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#i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is
puppyeared · 4 months
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throws oc lore at u <3 (anton belongs to @poicyss )
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echo-s-land · 6 days
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It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care
#vent ig#i wish i could#but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i#wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the#short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent#but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar#and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie#we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant#the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and#'im not even remotely interested by any of you'#its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT#NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up#on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.)#anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point)#am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as#a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened#i hate feeling apathetic#and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them#cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life
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beautifel · 6 months
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seems like my heart does nothing but break lately
#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level#for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her#still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions#Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later#jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this#not fair not fair at all this is evil#and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences#i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it#i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity#is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike#Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to you😂😂😂😂😂😂#AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED 😃😃😁😁😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪#at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even#LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it#what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol#hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather#kms than tell u how i know 😂. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter#how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there#n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng#or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak#n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own#well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her
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yelloworangesoda · 2 months
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gotta get off the internet and only interact irl with people who were 30 before they got their shit together i cant keep doing it like this
#like this being. feeling like i have no future and nobody likes me#‘youre only 19’ only goes so far when i dont know any other fail 19 year olds#im not gonna be a damn dentist for sure but like. and ive said this a thousand times. what am i gonna do. i cant live a worthless nothing#life where i work a shitty job i hate. i have to like something#i hate my art. i hate my lack of creativity. my art is so bland i just dont think its in me anymore#i finished. and i hate it#i have other hobbies. i like to cross stitch. i like to sew. i like to paint. i like to make dolls. do you see the common theme here#i have a few more than that i technically could do but i cant create anymore and it kills me. i want to. i constantly want to but i cant#it doesnt help that even if i havw ideas i dont even want to do them#i was gonna draw some characters from a game i played when i was little but i just#didnt want to. at no point did it not feel like a chore#ill try to go to new mediums! its fun to mess around and then itll feel boring again and going back doesnt feel any better#idk. googling it is useless. ive tried all the things. for years. ive been TRYING to draw consistently and like. doodles are fine theyre fu#but theyre not what i want to do i want to make something im proud of. i drew almost every single day for like 2 years#and its not burnout bc its been like. 2 more years! and ive barely wanted to at all!!!#i want to be creative and i also want people to recognize it. different complaint but it sucks so bad#i feel like nobody likes me. still. nobody cares about what i do. nobody would care if i stopped#like except me but i can only support myself so far!!!! im so tired of it!!!! someone PLEASE be here for me and just say ‘hey i love this#drawing :)’ like you have no idea what that would do for me#not always. but yknow especially if its been a while. if you like it. if you dont like it :( idk. you should tell me that too i guess#yknow so i can have some confirmation so i dont feel like im crazy. idk. dont actually id never go online again. i would probably. well.#i dont like to say the words#simons spouting#vent :(
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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orcelito · 10 months
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Ykno sometimes trauma is in the stupid little things no one thinks about being traumatic. The little things that take you back, make a funny little video remind you of one of the most painful nights of your life
And you can't fault anybody for that. Not even yourself for looking at it. So you're just like. Sitting here & contemplating this bitch we call life
#speculation nation#negative/#i guess?#animal death ment/#preemptively tagging bc im expanding on it#they do say sudden deaths can cause trauma. and i already knew i had some from when sammy suddenly died.#but losing cassy just compounded it. including reinforcing some of those less than stellar reminders.#i cant listen to a cat yowl without getting thrust into a personal hell of dread#i ended up trembling after june bug was yowling from being put in the cage lol#i think the most stupid thing is the tongue thing#cat 'bleps' are widely seen as cute. it's delightful when i catch my cats doing them!#but 75% chance it makes me think of sammy and cassy. probably like 95% chance if i see it online bc it's static and lasting#sammy spent the entire time in my last visit with him with his tongue out. it wasnt cute. it was heartbreaking.#and then when cassy was put down. his tongue ended up sticking out. just something about the process of death.#sticking Way out. entirely unnatural for him. i touched it and played with it. cold dead meat.#i knew both times that being there as they died would be unpleasant. but i decided to stay both times anyways.#bc i wanted to be there for my boys. i didnt want them to be alone with some stranger in their final moments.#but now i live on. carrying the knowledge of what they looked and felt like in death.#it's odd being a cat lover and having cat related trauma. im making sure it doesnt get in the way of me properly caring for my cats#i may hate the fucking vet and want to curl up in a ball when i think about the animal hospital#but if they have a problem. i have to go. i Have to go. and i have to bring them whether they want it or not.#i just... hope that i can avoid any catastrophic animal hospital visits for at least a few more years...#cassy died one year and nine months after sammy did. almost exactly.#it was enough time for me to start to heal from the sammy trauma. only to get torn right the fuck back down.#i'll heal again. i know i will. but i feel like it's gonna take even longer.#it hasnt even been a month since cassy died. even with a new cat i dont know what im doing half the time.#but i will keep moving on. ive learned from my mistakes. ive resolved to make the future better & i try not to think about my guilt#i try not to think about the fact that cassy wasnt even 2 years old. he shouldve had a much longer life#and a simple oversight of mine ultimately killed him. both tally and june bug are vaccinated for it though. thank god.#idk why it's not mandated by shelters. feline leukemia has a 95% death rate apparently. and so preventable...
