#we'll see if I have more time to post and/or write once this busy period at work dies down

[laundrybiscuits]

I've recently been tagged in a few WIP/"last thing you've written" type games, and…to be completely candid, I haven't been writing any kind of fic lately because I've become a little bit obsessed with analyzing the Broadway revival of Merrily We Roll Along.

Not for any particular purpose, I just saw it at the Hudson a little while back and have a lot of feelings about it! In my tiny scraps of spare time, I've been working on an essay about Merrily and inevitability that will probably end up rotting in my google docs*, because that's how I approach writing as a hobby.

There's just so much there, holy shit. I'm focusing particularly on "Franklin Shepard, Inc." because Radcliffe's Charley brings a frenetic, desperate vulnerability to the performance that reads so, so differently from earlier productions. Throughout the show, I was consistently blown away by the heavy lifting Radcliffe, Mendez, and Groff do in shifting the core tension from "art vs commerce" (fine but basic, and difficult to keep modern) to "how people prioritize different types of relationships in their lives."

In an effort to make this slightly less wildly off-topic for this blog: this has gotten me thinking about the way that platonic relationships are treated in narratives, particularly but not exclusively in fandom.

"Found family" is and has always been a popular trope, but I do think its current incarnation trades a lot on the underlying fantasy of relationship permanence. When we recategorize friendships as familial relationships, we're making a claim—whether or not it's justified—about the indelibility of those relationships.

That's not inherently bad (or, god forbid, problematic). I think it's very very natural, especially for those who don't necessarily have a lot of experience with the way adult friendships change over time. Why wouldn't you want something as precious and unique and amazing as a good friendship to stay with you forever?

Certain people can feel like pillars of your world, and it's fucking terrifying to think about that being yanked out from under you—or even worse, to think about your lives slowly shifting like geologic plates until suddenly you realize it's been weeks, then months, then years since you last really talked.

CHARLEY: We're not that kind of close any more, the way we used to be. And a friendship's like a garden. You have to water it and tend it and care about it. And you know what? I want it back.

It's a peculiar, particular kind of grief when it happens, because even though it's a fairly common human experience, it doesn't get socially acknowledged in the same way as e.g. a romantic breakup.

So yeah, it makes a lot of sense that found family is a popular trope in all kinds of media, not just fandom.

However...at this point, I've developed a knee-jerk wariness to the phrase "found family," because I've found it often correlates with a really flat, simplistic depiction of human relationships. In extreme cases, it simply recontextualizes a relationship within the socially acknowledged/acceptable framework of a stereotypical family unit.

This does a disservice to familial and nonfamilial relationships alike. Every family is different, so why do so many found families in media look the same?

(I was monologuing about this to my very patient girlfriend, and she pointed out that this also sets up a success/failure binary condition in relationships, where permanence is the arbiter of success in both romantic and nonromantic contexts. She is of course both beautiful and correct!)

I have friends with whom I can sometimes share a glance and know exactly what they're thinking. I even have a running joke with one friend about the sheer number of times we've said the same thing in unison over the last 15 years. I still need to be intentional about building those relationships, extending empathy when we differ, and carving out time to reconnect. Truly intimate long-term relationships of any kind involve disagreements, conflicting priorities, and negotiating and renegotiating boundaries.

Being "basically the same person" or "sharing a braincell" actually sounds super fucking lonely to me, personally, and it handily elides the difficult, essential process of keeping people in your life.

FRANK: Old friends let you go your own way. CHARLEY: Help you find your own way. MARY: Let you off when you're wrong. F: If you're wrong. C: When you're wrong. M: Right or wrong, the point is, old friends shouldn't care if you're wrong. F: Should, but not for too long. C: What's too long?

That's a more complicated and much more mature narrative to tell than "friendship will save the day!" Because it's not that common and there's not a deep bank of references to draw from, it takes a lot of effort and skill to depict well, and I don't blame creators for not wanting to let it suck up all the air in the room. However, I think it's important to acknowledge that platonic relationships can also be flanderised and flattened.

In the context of fandom, which has always traded heavily in Romance genre conventions, I would really like to see more thoughtful explorations of complicated nonromantic relationships. I'm not even talking about genfic here! I've actually been thinking about Stobin specifically because that relationship (rightly & understandably) tends to show up in any Steve-centric fic, including the vast ocean of Steddie fics, so it makes the issue slightly more visible than I've seen in other fandoms.

I'm not saying I want to see them fight, or not be friends, or not love each other fiercely and near-obsessively in the way that lonely teenagers can. I'm just saying I want them to be distinct individuals who view the world in very different ways, and choose each other anyway. They already have a complicated past; I know from personal experience that it's possible as a lesbian to be best friends with a guy who once made a little speech about how into you he was, but that little layer of history never quite goes away.

