#we don't even know him properly bc we had like 2 classes with him and everything else was self-study

[lieutenantselnia]

I'm currently unsure whether I should be happy or stressed about the fact that there are only like 5 more weeks until the end of the semester - on one hand the summer holidays can't arrive fast enough so I can rest and have free time again but on the other hand there's still so much to finish within that time frame and ugh I'm just tired😵‍💫

At least today (or more like yesterday by the time I post this) I had a fun day, I went to a wildlife park with friends (a trip we've had planned since a couple weeks already), I'm sure I haven't been to the place in like a decade but it was really fun! I didn't think to take a lot of pictures of the animals, but here's a plush trout I got at the souvenir shop🐟

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

I’ve been thinking about Mo and I can’t get over the fact that

1. He’s always focused on what the reader wants to the point it seem like he’s not allowing himself to have wants (other than the physical aspect)

And 2. probably doesn’t have friends or really spends time with anyone but her

I just wanna hold his hand, ask him about movies he likes to watch, get him to branch out to other people in his life and express himself more (and considering how his parent situation was he’s probably touch starved and that’s most likely the reason he’s extra touchy with reader 🥲)

Anyways just had to rant about cutesy Mohammed as I’ve become more invested in his happiness as the story goes on

Omg!! Thank you so much for coming into my inbox and talking about Mohammed, it brings me so much joy!! And ik you didn't ask for the wordvomiting but I'm gonna give it to you anyways bc i love talking about him sksksk

When I first started writing 'Buff Guy', I didn't really develop a character. I knew that I wanted a big strong guy to fall in love with a chubby woman (reader), but that was pretty much the extent of it. I didn't have a personality set out bc I wanted him to be a generic guy that anyone could fall in love with. Tbh I think that might have been a blessing but also a curse bc now I'm developing him as the story goes and we don't know jack shit unless he tells reader something. But it's also kind of cool bc that's how real relationships work! You don't know somebody unless you ask questions and they give you honest answers, so maybe it's more realistic in that aspect

Anyways, when I first developed the story, he was just a guy, just some dude, but as I started developing him I came with a backstory:

Mohammed was born in a pretty wealthy family. Mom and Dad both have a background of money which only improved with their marriage. Mom was very independent and had a lot of aspirations, but then she got pregnant with Mo and didn't think she could properly raise him if she was working, so she dropped out of law school and became a stay at home mother. She tried to be as present as possible with Mohammed to give him a good, loving upbringing, but when he was 12 she was diagnosed with breast cancer. They tried treatment with chemotherapy and radiation, but the cancer came back and she declined quickly. Her death was very sudden but expected by the end, so she tried to help prepare Mo for that. With his mother gone, he didn't really have a loving figure in his life anymore. He had his father, who was always a distant man who sucked at relating to children, so he had to raise himself for the rest of his childhood. The workers his dad hired were there, and they were nice enough, but none of them ever stepped into the role of being a parent, so he was pretty much alone, and he determined that this was the new norm and stayed alone ever since.

His dad always put the expectation on him to focus on his education, so he did. He focused on school, taking advanced classes, and stayed away from hanging out with friends and sports. He could easily have done those things, but he always thought that he would be better off working on his education than going out on the weekends and having fun. So he was kind of a shut in sksksk. He's never gone to a school football game or prom or anything normal for a teenager. He would do schoolwork and then if he had free time, he would play videogames at home. This went on until he graduated top of his class. His dad insists that he go to college, fully paid for, so he does. Same thing happens in college. He focuses on studying instead of making friends and partying or even joining clubs, because that's what he think makes a successful person. He was always a tall and big kid, but at this point he started using the university gym and gaining some muscle. He feels very accomplished doing this, so he continues it until he graduates with a business degree, on the Dean's list and honor roll.

He goes to work at a company for an internship. He continues to be an introvert. He doesn't really speak unless spoken to, so he doesn't really make friends. He continues to believe that hard work brings success, just like it did for his father, so he continues to pour himself into his work to prove himself. He does go to the gym a lot after work, and when he's not doing work or the gym, he's playing videogames at home. At some point, he wonders if working with videogames would make him happier, but he doesn't think he'd be as successful doing that, so he throws out that idea.

He applies for a job as a CEO. He has enough good experience that his company decides to give him a try, since they're new and need direction and the other options didn't have as good of grades, and Mo is really successful at it. He's good at being a leader and guiding people and making big decisions without letting his emotions get in the way, so he does really well with his company and they keep him on permanently.

So now he's at a point where he has nothing new to achieve. He's got the good job, he gets a nice apartment, he doesn't know what to do now. He's still introverted and a shut in, but he doesn't feel fulfilled like he should, so he calls up his dad to figure out what to do next. His dad encourages him to find a girlfriend and settle down now that he's worked so hard, so he decides to do that bc I think deep down he just wants his father's approval.

He starts dating on apps. He meets some women, most of them who just see the muscles and the money and think they're set for life and don't really care about Mo's personality (which is, tbh, a little dry and boring bc he's a homebody and never had proper relationships before). He tries dating, but he doesn't feel fulfilled. He tries sex, but the first few encounters, the women didn't want to deal with his monster cock so they ended that pretty quick. For the first time in his life, he feels like a failure. He can't even find a proper girlfriend, how is he going to succeed the rest of his life if he can't find someone who likes him. He starts feeling like his money and successful status isn't enough and it really brings him down.

He does have some successful relationships, only 2 tho, and they weren't exactly healthy. Both women only wanted him for his money, but they tolerated him with everything else. The first girl was the first he had penetrative sex with and he didn't even cum because he was so nervous. He lavished her with gifts and whatnot, but she met someone she liked better, so she broke up with him after a few months.

The second was a bit more successful. I was gonna keep this secret until later in the series, but he meets an influencer at the gym and they get along pretty well. They date, they have sex, he thinks he finally found someone he can spend the rest of his life with, but he still feels like something is missing. She's very self-absorbed and doesn't respect him much, so he's still very lonely. But he thinks that this is his best shot at meeting someone and spending the rest of his life with them, so he keeps it going. He proposes, and she's more interested in posting about the proposal on social media than celebrating with him.

He's lonely, he's depressed, but he thinks this is normal and that everyone goes through this. He thinks that love is this magical thing that doesn't really exist for him, so he just settles, but at some point the relationship feels like a chore. He keeps going on with it anyways.

Coffeeshop opens up closer to work. It's nothing special, something corporate that he thinks is decent enough. He goes there after his workout one day, expecting his regular drink before work.

He feels like he's blinded when he enters the coffeeshop. You greet him cheerfully and he feels like there's a glow about you that's making his eyes strain. He thinks you're nice. He thinks you're pretty. He likes the way you made his coffee. He goes back to the coffeeshop on his lunch break the same day and you're still there and you're so bright and cheerful and kind. You're asking him about his day, how's he doing. No one's ever really asked him that before, not even his new fiance, so his heart kinda goes crazy when this pretty stranger starts being so nice to him. I don't think he realizes that this is a part of your job, customer service, he just thinks you're treating him special.

He gets a little hopeful, a little obsessed. He goes to the coffeeshop every day, hoping to see you. He gets disappointed whenever you're not there, missing seeing you and your smile. He doesn't know how to feel about all the emotions inside him, but he knows that he likes it and that he wants to feel this way forever. He breaks off the engagement with his fiance, and he tries pursuing you.

That's when the gifts begin, and the series starts.

He still doesn't have any friends. He has people he talks to, but he doesn't consider them friends. You're probably the closest he's ever gotten to anyone.

