💚 Sebastian Sallow headcanons 💚
Sebastian has a habit of rambling. Asking him any personal question about his feelings is a surefire way to get him to ramble about whatever he is researching at that current moment with nervous energy instead of answering. It's not only when he's nervous, to be fair, he just has a tendency to ramble in general. The boy is a Nerd. You will always find him around the castle with his nose in a book, so any opportunity to talk about the thing he is currently interested in, he's taking it.
High key ADHD. Boy cannot be still to save his life. He's always moving in some way, be it tapping his foot, twirling his wand, playing with your fingers-- he's moving some body part. It can definitely be annoying at times, but you can't help but let him continue, especially when he has that cute consentrated face.
He's a lightweight. It doesn't take much for him to get absolutely plastered, and when he's that sloshed he has endless amounts of energy. It's like taking his normal golden retriever-ness and ramping it up to 100. I'm talking climbing on tables and singing Scottish Gaelic folk songs (he's fluent in the language) with a full conjured folk band (fiddle and all) until Ominis drags him to his bedroom. He always gets invited to parties.
Can speak, read, and write many languages, but his favorite is latin. Again, he's a huge nerd, so he learns as many languages as he can so he can read any book he encounters. He teaches his friends latin and sometimes likes to leave them little notes that no one else can read. You can bet he made up a secret language that only he and Anne knows; not even Ominis can crack it. 100% tried to learn Parseltongue out of spite because Ominis said it was impossible to master if you weren't born with it. Sebastian knows a few words after making his friend repeat phrases tediously over and over until he got at least some of it, and it drives him insane that Ominis was technically right (Ominis is very smug about this).
Sebastian is super affectionate with his friends. He grew up in a house that valued physical touch and comfort, so random hugs and little touches are second nature. He'll guide your hand when learning new spells because he used to do the same to Ominis in first and second year, ruffle yours and Ominis' hair when he's feeling playful, bump his shoulder against yours in the hallway when he's feeling mischievous, and sometimes fully lay across the both of you, feet in one persons lap and head in the other, and make you play with his hair when he's tired, sad, or stressed.
A big softy around animals. He's not much of a cat person and won't really go out of his way to pet them or play with them (unless they initiate first) but he will never turn down playing with a dog. He has always wanted one of his own, but his parents died before they could get one and Solomon hated house pets. He likes to hang out with the nifflers the most in beasts class-- he finds them adorable and their energy hilarious. Sebastian sometimes carries little shiny things he finds around the highlands for them.
The Mom Friend™️. Always has what you need in his pockets. Have to sneeze? Here's a tissue. Need a vial for some potion ingredient? Say no more. Have a headache? He has a potion just for that. He has everything. Honestly, you wouldn't be surprised if he put an extension charm on his robe pocket for that exact purpose. The boy always has to be prepared for anything, even the absolute worst case scenario.
So clumsy. He'd trip over air if he wasn't careful. When he's dueling he's perfectly fine, but just walking around or talking with his friends? He's accidentally running into walls or knocking things over. It's never on purpose or because he's incompetent, it's just that he gets so wrapped up in what he's talking about that he doesn't notice his hand gestures getting too close to the potion he's brewing or see the turn just up ahead. Ominis makes a lot of jokes that Seb needs his echolocation charm more than he does, but it's all in good fun.
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hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?
hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].
but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.
it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.
and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.
the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.
an emptiness, like you said.
but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.
you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.
he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.
but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.
how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.
the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.
think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.
i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.
but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one.
wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.
as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛
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The way Garrus sees himself: takes no bullshit cowboy cop turned merc bc he wasnt Doing Enough Good In The Universe
Everybody else: sends letters to Shepard to Please Look After That Sweet Himbo before he hurts himself
How my Shepard sees Garrus: if he shouts "scratch one!" one more time i am going to have to get him in a headlock and give him a noogie
Also my Shepard: gonna rock that nerd's world before the year is out is2g
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