#we are also baby steps-ing into a cool project together and i’m really excited to see if it’ll work out

[notjanine]

haven’t really been on this app/hellsite this week bc i started a new internship rotation that’s exciting and Important, and also i’ve been staying with Books bc the commute from their place is an hour shorter than from mine. and it’s uh. going well

[aughtpunk]

The Evils of Truth and Love

Crowley had always been secretly glad his Bulbasaur had never wanted to evolve, if only because there was no way he could fit a Venusaur into the Bentley. Sure, his friends at the time (and his coworkers in the present) gave him a hard time for having a weak Pokémon. The way Crowley saw it is if Bulby was happy, then he was happy. That and it was always hilarious when he switched Bulby out for his Zoroark at the start of a battle. 

“Okay kid, what are the rules?”

“Mwwffh.” 

Crowley glanced over at the passenger seat, not too shocked to see that Warlock was playing on his phone instead of paying attention. He still wasn’t sure if getting him that phone was the best or the worst thing that’s happened in his years of Nanny-ing. Babysitting? Being paid to raise a kid because his parents got bored after they found out they had to change diapers? Crowley liked to think of himself as a Godparent. He had no idea what a Godparent actually did, but the title was pretty cool. 

One of Bulby’s vines shot out from the back seat and yanked Warlock’s phone right out of his hands. Warlock twisted in his seat, trying to grab his phone back only for Bulby to hold it right out of his reach. God, Crowley loved his little plant bastard. He cleared his throat and tried again. “The rules, kid. I need to hear them.”

Warlock let out the best preteen groan he could muster. “Don’t touch anything.”

“And?”

“Really, don’t touch anything.”

“And?”

“Don’t pick a fight with anyone who has Pokémon stronger than me ‘cause no one wants a repeat of what happened to Ligur at last year’s Halloween party.” Warlock said in a bored drone. Which was fake. Crowley knew Warlock loved that story with all of it’s gooey details. His favorite part was the sound Ligur’s shoulder made when the nurse popped it back into its socket. 

“Mmm-hmm. Last rule?”

“If anyone asks why I’m taking pictures I say they’re for my dumb Pokémon-crazy Nanny.” 

“Haha.” Crowley didn’t bother to tell Warlock to stop calling him that. He gave up fighting that nickname years ago. “Surprise bonus rule GO!”

“Seriously do not touch anything.” Warlock crossed his arms. “Can I have my phone back?”

Here it comes. The best part of being Warlock’s caretaker. Crowley tried to bite back a smile as he said, “I don’t know Warlock--”

“Oh no--”

“CAN you?”

Warlock threw back his head and let out the best guttural scream Crowley had heard since the last time he sprung that on the kid. “May I have my phone back? Please?”

“Dunno. What do you think Bulby?”

“Bububububub!” Bulby cackled as she dropped the phone back on Warlock’s lap. As far as Crowley knew she was the only Bulbsaur that could cackle. An impressive feat considering she only used soft bub sounds to do so. At least he had his Bulbasaur to co-parent raising the kid. God. That was a depressing thought. He’s going to need an extra drink tonight just to ease that self-blow.

After carefully illegally parking his Bentley at the perfect angle to ensure the cars in front and in back of him couldn’t get out, Crowley, Warlock, and Bulby stepped out in front of a building that looked far more like a library than a proper lab. Crowley fished out his own phone to double-check the address. “Yeah, this is the place.”

“Really?” Warlock made a face. “Looks dumb.”

“Bulba.” Bulbsaur said, agreeing. 

The three of them stared up at the building in silence together, the spell only broken when Crowley nudged Warlock in the side. “Now, what are we here for?”

Warlock rolled his eyes. “For my starter Pokémon ‘cause you won’t let me catch a wild one, even though I could totally do it--”

“Warlock--”

“Cause my Granddad would totally kill you, your Pokémon, and everything else you love and hold dear if I get hurt.” Warlock droned, already looking at his phone again.

“You know, most kids are excited to get their starter.”

