#which ; whatever . plenty of seasoned singers struggle with that too

[d-criss-news]

Darren Criss acts as playwright when he writes songs. He’s far more confident, and certainly more vulnerable, when he allows himself to play the part. In such a way, songwriting opens up a whole new world that pulses with untapped potential. So much of what he has accomplished in 15 years resides in his willingness to expose himself to what his imagination and intuition have in store. He steps into a playwright’s shoes with considerable ease (just look at his resume), and always one to put on plenty of bravado, especially during our Zoom face-to-face, it’s the natural order of things.

“As I get older and write more and more songs, I really recognize that I’ve always preferred to write for another context other than my own,” Criss tells American Songwriter. He speaks with a cool intensity, gesturing emphatically to accentuate a sentence, and when you let him go, he’s like the Energizer Bunny 一 “I can tell by just how quiet you already are that you’re fucked,” he jokes at the start of our video chat. But he remains just as engaged and focused when listening.

He soaks in the world, taking astute notes about behavior and emotional traits he can later use in song. His storytelling, though, arrives already in character, fully formed portraits he can then relay to the world. It’s not that he can’t be vulnerable, like such greats as Randy Newman, Tom Waits, and Rufus Wainwright, who have all embroidered their work with deeply personal observations, it just doesn’t feel as comfortable. “I’ve always really admired the great songwriters of the world who are extremely introspective and can put their heart and soul on the chopping block,” he muses. “That’s a vulnerability that I think is so majestic. I’ve never had access to it. I’m not mad about it. It’s just good to know what your deal is.”

Criss’ strengths lie in his ability to braid his own experiences, as charmed as they might be, into wild, goofy fantasies. In the case of his new series “Royalties,” now streaming on Quibi, he walks a fine line between pointed commentary on the music industry, from menial songwriting sessions to constantly chasing down the next smash, and oddball comedy that is unequivocally fun. Plotted with long-standing friends and collaborators Matt and Nick Lang, co-founders of Team StarKid, created during their University of Michigan days (circa 2009), the show’s conceptual nucleus dates back more than a decade.

If “Royalties” (starring Criss and Kether Donohue) feels familiar, that’s because it is. The 10-episode show ─ boasting a smorgasbord of delightful guest stars, including Mark Hammill, Georgia King, Julianna Hough, Sabrina Carpenter, and Lil Rel Howery ─ captures the very essence of a little known web series called “Little White Lie.” Mid-summer 2009, Team StarKid uploaded the shoddy, low budget production onto YouTube, and its scrappy tale of amateur musicians seeking fame and fortune quickly found its audience, coming on the heels of “A Very Potter Musical,” co-written with and starring Criss. Little did the trio know, those initial endeavors laid the groundwork for a lifetime of creative genius.

“It’s a full circle moment,” says Criss, 33, zooming from his Los Angeles home, which he shares with his wife Mia. He’s fresh-faced and zestful in talking about the new project. 11 years separate the two series, but their connective thematic tissues remain striking. “Royalties” is far more polished, the obvious natural progression in so much time, and where “Little White Lie” soaked in soapy melodrama, the former analyzes the ins and outs of the music world through more thoughtful writing, better defined (and performed) characters, and hookier original tunes.

“Royalties” follows Sara (Donohue) and Pierce (Criss), two struggling songwriters in Los Angeles, through various career exploits and pursuits. The pilot, titled “Just That Good,” features an outlandish performance from Rufus Wainwright as a major player in dance-pop music, kickstarting the absurdity of Criss’ perfectly-heightened reality. As our two main characters stumble their way between songwriting sessions, finally uncovering hit single potential while eating a hot dog, Criss offers a glimpse into the oft-unappreciated art of songwriting.

In his own songwriting career ─ from 2010’s self-released Human EP and a deal with Columbia Records (with whom a project never materialized) to 2017’s Homework EP and Computer Games’ debut, Lost Boys Life, (a collaboration with his brother Chuck) ─ he’s learned a thing or two about the process. Something about sitting in a room with someone you’ve never met before always rang a little funny to him.

“You meet a stranger, and you have to be creative, vulnerable, and open. It’s speed-dating, essentially. It’s a different episode every time you pull it off or not. All the big songwriters will tell you all these crazy war stories. Everyone has a wacky story from songwriting,” he says. “I slowly realized I may ─ I can’t flatter myself, there are tons of creative people who are songwriters ─ have prerequisites to just put the two together [TV and music]. I’ve worked enough in television as an actor and creator. I can connect the dots. I had dual citizenship where I felt like it was really time for me to go forth with this show.”

But a packed professional life pushed the idea to the backburner.

Between six seasons of “Glee” (playing Blaine Anderson, a Warbler and lover to Chris Colfer’s Kurt Hummel), starring in “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” on Broadway, and creating Elsie Fest, a one-day outdoor festival celebrating songs of the stage and screen, he never had the time. “I was lucky enough to be busy,” he says. “As Team StarKid’s star was continuing to rise with me being separate from it, I was trying to think of a way to get involved again with songwriting.”

At one point, “Glee” had officially wrapped and his Broadway run was finished. It appeared “Royalties” may finally get its day in the sun. “I went to Chicago for a work pilgrimage with the Langs. We had a few days, and we put all our ideas on the map: every musical, feature film, show, graphic novel, and animated series we’ve ever thought of,” he says. “A lot of them were from the Langs; they were just things I was interested in as a producer or actor. We looked at all of them and made a top three.”

“Royalties” obviously made the cut.

Fast forward several years, Gail Berman’s SideCar, a production company under FOX Entertainment, was looking to produce a music show. Those early conversations, beginning at an otherwise random LA party, showed great promise in airlifting the concept from novel idea to discernible reality. Things quickly stalled, however, as they often do in Hollywood, but Criss had at least spoken his dreams into the universe.

“I finally had an outlet to put it into gear. It wasn’t until two to three years after that that things really locked in. We eventually made shorts and made a pilot presentation. We showed it to people, and it wasn’t until Quibi started making their presence known that making something seemed really appealing,” he says. “As a creator, they’re very creator-centric. They’re not a studio. They’re a platform. They are licensing IP much like when a label licenses an indie band’s album after the fact.”

Quibi has drawn severe ire over the last few months, perhaps because there is a “Wild Westness” to it, Criss says. “I think that makes some people nervous. Being my first foray into something of this kind, Quibi felt like a natural partner for us. If this had been a network or cable show, we would’ve molded it to be whatever it was.”

Format-wise, “Royalties” works best as bite-sized vignettes, charming hijinks through the boardroom and beyond, and serves as a direct response to a sea of music shows, from “Nashville” and “Empire” to “Smash.” “Those shows were bigger, more melodramatic looks at the inside base of our world. I’ve always been a goofball, and I just wanted to take the piss out of it,” he says. “This show isn’t about songwriting. It’s about songwriters… but a very wacky look at them.”

“30 Rock,” a scripted comedy loosely based around “Saturday Night Live,” in which the focus predominantly resides around the characters, rather than the business itself, was also on his mind. “It’s about the interconnectivity of the people and characters. As much of the insider knowledge that I wanted to put into our show, at the end of the day, you just want to make a fun, funny show that’s relatable to people who know nothing about songwriting and who shouldn’t have to know anything.”

