#we’ll see how this goes lmfaoo

[fruitless-vain]

Todays mission: leg/hip holster treat pouch/ bag

[shakirawastaken]

dsmp if...they wanted to propose to you!

dsmp if... series goes wild  anyway

dream: - he’d put himself out there with a poise of confidence and strategy - like bro is prepared . he knows when where what why and how all this shit is happening  - but is also kinda like “ill just wing it and we’ll see how it goes lol” - get this man a schedule - he doesnt want to do a whole public thing so in my head i see him proposing to you in like a restaurant but like a fancy one - hed splurge for sURE  - one of those guys who had like 50 million meeting with ring companies to design the perfect one - asked his mom for help on designing a ring  - he had the blueprint for a speech in his head but when the moment came he went with the flow  - but when hes proposing hed remember his speech so hed be like - “i had this speech that id written, but looking at you made me forget it all, will you marry me?” or some shit like that LMFAOOO - pays sapnap money to come eat the place too so he can take pictures 

sapnap: - okay sapnap is a family man in my head - hed also want to do a destination proposal - maybe greece? rome? somewhere not in america is what im feeling - or hed do it in a fucking ranch in texas or like down the street from the dream team house either one - EITHER WAY he would want your parents and his parents MINIMUM to be there - searches up “best wedding ring designs 2022″ in google and hopes and prays - hed have one or two meeting to plan the ring but i think he’d be confident in what you like  - even if he has no clue - like “so sir, do you think your future fiance would like a rose gold band or gold band?” “rose gold for sure” *has no idea what you like * - would not try to plan a speech, he knows he’d forget it and wouldn’t even use it - saves all that material for the vows - so confident you’ll say yes that he starts calling ahead to look at venues to tour - LMFAO IMAGINE YOU ANSWER HIS PHONE AND THE GUY IS LIKE “hello yes we’re calling nick because he had interest in touring our wedding venue! congrats on the engagement!” - and youd be like “tf” - so you know - but dont tell him you know please it would make his year 

george: - is nervous - “dream what if they say no idk” “bro youre a fucking idiot” - def doesnt want to do a public proposal, he likes the private aspect - so he does it at home or some shit and his phone up to record cause bro knows youd be mad if you had no memento - but he doesnt do it secretly - hed press record and set it up so you can obviously see it - and youre expecting some prank - but then he gets down on one knee and youre tearing up and shi right in the middle of your kitchen - get mad at him for not letting you dress up and look nice for it - has a speech planned out in his head. word for word. and recites that shit back to you like its fucking drama class - once u say yes hes on discord like “SHE SAID YES” and sapnaps like “no fucking shit” - he’s the type of guy to make a ring that he likes and hopes that you like it too - luckily you do like the ring so it all works out - if not just tell him he wont be mad hell just go make a new one

quackity: - asks you like a few months earlier if you want to get married - “do you wanna get married” “sure” - so he knows youre locked in and ready to go LMFAOO even if you interpreted it as light hearted at the time - because of that theres a little suspicion that goes on in your mind when you see him go “i gotta take this call” or “no im def not looking up wedding venues 2023 what do you mean” - but you being the great s/o you are just ignore it - is he proposing or did he take you on a late night drive to an outlook thing - is he proposing or did you catch karl in the bushes with a camera - is he proposing or did he say youre beautiful - is he proposing or did he get down on one knee?? YK WHAT IM SAYING - bro just stares at you and you stare at him like - “babe” “babe” love - youre nodding ur head yes before bro gets a chance to speak - which is good cause he didn’t know what he wanted to say - not that he doesnt know what to say its just - he has so many words for you that he cant put them into words - was ready to blurt out a mixture of spanish and english and hope u caught his drift

karl: - enlists the help of his friend - “hey tina take y/n to get their nails done” - “hey brooke take y/n to get a new dress” - “hey sapnap give me money to buy y/n a ring” LMFAOFMOA - no hed be saving up that shit for AGES - started a proposal dream pinterest board the minute he knew you were the one - subtly ran ideas by you over the course of the years you were together - you didnt think of anything. blissfully unaware - “look at this picture on pinterest!” “oh its sO PRETTY!! imagine getting engaged there” - *saves it to the board* - BUT AS A RESULT he cant make up his mind on where to propose - so he just picks one enie-meanie-miney-mo or however you spell it  - wherever it ends up being its so sweet - mr beast or someone tricks you into coming to the location under the guise of a video  - and you show up and its karl in a suit - “lets go on a walk love” “okay?” - you get an idea of whats about to happen

wilbur: - stalks your pinterest stalks your moms pinterest stalks your ex friends sister met someone at the club and he kissed her’s pinterest - is SO CONFIDENT he’s got everything right because all his information is form you directly - plans that shit out to a T  - “okay phil at 11:02 am you call y/n and say good morning any plans for the day then tommy at 11:34 am call y/n and ask her if she wants to join you for a vlog at [location]” “dude wil we know lets just get on with it” - chooses somewhere with ambience with music perhaps by the ocean or a river or something - meticulously listens to all of spotify for the perfect song to play in the background - hired james and ash (professionals) to film  -  public proposal wants the world to know that he is wilbur and he loves you -  isnt nervous about proposing but is scared something is gonna go wrong -  the whole build up to the proposal is a blur to him  - he wants it to be perfect - hes mentally checking everything off in his head as it happens - “okay so we arrived on time, check” “we’re standing in the right direction check” - when the time comes to propose he blanks - cause everything went right and now its showtime - says whatever is on his mind and then gets on track - “oh my god everything i alright this is amazing! but i love you dear like a lot and...” - cue cheering from tommy (and a lot of soft smiles from random people) when you say yes 

please send me requests it took me days to figure out what to write about here

[survivor-trinidad-and-tobago]

Episode 12: "michael and alex and i are FULLY FUCKING VIBING like can we just get an escape pod to leave the game together"—Kaleigh

In this round: Michael is considered a traitor for flipping on an alliance where nobody asked for his input; Champ goes all the way in Masochism, earning her a slew of disadvantages, including the reveal of her Hot Giiiirrrlllzzzz alliance with Zee and Jack; Zee gets immunity by proxy; an anesthesia-addled Michael shares the details of his chaos idol with his alliance a half hour before tribal and they manage to decode it, using it to flip the vote onto the majority alliance; eman tries to vote herself but in lieu of that, volunteers to go to Purgatory

Eman

Earlier today, I sent the following message to the VL.

"Ugh, the ETHICS of it all!"

I was torn between three votes: Michael, Alex, and Colin.

Michael was the obvious vote - he betrayed EVERYONE (on our side).

Colin was the strategic vote - and also an absolute snake-in-the-grass.

Alex - Alex was the vote causing me angst. I wanted to keep my word to him. I did. Not just because I don't like striking first (which is terribly gendered behavior and I need to get over it) but also because I just do. As I've said before I wanna play a heroes game.

But here's the deal, yo! And I've said it before.

I'm not gonna strike first, but I will strike back. (And this goes double when it's someone I care about)

Now, obvs. I forgave Jack for two reasons. 1) Cuz he's playing to my ego and calling me 'auntie' and I'm a superficial slut and 2) because I truly believe the guy doesn't have a malicious bone in his body and he got played.

I will also add that I obviously would've had an issue voting against (for?? what preposition works here) Kaleigh as well even if she hadn't been immune.

(SIDENOTE - Fuck me with a rusty pocket knife I just read the challenge)

But - Kaleigh and Alex voted against me here . . . and that means all bets are off. I didn't write their name before, and I wouldn't've, but I have no problem doing so now. Probably moreso Kaliegh than Alex as she stole my 1/2 an extra vote (albeit Alex told her about it).

I like when previously difficult ethical dilemmas are rendered easy. So thanks, ya'll.

Alex

I am 0 for 3 in trusting my gut this week and if I were even 1 for 3 I would be in such a different spot in this game. So that kind of sucks to think about. Kaleigh has an idol and if I was right with my intuition on Eman MAYBE there's still hope but it doesn't feel like anyone from the other side is gonna try and shake things up (or talk to me today LOL) who knows what will happen. Whatever. The chat between me, Kaleigh, and Michael last night was the most fun I've had in this game so far so I'm glad that happened before one of us potentially goes.

Jack

Kaleigh

god this game.. zee got a steal a vote and stole michael’s vote and jack lied and said he didn’t have a vote (i think he’s lying cuz tony said he didn’t have a vote and jack claims he found out DURING the vote, which i do not see being something the hosts doing). michael and alex and i are FULLY FUCKING VIBING like can we just get an escape pod to leave the game together LMFAOO i fully would!!! so i’m gonna have to tell the boys that i have a steal a vote, probably tell michael i have an idol… idek this game is giving me brain worms. i dont know who to vote for tn bc A) two people are gonna be immune (probably on their side) and whoever wins immunity is probably going to have some unknown slew of disadvantages, one of which may be losing their vote. SO. i have to be careful about how i play STEAL A VOTE. and i have to try and figure out if i can use my idol in a smart way. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!! maybe i should ask my host chat if i can build a spy shack á la tony in cagayan.

i love alex and michael, i’m saying that straight up so JOT THAT DOWN FOR THE EDGIC. champ i feel uncertain about, i know she has lied to me about multiple things, zee i WISH i could work with again but i don’t think we’ll ever be able to trust each other. but who knows man. we chatted yesterday and she lied to me about some shit and may have been honest about some shit. she said she didn’t know about emans advantage that i stole LMAO but idk idk. eman i don't feel good about at all. god fuck, i do not wanna go home tonight! i need to be able to talk to alex every day or i will die!! i need to be able to talk to michael about tv!!! well we can’t actually scheme until we know who’s immune so. time to let go and let GOD

Tony

Things are getting dicier as the game continues on. I’m gonna have to make a choice to flip but tonight is not the night to do it especially with the amount of disadvantages I’ve got going on. Michael has saved me once so I feel like I owe him at least to know if folks are gunning for him.

