#well I've never had drugs but I doubt you can beat that high

[humbuginmybones]

Chapter Three! I'm on a roll!

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓣𝓱𝓻𝓮𝓮: "𝓢𝓹𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓷' 𝓓𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓴𝓼 𝓞𝓷 𝓜𝔂 𝓢𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓮"

You text Alex the next morning, texting 'hi.'

You get a swift response, he is pleased that you actually texted him already.

"Hi there, how are you today? It's nice to hear from you again."

"Doing pretty well. How are you?" You text.

He texts back, not wanting to wait too long to reply, and he smiles at this message.

"I'm doing quite well, I'm just relaxing on the couch, and thinking about some songs to write. Nothing too crazy I suppose, and I am happy to hear you're doing well."

Alex smiles to himself and thinks... Damn. Maybe I have a chance.

He stumbled out of bed, and drafted another text to you. But then Matt caught him and wished him a good morning... And Alex nodded, following Matt to his own hotel room, carrying a bottle of Jack Daniels. He could tell that Matt wanted to talk... But Alex couldn't help it - He spilt everything, and Matt listened intently, like a good friend would. He smiled.

"Wait, you're actually happy for me?" Alex mumbled, slamming down some whiskey.

"Nah, mate, I think it is better to make more friends." Matt said to Alex as they sat on the settee in the hotel room.

Matt looked up at the ceiling as he took another drag of his cigarette.

"I'll be honest, you've been startin' to concern me, Al." Matt's ice-blue eyes darted to the glass of whiskey Alex was drinking.

Alex sighed and rolled his eyes, downing the rest of his glass sloppily, a few drops spilling onto the settee, which he quickly wiped.

"Al, look at me." Matt asked kindly.

Alex turned to face his best friend.

"Why?" He mumbled, putting his head in his hands.

Matt replied. "Because you... You can't move on, and you're coping in a way that deeply concerns me." He said slowly, choosing every word.

"I lost the love of my life, Matt!" Alex defended.

Matt sighed.

Matt thought for a second, his fingers brushing his chin.

"Alright, Alex. You're my best friend, so it's up to me to say this to you. I'm going to be real, can you promise to listen to me?"

Alex fixed his hair while nodding.

Matt took his bandmate and beat friends' hand in his own.

"Alex... I know saying that the breakup being almost two years ago isn't going to help you move on. But I want to ask you something. What if you never had a girlfriend - A partner again?"

Alex blinked slowly, that was the strongest thing he had heard in a while. His friend promised to be harsh, not deep... And that scared him. Alex didn't like confronting his feelings unless it was deep in his lyrics, his craft, so he never had to expand.

"Um... Why do you ask?" Was all Alex was able to mumble out.

"Just think. Just answer the question." Matt said.

Alex shrugged.

"Would you be comfortable, Al? Would you be able to live like that? Because I... I think you got too dependent on that relationship, and now that it's gone... Instead of looking inwards, you're coping with sex, drugs, etc. Me and the boys are here for you - Al, you don't have to live like this. Getting high, getting drunk, calling random girls for hookups and then wondering why it doesn't last. Alex... You need to be able to stand on your own - You need to be a whole, not just a half. Especially now that you don't have a relationship."

Alex sat with Matt's words for a second.

"Matt..."

Matt spoke up once more.

"You have me, Mi, Mal, Cookie... We're here for you. We want you to have friends, and be fine without romance. Embrace the single-ness." "I'm sure that's the word, but there's a reason I'm not the lyricist." Matt chuckled.

"That's easy for you to say, Matthew. You have Breanna." Alex crossed his arms.

"Okay, and? Guess what, life can't revolve around romance. Now that we're not on tour, I've noticed the state you're in and how dire it is. I have to help you now."

Alex didn't doubt how serious Matt was being, and that scared him.

"So that girl's number you just got - Would it be so bad to have another friend? Even if you think she's pretty, there's no harm in healing yourself and going slow. The future is open to you, my friend - Getting a new friend or something more... Nothing will be lost there. Just... See where it goes, don't force anything."

"Oh, but you should see her, Matt! She's beyond belief! I... I..."

"Matthew, can I admit something to you?"

Matt nodded, brows knitting.