I don't want frictionless relationships in my life. I want people who will challenge me and whom I can challenge, in the context of love and trust. I want people in my life whom I have to work to understand, because my life is richer when I do. And sometimes, I want narratives that will reflect the grief of friendships that are no longer part of my life, despite the best efforts of everyone involved.

In Merrily, Charley sings, "Friendship's something you don't really lose—" but Radcliffe's thready, pleading delivery makes it all too clear: Charley already knows he's lying. The audience just needs to catch up.

*Other essays in that particular graveyard: understanding the cast of Peanuts through the lens of anomie, humor and subversive linguistic nationalism in 00s Singaporean TV, how to fix Miss Saigon. WHY am I this way.

[sinsiriuslyemo]

When Insecurity Makes You Racist

Ya'll, I've got some stuff I wanna get off my chest.

So this morning there I was, drinking my tea, trying to decide which story I was going to continue working on, minding my own damn business for once when on twitter (I'm not calling it X. I said it, and I don't care) I saw a tweet from a mutual talking about some Chucklehead who had created a burner account on Goodreads (seriously, who the fuck does this?) and was mass one-starring books by other indie authors on there. Wait, because there's more.

As if this wasn't shitty enough, this person was also five-starring their own book, which will debut in 2024.

Did you fucking ever??

So, naturally, I did some digging as I do because I'm nosy af. Fortunately, I wasn't the only one wanting to know the tea, but unfortunately, it doesn't appear as though there's much more information out there except that this author, who I will remind you has not even published their book yet, is acting a damn fool and threatening their own career before it even kicks off.

I did manage to find this thread, which appears to be the original tweet that kicked all this off on twitter, but doesn't go into very much detail. It does, however, reveal another sickening aspect of this fuckery that l i t e r a l l y makes me want to riot, and that this...author was/is "using clearly POC names in the fake accounts to upvote every negative review on POC books so the top ones are all one and two star."

It got me to thinking about how precious and valuable reviews are. How much we crave them as indie authors because it's what will boost our books in the algorithm and get our book into the hands of the next reader. It's our lifeblood. A review and/or rating on Goodreads can absolutely make a difference, especially to indie authors since we only have ourselves and the generosity of our peers to market our books.

So, for an author to betray that is such a disheartening thing. I can't imagine taking the time to create a burner account for the sole purpose of trying to tear down my fellow indies. What's worst, and most likely the most egregious aspect of all of this is that they're weaponizing a POC identity (which I don't even know that they are actually POC) in order to tear down POC authors.

Being an indie author is hard. You're responsible for every aspect of writing, preparing, marketing and selling your book. There's an enormous amount of pressure that naturally comes with being an indie author. Not to mention the constant intrusive thoughts of "what if no one reads my book?" It's hard. But to go out of your way to sabotage other authors so that your book does well is not the way. As indies, we've GOT to have each other's backs, and yes, even call each other out when necessary. This person has not been identified as of yet, and I honestly don't know how I feel about that.

On one hand, there is zero attention on them as an individual and all the attention on their racism and blantant disrespect for the indie community, specifically the POC author community, and therefore their book, name is not receiving any attention apart from the five stars they're giving themselves. But on the other hand, does this mean they're going to be able to get away with their behavior?

It would be bad enough if this were a one-off thing, where they posted one bad review and upvoted themselves one time. I would still say expose their asses if I'm being honest. But this is m u l t i p l e instances of this and in a short period of time.

This is not okay.

And will them getting away with it encourage them to do it again or do something similar?

Personally, I want to know who they are so that I don't support them even by accident, but I know it isn't necessarily my place to demand this. We'll see what happens. As of right now, it appears the person who first posted about it is giving them a chance to knock it the fuck off, which is so incredibly generous, and in my opinion is more than they deserve.

I don't know if this person will heed their advice and stop the fuckery, but I know that I cant just sit idly by and wait for tea — though I most certainly will be watching this and waiting for any additional tea, because friends, I AM A NOSEY BITCH! That and I want to make sure this author never accidently ends up in my TBR because literally fuck them, and their racist burner accounts.

Still, this whole thing makes me want to do something. Not just talk about doing something or talk about how fucked this is — and it is, absolutely fucked. So I kept digging, hoping to at least find a list of those authors targeted so that I could use what platform I have to share their work.

The only post I've been able to find thus far is this one, calling for exactly the same thing, a list of all the authors who have been victimized by a person that should have been cheering them on, not plotting and mobilizing to sabotage them. Thus far, only one name has been identified, at least that I have found, but I will be keeping my eyes open for more, and I will update this post every time I find a new name. I implore you, if you're a reader and want to support indie authors, give their books a read. Leave them a review on Goodreads as well as on Amazon (just copy and paste the same one, I promise it's fine) so that their book gets pushed out and promoted to other readers.