Zee

See, people think I'm not perceptive, or that I don't notice things, but my anxious ass is constantly thinking. I'm pretty sure that I'm the one being left out of the most conversations happening in this game right now. The only (active) alliance chat I'm in right now is Hot Girlz, but it's late in the game, there's definitely more Alliance chats out there, and aside from the fact that I need to step up my game, it's kind of making me think about who's aligning with who. Right now I'm pretty sure Tony and Michael are working together still, it's smart too since nobody would expect them to be working together, and it means Tony would have the power to flip whenever he wants. Eman and Champ and Tony i think are working together closer than she's leading me to believe, but only because nobody but Champ told me about Tony losing a vote, so she had to know somehow. This has got me thinking that I'm gonna have to step up my gameplay and maybe choose my loyalties a bit better. Obviously Kaleigh Michael and Alex are working together still, but everybody kind of knew that already.

--

I think i need to put in more work with the rest of the tribe, and maybe get some alliances going, since I'm not in a great position right now. I'm honestly not in too many alliances and that's kinda upsetting. Kaleigh and I have a weird Romeo and Juliet thing going on where we're both in opposing alliances but we're still talking tea about past shit or cool stuff the others have done during tribal or just in the game in general. I'm hoping maybe there's the chance for she and I to start working together again, but who knows.

Eman

Okay, let's think this through because I have nothing else to do between now and my 9AM flight and I may have had one-too-many cans of wine.

Given: There's no way to win this challenge.

Proposition: I have to get the least worst option.

We are now at 8.

People I am pretty sure are "on my side"™️ - Zee - Champ - Tony

People on "the other side"™️ - Michael - Alex - Kaleigh

Here's where things get interesting. Jack is a free agent though I think he's burned his bridges mostly because he was played and who would like that. BUT at the same time he might be aware he's on the bottom on his alliance.

And Colin is in purgatory and I wouldn't put it past him to send a disadvantage if not to me to my side.

So, what's a human to do.

Option A - fuck immunity, pray you wind up in purgatory where you can either send advantages to your side or fuck up the other side because you sure as shit don't wanna wind up on the jury, but at the same time it's pretty certain you're going to be voted out if somehow "The Other Side"™️ can garner enough votes.

Option B - Fight like hell for immunity and take whatever stacked disadvantages come with it. Even if those stacked disadvantages mean losing your vote. Even if those stacked disadvantages mean potentially fucking yourself over for future rounds.

Now. . . wouldn't it be funny if "The Other Side"™️ knows that you're fighting like fuck for immunity . . . because, after all a) you need it and b) you're the type of person who will fight like hell and c) you're also the type of person who will fight like hell for their people and the prospect of a SECOND immunity is extraordinarily tantalizing.

So, in order to try to rob you of that advantage someone on "The Other Side"™️ also steps up.

And wouldn't it be funny if I didn't.

And they have, in so doing basically thrown one of their own to the wolves because only one is not immune.

Wouldn't that be funny.

Anyway, I haven't decided what I'm doing yet - because mostly I have to decide where the line between martyr and criminal mastermind lies (somewhere south of "never go up a Sicilian when death is on the line")

And also because then I'll have to immediately decide to whom I'm giving the immunity - a long time ally or a chaotic choice that also seems rational (perhaps Jack as a reward for sticking with me?)

And whether I'm willing to have potential disadvantages from Colin stacked on top of whatever disadvantages I earn in exchange for immunity.

Holy hell.

I think I may have just calmly and rationally talked myself out of going for this immunity. There may actually be far more to lose than to gain, and a lot of my day job includes trying to convince people to not fall for the trap of short-term-ism, which is what this challenge is.

But it's not scheduled until tomorrow afternoon, so I have more than enough time to try to argue myself into another decision . . .

Champ

Again doing confessionals so last minute, anyway LMFAO kinda iconic for 2 immunities right away but yeah I’m for sure Screwed going forward. Hopefully this next vote goes according to plan and there’s not any extra votes or steel votes honestly I would love for a rock draw because I’m safe the end so let’s spice things up. Anyways hope I’m not getting too cocky cause I’m definitely not next.

Tribal Council

Tony: Jack (I hope we get to play again together someday!)

Michael: EMAN (We didn't really get to play together)

Alex: Eman (Again, genuinely a testament to your game that this was the extent we had to go to take you out. I'm glad I got to be a  hero with you for a little while.)

Kaleigh: EMAN (i hope u enjoy ur tripp)

Champ: Eman 

Zee: Eman (as you wish, your sacrifice will not be forgotten)

Eman: Jack (I hope this doesn't work. I wasn't allowed to vote for myself)

Jack: eman

[onsunnyside]

HCV SIMS day 4:🫣❤️‍🩹 i’ll send a house tour next and then that’ll be it for a little while as this was one of my last free days!! hence the spam (sorry i sent a lot at once 😭 love u!)

omg reader got woken up again to make breakfast, and they wouldn’t let her go to the toilet bc she had to make their food and clean up their mess😭 so she had an accident… again… (peep curtis strolling past like it’s nothing)

steve, ari and curtis all talking and laughing together (probably about reader😭)

okay it’s getting boring so i’m gonna get the reader to flirt w everyone and we’ll see what happens from there hehe

ooo okay andy was nice and actually flirted back with reader (unlike curtis🤨)

I SPOKE TOO FUCKING SOON HE JUST STARTED YELLING AT HER😭😭 ari walking past like it’s nothing lmfaoo

okay andy is leaving to go on the computer, gonna get reader to flirt w ari now🤭

okay bye he yelled at her too. he fully rejected her this is so embarrassing 😭😭 poor omega.

let’s try flirting with steve

SLAYYY HE FLIRTED BACK!!!!! i hope ari is getting jealous

okay getting reader to ‘confess attraction’ to curtis now, let’s see how this goes😭

omg he rejected her (his facial reaction i’m in tears) and andy laughed BYE she’s so embarrassed now (she went to bed to hide from everyone🥲)

ransom is complaining about his love life to steve👀 (reader HAS flirted with everyone except him so far…🤭)

curtis is yelling at reader again after she flirted with him 😭😭 our mean alpha strikes again

steve and curtis insulting each other while reader makes dinner for everyone 🫣

…

andy pissed himself… i’ve had enough of this behaviour‼️ i’m sending them all to bed 😭

I LOVE THIS SERIES SO MUCH I AM HOOKED !! DAY FOUR LETS GOOO AND TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED BESTIE—YOU DESERVE IT FOR FEEDING US SO WELL😚💙

oh no, not the accident😭😭 this time I think curtis did the right thing by just walking by, the embarrassment would be enough for me

I wonder what they’re saying🤨 hopefully they’re at least acknowledging the ✨feelings✨ cough cough you know what I mean… or they’re talking about her not being a perfect omega yet, which would mean they have future plans hehe

YESS INTERFERE 👹 BUT NOO ANDY PLS JUST STOP FOR A SECOND😭😭 PLS SEE THE POTENTIAL !! THE BEAUTIFUL FUTURE !!

my poor girl, all this rejection is going to haunt her 🥺 THE STINKY BOOT SPEECH BUBBLE

AHHH STEVE COMING TO THE RESCUE !! DID I PREDICT IT ?? HIS HIDDEN FEELINGS ARE COMING THROUGH !! Jealous!Ari🫡 I hope they fight hehe

OMG NO NOT CURTIS TOO 😭 ANDY PROVOKING ALL OF IT TOO LIKE: “yeah reject her, she flirted with me too”

Ransom you’ve got another thing coming🌚 and I’m not surprised curtis has been mean all this time—it’s just him😭

BAJDND ANDY THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING A DICK

[lordseochangbin]

seo changbin x reader— enemies to lovers, diss track au! fluff & angst

a/n: ok there were some points where i felt iffy but i LOVE this idea and omg i love this sm im 🥺

in your seventeen years of living, you never enjoyed the number of comparisons your parents made between you and the boy next door.

he was just a few years older than you were, always mocking you for still being underaged and leaving you to spit out bullshit such as “im 18!! if you count the time i spent in my mother’s womb!���

it’s like he purposely did it to rile you up, but of course you got him back everytime. changbin being the most “popular music major” at school made him very much secretive and since you two knew each other from a young age, you were his weakness. you held his secrets, his past. that’s what made you powerful in this relationship stirred up from hate and jealously.

that, and your ability to compose amazing music.

it was another day at the school’s music studio. the professor understood you and changbin had some sort of misunderstanding so it was a priority that you two never shared a room, but mistakes happen i suppose.

you sat on the black leather chair, rocking it back and forth as you found yourself lost in your thoughts. “what should i write this song about...” you thought to yourself, chewing a pen cap between your lips.

you replayed the music over and over again. it was beautifully composed and you were quite impressed with yourself, however it didn’t hit the voices nor the raps of any music majors so you decided to call it a draft.

your cursor lingered towards the “draft” button before the door could burst open, revealing a boy in his usual black tee, sweats and shoes.

“get out” you said with a stern voice, eyes focused on the screen as you could already tell who it was

“geez... okay okay. what are you working on dumbass?” he said, resting his hands on the headrest of your seat as you stared at the screen

“it’s none of your business changbin” you remarked, clicking the draft button before the track could auto-play

you quickly rushed to pause the song before changbin could grab your wrists, staring at the blank page who’s title matched the title of the track

“some shitty music this is” he smirked, slamming the pause button so hard it made you jump in your seat

“try listening to your own music” you said, shoving him to the side and hiding your lyric book

changbin grabbed the desk behind him to regain balance, hurrying over to you as he grabbed the book in your hand

“what’s this? hmm? your love songs about me?” he smirked

your pretend-gagged in your mouth, grabbing the book from his hand and slapping his arm with it.

“stop bothering me you prick!”

