbolt while the other activates the wards (Iruka always double-checks the wards if Naruto does them) and they walk to the Academy together.

Iruka spends the day in the Academy staunchly refusing to play favorites. If Kakashi didn’t know that the man had made Naruto eat breakfast while searching for a clean shirt for the child to wear, he’d swear Naruto was Iruka’s least favorite student—based solely on the amount of yelling.

But the two of them have lunch together, talk and hang out during recess unless Iruka shoos him away to play, and then they walk together to either Iruka’s or Naruto’s apartment after school. Sometimes they’ll go out for ramen, or to one of the training grounds to work on a technique they started in class which Naruto needs more time to fully grasp. Iruka is a patient teacher, especially one-on-one, and even though Minato-sensei’s son doesn’t perform well on the tests in school he learns the techniques after class and gains the appropriate muscle memory.

Which is admittedly much more important than the grades Naruto earns. Iruka won’t say as much, but it’s obvious that he agrees when his teaching style puts emphasis on practicals rather than paper tests. Kakashi approves.

After a day of minding twenty-five ankle-biters, an afternoon of extra training for the village jinchūriki, and an evening of making sure Naruto is fed and happy and his homework is completed to the best of his ability, Iruka then helps Naruto get ready for bed. Against the kid’s token protests, they’ll read a story together (Kakashi suspects Iruka does this because Naruto’s reading skills are lacking, but he could also very well just be doing it because he enjoys it—the man’s motives are enigma to him) and Iruka will tuck Naruto in. He stays at the apartment until he knows Naruto is asleep, tidying up here and there or even just leaning in the bedroom doorway watching the jinchūriki’s chest rise and fall.

Only when Naruto’s asleep will Iruka leave, activating the wards and locking up after himself.

It took only two times of Kakashi watching these kinds of days go by before he realized that Iruka knew he had been watched all day. As he passes the tree outside of Naruto’s building, the only one that reaches high enough to afford a glance into his apartment, Iruka looks right up into the limbs where Kakashi is crouched, waves, and continues back to his own home.

(He had been underestimating Umino Iruka’s awareness. He’s intrigued.)

(But anyway.)

Once he’s home, Iruka rushes through grading and lesson plans and adjustments. He makes lunch for himself and Naruto for tomorrow. Cleans, if he remembers; showers, if he has any energy left. Then, Umino-sensei crashes hard around one or two in the morning.

All to start over again at five-thirty the next morning.

It can’t be sustainable. Kakashi is morbidly interested in how long Iruka planned to keep up this kind of schedule.

~

It starts out with checking out during lunch. Kakashi is lounging in the trees on the Academy grounds, pretending to read but listening intently to Naruto ramble on about some new topping Ichiraku is introducing on Friday and please Iruka-sensei can we go? Then the soft click of dropped chopsticks against a bento box made Kakashi look down to the pair sitting at the base of his tree.

“Iruka-sensei? Are you—?”

“Oh, I’m. I’m alright.” Iruka laughs it off, fumbling for his chopsticks. “I was just thinking too hard there.”

“You shouldn’t do that!”

“Hu—?”

“You tell me not to think too hard all the time,” Naruto pouts. “That I’ll hurt myself.”

Iruka’s laugh crinkles his eyes and he tips his head back. “Gods, Naruto, I’m sorry—no, not—um. Listen, forget it, okay? Ramen, on Friday, right?”

“YES!”

And it was forgotten. Except, Iruka is unconsciously rubbing his fingers together beside his hip and Kakashi can see it. Something happened to force the drop—likely, he lost feeling in his hand briefly.

~

Kakashi’s out of the village as it gets worse, but he hears all about it from Shikaku and Inoichi when he gets back. They’re in the hallway outside the Hokage’s office, talking in low tones like they were discussing an attack on the village.

“What could cause such a serious mood shift?”

“Genjutsu; one of the other teachers sabotaging him; another student practicing poorly.”

“Iruka-sensei?” Kakashi asks.

Both men look at him as he approaches. He’s still in his ANBU armor, but the mask is in his locker. It’s an open secret he’s in ANBU; only his codename is high-clearance.

Shikaku nods. “Shikamaru’s complaining about the man’s temper being shorter than usual.”

“My Ino confirmed this behavior shift. We’re understandably worried, if someone if trying to use an Academy teacher to attack the kids—”

Kakashi shakes his head. “It’s not that.”

“And you would know?” Shikaku prompts.

“He’s taking care of Naruto,” Kakashi shrugs. “It’s probably catching up with him, finally.”

“What is?” Inoichi looks honestly confused.

Kakashi tilts his head and then realizes. “Ah. That’s right. You’re both married. You have a way to share the responsibilities.”

Sakumo hadn’t ever been irate with him, but Kakashi can remember him being tired. He lifts his hand and walks away. “I’ll see if I can’t have a talk with Iruka-sensei,” he says, as though he speaks with the man on a regular basis instead of just waving back from his shadowed space in the tree at night when Iruka leaves Naruto.

~

He doesn’t get a chance to talk to Iruka for weeks. When he gets back, it finally comes to a head.

Kakashi is perched outside Iruka’s apartment where he and Naruto are preparing their dinner. Naruto, still talking a mile a minute, hardly notices that Iruka is dazed at the counter, his hands going through the motions of peeling carrots and separating pieces of broccoli without being fully cognizant. He’s much paler than the last time Kakashi peeked in on them—all except for the bags under his eyes; those couldn’t get much darker if they were black.

He flinches forward as Iruka drifts to the side. Naruto catches his teacher before Kakashi can take a step, and the clang of a knife hitting the floor is more than a little startling. Together, they stick Iruka’s hand under running water from the tap, and then Naruto disappears further into the apartment and returns a few seconds later with a first aid kit.

“What was that about, Iruka-sensei?”

Iruka takes a bit to answer. “I haven’t been sleeping well,” he says. “I’m a bit tired, that’s all. Sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Naruto says. He finishes caring for his sensei and then says, “How about I go get some take-out, and then we can clean up and you can go to bed?”

Iruka smiles tiredly. “We can bring the take-out to your place, okay? I’ll clean up when I come back home.”

“But—”

“It’s okay, Naruto,” Iruka puts his unbandaged hand in Naruto’s hair. “I’d rather make sure you’re fed and well-rested for school tomorrow. That’s what's important.”

“You’re important, too, sensei,” Naruto says.

Kakashi can’t help but agree.

“Let’s go get some ramen, and we can argue about this later.”

Kakashi flashes away to Ichiraku to put in their order and pay. It’s the least he can do, right?

Later that night, Iruka leaves Naruto’s apartment and like always, lifts his head to wave up at Kakashi in the tree. Only, his eyes roll back with the movement of lifting his head and his knees collapse under him and Kakashi makes it just in time to keep the sensei’s head from hitting the ground. He catches Iruka with one hand under his back and the other cupped behind his head and eases him down against his raised knee.

As soon as Iruka is horizontal, his eyes flutter back open. “Oh, ANBU-san,” he mutters. He’s dazed and foggy, but tries to stand up on his own anyway.

“Sensei, are you well?” Kakashi asks, knowing the answer but needing Iruka to admit it.

Iruka waves him away. “I’m fine, I’m fine. Just a little tired.”

It’s more than that if you’re slipping into micro-sleep, Kakashi thinks, but lets the man stubbornly stand up. He’s still holding his hands out, ready to catch him again, when after five paces Iruka tips sideways and falls again. Kakashi keeps him upright this time, arms tight around his waist and back.

Iruka stays under for a few seconds this time, and when he wakes he leans more heavily into Kakashi’s armor and groans. “What’s happening?” he murmurs.

Normally, he would stay and look after Naruto all night, but this seems more important. “Umino-sensei, I’m going to see you to the hospital now,” he says.

“But… Naruto?”

Because of course Iruka figured out that Kakashi—his ANBU persona at least—stays close to Naruto at all times. “Together, our wards are top-notch, sensei,” Kakashi says. “He’ll be okay for a night.” He slips Iruka onto his back, pulling his arms over his shoulders. Iruka’s light breath huffs past his ear as he says, “Hold on.” Then, they’re gone.

~

Iruka wakes up much later, Naruto tipped against his hospital bed, snoring. He feels so much better after however many hours of sleep he’s gotten. He wonders briefly why he’s here, and where the ANBU that brought him here is. If Naruto is here, that ANBU is likely closeby. Iruka lets out a jaw-cracking yawn and settles back down on the pillow to sleep some more.

When he wakes up the second time, it’s because he has to pee so bad oh gods. It’s night time and Naruto is gone—Iruka tries not to feel disappointed. His legs shake under him when he tries to stand to get to the restroom; whatever’s wrong with him, it’s making him weak as a newborn but he will not embarrass himself by not making it to the toilet. He pushes chakra through his legs, and, finally, blissfully, makes it.

He gets a good look at himself in the mirror as he’s washing his hands. His eyes are puffy and red, but he has some color back in his skin. His hair could use a wash and some heavy conditioning—he hadn’t had time for that in awhile. All in all, it’s not bad; but he’s still wondering why he’s here.

Iruka leaves the restroom and is halfway across the room to his bed when his chakra flares unexpectedly. He stumbles, collapses, and feels his eyes blur and begin to roll back.

Before his head can hit the tile, he’s caught and cushioned by Naruto’s ANBU. The ANBU gently picks him up, one arm under his knees and the other around his back, and it’s like Iruka weighs nothing as the ANBU stands and carries him back to bed.

“Thank-you, ANBU-san,” Iruka says, flushed. “I promise I’m not usually so weak.”

The ANBU fusses with the blanket and covers Iruka back up. He (Iruka assumes they’re a he, the voice and height lead him to believe it but he’s been wrong before) seems frustrated, in the way that ANBU show frustration: by being busy, and then by being absolutely still. He’ll make sure the water pitcher is full, and then stand silently by the window for a few seconds. Pace the width of the room from window to door and back, and then stand at the end of the bed.

“What’s going on, ANBU-san? Is Naruto—?”

“Uzumaki-kun is safe, healthy, and well-cared for,” the ANBU says, cutting him off. “You are a godsend to this village, if only to care for the uncared for.”

Iruka glowers. “Someone had to do it. He’s seven years old and living alone and has lived alone his entire life. I couldn’t—”

“I’m aware,” the ANBU holds up a hand to stop his rant. “Believe me, if I could have done more, I would have. But an ANBU is no role model, especially not me. I’m glad he’s had you. That said.” The ANBU somehow matched Iruka’s glower through the mask; he was suddenly glad for all the time spent in Sandaime’s office around the ANBU that he can pick up on these micro-aggressions for what they are.

Iruka folds his arms and waits for the ANBU to continue.

After a heavy sigh, the ANBU says, “Sleep deprivation.”

“I—what?”

“What you’re here for. You’ve been running yourself into the ground, sensei. You slept for twenty-two hours, and you’re still not fully recovered. The medics say it could take up to a week of proper sleep for you to feel normal again.”