He has likes, most of them being videogames and nerdy shit sksksk. He likes manga and anime and he collects things. I'll share more info in the series :)

Anyways that was a LOT sksksk thanks for listening have a good day :3

[youremyheaven]

https://www.tumblr.com/youremyheaven/752744430326448128/hey-i-was-wondering-what-you-said-about-nodals?source=share

Omg! I'm the Mula Sun anon. I haven't experienced this but I sure as hell would want to atleast once in my life. So far no one's been interested in me and def not like that but damn! You're really good at painting a picture like that! 😭

Also pls elaborate if you want to I would love to know more. 🥺

I hope you do <333 you deserve that and more <33 (the fun, healthy part not the other stuff)

and hehe thanku 🤪its my 13yr old wattpad author self coming out lol

idk if you meant elaborate on Nodal chemistry or about my experience with the Swati stellium guy (im assuming the former lmao)

I'll share some experiences I've had with different Nodals

I had an Ardra friend with whom I'd chill with after class and literally for like 5-6 hours, we'd just buy snacks and sit around yapping 😭😭I don't have a clue what our conversations were about, they were just about ...everything..?? time just flew by and we were always laughing :')

A Shatabhisha Sun guy used to be obsessed with me throughout uni,, he was so shamelessly and openly obsessed and even made fun of himself for being that way,, idek but he was really funny and weird af,, he was also UBP Moon so there was some Saturnian weirdness going on but when he got a gf, he asked ME for MY approval??? and he tried his damnest to get me and his gf to properly meet each other and wanted me to give him my honest thoughts??? mans was crazy 😭he was in a long term relationship and was known for being a gentleman but he was sooo weird about me,, i lowkey feel like i shouldve snitched on him to his gf but oh well

Swatis oh lord 😭😩

I know many Swatis and I've always had 🥵🥵chemistry with them

My ex was Swati Sun and oh lordy lord,, when i tell you, that man was like crack cocaine to me. i have never felt that way about anyone and i hope i never will because it was sooo foggy, so dizzying, so unstable and sooo trippy. i literally felt insane and manic. we did have 8h and 12h synastry so it could be that too??? but oh my good lord, i needed him to breathe, i needed him like air, being with him was like having oxygen pumped directly into my bloodstream 😍

The Swati stellium guy from college with whom i also share 12h & 8h synastry 🤡 we had a very obsessive kinda bond but it was different?? instead of feeling foggy, I felt like I was on fire?? prob bc of his other placements,, like 🔥🔥🔥my heart would pound whenever he came around, and THE LOOK IN HIS EYES 😩😩😩I WANT 2 SCREAM

ive actually had meh experiences with Maghas ik irl so I wont get into that (nothing horrible, just meh??? nothing noteworthy)

i havent known too many Ashwinis either 😬but Mulas 😩😩I feel like every Mula I have known has held me in high regard. they've been soooo sweet and kind to me 🥺they've really taken care of me. i'm lowkey not the best at walking (i just trip a lot, idk im clumsy 😭😭) and 2 diff Mula friends from 2 different friend groups always made it a point to hold my hand when we walked??? 😩😩idk if its the dog yoni but Ardras and Mulas have always been so sweet and affectionate to me <33 the Mula girlies were always SOOO considerate and thoughtful<33 love them and wish them well.

[nkikio]

Just something I made at midnight :D

I put my stuff down, and head towards the gym. I saw Maya talking to someone, but she quickly went to choir. I'm in the gym for a couple minutes, then Amanda walks in. "Amanda :D" "hi :D". I then tell her that Zack said "me gusta comer Gato" in spanish. She was indeed surprised.

She then had to leave for gym a, where Ms.madden's class is almost always hidden. I had to go on the bleachers in gym c, as always. Feldkamp took attendance and said we were going to play basketball But of course, with Mr tretter's class. Ms madden's class was playing whamyball. He said we needed teams of 3, so when I saw Cassie and Emily, I decided to join their team. Our team had to play in gym c, bc gym b was for basketball players, I think. So I wasn't able to see anyone in gym a. But, during the whole entire class, I could hear Bennett literally screaming "YEAAAAA" (It happens a lot). Or at least I think it's him.. who else would it be?

The first round we had to play linnea, Kaleigh, and zahra. We weren't even properly playing, we were just taking turns shooting hoops. I was so tired, I could not stop daydreaming. The whole time. Literally no point during basketball where I was not daydreaming. Now that I think abt it, it would've been so much more embarrassing if Ms madden's class had to do basketball, bc.. there are some really good basketball players in that class..

The second round we played Forest, and 2 other guys I don't remember the names of. One kinda looked like evan. Forest seemed to be trying to teach Emily abt basketball.. bc he was explaining something abt a checkup with the ball? I don't even know how I remember stuff they said while being so tired.

During the first 2 rounds of 10 minute games, Cassie would wake me up by passing me the ball like 1 time per game, which I was fine with. At least it wasn't a million times.

For the 3rd and final round, we had to play against Sophie and her friends, including Natalie and Camryn. But the thing was, they were not playing and just sitting on the bleachers for the whole class. So of course, we couldn't play them. None of us three wanted to ask them to play since we know how that would go, so we just sat on the bleachers. I day dreamed a bit, watched Gavin's game, and looked at the timer thing on the wall. But while watching Gavin's game, I had realized something.

One of the many guys I didnt know the name of, someone on the team said his name. I always called this person James since they kinda look like james. It turns out their name was actually lucas. This made me scan him for a bit. Was this the Lucas that rizzed the statue? I saw signs. The face, the hat, the hair..

It was indeed the Lucas who rizzed the statue. This surprised me bc I thought I hadn't seen Lucas since 7th grade. Ig I was wrong. He wasnt a short king.

Cassie and Emily had some interesting conversations while I watched the game, but we'll talk abt those later. The timer finally ended, and both 2 classes went to the locker rooms. I waited outside the gym doors for Amanda, but realized madden's class was still playing. So I went back to the locker room.

I grab my stuff, and I'm abt to leave the locker room when suddenly, I see Lyla running into the locker room, being chased by amanda. I asked Amanda what happened. She said she was walking, and just started sprinting. She says it's funny, do that's why she did it. We then started talking about characters with a few others, while Lyla hid from amanda at the stalls. We then start walking out as I tell Lyla she can come out of her hiding spot. She didnt. Then Amanda said "cya loser!".

this is a pretty random story, but thx for reading :)

[martiestudies]

Academic asks: 2, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 15, 22, 24, 25, 30, 32, 35, 40, 42, 46, 50. that's so many I'm so sorry but they're such cool questions that I wanna hear the answers too! of you don't wanna do that many you can just cut out a few (or more than a few!)

omg don’t apologize i looooove answering these kind of things

2. what’s your major?

ngl i still don’t get the college system they use in the usa lmao but i’m studying to become a chemical engineering!! it’s uhhhh 5 years but absolutely no one graduates in that time so..............

4. do you think you picked the right major?

yes!!! the pandemic unmotivated me a lot and i questioned very hard if i wanted to do this but i always ended up at the same answer: i really love what i’m studying and i wouldn’t change it

6. career goals?

uhhhh i don’t think i have many tbh because i’m trying to focus on short term goals? but. graduating with a good average and find work quickly in an interesting field, hopefully researching. OH and i want to study abroad too like do one of those exchanging(?) programs

8. what classes are you taking right now?

just two! because i fell a little behind last year so i’m slowly catching up (most of my classes are correlatives so). this semester i’m taking math-B and general chemistry.

