#well their older selves anyhow

[torra-and-the-toons]

I’ve wanted to draw this for a while.

[reallifesultanas]

Portrait of Osman I / I. Oszmán portréja

Everyone know that Osman was the founder of the House of Osman, he remembered as the first of the Ottoman sultans. No one knows when or where he was born, and for a long time not a single artefact existed that could be confidently dated to his lifetime. There are two coins (which I already mentioned in the previous post about Ertugrul) from his time, and there are some legends, some descriptions about him, but we don't know too much about him still. So we know Osman was a historical person, but who was he?

His early life

Legends say he was born around 1260 as the son of Ertugrul Bey and Halime Hatun, and was from the Kayi tribe. It seems he had at least two brothers, Gündüz and Savci, who were both older than him. But there are no evidences for these legends. Yes based on the coins he was the son of Ertugrul so it can be true. 

He became the bey of his tribe after the death of his father. Some chroniclers hint that after Ertugrul’s death Osman’s uncle, Dündar became the bey, but Osman didn’t want to accept, so he rebelled. Otheres says Osman ebcame the leader and it was Dündar who didn't accept him. Anyhow most chroniclers agree that Dündar and Osman had a fight and in the end Osman killed Dündar with an arrow. The modern sources stay silent about this, because they find it not too glorious to kill your own uncle for the throne. It's hypocrite in my opinion, since fratricide and civil wars were main part of the Ottoman History. So in my opinion there was nothing wrong with this act (if Osman really did that) in such circumstances. Anyhow he became the leader of his tribe at a relatively young age.

Osman's dream

Osman at first was loyal to the Seljuks, but then he began to act independently around 1299. The reason of this act is not known. But the legends say that the whole idea of the Empire – and so his kind of rebel againsts the Seljuks – began quite literally with a dream:

"One night, the first sultan, Osman, was sleeping in the house of a holy man called Edebali when: „He saw that a moon arose from the holy man’s breast and came to sink in his own breast. A tree then sprouted from his navel and its shade compassed the world. Beneath this shade there were mountains, and streams flowed forth from the foot of each mountain. Some people drank from these running waters, others watered gardens, while yet others caused fountains to flow. When Osman awoke he told the story to the holy man, who said “Osman, my son, congratulations, for God has given the imperial office to you and your descendants and my daughter Malhun shall be your wife”." 

So after this dream Osman decided that he will creat his own Empire and will not be a servant of another state. Most probably this is just a legend, because these kind of „dreams” have a history with the Central-Asian origin nomad people. For example in the early Hungarian history there is also a dream like this, called „Emese’s dream”. This one is basically the same and story. Emese was the wife of Chief Ügyek, and she was impregnated by a turul bird. The turul appeared to her in a dream and told her that from her womb a great river would begin, and flow out over strange lands. According to dream interpreters, this meant that she would give birth to a son who would lead his people out of their homeland, and that her descendants would be glorious kings. Emese's son was named Álmos, whose name derives from the Hungarian word "álom", meaning dream, thus "Álmos" can be interpreted as "the Dreamt One". And it happened like that, because Álmos became the founder of House Árpád. Interesting fact is that the name Emese had a türk origin, originates from the Old Turkic eme, ana or ene, which mean mother. 

So we clearly can see, that these kind of drem-stories can be found in any Central-Asian origin nation's legends and they aremostly have the same meaning.

Osman's life after his dream

Most probably it didn't happened like, Osman had this dream – or not – and he started to build an Empire... Most probably he never even dreamt of such a huge Empire, what later happened to the Ottomans. Most probably he just wanted to make his own beylik, with his own cities.

His first indisputable evidence comes from a Byzantine chronicler, who tells the story of a battle at Bapheus, quite near Nicomedia (Izmit), in July 1302, in which Osman and a force of nomad archers defeated a Byzantine force accompanied by Alan auxiliaries. It is possible that badweather upstream and a rare flood of the Sakarya river downstream made it attractive to Osman and other türk beys to seek to recoup damage to their herds in the lowlands. At this time Osman was no more powerful than a number of other minor beys.

Within a very short time, türk raiders had reached the Sea of Marmara. A contemporary Byzantine chronicler describes how news of Osman’s victories spread and attracted Türks from other areas of western Anatolia to join his following, and how his force was strong enough to defeat a Byzantine army near Nikomedia (Izmit). From their base in the Sakarya valley, where Osman had occupied the old Byzantine fortified places, his men plundered the countryside to the west, forcing the inhabitants into the walled towns. These remained secure, since Osman obviously lacked the military skills to undertake formal sieges: his assault on Nikaia failed. He did take several other fortresses and fortified towns in the Sakarya valley, using them to store his plunder. In a similar manner he destroyed the countryside around Bursa, but also failed to take that city.

His personal life and family

Osman had at least two wives. One was Edebali's daughter for sure, as his dream also suggest. She was named Rabia Bala, or simply Bala but sometimes called Malhun as well. She was the mother of Alaeddin Bey and maybe had other children also. It seems she may had problems with the nomadic lifestyle or her relationship with Osman went wrong, because she spent the last years of her life with her father. She died in Bilecik in 1324 and was buried next to her father’s tomb.

Osman's other wife was Mal Hatun, who possibly was the daughter of the ruler of the Umuri or Amouri principality. According to a Byzantine historian “a son of Umur fought with Osman in one of his first raids against local Byzantine lords”, which may explain the marriage between Osman and Mal Hatun as a political alliance. Mal Hatun was the mother of Osman’s successor Orhan, and she actually outlived her husband as she was buried in the family tomb around Osman’s grave in Bursa. It is not known when she died.

In the first sentence I said at least two wifes... Well yes "a historical tradition regarding the acquisition of one of Osman’s wives calls to mind the Turkish nomadic practice of acquiring women through raids on neighboring tribes. As the story goes, one day on his way to Eskisehir. Osman caught sight of a woman in the village of ltburnu, fell in love with her, and, without telling his father, sent someone to ask for her in marriage. She refused on the grounds that she was not worthy of him, although this may have been an excuse, since there were rumors that Osman intended only a brief dalliance with her. Osman was spurred to kidnap the woman when an erstwhile ally of his, listening to his description of her manifold virtues, decided to take her for himself. Although the sources confuse this woman with Mal Khatun and Edebali’s daughter, she was clearly a person of lesser status. The details of the story indicate that the kidnapping occurred when Osman was quite young and before he had gained more than a local reputation. Women of standing themselves, selves, Edebali’s daughter and Mal Khatun probably married a more mature and powerful Osman."

Osman had at least eight sons and one daughter. 

Osman's eldest son - whose name is unfortunatelly unknown - was given to the Selcuk Sultan Gıyasuddin III Keyhusrev to be raised in his household when Ertugrul stipulated a peace treaty with him. He had descendants who were alive at the time in which Bayezid I conquered Malatya. The fact that this son of Osman was sent to the Seljuk Sultan during Ertugrul’s life, suggest that he maybe was born to the women, who Osman captured. 

His second son most probably was Orhan, who was born around 1281 and became the second ruler of the Ottoman dynasty. During Orhan's reign the little principality began to acquire a more settled aspect. Osman’s territory had contained no large towns. But in 1326, however, the city of Bursa succumbed to starvation and became, from this date, the first capital of the Ottomans. In the next year, following an earthquake which damaged its fortifications, Orhan’s men occupied the Byzantine town of Lopadion (Ulubat), towards the Dardanelles. Moreover Orhan was the first one who established an Ottoman bridgehead in Europe. He achieved this by exploiting a civil war in Byzantium between the rival Emperors John [VI] Kantakuzenos and John [V] Palajologos. Kantakuzenos sought allies among the Turkish rulers of western Anatolia and, in 1346 formed a pact with Orhan by marrying him to his daughter Theodora. The strategy was successful and, in 1347, Kantakuzenos entered Constantinople and proclaimed himself Emperor, with the other John as his co-regent. So beside his great victories Orhan was the first to use marriage as a tool to get himself supporters. His successors used to do this until Mehmed II, who changed the tradition and stopped the sultans from marrying noble women.

His third son was Alaeddin Ali Bey, who was born around 1290 and later he was made governor of Bilecik. He had a son Kiliç Bey, and their last descendant died in 1530. Aleaddin also built a mosque complex in Bursa. He didn't lived a long life, sources don't agree, but most probably he died around 1330.

Osman's other children are less knowns. We don't know anything for example about Savci Bey, just that his son married one of the daughters of Orhan 

I. Melik Bey is also not known, we only know that he had a daughter. 

Çoban Bey was surely Osman's son, because he built a mosque in Bursa, and by his complex it is known who he was. 

Osman's other son was Pazarli Bey, who was the commander of his brother Orhan I for years, so maybe he was the closest to Orhan? Pazarli Bey also had a daughter, and two sons. 

Osman also had another son, Hamid Bey, but we have zero information about him.

Osman had most probably more than one daughter, but we only have evidence for the existence of one. Fatma was named in the foundation deed of later Orhan I, so we know that se existed, but nothing else.

It seems like we know a lot about Osman, isnt it? But actually, even his name is the subject of some controversy!

A Greek historian gave us the description of the Sakarya flood and is the one contemporary writer to mention Osman ’s name, did not call him Osman at all but rather Ataman. The surprising notion that Osman had another name finds support in two later sources. Ataman is a Turkish name or maybe Mongol, while Osman is impeccably Muslim. This has led to some suspicion that Osman, or Ataman, the Ottoman, might have been born a pagan, that he may have taken his new name Osman later when he became a Muslim. But if this were true, if Osman were indeed a convert to Islam who changed his name, why would his sons have kept their genuinely Turkish names, who were Muslims beyond any doubt? From what the greek historian wrote, about the only thing we can surmise of the Turk he called Ataman is that he was a warrior.

Osman's death and legacy

The date of Osman's death too is uncertain. He probably died by 1324, the date of a trust deed registered by his son Orhan. The Moroccan world traveler Ibn Battuta, who visited the area in 1331 - 32, wrote that Osman was buried in the mosque of Bursa, probably the former Church of Saint Elias. This church is no longer standing, due to an earthquake two hundred years ago. Osman's remains now lie next to those of Orhan, father and son in suitable twin mausoleums erected in 1863. All in all it was Osman who was the founder of the Ottoman Empire, and who was to give his name to the Ottoman – or Osmanlı – dynasty.

Used sorces: Colin Imber - The Ottoman Empire, 1300-1650; Peirce -   The imperial harem; Faroqhi - The Ottoman Empire and the World; Fleet - The Cambridge History of Turkey, 1071-1453; Howard - A History of the Ottoman Empire; Öztuna - Devletler ve Hanedanlar Cilt 2; Uluçay - Padişahların Kadınları ve Kızları

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Azt mindenki tudja, hogy Oszmán volt az Oszmán-ház megalapítója, és úgy emlékszünk rá, mint az első oszmán szultánra. Azonban senki sem tudja mikor és hol született, évszázadokig létezésére sem volt bizonyíték. Azóta előkerült például két aranyérme, melyeket ő veretett (és amelyekről már szó esett a korábbi, Ertugrulos posztban); ismert néhány leírás is róla, azonban nem tudunk még mindig túl sokat. Tehát akkor ki is volt Oszmán?

Korai évei

A legendák szerint Ertugrul Bég és Halime Hatun fiaként született 1260 körül a Kayi törzsben. Azonban nincs erre bizonyítékunk. Igen, itt vannak az érmék, melyek arra utalnak, hogy Oszmán apja valóban Ertugrul volt, de semmi mást nem tudunk biztosan. 

Apja halála után vált a törzs fejévé. Néhány történetíró szerint Ertugrul halála után annak öccse, Dündar lett a bég, amelyet Oszmán nem fogadott el és fellázadt ellene. Más források szerint épp fordítva történt és Oszmán lett a bég, Dündar pedig fellázadt ellene. Akárhogyan is, abban egyetértenek a történetírók, hogy Oszmán és Dündar harcoltak egymással, melynek végén Oszmán egy nyíllal megölte Dündart. A modern források csendben maradnak ezzel kapcsolatban, hiszen méltatlannak érzik, hogy a dinasztia alapító ilyen véres családi küzdelem árán lett bég. Ez véleményem szerint nagy álszentség, hiszen tudjuk, hogy a testvérgyilkosság és a polgárháborúk milyen komoly részét tették ki a birodalom több évszázados történelmének. Véleményem szerint tehát a körülmények ismeretében semmi rossz nem volt abban sem, ha Oszmán valóban így ragadta magához a hatalmat. Mindenesetre azt tudjuk, hogy Oszmán kifejezetten fiatalon vált a törzsét vezető béggé.

Oszmán álma

Oszmán törzsfőként eleinte hűséges volt a Szeldzsuk Államhoz, azonban idővel, 1299 körültől függetlenül kezdett el cselekedni. Ennek oka ismeretlen. A legendák szerint az egész birodalom alapítási ötlet - és ezzel együtt a Szeldzsuk Birodalom elleni lázadás ötlete - egy álommal kezdődött. 

"Egyik este az első szultán, oszmán egy szent ember, Edebali házában aludt, amikor:"Azt látta, hogy a hold a szent ember mellkasából a magasba emelkedik, átlebeg az ő mellkasára, majd belesüllyed. Ezekután testéből egy fa nőtt ki és behálózta a világot. Lombja alatt hegyek voltak, folyók folytak azok lábainál. Néhány ember a folyókból ivott, mások kertjüket locsolták, míg mások szökőkutat alkottak a folyók vizéből." Amikor Oszmán felébredt, elmondta az álmát ennek a szent embernek, aki erre eképpen felelt: " Oszmán, fiam, gratulálok, Isten téged választott, rád és utódaidra bízta a dicső feladatot. Leányom Malhun legyen a feleséged."