“stop bothering me you prick!! mehhh” he mocked, his voice in a high pitched tone as winced his eyes at you.

everyday went like this. was he destined to annoy you? destined to be the only fault in your life with no mercy. he just enjoyed the way you scrunched your nose, the way you punched his stomach, the way you kicked his shin. god, he loved making you angry and he loved seeing you struggle.

changbin dodged your book this time before you could wack him, and assuming he was done with his daily business you went back to your seat. forgetting everything that happened seconds ago before a sudden reminder could be heard tingling down your ear

“you know y/n, why can’t you just like me?” he asked, his finger teasingly caressing the side of your cheek

“every girl wants me, yet you... i just don’t get you” he continued, pointing at you to show how much “you stood out”

you rolled your eyes, not having any of it at the moment. but you had to admit it, your heart was beating out of your chest and something in you was telling you to go for it. he’s right there, just one inch away from his lips and you could-

“exactly, take a hint seo changbin. i can’t, and i won’t ever like you” you spat in his face, forcing him to seperate his hands from your heated cheeks.

“alright, alright chill” he said in a somewhat teasing voice, “but you know you want to be mine. ill make sure of it”

“me? with your cocky ass? bet”

“it’s not like i want to be with you either y/n” he said, leaning against the desk as you looked at you for any reaction. you were as still as a statue however, and this didn’t go unnoticed by changbin. in fact, he was a bit worried when he didn’t hear a response from you.

you simply blinked, your eyes drawn to the floor as his words transcript itself into your head. he never wanted to be with you, he never wanted to be with you.

“hey, y/n you good?” he said, nudging your shoulder a bit

you woke up from your sudden day dream before turning back to your computer and ignoring his presence as you always did. but changbin wasn’t finished, he pressed the play button to your recent track.

“stop it, i can’t figure out the lyrics to this yet” you said. changbin raised an eyebrow at your plain stated response before he could smirk

“ill help you out with that”

changbin waits for the beat to replay, his eyes looking directly into yours as he twirls your chair so you’re looking at nothing more than the “rap god of music school spearb”. your breath increases as you are forced to look at him in his place, where he paced back and forth thinking of lyrics before he could spit something out.

your eyes watched as changbin took over each beat, his hands moving around to fit syllables with notes and his eyes deadlocked on you to make sure you took down every word. yes, it was offensive. yes, it was beyond talented. yes, did he so fucking hot as he brushed his fingers through his hair, his eyes now on the roof as he tried to think of lyrics to continue. but what hit you the hardest was when he pointed out how cold-hearted you were in the middle of your rap.

to be clear, he said “hey y/n youre cold hearted, like elsa farted. ‘let it go’ when you’re around me,your period hasn’t started” (A/N: I AM SO SORRY SKSK I WANTED TO HAVE FUN WITH THIS LMFAOO)

these lyrics made you laugh at first, but when you realized what he meant it remained drilled in your head. as the song went on his lyrics become more and more serious, more and more meaningful. you sat back in your seat, not even paying attention to what he was saying. you just watched him. his every moment. you eyed him from top to bottom as your heart beat started to pace a little faster. 

changbin poured his heart out in this moment. he wanted to let you know of these mixed feelings he was having. i mean, geez y/n, why were you always such a bitch to him? for no fucking reason? that’s why he decided to ignore his own feelings and bully you for now on. you hated him anyways. but as the song went on, he was tired of rapping about your imperfections (that he tried so hard to make up). he wanted to confess his love in words you could understand, and now that he had your attention he focused on doing just that. only until the music could stop.

“y/n... y/n? you pressed the pause button”

you turned around to find your elbow on the space bar. “oh.. oh! my bad i’m... oh what am i saying” you muttered to yourself before turning to him.

“get out!!” you said, standing up to push him out the door.

“okay, okay” changbin put both hands up in surrender

you shut the door in a hurry, your back slamming against it as you clutched onto your shirt. there was a burning pain there, it felt like your chest was collapsing upon itself. you never felt like this before. was it the fact that he was rapping about you? was it the insults? did it offend you THAT much? you rolled your eyes, your back slowly sliding down until your body met the floor as you finally met a steady heartbeat.

“it’s cause i like you, fucking idiot. and you call me cold-hearted?” you said, thinking back on his lyrics.

“we’ll see about that”

————-

a smug expression fit your mood as you walked down the halls, each step pulling you closer to lordseochangbin music school’s courtyard. changbin and his “rap” friends typically hung out around there and girls crowded them in awe of their looks. 

your dark eye circles drooped down low, you spent all night in distress. did he not like you? he liked you? his words hurt your petty heart, to say the least. you wanted to come up with excuses to answer this burning feeling. what was this feeling? 

it came down to feeling confused, amazed, happy, heartbroken. they all seemed jumbled up and all you could think about was throwing it into words. all night you focused on your new diss track dedicated to the one and only seo changbin. you wanted to show him you weren’t just bitching around when you said you hated him. you meant it. in all honesty you loved him, and all he did was bully you around for it. 

god, to call you a bitch like that? that hit different. you pushed through the mob of girls, standing confidently before changbin as he looked up from his laptop to see you.

“y/n...” he said, unconsciously handing his laptop to jisung to give you his attention. his hands rested on his knees before he could stand up, the crowd tensing around you

“god, here goes the typical y/n and changbin stand-off. power of the two rap lyrical writers” someone said behind you.

yes it was a typical scene, you and changbin causing scenes everywhere around campus. but this one felt different. this scene felt like it would leave a rough patch.

“changbin, just wanted to return what you gave me last night” the vagueness in your words threw everyone off, including changbin’s friends

“what? a good night lyrics to complete your song?” he smirked, taking a daring step towards you.

the close proximity made you stutter a bit before you could take out your laptop from your backpack and expose a rough draft, something you found on changbin’s drive

“wait.. isn’t that my draft music?” he asked, his eyes glaring at the screen before turning back to you

“exactly, now im gonna give you a piece of your own medicine”

--------------

you slinged your backpack over your shoulder and you walked away from the crowd. god, that was embarrassing. it was different to say the least, the crowd cheered you on but their support didn’t matter. what mattered the most was the way changbin’s eyes glared at you the whole time. he didn’t bother to make out the words you were saying but he knew exactly what you were doing.

one thing changbin couldn’t get himself to realize was your motive? why were you literally spitting bars at his face? 

he stared blankly as you left thinking not only did you attack his height, his rap style, and his skills-- you attacked his heart.

---------------

the next day he never came around to your studio. to ensure you weren’t sharing this time you checked the schedule for the booked room everyday but you never found his name. you knew he was around because of the gossip about him and his new single with his mates, but you never saw him on campus. 

when summertime came around you were excited to come home as well, hoping to see the same boy next door but you were more than heartbroken to find out the seo family had moved out. his absence was a daily reminder of the mistake you made. you should’ve confessed way sooner.

---------------

a year passed before changbin could find himself backstage, his palms sweaty from the nervousness that had been piling over him these past few days. it was a small debut, but he knew every one of his fans were anticipating this. 

you, on the other hand, had no idea what was going down until a group of girls jumped ahead of you in the lunch line.

“hey y/n! you didn’t hear about 3racha’s debut? i guess changbin was debuting first after all” the girl giggled. your mouth dropped at the sudden statement.

“changbin.. he’s..he’s debuting?!”

“yeah! his stage is tonight!” the other girl replied, “do you wanna join? i have an extra ticket”

you grabbed the palm of the girl’s hands, giving it a squeeze in gratitude. “wow, thank you. thank you dude” 

“you welcome” the two girls smiled before you could exchange numbers. 

today was the special day, huh? you thought to yourself. it was the day he always teased you about, the typical “just wait till i’m famous, then you’ll like me!” he always bragged

you laughed like an idiot just thinking about it.

------------

later that day you decided to pass some time on twitter, searching changbin in the small text box in order to get any information on his debut. luckily, the tag was filled with posts and articles about 3racha. you learned a couple things from this which explained so much about the past year. his disappearance: he was transdered into a popular company called jyp, which was the same company he was debuting in. the company building was also 200 miles away, which may have explained why the seo family had moved. it seemed all too coincidental however, but only left one spot blank in your unfilled answer sheet. why did he never say goodbye? (a/n: bruh “never say goodbye” is the lyrics to the stray kids ost that changbin helped write... anyways continue)

you jumped into a taxi with the two girls, all bubbly and giggly as you chit-chatted inside the car. the girls ensured you wore an outfit that was a bit out of your comfort zone, a red-shimmery bodycon dress that hugged your waist tight. your figure shined the most in this outfit, and earned the top topic in your conversation with the girls as you talked about the usual “where and how” you got your outfit. 

200 miles, it took about two hours you supposed at the steady speed the taxi-driver went in. once two hours passed you couldn’t help but to ditch the conversation, a pit in your stomach slowly building as you anticipated changbin’s presence. what if he forgot about you? you thought about the question for a bit before concluding it would be best if he did forget about you. 

you entered the club, finding a table nearby the stage. as the three of you got seated you noticed a face peek out behind the curtains. if it wasn’t the look on his face, god that look on his face. you could see his shocked expression as he looked at you eye-to-eye. he never expected to see you here, in fact it was the last thing that crossed his mind but instead of making him more nervous your presence made him feel more at ease, more at home. 

three performances went by in a breeze, the crowd cheering on at certain parts that impressed even you. the lyrics were fun, having you jumping in your seat as swaying back and forth to the songs. but before you knew it the solo stages came on, changbin’s was up first.

the second he got on the stage his eyes scanned the crowd before they landed on you once again. a smug smirk fitted his face as the song started, chan and jisung looking over at changbin for the message that inspired the song lyrics.

“this one’s dedicated to the girl that broke my heart. there’s more to the story of course, and now that i think about it.. i think i should probably change my words up a bit” he laughed, taking chan and jisung by surprise before they could find you in the crowd as well.

“this song... it’s to the girl i loved.. and i hated the most. thank you for being there for me, whether you wanted to or not. thank you for.. dealing with my bullshit. for being my motivation and inspiration. you mean so much more than you’ll ever know, this one’s to you”

------

three minutes later you found yourself crying in the bathroom corner. you couldn’t tell if it was tears of joy or sadness. small sniffles was all changbin heard in the tiny room before he could knock on the door

“y/n, can i come in?”