Iruka flushes and ducks his head. “I… But, that doesn’t…”

“How much sleep have you been getting? Three, Four hours a night? And then you’re exhausting yourself all day looking after pre-genin and then Naruto.” The ANBU folds his arms. “This isn’t sustainable.”

“I know that. I just.” Iruka groans. “I don’t have time for—” He scrubs both hands across his eyes. Now that he’s actually gotten some sleep he’s really tired. “No one else takes care of him, not the way he needs it; he’s just a kid! It bothers me enough that he lives by himself—”

“Your immune system was compromised when you arrived, sensei.” The ANBU snapped, quieting Iruka’s tirade. “Who’s going to take care of Naruto the way he deserves if you’re stuck on your back with a perfectly, normally treatable form of the flu? What will happen to him if you critically injure yourself due to a micro-sleep at an inopportune time and find yourself off-roster for weeks? What then, sensei?”

The silence is heavy. Iruka picks at a stray thread in the blanket on his lap.

“I don’t know,” he answers, his voice small. “I didn’t… I wasn’t thinking that far ahead, I guess.”

The ANBU nods. “At least you’re aware now.”

There’s a long, awkward pause as Iruka wonders what else there is to say.

“You have a spare room in your apartment, yes?” the ANBU breaks the silence.

Iruka nods, slowly, not sure where this is going.

“Maybe…” the ANBU continues slowly, “maybe changes in Naruto’s living arrangements can be made. If Naruto were living with you, could you agree to a better sleep schedule—one with which you can better take care of yourself and Naruto?”

Iruka could kiss this man.

“Yes! Yes, please, I’ll—yes! I’ll take him, even if it means I have to lose him as a student, I’d take him as a foster.”

The ANBU chuckles. “I’ll speak with the Hokage. If he says no, well… There’s nothing saying that Naruto himself can’t choose where he lives, is there?” Then his micro-aggression is back, leaning over the foot of the bed with his arms wide. “My only stipulation is that you take better care of yourself. A sick guardian can’t very well keep up with any child, let alone a jinchūriki.”

Iruka nods. “Deal.” He covers a yawn with his palm and asks, “Can this taking care of myself clause start now, with me asking you to leave so I can go back to sleep?”

“I’m not leaving,” the ANBU says, standing back up straight. “If you’re to be the guardian of our jinchūriki, you’ll need to get used to the ANBU guard, sensei. But please, get some sleep.” He chuckles lightly, “I think I’ve caught you enough in the last thirty-six hours, don’t you?”

[popculturebuffet]

Top 12 Christmas Episodes!

Merry Christmas Eve Everybody! We’ve reached the end of my christmas reivews and what not on this blog. 

But as a wise barrel chested canadian man once said, I fucking love christmas, So if i’m finishing up the holiday on my blog I want to go big and stay home. So in honor of the holiday, my memories of it and just how GREAT it makes me feel i’m counting down my top 12 christmas specials! After last year’s worst of list I really wanted to do the oppsiite.. but it was naturally a lot harder. Shows usually put a LOT of effort into their christmas outings, even the ones who do so once a year, so the good FAR FAR OUTWEIGHS THE BAD. To show the contrast I could only find like.. 8 I was comfortable with putting on the worst list and even some of them aren’t that bad just not good. With the best of list? I had over 60 considered and even once I started narrowing down.. it was still around 30 or 40 REALLY GOOD specials I had to work down into this list. It took a lot of work and up to the last one it was really HARD to cut it down this far. But this is the best of the best of the best of the best of the.. you get the bit. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover and this review was already supposed to come out on christmas eve, so, since I won’t be able to use this for another year...

Er. Top 12 Christmas Specials.

12. Merry Christmas Johnny Rose (Schitt’s Creek) So I finally watched all of Schitt’s Creek this year.. and i’m kicking myself for not powering through it’s terrible starting decent ending first season earlier because the show is easly one of the best comedies of the last decade and rightly earned it’s emmy sweep this year. Heartfelt, hilarious, and starring some of the best names old and new in comedy, the show is really great and I recommend checking it out.. just again be aware the first few episodes are not very good and if it wasn’t vital to the rest of the show story wise, i’d just recommend skippping season 1. While the characters minus patriach Johnny are insuferable at first... it’s their growing from self absorbed assholes to still self abosrbed but really good and decent people that is the beating heart of the show. And no where more is this heart on the show’s sleve than at christmas time as this episode is baked in just how far our cast have come.

The episode centers on Johnny Rose, played by Eugene Freaking Levy who co created the show with his equally talented son Dan who desrves the lion’s share of the credit for the show’s upturn in quality. Since the Roses used to have big lavish christmas parties once a year, Johnny decides to throw the equilvent of what they can do on a budget at the Motel they all live in. But his family all has other plans with daughter Alexis, now happily with Ted again, meeting his friends for the first time, son David, played by Dan Levy, busy at his store with his partner, in both senses, patrick and his wife Moira having a performance with her acapella group. At first it just comes off as something typical of johnny: Something well meaning and what not but ultimatley just not something his family is into or that he planend well for.

It’s only when Johnny finds himself alone at the local diner with Moira coming to see him we find out why he’s REALLY doing this: the old lavish parties, which we see one of at the start.. ultimately ended up with him alone, sad and everyone off to their own corners. WIth the family having actually come together over the past 4 seasons, Johny simply wanted to celebrate that and says such in one of the best moments in the entire show and with one hell of a line.

"I just thought, in spite of all the hardship, we found ourselves coming together, the kids, you and me, as a family. And it just seemed like the perfect day to celebrate that. The perfect day for a Rose Family Christmas Party." But Moira has already taken care of it and thus takes JOhnny home to find all their friends and the rest of the family gathered, wtih the Jazzagals serandading eveyrone with a beautiful rendition of silent night. It’s just a warm, well done character piece that really fits the holiday while also really cementing what the show had become: a show not afraid to make dirty jokes or humilatie it’s cast but one that has a true sweetness to it. It’s only that the first half’s jokes don’t quite pop all that well and feel a bit at johnny’s expense that holds it back. Otherwise this is one i’ll be coming back to every year.

11. Father of the Bob (Bob’s Burgers) Bob’s Burgers is a damn great show i’m season’s behind on. Warm, charming, weird and with an expansive side cast played by a whos who of whose in comedy today. It’s a damn fine show and i’m happy it seems to have manatained it’s quality long after the simpsons and family guy lost theirs. And the show really loves christmas.. and halloween.. and valentine’s day.. and thanksgiving. Oh god does it love thanksgiving. Point is, the shows good at holiday episodes and loves doin em and has produced some stellar ones and I had a lot to pick from here.. but I ended up going with my gut and my personal faviorite. It’s not the most christmasy despite the trappings, but the character work is just too good to leave it out in the cold.  It’s Christmas Eve and the Belcher’s are visiting Bob’s Dad. As you can tell by the fact the most we’ve seen of him is a picture of his restraunt, big bob’s diner in the belcher’s living room and a flashback where he told bob to work instead of play as a kid that set off an episode’s plot, they don’t have the best relationship. Bob has a firm rule about not spending more than 15 minutes with his dad, as that’s the point they run out of things to talk about and his dad starts getting overcrytical and making jabs at bob’s life and restraunt. Linda, being Linda, decides to meddle and when she finds out Big Bob’s short order cook is missing, has our Bob fill in.  But as we see in flash backs it’s not THAT easy to repair things, as there’s a long, bitter history between the two: When a youngbob made his first unique burger and served it to a customer, his dad threw it out without even letting anyone taste it. He then offered bob a partnership when bob was a young man but Bob snapped at Big Bob in front of his friends and left to make burgers his own way, leading to where we are now. And honestly i’ts the perfect origin story for Bob and adds a lot of shades to his character. He’s obessed with the restraunt not just because he genuinely loves cooking but because it’s HIS. His place, to create creative burgers, his family and his regulars. It’s his corner of the sky. It makes the restraunt’s existance and surivvial that much more heartwarming to know the meaning behind it.

Naturally things end up blowing up with Bob pointedly serving the burger to make a point and Big bob walking out angrily and sadly. It takes bob’s gift from the kids, who had their own neat subplot of making gifts for bob in the basement, a snowglobe wrapped in newspaper.. to find out hsi dad kept the newspaper with the review of his first restraunt and kept ALL reviews of Bob’s Burgers. Despite being a stone faced critical ass on the outside, Big BOb STILl cared.. and bob relizes he needs to make amends and actually make an effort instead of just avoiding his dad or gettin gback at him. And through the power of gay club next door line dancing, and nick offerman whose a wonderful guest star here, the two reconcile with Bob admitting he shouldn’t of humilatied his dad even if he had to go his own way, and Big Bob admitting he’s hard to work with, the loss of his wife hit him hard, and he was a bit too much. The two hug, and it’s genuinely just a good, well done story of father and son that somehow gives even more dimension to Bob, an already pretty damn fleshed out character. Just a really great episode whose holiday timing makes it better.. though not being AS much a holiday episode as a really good bob’s burgers that’s enhanced by it is why this one’s so low. Next!

10. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (MST3K) I”m honestly surpised i’ts taken me THIS long to get to something MST3K related. I’ve loved the show since high school, first exposed to it thanks to a dvd from the library and continuing from there to present day. I love the show’s combination of riff’s on perfectly cheesy movie and fun skits with really good puppets especially for the budget. It’s just good comfort food in show form and no where is comfort food more welcome than christmas, and each era of MST3K, so far hopefully the show will come back again eventually, has had i’ts own damn good christmas special, with this being my faviorite out of the three. 

The other two are good: ironically I have a poster for the santa claus over my computer, or rather crow and tom as santa and pitch aka satan respectively. Yes really, that’s the premise. IT is as awesome and batshit insane as it sounds. Point is I like that one and year without a santa claus, this one just has more personal warmth to me. I jus tlove the holiday feeling of joel and the bots readying for christmas in the host segments. It just feels like christmas and it’s wonderful to see the bots act like kids.  That being said.. it’s still also fucking hilaroius, with the mad’s hilariously petty wish squisher, a device that turns good gifts into socks and other unwanted presents, the best Crow T Robot quote of all time as he gives joel his santa wish

And of course, one of the best and most patently insane christmas songs ever: Have Yourself a Patrick Swayze christmas, which has become oddly sweet after his death and got me to watch road house for the first time last year... and it’s as awesome and wonderfully rediclous as this song inspiried by it and even better once you get the refrences

But while the host segments are what push this film into the list, the movie is still a delightful bit of 60′s cheese as, to restore their children to being children, a couple of martians kidnap santa to bring christmas to mars. Fights iwth robots, an asshole martian and an obnoxious sidekick named droppo, yes really, insue. IT’s just some fun cheese for the holiday and a staple of my holidays. 