"I now believe in fate, Matt. I saw this year a year ago at a concert, and I wrote... Well, I'll admit, I wrote 'R U Mine?' and 'Electricity' 'bout her. That's how I banged 'em out so quickly. And then I saw her at that bar party... And then last night, and I finally made a move. It's like she's meant to be in my life!"

Matt slowly blinked.

"Holy shit."

Everything about the past 48 hours felt like a fucken' dream. Waking up, and even seeing a 'Good Morning' text from fucking Alex Turner felt unreal. The fact that meeting him in that pale moonlight and getting his number - How was that not a dream?! Hell... He even suggested meeting up tonight. What the hell else were you supposed to do on a perfectly fine Saturday night? Honestly, even if you did have plans, you'd probably cancel them in a heartbeat to not let this chance slip through your fingers.

Matt had helped Alex draft the text asking you to hang out tonight for... Too long, but Matt wanted to be a good friend. Alex was technologically illiterate and bad at reading social cues, so... Even a simple text could be a mountain climb for him.

"See? A new friend! God, I sound like your mum!" Matt sighed after the text was sent.

"God... What do I even talk about? It's been a while since I've talked to someone new where I couldn't just charm them with pick-up lines..." He muttered that last part.

"Well, she's a fan of yours, so there's already something built in there. Maybe she'll ask you something about how you wrote the songs! Ask her about her life!"

Alex nodded and tried not to overthink - It was just a new relationship, he wasn't going to force anything. If he was going to turn a new leaf and start healthy relationships... He had to not force things to go the way he wanted. A relationship was a mutual two-way street, or whatever metaphors Matt was using.

"Listen, Alex... You have charisma - Don't sell yourself short. If you need a wingman... Even if it's just for new friends, I'm here." Matt offered a warm smile and a pat on the back.

Alex got up to leave the hotel room, and Matt couldn't help but smile.

Alex left the whiskey bottle on the side-table.

[silverwashi]

I was being an emo bitch and listening to falling in reverse and I never realized how much this song reminds me of B and now I’m sad, what do y’all think? https://youtu.be/B2cbhYihBWY

“I heard a knock upon my door the other day

I opened it to find death staring in my face”: B was always close to death because of the eyes but towards the end he was literally bringing peoples deaths.

“The feel of mortal stalking still reverberates”: He knows that no matter where he goes L is gonna know.

“Everywhere I go, I drag this coffin just in case” : B was completely ready to commit suicide to one up L.

“Your secrets keep you safe, your lies keep you alive”: This line is so perfect considering the death note universe and the nature of the L title, I can just imagine B saying that to L.

“Snake eyes every single time you roll with crooked dice”: B was trying to become L was literally raised to become L, he would know better than anyone how wack L’s moral code is, would know that L has no problem ‘cheating’ so long as he gets his way.

“I felt the darkness as it tried to pull me down”: it’s always so interesting to think about B’s descent into madness, the role everyone played in that, and how B would feel as a genius going to war with different parts of himself.

“The kind of dark that haunts a hundred-year-old house”: the second I heard this I thought of Wammys, like we all agree that that house was fucked, and so were all of L’s successors

“I wrestle with my thoughts”: B wanted to be L for so long literally molded his entire identity off of L only to decide fuck it I’ll just beat him instead

“I shook the hand of doubt”: A lifetime of being second best, of being fucking Backup, need I say more??

“Running from my past”: I literally don’t even have to say anything for this one.

“I'm praying "Feet, don't fail me now"”: In order to beat L he knew his plan had to go perfect, he had to be meticulous about every single detail.

“I've lost my goddamn mind, it happens all the time”: I can’t help but picture the mirror scene whenever I hear this part of the song, B is so broken and ow, it hurts to think about how messed up his brain was.

“I can't believe I'm actually meant to be here

Trying to consume”: B really tried to become L in his entirety, tried to consume him, in spirit- he wanted to be the perfect crime for the perfect detective, body- he tried to look exactly like L, we can’t know how close he got, but to look like a copy of someone you’ve never seen is pretty impressive, and mind- he wanted to haunt L for the rest of his life, to be the person he thought about each time he finished a case

“the drug in me is you”: This ones obvious as well. Everything he did was fueled by his obsession with L.

