Fresh Season 2 Weapon Review
Once again, I'm putting my faith in the automatic cut. If it doesn't show up for you guys, god help you. Or press the...what is it? J key? K key? One of those skips to the next post.
Below there be thoughts on the weapons that came out.
The Whale In The Room
There're less weapons each time one of these damn seasons comes out. The first season of each era bans a bunch of the old weapons as they figure out the balance with the new stuff. That's fine, there was still a ton of stuff to go through. The second season of the De-Recall era introduced 13 weapons.
The third introduced twelve. The fourth introduced eleven. Ten. Nine. Eleven. And this new one coming up has eight.
Squidforce is losing steam. If I've said it before, I'll say it again. They're a bunch of boomers and need to go. Get some fresh minds in there. Like me. I'll run the damn league I don't give a damn, you think I don't know my way around weapon and stage logistics? Hell, maybe I'll even allow all of the idols I sponsor to, I don't know, participate in the damn sport.
I'm not going to rant again about accessibility, I did that last time. But it's a damn sin that Big Man has to sit there, on a podcast, and wax poetic about turf and ranked - sorry, anarchy - and the only time he gets to hold the fuckin' weapons is when he's working his second job at war because Grizz doesn't give a shit about regulations (Thank Squod).
Anyway. #DownWithSF.
TL;DRs in the tags.
Deco's .52 Gal
(w/ Curling Bomb and Splattercolor Screen)
I'm trying a new formatting thing with the titles. It's going to be a little less consistent with what people actually call the weapons, but I want to highlight the developers of the kits a little more. There's a lot of work that goes into making even the worst kits, and it's not fair to the engineers at each company not to shout out who made them.
I've already given my view on the Splattercolor Screen last time, so I'm not going to go on and on about it. They did rework it, but barely. Still gives you damn achromatopsia, but...I dunno, it's not as bad as before. Dialed it back, I guess. Blegh.
The weapon itself...? I mean it's fine? The .52 didn't really need a tool for getting in like the Curling Bomb, it's got healthy ink spread and decent range. Curling Bomb is usually best on weapons that either have trouble inking or short range.
Course, that's me trying to be impartial. If you want to know my bias, I love curling bombs because it's so much fun to splat people with them. It's almost as embarrassing as dying to a Sprinkler.
That's besides the point though. If I'm going to be forced to think about the synergy with...that thing...I guess it provides pretty good area denial. The .52 is a scary enough weapon that it can take out opponents at a safe distance, and anyone heading through the screen is going to be at even more of a disadvantage than they normally would be going into neutral with it. The curling bombs don't add much, though.
Custom's E-Liter 4K and E-Liter 4K Scope
(w/ Squid Beakon and Kraken Royale)
So. I've been one to rag on E-Liters in the past. Like literally last season, I ragged on them. And before grading this weapon, I'd like to retract some of my previous statements.
E-Liters are perfectly respectable weapons, capable of being played in skilled and interesting ways.
It's you saltlicks that just sit in the same damn place for five minutes doing sweet FA but looking down your sights that piss me the fuck off. Do you spend your free time watching paint dry? Do you put your meals in the microwave at low power just so you can watch that shit turn for thirty minutes? The hell are you doing playing this sport when you could pick up the well-respected and more-your-speed human game of FUCKING BACKGAMMON
Anyway. The actual weapon. Once again, freaky special, but I did try it. Don't say I never did anything for you guys. And...I like it. E-Liter at its base is a very solid support weapon. Even just seeing one on the other team is psy-ops, and as long as you can convince the enemy that you're a threat, you don't actually have to follow through on too much to keep them on their toes. Squid Beakons are great to mobilize your team, since you won't be on the front lines unless you're a Battle E-Liter (respect). And the Kraken works wonders to get people off of you. Just try and use it smart, don't chase people off into the wild blue and get caught with your pants down when it expires.
Custom's Explosher
(w/ Splash Wall and Triple Splashdown)
Ahhh, Triple Splashdown. The noobkiller. Menace to turf, nigh inconsequential to ranked - sorry, anarchy.
