#whereas i consistently wake up feeling like i got hit by a fucking car when i have to sleep elsewhere

[gaphic]

currently in the process of trying to buy a new mattress and i have to say. so far. it's been a real thrill ride

absolutely no idea what's going on but i am significantly poorer now so hopefully that's a good sign

[avengerscompound]

The Five Stages - 3. Bargaining, 4. Depression

The Five Stages: An Iron Man Fanfic

Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a coffee with Ko-fi Word Count: 2145

Pairing:  Tony Stark x F!Reader

Warnings:  Age difference (not used as a kink), Drama, Angst, pregnancy

Synopsis:  Tony tries to deal with the fact he has a pregnant girlfriend and a pregnant daughter by throwing money at the problem.

3. Bargaining, 4. Depression

Watching Tony trying to balance you and your pregnancy and the fact he also was getting to know his daughter, would have been funny if you weren’t directly involved in that balancing act.  It wouldn’t even be so bad if his daughter wasn’t also your age and pregnant.  But she was and everything just felt awkward and difficult.

You tried very hard to be patient with everything.  Him, her, yourself.  But it was like everything that was involved with you was now just a side project.  Which was particularly painful after your first ultrasound.

Tony was right there by your side, holding your hand. Because of how early in the pregnancy it was they were doing an internal and you pulled a face and squeezed his hand as the tech moved the wand around inside you looking for the little flutter of life that was your baby.

She found it alright.  Boy, did she find it.  “Well, would you look at this.”  She says moving the wand around.  “Do you see this little flutter here?”

You and Tony look at the flickering black and white image in the mix of weird shapes and smudges on the screen.  “Is that the heartbeat?”  Tony asks.

“That’s right.”  The tech replies.   Tony’s hand squeezes around yours and the biggest smile breaks out on his face, making his eyes crinkle at the corners.   “And over here, is the heartbeat of baby number two.”

It felt like time stops.  You stare at the screen for what you were sure is an eternity but was really just a split second.  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me?”  You groan letting your head fall back on the table.

After your appointment, you and Tony walk back to his car and he swings his arm around your shoulders.  “Think you might be able to stop speaking things into reality, honey?”  He teases.

You groan and run your hands down your face.  “Oh god, what if she is married to one of my exes?”

Tony starts laughing as he hits the unlock button on the red Tesla Roadster and opens the door for you.  You smack his ass as you slide into the bucket seat and he goes around to the other side of the car and jumps in over the door.  “Shall we see?”  He asks getting out his phone and searching the internet.  He flicks up a screen so it projected against the windscreen of the Tesla.  “Says here that Sarah Waker married David Lee in a small ceremony in Westchester two years ago.  Kept her own name I see.”  He muses.  “Here are some wedding photos.  You know that guy?”

You narrow your eyes and peer at the screen.  “No.  I don’t know him.”

He closes everything up and starts the car.  “Alright then.  So relax.  Shall we go check out some kinda baby emporium or bazaar and try and plan for twins?”

You nod slowly.  “Yeah.  Okay.”

“Twins for crying out loud.  You don’t do anything by halves do you?”  He teases as he pulled the car out of the street.

“God, Tony.”  You groan.  “How are we even going to do this?  You’re like a million years old.”

He starts to silently laugh, pursing his lips as his eyes glittered.  “You are a real little shit, you know that?”

“Yeah, but you love me.”  You tease.

He leans over and quickly pecks you on top of the head.  “Lucky for you.”

For the next week or so Tony went about hiring contractors to remodel the penthouse to there was a nursery right off the master bedroom.  At the end of the day, he would sit with you on the couch while you ate, going through ridiculously expensive baby furniture and potential artists to paint a mural on the wall.  There was a little print off of the scan with the two little peanut shaped blobs stuck to the fridge and you keep catching him staring at it and just after he’d come to you with some new expensive thing he thought he should pay for.  He even brought up schools more than once.

Then he went to a doctors appointment with Sarah.  She invited him to come to make him feel involved.  Or so she said.  You spent the day working in the lab and when you finished for the day he still wasn’t home.  You ordered food in and ate it while watching TV waiting for him.  He got home at around nine beaming.  “Sorry I’m late, dear.”  He says, flopping on the couch beside you and putting his feet on the coffee table.  “I took her shopping after.  All her baby things were second hand and I can’t have a grandson of mine without the best.”  He stole a cookie from the plate you had.  “Then I had dinner with her and David.”

You tense up a little at the mention of him shopping.  Ever since you had met her, you had this feeling that she was after his money and she was so cold to you because you were getting in the way of it.  You tried to shrug it off though.  It was his daughter after all and you couldn’t get in the way of it.  Nor did you want to.  “It’s fine.  I learned how to use the internet to order food a long time ago.”

He pats your knee.  “You know you can get FRIDAY to do it for you, right?”

You laugh and clutch your head in mock frustration.  “Damnit!  I was trying to show off!”

Tony joins in your laughter and pulls out his wallet and opens it up.  He slides out another ultrasound print out.  “Look at this.”  He says holding it out to you.  “It’s an actual baby shape.  Head and legs.  Little hands.  It’s all built just doing the last bit of coding.”