The Poisons We Drink by Bethany Baptiste follows Venus Stoneheart as she avenges the murder of her mother while navigating the corrupt political atmosphere of DC. I will be reading and reviewing this book on my blog as the synopsis sounds bad ass. The link above will take you directly to Bethany's website where you can get more details on this novel.

In the meantime, don't fucking do this if you're an indie author. Don't do this at all even if you're not an indie author. It's gross, it's racist, and it's going to take all of us together to combat this nonsense.

[versutusdea]

hello everyone! my name is fey (23, est), and i’m currently looking to pick up some more writing partners interested in avatar: the last airbender. i typically prefer to write on discord, though i could be persuaded to try other platforms as well. i posted a much more informal ad about a week ago, however i’m brainrotting heavily at the moment and have decided to take myself a bit more seriously this time! below the cut, you’ll find more information in regards to my rules, things i’m looking for, etc. ☆

IMPORTANT INFORMATION:

01. first and foremost, i will only write with those who are older than 20 years of age. this is for my own comfort, and its a boundary that is very much set in stone!

02. i don’t generally prefer to write smut-centered threads. if that’s all you’re interested in doing, then we’re probably not the best match! it’s certainly not something i’m averse to writing every once in a while and if appropriate, but i do not write smut for the sake of writing smut. i’d much rather prefer to focus on character development and world building!

03. communication is greatly important to me. i’ve had too many instances in the past where partners both long and short–term have ghosted me completely out of the blue despite their apparent interest in what we’re creating, and it honestly doesn’t feel great. if you feel that something isn’t working, or if you’re just not into what we’re writing anymore, tell me! i promise that i’m very approachable, and my goal is always to create a safe environment where we can freely express our thoughts, ideas, and opinions.

04. within that same vein, i do ask that if my partners are going to be away for extended periods of time with little to no activity, they let me know. i understand that stuff happens, but if at all possible, do let me know if you’ll be away for longer than 2 weeks. you don’t need to tell me why, obviously, it’s just good to know when to expect inactivity (otherwise i might assume that i am, in fact, being ghosted). i always do my best to offer all my writing partners this same courtesy!

05. please understand that i am currently in college full time, and am not always able to be as active as i’d like. again, i’ve had people in the past straight up remove and/or block me if they felt i’m wasn't replying to things fast enough with absolutely no communication otherwise. i do try to be around as much as possible, but sometimes life gets in the way! i always strive to be as informative as possible if there are instances where i’m not going to be around as frequently. if you’re expecting 2-3 thread replies weekly, i’m probably not the person for you.

06. i looooove chatting with my partners about our plots! like, i will be sending loads of headcanons, pinterest boards, playlists, etc. i get really super enthusiastic about the characters i’m writing, and i’m equally as invested in those my partners are writing as well! it might take me a bit to warm up to you and gauge just how annoying i'm allowed to be, but we'll get there, i swear. if you’d prefer not to talk much ooc for whatever reason, do let me know, and i’ll absolutely lay off the gas.

07. i am doubling / mumu friendly. though it isn't necessary, i've always felt that the more, the merrier! it’s just important to remember that with my busy schedule, more threads may mean that it takes me a bit longer to reply. i’m always making an effort to give every character equal attention, and never want anyone feeling neglected. this does not mean i will not double up, of course, especially if that’s your preference! i just don’t want to set any unrealistic expectations.

08. at this time, i’m mostly interested in writing things that take place within the canon universe and am not looking for au threads. however, i’m not the kind of person who needs to write everything exactly as it’s happened in canon. like... they already did that, so why would i? i’m no stranger to tweaking details of the canon as we see fit, nor do i feel that my portrayal of most characters follows the canon 100% of the time anyway. i still like to keep things so that they’re more or less grounded in realism, but then again, this world isn’t real, sooo...! certain characters from the story lack depth, and developing that myself is one of my favorite things!

CHARACTERS I WILL WRITE:

katara ( !! )

sokka

suki

azula

aang

ty lee

zuko

i will not write things like incest, age gaps (nor will i age up characters if there would otherwise be an age gap), etc. i'm mostly interested in writing as katara at the moment, but i listed other options as well! again, i'm open to doubling. ships can be mxf, mxm, or fxf. i’m open to most ideas, so feel free to suggest whatever’s on your mind and i’ll let you know if it’s something i’d be into trying! also, our pairings don’t have to be romantic! i loooove writing platonic stuff as much as i do romantic. currently, i'd prefer to do strictly cc x cc pairings. depending on the themes of the plot, i ask that characters be aged up to be 18+.

if this sounds like something you’d be interested in, leave a like on this post and i’ll reach out to you as soon as i’m able! please do not dm me first, as this will make it more difficult for me to keep track of everything.