I like this kit. Explosher has always had a lot of trouble keeping people off of it, and its base kit of Point Sensor and Ink Storm didn't really do much to help it. But this one's got a Splash Wall to give a bit of buffer (though you're going to need to stack some Ink Savers if you want to do anything after throwing one), and Triple Splashdown as a panic button.
I don't normally like panic buttons at the best of times, but this is a weapon that really needs one. Getting rushed down sucks as this thing, and having some tools to help with being harrassed by Splooshes and the like really helped it out.
Dolphin's Dread Wringer
(w/ Squid Beakon and Wave Breaker)
I don't like Squid Beakons quite as much on this guy. The Wave Breaker works nicely with such a slow but terrifying weapon. I love Wave Breakers on any kind of mid-to-long range slosher that can take advantage of tags over walls. So...most of them. But Squid Beakon?
I mean this thing isn't going to be on the front lines all the time, sure, and it never hurts to have beakons on the team, but...I don't know, I feel like if the team tried a little harder, Dolphin could have found something better for it. Hell, Dolphin makes Sprinklers, right? I would have taken a Sprinkler over Beakons to make for even more consistent specials.
Eh, I dunno. The Wave Breaker's nice.
Foil's Flingza Roller
(w/ Suction Bomb and Splattercolor Screen)
I love the finish on this thing. The Flingza Roller to begin with is one of my favourite weapons to look at. Weird, rustic, industrial. The folding mechanism needs constant upkeep, sure, with a roller whose entire gimmick revolves around the flick, that's only natural, but it's so simple yet so great. And the navy blue finish is just, chef's kiss, y'know?
And yeah, another Splattercolor Screen, you knew they were coming.
...
Okay, I'm stalling a little. I freaking love this weapon. I loved the original Flingza, and as much as I wanted to hate this thing because of its special, I don't. I really don't. Suction Bombs just feel so good to make people scatter like minnows. And until Dynamo stops sucking major ass, this is the closest we're going to have to a long range roller. With Suction and Screen, this thing excels at flushing people out and following through. And I HATE that I think that because I still fucking hate the Screen.
Deco's Glooga Dualies
(w/ Point Sensor and Trizooka)
First off, absolutely love the finish. Striking. They look like power tools.
But other than that? I dunno, they're...good. They're good. Tagging is always nice, though I kind of wish that they had the dart instead. More weapons need that thing, and I think it's neat. I could probably fit a dart onto Gloogas if I really wanted to, though I'm not sure I'd be able to make it league legal (#DownWithSF).
But I'm digressing. Going into a fantasyland where I get to make my own kits for league.
There's just not much exciting or standout about it, y'know? Tag someone, take 'em out. Tag someone, take 'em out. Gloogas are a pretty terrifying weapon as they are, and this is just a way more aggressive kit. But it's not like....burst bomb aggressive.
...Or line marker - sorry, Angle Shooter aggressive. (Nouveau I swear to god please change the name)
Shelly and Donny's Nautilus '79
(w/ Suction Bomb and Triple Splashdown)
What a gorgeous weapon. The gold-rimmed finish? God. Sheldon knows how to make 'em. Or, I should say, not Sheldon. I happen to know that this one was designed and manufactured by Shelly and Donny, the little guys that run the stores in Inkopolis. They look pretty young (I haven't asked ages) but for their first crack at a weapon kit they did a pretty good job. Pick this weapon up if you can. Even if they're in the pocket of Squidforce, it's always good to support up-and-coming designers.
Beyond the looks, this thing is serviceable. (Sorry, guys, but I'm not going to mince words just because you're new. Feedback is feedback, and if you only get gilded phrases you'll never grow!) Suction Bomb and Triple Splashdown is an alright combo, respectable, though I get the inkling that the two of them had Squidforce breathing down their neck trying to make them include one of the new specials in this thing. I haven't gotten a Splashdown dev kit yet, so I don't know how actually hard it is to work with, so I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt and say that they did the best they could under the circumstances.
Dolphin's New Squiffer
(w/ Autobomb and Zipcaster)
Fuck you guys they put a fun weapon in the game.
