#we need more boyd holbrook imagines

[the-everqueen]

Alt face cast for the Corinthian?

this one is hard...i do think the Corinthian as a white man makes sense from a narrative standpoint, for reasons i have talked about elsewhen. also definitely thinking about how "Corinthian" is inextricably linked to Classics and the role that's played in formulation of "Western" subjects/identity (re: the Corinthian's U.S. southern accent and the ways he's almost uniquely U.S. American in his scope/influence). anyways i'm saying, if you need a feral white man to play your feral nightmare, Boyd Holbrook is an excellent choice.

that being said! Amir El-Masry has that casual, devil-may-care vibe that i think goes well with the Corinthian's impulsiveness and charm. also he rocks the white t-shirt and jeans combo. (all of his like, red carpet pics are...who is styling this man? why y'all putting him in these ugly suits?) clean-shaven with a tight fade and the top all curly? mm. good look. on the younger side, Jay Lycurgo has that rangy, tight-wound energy i imagine a young Coco would embody (plus he plays very...lonely characters and i do think of the Corinthian as fundamentally lonely). the feelings i have about a mixed-race Corinthian are...hm! did not know i could feel even more intensely! also on the young side but PLEASE look at his wikipedia pic because it exemplifies everything i'm arguing here: Xolo Maridueña. give him a few years and he'd be perfect. ALSO. AGAIN. having feelings about the Corinthian as played by a Latine, LA-raised actor - Coco 2.0 goes to Silicon Valley in Nightmare Country and he's...super LA vibes. the ways that being an LA-born-and-raised brown person allows you to move through that space in certain ways - you go unnoticed, you know the various streets, you have a familiarity with the area that could either render you as someone who belongs or as someone who might be otherwise "dismissed" as, say, "the help," which! affords you a degree of freedom if you're a Nightmare on the hunt, even as it maybe adds to the chip on your shoulder. (also then so many thoughts about brownness and risk/fungibility/survival.)

of course, this is all assuming that Riz Ahmed is busy playing Dream. because again, Riz Ahmed did the Corinthian's voice in the audiobook version of the comix.

[totally off-the-cuff choice: Janelle Monae, anyone? i know i said Ayo based on that one white suit but...we want a queer rebellion, and Monae has the range.]

[perezzakhartaylor]

Boyd Holbrook NYCC experience!

Hello! Here is my full experience with Boyd Holbrook at NYCC last weekend! Hope this is coherent enough!

Tagging the following people so they see this (thank you for your interest!!): @andromedaceline @ecoustsaintmein​ @celestialmazer​ @killingdoll​ @hystericalroger​ @justafleshwoundbaby​

So I was first in line for his autograph line on Saturday morning. Waited in line for about an hour for him to show up. He nonchalantly arrives with his wonderful assistant who was handling the tickets and such. Boyd looks directly at me and says “Hi!” with the sweetest smile and I say “Hello! Good morning!” back to him. He then says hello to Melissa Navia who was signing autographs next to him on Saturday. After he gets situated and chats with his assistant for a couple seconds he looks at me and waves me over saying “Let’s do this!” I am fighting blacking out at this point because I can’t believe this is actually happening. I introduce myself, welcome him to the con, and tell him how happy I am that he was there. He tells me how excited he is to be at NYCC and can’t believe how many people are here. I let him know how much I love him in everything and how he killed it this year with The Sandman and Vengeance. He fist bumps me at this point and replies with an appreciative tone “Happy to have a supporter out there!” He asks me what I want to have him sign (I brought a Nightmare Country issue with my favorite cover to have him sign but I also wanted a picture signed too) and his assistant realizes they don’t have anything on the table and tells Boyd he’s going to go grab the pictures from the back.

Boyd taps on the table near me and says “You stay right here, we’ll hang for a bit while we get set up.” I try not to have an absolute meltdown over this and stay calm. I hand him the issue of Nightmare Country I had brought for him to sign so he could sign it while we wait. He looks at it confused and flips through it and asks “Is this a real thing?” and I say “Yeah! It’s a real comic book series running right now and it’s all about The Corinthian. He’s having a huge renaissance right now with the show and this comic book series.” He was so excited and he said “Could you imagine if we made a show with him by himself? I would love to do that!” and I said, “Yes! We NEED that. You were the perfect person to play him!” He said he’s happy people enjoyed the show so much because he gets disappointed when things don’t stick. That made me :(

His assistant came back with the photos and started putting them out, Boyd got up to help him and said “My dad was a coal miner. I have to stay humble.” His assistant had to go back and grab some more stuff so I continued the conversation with Boyd and helped him put the pictures out. Asked him how life was at the moment and some of the stuff he said was not too personal but things I’d rather not put on social media because he was being so chill and open to the moment with me. He also noticed my Corinthian shirt that I was wearing and said “THAT’S AWESOME!” (He also pointed it out to his assistant and said, ‘Isn’t her shirt awesome!?”) His assistant came back with the rest of the stuff and I had Boyd sign the below picture and told him to sign it however he wanted!

His assistant asked him if he’s up to do selfies and I said “Oh! Are you?!” and he was like “Sure! Absolutely!” and I asked him if we could take one. He came around his table and we took our selfie. 

Since he was already near me I asked him if I could have a hug (I wanted to shoot my shot!) and he told me ‘Of course! I am a huge hugger’ which made me absolutely melt and he gave me the biggest hug. I thanked him for being so amazing and wished him the best time the rest of the weekend and that I would see him at his photo OP the next day. He thanked me and said “See you tomorrow!” I let him move on to the next fan since I had already taken up so much of his time and finished up payment with his assistant and left. I was shook the rest of the day.

Sunday consisted my photo OP and I was one of the first in line for that. When we were moved into the photo booth with him I hyped him up by excitedly half-yelling: ‘Yeah, Boyd!” he looked at me and smiled before photos started with him. When it was my turn I said, “Can we please do the biggest hug?” and he said “Bring it!” and we did just that! I thanked him and left.

I wasn’t planning on having him sign the photo at the start of the day but the more I looked at it the more I said “I think I need to have him sign this!” So I waited until later in the day because I wanted people to have their time with him before I saw him again and went when his line starting winding down as the con was coming to an end. I gave him the picture to sign and he face lit up when he reacted with, “Wow! What a great picture!” and he grabbed a marker and immediately went to drawing a heart around us. 

He finished signing the rest of the picture and I thanked him again for coming to the convention, how he is my absolute favorite/how amazing he had been all weekend, and how I’m looking forward to whatever he was going to be in. He thanked me for all the love and gave me a fist bump as I left. As soon as I left the area and found a place to regroup I started tearing up. He was an absolute sweetheart the whole weekend with nothing but a gracious attitude and completely blew away all expectations I had about what I was going to experience with him. I am ride or die with him forever now! Hope you enjoyed reading this post! 

[godscountryrp]

JESSE HOWARD 41 • open occupation • one degree • boyd holbrook nearly twenty-five years ago, jesse and pam -- along with four others -- survived one of the worst nights of their lives, and in the history of slaughter holler. though there are few people who know the particulars of that night, or who chose to believe the survivors, jesse and pam do remember -- often vividly, often... well, often. for years after the fact, the slaughter holler six were only really able to rely on themselves and one another, though even that tended to be a tenuous thing. even so -- for jesse and pam, their connection was one rooted in kindred spirits and somewhat similar backgrounds, their shared trauma only serving to push them closer to one another as things got more and more challenging. it wasn't healthy, by any stretch of the imagination, but it was... the closest to happy either of them had been in a long, long time. while i would like to collaborate on why they might have split up, the long and short of it is that pam eventually reached her breaking point -- with the town, with her family, with being constantly reminded of what was one of the most traumatic nights of her life. when she skipped town, fresh out of high school, she probably wasn't aware that she was pregnant -- but she found out quickly enough, and neglected to get back in touch with jesse to tell him. whether fear (that maybe he didn't love her enough to step up, that he wouldn't want anything to do with the baby -- not entirely rational, but here we are) or pride or something else altogether, she kept that secret. since leaving and having her daughter, she's done a lot of growing -- and i expect that jesse has as well. he eventually left slaughter holler as well, off to find something better and new, escaping slaughter holler just as most of the others did (that is to say: physically escaped, but emotionally? psychologically? questionable). how he moved on with his life is entirely up to player interpretation -- and how he feels about coming back to slaughter holler is also up to you! currently: complicated swirl of feelings regarding pam, and understandably so. she ran away from him when there was nothing in him that needed running from, hid her pregnancy from him, didn't really give him the chance to get to know his daughter during her most formative years... but still there lingers that connection, that spark, that drew them together in the first place. whether it results in anything long-lasting is entirely up in the air and up to plotting/threading -- at the very least, i do want him to be a part of holly's life, however awkward and tentative it might be. for him and pam -- there is a lot of love there, but the question always remains as to whether love is always enough. where they're concerned, i am interested to find out.

[briarridgerp]

WES PARKER (Luke Grimes) is looking for their SIBLINGS.

CONNECTION NAME:

UTP, but surname should be Parker. It would be nice if all the siblings had western / country sort of vibe names, but completely up to you!

CONNECTION:

Siblings

AGE:

These ages are approximate. Obviously it will depend on the face you choose and what makes sense for their age according to Wes! Wes is 36, and is the second eldest of the four siblings. Sibling 1: 38-39 Sibling 2: 33-35 Sibling 3: 30-32

FACECLAIM:

Up to player, of course, but here are some suggestions for each sibling.

Sibling 1: Adam Demos (39), Travis Van Winkle (41), Boyd Holbrook (43), Matt Barr (40), Charlie Hunnam (44), Chad Michael Murray (43), Jesse Lee Soffer (40), Luke Mitchell (39) Sibling 2: Scott Eastwood (38), Sam Claflin (38), Austin Butler (34), Brenton Thwaites (35), Liam Hemsworth (35), Jake Weary (34) Sibling 3: Daisy Edgar Jones (26), Kennedy McMann (27), Abigail Cowen (26), Meghann Fahy (34), Jessica Rothe (37)

BACKGROUND

Just going to do dot points here for the sake of keeping it easy lol. Feel free to hmu for more deets!

