#waydh

[holdmymallowsweet]

What are you doing here? 01

Ominis Gaunt x f!MC Word count: 4328, properly tagged on AO3

Chapter summary: Falling right between the awkwardness of their first encounter outside the Undercroft and their jaunt into the Scriptorium, Ominis and the new fifth year have an innocuous little meet up in the library. 

a/n: I’ve always wondered why Mc would offer to talk to Ominis about the Scriptorium, when their last interaction outside the Undercroft was so hostile, and I figured there could have been another conversation in between- not anything deep or meaningful, just a little chat that made it clear that they don’t hate each other. So that’s what this is, and although it’s now the first chapter/prologue of a slow-burn longfic, it was originally a oneshot and can still be read as such, if you prefer. Enjoy! And many, many thanks to @myokk for encouraging me to finally post this, you're the best ❤️

Masterlist || Chapter 02

Chapter 01 - Invitation

Sending her that letter might have been a mistake.

Ominis Gaunt had been sitting in the library for hours now, waiting for someone who, he now realised, in all likelihood would not come.

“I heard you running around aimlessly in the defence against the dark arts tower again today. If you enjoy my company that much, perhaps you would like to join me in the library this evening. I’ll wait.”

It was supposed to be a playful way of telling her he was not angry anymore, a sort of peace offering after he had yelled at her outside the Undercroft. 

It was only after he’d sent the letter that he realised it probably sounded presumptuous and rude beyond belief. Words on parchment couldn’t tell the reader what tone of voice they’d like to be read in, at least not until someone invented a spell for that, but it was too late to take it back.

He sighed. Honestly, he could not remember what possessed him to write the blasted thing in the first place. It had been a whim, a result of his frustration and loneliness when he heard he’d be spending another evening alone because Sebastian had gotten himself detention again. He was not usually that bold, and she was practically a stranger.

They did happen to share a best friend in Sebastian though, so one could hardly blame him for trying to get to know her. In fact, it might be long overdue.

At least that was the excuse he’d use if anyone asked. Or the one he told himself, to be honest.

The truth was, she intrigued him. It took him some time to realise it, but now that he did, he couldn’t let go of the feeling. If Sebastian was to be believed, she was curious about him too, or at least she had been, for a fleeting moment- before his temper got the better of him and he took his frustrations about Sebastian’s betrayal out on her.

Ominis sighed again and ran his hand through his hair.

Someone from across the table shushed him, and his face twitched in slight annoyance.

Oh, he really hoped they’d be gone by the time she showed up, whoever they were.

If she showed up.

By now, it seemed more likely that he’d stay here sulking by his lonesome until it was time to walk back to the dungeons, perhaps facing a bemused Sebastian who’d already know where he’d been. The two of them seemed incapable of keeping secrets from one another, after all.

That would ultimately be the proper punishment for his unreasonable jealousy, her rejection delivered by his best friend.

He’d come to the library with every intention of writing the assigned essay for Herbology, determined not to care too much about whether she’d take him up on his invitation, but it was a lost cause. His self-spelling quill wouldn’t work properly unless he concentrated on the precise words he wanted to put on the parchment, but with his head filled with thoughts of the new fifth year and the undefined nature of whatever relationship they did or didn’t have, all he had managed to write so far was an embarrassing mess.

Ominis considered writing with his own hand, but thought better of it. He could, of course. He’d make notes or short letters without his enchanted quill regularly, but writing an entire essay without being able to tell when the lines would inadvertently run into one another was a daunting task. He’d have to use twice as much parchment as anyone else, and he already felt sorry for Professor Garlick, if she’d have to decipher the mess.

Finally, he decided to just give it up. The door opened, and once again, he strained his ears. He was able to recognize her footsteps by now. Not her, just some unfortunate chap getting chewed out by Madam Scribner for returning his books late.

He was starting to feel ridiculous.

It felt like hours since he’d hurried through the castle, almost slipping on the wet fallen leaves covering the stairs when he left the owlery. Heart thumping with excitement, he’d even made sure to sit at a table where he would, hopefully, be seen by her as soon as she walked in, but far enough away from the librarian to have a conversation without being reprimanded for disturbing the peace and quiet.

Actually, if he hadn’t been so concerned that she might not see him and leave, or that he might miss her coming in, he would have preferred a table in the farthest corner on the second floor, away from prying eyes. She was still the talk of the school and gathered attention wherever she went, and “What is she doing with Gaunt?” was not something he wanted to hear whispered in the corridors.

Thankfully, it was one of the last warm and sunny days before the autumn chill fully set in, so most students were happy to make the most of it and took their work outside. Even Cressida Blume still seemed determined to let Madam Scribner forget her face (not that she would), and he hadn’t heard any other classmate of theirs either. 

Sebastian’s detention was pointless busy work as usual- scrubbing or cleaning or something of the sort. Truthfully, Ominis had ceased to pay attention when his friend complained about his punishments long ago. Whatever it was, it kept him far away from the library- no one was foolish enough to try and “punish” Sebastian by letting him get his hands on even more books.

Not that it mattered whether they knew the curious onlookers or not. She was still the object of everyone’s interest and admiration, and with the way things were going, that wasn’t likely to change anytime soon. Not while she was so eager and endearing, always willing to drop everything the second someone needed something from her.

Right, it wasn’t like her to deny a request from a fellow student. She’d usually jump at the chance to do someone a favour, even if it came from someone she’d never seen before, even if it was much more bothersome than studying in the library for an hour or two.

So why wasn’t she here?

She wouldn’t have shown anyone his letter, would she? Unless she didn’t have to, if the owl reached her at an inopportune time, Merlin knows who else might have read it over her shoulder.

Ominis could imagine it, them sitting in a circle in the Hufflepuff girl’s dormitory, passing his letter around, seemingly teasing her about it in a playful attempt to get her to be wary of him. Until her curiosity would get the better of her and she’d ask them why precisely they found him so disagreeable. He shuddered. 

According to Sebastian, she already knew. She knew, and didn’t care. 

According to Sebastian, she also felt apologetic and regretful about their last encounter, much like him.

And if that was the truth- he couldn’t be entirely sure it was, but if it was, why wasn’t she here? Ominis tapped his quill against the parchment, piercing tiny holes into it and probably soaking the table underneath with ink. 

He was slowly but surely getting annoyed now. If she was as regretful about invading the Undercroft as Sebastian had made it seem, she should have pounced at the chance to meet up with him and make things right.

Of course, that had been weeks ago, so she might have gotten over it by now. Still, he wasn’t good enough for her to at least show up and quietly do her homework on the opposite side of the table? It wasn’t as if she didn’t have any work to do. She always did, with all the extra assignments the Professors threw at her to help her catch up, and even if by some miracle she didn’t, it wouldn’t hurt her to simply study, for once.

She could have come. Ominis frowned. Unless she actually couldn’t.

Notorious troublemaker and rule breaker that she was, he’d often half jokingly wondered when her recklessness would come to bite her in the arse, only it wasn’t unthinkable, was it?

Her duelling skills didn’t make her invincible, it was entirely possible that she was lying dead, or dying, somewhere on the cold forest floor. Small animals and insects already crawling under her robes and the scarf she always insisted on wearing, slowly devouring her corpse while a confused owl pecked at her, trying to get her cold hands to take his stupid, embarrassing letter. 

Ominis took a deep, steadying breath in an attempt to squash the slowly rising dread.

Stop it. She was  fine, she had other things to do, or she thought she was in trouble with him again and didn’t feel like being chastised and insulted all evening. It was annoying that she didn’t even want to find out what he wanted from her- nothing, really, except perhaps a chance to clear the air- but he had no right to complain, he was the one who messed things up.

And his annoyance was merely a way to mask his fear of rejection.

He slumped down, his forehead hitting the table with a soft thud. Ears filled with the sounds of soft footsteps, turned pages and scratching quills, ink from his quill staining his fingertips but nothing to really occupy his mind in her stead.

Why couldn’t he have spent a few more minutes to rewrite that letter, although one could barely call it a letter- the note, why couldn’t he have tried to sound a bit more friendly and inviting? Then again, even a second longer might have caused him to rethink the whole thing, keeping him from sending it at all.

All things considered, that would have been a blessing in disguise, saving him from making an absolute fool of himself.

He’d heard it countless times from the Sallow twins, trying to console him in his moments of self-doubt; that he was a good person, a good friend, that he was fun to be with, but it’s not like she’d ever seen that side of him.

The two of them would make an odd, unlikely combination, but he wanted to get to know her, be near her. His invitation had been a final act of desperation- or perhaps insanity- a desire to hold on to the strange but comforting, tender feeling that rose in his chest whenever he heard her voice in class or her footsteps in the hallways nowadays.

At the very least, he wanted to make sure there was no lingering resentment between them.

The library door opened again, and the next sound to reach his ears suddenly made his head feel blissfully empty. 

It was her voice, and he instantly straightened his back and cocked his head to the side to listen better as she greeted the librarian.

She made her way through the library, with eager steps, drawing closer until he could smell her signature scent, then until he could hear her breathing. Ominis noticed she was slightly out of breath.

Had she been in a hurry?

To meet him?

In spite of the confusion, the sick feeling inside him dissolved almost instantly, all thoughts of why she made him wait only to show up hours later forgotten. She cared. She cared at least enough to give him a bit of her time.

“Hello, Ominis,” she said.

He knew she wasn’t one for formalities, calling all of her classmates by their first name without invitation. 

What surprised him more was the lack of any bitterness or trepidation he’d expected to hear in her voice, instead, she sounded cheerful, excited, almost.

“There you are. Care to sit down?” he replied, trying his best to sound unbothered while ignoring the sudden flutter of nervousness in his stomach. The scraping of the chair from across the table told him she did.

“I hope I didn’t keep you waiting, I’m really sorry.”

Are you?

She sounded genuinely apologetic. Suddenly he realised, with another bout of nerves, that this would be the first time they actually had a proper conversation. Without any shouting. She was here for no other reason than to spend time with him, and more importantly, because he asked her to.

Ominis took perhaps a bit too long to answer, but she didn’t seem to notice. It sounded like she was busy taking her textbooks out.

“It’s all right. It’s not like I was just wasting time waiting for you, I was quite busy.” It was almost not a ridiculous lie, considering he’d been busy indeed, desperately craving her company, making a mess of his homework, hoping she’d care enough to show up. He hoped she wouldn’t think too hard about the messy, half empty parchments littering the table. 

It wouldn’t be fair to be upset about it. After all, he invited her on short notice and they never agreed on a time to meet.

“I left as soon as I got your owl, but it took me a while to get here,” she sighed, casually pushing aside his mess on the table to make space for her own.

Why? Where have you been?

Obviously not on school grounds.

“Why would that be?” he said, trying his best to sound nonchalant.

“I was near Aranshire.”

“Aranshire? What were you up to over there?” He raised his eyebrow. He knew it was one of the Hamlets, the one close to Hogsmeade station, if he wasn’t mistaken, but he couldn’t judge exactly how far away from the castle it was.

Oh, he had a bad feeling about this, and she, ever so perceptive, noticed.

“Nothing to be concerned about.” she said airily.

She doesn’t trust me.

Ominis knew he shouldn’t hold it against her. They barely knew each other, after all, and yet he couldn’t help the tiny stab of annoyance as she was lying to him yet again. If it had been Sebastian, she would have told him. 

Then again, Sebastian had never threatened to get her in trouble with the Headmaster.

“Anyway, on my way back something came up and I looked a bit dishevelled by the end of it, and it took me a while to sort that out. That’s why I’m late. I really am sorry.”

“You looked… dishevelled?”

She hummed in agreement, taking a moment to shuffle around pieces of parchment before answering properly. “Just a bit.”

“You do know I wouldn’t be able to tell,” he said with a smirk.

She laughed, and Ominis was almost disturbed by how much he liked the sound of it.

“Fair enough, I suppose, but others would, and I wouldn‘t want to give anyone a reason to stare, or… talk more about me than they already do.”

Ominis tensed. He’d always been aware and annoyed at how much the entire school seemed to gossip about her, but he’d never considered that she’d know, or how she felt about it. There was an odd sort of undertone in her voice.

He wondered yet again how much she knew, or guessed, about the things others said behind his back, when they thought he was out of earshot, always underestimating his hearing. They were careful when Sebastian was close, but they had no reason to hold back when it was just her.

So was she concerned about what the others might say if they saw them together? For her sake, or for his? He was beginning to feel sick again.

“Why did you look ‘a bit dishevelled’ in the first place?” he asked in an attempt to return to the original subject, and perhaps lighten the mood a bit.

“Well…” she hesitated for a moment. “I had a run in with some spiders.”

Oh no.

“Really, nothing to be concerned about.” She added quickly when he furrowed his brow and opened his mouth to say something.

If he had to guess, this wasn’t the first time something like that had happened- in fact he knew it wasn’t. Dragons, Trolls, Dark Wizards, now this- and Merlin knew what else in between. She almost seemed to enjoy it, always roaming around, curious to see what else she could take on.

That recklessness made him uneasy. He had spent the last four years with another one like that, and the two of them being best friends felt like pouring oil in a fire.

“Are you all right?”

“Of course I am. Nothing a bath and a Wiggenweld potion couldn’t fix,” she reassured him.

So you did get hurt.

Ominis frowned. He couldn’t smell any blood, and didn’t hear any strange whispers when she came in. She also didn’t sound as if she was in any pain, so she most likely wasn’t lying when she said she was fine now. Her having just taken a bath also explained why the scent of her soap was slightly stronger than usual and not mixed with the earthy, piney smell of the forest that always clung to her when she’d been roaming around the highlands.

“Are you all right?” she asked suddenly.

The question caught Ominis by surprise. “Certainly. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You seem a bit tense. If there’s anything I can help you with…”

Even without sight, he could guess she was pausing to look at him expectantly. Merlin, did she think that’s why he asked her to meet him?

“No, I…” There were a lot of things he would have liked to say to her, and yet he couldn’t seem to find the right words.

He had to say something, though, because the silence between them as she waited for Ominis to finish his sentence was starting to feel oppressive.

“I’m fine,” he finally said, suddenly feeling self-conscious about how much he was stressing over what, to her, was a casual conversation she had with dozens of others on an average day.

For Merlin’s sake, they were classmates sitting in the library, making smalltalk.

Time to change the subject.

“Really though, what were you doing out there?” He tried his luck again.

“Just the usual.”

Ominis barely managed to suppress a frustrated sigh. “Which would be…?”

She seemed to consider him for a moment. The building frustration from her annoyingly vague answers must have been evident, and Ominis thought for a split second that he’d pushed too far.