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nagitoedit · 3 months
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still it was sooooooo funny and uncomfortable at the psych appointment because she saw ? somewhere in papers/files that my mom and dad divorced in.... 2015 i think and shes all like "so.... usually divorce causes problems in children... how was that for you was it hard on you...?" acting all nervous/gentle like lmaooooo thats not even the worst part i dont think i cared about the divorce In Comparison to Everything Else. hed been abusive to my mom and generally neglectful not great to us (me and sibling) and theyd been separated for 6 years before the divorce because he kept going to jail for drug related things which he would often steal money from us for it and generally made my moms life hell by like manipulating and emotionally abusing her and hed have violent tantrums where he broke things (there are still holes in the walls and other damage in the house from him) and also sorta ruined our lives a bit and then in 2019 he was accused of some crime and he ran away to escape getting arrested or whatever and i think legally he is classified as a missing person and we dont even know if hes alive or not.
so like the divorce was whatever to me i guess.
#i think abt this sometimes and its just weird to me#like not the psych appointment that was just like 4 days ago. like the dad situation#its uncomfortable to think he might be dead and its also uncomfortable to think about what the hell hes doing if hes Out There#before id actually searched him up on the internet a few times within the past few years wondering if something was found out and i wasnt#told or something. seeing if maybe there was a police report or something or even an obituary or something. but there wasnt#this got more serious than i meant it to be :/ but he was diagnoses with bipolar so the psych think i have that. not sure abt that#but like i kinda want to talk about this or like tell people i know about it mostly bc i just feel like idk i feel like this is something.#like. i think it says things about me i feel like maybe this information would give people a more complete view of me in a way#i guess lawl but also i know its uncomfortable probably and im scared of that. the widespread hate of 'trauma dumping' makes me#feel like i cant tell people things that might be uncomfortable#oh and i guess something else about this is while obviously this has psychological effects but the effects feel more. not mild#but. interwoven. they dont seem as apparent or like they dont stand out as much. like i get more upset about the topic of outdoor cats#than i get upset about this. like for me this was just something that happened i guess. mostly bc i know that basically everyone#has some kind of issues with their parents. or at least most people i know lawl. me befriending people like#OMG youre also fatherless !? so twinning right now#or like other things like crappy parents or divorce or this or that.#but i think thats most people but also maybe i just have a skewed perception lol
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thecherrygod · 2 years
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i am. making a mistake
#my posts#im. very depressed. in a bad state. and also ill and unsure if im actually becoming feverish. and its midnight#i. am struggling emotionally and with a class and with motivation and i guess im also underwhelmed#like i have. shit to do. and things id rather be doing. im doing none im just sitting there feeling useless#i. just told a classmate i didnt start my assignment at all yet not even read the material#and he said it makes sense you were a bit sick im sure youll feel better and be able to do it#and i told him that hes wrong bc i would have been able to at least read the material before getting sick#and that if i was doing okay i would still be in the same situation#i. i dont. think i should be having this conversation with him#i dont. know why im doing this. i want to kms#i mean he has talked to me once when he was struggling he broke the mental illness barrier but i dont think i should be passing it either#i feel like i should stop saying whatever the fuck i am saying idk why i started idk if its too late for that#editing my tags to ad more bc i dont want to make another postabout this#yes i made a mistake. idk how to reply without going further into the conversation#'you could do what you told me and do the text to speech thing you sometimes do when you struggle to focus' my guy. my man. i cant#idk what to tell him that isnt an 'i cant even start that i can only open the documents i cant do more than that' i made a mistake#idk how to lie my way out of this idk how to just say 'yeah i should do that' or something and thats it#i mean i guess i do want to have someone to tell them how im actually doing but i dont. think its the right thing to do#also i want to throw up and cry and die and if i knew where our thermometers were id check my temperature#yeah my brain is barely working so since i feel my options are actually answer or ask him to forget i asked#i am asking him to forget i asked#i do feel awful and stupid but i dont think actually replying is good and i dont have another way to do so
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gayemoji · 2 years
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i havent kept up with anything mcyt for a good while now but man does this fucking hurt. my heart goes out to all his friends & family and anyone affected at all. it all hurts but i hope he rests easily now.