I don't care if it fucking sucks or is the best thing on the planet it's fucking fun okay
We can have a fun weapon every so fucking often as a treat
Custom's Douser Dualies FF
(w/ Ink Mine and Killer Wail 5.1)
Alright, on to the brand new weapons they introduced. The meat of it.
That is to say the fucking pair of them come the FUCK ON-
These guys are interesting. Love the firehose inspiration, Custom's really been coming out lately. Three new kits (The E-Liter and Scope count as one) and a brand new weapon in a single season? Jeez, guys, slow down!
As for effectiveness, I like the special on them. They're pretty long range as it is, but they've got a damn slow kill time if they don't roll, and if they roll, they don't have the damn long range anymore. So the Wail really helps them out.
I think if I had to use a word t describe the Dousers it'd be 'underestimated'. That's probably going to wear off the more we see them, and understand how they work, but they just don't look like they should have the range that they do. Those hydraulic pumps do wonders man, what I wouldn't give for a three month internship at Custom. Custom's weapon department. I don't want to be stuck making actual fucking power tools.
Sub's a wash.
Sorella's Recycled Brella 24 Mk I (ft. Ammo Knights)
(w/ Angle Shooter and Big Bubbler)
So you might be looking at the name and going "oh damn that's familiar"
And you might look at the aesthetic of it and go "Oh damn that's familiar"
And I kind of gave the game away by putting it in the heading but...yeah! This is a collaborative weapon between Sorella and Ammo Knights! Sheldon's never actually had the opportunity to make a brella before this, because Sorella's got a patent down on the damn things. Same reason I haven't been able to make any either. (Same reason they're all kinda dogshit tbh)
But they actually opened up the golden gates for a bit to let someone else in! And it's my man Sheldon! How did he do??
....Bad. Sheldon did bad.
Or, more accurately, I think Sorella did bad. I can see Sheldon's character in here. He always makes weird and interesting weapons with cool catches to them. This one's definitely the power in the shaft, and the fast-launching canopy. The aesthetics are so fucking good, too, I love what he did with it.
But I can feel Sorella's influence creeping over this thing like black fucking sludge. It's slow, the canopy's a joke, and what is that KIT? Big Bubbler??? On this???? Are you fucking joking?????
I'm so sorry they had to do you like this Sheldon I'm so fucking sorry
And that's Fresh Season 2. Done literally what, two hours before Sizzle Season 2 comes out.
I'm going to try and get that review done in time before the last minute, I promise, just...I dunno. Had a weird bit in the middle of the season where I just kinda. Existed, for a bit.
Side note, anybody get that? Like, two weeks in or something, you just got this striking sense of ennui, like your thoughts all just vanished for a couple of days? I talked to a few guys and they felt the same thing around the same time. Promise this isn't a race thing, but octos got hit especially hard. Hope you're all okay.
Take care of yourselves, guys. Burnout's real.
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many people were confused about some of my previous posts, so for the sake of clarity i am condensing everything!
tumblr has extremely transphobic moderation practices, often flagging completely innocent posts as explicit, solely for containing trans women in them or mentioning transgenderism. while letting untagged porn in sfw tags (ive literally seen porn tagged as "sfw agere") and blatent hatespeech, especially twards trans people (just look at the "gender critical" tag) go completely unchecked
recently the CEO of tumblr had a big public hissyfit about people (rightfully) calling him transmysogenistic, going into random trans womens dms to harrass them, and saying that predstrogen saying she "hopes he explodes with hammers and then explodes again and hammers fly everywhere" is a death threat and saying he is calling the FBI on her (repeatedly misgendering her and calling her "it")
and many bloggers, apon speaking out about it or even making harmless jokes (one trans woman posted a picture of a car and a hammer with the caption "reblog to scare matt" and got nuked for it) and many are very very angry (rightfully) about this whole affair and tumblr in general.
if you would like to look into it i reccomend scrolling the "predstrogen" tag as she is the case most people are talking about at the moment.