The Parker fam were born and raised on Silver Creek Ranch, located on the outskirts of Briar Ridge Hills. It spans a thousand acres ish. Wes lives there now for the last six months- a year with his mom and his grandparents, and I imagine the eldest brother and their nephew living there. Perhaps the grandparents live in a separate cabin somewhere on the property, and maybe the eldest sibling does too.

Wes is the second sibling of the four children. There are three brothers, and the youngest is their sister.

Their dad was a famous bull rider who was away more often than not. He was kind of hard on the kids, and I feel especially Wes for some reason. He left them when Wes was about 11 years old for another woman. He was never really faithful towards their mom, and kind of always a crappy husband and father. The kids don't have that much contact with them, Wes - none at all. But it's up to you what youd like for your character!

The eldest brother is a father. Whether he is married, divorced, co-parenting or a single parent raising his son on his own, he has a little boy. I imagine their nephew to be about 7 or 8 years old, but I'm more than happy to change this! I just headcanon that Wes' nephew helps him read, so at least five years old would be amaaaazing! The eldest brother probably helps to run the ranch and very much gives cowboy vibes.

The younger brother (third of the siblings), most likely doesn't live on the ranch and is off doing his own thing/own career. Think Beau from the Chestnut Springs series. Now I do have a really fun potential plot involving Wes' ex girlfriend now dating this brother 👀 the more chaos the better, but if you're interested in this plot I'm down to discuss deets.

Their sister is the youngest of the clan, and the one who resembles their dad the most. She and Wes are as thick as thieves, and she's probably the only sibling/family member who actually supported his bull riding career. The brothers constantly feel the need to protect her because she's their baby sister, but she's feisty in her own right!

EXTRA

You can check out this pinterest board of their family, and also this one of their family ranch for some inspo!

Here is Wes' bio for more reference.

CONTACT

Please contact the TEE on this blog.

[queenoftheweh]

Hey! Is anyone writing imagines for Ratched?

More specifically for Edmund Tolleson or Huck? If you are and you see this could you please Tag me in the next thing you write for them?

[neil-gaiman]

More casting news on Sandman...

Every afternoon I get an email telling me that there are “dailies” from The Sandman ready to be watched. It's the best bit of the day. Once every few weeks I get an email letting me know that there's a finished episode waiting for me to watch it. It's the best bit of the month.

The Sandman is being made, and it's... well, it's The Sandman. Which is the best thing of all.

You may know that The Sandman is based on my comic book series of the same name. A rich blend of modern myth and dark fantasy in which contemporary fiction, historical drama and legend are interwoven, The Sandman follows the people and places affected by Morpheus, the Dream King, as he mends the cosmic — and human — mistakes he's made during his vast existence.

You might already know that Tom Sturridge (he/him) is Dream of the Endless, Gwendolyn Christie (she/her) is Lucifer, Sanjeev Bhaskar (he/him) and Asim Chaudhry (he/him) are Cain and Abel, Charles Dance (he/him) is Roderick Burgess, Vivienne Acheampong (she/her) is Lucienne, and Boyd Holbrook (he/him) is The Corinthian.

But there are more parts to be announced. And I thought it would be fun to tell you about some of them, and the thinking behind them.

DEATH – Dream's wiser, nicer, and much more sensible sister. Significantly harder to cast than you might imagine (well, than I imagined, anyway). Hundreds of talented women from all around the planet auditioned, and they were brilliant, and none of them were right. Someone who could speak the truth to Dream, on the one hand, but also be the person you'd want to meet when your life was done on the other. And then we saw Kirby Howell-Baptiste's (she/her) audition and we knew we had our Death.

DESIRE – Dream's sibling and everything you want, whatever you want and whoever you are. Desire is also trouble for Dream. Families are complicated. We had barely started looking when Mason Alexander Park (they/them) reached out on Twitter, and threw their hat into the ring. We were thrilled when they got the part.

DESPAIR – Desire's twin, Dream's sister. She is the moment when all hope is gone, the bleakest of the Endless. Donna Preston (she/her) will be playing her, and her performance is chilling and sad. You feel her pain.

JOHANNA CONSTANTINE – Eighteenth Century occult adventuress, John Constantine’s great-great-great grandmother. This Sandman character became so popular that she even had her own spin-off series. I created her to fill the role that John Constantine does in the past. When we broke down the first season, given that we knew that we would be encountering Johanna in the past, we wondered what would happen if we met a version of her in the present as well. We tried it and the script was sparkier, feistier, and in some ways even more fun. So having written her, we just had to cast her. Jenna Coleman (she/her) gave us the Johanna of our dreams – tough, brilliant, tricky, haunted and probably doomed.

ETHEL CRIPPS – Roderick Burgess's love, John Dee's mother, is a small but vital role in the comics, but she became more important as we told our story. In the 1920s and 30s, she is played by Niamh Walsh (she/her): a betrayed and determined young woman seeking to survive. In the present day, now a woman of a hundred identities and a thousand lies, she's played by the brilliant Joely Richardson (she/her).

JOHN DEE – Ethel's son is dangerous. He was driven mad, long ago. Now he's out and on a quest for Truth that may destroy the world. We needed an actor who could break your heart and keep your sympathy while taking you into the darkest places. We were lucky that David Thewlis (he/him) took the part.

Now we're shooting The Doll's House, the second big Sandman storyline. It's the story of:

ROSE WALKER – a young woman on a desperate search for her missing brother, who finds a family she didn't know that she had, and a connection to Dream that neither of them can escape. We needed someone young who could make you care as she ventures into some very dangerous places. Boyd Holbrook's Corinthian is waiting for her, after all. Kyo Ra (she/her) achieves that as Rose.

LYTA HALL – Rose’s friend, a young widow mourning her husband Hector. Rose doesn't know that Hector has started showing up in Lyta's dreams, though. Or that strange things are happening. Razane Jammal (she/her) is Lyta, and she's terrific.

UNITY KINKAID - Heiress, Rose's mysterious benefactor. She has spent a century asleep. Now she's awake, having missed out on her life. She's played by Sandra James Young (she/her).

GILBERT – Rose Walker's debonair protector. A dab hand with a paradox and a sword cane. Stephen Fry (he/him) is a National Treasure, and we forget sometimes that he's also a remarkable actor. Seeing him in costume and make up on the dailies made me blink: it was as if the comic had come to life.

MATTHEW  – Dream’s trusted emissary. A raven. I expected our animals to be CGI, and was both taken aback and thrilled when the dailies started coming in, and there was Dream talking to... well, a raven. But ravens don't really talk. The question was, could we find an actor who could make you care about a dead person who was now a bird in the Dreaming – one who isn't certain what's going on, or whether any of this is a good idea? And could we find a voice performer who was also the kind of Sandman fan who used to stand in line to get his Sandman comics signed? The answer was, we could if we asked Patton Oswalt (he/him). And Patton was the first person we asked, and the first person we cast, the day before we pitched The Sandman to Netflix.

Of course, there are more delights and nightmares cast than I've listed here, and we have a few more secrets up our sleeves. I can't wait until you can start watching.

[acdeaky]

hi all! it’s that time of year again and i thought it would be fun to create a christmas/winter/december writing challenge to end the year in a fun way (as we definitely need something to look forward to as we end this year). i’ve never done anything like this before, but i hope you all like this idea and want to get involved, too!

let’s get the ‘rules’ out of the way...

these prompts can be used in anyway you like, whether that’s fluff, angst or something more ✨spicy✨, you’re not limited to how you wish to interpret these prompts: let your imagination run wild!

you can either write a blurb or a whole length fic for these prompts (only if you have the time. writing 24 full length fics in about 7/8 weeks is a lot!) and the protanganist can be whoever you like, whether it’s a character or real life person

please post warnings and/or ratings for your work! this just helps others know the content of your writing before they read so they know it’s safe for them personally and as a minor/or 18+

i would recommend using the tag #acdeaky’sdecemberwritingchallenge and/or creating a masterlist with your completed works. i’d love to be able to look through the tag and see your writings/look at a masterlist during/after the challenge is over

without further ado, here are the prompts!

day 1 - building a fort

day 2 - cozy night in

day 3 - snow day 

day 4 - christmas shopping

day 5 - winter weekend away 

day 6 - christmas tree farm 

day 7 - making a gingerbread house

day 8 - decorating for christmas 

day 9 - baking a pie

day 10 - making hot chocolate 

day 11 - reading by the fire 

day 12 - christmas film night 

day 13 - a day while snowed in 

day 14 - visiting a winter market 

day 15 - drawing a hot bath 

day 16 - spontaneous night out 

day 17 - a walk in the snow 

day 18 - dancing to christmas music 

day 19 - christmas baking 

day 20 - wrapping presents 

day 21 - date night 

day 22 - meal with friends 

day 23 - gift exchange  

day 24 - christmas morning 

those who may want to participate/signal boost:

@teenagepeterpan @warriorteam1924 @spacedustmazzello @writingfortoomanyfandoms @blushmis @deakysgurl @mrpascals @tiffdawg @cthruthestars @almightygwil @forever-rogue @dindjarindiaries @aerynwrites @starryeyedstories @holbrook-boyd @pajamasecrets @vanthcobb @onceuponadetectivedemigod @crocodileniall @gryffindorwriter @caryled @goldhoran @killerqueenmachine @ohholyfanfics @siempre-pedro @versdan @boomerangbassist @noroger @someone-get-a-medic @mamaskillerqueen @ijustreallylovezebras @meddowsmoon @queenscoolcat @patmvrray @drtimmurphy @sohoneyspreadyourwings @1001-yellow-daffodils @painkiller80 @scarecrowmax @seesiderendezvous @alright-mrfahrenheit @laedymoon @painandpleasure86 ​@bhxrdy

[chelsfic]

You’ll never break the chain - Donald Pierce x Tracker!Reader - Logan Fanfic

Boyd Holbrook Masterlist

Warnings: Unhealthy! Relationship! Dynamic! (This is fiction, please!), Power dynamic (captor/captive relationship), Stockholm Syndrome, Dark, What have I done?, Mentions smut, Angst!

Summary: Donnie returns to work after his medical leave and needs to do some damage control--which involves ignoring our tracker and making her feel bad--damnit!