[journalingdaze]

Changes.

When you're told your new schedule and it doesn't sit right with you, at all, let it be known. Ask if you could change it. Don't be afraid to stand up for your rights.

I understand we all have families and want or need certain days off, but don't use YOUR life as a reason as to WHY I can't have certain days off for MY family time. Yes, it sucks not seeing your daughter for more than 5 minutes, but you also signed up for that role when you became the title you are. That has nothing to do with me. Straight up - stop trying to justify the wrongfulness in the scenario.

Also, don't tell me that the way I came about it isn't "right." Like, we're all entitled to our feelings, and if I disagree, in that moment, I'm going to come at you with how I'm feeling. Doesn't mean it's the right thing to do, but understand, these changes literally just fucked up so many peoples lives and all you see is the anger behind it. It's a lot to take in in a short period of time, and you're expecting everyone to change what they had planned, IF anything, to accommodate this damn company.

Number one, there's not many calls. Number two, 9:30-6:30, really? Number three, no weekends off - ever - UNLESS you find someone who would be willing to change with you. (Not here - NOT HERE) So, I'm fucked. And I don't agree with it at all. Number four, it goes into effect THIS weekend, MEANING I get 1 day off, and now my scheduled days off are Tues-Wed. Nope. Don't agree. And it's unfair to those who get weekends off, at least one day out of it, every weekend, where my "team" is having to surrender to be there on both weekend days. No! Number five, who the fuck is Corina and why hasn't she introduced herself so we know who our TL is? It's a major shit show and it's overflowing.

Please, stop telling me that things are being taken into consideration if you're still seeing certain people there who have done wrongful things. Just, don't. I don't have time to play these games of literally spilling my heart out and providing my feelings to "hope" things change. It's not going to, it's just not.

Don't tell me that in this CC, if you're not on a phone call that your money is going to be deducted from your check. Meaning, your call time is your check. Not your actual "in building" time. Nah. That doesn't sit right with me. It's hourly PLUS commission. It shouldn't be based on how long you're in queue for taking calls. If that's the case, I'm out. I'm done. Because, if I have personal issues to take care of, yet I'm still in that building, you're telling me that I'm not gonna get paid for my time being there because I'm not taking a call? Naaaaaaah.

I've never heard of ANY place ANYwhere that has said, "you're only getting paid for the time you're PHYSICALLY WORKING." But yet, I'm held hostage in a toxic environment for eight hours. SMH. Not one damn job I've had has EVER said that. If you're in that building, you're getting paid. Because! In this case, nobody would just be freeballin', walking around, if they KNEW that the phone calls was their paycheck.

Also, thanks for letting me know that my help is appreciated, but stop doing it. Yeah - let's just keep the frustration happening. Not just with me, but the customers and the agents having to wait on slow ass people to either walk over to you or possibly answer in the Q. Nobody pays attention to detail, so we'll be there all day with no assistance. But, you want me to stop? K, tell me to my face. Thank you. I won't do it anymore. But, it's "appreciated." Again, makes no sense. But OK.

I'm mentally exhausted, emotionally drained, and physically over stepping foot into that damn building, with these dumb and rude people, with these dumb policies and procedures, that don't change anything.

"There's only two people who can terminate someone and their always busy. One is getting pulled everywhere and one is always in a meeting." Okay - so, why can't anyone else write someone up and tell them something? *shrug*

It's not even worth talking about anymore beyond this post, today.

I'm waiting for an interview phone call / text to set one up. And you know what? I'm taking it if I get offered. I'm D. O. N. E. here. Done.

There's never gonna be enough people to make it fully staffed, meaning, no moving up. Everyone is overwhelmed and upset about something that nobody stays. It's an ongoing cycle of people never returning. And, I'm next on that list.

Let's just finish up AT LEAST this week and see how it goes. 🤞 Fingers crossed I get called for that interview ASAP cause once Sunday hits, who knows if I'm gonna agree to the changes.

GTFO & GFY.

[thescriptseries]

The Script, Chapter 1

Read it on AO3: The Script by @finney13s

Chapters: 1/9 Fandom: British (UK) Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom Rating: Not Rated Relationships: Tom Hiddleston/Original Female Character(s) Characters: Tom Hiddleston, Eva Pond Additional Tags: Angst

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 3.5 One Shot | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 (coming soon)

[click here to the original post to see links to new chapters]

Summary:

Eva Pond is an aspiring screenwriter who has a dream of getting her script to be produced as a full feature film. Her chance comes when the script is given to Tom Hiddleston's manager and Tom likes it - a lot. Well, the leading role is originally written for him... Except that it is not just the script that he's going to be in the leading role but also accidentally in Eva's life. And that is a problem because she's married.