Ezután az álom után döntötte el Oszmán, hogy birodalmat alapít, nem pedig más birodalmakat fog szolgálni. Nagy valószínűséggel ez csak egy legenda, hiszen a hasonló álmok kifejezetten gyakranjelennek meg a Belső-Ázsiai eredetű nomád népek hiedelem világában. Például a korai magyar történelemből is ismert egy ilyen álom, Emese álma. Ez alapvetően szinte ugyanaz, mint Oszmáné. Emese Ügyek felesége volt és egy turul madártól esett teherbe, aki álmában meglátogatta és azt mondta neki, hogy méhéből hatalmas folyó fog áradni, mely új vidékekre is eljut. Az álomfejtől szerint ez arra utal, hogy ő fogja világrahozni azt, aki elvezeti új hazájába népüket és, hogy utódaik dicső uralkodókká fognak válni. Emese később világrahozta fiát, aki az Álmos nevet kapta, utalva Emese álmára. Külön érdekessé teszi Oszmán szempontjából a történetet az, hogy maga az Emese név is türk eredetű, amely az ősi török eme/ana/ene szóból ered, mely anyát jelent.

Egyértelmű tehát, hogy ezek az álom-történetek megtalálhatóak a legtöbb Belső-Ázsiai nép legendái között, és szinte minden esetben alapvetően hasonlóak, hasonló jelentéssel bírnak.

Oszmán élete az álma után

Nyilvánvalóan az álom után nem az történt, hogy Oszmán hirtelen birodalmat akart építeni (már ha álmodott egyáltalán)... Valószínűleg még csak álmodni sem mert arról, ami valójában történt leszármazottjaival, hogy ilyen hatalmas birodalmat hoztak létre.Valószínűleg ő csak egy kis bégséget akart magának, néhány városkával.

Első kétségtelen bizonyíték Oszmán uralkodásáról egy bizánci történetírótól származik, aki leírta Bapheus-i csatát, mely Nicomedia (Izmit) közelében történt 1302 júliusában. Eszerint Oszmán és nomádokból álló íjászai legyőztek egy csapat bizánci katonát. Lehetséges, hogy az időjárási körülmények nagyban felbátorították Oszmánt. Ekkoriban ugyanis hatalmas áradás zajlott a Sakarya folyó mentén, amely miatt Oszmán és csapatai szükségét érezték a terjeszkedésnek, hogy legyen hol legeltetni és hová menekíteni állataikat. Ekkoriban azonban Oszmán nem volt több, mint egyike a sok kicsi törzs vezetőinek.

Rövid időn belül azonban győzelmének híre elért a többi türk táborba is, elkezdték őt csodálni és egyre több türk tábor csatlakozott hozzá Nyugat-Anatóliából is. Így a türkök már a Marmara tengerhe is elértek nemsokára. A Sakarya völgyben táboroztak, és innen indultak újra meg újra lerohanni a környező területeket. Valóban sikerült ezzel területet, legelőket szerezniük, azonban egyetlen fallal körülvett várost vagy erődítményt sem sikerült bevenniük. Oszmán megpróbálta Nikaia-t is bevenni, ám nem járt sikerrel, mint ahogy a Sakarya-völgy más városainak esetében sem. Hasonlóan járt Bursával: bár a környéket sikerült meghódítania, a várost magát nem tudta bevenni.

Magánélete

Oszmánnak legalább két felesége volt. Egyikük Edebali Seyk leánya volt, akire az álom is utalt. Rabia Balának, Balának vagy Malhunnak hívták. A források nem értenek egyet nevében. Az bizonyos, hogy ő volt Aleaddin Bég anyja, de lehetséges, hogy más gyermekei is születtek. Úgy tűnik, hogy idővel kapcsolta megromlott Oszmánnal, vagy a nomád élet nem volt nekivaló, de utolsó éveiben visszaköltözött apjához. Bilecikben halt meg 1324-ben és apja mellé temették.

Oszmán másik felesége Mal Hatun volt, aki feltehetőleg az Umuri vagy Amouri területek urának leánya volt. Bizánci történészek szerint "Umur fia Oszmán mellett harcolt, amikor azelőször győzte le a bizánciakat", ami megmagyarázná a valószínűleg politikaiházasságot is Mal és Oszmán között. Mal volt Oszmán örökösének, Orhannak az anyja. Bizonyosan túlélte Oszmánt, ám pontos dátum nem ismert haláláról. Végül családi türbébe temették Bursa közelében. 

Az első mondatban azt írtam, LEGALÁBB két feleség... Igen, a történészek szerint Oszmán egyik feleségét a nomádokra jellemző asszony-rablással szerezte. A történet szerint Oszmán egyik nap Eskisehirbe tartott, amikor meglátott egy gyönyörű leányt Itburnu falujánál és azonnal beleszeretett. Apja (Ertugrul) engedélye nélkül odaküldött valakit, hogy kérje ki neki a lányt. A lány elutasította azzal az ürüggyel, hogy nem méltó a férfihoz, ám ez valószínűleg csak kifogás volt. Oszmán ezekután elrabolta a lányt. Sok forrás összekveri ezt a lányt Edebali lányával vagy Mal Hatunnal, azonban egyértelmű, hogy egyikük sem lehetett, hiszen mindketten jóval magasabb rangú nők voltak. A történet részletei arra is utalnak, hogy ez még Ertugrul élete során zajlott, tehát Oszmán igen fiatal volt és nem volt semmiféle befolyása. Edebali leánya és Mal Hatun egy már érettebb Oszmánhoz mentek feleségül.

Oszmánnak legalább nyolc fia és egy leánya volt.

Legidősebb fiát - akinek neve sajnos elveszett az idők során - a Szeldzsuk Szultán, III Giyasuddin Keyhusrev nevelte. A fiúval pecsételődött meg Ertugrul és a szultán béke megállapodása. A fiú Szeldzsukoknak való átadásának idejéből következtethetünk arra, hogy talán az elrabolt parasztlány volt az anyja? Mindenesetre a fiú utódjai egészen I. Bayezid uralkodásának idejéig Malatya környékén éltek.

Második fia valószínűleg Orhan volt, aki 1281 körül született és később ő lett a második oszmán szultán. Orhan uralkodása alatt a kis bégség, melyet Oszmán hozott létre sokkal kifinomultabbá vált. Oszmán ugyanis nem tudott elfoglalni városokat, Orhan azonban 1326-ban sikeresen kiéheztette és elfoglalta Bursa városát. A következő évben pedig egy földrengés után Orhan seregével sikeresen tudta elfoglalni a megrongálódott Lopadion (Ulubat) városát a bizánciaktól. Mindezek mellett Orhan lett az első, aki az európai politikai színtérbe is bele tudott avatkozni. Kihasználta a háborút, amely két rivális között, VI. János Kantakuzenos és V. János Palajologos között zajlott. Kantakuzenos egyezséget kötött Orhannal, ennek megpecsételésére pedig hozzáadta feleségül saját leányát, Teodorát 1346-ban. A stratégia sikeres volt, 1347-ben Kantakuzenos belépett Isztambulba, és császárrá nevezte ki magát. Tehát győzelmei mellett Orhan volt az, aki először kötött jelentős politikai házasságot is. Utódiai egészen II. Mehmed uralkodásáig rendszeresen használták a szövetségkötésnek ezen módját.

Oszmán harmadik fia Aleaddin Ali Bég volt, aki 1290 körül született és életében Bilecik helytartója volt. Született egy fia Kiliç, akinek leszármazottjai még 1530-ban is jelen voltak. Aleaddin emellett mecsetkomplexumot és építtetett Bursában. Nem élt sokáig, a források szerint 1330 körül hunyt el.

Oszmán további fiai kevéssé ismertek. Nem tudunk például semmit Savciról azonkívül, hogy született egy fia, aki később feleségül vette unokatestvérét, I. Orhán leányát. 

Oszmán, Pazarli nevű fia Orhan mellett tevékenykedett annak parancsnokaként, tehát lehetséges, hogy a két férfi közel állt egymáshoz. Pazarli bég gyermekei is ismertek, legalább egy lánya és két fia született. 

Oszmánnak volt egy Hamid nevű fia is, akiről sajnos nincs semmi információnk.

Oszmánnak mindezek mellett valószínűleg több lánya is volt, azonban csak egyikük létezésére van konkrét bizonyíték. Fatma ugyanis meg volt nevezve I. Orhan egyik alapítványának papírjain, mint Orhan testvére, így ő bizonyosan létezett és Oszmán lánya volt, ám semmi mást nem tudunk róla.

Úgy tűnik sokat tudunk Oszmánról, igaz? Azonban valójában még a neve is ellentmondásos!

Egy görög történész, aki a Sakarya folyó menti ütközetet taglalja Oszmánt nem Oszmán néven említi, hanem Atamanként. A meglepő tény, hogy Oszmánnak lehet egy másik neve is, két másik forrásban is bizonyításra lel. Ataman egy türk vagy mongol eredetű név, amely arra utal, hogy Oszmán eredetileg nem volt talán muszlim sem. Ebből történészek olyan következtetéseket vonnak le, hogy Oszmán talán idővel tért át az iszlámra és vette fel az Oszmán nevet. Azonban ezt cáfolja, hogy fiai kétségkívül muszlimok voltak, mégsem változtatták meg eredeti türk nevüket. Abból, amit a görög történész jegyez az egyetlen plusz információ Atamanról, hogy nagyszerű harcos.

Oszmán halála és hagyatéka

Halálának pontos ideje nem ismert. Valószínűleg 1324-ben hunyt el, mert fiának alapítványi papírjai ezt a dátumot említik. Emellett egy marokkói világutazó, Ibn Battuta 1331-32 körül meglátogatta Bursát és lejegyezte, hogy Oszmán Bursa mecsetjében nyugszik, mely korábban a Szent Elias templom volt. Mára a templom/mecset már nem áll, ugyanis 200 éve egy földrengés elpusztította. Oszmán földimaradványai most Orhan mellett nyugszanak egy ikermauzóleumban, melyet 1863-ban építtettek számukra. 

Összességében tehát Oszmán volt az Oszmán Birodalom alapítója és az Oszmán - Osmanlı - dinasztia neve is tőle eredeztethető.

Felhasznált források: Colin Imber - The Ottoman Empire, 1300-1650; Peirce -   The imperial harem; Faroqhi - The Ottoman Empire and the World; Fleet - The Cambridge History of Turkey, 1071-1453; Howard - A History of the Ottoman Empire; Öztuna - Devletler ve Hanedanlar Cilt 2; Uluçay - Padişahların Kadınları ve Kızları

[kissfaeries]

Hi irene, I am the Christian bisexual woman who sent you an ask before. Thank you so much for responding to my ask and being so kind. So I am still not entirely convinced and the more I talk to my friends or watch Christian videos the more I feel like they are right. Someone showed me a study that showed that bi women and lesbians are more likely to develop breast cancer and that they are more likely to be dangerously overweight. And bi and gay men are more likely to have aids or HIVs +

+ so that mean that's gay sex is dangerous. Also, Lgbt people are more likely to be suicidal. Also some of my friends say that if we start accepting homosexuality we will also start accepting pedophilia and incest. (eventhough I think that's wrong because in the past homosexuality was condemned while pedophilia and incest were accepted, so it's actually that the more we develop the more we accept homosexuality and condemned pedophilia and incest). I feel like my beliefs are easily shaken +

+ like I could be coming to terms with my sexuality but then I come across a homophobic post or talk to a friend and I am back where I started. I am really scared I will waste my life hating myself but I am also scared that my church,family and friends are right. And that I am being brainwashed or whatever eventhough I know it's not true I am just really scared. +

I feel confused and no matter I always feel like it's the wrong choice. Anyhow, thank you so much for responding. I hope this was not overbearing or annoying.🧡🧡🧡

Thank you for coming to me, i hope i can help you! First, i would like to see the study that claims lesbians & bi women are more likely to develop breast cancer, bc it feels to me that it is a highly unscientific claim. There’s no correlation between sexual orientation and the probability of cancer development... it seems to me that it’s more of a homophobic conspiracy theory meant to scare young les/bi women like you. Same with being overweight, how does sexuality have anything to do with being dangerously overweight? When it’s either a genetic condition or something that occurs due to an unhealthy diet? Sexuality is not a factor here.

Secondly, it’s not true that gay/bi men are more likely to have AIDS. “Worldwide, more than 80 percent of all adult HIV infections have resulted from heterosexual intercourse.” Source: https://aidsinfo.nih.gov/news/168/hiv-aids-statistics

That’s something homophobes are obsessed about bc they think it proves homosexuality is deviant and evil, but it’s just a misconception that resulted from the high number of gay victims from the AIDS crisis in the 1980s. And the reason why so many gay/bi men died in that crisis was bc there was no information regarding protection in gay sex, AND the government refused to find a cure for AIDS at the beginning as it mostly affected gay men, so they saw it as “God punishing gay men and cleansing America of homosexuality”. When it started to affect straight people too, that’s when they got serious about it. Besides, gay & bi men having AIDS is not proof that “gay sex is more dangerous”. Gay sex is not more or less dangerous than straight sex, it simply depends on whether or not you’re using protection. If you don’t use it, you’re more likely to get sexually transmitted diseases.

Thirdly, it’s correct that LGB people are more likely to be suicidal than straight people: “LGB youth seriously contemplate suicide at almost 3 times the rate of heterosexual youth. LGB youth are almost 5 times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to heterosexual youth.” Source: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/preventing-suicide/facts-about-suicide/ But how is this LGB people’s fault? How is this proof that being LGB is wrong? In any case, it proves that HOMOPHOBIA is wrong, as it pushes LGB people to kill themselves instead of accepting their true selves: “LGB youth who come from highly rejecting families are 8.4 times as likely to have attempted suicide as LGB peers who reported no or low levels of family rejection. Each episode of LGBT victimization, such as physical or verbal harassment or abuse, increases the likelihood of self-harming behavior by 2.5 times on average.” Source: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/preventing-suicide/facts-about-suicide/ so as you can see, it’s not the fact that they’re same-sex attracted that causes them to be more suicidal... Homophobia is the reason LGB ppl are more suicidal. Homophobia is what’s wrong.