A/N: I owe so much of everything I write to my engaged readers. You guys inspire me so much. @lackofhonor particularly inspired the scene where Donnie confronts Riley... And I *know* someone suggested the teleporting mutant to me and I can’t recall who it was!! Please let me know so I can give you credit!!

---

Donald leans back in the Land Rover’s passenger seat, watching the scene behind the windshield play out with seemingly bored, heavy-lidded eyes. He keeps his expression carefully schooled as Riley--your new handler--unlocks the back of the tactical van and pulls you out of the cage. The guy manhandles you, shoving you roughly and getting up in your face with his orders. He’s clearly chosen intimidation as his handling style and, well, Donnie can’t exactly fault him. Sure is a hell of a lot less complicated than the mess he’s made of things.

He feels DeWitt’s eyes on him from the driver’s seat, watchful...observant. Wondering if the boss is still soft for the mutant. Fuck. It’s been a month. A month since the injury. A month since you made your little scene on the roadside, clinging to his prone form as the Reavers tried to drag him back to the vehicles, raving and lashing out at anyone who tried to pull you away. They knew he was fucking you. They knew the boss had a soft spot for the little tracker. But none of the men knew the precise extent of things until that day. Hence the medical leave...the new handler...the distance. This is damage control.

He keeps his face inscrutable from behind tinted sunglasses, and he sees the moment your eyes land on him. He sees the recognition, the affection...the hope in your eyes. And he watches as it falters and wilts. Riley grabs your jaw, forcing you to face him as he spits words into your face. You’re trembling. How the fuck have they been managing to get anything out of you the last few weeks with these tactics?

Donnie isn’t perfect. He isn’t even a good man. But he tries more since meeting you...since keeping you. Riley, his...replacement, is another thing altogether. Donnie clenches his fists as he watches the man grab you by the arms and shake you when you don’t produce immediate results. How different are we, really, though? His mind drifts back to memories that send a sinking wave of shame to his heart.

---

You’re sitting cross-legged in the dust, head in your hands, straining against your exhausted powers in desperation. You can feel Donnie’s aggravation like a tangible thing, a suffocating weight on your chest, but it’s been hours of pursuit and you just can’t anymore.

“I’m sorry, Donnie.”

He growls in frustration, aiming a heavy-booted kick into the dirt at your feet that sends you scrambling backwards.

“Get up,” he hisses, his mouth twisting into an ugly grimace. You stand up, dusting the dirt from your pants and walking warily over to him. Without warning he grabs you by your ponytail, digging the fingers of his robotic hand into your hair and twisting painfully. 

He lowers his face to yours and you hear all the intensity of the contempt he feels for your kind dripping from his words, “This piece of shit injured one of my men. You been sendin’ us on a wild goddamn goose chase all day. What is this, mutie? You turnin’ on me?”

His hand twists harder in your hair and tears are streaming from your eyes as you shake your head, denying his words.

“Then. Do. Your fuckin’. Job.”

He releases you and watches you shake like a leaf. And inside, he feels nothing...nothing but rage.

In the end you successfully track the teleporting mutant clear across Texas to an abandoned cabin in the heart of a Louisiana swampland. Donnie and his men apprehend their exhausted quarry while you lay on your side in the back of the van, holding your aching head in your hands and keening with the pain. When Donnie sees the state you’re in he slides into the cage and gathers you into his lap. Now that the fury of the chase has passed he feels guilt creep in like a punch to the cut.

“Shhh, baby. You’re alright now. I got you. Donnie’s got you.”

---

When the asshole shoves you to the ground Donnie has finally had enough. He swings open the door to the Landrover and jumps out, stalking toward Riley with a feral grace that belies his still-healing ribs and the headache pulsing behind his eyes.

“Gimme your sidearm,” he snarls with an edge to his voice that brooks no argument.

Riley’s eyes widen but he reaches for the pistol on his hip, wordlessly handing over the gun. Donnie’s no fool. He knows that Riley’s been sneering behind his back and egging the other reavers on in their disrespect of him. It ends now. He takes the gun in his hands, pointedly refusing to turn his gaze in your direction. He can just see you in the corner of his eye, still lying in the dirt where Riley pushed you. Instead he trains his focus on the weapon in his hands, quickly and efficiently taking it apart and putting it back together as he speaks.

“As Riley, here, is well aware: mutants... are... our enemy,” he lets the words out in a slow drawl, locking eyes with every man around him in turn. “The enemy is powerful. Deadly. Not to be underestimated. If we falter--just once, just for a second--it could mean death. Now, I know some of you think I’ve gone soft on this little mutie--” 

He bends down and hauls you up to your feet, holding you with your back to his chest and pressing the gun’s muzzle to your temple. He feels your body instinctively leaning into his despite the danger and a splinter of some unthinkable emotion pierces his chest. He ignores it. He ignores the way your little hands wrap around his forearm; he ignores the way you try to pull your head away from the gun. He ignores you. Entirely.

“--What you fail to understand is that our little tracker is a tool just like this gun. If we keep it in working order, if we take care of it, if we understand how it works...it will operate effectively. If we neglect and abuse our tools they will fail.”

He lowers the gun from your head, gives you a reassuring squeeze with the arm wrapped around you, and then fires into the ground at Riley’s feet.

“Do you understand?” he asks with his voice pitched dangerously low.

“Yes, sir,” Riley responds automatically, but his eyes linger impudently on Donnie’s, his face set in fury. 

“Good,” Donald replies, dropping his grip from you like you’re some vile thing. He pushes you towards Riley and turns back to the Land Rover without a second glance, “Let’s find this fucker.”

---

Why did you think things would get better?

The question rattles through your brain as Riley frogmarches you through the underground parking garage. The sounds of car doors slamming echo off the concrete walls as the other reavers unload. You can’t help but crane your neck trying to catch another glimpse of Donnie. And there he is, running a hand through his perfect blond hair and studiously ignoring you. He looks good--healthy, rested. You ache to pull away from this brute and run into his arms. 

How many times have you imagined your reunion? He would come to your cell and make slow, deliberate love to you, his massive body dwarfing yours as he grinds you into the tiny mattress. Or he’d take you out on a mission and drag you behind the van while the others chase down your quarry. He’d push you to your knees and you’d be panting, salivating for it as he slowly presses his cock past your lips and down your throat. He’d run his fingers through your hair and call you a good girl as he fucks your mouth. Or he’d take you from behind up against the wall of the supply closet...or he’d use his hand to torture your cunt, edging you for an eternity before finally dipping his sweet lips between your legs and sending you over the top...or he’d simply kiss you with all of the love and passion he’s kept hidden from you all this time… 

Somehow you’d thought that after hearing him say the words, finally admitting his love, that things would change for the better. All this time you’ve been patiently awaiting the end of his medical leave--enduring the numbing boredom of your cell and Riley’s angry cruelty--believing that Donnie would come back and finally tell you that he wants to be with you. Really with you. That he’s come up with a plan to get you away somewhere. Somewhere safe. Somewhere without experiments and locking cell doors and punishments. Somewhere you can be together…But the cold indifference you saw in Donnie’s eyes today killed your last hope. He’ll never let you go. He’ll never change.

Riley drags you out of the garage, watching your eyes stay glued to Donnie’s form as he pulls you along.

Once he has you in the elevator he turns on you with a sneer, “Looks like you’re not daddy’s golden girl anymore, huh, mutie?”

Mutie. He says it like the vile slur that it is. But you recall all the times you’ve heard that same word fall from Donnie’s lips as something close to an endearment. My mutie. Little mutie. Good mutie. You feel a hollow ache in your stomach recalling how quickly he’d shoved you away before, like he couldn’t stand to touch you. He has to be faking this indifference. Because if he’s truly lost to you then what else is there?

Your feelings must show on your face because Riley laughs cruelly and uses his short, bulky frame to crowd you into the wall, his meaty hand groping your breasts as his breath rasps against your ear, “Don’t look so sad. I can be your new daddy.”

Note: I really agonized and struggled to write this one and, in the end, I’m just meh about it. I hope you liked it!!

Tags:

@nothing-but-a-comedy @ionlyjoinedforboydholbrook @theplumsoldier @meri47 @lackofhonor @sabinemorans 

I feel like I’m probably forgetting some people that asked to be tagged...

[aion-rsa]

Every Upcoming Blumhouse New Horror Movie For 2021 and Beyond

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In just over a decade Blumhouse Productions has gone from a very smart agile indie to possibly the most significant horror production company out there. It’s slate is huge, it most quickly and cheaply, trusts in its creators and favours originality and genuine scares. Though the pandemic has meant certain release dates have had to move, or not as yet locked in, it’s clear the Blumhouse juggernaut is showing no signs of slowing. It has several film in production, with release dates set for 2021 and even more movies in various states of development.

We’ve rounded up the latest on all of Blumhouse’s upcoming horror movies. Note: we have not included TV, we haven’t included anything which is clearly not a horror and the projects which have been in development hell for many years are summarised briefly at the end. We’ll keep this updated so pop back for all your Blumhouse needs.

Image from 2013’s The Purge

The Forever Purge

Release date: 9 July 2021

This fifth installment of the The Purge franchise will reportedly be the last with creator and writer James DeMonaco promising a ‘really cool’ end to the series. This movie was originally scheduled for a summer 2020 release – filming wrapped in February 2020 – but dates inevitably shifted and now it’s aiming for Summer 2021. While DeMonaco wrote the script, the movie is directed by Everardo Gout who’s best known for his work on National Geographic series Mars. The movie stars Ana de la Reguera and Tenoch Huerta with Josh Lucas and Will Patton. 

Welcome to the Blumhouse (second batch)

Release date: 2021 tbc

This imprint which launched in October and streams on Amazon Prime will get another four installments in 2021. The series once again aims to give a platform to upcoming and underrepresented voices. The movies are:

Madres

A pregnant Mexican-American woman and her husband move to a migrant community in California where she starts to experience strange visions and phenomena. Is it the legendary curse? Or is something more sinister going on? This is a first feature from Ryan Zaragoza and stars Tenoch Huerta (The Forever Purge) Ariana Guerra, Evelyn Gonzalez, Kerry Cahill, and Elpidia Carrillo.