Warlock shrugged. “Starters are dumb. They’re all like, soft baby Pokémon you have to use ‘til you can get a cool one. Like an Ekans!”

“You’re not getting an Ekans.” Crowley said for roughly the millionth time in his life. “And don’t let Bulby hear you call her a soft baby. She’ll never forgive you.”

“Buuuuuub.” Bulby threatened. 

“Ugh, fine. But I’m totally trading whatever I’m getting for something cooler.”

“Just stick to the plan, kid.” Warlock was going to that trip as annoying as he possible, wasn’t he? Well, Crowley thought, this couldn’t be worse than the day when he got his starter. Nothing like accidentally sleeping in late and running to the lab just to get your ass kicked by an eleven-year-old with a Charmander. 

With a shrug, Crowley walked in with Bulby and Warlock trailing behind. The inside was almost pitch-black, and had an odd musty smell Crowley couldn’t place. He could vaguely make out shelving and a few machines here or there, but nothing that screamed ‘lab’. Or occupied. Crowley walked over to a desk by the lab’s only window. Someone had left a still-steaming cup of coffee on top of what he was pretty sure looked like important paperwork. He pushed the cup ever-so-slightly aside to get a better look. 

--Unknown Pokémon, mysterious sightings, psychic Pokémon reporting headaches, doomsday cult, reports of Magikarp falling out of the sky--

“Hello! I’m sorry, I didn’t realize someone was here! Let me get the light!” 

A soft buzz filled the lab before the halogen lights above clicked on. They were old enough to have that odd second of weak-flickering light before it turned on properly. In that dim in-between Crowley caught sight of the man he assumed was the lab’s professor wreathed in a halo of light. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t this.

An angel, Crowley thought, a God damned angel. 

“Bub.” Bulby nudged Crowley’s arm with her vine. It didn’t seem to do anything. 

“Hello there!” The professor said as he walked over to Crowley. Oh no, oh no, he was even cuter up close. He was wearing a bowtie. A tartan bowtie. Between that and the blonde curls, Crowley was already long gone. 

“My name is Professor Fell, is there anything I can help you with?”

“Mwuaph.” Crowley answered, sounding a lot like Warlock. He tried again. “My uh, my Godson is here for his starter. Warlock. His name is Warlock and my name is Crowley.”

“Bub!”

“And this is Bulby.”

Professor Fell’s eyes lit right up as he caught sight of the Bulbasaur doing its best to look intimidating. “My heavens! Look at you! Aren’t you a beauty? Goodness, that leaf pattern! Is she from the Kanto region? Oh, and those markings on her feet! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Bulbasaur this old! Not that there’s anything wrong with that, my dear, none of us are getting any younger are we? And in such good shape too! Your trainer must love you a lot!”

Bubly narrowed her eyes at Crowley and somehow put on a shit-eating grin. “Bububububub.”

“Oh no.” Crowley stepped between Bulby and the Professor. “Do not compliment her! She’s already full of herself as is! Bulby, you’re a terrible Pokémon and your leaves are covered in brown spots. Keep up the poor foliage and you’ll be on a one way trip to the garbage disposal.”

“Saur!”

“Goodness,” Professor Fell said with raised eyebrows, “I’ve never seen a Bulbasaur rudely gesture with their vines before, either.” 

“Hey, where are the Pokémon?”

Warlock’s voice was enough to remind Crowley that he was there to do more than gawk at the Professor. That, and his ward had a point. What he thought were shelves in the darkness were computer servers and he couldn’t see a single pokéball anywhere. No free roaming Pokémon either. Back in the day it was unheard of, but these days more and more people walked side-by-side with their companions. 

(At least the people who had reasonably sized ones did. Maybe Professor Fall was the type to have a Wailord as a companion? Or, Crowley thought, the Professor had recently visited Lavender Town, as it were.) 