“Nothing too exciting. Chatting to some of the locals. Looking for good spots to collect potion ingredients, that sort of thing.”

“Sharp must be very proud of you.”

She laughed that melodic, infuriatingly infectious laugh of hers, and Ominis was both relieved and grateful that the atmosphere lightened considerably again, even as the annoying git who shushed him earlier made a disapproving noise. If she’d heard it, she’d decided to ignore it, and Ominis was more than happy to follow her lead.

“I’m not doing it to please Professor Sharp, I quite enjoy potion making- unlike some of us,” she teased.

“I don’t-“

“Don’t bother denying it, it’s not like I’m imagining the sour look on your face every time I look at you during Potions.”

So she hadn’t been ignoring him, even after everything that had happened. His insides squirmed pleasantly. Perhaps she was still curious about him, after all.

Ominis cleared his throat.

“So, had any success in finding those potion ingredients?” he asked, awkwardly attempting to keep the conversation going.

“Hmm. I’m running out of Horklump juice, but there weren’t any around. I did find some Ashwinder eggs though, at an abandoned poacher camp nearby,” she rambled on absentmindedly, still shuffling around her pieces of parchment. “I’ve always been curious about them, you know. I’d like to see one someday.”

“I wouldn’t recommend it. They’re dangerous criminals, you know.”

She held back a laugh. “I meant an Ashwinder- as in the creature, not the poachers. I’ve seen quite enough of them.” 

“...it was a joke.”

She giggled. “I’ve been thinking about how I always collect their eggs as potion ingredients, but I’ve never actually seen one,” she mused.

Well, they weren’t exactly the sociable sort, even for snakes.

Ominis had met an Ashwinder once, in the gardens behind his family home, after it had slithered out of an abandoned fire his older brother had been playing around with before he’d wandered off, bored. Excited to have someone to talk to, someone who he’d hoped wouldn’t either dismiss him or use the opportunity for some casual cruelty, Ominis had bent down to greet the little snake. It had told him to sod off and slithered away to lay its eggs. Back then, he’d been sulking the whole day over it.

The corners of his lips twitched upwards.

Shame, he thought ruefully. There he actually had a somewhat funny story about the very thing she was interested in, and he couldn’t even tell her. Not without revealing secrets about himself that he’d rather keep tightly guarded.

“Have you ever heard one?” She inquired.

Ominis stiffened instantly. So much for his tightly guarded secrets. He really would have to wring Sebastian’s neck one of these days. “What do you mean by that?”

“I only meant, well…,” she answered sheepishly, “… you obviously wouldn’t have seen one, and I know you have good hearing. Sorry, did I say something wrong?” She was obviously taken aback.

“No, of course not. I’m sorry.” He relaxed. So Sebastian hadn’t told her that, at least. He cleared his throat. “You would have to be lucky to see one. They are born from unattended magical fires and only live for about an hour, barely long enough to lay their eggs.”

“Ah.” She was fumbling with her quill, running her fingers along the feathered edges, from the sound of it, seemingly deep in thought, and thankfully not angry at him for snapping at her. “If they’re born from fires, what are they laying eggs for?”

“I think that’s a question better asked of Professor Howin,” Ominis replied. “You’re the one taking Beasts class, not me.”

“So… could I just make a fire somewhere, ‘unattend’ it and wait for one to come out?”

He gave her an amused snort, not sure if she was being serious. “Are you taking a page out of Peeve’s book, trying to burn down the castle?” Brows furrowed, he still flashed her a warm smile as she had a fit of giggles, and a pleasant warmth spread through his body.

“Perhaps I should take a page out of Peeve’s book, that’d make us even,” she said.

Ominis was waiting for her to explain that rather puzzling statement, but she didn’t.

“Meaning…?”

“Never mind.”

He brushed it off. This was all he’d wanted, sitting together, having a pleasant conversation, laughing about each other’s jokes. And yet it didn’t feel quite right, there was still a wall between them, made up of secrecy and lies.

She finally seemed to have started on her work, the scratching of her quill adding to the symphony of the rustling paper and soft hums and whispers surrounding them.

Apologise for yelling at her about the Undercroft.

Ominis wanted to, he really did, and if he was ever going to, now was the time- but he was still embarrassed just thinking about it and he didn’t want to ruin their first decent conversation by reminding her of how horrible he’d been. It might have been easier to talk about if she was the one to bring it up, and he quietly wondered why she didn’t.

Through the ambient sounds, he heard Madam Scribner get up from behind her desk, about to make a final pass through her sacred halls. Reminding students not to leave a mess, picking unwilling volunteers to tidy the mess of the ones who didn’t listen amongst the stragglers who couldn’t flee fast enough, he was almost tempted to make sure it’d be the two of them.

It wouldn’t be fair, though.

Based on her account of how she’d spent her evening so far and his own idle contemplations, they’d both need to dedicate the remaining hours of the day to schoolwork, and she’d already dropped her previous plans as soon as she received his owl- a courtesy far beyond anything he deserved.

They were out of time.

“We should probably leave.”

There she was, slipping through his fingers again. If only she’d arrived half an hour earlier, maybe he could have gathered his nerve and apologised, at least.

“Wait, weren’t we going to do our homework? I haven’t even started, to be honest.”

Ominis smirked. “The library is about to close, you know. I’ve been here for hours before you came in.” Not that he’d been very productive in that time.

“Oh.” She sounded defeated- and perhaps even a bit disappointed?

That might have been wishful thinking on his part.

“I guess I’ll head back to the common room then. If I’m lucky, Adelaide’s still up and I can copy from her.”

He let out a small chuckle. “Cheating on our assignments, are we?”

“Oh, well. I can’t always be a saint,” she said cheekily.

For a second, Ominis had the urge to walk her back to her common room, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask her. It felt like it would be too much, walking around the castle with her, giving others the opportunity to make assumptions about a relationship that he himself didn’t yet fully understand. 

“Well, don’t let me keep you,” he said instead. He gathered his things, ignoring the growing regret and guilt.

“See you, Ominis. And… if you enjoyed my company enough, perhaps we could do this again?”

He felt his cheeks grow hot. “Sure.”

She laughed. “Cheers.”

And just like that, she was gone.

Her scent and her laughter still lingered and he was left wondering what, if anything, this little get together had accomplished.

Ominis could not have known this would be their last proper conversation before the three of them entered the Scriptorium.

more a/n: Before the Scriptorium though, the next chapter will be a little trip down memory lane, featuring the earful Sebastian got for showing her the Undercroft. It’s finally here! I started working on this a while ago, so if you’ve read this far, thank you! Like I kind of hinted at in the beginning, the concept of this fic is basically “what could they have been up to ‘off-screen’, if canon events stay exactly the same” (up to and including the fact that no one ever mentions mc’s name, we’ll see if I live to regret this decision), and I don’t know if that’s interesting to anyone but myself, but I’d be happy if anyone wants to be along for the ride.  Writing from Ominis’ pov is a challenge and I try my best to keep in mind that he’s blind when describing things (so don’t expect visual descriptions of anything, ever), but hopefully without constantly drawing attention to it, I hope I managed to do that respectfully and realistically. That said, if anything feels off to you or you have questions, feel free to let me know. And finally, English is not my first language. I proofread and edit everything I write to hell and back but if I still misspelt anything or obviously misused a word, let me know so I can fix it (just be nice about it). There’s a lot more I wanted to put in the authors’ notes but I think it’s already rambly enough, so I’ll leave it at that. Until next time? (I’ve written a few chapters ahead and I’ll try to upload regularly, but realistically, I probably won’t manage it more frequently than once every 1.5 to 2 weeks)

[alphacentaurinebula]

Chapter 13 of What Are You Doing Here now up!!

Only TWO MORE CHAPTERS TO GO, I can't believe it. Honestly I am going to be really sad when I'm finished with this fic.

[leviiackrman]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, TRAGIC LOVE ARCHETYPES + PICREW;

I was tagged by @simonxriley to use this cute picrew for some anime kids, and was also tagged by Meg, @corvosattano @chuckhansen + @unholymilf to use these uquizes (WAYDH? + TLA) thank you sm beloveds! I was bored so I merged them all again haha🤍

Tagging: @risingsh0t @bbrocklesnar @queennymeria @roofgeese @florbelles @arklay @captmactavish @shellibisshe @nokstella @thedeadthree @jackiesarch @heroofpenamstan @dameayliins @carlosoliveiraa @fenharel @alexxmason @tekehu @malefiicarum @shadowglens @mrdekarios @faerune @perpetuagf + @garaviel

DROWNING (FOR THE SAKE OF IT);

You are restless ambition and caffeinated nights. You are dancing-in-the-rain and record-player-breaking-down and god-I-knew-this-would-happen. The world made you the cynic and you cursed the world. You stomped in the mud and now you shout at the sky, but fear it not because you are so much stronger. You must persevere, and survive this night. The next and the next. By and by. You are so much stronger than you think you are. You have a purpose to find within yourself, and it doesn't come from the work you're doing now.

03. CUPID'S BROTHER;

You have been love adjacent all your life. The faint spill of another story that softly grazed your shoulders when stood too close. Whether by design or not, you have yet to build a clear image of what love means to you. The interlocked weaving of a picture locket bound to strand of hair when hugged to tight, the sunpatch that meets your soles in glaring sun dried fields when running with a friend. You are not far from love, but moving between line of collision and avoidance at all times. A faint glimmer on sea lake surface of what could be. There is time to find what you want, find whether it's enough as is. Love is in you, breathing in another day. Continue as you are, realizing the love that is slowly blossoming in your life as it sharpens and clears in brushstrokes.

ATONING (FOR SOMEONE ELSE);

You are sweet, sweet sorrow. Parting ways at an intersection, an angel's footsteps walking side by side with your own, the shadows of the past looming, looming. You are apologetic-moon-light and loiter-at-the-back-of-the-classroom and stilted-silence and rich-with-life. You are stepping-on-eggshells your way through life, be less careful. Be less careful. You make mistakes, you made mistakes, and you will make mistakes, but imagine growing from them without the wish to go back. Stop restricting yourself. Take a breath of the clean air. Stop breathing in your own secondhand smoke.

01. MAUDLIN MAGDALENE;

An embrace with the shivering figure of a ghost. You cut your hair at 3 a.m. to change it all but it is no use. Love is a war to endure to you. You comfort and hold, kiss pressed to temple and cheek while feeling the numbness filling your nights to brim. What used to feel honorable has now become chore of breathing to sustain another. What else is love, but your disembodied lap to lay another's head into? Your fingers turn blue in the announcing dawn, the cold figure of what you used to know of yourself remains asleep next to them. Another version of you has crept out of your old body, has ripped and eaten itself out of a cast that was fused into the position of nurturing comfort. Remove yourself from your lovers before they become part of you, conjoined with your arms to anothers wailing head you have no life apart of maudlin magdalene. You have given endlessly, but this isn't all there is to you. Acknowledge the good that has been done and let yourself be free. You deserve to feel held as well, you are more than what you can give of yourself before breaking down.

SHINING (FOR THE WORLD);

You are sunshine. You are too bright for this world and you know too much for your experiences. You are not naive, but you are not a cynic. You are not an optimist, but you don't see the point in pessimism. You are bright bells of energy and great pealing laughter and coffee-shop-dates and meet-in-person-lunches and you draw people to you like a magnet with the way you shine. You are bright and drained, drained, drained. You are restless nights, heavy days, broken moons. You deserve a rest. You deserve to release. You cannot carry the weight of the world alone. Share the tasks, be the light, and create the connections.

04. SUB ROSA;

Love is a game of here and there to you. Whether catching glimpse of another's neckline or grazing a knuckle between knocking shoulders of passing by. You have learned to adore in secrecy, the rawness of an outright confession to be spoken a foreign terror. There is ease in pursuing the unavailable, to remain within the space of possibility and nestle the fuzzy words another could say to make or break your day. Instability spun itself into mysterium and while the certainty of love in aging isn't to be forced upon anyone, there is a miniscule part of you testing the limits of ambiguity. Hold down the feeling and settle in the leather seat of a car, kiss the corner of a mouth and say how you feel. Your affection in its vulnerability is to be seen, lift the veil and do not fret when an honest word turns into all you have secretly yearned for. You are meant to be noticed and openly loved.

DROWNING (FOR THE SAKE OF IT);

You are restless ambition and caffeinated nights. You are dancing-in-the-rain and record-player-breaking-down and god-I-knew-this-would-happen. The world made you the cynic and you cursed the world. You stomped in the mud and now you shout at the sky, but fear it not because you are so much stronger. You must persevere, and survive this night. The next and the next. By and by. You are so much stronger than you think you are. You have a purpose to find within yourself, and it doesn't come from the work you're doing now.

06. CANíBALES; DEVOURER;

Love's a knife to skin to you, a vein to woven muscle, blood puddle before you. You listened to all the promises of a stranger's relief and feel the drain of a shower head running it all down again. You committed another murder; kissed and bruised skin with a clench to a quivering wrist and went home in the defeaning quiet of a taxi. There's mold covered rage within you. If to take a heart home with you, you'd bite your way through muscle and ribcage first. Pleasure comes, but there will be no devouring past it. There is fear in settling down and being seen. There is a glass screen between these bodies and you. Relax your tight jaw and feel the real canine fear beneath that scabbed up cavity. The sacrifice of opening up is needed if to be loved as you deeply wish inside. Desire doesn't discriminate between hands or spoken word. Why should you?

[stephschoices]

Tagged by @fenharel to to use these uquizes (WAYDH? + WAYC) for some ocs, thank you ~!

Tagging @dakotawritesif @if-addiction @gloomcat-mess @sysba @griffin-wood @honeyveebeevee @wiinryrockbell and anyone else ~

Athena Lavellan (DA:I)

thriving (for yourself)

You are beautiful, and there is a light in your eyes now. There wasn't, before. You feel light and you hug people tight because you know what loss feels like. You are sunsets and throw-your-head-back-laughs and 2-am-shopping-sprees and looking-over-your-shoulder-for-ghosts-of-the-past, but you are thriving. There are fifteen things you've never checked off your to-do list and never will, but you're determined to find your way to them anyway. You are glowing and it's admirable. You crawled your way from somewhere terrible and now you stand, breathing in the sun. You are admirable, never forget.

warped metal

it's not working out the way you want it to. no matter how hard you try to look scary, the very picture of karmic retribution, your efforts will inevitably fall short. you're out of place here, a broken doll and a used marionette. there's nothing to gain in pretending you can't be hurt like anyone else. there's nothing to gain in pretending you aren't human, that you're made of twisted steel and distorted memories. embrace your humanity. embrace your vulnerability. give in to trust.

