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#what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread?
thecherrygod
·
3 months
Text
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#my posts
#you know how this usually goes
#i make an amount of tags so that if you read this its bc you've clicked and its not bc i am just posting it like whatever lmao
#... unsure if i should even post it tho but what else do i do just leave it in my brain? idk maybe its the same maybe its better
#maybe its worse? .... why have i been feeling kind of like this and at this kind of intensity for like about 2 weeks or more
#2 weeks is how long ive been properly aware so i think its more but like. man.
#like maybe its been like a month and i just havent been keeping track of time bc january is way too long to even try lmao
#. but. idk. i just wish i could be kinda.. stable. like i cant feel good lmao
#like it truly doesn't matter nothing is good enough in general
#what i do isnt good enough
#what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread?
#and like all things considered i should be doing good currently
#or at least not this bad
#but here i am constantly trying to not let myself feel too bad until im alone bc man.
#so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao
#also lately ive been just feeling more..... disconnected to others... like i dont understand them and they dont understand me
#but like.. more than usual
#and i guess its me? that it's kind of a me problem
#idk I'm just tired. i need to sleep. i want to let face down on some sort of big water body or do something that will make my life worse
#or they i will regret lmao
#i. wont do any of those
#also when i mean face down in some sort of bldy of water or whatever i dont necessarily mean like die
#not against it but its not the only option
#just lay there and float..... also not against it
#i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is
#like i just know what i want is to not constantly feel like this but idk how lmao
#... u would sleep if i can bc man also I'm so tired
#.... adding tags its a bit worse than I assumed lmao im also thinking about wether i deserve stuff or not lmao
#like it got windy and cooler and i was like 'a blanket by my legs would be nice' only to be like 'no you don't deserve that ' like ah yeah
#its kinda worse than i thought lmao
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