9. The Three Wise Men (Letterkenny)  It’s no secret Letterkenny has quickly become one of my faviorite shows. After watching it last January, it’s become part of my being and one of my go too feel good shows, a funny as hell, uniquely weird slice of life show set in rural canada. While like it’s fellow recent legend of canadian television Schitt’s creek it’s first season CAN be a bit rough.. but it’s not as rough and getting through it is worht it as the show immiedatly picked up and became one of the funniest things to ever exist. It’s also uniquely tied to christmas as every year a season of the show has dropped on that day on it’s home streamer Crave TV in canada, and on boxing day here in the us. So it’s only fitting the show also has a REALLY great christmas special. 

It’s Christmas eve and our heroes the hicks, are having a christmas party. For the uniniated the hick’s aren’t really all that “hick” ish just hardworking farmers who still accept everybody and work damn hard. Leading man, terse talker and certified badass Wayne is suprisingly really into christmas, as he spent pretty much every holiday spouting out inacuracies about it but this day? He genuienly enjoys, even insiting on awful holiday drinks only and a midnight toast, the titular three wiseman (Canadian, irish and American Whiskeys, one shot of each). “It’s tradition”.  And thanks to tradition we get the main gag of the episode: most of the episode is wayne calling in various members of the town, most of whom he dosen’t like very much and some who deeply annoy him, to give them presents. And  while i’ve admitted to being a guy who dosen’t like a plot that basically repeats itslef.. it works here.. mostly because while the setup is the same, each member provides something new and hilarious: while it starts innocently enough with Bonnie Mcmurray, local fanservice, nice lady and fangirl of wayne, getting a camera and offering to be an elf, an offer wayne is forced to take up, it soon becomes a parade of weirdness and bullshit Wayne really dosen’t want to put up with and that really makes me laugh hard: Local loveable sex maniac and bar owner Gail goes on for a good minute about her sexual antics with Wayne’s beloved departed uncle eddie after Wayne gives him a picture of the guy, Glenn, another of wayn’es unwanted admirers and local pastor, obsesses over a christmas themed digeredoo, local druggies and emos the skids intitally refuse to open their gift out of prinicpal until wayne simply asks “What if theres drugs in it” (It’s insted vitamin d), the local hockey coach sings a hilarious and gloriously cringe song about having sex with his wife when they were alive and the hockey players make wayne uncomfortable both by crying a bit. Also tanis gets an apron. 

But even if the reactions horrify or piss off our hero into needing his elf’s help, the heart is in the fact that despite hating most of these people, he still got them a gift and one that’s hearfelt and well meaning. And naturally the sweetest is saved for his family of choice with the hicks: Squirrely Dan gets a pencil case for his oft talked about women’s studies class, Dary gets some clonge since he wears his barn clothes everywhere, and Katy gets an obscure korean christmas movie since her subplot that episode had been spent trying to get a christmas movie going, only for everyone to pick it apart: from the racisim of santa and co towards rudolph to pointing out how profoundly fucked up the premise of the santa claus is (including the fact various serial killers could’ve gotten the suit), which I agree with, it’s just a sweet gesture that shows how well he knows his friend. Overall it’s just a fun hangout of an episode that feels like a real christmas party and in these troubling times we could all use that. Now let’s all have a spit.

8. The Feast of Alvis (Sealab 2021) Another Christmas staple for me.. and a gloriously strange one at that. This time we’re checking under the sea with Sealab 2021, one of the earliest adult swim shows and the blueprint for the abriged series format, it took a dry hannah barbara show about an underwater research station and remixed it into the antics of a bunch of idiots and lunatatics throughuly unequipped for the task. Except Dr. Quinn, the only sane person aboard.. most of the time. It was comedy gold courtsey of Adam Reed, creator of the later Frisky Dingo, a throughly underated show, and Archer, which is like Frisky Dingo but refined into it’s truest and most sucessful form. It was magical and just talking about it makes me want to talk about it again at some point, probably in a best of list.  So naturally this madcap energy was perfect for the holidays. Originally the crew planned to use ACTUAL religions for this, but were forced by network to change it.. which ended up being one of those cases where the network ended up actually making the right call as the creators instead created thinly veiled substute for the various religions... and centered it around Alavanism, which is christianity.. but if christ was instead born in the us at some point, and instead of being a pacifist, was a drunken beligernt gun loving redneck who shot a guy in the face, has “vengance is mine” as one of his quotes (from said face shooting) and still had pomp and circumstance as part of his holiday.  Helping this though is our Alvian for the evening is Captain Murphy, the series best character and often the center of it’s best moments, played by the wonderful and sadly late Harry Goz, a half crazed half chidlish cloud cuckoolander who often comes off like a demanding child in an old man’s body. So naturally this holiday is for him and even more naturally he’s holding a massive alvis day cermeony that’s as batshit as he and his religion are in the main deck: he’s got buffalo, a buffet that’s deeply unsanitary, and a hallogen light mimickign the alvistide star that he wants to plop a baby under.  Naturally no one else is happy about this. Well Stormy, local hilarious dumbass, is as the only other alvian on board for this, and a general sucker for dumb shenanigans but he’s so plastared he’s even less coherent than usual and can mostly muster the desire to kick something’s ass or a weak “shut up” Most of all Quinn and his girlfriend debbie, who point out religious tolerance is a part of the sealab charter and that this kind of grotesuqe celebration really isn’t in season. I’ts also a nice dig at “War on Christmas Assholes”, long before that was as big a problem with Muprhy very much being the asshole and his cleebration rapidly crumbling. He also attempts to fire Sparks for being a wiccan stand in so yeah he deserves it. It’s all capped in Muprhy getting visted by a drunken halucination of his lord. All in all easily one of the best and most insane christmas specials ever put to film. If you have HBO Max watch it today or tommorow you will NOT regret it. 

7. Arnold’s Christmas (Hey Arnold)  A classic of my childhood, Hey Arnold is one of the best animated shows period. It’s something i’m not shy about saying, I bleivie I said it in my thanksgiving list and i’ll say it quite a bit. It’s not PERFECT, it has it’s flaws.. but it’s still damn good and the golden standard for slice of life shows. 

This episode naturally is one of it’s best and, while I didn’t catch as a kid the signifigance or what this was about, touches on of all things the vietnam war and the children who were helicoptered out. In a heart destroying story, Mr. Winn, one of Arnold’s boardinghousemates, reveals he has a daughter he has no idea where she is as to give her a better life, he made sure she got on one of those helicopters as an infant. While he was able to immigrate later, he never found her. Arnold being our own personal jesus, refuses to let this stand and goes out of his way to figure it out and goes on a quest that seemingly ends in failure. It falls on Helga to save the day as Helga actually gets what she wanted from her parents, a pair of nice boots, and gets the rare moment where they actually acknoledge her.. but loving arnold and seeing the noblility in his quest.. she gives it up. Just to make someone elses’ dream come true. He may never know who did it and tha’ts okay. An utterly heartwarming and heartbreaking episode. Nuff said. 

6. Santa Claus is Comin To Town  Speaking of classics this is how you do a santa origin story. Not the first or last i’d see, and we’ll get to one of those in a moment. While i’m not a huge fan of Rankin Bass’ other big hit with Rudolph, this one really hits the spot for me and is only this low because it’s pacing is really slow at points. Otherwise this special is near flawless, looks good and holds up today.  As I said this is a good Year One for santa establishing how he became immortal, how he met the elves, he was raised by them, how he started giving out toys, how he met mrs claus you know all the stuff you’d ask about.  To me what really sells it the best though is Mickey Rooney as Santa. While I had no idea who played him till literally writing this article in my mind his earnesness, kindness and genuine nature just.. fit the old elf to me even as a young man and everything from his humble beginings to his wanting to help children just out of kindness to his teaching an old man to dance to his romance just feels.. genuine and warm like christmas should. It just makes me feel good and like others on this list.. FEELS like christmas if that makes any sense. Not a lot else to say. Burger Meister Meisterburger isn’t the best vilian, but it was the early 70′s and we weren’t quite to diamond levels of complex interesting villians just yet so fair enough. Baiscally I don’t have a TON to say about this special in short, I may review it next year, we’ll see, but  it’s really good, really fun and sometimes simple just works I guess? Speaking of stop motion..

5. Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas (Community) I love a good sitcom. I haven’t shared that love enough on here, I should try and change that at some point, but I do, as a fourth of this list should make crystal clear. So while sadly some of my faviorites like Brooklyn Nine Nine, Parks and Rec and Roseanne didn’t make the cut, Community thankfully did. Community is a show that’s really damn good and had THREE awesome Christmas episodes. All three, all winners and all in contention for some time. Regional Holiday music just barely didn’t make the cut. But ultimately I went with the best of the best, the most creative, most character driven, and most intresting. And the one that in Community’s traditional style, decided to take a spin on an old genre.  In this case Abed, the study groups resident pop culture junkie, guy who thinks in tropes and future Huey Duck, is seeing everything in stop motion and may get thrown out of school as a result. With his friends deeply worried, they turn to Greendale’s local psychologist and british areshole Professor Duncan, played by my spirtual father John Oliver. ALL HAIL THIS MAN

Duncan takes the two into Abed’s fantasy and thus into a rankin bass special where Abed slowly weeds out his friends and tries to get rid of Duncan, whose naturally only intrested in proving a case. It’s a fun, chaotic ride including christmas pterodactyls, and the cast all in bizzare forms based on what Abed thinks of htem. it’s really damn creative and beauitfully animated at that.  Naturally like most of these what clinches it is the heart and soul. We find out towards the end WHy this happened: Abed’s mom is spending christmas with her new family instead of him and it’s broken him to not be able to watch specials like they do> Thus the group rally behind their friend, beat duncan in a wonderful christmas number and watch specials with their buddy, as the weird ass family some of whom have or will make out, they are. 

4. A Charlie Brown Christmas With my love of comic strips and sentiment, it should suprise absolutely no one this is on here. I love peanuts and have only grown to love it more over hte years for it’s mealancholy, finely constructed cast and weird bits people forget about like Snoopy’s disco phase, that really damn good arc where his house burned down, his brother stealing his fiance only to have her stolen from him, the fact Lucy threw Linus out once, that peppermint patty was once held back a grade and her snores took her place at her desk, the fact there was a character named 5, Charlie Brown and Linus’ friend roy who introduced peppermint patty to the cast, the fact a character named crybaby boobie exists, the fact there are specials devoted to a pastiche of call of the wild, a friend of linus’ getting cancer, and Flashbeagle. Just flashbeagle. 