“you would still come in even if i said no” you replied in the midst of tears, trying to wipe some off with your hand

“you’re right” changbin replied as he allowed the door to open by itself. he ran to you in a heartbeat, getting you on your feet and wiping the small droplets on your cheeks

“now why is my babygirl crying right now?” he laughed, leaning down to lock eyes with you 

“did you really have to address me as babygirl?! seriously, you pervert!” you slapped his chest as you continued crying “i’m only three years younger, THREE” you pointed three fingers out as he softly grabbed your wrists, pulling you closer

“ it was all i could think of in the moment, i’m sorry love”

“i mean if i was there to help you-”

“are we seriously going to argue right now” changbin interrupted, resting his forehead against yours. there it was. your heart doing that funky thing again. god your brain cells were just squirming in disgust.. this feeling of excitement, love, yuck! it was disgusting! you thought. but deep down, you really loved seo changbin. with every breath you could never take back the fact that you loved seo changbin.

“no...i just missed you so much” you mumbled, a stutter in the midst as you could feel changbin’s hot breath with the close proximity

“then will you shut up and let me kiss you now? please?” he whispered, his hands cupping your cheeks before you could nod in approval

“did you brush your te-”

“i said shut up” changbin said with a smile before your lips could meet with his. you immediately fell into his hands, yours wrapping around his broad shoulders as he picked you up by your waist. your thighs met the cold stone counter-top of the bathroom, changbin fitting in between your legs as you pulled him in for another kiss. changbin leaned back to meet your eyes again, “you know how long i’ve been waiting to do that?” he gasped, trying to catch his breath

“im sure you can write a song about it” you chuckled

changbin looked at the mirror behind you before turning around to find his bags on the floor. “actually....”

he leaned down to find his laptop inside. “i kinda already did?”

[swearronchanel]

9.04

my thoughts as per usual 

“The heavens don’t always protect us. They choose on occasion to throw down challenges...”

Nonnatus faces demolition once again

Sister J will fight it tho!

Dr Turner, listen

Time are changing indeed sis, time to make some moves

Sister Mj is a hopeless romantic, felt that

Val likes a good doctor huh??👀

 LMAO that noise sister MJ made when sister J turned off the TV😂

I truly hate pigeons I’m sorry lmaoo

oof his cough is hurting MY chest

Phyllis is already annoyed LMAO, also I’m sorry I hate the way brits pronounce “schedule”

Let’s see how these 4 ladies packed in a room will go

Aww Reggie is here

A BATHROOM ROSTER, IT’s LIKE YOURS, MINE, & OURS LMAOO

Trixie looking like a bad bitch as always even in her pj’s

PHYLLIS IS SO IRRITATED I LOVE IT

FELT that though, i.e if anyone remembers how I was going to drop kick my roommate freshman year 😂 thank god she dropped out

Reggie with the pigeon 😭

Fred is going to save his place or find him a new one right?

Alright those 2 doctors are decent looking, The one has that velvety accent which I high key like 👀

The white hoops are back! And the purple top is hot, what a LOOK😍

Trixie is like Phyllis we’re not drooling over the thought of men, but there’s always a chance for a little something something 🤪

Ok Walters has a famous doctor for a dad lol and so what

“Glad to see there’s nothing wrong. with your observation skills” LMAOO PHYLLIS IS RUTHLESS AND I LOVE IT

TB? Hope not

Trixie already riding up front with a doctor, as she should LMAO

Sister Frances and Hilda are like oh boy here comes the bullshit LMAO

Vi still reigns as the blue eyeshadow queen

LIKE DOGS OUT OF A GATE LMAOOA how many kids do you have to have until they slip out ?😂

Listen I want Trixie to get the important medical/professional storylines that she deserves, but I will gladly accept a little liaison with a jr doctor 😂🤪 it’s been a minute, or 2 years - whatever

LMAO they just kicked everyone out of clinic like come back tomorrow

These doctors don’t know how to be personal 😂

Damn she really popped that kid out in no time

Phyllis’ little giggle seeing the baby is so PURE

pls give me the confirmation that Phyllis did have a baby but had to give it up @ ctm writers

No news is good news ☹️

Well there goes my stream 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

ok back from technical difficulties, once again

Respect the hustle 🤷🏼‍♀️

Goodnight Ms Higgins! Goodnight Maryellen! LMAO

Listen Patrick, Higgins said GO HOME

LMAO these men eating Nonnatus out of house and home

“Wherever it is I lay my head” No room/no food left for Phyllis and she is SICK OF IT LMAOO

SHE ISNT WRONG FOR IT THO!

He doesn’t have TB, yay

who in the writing room was like listen I have an idea, a man who loves birds and we’ll reuse a TB scare but this time he’s fine

I’m sorry maybe I’m a heartless witch but I just am so indifferent to this story? Tbh none of the medical plots make me feel anything lmao 🤷🏼‍♀️

“Is that a blush I see?” OK VAL I see it👀

glad to know Trixie is still going to keep fit!

LMAO Phyllis wanting alone time is THE most relatable feeling

Tim has a “gig” LMFAOO where is he playing omg, we need details

You’re not getting any younger Pat, face it old man😭😭 you need some help at work so you can help at home

The Doctors drinking downstairs out of beakers LMAO men really are trash 😭😂

They broke a window playing fake baseball (I know what cricket is don’t worry, issa joke) omfg, PHYLLIS IS BOUTTA RIP THEM ALL A NEW ASSHOLE

SISTER MJ WHISPERING TO BE CAREFUL SJSJS

Yes! Play some calypso for Lucille!

JK SISTER J IS RIPPING THEM A NEW ASSHOLE! WE LOVE TO SEE IT!

I’m probably the only one enjoying this LMAO I knew the doctors would bring some drama!

The buckles are always cute 🥺

Oh no poor Mr Benson

Val giving the cold shoulder now lmaoo

Jk she’s over it lol. This Kevin guy seems nice tho, I like him

C’mon Kevin go tell Dr Turner right now! No one said he was always right 😂

Damn Benson has to get rid of his birds, now I feel bad ☹️

are Kevin and Val a new dynamic duo? I wouldn’t be mad

“If they’re good enough for Ms Hepburn” I don’t support smoking but good save Trix

“We make our own choices in life” !!! Trixie always makes such an impact with the (1) good scene she’s always given who to I have to pay ok the writing team for Trixie to be given MORE

Cue the mucus extractor

Phyllis finally softening up haha

He gave Reggie the pigeon aww 😭

Yes Dr Walters you had a great teacher indeed

23 months, 2 weeks, & 3 days sober 😭 I’m so proud. Also so glad to see Trix still going to AA. Wish we saw more of that though...

Angela and May ugh cuties

LMAO I JUST SAID THAT, it’s true you’re not getting younger sorry! Shelagh won’t say it but I already have

 hire a jr doctor turner !!

“We share troubles or laughter or learning...”

Wait after all that they’re just leaving?? Wack af. They made this seem like a way bigger deal than it was. I’m MAD at this😂WHY hype this up if they were only here for one episode?

“But the heavens always send us something new. A chance, a lease on life...” 🥺 ugh love that

I’m SO ready for next week, TIME FOR THE SOUND OF MUSIC! If none of the writers has written a joke on Shealgh comparing her to Maria after I have waited multiple seasons for this opportunity I will RIOT

[bloodydamnit]

Heyyyy. I feel kinda bad asking for your help for free. But how did you make King’s fur colourful and textured? I have the millennium cat in Daz and it doesn’t actually have any colour/fur options and I can’t find any in the store.

Hello there! I am SO SORRY for responding so late. This is actually a really good fucking question, that took me FOREVER to find an answer to when I was trying to figure King out. 

So, you actually cant do it with millennium cat :/ I don’t think? I’m sure there are ways, but honestly, millennium cat is not the best cat you can get. 

I 10/10 recommend investing in Hivewire House Cat. It’s 30 USD, which is fucking expensive for just a model. I got mine on sale, which they do every so often. If you put it in your wishlist on Renderosity, sometimes they do wishlist sales. Where everything in your wishlist they put on sale. So you can wait around for that, or you can just buy it. I recommend the hell out of it. 

***Very important. Downloading files from Renderosity and other websites that do not use the Download Manager from Daz’s own shop, can be v confusing. I have a MAC. There are a shit ton of tutorials on youtube on how to download these files on a Windows computer. But from a MAC, it took me for fucking ever. So if you would like a tutorial on how to download assets from other 3D rendering websites like Renderosity, please let me know! I’ve figured out a really simple way of doing it and I would be more than happy to help and the same goes for finding those files once you have them correctly situated in DAZ!***

Here’s why I recommend Hivewire. 

Millennium isn’t as detailed as Hivewire is. Millennium is a v old cat model, with only a few bones and no really helpful sliders in ‘Shaping’ and ‘Parameters’.

Just as a visual, here are these two side by side. On the right is Millennium and on the right is Hivewire. Millennium, for some reason, comes ridiculously oversized. Whereas Hivewire is automatically at the proper size for a common housecat.

Here are the Millennium ‘Parameters’ options:

And the Hivewire ‘Parameter’ options:

Even just looking at the size of the sidebar, there’s a big fucking difference. Hivewire is 10x more customizable. And everything that it comes with is already IRAY compatible. 

With all that being said, lets get into Hivewire House Cat. Because really, although Millennium is cheaper, I really don’t think it’s worth it. 

HHC (hivewire house cat) comes as a Tabby. The Tabby option comes with several different color options. You can also buy Black/White (which I used for King), Calico, and Orange Tabby as well. 

Here’s my black/white and gray tabby options:

However, the colors are not the long hair. In the promotional photos for some of these color options, the cats have long hair and it took me FOR FUCKING EVER to figure out how to do it. LUCKILY IT’S FREE THANK FUCKING GOD. 

So, lets get into that!

HHC comes with a LAMH (Look At My Hair) option! What does that mean? It means that you can easily add fur to these creatures. 

You can buy LAMH or you can get the free version. I recommend the free version. It’s what I have and if you’re only using it for this, then you gucci. Pretty much, to use LAMH, you have to download it from the website. Once that is done, in Daz you go to 

It should pull up this window. You can drag it anywhere on your workspace. 

Change the color of your kitty BEFORE you go onto the next steps. Unless you want to mix and match, which we’ll get into later!

So what do you do next - good question. 

Now you have to download the LAMH Presets from the Hivewire website. 