“Hmm?” Professor Fell said, as if he too just only now remembered Warlock’s existence. “Oh! Yes, I do apologize. Normally I would have some pre-selected Pokémon set out, but, well, my own Godson turned eleven today, you see. He and his friends caused bit of a ruckus so I had to put all of the Pokémon back in The Garden to calm them down. Should be alright now. I think.”

“The Garden?” Both Crowley and Warlock asked, along with a “Bub?” from Bulby.

That was apparently The Right Question as Professor Fell’s eyes lit up. “A little experiment of mine!” He shoved his hand deep into his lab coat’s pocket and pulled out a pokéball with a tartan pattern on the top half. One that matched his bowtie. Crowley might have to lay down to recover from how cute this man was. “A new type of inter-connected storage space for Pokémon! Instead of them being individually stored in a ball this allows them interact with each other while not in active use! Although it is still very early in the project life I have already seen a dramatic increase in not only the well-being of each Pokémon but in friendlier moods as well! Why, just last week I found my Grimer and Jigglypuff playing with each other! Before The Garden they refused to be out of their balls at the same time! Not to mention it's a lot easier to carry one pokéball than six.”

Crowley looked from the pokéball, to the Professor’s glowing smile, back to the pokéball, quick stop at the bowtie, only to land on Professor Fell’s face. “Are you saying all of your Pokémon are in a single ball?”

“Not exactly. But also yes. Would you like to see?”

***

The Lab was far bigger than it looked on the outside. If Crowley hadn’t been preoccupied with Professor Fell he might have noticed that the lab was too big. Bulby had noticed, but her attempts to get her human’s attention off the soft sparkly man leading the way had been futile. She didn’t even know why she was bothering. The entire place could be on fire and he wouldn’t have noticed. Crowley’s crushes were annoying at worst and potentially dangerous at best. 

(Bulby was already dreading Warlock’s first crush. Though he and Crowley weren’t related by blood she just knew deep down he’d act the exact same way. Trying to play cool, fail at being cool, accidentally flood the Rock Gym while also somehow setting it on fire, rinse and repeat.)

Warlock at least had enough sense to keep his head down and his phone out. He didn’t notice the unusual size of the lab, but he was just a little bit sharper than Crowley to catch that something about the place was off. Shadows kept moving in the corner of his eye. He’d hear skittering behind him only to turn around and see nothing. But seeing he was an eleven year old boy (and thus too mature or cool to admit he was scared) Warlock kept his mouth shut instead of alerting the adults. In his defense neither man wouldn’t have been able to hear Warlock over the sound of their bad flirting anyway. 

“--all ‘cept his Magikarp!” 

“No!” Professor Fell replied.

“It’s true! Let them all go! I told him he was a nutter! You’re so damn close to beating the four so why stop now? You know what he did? He laughed at me! Told me not to worry about it.”

“What happened to the poor thing?”

“He won.”

“No!”

“God honest truth! He showed up a week later with a Gyarados and kicked all of their asses! Must have been a one-in-a-million chance of working and the bastard pulled it off. He’s still got his Pokémon Master certificate framed up in his office. The worst part is the League's done everything to forget that little bit of history. Thinks it’s embarrassing.”

“Well! I suppose that’s not a shock. The League is always a bit miffed with non-traditional winners. Remember all the nasty business with that Helix Cult a few years back?”

“Oh yeah. Think I still got my false prophet t-shirt somewhere.”

Professor Fell turned a corner, leading Crowley, Warlock and Bulby to a door with a single round hole in the middle. He smiled at the odd family before taking the tartan ball out of his pocket, popping it into the hole, and pushing the door open. The rush of fresh air slipping in through the doorway was enough to grab everyone’s attention, even Warlock’s. There, on the other side of the door, was a garden. The Garden.

Brilliant sunlight poured down into a small slice of paradise. Through the doorway Crowley could see a waterfall and pond nestled into the forest of strange trees he couldn’t recognize. Nothing on the other side of the door was familiar, yet his soul cried out in the beauty of it. Flowers, berries, music in the air, his brain could barely catch up with what he was seeing. He hadn’t realized he stepped forward until Professor Fell touched his arm to stop him. 