9. favourite class out of everything you’ve ever taken and why?

hands down the physical-chemistry one on my second year of high school because it’s the one that made me fell in love with science

10. least favourite class ever and why?

i don’t think i’ve ever had a class i hated? if i did it was because of the professors, not the subject. the one that comes to mind is my 4th year’s technical mechanics class because it was basically applied physics (WHICH I LOVE) but the professor was the worst person i’ve ever met and i still have mild trauma bc of it

12. current least favourite class and why?

out of the ones i’m taking? math lol but because i love chem with burning passion and my math class can be kinda boring sometimes. i still like it tho

15. class you’ve always wanted to take but never had the chance?

languages’ classes like i wanna study italian properly and maybe german and recently i really really really want to do a korean curse. also an astronomy/astrophysics class !!!! the german and astro ones are actually offered as classes for my degree’s credits but i haven’t taken them yet.

22. what’s your preferred writing implement?

i love this question lol my mechanical pencil with 0.5 B2 mines is my bestie and also i like to use filgo lighter fines for writing anything and everything

24. describe your perfect study environment

i think the one i’ve been lately it’s ideal? it’s quiet because i’m in my apartment alone and i have really good natural lightning and my kitchen like 2 meters away so i can spend the day drinking teas. i could do with a bigger table though lmao

25. are you procrastinating right now?

absolutely yes

32. describe your favourite teacher/professor and why you like them

OHHHH MY PHYSCHEM HIGH SCHOOL PROFESSOR!!!!!!!!!!!! he’s one of the best teachers ever and he motivated me (and still do kinda) to be the best student and person i can be. he teaches other classes too in my high school so i’ve had the pleasure to have a few other classes with him and i absolutely ADORE him tbh all my love for science is thanks to him and his classes 

35. most profound thing ever said to you by a teacher/professor?

something that stuck with me is how the prof i mentioned before always made a point of letting his students know that EVERYONE has the capacity to learn things and be smart we just don’t have to give up

40. write the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog and post a photo

42. a lot of notes or the bare minimum?

i always do a L O T of notes for everything so i’m trying to tone that down but yeah i prefer to have a lot instead of not enough

46. do you have pre test rituals and what are they?

uhhhh i never review/study the day of an exam. my last revision is always the night before so that day i can keep a clear head and that’s always worked for me.

also,,, lately i’ve been lowkey praying to a religious card (? like estampita) of kim seokjin from bts (aka San Jin) made as a not-really-a-joke from a store here in argentina. it’s really cute. and if you’re an army you just KNOW seokjin radiates good luck (also i’ve never failed an exam since i started doing that so)

50. what’s something more important to you than school?

oh a lot of things !! i don’t think school is the most important thing in my life by far even though i do think it’s really important. i’m gonna say, for example, my cat

woooo this has been fun :)

ask me something!!

[robinsnest2111]

indirectly tagged by @lampmeeting

it's not part of the original thing but I'm gonna add a silly little self portrait as well~

Questions to get to know you a little better:

1. What do you prefer to be called name wise? Robin or any kind of nickname related to that you can come up with lol Some of my favourites are Rob and Robble

2. When is your birthday? November 21st

3. Where do you live? A little town in Niedersachsen (Lower Saxony), Germany. Known for being the summer residence of a royal bloodline some 200 years ago. Yes there's a castle :P

4. Three things I am doing right now? Trying to forget the nightmare I just woke up from, thinking about getting a few more clementines from the kitchen and fininishing a little sketch I started yesterday

5. Four fandoms that have piqued my interest: Metalocalypse (ofc), Hogan's Heroes, Ghost BC, What We Do In The Shadows. Those are the main 4 at the moment but there's always a chance for other fandoms to take over for a bit.

6. How has the pandemic been treating you? ....yeah. Not so great. My grandma died suddenly at the start of the pandemic, I had to leave my internship I was super happy at early because of lockdown, finished my last semester at college with horrible online classes, had to move back in with my parents, cut contact with someone I've known almost all my life, barely passed my finals, still on the hunt for a job (started applying to places in September) and am close to losing it any day now lol Also pandemic means no flea markets which was one of the few things keeping my brain happy and occupied while giving me a chance to ride my bike around the region for hours :^(((((

7. Song(s) I can’t stop listening to: Sadly no particular song coming to mind right now, but I've had Ghost's entire discography and Dethalbum I, II, and III on rotation for months now lol. This Toss A Coin To Your Witcher Remix has also been stuck in my head for a while and is always worth a listen (Also have some silly techno/hardstyle remixes stuck in my brain permanently because I listened to them as background noise while trying to make my final college projects somewhat decent. Terence Hill & Bud Spencer - Lalalalalala, Da Tweekaz - Jägermeister, Star Wars Hardstyle, DJ Ötzi - Anton aus Tirol, Das Leben des Brian - Schwanzus Longus)

8. Recommend a movie: The Road to El Dorado by Dreamworks, a children's movie, I know... Each song is an absolute banger tho (even the German versions!), the jokes are silly but fun, the queer/gay hints add that little spice that I subconsciously picked up on and felt comforted by as a kid and the design of the everything is just (chef's kiss) Also the chemistry between the 4 main characters is gud as heck. It's the childhood movie I latched on to the most, my mother had to rent the dvd almost every single day until I bought a copy myself lol

9. How old are you? 24 orz I don't feel like it at all...

10. School, university, occupation? Finished college in August, unemployed because no one wants to hire in the creative field during a worldwide plague :^)

11. Do you prefer heat or cold? As long as it's under 35°C I prefer heat. My hands and feet are icicles 95% of the time after losing weight :^(

12. Name one fact others may not know about you? Since I'm an expert oversharer you probably know almost everything about me already orz But uhhh. Lemme see... I learned how to operate a laundry machine at the ripe old age of 20 at my internship at a hair salon lmao My mother never had the nerve to show me how on the modern machine we have at home (along the lines of "you will fuck it up anyways so let me do it >:^(((" which is an overarching theme in her raising me lol), but the older machine with the simpler dials at the salon was a good start to learn and honestly one of the things at this internship I'm still super grateful for...

13. Are you shy? Oh hell yeah I am... It's all the years of getting only negative feedback for trying to interact with others lol

14. Preferred pronouns: He/Him mostly, still figuring out if I still like they/them or nah (since in German there are no neutral pronouns that aren't neopronouns I've automatically gotten more attached to he/him lol)

15. Biggest pet peeves: I feel so mean for admitting it but honestly: Any noises my parents make. If I'm having a particularly bad low brain energy day even hearing them breathe makes me wanna run away and scream in anger... (Doesn't irk me with anyone else tho, which is weird...)

16. What is your favorite "dere" type? Oh there's more than 4 types now?? I've always liked Kuudere types the most out of the original 4 types, but I guess Shundere and Utsudere are right up my alley too!!!

The Kuudere (クーデレ), sometimes written Coodere or Kūdere, type refers to a character who is often cold, blunt, and cynical. They may seem very emotionless on the outside, but on the inside they’re very caring — at least when it comes to the ones they love.

The Shundere (しゅんデレ) type refers to characters who are sad and very depressed. While a full smile on their face might be out of the question, their love interest can help them open up and feel accepted.

The Utsudere (うつデレ) type refers to a character who is often sad and depressed. There is a reason for the character’s despair such as being bullied at school. Even if their life improves, they are often wary of other characters’ motives.

17. Rate your life 1-10? Maybe a 4? 4.5 at max

18. What is your main blog? The one I'm posting this on lol

19. List all your side blogs and what they’re for:

yorkiesart - old as hell and inactive artblog

bleedingheartbird - very triggering and depressing vent blog :^(

yorkie2111 - my very first username, a sea and ocean themed aesthetic blog now mostly for when I miss Denmark a whole lot (kinda inactive)

robinsartnest - a second attempt at a separate art blog, inactive as well lol

20. Is there anything people should know before becoming friends with you? I'm a clusterfuck of several undiagnosed mental illnesses and probably other conditions that I'm trying to figure out and deal with on my own until I can get professional help and some diagnoses. At times I'm weird and distant and overall very depressed and unpleasant, I've already hurt so many people this way and am trying to be better every single day. Basically I've never been given the "How to properly Human" manual and am frantically trying to get it right without hurting too many innocent people in the process.