This. was so. fucking. annoying to figure out. with a lot of trial and error. 

Once you have LAMH presents for HHC downloaded (which comes with Short, Short 2, and Long) you can start attaching them to your cat. 

Make sure you have your cat selected. I HIGHLY recommend putting this in a new ‘document’ (?) so nothing else can interfere. I swear to god, this makes my program crash unless I don’t have it in a new field. Your program may crash. It’s annoying but the harsh reality of this thing. It’s about as finiky as dforce. So just keep that in mind and don’t give up. 

After your cat is selected, hit ‘Attach LAMH Preset’. It’s going to pull up your files. Find the LAMH presets you downloaded from the hivewire website (they can remain in a folder all on their own without being integrated into the program) and select how long you want the hair to be - Short, Short 2, or Long.  

I chose Long

It’s going to load and then all this green stuff is going to cover the HHC and in ‘Scene’ it’s going to have a new selection called HHC LAMH Group.

The next steps are really simple, but also really fucking important. 

Now, you are going to choose the hair quantity. Online you can find in different  forums, the hair quantity that people have chosen. I’ve seen the standard 250,000, 600,000, all the way to 2,000,000. YOU DO NOT NEED 2,000,000. Not even 1,000,000! I nearly always go with 600,000. The cat looks nice and full that way. I say, stay between 250,000 and 600,000. Don’t go any higher or your program will surely crash. 

***also, you can pose your figure with this. It will move with it. But, some poses will not work v nicely with LAMH - especially if it’s long haired. Anything too tightly curled, probably wont work.***

I’m going to go with 500,000 and hit ‘to OBJ’. I recommend saving this as you go. Like with every step, just hit save. Like I said, this crashes all the time and it’s extremely annoying to have to redo the steps over and over. So just save it and in turn, save yourself the headache. 

Once you hit ‘to OBJ’, this dialogue is going to pop up. Click ‘Yes’ then ‘OK’

Cool cool cool. everythings loaded, now wtf do you do? Use the eyes under HHC LAMH Group to make the green stuff disappear. DO NOT. I REPEAT. DO NOT DELETE. 

This is just so you can see your kitty with their little fur!!

Okay, you did all these steps. now fucking what? I think this is important to be said, but pose your cat BEFORE you attach the hair. It makes the hair fall more organically that way. Otherwise, it can not only make your program crash but just look weird. So, pose and position your kitty beforehand. So when you merge it into your original file, it’s already in place and you can go straight to rendering. (Leave LAMH for last. Always.)

Cool cool cool you did all of this. You can now pull up the AUX Viewport tab and see what your kitty be lookin like.

Now. I said earlier that you can mix and match. I didn’t know this was a thing, until i made a mistake and REALIZED it was a thing. For King, I wanted her to be black and white. However, homegirl forgot to do that. so after I had all of her fur already on and finished, I clicked one of the black and white options, and all of a sudden it mixed?!?! So I think what happened here, was that I had King as a tabby, or maybe mainly white. I don’t know. And when I attached the fur, the color from her original ‘skin’ also attaches to the fur, in order to give it color. Well, when I changed it afterwards, it ended up mixing her up. So instead of her turning out like this (which is what I originally had her as):

She came out like this:

Unfortunately, I have NO IDEA HOW I GOT TO THIS. So although King is looking fucking FIRE here, I couldn’t use it. :( 

Ugh, anyway. Another really important thing to keep in mind, is that you don’t want the hair to be too thin. I’m almost positive for both of these models, I used 600,000 hairs. I went lower than that for a picture of king in the office, and her hair came out extremely thin and you could see her body through it. It wasn’t a good look for her (Sorry bb girl). So if your number is too low, it will look off. Like a mangey cat lol. 

Example: 

250,000

500,000

This is a small difference, but they look far more filled out. And you can really tell when you have a stronger light source!

Heres one with King when her fur was literally just too thin. I think this was 250,000 as well. 

ANYWAY.

I hope this helps!!! And I’m sorry this came so late. I know it’s really long so anyone reading this going what the fuck, ignore it lmfaoo. 

If anyone would like an indepth tutorial on how to download external files and where to find them, please let me know! I’d love to help!

[novalillies]

ANOTHER COLLEGE RELATED LIFE UPDATE

im a big dumbass and im only just now switching to the major i should have been all along (theater) so thats super fun & i like just finished that application so we'll see how it goes

it's gonna put me back another year but honestly theres no rush yknow u just gotta do u

also ive been working at a dance studio since april and thats fun i love my 300 kids

but yeah college is wack but at least in this major ill be able to actually do things i want which is no surprise since ive been involved in performing arts in some way for the past 8 years its all i know LMFAOO

[cachekakusu]

K, so ya girl made the trip to see Anastasia on Broadway because WHY THE FUCK NOT also I needed a much needed vacation lmaooo (RIP MY $$$ but I’m here for a good time, not a long time!!! And worth going to see the show alone!) I also saw it twice because I’m so Extra(TM). But anyway, here be a reallllyy looooooong ass flail-y recap and thoughts for prosperity!!! I’m also combining both nights because I can!!!

So the first night, I sat center orchestra so I can IMMERSE MYSELF IN THE SHOW and the second time, I sat mezzanine right and HONESTLY the theatre is so small that as long as you’re not super to the side, you’ll get an amazing view wherever you are.

ACT I

When the EMPRESS WALKS IN, THAT SHIT SPARKLED LIKE A FUCKING THOUSAND DIAMONDS!?!?!? WOW LINDA CHO WAS ROBBED. The audience also gasped audibly during her entrance

People laughed when they took pictures IDK WHY IT’S SO FUNNY KJDSFS

The Attack (as I’m dubbing it) is so intense and visually stunning, especially the end

Also the “In The Dark of the Night” melody playing!!!! 

I also loved the Romanov Sisters “AAAAAHHHHHHH”  before the run away 

Ok MAX AS GLEB!!! I LOVED HIM he really was more awkward and less poised than Ramin was, at least in front of Anya but just as terrifying and intimidating.  I thought he was also funnier sdjfhdsjkhf. The tone of voices were pretty similar too so it was kind of easier to focus on his portrayal, which was amazing overall. 

Uhhh once Dmitry comes out, you can’t stop looking at him. JAWLINE. And also he gesticulates a lot sjkfskjj.

Christy really forreal literally has a sparkle in her eye whenever she sings and it’s amazing to witness SHE REALLY IS SUCH A SPECIAL PERFORMER 

ISTG, one of these days Derek and John are forreal gonna end up flipping Christy over when they lift her THEY ALMOST DID THE SECOND NIGHT AND I WAS STRESSEDT you legit could see her feet up in the air lmfaaooao

After Anya chases off those hooligans, she points the stick at Dmitry and says, “Come at me, I won’t hurt you.” in this playful almost flirty voice and it gave me......thoughts......

DEREK GETS SO SWEATY AT THE END OF MY PETERSBURG AND IT’S SO FUNNY KFHSKJF also he kind of warbled the last note in both nights but I  find it kind of endearing lmao bless him

There are a number of moments where Dmitry just kind of stares at Anya and then kind of catches himself and shakes himself out of it and it’s adorable like “hahahahaha idiot you’re falling in loooooooooooooove”

Uhhh OUAD is even more amazing because the ghost projections extend to the sides of the theatre so like SENSORY OVERLOAD I cried metaphorically

Watching the ensemble is so fun, when you can look away from Derek/Christy for a few seconds (WHICH IS HARD TO DO) lmfaoo, and in “We’ll go from There”, when it’s Dmitry’s turn to sing and he’s just hanging on the train rails, I was watching the two smoker girls (one played by Lyrica aka Odette/Ballerina), and at first, they have these disgusted looks that slowly turn into “Oh no, he’s hot” and LYRICA ESPECIALLY had that “gosh, he’s actually really cute” AND IT’S HILARIOUS (and I told Lyrica when I met her at stagedoor and she laughed a lot, saying she and Sarah have a lot of fun doing that scene)

OTP: DMITRY x BATHTUBS FOREVER

Stay, I Pray You gets me on a deep personal level because the immigrant connection is real (”You are all I know. You have raised me.” WHEN WILL I NOT CRY!?!?!?) , also I love numbers where everyone just sings classic choral style also the harmonies at the end PHEW

Also CONSTANTINE’S VOCALS

Journey to the Past. No words tbh other than MAGICAL. 

ACT II

PARIS HOLD THE KEY TO YOUR HEART IS SO FUN AND THE ELEVATOR RIDE UP TO THE EIFFEL TOWER IS SO FUCKING FUN!!!

I appreciate Land of Yesterday so much more as a visual performance because Caroline O’Connor is amazing. Her wit and her PHYSICAL STAMINA

MBP is one regal HBIC and Close the Door made me EMO

TCATCM is always such a hoot and John and Caroline are amazing together, the audience really just eats it up

IN A CROWD!!!! OF FUCKING THOUSANDS!!!!

I love arm

Christy’s delivery of “I remember” has gotten much softer it seems, and then they both kind of stare at each other for awhile, as if really realizing who each other is before they CRASH INTO EACH OTHER RIP ME 

both gasp lightly between “I’d find you....” “again”

*cue the disappointed sounds of the audience when Dmitry pulls back. SAME, MY DUDES*

also they both let out really audible gasps before Dmitry pulls back and it’s so !!!!!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!?!?!?

When Dmitry kneels down, the background turns into this starry sky AND THE FULL EFFECT OF IT IS BEAUTIFUL AND I WAS AWESTRUCK

I always get so emo when character’s leitmotifs play but ANYWAYS when the Dowager came out, you can tell she just looked so done and tired AND IT BROKE MY HEART (she looked regal af though)

When Dmitry comes RUNNING OUT and just kind of looks around and you know he’s searching for Anya THE silly boy and then Vlad spots him and he’s fixing him up while he acts like a disgruntled son lmflaks

ANYA’S ENTRANCE IN THE ICONIC BLUE DRESS fuck, the sparkles on that dress is so mesmerizing and SHE WAS GLOWING but she only had eyes for Dmitry right when she found him and has this fond look on her face AND SDKJFHSKJ SHE LOVES HIM FLALSMA

(release “When She Walks In”, you cowards!)