It is glorious. And I really need to add that to my review queue.. maybe for late january. Seriously, tis glorious. And I OWN this one. So yeah. What were we talking about? Oh yes the special that made all the specials, especially flashbeagle, possible: A Charlie Brown Christmas This one has always been part of my life, but even beyond it’s signifigance to me, having grown up with it and grafted it to my soul, it’s just .. good. It has some good commentary on the consumrisim of the holiday with Charlie Brown rightly a bit upset about it and ending up roped into directing a christmas play. Great gags, and charlie brown trying to stick up for a scragly tree no one enlse likes insue. Oh and scripture as this is probably the only overtly religious special on the list. Not that ther’es anything wrong with not being religious and celebrating christmas: i’m not anymore but I still do and while I respect people who celebrate the holiday int he spirit of christ I have none for people who bash anyone who dosen’t just see it religiously and whose over zealous about it. Your just as bad as war on christmas people and you should feel bad.  But yeah overal it’s just an inconic special whose clunkyness in production and audio just adds some charm to it. It shows it’s age.. but only in the animation and production values, which is just.. charming. It’s message is timeless, it’s characterization is perfect as you’d expect from peanuts in it’s prime, and i’ts ending is truly heartmelting. If you’ve never seen this one.. just go do that. I can wait. 

3. How Santa Stole Christmas! (Ducktales)  I”ll be brief on this one as, since it only aired a few weeks ago, i’ve already done a full review on it. But I will justify why such a recent special is this high up: because it’s just that good. It may of JUST been aired, but it’s as good as anything else here and age dosen’t matter. Quality does. There will likely be future specials worth this list i’m sure but for this moment in time this one earns it. It has Santa perfectly charactrized and tells an utterly heartrending story of friendship that ends up ending simply because the two are moving in opposite directions and of Scrooge learning the meaning of christmas. Not thorugh the ghosts, they already brilliantly messed with that one. It’s just really fantastic, gets the christmas spriit perfectly and uses the characters just as flawlessly. I will defintely be watching this one every year. Just a warm, creative, funny as hell special. 

2. Comfort and Joy (Justice League) Speaking of reviews I held off reviews of my final two so I could save more thoughts here. I probably still will review them eventually, especially this one, I just felt i’d be repeating myself or have to be brief like the last one. But yeah this one slaps. The Justice League cartoon is easily one of the best superhero cartoons, if not superhero properties, period. Taking the base already built in from the previous three dcau cartoons, this one builds out the world and expands it , and introduced a young me to my lifelong loves of Martian Manhunter, The Flash and especailly the green lanterns with John Stewarts badass reciting of the oath easily etched in my brain. The only reason he isn’t my faviorite lantern is because mogo exists.. aka the lantern that is a living planet. 

You can see why. But yeah Jon stuck in my mind. So it’s probably no suprise that the christmas special heavily featuring all three. It’s Christmas Time and after the league stops it’s usual disaster, they head off for their usual holiday activities. Batman and Wonder Woman are missing, but it’s fine. While I love both, especailly DCAU Batman, the episode is probably better off not trying to shove them in there just for the sake of it. One of the show’s greatest strength’s was character ballance, not forcing EVERY member of the big 7 into every episode and just using whose needed and shuffling them in and out FAR BETTER than say, Ducktales. Point is this, much like being loved by anyone, was not unusual and it makes the episode tighter. Even more so since this is the ONLY half hour episode in the first two seasons, the rest are basically hour long episodes split into two parters, though still paced for being two episodes so it’s good.. and three movie length three parters for the premire, and the season finales. Fun Fact: As a kid I missed starcrossed and thus had to find out second hand, and barely at that, why hawkgirl was gone at the start of unlimited. I still have not seen it. I will correct this eventually. It was a diffrent time. 

So yeah this episode not only has a main character cast of 6, with 3 other major supporting characters, but is handily split into three amazing plot lines. The first has Green Lantern try to teach Hawkgirl how to have christmas fun by playing on a snowy world, while Hawkgirl takes him to a bar to show how she celebrates.. i.e. getting hammered and starting a fight. Nanananana, she’s gonna start a fight. It’s a fun really sweet segment, and some nice ship tease between the two.  The other two though are what make this special.. not that the first one is bad these two are just really inspiried for the characters involved: For the Flash, who in this series is both Wally and a bit of a smug quipster.. we see beneath the ego and flirting he’s really a sweet, caring guy and spends his christmas finding a toy for the orphans in this case a rapping duck. 

Not QUITE as embarassing btu close. He runs into the Ultra Humanite whose destroying the toys because he hates the comercialism and how it dumbs things down for the kids. Have I mentioned that I love the Ultra Humanite? Because I do.. the animated version. The comics version is REALLY fucking creepy but this version? He’s fucking great, an intellectual whose a formidable threat.. and honestly sympathetic. His motive here, while misguided, is well meaning and his price for selling out the injustice gang and going back to jail quitely? one of the best gags in human history. Getting PBS to say “This program was supported by viewers like you.. and the ultra humanite” He’s just awesome and i’ts a shame he never returned for unlimited. His comic version, while not BAD is just.. not NEARLY as intresting or deep and I wish the comics would have him take after this version.  And that depth shows as once he learns what was going on, he willingly helps flash and simply reprograms the duck to recite the nutcracker. It’s a really nice gesture, that flash returns by giving his foe a christmas tree. Really good stuff.  And I saved the best for last. Heading home for the holidays, Clark takes Jonn with him since otherwise he’d be stuck at the watchtower and batman was apparnetly “Begging” for duty. Granted one wonders what his surrogate dad and adopted sons think but odds are alfred would just drag them up there anyway no mater how much Dick protested. And of course Alfred has watchtower clearance, he’s alfred: he’s the only one besides Diana looking out for bruce.. and no I don’t buy the bullshit from the batman beyond comics that never happened. And Clark too, this is true... but it takes a village to get bruce to go the fuck to sleep and most of that villiage is alfred. And if your wondering “wait won’t he be in danger”... the only thing that can kill this man is apparently bane. He’s survivied earthquakes, poisonings, turning into a supervillian via radaition induced crazies, yes really, apparently dying leading to the supervillian thing, being stabbed, being shot at, having to help raise damien... my point is the guy’s been through a lot in comics, I doubt the dcau version is any less resilent and god damn I miss this old man. Salute alfred, salute.  Where was I oh yeah, Clark insists on taking John home. And it’s stuff like this why I freaking love superman. Many dismiss him as corny, unrelaistic or boring.. all untrue. Sure he’s a boyscout, but he’s meant ot resprsent the best in mankind, what we can truly be powers or no, what we can achieve and the kind of moral, kind person we can be. He’s an inspiration for us all. And this kind of act is what shows that: his response to one of his friends having nowhere to go on christmas and not having been around the holiday? Take him to his house to share in the warmth and love.  And Clark’s parents here show WHY he’s the hero he is and why I freaking love them in all flavors.. except Zack Snyder flavor and even then tha’ts only for Pa “Letting people die is the right thing to do now i’m going to throw myself into a tornado to prove that” kent. But it’s christmas so i’m not here to bitch about zack snyder and if you want that in full, you can pay for it.  My point is they show, as they should how he became the moral paragon he is: they meet a man from mars, who they’ve never met and their son just invited.. and welcmoe him without a thought. While this isnt’ their first alien obviously, and they say so, it’s still really sweet they just warmly welcome the man in and give him their surrogate daughter/their sons’ biological cousin’s room while sh’es away. Oh Kara’s away conveniently skiing with barbra. Also she lives with them in this continuity. Also maybe that’s where dick is. I dunno, but I hope so. Dickbabs for life.. depending on the continuity. I”m still dick and star for life in the titans cartoon.  Point is we get nice of sweet, and hilaroius, holiday stuff: Jonn is suprised to see this side of clark: while he’s always warm and inviting as Clark.. he can also be relaxed, enjoy the holiday and get real spirited. For one day he dosen’t have to be superman. He can just be clark. Evne superman can take a day off.. and he’s superman, he desrves one. Let Bruce and Diana take care of it after they finish marathon sex and Diana finshes with Cheetaah and Maxwell lord.  But yeah as I was saying hilarious as we find out clark used to peak and they had to, and still do, line it with lead foil to make sure he can’t peak, and Martha gives John a sweater, saying his company is all they need for a gift and when it’s a bit big he charmingly grows into it. Jonn also walks among the humans a bit and we get a great little bit of him sneaking down a chimney after hearing the thorughts of a girl whose worried santa isn’t real. It’s just all great stuff that cumilates in Jonn joyfully singing a song in his native tounge while stroking Kara’s cat Streaky.. who sadly does not have a cape or super powers in this universe. Yet. Just a really good superhero story, a damn fine christmas story and one of the best episodes of a stellar show that thankfully is still remembered in this new age of heroes. 

1. It’s Christmas You Dorks (Harvey Beaks) Yup not probably a lot of people’s first choice but fuck it. I’ve loved this one since i saw it a few years ago shorlty after the series ended, having grown far behind and caught up just as it was ending... and regretted it as Harvey Beaks is easily one of my faviorite shows from the wall to wall hit parade that was the 2010′s. It’s charming, hilaroius, heartfelt, and creative.. and really weird if not as weird as CH Greenblaht’s previous show chowder.. but still weird enough.Thankfully Big City Greens is carying the banner for this kind of show, as is Craig of the Creek, so the kind of gentle, slice of life stuff hasn’t gone away, but this show was still it’s own thing and i’m sad it’s gone.  But while it was here it was spectacular and this is one of the best of em if not the best. And naturally for a show like this it has a neat approach: The episode is dialouge free, only having some singing in the last act and that’s diagetic, the characters singing a christmas song. We’ll get to that. This isn’t the FIRST silent christmas special i’ve seen, Courage the Cowardly dog did it’s own take on the nutcracker, but it’s still the best. And given Courage the Cowardly Dog is one of my faviorite shows, that’s high praise. Each segment is charming, unique, and well done. 

As for what each are: The wraparound is a gorgeously animated bit of stop motion or something like it where the spirit of winter goes around and turns fall to winter or helps the kid with winter fun. It’s a bunch of really adorable stuff. The first proper one is the kids having a snowball fight when a bunch of asshole adults interupt, and hte kids end up getting even by hiding in some snowmen. Again just some really fun, really well done stuff.  But the first one that really makes it follows Technobear, local wannabe ladies man in training who has a crush on Harvey’s mom and fantasies about giving her some lovely read shoes and skating with her. His hopes are dashed when instead her daughter michelle, the horrifing baby child pictured above, takes them instead. But not only is it heartwarming to see the stone faced future rule of the world crack a smile, Techno instnatly realizes whats’ improtant and takes the bby ice skating.  The next segment is just some goofy googus with the squirrels, the local crooks who are also squirreels, but it’s still pretty good. We then get Jeremy trying to be santa which is both funny but genuinely heartwarming and finally the best bit as Dade, local killjoy, gets annoyed at everyone singing a popular new christmas song instead of the old standard he likes and being a dick about it before softening a bit when Harvey genuinely offers him camradere. It’s just.. good stuff that’s hard to put into words, and given putting it into words is my thing, it really speaks to just hwo good this special is. it just, makes me feel nice, and really gets the spirit of the holiday in all it’s forms. It’s gorgeously aniamted, well paced, and never stops being entertaining and that’s why it’s both my faviorite and why every year.. i’ll be coming back to little bark. And if nothing else.. it’ll keep this warm, great show alive in my heart.  So with that I end this list. If you didn’t like it tha’ts fine, this is my opinon. But I wanted to share my faviorites with you and hope you’ll check them out this or next chirstmas. Until we meet again... Merry Christmas to all,and to all a good night. 