The Manor

Residents of a nursing home are haunted by supernatural forces in this film from Soulmate director Axelle Carolyn. Barbara Hershey stars as a woman who’s recently moved into the home following a stroke who suspects malevolent beings are at prey and needs to convince everyone around her she doesn’t belong there at all in order to escape.

Black as Night 

Teenage misfits battle vampires who are attacking New Orleans’ disenfranchised in this feature from Maritte Lee Go which sounds like it might appeal to a young female demographic as well as the usual Blumhouse fans. It stars Asjha Cooper, Fabrizio Guido, Craig Tate, Keith David, Mason Beauchamp, Abbie Gayle and Frankie Smith.

Bingo

Set among an eldery community in the Barrio of Oak Springs, Bingo sees a stubborn group of friends lead by the matriarchal Lupita who keeps them together a family, face their toughest threat yet when they discover their Bingo hall is to be sold to a powerful force. Gigi Saul Guerrero, who directed an episode of The Purge TV show and also a segment of Blum’s Into The Dark horror series takes the helm.

Halloween Kills

Release date: October 15 2021

Originally planned for October 2020, this follow up to David Gordon Green’s 2018 Halloween reboot (which was a direct sequel to John Carpenter’s 1978 Halloween) will now arrive in October 2021 to carry on the saga of Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) and her family in their ongoing battle with Michael Myers. The previous installment was a smart addition to the franchise dealing with themes of PTSD in the wake of what Laurie experienced as a teen so we have high hopes for this. Blum has said the movie will be “Huge” and “Intense” and will feature returning legacy characters from the original. 

Halloween Ends

Release date: October 14 2022

The third part of the reboot trilogy is planned for 2022 and will bring to a close this part of the saga. Ahead of the release of Halloween Kills it’s difficult to predict which direction part three will take us in but if IMDb is to be believed Laurie, her daughter Karen (Judy Greer) and Granddaughter Allyson (Andi Matichak) will be in a final showdown with The Shape.

Paranormal Activity 7 (as yet untitled)

Release date: 2022 TBC

Announced back in 2019, Blumhouse is supposedly planning a seventh installment to the found footage franchise, with Oren Peli the creator of the original Paranormal Activity attached to write. No plot details have been released yet and it’s possible the unexpected events of 2020 have affected plans for this. The latest in the franchise – 2015 Paranormal Activity: Ghost Dimension is the least profitable of the series but still grossed $79M worldwide from a budget of $10M.

Vengeance

Release date: 2021

This is the directorial debut of actor and comedian BJ Novak (who was one of the writers on the US version of The Office, where he also played Ryan Howard), which follows a radio host from New York (also played by Novak) who travels down South in an attempt to solve the murder of his girlfriend and discover what happened to her. The movie co stars Logan’s Boyd Holbrook as well as Ashton Kutcher and Issa Rae. The production began in March 2020 but was put on hold due to COVID19, but has started back up again and Blum says they’ve almost finished shooting what he describes as “a cool, offbeat movie”.

Five Nights At Freddy’s

Status: Pre-production

Currently in pre-production is this adaptation based on the popular horror video game franchise where a night security worker at a restaurant called Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza is terrorised by sentient and murderous animatronic characters who come alive after dark. The movie was originally optioned by Warner Bros with Gil Keenan to direct but is now with Blumhouse under Chris Columbus. Despite delays, Blum is confident this is still very much on the cards telling Inverse “”It’s still active. We haven’t quite figured it out, but we’re getting closer every day.” The videogame franchise featured several sequels and spin offs so if Blum and Columbus can make this a hit there’s every possibility for multiple sequels.

Wolfman

Status: Pre-production

After the massive success of The Invisible Man, long time Blumhouse collaborator Leigh Whannell has signed on to tackle another classic Universal monster with the Wolfman. This is one of the strangest but most exciting titles on Blumhouse’s slate with Ryan Gosling attacked to star as a man who is cursed after being bitten by a werewolf. Gosling is a massive talent, Oscar nominated twice, who is selective with his projects so we can only imagine the script must be something special. 

Mother Nature

Status: Pre-Production

Announced back in May Mother Nature marks the directorial debut of Jamie Lee Curtis herself. An eco-horror co-written by Curtis and Russell Goldman who’s head of development at Curtis’ company Comet Pictures, this is the first film in a three year first look deal Comet Pictures has with Blumhouse. Details are scant but it looks like this will be themed around climate change. “I’m 61 and my motto now is: ‘If not now, when, if not me, who?’” Curtis told EW. Well quite.

Untitled John Ridley Paranormal Thriller

Status: Pre-production

Novelist, screenwriter and director John Ridley is set to write and direct this chiller based on this article entitled ‘Project Poltergeist’ which tells the true story of a young boy who is purported terrified by supernatural occurrences in a public housing project in the 1960s. “This is an incredible true-life narrative of a young man dealing with horrors – both paranormal and racially systemic — in a community that is scarred by hate, yet ultimately brought together by hope,” said Ridley, speaking to TheWrap. “I really appreciate Blumhouse’s commitment to telling stories that seek to entertain audiences even as it challenges them.”

Patrick Wilson in Insidious

Insidious 5

Status: Pitch

It’s been ten years since the very scary first installment of Insidious, one of the franchises that really helped put Blumhouse productions on the map, and the series shows no sign of disappearing into the Further just yet. A fifth film is apparently on the cards with star Patrick Wilson set to direct. The film will focus on the Lambert family ten years on as son Dalton prepares to go to college. “We’ve had a lot of luck with first-time directors who are actors, even Jordan Peele (Get Out) or Joel Edgerton on The Gift,” Blum told Den of Geek.

Caroline Ward in Host

Untitled Rob Savage project

Status: Pre-production

Sure the defining horror movie of 2020 has to be Host, a low budget indie written, shot and released in just 12 weeks during lockdown, a Zoom horror which perfectly captured the zeitgeist. After rave reviews, Savage and his team, screenwriters Gemma Hurley and Jed Shepherd and producer Douglas Cox signed with Blumhouse for a three picture deal. In typical quick and dirty style they’ve already begun work on the first of these features, which will reportedly be scarier and more ambitious than Host. Definitely one to watch.

Untitled Dracula project

Status: Treatment

Announced back in March, Jennifer’s Body and The Invitation director Karyn Kusama is attached to another Universal Monster project – a new adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Kusama told the Kingcast podcast that it would be a fairly faithful adaptation which will lean into the idea of multiple voices and points of view to tell the story, and perhaps present a slightly different version of the Count himself. “I would just say in some respect this is gonna be an adaptation called Dracula but it’s perhaps not the same kind of romantic hero that we’ve seen in past adaptations of Dracula,” said Kusama.

Untitled The Thing Remake/Untitled John Carpenter/Blumhouse Project

Status: Pitch

January of 2020 saw rumours that Blumhouse was working on a new iteration of The Thing, based on the (relatively) recently unearthed longer version of the story the movie is based on Who Goes There?, by John W. Campbell Jr. – the longer version is called Frozen Hell. Though there are two separate entries on IMDb for this project they are clearly the same ‘Thing’ – the ‘Untitled John Carpenter/Blumhouse Project’ suggest the Halloween 2018 director David Gordon Green maybe attached.

Firestarter

Status: Script

This new adaptation of the Stephen King novel has been kicking about since 2010 but there has been some movement recently. Zac Efron has been cast in an as yet undisclosed role and Blum has promised a “faithful” adaptation. At one point Akiva Goldsman was attached to direct, then later Fatih Akin but as things currently stand The Vigil director Keith Thomas is the frame to re-tell this story about a young girl with the telekinetic power to set things on fire. There was a previous adap of this story released in 1984 starring Drew Barrymore and directed by Mark L. Lester, with a miniseries Firestarter: Rekindled broadcast on the sci-fi channel in 2002, so this sits within remake territory.

Untitled Elizabeth Moss Project

Status: Pitch

This is a proposed adaptation of Virginia Feito’s novel, Mrs. March, with Moss producing and set to star. The novel will be published in 2021 and has been likened to Shirley Jackson. According to the synopsis it follows an upper Eastside housewife “who unravels when she begins to suspect the detestable protagonist of her husband’s latest bestselling novel is based on her”. Moss’s Love and Squalor productions with partner with Blumhouse on the project

Also in development:

Blumhouse has a multitude of other projects at different stages of development many of which likely won’t ever see the light of day. Here what else has been mooted.

Mark Duplass in Creep

Creep 3

Status: Development unknown

Third part of the Mark Duplass/Patrick Brice series – reached script stage, last updated Dec 2016

Curse 

Status: Optioned

Werewolf story based on a graphic novel, optioned April 2018

Devil’s Night

Status: Development unknown

Night before Halloween story, reached script stage, last updated July 2017

Families 

Status: Development unknown

Cannibal horror, reached script stage in 2015, last updated January 2017

Fangland 

Status: Development unknown

Dracula as an arms dealer. Script in 2009, last updated March 2017.

Intruders

Status: Script

Dead Snow’s Tommy Wirkola is attached to write and direct this domestic abuse thriller, last updated May 2018.

Read more

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By David Crow and 3 others

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By Rosie Fletcher

Invasion

Development unknown

A home invasion occurs at the same time as an Alien invasion. Script as of March 2018, last updated July 2020

M3GAN 

Status: Script

Housebound director Gerard Johnstone is attached to this story about a robot doll who develops sentience, with Get Out’s Allison Williams attached. It reached the script stage in July 2018, but no news since.

Magic Eight Ball 

Status: Script

This project about the kids’ toy has been kicking around since 2006 with the latest version of the script listed as June 2019. Currently Jeff Wadlow of Fantasy Island is attached

Sleepwalker 

Status: Script

Alexander Aja who made Switchblade Romance is listed as attached to this, though there’s been no update since September 2017

Snapshot 1988

Status: Optioned

Mike Flanagan was attached to this adaptation of a Joe Hill story, though nothing’s been updated since 2016

The Black Phone

Status: Treatment

Another planned adaptation of a Joe Hill story, with Scott Derrickson attached. No updates since the treatment in 2017 though.

The Breathing Method 

Status: Development unknown

The only story from Stephen King anthology Different Seasons not to be turned into a movie, Scott Derrickson was also attached to this, but there’s been no movement for years with the last update in May 2017.