“Steady on, dear, it’s far too dangerous for humans. We’re not meant to go inside pokéballs for a reason.” 

Crowley’s head snapped in Professor Fell’s direction. “That’s what’s inside your pokéball? An entire bloody Safari Zone?!”

“Nonsense! The Safari Zone isn’t nearly as diverse as Eden!”

“Eden?” Warlock asked, looking up from his phone for the first time since they got there.

“The Edenball! It starts for Expanded Dimension Enclosed Nurturing technology!”

Warlock made a face. “Shouldn’t that be Edent?”

“Oh. Right.” The Professor’s smile faded. “Need to work on that last word I suppose. Edent sounds terrible.”

“Bubub.” Bulby agreed.

Professor Fell closed the door and plucked the tartan pokéball out from the hole. “Now, I do believe someone here needs their starter Pokémon?”

“Yes!” Warlock shouted as he pushed his way in front of Crowley. “Yes yes yes! I want something cool!” Like, wicked badass! Something that shoots fire, and is covered in spikes, and and spits poison and is smart enough to do my homework for me and, and--”

Professor Fell cut Warlock off by placing the tartan pokéball in his hand. He gave Warlock a little ‘go on’ nod and smiled. “Just press the button and think about what you truly want in a Pokémon starter.”

Warlock looked to Crowley, who shrugged, then to Bulby, who had stolen his phone and was currently taking a selfie. Considering he was currently surrounded by three adults Warlock felt oddly alone. He pressed the button on the front of the ball and weakly said, “I choose you? Cool Pokémon?”

The pokéball lit up in Warlock’s hands. 

The world held its breath. 

A trainer getting their first Pokémon is Important. Not only as a right of passage, but as a starting point for the long journey ahead. That first Pokémon sticks with you, in a way none of the others do. You could collect every Pokémon in the world-- from a pile of trash to the Gods themselves--but none of them will ever be as important as your starter. The Pokémon you looked at and said yes, yes this one is mine. Crowley had felt that way when he first saw Bulby in Professor Oak’s lab years ago. And at that moment Warlock felt the exact same way as light shot out from the ball and solidified in front of him. 

It was blue. Small. Kind of weak looking. And--

“Is it crying?” Crowley asked, finally breaking the silence. 

“A Sobble!” Professor Fell beamed, “A recently discovered water type! Be very careful, my dear boy, this one is only a few weeks old and might be a little fragile. Pick her, wait let me check, yes pick her up like this. Support her head. There we go!”

Crowley shifted uneasily as he watched Warlock stare down at the crying soft lizard-thing in his arms. His own eyes were beginning to water. Not for the first time he was glad about his always-wearing-dark-glasses habit. That being said he felt like Professor Fell was the type to not judge someone for crying at all. “Kid? You okay?” 

 Warlock lifted his head, his face already covered in tears, with the largest smile Crowley had ever seen on the boy in his entire life. “She’s perfect.”

***

The ride home was thankfully free of any Sobble-related crying. It had taken all four of them to calm the poor thing down. The Sobble had been snuggled up to Warlock’s chest ever since, refusing to move an inch away from her new trainer. Crowley couldn’t help but think back to his first day with Bulby. They had spent most of that first day in the Pokécenter curled up on the floor eating snacks and plotting revenge against that stupid Charmander-owning kid. At least Warlock and his Sobble had a home with a nice warm bed to eat their snacks in. 

“Think of a name yet?” Crowley asked, “one better than Bulby I hope?”

Bulby let out a grunt from the back seat. One that said hey, I like my name! My stupid, stupid name. 

“I was thinking of Sobby.”

Crowley winced. “I said better than Bulby. Better.”

“Sobby’s a good name!” Warlock lifted the Sobble up enough to look her in the eye. “What do you think, Sobby?”

“Sob!” Sobby said, the yellow fin on her head perking up. 

“See! She likes it!”

“No accounting for taste.” Crowley muttered as he parked the Bentley in front of their apartment building. “You got the pictures, right?”