[queermediastudies]

Milk - It’s not just for cereal anymore.

Milk, is a biographical film based on the life of Harvey Milk, who was the first openly gay San Francisco politician, who was gunned down by a disgruntled city supervisor. This film was also not just about the life of Harvey Milk, it was also a film that depicted the time frame in which he lived in, the 1970’s, a time where men and women came together to fight the injustice and inequality that was being levied against the population of the city of San Francisco, and across the United States of America. The film follows the last few years of Supervisor Milk’s life, starting on his 40th birthday and follows him to his 48th birthday, as well as following his endeavor to incite change and provide for not only the LGBTQ community, but for everyone (seniors, minority, kids, and heterosexuals). Milk is the story of leaving a mark on society, and helping cause change that would affect the lives of the people around you.

The film originally started to gain traction when Oliver Stone showed interesting producing the film, in early 1991 (Gus Van Sant); however, after signing a director in 1992, the film production fell on hard times in 1993 and was not revisited until 2007, when Van Sant wanted revisit the biopic. Before filming, Harvey Milk’s life was heavily researched, and many one of the sources used to recreate the life of Supervisor Milk was the GLBT Historical Society in San Francisco, his personal belongings, as well as speaking with people who knew the City Supervisor. With several weeks of photographs, researching film, video, historic textiles and other resources ( The Times of Harvey Milk, a documentary that was released in 1984, directed by Rob Epstein, was a huge resource) Milk started filming until January 2008, after a second project, helmed by Brian Singer, met its demise due to a writer strike.

Milk provided a look into the life of the first openly gay city supervisor in San Francisco, however the cast was made up of primarily of a heterosexual cast. At the time, this was seen to be common place for Hollywood, however as the times are changing there is the potential for blow back of having a heterosexual actor portraying an openly gay politician. Was the issue of representation at the time? Or was it as Dr. Martin states “cisgender heterosexuals are “brave” in taking on roles different from themselves” (Martin, 2018)?

While the main plot point of Milk was that of equal rights for gays and lesbians, the production company responsible strayed from the belief that City Supervisor Milk strived for. Was the film more successful or successful because of the actors that were picked to portray their on-screen versions of their real-life counter parts? While the performances that were delivered in a manner that would be considered believable, if not true to the real man that the film was based off, were there not other actors capable of giving authentic performances as well. This topic is something that has just, in the last decade or so started coming to light, the casting of heterosexual actors/actresses. This has been a hot topic as there has not be fair representation of the LGBTQ community on television or film, but there is change coming, this change is due, and slow to come.  With equality balancing slowly for the LGBTQ community, more and more actors/actresses have been accepted in larger and larger films, they are no longer bottom of the barrel actors/actresses in mediocre movies, or low budget straight to DVD movies.

While watching the film, I also had noticed that there were minorities being represented in the film as well, but once again they were being represented by cisgendered heterosexual males. This did not bode well for LGBTQ community members who are a minority. While there was minority representation in the film, again the bigger roles were filled by the heterosexual actors, and unfortunately there was no way for me to ascertain if any of the smaller actors (extras) were of the LGBTQ community. However, as progress is being made with equality for those of LGBTQ community, the biggest being that members of the of the LGBTQ community are being included, nay, not included but being placed in positions on where they have the ability to put real life back into art. More importantly, they are putting themselves, their culture, on to the screen. In away they are educating masses, they are providing information on what was one considered to be a taboo, disgusting life style. As Milk took a chance to show us life back in the 1970s for members of the LGBTQ community had to face, but as mentioned before, progress has been made. Take for example, the show Pose, has been taking strides and advances to create equality at one level. “But there is something transgressive about what Pose is doing” (Fallon, 2018), they are placing trans actors in main roles, they are placing them in the writing rooms; Ryan Murphy, creator of show, chose a cast of actors and actresses who are breaking ground and creating a foothold in territory controlled by the heteronormativity. Murphy placed Janet Mock, the first openly trans woman of color, not just in the writing room for Pose, but also behind the camera allowing her to direct an episode of the popular show.

Now, as the bard say, here in lies the rub; the creation of shows and film that cast LGBTQ members, placing them in staring rolls, are great educational tools that don’t require the violence that has been exposed in the past. The history, the hate, the animosity that the people have faced is something that cannot be erased; more importantly it is something that can be untaught, but it will take time and patience. As the Stonewall riots brought a physical stand, the line that drawn in the sand so to speak, about equality rights; shows like Pose are just a new face on a prolonged battle equality.  In the third chapter of Stonewall and Beyond, it was brought to our, no my attention that there were shows in the past that were attempting to make the same head way as Pose, “the success of the 1972 TV movie That Certain Summer drew the attention of activists because of the potential it demonstrated for television to reach national audiences” (Gross,2002,p.43). This allowed for more people to become aware of the issues that men and women of the LGBTQ community were facing, I say this in the sense that it opened the eyes of millions to the fact that there were people hiding their true selves from the rest of the world, because of fear and persecution.

Watching Milk unfold on the screen in front of me has opened my eyes about a lot of things, and being a person who has seen themselves as a neutral party for my those of my friends who are of the LGBTQ community, I find myself trying to find a reason as to why people need to be afraid of difference. I am a minority, a member of the heterosexual norm, so to speak, of a near complete college education. I find that to me; it is neither my sexuality or my skin color that influences my engagement on this topic. It is, the education that I experienced in the real world. I have friends, I have served with men and women, who are members of the LGBTQ community; and it is from those men and women that I have learned my lessons. As a friend to these men and women, equality is starting to play a big factor into my understanding on how society runs and how we a species, are so willing to draw a line in the sand and shun people are on the other side of that line. Critically, looking at the movie, I am some what dismayed that Milk did not take the time to break more barriers at the time. Opening the door on a politically charged topic like equal rights, would have been a great platform on which one could have chosen actors who were of the LGBTQ community to be the cast of characters, creating a stronger foothold for which to spread the word of equality. Despite that, Milk was a great film, the story telling was complied with real new reel footage that was shot during the time of Harvey Milk’s rise and untimely fall, added more of a personal touch to the film, as well as having an actor who bore a similar resemblance to the late Harvey Milk. In the end, consuming Milk opened my eyes to one thing that has been, until recently, and that is “writers seem to continue you balk at the idea that queer characters of color are deserving of dynamic and standalone narratives” (Leiva, 2017). The research and writing that went into developing this film did not leave out any of the characteristics of Jack, portraited by Diego Luna, as Milk’s second lover in the film, who suffered from serious depression, alcoholism and suicidal thoughts. While, Sean Penn delivered an award-winning performance, and being able to humanize the character so that people unfamiliar with the plight of the LGBTQ community and the on-going battle for equality had a better connection to the story and struggle.

   Jr, A. L. M. (2018, August 2). Pose(r): Ryan Murphy, Trans and Queer of Color Labor, and the Politics of Representation. Retrieved from https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/poser-ryan-murphy-trans-queer-color-labor-politics-representation/.

Gross, L. P. (2002). Up from invisibility: lesbians, gay men, and the media in America. New York: Columbia University Press.

Fallon, K. (2018, June 1). 'Pose' Isn't Just Great TV. It's Making Trans History. Retrieved from https://www.thedailybeast.com/pose-isnt-just-great-tv-its-making-trans-history.

Leiva, L. (2017) TV Is Getting More Progressive, But It's Still Failing Queer People Of Color. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.bustle.com/p/tv-is-getting-more-progressive-but-its-still-failing-queer-people-of-color-64520.

[ontherockswithsalt]

A Made Man

/1/ /2/ /3/ /4/ /5/ /6/ /7/ /8/ /9/ /10/ /11/ /12/ /13/ /14/ /15/ /16/ /17/ /18/ /19/ /20/ /21/ /22/ /23/ /24/ /25/ /26/ /27/ /28/ /29/ /30/ /31/ /32/

A/N: These kinds of chapters are harder to write than you’d think! But very fun. Everyone is an idiot and I love them all. Enjoy the bowling.

Chapter 33.

"Lowest score…" Bianca muses, leaning over in her plastic chair as she ties her red and blue bowling shoes. "Has to sing karaoke."

"What?" I scoff without even looking back at her while I work to enter everyone's names for the scoreboard.

"Where the hell do you think you're singing karaoke tonight?" Noble wonders.

"At a gay bar called Mary's over on Waverly--"

"Whoa, wait a minute." I turn in my seat to hold out one hand while Vinny lets out a loud laugh beside me.

Bianca manages a pleading grin. "Come on."

"We're not going to a gay bar, Belle."

She opens her mouth as if she's never been so let down. "Why not? They’re fun. Haven't you always wanted to?"

With a shake of my head, I have to laugh down at the screen where I'm typing. "Not particularly."

"Hey, I'm down," Vinny offers. "Plus, I'm gonna win anyway so I need to see Reagan on that mic."

Tilting my head, I narrow my gaze at him. "Oh, you're down? Give me a break."

"What?" He shrugs. "A bar is a bar. You're telling me you're all uptight about it?"

"I'm not uptight," I insist.

"I can almost guarantee we wouldn't see anyone we know there." Bianca points out as she gets to her feet. "Nick, didn't you say we've gotta keep a low profile? It's perfect."

"Karaoke at a gay bar is the opposite of a low profile," he argues.

"Not when we're talking about the kinda people who may know us."

With folded arms, Noble shifts his gaze to me. I simply meet it with this look of resigned acceptance because whatever, it's Bianca's trip here and there's no use trying to keep a firm grip on what happens tonight. She'll just fight it even harder.

He moves away to the ball return and glances over at her. "How gay are we talking here?"

"Oh please!" She scoffs with a laugh. "Since when do you care? Although…" Then she pauses and points a look and an arched eyebrow at me.

I turn my head, confused. "What?"

"Jamie will be like shark bait over there, so just be prepared."

Noble spreads his hands. "You think I don't know that?"

"Wait, what does that mean?"

"The crowd there--" Then she waves her hand in front of me. "Will just… be a fan."

Pointing to myself, I shake my head. "Oh I'm not singing."

"Not a fan of your singing, Jamie." She clarifies. "Don't play dumb."

I check with Noble because I still don't get it.

"Because you're hot, dude," he informs me. "That's all."

"Oh." My gaze shifts as I consider it. Then I stand, making a point to broaden my chest as I offer my boyfriend a smile. "We should go then, man."

With a start, Noble juts out a fist into my arm. "Little shit."