“I'm so high on misery”: God :(( sad B hours

“If we are born to die and we all die to live

Then what's the point of living life if it just contradicts.”: B has a flippant relationship with death, it’s why his life seems so meaningless in the grand scheme of things, knowing on that level that everyone around you was gonna die would probably really fuck your preseption of life and death :((

“I've lost myself”: I always wondered about all those little moments in LABB where we think we see a speck of B, is that really him or just him wrongly portraying L because he doesn’t actually know him

Finally the in the video he’s trying to get rid of his past, like in the song, but while trying to everything gets set aflame. All the while he’s repeating “can’t you see” in a desperate and frustrated way that makes my chest hurt. The fact that it’s fire, in particular, is also just too good.

[crimson-phantom-designs]

NEW BEGENNINGS

Part 1 of a small one shot I did a few months ago.

"Jesus kid, I almost blew your head off! I thought you were a ghoul...."

Hancock paused a good thirty seconds staring at him as he had just stepped outside the brush, knapsack in tow. "You're serious?...." The corners of Hancock's mouth twitched into a smirk. "What good of a detective are you if I gotta point that out?"

"A... feral one, John. Christ, son get over here and behave for once- and what is that in your hand?"

"A guitar, Sherlock. Shit I gotta point everything to you or what?" Hancock held the dirty, blood stained instrument up proudly. "To the living deserve the spoils. I hadn't played one on years."

"You didn't kill somebody for that thing did you?" Nick interrogated flatly.

"Nah nah... bruiser was already dead. Like awhile. So lucky me, eh?" He chuckled.

"Just sit down." Nick dismissed him like talking to a child.

Hancock waved him off as he dropped his satchel at Nick's feet to walk off and stand outside the fire's edge as Nick searched the spoils the ghoul was sucessful scavenging, something useful he hoped, through the nearby houses. If they could be called that anymore.

Being in Commonwelth made Nick often wonder what things looked like before the war...

Hancock's loot was some rusty knives, cables, a coffee pot, a few bottles of beer and an ash tray. Most notably was the one, scrawny small molerat.

Nick grimaced at the foul thing as he held it up for inspection. It was moments like this he was grateful he didn't have a stomach but he promised to feed the one who did if he managed something...

Nick skinned the rat with one of his razors and chopped up what he could before dropping it in the pot with a few carrots he picked and set it over the fire.

He saw Hancock rustling in his coat as he leaned against an old light post looking over the fields they just cleared of feral ghouls. It wasn't often Nick left his town or his office for that matter but these little missions helped him stay sharp and this pack had been growing from what he heard to a point it even had Hancock nervous for his own town and request his help dealing with them. Not to mention drifters or traders using the roads that were getting picked off.

Nick wondered how Hancock took it killing ghouls. If he thought about them at all like himself, he didn't seem to care though he had his reasons. Sure they were wild creatures that seen even Hancock as a meal but they looked so much like him and were treated just about the same as he was and his band of misfits from Goodneighbor. John always related to the ghouls though, he made himself one willingly to escape the tyranny of his social family.

He had been through so much, the drugs had morphed him into another being entirely... When the burned ravaged man in a red coat approached him a year after he left he didn't even realize it was the same blonde haired, browned eyed scrawny boy of the McDonoughs and almost turned him away. It was his voice and how he carried himself that triggered the realization. It made Nick wonder as he watched the man from his perferial view.

Speaking of, Hancock's family was the reason Nick was here. He had tried talking to John before but setting out together to clear out the threat perhaps the information was fresh on his mind. He seemed lost in thought at the moment.

Richard was sick for awhile and the doctors were running out of options. It seemed the entire McDonough family wasn't exactly stable perhaps genetics. Martha their mother died a year ago from heart failure who John was very attached to, and before that Patrick the father and well... That was another story entirely. What drove a devide between the brothers - violently- and perhaps John still held onto that guilt. Patrick might still be alive if he hadn't run into those ghouls searching for John that night afterall.... Guy never let John forget it though Nick doubt he ever would and soon after was when chased out all ghouls as soon as he was elected mayor and John left for good.

The brothers were the last of their family and soon just John not that John seem to mind anymore.....

It was then when he heard the familiar puff intake he busted more people than he cared to admit from the ghoul as he descretly huffed the canister with his back to him. Nick's head shot up with a burning yellow glare made worse from the fire's reflection.

"You sure that's a good idea? Didn't that stuff nearly kill yah?" Nick spoke just over a scolding.