Este (@pavedinashes-if )

shining (for the world)

You are sunshine. You are too bright for this world and you know too much for your experiences. You are not naive, but you are not a cynic. You are not an optimist, but you don't see the point in pessimism. You are bright bells of energy and great pealing laughter and coffee-shop-dates and meet-in-person-lunches and you draw people to you like a magnet with the way you shine. You are bright and drained, drained, drained. You are restless nights, heavy days, broken moons. You deserve a rest. You deserve to release. You cannot carry the weight of the world alone. Share the tasks, be the light, and create the connections.

acerbic wit

you're a mentor — an old scarred wolf, an injured soldier, a disgraced paladin. your teachings read as shamelessly pretentious, speaking in rhymes and biting down hard into anyone stupid enough to make the wrong move. this isn't your first life, nor your second, nor your sixth — you'll make the most of your time shackled to this world, no matter how many loops it takes to get it right. with every defeat, you reincarnate; a little smarter, a little quicker, crueler and nastier. will you choose to be brutal, equalizing, that final strike in the face of your enemies? will you go soft, become tender and domesticated? the choice is yours. it's not like i can stop you.

Jade (@inkandlaces-if )

shining (for the world)

You are sunshine. You are too bright for this world and you know too much for your experiences. You are not naive, but you are not a cynic. You are not an optimist, but you don't see the point in pessimism. You are bright bells of energy and great pealing laughter and coffee-shop-dates and meet-in-person-lunches and you draw people to you like a magnet with the way you shine. You are bright and drained, drained, drained. You are restless nights, heavy days, broken moons. You deserve a rest. You deserve to release. You cannot carry the weight of the world alone. Share the tasks, be the light, and create the connections.

cauterizing rage

the house has burned around you, and you’re the only one left standing. is it gratifying to be the survivor? fear and anger are weapons in your capable hands, used only to serve your agenda of fighting back when deemed necessary. you're a powerful person, built from the ashes of your despair and your family's mistakes. with time, you'll bloom into someone softer, like the full blossoms that grow each spring and wither away with the leaves in fall. they won't disappear if you take your eyes off of them. you're enough.

[fenharel-archived]

tagged by @leviiackrman & @faerune to to use these uquizes (WAYDH? + WAYC) for my ocs, thank you!! tagging @rkyloren, @shadowglens, @baldurians, @stephschoices, @solasan, @risingsh0t, @rosymorns, @queennymeria, @thedeadthree, @astarien, @thedeadthree, @alistairs, @avallachs

animal intuition

loyalty is the saint you pray to. if you ever were stabbed in the back by your beloved, you'd probably apologize. to your enemies, you're fierce. to your allies, even fiercer. you cultivate a thick inner circle built on promises and devotion, fit only for the best of the best. it's impossible for most to even begin to dissect the type of person you are, owing to your unbreakable emotional walls and confusing philosophies. dream careers? body guard, movie star, unwitting pawn. don't let people get the best of that loyalty.

thriving (for yourself)

You are beautiful, and there is a light in your eyes now. There wasn't, before. You feel light and you hug people tight because you know what loss feels like. You are sunsets and throw-your-head-back-laughs and 2-am-shopping-sprees and looking-over-your-shoulder-for-ghosts-of-the-past, but you are thriving. There are fifteen things you've never checked off your to-do list and never will, but you're determined to find your way to them anyway. You are glowing and it's admirable. You crawled your way from somewhere terrible and now you stand, breathing in the sun. You are admirable, never forget.

cauterizing rage

the house has burned around you, and you’re the only one left standing. is it gratifying to be the survivor? fear and anger are weapons in your capable hands, used only to serve your agenda of fighting back when deemed necessary. you're a powerful person, built from the ashes of your despair and your family's mistakes. with time, you'll bloom into someone softer, like the full blossoms that grow each spring and wither away with the leaves in fall. they won't disappear if you take your eyes off of them. you're enough.

drowning (for the sake of it)

You are restless ambition and caffeinated nights. You are dancing-in-the-rain and record-player-breaking-down and god-I-knew-this-would-happen. The world made you the cynic and you cursed the world. You stomped in the mud and now you shout at the sky, but fear it not because you are so much stronger. You must persevere, and survive this night. The next and the next. By and by. You are so much stronger than you think you are. You have a purpose to find within yourself, and it doesn't come from the work you're doing now.

behind the mask

you aren’t slick about whatever you think you’re hiding. glass shatters in your midst, blood spills, children scream. like some of your friends, your personality of choice is entirely artificial. the difference between you and them is that you can get away with it. you’re unknown, perhaps even to yourself, and your goals are complex and unknown. anyone stupid enough to fall for you is setting themselves up to be frustrated and confused, owing to your being ultimately unknowable. i hope you can find an identity that makes you comfortable.

atoning (for someone else)

You are sweet, sweet sorrow. Parting ways at an intersection, an angel's footsteps walking side by side with your own, the shadows of the past looming, looming. You are apologetic-moon-light and loiter-at-the-back-of-the-classroom and stilted-silence and rich-with-life. You are stepping-on-eggshells your way through life, be less careful. Be less careful. You make mistakes, you made mistakes, and you will make mistakes, but imagine growing from them without the wish to go back. Stop restricting yourself. Take a breath of the clean air. Stop breathing in your own secondhand smoke.

[autisticlee]

why is it that i'm expected to always make my own food and clean up after myself and do everything all on my own, and if i'm struggling with executive dysfunction, sensory issues, pain/exhaustion, etc, i'm just being lazy and useless and whiny. but my dad is allowed to demand my mom do everything for him and he gets to sit down and waydh TV for hours until he falls asleep. he won't even get himself a glass of water.

[holdmymallowsweet]

What are you doing here? 02

Ominis Gaunt x f!MC Word count: 4684, properly tagged on AO3

Chapter summary: It's the start of a new school year, and Ominis hopes he and Sebastian can carry on as they used to, even if one of their trio is missing. Looking back, that thought seemed almost foolishly optimistic.

a/n: This is the first of two pre-library chapters, featuring Ominis’ thoughts and feelings and whereabouts during the first few weeks of their fifth year, while Sebastian and Mc are busy fighting trolls and sneaking into the restricted section. Enjoy!

Chapter 01 || Masterlist || Chapter 03

Chapter 02 - Relegated

Calling her arrival at Hogwarts ‘memorable’ was almost an understatement. Disrupting the feast, led through the great hall by the headmaster himself after a rather lively argument behind half-closed doors that had the entire student body sit in nervous anticipation, it was no wonder that she seemed to be the only thing deemed worthy of discussion by anyone who was not a quidditch enthusiast.

Ominis wasn’t too bothered by it. Usually the one who’d know everything that went on within the castle’s walls and not so secretly fond of gossip, after everything that had happened at the Sallow’s during the summer, he longed for some peace and quiet. A sense of routine, while he and Sebastian would try and figure out how to go on, now that one of them was missing.

Who they were, where they’d come from and why they’d made such a spectacle of their entrance didn’t have to be his concern, not tonight at least. They’d ended up at the opposite side of the Great Hall anyways, out of mind. It wouldn’t keep him from having a decent meal, a good night’s rest, a regular day of classes tomorrow. Nothing else would either, if he could help it.

Wishful thinking.

They’d barely passed the giant hourglasses to return to their common room for the night, when Sebastian took him by the arm, years of experience letting Ominis know before he even opened his mouth that he had other plans.

“Listen, Ominis-”

Ominis groaned. “What is it now?” He was so tired.

“I think I’ll make a detour into the restricted section before bed.”

Oh for Merlin’s sake.

“On our first night back? You could at least wait a day before getting yourself into trouble again.” And wasn’t he tired as well, after the day they’d had?

“There’s something I want to check.” Sebastian paused. “For Anne. If you’re worried about me, you could come too, if you’d like.”

Ominis raised an eyebrow. It seemed like an off-handed remark, but there was something pleading in his friend’s voice, and it did make him feel guilty for how he was about to answer. But not guilty enough. “I’m sure you don’t need my help to get yourself another detention.”

“Fair enough.” And just like that, Sebastian was gone.

Ominis took a deep breath. He suddenly felt nauseous, and it had nothing to do with the food.

Was this how his fifth year at Hogwarts was going to be like? Sebastian taking every opportunity to engage in extracurricular, clandestine activities and the detentions that would undoubtedly follow, where did that leave him? He’d hoped with Anne being the way she was, that Sebastian would perhaps be a bit more reasonable, grow up a tad more.

His exploits hadn’t bothered Ominis as much last year, when his friend first started digging through forbidden books and sought out the seclusion of the Undercroft by himself, but last year he had Anne. Anne, who would rather play games with Ominis than put her nose in old, eerie tomes, who would usually take his side in their petty arguments, who would listen to him and fill the silence with cheerful chatter, in a way only she could. In that moment, more than ever before, he was suddenly very aware that she was truly gone. 

It felt as if the realisation ate a hole through his stomach..

Ominis inhaled slowly, rubbing at the crease that formed between his brows. He was so tired.

The two Slytherins had walked up to the castle from Feldcroft, as they did every year. Making the journey to London and spending the whole day on a train had always seemed ridiculous when they lived that close to Hogwarts. 

In the years prior, the three of them would have left the Sallow’s house early and made a day of it in Hogsmeade, but it wouldn’t have been the same without Anne. So they’d spent as much time with her as possible, holding on, attempting to avoid the moment they’d have to leave her behind until the last second. It had been a subdued, gloomy journey after that, not to mention exhausting, both physically and emotionally.

Ominis stood there motionless for a while, trying to collect his thoughts. He was passed by waves of chattering students, eager to return to their warm beds and catch up with their dorm mates in private. Imelda stomped past him, cursing under her breath. Obviously upset about not getting to boss around her team on the Quidditch pitch this year, she would likely try to make it everyone else’s problem as well.

He sighed, resigned to head down to the common  room alone.

“Did you hear? About the new fifth year? Why they were late to the sorting?”

He strained his ears, determined not to miss the answer, slowing down a bit to walk behind the gossiping pair of friends. Change of plans. Perhaps holding on to his old habits would do him some good after all. And perhaps there was a chance for some more light-hearted thoughts to occupy his mind. Something intriguing and perhaps funny to discuss with Sebastian when he got back.

“No, I just heard they were with Professor Fig. Did something happen then?”

“I don’t know any details about it.” The girl paused for dramatic effect. “...but they say their carriage was attacked by a dragon. Some bloke from the ministry was ripped apart right in front of them.”

Oh, you can’t be serious.

“Nothing yet.” Ominis teased. “I hope we get to see- or at least hear one today.”

All in all, his mood had been surprisingly good this morning. Leaning against the common room windows, he’d amused himself trying to keep the new first years on the lookout for mermaids, listening to their little sounds of excitement and impatience, wondering how long he could keep them there before they caught on. 

It had been Anne’s idea last year, and the fun had lasted until the prefects told them to cut it out. Ominis knew it would never be quite the same without her, but she’d insisted he do it again, ‘in her memory’.

He’d tried hard not to think about the implications of that phrasing.

“I- I think I heard one!”

Sounds of little hands slamming against the window and excited, high pitched gasps made the corners of his mouth twitch into a sly grin.

Being back at Hogwarts and getting a good night’s sleep in his familiar bed had done wonders to rid him of the near constant feelings of unease and dread he had since Anne had been cursed.

Ominis missed her dearly, but it was a relief to be away from the now gloomy home in Feldcroft that had once been his sanctuary, from the tension stemming from Solomon’s anxiety and his constant disagreements and shouting matches with a helpless, short tempered Sebastian, periodically disturbed by Anne’s cries and moans of pain. 

In the family’s time of hardship and grief, he’d felt like an intruder.

Ominis would have liked to help, he would have done anything, anything for his closest and only friends, but in the end all he could really do was stand there and listen to the Sallows telling him that another examination had not come up with results, that another remedy they tried had failed. The best he could do was stay out of their way, trying to melt into the wall.

A week before they had to leave for school, the consensus amongst the healers was that nothing could be done except have her rest and wait to see if she got better on her own. They were told she wouldn’t return to Hogwarts. 

Sebastian had not taken it well.

Determined as he’d been to stay awake and wait for his return last night, the exhaustion of the day had caught up with Ominis, and he’d been fast asleep when Sebastian had snuck back into their dormitory. They’d made up for it in the morning, gossiping about her as much as everyone else as they’d gotten dressed. It felt normal, comforting. 

Until, after a particularly wild theory of Ominis’, Sebastian had blurted out “...wait until Anne-”

It had been an innocent mistake. Ominis hadn’t commented on it, but the carefree mood was marred by heavy clouds. But the rain hadn’t fallen, not yet, at least.

Ominis listened for the sounds of his friend, who went through his newly stolen library books in front of the fireplace, pacing back and forth and sometimes mumbling to himself. He seemed to be doing all right, for now, at least.

Even if he was no longer in the mood for conversation.

Sebastian had been picking up bits and pieces of information about the new fifth-year and her journey to Hogwarts on his way to the library, most of it probably exaggerated, some of it seemingly complete and utter nonsense. 

Regardless, most of the Slytherins thought of it as an excellent adventure, a riveting tale that would go down in Hogwarts history. Imelda thought it was brilliant of her to take away all the attention from the first years.

Ominis couldn’t help but feel sorry for the girl. He might have expected her to relish the attention if she’d been a Griffindor or even a Slytherin, but Hufflepuffs were usually happy to quietly exist in the background and mind their own business. He could relate.

He decided to stop thinking about it. Either way, their paths likely wouldn’t ever cross, unless they’d happen to walk through a classroom door at the same time.

“What do you think mermaids look like?”

Only, the way things progressed, thinking of her or not wasn’t his decision to make.

“What do you mean, you fought a troll?” Ominis asked, distraught. “Are you all right? Is she all right? Did you get hurt?”

“Don’t worry, Ominis, we’re fine,” Sebastian drawled, unbothered.

Sebastian hadn’t wasted any time telling him about his exploits in Hogsmeade with the new fifth-year. They were sitting by the common room fire, eating their way through an assortment of snacks Sebastian had stolen from the kitchens on his way back. Naturally, he’d been rather hungry, having missed dinner. And almost getting smashed to pieces did apparently conjure up quite the appetite.

He’d barely made it back in time for curfew, stumbling into their common room where Ominis, first annoyed, then worried, had been pacing up and down waiting for him.

“She was brilliant, you should have been there.”

Why hadn’t he been?

“Real duelling prodigy, that one,” Sebastian stated through a mouthful of food.

Yes, Ominis had gathered that much from their Defence Against the Dark Arts class earlier that day.