Chapter 1

1.1

She knew the day had come. Her relationship with her husband had been bad for a long time and they had been drifting apart for a long time. Divorce was unevitable. And she knew that she had to make it clear before moving forward. Before making it official with Tom. Before letting the world know that one of the most wanted bachelors in Britain was finally taken. Before the press found out that it was by a married woman.

She had already packed her bags for her early flight back home next morning. This time she would fly back for the last time, tell her husband that it was over and hand over the divorce papers for him to sign. Then she would stay the rest of the visit in a hotel, maybe meet with some friends and the come back to London, the place she now called home.

She tried to distract her mind from the upcoming agony of facing the situation as it was by worrying about having everything with her first double and then triple checking her bags. As if it would matter if anything was left behind - she'd be back soon and this house was then about to become her home.

Besides, she already had left the most valuable thing she had here: her heart. With Tom.

But the house was now empty besides her and her bags. Tom had been alerted to shoot some final extra scenes for his soon to be released film and he had travelled there the day before. Bobby was taken to his "nana" to be fed all the goodies in the world and having limitless amounts of belly rubs until Tom was back. So she had been left to cope with her own devices in the huge house and in London.

There was a time not in so far in the past when she would've loved the idea. Now she only wanted to get her broken marriage to be sorted out for good so that she could move on.

They had sat on the sofa with Tom the night before his flight and talked.

"I really am sorry about leaving you to cope with this alone. I would never ever do this unless the schedule was ridiculously tight and at the last moment" Tom said hugging her tight.

"I know. Just, don't worry about it. I'm a big girl already. And besides, you have taken good care of me already by arranging the drive to the airport and a seat in the plane. A girl couldn't ask for anything more" she said softly kissing his forehead.

"Yeah, but I ought to be there to support you. It is kinda my fault too you're doing this, you know" he said with sadness and frustration in his voice

"What have I done to deserve you" she sighed quietly and cocked her head with a faint smile "You are so good to me and I adore you for it."

Tom looked her right in the eyes and said: "Just remember Eva that I am always here for you no matter what. Even though I am not there in person you are in my thoughts all the time."

A tear fell from her eye on his shirt when they tightly embraced each other in the bittersweet silence, dreading the things they had to do and go through before they could be happy together.

1.2

She had loved her husband at one point. A lot. But they had been young and gotten engaged and married in a whim thinking the first love would be the one. It worked for a while, quite long in fact, almost 10 years.

But when she had realised that if she wanted to get anywhere with her screenwriting dream she would have to move at least to London, it had been the dealbreaker. Her dreams just weren't the same anymore with her husband, they just weren't playing in the same team anymore.

They had tried to make it work, truly. But travelling back and forth from London to home kept getting more and more exhausting and it also kept her from meeting deadlines and missing few juicy deals.

So she had rented a studio in London and decided to work for a proper long period in one place to create continuity and being able to do the work that needed to be done. The script was already in good shape and there was some preliminary interest on it too, so it was definitely worth it. So she had stayed in London and worked there while her husband was back at home, thousand miles away working at his own job and taking care of their home.

1.3

And then one day her agent had called her: the script had been given to Tom's manager for viewing. She had written the leading male part specifically Tom in mind so this might be the one big push that the project needed to go forward. If Tom would be interested in the part enough that he'd agree to let her use his name as a leverage in the sales of the script to production houses that might mean getting the film actually made.

The following day she had received a phone call from anonymous number. Palms sweating she had answered.

"This is Eva Pond"

"Hello Eva, this is Tom Hiddleston speaking" a soft deep voice said in the other end of the line.

"Umm...hello..." she had answered and felt the rush of blood on her cheeks, then mentally slapped herself to get a grip and do this thing like an adult "Yes, sorry, very nice to talk to you. How are you?"

"I'm fine thanks. I'm calling about the script you had sent to my manager and I would like to discuss about it a bit more. I read the first few scenes and I was fascinated by it."

"Oh wow, thank you" she chuckled to the phone, "I... I have been working on it very hard and I'm pleased to hear you find it interesting"

"So I'm quite busy at the moment but I'm now in London and I could squeeze in a breakfast meeting tomorrow or day after that if that fits your schedule? Treat is full on me and I'll even serve it for you hot and steaming myself."

"Umm, sure, yes, I'm free any day really, as I'm mostly just writing" she stuttered to the phone "so just choose which suits you better and I'll be there at the dot."

"Alright, if it's all the same to you tomorrow morning at 8 it is then" Tom said decisively "I'll send you my address in a text message along with the port code, ok?"