Chuckling, I return the jab at his shoulder and pivot away.

"Whoa." Vinny looks to Bianca with an insulted pull of his brows. "You saying the crowd won't be a fan of me?"

I watch the way she smirks as she turns to him. "Depends on how good of a singer you are, I guess."

"Oh I won't need to sing," he remarks, gesturing up above to the scoreboard with our names. "Because according to that, I'm gonna be on top."

She plants her hands on her hips and blinks up at the screen. "I don't know how that'll work when I'll be the one on top tonight."

"Ayee--" Vinny blows out an amused, weary groan and turns away to Bianca's giggles.

"I feel like you guys aren't talking about bowling," Noble ponders.

Vinny points to her. "Hey, I don't know about this one. Your sister told me to keep myself in check. But--”

"Well listen," Noble cuts in. "That's a bullshit bet, Belle. Because you'll sing karaoke regardless."

"Lowest score has to sing,” she amends. “Winner gets to pick the song.”

"Alright, can we play?" I cut in, heading for my ball to take the first turn.

Noble slants a knowing smile at me. "Look who wants to get to the bar to see how popular he is with the West Village crowd."

"Excuse me," I tease, reaching across where my fingers grip the bright red ball I had picked on the way over. I lift it out of the rack, and with a subtle grunt, make a show of straining my biceps as if I'm using the ball for a set of curls.  

"Don't hurt yourself," Noble quips.

I meet his teasing gaze. "My name's first and I'd like to get this game started."

"Do we all agree on the bet?" Bianca calls out.

"Yes, it's a bet," I concede, along with everyone else's acquiescence.

"Alright, let's see it, Reagan," Vinny decides. "Make the Twelfth look good."

Positioned behind the lane, I turn to hold out one arm and look at him. "I do that everyday, man."

"Oh jeez," Vinny groans. "He's in rare form tonight."

Amused by his heckling, I fix my focus on the lane's target arrows, take my approach and send the ball down the lane. I watch it charge towards the pins where it crashes against them, toppling over all but four.

"That's alright," Noble calls out, offering an unnecessarily loud clap of his hands. "You looked cute, at least. And that's important."

Backtracking to retrieve my ball, I shake my head at him to resist a smile. "You're gonna regret that kinda talk this early in the game," I warn him.

He fakes this clueless look. "I'm being supportive."

Firmly grasping my ball once more, I position myself to take the spare. With a few solid steps, I send the ball hurtling down the lane once again before it misses the remaining pins completely and disappears behind the pin deck.

With a hard smack of my palms, I turn away, clenching my fist in frustration only to laugh at myself. "The first frame's a throwaway turn," I insist to Vinny who's cracking up at me.

"Man, look at that," Noble muses. "Right through that empty space. If the object were to throw it in the exact same place you threw the first one, this would be your game."

I come closer to him. "Watch it."

"But on the second turn," he goes on, the corner of his lips quirking when he looks at me. "You wanna aim for the ones you missed the first time."

"Ohh…" I lift my chin to play along. "I see."

"Damn Reagan," Vinny shouts. "What if those pins had been an armed perp?"

"Well the next time we take out a perp with a bowling ball, I'll let you aim."

"Shake it off," Noble offers as he takes his orange ball to the approach for his turn.

He lines up, steps to the foul line as he swings his arm and fires the ball down the lane. It's a swift defeat of all ten pins.

"Nice," Vinny approves.

Noble turns, pumping a flexed arm at his side, then points up at the screen above to note the giant X celebrating his strike. "See you're supposed to knock them all down. Rather than just… six--”

"Go get me another damn drink," I instruct him.

He sets an amused smirk on me and I don't miss the flash of his eyes, the twitch of satisfaction at his cheek. "I can do that for you." Leaving me with a slap on the back, he passes by and heads to the bar.

"Okay, me!" Bianca announces as she hops up to grab her neon purple ball. After a little hesitation deciding her approach, she flings the ball forward where it arcs across the lane.

"No, you dumb fuck!" She shouts, crouching down to watch it dump right into the gutter there at the end.

Both Vinny and I sputter a laugh, more for her performance than her gutter ball. I'm just glad the kids birthday party that was here earlier had made its way out and the bowling alley had shifted to service only the late night adult idiots like us.

Bianca finishes off her turn with an exasperated groan over another gutter ball she barely even tried to throw straight.

"First frame's a throwaway, right?" She reminds us.

"There you go." Vinny takes his place for a turn. "I'm not gonna lie. I haven't bowled since I was like ten, so--"

"Oh now with the excuses," Bianca teases. "What happened to being on top?"

"I thought that was you," he calls back, slanting a smile her way over his shoulder.

"I don't know," she laughs, peering up at the scoreboard. "It's not looking good for me."

He pulls back as he takes his steps, releases the ball with a forceful swing and it barrels right into the sweet spot to send down every single pin.

"Goddammit." I mutter the curse.

Vinny turns with a firm clench of one arm. "Ha! You see that?"

"Haven't bowled since I was ten," I mimic him, shaking my head.

He spreads his arms like he doesn't have an explanation. "I guess some people know exactly where to hit it, Reagan." As he passes by, he grips my shoulders hard and pats me there before he moves back to his chair beside Bianca.

"Really?" I arch a critical brow at him and his smug face. "That's not what I've heard."

"Listen, six," he retorts, pointing his beer bottle at me. “One day you’ll get there.”

Noble returns with a new drink for me while he takes a look at the score and gives Vinny a nod of approval. "Oh nice."

"You like that, Nick?"

Downing some of my cocktail with a hard swallow, I decide, “Okay, I’m playing for real.” Then I set the cup on the table and move to get my ball for another turn.

Taking an extra moment to set my focus down the lane, my steps carry me forward and with a perfectly controlled swoop of my arm, I propel the ball down the center.

It crashes all ten pins down for a strike.

"There he is!" Noble shouts. “Coming alive in the second frame.”

Just as my X spins across the screen in animated graphics, the bowling alley darkens to a neon glow, eliciting a lively howl of approval from the surrounding lanes. Black lights make the pins purple, the retro designs along the wall shine in greens and pinks and disco strobes cut across the floor. The opening beat of Need You Tonight by INXS thuds the speakers surrounding us.

“Oh, it’s a game now,” Vinny announces.

And for a while, it’s anybody’s to win. Noble keeps his lead for a few frames until I catch up. It shakes his confidence and he has an off couple of turns. Meanwhile, Vinny’s initial strike proves to be a fluke when he bombs pretty much every subsequent frame.

Halfway through the game, I have to laugh at the scoreboard. “This is looking bleak, partner,” I inform him when his score hasn’t gone anywhere and Bianca trails behind him by merely two points. “What happened to knowing where to hit it?”

From his seat, Vinny hangs his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking with his amusement. “Maybe bowling’s not my game,” he decides.

I step up and grip my ball. “Bella, I need you to take him down,” I tell her. “Because I’ve always wanted to hear him sing and I need to decide on the perfect song.”

“Yes!” Bianca drags out the approval, then taps her fist on Vinny’s knee. “I’m excited.”

“I’m terrible, but you’re worse,” he admits, pointing his thumb to her shoulder and she turns her face to crack up there. “So I’m safe so long as you keep throwing them in the gutter.”

"I have a strategy!" She insists.

“Oh yeah?” He laughs. "How’s that working out for you?” But then they both seem to turn their attention to the fact that the deejay just started playing Michael Jackson’s PYT and the two of them just wind up dancing in their seats.

I shake my head, amused and move over to take my turn. This time I knock down eight, but follow it up with the spare which puts me ahead of Noble.

When I back up to look at the score, I push my fist against Noble’s shoulder and dig my teeth into my lower lip in satisfaction. “Tell me it hurts just a little bit,” I say, then gesture to my chest. “I need to hear it.”

In the pink and violet lights, he grins at me and it’s damn attractive. “I bet you do need to hear it.”

My gaze follows him as he comes closer. We’ve never really been out with a group, as a couple and there’s still some uncertainty between us when it comes to how much we’re allowed to act like it.

I tilt my face down as he leans into my ear and murmurs, “You look really fucking cute tonight and I love you and I just needed you to know that.” Then he eases away, scratching the back of his head and adds, “And it hurts a little bit” as he gets ready for his turn.

Lifting my gaze to him, I thankful for the dim lights because I can feel the color in my cheeks when I shoot him a wordless look and press my lips together. Goddamn, he so easily prompts this heat that dips in heavy loops inside me that I still never anticipate.  

“Don’t get used to that lead, though,” he says, pointing up to the score as he heads for his ball.

[lord-rosenth0rne]

I love how I make characters to be my persona in certain universes and I end up putting too much thought in them to where I make a background and alter them so much that when I do something that I would normally do, it becomes too OOC for that character and I have to go back to the drawing board XD

My Pyro Main just became that...She went from destructive, fun-loving, hopeless romantic to this silent Michael Myers type who killed her mother for forcing her into beauty pageants with a penchant for throwing gasoline around and lighting people on fire just for the hell of it. 

Yeah... This oughta be fun. Might still be able to shoehorn the hopeless romantic bit in there somewhere for her but the rest went out the window.

Edit: I kiiiinda also made my own team... On paper and SFM too... I think I kinda went overboard... I can post the SFM stuff later if anyone’s interested. The rest is undercut. Some just have a couple of things off from their original counterparts.

Jethro: An elderly cantankerous engineer. Years in the mercenary field has taken a toll on him and made him salty. Due to this, his teammates try to avoid him on the field and off. He won’t hesitate to call you out on bullshit or make an example of you if you try to push him. He absolutely hates incompetence and believes his ‘team’ is full of idiots who ‘can’t tell their asses from holes in the ground’. He can usually hold his own very well which has led the opposing team to gang up on him in order to take him down. This has become an issue but due to his reputation with the other teammates, he can’t get the help he needs. He is the oldest by far out of all of the mercenaries. His favorite word is ‘Dumbass’ but his insults can get quite colorful and creative. His past isn’t well known other than the fact he was once married and had kids.

Stefan: The team’s Medic and leader. As a young man studying in the medical field, he was forced to join the Nazi cause but fled the moment he could, however not before performing unspeakable acts under the threat of those same acts happening to him. He is haunted by what he has done and has tried to turn himself in once the allies had taken over only to be brushed off due to lack of evidence. The commander who forced him to do those acts had taken credit for all of it for some twisted sense of ‘glory’. Stefan suffers from a heavy form of PTSD and can’t be left alone to his thoughts without alcohol. He considers himself a monster who can’t go back to normal life. He has been under Jethro’s wing since he entered the Mercenary scene. He tries to atone for his past by being a good leader and Medic to his team.

Jasper: The team’s Sniper. He’s very calm, quiet and reserved. He doesn’t often get involved in any conflict with other teammates unless it is to break up a nasty fight. If he has to raise his voice, someone is going to pay. He prefers the solitude his job gives him. He has several birds which he uses to communicate with others without leaving the watchtower of the base headquarters. He’s rarely seen outside of the base when not fighting. His teammates chalk it up to his job needing stealth more than him actually wanting to be alone.