So, what can we do?
this is clearly an ongoing issue, and, dispite having lost a lawsuit about their transphobic moderation in the past (see : https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21274288-tumblr-nycchr-settlement) its clearly not gonna stop with just user complaints, as staff members are perfectly content to just go scorched earth on users who even so much as lightly poke fun at them
well if you want to help you should contact the human rights commision (i will give clear details further down) ! you dont have to be in the US, nor be an adult to file, and it only takes a few minutes. this is the best and most effective method to fix this, because it hits tumblr where it hurts.
human rights acencies have a lot of legal and financial power and tumblr CAN NOT just ignore them, and given that this will be the seccond time this is happening, the commisions shouldnt be playing nice anymore eaither.
its really important that AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE FILE, and with different examples! while maybe your case might not be enough to prop up a lawsuit on its own, we need to prove a general trend. so every little bit counts!
to respond to another question abt this ive gotten, as for what exactly to report, you should a) write about an act of discrimination youve recieved on tumblr that was eaither administered by a staff member OR that staff refused to give adequate moderation action in
for example : a terf posted some blatent hatespeech targeted twards you, and you reported them, and staff looked at the issue and refused to persecute it.
example 2 : you were unfairly flagged, deleted, or otherwise punished by a staff member and you are queer ( AND the post they banned you for has some kind of tie to your gender, ex : a sfw transition progress photo )
OR b) if you have not personally recieved something like that, please look for other peoples stories (THEY SHOULDNT BE HARD TO FIND, within the last couple of hours trans people have been being banned LEFT AND RIGHT for trying to speak on this. i would reccomend checking some of the tags related to what happened with predstrogen)
and you should describe that incident as best as possible (be sure to disclose that you are speaking for someone else, ideally you should tell the story of someone you know, if possible.) you can also mention any reports you have made twards people posting blatent hatespeech that, opon reveiwing tumblr refused to prosecute dispite it being very obviously against terms of service.
just so nobody gets confused about the filing process, im laying it out in more plain languadge!!
first you should email the SF HRC (san francisco human rights commision), at
[email protected] and say something along these lines :
Hello, I am [full name] from [country or state] and I am filing a complaint against Tumblr, witch is owned by the parent company Automattic Inc. located at 60 29th St, San Francisco, CA 94110.
Tumblr has had previous issues with the NYC DHR for their moderation being unfairly biased against trans women (see : https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21274288-tumblr-nycchr-settlement).
Despite a legally binding agreement with the NYC DHR, staff members still regularly harrass users based on their gender or sexual orientations. For example : on [date of most recent infraction] [describe incident]
(if you are describing an incident that did not happen to you specifically, say something like) This incident involves the user [username] who I am not affiliated with (or/) who I am filing on behalf of.
I can be reached for further inquiries about this incident at [email you want to talk over] or [phone number you want to talk over]. (if you would like to be anonymous) However, In the event of legal prosecution against Automattic I would refer to be kept anonymous, where possible, in court proceedings.
alternatively, you can also call the SF HRC at : 415-252-2500, you can use the above text as a starting point for this as well,
next you want to fill out the form for the NYC DHR (new york city department of human rights) here : https://www.nyc.gov/site/cchr/about/report-discrimination.page
for company you wanna put : Automattic and/or Tumblr
for address you wanna put : 770 Broadway, New York, NY 10003
for phone number you wanna put : (646) 513-4321
and for category of discrimination you can put : Discriminatory harassment
and basis of discrimination you can put : Gender; Gender identity
you can then use a similar script on the written section of the form.
when describing a specific incident, you should attach as many screenshots and links as possible! (for links, include both a live link and an archival link, so take a capture with the internet archive and have that as an alternative, incase a staff member gets petty.)
this should only take a few minutes at most, and it helps alot!
you can fill this out if you are a minor, and you dont have to be a us resident, please please take the time!!!