I didn’t really cry cuz during both performances (I was TOO HAPPY TO SEE THIS ALL COME TO LIFE BEFORE MY EYES) BUT I did get super emotional when Vlad sang “Meant to Be” becaue HE JUST LOOKED SO HEARTBROKEN FOR BOTH HIS CHILDREN!?!?!?

QUARTET AT THE BALLET is one of my favorites AND I LOSE MY SHIT EVERY TIME!!!! Also LYRICA!!!!! What an amazing dancer and I found it really nice that it was a show within a show and they had their own curtain call for this

Seriously, which of the writers hates Cleveland sdkjfhsdjkfh that joke will never not be funny

DEREK’S CRESCENDO AND DESCRESCENDO IN ETW!! BITCH!!!!

Also, DMITRY BOUGHT ANYA A FUCKING DOLL!?!!? WHY IS HE LIKE THIS!?!?!? Let me stare off into space while I continue to process that information

Uh, when Dmitry checks in on the Dowager and Anya during their reunion, he has a little smile on his face before he angstily walks away (and out of Anya’s life forever!!! Or so he thought, haha that fool)

The Anya/Gleb confrontation is always such a cool and emotional scene, especially when the Romanov ghosts also step back behind 

After Gleb decides to let Anya go, and the Romanovs/Officers leave and you see them carry a body, as if physically and metaphorically burying the past IT’S SO. WOW. HAUNTING AND EVOCATIVE AND I THINK ABOUT IT A LOT

When Anya finds Dmitry and he kind of takes her in for a bit before going all emo on her and Anya kind of has this fond smile before getting all sad once he says, “I can’t be in love with someone I can’t have for the rest of my life” like GOD, YOU’RE A FOOL BUT I LOVE YOU!?!?!?

“*softly* I’m not your prince, Anya.”

*cue my tears*

THE KISS!!! SO MUCH CHEERING And lmao whenever Christy grabs his suitcase to step on it, IT’S SO HILARIOUS because even in her heels she’s almost eye level with Derek (a real testament to how big of a height difference they have) 

After Dmitry pulls away, they both have dazed smiles on and kind of look at each other for a beat longer RIP ME

EVEN AFTER ANYA TAKES HIS ARM AND THEY KEEP SMILING AT EACH OTHER AND IT’S SOOO!!! CUTE!!! I LOVE ROMANCE!!! 

The finale gets me so emo, the Dowager’s “Still...” and her opening the music box AND THE ROMANOV SPIRITS ALL COME OUT AND THEN THEY ALL ROTATE LIKE AN ACTUAL MUSIC BOX!!!! IT’S BEAUTIFUL

Also the bridge in the background changes from being real, to a PAINTING as if to really add to the fairytale effect of DIMYA WALKING TO THEIR FUTURE and then when it goes, “Far away...” IT CHANGES TO A SNOWY SCENE AND I!!! LOSE MY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stage door. K so honestly, I appreciate all of them so much they are all so nice and gracious AND DESERVE ALL THE LOVE AND PRAISE!!!!

Max was so nice (SUPER HANDSOME) and I told him that he was really funny as Max and he laughed skdjskjf

Nicole came out next and she’s adorable, protect her forever!!!!

Lyrica is WOW BEAAUTIFUL TBH and I told her she’s an amazing dancer and she said how she has so much fun doing the ballet (also she has the most legible signature and I respect that lmaoo)

Caroline O’Connor is a delight and is so nice and I told her that I love her jokes and her high kicks skjfhskdjfh and she laughed and she thanked me for buying the program lmfaoo that was cute

Mary Beth also came out and is so elegant and precious and Zach was following after her because he was carrying some box (??? hers??? WHO KNOWS) 

I’m lame and exclaimed, “You’re the music box!!!” when it was Zach’s turn to sign and he was all, “How did you know!?!?!? We have an avid fan over here, guys!” sdkjfhskjfh and I honestly would love to see his Dima cuz he’s really witty and a good egg.

I told John that he was the real winner in my heart and he laughed and said how they really enjoy making the vlogs and I jokingly asked when the next season was and he was very ;)))) about it SO THAT’S EXCITING BECAUSE I WANT MORE ROYAL MISFITS FOREVER!!! I also told him he deserved a full pack of gum sjkfhsjk and he said that he doesnt even like gum sjkdfsh 

Derek is unreal beautiful and lmao the thirst for him by everyone is real but he’s so nice with everyone. I just told him that his vocals in Quartet are particularly amazing sdfjhsjkfh and he laughed adorably (ok, everything he does is adorable lbr). I was kind of a mess trying to take a pic with him but he was really patient while I got my shit together and flkaoska he’s so tall he had to crouch down quite a bit (sorry for my shortness, my dude). Anyway, both pics turned out slightly blurry because???? He just has that effect, I guess!

Christy went last and lmao, I wonder if they purposely plan it that way  now because of how long she takes interacting with each fan. Even the security guard was impressed with how much she loves doing the stage door lmao. She really is as precious as you expect and I pretty much babbled my love for Anastasia and for her AT her because SHE’S EVERYTHING AND IS A LITERAL PRINCESS and emanates so much love and kindness. I asked for a pic and I’m such an awkward ass turtle, trying to decide which way would provide better lighting lmao she offered to do hold the phone instead and I didn’t even realize she was taking so many pics lmao. Then I told her I loved her and thanked her for being THE BEST ANASTASIA  A FAN CAN HOPE FOR and we hugged and she thanked me for coming and told me my hair smelled good sdkjfskf. The second night is when I gave her my gift (lmao, it’s supposed to be a giant easter egg that I painted with some candy in it but the top half came off when she was taking it out, hence why she’s only holding half of it in the picture akhad) and she’s honestly like a little kid with how excited she was about it and even held it out so the other peeps could see lolol. She saw the treats inside and I told her how I know she loves snacking and she kind of went on about the pocki sticks she was eating backstage (which she pronounces, “poke-y” lmaoo so I didn’t know what she was talking about til like, a day later) and how they’re so addicing lmao I love one (1) backstage snacker. And she keeps saying how they have the best fans and I’m like, “UH!!! YOU GUYS DESERVE IT, HONESTLY!!!!” and she does the “Awwww!!!” face (y’all know the one). OH she also tried guessing where I was from but I kind of blurted it out before she could and she was so “SEE, I WAS GONNA SAY ‘CALIFORNIA’! I shouldn’t have even asked!” lmao. I gushed at her again, thanked her and probably told her I loved her again before I finally said goodbye lmao. 

I’m probably missing a lot of stuff, honestly it’s a blur and I’m trying to finish this up before I pass out from a food coma but ANYWAYS! 20/10 would fucking recommend, I love this musical so goddamn much and the cast and literally every one involved they’re all so talented and it will always hold a special place in my goddamn heart!!! *a million crying emojis*

[sunbeambutch]

⭐⭐⭐

1: I’m self diagnosed with autism and adhd but I’m too scared to make posts on it here because I’ve had problems with mean anons in the past over self diagnosis discourse and I’m scared of possibly having to deal with that again…

But I’m actually in the (fucking long) process of getting a professional diagnosis right now though! So we’ll see how that goes.

2: When I was a toddler I used to stim by twirling my fingers in my hair. (But it became a problem when I would wind my fingers so tightly in my hair they would get stuck and turn blue…) I still do it even now but thankfully not to that extent ahahaha! Also I used to suck and chew on my thumb constantly but I was stopped once I was deemed too old to continue doing it… But a few months ago I bought myself some silicone chewy necklaces and reintroduced myself to chew stimming!! (It feels so Good and !!!!)

3: I am convinced I have an invincible stomach. I have never gotten seasick or carsick in my life. This includes being on a tiny boat in the middle of a very choppy sea for two hours where out of the 100 people on the boat I was one of the only ones who reported no discomfort whatsoever.

I can stuff myself with the unhealthiest crap and then immediately want to go on a rollercoaster for the fourth time in a row.

I have never gotten period cramps, ever. Not even during workouts.

I can eat food that’s been expired for weeks and not only will I think it tastes perfectly fine, I won’t get sick in the slightest. (see the last ⭐️ fact lmfaoo) I also have liked the taste of nearly everything I’ve ever put in my mouth. I don’t think there’s five foods out there I’ve tasted that I can actually say I don’t like. I think it’s less of me having a very extensive palate and more of me simply being very hyposensitive in terms of taste.

I only just recently realized that this is an Autism Thing and honestly I consider it my personal lame superpower :D But it does come with a price… I find that if I don’t have a rigid schedule to tell me when it’s time to eat, I’ll go a full day without eating at all because I won’t feel hungry at all. Also I can’t ever tell if leftovers are safe to eat or not because I can’t taste or sense if they’ve gone bad. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[survivor-rebelsvsroyals]