Next, what you said about homosexuality vs. pedophilia/incest is completely correct! Back in the 1800s, it was very common for cousins to marry each other, for example. There was also a case with a king of Spain in the 1600s/1700s (i believe) who was so malformed due to being the result of extreme incest in his family. Pedophilia, was also not condemned, but in fact silenced and protected, especially if the predator was a rich, powerful man (which is the case today as well). There have been lots of cases where a family marries their young, teenage daughter to an older man bc of money, which is also pedophilia. And yet, while these two were not condemned, homosexuality was always demonized. In the 20th century, when pedophilia started to be condemned more, homosexuality was criticized bc they believed they were pedophiles, so that whole thing of “acceptance of homosexuality increases acceptance of pedophilia” is another homophobic argument, as well as also making no sense as you’ve pointed out.

I do believe you’re right, you are someone who doesn’t have strong convictions so your beliefs are easily shaken, and this is mostly bc you don’t have a lot of resources/information/statistics like i do! If you have actual, proven facts that back your arguments, you will realize you are not as easily convinced of homophobic arguments, and it will also be more difficult to manipulate you into hating yourself. Because this is what it’s all about. Regardless of how you feel about yourself, you will always be same-sex attracted. That is something you cannot change. You can spend your whole life hating it, and it still won’t change the fact that you’re bisexual. What i’m doing is not “brainwashing”. Brainwashing doesn’t look like “please accept yourself, love yourself, there’s nothing wrong with you”. I’m trying to make you realize that your friends, family and Church are trying to guilt-trip you & manipulate you into hating your sexuality, using conspiracy theories and old-dated homophobic arguments that are not based on fact, on logic.

I’m not saying you should drop your friends, and it’s certainly difficult to let go of your homophobic family. I’m also from a homophobic family, and it’s taken awhile to stop listening to their homophobic arguments. But it’s possible. And the first step is to surround yourself by people who will accept you for who you are. By being constantly surrounded by Christian homophobes, you will never take the first step to love yourself. You need to realize this. It’s no shocker that you’re here again asking for my advice to deal with your internalized homophobia: it is a logical consequence of spending so much time with homophobes & actually listening to what they have to say. By all means, listen to their arguments. I have listened to them all my life, I had no choice. But see through them: they’re not backed by facts, their only intention is to hurt you, to make it even harder to accept yourself.

Like you’ve said before, you could hate yourself your entire life, but you don’t HAVE to do it. You have a choice. You can start to let go of their homophobic beliefs & values, and realize there’s another path that you can take. One where you don’t have to second-guess yourself, one where you don’t have to cry bc of who you are, one where you don’t have to fear going to hell, one where you can be happy & comfortable in your own skin, and maybe one where you find an amazing woman who loves you for who you are! Is it possible that you can take breaks from seeing your homophobic friends? It is possible that you can go on an exchange trip, or sign up for a club in your city that’s not religious? You will realize this does wonders to your self-steem, and the less time you spend surrounded by people who preach hate & intolerance, the easier it will be to come to terms with your sexuality and start to love yourself.

I wish you all the best❤️

[laughing-one]

Love Songs and Letters from the Heart of Darkness

💙🌎🌏💙Love from the Heart of Darkness.. for the Relentless Daimon and the One of Amberly Hair -- who Hear All -- above The Din of Time

Debussy's 'Les collines d'Anacapri'

https://youtu.be/B6JvZtgcVFE

.......................

Debussy's 'Reflets dans l'eau '

https://youtu.be/vJISo7YX6Nk

.......................

Jean Efflam Bavouzet's advice to musicians embarking on a career

https://youtu.be/TvfzSjcqbJo

.......................

And just to get the 'madness' out of the way.. how about quasi-satirist Bob Dobb's take on it (life n learning)Lol.. Praise Bob!! ... And catch the knack for Slack!!

Probably should have gone with 'selective resignation' on this one 😆 (see further comments on this thread)

Anyway.. there was some mighty strange stuff happening during the 70's haha.

'Church of the SubGenius -- Slack explained

https://youtu.be/BbHjybg50BU

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_the_SubGenius

.......................

An angel said to me: I trust and live in your darkness. I know and relish in the consumption of all your pain!!

"In a world full of danger, to be a potentially seeable object is to be constantly exposed to danger. Self-consciousness, then, may be the apprehensive awareness of oneself as potentially exposed to danger by the simple fact of being visible to others. The obvious defence against such a danger is to make oneself invisible in one way or another."

As for the song.. it's so nauseatingly 'emo' in parts, that as a whole it's almost perfect!! Well the words hit a home run anyhow. Kinda. Plus how many times did I listen to these songs as a young, somewhat unspoken child, a 'silent god'.. a bittersweet technophile suburbanite. Another exhausting categorization! Let the 90's and 2000's post modernisms speak for themselves!

Third Eye Blind's 'The Background'

https://youtu.be/4O22adRD470

.......................

More perspectives from the aperspective..

"I don't believe in an interventionist god, nor any lack therof.. yet i know of an intelligent force beyond all words."

Nick Cave's live performance of

'Into My Arms'

https://youtu.be/FG0-cncMpt8

........................

😮😮❣❣

The City of Sefar: the world's biggest living prehistoric "Museum" (mass prehistoric rock paintings) in Algeria

https://youtu.be/jJSj5oxmAPQ

Tassili N'Ajjer: the most mysterious place.on the planet

https://youtu.be/5vMbNK6Z59s

.......................

In the book 'A Language Older Than Words' (much of it going into how we 'silence' our experience), Derrick Jensen's first chapter 'Silencing' , opens with the R.D Laing quote:

""Our behavior is a function of our experience. We act according to the way we see things. If our experience is destroyed, our behavior will be destructive. If our experience is destroyed, we have lost our own selves."

George Acosta's 'The History of Trance' music collection.. this one is called 'Silence' performed by Delerium..

https://youtu.be/3jfK-bloUYc

.......................

"We are effectively destroying ourselves by violence masquerading as love."

The din of time..

"We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing."

Busty Brown's 'To Love Somebody'

https://youtu.be/krsF3sStgF8

The Clarendonian's 'Baby Baby'

https://youtu.be/YY-qswyUGxU

.......................

"The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change; until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds."

Paradox

"Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world."

"Madness need not be all breakdown. It may also be break-through. It is potential liberation and renewal as well as enslavement and existential death."

'Dolmenes de Antequera'

https://youtu.be/m23JFp7_oAY

'Antequera Dolmens Site: Nomination for inscription on the World Heritage List'

https://youtu.be/eYw8RxiQ3Dg

Incredible megalithic Japan. See how min 9:40 to 10:30 looks like the Serapeum's 'Sarcophagi' in Egypt?

https://youtu.be/1E9218vCn70

.......................

“The emotionally intelligent person knows that they will only ever be mentally healthy in a few areas and at certain moments, but is committed to fathoming their inadequacies and warning others of them in good time, with apology and charm.”

"The emotionally intelligent person knows that love is a skill, not [only] a feeling, and will require trust, vulnerability, generosity, humor, sexual understanding, and selective resignation."

Bruce Springsteen's 'I'm Goin Down'

https://youtu.be/3fdZWbIsrFk

Honestly just love the song! Nostalgia from childhood too!

But flip the script around bc I'm guilty!

"No amount of insight into the relativity and fallibility of our moral judgment can deliver us from these defects, and those who deem themselves beyond good and evil are usually the worst tormentors of mankind, because they are twisted with the pain and fear of their own sickness."

.......................

"We must remember that the rationalistic attitude of the West is not the only possible one and is not all-embracing, but is in many ways a prejudice and a bias that ought perhaps to be corrected."

"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness's of other people. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."

~Carl Jung

Nick Cave and The Bad Seed's:

'Red Right Hand' (official video)

https://youtu.be/RrxePKps87k

.......................

"...And the mercy seat is waitin'

And I think my head is burnin'

In a way I'm yearnin'

To be done with all this weighing up of truth

An eye for an eye

And a tooth for a tooth

And anyway I told the truth

And I'm not afraid to die

And the mercy seat is burnin'

And I think my head is glowing

In a way I'm a-hopin'

To be done with all this weighin' up of truth

An eye for an eye

And a tooth for a tooth

And I've got nothing left to lose

And I'm not afraid to die

And the mercy seat is smoking

And I think my head is boiling

In a way it's spoilin' all the fun

With all this truth and consequence

An eye for an eye

And a tooth for a tooth

And anyway I told the truth

But I'm afraid I told a lie..."

Nick Cave and The Bad Seed's:

'Mercy Seat' (peaky blinders version)

https://youtu.be/wzjW68FHTYc

.......................

Born a Joneser..

"This is the precept by which I have lived: Prepare for the worst; expect the best; and take what comes."

~Hannah Arendt

"To think and to be fully alive are the same."

~Hannah Arendt

"The chief qualification of a mass leader has become unending infallibility; he can never admit an error."

~Hannah Arendt

"I'm more than ever of the opinion that a decent human existence is possible today only on the fringes of society, where one then runs the risk of starving or being stoned to death. In these circumstances, a sense of humor is a great help."

~Hannah Arendt

"One must think with the body and the soul or not think at all."

~Hannah Arendt

"Only the mob and the elite can be attracted by the momentum of totalitarianism itself. The masses have to be won by propaganda."

~Hannah Arendt

"We are free to change the world and start something new in it."

~Hannah Arendt

"Power corresponds to the human ability not just to act but to act in concert. Power is never the property of an individual; it belongs to a group and remains in existence only so long as the group keeps together. When we say of somebody that he is 'in power' we actually refer to his being empowered by a certain number of people to act in their name. The moment the group, from which the power originated to begin with ... disappears, 'his power' also vanishes."

~Hannah Arendt

We are all murderers and prostitutes - no matter to what culture, society, class, nation one belongs, no matter how normal, moral, or mature, one takes oneself to be.

~R. D. Laing

'Darkness' (2008 remaster) by Third Eye Blind

https://youtu.be/WlLyAMU7MtQ

"Blue come over

Born a joneser

And the cops roll out the radar

And shoot devious grins

Another day begins

I want someone to know me

Maybe tell me who I am

Cause I've faced down my demons

And cried out to a god

A god I've never seen

Lights

And the world darkens around me

Strange friends all surround me

New ideas in my head start to burn

Dropped out of schools cause of things I never learned

And the world darkens around me

World darkens around me

I want you to love me

Like you did before you knew me

And I never thought there'd be any help

For somebody like me

A vacancy

Sing

And the world darkens around me

Strange friends all surround me

New ideas in my head start to burn…"

.......................

And .. just to contradict and be ambivablent 😁😊:

"Do not compare, do not measure. No other way is like yours. All other ways deceive and tempt you. You must fulfill the way that is in you."

~Carl Jung

"The problem of synchronicity has puzzled me for a long time, ever since the middle twenties, when I was investigating the phenomena of the collective unconscious and kept on coming across connections which I simply could not explain as chance groupings or "runs." What I found were "coincidences" which were connected so meaningfully that their "chance" concurrence would represent a degree of improbability that would have to be expressed by an astronomical figure."

~Carl Jung

((It kinda made us 'lose our minds' which is what happened to Jung and what he documented in

"The Red Book" -- Liber Novus --

(He had visions of WW1 before it occurred etc.. see the article 'The Cry of Merlin' again.. there are some good videos on 'New Thinking Allowed' Youtube channel about Peter Kingsley and Jung ))

"It is indeed my opinion now that evil is never “radical,” that it is only extreme, and that it possess neither depth nor any demonic dimension. It can overgrow and lay waste the whole world precisely because it spreads like fungus on the surface. It is “thought-defying,” as I said, because thought tries to reach some depth, to go to the roots, and the moment it concerns itself with evil, it is frustrated because there is nothing. That is its “banality.” Only the good has depth and can be radical."

~Hannah Arendt

The Verve -- 'Bittersweet Symphony' (official video)

https://youtu.be/1lyu1KKwC74

.......................

Debussy's Preludes: 'Voiles'

https://youtu.be/8fUblobUhk0

Amorphic waves, sailing, trepidatious with glitters of ecstasy

........................

"In broaching the possibility of being, in some way, against self-criticism, we have to imagine a world in which celebration is less suspect than criticism."

~Adam Phillips

"Attempts to wake before our time are often punished, especially by those who love us most. Because they, bless them, are asleep. They think anyone who wakes up, or who, still asleep, realizes that what is taken to be real is a ‘dream’ is going crazy."

~R.D. Laing

"Synchronicity is an ever present reality for those who have eyes to see."

~Carl Jung

Doubt is still the popular currency of the day, but magic lies in wait everywhere..

"You're It!" -- by Wookiefoot

https://youtu.be/g_PCOmVBobI

[postpunkpontypandyphantomthief]

4th Comedy Monologue

“Hands up if you just love combining strange foods together and gauging down on them while watching netflix on a late night?”

Oh yes you over there what do you like to conjure up?  

Gravy and rice,Nandos mayo on pasta or...or  lightly salted Doritos dipped into a  KFC Oreo Krushem

KFC,Kentucky Fried Chicken or Kentucky I can’t say the word but this is what baby me would’ve called it Chicken  one of the biggest fast food chains in the world or mainly in the UK while America has so many fast food places we only have a couple of their places while the rest are mainly local

They have tacos,soups and stacked burgers over here we only have the odd few places and then the chippy down the street

Speaking of chips, who here has tried their new chunky chips yet?

Ok,quite a few of you enjoy your potatoes being chunky and the rest of you like chips how you like your make up covered in plastic and full of chemicals.