Throughout 10 episodes, Criss culls the “musicality, fun, and humor” of Fountains of Wayne’s Adam Schlesinger and Max Martin, two of his biggest songwriting heroes, and covers as many genres as possible, from K-Pop to rap-caviar and classic country. While zip-lining between formats, the songs fully rely on a sturdy storytelling foundation ─ only then can Criss drape the music around the characters and their respective trajectories. “I wanted to do something where I could use all the muscles I like to flex at once, instead of compartmentalizing them,” he says. “I really love writing songs for a narrative, not necessarily for myself. I thrive a little more when I have parameters, characters, and a story to tell.”

Bonnie McKee, one of today’s greatest pop architects, takes centerstage, too, with an episode called “Kick Your Shoes Off,” in which she plays a bizarro version of herself. “She has her own story, and I’ve always been fascinated by it,” says Criss, who took her out to lunch one day to tell her about it. Initially, the singer-songwriter, known for penning hits for Katy Perry, Taio Cruz, and Britney Spears, would anchor the entire show, but it soon became apparent she would simply star in her own gloriously zany episode.

In one of the show’s standout scenes, Pierce and Sara sit in on a label meeting with McKee’s character and are tasked with writing a future hit. But they quickly learn how many cooks are in the kitchen at any given moment. Everyone from senior level executives to publicists and contracted consultants have an opinion about the artist’s music. One individual urges her to experiment, while another begs not to alienate her loyal fanbase, and then a third advises her to chronicle the entire history of music itself ─ all within three minutes or so. It’s absurd, and that’s the point. “Everyone’s been in that meeting, whether you’re in marketing or any creative discussion that has to be made on a corporate level by committee. It’s the inevitable, comedic contradictions and dissociations from not only rationality but feasibility.”

Criss also draws upon his own major label days, having signed with Sony/Columbia right off the set of “Glee,” as well as second-hand accounts from close friends. “There are so many artists, particularly young artists, who famously get chewed up and spat out by the label system,” he says. “There’s a lot of sour tastes in a lot of people’s mouths from being ‘mistreated’ by a label. I have a lot of friends who’ve had very unfortunate experiences.”

“I was really lucky. I didn’t have that. I have nothing but wonderful things to say,” he quickly adds.“It wasn’t a full-on drop or anything. I was acting, and I was spreading myself really thin. It’s a record label’s job to make product, and I was doing it piecemeal here and there. I would shoot a season [of ‘Glee’] and then do a play. I was doing too many things. I didn’t have it in me at the time to do music. I had written a few songs I thought were… fine.”

Both Criss and the label came to the same conclusion: perhaps this professional relationship just wasn’t a good fit. They parted ways, and he harbors no ill-will. In fact, he remains close friends with many folks from that time. So, it seems, a show like “Royalties” satisfies his deep hunger to make music and write songs ─ and do it totally on his own terms.

“I still say I want to put out music, and fans have been very vocal about that. I feel very fortunate they’re still interested at all,” he says. “That passion for making music really does come out in stuff like [this show].”

“Royalties” is Darren Criss at his most playful, daring, and offbeat. It’s the culmination of everything he has tirelessly worked toward over the last decade and a half. Under pressure with a limited filming schedule, he hits on all cylinders with a soundtrack, released on Republic Records, that sticks in the brain like all good pop music should do. And it would not have been the same had he, alongside Matt and Nick Lang, not formed Team StarKid 11 years ago.

Truth be told, it all began with a “Little White Lie.”

[candymayvary]

smth i wrote a little while ago. i wrote professor kim w masculine pronouns bc idk just made it harder when referring to axel and alex in the same sentences lol

i dont have a specific time in mind for when this would take place. just like. assumptions that axel has a good relationship with his professor, and that his professor actually takes care and notice of his work (my impression anyway from axel’s bio). and like..... discussing both student and professional work? idk. professor pov. 

and u kno what @se-serena

“Professor, you asked to see me?”

Looking up from his papers, Alex notices the way that this one particular student hovered in the doorway, and how his assistant was struggling to cover the starry-eyed gaze. With a wave of his hand, Axel walked the rest of the way into the office, door closing behind him with a soft click. Axel seemed to take the hint, settling in one of the chairs with an ease that told far more than he realised. 

“Before we begin, am I speaking to Axel, or you today?”

That seems to catch Axel off-guard, even though it had long since been a regular thing. Normally, when they had these one-on-one sessions, Axel would state at the beginning, set the feel of it, whether professional or personal. But it would be highly unprofessional of Alex Kim to assume one or the other, when he was the one who had called the meeting first.

Perhaps he should consider it a great deal that Axel, singer extraordinaire, considered his opinion so highly. But there was tension growing in those around him, and well, he wouldn’t be in the position he was if he just ignored it. 

“Axel?” his student hinges it on a question, as if he wasn’t too sure either. Alex couldn’t say that was the best decision, that he should’ve crossed that line they had made. A part of him had hoped Axel would understand the need for this to be speaking to the student, not the singer. 

Oh well. Alex could work with it, no matter what. Not like there was much choice here, anyway.

“Alright. Before I begin, do you have any idea why I called you to my office today?” A classic teacher line, to gauge where the student in turn was at. Telltale signs of stress would show, such as nervously looking at every corner of the room, or wringing their hands.

Axel shows none of these, chin in hand, as he relaxed in the chair. Pokerfaced and resolute. Alex had to admit that he was rather proud of where Axel currently sat, as he remembered where he had started. Not just from the tutelage he received from Arlington, as a lot of the work was all Axel’s doing — most of it in his own time.

“Not really, sir.” 

Fair. Alex’s email had been sharp and to the point. Meeting, Wednesday morning, ten thirty, don’t be late. Need to talk about your schoolwork, or so Alex had said. Not wholly untrue. 

“There has been some calls from other teachers regarding your work ethic, Axel. And not just in regards to your music.”

“Then why aren’t they having the meeting with me in person? Leaving you to clean up their dirty work, aren’t they?” A certain level of snide creeps into his voice. Alex lets the comment run its course.

“As much as I would like to discuss your results in other classes, I can’t. I don’t speak for them.”

Axel leans forward then, a little tighter around the eyes. He had only returned to campus a week prior, but from what Alex understood, most classes had been missed (except all of his, of course). “So? What’s this about, sir?”

And with that, Alex clicks on his laptop, watching the screen slowly light up. Whatever attitude Axel was trying to pull, the clear signs of interest were showing, with how he frowned a little when an all too familiar song played. His last assignment, handed in only a day prior. Two weeks late, but reasons withstanding, Alex wasn’t going to linger on that. No, he had spent a good few hours picking the work to pieces, breaking down every lyric, every beat. 

All his official comments and notes were in a file, ready to be sent at any moment. Axel could expect it after this meeting, no doubt. But the song ran it’s course, four minutes of it, before Alex paused the repeat. 

“You didn’t like it?” Axel finally asks, when the silence grew.