EPISODE 2- I made an oopsie!! - Asya

HEY GUYS WELCOME BACK TO MY CHANNEL lmfaooo it’s been so damn long i’m so rusty but we’re here and we're doing this ladies! Going into this I was worried it was gonna be a ton of new school people I didnt know who were all friends but I was fairly pleased that I actually know a good majority of the cast and I know everybody on my tribe except Anabel which is WILD. I didn't expect to know that many but its great. I’m gonna talk a bit about everybody then ill go into more: Anabel is the one person I didn’t know coming in but i’ve heard she’s super social which is MY THING so i gotta watch my back with that. We’ve had fun conversations though so nothing bad to say yet Dane Dane Dane where do I start? I don’t trust him one bit. I know we can have fun conversations but because of personal things with my friends I will forever watch my back with him because i’m a stubborn protective Mama Bear. Ryan and I already talked about getting him out lmfao Gloria has always been sweet to me but I have to figure out how to talk game with her. I’ve never actually played with her myself before just been in VLs or a jury host for a game shes in or something so this is a different perspective. Im not sure how its gonna go yet. Linus is my TUMBLR SURVIVOR BUDDY HERE LMFAOO Ive played with people on this tribe before but I don’t think i’ve played TS with anybody else? Either way we played to the end of Myanmar- oh wait excuse me ALMOST THE END BECAUSE OF A DUMB TWIST but yeah I honestly trust him alot because if I remember correctly he wasnt afraid to make moves but he was straight up with me and I appreciate that I’d rather someone be blunt with me and I dont like what they say than deal with a shady bitch! Also we just have good conversations imo and I think we’d be on the same wavelength talking game so he’s definitely someone I wanna work with Pippa is a SWEETIE I always love talking to her we can talk musicals all day all night but with her schedule we’ll have to see how much shes here because idk if she’s gonna be that into it tbh Ruthie is another sweetie but shes also smart and she knows i’m smart so I gotta watch she won’t kick my ass and stab my back singing Zip-a-dee-doo-dah Ryan Matthew OK SO RYAN AND I HAVE A WILD HISTORY we always either love or hate eachother and so far we’ve decided this is a love game? Hopefully it’s legit but we’ll see im sure he’d flip on my ass if he felt like it lmfao but i’m gonna take it for what it is right now. We both don't trust dane and want him gone so I think right now we’re kinda following that “the enemy of your enemy is your friend” kinda motto. I actually wanna work with him this time though so we’ll seeeee RTP is always a blast I don't remember if i’ve actually ever played with him before but we’re both old as fuck in this community so we’ve been around the BLOCK. I know he knows how shit goes so he’ll probably pick up on bullshit quick so I wanna keep him on my good side! I definitely can see myself working with him Seamus i’ve always assumed is a hot ass mess lmfaooo he’s another one i dont remember if i’ve actually played with but I dont know if I trust him we had fun chats but idk how much I’ll trust him as a strategist but we havent gotten to that kind of discussion so we’ll see how that goes. For the most part I have general vibes/ experiences with these people on their own but I don’t know how they’re gonna mesh together so I really gotta watch them all and try to sort it out. I really think I can be in a good spot on this tribe and weasel my way through it but I have to calculate it PERFECTLY. These people aren’t newbies all of us have been here before and know how this works. I’m gonna work my social, be decent in the challenges and keep my mouth zipped while I try and figure our where everyone lies. I haven’t honestly really tried in a game in a long time and if people have forgotten what i’m capable of when I give a shit I can use that to my advantage. So i just gotta try and gage where everyone falls. STAY TUNEDDDD ALSO I JUST WANNA SAY MY FRIENDS AND PEOPLE I KNOW I COULD TRUST ARE ON THE OTHER TRIBE AND IM SAD I wanna work with them 😩😩😩 I need Dan Coffeycakes and Asya to get to swap but I'm also praying to the survivor Lorde™️ for the Royals so I don't die lol i’ll give more entertaining updates as thing progress but I just wanted to knock out the basic intro update ok byeeeeeeee 😘

THE GAME HAS OFFICIALLY COMMENCED AND I AM IMMEDIATELY SHOOK. My number one ally and my friend or die and most importantly my friend got first boot but I’m proud of myself that I didn’t sell myself out and didn’t vote him. So the vote was 7-1-1-1 7 Keaton 1 nic 1 Lachie 1 Raffy which was me After the tribal finished I told everyone on call (Chloe Asya Lachie and Raffy) THST I voted Raffy because I had already told John anyway and I didn’t want it to get spread around so I came clean and I can just hope they all respect me for it. I gotta take it day by day and continue to build and maintain bonds. I wanna see if I can’t build a majority alliance I gotta go balls to the wall and leave no stone unturned because for my own sanity I want no regrets when I’m eventually voted out. I think Raffy respected that I can’t clean and that our game relationship can be worked on from here.

Tribal was absolutely crazy. Keaton just popped the fuck off on everyone. He was the fourth crackhead that we needed, but didn't deserve. Asya, Lachie, and I being in an alliance? Nic controlling the game? Absolutely wild. The most interesting thing for me is that Brien voted me. I get that you know Keaton personally, but that just tells me that you will always choose your pre-existing relationship over me. It makes me hesitant to work with Brien since I don't know if he has anymore of these relationships throughout the game. I need to be careful what I say to him and how I come across from now on. I'm still playing the social game, talking with everyone, making sure things are going well for them. Hopefully it continues to go well and I can position myself into multiple alliances, but I don't know if I want to get that messy just yet. This two day challenge enables me to branch out my social game, so that's a plus. John brought up an alliance with Asya and Lachie that would include the Crackheads. However, he meant it as a joke. I wouldn't be entirely opposed to such an alliance. Though I would replace Lachie with someone else like Brien or Nic. It's just that I talk the least with Lachie and Asya so it would go pretty terrible in my opinion. We have to talk about that on call soon.

*a little while later*

Brien wants to start an alliance with me, him, John, Nic, and either Chloe/Trace. It would be a majority alliance, but I need to tell the Crackheads about it. We all need to be on the same page about things, otherwise we'll be a hot mess of an alliance (more so than we already are). Personally, I'd be perfectly fine with that kind of alliance, it'll give me the majority that I so desperately want.

i’m gonna cry i have no time to do this challenge i hate this i hate isaac pls let someone be the dummy who doesn’t submit at all so i don’t get 19th

Calling John and Raffy is like the highlight of my day

*a few minutes later*

"I need to find a shirt that I don't mind getting wet" - John 2K19 

 So what I'm hearing from that is he doesn't wash his clothes

My tribe is absolutely THRIVING and I’ve never been happier. I know I’ll see tribal one day but until then it’s nice to have another night off! I can go about my day not scrambling around to make sure I’m good! Now to search for the idol HMM

It sucks that we lost the challenge again. It's really bringing down morale. Because of this, I do think the next vote is going to be based on challenge performance which I take issue with. The two who did the worst are Chloe and Asya which means it's a pretty clear cut choice for me of who goes. It sucks because I like Asya a lot, but she just hasn't been as active as I would like her to be. At the end of the day, however, I just have to let it go and focus on the now. I'm not going to be pushing for Asya, but I sure hope she goes instead of Chloe.

i made an oopsie !!! was the lowest scoring person in the whole game so that’s hot !!! don’t feel good about my chances this round since in the early game, challenge strength IS what you have to go off of. but i’ve had good conversations w people and i will continue to build on that til i’m gone. i think i have a solid grasp on dan, chloe and lachie. like i don’t think they’ll vote me. i think i’m getting along well w brien? idk. there’s also that one unaccounted for stray vote from last round so like. much to consider. i just need 4 people to not vote for me and i’m fine. who i’m voting for? wish i knew !!

I was talking to Nic about the vote and he brings up two names: Chloe and Asya. I obviously preferred Asya to go so I said that to him. Then, not 5 seconds later, I hear from Chloe that Asya came up to her saying that I threw Asya's name out. Obviously Nic told Asya that I said her name. He's a little snake. I want him out of this game because he cannot be trusted with any information right now. I'm trying to leverage the situation in my favor by spreading that Nic told me it was Asya. So, something needs to be done.

*a little while LATER (you know the drill, this man talks A LOT)*

I'm currently talking to Lachie and Trace. However, Nic has also gotten to them too. I don't like this gut feeling that I am getting voted out. Apparently, Trace is onboard with getting Asya out according to Nic. Furthermore, Chloe told me that Asya is confused about what is happening with this vote. I am trying to confuse her. I told her that her name is getting thrown around, but I want to keep her. I need to keep this up till tribal in order to keep myself safe. Paranoia is the best coverage. Honestly, Nic going right now would not be bad. However, I need to make my play carefully

*literally like six seconds later*

Nic is very shady. The Crackheads want to vote out Nic now instead of Aysa. Chloe suggested making an alliance with Lachie and Asya to vote him out this tribal council. This only works if the two of them are online and agree. Lachie seems down for it, but Asya is a mystery. I just have a feeling that things are going to blow up in our faces. Hopefully, we can make a big move, but if Asya doesn't respond then nothing can happen.

Everyone is confused

ok SO im now in an alliance w me dan nic trace and brien which like?? is not the alliance i envisioned myself in but idc because thats majority and im not trying to go home tonight. with that group not an option i kinda wanted to push for raffy to go so i brought up how like aggressive he is and not even a second later nic tells me that raffy is saying my name so like. it's time for that man to go. did i flop in the challenge? yes, but i know how to talk my way out of a bad situation and thats what im gonna do. mark my words, raffy is getting voted out tonight. keaton made points!

*exactly 11 minutes later*

ok so... ignore everything i just said. it's been wiped from the record. never happened. i'm officially aligned with everyone on my tribe one with myself, dan, brien, trace and nic, and another with myself, chloe, raffy, john and lachie. alliance one is voting raffy, alliance two is voting nic. I ! AM ! THE SWING ! shook. if i don't get a vote tonight then... my fucking mind but... there will be consequences no matter what i do. at this point in time, i think that nic is a snake. raffy is a bigger target, and if he makes the swap he will keep making himself a target. nic is sneaky and will slide thru this game. so. i think my mind is made up

The Godfathers Alliance is officially set in stone. With this, we can make a move against Nic who is very talkative. Now we have a majority alliance that will dominate this tribe. I'm winning in this stage of the game.

The royals are killing it and I’m so proud of this tribe. So far I’m not a part of any official alliance, there’s been very little actual game talk, but Dane and I are both saying we won’t vote each other if we lose, and Seamus and I started sharing idol guesses. I wish there was more I could say but really when it comes to talking the tribe is kinda a bunch of lame ducks right now. A loss would probs change that, but it’s a slow burn atm.

Dan was messaging Asya about voting Nic, so we are trying to bring him into the vote in order to lessen the blindside. Plus, if we let Dan think he's in control, then we can put the heat on him in case of a potential blindside.

I'm sharing my idol guesses with Amanda and Ryan. I kind of made a F2 with both of them and they're my dream f3 but I have no idea how they feel about each other. But idk i guess im kind of fake. Tried my best at immunity, I hate scav hunts!!!!!!! But thank god we won immunity I never wanna go to tribal. I wanna be immune until f2.