Untitled Chris Hardwick/Blumhouse Project

Status: Pitch

Collab with comedian and actor Hardwick, no news since October 2017

Untitled Dee Rees Horror Project

Status: Treatment

Collab with Mudbound director, Rees, described as “ghost story centering on an African-American lesbian couple living in a small town”. No news since May 2017.

Untitled Jason Blum/Chris Morgan Project

Status: Script

This collaboration with producer Chris Morgan has been around since 2013, with the latest update April 2017. The synopsis reads “A group of students get in over their heads with their new technological invention.”

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[devinstonerpg]

ADRIENNE ACOSTA (Priscilla Quintana) is looking for her EX-BOYFRIEND. This connection is currently TAKEN and you DO have to contact the player before applying. 

Character name

Adrienne Acosta (Priscilla Quintana).

Type of connection

Ex-Convicted Boyfriend 

Suggested name and age

Name is UTP and age is 30+

Suggested FCs

Boyd Holbrook, Shiloh Fernandez, Garrett Hedlund, Jason Momoa, Ricky Whittle, Blair Redford, DJ Cotrona, etc

Connection description

Adrienne and your character would have dated for a few months minimum. I think from the start they were fighting against her fathers disapproval because he’s always dictated her life. He expected her to be with select individuals and your character probably didn’t fit beneath that. However, they were deeply in love and he took care of her. Honestly, I can imagine that they were probably on the verge of getting engaged.

Your character would have unfortunately done something that would have ended up sending them to jail (UTP).  While Adri wanted to bail him out, her father was there from the start in her ear. At first, she didn’t follow through with bailing him out because her father had convinced her that it was better to wait and see for the outcome. That he wouldn’t lend her the money needed. However, when court started and things began to take a turn — her father convinced her to walk away as it was better not to be associated with a criminal. Therefore, she never saw him after that initial court date, nor did she answer his calls.

A few months after his sentencing, Adri had grown the balls to stand up to her father and leave his law firm. Making her own name is harder and while your character has always been at the back of her mind, she’s too ashamed to go there and face him after all this time.

Now he’s probably been out for a few months or more. We can decide if they’ve seen each other or not and then delve deep into all the ANGST.

Do you want to be contacted prior to applying?

Yes 

[brian-lozano91]

Logan movie review

Logan is the tenth film in the X-Men film universe and the third and the final Wolverine film for Hugh Jackman. The film is directed by James Mangold (3:10 to Yuma, Walk the Line and The Wolverine), and stars Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Dafne Keen, Boyd Holbrook, Stephen Merchant and Richard E. Grant.  The film synopsis is. In the near future, a weary Logan (Hugh Jackman) cares for an ailing Professor X (Patrick Stewart) at a remote outpost on the Mexican border. His plan to hide from the outside world gets upended when he meets a young mutant (Dafne Keen) who is very much like him. Logan must now protect the girl and battle the dark forces that want to capture her.

Logan is by far the best film of the year, despite being so early in the year and it’s also safe to say that it’s the best superhero movie of all time, even surpassing The Dark Knight. Like The Dark Knight the film is more gritty and realistic. Also the first X-Men and Wolverine film to be rated R. This is the film that I believe that James Mangold wanted to make with The Wolverine, but due to studio interference the movie ended up being lackluster to most people. But thanks to Deadpool and some new studio management Mangold and Hugh Jackman were able to make Logan and do whatever they want to make a good movie. One thing you need to know is that this film is dark and depressing, this is a broken down Wolverine, who is at the end of his ropes. So it’s hard to watch especially if you grew up with this character, but this makes the story so compelling and makes the dialogue more dramatic. Which makes the acting great and in my opinion this is the best performance that Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart have done. Hugh Jackman knowing that this was going to be his last film, really goes all out. This is the first time were you really feel for Wolverine. The last X-Men films you cared about him, but in this film you can see how broken this character is. All the X-Men are gone, Prof. X is sick and Logan’s healing isn’t working anymore.

Seeing Wolverine like this, especially since I was kid when I saw the first X-Men movie it was really hard. Just this tough as nails character completely broken was sad. Just the emotion that Hugh Jackman brings to this character is great, The beginning set his character up perfectly and as the film goes on we understand little by little why he’s like this. The same thing with Professor X, the film slowly explains how Professor X got like this, how certain events with him happened and explaining why his relationship with Logan is the way it is. Now we get the new edition to this universe X-23/ Laura. Dafne Keen was fantastic in this film, and this is her first movie, being a kid and this good, her career is gonna go up. Her character was very stoic, she doesn’t say much but through her motions and body movement you can tell how she feels and when she gets angry she gets angry. You can feel her rage through the action scenes and not just her but Logan as well. Speaking of action, the action in this movie is fantastic. It’s brutal and well shot, it’s so great because Wolverine is supposed to be a rated R character and to finally see a movie with him that utilizes that well is awesome. Before Wolverine would kill people and their would be no blood. Not here the violence in here is glorious, can’t say enough good things about it. But what also makes it glorious is that their is not a lot of action, action is spread out and what I mean by that is unlike other action films where there's overtop action every five minutes not giving us a breather. No this film knows when to put them in and they feel appropriate, and not grotesque at all.

They also break movie cliches in this film. For example, (some spoilers ahead)  they get into a car and about to go through a fence Logan says “Hang on.” Now when someone says that in a movie they usually plow through the fence, but in this they get stuck and have to move backwards killing everyone with the fence stuck to the car. It’s a clever idea on making an action scene. Then later on close to the end the evil scientist is explaining his evil plan and instead of listening to the whole speech, Logan shoots him in the head and his dead. That’s great, in other movies you 90% of the time you hear the villain monologue this one they cut it off and I love it. Also (big spoiler) in the film they elude that Professor X killed the X-Man, one of the reasons is because he has these seizures. But never flat out tell you that he killed them they mention it and it's left to our imagination on what exactly happen. I loved that because they treat the audience with respect, they treat us like adults. We are not spoon fed information, there is no flashback on what happen. We are told by Prof. X, who is crying and finally realizes what he did.

As far as the technical aspects go, it’s really good. The cinematography is great, giving beautiful backgrounds that make it look like a true western. Also their was a scene at night at the farm, and they shot like a horror movie. Which is great because the way the scene plays out, Professor X get’s killed by Logan. But it’s a clone of Logan, it played out like an episode of the Twilight Zone. Very dark and surreal, because we don’t know what’s happening in the beginning of the scene and the revelation on Logan’s face was great and horrifying. Especially when he see’s Professor X, then the family dying that was a dark scene.

I have no negatives in this film, I can’t think of anything. I feel this film was perfect, well executed and I feel James Mangold and Hugh Jackman finally made the Wolverine film they wanted to make. This film deserves all the awards and accolades that I’m sure it will get at the end of the year. Also if the academy doesn’t nominated this film for best picture and nominated Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart I’m officially done with the academy and I have no hope for them. Film like this comes around every couple years and it should be celebrated, I had been waiting for that superhero movie to beat The Dark Knight and it finally happen. Go see this movie, even if you don’t like the X-Men, Wolverine or superhero movies you should watch this. Even if you remotely enjoy watching movies you need to see this. I love this movie and it was a fitting end to my hero that I grew up with.

5 out of 5 stars.

[50books50movies]

The LEGO Batman Movie (2017), Logan (2017), and The Fate of the Furious (2017)

Trailer

Trailer

Trailer

I’m at an age where many of my friends have become or will become parents. Since I was the first person in my peer circle to become a father, they sometimes turned to me to ask what advice, practical or philosophical, I could give about becoming a parent. By this point, I’ve refined my patter to a performance. I will consistently tell my friends, “Don’t have kids.” Either that draws them in further to inevitably ask why, or they take the words on the superficial level and move on with the conversation. If they ask why I, a father of a delightful kid, would say that, I ask if they want the practical or the philosophical reasons. The practical reasons are simple: having a child is a major financial commitment, a guarantee that you will never have a sound night of sleep ever again (and not just because an infant’s needs will interrupt your sleep), and a turning point in the relationship that you and your partner have. You and your partner’s relationship may not survive; the roles that you and you partner played in the relationship before you became parents will not be the roles that you will play after. The philosophical reasons are based in pessimism: if we accept that any actions that lead to the suffering of others is immoral, then having a child is an immoral act because human sentience means that we all live in constant pain born from a terror of knowing that our lives are finite. We are always dying. We die every second. In response to the absurd notion that we are born only so we can live to know that we will die, the most common options are: commit suicide, embrace the absurdity of life, or to recognize how absurd life is and rebel. How could you then morally justify creating life? 

What could have been in the creative air to inspire three major blockbuster films (The LEGO Batman Movie, Logan, and The Fate of the Furious) from three different distributors (Warner Brothers, 20th Century Fox, and Universal Pictures, respectively) to tackle the ideas of family unity and fatherhood in three different ways? (And it’s noted that these three films offer their takes on fatherhood specifically, not parenthood.) I suppose it’s natural that someone will explore the paradoxical idea that characters like Batman and Wolverine, who are so often defined as loners who don’t believe that they deserve human connections to other people would actually have many relationships that form an extended family with characters who choose to be with them. In other words, you could imagine Batman, Wolverine, and Dominic Toretto each saluting their respective families with their beverages of choice. 

Colorful and bombastic, The LEGO Batman Movie contextualizes the characters around Batman as his extended family. From Alfred the patriarch (voice by Ralph Fiennes) to Batman (Will Arnett) to Batman’s adopted son, Robin (Michael Cera), to Batman’s co-dependent nemesis, the Joker (Zach Galifianakis), to Batman and Joker’s extended work friends and acquaintances like Harley Quinn (Jenny Slate), Barbara Gordon (Rosario Dawson), and Clayface, the many bonds that Batman has with the world around him are highlighted in bright neon explosions. As Batman’s surrogate father and like a father who worries about his kid’s ability to make the right kind of friends at school or meet the right partner, Alfred worries about his charge’s ability to form social bonds that will sustain Batman if he were to ever die. 