Anyway, if you are nice to me I will love you forever ♡♡♡ :'3c

idk who to tag so if you wanna do this, do it~

[africanspirit-lady]

okay, so thoughts on stranger things vol. 2

SPOILERS (you have been warned)

~~~brenner~~~

i've seen some people say that the writers were trying to redeem brenner, but i have to disagree. even before he died, we were meant to see that el's and brenner's relationship was complicated. he had a lot of love for el but obviously, he had a really distorted and screwed up view of it. when he (finally) dies, you can see el's expression isn't really one of devastation, like with max. it's almost like a moment of freedom for her. in any case, matthew modine and millie did a phenomenal job

~~jason~~

this is just a small note, but i love the detail of how tired and blodshot jason's eyes were. like, you can see the progression of a breakdown. on another note, but the way his death was quick and brutal?? i know he's not the main "villain" but wow

~~jopper~~

beautiful as always, no notes (but also murray is a whole mood)

~~lumax~~

i love their relationship. i love that it's based on genuine friendship and care for one another. all of their scenes were so nice, and i LOVED the notepad conversation. my one gripe, however, is that lucas was forced to pick between two hobbies he loved. i know that jason was the driving force for lucas to pick "being a nerd," and that in the 80s you're only allowed to have one hobby, but why couldn't he play basketball AND dnd?

also, sadie sink still deserves an award because all her scenes were spot on. however, i honestly would've had her character fully die. idk how i feel about el reviving her. although it would be interesting to see how she adjusts (physically i don't see how she can fully bounce back from this), but lord knows girlie has some TRAUMA

~~stancy and jancy~~

i never hated the idea of stancy becoming a thing again, as long as it was done properly. i thought it was cute how steve told her about his dream bc that really would be something a white, middle-upper class, american guy would have as a goal. but, then when he was rambling in the upside-down it felt..weird. like it was trying to make stancy happen, but it obviously wasn't going to happen? (also i've seen some people put full blame on nancy as if steve wasn't professing his affection towards a person he KNOWS has a bf) i love jancy too, i was happy when they reunited. i was kind of frustrated when jonathan lied about his acceptance letter, but i kind of get it bc he didn't want nancy to give up her dream bc of him

~~robin and vickie~~

idk, i kind of have hope for them. it felt kind of trope-y with the "person sees their love interest kiss someone else" and i wish there could have been more with them, y'know?

~~eddie~~

i get it, it's a trope, i respect the trope. it felt kind of out of place, though. i *guess* if you squint, eddie did save his friends by buying them time. idk, his death didn't feel earned, if ya know what i mean. however, we did get a great emotional performance from gaten (also if dustin doesn't go to a hospital...)

~~mileven~~

regardless on whether or not you ship them, i liked that mike was able to communicate his feelings. a lot of people bash on him, but he's fourteen. he's learning. at that age you don't have it all figured out, you're going to make mistakes. him feeling like he wasn't going to be important to el anymore is a pretty normal insecurity to have. i think him telling el he loved her felt pretty expected (but i have more thoughts on this). mike and el reuniting felt pretty natural, and i know that they were becoming distant, in a sense, but it'd be weird for the show to not acknowledge the care they still have for each other, with everything they've been through

~~will~~

yep, here it is. the big ol' elephant. listen, i was also rooting for byler (and will being a plot device for mileven felt like a cop out?) i will say, i didn't ever expect mike to let go of el just like that, but at the very least they could've given will a proper coming out scene. i love the moment between the byers bros, but will deserved better. like, season-3-robin-scene better. him having internal turmoil makes sense and i love the way noah portrays it, but it doesn't come to a resolution. it just does a great disservice to queer fans. like i know you have to try to be authentic to the time period, but it just felt...lazy. but i will say, however, that a lot of byler fans had built exceedingly high expectations for the ship just from the analyzations of things that maybe weren't there? i'm not saying it's bad, bc they were fun to read and they make for great headcanons and fanfics. but maybe that's what partially created this level of disappointment? but, there is one more season so who knows?

~~the ending~~

i actually loved how everything related to the upside down connected. having vecna being "the one" all along ties it up very nicely. plus, i like how the ending sets up sort of an "end of the world" scenario. kind of like in animorphs where there's been a secret evil for so long and now that secret is out and coming at full force.

vol.2 overall felt pretty predictable. usually the duffers are good at subverting expectations, but idk...maybe it's also because we're seeing part two in isolation. maybe if we watched the whole season in full, it would feel different.

honestly, there are things that the duffers (+ writers) do well, but there are things that they have huge blindspots to. i know balancing the 80s tropes and the nuanced 2022 perspective is tricky, but i feel like they lean into tropes more so than they should. i think back in 2016 when the show premiered and representation wasn't something that people necessarily looked for, it was "fine." but now that we're becoming more aware, i think it's time to find the nuance. characters like billy and brenner are beautifully complex, so why can't we have that in terms of queer and poc characters? i'm not saying that they always have to have happy endings, because that's also flat representation (but that's a different conversation). but at least don't treat them like side plotlines.

(also, can we get a count on how many times people cried in this volume alone? bc whew chile the kiddos were bringing the emotion)

anyway, thoughts?

(edit: i was reminded of that phenomenal, yet heart wrenching scene with caleb, sadie and millie. like i said, give them all emmys)

[chaekkung]

o wormie? u? in a lot of love? perfect i don't think i've asked u yet but (if ur free) could u talk about why/how you started loving changkyun/hyungwon (or both :-D) ?? pls ramble as much as u like!! read more exists 4 a reason and . i love reading ppl b soft and in love it's cute!!!!! i love u have a good night/day ! 💛💛

o holy shit thats a lot ok im gonna write about changkyun since i Havent... :( and ill copy pasta one of my hyungwon essays for u to read!!!! the changkyun will be under it :^) this is gonna be Super Long im sorrie in advance LMAO BUT HAVE A GREAT DAY/NIGHT TOO!!!! :D (also theres prob gonna be a lot of typos bc im Dumb but.. bear w/ me)

mister chae:

honestly i don’t even know where to start?? uhh i guess with his looks first since,, this is describing or smthing,, anyways yeah hyungwon is just… fucking beautiful. he has the most handsome and visually attractive face ive ever seen in my whole life??? and i’ve stanned a lot of groups in my past before but hyungwon is honestly one of the best looking man i know :( im not even being biased,,, anyways yeah there’s that. and he’s like naturally a model, i mean he can legit wear anything and do anything and he’ll look like he’s posing for a high end magazine, not surprised if he’s been modeling since he was like, born. also he has the most beautiful and endearing smile and laugh…. when he smiles he really goes from :o -> :D like!! please!! you are too fucking cute,,, :((( he really lights up the entire room solely w his smile im jusT?? wow?? like when his smile lines by the sides of his nose down to the corner of his mouth come out i just,,,, really… need 2 calm my heart. he has like the closed mouth wide smile, and the straight up whole face smile!! and i.. love both.. so much,,, and yeah anyways his lips are like the first thing people notice about him and big mood?? they’re so plump and … kissable.. and soft.. but my favorite feature on him are his eyes tbh…. idk he has really beautiful eyes? idk how to describe it but like, they’re so…. kind? and bright.. it’s just i want to look into them all day long and im just… so in love with his eyes. like,, they really hold all the stars in my universe wtf!!!  :( OH AND I DONT TALK ABOUT THIS ENOUGH BUT…. HIS EARS ARE SO FUCKING ADORABLE WTF I WANT A MOLD OF HIS EARS ON MY DESK,,, idk about others but i personally find his right ear cute as fuck?? like the extra folds in his ears.. i would d*e for them………. godksj why is everything about him so cute i just?? want to kno …