With a shrug, Alex motions to it. “I did. Definitely one of your better works in the last few months, Axel,” and then he pauses, wondering how to fully phrase the next part. And he had spent a two hours slaving over how to expect this meeting to go. “Unprofessionally, your work has always stood out in some way. But professionally…”

Trailing off, Alex focuses on the hand he had extended, once animated with commentary. Fingers curl into his palm. “Professionally, the work is lacklustre. And you are aware of how it’s been for a while now, Axel, there’s no denying that.”

For his part, Axel remains silent, a careful expression playing on his face. This could go either way. Alex was prepared for it. 

As he continues, he keeps a careful eye on Axel. “You have been doing the same thing over and over. The initial grab your music had isn’t there anymore. There’s no feeling behind the words.

“Whatever rut you are stuck in, it’s time to stop digging, Axel. Maybe it’s time to consider a different angle than the one you are producing.”

“What are you saying, professor? You can tell me, I’m not a child.”

Alex has to smile at that, as Axel’s tone betrayed him. A shame most of his peers were concerned with voicing critiques in class, as there was some level of reverence played towards Axel. Of course he was aware of it, when marking work later. How other students listed the same problems, and some of them had also suggested good ways to work around it, to break through whatever slump Axel had fallen prey to. But those went unsaid, which was why they sat the way they did now.

“I’m saying, Axel, that you need something new. Something fresh. Not the kind of thing you create just to satisfy an audience. At this point, you’ve given me the same kind of song several times over. And I will admit, your work is always at an incredible standard.” Soften the blow, Alex, come on. “You’ve always gone above and beyond.”

Axel interjects then, as if knowing full well Alex was trying to skirt around the issue with platitudes. “But?” 

“But,” he concedes, and plays the song again. Softer this time. “There’s no passion in this work. It’s lifeless.”

That seems to rile him up a little. “Well, help me. Tell me what to do.”

Alex chuckles, despite himself. “I can’t ‘tell you what to do’, Axel. I can only make suggestions.”

“Then do it. Sir.” Ah, through gritted teeth, Axel was staying polite.

“Go back to where you started. Let your current songs settle. Do something other than music for a while.” With a sigh, Alex stops. “There’s only so much I can suggest to you, Axel. People sing about the moon, without ever stepping foot on it.”

“Are you telling me to sing about the moon?” Axel’s tone bordered on incredulous, maybe a little mocking, and Alex had to stop himself from huffing.

“No, but what I’m telling you to do is challenge yourself. Sing about something you haven’t experienced, instead of what you think you know. Cities, the ocean, love… a particular season, even. There are plenty of topics to make a song about, if you do it well.”

Letting that drop and settle, Alex knew what the reaction would be. Plenty of other students of all ages and abilities tended to short circuit on such a simple suggestion as love. Numerous songs had come through from all kinds of people, a range of themes and feelings. Anything from a song about their pet cat, to what a breakup would be like. Never let it be said that his department was untalented, as even those so sheltered before Arlington managed to convince Alex otherwise. And he took great pride in that, encouraged it, harnessed that talent. Execution, execution, execution. Something he emphasised to greatly.

His first classes started the same. Make me believe in something. Big letters across the board, as it would stay for the next few months. Sing me something I don’t know. Alex stressed it, constantly. Have him relate, have him feel. Have him dream of a set of lyrics that were a jumbled mess of words out of context, but in that moment resonated with him. 

And he pushed it. Whenever assignments were due, songs would pour in, and those who understood what it meant, achieved.

Those who didn’t, sat before him, out of their depth, and showing the signs of it. Of course Alex knew Axel’s potential, how wonderful he was. And perhaps it was a little presumptuous to say that Axel had been one of his favourite students in a long time, because there was a lot of work in the future for the both of them. 

But watching Axel splutter under the suggestion of ‘love’, as if some of his earlier songs didn’t contain those themes, was unexpected. Axel had sung about it, a long time ago, like he knew what he was talking about. 

If he hadn’t turned bright red, Alex almost would’ve thought it was someone else all along. Wisely, Alex chose not to comment on his student’s complexion, and diverted the conversation back. “As I said, Axel, there are a number of topics to choose from, it’s just on you to make them come to life.”

“But,” he started, before clearing his throat. Alex felt the corner of his mouth quirk a little, trying as he was, at the jump in Axel’s voice. “But… people who like my work — like me — don’t want songs about oceans. I can’t do that kind of stuff for them.”

“Then sing for yourself.”

“You say that like it’s easy.” It’s a quiet admission, like Alex had finally managed to break through one layer. To anyone else, that may have been misunderstood, but Alex knew how much it meant, to start to see the student underneath the professional.

“I know it’s not. If it helps, sing for only one person. Sing for two, three, or ten. Not hundreds. Don’t focus your energy into what you think people want to hear, but what they need to hear.”

“Yeah, but who needs to hear about love? Almost every song is about it. Wouldn’t that just make me like everyone else?” From the way Axel raises his eyebrows, Alex can hear him calling him a hypocrite. 

“Perhaps, but it’s all about execution.”

An eye roll, that set off the feeling this discussion was coming to a close. Definitely a shame, despite Alex knowing he got more in that he thought he would. Always a caution as to where particular conversations with Axel went. But this one? This one was positive — perhaps it could even be considered groundbreaking. Despite the heave of a sigh as Axel pushes himself to his feet, Alex could see the cogs begin to spin. Careful calculations were playing out before him, which only made Alex swell with pride.

“Enough for today. Hopefully you have plenty to think about.”

Axel nods, scratching his neck before crossing his arms. Taking a step out of the situation, it seemed. In the background, the song he had submitted for his assignment still played on loop, only ending when Alex finally closed his laptop. “I do have to say that, unfortunately, I can’t accept this for your assignment.”

Holding a hand up, as Axel snapped to attention, Alex gave him the best settling stare he could manage. “You have another week to write and compose a song. Think about what I’ve said, and I want to see it come into play. You’re an amazing musician, Axel. Remember that.”

[yumi-michiyo]

[The Shortest Distance] - extended author’s notes and meta

Watch this space! Instead of making a whole new post for each chapter, I'll be compiling everything here as I post the chapters. [Updated 27th January 2019]

Rating: M for language and explicit sexual content. TW for mentions of eating disorders and anxiety

Genre: Slice of Life/Angst/Friendship/Humour/Hurt/Comfort/Fluff/Romance/Friends to Lovers

Couples: Marley Rose/Quinn Fabray (main), side Santana Lopez/Rachel Berry, side Finn Hudson/Brittany Pierce, side Wade "Unique" Adams/OMC

Pairings: Marley Rose/Quinn Fabray, mentioned Marley Rose/Jake Puckerman, Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray friendship, Quinn Fabray/Santana Lopez friendship, Marley Rose/Wade "Unique" Adams friendship, all the friendships okay

Summary: It starts with a friendship composed of books, lazy summer afternoons, and understanding; and blossoms into more. Slowburn Fabrose. Season 4 canon divergence!AU.

Links: FF.net | AO3

On the origins:

This. Work. Took. Too. Long.

Seriously, the plot got written, scrapped, revived and revised, scrapped, etc. far too many times to count. From being a slight supernatural!AU like For You I'd Burn the Length and Breadth of Sky, to a fic running parallel to canon, to a canon fix-it fic... I'd all but thrown in the towel on this. Most of it only existed in a scraps folder in my Google Drive, and I'd go add more unconnected scraps whenever I needed a break from other WIPs.