Personally despite not minding the new chunky chips I’d go with liking both of them  but I’ve seen mixed reviews

Some prefer the chunk others don’t, while some of their chips weren’t bad I get the same feeling from eating them that I get from our everyday weather

“It’s very dull isn’t it? like my eyes when I lose sleep”

Sometimes you just want to get the blanket out and have some britcom and chill

Which I know probably isn’t going to catch on since most of you prefer watching american teen dramas about comic book characters where the same person who plays Salem the cat

is the same guy who was in that old disney or nick tv show from your childhood

Either that or your someone more into looking at images of Freddie Mercury and Roger Taylor’s actors from the Bohemian Rhapsody film

then again me neither, and I mean the Roger Taylor from Queen not the Roger Taylor from Duran Duran although they’re both cuties

John Deacon and Brian May’s actors too

When I watch films I try to teleport myself into the film’s universe as much as I can

I got a bit of a surprise when heard a northern irish actor playing one of Freddie’s lovers Paul Frenter

On hand Yay! More representation!, more film opportunities, on the other hand he plays the villian!

When I went to see the film I expected some things but then again outside of their music I didn’t know much about the personal lives of Queen,

In one of the scenes with Paul Frenter I was like is this a film about classic rock legends or does it want me to break free?

So my/this country has been featured quite a few times recently in films hasn’t it

Derry Girls,Coming Home,Game of Thrones,Star Wars etc.

While I’m listing these I think your noticing something in the intonation and tone of my voice

It’s that despite being Northern Irish my voice doesn’t sound like I come from there

I come from the land of punk music,Nirvana and chip shops but because I looked up to Hannah Montana,Lady Gaga and P!nk for most of my life so as I got older I ended up sounding like a alternative instagram model before instagram even existed.

That and with the  stuff I was interested in I could go from being into Music,Games and books to being interested in the cultures of different countries

I used to love typical american based things,then japanese things during my weeaboo phase although I will admit that phase might still be going on,German things,Scandinavian things etc.etc.

In the year Instagram was invented 2010,I was on holiday on florida and because my yank voice of stars and stripes was developing the people in florida didn’t know I was from a different country that’s how confusing my voice was,

I mean I know now. some people here are like me and don’t have the accent but even before that as a child my voice was so high if someone went up to me or had a conversation with me it would be like talking to a balloon.

You’ll float too!   (evil voice)   (mickey mouse voice) Hiya Fellas it’s me Mickey Mouse

But if we are talking about representation and how we identify with certain people or characters

I’d say I’m not really much of a liam neeson type of irish person I’m more of a Ed Byrne irish person

I like potatoes,punk music and pirates how about ye

So speaking of certain generations liking certain other alternative things

A lot of people have started  liking blur recently

Then again who likes the gallaghers anyway?

So the people liking Blur are like what I used to be like about One Direction

Pulp are pretty good too I like me some of Jarvis Cocker

Jarvis Cocker in his younger days actually looked a  lot like Ed Byrne other times he looks like Tim Burton

There is one thing I disagree with Jarvis Cocker on though and it’s his short tea about michael jackson

Basically during the 1996 brit awards he showed his bum to the public in protest of the cringy performance michael jackson was doing

Oh,great now that makes it sound even more wrong

Jarvis was defintely off his cocker but he wasn’t mooning the moonwalker...ok he was

He  interviewed a furby on the radio moving on

So, Michael Jackson one of the rock legends alongside bowie and mercury

You either like him,adore him,not really care about him or dislike him based on the rumours and scandals created about him by certain people and publications

I love him,he was peculiar sometimes but I was fascinated by that by his neverland,

by his talent and by how he was able to reach into the hearts of millions

So many opportunities for comics and actors to make creative jokes or puns

but nope let’s joke about the one thing some people mainly associate him with outside of his music which he was tormented for the rest of his life.

Oh almost forgot my blanket,at least I’m not dangling it over a window balcony

(deadpan stare)

Cringing can at times feel like a sting from a bee

Speaking of bees we apparently won’t have them for much longer

Bees are now next to pandas and Tigers in the endangered animals of the USA

Have we learned nothing from the bad history of colonization!

Well in the words of Suggs  let’s bless the bees

Besides It’s the wasps you should be killing not the bloody bees

  you can remove the cause but not the symptom

It’s a bit of a mind flip as the future continues we are heading into a  time slip

Let’s do the Time Warp again!

I’ve recently been listening to the soundtrack of Rocky Horror Picture Show

But not just that the sequel too

Some of you know what I’m talking about and the rest are probably surprised that a rocky horror sequel even exists

It’s called Shock Treatment it came out in 1981 and it was less successful

It’s more focused on Brad and Janet as they live in a fictional town called Denton

Where everything is televised as the town is located inside a tv studio,

Not too different from 2019  seeing as we are all looking at screens that show manufactured faces,

The storyline is about how reality tv affects the public and mental health

Considering reality tv hasn’t changed much since then I’d say that film was quite accurate in it’s satire

Do I need to bring up roxanne from Celebrity Big Brother?  

Brad is not feeling good after the events of the first film so he and Janet have been having marriage problems.

They go on a game show hosted by tosser in a purple wig...I mean Barry Humphries as they sing about how they relate to refrigerators and toasters

Such a mood

Brad is then sent to the set of a fictional soap opera Dentonvale which takes place in a mental hospital

Where the character actors are played by some of the same actors from the original such as Patricia Quinn,Richard O'Brien and Nell Young

The songs are actually quite good

Especially the title song,little black dress,farley’s song,Breaking Out  and Me of Me

For those of you curious to see that film watch it

If you like rocky and if your ok with  rocky going from the sci-fi horror genre to the musical comedy genre

When you see that Time Warp sequence in Rocky Horror it’s like a circus just a group of talented people being their kooky,incredible fun vibrant selves

It’s art house,it’s shock humour,it’s surreal but it’s fun and it’s out of this world

Like Belfast sometimes a few weeks back I was there and the streets were full of performers

There were musicians,actors,comedians,stunt artists and even a very tall person on stilts

It’s things like these that make me realise how creative this country is

A lot of good talent is overshadowed from our lack of representation in media to being ignored in projects

Northern Ireland is a cool place

Kurt Cobain,Stiff Little Fingers,Van Morrison,Two Door Cinema Club,Patricia Quinn,Mark Ashton,Terri Hooley, Jimmy McShane and all you performers,singers,actors,dancers,designers,Producers,Directors,Artists and Creators

are all from here

I’m just a sweet transvestite from Hibernia--i ha ha

We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow

We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow

We're going to do it

No matter how the wind is blowing

We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow

We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow

We're going to do it

We just gotta keep going

The sun never sets for those who ride on it

Goodnight!

[stellacarrierimaginationbuilders]

Controversial Cupid/Celestial Spirit Guide Friendship Specialist Series Part One Creative Fiction Genre

Controversial Cupid/Celestial Spirit Guide Friendship Specialist Series Part One Creative Fiction Genre

intent I Stella Carrier channel creating heaven on earth happiness unity and faith/hope with my fun writing therapy of creative fiction writing

Start Time: Friday June 18 2021 837pm

Completion Time Friday June 18 2021 1018pm

Greetings My Name is Seavin and I currently reside in two celestial replica locations of Norfolk Virginia and Virginia Beach though I am also in the process of building homes in celestial replica locations of Iceland and Switzerland for reasons I must keep secret, one reason relating to a late musician who transitioned to the afterlife over 40 months ago is helping me with some creative writing ideas agreed to be one of my muses on the condition that I keep secret their identity for at least 3 years in current earth time. What I Seavin am allowed to say is among the following communications

I Seavin passed over into the celestial realms over 70 months ago and during my most recent earth lifetime I lived the most recent 50 years of my remaining earth life in Virginia and I visited multiple parts of Western Europe. My current identity label of Seavin is an alias to protect and keep secret the identities of my professional and personal allies, family members and friends still residing on earth who I got along with and was close to. However, what I Seavin am allowed to say is that I did live to be 97 years old in my most recent current earth lifetime I peacefully passed away in my sleep. I Seavin have been told that I resemble the lead singer in the music video for Your Love by Outfield. I specialize in being what is considered a “controversial cupid’ celestial spirit guide helper in training in addition to a celestial spirit guide helper helping men and women of various walks of life ages 41 and older from various walks of life also become eligible ready to manifest their most ideal friendships and enhance their writing goals.

First things first, I Seavin admit that I was fortunately married to my wife for over 73 years when I passed away and she passed away just 23 hours ago at the age of 101 and I must keep this communications short because I am preparing to meet her and show her around within 50 hours andor sooner of this message Anyhow my wife and I did not have kids however by the time we were in our 60s we did make many friends who did have kids and both the friends and kids were pretty open minded about couples of our type Additionally, my wife and I did have a polyamorous type of marriage however we were discreet about it for a multitude of reasons even though it has become more popular for well liked, well loved andor very rich celebrities to come out with this news my wife and I had reasons for keeping this secret even as some of her former friends, and people she knew in her professional and personal life were gossiping about my wife and I staying married even after some of the women I had told some of my wives friends that they had secret affairs with me, one woman even tried to show my wife the times her and i called each other and my wife looked at her and politely asked her what is it to her and then the same woman tried to show my wife a photo of her baby who looked like me and the woman finally quit flaunting our secret meetups to my wife when my wife bluntly told her if you are looking for more monthly money for your son then take it up with my husband not me. Naturally my wife did confront me after this more for telling me that I could have at least told her sooner about the son so that she could have also worked more hours at her places of employment to help me with child support money. I agreed though when I politely explained that the only reason why I concealed the affair from her was because I unexpectedly met her through one of her military bosses she had in her 40s then my wife let it go for reasons I would prefer to avoid getting into. What does what I have to say do with even readers who prefer traditional the opposite of unconventional partnerships.

Within 40-60 years or sooner of this message law of attraction mystical books are going to be published by pen name andor anonymous authors some geared to married men, others geared to married women some geared to both on how to manifest secret lovers where there would be a mutual attraction and many of them are going to become more popular because they are effective and work really well, some of the most best selling of those books become best sellers because they also help both married and readers of other relationship orientations with their money goals, career goals, ideal body goals intuition enhancement goals other type of goals etc. I Seavin have to be discreet on a great deal of the content that is going to be in even some of the best selling books that also help both the married readers and readers of other relationship andor bachelor andor bachelorette statuses to also become more prosperous thinner more intuitive more creative resilient etc. because the content is currently ahead of its time due to the current mainstream public judgement on couples who are in polyamory andor open marriages. However I Seavin am allowed to share that one of the ideas in some of the best selling books is going to be the following

You can have an enduring marriage lasting loving marriage with your spouse and an enduring mutual attraction connection with your lover of choice however there is a timeframe to consider following to manifest a lover who has similar personality andor physical appearance qualities of your preferred lover if you are outside of their type, i.e. you are older andor of a different physical appearance of their type

Why a married person must work on her career goals, money goals, other type of goals regardless if they have they secretly have their heart set on a particular person andor someone who has similar personality qualities andor physical appearance characteristics of who they secretly admire

Karma that must considered and new ways of more easily tuning into one’s intuition if a married person gets close to manifesting a lover similar in qualities to their secret muse and then unexpectedly andor surprisingly receives communication from either the muse who inspired the manifestation of a similar lover andor someone from the past that the married person secretly had an attraction towards though who was far from aware that said person was secretly mutually attracted to them

Additionally I Seavin am helping a female who was recently visited by someone who liked them as a lover that the female only liked as a platonic friend and she secretly wished the best for this particular man to become more prosperous in his career and money life because he helped remind her that she needed to continue to pay attention to her career and money goals too she was especially reminded of this when he was going to try to ask her for more money though fortunately she found a way to change the subject before he was going to, however the caveat is that she was becoming more successful in recovering getting over an unrequited crush from the past however her being recently visited by the male that she only liked as a platonic friend triggered suppressed buried feelings that she thought she had resolved about the former crush she was secretly in love with around the time the male who she only likes as a platonic friend originally reached out to her she reached out to me for help in recovering from this and acknowledging that I am the one who helped inspire her the idea of manifesting a lover similar in qualities to the muse she secretly had a passionate attraction towards however I also had to tough love her and explain why that meeting was meant to gently trigger the reminder in her to keep an increased focus on her money and career goals even as she cultivates other goals

I Seavin am also receiving telepathic messages from 50 career money love intuition and writing celestial spirit guides why the following themes must be kept in mind regardless if a person is just trying to enhance their psychic andor intuition powers or wisely manifest controversial love life goals that would attract serious public judgement until polyamory is more publicly accepted by the year 2100

I Seavin have been gently encouraged to put the idea in over 700 of the men and women I am helping to try to eventually find a place of spiritual nourishment to go to weekly regardless if it is a meditation center or new age type of church even if said person thinks they may be too secretly wild andor free spirited for such an establishment

I Seavin have been told to remind a multiple number of men and women I am helping as a celestial spirit guide to encourage them to eventually find a place of their choosing to volunteer at at least once weekly andor at least twice monthly minimum when ideal

for the additional boosting of happiness try to take some consistent time with reading a preferred book and meditation at least 2 to 3 times a week even if the meditation involves a 30 minute music playlist at least 3 times a week

I Seavin have been inspiring some of the people I am helping to keep small notebooks to keep track of how they are utilizing their money to also help remind them of their money goals including money savings and I Seavin have been the muse for 5 of my female clients to utilize a small notebook to track their eating and fitness activity andor a listing of their top 6 andor 7 priorities for the day

automatic writing sessions at least twice a week andor twice a month for at least 15 minutes where the imagining of communication taking place between the writer and their celestial spirit guides guardian angels andor higher selves residing in certain celestial realms, their departed loved ones either from their current earth lifetime andor previous lifetimes andor their choice as long as it is done away from the judging eyes of others either in an offline notebook journal andor secret online email account

for instance, a writer can have an automatic 15 minute writing session in their chosen offline notebook andor secret email account on how they would imagine their higher self andor celestial spirit guides to describe the celestial worlds andor activities they partake in during the day, what one andor more of their celestial spirit guides think of them choosing a particular place to volunteer at andor read andor an online website the writer is discreetly looking at to enhance their writing creativity andor enhance their intuition andor fitness andor bodyweight goals etc. andor a writer might also imagine what one andor more of their celestial spirit guides might say about why a particular website is being advertised to them even if it had been years since they had last lived in that country even though they have happy memories there from meeting their spouse there, for instance a writer might inquire for reasons pertaining to curiosity from their celestial spirit guides why a particular Japan themed website is being advertised to them one of their celestial spirit guides communicates lovingly that they have been gently trying to get the writer to make at least a little time in their schedule to watch some anime both to enhance their writing ideas and also for reasons that the writer is going to more easily understand 20 to 30 years andor months from now andor sooner.