Nikoli: The team’s Heavy. That’s all anyone knows minus his favorite foods and past times. While he is friendly and can be quite boisterous, the man is careful not to reveal anything about his past. He will become stone-faced if asked about it and will promptly change the subject. He is well versed in multiple weapons and can be an efficient leader when given the opportunity. Rumor has it that he may have been or still be a sleeper agent but no evidence has surfaced. The Soldier tries to butt heads with Nikoli over the fact he’s Russian but Nikoli laughs him off and offers to buy him a drink.

Gawen: The team’s Demoman and second in command. Gawen came to America looking for a better life only to fall deep into the crime scene when he was met with resistance and racism from the locals. The only jobs he could land were those no one wanted to do but even then they didn’t pay well. He was soon picked up by a local crime syndicate after he finished a fight that he didn’t start in a local pub against rival gang members. As a member, he thrived for years while discovering his love for explosives but once the head of the syndicate was assassinated, it was disbanded and caused him to go west to find work.

Jack: The team’s Scout. Fancies himself as ‘Jumping Jack Flash’. Some kid from the Bronx who thinks he’s hot shit with a passion for sports, not just baseball. After beating a customer to near death with a metal bat at the sports store he used to work at, he fled and ended up at Teufort. He insists the customer was asking for it and doesn’t seem to regret his actions. Jack also seems to be a closeted homosexual and shows extreme fear when someone jokingly alludes to him being gay which often leads to him trying to ‘prove heterosexuality’ to the person. One of his cousins was tortured and murdered for being homosexual by people who were supposed to be friends.

Iggy: The team’s offensive Pyro, but he usually goes by ‘Pyro’. Not many of the Mercs actually know it’s ‘Iggy’. He looks like an absolute badass biker but it’s all for show. The other team doesn’t need to know that though. He does not take off his mask for anyone except the Medic. He does own a motorcycle and will go off on his own for long periods of time. When he’s at the base, he usually knits, cooks, and cleans. He does not like Jethro as the codger made him cry on more than one occasion.

Arsene: The team’s Spy. Because no one is using their original names, this man has decided to choose the name of the famous gentleman thief, Arsene Lupin, who may or may not exist in their fictional universe. Not much is known about the man otherwise, other than the fact he may be on several watch lists under several different names. He loves gardening and incorporates fresh flowers in his dapper style whenever possible. He tends to flirt with anything that moves.

Warren: The team’s Soldier. Second oldest on the team and an actual war veteran… er, war criminal. He abandoned his platoon in order to carry out some extreme measures on the enemy. He was hoping to get to Hitler himself and strangle him. Once he got word of Hitler’s suicide, he set his sights on Stalin but was caught before he could even reach Russia. His kill streak spans into the hundreds. He and Stefan have crossed paths once before with Stefan narrowly escaping his rampage.

Cynder: The team’s defensive Pyro and the only female to date on the team (Soldier bitches about it behind her back). She was hired onto the Red team at Stefan’s request to help Jethro as none of the other teammates wanted to and basically does intern work outside of battle. While she has no recorded work experience, she does have training as she comes from a long lineage of mercenaries. She is often silent and has a Michael Myers vibe about her when she is working, using only gestures to communicate. She has a habit of just appearing out of nowhere. She uses this to her advantage, often splashing targets with gasoline and lighting them on fire if the situation calls for it. It’s a game of Russian Roulette, leaving witnesses to wonder if she’ll light the gas or not. She often carries an old silver zippo lighter with a skull etched in the side. The shotgun she uses is an old stock shotgun with ornate markings down its barrel that belonged to a family member of hers. Her teammates do not know what to make of her and the presence of a woman on the team has caused opposing team to hesitate when squaring off with her. She doesn’t have Pyrovision but is brutal enough without it. Cynder is considered the catalyst for more female mercs to be hired by the two companies.

[mrneighbourlove]

Filling the Emptiness: Ch 3. In Each others Thoughts

Leere ran back home, the biggest smile on her face. She waved to Luimaya, the young princess walking back to her chambers getting ready for bed. “Hello dear!”

Luimaya smiled and waved back. She wondered why Leere was so chipper. “Hello auntie Leere. You have a good day?”

“I had the most excellent day. Go get lots of sleep. It’ll help for the day tomorrow!”

Rinku had only recently gotten back from her monster hunting trip. Seeing Leere though, her energy quickly returned. She was excited to hear how the date went. “Hey Sis! How’d it go?”

Leere fluffed the hair out of her eyes, her body slightly shaking from the excitement as she turned to Rinku. “Really, really well.”

Rinku paused. “You gonna see her again?”

Leere paused as well, and after a moment of suspense, slowly nodded her head. “Yeah.”

Rinku broke out into an excited scream, Leere joining her in giggles of wonder. “OH MY GOD! THAT’S AMAZING! I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!”

Leere laughed as Rinku spun her around. When her blonde sister got happy, she tried to express it with physical hugs.

“It went so well! She was patient and understanding with me. She also has the cutest accent ever!”

“Really? Tell me more!”

“She works for the Lon Lon Ranch. I think she’ll even inherent the whole business soon!”

“That’s cool! You got yourself an amazing catch!”

Covarog and Zelda came walking towards all the racket that was keeping them up. Their mother squinted her eyes at the two ladies. “What is all the commotion for?”

Rinku grinned to her brother and mother, giggling with excitement. “Leere’s got a giiiiiiirlfriend~”

Zelda held surprise on her face, her wrinkles squishing. “Really? Is that so?”

“Yes. Her name’s Sunny. She works at the Lon Lon Ranch and does so much work for the kingdom. She’s very passionate and has a kind soul.”

“Wait, is she Hylian?”

“Yes. Her family owns the Milk business. And we’re going to see one another again.”

Zelda took note of that. A tiny part of her always hoped Leere would come around to marrying a royal of Danjur, but the old Queen was still extremely proud of her daughter. She could see the passion Leere held as she talked about this Sunny woman.

Covarog ran up and gave his elder sister a deep hug, engulfing the tiny woman in his arms and chest. “I’m so happy for you! You finally found someone in your life!”

“C-Cov! You’re suffocating me!”

Taking Leere out of his chest she was red face as she caught her breath. Putting her down he patted her head. “Sorry about that. But seriously Leere, this is great! When are you bringing her over?”

That took Leere off guard. “W-what?”

Zelda nodded, agreeing with her son. “I’d very much like to meet her too.”

Rinku snapped her finger in agreement. “And Dad will want to see her too!”

Leere gulped. Ganondorf could have the potential to be a tad overbearing. “I-I’m sure she’ll love to come over when we have the time…”

“Oh come on, sis. Everyone would love to meet her! You aren’t embarrassed of us are you?”

Leere felt sweat drops as all three of them leaned in. The peer pressure made her squeak out a response. “N-no. Of course not.”

“So we can see her soon right! I want to met the woman who ensnared my sisters heart.”

Covarog grinned mischievously. “Careful Rinku. I think you might be ‘embarrassing’.”

Leere glared at her siblings. “You can see her soon. So stop being overbearing about it.”

“But what’s soon?!” Rinku was much older now, but she always held this free air about her, even now. When something was on her mind, it was hard for her to be patient about it.

“Soon-soon.”

The Zelda shook her head, pulling Rinku back by the scruff of her shirt. “We are all looking forward to it Rinku, but Leere needs sleep. In fact, we all do.”

Rinku sighed heavily and overdramatically. “But that will take forever. Surely you’re as excited as I am.”

“You beat I am.” Covarog rubbed his darker haired sister’s cheeks in teasing fun. “Our little Leere has grown up~”

“Covarog I swear to god, I will string up a body in your room. Somewhere.”

Covarog patted Leere’s back, chuckling in worry. “Oh come on, we’re all just having good fun.”

His sister waved her hand from her eyes to his. “Better watch out. I may be small, but I can still get you to scream any time.”

“Please don’t.”

“Both of you, enough.” Zelda shook her head. Even as full grown adults, they still acted to immature with each other. “Bed. Now.”

All three children nodded. Leere felt her smile return at going back to just thinking about Sunny. Rinku picked up on Leere’s energy and felt a deep happiness for her.

~

Sunny yawned as she awoke, stretching her limbs out. She had gained a good nights rest and her thoughts went to Leere as soon her brain started to wake up. She was going to be dating a princess. How insane a concept was that? Applying some fairy jell to her skin to keep it clear, she splashed some water to soak it in, and changed into her work clothes. Once she was prepared to conquer the morning, she opened her door to the rest of the ranch. It was a beautiful day out, and lots of work had to get done. She waved to a few of the other farmers letting the horses out of the stables to get some air.

Checking on the cucco’s first, she distributed enough bird seed for them all. The pigs received loathes of cabbages. Checking on the cows she found her brothers pumping out the milk.

“How’d your day go yesterday Sunny?”

“Really good Apollo. I had a date.”

Her second brother, Cosmo, shouted from behind his cow. “You did? With who? Some bar girl?”

Sunny giggled. “No. I had a date with Princess Leere.”

Both brothers exploded in shock. One of the cows mooed loudly as Apollo pulled too hard on an utter. “YOU HAD A DATE WITH WHO?!”

“SHE SAID IT WAS WITH THE PRINCESS!!!”

“WHAT’S SHE LIKE?!”

Sunny giggled more at their surprise. Checking the barrels and jars for milk were clean she continued her conversation with Apollo as Cosmo ran to get his other sisters. “It was really pleasant actually. She’s fiery, but also has a lot hurt in her heart. I don’t think she gets out often.”

“Isn’t she supposed to be really old? I saw her perform at the Brazier once, she looks really young instead. You think she has the same fairy products as you to keep her skin fresh?”

“Now Apollo. It’s rude to discuss a ladies age.”

“I’m just asking, geez. So how’d you meet?”

“At the milk bar actually.”

Cosmo burst in with his two sisters, Galexia and Luna. Galexia had finished stacking all the boxes to be shipped out to town, and Luna was cleaning returned milk bottles when their brother had ran in excitedly. Each one of them had gotten married by now, Galexia and Apollo even having kids of their own, but Sunny never managed to found anything that stuck. Between the job and her being gay, they wondered if she ever would.

Galexia stared in disbelief at Sunny from the news that Cosmo could barely get out. “You managed to date Princess Leere?”

“Yes. I did.”

“She’s gay?”

Luna, the youngest, nodded. “I saw her at a bar trying to hit on some of the waiters once.”

Sunny’s brothers and sisters gathered around. They wanted to know all the details. “Leere is a very interesting woman. She’s a real go getter.”

“So you said you both meet at the Milk Bar?”

“Y-yes. It was a fun night.”