The film’s inciting incident is Batman breaking the Joker’s heart by telling him that he means nothing to him; the movie ends with a play on romantic comedy beats by climaxing with Batman and the Joker telling each other that they hate each other. It’s the psychosexual dynamic between the two that Frank Miller famously explored in The Dark Knight Returns and Scott Snyder years later in “Death of the Family” sanitized for the elementary school set. 

The cinematic versions of Batman always come around to embrace the idea that Batman isn’t the loner that he thinks he is. He travels with gods like Superman and Wonder Woman. In The LEGO Batman Movie, he craves the attention from his peers in the Justice League so badly that he has to put up a front to pretend that he doesn’t want it when he doesn’t get it. In other films, he actually founds the Justice League.

He’s also a father figure, whether in the figurative sense (Batman’s vigilantism gives birth to a more demented class of villains, and his rogues slowly transition from mobsters to supervillains) in a more literal sense (Batman becomes the guardian to the various Robins over the years and the central figure in a cohort of vigilantes, from the Huntress to Spoiler to Red Hood to Batwoman to Batwing). Michael Cera’s performance as Robin in The LEGO Batman Movie makes the character guileless and eager to please than normal to contrast with the bravado that Will Arnett infuses into his Batman. 

Like his bald counterpart in The LEGO Batman Movie (coincidentally portrayed by Ralph, another Englishman, Fiennes), Patrick Stewart’s Charles Xavier is concerned that Logan (Hugh Jackman) will lose his chance to reforge a connection to the wider world around him in Logan. Bitter, broken-hearted, and betrayed by his body, Xavier insists to Logan that there is still time for him to reconnect with the world after the rest of the X-Men were killed when Logan meets Laura (Dafne Keen). Logan, Laura, and Charles’s adventure across America remind Logan what a warm household full of affection, as the X-Mansion might have been once, looks like compared to the dusty and solitary existence he, Caliban (Stephen Merchant), and Charles lived in Mexico as he tried to raise enough money to go somewhere so he and Charles can die in peace. As Logan undergoes this journey and reforges connections, he travels from a dusty broken down industrial plant to a neon-bathed city to a corn farm and back to nature, his soul undergoing a revival even as his body continues its breakdown. 

Both Logan and Batman begin their films as reluctant fathers, each haunted by loss and unable to figure out the hedgehog’s dilemma. Both are convinced that their lonely lives are the only ways that they can pass their days. Both are pushed by their surrogate father figures to bond with children who unexpectedly enter their lives. And both try to demonstrate their acceptance of the responsibility of fatherhood through sacrifice. Logan overdoses on a drug in order to protect Laura and her friends from a physical avatar of his wild past, while Batman volunteers to return to the Phantom Zone to honor the agreement he made with the Phantom Zone’s keeper that allowed him to return to save his fledgling family. 

There’s a thrill to seeing Logan cut a bloody swath across the screen, but the film’s melancholy gives it a bitter taste. The shock of Logan cutting off an arm from a man who was trying to steal the tires from his rented limousine is undercut by how hard it was for the legendary Wolverine to fend off those four men. The excitement of Logan bearing his claws at Donald Pierce (Boyd Holbrook) and the Reavers is undermined by how ineffectual Logan is against them. You might be surprised that Logan is casually murdering Reavers who were trying to capture Xavier, but the surprise is subverted by the realization that the Reavers were completely defenseless and neutralized by Xavier’s psychic seizure. Logan facing down goons to help Will Munson (Eriq La Salle), a farmer that he helped on his journey, but his violence against the Reavers and the goons only brings more violence upon the Munsons, which leaves them all dead. In the climax, Logan is temporarily restored to his former vitality due to a healing serum, but by the end of that burst of violence, Logan can barely stand. Violence in Logan is a bittersweet fruit.

Every time Logan fights the Reavers, they come back with more and stronger soldiers. When he faces them in Mexico, the Reavers have heavily armed Mexican police officers riding in SUVs. By the time that he faces them in North Dakota, the Reavers have armored trucks, jeeps with mounted machine guns, and a young feral clone of Logan. Nonetheless, Logan can’t help but feel fatherly pride during the climactic fight against the Reavers. Laura had already saved him once after he collapsed on the side of a highway by getting him medical attention. But he becomes proud of her when she fights to defend her friends against the Reavers, and they coordinate their attacks. They bond through violence because, as Xavier said, they’re very alike.  

The price of violence makes explicit the idea that becoming a parent raises the stakes. One might be tempted to quit an unsatisfactory, unfulfilling, underpaying job, but the income or health insurance from that job might be the only thing that protects your family from deprivation. One might be tempted to lash out at the world or to go it alone, but that might be the selfish thing to do. 

James Mangold, the director of Logan and one of the screenwriters, along with Scott Frank and Michael Green, unintentionally struck political relevance in the current political climate. The film’s development began in 2013, and the screenplay was complete by early 2016, around the same time that Donald Trump was campaigning for President of the United States on a platform of xenophobia and racism. In the film’s opening scenes, we see Logan chauffering four young white men past a Mexico-US border checkpoint. They’re standing through the limo’s sunroof, chanting “USA!” at the immigrants waiting to pass the border. By March 2017, President Trump’s administration is floating trial balloons to test the idea of separating women and children who are caught crossing the Mexico-US border together. Laura and her friends are Mexican children whose humanity has been denied by a corporation so they can be experimented upon and trained to be weapons. As Donald Pierce references repeatedly throughout Logan, Laura and her friends are commodities, patented intellectual properties of the company that employs him. Whereas other X-Men stories would be metaphors about how the Other is demonized, here the Other is completely dehumanized. Principal photography for Logan ended in August 2016, but the idea that Laura and her friends are not seeking refuge in the United States because the United States is not a hospitable place for children born from Mexican mothers and the image that they are running toward the Canadian border to seek asylum make for accidentally potent juxtaposition.

While The LEGO Batman Movie and Logan present their protagonists in trigenerational families, The Fate of the Furious presents two different types of families. There’s the circle of friends that become a family that Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) often toasts with a bottle of Corona. Then, there’s also the son that he and Elena (Elsa Pataky) created during their relationship when he thought that Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) was dead. Dominic accepts fatherhood without reservation and is willing to betray his la familia in order to protect his biological family until he can find a way to save his son from Cipher (Charlize Theron, mostly underutilized in the film), a legendary cyberterrorist who is blackmailing Dominic to steal an EMP device, a Russian nuclear football, and a Russian nuclear submarine for her.  

There is, of course, another father in la familia who is noticeably absent. Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker), Mia Toretto, and their son are written out of the film with a line delivered by Letty to explain that they cannot contact Brian for his help in subduing Dominic and capture Cipher. Within the context of the film, this allows Brian and Mia to raise their child in peace, though I cannot imagine that they would feel much peace watching news reports of the theft of an EMP device in Germany, the assault on a Russian defense minister in New York City, or the chaos in New York when la familia attempted to take Dominic down. Outside of that context, this allows Walker, a father himself, to live on through his character.

With Brian removed, The Fate of the Furious screenwriter has to pile the human pathos on to Dominic, Letty, and Elena, and the film creaks and moans under the pressure. Making Dominic a father certainly raises the stakes for him, and the film is focused only on what becoming a father would mean to Dominic. Unfortunately, the film again can only define Dominic’s fatherhood by his sacrifice of his honor and his betrayal of his familia; the film is completely uninterested in Elena’s experience or perspective as the child’s mother. Because the existence of Dominic and Elena’s son is a shock revelation, there’s no time for them to form a connection or for the viewer to form a connection to them. We feel sympathy for Dominic in theory (one can only imagine the horror of someone holding your child hostage and leveraging them to make you commit crimes and betray your loved ones), but the film tries to split our focus by making us feel the pain from Letty’s perspective as the loved one who is abandoned for unexplained reasons. It’s an attempt to give Dominic a shade of humanity, but it’s done only in abstract.

By comparison, we have a better sense of the surrogate paternal relationship between Mr. Nobody (Kurt Russell) and his trainee, Little Nobody (Scott Eastwood) or between Hobbs (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) and his daughter, Samantha (Eden Estrella). Hobbs is a devoted father to Samantha and a committed coach to her soccer team; the cinematic appeal of their relationship lies in Johnson’s charm and their characters’ shared history, which dates back to Furious 7. Even the Nobodies evoke a more real emotional reaction than Dominic and his son because we see how they interact with each other and how Mr. Nobody tries to teach Little Nobody the tricks of the trade. 

Without the human connection, the spectacle of The Fate of the Furious felt hollow. I should have been wowed by remotely controlled cars barreling through New York City’s streets and raining from parking lots in skyscrapers, but I was bored. I should have been impressed when Dominic and company were racing across ice away from a nuclear submarine, but I was bored and almost nodding off. While the stakes for Dominic as a character were raised with his son’s introduction, the movie itself felt rote, from Cipher’s poorly outlined motivations to a moment that upends the importance of family that is the core of the franchise.

Dominic pays tribute to the bond between his peers that form la familia. However, there is dissonance in the way that Letty, Roman (Tyrese Gibson), and Tej (Chris “Ludacris” Bridges) seemed to have no objection to Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham) joining the team. Shaw murdered Han Lue/Han Seoul-Oh and attempted to kill Dominic, Mia, Brian, and Mia and Brian’s son in Furious 7. Even though Dominic was desperate, contacting Deckard’s mother (Helen Mirren) in order to convince her to persuade Deckard and Owen Shaw (Luke Evans), who has his own disagreeable history with Dominic and company, to save Dominic’s son seemed to betray Han’s memory and to put aside the threats that were made to his family.  

The LEGO Batman Movie, Logan, and The Fate of the Furious presented their respective protagonists in non-traditional families. Batman adopts Robin, and they form a trigenerational family with Alfred. Logan becomes Laura’s de facto guardian, and they form a trigenerational family with Xavier. Dominic, Letty, and Dominic’s biological son form a blended family. Indeed, the only traditional nuclear families that we see in these films are the Waynes, which is broken when Batman’s parents are murdered, and the Munsons in Logan. 

