#weopenatsix

[saintfu]

LEIF Caspar. You’re pretty drunk right now. CASPAR That’s actually you. LEIF I’m projecting. CASPAR Okay. LEIF I’m sorry I was an asshole earlier. CASPAR I’m sorry I was an asshole earlier. LEIF I used to live in space! CASPAR I know. LEIF I hate it here! CASPAR I know. LEIF I used to live in space. CASPAR Yes. LEIF And now I live in Pasadena. CASPAR I’m sorry. LEIF Pasadena is not space. CASPAR It is not. LEIF I’m really sorry. CASPAR Me too.

— Midnight Burger, Chapter 33, “Everybody Down"

[kiss-my-thighs-darling]

EAT.

[saintfu]

Beginning with Chapter 11 (“Arkansas Traveler”), Joe Fisher reads the full list of everyone supporting Midnight Burger at the $10/month level (“Monte Cristo”). Over time, it’s become a truly monstrous list, and, for some reason I don’t completely understand, I’ve decided to start tracking its length.

I timed the segment from when Joe introduces it, usually with “Midnight Burger is brought to you in part by …” and ended with the last name, which is, after the “Ted in Exile” interlude, Existentially Exhausted Bean. I’m not sure why I decided to include Joe’s intro, since it would have been just as easy to start with the first name. But that only occurred to me when I was halfway through season 3, and I didn’t feel like going back and redoing them.

This is a graph of the length of the name segment. A graph of the number of names would be more scientific, but that would require me to sit there with a clicker or something, and that would be silly.

[saintfu]

CASPAR Hang on. I feel like I need to know how funny this was supposed to be. GLORIA Absolutely. CASPAR Was there a musical number? THE EX Were you loaded into a canon? CASPAR Oooh. That’s a good one. AVA A reading from the autobiography of Wade Boggs? GLORIA I feel like fireworks were involved, maybe a team of elephants. CASPAR These are all good ideas. LEIF I really don’t want to talk about it. BERTBERT Actually, it’s not even that funny. CASPAR Wait, BertBert knows? How come she gets to know? SHEL Are all funerals like this? AVA No, but wouldn’t it be great? BERTBERT Just tell them the quote from the end. LEIF No. CASPAR That’s a good compromise, quote from the end. GLORIA Is it from Independence Day? AVA Cannonball Run? THE EX Tootsie? AVA Cannonball Run II? CASPAR Shaft? THE EX I could just read his mind. GLORIA You had to make it weird. LEIF Rutger Hauer’s speech from the end of Blade Runner, okay? CASPAR Oh, boooooooooo! GLORIA Get the fuck out of here. CASPAR Disrespectful! LEIF It was a cooler choice back then! AVA Not really.

— Midnight Burger, Chapter 20

[kiss-my-thighs-darling]

How I imagine one of Leif's outpost

[saintfu]

Newly updated graph for the Midnight Burger supporters’ names segment.

For those interested:

The first episode where the list breaks one minute is the Season 2 interlude “Vela."

The first to break two minutes is the second episode of Season 3, “Maul of America."

The first to break three minutes is “Young Leif Part 4: The Australian,” which came out around the intended halfway point for Season 3.

"Young Leif Part 7: The Casino” was the first to break four minutes.

The first to break five minutes is the tenth episode of Season 3, “Fangs Out!” (Season 3 was originally going to be ten episodes, but Joe and Finlay decided to add “Weird Night at the Sheep's Eye” and “Stella Splendens,” which moved this episode to the position originally meant for “The Pyrophite.”)

“The Pyrophite” was the first to break six minutes.

The first episode of season four, “Everybody Down!” broke eight minutes. There were a lot of signups in between, partially as a result of the large amount of bonus content on the subscriber feed during the hiatus (Shift Notes, Omega Station, etc).

[saintfu]

Caspar has a bad, uneven haircut because he cuts it himself and, in 130 years, has never gotten appreciably better at it.

Nobody has ever commented on it. Effie, Zebulon and Gloria don’t want to embarrass him, at least not too much. Leif has genuinely not noticed. Ava enjoys having a private laugh at his expense.

[saintfu]

Gloria Juana Belén Gutiérrez de Mendoza, Slayer of Empires

[saintfu]

TAMARA ... And so there I was. I was a successful woman. I had money in the bank, I had three houses... not bad for a security guard from Ohio. The thing about getting rich is: you’ve got some time on your hands. That was new for me. I did some traveling, I worked with charities, shit I even played golf a few times. And then, one day, my rich ass found itself at an art auction. Me. I did NOT fit in. Surrounded by all these fancy people with a paddle in my hand that said number 73... And that’s when I saw her. Up on that auction block was a painting of a woman who’s face I recognized. And I bet you recognize it too.

QUIN We have here an image of the painting referring to. It’s called “Woman with red hair” by an artist named Modigliani.

CASPAR Oh, I definitely recognize that face.

[saintfu]

The tearrors from this week’s subscriber episode of Midst leaked into this week’s subscriber episode of Midnight Burger

[kiss-my-thighs-darling]

Gloria: I’m here for the job interview

Caspar:

[saintfu]

When I’m thinking about the morality of a given social system, I always consider what Zebulon Mucklewain would say about it.

In the case of the Trust from Midst, I think he’d have a fucking stroke.

[saintfu]

Every so often, someone on r/audiodrama asks for recommendations. This is (most of) my usual response.

[kiss-my-thighs-darling]

Diner Interior.

[saintfu]

LEIF So... there’s this tradition... if you spend a lot of time in space, no matter how old you are, you always plan your funeral. Because space is dangerous. One fried circuit board, one crack in your fuselage and you’re dead. The problem with that is, if you’re someone who spends a lot of time in space, you’re also an idiot. And you think you’re never going to die. So when you plan your funeral, you do it as a fun joke. This has led to a very long tradition of hilariously shitty spaceman funerals. I happen to know how shitty this particular funeral is supposed to be ... because it’s mine ... 

— Midnight Burger, Chapter 20

[kiss-my-thighs-darling]

My version of Ava & Gloria