"Yeah, that's ok, thank you"

"Alright, we'll talk more then tomorrow. It was nice talking to you Miss Eva. Bye"

"Yes, likewise Tom, thank you, bye"

Once the call had ended she sat down on her studio floor stunned and speechless. She was a step closer into getting her script on the screen. Finally!

When the phone chirped for Tom's text message with full contact details and home address it hit her: she was going to eat breakfast with Tom Hiddleston the next morning at 8 at his home and get to talk with him not only about the script, but also the role she had written specifically him in mind.

Then a thought had entered her mind: Had he said hot and steaming himself or had he meant the breakfast by it? Giggling to her own silly girlish thoughts she had decided to go through the script once more and the selling points she had prepared for the project.

She knew all of it by heart but she was about to present it to Tom, the man she had written it to.

[demonofthelight]

Life stories: Simon Clarke

Joanne (presenter): What keeps you awake at night, like what do you regret the most?

Simon: I don't know if I regret anything because everything teaches you something. Everything we go through is a lesson in life.

Joanne: That's the diplomatic response. What's the real response? If you could change something what would be?

Simon: There's this girl, anyone that listens to this podcast regularly probably knows all about her. Well, I can't regret us ending, because she's getting married in, what's the date? She's getting married in less than a month and she's meant to be happy so I don't regret us ending. I regret being so unimportant in her eyes that we don't still speak. I regret that, more than anything. I don't know if she was the 'one' but she was a friend. A friend I will forever adore.

Joanne: Does that keep you awake at night.

Simon: I wouldn't go that far but there are days I wonder about her.

Joanne: If she was watching this show, what would you say to her?

Simon: I'm sorry I never made her happy and I'm sorry she felt pressured by me. There's this story where a mutual friend once told me, this girl who I don't want to name Joanne, I really don't. You've shown pictures there but she doesn't look the same anymore not even the same coloured hair. Anyway this mutual friend told me she 'hates me for bringing her up'. Honestly, I'm sick of talking about it but I was always taught there's no taboo subject.

Joanne: Do you wish you two stayed in touch?

Simon: Mixed. (looking uncomfortable and shifting) I wish we never drifted so apart into two different circles but the circle she mixes in aren't compatible with the circle I drift in. I don't want to sound like an arrogant asshole. I mean it's nothing to do with superiority or a god complex. The circles I drift in are quite intellectual. Political debates, university alumina, professional jobs, e-sports. The circles she drifts in are more materialistic or hobby orientated. Motorbikes, sports etc. I mean some of those people think I'm literally the worst thing to happen to her, while some of the people in my circle find those who can't debate infuriating. The reality is the person she is now and the person I am now are completely different.

Joanne: Moving on to the death of your mom. Can you remember the day you found out?

Simon: Like it was yesterday. I got woke up in the morning while the paramedics were in my kitchen. I got told that my mom had died in her sleep and as you can imagine my father was in bits. I didn't know how to process it initially so I stayed in my room for about an hour. As time passed, I just wanted to be hugged and told I wasn't as alone as I felt.

Joanne: I'm sure your sisters and brother were by your side.

Simon: Of course, but they were trying to come to grips with it too. To be entirely honest, I reached out to a friend the following day or within the next few days. It became a blur that week but I remember distinctly that the one female who I loved and depended on to that level other than my mother was my ex. I spent the time up until the funeral genuinely believing she would pop over and check up on me even after we broke up on bad terms.

Joanne: How did your friend react , how did they support you?

Simon: As we've touched on, I was a loner in school. Until near the end of high school, I was a bullied shy kid. I didn't have any true friends. But this moment, this terrible event, Matthew made me realise I would never have to go through a travesty alone. He took time out to go for a drink with me during that week and he took the day off work to go to my mom's funeral. He's a complete atheist. He think's my philosophy on the afterlife is closer to Stephen King than history textbooks but he literally walked probably a few miles to and from the funeral just to show his support. I've never told him how much that meant to me. But I'd like to think he just knows.

Joanne: I'm sure he wasn't the only friend over that time?

Simon: No, I have another fantastic friend called Andrew. I had a very bitter falling out over him trying to get me support and honestly anyone else would have knocked me out for the abuse I gave him over it. He just laughed it off. One of two friends that I can depend on, hopefully and as far as I'm concerned the rest of my life.

Joanne: You mentioned the girl again (picture of 2011 as a couple goes on screen), her family is your neighbour right so they knew about what happened with your mom but didn't she text you or call in?

Simon: Her parents lived opposite the street, but she never asked or showed concern on my wellbeing. I have no entitlement of that care. It's her right to feel or act in any legal way she wishes. I'll respect her freedom to do that for as long as I can.

Joanne: How does that make you feel?

Simon: It made me realise our perspectives on the 18 months we were in a relationship were different. For me, it was a fantastic period and I imagine for her it's best to forget it.