Warlock shifted his arms enough to pull his phone out of his pocket and handed it over to Crowley. “Yup. Didn’t see any cameras. Maybe he’s dumb enough not to have any?”

“Or he’s smart enough to hide them.” Crowley said as he flicked through the pictures. He really needed to talk to Warlock about a future in photography. For a kid he took some dynamite pictures even if they were mostly of doors and ventilation shafts. “Tonight’s too soon. I’ll give it a few days--”

“We’ll give it a few days.”

Crowley lifted his head to meet Warlock’s stony gaze. “Kid--”

“Don't you kid me! You said I could team up with you once I got my first Pokémon!” Warlock said, a hairline crack spreading through his words. “You promised!” 

Crowley sighed. He wanted to respond ‘I meant when you got a useful Pokémon’, but the last thing he wanted to do was set Sobby and Warlock off. Deep down he didn’t want to drag the kid into this. Not because of the whole ‘if he gets hurt I’m dead’ thing, but because he honestly liked Warlock. Loved him like the weird nephew he’d always wanted. He had spent the past year hoping Warlock would want to run around the world chasing dangerous monsters like the other kids his age. Or somehow end up too much of a goody-goody to walk down Crowley’s path. But he knew he had been fooling himself. Warlock was born a snake, raised a snake, and was going to fall like the rest of them. And there was nothing Crowley could do to stop it. He looked back over at Warlock only to be greeted by tears pricking the corner of the kid’s eyes. 

Warlock’s family was going to kill him. 

Seeing Warlock get hurt was going to kill him. 

Yet Crowley knew he only had himself to blame. 

Never should have agreed to take care of Giovanni’s grandson.

“Fine.” Crowley said, forcing the worry out of his voice. “But only because this is going to be an easy heist. If everything goes pear-shaped you need to get the hell out of there, understand? And no touching anything! We’re just going there for the Edenball and nothing else!”

“Hell yeah!” Warlock said as he wiped the tears from his eyes. “One pokéball? That’s like, nothing! We totally got this! You, me, Bulby and Sobby! We’re going to be awesome!” He raised his hand up for a fist-bump. “Prepare for trouble?”

Crowley smiled and fist-bumped Warlock back. “And make it double.”

[daytodaymusings]

23 things that have led me to where I am now... (24)

It’s crazy to think that I turned 24 yesterday ... this past year has been one heck of a rollercoaster (and no I am not trying to make a Jonas brother pun here). I’ve had so many experiences on both a small and big scale all of which I’ll take with me in year twenty four and more. But here’s a breakdown of the twenty three BIG ones.

1. I attended a Jonas Brothers Concert ... and it was by far THE BEST present I’ve ever given myself. After years of pining over them *looks over at life size poster in the living room* and screaming their lyrics on the top of my lungs with my best friends I finally got the chance to see THE Jonas Brothers LIVE. IN CONCERT. Not to mention, I got to touch Nick and possibly Joe? (I don’t know the night was a blur from the excitement and disbelief). Such a massive moment in my friendship with S too! 

2. I lost my Grandmother ... who I had just spoken to the night before on the phone. who I adore more than anything in the world. who got me started on soap operas and washing my hands after I touch everything. who broke her arm trying to keep me from falling out of the bed when I was younger and made fun of me for putting on make up when I was older. & who made me laugh because she was so cute and lively and had such a personality. It hurts that I was worlds away when it happened and it hurts knowing that I don’t have someone to go back to anymore, in what used to be my favorite place in the world. Hold on tight to the ones you love, kids. You never know when you’ll be saying your last “I love you”. (You love me)

3. I celebrated my other Grandmother’s birthday with a surprise trip ... we went on a cruise with the majority of the family and I had such a great time celebrating and laughing with her. May have also developed asthma from all the smoke inhalation because someone just HAD to get all the BINGO letters for the $100 prize at the casinos... *spoiler alert: we didn’t get it* But we did make it away with a bag of chocolates stolen from a secret birthday event for her and others. Grandma drunk on laughter = the best kind of drunk. 