I Seavin am tempted to communicate more however I Seavin must conclude this communication for now because one of my wife’s spirit guides is coming to me with a warm loving smile to let me know that my wife is waiting with happy love and anticipation in a celestial library nearby

Resources

5 ideas

https://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/

https://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/marvel-celestial-names.php

Japan Snacks website that I unexpectedly saw advertised via youtube

https://www.bokksu.com/pages/about-page

Diet Fitness Goals Pink Tutu Tarot January 24, 2021

youtube vides of

Strengthen Your Intuition Carrie Konyha

10 Signs To Know if Your Intuition is Trying to Tell You Something Slightly Better Channel

[patrick-charles]

The Boston Dispatch

I first learn there are two dime-sized holes in the soles of my brown leather boots as we slosh down the narrow streets of Cambridge with our necks shrugged into our coats fighting off the sideways sleet of early April.

Winter came back to life in New England. Hands tucked deep inside coat pockets, the mess of a gray slushy winter lie dirty in the entrance of every bar and hotel lobby. The falling, freezing rain glitters in the sky. Cars ride by slowly as if navigating a flood, headlights guiding the way to safety.

We step off the curb near the Dunkin Donuts, the glorious coffee shop of the northeast, the purple and orange signs on every corner you turn, fueling an entire city, region and area. The country must run on this stuff.

Nearly every stop on the T is filthy, dirtier than I remember New York ever being. But it was a respectable kind of dirty, hard-earned and struggling, dependable and determined. The red line screeches to a halt at Porter Square and we pile on, heading into the heart of the city. A dimly lit pub has two open seats at the bar so we pony up and order our first bowl of clam chowder. The Friday crowd is happy and loud. I rub Sam’s leg, she skims her spoon on the surface of her soup with a silver smile.

It’s halftime at the Garden when we run into scalpers who have got two different box tickets in two different sections. I take a piss to think it over. We fork over $57 for the pair and find seats at center court next to a couple from Ireland in Celtics jerseys who secure us spots. Isiah Thomas does what he does and the C’s hang on in a one-point win. The stairwells are packed with green. The weather rains on the fans in t-shirts, guys take their girls back home, call cabs from the corner.

Inside a dive bar off Massachusetts Avenue a group of a dozen locals take up space at the center table, pulled three tables together to make room for pitchers of beer and pizzas. Not one of them on their phones. Instead they jaw and laugh and holler in those accents. Older men sit at the wraparound bar watching the Bruins postgame show. Our waitress slaps down a plate with Philly cheesesteak, a caesar salad and a tallboy of Harpoon’s IPA. We listen to the accents, grease up our fingers and watch winter come down in thick white pellets.

The next day we stand in line at a brewery for over an hour as it rains and temperatures fall below 30. Right on the harbor, major boats sit idle and wait for joys of summer. The line stretches on forever. We drink a flight of dark beers and can’t get buzzed fast enough. I have a hard time holding or walking, all my digits on the verge of falling off. My hands stay purple up to my wrists for an hour. We have dinner plans so we head out into the cold again, make one more pit stop for a Boston-only beer for Chris back at home and catch a bus across town.

Duck tacos, more chowder, shrimp and grits, glasses of water, big wide windows showing traffic. Rain dribbles down the glass. Sam across from me, shaking her head in delight and trying new foods, her favorite thing in the entire world. I’ve sat across her in these moments in dozens of cities across the country, tasting, picking, forking, nibbling, smiling, chewing, closes her eyes, the shake of her head and then that smile, like a light that wishes it could grow brighter with every bite.

The sun comes out the next day. We stroll along the green, blue and yellow houses of the northeast. We walk along ‘50s Boston. I feel as if I’m walking in Kerouac’s Lowell, in the midst of classic Americana with tiny sidewalks, big bushes out in the front yard, Victorian houses painted the colors of an autumn rainbow. The trees barren but pretty, the mailboxes full, cars in the compact driveways and garages, big wide windows with the greens of gardens and hanging plants. We walk slow and take it all in, get lost on purpose down the winding streets.

For lunch we eat gourmet bagels with almond butter and scallion cream cheese. Downtown, coming out of the train station, we spot a miniature blonde in a long white winter coat with flowing, thick blonde hair. She waves and smiles in sunglasses too big for her and runs across Causeway Street and gives Sam a long, tight, loving hug. Eleanor, all five feet of her, hasn’t lost a lick of her Tennessee drawl or southern charm. She smiles big, tosses her hair with her small hands and calls and Uber to catch our brunch reservations she made on the train ride down from Portland, Maine.

Strong mimosas in flute glasses, syrupy chicken on a plate, pizza with mozzarella and basil. Laughing from the two girls at the table, reminiscing of old friends years and miles away. What happened to our younger selves? Have we forgotten who we are, who we used to be, is it okay to feel old now? At only 25? They talk and ask about Megans, Sarahs, Rebeccas, girls I know and don't.

We step out into the sunlight with full bellies and walk our tired feet across town with coffee in paper cups. Street performers with kids dancing holding plastic instruments gather at Boston Common. The pond of summer is brown like sewage. The grass dull and dead, trees the same. Sidewalks are packed with strollers and healthy dogs on leashes. We sit on a wooden park bench and take in the movement of a city. A woman lays in a tree with her legs sprawled out in beige jeans and leafs through a novel. An Asian couple in Red Sox windbreakers nap on each other’s shoulders.

The crooked streets of North End spine through four story flats like an Al Pacino movie. I look for his handsome face as the sun sets on the buildings beyond downtown and over the river. A 90-year-old bakery on a corner is packed with patrons and cannolis. They make every dessert under the sun and they're all on display in dough-smeared glass cases. We grab $15 worth of treats and Sam and I finish them off with licked fingers as Eleanor boards her train back up north.

The Harvard Arboretum isn’t full with green life this time of year but we stroll hand-in-hand anyhow and imagine June in Massachusetts. A small creek runs through the stones. Kids play near the pond, geese gawk at their silliness.

The blue harbor matches the blue sky for a twilight walk along the water. The lights of the sky twinkle in a big way, a catch your breath and make sure you don’t forget how she walks and moves her neck across the street watching for reckless cabbies kind of way. That moment of the weekend that resembles the dreams you had when booking a flight across the country and the memories that linger forever. At the time I’m frustrated with tired knees at every Italian and seafood restaurant we pass up for an imaginary and perfect one. But looking back this was it, walking along in silence and taking it all in with my southern lover, with my two-and-a-half year lover, the one I’ve given the most time to, the scariest one, the one who knows me best out of anyone. She whispers the names of street signs to herself, biting nails, scarf around her neck, her small ears turning pink with fading winter.

Dinner is a disaster. We walk into a five-star jaunt wearing sweaters and sneakers. The hostess wears a suit. The owner with gray hair and grace asks us how the gnocchi is. I write a note to the staff on the receipt apologizing. Never did we both want to be out of a meal as fast as that one. Neither of us want to stand up to even take a leak. We slump out after a high-end dinner and hightail it out for another dirty subway ride back to Cambridge.

The first Monday in April means baseball, and Boston does their baseball right. Like in movies, TV shows, broadcasts of my youth, sitting in front of the TV watching and gawking at Fenway Park. I find it outside of a subway stop, men and women selling programs, juggling autographed balls, the same scalpers on the sidewalk now as the Garden. Cold beers in cans on the patio as the first-pitch roar of the crowd comes cascading over the Green Monster. A flight of IPAs on the other side of the block with the sun shining down, the glow of Boston goldening the small glasses of heavy beer with the crowds and chants and fans filling up the streets. Sam clinking her rings on the glasses, taking sips of beer and more chowder. Bostonians fill the street, happy with red hats and navy blue jerseys celebrating the first win of the season.

We end our last night in Boston drinking beers in a living room watching the NCAA championship game. Cambridge glows in the rain outside as we toss and turn on the air mattress.

Tuesday rains on us, the city bidding us farewell with more cold and clouds. The owner of the burger joint down the block wishes us well on our travels. On the bus to the airport Sam and I share a half hug-half kiss in front of sad strangers, traveling with the same Tuesday blues. The city sits beneath a falling puddle as planes wait for passengers at the gate.

Where did the days go? Where do adventures take us? Why do we long for them?

To see the way buildings are positioned together next to the ocean. To hear how people talk to each other with pints of beer in their hands. To taste clam chowder, duck tacos, Boston brewed beer and to hold hands on cobblestone streets tight enough so your palms sweat with love and excitement.

Boston did this for us, and so much more.

[randomfanfictiontime]

Always Here

Summary: In a past life, Newt had used to abuse you. Once Thomas found out, all went to hell. You weren’t ready to give up Newt yet, so you do everything you can to get him back.

Pairing: Newt x Reader, brother!Thomas x sister!Reader

Word Count: 1796

Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse

(A/N): Running out of ideas. I have some requests I still need to finish but I just don’t have the inspiration. This sucks.

One moment, Gally was making a fuss, punching Thomas. And in the other, your brother had decided that it was a good idea to stab himself with the Griever needle. Something about ‘needing to remember.’

“Thomas, no!” Your cries had proved useless as he had already jammed the thing in his leg.

“He is so stupid!” Yelling in frustration and worry, you knelt down to him, feeling his pulse. Just to make sure.

“Newt, we need to get him to the Medjacks.” He nodded in agreement, calling for them.

All throughout Thomas’ coma, you stayed by his side, with the help of Newt who granted you permission to stay with him. As if you were going to take no as an answer in the first place.

“How is he?” Your boyfriend of a year walked him, sitting on the other side of him.

“I don’t know, he hasn’t woke up yet.” He stayed silent.

“Newt, I’m worried about him. I just have this feeling that something isn’t right.”

“Love, we are stuck in a giant maze with seemingly no way out with giant mechanical things trying to eat us. Your brother just stabbed himself with a giant needle and now he is in a coma. None of this is right.”

“Well duh. I’m just saying. I can’t explain the feeling, but it’s there.” Newt got up from his seat, walked over to you, and pulled you into a hug.

“It’s going to be all right. Everything will be okay.”

“If you say so. I hope you’re right.” You both just stood by Thomas’ bedside, locked in an embrace.

“I love you, Newt. Don’t forget that.”

“I love you as well. How could I forget? You remind me every day, but I do the same thing so…” Smiling, you leaned up into a kiss.

“As much as I hate to leave you alone here, I need to go. Zart is probably sitting on his ass out there.”

“Mmm. Okay. See you later then.” After he left, you return to your spot beside your older brother. Even though none of you could remember anything, you and Thomas just knew that you were related. It was just one of those things that you would always remember, no matter what.

Sighing, you rest you head in your palms. That was, until you heard Thomas stir on the bed.

“Mmh. Ouch.” He mumbled.

“Where am I?” Eyes still closed, he assumed there was someone else in the room.

“The Medjacks hut.” His eyes fluttered open, locking on yours. You didn’t hesitate to jump up and wrap him in a gentle hug.

“How are you feeling?”

“I feel fine.” You pulled away.

“Good.” And then you slapped him upside the head.

“Ow! What was that fo-”

“You know what that was for! You are so stupid. Do you know how worried I was?”

“I’m sorry, but I-” Thomas stopped his sentence short, getting a somewhat distant look in his eyes.

“Thomas?” You questioned. His distance look instantly turned to rage. His hands clenched to his sides.

“Thomas? Thomas, what happened? Why are you angry? Do you remember anything?”

“Oh, I remember everything. Where is he?”

“Where is who? What did you remember that’s making you so angry?”

“Newt. Where is Newt?” He dodged your question.

“Um, outside. In the garden. Thomas, tell me what’s going on.” Still ignoring you, he jumped out of bed and stormed outside. A look of pure anger filled his features. Hurrying to follow him, you basically sprinted after him.

“Thomas.” You tried grabbing him back. As he made his way to the gardens, he earned the attention of the passing Gladers. Newt turned to face him just as Thomas made his way up to him.

“Hey, Thomas. Glad to see you on your-” Thomas’ fist made contact with Newt’s jaw. He fell over, holding his not bleeding mouth.

“Thomas!” You yelled, falling beside Newt, looking at his forming bruise.

“What has gotten into you?” Any Glader that hadn’t been watching before definitely was now.

“That’s for hurting my sister, you bastard!”

“What? Thomas, he’s never hurt me. What are you…?” Newt looked just as confused.

“What? No, I’ve never hurt her.”

“No! I’ve seen it. I remember it.”

“What?”

“Yeah. After I stabbed myself, I learned a lot more than who’s working with WICKED.”

“What did you see?”

“You two were in an argument. A bad argument. I only caught pieces of it, but I seen enough. He slapped you, right across the face. He did so easily, like he had done it before. He pushed you around, slammed you against the walls. And when you fell down, he just kicked and kicked. You looked so pained, but you took it. That was the worst part. You didn’t even fight back, just let it happen. Almost as if it had happened before.” All was silent. Thomas grabbed your arm and dragged you behind him. Newt still sat on the ground, looking at his feet.

“And now, since you wouldn’t do anything about it, I am. He deserves what he has coming. He’s nothing but a lowlife, abusive asshole.”

“Thomas…”

“And I want you to stay away from him.” He turned back to Newt, who had stood up. He pushed him back a little.

“What? Got nothing to say for yourself?” Thomas kept on, and Newt just let him. Even though he didn’t remember anything and that he would never even lay a hand on you, he let Thomas continue his punishment. He felt as if he deserved it. You stood in the back, subconsciously rubbing a little scar that you had on the palm of your hand. Now you had a little bit of an idea of where, or who, it came from.