Eventually, the scraps accumulated such that there was some semblance of plot, and I got very fond of some long scenes; enough that there was motivation to turn it into a fic on its own.

On the writing process:

A few scraps and loose ends from my other Fabrose fic found their way inside, but quickly grew into their own thing. I think the reason why I've struggled so much with this fic is because I don't have a good handle of Marley's character. I'll be the first to admit that I don't even like many of the canon main characters, and that my headcanons are mostly derived from other fanfic, but there isn't much Marley in the first place, meaning I had to work hard lol.

Most of the actual writing took place in transit, on my weeny iPhone 6s screen, with my overworked thumbs. Not something I recommend to casual writers. I upgraded my phone! Now I have a much larger screen for on-the-go writing, and a new mechanical keyboard for editing/more stream-of-consciousness ramblings.

On the chapter titles:

A special mention! I don't think I've written much about how I choose my fic titles; I think it's because half the time it's a slapdash process, and the other half comes with a lot of thinking.

I love music, and it shows when I use plenty of song lyrics in fics and titles. My taste in music is pretty eclectic, but I can assure you that I actually like all the songs I pick for my writing, and I'm not just picking random profound-sounding lyrics off the Interwebs lol.

I do have a few criteria for picking song lyrics. One, it has to be relevant to the subject lol. Two, it has to have some depth which alludes to whatever hidden message is in the fic. Three, of course it's something I actually enjoy, as mentioned earlier. I think this is really important because I do pick up music recommendations from fanfic, and treasure them for the positive assocations brought from fic I've enjoyed. I think it's important to do the same.

Instead of linking endlessly, I've created a YouTube playlist collecting all the music used in this fic. Find it here.

Prologue: Title is from Marina and the Diamonds. I loved her first album Electra Heart and not because she was covered on Glee; Marina has this punchy, catchy style with awesome lyrics. She later released Froot, another genius work that needs a lot more attention than it's gotten.

Part One: Another Marina and the Diamonds lyric. Can I just take this opportunity to plug her album?

Part Two: Sam Smith, my love. His music always makes me want to write the angstiest, most heartbreaking things. He's one of the few artists out there now who writes the most obscure and complicated feelings into music.

Part Three: This was supposed to be the title of the entire fic, but I forgot lol. I like the Charles Bukowski quote better, but at the very least this wonderful song from Leonard Cohen gets a mention.

Part Four: Very different in tone from all the previous songs mentioned. I found the Arctic Monkeys' lyrics to be deep and intriguing, which is interesting compared to their melodies and catchy beat.

Part Five: This was a struggle! There are so many good songs out there with really great lyrics that could fit into the chapter and the themes I was going for, but in the end, I went back to Lea (as I tend to do for my fics). I wanted that aimless feeling Marley has for most of the chapter.

Part Six: I love Yellowcard. I've been a fan for more than a decade, for their excellent lyrics and wonderful melodies, their instrumentation and their creativity. Most of their songs deal with heartbreak, so it's rare that I come across a song of theirs that encapsulates so well what I wanted to convey in their early relationship.

Part Seven: One of my best buddies, IRL and in fandom, loves K-pop. She's been trying to brainwash me for years, and so far she's been having quite a lot of success; I've written a few things that are inspired by K-pop lyrics. The inspiration for this fic came from a new song from Mamamoo, which is made up of four very talented ladies.

Part Eight: I haven't been discovering music for a while, but Paramore's latest album was a pretty refreshing find. I was looking for something light that described the mood of this chapter.

Part Nine: Apparently, Vienna Teng's work has been something of a mainstay in fandom; which makes sense, with her poignant lyrics and soulful piano ballads. I discovered her through the Studio Ghibli fanfics written by Saddletank, who makes extensive use of her music with great effect.

Part Ten: I discovered the genius of Fleetwood Mac through Glee. It was the perfect time, now that I was going through things IRL that made the music relatable and meaningful. While not one of my favourite songs, the lyrics resonate best with the chapter.

Part Eleven: William Ryan Key (better known as the frontman of the pop-punk band Yellowcard) recently launched a solo career. He writes the gentlest, most profound acoustic ballads I have ever heard. Most of what I envision Marley's music to be is his work (with elements of Kina Grannis' artistry and Sara Bareilles' lyrics), and I would pay good money to hear Melissa actually perform his songs.

Part Twelve: Those who read my fics can definitely tell that I'm a massive Sara Bareilles fan. The woman is a delightful human being, and an immensely talented singer-songwriter (is it obvious I have a thing for talented people?). Again, the reasons for picking songs is really to set the mood and atmosphere for the chapter; the lyrics may or may not be directly relevant to the story.

Part Thirteen: Kina Grannis recently rose to fame performing a cover of Elvis' Can't Help Fallin' in Love With You in the movie Crazy Rich Asians. I love her style and interpretation of songs.

Part Fourteen: It's rare when canon and fanon intersect, and I'm always very happy to make a big production out of it. I loved Melissa's performance of this song, and I was actively looking for some way I could give it a nod. And so when I was writing this chapter, I listened to it on repeat.

Part Fifteen: It's always nice when things work out :) earlier I had a Marley song, and now it's Quinn's turn (conveniently ignoring Puck's part lol). While Marley's part was about taking the plunge, Quinn's was about getting over past hurts and building a stronger relationship.

Epilogue: I've used Sara Bareilles' music plenty of times in my work. Normally, I hate reusing music, but it was impossible to pass up the opportunity to use this beautiful song to wrap up a giant labour of love.

General Meta:

Prologue-Part One: These two chapters were intended to set the tone of the early relationship between canon!Marley and canon!Quinn, which then contrasts their new/old relationship when they meet again a few years later. They establish a friendship out of common interests (and a lack of anything better to do) which I think also gets them to understand each other a little better. I hope.

I took this opportunity to also set the friendship between Marley and Unique. Strong female (?) friendships are something always lacking in Glee, and I wanted to pay homage to these two awesome ladies. Also, Unique and Marley's friendship acts as a foil to the one Quinn and Marley start to forge here - because, clearly, the latter two are gonna end up together lol.

Part Two: Rachel gets introduced! Again, more comparing and contrasting: Quinn and Rachel's friendship vs Marley and Unique's, Quinn and Marley's friendship vs Quinn and Rachel's. Our girls also start to open up to each other. Recently, I've been following Chuck Palahniuk's writing advice (which I have printed out and stuck on my wall): Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them. Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it.

Part Three: A bit more background, a bit more development. In the previous chapter Marley opened up to Quinn about her eating disorder, in this one Quinn starts to open up about some of her past. It was hard writing this one mostly because Marley, unlike Rachel, wasn't privy to a lot of the things Quinn went through (this plays a big part in their relationship after they get together later down the line).

Rachel and Santana are together in this one! I would say more stuff about foils, comparing and constrasting, but by now you should've noticed it's something I do a lot. It's crucial that they're together in this fic because the girls do help our clueless pair move things along.

Also, I think y'all are pleased that I finally had Quinn dump her (off-screen) boyfriend lol.