4. I started nursing school ... because I finally realized what makes my heart skip a beat. It isn’t just having the ability to care for another human being. I love watching sick babies recover and finally get to go home, seeing the faces of first time parents and grandparents when they hold their newborn. I love the coo-ing noises the babies make when they are happy in your arms or in a bathtub. And I love how at work I am inspired by all the people and stories around me. (Low key hate myself for not realizing all of this sooner though... could’ve saved some $$$). 

5. I traveled to Australia ... an unexpected but much needed trip I decided to tag along with my parents and Grandma (and a few others), who had been planning it for awhile. I hadn’t traveled anywhere new in awhile and Australia was beyond my wildest dreams. In total in the whole week (9 days?) I was there I ate 5 meals and averaged 3 hours of sleep a night. Was it healthy though? Yes, cause I learned about a whole new culture and saw spectacular views of a lifetime. 

6. I wrote a song ... and it was SO. MUCH. FUN. I took this analogy that I had been thinking of for so long and just put it into words. It honestly came to me when I was at the casino on the cruise and looked over at the LOML and suddenly I spilled feelings that I had been hiding for a long time onto a page and added a melody that reminded me of the moment and the feelings... and I showed it to a few people who said it sounded like my idol, #TaylorSwift. AHHH!

7. And then another one ... came to fruition. Suddenly I had two songs and a whole new hobby I enjoyed that allows me to put beautiful, heartbreaking, magical, angry moments into frames filled with words. 

8. I cleaned this guy’s house ... and thought maybe for one second he’d maybe just maaayyyybeeee like me back. A part of me also did it for closure, which I got by leaving a 2 paged letter on how I felt about him and how I finally realized I had to let go, because as much as I loved him he would never see me that way...ever. Even after everything we had put each other through. And in case you were wondering, by clean, I mean I spent 4+ hours on all fours wiping up vomit and beer off the floor and washing his dishes because why stop with the floor, right? 

9. Made a couple new friends ... E.C & C.J you guys know who you are. Thank you for being the only two people who understand me and being up for drinking a margarita with me any time, any day. #PrayForOurLivers But also, I love our friendship and how I know I always have my back no matter what. 

10. Cut off some “friends” ... which was a long time coming. I hurt. Especially the moment that I realized I was depending on people who were no longer there. Who only needed me when they needed me and would tell me I owed them or they owed me. That’s just not what friendship is and not the kind of relationships I want in life. I don’t want to wake up wondering if I was used by someone I care for and wondering why we only hang out once in a blue moon when convenient for them.

11. Hosted 5 girls from Spain ... who I bonded with and learned a lot from in regards to our nursing educations. We went to DC and the beach and there was one awesome night of drunken craziness that brought back memories of when I was in Spain. #TQESPAÑA I also learned to step out of my comfort zone and make new friends even if I might not feel comfortable right away because they seem 3387420974923 times cooler. But the truth is.. (and I think I need to reread this line over and over on the bad days).... people will accept you for your generosity and hospitality. Your looks and how “cool” you are don’t matter on a large scale. It’s how you are willing to go out for people even if you don’t know them that really sticks out and makes you friend and human material. And who knows, you might even make new friends in new places. 

12. Went on a Spontaneous Busch Gardens Trip ... screamed. and shout(ed). and let it all out. It was a much needed time and a crazy ass trip. We got to ride The Gryffin, aka MY FAVORITE RIDE EVER, 5 times before we left the park. And even with the rain, we still had an amazing time together. Big lesson here? You have to make the best of every moment and create your own sunshine. You deserve it. 

13. Took a 2 hour break at work ... I NEVER take breaks. And if I do it is maybe 30 minutes total in my 12 hour day. It is something I get yelled at for but I can’t sit around knowing people need help. But one day, E and I got lunch cause we were both working and then celebrated with milkshakes later in the afternoon, totaling to 2 hours of recovered time from the year and a half I have not been taking breaks. Regrets? None. My body and mind needed it so very much. 