“Thomas.” You muttered quietly. He didn’t seem to hear you.

“T-Thomas. Please, stop.” You grabbed onto his arm, stopping his actions.

“No, (Y/N). He hurt you.”

“I know that. But don’t you think that he has suffered enough?” Newt now had a bloody nose was sitting on the ground, head in his hands.

“No amount of punishment will be enough.” Thomas glared a hole right through Newt.

“What’s going on here?” Alby’s loud, demanding voice boomed through the air as he pushed his way through the crowd of Gladers. His angry eyes had stopped on Thomas, already coming to the conclusion of what had really happened. Thomas rolled his eyes but proceeded to the Slammer anyhow.

The Gladers were still formed in a tight a circle around Newt, you managed to get out of it.

“Guys, lay off. Give him some room! Don’t you ahve jobs to do or something?” A few quiet mutters were heard until the crowd dispersed, leaving only you and Newt. He just continued to sit there. Slowly, you walk up to him.

“Go away.” Like he knew it was you.

“Newt…”

“No, just, please, leave.” His voice cracked. You stayed silent, engaging in a war with your thoughts.

On one hand, if what Thomas said was true, Newt used to… abuse you. More than once. That alone is unforgivable. In all honesty, you should just walk away and never speak to him again.

But on the other hand, he didn’t remember. He didn’t remember a thing. Sure, you should be afraid of him because that’s what he used to be when you were together. But he’s changed. Everyone has changed. No one was there former selves. Losing your memory of a previous life was like getting reborn into a new one. Whatever happened in that past life happened. No changing that. But, you have known Newt for years. He would never hurt you now.

Having made up your mind, you crouched down to his level.

“Come on, Newt.” You tried to grab his arm but he ripped it from your grasp.

“I-I just don’t wanna hurt you.” It was evident in his voice. He was crying.

“Look at me.” He just shook his head, silent sobs racking his body.

“Newt, please. Look at me.” Slowly, he raised his head. His eyes bounced to look at everything but you.

“You won’t hurt me.”

“How do you know that? According to Thomas, I did. Many times. Who knows what other awful things I did,” he cried. You reached up and swiped away his tears with your thumb, only to be replaced with new ones.

“Are you sorry?” He looked at you in disbelief.

“Of course I’m bloody sorry! I hate myself for the things I did. I won’t ever forgive myself.” Adding the last part quietly, his eyes focused on the ground.

“Well, then that’s good enough for me.” His eyes snapped up to yours.

“What?”

“You don’t remember doing that. You couldn’t have known what you did.”

“So what, I still did them.”

“That was a different person, Newt. It wasn’t you. It isn’t you.”

“Of course it was me.”

“No. If it was you, I don’t think that you would be a wreck right now. You would be the exact opposite. But, look at you. You are feeling so much remorse that you don’t know what to do, huh?” He stayed silent.

“Listen, once we lost our memories… That was it. Our old selves, they are gone. Completely. Never to return. Now? Now is what matters. Newt, we’ve been dating for a long time. Two years actually. Never have you once laid a finger on me. Never. And I have made you mad several times.”

“That doesn’t-”

“Of course it means something, Newt. It means something to me because if I wasn’t absolutely positive that you wouldn’t hurt me I wouldn’t be here right now. I’d be avoiding you, actually.”

“Which is what you should be doing.”

“No, it isn’t. Newt, I trust you. Don’t you trust me?”

“Yes, of course I trust you. I will always trust you. It’s me I don’t trust.”

“You say that now because of what Thomas told us. An hour ago, we would have been laughing and having fun with what ever we were doing because we were together. I’m happier when I’m with you, Newt. Please, I begging you. Don’t give up on us. I’m not, I’ll never give up. Please.” He stayed silent, as if contemplating everything. After about a minute, you decided to push your luck a little more. Reaching over, you wrapped your arms around Newt’s torso and buried your face into his chest. You could feel him tense up. After a few seconds of him not returning the hug, you were going to respect his decision. Though, you would never let him go. You were beginning to pull away when Newt’s arms flew around you, crushing you back into his chest. He brought his head into the crook of your neck and you felt it get wet with tears.

“It’s okay, I’m here. I will always be here.” You soothed, petting the back of his head.

“I’m always going to be here.”

(Part 2)

Forever Tags:

@trustnobodyshootfirst, @16wiishes, @missmalfoy1703

Masterlist

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 89 Thoughts

“Someone once asked me if I had learned anything from it all. So let me tell you what I learned. I learned... everyone dies alone.

But if you meant something to someone... if you helped someone... or loved someone... If even a single person remembers you... then maybe you never really die.

And maybe this isn’t the end at all.”

The above is a quote from the fifth and final season of Person of Interest. If you haven’t seen it, don’t worry; I’m about to quote something else that maybe five people will recognize. Also it doesn’t matter much. I just ran into a snag with coming up with how to start this post, so I went with the old-fashioned method of taking someone else’s words.

For the other quote, I have something not nearly as long or haunted.

“I will remember those who have been forgotten.” --The Stormlight Archive

Throughout the series, one of the recurring plot threads that I’ve been perfectly happy to ignore is the one that touches on the subject of memory.

Humanity has no memory of life beyond the walls.

Titan transformations interfere with memory.

Grisha tells Eren to learn to use his powers from the memories of others.

Frieda regularly wipes Historia’s memory.

Eren and Historia both have dreams of incidents that their waking selves can’t remember.

The cavern built by the Founding Titan, combined with the touch of royal blood, allows for the recovery of memories.

To an unknown extent, nomming a Titan can transfer their memories to the power’s recipient.

Memory has had a part to play since the very first volume. Most prominently in its absence. There’s enough amnesia going around in the series to get a soap opera up and running. Haunting every step our heroes take has been the knowledge that someone has the answers to this world, and they’re out of reach.

First, it was the basement. Grisha.

For a little while, Ymir, as one of the few big friendly giants they knew.

Next came the Reisses, with the introduction of the Founding Titan.

Eren slipped into that same arc, holding the Founding Titan but unable to access large swathes of its capabilities because he doesn’t have the blood for it.

As a metaphor, it’s already pretty nifty, but the literal truth of the situation is that the people who can provide the most help are dead, but never truly forgotten. They are remembered.

Grisha remembers his sister. He remembers Eren Kruger. He remembers Dina. He remembers Zeke. He remembers a world the common citizens of Paradis have never known. He does everything he can to pass on that knowledge.

The Reiss family sacrifice one member every thirteen years to keep the Founding Titan’s memories alive within their house. In turn, the Founding Titan remembers its hosts, keeping them alive for whoever comes next.

The Survey Corps doesn’t have magic Titan powers as a tradition, but they follow the same principle, as put forth by Erwin before his dying charge:

“Those brave fallen men and women! Those poor fallen men and women! The only ones who can remember them... are us, the living!! So we will die here... and trust the meaning of our lives to the next generation!

That is the sole way... we can rebel against this cruel world!”

And before any of that, there is Mikasa.

“If I die now... I won’t even be able... to remember you.”

People finding their reason to keep fighting has always drawn fiction’s attention. Angst calls to a lot of writers, as well as readers, and loss is such a universal concept that of course it’s going to be covered in all its gory detail long after everyone is sick of death.

When Mikasa loses Eren in Trost, you can see the light go out. You don’t really believe she’s going to die, since hey, we’re a protagonist down and she just got a flashback, but everything we know about her says that this feels like an insurmountable loss. She has Armin, but in her head, all she knows is that her family’s gone. Again.

It’s a tragic sequence in either medium you go with. I’m partial to the anime, because I love the music cues in that scene.

Then, as the story requires, she finds her way back to her feet.

Everyone remembers the line about the world’s beauty and cruelty, as well they should. It’s a beautiful line, thematically perfect, and come to think of it, Mikasa should probably get a medal for how well she introduces the prominent themes of this work.

When she makes the decision to live, however, it’s rooted in Eren’s memory.

That always felt a little weird to me, so it’s more memorable than it already was. She continues with lines about fighting, and winning (I think I said this last month, but just because Mikasa was only following Eren to the Scouts doesn’t mean she doesn’t belong there as much as any of the other chaotic dreamers), but the sticking point is wanting to remember Eren.

He’s dead.

His memory shouldn’t be.

This is the scene in the anime that forever sold me on the series. Back then, that particular line was more of an odd fascination than anything else, a touch of uneven humanity buried under the other phenomenal moments--Mikasa missing Eren, but loving him too much to let go of everything he is to her.

Just like their first meeting, Eren keeps her alive long enough for her to find herself, and what she’s willing to fight for.

So we have this incredible scene, and volumes and volumes later, it’s only now that I fully appreciate how tightly woven together all of the important moments are.

When you think about it for a fraction of a second, everyone is constantly dying in this series. Often not people we care about, but there’s a lot of death.

With so much of it, it makes sense that the memories of people they hold dear have so much power. They’ve learned to make the most of life, and that includes the pieces that come after death.

That’s the romantic view of it that really has nothing to do with Titan powers.

Now, on the subject of Titan powers, Eren’s managed to fall through one barrier of being an incomplete Founding Titan holder; he can relive the memories of stories he’s already familiar with.

That... is far from where we want the kiddo to be.

Before this extended flashback sequence with Grisha and Kruger, Eren’s memory troubles were primarily devoted to his father murdering an entire family, being eaten, the injection that was the focus of both those things--and a random shot of Frieda brushing her hair.

It’s difficult to tell how much of that flash to Frieda is a narrative cheat. He doesn’t remember it afterward. It does come after Historia recites her sad backstory to the class, but Historia doesn’t remember her sister at the time. Eren could be having headaches and leaving out all sorts of people, but we’re only going to see the relevant ones.

Still, Frieda’s the only one of the bunch that Eren doesn’t have a clear link to, and she shows up during a time where everyone is discussing the significance of the Reiss family.

That would seem to imply that the memories of the world that Eren is carrying around respond to outside stimulus. Which I guess we already knew because of the cavern and the touching, but there, we were given specific, mystical reasons. This seems more down to earth.

Making it less helpful, naturally. It’s not like they can go to Marley and kick off yet another kidnapping arc, only with them as the kidnappers, and hope someone says something that unlocks another chapter of Eren’s memory books.

Which would be why royalty’s back in play in the main plot. One day I might get to that portion of the post.

Getting back to the pages that spawned all of these words no one cares about, to the surprise of me, Kruger’s last words to Grisha are some of the most interesting in the chapter.

Kruger and Grisha have no idea who Mikasa and Armin are. Kruger is unconcerned, having been dealing with magic in his head for quite some time. He assumes that they’re the carry-overs from someone else’s memories.

This is where, if you wanted to, you can make it really convoluted.

Hiiii.

Reincarnation has been a fun theory ‘round these parts for a while, with the taunt of Ymir’s name only inspiring more detailed versions.

We now know that even if Ymir is Ymir’s reincarnation, no one actually believes that to be true--anymore.

Someone was still willing to present her as such, and believed in her enough to feel betrayed when he believed himself to be wrong, so it’s fair to say that some number of Eldians are willing to believe in their god being reincarnated. All things considered, that doesn’t really mean anything, because this manga is willing to let people believe all sorts of things.

But in the same chapter, we have a bitter old guy telling his predecessor that they’re doomed to repeat a horrible history again and again, and thinks of Mikasa and Armin’s existence as a memory, not a premonition.

So like. If you wanted to, a case could be made for and EMA reincarnation trio getting consistently roped into this, sometimes accompanied by Ymir.

A safer bet is probably just that super special awesome Titans have premonitions in addition to remembering everyone who ever was, and assume that those premonitions are things that have already happened, not things that will again.

Honestly, this is something that doesn’t interest me that much. I’m positive that this has something to do with why Eren sees an older Mikasa in his dream as a child, but what it means is still up in the air.

The straightest line through the plot is that Kruger is seeing through Grisha’s eyes before he gives Grisha the serum, seeing what Grisha will say when he passes it on to the next Eren. Supporting that is that this Eren has no clue who Mikasa and Armin are, but Grisha certainly does at a later point.

Future vision is always the simplest answer.

But like I said, if you want to bring the reincarnation madness--you have a very clear invitation.

Anyhow, as uninterested as I am in... large portions of that, the part right before Kruger brings up cycles of suffering is what I like.

“Make a family. You need a full household once you enter the walls. [...] Your wife. Your child. Even someone on the street. It does not matter. Love someone inside the walls. If you can’t, we’re doomed to repeat it all again. The same history. The same mistakes. Again and again.”

At first it sounds like Kruger’s telling Grisha to run off and get hitched and make babies, but the rest of the discussion makes the blood component secondary. It isn’t a matter of making children; it’s a matter of family.

Make a family.

Love them.

That’s the way out.

Grisha finds Carla and has Eren, but he also has Mikasa.

Eren and Mikasa have Armin.

The three of them have the 104th.

The 104th has the Survey Corps.

If you look at what happens to the mainland Eldians at the time of Grisha’s transformation, you can see the difference. Kruger watches dozens of his people die, participating in their deaths and torture for the greater good. Grisha loves his wife, but sees his child as a tool.

Love doesn’t bind these people together. A shared cause, sometimes, but Kruger doesn’t watch Grisha lose everything and hug him, or help him through it. They’re callous and straightforward.

I don’t know if Kruger is being literal or figurative about the cycle their world is stuck in, but the Survey Corps has started a broken kind of family. Somewhere inside all of the hard choices and death, there is love. There is a group of people who will fight for each other.

With the politics involved, I’m sure nothing can be that simple, but their hearts are all in the right place. They aren’t so consumed by their cause that they’ve close themselves off to everyone. A good portion of them still cry over killing traitors.

It seems safe to assume that Grisha has not designed the perfect battle plan, but he loved Eren, and Carla, and Mikasa, and whatever cruelties followed, that love has done them a lot of good.