ok now im going to talk about him!!! so his personality, is what i really fell in love with,, (god this all sounds so.. cliche. but it’s.. true, also unrelated but every time someone talked about,, love cliches and shit i was always like ‘sounds fake’ but???? after hyungwon i really?? believe in all of that..) if i had to use one word to describe him it would just be ‘kind’… like he!!! is!!! the king of being considerate and compassionate and wonderful and he’s just a really good person.. :( he’s the one you can always count on and lean on. he’d always be on your side and makes you feel safe and comforted,, like he’s really full of love??? even the members said he’s a really good listener and they chose as him as someone they go to when they’re feeling down because he makes them feel better about the situation (god, i wish they were me,,) and he has the most beautiful heart… like, he’s been wearing the Sewol bracelet since as long as we’ve known and he has never missed a day. you can always see it during fansigns, vlives, whenever he’s out, and he even wore it when he was modeling under his clothes… :(( he went from the charm, to the rope bracelet thing, to the clip on and now he’s wearing the wristband!! :(((((( he says he will always wear it to remember the incident, and he has been for over two years… he’s doing it out of the kindness of his heart and not to show anyone… he said he felt so helpless during the time, and watching every thing unfold before him, and has worn the yellow bracelet which symbolizes ‘hope’ :((((((((( god,, real emo hours,,, i love my angel so much wtf !!! ok next,, (sjdhaj at this point im going to write a whole novel wtf but im gonna,, stop soon i swear .) hyungwon is really fucking hardworking and ?? he’s so dedicated to his career and making sure that we, his fans, are always satisfied and proud to stan him.. like he’s constantly saying he will work hard to show us something better next time, that he’s not going to stop trying to improve himself. every single stage he puts his all into it, but he pushes himself even more to show us a even better one. he’s always worried and thinking about his career as an actor and a singer. he wants to promote the group in any way that he can, whether it’s through modeling or acting :(( what a King… he’s… really always striving to do the Best and he won’t ever settle or be content with it because he’s just naturally an ambitious and super hard working person… like. he’s so dedicated to what he does, no matter what it is. uhh one more thing he’s actually a really sentimental guy!! not like in a bad way, but in the best possible way. he’s really sweet, and gentle.. (he would be the Best Boyfriend,,, im just saying..) he’s the type to give handwritten letters… and surprise gifts.. (he said so!!) he said he cant cook but he want to cook for his gf he will try his best and it will be full of love… god.. i wish that were me. he’s the type to keep quiet… but take silently notes on what someone likes/dislikes, and will reveal it unexpectedly with a gift or when he says something and it will! make the other person! so happy! :((( he doesn’t put his emotions Out There, he’s not rlly good at it,, but he honestly has so much love in him,,, he tries his best to show it ok!! it’s,, good effort it’s so cute when he does… ah.. pls.,,, he’s always like ah, i don’t know if i can properly show my appreciation and sincerity for you guys, but i hope you guys know how thankful i am for you. LASDHFJAK GOFD,S,,,, IM FUCKIGN EMO THINKGIN ABOTU IT AGAIN… HE HAS A HEART OF GOLD AND HE’S SUCH A SWEETHEART I JUST WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD SEE IT.. :(( HE DESERVES ALL THE LOVE IN THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND I REALLY HOPE ALL MY LOVE FOR HIM CAN COUNT AS SOMETHING FOR IT ALL.. UGHFJASHJSAALSJF yeah ok let me,,, stop… sorry to everyone who has to scroll past this LMAo,, :(

ok i was gonna stop but i forgot to mention how he’s so fucking talented!! i mean this boy does it ALL. the whole package or w/e. god,, i love my whole ass talented man wtf! he sings, dances, choreographs, models, acts, DJs, is multilingual, and a world class poet,, cmon. ANYWAYS he excels in all those areas nd,, no argument there.. his voice is angelic as fuck ,, just like his personality.. and his dancing.. god,,, like . his dancing his so on point, his every move,, and it’s so.. fluid.. and natural. and it’s harder for tall people to dance esp ones w like long ass limbs (hyungwon.,,) but he still looks fucking amazing and pulls everything off so perfectly????? gofdj,,, can he like . Stop being so…. perfect.. and lovable… :((( he just puts so much passion into everything he does!!! and his heart is pure Gold ,, i just.. love him,,,,,,, everything about him …. ok lmao let me stop !!! if u actually read all this wtf,, im sorry nd i’d die for u

mister changkyun:

okay wtf icb i havent talked about changkyun that much on my blog.... anyways this is gonna be a mess and unorganized bc im Dumb but here goes,,, ok we can start from the beginning kinda,, so originally wonho was my #2 bias and then mh i think like i love changkyun but i wasnt like IN LOVE you kno?? honestly i started to notice him more firstable bc he and hyungwon are so frigging cute together?? i just couldnt ignore it and next thing u know im IN Love w my lil koala :(((( hes sO CUTE ..... LIKE.. IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT I REALLY JUST WANNA BE AROUND HIM ALL THE TIME!! his sense of humor and his personality in general is so?? positive?? and fun??!!! like i would spend every second of the rest of my life w him... and he’s so cheesy as we all know ,, and i find it so cute but also he makes me so stressed bc he’s so mushy aijsdgfhdjs but he rlly Love us wtf.. and hes so funnie... he makes me smile and laugh all the time :( and he genuinely Loves every single one of his fans so much... he’s so sweet with them and he makes them feel so loved and special, and like they’re the only person in the world at that moment :(((( this boy gives so much love and i only want to give him a million times more back... 

HIS LAUGH.. OK.. HIS LAUGH!!!!!! MAKES MY HEART MELT LIKE LAVA WTF SJDFUDJS HES SOSOSOSOOS CUTE WHEN HE LUAHGS HE LIKE.. PUTS HIS ALL INTO IT.. IT SLIKE HAHAHAHA FR... PLS,,, ESP WHEN HE GOES CRAZY AND ALSO STARTS CLAPPING,... LMAO MOOD.. HE SOS CUTIEJUJIiajsdfudj and WHEN HE SMILES THE CLOSED-MOUTH-WIDE-SMILE AND HIS CUTE ASS DIMPLES COME OUT.... HOTLT FUCKIDUFD THERE GOES MY SOUL AND GALLONS OF HEART NUT... ITS THE CUTEST SIGHT IN THE WORLD AHHH HIS DIMPLE ARE ADORABLE AND HIS CHEEKS!! I WANT TO SQUISH!!! i wanna . reside in his dimples. build a home there and alll....... omg.. :’(( every time he takes a selfie or smthing i rlly Lose it. every single selfie is his Best selfie. wtf.... king of angles fr... AND KING OF FOOT SELFIES TOOOSJFDK LLISTEN AGAIN HES SOSOOSOSO HANDSOME AND GOOD LOOKING OKAY!!! HES REALLY A VISUAL?? IDK HOW PEOPLE CANT SEE IT BUT LIEK THIS BOY IS F  I  N E ..... HIS FACE IS SO BEAUTIFUL AHHHhhhHHHHH  AND HE NEVER HAD A BAD ERA.. HE WAS HOT SINCE NO MERCY WTF !!!!! UGJFSUJDJS I HOPE HE KNOWS HES FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!! :( ANF HIS BEAUTIFUL NOSE,, AND HIS EYES!!!! OGM!!,,, GOD AND HIS PERFECTLY SHAPED LIPS.... HSI JAWLINE,,, BITUCSHJ,,,

OK HES SO LOVABLE IN EVERY DAMN WAY LIKE,, he’s Weird but its a cute Weird he’s so special omg there’s really no one else like him :(((( like...... he’s a treasure fr... he’s So Many things and once its hard to pinpoint his personality but like ??? i love it so much?? he’s a mystery and i dont know what he’s thinking like most of the time but.. i rlly love him omgdsj he’s so special :’( like fr !!! everyone LOVES him!! :(( most people wouldnt see him as the maknae if they dont Know,, but like he really is... and he’s really mx’s babie :-( they spoil him so much and love the heck out of him,,, he’s really the most loved maknae out there wtf... honestly... i love family... they really Adore him so much ugh what a big ass fking MOOD! :((