Part Four: I loved writing this chapter. Now that we've established the friendship between our girls, I panned out a bit to cover more of the world they live in, and the people and events that shape their lives. It was a bit of a challenge since Quinn is now working, and Marley still a college student, but I hope I've done a decent job.

I get the feeling y'all hate me for putting Marley with some random man, but I think it's important. Marley is still very underdeveloped as a character herself, with loads of confused feelings. She needs to mature a little more emotionally, make decisions for herself, experience a little heartbreak, before she can be ready for an emotional minefield like Quinn Fabray.

It's not a coincidence that Quinn's ex is named Blake, and Marley's (soon to be ex?) is named Alex, by the way... Also, speaking of names, it will likely never be mentioned in the fic but Stan's full first name is Æthelstan (poor dude). Valentino is an arowana because of that fantastic expression. I headcanon that he's always judging the goings-on in that apartment.

Part Five: THEY FINALLY KISSED ALKSFHO

In which the girls take a step forward after nearly 60k+ words of slowburn - trust me, it was killing me almost as much as it was killing you guys. But I was trying to make it was organic as possible, and as y'all know Marley doesn't have much of a stable romantic background to draw from, and her closest role models are all certifiably insane.

There are a lot of challenges upcoming for them, which I will have to spend a good deal of time delineating. I am really invested in these two at this point.

Part Six: After all that slowburn, my brain kinda went into overdrive. The draft I had for this fic originally ended here, but I couldn't do that to you guys aren't you glad I didn't. So the first half came into being, with its gratituous fluff and their friends' reactions.

The second half came while I was developing Millie's reaction; I wanted to make a comparison between Millie and Judy as single moms. But to be a foil to how open Millie is, Judy had to be the bad mom. I hadn't intended her to come off as so cruel, but she's not truly evil. Quinn has to get her sharp tongue from somewhere LOL.

Also! Finn and Brittany! I gave them a brief moment in my other fic For You I'd Burn the Length and Breadth of Sky but killed Finn off uwu. I've been fond of this rarepair for a long time now, and it seemed fitting to put another rarepair into this fic. Additionally, I am such a sucker for couple angst, like the Rachel/Santana/Finn/Brittany dynamic. They really deserve a fic of their own, the poor things, but we'll see how it goes. This fic is primarily a Marley/Quinn, and will remain that way because I lack the mental capacity and patience to write a fic with two main couples without wanting to gouge my eyes out.

Some of you active and astute readers might notice a lot of mentions of stuff foreshadowed earlier in the fic, with extremely tiny throwaway moments being revisited in this chapter. I assure you this wasn't intentional, and I'm in no way the awesome and masterful writer all this makes me out to be.

Part Seven: Dear god, I was so busy with life I totally forgot to write the author's notes for this chapter... Anyway, the entire thing is about tying up loose ends. They're dealing with their problems while the shadow of Marley leaving hangs over them, and making the best of their time together.

And yes! I heard a lot of happy squeals when this fic finally earned its M rating. For those of you who are wondering about the sudden sexytimes in the middle of bigger issues, well... let's just say that it has consequences.

On a side note, I hope none of you out there were rooting for Marley to stay in NY. Don't worry, this is a romance fic, and there will be a happy ending.

Part Eight: When you don't have time to update the author's notes when you update the story... This was a pretty interesting chapter to write. Mostly because I was figuring out how they build up after the loose ends in the previous chapter have been taken care of.

Not really knowing Marley's canon character has been an obstacle in writing this fic, right from the beginning. She's also not a popular fanfic character but I do like a challenge.

Can you tell I watched La La Land as research for life in LA for this chapter? The music has been pretty stuck in my head too but none of it really fit the mood for this chapter, so I was forced to omit it. But yes, some of the bits and locales in the movie sneak into this fic.

Part Nine: Quinn's trip to LA, and the various things they get up to. Lots of indulgent fluff and smut, and a dash of plot at the end...

Part Ten: I love the friendship Marley and Santana have in this story. My headcanon for Santana is that she's the tough, worldly big sister type, and she's taken Marley under her wing. This is my attempt at advancing the plot by exploring the conflict in the long-distance relationship, with plenty of Marley-Santana-Rachel interaction (and throwing in loads of foreshadowing). Since there's so much heavy content, there's plenty of fluff to go around, padding the spaces between character development and plot. The Skype cooking idea was taken directly from my real life :)

Part Eleven: Mostly fallout from the drama in the previous chapter, and more advancement of the plot. It's intentional that there's so much drama, because it's something they both have (thanks canon) and I believe it's important for a healthy long-term relationship that they are able to resolve it. Also, Shelby is a convenient villain here, though I loved putting Beth into the mix, and having the characters react to the non-canon pairings in this fic. Doctor C makes a reappearance, as does Millie. Their growing absence from the main story is also intentional; Marley is growing into a character of her own, and she becomes less reliant on them.

Part Twelve: Initially I thought this chapter was going to be filler ahead of the big decision, but I was wrong. There was so much plot in this one ugh. I wanted Finn and Brittany to get their turn in the spotlight, but it had to be relevant to the plot as well. I wanted Marley to show us how much she'd grown over the course of the story, and from her canon self.

Part Thirteen: A lot of people thought they'd broken up in the previous chapter. I made them properly break up in this one >:) I wasn't going for a big dramatic shake-up or anything; the point was that people have relationship troubles. A lot of people have difficulty being an us, and this was supposed to be the result of the major cracks hinted at earlier, and the final part of their development as individuals before they can be in a relationship with each other. There's a lot of fluff and recovery; they have to break up to figure out how to be together, if that makes sense (but they do get their happy ending!)

Part Fourteen: The timeskip is important. It shows how far they've come, and the difference in how they now interact. While I can't show you how much Quinn's grown since this fic is from Marley's POV, I put as much of it into the story as humanly possible, and without making Marley into some mind-reading alien. Things are different now. The first break-up was necessary to put their past behind, and by getting together again, they're both prepared to work hard to grow from that. I do believe that it was absolutely necessary for them to break up to know exactly what they've lost.

Part Fifteen: The idea for this chapter came when watching Bones, and when talking to some friends. I needed to have them overcome what happened in the past, and symbolically walk forward together. Then I remembered a throwaway line about Rachel workshopping Jesse St James' musical, and the chapter pretty much wrote itself from there.

Epilogue: Not much in this one, honestly. I wanted to tie up loose ends, represent them moving forward without hesitation, and bring the story to a conclusion worthy of such a long journey. The smut was a bonus treat for everyone that's been following this.

On Marley Rose:

Confession: I don't watch Supergirl. There's only so much my poor heart can take from shipping non-canon lesbian couples who have a ton of onscreen chemistry, but who are paired off with guys. Bitter? Not I

So I take canon!Marley, pad her personality with a lot of extrapolation, add a hearty dose of logical explanation for inexplicable quirks from canon, and toss her into this fic to do a lot of growing up. If this sounds like a recipe, I think I'm too hungry.

Melissa's current turn on Broadway is inspiring a lot of the fic's direction.