It could turn out to be more significant than that, or it might not. We shall see.

Though know that if it turns out that the main plot truly is reincarnation madness + time loop that can only be stopped through the Power of Love...

...

I’m... not actually sure I could be upset if that happens. It sounds amazing.

Basic point: A family can be an Eren, Armin, and a Mikasa.

Moving on to something besides the last three pages now, we scurry back to Mikasa and Eren getting special treatment because they make up a fifth of an entire military branch.

There isn’t much to say on that topic; keeping the kids disciplined is good, but everyone involved knew that the punishment wouldn’t convince them out of fighting for Armin, so they might as well move on and do something productive.

Levi and Hange bickering is life, though.

Even if they’re temporarily going with the, “We’ll just let our main weapon be crazy and call it puberty,” line. I don’t think either of them believe it, and everyone’s going to have to sit down and have the memory discussion at some point (wherein Eren will realize that he fails at lying), but for right now, I think Eren’s potential lack of stability is a discussion for a less hectic day.

Drifting back over to horrible things, Mikasa is... doing about as well as one might expect during this phase of the “My family is all going to die again,” arc.

Mikasa’s tell when it comes to family worries is always holding her head in that way. It happens after Carla’s death, and it happens after Reiner and Bertolt successfully steal away Eren.

Armin and Eren are--okay, Eren’s probably right for once about emotions. I don’t think things have fully sunk in for them. Mikasa, though, is living out her worst fear again. Trapped in a cell by herself, she only has herself. She can make do with that, but she never wants to, and she certainly doesn’t want to be forced into it by losing the people she loves.

Whenever Isayama decides to make Mikasa the focal point of an arc (I refuse to believe it won’t happen), things are going to be rough.

Other horrible things include the entire world not being a safe place for Eldians. No one wants people who can turn into giant monsters around unless they can be useful, and even then it’s a stretch.

So we’ve gone from our heroes being locked inside a series of walls, surrounded by monsters, to those monsters turning out to be their own people, to their own people often being monsters, to other people, but still humans, definitely being monsters, and really, it’s a much worse monster problem than anyone had planned for so what do.

Presumably, it’s things like this that led to the First King locking everyone up in the first place.

The nice thing about this flashback sequence is that we have one very simple solution for the Reiss/Fritz situation: The King likely changed his name.

Now, whether that’s actually true or not remains to be seen, but for the time being, everyone’s running with there being one royal blood line, and it not being at all weird that it’s now the Reiss line, not the Fritz. And considering new plot developments, there’s probably not much reason to look accusingly at the situation any longer.

Royalty is royalty by whatever names they dream up for themselves. That’s the story.

I think the most interesting piece of the flashback is that the First King made a vow with the Founding Titan. Somehow, he managed to communicate with his own Titan, and forge a psychic promise that has lasted over a hundred years.

Does that mean that Titans are sentient inside their hosts?

Is that what Armin sees in his dream?

How much can they control the hosts without explicit requests or permission?

I’ve gotta say, even though his Xtreme Pacifism w/ brainwashing is obviously not something a person should be doing, and obviously disagrees with the theme of fighting to win, everything we hear about the First King makes me want another flashback arc.

Not right now. Geez, no.

But one obviously needs to happen.

It was funny enough when he dragged a bunch of his people to an island, locked them inside, told everyone outside they couldn’t have his toys or he’d set his colossal army on them and they’d all die.

Now it has the companion piece of him saying that maybe they all deserve to die if they can’t stop fighting for five seconds.

This person is clearly related to Historia.

From the outside, he’s obviously made some very sketchy, probably not altogether helpful moves, and played with the lives of people in ways he had no right to.

From a character perspective, this is a person who actually had enough conviction to break all tradition, kill anyone who could remember that tradition, set up a contingency plan for which the word “overkill” is perhaps designed, and did it all because he thought that everyone deserved to die if they abused their power--oh, and he also put in a safeguard so that for over a hundred years, all of his successors would find it impossible to color outside his lines.

No other character or group in this manga has been so ruthlessly effective. You can even scrap the ruthless part. This is an individual who used his hammer, made everyone else a nail, and called it a day.

While being scornfully judgmental.

In a peace-out kinda way.

This is where the story gets even more interesting.

The world is going to want our guys dead. They’re too dangerous to keep alive, and having Titans without the Founding one isn’t the prestige boost it once was.

The Founding Titan is the best protection they have against extermination.

Eren makes the leap fandom’s been making for months. The last time he made the power work, it was while he was touching a titan of royal blood (hey look, a reason for Kruger not to give the Attack Titan to Dina!). That might be how to trigger it.

There’s only one person left in that line.

She wouldn’t eat you, Eren.

This is about touch, but the positions are still neatly reversed. Eren’s making the same choice she does--for slightly less selfish reasons. The question is if everyone else can be okay with that, and whether or not Eren will be able to justify putting humanity at risk to keep his friend.

Or maybe he’s wrong about his guess, and he’ll just end up swooping around the woods with Historia on his back. She’s short, she could totally be a Yoda.

Mikasa, Armin, and Hange clearly know something’s up. Really, it’s all about how far they’re willing to push. Can they kill the Queen to save their people? Is it even necessary? Outside of necessity, is is an action they’d be willing to participate in?

We’ll probably find out!

Though Armin’s attention in particular makes me slightly antsy.

“I haven’t lived an especially long life... but there’s one thing I’m sure of. The people capable of changing things... are the ones... who can... throw away everything dear to them. When forced to face down monsters... they can even leave behind their own humanity. Someone who can’t throw anything away... will never be able to change anything.”

Hi, Armin from Chapter 27! Please don’t foreshadow unpleasant things!

Many things in the direction this story takes are unknown. We don’t know for sure what kind of ending we’re getting, or which message will prevail in the end.

Personally, I’m an optimist. Armin talks about throwing things away in the seventh volume. Way too many paragraphs in this post talk about how people have survived by doing the exact opposite.

I want to believe that if it turns into a battle of ideals, being better than the monsters will prevail. Forming families and loving them.

But boy howdy is this an uncomfortable playing ground to feature that in.

And that’s it from me.

Time to wait impatiently for the next month.

.

.

.

.

Oh yeah, Historia read Ymir’s letter.

I suppose I’m supposed to say something about that.

Right.

HOW THE HELL CAN ALL OF THIS FANFIC NONSENSE EXIST IN THE SPACE OF SO FEW PAGES.

Do you have any idea how long it took me to realize that this latest instance of Ymir being an overly dramatic idiot is actually canon? Sure, she jumps off towers into hoards of monsters, and makes up lies in the middle of kidnapping her girlfriend, but I’m choosing to believe that the translation is accurate in representing Ymir’s writing style of horrific floweriness to play off how sincere she’s about to be.

ALSO: “I am about to wow you with a romantic tale.

It starts with me starving to death and ends with me getting stoned.”

THAT IS THEIR RELATIONSHIP. STOP POINTING OUT REASONS WHY REINER DOESN’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND START WONDERING HOW THE HELL YOU HAVE ONE.

I’m mostly sure that this was done the way it was so that Isayama wouldn’t have to deal with too much Ymir speculation in the wake of revealing the ancient Ymir. The fact remains that Ymir plays up her tragic tale of woe as a love letter, and this is like a good third of why Historia has trust issues.

More seriously, this ties in to what the rest of the chapter wasn’t about, but I made it about: Memories.

Ymir believes she’s about to be very dead (we all have future vision now). She can pick what she tells Historia. She chooses her life. She chooses to tell the girl she loves, the girl she finally got to be herself with, all of the pieces that came before them. She tells her what she was. She glosses over all of the whys, and just tells Historia what she experienced.

She tells Historia the full truth about how they’re alike.

She tells her about her suffering.

She’s willing to admit that she finds the world incredible. All of her cynicism about what happened to her and how little it matters melts away, and all that’s left is freedom, and a life that she doesn’t regret.

Except for the part where they aren’t married.

You do not understand how much I enjoy Historia’s reactions to things.

Ymir gives Historia her whole history to remember her with, not just the parts they shared. She calls it a love letter, and brings up marriage so abruptly that no wonder Historia is confused, and while those are true expressions of how she feels, the romantic part of it is that Ymir wants Historia to know her. She wants to apologize, and let Historia know that them being incomplete is her only regret--and she wants Historia to know her before she’s gone. Even after she’s gone.

Historia’s the person she loves, and the person she wants to be with. She can’t be with her, but she can be remembered by her.

Yeah, that’s such romantic way to be SO UNBELIEVABLY UNHELPFUL.

Historia’s reaction is really the only correct one.

“You play it off the moment you feel embarrassed. How am I supposed to understand like this...?”

HOW ARE YOU BOTH SO BAD AT THIS.

Ymir, protip: stop bringing up marriage only when Historia is on the brink of tears.

Historia: SHE LIKES YOU.

I’ll admit to being dedicated to my belief that Historia does not have the first damn clue what Ymir wants from her, and this sequence really only makes that dedication stronger.

Historia probably understands Ymir better than anyone else on the face of the planet, but she doesn’t understand herself, and as a consequence, I don’t think she really gets how she and Ymir work, except that they do.

In the days before Ymir’s departure, Historia is still perfectly willing to believe that Ymir is only hanging about because of her family, but in the days after Ymir’s departure, Historia tells Connie in no uncertain terms that she knows Ymir. In the immediate aftermath of Utgard, she tells Hange that she knows her well.

Historia really does know Ymir--well enough to claim it as Krista, as Kristoria, and Historia.

That’s different from having faith in someone’s affection for you, and that’s where a lot of Historia’s confusion in their relationship comes from. On the one hand, she knows Ymir, and knows that she’s someone Ymir chooses to hang out with.

On the other hand, no one’s ever wanted her.

Ymir makes it more difficult by skating around her feelings so well that even when her glib remarks are serious, it’s hard to take them that way. She places implications of romance on either side of a story that’s clearly hard for her to let out. It can be read as lightening a heavy mood, or just the truth, and Historia is so terribad at trusting in a relationship that it’s like handing her a toddler’s slot toy and telling her the sdklj goes in the sdklj hole.

YOU’RE BOTH SIMPLE IDIOTS. STOP PRETENDING YOU’RE NOT.

I mean, that’s one facet of her response.

The other one connects to something a little further back.

“Ymir saw the real me… the me that chose the Survey Corps. The me that even I didn’t know about. But… after Ymir disappeared, I stopped understanding who I am… and what I want.” --Historia, 54

Ymir is still gone.

Historia has learned to understand pieces of herself, and she can be her own person, but the truth is that she only really feels secure in herself when she has Ymir, and Ymir isn’t here. Ymir might never be here again.

Ymir gives Historia her memories.

She doesn’t tell Historia who she was in them.

Ymir’s the only person who has ever had the ability to remember Historia Reiss correctly, and if she’s gone, and she never explains it, how is Historia supposed to know who that is? How’s she supposed to be the value the person she loves sees in her if she can’t recognize it?

These two have no idea what they’re doing.

They never really have, but they always knew that if they were together, somehow, that worked.

Now they aren’t.

The result is that we have the second time in the series that Historia’s tears actually fall. She tears up plenty, but the tears only make it past her eyes twice.

The first time is when he father hugs her, and tells her she’s wanted.

This is the second time, and it’s both cheeks, not just one.

Neither shot provides a clear view of her eyes.

That, obviously, is reserved for when Ymir and Historia are reunited.

(Let me have my dreams.)

Alright, having long since passed the point at which people will give up and go read something else, I... think that might actually be it.

Let the waiting commence.

[unsanctixned]

9 4 15

4. Is your muse an optimist or pessimist and how does this influence their choices?

   James is primarily an optimist. As a doctor he has to always look for that thread of hope that could keep a patient alive after all. He tries to extend this to all things in life, pick out the positives from even the worst situations. It’s this exact attitude that allows him to justify things others may class as ‘wrong’ or ‘evil’. Allows him to keep working on a project that may have gone horribly wrong, because at least if he can see where things went wrong he’s learned something. This attitude also tends to cause him to take unnecessary risks.

9. What does your muse think of time/aging? Does getting older scare them? (Alternatively, for immortal muses: How does their immortality effect their relationships with mortals?)

Prior to leaving the Institute James paid little attention to the passing of time. With no distinct schedule it meant time for him was often simply something related to experiments.

Upon leaving however his perception of it shifts a lot. With so many ways to die out in the wasteland age becomes more of a threat. The inevitable loss of strength and slowing of mind that comes with age is something he greatly fears. Especially if he is to stay above ground. By simply leaving to live on the surface he feels that his life span has been cut in half due to the radiation and that scares him.

It’s not death itself he’s afraid of in particular, he’s synced up memories with dead synth selves before anyhow, it’s the fact that his work could be left undone. The fact that he could die without helping mankind progress is what concerns him.

This is why, machine or human debate aside, he’ll happily allow his synth selves continue his work.

15. How materialistic are they? Do they often throw things out or are they hoarders? Do they store their memories in their heads, in photo albums or in countless of boxes of belongings in the attic?

James has become a very materialistic person since leaving the Institute. Back home he wouldn’t have thought to keep multiples of the same tool, gather money, take a picture of people he’s fond of, or name a weapon, but out in the wasteland it feels necessary.

The storage room of his clinic is a hoard of spare parts and surgical tools. Anything that while scavenging has looked to be of any remote value. He simply sees it as needed for his survival out in the wasteland. It means barely gets thrown out. Something has to be of the most exceptional uselessness for him to do that.

Whilst James does mostly rely on his memory he’s going to take pictures of those he gets close to given the chance (he’d have to get a camera first). Death can come quickly for people in the wasteland from his view of things. While he knows he could remember people just as well in his memories there is just something ever so sentimental about having photos of people.