AND HIS VOICE!!!!! THE VOICE OF THE HEAVENS AND ANGELS AND HAPPINESS AND ALSO NUT!!!! WTF!! HIS VOICE IS SO SEXY AJSDFGDUJIS LIKE... PLEASE... NARRATE THE BIBLE TO ME HOLY FUCKSIFDU, YOU KNOW HIS VOICE ONLY V LIVE... HOLY SHIT MY EARS NUTTED SO HARD omg.... i just wanna listen to his voice All Day.... and dont even get mee started on his rapping .... he starts his bar and sets me on fucking fire w half a syllable . and did i mentioned he fucking amazing at rapping yeah . he Does That. and hes so charismatic, especially on stage... :((( ugh omgfisjd i wanan d*e when hes being so h*t on screen fucksdf,,, and like . his mixtapes he’s working on... king... pleas.e.... End me. just end me with ur talented ass wtf... 

SIJDFJD I NEED TO SHUT UP BUT LISTEN IM SO PROUD OF HOW MUCH HE’S GROWN IN THE PAST 2+ YEARS... LIKE HE’S COME SO FUCKING FAR!!!!! IN SO MANY WAYS!!!!!!!! GOD,,,,, I LOVE HIM SOSOSOSOSO DAMN MUCHSJIDFUDS HE MAKES MY HEART CONTINUE BEATING... THATS REALLY MY BABIE !! MY FUCKING CINNAMON APPLE!!! :(((((((((((

ok let me stop thank u,,, also... if anyone actually made it here hi wow uh ur great ily wtf :--(

[bitsynoya-archive]

You could do them all? Bc how should I just oneeeeeeee of your pairs???? Don't hate me XD

hahaha alright i’m gonna do Ice x Eli since they’re new and i wanna explore their relationship <3

(send me a ship and i’ll break them down)

How did they meet?

they met in high school. ice and mari get to know each other then and become best friends. eli is the new kid in town and when he gets introduced to the class, that’s when he meets everyone naturally.

individually they properly meet when rüdiger introduces him to his friends, and by extension to marcell’s friends, after him and elias have gotten closer. out of solidarity to mari ice thinks elias is a loser. they also see a little behind eli’s sad-beautiful-charming-emo-boy-facade as they’re very observant and they are not impressed lmao.

Who developed romantic feelings first?

both at the same time. theirs is a gradual slope to romantic feelings that happens over first ignoring/slightly disliking each other, then hanging out more, becoming friends and eventually developing romantic feelings. they vibe on the same level i think.

Who is their biggest “shipper”?

so ok this only happens post-c.d. when mari and eli are becoming friends and the group is coming together properly so when ice and eli’s relationship becomes apparent their biggest shipper will be marcell, bc he’s super happy for his best friend.

When did they have their first kiss and under what circumstances?

they were out for ice cream agan, enjoying a nice date. their kisses all tasted fruity that day.

Who confessed their feelings first?

neither. i rly like the idea of them just gradually falling into this relationship together. there’s no real starting point to it and they never get to any big confessions even when they start telling each other “i love you”.

What was their first official date?

the gang wanted to get tgt at the bowling alley but everyone else canceled last minute. eli was like hey why don’t we hang out since we’re already here and have some fun and ice agreed. so they bowled and talked - it wasn’t the first time they hung out just the two of them, just the first time they didn’t end up w the group at the end - and got into some deep convos and had fun. but it only turned into a date when they were walking home and elias bought them ice cream and they shared with each other. that’s when they started being aware that they could/did feel differently for the other than they thought. i guess there never rly was an official date. just dates. lots of them after this.

How do they feel about double dates/group dates?

they like them. nina and bella like to call them on double dates and they even participated in a trible couple group date once with nina, bella, rü and mari but ever since, they refuse to do that bc rücell were so busy with themselves they completely ignored anyone else lmao. which is fine bc rücell don’t like double or group dates anyway. they keep doing them with nina and bella tho :)

What do they do in their down time?

ice watches elias paint. the activities relax them respectively. 

What was the first meeting of parents as an official couple like?

eli’s parents nag him abt this mystery person that seems to help elias relax when he’s on the phone with him and they rly want to meet him from the moment they get wind of his existence. but eli is reluctant to bring ice over bc he’s still insecure abt his adoptive parent’s love. when they do meet eventually (for a formal dinner at eli’s parent’s place) they’re very warm and welcoming towards ice.

ice’s parents died when they were 11. they don’t have any guardians or family to introduce eli to.

What was their first fight over and how did they get past it?

eli got jealous over ice spending time with marcell. it turned pretty bad with eli’s insecurities rearing their ugly head and ice not handling it well bc it was never a problem before they got together. eventually mari talked elias into listening to reason and convinced ice to stop ignoring eli. they talked it out and only sometimes fight over eli’s jealous tendencies anymore, but never as bad as that time.

Which one is more easily made jealous?

elias. see above haha

What is their favourite thing to get to eat?

japanese. they love sushi.

Who’s the cuddly one? What’s their favourite cuddling position?

eli is way cuddlier but ice almost always initiates cuddle sessions bc he knows eli won’t do it even when he wants to.

Are they hand holders?

no

How long do they wait before sleeping together for the first time? What’s the circumstances?

a long time. they don’t actually wait, it’s just that the opportunity never arises until it does and they do. they were probably on a date and their feelings are pretty progressed by that time so it doesn’t feel awkward or confusing. instead it feels fitting and fulfilling. 

Who tops?

who who who who let the tops out who who yeah no

What’s the worst fight they’ve ever gotten into?

it was “The Epic Dress Dicourse of 2k15″. yeah, u guessed it. it was abt that dress with the optical illusion that made it seem either gold-white or blue-black. they fought for a week and even got the others to take sides. it was bloody. words were spoken, accusations thrown, theories rebutted. no one fought as hard as ice and eli who had started the whole thing. it almost destroyed their relationship and the group friendships. it was settled when the truth came out but they have never been the same since. the group treads lightly on internet discourse around ice and eli. they never talk about it and when they do they treat it like wizards and witches treated Lord Voldemorts name before the war. the-D-that-must-not-be-spoken-about. the-only-D-they-don’t-speak-about. they-do-not-want-that-D. 

Who does the shopping and the cooking?

eli

Which one is more organized and prone to tidiness?

they’re both very tidy but eli is more organized.

Who proposes?

eli but they don’t get married

Do they have joined Bachelor/Bacheloette parties or separate?

they don’t get married

Who is the best man/maid of honour? Any other groomsmen or bridesmaids?

they don’t get married

Big Ceremony or Small?

they don’t get married

Do they have a honeymoon? If so, where?  

they don’t get married

Do they have children? How many?

they will adopt 2 kids over the age of 8 when the time is right.

[sanaseva-archive]

i read ur tag about how people don't read ur evak headcanons but im new here and would love the shit out of them

sorry this took ages because it’s a lot to collect from a lot of places, but like. it’s not that they don’t read them. it’s that when i tell them they tell me to stop (probably bc it’s emotionalé :P)

but i usually send headcanons to sunny, anki and faiza!!! (and a couple of others on twitter but that was between seasons mostly lol)

read under break!!

1. pianist!isak

when isak was younger, he played the piano. he took classes, he understood the instrument, he felt the music flowing through his fingers and into the air, an echo from his very soul. he could switch it up and he could make a happy song sad.

then, people started to comment on how gay it all was. he started to panic and put the piano lid down, never to touch it again.

his father moved out, brought the piano with him, and isak never really cared. he could skateboard instead, hang out with jonas and play video games instead. jonas tried to ask once, “what’s up with you never playing the piano anymore?” but isak shuts him down easily with “it’s boring and i hate it”. they never touch on the subject again.