On Quinn Fabray:

If it isn't already obvious that I'm in love with Quinn Fabray (and Dianna Agron for giving her so much depth), this fic should just help you reach that conclusion lol. no thanks to R*** M*****

The other Fabrose I wrote is from Quinn's POV, who basically spends the whole time sorting out her issues and stumbling into something she had never imagined could happen to her. This one is from Marley's POV, and also features her sorting out a ton of personal issues.

A lot of Quinn's character and experiences with her mother is taken from real life LOL.

[thisdaynews]

Wimbledon junior champion Noah Rubin on improving mental health in tennis

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/wimbledon-junior-champion-noah-rubin-on-improving-mental-health-in-tennis/

Wimbledon junior champion Noah Rubin on improving mental health in tennis

Noah Rubin (centre) has captured the stories of Grand Slam finalists Bianca Andreescu, Petra Kvitova and Madison Keys (top row), comedian Miranda Hart and LMFAO singer Redfoo (middle row), plus British players Heather Watson, Cameron Norrie and Katie Swan (bottom row)

Recently crowned US Open champion Bianca Andreescu speaks of “feeling worthless” as she struggled to cope with the attention of being a rising teenage star.

Former Grand Slam finalist Madison Keys reveals an eating disorder left her living off three low-calorie bars a day.

British player Katie Swan talks about the impact of her coach’s son falling through a glass window and needing life-saving surgery.

Mental health issues. Sexuality. Financial worries. Leaving home for the first time. Death.

American player Noah Rubin, the 2014 Wimbledon junior champion seeking to fulfil his promise on the ATP Tour, is giving his fellow professionals a platform to open up – whatever the subject.

His Behind The Racquet project, inspired by Humans of New York – a revealing photoblog of the city’s residents now tracked by millions of social media users worldwide, sees current players, former players and celebrity fans including British comedian Miranda Hart pose behind the strings of a racquet.

Accompanying the striking image is an emotive personal story.

“This has never really been done before, something that shows what these people, who are thought of as having perfect lives or doing really well because they are professional players, are really going through,” Rubin tells BBC Sport.

“You really get an understanding of what they’re going through on a day-to-day basis, what their thought process is, what their mentality is, how they are feeling, how their family is, just how difficult tennis is.”

Rubin, 23, is determined to influence change in a sport which he says is “very tough on the body and the mind”.

Belgian player Alison van Uytvanck, in a post published earlier this month, gives a candid insight into the low self-esteem she felt as a youngster when she was bullied at training camps because of her ginger hair.

“I never felt so alone, having no friends and unable to really talk to parents,” she says. “I had no-one to lean on for help and found myself crying in my room day after day.”

Rubin believes a fundamental overhaul of the game is needed to help improve the mental wellbeing of the players, while he also says more support pathways need to be opened up.

Improved access to psychologists and the creation of outreach programmes for youngsters, where a former professional is easily contactable to offer advice, is a key strategy outlined by Rubin.

“The seasons are way too long, the matches are too long, it is not fan-friendly, it is not promotable, it is not TV-friendly. There are so many issues,” Rubin says.

“I think we are a little scared of making true fundamental changes – but we have to.”

The ATP Tour’s 2020 season begins on 2 January with the newly launched ATP Cup, starting just six weeks after some of the world’s leading male players took part in the inaugural Davis Cup finals.

Top female players have a slightly longer break – the season-opening Brisbane International on 6 January comes two months after the WTA Finals finished.

While men’s five-set matches are now reserved for Grand Slams and the Olympic final, the length of matches has still prompted plenty of debate.

Tentative attempts to introduce shorter formats of the game have been made – notably with first-to-four-games sets at the ATP NextGen finals and the creation of the Tie Break Tens events, but are yet to break through on the main ATP and WTA Tours.

Uniform change is difficult, however, with seven governing bodies – the ITF, ATP, WTA and four Grand Slams – rarely pulling in the same direction.

“We’re at a time where we have to break down the sport of tennis, invest, take a hit for a year or two and bring the sport to a place to where it has never been before,” Rubin says.

The WTA says the health and safety of its players – physical and mental – are its “number one priority”.

“The WTA has a comprehensive sports science and medicine and athlete assistance support system in place, which is staffed by experienced and expert therapists within the WTA,” it said in a statement.

“The WTA provides extensive resources and education to [help] players manage the challenges professional athletes may face, such as performing under pressure, international travel, managing health, public scrutiny, public commentary and ‘growing up’ in the public eye.”

The WTA added that players can receive individual counselling and support if needed from qualified mental health care providers, both at WTA tournaments and remotely.

The ATP said it was “continually looking to build on its duty of care towards its players” and had recently carried out a review of this area with players, team members and industry experts.

In a statement, the ATP said: “Tournament physicians and physiotherapists on the ATP Tour are in continual contact with players and their support teams throughout the year. In cases where a player were to express psychological concerns, we have an infrastructure that would refer them to the appropriate consultant.

“In situations where ATP physios and tournament physicians are concerned about a player’s mental, emotional and psychological health, we would recommend that the player seek treatment and assist in the initiation of the appropriate care.”

‘I had dark times. This sport isn’t conducive to happiness’

Passionate, articulate and determined to influence change, Rubin speaks from the heart.

Around the time of this year’s French Open, he almost stopped playing a sport to which he has dedicated most of his life. As an 11-year-old, he was said to have been described as “one of the most talented players” fellow New Yorker John McEnroe had come across.

“I didn’t know whether I was going to stop for good or just some real time off. I was telling my family and friends that I just don’t want to play the sport any more,” Rubin remembers.

“I wasn’t happy – the sport isn’t conducive to happiness. I don’t know if I want to throw the word depressed around, but at moments I felt like that.

“I was really thinking this was the end and the last time I was going to hit a tennis ball competitively.”

What changed for the world number 212 was spending less time on court, addressing his work-life balance and rediscovering the fun which made him enjoy tennis in the first place.

Rubin moved back to New York from Florida, practised about an hour a day, and then qualified for Wimbledon where he missed out on a third-round meeting with Roger Federer by losing to British youngster Jay Clarke.

Rubin repeatedly makes it clear he still loves the sport, and believes a change of focus – he talks of his love for fashion and photography, as well as still having time for Netflix and HBO – can enable him to crack the world’s top 50 next year.

“I started to figure out that it is far more important to put happiness on a pedestal rather than spend eight hours on a court,” he concludes.

“I had dark times where I didn’t know if I was going to make it out as a tennis player.

“This world of Behind The Racquet has opened up my eyes, it has given me another passion and helped take some pressure of the world of tennis.

“Now I understand it is far more important to be happy.”

Rubin pauses as he recalls one story, which he says still gives him “chills”.

“It was Jolene Watanabe, who was a top-100 player and played in the Grand Slams in the 1990s. She had cancer, was in remission, and I thought she was going to make it.

“Then I got a message from her husband on Instagram saying ‘I just want you to know she is saying her final goodbyes right now and it would be very much appreciated if you could post her story’.

“To hear that they’re going through something where she’s not going to make it and he was thinking he wanted me to post her story on Behind The Racquet so people could know about it, be a part of it and inspire them… it leaves me speechless.

“To have that kind of impact was something I could not have fathomed, especially this early on, and that’s why I keep pushing on.”

Jolene Watanabe, who famously beat Jennifer Capriati at the 1997 Australian Open, had her story posted by Behind The Racquet on 2 May this year. She died on 22 June.