"What?..... No....." Hancock chuckled, shuffling innocently. As he was caught already he gave that up and went ahead and puffed the chem again with a shiver as things electrified about him in vibrant psychedelics and he staggered to his little nest of blankets and coats under the makeshift tarp he made. Shaking the empty canister with a frown he tossed it on the ground. Oh well, he had more and was probably going to need it.

Nick raised a sceptical brow. "Tells me you're lying."

Hancock laughed his eyes wide as it looked like two of Nick for a moment. Aside it being a trip how horrifying could that be he was a synth so it was actually possible. Oh god. He hoped he remembered that later. "The experimental shit... yeah maybe." He chuckled again as he slouched back numbly. "My skin fell off and grew back all fucked up, my hair fell out. The hair didn't grow back but eh whatever, oh the high though... it was so worth it. I felt like I was soaring with the strength of ten men.

"Uh huh..." Nick only appraised with a scowl. "Before or after you woke up vomiting blood and your heart stopped beating having to be jerked back to life by an addictol shot to the chest?"

"Ehhhhh heh before.... but my point is Jet nah Jet it's cool, is like..... the best girlfriend I've ever had." He said fondly with a loop sided smile. "She's always made me feel better and she was always available. So why say goodbye?"

"Even the best girlfriend will fuck you up eventually, you know?"

Hancock chuckled looking down at the empty jet cartiage feeling the chem start to wear off sadly. "The straight ones maybe...." Hancock barely remarked before shrugging it away as Nick glared at him. His expression slacked as he glared back before sitting down as he muttered quietly. "It helps me cope... besides there's medicine that will prevent me turning... anymore. Ferinhiet gets it for me and she's around if things go south."

"You're always full of jokes.... You stop doing the damn chems and you got nothing to worry about unless that's not weighing on your conscious."

Hancock groaned, rubbing his head. Yep the drugs had worn off. "You know, I always miss you until you're here."

"Because I care about you not overdosing and throw responsiblity in your face? That's cute. I came with you because I felt like we could talk..."

"No."

"John, hear me out."

"Not if it's about my brother." Hancock snipped sitting down and pulling the guitar in his lap. "And it's Hancock... stop calling me John. I'm not who I used to be for a reason..."

Nick sighed roughly not realizing he was holding it in. "John, come on. Talk to me. Get out of your pity bubble and be serious for a second."

"Hey, remember when you were chewing my ass out about shooting up? Gee, that was fun." Hancock snipped with a sarcastic smirk.

"I'm serious.... Your brother is really sick and you're not gonna go see him? That's not normal..."

"You're right, I'm not normal." Hancock gasped dramatically lifting a hand to his mouth. "Wait... did you not know we weren't normal!? My bad, shit I should have told you. I'm a ghoul and a drug addict, you're a condescending robot while my brothers a racist fuckhole who hates all those things. Shit, you must be very confused right now."

Nick scowled. "Look, stop grandstanding you egotistical shit... I get why you're holding on to this but enoughs enough. Look at you, you're living your life the way you want it. You don't have to keep fighting the world. I mean, isn't forgiving him easier than not?"

"Oh, Christ. Are you fucking serious right now with this shit right now?" Hancock huffed getting up to pace before sitting back down and figiting. He snatched the guitar picking at it as his scowl softened.

Still feeling the burn of those electric eyes on him he sighed. Softening slightly as his walls of defense broke down showing who he really was yet still he fought to maintain a stern face as he barely looked up to him.

"Sometimes what it looks like is all anybody can see..."

[jonvoll]

Therapy session

Friend (A): "I think we should go for a walk"

Me: "sounds good we should talk"

*We go out into the night

Walk strait then take a right

And find ourselves in the park

Many hours after dark

But you can't see a single star

Because there is smoke coming from the only car

A: I used to choke on smoke

Me: when did it all start

A: sometime before my art...

A: before I broke my heart

Me: I just wish you would have known

Me: you had me and were not alone...