and, just to clarify because there are many posts going around that are confused about this
tumblr moved offices to san francisco recently, so their main HQ is at : 60 29th St, San Francisco, CA 94110
they DO still have an office in new york city, and thats where their PREVIOUS HQ was, the address is : 770 Broadway, New York, NY 10003
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Preindustrial travel, and long explanations on why different distances are like that
Update March 1, 2024: Hey there folks, here's yet another update! I reposted Part 2a (the "medieval warhorses" tangent) to my writing blog, and I went down MORE of the horse-knowledge rabbit hole! https://www.tumblr.com/jadevine/741423906984951808/my-post-got-cut-off-so-i-added-the-rest-of-it
Update Jan 30, 2024: Hey folks, I've posted the updated version of this post on my blog, so I don't have to keep frantically telling everyone "hey, that's the old version of this post!" https://thebalangay.wordpress.com/2024/01/29/preindustrial-travel-times-part-1/
I should get the posts about army travel times and camp followers reformatted and posted to my blog around the end of the week, so I'll filter through my extremely tangled thread for them.
Part 2 - Preindustrial ARMY travel times: https://www.tumblr.com/jadevine/739342239113871360/now-for-a-key-aspect-that-many-people-often-ask
Part 2a - How realistic warhorses look and act, because the myth of "all knights were mounted on huge clunky draft horses" just refuses to die: https://www.tumblr.com/jadevine/732043691180605440/helpful-things-for-action-writers-to-remember
Part 3 - Additional note about camp followers being regular workers AND sex-workers: https://www.tumblr.com/jadevine/740604203134828544/reblogging-the-time-looped-version-of-my
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I saw a post on my main blog about how hiking groups need to keep pace with their slowest member, but many hikers mistakenly think that the point of hiking is "get from Point A to Point B as fast as possible" instead of "spending time outdoors in nature with friends," and then they complain that a new/less-experienced/sick/disabled hiker is spoiling their time-frame by constantly needing breaks, or huffing and puffing to catch up.
I run into a related question of "how long does it take to travel from Point A to Point B on horseback?" a lot, as a fantasy writer who wants to be SEMI-realistic; in the Western world at least, our post-industrial minds have largely forgotten what it's like to travel, both on our own feet and in groups.
People ask the new writer, "well, who in your cast is traveling? Is getting to Point B an emergency or not? What time of year is it?", and the newbies often get confused as to why they need so much information for "travel times." Maybe new writers see lists of "preindustrial travel times" like a primitive version of Google Maps, where all you need to do is plug in Point A and Point B.
But see, Google Maps DOES account for traveling delays, like different routes, constructions, accidents, and weather; you as the person will also need to figure in whether you're driving a car versus taking a bus/train, and so you'll need to figure out parking time or waiting time for the bus/train to actually GET THERE.
The difference between us and preindustrial travelers is that 1) we can outsource the calculations now, 2) we often travel for FUN instead of necessity.
The general rule of thumb for preindustrial times is that a healthy and prime-aged adult on foot, or a rider/horse pair of fit and prime-aged adults, can usually make 20-30 miles per day, in fair weather and on good terrain.
Why is this so specific? Because not everyone in preindustrial times was fit, not everyone was healthy, not everyone was between the ages of 20-35ish, and not everyone had nice clear skies and good terrain to travel on.
If you are too far below 18 years old or too far past 40, at best you will need either a slower pace or more frequent breaks to cover the same distance, and at worst you'll cut the travel distance in half to 10 or so miles. Too much walking is VERY BAD on too-young/old knees, and teenagers or very short adults may just have short legs even if they're fine with 8-10 hours of actual walking. Young children may get sick of walking and pitch a fit because THEY'RE TIREDDDDDDDDDD, and then you might need to stay put while they cry it out, or an adult may sigh and haul them over their shoulder (and therefore be weighed down by about 50lbs of Angry Child).
Heavy forests, wetlands and rocky hills/mountains are also going to be a much shorter "distance" per day. For forests or wetlands, you have to account for a lot of villagers going "who's gonna cut down acres of trees for one road? NOT ME," or "who's gonna drain acres of swamp for one road? NOT ME." Mountainous regions have their traveling time eaten by going UP, or finding a safer path that goes AROUND, so by the time you're done slogging through drier patches of wetlands or squeezing through trees, a deceptively short 10-15 miles in rough terrain might take you a whole day to walk instead of the usual half-day.