Joanne: Does that bother you?

Simon: Should it? People change, circumstances change. Can we move on?

Joanne: OK. We'll go to a break... Welcome back. I'd like to talk about university and is it true that you were warned before you enrolled?

Simon: As a 18 year old child. I made a stupid comment about a friend publicly on Facebook. My friend found it hilarious and it's the sort of dark humour we say to each other over voice chat and in person but someone twisted what I said to imply someone who died in my local area. Well implied the post was about them. I never met and couldn't care less about them. I apologised and thought that was the end of it but a formal police report was filed and the individuals informed my university who at this point had just provided me with an offer to enrol that I accepted. I mean top business college diploma in the county, they ripped the hands off for me. So that was interesting. The university was great about it. The police were as incompetent as you can imagine but it did teach me that don't say anything on social media that can't be literally taken. Like this will go up on YouTube and Tumblr. So anything I say can be proved.

Joanne: How did you emotionally react to this event, where what you said was taken out of context?

Simon: Betrayed by others but I was stupid and naiive. You can't be those things especially as a successful businessman. At this time a lot of falsehoods and rumours came around ranging from me being a drug addict to committing sexual assault. It was obvious at this point those who had ever had a conversation with me knew that I had traditional moral values so the accusations were as ridiculous as they sound. Childish rumours spread to squash what I had to say. My friends just ignored them, and the people the bullshit influenced were better off not in my life anyway.

Joanne: I've only met you twice and you're quite outspoken about some controversial subjects but its obvious to me morally your the other way. Severely punish criminals, probably too far in my opinion.

Simon: I agree, my opinions can be quite controversial but I'm as against illegal drugs as I love a cup of tea. Even my critics would tell you that.

Joanne: You've gone from a social media account with 50000 followers overall to less than a tenth of the size. Why do you think this is and does it bother you?

Simon: I used to be a depressing blogger with poems, and writing that was soul crushing but honest about my thoughts or feelings about myself. I then started to feel less lost so naturally started writing about facts not emotions. Politics was always a topic I found fascinating. I've always been debating since I can remember. I get off on a debate, which is why it's hilarious to mock those that call you names because they can't debate the facts of the topic. I started looking at things like the wage gap and white privilege economically and they don't hold up to the scrutiny expected in academic work. They just don't. Those that believe either of those things are either stupid or lied too.

Joanne: I don't want to go down the rabbit hole of politics because it's become who you are but if I can, I want to touch on 'getting off' of those that call you names in other words 'Trolls' can you elaborate on that?

Simon: I'll give you an example. I'm quite camp just look at what I'm wearing so I got an anon message on Tumblr once that read 'you are a gay homophobic sexist Nazi that should just kill yourself'. How hilarious is the stupidity of that statement. If I was gay, I couldn't be homophobic and gay people aren't allowed to be a Nazi. It shows the idiocy of these people that are probably children.

Joanne: Does these kind of hate messages matter to you?

Simon: Of course it matters, everybody wants to be liked. Those that claim otherwise are lying. But the opinions of people I've never met who are so ashamed of themselves they hide through anonymous, do not matter to me. The opinions of friends and parents of friends matter to me.

Joanne: You once said you were 'bad with women'.

Simon: Oh God, yea. I really wish I hadn't had said that. It was on an emotional post at 3am. It was a spur of the moment thought. I don't think I'm naturally bad with women but I am a marmite figure. I'm not universally liked. Most people I meet are probably intimidated by me. I think the women that I find attractive clearly don't normally find me attractive.

Joanne: Why is that? What type of women do you find attractive?

Simon: I'm probably a 6 out of ten, if I could lose the acne probably a good 7. I tend to fall for either the tall slim blonde or the short petite unique person. I'm quite simple like that. Then if they are able to debate or disagree with me brilliantly, I just adore them.

Joanne: (laughs) So you see yourself as just above average?

Simon: In looks, I do. In style, I'm quite unique and some people hate that I stand out. In personality, I am extremely demanding but I also expect that from myself.

Joanne: Do you ever think about children?

Simon: I did. I thought about marriage and kids but I've only ever found three people in 21 years that I could see having a life with. I do think about children's names though, I have top three for both genders. For a boy: Constantine, Excalibur or Arthur. For a girl: Katherine, Kate or Kathleen.

Joanne: Do you think it's fair when some people refer to you as egotistical, arrogant or psychotic?

Simon: It's no business of mine what other's perceive me to be. I can only concentrate on who I am and I'm none of those things.

Joanne: Do you like being the centre of attention with someone claiming you 'have to be seen to be the most overdressed person because you need the attention?

Simon: I don't mind it, but I don't actively pursue it. I don't really mind whether someone outshines me. I love a challenge and I think demanding the best from myself constantly while can be quite exhausting to see, is who I am whether that's monopoly, gaming or dressing.