Me: but I want to know your story

no matter how gory

There's a promise I've kept

With you I'll always accept

A: you have my trust its just I want the world to know to show that even if it's strange I really have made a change

A: "it all started back in seventh grade

Long before I made that masquerade

When exactly it started I forget

But I know it started with a cigaret"

*we wander to his old school guided by the wanderers unspoken rule "you'll be drawn to where you can't move on"

A: oh wait I can't be sure, everything is still a blur

But I fear it started right around here

Me: do you remember who it was with

A: someone who had already fallen off the cliff

I'm sure they are somewhere in my memory

But I doubt they remember me...

A: Anyway one day I can't remember if it was September or December all I remember is it was cold I met my friends

one of them told me "I've already sold most of the pack but I'll cut you some slack" and gave one to me

In truth I felt kinda down but they had a grin and I had a frown

My curiosity got the best of me

And I asked for a light

Suddenly life seemed bright

I was free

Free from the tyranny

Of my family

*there is a moment of silence as we both struggle to remain composed for the sake of the other

Me: so what happened then

A: it was around this time I started to flirt and care about what type of shirt I wore I swore I would be somebody. It was also around this time I met my friend (C) who I'll never forget

Me: wasn't he a bad presence

A: only in adolescence and I know how this might sound but it was the other way around

Cause at first he was a goody two shoes who would never use and always choose to do what was right

But honestly he was very much like me

Me: you mean genuinely good but deeply misunderstood

A: not exactly he was more like me in that he suffered from curiosity

I remember it was eighth grade I'd made my masquerade

It was then when I first thought to try pot

And it made me suffer from apathy which honestly wasn't that bad I'd become numb to the beating of every drum because truthfully my life's melody was that of pain.

One day C looked at me and said

C: I need to get these things out of my head

And honestly my jealousy of your apathy leaves me in agony

A: hey, I got some pot back at my place

After school we will take that and it will erase

Everything you fear

And your only tear will be that of laughter after

We smoke

A: so he came with me and we took a toke

After that everything was a joke

He was free of agony

And what's more he was with me

Everyone in my social group was simply a troop in my empire an entire system of stoned kids making desperate bids at stealing without revealing who they were but in truth it's all a blur

After many fuzzy nights of laughter

Middle school came to a close

And my ego rose

And around this time I lost my virginity

Somewhere out there there is lost divinity

But I remember it was just an ember in a wildfire of desire because I was number that summer than I ever thought I would get on pot

* his eyes start to glisten as I empathetically listen

A: but at the start of high school I found a stronger tool

Cause even though all I'd know was the drug would hug my mind and keep it confined. my heart... My heart belonged to art

Way back then the artists pen almost saved me

I'll admit I'm a little bit of a hypocrite because it started with graffiti

Me: was there a particular day it took your breath away

A: yes we were all stoned to the bone together but alone there's a lot I'm going to miss but the conversation looked something like this

C: hey let's take a tour of the sewer

I swear it's safer there

Another friend: you mean we can smoke pot and not worry about getting caught

C: yeah, in fact I know the exact place

* then looking A in the face

You got any spray paint

* it was said with an eager taint

A: yeah, but why would we put it in the bag

C: you ever wanted to tag

A: I've thought about it a little bit but never had a good rhyme at the right time

C: well today we are going to find a way

* they went on the proposed tour of the sewer and got beyond high to where nobody wanted to try

A: okay let's design our flag and tag it all over the walls and these tunnels will be our halls

* he did, but as the night dragged on his friends one by one were gone, but he didn't take note because he had crossed the drugs moat. The night started to turn light but burned bright as he would write every symbol of his soul wresting control from the drug that did hug his mind but now did find the will to fight to write and seize control of his soul the drugs like thugs were pissed and tried to grab his wrist but the spray paint made them faint he would say like pepper spray would clobber a would be robber. He would work every hour gaining power but losing strength as the length of the night gave even C fright. Saying I need to let you know I'd love to stay but I have to go. Then it was just Him in the dim flame but it was when the true him came, cause even as the high grew weak he felt no need to seek to smoke or break a heart because he had his art. It's said when he left the funnel of that tunnel it was already midday, it took his breath away

A: I remember that part as clear as day, it saved me in a way

Me: I'm kinda curious lets go see it

A: funny thing is I don't remember where it was but I still hear about the few who managed to find it its a massive battle between art and the drug, my heart and my skull slug. With reapers and Angels

Me: but what made you go back

A: my parents drama and flak

I begged them to let me be

In therapy

Because even though I now had a weapon

The drugs had more than ever before