You could strain to draw a connection between how casually the Munsons are killed to how dystopian the world in Logan is, but the Munsons’ deaths feel almost cruel. From the moment that Logan stops the truck to help them wrangle their horses, the audience begins to wait for the Munsons to die. It gives the otherwise tranquil scenes of Logan, Xavier, and Laura observing what a normal family looks like as they dine together suspenseful tension. Their deaths for doing nothing more than extending hospitality to Logan, Xavier, and Laura felt like a manipulative exercise in cynicism and nihilism. They’re collateral damage in Logan’s violence trap, and the viewer empathizes with Will Munson when he pulls the trigger on Logan after they’ve incapacitated X-24, the younger, feral clone of Logan that was sent to subdue and capture Laura. With his dying breath, Will doesn’t distinguish between X-24 and Logan because they are both monsters that trampled the Munsons’ lives. That the gun’s chamber was empty only emphasizes that violence, even in the cynical world of Logan, isn’t a solution.

Finally, if we accept the notion that becoming a parent is one of the few rites of passage into adulthood left in today’s America, then the other side of that passage is observing your own parents’ decline and eventual death. In Logan, Charles Xavier is suffering Alzheimer’s disease, and Logan and Caliban are Xavier’s sole caregivers. When Xavier doesn’t recognize Logan, he is afraid of him because, to Xavier, Logan is the person who drugs him into unconsciousness. When Xavier is awake and lucid enough to recognize Logan, he berates him for being a disappointment. Xavier’s seizures cause Logan physical pain, and his words cause Logan emotional pain. Xavier is angry at himself and Logan because he needs Logan’s help with something as fundamental as using the bathroom; Logan is resentful for Xavier’s role in the Westchester incident, the physical and emotional pain that Xavier causes him, and the fact that he has to take care of his father figure in his decline. 

It was curious to me that three different and big budget films released within two months of each other wove in different ideas about fatherhood into their tales. Each film tried to examine its respective protagonist through the lens of fatherhood and came away with slightly different conclusions. Batman, for as much as he describes himself to be a loner, is character with myriad connections. Logan, another self-professed loner, can’t help but to connect to his daughter when they both do what they do best, even though what they do isn’t very nice and could trap them in cycles of violence. Dominic, a man who talks constantly about his familia, showed that his biological family is ultimately more important to him than the friends and peers around him. 

[bossymarmalade]

I discovered today (because ppl keep asking for it in the Boyd Holbrook tag) that what we BOFQs used to call self-inserts back in the day are now called “imagines”. Which are a little different because instead of being ultra-beautiful Mhairie who all the X-Folks admire and inevitably bang, it’s LITERALLY YOU in the “imagines”. So being a good fanperson I have decided that I will, in fact, write a few short Boyd Holbrook imagines.

It’s cold on the Staten Island seashore. “Boyd, I’m cold,” you say as you shiver in your inadequate jacket which you will one day miss terribly as you sit high up in the bleachers at some Canucks game some future boyfriend will drag you to. “I just gotta find a couple more pieces of wood,” Boyd says, a chiseled figure in the distance as he scours the beach. “My sculpture of Jesus taking a bath needs a big enough tub for him to sit in, I mean come on.” You smile, admiring his devotion. Jesus is very important, it’s true. You suddenly feel humbled by his artistic quality and ability to sculpt and how he lives with a bunch of other models like Zoolander except instead of mocha orange frappucinos they all love outsider art. “Shit, a crab bit me,” Boyd says.

Imagine you are lying on the sofa while Boyd, your husband, practices his banjo while his dog sings along. His friend Pedro Pascal taught him some songs in Spanish, he says. You listen quietly and intently for every mention of “amor” as he mumble-sings. It’s so warm and cozy tucked up in blankets on the sofa; earlier Boyd gave you a nice full-body massage that he says he learned from Hugh Jackman. Boy, does he ever know a lot of helpful people! Just the other day he introduced something new and exciting to your bedroom games (”Trust me, baby, it’s gonna be funner this way”) and said it was suggested by none other than Liam Neeson! What a life.

You are pregnant and you and Boyd have rented a cabin up in the hills for you to have the baby. Every day is full of comfort -- roaring fires in the woodstove, blankets and quilts, reading, eating banana pudding and drinking Ale8 -- and you couldn’t be happier. Boyd closes his book one night and looks at you, his blue eyes full of his own happiness, and he says, “Reckon I should get some scissors and hot water.” For a moment you’re puzzled, but then he pulls the blankets aside from your legs, reaching between them, and holding up your new daughter. You were so comfortable you didn’t even realize you were giving birth! Boyd brings the baby up so you can cuddle her, fixing you with an ardent gaze. “I love you, (Y/N),” he says with passion, “and I love our little daughter (B/N) too, forever.” 

I hope these small efforts help fill the void! I apologize if they are unsatisfactory since I, an asexual who balks at putting herself in sexy/romantic situations, would be happy with imagines that looked like this:

You go out to try sushi at Tojo’s because it’s across the street from where you work, and Boyd is there because he’s in town filming Predator, and you sit at the counter eating sushi and drinking plum wine and yammering on about shit and then your lunch break’s over but you call in to work sick and take Boyd to Steveston because you want him to try the desserts at The Sweet Spot and he wants to take a photo standing outside that shop that Rumple runs in OAUT. Also he offers to pay for everything and you make a token protest before allowing it and then the two of you get bubble tea and go your separate ways.

[queenoftheweh]

Boyd Holbrook😍😍

[briangroth27]

Logan Review

The first X-men film is one of the few movies I’ve seen in theaters more than once and the first time would've been unforgettable even if the movie hadn’t blown my 14-year old mind: a fight between two adults broke out during the movie and one guy got flipped over the other’s head! A little old lady usher came down the aisle armed with a flashlight, whisper-shouting “There are kids in here!” and kicked them out. The movie itself was—and is—awesome, bringing characters I’d loved since the early 90s animated series to life while taking place squarely in our (slightly heightened) world. Even without nostalgia, X-men is still one of my favorite superhero movies and kicked off my favorite comic book film franchise (even if it also counts my least favorite superhero film, X-men The Last Stand, among its ranks). Among its other achievements, X-men included the perfectly-cast Patrick Stewart as Professor X and unlikely newcomer Hugh Jackman (who didn’t have the role until Dougray Scott got injured on Mission: Impossible 2, delaying filming and necessitating his replacement), who became the iconic Wolverine for me while maintaining the things that made the comic character—one of my favorite X-men—great (even when scripts like X-men Origins failed to live up to both Logan and Jackman’s potential). Seventeen years later, Logan has been announced as Jackman and Stewart’s final turn in these roles, and both of them made the most out of their final X-cursion into this world. Unfortunately, I think the film as a whole boasts strong performances but could’ve gone deeper into areas it only touches on. Jackman, Stewart, and newcomer Dafnee Keen are all outstanding! Stewart playing a broken Xavier was hard to see, but he was brilliantly layered and vulnerable. Keen has a very bright future ahead of her: she doesn't speak at all for the first half of the movie and her expressiveness is amazing; she might have been my favorite part. Jackman is great and gives it his all, but my problem is that we've seen nearly all his plot points before. Logan dealt with massive loss in both his previous solo movies and The Wolverine left him learning to hope for all the promise and good his immortality could bring to the world rather than feeling cursed for outliving his loved ones (such an original take on immortality that I’m annoyed it wasn’t followed up on). In Days of Future Past, he seemed at peace with himself, even in the midst of the apocalypse. But Logan opens with everything horrible once more and makes him learn to form new connections all over again. The new factor—Logan as a father—wasn't explored as much as I hoped it would be. It's there enough for me to be invested and emotionally affected, but I wanted more of Logan and Laura interacting and learning about each other (and Logan teaching her to fight the animal inside as he had years earlier would’ve been a fine arc). Still, I liked the levity that was in the script and the family bonds between Logan, Xavier, and Laura that are there worked well.

The villains were pretty thin, though Pierce (Boyd Holbrook) had charisma and presence; ultimately they served their purpose and I didn’t feel like I needed any more from them. The evil plan that was killing mutants off and controlling evolution was fine as a background element and didn't need to be more than it was. Caliban’s (Stephen Merchant) inclusion as a helper to Logan and Xavier felt random (though there are plot reasons for his powers later), and I didn’t feel a connection to him; I preferred the much more memorable and distinctive way the character was portrayed in X-men Apocalypse. Logan’s action is brutal and intense, but I didn't need to see this level of violence; the fights in The Wolverine were enough to show his fury. That's not a knock against the film, just me saying I wasn't ever begging to see more beheadings. It's what would really happen with mutants whose primary weapons are claws, so I get it and wasn’t grossed out by it. The touches of a sci-fi future worked well and felt like organic components of the world. The directing is on point, moving the pacing along at a good clip. The plot points are repetitive, but the writing is good on the whole. Logan has heart and hope, so it never felt overly depressing, except the mostly unspoken backstory and one scene with very unlucky bystanders. I was worried when several reviews called out how somber this was that it would be dark for no reason but the belief that grimness is somehow inherently better than light, and I didn’t come away thinking that was the case. I liked the callbacks to previous films (noting that despite Days of Future Past, at least the first two X-films and The Wolverine still happened in some form), but I really hope this is relegated to its own universe as the franchise continues. (Light spoilers for the rest of this paragraph) The world is in shambles just 3-6 years after DOFP’s happy ending? What purpose does that serve? What purpose did the X-Men serve? I liked the in-world comics, but the team should have accomplished more than just inspiring fiction (particularly given their being a metaphor for minorities—what kind of message is it that none of their heroes can save the day?). Speaking of the comics, I wish Logan took the time to deal with Logan and the team’s apparent fame—only two characters recognize him as famous and he never comments on being famous (or more specifically on being a mutant in the spotlight), except to say life wasn’t like the comics. Even Laura, an X-fan, doesn’t seem to take his comic book portrayal into account at all when dealing with him. It seems like a big missed opportunity to explore a new facet to his existence, and perhaps a more meta take on Jackman’s time in the role. Ultimately I enjoyed this and was very satisfied with the performances, but felt the material the actors were working with could’ve been more original. Had this been the first solo adventure for Logan, it would’ve been fantastic…but after seven movies where he was a major focus, I wish Jackman's last adventure could've had him in a totally different place emotionally. Still, just because it’s not exactly the movie I wanted to see doesn’t mean it’s a bad movie by any means. Logan's a well-crafted film with great performances from its three leads and definitely worth seeing!

