#wherein i walked around scribbling notes & pics about the layout on my little papers

[vethyourhalflingmother]

teenage walmart games??? I’ve been inside walmart maybe 3 times in my life I need an explanation

formal disclaimer: i am not suggesting you do any of these things in a walmart or similar store* even if i admit to having done some of them myself; the employees don't get paid enough to deal with them

-i mentioned in my tags a fictional game of capture the flag. while i think it would be difficult to full-on incorporate nerf guns into this for more than a few minutes irl, i know people play other versions of it in stores sometimes (i have participated on one ocassion & ngl its kind of fun)

-ive personally played hide n seek in walmart more than once (which is a little different than regular hide n seek in my experience, usually the hiding involves moving around a lot)

-walmart has such a wide variety of shit (for those of you who are less familiar, there's a grocery section & a retail section (including electronics, toys, outdoor equipment, home goods, office supplies, furniture). so we also used to play games where we would have a criteria (ex. The Squishiest Thing U Can Find) & everyone would run around in the alotted time to find The Item which best fit it

-there are lots of potential variations off of this. that "three items to freak out the cashier" game everyone always talks about on here & also a quick google search brought up an all-out walmart scavenger hunt & a walmart bingo

-many walmarts used to have a giant "cage" (it was flexible rope) full of those huge plastic bouncy balls. my walmart does not have one anymore. i imagine it's because i (& others) used to yeet the balls out of the cage every time i was there so i could play with them. i havent personally done much more than bounce them while shopping but i have to imagine that people more creative than me have made several games revolving around these balls and their prison

[Image Description: A Walmart bouncy ball cage filled with dozens of giant colorful balls some of which also have pokadot or zigzag patterning. It is taller than the aisles. The balls are mostly contained by roping, but the frame of the cage is made of metal. END ID.]

-idk if this counts as a "game" but when i was a child you could get ear piercings at walmart & it was for sure A Risk

-ive known people who make a game of shoplifting, seeing who can steal what & who can take the most risks without getting into trouble (in my experience folks either know EXACTLY how companies like walmart deal with shoplifters or they don't know jackshit, there is no in-between, my advice is that knowledge is power)

-there are legitimate ways to have fun in some walmarts, ive been to several that have a few (3-5) money-sucking arcade games.

-they also sometimes have fast food places in them, so any kind of havoc you can think of perpetuating at mcdonalds or subway, you can technically do it in a walmart (just a reminder not to terrorize the employees at these places in real life. please. i used to work at a mall subway like i will fight you)

-this is just off the top of my head at 3 am, im sure a group of bored 16 y/os could come up with something really fun

-obviously you can do these things in similar stores but i feel the need to explain the energy of walmarts to those who havent been in them so much. they really do feel like the worst liminal space you can possibly imagine. all the typical social rules and decorum are gone. the rumors about people wearing what they want and doing what they want in walmart are generally very true (yes you see guns on people's backs there in open carry states). the lights are too bright for me in all big stores like that but they reflect off the floors in a way i find particularly blinding. it's also usually crowded unless you're there during work/school hours. recently my walmart went to all self-check, no bags & that made the environment more hostile which i didnt know was possible. if this were a more serious post id explain in detail about why i think walmart gets a bad rep for some classist reasons and why it DESERVES a bad rep for some capitalist ones but since this is funnyman hours im just going to leave it there

-im going to leave off with a question to my walmart-familiar followers: what is the most chaotic thing you've ever witnessed in a walmart?

*except the shoplifting. i always encourage shoplifting