If you are traveling in freezing winters or during a rainstorm (and this inherently means you HAVE NO CHOICE, because nobody in preindustrial times would travel in bad weather if they could help it), you run the high risk of losing your way and then dying of exposure or slipping and breaking your neck, just a few miles out of the town/village.
Traveling in TOO-HOT weather is just as bad, because pushing yourself too hard and getting dehydrated at noon in the tropics will literally kill you. It's called heat-STROKE, not "heat-PARTY."
And now for the upper range of "traveling on horseback!"
Fully mounted groups can usually make 30-40 miles per day between Point A and Point B, but I find there are two unspoken requirements: "Point B must have enough food for all those people and horses," and "the mounted party DOESN'T need to keep pace with foot soldiers, camp followers, or supply wagons."
This means your mounted party would be traveling to 1) a rendezvous point like an ally's camp or a noble's castle, or 2) a town/city with plenty of inns. Maybe they're not literally going 30-40 miles in one trip, but they're scouting the area for 15-20 miles and then returning to their main group. Perhaps they'd be going to an allied village, but even a relatively small group of 10-20 warhorses will need 10-20 pounds of grain EACH and 20-30 pounds of hay EACH. 100-400 pounds of grain and 200-600 pounds of hay for the horses alone means that you need to stash supplies at the village beforehand, or the village needs to be a very large/prosperous one to have a guaranteed large surplus of food.
A dead sprint of 50-60 miles per day is possible for a preindustrial mounted pair, IF YOU REALLY, REALLY HAVE TO. Moreover, that is for ONE day. Many articles agree that 40 miles per day is already a hard ride, so 50-60 miles is REALLY pushing the envelope on horse and rider limits.
NOTE: While modern-day endurance rides routinely go for 50-100 miles in one day, remember that a preindustrial rider will not have the medical/logistical support that a modern endurance rider and their horse does.
If you say "they went fifty miles in a day" in most preindustrial times, the horse and rider's bodies will get wrecked. Either the person, their horse, or both, risk dying of exhaustion or getting disabled from the strain.
Whether you and your horse are fit enough to handle it and "only" have several days of defenselessness from severe pain/fatigue (and thus rely on family/friends to help you out), or you die as a heroic sacrifice, or you aren't QUITE fit enough and become disabled, or you get flat-out saved by magic or another rider who volunteers to go the other half, going past 40 miles in a day is a "Gondor Calls For Aid" level of emergency.
As a writer, I feel this kind of feat should be placed VERY carefully in a story: Either at the beginning to kick the plot off, at the climax to turn the tide, or at the end.
Preindustrial people were people--some treated their horses as tools/vehicles, and didn't care if they were killed or disabled by pushing them to their limits, but others very much cared for their horses. They needed to keep them in working condition for about 15-20 years, and they would not dream of doing this without a VERY good reason.
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UPDATE January 13: Several people have gotten curious and looked at maps, to find out how a lot of cities are indeed spread out at a nice distance of 20-30 miles apart! I love getting people interested in my hyperfixations, lol.
But remember that this is the space between CITIES AND TOWNS. There should never be a 20-mile stretch of empty wilderness between City A and Town B, unless your world explains why folks are able to build a city in the middle of nowhere, or if something has specifically gone wrong to wipe out its supporting villages!
Period pieces often portray a shining city rising from a sea of picturesque empty land, without a single grain field or cow pasture in sight, but that city would starve to death very quickly in preindustrial times.
Why? Because as Bret Devereaux mentions in his “Lonely Cities” article (https://acoup.blog/2019/07/12/collections-the-lonely-city-part-i-the-ideal-city/), preindustrial cities and towns must have nearby villages (and even smaller towns, if large and prosperous enough!) to grow their food for them.
The settlements around a city will usually be scattered a few miles apart from each other, usually clustered along the roads to the city gates. Those villages and towns at the halfway point between cities (say 10-15 miles) are going to be essential stops for older/sick folks, merchants with cargo, and large groups like noble’s retinues and army forces.
Preindustrial armies and large noble retinues usually can’t make it far past 10-12 miles per day, as denoted in my addition to this post. (https://www.tumblr.com/jadevine/739342239113871360/now-for-a-key-aspect-that-many-people-often-ask )
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