[scarletrosestolinski1993]

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Grow Taller 18 Years Old

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[careerandmoneystoryteller]

Free To Choose What I Prefer Freestyle Story by Stella Carrier Thursday July 27 2017

Free To Choose What I Prefer Freestyle Story by Stella Carrier Thursday July 27 2017

July 27, 2017

I admit that even though I am far from the golden sheep of my family that I am going to miss my adoptive father and it plays at my mind a little bit that I have to pass on attending my late adoptive father’s funeral due to reasons related to my employment situation. However, Samantha andor any of my other family members who might look at this story one day please know that I send my love and wish the best for all of you regardless of how far I am from all of you. I am following my intuition by posting this story away from facebook and I also appreciate anybody outside of my family and all of my friends and acquaintances who also visit my blogs and look at my stories. I just felt the need to also say something to my dear younger sister Samantha and the rest of my family members in grief of my late adoptive father’s death that I feel more comfortable saying here.

https://www.greatwolf.com/williamsburg/indoor-water-park-discounts-VA?utm_source=DISPLAY&utm_medium=DBM&utm_term=RETAR&utm_campaign=WILLAVA&dclid=CMSGgurEqdUCFU8GDAod3-oAIw

http://annenberg.usc.edu/

3 ways money can buy you happiness, according to science

http://www.cnbc.com/2017/07/25/3-ways-money-can-buy-you-happiness.html?utm_content=bufferb0e59&utm_medium=social&utm_source=linkedin.com&utm_campaign=bufferThe Windfall Challenge: What Would You Do With $10,000?

https://www.learnvest.com/2015/08/what-to-do-with-a-financial-windfall4 Secrets From a 28-Year-Old Retiree

https://www.popsugar.com/career/How-Can-I-Retire-Early-42714399?utm_source=msn&utm_medium=partner&utm_campaign=feed

4 Secrets From a 28-Year-Old Retiree

https://www.popsugar.com/career/How-Can-I-Retire-Early-42714399?utm_source=msn&utm_medium=partner&utm_campaign=feed

I intend to summon more courage/bravery to follow through on the message of this article but my intuitive and logical side is inspiring me to share and keep this encouraging article.How To Be Professionally Persistent In Your Career and Sidestep The No's

https://www.forbes.com/sites/deniserestauri/2017/07/26/how-to-be-professionally-persistent-in-your-career-and-sidestep-the-nos/#28e744de1b93

I’m getting better at my time management, yet I know that there is always room for improvement for myself.5 Time Management Tips That Will Boost Your Career

https://www.forbes.com/sites/lisaquast/2016/02/29/5-time-management-tips-that-will-boost-your-career/?nowelcome&utm_source=LINKEDIN_COMPANY&utm_medium=social&utm_term=Recirc%20Test&utm_content=1002309532&utm_campaign=sprinklrForbesMainLI#220bc1ed666d

Episode 8: The problem of eating at work

http://happierinhollywood.com/episode8/?utm_content=buffer34d7d&utm_medium=social&utm_source=linkedin.com&utm_campaign=buffer

https://menu.wendys.com/en_US/category/beverages/

Arizona State University Online

https://go.asuonline.asu.edu/lp-brand-st4mv5/?utm_campaign=Retargeting+Brand&utm_medium=internet&utm_source=THETRADEDESK&st-t=ttd

Free To Choose What I Prefer Freestyle Story by Stella CarrierStart time around 850 amTemporarily stopped; between around 9am to 924 amResume time 229 pmStopped somewhere after 3 pm and before 435 pmResume time again 435 pmCompletion time 524 pm            Alana Davis is a 32 year old woman who works as a part time adjunct professor at the University of Southern California in the Annenberg department School for Communication and Journalism and is happily married to 33 year old realtor Dan Victor and together they have two children 2 year old Carter Ellis and 4 year old Carmen Williams. The children have different names as both have names that were selected for them and approved by both of their parents by modeling agents. Alana Davis and Dan Victor agreed to keep secret names as both work in theater and as extras in various popular movies from time to time.  Alana Davis is also popular among both her family members and friends because both her and her husband kind of have the similar charisma and physical appearance of celebrities Jay-Z and Beyonce. Alana Davis just moved to California a little over a year ago as she at first worked at the University of Southern California as an admissions counselor. Alana Davis was eventually offered the position of adjunct professor after two other popular and influential professors affiliated with the University of Southern California noticed that both of her children were becoming popular in the Los Angeles Times and other featured mainstream media articles not so much for their model good looks but for their genius abilities. Both children were placed into gifted programs and have been flourishing in their new schools.            Alana is on her way home to a nice three bedroom house in southern California that her and her husband are sharing with another married couple that they are friends with in order to allow them to live in a house at a reasonable price. The time is now 4 pm and Alana wants to take a quick nap before both her and her husband come home around 530 pm. They are going to a dinner show together that is close by Disneyland but Alana wants to take a one hour and 15 minute nap first to recharge her batteries.            Alana is strongly connected to her higher self and other members of her heaven spirit ally team and she notices that her intuitive and psychic abilities are expanding the older she gets. Before laying down to sleep, she pops in a meditation cd gifted to her from her 40 year old sister Gracie Nova. Gracie Nova is married like Alana but is voluntarily child-free but showers gifts on both Alana and her husband as well as Alana’s two children from time to time with gifts. Gracie Nova is able to afford these things as she consistently has been making over 2500 dollars a month after taxes for a food contractor affiliated with the United States Navy in downtown Washington D.C. Gracie Nova and Alana last saw each other a month ago as Gracie accompanied Alana when she took her kids to Disneyland. Gracie gifted her younger sister with a 100 dollar gift certificate to one of her favorite shopping malls that is close by the University of Southern California campus and a meditation cd that is said to connect people with both their heaven higher selves and celestial spirit ally team.            Alana enjoys all the love that is showered upon her from both her friends and family members. However, Alana is looking forward to using the meditation cd today in order to see if she can maybe petition one of her main spirit guides or guardian angels to speak to her now 80 year old father Collin Graves who passed over 2 years ago. She had a close connection to him and was curious to connect with him after her older sister Gracie told her that she had a dream where both Alana and her dad Collin Graves were looking around an amusement park store together and told Gracie to tell Alana that he sends his love to Alana. Gracie intuitively knew that she was getting this message for Alana and then got the idea to get her the meditation cd in addition to the gift card.            Anyhow, Alana has been using this meditation cd for over a month now. The first week she did not seem to get anything and was tempted to quietly donate the meditation cd without telling Gracie in order to be considerate of her feelings. Then on the 8

th

day, Alana unintentionally slipped into sleeping in the meditation and dreamed that she was inside a college building where a professor female with pink and purple hair scribbled the year 6891. Alana was in a classroom of what looked to be 5000 other students and woke up seconds after the College Professor exclaimed remember class think yourself as a genius. The dream was a little different than what Alana expected in order to contact her departed father but it gave her hope.            Today is the 9

th

day, as Alana takes her nap before her husband and two kids come in, and she quietly slips off into a restful sleep less than one minute after she plays the 15 minute meditation cd. Alana is in front of an amusement park merrygo round but she is trying to make sense of the words Busch Gardens Williamsburg on the sign  because she is aware she is lucidly dreaming. Something compels Alana to go towards the ride and she ends up going towards a gold door that has over 100 people having a picnic outside.

           Alana looks around to see if her late adoptive father Collin Graves is around one of the picnic blankets as his company often had family picnics when he use to work. Alana senses that wherever she is looks unlike anywhere she has seen on earth as there are three bright suns in the turquoise blue sky, red orange purple and red mountains and grass that is a combination of purple, green, and blue even though the ground feels soft as a carpet. She hears a benevolent and loving sounding female voice that is identifies herself by the name of Hope with long waist length reddish and chestnut brown pin straight hair and dark brown eyes. Alana intuitively assesses Hope to be around 21 years in earth time and she asks Hope why she is present instead of Collin Graves.

           Hope explains that Alana is going to be able to see Collin Graves within a week more in earth time but that he is busy catching up with four different departed family members and friends at the moment but he has arranged a time within 48 hours to visit with Alana and relay some encouraging details. Hope picks up on Alana’s inquiry about her and she admits that she is the soul of the spirit that her older sister Gracie miscarried over 17 years ago but that even Gracie is unaware that she conceived Hope during an illicit and casual sexual encounter as Hope changed her mind about incarnating on earth just a month after she was conceived due to the way her scandalous/illicit conception happened under circumstances that would have been too controversial for even Gracie to bear long-term andor obtain necessary support to adequately look after Hope. Hope got permission from one of Alana’s male spirit guides to help Alana on the condition that her memory is erased of their visit but not the knowledge that she gifts to her upon awakening. Hope was also granted permission to help Alana because she was a male professor in the mid 1900s somewhere in Western Europe before her death in the 1970s. Alana believed Hope’s story but made a bet with Hope that she will remember her upon awakening. Hope believed her but explained that Alana will remember more the karmic past life memory of Hope being the mother to both Alana and Gracie around the years 950 to 990 in what is now modern day Switzerland and not as the miscarried child after one month to Alana’s older sister Gracie now over 18 years ago.  As Alana playfully laughed Hope touched Alana’s forehead and gave her a scroll of paper and a book. Hope then tells Alana that the book symbolizes the knowledge that Alana has already passed on to her two kids and the future knowledge that she is going to pass on to her future students once she becomes a tenured professor. The scroll symbolizes the message to script her ideal life on a public blog basis at least 6 times a week even if it means adjusting the time and frequency allotted for some of her other writing arenas. Hope mentors Alana to also ignore any ridicule andor harsh judgments that would come as a result of listening to this public scripting blogging advice as both support and harsh criticism actually generate powerful spiritual energy, creativity, and celestial fuel for imagination power that she can only go into further detail about within at least 30 years or more into the future.            Alana wants to ask Hope more questions as both she and Gracie want to become published authors. However, Hope telepathically reads her thoughts and explains that another newly departed Professor will share more information with her within the next 24 hours of her visit. For karmic reasons, Hope explains that she promised both the main male spirit guides of Alana and Gracie that she is going to postpone further visits with both Alana and Gracie until after at least one of them passes over after their current lifetimes on earth.  8 seconds later, Alana is awoken by the cell phone call of her older sister Gracie. Gracie wants to call to get honest feedback on if the meditation cd works and she wanted to congratulate Alana on getting her adjunct professor job as she noticed the good news on facebook. Sure enough as Hope predicted, Alana remembered the dream and relayed it to Gracie who was excited for her but she did forget how Hope was related to both her and her older sister in their current lifetime. Alana’s good memory remembered Hope’s physical appearance and scripting advice but for karmic protection reasons she mainly remembered Hope more as the mother to both Gracie and Hope in a past lifetime in modern day Switzerland over 1,000 years ago (between the years 950-990 as Hope predicted in Alana’s mystical dream where she traveled to a celestial world/realm of heaven).

Resources

http://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/stage-names.php#.WTqvpOvyucw

AffirmationsI mark a new beginning in the book of my life and wisely use the free time I have been giving to rest and tune even deeper into various aspects of my life-spiritual, athletic goals such as walking more, balancing my writing time with some online courses I have enrolled in etc.I am in the process of becoming more cool,level-headed, and wise when it comes to how I conduct myself around my current work colleagues and future coworkers as I am now logically and intuitively aware that some of them may follow me to where I may reside within 7 years from now or less regardless if I am a private sector andor a government/military worker/employee.

I am well provided for. I live in an abundant universe.

Resources and Affirmations

My psychic abilities expand each day.I am creating heaven on earth.I Call Upon What I Imagine To Be The Influence of Benevolent Spirits From the Heavenly Realms, my higher self, and my celestial spirit ally team for creativity in both my writings and all other areas of my life both present and future

I am intuitively and logically aware of what others consider important for me. However, today and for the rest of my current lifetime on this earth, I have the chance to recognize what I alone think is important.I am a resourceful woman who knows how to make the most of gleaning information from others as well as finding it on my own from both of various familiar and unfamiliar sources (new sources).I have more spiritual and earth based power than I have had in the recent past for now and for the rest of my current lifetime and beyond.I wisely come up with various and helpful options from a variety of familiar and new places. I thrive and act from the best and most advantageous options regardless of whether they come from external outside sources such as people andor if they simply come from my own wisdom andor intuition.I am in the process of becoming more magnetic and attractive both to my current group of friends and to spiritually open-minded and kind friends in all areas of my life both present and future. I gracefully wish the best for any friends that may go in directions different from my own life path/purpose trusting in my destiny that heaven/the celestial universe/my heaven spirit ally team is frequently collaborating with my heaven/higher self to make myself magnetic to the tribe of people that I belong to both currently and for the rest of my current lifetime on earth and beyond.My connection to my celestial/heaven higher self and my celestial/heaven spirit ally team is growing stronger and more powerful each day.I am in the process of learning to become more self-confident and more aware of the my growing and various spiritual powers such as involving my intuition, tapping into my creative genius etc as well as my growing imagination power both currently and for the rest of my current lifetime on earth and beyond in all areas of my life.

10 Ways to Earn a Few Extra Bucks This Summer

https://www.popsugar.com/career/How-Make-Extra-Cash-Over-Summer-43595853

10 Ways to Earn a Few Extra Bucks This Summer

https://www.popsugar.com/career/photo-gallery/43595853/image/43595854/Amusement-Park-Attendant

I confess that I am coping fine with the news that my adoptive father died yesterday and I am going to miss him, and one of my older adoptive brothers expressed understanding at me not attending the funeral due to my current employment situation. However, I sense that one of my younger sisters is understandably taking his death much harder and it is important for me to collect articles such as this in order to help her and my other family members much more impacted by his death to help me understand better how to give support.Lessons in love & loss: a grief psychotherapist on living with and learning from losing a loved one

Read more:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-4248650/Lessons-love-loss.html#ixzz4o2BKYzN8

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-4248650/Lessons-love-loss.html

What you should never say to someone who is mourning a loss — and what to do instead

http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-comfort-someone-mourning-grieving-what-to-say-2017-1

How to bring out the genius in your child

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2017/jul/25/how-to-bring-out-the-genius-in-your-child?CMP=share_btn_gp