14. Had one awesome night playing basketball ... gosh I don’t even remember how it happened but I remember having the respect of every guy in the room. Being the only girl that plays with them can suck, especially cause testosterone runs high and boys can be rude and such ball hoggers. What’s so big about winning? NOTHING. But I definitely won that night and showed ‘em I’m just as capable if not more. *cue the song “Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better”*

15. Completed my fourth Spartan Race ... the BEAST, which sucked due to the cold. (Thanks, Winter). But it was so so so so AWESOME seeing what I had been capable of accomplishing. of what my body is able to do. Even more so it was just all such a fun experience and the first time I set my mind to something and just committed and stuck it out, even though my body would ache and it was tiring driving a whole day in the car to get to places, sleep 2 hours, and race. 

16. Told what I thought was a white lie ... but even white lies can turn a rainbow dark. I felt that I was doing the right thing, and later learned how wrong I was. Especially as time passed on and I kept up with the lie. The truth can be a very scary thing to admit to, but it’s important that you tell it because it sets you free. Even if it is the biggest mistake of your life and you know that once you say it aloud it makes it will make a deafening mark on your life, you have to. There just isn’t a way around it. 

17. Finished an essay months before it was due ... I’ve never been a procrastinator and I am so thankful for it. But also for those who are... let me just say... going into a semester knowing you’ve finished the biggest project that is going to be assigned = BEST. FEELING. IN. THE. WORLD. Right next to, Nick Jonas’s soft ass hands. 

18. Learned how to play the guitar ... which made songwriting possible. I always wanted to learn it because I love hearing acoustic versions of songs and also Taylor Swift. It’s amazing what you can accomplish with the help of youtube, 4 chords, and hella determination. 

19. Finally realized that people aren’t capable of change ... and it’s ok. Sometimes we don’t need people to change who they are, we have to change ourselves and our perspectives. The world isn’t black and white. We all have the ability to see it however we want to. But most importantly, when we do decide to make a change, we need to make sure we’re doing it all for the right reasons. We shouldn’t do it for someone to want us. We shouldn’t do it because we saw someone else do it. We do it because it’s the right thing for us ... and stick to it because one change can make a hell of a difference. 

20. Finished 6 ice cream bars in one sitting ... and then went to cycle bar. 0/10 recommend. 

21. Stopped responding right away ... because NO ONE should ever spend every single second of their life glued to a small screen. There is so much life around us and it’s become such a bad habit for us to forget that and to lose ourselves in social media. 

22. Started Travel Pig’s instagram ... @itstravelpig for those who want to add her. (YES, MY FRIENDS, I’VE DECIDED IT IS A HER/SHE/GIRL.) I thought it could build some cultural awareness or atleast be a platform to share cool story about new places. But i’ve been slacking on it... oops. But traveling and learning about new cultures have been a huge part of my growing up and I wanted to share it and try to help people realize that even with all the differences in skin tone we’re all just amazing human beings capable of so much beauty. 

23. Blew out the candles on my melting cake ... without making a wish. It was there, in that moment, that I realized I am truly happy again. I have found a good group of people to surround myself with, passion, a new hobby, but most importantly MYSELF. I don’t think it all would have been possible without all the hurt and confusion that I have felt in the past two years, so I’m thankful that people took me for granted and left me out on the side of the street. But... 

a very important honorable mention is needed now. I have to say, I wouldn’t be this type of happy if it were not for a special someone, who has stayed by my side through it all. Even in the worst times, you stayed and held onto me, making sure I knew I still had a home even though I was wandering around...lost. I love you. You know who you are. 

Those who were there in the passing, those who got away, thank you for teaching me to appreciate life and the moments. Those who left without a backwards glance, you all will never be forgotten and will instead serve as gentle reminders that I am better because of them. stronger too. Those who stayed, well, let me just say, I can’t wait to see what 24 has in store. 

Cheers to one hell of a ride and the start of 24.