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tealfruit · 4 months
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it's really fuckin weird being, I guess, Good At Dealing With Grief while being around people who are just absolutely brokenhearted and wrecked. and having to be like Well Guess I'll Just Get Busy On The Business Stuff.
#nerd alert#his wife is all like you know what youre in shock i know youre not processing it yet its ok#im like no i like speedran the five stages the night it happened. i might go back and replay slower later but like i get it.#like idk. i feel sad about it for sure. but like. idk she was showing videos of him she took while he was drunk of his ass#laughing hysterically at like nothing and being goofy and shit and im watching like. yeah :) thats my dad :) glad he was happy in life :)#and like knowing how he felt about me is like. the only things that really make me kinda sad#is that for one he wont be at my wedding. sadge.#for another i think he thought our relationship was a lot more strained than i thought it was#bc he couldnt bring himself to respect my gender or my name but honestly it was something i mostly had accepted#like yeah i was very clear about how i felt about being deadnamed but i think he thought i was a lot more mad about it#i was frustrated to be sure but i was like. yknow i have bigger problems im not THAT pressed about it.#i wish i couldve let him know that really it wasnt that big of a beef. i didnt Not want to see him or talk to him in general#i just was never good at reaching out LOL#but it makes me kinda sad he died thinking i didnt want to talk to him much. but at least i know he loved me and was glad im happy#according to his wife and my bro he was all like 'i cant think of her as a boy and she might be kinda misled but im glad shes happy'#which like. ok sure. thats sweet enough i guess and im glad he did know i was happy at least#idk. its weeeeeeiird
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be-good-to-bugs · 8 months
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:( i need to see a dentist but i cant
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mrfoox · 11 months
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I love how me and Oliver is the opposite on everything but we still just get along
I'm just The Lover ™
And he's The Hater ™
But i still appriciate his way of thinking and that he is more grounded than me. On some topics he's more idealistic than me and I love that too
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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years
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Haaah. Idk why but supper really REALLY upset my stomach. Like. Not super bad or anything. But I was very uncomfortable for a while. I honesty wonder if I have like some sort of intolerance to bread or some fucking shit.
#diary#personal#i had a sub. i also had a bit of cheese with it but like not enough to generally cause problems?#idk. im honestly at a loss with things like this usually. doctors help none so ya just gotta try.#im so tired of eating. i always feel like shit if i fuck up and eat the wrong thing#problem is who the fuck knows what it is :/#haaaah i may have to eliminate bread from my diet. problem is i eat a lot of it generally.#i also cant eat eggs easily. and i dont like eating meat.#(its bc its hard to chew and not tasty generally)#im so fucking tired of health problems. my hands are falling apart again.#im really tired. these fucking health issues sure are taking a toll on me...#idk. i really need to finish that email. im so goddamn tired. haaaah. at least ill be taking tomorrow off i guess?#...its not much of a relief tbh#tho i did just get paid!!!#yeah. im still quite upset. it really feels like i dont get anything easily in this life sometimes. its so hard to manage everything#and i constantly feel like im walking on a tightrope with other people.... its really stressful yknow?#i just sorta want something a bit easy.#and when i get too overwhelmed like this i usually end up crying lol. i cant rly explain this if you dont know what its like lol#sometimes its all too much. trying to manage different conditions like this.#and when it gets bad like this with eating i often just eat less. not much you can do when you feel like shit whenever you eat. haaaaah.#disordered eating#mn. i probably am also out of it bc of pms. im getting those phantom period pains again so probably in the next 5 days or so.#its so annoying. for like 2 weeks of a month i just feel like shit tbh. usually up to 5 days before or so. and then at least the first bit#when it starts. but often the whole week.#seriously the amount of pain my period causes is a problem in and of itself.#i usually find it hard to move for a few days.#im tired. so tired. i hope i can find someone to help manage everything for me. bc i cant keep doing this. im exhausted
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mywifealhaitham · 2 months
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pre release boothill relationship headcanons!!!