He frowned, his good mood from this morning long gone. He hadn’t talked to his best friend since the end of Hecat’s class, when he told a stunned and confused Ominis that he’d invited the girl who just beat him to Crossed Wands, but the Hogwarts rumour mill had done it’s best to keep him informed about their whereabouts since then.

Sallow and the new fifth-year really hit it off.

Sallow and the new fifth-year were seen going to Hogsmeade together.

Didn’t Sallow have other friends he was usually with?

No one really cared that much.

It didn't exactly feel good. And although Ominis was usually content to leave Sebastian to his own devices, after being deserted for almost the entire day, one might think an apology would be in order. 

Perhaps an inquiry about what he’d been up to- nothing, really, but it would have been polite to ask.

But it was Sebastian, and politeness was not his strong suit.

He listened to Sebastian chewing noisily, feeling his way through the stack of food until his hand landed on an apple tart. More because he wanted to keep his mouth busy than because he was hungry, and also because he’d already gotten his fingers sticky, Ominis took a small bite. If he said something now, it wouldn’t be anything nice and he wasn’t spoiling for a fight. 

“There’s more to all of this. She practically admitted it,” Sebastian said. Dreamily, intrigued.

Understandable, all things considered. Not yet alarming.

“Just wait, I’ll get to the bottom of this.”

Ominis didn’t like the sound of that at all.

Sebastian was starting to get obsessive again. Ominis knew him well enough to recognize the signs. Sebastian had been like this when he’d joined Crossed Wands, when he’d started sneaking into the restricted section, when he’d started to teach himself spells- dangerous, forbidden spells, many of which Ominis knew his friend didn’t bother telling him about anymore after he’d first voiced his concerns.

And now there’s the new fifth-year. Sebastian was going to make her his new research project, his new favourite pastime, and while it might have been good for him to have something to distract him from Anne, it made Ominis feel...

He refused to call it jealousy. He’d settle for ‘concerned’.

“Perhaps you shouldn’t.” Ominis tried to keep his tone light, but didn’t quite succeed.

“Why not?”

Ominis sighed heavily. “I’m sorry, only… I’m having a bad feeling about this.”

They were silent for a moment. Then, Ominis heard a stifled chuckle from his friend.

“When you say a bad feeling, you mean like an-“

 “Sebastian, don’t-“

“Like an ominous feeling?”

Ominis half-heartedly threw his leftover tart at him.

Maybe it wouldn’t have been that bad if he felt like he could ever get a break from her, but she seemed to be everywhere. Except of course when she seemed to be nowhere at all, sneaking out of school at odd hours, coming back hours later carrying the faint scent of the forbidden forest, or the lake, but even then, she was always… there. In the whispers in the hallways, in rumours, slipping into every conversation he’d have with Sebastian, at some point.

In their first Herbology lesson, it was her mandrake that shattered the greenhouse windows and almost took out his eardrums, turning an already debilitating class into a headache.

While he struggled in potions, she somehow excelled at the subject and even found time to steal from Sharp's office.

Ominis had groaned internally at the whole spectacle. If Garreth Weasley could put her up to theft not five minutes after making her acquaintance, he’d rather not think about what sort of mischief she got up to with Sebastian.

Like sneaking into the restricted section of the library. The tale of Sebastian Sallow taking the fall for her spread through the school like wildfire. When Ominis had asked him why he did it, Sebastian had simply stated: “Because that’s what I do for my friends. I’ve taken the fall for you before, anytime we’ve done something bad enough that I thought it might get back to your parents.”

Ominis hadn’t known what to answer. She’d been at school not even a week, and yet she already enjoyed the same friendship privileges as himself, in Sebastian's eyes. It felt as if he’d been punched. He knew his feelings were stupid and childish, it had been absurd to assume that Sebastian would never want or need any other friends. But still, Ominis couldn’t help but wonder why he wasn’t enough. 

He wanted, needed to let these feelings out somehow, and at first he considered putting them into his letters to Anne- but Anne had enough to deal with, sitting in that dreary house in agony with no one but her uncle for company. 

Ominis thought of her every day, everytime her empty chair in their classrooms reminded him of her absence, every time he heard someone talk about flying, or taking a sneaky dip in the lake before it got too cold. All things Anne used to love, that she wouldn’t do again, perhaps not ever.

If she tried to fly a broom and was struck with a bout of pain while mid air, she’d die.

No, he wasn’t going to bother Anne with his troubles. If she needed to know that her brother was positively smitten with the new student, Sebastian could tell her himself.

As the week went on, thankfully without further incidents, Ominis became more accustomed to her presence. She was, to his surprise, a fairly decent student, learning new spells on the first or second try and performing well in class, even when the teachers put her on the spot. How she managed that, when she seemed to prioritise gallivanting through the highlands over studying, was a mystery. She was polite, outgoing and cheerful, quickly making friends and wrapping her classmates around her finger with an effortless charm not unlike Sebastian’s.

The more time passed, the less Ominis could bring himself to share the enthusiasm.

Of course he’d been somewhat curious about her too, at least at first. 

He’d even made small, tentative attempts at approaching her. Perhaps making sarcastic remarks about her duel with Sebastian and their adventures in Hogsmeade had not been the best way to do it, but her complete and utter indifference, to the point of not even replying to him, left him dumbstruck. She could have at least quipped back.

And it stung- the realisation that she didn’t recognise him. 

Which meant Sebastian hadn’t mentioned him to her, at all.

He started to seek out the solitude of the Undercroft more often, lately the only place where he felt truly free from her presence, even if every empty crate in there seemed to taunt him with memories of himself and the Sallow twins, of nights they’d spent sneaking out of the common room to laugh and play games and eat stolen food from the kitchens. 

Simpler times that he’d never thought he’d one day miss so desperately that his very soul seemed to ache.

He knew he’d be there alone now, like all the other times, though he secretly wished he’d walk in there to find Sebastian waiting for him. Ready to carry on as they used to, even if there was someone missing. At least it would be a small comfort, for both of them.

Hearing the familiar mechanical whirring of the Undercroft’s hidden entrance made him pause, and for the briefest moment it seemed he’d gotten his wish.

“Hello Sebastian.”

No. Wrong.

“Wait.”

It wasn’t Sebastian. In an instant, he tensed up, his stomach filled with dread. Someone found the Undercroft, someone he didn’t recognise, someone who wasn’t supposed to be there. If they left without saying anything, he would never find out who they were.

“You there. I can hear you.”

Say something, anything.

“Oh, hello. Ominis, isn’t it? I believe we have Potions together. And- Herbology?”

His insides turned to ice in an instant, as he realised what was going on here.

It was her.

Of course it was her.

She tried her best to sound cheerful, but there was definitely a nervous undertone in her voice. And while it wasn’t his most pressing concern, the fact that even now she didn’t seem to remember him from any of their classes, other than those he was obviously rubbish in, did nothing to endear herself to him.

“I recognise that voice.” He said, more to himself than to her. “You’re the new fifth-year.”

He tried his best to sound calm, failing miserably as his frozen insides melted into white, hot anger.

“Did you just come from the Undercroft? How did you get in there?”

He already knew. He wasn’t asking because he needed the answer, he wanted to know if she was going to be honest about it.

“That room’s called ‘the Undercroft’? Ah. Well, I was exploring and suddenly found myself in a strange passageway-“

Liar.

He had enough of her. Of both of them.

“Don’t lie to me. No one ‘stumbles’ upon that room. Sebastian told you, didn’t he? You breathe a word about this place to anyone and not even your precious Professor Fig will be able to help you. My father is friends with the Headmaster. I’m not afraid to exploit that connection if I need to.”

It was an empty threat, of course. He hadn’t spoken to his father in ages, and he wasn’t keen on being in the vile man’s debt, especially over something like this. But there was a good chance she didn’t know and if she asked around, all she would find out was that his father was indeed friends with Professor Black, and perhaps that would frighten her enough to keep her mouth shut.

“You needn’t threaten me. I’m not going to say anything about your Undercroft.” The Hufflepuff’s voice sounded more assured than before. If she was at all intimidated by him, she didn’t show it. “And Sebastian is a good friend. You shouldn’t immediately assume the worst of him.”

“I don’t need you to tell me about my oldest friend, thank you very much.” His patience was at a breaking point, and it finally seemed to dawn on her that there was no way to salvage this conversation.

“Ominis, I just meant-“

“I know what you meant. Sebastian gets himself in enough trouble. He doesn’t need your help.”

At least she had enough sense not to respond. He walked past her, giving her a much wider berth than necessary. The thought of accidentally touching her, even briefly, made him sick.

It wasn’t entirely fair to her, and a small part inside of him knew that, but at that moment, it felt as if she’d taken everything from him. His best and oldest friend, his sanctuary, his very thoughts and feelings, everything seemed to revolve around her and Ominis just wanted it to end.

Fuming, he stormed into the Undercroft. Sebastian was still there, as expected, cheerful and completely oblivious. “Hello Ominis, I-“

“You.”

The atmosphere in the room shifted instantly.

“Yes? What did I do now?”

“Are you seriously pretending not to know?” Ominis snarled, anger dripping from every word like poison.

Sebastian went dead silent for a moment.

“Ominis, let me explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain. I trusted you.”

“And I trust her, I wouldn’t have taken her here if I didn’t. You know me. I promise you she won’t tell anyone else, I won’t either,” Sebastian pleaded.

“I suppose that includes me,” Ominis spat. “Would you have told me she was here if I hadn’t found out by myself?”

“I knew you wouldn’t take it well. It was wrong not to ask you before I showed her-”

Ominis snorted.

“-but I know she will keep it to herself. I can’t tell you why, not yet, but I know she’ll keep my secrets. Trust me.”

“But it’s not your secret, is it? It’s mine.” Ominis couldn’t make sense of the feelings welling up inside him anymore. He felt angry, betrayed, but most of all, hurt, and it all seemed to merge together to form a dull, throbbing ache in his head.

Yes, it was his secret. His special place, one of the few good things that came out of being a Gaunt. For him to share with the ones he loved and trusted. And even if Sebastian was right, even if she could be trusted- and he was not at all convinced that she could- it should have been his decision. 

If Sebastian had bothered to actually introduce them to each other, to include Ominis in whatever the two of them were up to, if they had gotten to know each other, on his own terms and in his own time, perhaps he might have told her himself.

But it wasn’t only the betrayal. If only he could find the right words to tell Sebastian just how abandoned he felt, tossed aside for a newer, shinier toy.

He wasn’t enough. He’d never been, for anyone. Too weak, too useless, too defective.

He couldn’t bring himself to say it. What if he said it, and Sebastian couldn’t pretend it wasn’t true?

Tears were threatening to spill out of his useless eyes, and he squeezed them shut, furiously pinching the bridge of his nose, desperately willing them to stay inside.

“Ominis?” Sebastian said, cautiously approaching him.

Ominis took a deep breath, fighting down the tears, at least for now. He leaned against one of the stone pillars.

“Anything else?” He hated how choked his voice sounded.

“What do you mean?”

“Is there anything else you told her, that I should know about? Be honest.” Ominis hoped the answer was ‘no’. And for that to be the truth.

Sebastian took a moment to answer. When he did, he spoke slowly and carefully, as if he was scared the wrong words would make Ominis’ temper flare up again. “Nothing that you’d disapprove of, I think. We talked a bit about Anne, and… you.”

Ominis raised an eyebrow. “Me?”

“I told her you’re blind and that you use your wand to get around.”

“Why, thank you. I’m sure that would have eluded her otherwise.” Ominis remarked dryly, undoubtedly getting an eye roll in return.

“I told her the Undercroft is special to you-” Sebastian went on, ignoring Ominis derisive snort.

“-and a bit about your family.”

That hit Ominis like a Graphorn, making him tense up with a sudden, poorly concealed panic. “You didn’t-”

“No, of course not. Nothing she wouldn’t have found out eventually anyway.”

The crease between his brows and the harsh line of his lips formed involuntarily as a familiar darkness crept into his mind. His thoughts must have been obvious to his long-time friend.

“I’d never tell her about anything you’d want to keep a secret,” Sebastian said.

“I wanted to keep the Undercroft a secret.”

Sebastian groaned. 

It filled Ominis with a sick sort of satisfaction. “What did you tell her then?”

“...just, well. That you’re descended from Slytherin himself, that the Gaunts care a lot about blood status. But I let her know you’re not like them.”

So she knew. Perhaps that was why she’d seemed so flustered when talking to him.

“What did she say?”

“Nothing much. I’m not sure how much she knows about these things to be honest, I mean, she’s a Hufflepuff. And I didn’t bring her down here to give her a lesson on pureblood culture,” Sebastian said, unconcerned.

“Then there was no need to tell her anything. If she didn’t know, you could have left it at that,” Ominis said, irritated.

“It’s not exactly a secret, Ominis. Everyone else knows and you’re classmates, she would have found out eventually. Wouldn’t you rather she heard it from me?”

“I’d rather she heard it from me, actually.”

Sebastian huffed, obviously amused even if he didn’t dare to laugh.

“You just said there was no need to tell her anything.”

“I… fine. Just do me a favour and keep me and my family’s secrets out of your future conversations.” Ominis said dejectedly, as the fight went out of him. He hoped this would be the end of their argument. His head was still hurting from all the shouting and he just wanted to go back to their dormitory and take a nap, forget about her and all of this for a blissful few hours.

“All right. But now that she knows about the Undercroft, is she allowed back in here? It is a good place for spellcasting and there’s more I’d like to-“

“Sebastian, please.” Ominis’ voice was little more than a whisper. He pinched the bridge of his nose again in frustration.

“Please, I know you find her intriguing, that you’re using her to distract yourself from how much you miss Anne-“

“I’m not using her, we’re friends.” Sebastian’s voice dropped, he genuinely sounded hurt.

“You know what I mean. We’re friends, Sebastian, the two of us and Anne. All I want is for things to go back to how they were before, and so do you.” It was a last effort, a genuine plea for Sebastian to let her be, before their friendship went up in flames.

“That’s not-” Sebastian broke off mid-sentence and took a deep breath. “You don’t understand.”

“No, I do not.” Ominis admitted.

He wouldn’t for a while.

more a/n: But he will in the next chapter! …maybe. So this turned out quite a bit more angsty than intended, but I think Ominis’ anger at Mc when he finds out she’s been in the undercroft is very genuine and doesn’t just come out of nowhere, so I’ve spent a lot (and probably way too much) time thinking about how he must have felt about Sebastian and Mc’s friendship. Also I did settle on Anne having been cursed right at the start of the summer holidays. Because I’m pure evil and I like the thought of Ominis coming to Hogwarts like “at least I still have Sebastian…” only to have him snatched away by Mc. …sorry. Originally this and the third were one chapter, but the length of it got slightly out of hand and I’ve had the perfect spot to split it exactly in the middle (more or less, they’re 4k+ words each now). I hope to get the next one out a bit sooner, so you won’t have to wait that long.  I hope to see you all next time! And thanks again for every one of your sweet comments and your support, it means the world to me ❤️ And finally, as usual, this fic has no beta (unfortunately) but I do my best to make sure it’s free of spelling errors. If you find any anyway, or you notice me using words wrong, let me know (nicely) so I can fix it.