How it began… and what next?

It was during a sleepless night after arriving home from Australia that Rubin formulated the concept of Behind The Racquet.

After inspiration struck at 3am, he acquired the name of his new project on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. Within three days he had posted for the first time.

Ten months later, Behind The Racquet has about 35,000 followers across the three platforms, along with a podcast and clothing range as Rubin aims to build the brand.

The next phase is already being worked on, with Rubin aiming to link-up with Talkspace, an online therapy platform which boasts legendary American swimmer Michael Phelps as an ambassador, and the National Association of Mental Illness, as he looks to set up mental health camps for players and perhaps film a docu-series.

Sharing the stories of the sport’s biggest names – Rubin hopes seven-time Grand Slam singles champion Venus Williams and US Open runner-up Daniil Medvedev will feature before the end of the year – is another target.

“Not only are many in a sport where they can’t make money, they’re in a sport where you don’t win very often, so they’re combining failure on the court with failure financially,” Rubin says.

“What I’m really trying to do is pave a way for people that, in five or 10 years from now, are saying ‘this is better because of Behind The Racquet’.”

Noah Rubin launched Behind The Racquet with a post on 19 January where he revealed his “most daunting fear” was letting down family and friends

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[yearsblog]

“I can’t really remember the rape, it’s only the crawl home I can picture.”

Sean speaks of that night slowly, his expression vacant, voice subdued. It’s the same muted manner he uses to describe how his mother swore he would go to hell for being gay and how his depression led to the drug habit that ultimately resulted in that sexual abuse by a gang who had provided him with crystal meth. “That night didn’t stop me though,” he says with slight hesitation, the sentence slowed by its own weight. “I still wanted more. In my head that darkness was my friend.”

Sean is not alone. His experience is just one page in the story of a crisis in LGBT mental health in the UK, which sees gay and trans people 40% more likely to experience depression than the average person, twice as likely to commit suicide and seven times as likely to take drugs.

It’s these figures that provide the starting point for new one-off BBC3 documentary Growing up Gay. Part of the broadcaster's Gay Britannia season, the show sees Olly Alexander, the charismatic frontman of British electronica trio, delve into the lives of Sean and others in the LGBT community who are battling a myriad of mental health disorders.

Sean, a subject in Olly Alexander: Growing up Gay

And it makes for a powerful watch. Alexander’s boyish charm eases open the subjects of Growing Up Gay, from Connor, a self-harming 13-year-old once thrown down a flight of stairs for coming out gay at school, to Tom, an LGBT student who spirals through six cycles of binge eating and vomiting each day. And although their final destinations are somewhat different, it doesn’t take long to see that all their journeys started with a battle with homophobia and their own sexuality.

Rather than painted as sob stories, however, these accounts are treated with incredible sensitivity thanks to the plainly sincere presenter – Alexander handles each of his meetings with genuine warmth, not to mention a torrent of tears. But whatever toll it took on his emotions, it was just the show the singer was aiming for in his first foray into documentary making.

“It was draining, but having all these conversations was so positive,” says Alexander at a screening of the film. “Mental health is such a difficult thing to talk about and the reality is we ignore it. My experience is it’s such a prevalent issue for LGBT people and it’s not discussed.”

But he doesn't stop at letting others expose their problems. Alexander confronts his own struggle with mental illness, opening his teenage diaries for the camera to revisit memories of self-harm scars and chronic bulimia. As he turns the pages, the same phrases are scrawled in capitals “I WILL NOT EAT BREAD. I WILL NOT EAT CAKE”.

It’s not only an incredibly bold move to unpack his most personal demons for the world to see, but an incredibly purposeful one: Alexander isn’t bringing up his past to sway the audience’s sympathy or simply display his credentials for presenting the show, he’s inviting the audience to join the conversation – whether they’re LGBT or not.

“It’s so hard to share about these issues with people that are close to you: your families and your friends. And that’s often who you could really do with a talk with,” explains Alexander. “One of the biggest reasons I thought it would be a good [documentary] to make is that parents might watch it or families might watch it together.

“Lots of families would like to support their LGBT child, but they don’t know how. I think it’s really hard for everyone to talk about it, but we have to engage in the message. We have to open up conversations.”

That’s just what Alexander does. In the most touching moment of Growing Up Gay, he opens up to his mother about his mental health struggles, a topic never spoken about between the pair. The conversation is peppered with striking honesty (and plenty of tears) as Olly’s mother laments the fact that she was previously too anxious to discuss her son’s sexuality. By the scene's closing hug, you might even well up yourself.

Despite their talk featuring more tears than words, it’s one Alexander will want to remember forever. “It’s really helped the relationship with me and my mum. And it’s really moved things along for myself.”

Olly Alexander with his mother Vicki Thornton

Yet Growing Up Gay isn’t only a personal journey for the host. The film examines the lack of youth LGBT-specific mental health support across the UK, with a sparse number of charities unable to prop up the lack of institutional care.

“We’ve seen [mental health] services get decimated in the few past years,” says Alexander, his usual smile shifting to a rare frown. “It’s painfully clear there’s no money in these vital services. It’s outrageous! They’re saving people’s lives and they're being cut!”

Simply rounding up stories of LGBT mental suffering would make for a touching documentary, but Growing up Gay goes well beyond that. Instead of dealing solely with the current crisis, Alexander explores what could be done to prevent the problem in future. He begins to ask 'why is this happening and how can we stop it for good?'. Here’s where the show evolves from powerful to essential viewing.

We see Alexander go beyond the LGBT community, talking to schoolchildren – whatever their sexuality – as part of a queer role model program, shown to make participants more accepting of gay and trans people in later life.

This course radiates a clear message of inclusivity that Alexander argues should translate into a vital area of the curriculum. “LGBT inclusive sex education is one very clear way that we can help students who are struggling with their sexuality,” he says, suggesting this would prevent young gay people from being alienated at school. “It’s so obvious to me. And I know it’s not an easy topic for schools to address, but I think we need to do it. Everyone benefits.”

This message is at the heart of the film: that anyone – queer or not – can help by engaging in the conservation about growing up gay and mental health.

And although Alexander currently has no current plans for another film, his message won’t stop at this documentary. “It’s the tip of the iceberg,” he says, his natural smile returning. “This isn’t the end.”