a/n: I'm fiending off crumbs... I've wanted to read some x reader of him but theres none so I gotta write it myself. I hope the other 4 boothill fans enjoy
warnings: gn!reader, like 2 gendered pet names (pretty girl/boy), most of this is written with bias because we don't have alot to go off, obviously written prerelease, when we actually get content of him I'll definitely be rewriting
LEAKS AHEAD!!!
bc: Valentine_DD_ on twt
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- Boothill is described as a righteous person if his bottom line doesn't get crossed, so he definitely treats you good. probably more on the protective side when it comes to you, he's probably not afraid to use his gun if someone is threatening you.
- and believe me he's intimidating. from his overall tough and "unruly" cowboy look to his mechanical body it leaves enemies just a little challenged. he lowers his voice too and probably has a more fierce look in his eyes too. after any threats have been delt with he probably turns to you and turns into the sweetest thing ever, a wide grin across his face and his hands on your cheeks peppering you with small kisses.
- Its said he's a bit sophisticated due to his experiences so I'd like to imagine sometimes he charms you with facts and details about other planets or just genuinely sharing some tips and tricks he's picked up from other cultures. he's also a person who can get along with others pretty well but he can easily give strangers an impression he's selfish and is a bad person.
- again this kinda feeds into he's basically you'd guard dog... but I mean who wouldn't want to be saved by a handsome and sweet cowboy. despite his unpredictable personality and looks he's a huge gentleman for sure. always opens doors and pulls out chairs for you, makes sure your behind him and okay if any danger approaches and practically listens to your every command (lowkey giving off my girl and I don't argue she tells me to shut up and I do)
- one part I'm so excited to see is what they mean by he's illiterate and using metaphors. it's probably just him using slang but it's still kinda cute. I feel like his cheesy and strange metaphors turn into pick up lines when talking to you. perhaps he'll pull a "did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" or something cheesier. Definitely a huge nickname guy, almost never uses your real name. I'm guessing he'd use stuff like doll, sugar, baby, pretty girl/boy and more teasing names. heavy on doll and sugar and just imagine him saying it in a deep southern accent... 😍 kicking my feet. also I imagine he loves making you giggle by not cursing (because he literally cant) and normally he'd get pissed if someone laughed at him like that if it's you he doesn't mind at all.
- that's pretty much it for like analyzing the leaks I saw but now the stuff up ahead is just bias yapping because I always project
- HE DEFINITELY IS A HAND KISSER. greets you by getting on one knee, holding his hat to his chest and kissing your hand. makes eye contact with you too and does that toothy smirk of his IM SWOONINGGG
- maybe he's a dancer! pulls you into his arms and places his hat on your head when a good song plays in taverns. even if your clueless on any type of dances then he'll pull you along to the beat whispering Instructions in your ear.
- gets so lovesick when drunk it drives everyone mad. any folks he's sitting with at a bar gets a whole speech on his wonderful beautiful darling who he owes his live and would happily die by their hand. and may God save you when you come pick him up because he'll be all over you. Immediately he wraps a arm around your waist as he slurrs his hello as he proceeds to tell you he loves you like 40 times. besides the mass amounts of kisses you'll receive once you both reach a private spot he let's some feelings that he might be too shy to share normally, holding your face as he calls you his pretty girl/boy and how he's so lucky to have you.
- honestly not the best for cuddling however unfortunately he needs to cuddle you to sleep so goodluck! his metal body isn't completely uncomfortable it's just cold alot. he tries to get around this by literally preheating himself with blankets before you go to bed.
very bad boothill brainrot atm... only a few more weeks until we get official content 😭 everyone hold hands we got this
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here's the actual leaks if anyone is curious ^_^
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please clic for larger images, tumblr compression made these look all blurry. id below the cut
here i am still making mp100 comics in april of 2024. its just such comfort food. im highly normal about mob and tomes friendship
ID: three pages of black and white comics about Mob and Tome from the anime Mob Psycho 100.
panel 1: a leg and an arm extend from out of panel so that the hand on the arm can tie the shoe on the leg. lying on the ground is the other shoe, a cell phone, a keyring, and a polka dot carrying case. on the carrying case rests a sphere with a strange pattern on it. in the top right it says "January."