[holdmymallowsweet]

What are you doing here? 03

Ominis Gaunt x f!MC Word count: 5278, properly tagged on AO3

Chapter summary: Bridges are easier burnt than repaired, and Ominis knows this better than most. Thoughts of the new fifth year still refuse to leave his mind, and it’s time to decide whether he wants to do something about them.

a/n: Part 2 of the pre- library chapters, they really turned out much longer than planned, but I hope they’re still enjoyable.

Chapter 02 || Masterlist || Chapter 04

Chapter 03 - Wheels within wheels

Ominis stood in the Undercroft once again, breathing a sigh of relief. He’d been coming here every chance he got since their argument a few days ago, half expecting to find a certain someone already there, but she never was.

Neither was Sebastian.

There had been a somewhat frosty tension between the two of them in the last few days, and even less conversation than what had become usual for them since the start of term. 

Sebastian had evidently decided that it would be best to give Ominis some time to get over the betrayal. Whenever they didn’t have classes together, Sebastian would be either in the library or he would just disappear. Ominis suspected he was sneaking out of the castle, probably with her, but he couldn’t be sure.

Sebastian wouldn’t mention her anymore, a development that he should have been grateful for, but for some reason was not.

Ominis wandered over to one of the old, battered tables and leaned against it, pocketing his wand. Slowly breathing in the cool, dusty air, finding comfort in the silence, away from the noise of the always busy castle.

Perhaps she was too scared to come back.

He knew he’d been out of line, shouting at her, threatening her, taking all of his pent up anger and frustration out on her, but she was a stranger and he didn’t want her here. That’s where he arrived every time he mulled over their confrontation in his mind, which happened much more often than he felt comfortable admitting, even to himself.

The familiar metallic clanking of the gate made him tense up. He hastily reached for his wand.

Merlin help her if she-

He recognised the footsteps. It was Sebastian. When he noticed Ominis he hesitated for a second, probably debating whether he should leave or stay. “Hello, Ominis. Are you alone?” 

Ominis scoffed. “I’m not the one who started bringing girls here, Sebastian.”

“You know it’s not like that.”

Sebastian crossed the room and hopped up to sit on the table, next to where Ominis leaned back again. It creaked under his weight, and Ominis winced at the noise. “Do I?”

“I told you,” Sebastian drawled with a hint of amused irritation, “she’s my friend.”

Ominis knew bringing it up again would likely result in another argument, but he was still bitter, and not eager to let Sebastian think he’d gotten away with anything. “Where’d you leave your ‘friend’ then? Outside, until you made sure I wasn’t here?” It was needlessly ungenerous.

“Why can’t you try to get along with her?”

“You know why. And am I to believe the resentment isn’t mutual? I imagine she complains about me at every opportunity.” It had been a frequent thought since their argument, and each time he wondered if Sebastian bothered defending him at all. Ominis wasn’t sure what compelled him to bring it up now- it did make him a tad nervous. Would having it confirmed make it better? Or worse?

Sebastian leaned closer. “See, that’s where you’re wrong,” he said smugly, “she hasn’t mentioned you at all. Other than when she apologised.”

Apologised?

The words took a moment to sink in.

When? And for what, precisely?

Ominis shifted his weight uneasily. “What are you talking about?”

“She told me after… you know, our fight the other day. That she was sorry about how things turned out, that she didn’t mean to upset you. She was really worried about you and me falling out over it,” Sebastian explained. “She kept asking about how to make things right, I told her not to worry about it.”

Ominis felt something creeping up inside his chest. Something that felt an awful lot like guilt. “I… I didn’t know. You didn’t tell me.”

“I didn’t think you’d want to hear it. Did you really threaten to get her expelled?”

Ominis turned his head, to make sure his friend didn’t miss the annoyed look on his face. “Of course not- I threatened to get her in trouble with Black, but nothing as serious as that.”

“Well, she seems to think that means ‘expelled’,” Sebastian explained, still with an air of smug amusement that was starting to pull his nerves.

“Would you please let her know it doesn’t?” Ominis snapped. Merlin, no wonder she hadn’t shown up in the Undercroft again if she thought her days at Hogwarts were numbered if she did. 

…but shouldn’t he be glad for it? Wasn’t this what he’d wanted?

“Calm down, I told her not to worry. I know you better than that, although I still don’t know what exactly she’s done to get on your bad side- you didn’t seem to like her even before,” Sebastian said.  

Ominis had the strange sensation of being sized up, so he did his best to keep his features impassive.

“What sort of ‘trouble’ did you have in mind, then?”

“Nothing. It was an empty threat. I meant to leave it to her imagination, I wouldn’t have if I’d known that’s how she’d take it.” Ominis frowned. Truthfully, he’d always known that she really hadn’t done anything wrong. He knew Sebastian well enough to guess that it would have been his idea to show her the Undercroft and not tell her anything about it until they were standing in it, and what was she supposed to do then? Run away and obliviate herself?

She probably didn’t even know that spell existed.

Ominis really wished she hadn’t lied about it afterwards, but he should have guessed it was Sebastian who’d put her up to that too. She was merely trying to be a good friend, to not betray his trust, and he couldn’t very well blame her for choosing to stay loyal to Sebastian.

She was a Hufflepuff, after all.

Both of them stayed silent for a while. Ominis was fidgeting with his wand, endlessly turning it over between his fingers, trying to sort out his thoughts.

“She was curious about you, you know.” Sebastian’s voice gently broke the silence.

Ominis cocked his head to the side. “Curious?”

“It was written all over her face when we talked about you.”

…it was?

He tried to remember what Sebastian had told her about him, ignoring the little jolt in his chest. It had vexed him to think that she’d paid him no mind at all, but her being curious was not necessarily a good thing. There were a million things about him to be curious about, few of which he liked to discuss and none of which were her business.

“That’s another reason why I brought her here. To tell her about you. I thought that would make it easier.”

“Make what easier?”

Sebastian groaned. “Merlin’s beard, Ominis. I don’t know why, but you’ve had something against her from the very start- I thought if I could get her to like you first, it would be easier for the two of you to get along.”

Fingers flying up to the bridge of his nose again, Ominis didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, as it finally made sense. “So that was your grand plan? Impress her by showing off your secret hideout, and then tell her it was really mine, so she’d… what, want to be my friend?”

“Well…” Sebastian cleared his throat, suddenly sheepish. “More or less.”

Ominis did let out a dry laugh at that. It was a thought he’d always been too scared to dwell on, let alone voice, but he always suspected that he was the reason Sebastian didn’t have any other close friends.

Sebastian paused, and Ominis knew, instinctively, that he was looking at him, waiting for another reaction. When he didn’t get one, he kept talking. “I really was hoping we could all be friends, you know. Eventually. The three of us.”

Ominis’ heart ached.

He hadn’t ever expected to make another friend, nor had he ever spared a thought for whether he needed or wanted one. There was a ‘three of them’, as far as he was concerned, and it didn’t involve her.

No reason to believe she felt any different. She could make friends just by walking into a room, and it was hard to imagine why she’d choose his company over any of theirs. “I’m not sure about that,” he said softly. “What about Anne?”

“Anne would love her.” Sebastian sighed, doing something else that caused the table to groan under his weight again. “You could give it a try, at least? She’s rather forgiving, you know. If you just apologised-”

“If I apologised? She was the one who lied to me,” Ominis replied haughtily.

Sebastian paused. He leaned forward, until their shoulders were touching. “About what?”

Ominis hesitated. “You. The Undercroft. She tried to pretend that she happened to find it by accident.”

“Did she really?”

“Yes.”

Sebastian let out a small chuckle. ”I knew she couldn’t keep it a secret when you burst in to shout at me, but it’s good to know she tried, at least,” he said affectionately.

“She didn’t tell you?”

“No, she just apologised.”

Ominis rolled his eyes in a dramatic display of disapproval. Sebastian showing his obvious fondness for the girl still hurt, although perhaps not as much as it did a week ago.

“See, I told you she could be trusted.”

“I’m still not convinced.”

“You will be.” Sebastian said confidently. “Trust me.”

“We’ll see.” Nothing had been resolved, not really, but the talk had done their friendship some good, at least. Ominis straightened up. His backside was starting to hurt from where he’d leaned against the table’s edge, and for the first time in days, he was actually hungry. “Did you have dinner yet?” 

An olive branch, disguised as a casual question, thrown over his shoulder as he made to leave.

Sebastian didn’t answer, but when he jumped off the table to follow Ominis, it was with a spring in his step.

As much as Ominis hated to admit it, it seemed as if Sebastian was right.

Another week went by, and still there was no sign that she ever told anyone else of the Undercroft’s existence. By now, Ominis was fairly certain she never even went back there herself. He’d continued to linger near the entrance, anxiously waiting for someone to enter or to hear someone mention the strange room hidden behind the piece of furniture under the stairs next to Hecat’s classroom.

No one ever did. So he tried to move on, put her out of his mind. It was impossible. Ever since his talk with Sebastian, Ominis hesitated to go to the Undercroft by himself, not knowing what to do if she were to come in- how to face her again, after the last time. Sebastian’s words kept echoing in his mind-

“...she apologised… she was sorry… she was worried… 

…she was curious about you, you know.”

Ominis didn’t know what to make of it. Sebastian had a tendency towards bending and exaggerating the truth when it suited his needs, but even if he’d been entirely truthful for once- her apologies were given to Sebastian, not him. And for Merlin’s sake, he still had his pride. He wouldn’t be the one to grovel before her begging for forgiveness, when she seemed perfectly content to go on as if nothing had happened.

So instead, he tried to make peace with the situation as it was. His friendship with Sebastian still didn’t feel the way it was supposed to, but it had been tentatively repaired. Ominis would just have to accept that from now on, it was something he’d have to share. 

But having the resolve to move on and let go was one thing. Putting it into practice was much more difficult. When he didn’t know where to go or what to do with himself, now that he didn’t have a single thing left that was truly his, that remained of the few years in his life when he’d been truly happy. 

When he still couldn’t go a single day without constantly being reminded of her.

They shared most of their classes- not just Potions and Herbology, as she’d seemed to think.

Had she noticed since? And their Professors were still as eager to give her the chance to prove herself, so there was sparsely a lesson where he didn’t have to put up with hearing her voice.

…at least it was pleasant to listen to.

Even now, as he was sitting in the alcove by the water in the Transfiguration Courtyard, he remembered it was her who repaired the broken statue there. He shifted in his uncomfortable position, already regretting his decision not to go to the library instead. It was one of the last warm autumn days, so he thought he’d make the most of it by taking his assigned reading outside. But the stone floor in the shade was chillier than expected, and he could hardly concentrate on what he was reading- making it halfway through the page, his mind started churning again, and he’d lost track of where he was. 

And he felt an increasing need to use the bathroom.

For the third time in the last hour, he had the urge to just call it a day. But their homework load had become gruelling, now that they were in their O.W.L. year, and though he usually managed to scrape by with passable grades in his worst subjects, this year he was cutting it close. Herbology was bad, Potions was worse and Sharp would have his head if he couldn’t at least deliver passable results in his written homework. 

He shifted his weight again. Then he gave up, cursing under his breath as he threw his book back into his bag and stood up on aching legs to follow nature’s call.

Ominis warily went for the bathroom in Griffindor tower, despite its reputation, hoping it might be deserted at least.

Thankfully, it was.

Usually he couldn’t even visit the bathroom without running into boy talk of how she was ‘easy on the eyes’, whatever in Merlin's name that meant.

He wondered if Sebastian agreed- he had started to notice girls sometime in their fourth year, sneakily avoiding the subject when Anne was with them, but at night in their dormitory the two of them had their own fair share of boy talk. It had always been rather one sided- Ominis was hardly going to notice or care about which girl was starting to fill out which part of her uniform, but they’d always felt like normal and harmless enough conversations. 

Now he found himself wishing he could go back to when he’d be lying in his bed, without a care in the world, giggling in his sheets as Sebastian told him about how much of a blessing it was that Lenora Everleigh had started wearing trousers. He’d jokingly threaten to tell Anne and Sebastian would act scandalised and betrayed, until they both fell asleep. 

Sebastian never mentioned how the new fifth-year looked in her trousers, and Ominis wasn’t going to let her worm her way even more into their friendship by asking. All Ominis knew about her appearance was that she was often seen returning to the castle with dirty robes and random bits of greenery stuck in her messy hair.

Wiping his still wet hands on his robes as he emerged from the bathroom, he contemplated where to go to finish his reading. The library perhaps- or he’d make an exception for once and go to the Undercroft again. Perhaps he-

It took him a second to realise that she’d walked straight past him.

He’d started to recognise the pattern of her footsteps.

Since when?

They were rapidly fading in the distance. He made a split second decision.

Ominis didn’t know why he followed her. Her steps seemed eager, upbeat, purposeful. She was up to something- perhaps he wanted to figure out what it was, by himself for once, instead of hearing about it afterwards from the whispering corridors.

She was headed for the Defence Against the Dark Arts Tower. Then straight towards the Undercroft’s entrance. Ominis’ heart beat faster, he was at once triumphant and disappointed. So he’d been right about her all along. He’d been right and Sebastian had been wrong. She wasn’t even-

“Hello Zenobia, I found all your Gobstones.”

…What?

Oh. 

“Really? I didn’t think it was possible! How ever did you do it?”

“Common sense and basic magic,” she answered dryly.

Ominis huffed a quick laugh. Slinking back against the wall, sinking to the floor, hopefully out of sight, burying his face in both hands.

What was he doing? Why had he followed her?

He’d rarely ever felt so foolish.

Ominis listened to the rest of their conversation with a wistful feeling washing over him every time he heard her voice. She sounded so proud of herself. So animated. So genuinely kind, even with the occasional cheeky comment.

The way their conversation went, he gathered she wasn’t about to be a big fan of Gobstones, or at least the potential stink that came with it. Then he wondered what games she might like playing instead, what she did for fun, if she ever had any free time.

Duelling.

Obviously, but surely there must be something else too.

Getting in trouble. Gallivanting across the Scottish highlands.

Quidditch maybe.

She seemed like the type, but if she wasn’t familiar with Gobstones, it was unlikely that she’d know much about Quidditch, and thanks to Black, she’d have to wait until next year to try it out.