years later, when even and isak are out travelling, isak finds a public piano. he gravitates too it and even says something about “no, let it be, it’s not a toy, love,” but isak doesn’t care-- doesn’t listen. he hasn’t touched a piano since-- well-- since he stopped playing. he has, however, missed the piano so much. he missed the control he had. god knows he can’t sing to save his own life, but the piano? that’s something he can do.

he goes there, and does the thing, leaving even and the crowd speechless. who could’ve guessed, that the young man in trainers and snapback could do that?

even shines with pride, he hugs isak tightly when he’s finished and kisses him, and tells everyone to “look at my boyfriend!!! isn’t he fantastic? amazing? absolutely perfect?”

2. even + the balloon squad, growing up

okay so, this one was with faiza. remember the handshake in the hei briskeby video?

even was there when it became a thing. he was there for a long time. they knew each other for a long time, in fact.

so i couldn’t stop thinking about all !! the !! events !! they have shared, all the things they remember doing together, all the things they grew up doing together. such as:

at the bakkoush' it was not uncommon for many years to see the boys pretend wrestling and hugging and racing the house. when the boys were really small they used to run outside on various branches pretending to play quidditch and even could recite his favourite parts by heart and mikael too

about painting nails

imagine even and mikael and yousef painting their nails together for the first time and they spill probably on sana's favourite shirt and they're super sorry and sana is like UGH YOU CAN'T EVEN PAINT YOUR NAILS PROPERLY ALRIGHT LET ME DO IT SO YOU DON'T SPILL IT ALL OVER THE PLACE and they're like YES PLEASE SANA HELP US

faiza added:

SHE WOULD HELP THEM DO IT LIKE LOOK BOYS "THIS IS THE TRICK"

i continued

and then they can't stop showing elias and mutasim and mama and papa bakkoush their nails and they keep complimenting sana's skills like "we ruined her shirt" "were so sorry :(" "but she helped us with the nails and LOOK LOOK!!!" and mutasim is probably like "looking good bros" and mama bakkoush goes "very nice boys, ooo look at that colour even!! it really brings out your eyes" and even literally shines up and sana is like ughhhhh these boys can't do shit

about biking

imagine them biking and racing each other and then like. elias falls and scrapes his knees and it Really Hurts and the boys are like oh No and try to help him and they get Elias back home and nobody's home and Yousef is like. "Well, first we need to clean it" and Elias tries to Be Cool but his eyes sting when they help cleaning the cuts and Sana comes home and Elias is crying in the bathroom with all the boys, Muta probably tries to calm the situation but Sana is like WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BROTHER and they're like "no no he fell when we were biking" and Sana puffs out some air and takes the charge and she calls their dad to get help over the phone and then they help Elias to his bed to lie down and they're all So Concerned but by the next week they're at it again, biking down the streets because it's what they do 

If they were really young when they met imagine them learning how to bike 😭😭😭 

about harry potter nerding

(imagine that, a preteen even is sitting on his bed, his legs crossed and he tries to do magic like they do in harry potter, and he tries to magically make sure his friends are okay before he goes to bed every night, and later, when he doesn't understand why he's starting to loose interest in things and feel endlessly sad all the time, he puts a hand to his heart and whispers lumos, because once, when he was crying because someone had been mean to him, mikael tried to cheer him up by putting his hand on even's heart and said lumos with a small smile, saying that now his heart should feel lightened)

faiza added:

all the boys having / a harry potter marathon / though /those are what nights are made for

i continued:

And Even and Mikael battling about who knows the most trivia / Yousef is always the one butting in about "but that's not how it is in the books" but even just laughs and says "its a movie, they can't have everything in it" and mikael just nods enthusiastically and they both sigh and blows out a wish about how they want to be a director one day 

3. random evak headcanons

i sent this to anki, for example:

imagine when they're like 30, even blows out a sigh in the car and wishfully says something about wishing to have a motorcycle and just,,, couple of months later, isak has bought him a motorcycle and (if the license for motorcycle doesn't come with the regular driving license as it used to in Sweden in like the seventies or smth) he takes the license with even, and then they go on a trip somewhere ;nnnn;

and we’ve talked about isak’s sleeping problems too. here’s the convo:

me:

okay, but like. i can't fall asleep. so im thinking about isak not being able to fall asleep. and that makes me just Upset

anki: 

it's gotten a lot better now that he gets to sleep next to even every night. but sometimes, the thoughts still creep up on him, making it impossible for him to fall asleep and then he tosses and turns around in bed, kicking the bed linen off himself, then covers himself up again because he freezes and even wakes up from it, whispers a "can't sleep?" all groggy and isak nods, cuddles closer to even and takes a breath. one, two, three, four. tries to calm himself down. even's hands hold isak's, firmly but soft. "i'm here"  even whispers and isak breathes out again. one two three four

anki: 

and even doesn't force isak to tell him all his thoughts, if isak wanted to he'd tell him, and that makes isak calm down even more, he's getting a lil sleepier still not sleepy enough to actually fall asleep but at least he's napping a little

me:

even notices the difference immediately. isak's response time slows down, his words get bundled together before they leave his mouth, his gaze is glassy and far-away, and sometimes, it feels like he's speaking to a ghost.

even tries to do a lot of things for isak. but he knows this isn't something he just can't. fix. much like how isak can't fix /him/. but that doesn't mean he doesn't try.

he lets isak rest against his chest because the even's heartbeats makes it easier for isak to find some peace.

he lets isak gaze off mid-conversation, and easily gets him back to track when isak blinks a couple of times to find himself in the present.

he helps isak find someone to talk to-- a professional-- and he hates to see how it doesn't get any better. it's not that it's getting worse per se, but isak feels a lot worse (which makes even feel much worse) because he got his hopes up. instead he's just. a walking zombie sometimes.

one day on the weekend, even wakes up to isak softly snoring. he rolls off the bed, gently, to make some breakfast. and when he gets back to their bedroom, he can see the absolute terror in isak's eyes.

"what's wrong" he asks, and he's starting to panic.

it takes a while-- most of this part of the memory is locked behind a door in even's mind, but later when isak comes back from another doctor's appointment, he learns that it's called sleep paralysis.

"i saw monsters," isak tells him quietly, and even can see isak's hand shaking a little. "i thought i was going to die."

even doesn't know what to say. he recognises the feeling-- from the monster inside his own head that sometimes visits him and overstays its welcome. when he wakes up one day, feeling the depression slowly dissipate, he tends to think, "i thought i was going to die" too.

he holds isak tightly instead, and doesn't really say anything. but isak hugs him back tighter (but much weaker than he would've a month ago) and he knows that they'll get through this. 

and i’ve talked to both anki and sunny about pokémon go and the boy sqad so...

since even is a '97 there's no reason for him not to be completely hyped up about pokemon go. like. magnus is like lowkey, jonas is probably more with even on this and mahdi and isak are like ?? but even and jonas definitely drags them all around oslo, trying to catch the fucking digital creatures and nearly screams when a Rare appears on their nearby list.

guess who gasped when gen2 was released? even. 

guess who groaned? isak.