[jadeile-writes]

Fanfic Progress Update 153

Hi people, it's time to do an update on this week's writing progress. Stay tuned for a sneak-peek for Keep the Cuddles Platonic -challenge at the bottom of this post!

Current WIPs:

Keep the Cuddles Platonic -challenge

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog, movieverse

Summary: Doctor Robotnik is simultaneously touch averse and touch starved, which results in a plan to "get the touching needs over with" in the most efficient way he could think of: cuddles overnight, when he wouldn't be doing anything useful anyway. Agent Stone was not privy to the plan until they arrived at their hotel room for their business trip.

Progress: Chapter 2 is the current latest chapter and was posted on 23rd of November. Chapter 3 is finished and will be posted on 30th of November aka next Thursday. Chapters 4 and 5 are also finished :D

Originally this was supposed to be a threeshot, but chapter 3 got so long that I cut it into two chapters, and chapter 4 reached the desired word count perfectly naturally, so it was clearly a necessity. Chapter 5 just kind of wrote itself, it's a shorter epilogue chapter that the fic didn't really need, but now that it's there it perfects it, so turns out the fic did need it, I just didn't know it. Anyway, it's all written now and only needs to be posted.

—–

I'm Signing in the Drain

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog, movieverse

Summary (temporary): Not many people know this, but Doctor Robotnik is actually deaf and uses hearing aids to make up for it. Agent Stone does not know this, he just kind of assumes he's told to learn sign language upon being assigned for some other, mysterious reasons, and not as a "just in case" measure.

Progress: This fic will have at least three chapters, maybe four, maybe more (if I decide I actually want to do more with this concept than my initial idea, because the potential is there). The second chapter is almost done. The first chapter is now about 1/3 done.

I'm actually not sure if this fic will end up being Stobotnik aside from Stone being Big Gay as usual, cause Robotnik is being very aroace right now and I don't know if he'll give Stone a chance or not, as that is not really the point of the fic. We'll see how this shapes up.

—–

SBLF (workname)

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog, movieverse

Summary (temporary):

Wanted: a yesman who is capable of operating an espresso machine, has at least a higher IQ than your average amoeba, and is willing to put work before having a personal life, or indeed a life, period. The extra in your pathetic paycheck is good, but the strain in your psyche will make up for the positives. Forfeit your basic human rights and apply today if this sounds like you. 

Maybe it said something about Agent Stone - and probably not good things - that the poster in the cafeteria's pin board piqued his interest more than any of his official assignments had for a good long while. 

Dr. Robotnik, huh?

Progress: This one will be a longfic, probably around 20 chapters. It's a bit hard to estimate at this point, so the number is subject to change. Or I might cut this into two fics in a series, because quite honestly, it's two stories in one package (that is, half of it is pre-canon and half post-canon, so you know, could easily have two fics.) My writing hours will be devoted to this fic.

I have the first three chapters completely written now. Chapter 4 is half done. I also have two halfway written chapters that don't yet know their exact placement within the fic (they're scenes that will be slotted in to wherever they feel natural, once we get Stone settled in.)

—–  

Other WIPs I’m not currently working on but intend to get back to Someday™:

PoE Drabbles (Pillars of Eternity)

DC Drabbles (Justice League)

Diaphanous Relations (Forgotten Realms, R.A. Salvatore’s books)

Rolling with it (Zelda: BotW)

Hah, our afterlife is the most hilarious bushwa, dearest! (Hazbin Hotel)

—–

That’s it for the WIPs! Here’s the promised sneak-peek into Keep the Cuddles Platonic -challenge (Note: the text may end up slightly different in the fic itself due to more editing happening before publishing). Enjoy!

It was a perfectly average day at Doctor Robotnik’s laboratory. No business trips, no missions, no field tests, nothing but staying at the lab. Stone’s workday would be from ten to six, he’d do his usual everyday work, no meetings scheduled, no presentations, no visitors, no deadline crunches.

Simply a regular Thursday.

Except it was going to be anything but.

When Stone came in for the day, the lab smelled off in a way that was hard to define. Curiously, he walked up to the big crossroad that divided the lab building into two distinct halves and sniffed the air, pinpointing that the smell was coming from the left corridor, which meant the origin was likely the testing lab. Upon entering it, he could immediately see the cause of the smell: the large steel glass cabinet where the doctor tested various weapon proofnesses of his prototypes was covered in soot, metal bits, and chemical splatter. In short, the machine he had worked on yesterday when Stone clocked out had exploded upon testing.

Stone cringed in sympathy. That was days of careful work gone up in smoke just like that. At least he hadn’t been here to get yelled at for it.

—–

That’s it this time. See you next Saturday!

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