That had been another thing that made Ominis uncomfortable around her, her obvious muggle upbringing. It occasionally made him feel sick, reprehensible for treating her the way he did. A way that random passer-bys in the halls were expecting of him, a way his vile, cruel family would approve of. The Gaunts would be more than proud of him for not wanting to associate with ‘such filth’. The thought made him hate himself, until he managed to shove it deeper into the recesses of his mind.

A part of him was defiantly arguing that he had every right to dislike someone, regardless of their blood status.

Yet another part, an initially small one that seemed to grow with every passing day, wasn’t even sure if he did dislike her anymore.

Eventually she left, taking off again to do something else, but Ominis remained in the same spot for a long time after. Feeling the rays of the evening sun slowly shift through the window, the warmth spreading over his face and disappearing again.

One of the castle’s cats came by at some point, rubbing affectionately against his legs and allowing him to pet its fluffy fur until it suddenly took off, perhaps chasing dust mice, or actual mice. Ominis couldn’t hear any, but then his hearing wasn’t quite as good as a cat’s. And then he realised, with a bout of annoyance, that even the cats were beginning to remind him of her.

He eventually made it back to the Slytherin common room in time for curfew, lest he landed himself in detention alongside Sebastian for snapping at a prefect.

“Ominis, over here,” Sebastian called him. Moving slowly towards his friend near the fireplace, careful not to trip over stacks of books strewn about, he was almost run over by Grace, half sobbing, half laughing as she found Nerida at the opposite side of the room. 

He found himself a place on the sofa next to Sebastian.

“Where have you been?”

“Just needed some fresh air.” Ominis muttered in response. He could do without the teasing he’d undoubtedly get if Sebastian knew what he’d really been doing. “What’s going on over there?” he inquired, eager to change the subject.

“Where?”

Ominis gestured towards Pinch-Smedley.

“Oh, that? She’s over the moon because she finally found someone to get her that astronomy thing from the lake. Just wrote to her parents about it.”

“Someone?” Ominis asked, but he had a feeling he already knew.

“Take a guess.” Sebastian said with an undertone, seemingly reading his mind.

“How could she possibly have time for all this?”

“You’re asking me?”

 “I’d have thought if anyone knew, it would be her best friend,” Ominis said, slightly resentful, and very much hoping Sebastian would deny it.

“So? I’m her friend, not her mother, and no one could possibly keep up with everything she’s up to. Besides-” Sebastian paused, pointedly and very audibly flapping the pages of his book, “I have matters of my own to attend to.”

The silence, shortly followed by the sound of another page turn, told Ominis his friend was not eager to continue the conversation. But he wasn’t obligated to comply. “So is this what she does for fun? Solving everyone else’s problems?”

The question earned him a loud, annoyed exhale. “You know, if you’re that curious, you could ask her yourself. I know you don’t like her much, but she doesn’t bite.”

“I’m not that curious,” Ominis mumbled defensively, absentmindedly fidgeting with one of the cushions. He listened quietly to Sebastian flicking through the pages of his book and Grace’s soft sniffles and laughs among the general chatter.

“How did she do it?” he said softly, to no one in particular, inadvertently mirroring Zenobia’s question from before.

“Hm?” Sebastian answered vaguely.

Ominis tried to imagine what it must be like, diving into the depths of the lake. The water would be freezing cold, even at this time of the year. According to the other Slytherins, it was murky too, the sunlight barely making it below the surface. He’d have to take their word for it, of course, but he’d always imagined it quite eerie. It might look fascinating, perhaps even oddly romantic through their common room window, but he couldn’t fathom what it would be like to actually dive into it.

And for what, for Grace Pinch-Smedley? They weren’t friends. Ominis was sure he never heard them talk to each other before. Smalltalk about schoolwork, perhaps. But certainly nothing that would indicate feelings deep enough to be worth drowning oneself for.

Drowning?

“She could have died.”

Sebastian stopped mid page-flick, letting Ominis know he had his full attention again. “I didn’t think you’d care,” Sebastian teased.

Ominis’ eyes narrowed dangerously. “Did you? So just because I’m not fawning over her like everyone else, I don’t care if she lives or dies?”

“Ominis, I didn’t- what’s gotten into you lately? I don’t even mention her anymore, because it only upset you when I did, and now you’re suddenly interested?”

“Forget it, I’m going to bed,” Ominis snapped, irritated beyond belief because he couldn’t even deny it. 

“Fine,” Sebastian drawled, more than willing to lay the conversation to rest.

Ominis got up, tired and with an all too familiar throbbing pain in his skull, hoping once again that this might finally be the end of it, but knowing better all the same.

She quickly earned a reputation for being the one to turn to if one needed something done, whatever it was.

Retrieving bewitched books under the librarian’s suspicious eyes, solving mysteries behind never before been there portraits, slamming winged keys into cabinets. Quite forcefully too, the first time she’d done it near him, he’d almost dropped his wand.

She’d run up and down the Defence Against the Dark Arts tower several times a day, Merlin knew why, but it happened so frequently that Ominis was now starting to recognise her footsteps even from a distance. And he’d feel anxious on days when he didn’t.

What surprised him most was that she seemed perfectly content being on her own. Once, he would have expected her to end up as the centre of a drove of friends and admirers, like a lantern swarmed by moths, but she was on her own more often than not.

Then he discovered that disapproving of her antics was not his unique privilege.

“Sallow’s in detention because of you. Not a very good friend, are you.”

Ominis’ mouth was open, he caught himself before he realised that he’d been about to defend her. Pointlessly so, as it didn’t seem to bother her. She’d ignored the boy’s teasing as resolutely as she’d ignored Ominis when he made his own snide remarks to her, more than a month ago now.

Again, he tried to tell himself to let it go, not to concern himself with her- until he overheard her agree to save Duncan Hobhouse’s deservedly sordid reputation and had to exercise an absurd amount of self-control not to walk over and drag her away.

He would have liked to pretend that he didn’t know why he suddenly cared, why he felt uneasy every time she walked past him, or why he perked up whenever someone mentioned her name. At some point, in the weeks that had gone by since their confrontation, his view of her had started to shift.

Slowly but surely, the lingering resentment he’d felt towards her had lessened until it was gone completely, replaced instead by a sort of wistful emptiness. Perhaps Ominis did regret shouting at her more than he cared to admit, perhaps Sebastian’s suggestion of them being friends didn’t seem so unappealing after all now, but Ominis had a feeling that he’d rather thoroughly burnt that particular bridge.

She still ignored him, as she had ever since their unfortunate encounter outside of the Undercroft, never spoke to him when she passed by, only giving away her presence with the sound of her footsteps and her scent.

Passing by the stained glass windows, the afternoon sun flooding through, warming his face and small specks of dust tickling his nose, he didn’t know where he was going, only that he’d like to find a way to take his mind off the crushing loneliness that once again kept him company.

Everyone in fifth year had seemed to settle into a new routine, getting used to their classes being more challenging, their professors being more demanding, the OWLs already looming over everyone’s head even though it was still early in the year.

Most of his classmates busied themselves with schoolwork in an effort not to fall behind, a few of the more daring ones taking their quills and parchment with them to the three broomsticks, knowing fully well that they weren’t likely to get any work done. Sebastian was dutifully serving yet another detention with Madam Scribner, and his Hufflepuff friend had disappeared after running through the Defence tower yet again.

Ominis should have made an effort in getting his assignments done himself. They had an essay for Herbology due the next day, which he hadn’t even started to write.

He wondered if she was getting any work done.

Involuntarily, Ominis imagined sitting next to her in the library, her scent getting slightly stronger as she leaned over to him, hushed questions about schoolwork being occasionally disrupted by quick, teasing jokes or a sarcastic remark, followed by comfortable stretches of silence being only disturbed by the sound of her scratching quill and the turning of a book’s pages.

His heart ached just a bit. She probably studied with Sebastian like this, every once in a while, at least. She’d probably drop everything else and come running if Sebastian asked her to the library.

Would she do it for Ominis?

Doubtful. And he wondered why he even cared, but he did.

He leaned against the window, resting his temple against the cool window pane. He listened to the sound of his own breath, felt it as it was fogging up the glass, the sun still streaming across his face. It had gotten colder over the past week. It was almost time for Mr. Moon to take out the pumpkins. Ominis traced the outlines of the window’s intricate framework, his mind a mess yet again.

So was his heart.

Ominis wasn’t quite sure what he wanted himself, only that he couldn’t go on like this. He needed… something. Comfort. Someone to keep him company.

Sebastian?

Perhaps.

Her?

He exhaled deeply, fogging up the glass again.

Would she come to him, if he asked her? Would he want her to?

What was he hoping to gain from it, if she did? A friend? A distraction? 

If he did… he wasn’t even sure he did. But if he wanted to, how would he go about it? 

With Sebastian and Anne, it just sort of happened. Joking and teasing and laughing, at the table in the great hall, in their common room, and he’d been caught in the middle of it until it felt natural. 

Perhaps it could be like that, eventually. It could be a chance to grow closer with Sebastian again, if he could understand what his friend saw in her.

Perhaps he could.

If she’d be willing to give him just a bit of her time.

He dropped his bag, rummaging around in it until he found a spare scrap of parchment, his inkwell, half tipping it over in the process but he didn’t care. Writing with his own hand, not his enchanted quill, and not bothering to look over it afterwards- he knew if he did, he’d burn it on the spot.

It wasn’t perfect, there was every chance he’d live to regret it, but he had to do something.

This was a start.

Standing in it, Ominis remembered why he’d never cared much for the Hogwarts owlery. The unpleasant smell was overwhelming, and it was near impossible for him to avoid stepping into owl droppings. He winced as he felt the crunching of tiny bones under his foot, as he stepped on the skeletal remains of… something.

The next time he wanted to send a letter, he’d go to the Hogsmeade post office again, convenience be damned.

Still, the hard part was done. Fastening letters to owls had always been a bit nerve wracking for him, given the way he’d have to glide his fingers through the feathers to find its legs. He couldn’t help being more touchy than other wizards, and he was never quite sure if or when it would bother the bird, the only give away being a sharp beak nipping at his arm that he literally couldn’t see coming.

He only hoped he’d never be careless enough to try and send a letter with his sleeves rolled up.

There wasn’t much else he could do about it, handling creatures required one to be able to pick up nonverbal cues, body language- something he’d never be able to do. Unlike humans, animals couldn’t simply tell him what they wanted.

Most of them, anyways.

He carefully made his way down the winding steps, concentrating entirely too hard on how annoying he found the whole process of sending letters by owl, because otherwise he’d think too much about how he’d just made an absolute fool of himself. He’d wanted to take the letter back the second the bird had taken flight, fighting a wave of panic and shame that made him consider hexing it out of the air- he’d never have done it, it wasn’t the owl’s fault, after all, but still.

Finally stepping outside, he took a deep breath, his first in several minutes that thankfully did not smell of owl droppings. It did little to calm his nerves, but what was done was done. Either she’d show up or she wouldn’t, and if she did not, that would be the end of it, once and for all, he’d make sure of it.

But it was still there, and he tried to hold onto it as he hurried down the stairs leading back to the castle.

Hope.

more a/n: Unfortunately, the Scriptorium is where hope goes to die, so there’s more angst ahead, but after that I promise this fic will finally have some fluffy, flirty bits again.  “Did you really threaten to get her expelled?”- based on a true story, I genuinely thought he did, until I replayed that part for the fic and realised that he… didn’t. Whoops.  Regarding the whole Undercroft situation, I truly believe Sebastian meant no harm, even if he probably went about it the wrong way. Sebastian really does talk up Ominis the second he and Mc walk into the Undercroft, he genuinely loves him and he’s trying so hard to get Mc to understand. So I feel like Sebastian's heart was in the right place, even if his brain wasn’t.   And Ominis being shockingly well informed about Mc’s whereabouts and little side quests is definitely canon, he has so many lines throughout the whole game that show this (“Don’t get too cocky because you beat Sebastian” “There is such a thing as trying to hard” “Well done at Summoner’s court/Broom trials/Crossed wands” “Glad you fixed the bells” “Ferdinand is so annoying” etc.) and while they’re super judgy and snarky in the beginning, by the end he’s just complimenting Mc. Which is super cute and also the observation that sparked this entire fic. Big thanks to everyone still reading this, and please let me know your thoughts, I’d really appreciate it ❤️And as usual, feel free to point out grammar or spelling mistakes (nicely), I promise I won't bite.

[holdmymallowsweet]

What are you doing here? 04

Ominis Gaunt x f!MC Word count: 5584, properly tagged on AO3

Chapter summary: The promised second meeting at the library never happened. But something else would.

a/n: I’m sorry this is out later than I’d said it would be, but I’ve been struggling with this chapter for what feels like an eternity. That said, I think I’ve managed to finally write it in a way that feels right to me, I hope it does for you too. And many thanks to everyone who’s been waiting patiently and left me sweet, encouraging comments, it really means a lot to me!

Warnings: this is the scriptorium chapter, so there’s torture, panic attacks and just a lot of angst in general

Chapter 03 || Masterlist || Chapter 05 (coming soon)

Chapter 04 - From out the dark door

“I can’t agree, and I’ll not say a word more. I’m sorry.” Ominis left the great Hall before Sebastian could finish his answer. He was tired of arguing, and this was not something he liked to discuss just out of earshot of their classmates having lunch.

They didn’t have any more classes today, but he still decided to head back to the Defence Against the Dark Arts tower. He loved Sebastian like a brother, but right now, he cursed having no place to go to get away from him.

They shared a common room and dormitory, the Undercroft felt more like Sebastian’s secret hideout than his own lately, and the only place Ominis cared to call home- other than Hogwarts- was Sebastian’s bloody house.

Finding a place to be that didn’t allow Sebastian to corner him and inquire about the scriptorium again was becoming a challenge, and so far the best solution he’d come up with was to hide in plain sight- of curious onlookers, that was, because for all his faults, at least Sebastian cared about being secretive.

If he’d been an impartial observer, he might have found it funny, in the saddest way possible.

Ominis had been so annoyed with Sebastian’s odd fascination with the new fifth year, and now that he’d finally given in and admitted to himself that he could understand the appeal, and even made a first tentative step towards some sort of friendship, the damned scriptorium had replaced her as the topic that inevitably came up whenever they had a conversation, threatening to rip his and Sebastian’s friendship apart at the seams. 

Was that it? Had he been granted four years of borrowed happiness, which he’d now have to return like a stack of overdue books from the library? A brief respite, rather than a release, and after losing Anne, Sebastian and eventually Hogwarts, he’d find himself standing in his room at Gaunt Manor again, the house elves and the screams his only company. If he was lucky.