[theconfessionsofanoverthinker]

My boyfriend pt 1

Wow, how do I want to start? I want to really get into it so I can have fresh vivid images and feelings and true thoughts and re-encounter how amazing it really was. Oh my gosh I can’t even fully describe what’s going on. I love this kid, I really do have love for him already. I’m going to do my best. Okay do I’ll come back in pt 2 with actual dates and stuff but I’ll jump right into the beginning. I had recently cut off this crazy ass guy that I met on Tinder and I’m like ok fuck it let’s try this again. I was getting so bored I swear tinder was soo ugly I couldn’t even hold conversations with half of those guys. And then I came across Charlie, ugh he was just so adorable. The obvious caught my eye, nice cars, nice eyes, nice hair, nice clothes. And WEED. And he was 21? How could I ask for more? And I had literally fallen for him by the time we matched, I think I waited maybe a day or less before I just shot my shot. I said “sheeeesh” with a few heart eye emojis and he said something like “Look at you”, and I just died. Was it too good to be true already? What was the catch? Fake acc??? Dude I don’t even know, but I was quick to gtfo of Tinder and asked for his snapchat, which went well. He sent me a selfie at one point when talking and all was fine, I really wanted to hang out with him because I suck at replying and I didn’t want to lose this chance and fuck it up by having out convo go dead. I had already told so many people about him too it was so crazy I was really getting my hope up for this guy. I mentioned him to my coworker Christiane, my siblings, Dora! And here I am, dating him??? He’s my man, my boyfriend, he’s mine. But it was a little challenging at first, I wanted to meet up on the weekend but he’s 21 so he was out doing 21 things w his friends of course. He went to ugly ass Darna and the MGM both places I can’t go to smh. Anyways, he’s definitely flirting with me as we’re talking, and I just kept mentioning that we should hang out. I asked him to come over and he actually said yes ?? oh bruh, he pulled up and was v cute. He was wearing a black shirt and jeans, I was wearing a long sleeve t shirt and shorts since we were just cooling it at my house I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard. I was actually so shook like omg, I went and told my mom that I was having a friend over and then yeah ((((: She was iffy of course, and one of the first things he said was that my room was “comfy” and it’s funny just last night he mentioned that he was relieved that I didn’t smell like basic bitch. Which is basically like VS but I’m on the other boat of basic at Bath and Body works lmaooo, he’ll find out later though. It’s funny because I do want to get into nicer perfumes anyways, so it’s good timing. Continuing, we were drinking Patron as our first drink omg. Only a few shots and they were half shots because he was driving far back home and he had gone to a bar beforehand. It’s crazy because we totally vibed together and I knew we both felt it, like we were feeling each other but at the same time I we could’ve been cool ass friends. And I’m glad that we have a bff feeling relationship, like that’s my mf boyfriend but that my mf mans too. He literally gives me diarrhea of the mouth, and as someone that can never stop talking it’s crazy to think that I could talk anymore than I already do without not being able to breath between words. At the same time my mind gets jumbled up and I lose my train of thought and I don’t know what to say. Some things just jump out and others just take so long to formulate and I second guess it but even when I cross reference stories and get lost Charlie always reminds me what the whole point of the conversation was. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. Good luck Charlie, Charlie and Lola? Charlie is literally so gorgeous, even though he might be wearing colored contacts lmfaoo. And it’s funny bc this other hoe ik wears them so I subtweeted and I wonder if he thinks it’s about him. I love him for appreciating my little butt and my little boobs. See how I keep getting distracted, I can’t even tell our story bc he’s so great and all his little details excite me a lot. Ok so we hung out and he didn’t even kiss me or try to do much but he did flirt with me I think? I couldn’t even tell if he was being friendly or not.  The next time we hung out we drank again, and same thing. It was nice we cooled it but nothing big. As soon as he asked for my number though, I KNEW he was fucking w me. And then I think that it was the 3rd time I copped us coke, and it honestly sucks that my memory is so hazy. Especially with someone that I care about so much and such significant moments, I wish I could remember everything. I wish I could relive it and remember. That’s why this blog is so important to me, I need to remember the good because it seems that only bad and traumatic moments stick to me and cling to my mind. I remember being on my couch and just leaned over and he kissed me and I just exploded. I wish I could remember what I was wearing, what show was on the TV, what time and day it was. I’ll investigate but there’s only so much information I can gather. I don’t want him to know that my mind is burnt as much as it is, I don’t want Charlie to think that something’s wrong with me. And looking back at out 1 month of talking and me falling for him, all I do is talk and talk and I probably seem mildly crazy and self centered. This is not my world, and these people aren’t just living in it. I don’t even know much about him, he’s gonna come over today and I’m going to just ask him everything and stfu. I wish I wasn’t so me, me, me all the fucking time. It’s probably so noticeable and ugly. My fucking baby. I am SO happy he is mine like wow I want him to feel appreciated. I want him to feel good, and I want him to be so happy to be with me and say I’m his girlfriend too. UGH I just missed a good writing opportunity just now while Kukuwa went to lunch. I have a new motivation and yeah it’s to look good for myself but it’s also to look good for my boyfriend, I can only wear so much make up and jewelry. My true looks, frizzy hair, fat stomach, and flat ass will always peek out no matter how I dress it up. I need to work on it, I can’t be out with a cute ass guy like him and not look like a bad ass bitch. So far we’ve been to the movies together, and the fair. But those are separate stories, and this will literally go on forever and ever. I wanted to write every detail I could possibly remember, and I can’t wait to add things to our scrapbook, it’s going to be so lit. He’s motivated me to stay more financially stable so that I can sustain us both, so we can have fun and can continuously have a nice time. I want to go everywhere, I want to go on trips and go see the world and have real adventures with my love. Fall is coming up and we’re going to do the whole sha-bang, I want to go to the pumpkin patch, horror fest at Kings Dominion, I want to dress up as something doesn’t have to match or anything. I want to take corny ass photos, and I REALLY want to carve pumpkins. I want to be able to get naked and let you love me, to embrace me and to kiss me everywhere. I want to be able to feel good and confident in front of my boyfriend. I recently got some new products hopefully they can help with the new scars bumps and the old scars, I feel like it’s going to take forever but I hope it’ll go quick. I need to start taking my vitamins and just take care of myself in general. Going back to Charlie instead of going on and on about my pointless and selfish insecurities, as soon as we kissed I felt myself melt into my underwear. I Felt myself wanting more and more, wanting to just grab him and love him everywhere. Literally the night that I discovered the song “Sleepwalk” by Santo and Johnny was right after we just had our first kiss and the riff at the first 7 seconds of the song just climaxes the same slow and tender way that these feelings hug my insides and gently squeezes my heart with small pools and waves of care and affection. I’m sure there’s a better way to organize those thoughts and feelings but I want it to be true and raw. He is just so pretty, Charlie is soo pretty to me I don’t know what to do. We had an unspoken trust where we gave each other everything. Sometimes I want to rip his face off because hes just so mesmerizing to me. It would super duper suck if he has brown eyes he’d look fine of course but the bragging rights that I have a boo w hazel eyes is veryyy high for me. He told me that he’d be having a oc for a whole week and that I’m invited of course, we’ll see how that goes. I’m not going to lie but the fact that I haven’t met his mom makes me nervous and hurt. What if she doesn’t like me or doesn’t approve of me, and we’re already dating as boyfriend and girlfriend? I really do think that it matters and I almost jokingly met her last night but I didn’t like my outfit enough for a first impression and I honestly do think it matter so much dude. This is the first and last image she’ll see of me until the next time I’d see her and who knows how long that’ll be. Not only that im trying to get hit from the back soooo bad omg I miss back shots so bad but I feel like we can’t catch the same rhythm. It sucks because the one time we did it was the first time we had sex in his little side room in his basement. And DUDE I’m lowkey embarrassed I did this weak ass little roll on his dick. I think our sex is really good, but it could be better. I haven’t cheated on him and I can feel that my pussy is tight and I can tell that he feels it too.   

8/28/2019

[hehehesurprize]

Wed Nes Day hehehehe

Yoooo. I realized I stopped typing professionally LMFAOO. Wow the progression. I wonder if anyone has found this blog is just reading these entries daily. That’ll be pretty cool tbh.

So what’d we do today hehe. We went to Riders University! The drive was long but fun with you! You fell asleep in the car, you looked so beautiful. You played Disney lullaby’s LMAO. I don’t know where I want to go with this blog now. It’s going to be your birthday present and it’s hard to keep it up but I do it for you! I know me writing these would mean a lot to you! I just want you to know I love you and do think about you constantly. Right now you’re asleep on call hehehe, I usually write these after you sleep. It’s really calming. I just don’t like writing period. But when it’s about you it’s easy :). Maybe I want to talk about how you make me feel? I tell you everyday and that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop now, but I remind you everyday and such so writing it hear would be repeating myself. I can talk about what we do each day but your memories really good so I know you remember everything. I can also be more open about myself and talk about my own feelings, but this is your blog for you! We’ll see how it goes. YOUR BIRTHDAY IS IN 4 DAYS NOW TECHNICALLY. WHAT DO I MEAN “we’ll see” I HAVE NO TIME KJSKSJSKSJS. Welllllll I love you hehehe that’s what matters. Me tired baby. I’m actually about to knock out with you. All in all today was a beautiful day and I’m so glad I got to spent it with you. I never want you to take those words lightly. I mean them 100% each time they come out of my mouth. I will never say something automated just like a robot. Or just say it to say it. I genuinely love you and enjoy your company so much. To voglio bene mi amore!

[wanoarczoro]

2) Also after hearing that Louis is going to do a collab with Bebe, some of the people in this fandom especially harrie larries 🙄 started saying that Dua is better than Bebe. Just because Dua get papped with Harry once lmfaoo. Sorry but they are both great. But Bebe has more fans then Dua. And she literally has more experience in music and songwriting then Dua. I don't even know why they started the compare them to each other in the first place. But what can you expect from Harries...

im not gonna lie i didn’t know who bebe or dua were until this year, like i knew the song me myself and i but i didnt know bebe sang it… so with that being said i havent paid attention to either of their careers so idk what to say ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ive listened to both of their stuff after i found out about them and im not really a fan of both of their music but we’ll see how the collab goes