Galaxia squinted her eyes as she read Sunny’s tone and expression. Her eyes exploded with emotion as she saw through her sister. “You slept with her?!”

The others reacted in a chain reaction as Sunny burned bright red.

“WHAT! NO WAY!”

“HOW COULD YOU JUST HAVE SEX WITH THE PRINCESS?!”

“OH MY GOD WHAT?!?!”

Sunny frowned as her younger siblings were losing their collective minds. “Yes. We had sex. Then afterwards, we planned for a date.”

Galaxia was utterly shocked that it could be that easy. “You sure it was really her?”

“Red eyes, dark hair, and pale skin. It was her Galaxia.”

Her sister took a moment to contemplate on this. “…Tell us more about her.”

“To be honest, a little weird, but I think there’s something special about her. Something good.”

Luna shrugged. “She can sing from what I’ve seen, but there’s something dark about her. Scary even.”

Sunny simply smiled. “I agree. But I also think people don’t look past her initial image to see something better. I don’t know how it will work out, but I have a good feeling.”

“You sure sis?”

“Yeah. I am.”

“You think you can balance dating a princess with everything else in life?

Sunny put her hands on her hips. “All of you are married, living happy lives. You didn’t have to continue working on the ranch, yet here you all are. We’re a family that can manage the biggest things thrown away. Our reach goes as far as the stars, and our passion for new desires burns as bright as the sun, and like the comets in the sky, our wishes can be seen right in front of us.”

The siblings went a little somber. That last sentence was a sentence their mother told them as children, a woman obsessed with space and the eternal beauty of the night. Sunny took a breath. “I think this is just another path open to me. Yes, I’ll be careful, but we’re all adults here. And just like I helped all of you with your love lives, I’ll ask if I need help myself.”

Apollo nodded, giving a light smile to his sister. “Ok Sunny. We can do that. Just wish I could something along the lines that if they hurt you, we’ll come after them. Hard to do when they’re a princess though.”

Sunny chuckled at her brother’s protection. “Duly noted Apollo. Now then, all of us should get back to work. We’re the Ingo Family! The hardest working family in Hyrule!”

Sunny was a born leader out of the five of them. After their mom died, she always did her best to guide her siblings down safe and happy paths. She placed her hand in the middle, her brothers and sisters nodding and putting their hands in with her. Throwing them up they cheered together. “TEAM LON LON RANCH!”

The five of them got to work. Sunny went to the horses, making sure they were fed and to give one of the workers a break. Wearing her sunflower hat she patted a red stallion’s side, who had apparently been spooked by something in the field. “♩ Easy, my child. Let your worries go. If you believe in me, I’ll make it so. ♩”

The horse calmed down to her lullaby, and followed Sunny back to the stables. As she was walking, one of the ranchers ran over to her. “Ms. Sunny! Mr. Ingo wants to talk with you!”

Sunny piped up, excitement filling her. “Ok! Take Pepper here back to the stable for me!”

The blonde woman ran to her father’s office, her braid flapping in the wind. Maybe this was her big chance!

Inside his office, Luigi Ingo ruffled her mustache as he observed the latest ratings. The Ranch and it’s outer branches had made a 2.3% increase in the last month. If only he could find that level of increase in his balding head. He smiled as Sunny came in. “Ah, Sunny! Working hard?”

“Of course Father!”

“Good. I want you to sit down dear.”

Sunny nodded and pulled up a chair. Her father took a deep breath as he took out a pen and paper. “Sunny. Don’t think I haven’t seen the effort you put into the ranch. You ability to keep up with deadlines is impressive, but I’m more impressed by your ability to keep moral up.”

Sunny kept calm, hopeful on where he was going with this. “I simply try to have everyone do their best, myself included.”

“That’s what I love about you Sunny. You have my sharp determination and heart, but you got your mother’s soul.” Scratching his head, he chuckled to himself. “Gosh. You look more and more like her everyday you know.”

“I know father.” Sunny gave him a kiss on his cheek.

“Now, with that said, there’s a business proposition I need to discuss with you.” He paused as Sunny braced herself. “I’m going away to observe the other branches. Lon Lon Milk has found success at the border of Danjur, as well as multiple ranches in Hyrule. Overseas, we’ve opened a branch in Termina.”

Sunny was taken aback by that. “Termina! You’re going to Termina?!”

“Yes. As the observer, I won’t be able to perform my duties as C.E.O. Which means I need someone far younger, outgoing, and intelligent to lead in my place.”

Sunny’s mouth hung open. It was really happening. “You mean me?”

“Yes. I do.” Her father smiled proudly at his little girl. Sunny would do just fine. “Do you accept?”

The woman nodded her head, tears welling up in her eyes. “Yes. Yes I do!”

“Good. Very good.” He held out two documents, his face more neutral than Sunny expected.

“What are these for?”

“Well, there’s a new policy. Our shareholders have a say in who is elected in as C.E.O. They can’t change the candidate at will, or take anyone out, but you need at least half of them in your favour to take the position.”

A board? Sunny never really looked into the political aspect of the job, always focused on taking care of the animals, the product, and the workers first and foremost. “Who are our shareholders?”

“The Hylian Royal Council. I’m a little worried given your… taste in lovers, that they might be prejudice against you.”

Sunny clasped her hands together and held them to her mouth. Her mind calculated on how she could reach the votes she needed. “That does complicate things, but I think I might have an answer to that.”

https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/180427678001/filling-the-emptiness-ch-2-sunny-days-ahead Previous Ch.

https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/183811908896/filling-the-emptiness-ch-4-in-love Next Ch.

[hbhoe]

Band of Brothers Homecoming AU

-homecoming week is here! - this means lots of pranks, so of course the terrible trio of malarkey, muck and penkala are wreaking havoc - they filled vice principal sobel’s office with cups of water and put his stapler in jell-o - they got detention but claim it was totally worth it - Winters and Nixon are those seniors who’ve been dating since week one freshman year and never once had a fight - nix asked dick to prom by having the marching band spell out the question on the field while playing “can’t take my eyes off of you” and it was pretty iconic. they say dick cried - perconte is in the band and he plays a mean trumpet solo - you can always tell where he is during shows because he’s the smallest guy on the field with the most energy - Lipton plays the tuba and he’s also a drum major - Speirs is a walking bad boy trope - he wears a leather jacket and rides a motorcycle and they say he once went to juvi for stealing cigarettes?? - So it’s weird that he’s always at the football games, waiting for the halftime show so he can stare at Lip as he’s conducting - And it’s all very intense and confusing until Speirs finally admits he’s been working up the courage to ask lip out since they were sophomores - Lip promises to meet Speirs behind the bleachers after the homecoming halftime show ;) - Webster is a Nerd™ - but he looks like a movie star and has lots of friends and punk skater boy Liebgott is so annoyed?? - Lieb always tries to get Web’s notes from class, to which he vehemently refuses - cMON WEB WHY YOU HOLDING OUT ON ME!?“ - literally no one is surprised when they’re caught furiously making out behind a bookshelf in the library - George Luz is the class clown - but when he’s not being The Most™ with his countless friends, he can always be found in the theater working on the next show - He’s president of the theater department and this year the fall musical is In the Heights - he plays the lead, of course - Bill Guarnere and Joe Toye are stagehands - they both thought theater was lame until Luz dragged them into it - (that is, Joe dragged Bill into it, because Joe may or may not have a MAJOR crush on a certain George Luz) - but shut up about it or he’ll break ur jaw - Eugene Roe is very quiet and just a little emo, but he’s studying sports medicine and he’s on the sidelines at every game in case someone gets hurt - bright eyed freshman Babe Heffron brings smiles everywhere he goes - He and Gene have been making eyes at each other for months - but gene is shy, and the homecoming dance is fast approaching and he still hasn’t gathered the courage to ask babe out - Gene’s best friend, Renee, is done with watching the incessant pining - She befriends Babe and subtly drops a hint that Gene may never get over his social anxiety enough to express his feelings - a delighted Babe walks right up to gene in the cafeteria, gets down on one knee, and asks Gene to the dance in front of all their friends - All Gene can manage is a breathless "y-yeah, babe, i’ll go with you” - everyone cheers and it’s super embarrassing but babe is sitting next to gene and holding his hand and the world is so colorful now?? - Game night is here and the team is READY - Buck Compton is the star quarterback and all the ladies love him - he’s already got a full ride to university for football - Bull Randleman and Johnny Martin are the best defensive lineman on the team - They’re both super intimidating, but you won’t find two people more protective of their friends - If you mess with his freshmen, you’re gonna catch Bull’s hands - Harry Welsh and his girlfriend, head cheerleader Kitty Grogan, win homecoming king and queen - no one disagrees. they’re the perfect couple - Harry spends the rest of the night grinning like a dope while he dances with Kitty - Liebgott shows up to the dance with his sk8er squad, which consists of Hoobler, Tipper, and Shifty Powers - Web is just a little shook - Lieb actually put on clothing that isn’t ripped, his tux is well fitted and his hair is gelled and Webster can’t believe how GAY he is for this punk - he can’t even be mad when he notices Liebgott is wearing vans with his tux - Web compliments Lieb and the kid just blushes and says something like, “yeah well you’re a geek, let’s dance” - This is nixon and winters’ fourth homecoming dance - They spend most of their time talking with teachers, doling out advice to underclassmen and slow dancing - that is, until it’s halfway through the night and Nix is just a little tipsy from the contents of the flask he snuck in - the two of them clock out early because the School Dads are too old for this shit - Lipton and Spiers, also graduating seniors, show up right when Winters and Nix are leaving - Lipton has a fresh hickey on his neck - Spiers looks just a little bit proud - They slow dance and start kissing tenderly and Principal Sink tries reminding them to leave room for the holy spirit - but only before getting a barrel of gatorade dumped on his head by the Terrible Trio - they run away in triumph and once more Sink wonders why he ever chose to be an educator - Chuck Grant has a band that plays almost every school dance - They’re called “Airborne” and they’re really good - George Luz decides to ask them a favor - During the band’s second set, George gets onstage and announces he’s going to perform a song for “someone very special out there tonight ;)” - he literally wrote a song called “Boy Toye” - its an epic love ballad with iconic lines such as “you only have one leg but 12/10 would bang” and “your eyes are brown like beautiful, wet dirt” - who could forget the refrain, “my life would be joy if you were my boy toye” ? - it’s all so ridiculous and theatrical and so completely LUZ that joe doesn’t even think to be embarrassed - “c'mere, asshole” joe mutters as he pulls a grinning Luz off the stage - everyone cheers when George stands on his toes to kiss Joe on the cheek - babe and gene are clumsy and unpracticed but they keep on dancing because they like being close together - it’s all just pureness, blushing and smiles with those two - Of COURSE they won the game and Buck Compton spends the whole dance triumphantly grinning at people and talking to his admirers - Muck, Malarkey and Penkala are the last to leave because they have to clean up as punishment for their shenanigans