Perhaps this was a form of divine punishment. For thinking he could pretend to lead an ordinary life, for hoping he could leave what had happened at his family’s home there.

It was a relief to feel the cold autumn air on his face as he pushed the doors of the entrance hall open. A soft breeze brought the smell of the lake and pumpkins with it, and he inhaled deeply, as if it was his last breath on earth. 

Ominis loved the time around Halloween, or at least he used to, as the stabbing pain in his heart reminded him. He’d spent this time last year with a healthy Anne and a cheerful Sebastian whom he could actually stand to be around. Who wouldn’t constantly pester him about his family’s secrets, bringing back fears he had previously locked away. If only he could throw away the key.

The walk in the fresh air unfortunately gave him plenty of time to cast his mind back to the circumstances leading up to their most recent argument. 

“Have you ever read anything about a ‘scriptorium’? A secret study of Salazar Slytherin’s?”

If his father’s letter hadn’t mentioned it in the same sentence as Noctua’s name, he wouldn’t have asked. He’d been thinking with his heart, not his mind. And if he could have guessed the effect this simple question had on Sebastian, he would have let it go up in flames, along with the letter.

The second it had slipped out, it had taken root in Sebastians mind, growing into an obsession, and that’s when the constant nagging and questioning had begun.

“A ‘scriptorium’? Do you know where it is? Any idea what could be in there?”

“I know it might be full of dark magic, but Anne was cursed by dark magic, so we might find out what happened to her and reverse it.”

“If it looks dangerous, we could just leave. If it’s protected by powerful dark magic, or something else, we might not even get in there but we should at least try. Don’t you want to help Anne?”

“Do you think I can’t be responsible with what we might find? Don’t you trust me? Is that it?”

Ominis wouldn’t budge. Of course he wanted to help Anne. Of course he trusted Sebastian, or at least he thought he did. But the more Sebastian pushed for it, the more Ominis recoiled from the very idea. 

Sebastian didn’t know what they were like, not really. 

The Slytherins. The Gaunts.

Sebastian didn’t have to grow up with them, hadn’t experienced how cruel and entitled they were, how convinced it was their birthright to mistreat and abuse anyone they perceived to be beneath them because in their inbred minds, their ancestry made them inherently superior.

But Ominis knew. He’d heard it countless times from their own mouths and from the portraits of his ancestors that lined the walls of his family home, how their views of blood purity and status were passed down by generations of like minded fanatics like grotesque heirlooms, originating from Salazar Slytherin himself.

And he shuddered to think what else they might have in common, a complete disregard for any and all kindness and compassion, a proclivity for casual cruelty, revelling in violence, even towards their own flesh and blood-

His chest tightened uncomfortably at the thought. He’d felt it, until it was etched into his very bones, and it was his duty to protect Sebastian from it.

If those traits originated from Salazar Slytherin as well, there was no telling what might lie in wait for them, what price they’d have to pay for the dubious honour of gaining access to his ancestors' secrets. He was not likely to experience Slytherin’s hospitality merely because he was a descendant- only one in his family had ever thought differently, but he couldn’t bring himself to hope she was right.

Ominis shuddered and took another deep breath. If he kept dwelling on it, he knew what he would hear at night, after he fell asleep.

As much as he’d appreciated the fresh air just a few moments ago, he was glad to enter the warmth of the Defence tower. Perhaps wandering around a bit, listening to the others' idle chit chat and the soothing sounds of the string quartet would help take his mind of Sebastian and the blasted scriptorium- and perhaps he secretly hoped he’d recognise the footsteps of a certain new classmate that occupied many of his thoughts lately.

Perhaps he’d compliment her on her latest performance in Crossed Wands and get a small laugh or a “thank you” in return, and if she wasn’t too busy, she might even stop for a brief conversation.

And perhaps then he might have some nice dreams tonight after all.

She hadn’t come to the Defence Against the Dark Arts tower that day.

In hindsight, Ominis wasn’t sure what he’d expected, considering they hadn’t had a real conversation since that day in the library. It had been only a few days later when Sebastian had started to press the matter of the scriptorium, and now that he was avoiding his best friend it felt wrong to reach out to her instead. After all, wanting to repair his friendship with Sebastian was the only reason he’d wanted to get to know her in the first place.

As for her, she was as busy as ever, always running around, being everyone’s favourite errant girl, trying to keep up with her schoolwork on top of everything else she was up to. It was hard to imagine she’d somehow long for his company.

Merlin, if he were told she simply had no time for him, he’d believe it in a heartbeat. And why should she try to squeeze him into her already absurdly packed schedule? To her, Ominis was at best a friend of a friend. And perhaps soon not even that, if Sebastian didn’t change his tune.

And so the promised second attempt at a study session had been quietly forgotten, postponed indefinitely.

Perhaps it was for the best.

Between Anne not getting better and Sebastian’s constant nagging about the Scriptorium, not to mention his friend coming back from his latest visit to Feldcroft in a very strange and secretive mood, it had been easier to be by himself. It gave him time to sort out his thoughts and feelings, without the added stress and worries a new friendship would bring. 

Especially with her. 

And their last meeting had more or less accomplished what he’d wanted- they’d established that there was no animosity between them, that they could engage in polite conversation if need be.

Or perhaps that was what he wanted to believe, because it made the loneliness easier to bear.

Ominis was sitting in the Slytherin common room, the evening of the day after their argument in the great hall, and if Sebastian wouldn’t be standing there, asking about the scriptorium yet again, he would have been working on the essay about common uses for the Edurus potion Professor Sharp was expecting them to hand in tomorrow.

“You don’t have to come with me. Just tell me where the entrance is, I’ll figure everything else out by myself. Please, Ominis, for Anne.”

The desperation in his voice made listening almost unbearable.

“The answer is still no, Sebastian. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. We talked about this earlier today, and yesterday, and the day before- I’m tired of trying to reason with you. I’m tired of everything.” Ominis responded, pleading, knowing that his expression and the way he held his head in his hands gave away just how much Sebastian was wearing him down. 

And of course, ever the opportunist, Sebastian didn’t miss his chance to strike. “Then tell me- just tell me and I’ll leave you alone,” Sebastian urged him.

“Sebastian-”

“I told you, I won’t give up.”

“Oh for Merlin’s sake, leave it be,” Ominis hissed angrily. He stood up, not caring that he tipped over his inkwell in the process, ruining his half-finished homework.

Sebastian was left behind as Ominis fled the common room, calling his name and no doubt vexed at his supposed best friend’s reaction, but Ominis didn’t have it in him to care. The only thing he cared about at the moment was to get away, to find some respite and peace and not feel like he was suffocating. 

He hurried through the corridors, not paying attention to where he went beyond making sure not to run into anything or anyone. His tired headache, gratefully dormant since the library, reared its ugly head again. Perhaps someday, it would be his permanent companion. Perhaps his only one.

Finally he stopped, pocketed his wand and took a deep breath. Pacing had always been his favourite way to clear his mind. 

Listening to the sound of his steps on the floor, reverberating through the empty passage, the dulled distant chatter of the other students, it did wonders to calm him down.

Breathing in the cool air of the dungeons, he could faintly make out the smell of Black Lake, even through the thick stone, although that might have been his imagination.

Ominis didn’t know how much time had passed when he distantly heard a second pair of footsteps keep his own company. Only they were faster, not hurried, but excited, eager. And familiar.

“What are you doing here?” he asked wearily.  

“Hello, Ominis. Do you have a moment?” she asked, her voice playful and melodic, as usual.

Ominis wasn’t sure if he should be glad or angry that she’d approached him now, and here, of all places. More importantly, he didn’t know why. He would have liked to hope that she’d make for a welcome distraction, but then again- “What is it? What have you and Sebastian been up to now?”

“I owe you an apology, Ominis. I wasn’t honest with you before about the Undercroft. Sebastian did show it to me.”

Oh. 

In truth, he had long since ceased to care, because he’d finally realised that she’d never been the problem to begin with. It had been Sebastian who had changed, slowly at first, but perceptibly and her being there or not wouldn’t have made any difference.

They hadn’t even spent as much time together as Ominis had first thought, although that made their apparent closeness even stranger.

“He wanted me to have a safe place to practise some spells – to try and catch up to the other fifth-years. He didn’t think you’d mind.”

Genuinely apologetic, with a sweetness in her voice, one he heard before, but never when she’d spoken to him. Did she think this was why he’d kept his distance, why he’d not been more openly friendly towards her, even after their little chat in the library? Because he was the one waiting for an apology?

Well, at least it had finally come up, he might as well lay it to rest. And it wouldn’t be right to still let her think she’d wronged him somehow, when he himself had long let go of that particular grudge.

Ominis sighed. “I suppose that makes sense. It’s just – Sebastian’s been pestering me lately about something and I’m frustrated with him.”

“Don’t tell me he’s still going on about – what was it – a ‘scriptorium’?”

“Dark, ominous corridors. My favourite.”

Ominis groaned. “No comment.”

“Come on, that was a good one.”

Somewhere behind them, she laughed. At least she was having fun.

The moment she’d mentioned the scriptorium, he’d known she hadn’t really sought him out to apologise about the Undercroft, and it hadn’t been hard to guess what she- or rather, Sebastian- had hoped to get out of the conversation instead. 

And yet, he’d agreed to it in the end. He wasn’t stupid, he knew how she’d done it.

“You don’t know that history will repeat itself. Besides, you said your aunt thought like you. This could honour her memory- get you answers about Slytherin, and Sebastian answers for Anne. Your aunt pursued this alone. We could do it together.”

It seemed he was entirely unable to think clearly as soon as Aunt Noctua entered the equation.

He hoped she was right. He wanted to believe her, desperately. But whatever they’d find, whatever was waiting for them- he was still convinced it couldn’t be anything good. The sort of help Anne wouldn’t want, or worse.

If he was honest with himself, he’d rather they found nothing at all. A room with an empty desk and books too old and mouldy to still be legible.

… But at least it would be over. Sebastian’s curiosity would finally be satisfied, perhaps they could go back to how they were before. Perhaps he could find out what happened to Aunt Noctua, traces of it, at least.

Did he really want to?

The creeping sense of dread he’d felt since the stone entryway let them in intensified. He’d hoped it would be a fleeting sensation, but it seemed to spread, starting at his neck and slowly shrouding his entire body. He tried to take deep, calming breaths, but the stale and ancient air made it worse. Now he could feel it on the inside. 

Her footsteps behind him drew nearer, he felt her brush ever so slightly against his arm as she walked past. It was a small comfort. She was the one everyone turned to, the one who got things done. And given Sebastian’s fondness for her, her presence might keep him from doing anything too foolish or reckless, perhaps. 

They found themselves in a corridor, pieces of stone and rubble scraping along the edges of his shoes as he carefully walked through, and he wondered if the ceiling or the wall had broken down over time, or what it was that scurried almost inaudibly along the floor-

Rats, probably.

“Looks like a locked door. We may want to look around,” Sebastian announced.

Of course, she was the first to find anything.

“A journal entry. Signed by Noctua Gaunt.” 

He’d known. He’d known she’d been here, he’d hoped they’d find traces of her, but he hadn’t anticipated the rush of emotions, the dread and the sorrow and the relief that came with it.

“Gaunt? Ominis- your family was here,” Sebastian said excitedly.

“I know. She was my aunt.” It wasn’t enough to convey how much she meant to him- he wanted Sebastian and her to know, but speaking of her in the past tense brought more grief with it than he was willing to deal with right now.

“You knew? And didn’t tell me?” 

Ominis ignored the accusation- he’d ignored Sebastian a lot lately. When had it started? With the scriptorium, or before? And more importantly, why didn’t he feel as guilty about it as he should?

“Ominis- the journal mentions many challenges ahead,” she chimed in, saving him from owing Sebastian an answer.

Ominis frowned. “That’s why I said this could be dangerous. Aunt Noctua kept my father informed until she vanished.”

He held onto his wand, trying to sense what he could while leaving the search for clues up to the two of them. Hands kept tightly to himself, fighting against the instinct to run them over the locked door. 

Thoughtlessly touching, feeling around places and objects associated with Dark Magic was a good way to lose a hand or worse. It was a lesson he’d been taught early in life, the reason he’d always been banned from entering his father’s study, why he’d scarcely been allowed to wander around the house without one of the House Elves keeping an eye on him.

He knew he wouldn’t be of much use, staying out of their way was the best help he could offer. So he waited for them, patiently, the massive doorway looming behind him. ‘Ominously’, as Sebastian would put it. The corners of his mouth twitched. In spite of their circumstances, he almost made himself laugh.

It lasted right until they’d repaired the relief on the wall.

“Speak to me”

For a second, he thought he’d imagined it. He wanted to.

“The rubble formed a relief of a person facing a snake,” Sebastian said.

Ominis knew it was for his benefit, a habit Sebastian developed sometime during their years of friendship. It should feel comforting that he maintained it even now, it should-

“Speak to me”

-but the voice kept every other emotion away. Every one except fear. 

“That must be the voice I hear.” He’d answered without thinking.

It felt as if someone had cast a freezing charm on his spine. Laced with malice, demanding and yet so cold and languid, the parseltongue whispers seemed to slither right under his skin, seeping into the memories within.

He’d already heard too much of it, enough to last him a lifetime and more. Naturally, being ever so proud of their special ‘gift’, the Gaunts hardly ever bothered to speak in English when they were amongst themselves, unless it was to address the House Elf.

“Speak to me”

“You hear a voice?” she asked cautiously, stepping closer.

He had the sudden urge to take a step back in turn, to put more distance between them. Her proximity suddenly made him feel uneasy. “It started when you repaired that relief. I hear a whisper saying ‘speak to me’.”

The uneasy feeling intensified, and he finally noticed what it was.

Fear of rejection, again. Fear that she would look at him differently, just as he had started to open up to her. Parseltongue sounded eerie, inhuman. It wasn’t how he wanted her to think of him.

Aunt Noctua had urged him to be cautious about showing it off; it had lost her a friendship, once. He knew his brother made use of it to intimidate the muggleborns. He remembered the vivid, gleeful descriptions of the fear in their eyes, even if he could never quite grasp what it meant.

Sebastian and Anne were kind enough when he told them. 

“It’s all right, don’t worry about it” 

“Of course that doesn’t mean you’re bad”

They’re his friends, what else were they going to say? He’d never spoken it in front of them, even when they’d asked.

“Speak to me”

But it was too late to turn around now. Sebastian wouldn’t agree to leave because Ominis was afraid the girl in front of him would recoil in horror once he started hissing.

“I’m a Parselmouth.” His voice cracked slightly from nerves. “I can hear and speak to snakes. Nearly all known Parselmouths are descended from Salazar Slytherin.”