panel 2: a figure (its tome) pulls on a jacket. visible in front of her are a cabinet and a wall-mounted rack, all messy.
panel 3: with a door in the background, a closeup of tomes hand on her flipphone. the screen says "dialing."
panel 4: tome shrugs on her jacket and, holding her phone against her ear with her shoulder, smiles and says, "Oy, Mob! It's Saturday! Let's go telepath-hunting!"
panel 5: ritsu and mob sit on a blanket on the floor in front of a bookshelf. a little "pause" label extends from off-panel. both of them are holding controllers. ritsu leans against his hand, looking bored, as mob holds his cellphone to say "Hi Tome. Didn't we already find a telepath?" tome responds, "Oh, right."
panel 6: tome and mob dont really know what to say next. they both look cartoony and stupid. "..."
panel 7: tome, looking pained, curls a hand in the air in front of her and says, "Do you want to... walk around the city? Pointlessly?" mob says, "Sure, I guess that's what we normally do."
panel 8: tome looks mad. "No! We walk pointedly! In the direction of telepaths!" she points, pointedly. mobs eyebrows go a little down as he scratches at his face. "It's pretty funny that you were looking for so long when Takenaka was right next to you. For months. And then he left because you were too weird."
panel 9: tome, opening her front door, says, "Y'know what, Mob, maybe I'll invite him instead." Mob says "That's a good idea. Let's see if he can come with us."
panel 10: now exiting onto the walkway in front of her apartment, tome says, looking excited, "Actually I have been investigating something new. We should look for a haunted house!" mob thinks to himself, "Sounds like work..."
panel 11: mob looks skeptical and asks, "In the city?" tome responds, "Yep." behind mob, ritsu unpauses the game (ssb brawl) and starts thrashing mob (ritsu mains lucas, mob mains kirby)
panel 12: tome walks down the stairs of her apartment building to a concrete sidewalk with a row of trashcans nearby. she says, "My first guess is that new shaved ice place on 5th street." mob responds, "Oh." tome says "It's an old building! I think it's haunted!"
panel 13: mob, contented, says, "Okay. I'll meet you at the train station." pleased, tome responds, "Excellent!" ritsu looks back at mob with a mean smile on. the tv screen says "GAME!"
panel 14: mob yells, "Ritsu! What the heck!" tome, at a stoplight, replies, "Sure, he can come too." she presses the walk signal button. "BIP."
End ID.
making this comic i learned that you cant just put masking tape over your mistakes and re-ink on top of it bc the masking tape looks too dark when its scanned in. i guess ill just have to warm up more and be more deliberate when i ink like some kinda loser. or i could become truly insane and start gluing on little pieces of bristol
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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...
#if u happen to b invested in my emailing profs. the lady from yesterday emailed me back almost immediately#to day that my interests and background sound ideal! which is v true! its such a good match! and i should email back in autumn to see abt#a project in 2023! which is v exciting and i hope things come together. apparently its harder to get funding for international students#so i was like cool cool. u will def hear back from me and also can u send me this paper that i cant get online#and she sent it so now i have a wicked cool paper to read. hhhhh i hope this works out#in other news i talked to my parents todsy and they wanna pay for me to fly home for a bit and i was like YES! which is exciting#not sure when itll happen. hopefully before fall. but yeah thats cool. i felt like such a loser bc my life is so boring rn i was like: wait#keep talking to me! i have nothing better to be doing! except thats not true im just avoiding doing things#SPEAKING OF WHICH we have this supid mini conference thing going on rn and i was super looking forward to not attending this yr#bc im not funded by them anymore. but i have to give a presentation thrus so i am invited and i guess my boss expected me to b there?#like if i went it would just be a massive waste of time that i would hate and im not like the most stable rn#like im srry i really don't give a fuck abt shrub encroachment. so i might as well do something useful with my time?#like im sure the main reason they hold it is for networking but i really really dont want to talk to anyone so im just gonna awkwardly sit#around and hate everything. but like maybe i should go as rep for my lab?#but like 3 other lab members r there so like u dont need me there. i really just wanna show up for my talk and fuck off#i really dont want to go tomorrow. i dont have anything that i could bring for lunch and again. dont wanna b there#and i havent done a rapid test which they wanted everyone to do before showing up#so idk what im gonna do. im gonna have tk txt my boss like: do u really want me to b there tomorrow?#but i dont kno how to say that without it sounding like i have a bad attitude bc i absolutely do lol#i just dont wannnna goooooo#unrelated
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