4/5

I'm going to miss Jackman and his Wolverine a lot, even if he did overshadow other favorite characters of mine from time to time. He always felt like he truly loved the character and gave 150% to each film. I've been a fan since the first X-film and can't imagine anyone else in the role…I just hope they leave Logan out of future films and not recast, exploring the other X-men instead and not lessening the impact of Jackman and Stewart’s exits. We already have James McAvoy doing a great version of young Xavier, but Stewart will be missed all the same. His Xavier (along with his Captain Picard) are iconic bits of my youth that can’t be replicated or replaced. As much as I think Logan’s swan song could've been improved in some ways script-wise, Jackman and Stewart’s excellent performances definitely made an impact on me, as they have for almost two decades now.

So, thank you to both Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart for bringing these iconic characters to life for 17 years. I’ll miss you in this franchise, but I can’t wait to see what you do next!

Major Spoilers... -X-23 not being a clone was a change I totally understand for the purposes of the film and it didn’t bother me.

-I'm glad Dr. Rice (Richard E. Grant) wasn't Mr. Sinister (like Apocalypse’s post-credit scene seemed to indicate), so they can use him in X-men 7 instead; he’d have been wasted here. Hey, maybe a way to bring Laura into the “present” of the X-films would be to say that Logan isn’t the first time they’ve tried to make her.

-Was Xavier’s first psychic seizure, wherein he killed seven people—presumably the X-men at the mansion at the time—the film’s version of Onslaught?

-Xavier's death was so heartbreakingly tragic! I’m sorry to see him go, but what a finale for Stewart! He was the perfect Xavier.

-The biggest disappointment for me (after Logan’s repetitive arc) was that we didn’t get closure and/or reappearances by Wolverine-centric characters like Mariko, Yukio, and Sabretooth (and even Anna Paquin’s Rogue, though she was in the comic book). Creed at least could've swapped in for Caliban and accomplished the tracking he did; it would’ve been interesting to see Jackman and Liev Schreiber continue to develop the Logan/Creed relationship (by far the best part of Origins), adding to the film’s examination of families.

-I'm not sure how I feel about X-24 (who looked freakishly like Liev Schreiber at times!), but he was effective as a brawler. I guess I was expecting the Reavers to be more effective with their enhancements. I like the idea of Logan fighting the animal inside himself, but I feel like that was a fight for a movie or two ago (when Sabretooth would've filled that role). 

-Even if the backstory was needlessly nihilistic (not only Logan but Xavier too is fated to destroy everything he’s built? Really?), I'm glad there was a happy ending of sorts…at least a sense that not all hope is lost.

-I feel like they could've done more with Logan's death...this made perfect sense, but it also felt like par for the course for where his life was (and had always been). He never really grew out of his life being constant pain, loss, and fighting; never improved his prospects, or even his outlook (in fact it only got worse up until the end) for very long. I don't feel like he grew very much at all over these movies, since the time between this and previous films worked to erase the family he'd forged with the X-men in 1-DOFP and the peace he'd found in The Wolverine. I suppose this is paralleled with the Shane quotes about man not changing, but I wasn't fully satisfied with what this film did to his journey over the franchise. I’m much more emotionally affected by his and Xavier’s deaths than by the events that led to them. Of all the X-men, Logan has the most potential to change for the better (given he has arguably the darkest backstory), and that was squandered by making him go over the same lessons again…how many times can you break him down and watch him build himself up again?

-I teared up when Laura called Logan "daddy." That was heartbreaking.

-I knew they were going to make the cross an X and loved that they did.

-I would definitely be down for continuing the Wolverine series with Laura as the all-new lead!

[jillmckenzie1]

Why? Because They’re Dumb – Local Movie Reviewer Takes on Predator

On the cinematic Venn diagram, there can be an awful lot of overlap between a great movie and an awesome movie. Before we go too much further, let me stake out what I mean by that. A great movie is one with impressive production design, acting, screenwriting, and direction — essentially all the ingredients have been baked in to give us a film of quality. Apollo 13 is a great movie, as is Monster and Deliverance.

An awesome movie, on the other hand? That’s a movie that directly tickles our reptile brain, delivering a thrill, a joke, something purely designed to elicit an immediate response. Do awesome movies concern themselves with rich characterization or innovative direction? Naw, son. These are the kinds of movies that pair well with beer, pizza, and a roomful of rowdy friends. The Last Boy Scout is an awesome movie, as is Demolition Man and The Relic.

Can an awesome movie have aspirations of greatness? Sure, just look at some of the Star Wars movies, or a larger chunk of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. These films have a patina of respectability, and try to manage that tricky balancing act between quality and cool. Sometimes, that respectability feels a little too safe.

There’s something refreshing about a movie that wears its lack of pretense on its sleeve. It is what it is, and it’s content to be nothing more than that. Exhibit A is The Predator, a movie that features shoddy special effects, a laughably stupid script, and a third act that’s borderline incomprehensible. If I’m being honest, though? I enjoyed it.

We begin in the vast reaches of space, as one big-ass spaceship fires on a smaller-ass spaceship. The smaller craft narrowly escapes, which is good! It then proceeds to crash land on Earth, which is bad. That’s especially inconvenient for Quinn McKenna (Boyd Holbrook), a military sniper attempting a hostage extraction as the ship crashes. Things get even more inconvenient when the iconic and extremely angry alien hunter emerges from the wreckage and proceeds to decimate Quinn’s team. Quinn narrowly escapes,* but not without swiping a mask and an arm-mounted weapons system from the fiendish thingy. Does he turn the alien tech over to his superiors? Nope! He mails it home to his family. Why would he do such a thing? Welp, because he’s dumb.

Meanwhile, we’re introduced to evolutionary biologist Casey Bracket (Olivia Munn), a scientist who is rudely accosted by a group of shadowy government operatives. Led by unsubtle maniac Traeger (Sterling K. Brown), these folks have been studying the actions of Predators on Earth for years. They have acquired technology, tissue samples, and now the unconscious Predator that jacked up Quinn’s team. Do they euthanize the fiendish thingy so that a) they can perform an exhaustive autopsy and b) so that it can’t pose a threat to them? Nope! They strap it to an operating table. Why would they do such a thing? Welp, because they’re dumb.

While all of that foolishness is going on, we meet Quinn’s 11-year-old son Rory (Jacob Tremblay). He’s on the spectrum, and we know that because (heavy sigh) he’s superintelligent and seems to have a photographic memory. The lad receives a mysterious package from his pops. Inside is…you guessed it, the Predator gear. As young Rory is screwing around with the tech, he unwittingly activates a homing beacon. The signal is picked up by another Predator, an Apex Predator, if you will, who’s on the hunt for the first Predator and the gear. When the gear starts doing weird stuff, does Rory tell his mom, Emily (Yvonne Strahovski)? Nope! He hides it and keeps screwing around with it. Why would he do such a thing? Welp, because he’s dumb.

Hey, remember Quinn that we talked about like an hour ago? He’s been labeled a lunatic, and Our Hero is tossed on a bus filled with a group of colorful military whacko birds called The Loonies. They are:

Nebraska (Trevante Rhodes), a smooth operator who tried and failed to blow his head off.

Coyle (Keegan-Michael Key), a profane jokester.

Baxley (Thomas Jane), a man afflicted with Tourette Syndrome.

Nettles (Augusto Aguilera), a religious man convinced the Rapture is coming.

Lynch (Alfie Allen), an Irish explosives expert who’s…Irish.

When all hell breaks loose and both Predators and Predadogs** are mauling everyone in sight, Quinn must try to save his son. Do The Loonies take that opportunity to peace the hell out of there? Nope! They instantly bond with a complete stranger and risk their lives to help him. Why would they do such a thing? Welp, because they’re dumb.

Can and should we expect high quality entertainment from the fourth installment in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 1987 Predator series? Critic Robert Warshow wrote, “A man goes to the movies. The critic must be honest enough to admit he is that man.” Pretentious quotes might not have a home in this particular review, but it’s the only way I can explain to you how The Predator made me feel. There were two tracks running in my brain during the film. The first was the Critic Track, which racked up an impressive amount of criticisms. The second was the viewer track that repeatedly said, “Dude just got cut in half! That’s awesome.”

Shane Black directed, and we’ve got a real good news/bad news situation here. The good news is that Black knows why we’re here, and wastes zero time getting to the mayhem. His pacing is absolutely relentless, and even when many, many things happen, Black is shoving us onto the next set piece. His set pieces are hilariously gory, and I can imagine him cackling as he devises multiple ways for the human body to be shredded. The bad news?  We have a lot of shoddy FX work, clumsy editing, and a third act that’s almost impossible to understand due to hasty reshoots. I’m actually surprised that a major studio allowed a movie this sloppy to be released.

Remember about 3,000 words ago I talked about how dumb the script is? It is impressively stupid, but Black and co-writer Fred Dekker have crammed it full of profanity, jokes, and fun characterization. There’s a great running joke about how Predators are not technically predators, and the script gives the characters just enough personality to be memorable. Despite the script stretching your suspension of disbelief to traumatic lengths, the cast is game and goes to town on the chewy dialogue.

Speaking of the charismatic cast, everyone is clearly having a blast here. As our human villain Traeger, Sterling K. Brown is terrific. He’s an amoral maniac who spits out one-liners with vicious glee. Boyd Holbrook and Trevante Rhodes have easy chemistry, and these guys need to be in a buddy comedy as soon as possible. The majority of comic relief comes from the goofy shenanigans of Thomas Jane and Keegan-Michael Key. When the film remembers to give Olivia Munn something to do, she’s solid, and she’s someone I can see headlining a credible action franchise.

The Predator is dumb as toast, a careless and foolish blockbuster that has nothing useful to say about the nature of the universe or the human condition. But it doesn’t care about any of that. It’s determined to deliver gallons of blood, tons of jokes, and a good time. Get yourself some cheap beer, a whole bunch of chicken wings, and prepare to hogtie your brain for an hour and 47 minutes, because this movie definitely isn’t good. It’s just awesome.

  *Movies like this are all about narrow escapes. Just once, I’d like to see an easy and convenient escape.

**You read that right.

from Blog https://ondenver.com/why-because-theyre-dumb-local-movie-reviewer-takes-on-predator/