“I wish I could talk to snakes,” she said excitedly.

Oh, that was sweet of her to say. Thoughtless, but sweet.

“You might not want the ability to speak Parseltongue. It’s often associated with Dark wizards. I haven’t spoken it in ages, but I’d wager if I speak it now, the door will open.” Ominis paused. “I’m hoping you’re having second thoughts.”

“Speak to me”

“Believe me, I am having thoughts-”

He didn’t.

“-but I’m still convinced we should go ahead,” she said, perhaps slightly apprehensive, but still confident.

“It’s ironic. When I left home, I vowed to leave the Dark Arts behind, and yet, here I am. Stand back.” He swallowed, but it didn’t get rid of the lump in his throat. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.” 

Once he’d hoped that if only he stopped speaking Parseltongue, it would eventually make him lose the ability entirely. But as if to taunt him, the magical language flowed through his lips as naturally as breathing. 

“I’m speaking to you,”  Ominis hissed impassively. He’d never be rid of it.

It likely didn’t matter what he said, as long as it was in Parseltongue and therefore proved his descent from the Hogwarts founder. And he’d rather bite his own tongue off than make any sort of grand, pompous statement.

The metallic, slithering noises coming from the door's locking mechanism proved him right. 

“It worked! Ominis, you have a rare ability indeed.” There was something in her breathy, melodic voice bordering on reverence, and it rendered him speechless for a moment. He wasn’t sure how to reply- 

Thank you?

You’re certain you don’t mind?

“Between the two of you, I’m starting to feel left out,” Sebastian chimed in, trying his best to sound light-hearted, but there was an unmistakable tinge of jealousy in his remark.

“Between the two of us?”

“I- nevermind.”

…Sebastian felt left out, why, because she’d offered him a compliment? A few weeks ago in the Undercroft, he’d told Ominis he wanted the three of them to be friends, but now that they were actually getting along, he was jealous?

So much for ‘You know it’s not like that’.

Ominis tried not to let it get to him, as they continued their way through the maze-like corridors. The two of them eagerly figured out how to proceed, she was the one fiddling with the contraptions that opened the gates, letting them find their way deeper into the entrails beneath the castle.

Bizarrely, it felt easier to breathe now. Once this was over, could it always be like this? The three of them together, with no more secrecy and lies in between?

“Another dial solved!” she announced proudly.

In spite of himself, his face softened. “Nice work.” 

She didn’t answer, but he could have sworn she had a spring in her step when she hurried towards the next gate. She found more notes from his aunt, summarising each one instead of reading them aloud in their entirety.

It should have annoyed him, but in a way, he was thankful. Noctua’s last thoughts and feelings, as much as he didn’t mind the two of them knowing, he wanted to read them by himself. Somewhere he wouldn’t feel embarrassed if they made him cry.

He’d ask her for the notes later, once they were done here. Surely she would understand.

More puzzles, more notes, more of Sebastian’s lighthearted quips that felt so wrong and yet so reassuring in these sinister depths.

Another gate, and his heart beat faster, his hand felt clammy around his wand. Next to him, he heard her steady breaths. The faint smell of blood from when she hadn’t been quick enough with one of the dials still hung in the air. Ominis knew they must be getting close now.

Sebastian was the one who confirmed it. “I spotted something ahead. Looks troubling.” 

“This whole place is troubling, but for my aunt’s sake, we cannot stop now.” 

His words would still haunt him hours later.

“You and Sebastian will need to sort out another solution.” He expected her to shout at him, to cry like he wanted to, begging him to reconsider.

They both knew there was no other solution.

But he couldn’t do it, even if he wanted to- no, that’s where the issue lay, he could never bring himself to want it again. 

There was no shouting, no begging as she walked back to Sebastian. Perhaps she hadn’t yet realised what his refusal meant for her.

And for their budding friendship as well. Minutes ago, he’d thought perhaps it might be going somewhere. The only place it would go now was an executioner’s block, because it would be beyond foolish to believe she’d ever forgive him for this.

He gripped his wand so tightly, his fingers started to become numb.

It was all his fault. Regardless of how much the two of them wanted to go there, how determined they’d been, they couldn’t possibly have known what to expect.

Not Sebastian, whose experience with curses extended to reading about them in the safety and comfort of the library or the common room. Maybe he’d tried some of them on the dummies in the Undercroft, but that was not the same as experiencing the effects they had on living, breathing humans.

And certainly not her.

Ominis should have known better, he shouldn’t have let himself be swept away by their enthusiasm, by her sweet, reassuring words. It was his fault. He should have known better.

The worst part was, he’d gotten what he came for.

He found Noctua. 

A pile of cold, dead bones on the ground. Ominis wanted to cry, to scream. He wanted to cradle her remains in his arms, tell her how sorry he was, beg her for forgiveness, because if she hadn’t loved him, she would be alive. He’d long known that she was dead, otherwise she would have come back for him- and he could almost feel her, the ghost of her touch as she sweetly ran her fingers through his hair to comfort him.

The fear made it impossible to form a clear thought.

Aunt Noctua was dead, and he and two of the only living humans he cared about might soon share her fate. How would Anne cope if Sebastian never came back? And their uncle Solomon?

What would Professor Fig think if she suddenly vanished? He’d mocked her for it when he found her leaving the Undercroft, but he knew there was a genuine, tender friendship between them. If anything happened to her, it would break the man’s heart. And what about all the new friends she’d made? Her roommates, in their Hufflepuff dormitory, when would they worry about her empty bed?

Sebastian’s voice broke through the fog in his brain. “I can teach you crucio, or I can cast it on you.”

Ominis wasn’t even surprised. He’d known what kind of books Sebastian usually stole from the restricted section, but it had been easy, comfortable to pretend he didn’t.  

But she wasn’t supposed to be involved in this. Regardless of the decision she’d make, something innocent inside her would die. And it would all be his fault.

“I want to learn the curse, but I won’t cast it on you. You need to cast it on me.”

Of course, facing two horrible choices, she somehow managed to find the worst possible combination of both of them.

He turned away. He knew there was nothing he could do to block out the sounds, even if he crawled into the furthest corner away from them. And he’d lost every right to speak up when he sent her away. 

“Crucio”

He flinched, even knowing the curse wasn’t aimed at him. All the air suddenly left the room, he couldn’t breathe, he tried but his lungs wouldn’t work. He felt faint.

She fell- why in Merlin’s name hadn’t she sat down, she’d known what was going to happen, what if she hit her head, why hadn’t Sebastian said something-

Gasping for breath, convulsing under the curse that made her feel as if everything inside her was trying to be on the outside, splitting her open everywhere, all at once.

The ground seemed to come closer, and yet he was somehow still standing upright, his insides twisting, writhing, he was going to be sick.

“Well done, my dear. I am proud of you.”

It was his mother’s voice, and for a horrible moment, he thought he was still there, the years since nothing but an illusion his mind had come up with in an instant to distract himself, screams that sounded like they couldn’t possibly come from a human throat filling his ears, mirroring his own.

Sebastian said something- he couldn’t hear what, and suddenly, it was over.  

Ominis opened his mouth, but all that came out was a strangled sob. Then he suddenly noticed his cheeks were wet. Pain shot from his fingers through his hand still holding his wand, and he forced himself to relax his grip. “Are you all right?” He finally managed to squeeze out, in a voice he hardly recognised as his own. 

The next moment he cursed himself, because of course she wasn’t, and he should know better than anyone.

“The pain- it was excruciating, but I’ll survive. Let’s keep moving.”

Lying again. But he knew it was for Sebastian’s benefit, so he said nothing.

Ominis made himself move, made his hands come up and wipe away the tears, made his legs carry him through the doorway. When he walked past Noctua’s remains, something inside of him broke. 

“We made it. We found Salazar Slytherin’s scriptorium,” Sebastian said, without a hint of remorse.

This was where she should break down, stop putting on a brave face, make Sebastian realise what he’d done.

But of course she didn’t, she went ahead, crossed the room. Announced she found a book. Every step she took made his heart sink further. They didn’t sound like they usually would, her footsteps. Neither did her voice. She did her best not to show it, but he knew she felt miserable. 

 “You two go ahead, let me know what’s in it. I’ll wander around a bit.” They were empty words, more an excuse to give them space than anything. He didn’t trust himself to touch a single thing in there, even accidentally, lest Salazar’s madness seeped into him through his fingertips, afflicting him like every other living Gaunt.

…but it was already there, wasn’t it? Sleeping, dormant. He’d done it again, letting his Slytherin sense of self-preservation take over and made another suffer, so that he’d remain unharmed and his hands clean. Not that they were to begin with.

The two of them stood upstairs, talking. How she had the strength, he couldn’t fathom. He couldn’t hear them clearly either, his head felt as if it was wrapped in cotton. Something about the book. Sebastian seemed satisfied enough. 

Ominis slowly followed them up the stairs. He couldn’t stand being there anymore, the room itself seemed to crawl under his skin, ready to embed itself into his flesh and stay there forever.

And she still hadn’t spoken to him, face to face.

“I’ve been getting an uneasy feeling about this place. We shouldn’t linger here. Let’s find a way out, please.” He hated how broken his voice sounded, he had no right to be this pitiful, when he was the one left unscathed.

Sebastian’s answer made Ominis want to wring his neck. “I don’t want to leave, but I owe you- both of you. Without both of you, we’d never have made it this far.” No remorse. None.

Stay here, then.

“We were lucky-” No, don’t say that, she can hear you- “We could have died. We must swear never to do this again.” Ominis wished she would say something, agree or shout back, he wished either of them would. 

“I see a way out.”

“Best news I heard all day.”

She was the first one to leave, and Ominis let Sebastian follow her through the passage that spewed them out right in front of their common room. 

She still didn’t say anything, and he couldn’t bring himself to ask how she was feeling, or apologise. He’d never before heard an ounce of contempt in her voice, but he surely would now, if she answered him. 

“Ominis, about your aunt-” Sebastian started.

“Please, Sebastian.” Not now. “I meant what I said before. We swear right now never to engage in anything to do with Dark Magic again.”

“Understood.I’m truly sorry about your aunt, Ominis,” Sebastian said, almost too quickly.

“I suppose after all this, I am grateful to know what happened to her. Thank you.”

The silence stretched. Surely, now she’d be saying something, anything, if not to him, then to Sebastian. 

She left without a word, and along with her footsteps, he could hear the promise of something important disappear.

a/n: So this chapter had all the hurt, the next one has the comfort (and yes, those two were also originally one chapter that was getting monstrous in length, so I split it again), let me know if I overdid it with the angst.  There was once a lot I wanted to put in the a/n for this chapter, but now I’m just exhausted and glad it’s done, I was struggling a lot with this one and I honestly don't think it's the best. So let me just say, I’m 100% convinced Ominis would blame himself for what happened, he was the only one who had any actual experience with the dark arts and what his family is capable of, he went in there completely willingly and he still thinks he’s a horrible person for what he had to do as a child, even though I’m sure we all agree that he shouldn’t. As for Sebastian and Mc, I actually have no problem at all with how the crucio scene went down, to me it’s a classic case of dumb teenagers doing a thoughtless, reckless thing and being in denial about it immediately afterwards, until it comes back to haunt them once they’re alone with their thoughts for a bit, so that’s gonna be the next chapter (and I promise you won’t have to wait as long for that one, it’s already halfway done)

[alphacentaurinebula]

And...we have liftoff!

Chapter 15 of What Are You Doing Here is now up!

With the world in dire jeopardy, however will our heroes cope?

[alphacentaurinebula]

What Are You Doing Here?

It's the apocalypse, baby! In fact...it's the end of the apocalypse!

The final chapter of What Are You Doing Here is now up!!

No extract this week because I couldn't find a single bit that wasn't a spoiler. But I am very happy to say this work is now complete!

Thank you so much to everyone who has read, commented, kudos'd or shared this fic. It has meant so much to me. This fic has been such a joy to write, I can't believe it's over!

[alphacentaurinebula]

I am still thinking about What Are You Doing Here, my recently completed post S2 apocalypse/smut/comedy fic, and so I have done a summary via gifs. Totally 100% accurate.

And then they lived happily ever after, the end.

[holdmymallowsweet]

sneak peek at "What are you doing here?" Ch 02

First of all, I just wanted to say how happy I am about all the love and nice comments for ch01, you guys are so sweet and lovely and my heart feels so full 💕😭

Also I was asked about a tag list 😳 so I thought I'd make one, if anyone else want to be on there, just let me know, I guess?

Unfortunately I don't have a lot of time this week because of family issues (nothing bad, though) so next chapter will be out monday (hopefully). In the meantime, here's another sneak peek (let me know if I should keep doing these, I think they're kind of fun)

He listened to Sebastian chewing noisily, feeling his way through the stack of food until his hand landed on an apple tart. More because he wanted to keep his mouth busy than because he was hungry, and also because he’d already gotten his fingers sticky, Ominis took a small bite. If he said something now, it wouldn’t be anything nice and he wasn’t spoiling for a fight. 

“There’s more to all of this. She practically admitted it,” Sebastian said. Dreamily, intrigued.

Understandable, all things considered. Not yet alarming.

“Just wait, I’ll get to the bottom of this.”

Ominis didn’t like the sound of that at all.

Sebastian was starting to get obsessive again. Ominis knew him well enough to recognize the signs. Sebastian had been like this when he’d joined Crossed Wands, when he’d started sneaking into the restricted section, when he’d started to teach himself spells- dangerous, forbidden spells, many of which Ominis knew his friend didn’t bother telling him about anymore after he’d first voiced his concerns.

And now there’s the new fifth year. Sebastian was going to make her his new research project, his new favourite pastime, and while it might have been good for him to have something to distract him from Anne, it made Ominis feel...

He refused to call it jealousy. He’d settle for ‘concerned’.

“Perhaps you shouldn’t.” Ominis tried to keep his tone light, but didn’t quite succeed.

“Why not?”

Ominis sighed heavily. “I’m sorry, only… I’m having a bad feeling about this.”

They were silent for a moment. Then, Ominis heard a stifled chuckle from his friend.

“When you say a bad feeling, you mean like an-“

 “Sebastian, don’t-“

“Like an ominous feeling?”

Ominis half-heartedly threw his leftover tart at him.

[alphacentaurinebula]

Chapter 14 of What Are You Doing Here - now up!

Teensy change, there are now 16 chapters in total, not 15. So...two more chapters to go!! (again!)

[alphacentaurinebula]

Chapter 10 of What Are You Doing Here, now up!!

[alphacentaurinebula]

Chapter 7 is up now for What Are You Doing Here, my fic where Aziraphale and Crowley try to save the world mainly by having sex