but it's actually quite useful, isak finds, for when even is getting restless and can't sleep. isak suggests, "let's see if there's any new pokémon, shall we?" and out they go. for half an hour, an hour-- maybe two hours late at night, just strolling and trying to get them. when they get back home, even finally manages to fall asleep, and isak is holding him tightly, muttering about "guess im not the only nerd in this relationship," before he too falls asleep.

what they’re scared of:

what even is scared of:

being alone for too long, being left, being lost at an unfamiliar place, breaking something he's gotten as a gift, forgetting important dates, losing someone he loves, baring his soul, of himself when something feels Wrong but still not really wrong at all, making mistakes

what isak is scared of:

being left, dark and small spaces, getting bad grades, Weird Insects™, hurting someone he cares about,

(spiders especially:

me: so i totally think isak would be scared of spiders and literally shriek when he sees one this summer and jumps up on a chair calling for even to come save him and even is like..... mate It's our roommate Bengt or smth

And isak is like no take it outside!!!! and then when Bengt has been let out to live its spidery life even just gently teases isak a little and isak is like no this didn't happen idk what you're talking about WHERE'S YOUR PROOF 

anki: "I'm the master of liking spiders. they're so very...... nice"

me: "especially their..... legs?"

anki: "they have like....... eight legs don't you think that's......................... A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH"

me: "a little bit too much" is definitely said with a squeak)

and

whatever you do absolutely do not think about the squads having a movie night at evak's place and isak falls asleep on even's shoulder, and even lets him sleep there for a while, even though he notices how isak starts to drool all over him, and when the movie is over the squads fall quiet because-- wow isak really is the softest boy around even???? and even just gestures them to be quiet and carries isak over to their bed and isak wakes up a bit, asking if the movie is over and if it was any good and he's sorry he fell asleep and please tell everyone good night from me and that i love my friends

and even does that, and when he comes back to bed isak is fast asleep again and he was honestly just going to lie close to isak for a while before cleaning up the plates and bowls for snacks they've used but he falls asleep to, holding isak closely and hearing his boy's deep breathing.

when he wakes up, in the middle of the night however, isak has managed to turn the tables and he's being held by isak again. he doesn't mind, even if isak has started drooling on his neck again

about even’s first movie being about isak:

me:

do you ever think abt even making his first movie and it isn't directly about isak but it's about his /love/ for isak and when isak watches it for the first time he is a sobbing mess

anki:

also the credits just begin with "for you" without putting a name in there and isak just SOBS AND SOBS AND SOBS

evak + snowboarding

next winter even definitely takes isak out for some snowboarding but isak is definitely hopeless at it and isak can be heard muttering about "is it even normal to want to be this high up on a fucking mountain and wanting to race down this shit on a fucking snowboard"

u know when u eaten spicy food and u wake up feeling hangover the next day? (i don’t but my apparently this is a thing lmao)

one day even makes the food too spicy but isak really wants to prove him he's Tough(TM) and eats it all and tries not to complain or show he's suffering and the next day isak wakes up feeling like he's hungover because there was so much salt and seasoning and shit that his body is like. mate. water pls.even laughs as he hands isak a waterbottle.

this summer evak moment we won’t see:

one day this summer, even will wake isak up at like 9am and be like "we're going to the beach today yes we aaaaree" and isak is like, tiredly, "we are?" and even is like YEP GET UP YOU LAZY BOY and the breakfast is in the table for isak when he has finally managed to roll out of bed and when he enters the kitchen isak opens the freezer bc "it's too hot even I can't live like this" and even closes the freezer bc "we have food in there isak, please" and then they get to the beach and isak rolls out the blanket or the towel and literally slumps down and falls asleep again, only to wake up to even touches his legs with.... something??? and isak squeaks "what are you DOING" and even stops for a second before he says "you need sun protection my pale boy, or do you want to turn into Donald trump?"

and then even plays some music on his phone, probably nas bc why not, and then isak wakes up again and is like "I need water NOW im BURNING" and they race into the water laughing and tripping and then they probably kiss in the water and isak challenges even into another hold your breath under the water competition and isak is so so grumpy that he never wins that shit 

like there’s a lot? of shit i’ve shared? like ?? i can’t go through everything im sorry ;n;

this is a fkn mess, im so so so so sorry

and i’ve shared tonnes of headcanons with sunny amongst others, like. it’s impossible to mention all of them rip

also this is super not in order we’ve spoken about them?? and they’re like. sometimes in swedish and sometimes in english it’s? a mess honestly? and like. all of the above is basicaly copy paste bc im too lazy trying to make sense hahhahaa sorr,y

[dorkery]

Okay so like, mu aunt and uncle are not very clean or responsible parents. They stick my cousin (15 yrs my junior) with my family at every given chance and are basically kind of negligent. But the kid loves his mum and has the additional virtue of being a stubborn dimwit. Like, he's clearly intelligent, but he's also a complete dungu (non-Malay speakers imagine calling your cat a total fucking idiot, same mood)

So ok he's being stubborn about not wanting to take his meds bc he doesn't want to eat the food we have in the house (bc his parents basically just feed him literally the same 3 things from frozen on a rotating basis and he basically has no more tastebuds)

That's a tangent. The real piss taking is when my mum asks him if he bathes (see: showers) in the morning

Some facts:

1. In Malaysia you must bathe daily. Sometimes even 2 to 3 times a day. For Malay families, you HAVE to bathe in the mornings. To not do so is a serious faux pas.

2. This kid barely, if ever, bathes. We all know this. He is kidding no one.

He says he bathes...sometimes. But it's too hard to wake up in the morning!!! So he doesn't. And when he finishes school he goes to after school class to learn how to read the Quran (also bc his parents work) and socialise so by the time he gets home, like at 5 pm or so, he's clearly ripe. But it's also a belief among Malays that you can't shower while wet with sweat, it has to dry first. So he says sometimes the sweat doesn't dry until long after he sleeps. And then it's too hard to wake up early.

You see what we're dealing with here?

Mum: do you brush your teeth?

12yo cousin: Of course I do!!!

Mum: how many times a day?

12yo: 2!!!

Me: do you wash your hands?

12yo: of course I do

Mum: with soap?

12yo: yea

Mum: do you wash your bontot (bum) after you poop?

12yo: yea

Mum: with soap?

12yo:.........no?

Mum: how about your tote (peepee)?

12yo: uh, yes

Mum: do you wash it with soap?

12yo: nnnno

Mum: then what do you wash it with?

12yo: just...just some water

Mum: not mineral water?

12yo: ?????? No????

Mum: you mean you don't wash your tote with mineral water?????

12yo: (skeptical but also hesitantly worried) no... But why should I?

Mum: because it has minerals!!! the minerals help clean your tote if you don't use soap

12yo:????? why mineral water???

Mum: because chlorine, you know chlorine?

12yo: yea? you clean the pool with it

Mum: it's too harsh for your tote, so you have to use mineral water

12yo: but what if I only have a little bit left?

Me: (trying not to lose it) that means you didn't plan properly before you had to go pee! Right Ma?

Mum: (zen fucking face) yes, of course.

12yo: but then what if I want to drink the water afterwards????

Me: (cracking the fuck up) you don't stick your tote in the bottle lah you!!!!!!!

this. this isn't even the half of it. I was quizzing him on Malay, science and history and. and.

my mum is making fun of my 12 yo cousin and its too funny I’m gonna piss