You chuckle at his use of words as you look at the black and white picture.  It does look like a baby.  Especially compared to the weird blob shapes that are the twins.  You didn't think it is possible for a trip to a doctors appointment with Sarah could eclipse the fact he just found out he is going to have twins a week and a half ago.  But here it is.  Her baby looked like a baby.  It's a real recognizable thing.  Whereas yours are this abstract concept still.  You aren't even showing yet.  Just puking your guts out for half the day.

“That’s your grandkid.”  You say touching the picture.  “You’re going to be a grandfather.”

“I know.  And you know what’s weird?  I’m scared of so much stuff right now.  Being a bad dad.  Not being able to fix this with Sarah.  Somehow doing something that messes us up.  But the grandpa bit, not a big deal at all.  You get to spoil your grandkids right?  Buy them the toys their parents said they couldn’t have.  Give them ice cream for dinner before sending them home.  I can do that.  That’s easy.”

You turn yourself toward him and run your hand down his neck.  “I love you so much, you know?”

He smiles and shakes his head.  “Alright, no need to get sappy.”  He replies and leans in and kisses you.

That is how he balances things though.  He’d spends way too much time and money on one of you, then suddenly switches to the other.  You start to worry constantly about him.  About what he's thinking is necessary to be a suitable father figure.  You keep telling him he doesn't need to buy your love.  That he has it.  That the babies will love him regardless as long as he's there.  He can't seem to stop.  Work starts on the nursery.  He hires an artist to paint a mural.  He's designing tech to monitor breathing so he knew when they were going to wake up before it happened.  He even donates a library to a school to ensure they’d get it.  He keeps buying toys and clothes.  It isn't just for the twins though.  He brings things for you home regularly too.  He keeps asking you if there was more he can do.  Did you want to get massages?  Go to a spa?  Get your hair done?

For everything he is doing here for you it was more so with Sarah.  To the point, they started house shopping.  You tried not to question it, despite how uncomfortable it made you feel but the one time you do he said he missed out on so much that he owed her.

You and Sarah are not exactly getting along either.  It's uncomfortable and awkward being around her.  It makes you feel every second of the age difference between you and Tony when she's there.  Not to mention she always speaks to you tersely, like you aren't welcome.  Which makes you, in turn, speak to her that way.

So it isn’t a balancing act Tony was performing.  It was a wildly swinging pendulum of trying to keep people happy around him by trying to buy their happiness.

That's until you wake one night to find the bed empty.  You're now 16 weeks pregnant and having to see the doctor regularly because having twins is high risk.  You had found out they were identical which upped the risk again.  Things were going fine though.  They were both growing at a fairly consistent rate.  You were still working, but making sure to take it easy and not stay late.  Sarah was coming up to her due date and really the baby could come at any time.

You get up and put on a robe, heading to the elevator and catching it to the engineering lab.  Tony is right where you had thought he’d be.  Working on another Iron Suit.  Hyper Focused.  But the stress is showing on his features.  You approach him slowly and wrap your arms around his waist from behind.   “Couldn’t sleep, old man?”

He doesn’t say anything for the longest time, just continues to work until he sighs and turns in your arms.  He hides his face in your chest and his hands run over the slight swell of your belly.  “I can’t do this.  I don’t know how to do this.  I’m trying.  But how can I make up for all that lost time?  And how can I be the father I need to be to these two when I am such a fucking mess?  They’re gonna have a sister they barely know because you can’t be in the same room as her.  They’re gonna have a nephew that’s older than them.  I’ve fucked up so many things in my life and this just feels like the worst one.  Normally I can fix it.  I go to the lab.  I spend some money.  Not everything, but a lot of things that’s all I need to do.  But this, this is so messed up and I’ve got no idea how to fix it.”

Your arms tighten around him and you bury your face in his neck.  “This isn’t a money problem, Tony.  You can’t just buy her love and I’m worried about you.  I’m worried you keep throwing all this cash at her and that’s all she wants.”

He shakes his head.  “I don’t care about the money.  I have money.  She can have as much as she likes, I’ll make more.  I wish it was money.  She’s like you.  You know that?  Just keeps saying I don’t have to, it’s too much.  She doesn’t need it.  But if I’d gotten to raise her, you don’t think I wouldn’t have bought her everything?”

You start to cry.  The weight of the pain he's carrying suddenly bears down on you.  It has never once occurred to you, that with all the concerns you have about him being used, that you are the problem here.  Or at least a big part of it.

“I’m sorry, Tony.”  You whisper against his skin.  “I’ll fix this okay?”

He lets out a short laugh.  “Alright, dear.  Whatever you say.”

“I will. Or at least, I’ll make friends.  I shouldn’t have been making it worse like that.”  You insist.

He looks up at you and cups your chin.  “I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve you.”

You shake your head.  “From the sounds of it something pretty terrible.  You better pick up the act there, pal.”

He laughs and pulls you into a kiss.  It's hard and passionate, but you feel every ounce of the love he feels for you in it.  When he pulls apart he rests his forehead against yours.  “If you and Sarah could get along, it would really help.”

You give a small nod.  “I won’t let you down.”  Now you just have to think of a way to convince her of that too.

// NEXT