Olly Alexander: Growing up Gay is now available to watch on BBC iPlayer

[fmdjynxarchive]

task#10 - memory, playlist, ooc plots 

memory 

debut: it might a simple one but it's straightforward but it's simply her. a debut is an important thing for any artist but it's something jiyoo treasures a bit more. honestly, she didn't know what she was going to in life, she was just going day by day with little thought for her future. then she became a trainee and suddenly there was something to focus on, yeah it fell into her lap but she was serious about doing well, making her company and family proud. then when debut talks happened, she didn't think she would debut. not due to lack of talent but because she just felt like some girls were better. even after being put in the debut line up. it wasn't until they were on stage that she honestly like she had something to do with her life ( at that point. ). yeah, she didn't start wanting to be an idol but she wanted to a damn good job at being one. it's just a great feel good memory for her something she wouldn't trade.

first concert: when they started to blow up, jiyoo knew aria was big but she didn't realize how big until their first solo concert. preparing for it, she was excited and then the days leading up to it, she found herself nervous. then they were on stage and wow, they had a lot of fans. she could remember just staring for a moment, almost messing up on stage. right away, she could tell how different it was from being at a music show or even a fan-sign. there was a type of energy that you wouldn't have unless it was a concert. she remembered having fun, maybe too much fun. completely drained after their first concert stage. they've had plenty of concerts after that but nothing quite lives up to her very first one, the rush she felt when she realized that they were at the point to even have a concert.

variety show: a little more recent but the very first step in her solo career. ( if it could be called that. ) despite being a singer and dancer, aria was good enough for her and she wanted to find something away from being an idol. and variety show's were a great way to do that. she had a few idea's of the kind she wanted to do but crime scene was a great first step. on top of the fact that it was a show that allowed her to be silly and have fun. yeah, a lot of it was scripted and they had certain way to play but they were also given a freedom to improvise and just let the character take over. and if a season two happens, she wants to be apart of it.

playlist - 376 

mr. chu: this track surprised her base on the title alone. yeah, by the time the chorus rolled around, it was a little more like she expected. still, she wasn't prepared for the verses to be a little more sub-ed and a slightly more toned down song overall. it didn't stop it from being catchy and improved on the direction it seemed their sound seemed to be taking.

destiny: in jiyoo's opinion, destiny really did help shape their sound to a point, and the overall feel of their lyrics. outside of one or two songs that followed, their music had taken on a quality of being a bit cheerful in the instrumental but the lyrics being amazingly sad sometimes. it's something she thinks is aria's charm and since destiny was the first time it happened, it has a special place in her heart.

i'm so sick: a much appreciated concept change for aria. not that jiyoo thought was anything wrong with their concept but after years of more or less cute and slight more mature attempts it was a welcome change. outside of the concept being more mature without being overly sexy it's just a good song, especially the chorus.

nonono: from the promotional photos, you wouldn't expect the song to have the little grove it had. it was a little shocking when she first heard the demo. yeah, it was cute and catchy but a lot more playful than she expected. she considered it one of the songs that really helped shape their sound. ( and the small instrumental break was always interesting to hear. she always forgets that it's coming, )

cameo: a title track worthy song in her eyes. jiyoo wouldn't have minded performing it as a promotional track. the lyrics were a perfect play on the title. it was just the right amount of cute that would've fit their very early music. it's also fun to perform on stage, almost like a play.

triangle: a b-side jiyoo really does like. all starting with the intro that sounded like it belonged in a video game when she first heard it. it sort of keeps the theme but it's hidden under their normal style. still, that was enough for it to become one of her favorites.  

ooc plots 

1. this plot is more so for the other muse than jiyoo but something nice for jiyoo given her personality. so, this plot is for a muse that is / was very closed off to people for whatever reasons. until jiyoo came into their life and sort of refused to leave. constantly inviting them out, checking in on them and etc, just being a good friend. which was something they weren't / aren't able to really used too. ( and they can distrust it for whatever reason. ) which leads to a big-blow out in which your muse kind of blows up on her, assuming after that she'd back up off the friendship idea. ( maybe a test like thing? ) and ding-ding-ding, she does hold on, which surprise your muse and leads to the trusting her a bit more...even enjoying the friendship.

2.  overall, i've written jiyoo has a pretty happy girl and she is! but she does underlying pain, worries and etc it's just not something she focuses on. she chooses to be happy even though she has stuff to deal with which will lead / has lead to a big blow up. so on tv, jiyoo is pretty open about the fact that she didn't plan on being an idol and it kind of fell into her lap. and off screen it's the same but she's more open with other idols training life, joining a company, it was pretty much a breeze for her. along with her wealth, it doesn't seem like she's struggled. so, inter muse that has not only struggled in life but becoming an idol, debuting ( if the group isn't doing well etc etc ). so seeing jiyoo's personality along with the backstory, they think she's a little vapid and is wasting what other's would kill for. the problems and misunderstanding kind of build up until they've seen her really get angry for the first time and her unloading her problems. they could either come to an understanding or think it's just woe as me and boom still rivals. this could be something that has happened or happens currently ic.

3. more misunderstandings but of the more romantic nature. good friends and friends with benefits and they've prided themselves on keeping it that way and being able to be friends without the benefits. both might've dated and had something serious at one point and being just friends wasn't a problem. but for this they were both single and enjoying the benefits. when your muse accidentally learns jiyoo caught feelings. but doesn't wait around to find out if she was going to try anything. ( wasn't ) but cut off the relationship quick, including the friendship. and seeing as jiyoo didn't try to reach out and explain because well being offended, your muse takes it has fact and is irritated with her. so now because of said misunderstanding, now they're just side-eyeing and glaring at each other. because they think she was going to attempt more and because jiyoo sort of refuses to salvage the friendship until she gets an apology which is taking the petty route but she does hold grudges. good for muses that are quick to assumptions / cutting people off.

[bowlsister75-blog]

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: The 24 Best Songs, Ranked From Great to Spectacular

Even without the songs, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend would still be one of the best comedies on TV: a sharply insightful, wickedly subversive, riotously funny rom-com that is fully aware it’s a rom-com. But the show’s original songs — all 150-some of them! — have elevated it into something wholly unique and unmatched anywhere on TV.

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With Crazy Ex taking its final bow with Friday’s series finale (The CW, 8/7c) — no, we’re not anywhere close to being ready to say goodbye yet — we’re honoring four seasons of musical comedy genius by ranking the very best Crazy Ex songs from the entire series. To be clear, there are many, many worthy songs that it pained us to leave off this list. (Sincere apologies to the likes of “Maybe This Dream,” “F—kton of Cats” and, um, “Period Sex.”) But these are the absolute cream of the crop, the essential songs in the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend canon. And what’s great is, even if you’ve never seen the show, you can enjoy these songs as one-off musical comedy sketches. They’re that good!

So grab a Rebetzel’s Pretzel and join us as we waltz, tap and Soul Train our way down West Covina’s memory lane and look back on the very best Crazy Ex-Girlfriend songs from all four seasons. Hey, if we keep singing, the show can’t really end, right?

24. “No One Else Is Singing My Song” (Season 4, Episode 1)

Rebecca started out the final season in prison, and sang this mournful ballad about how alone she felt — not knowing that Nathaniel and Josh were feeling the exact same way. (And singing about it, too.) It’s one of the least overtly comical songs in the Crazy Ex songbook, but it packs a huge emotional punch, especially when the whole cast touches hands in a 12-way split-screen. (Even the creepy grocery guy.)

23. “I Could if I Wanted To” (Season 1, Episode 16)

Whoop-dee-frickin’-doo. Back when Greg was still an alcohol-soaked sourpuss — and looked a lot different than he does now — he delivered this Weezer-y anthem for cynical jerks everywhere, boasting about all the great stuff he could do in life if he actually gave two s—ts about anything. Like it, don’t like it, whatever… not like he cares.

22. “Santa Ana Winds” (Season 2, Episode 11)

This insanely catchy doo-wop ditty is a perfect example of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend finding laughs in a highly specific subject: the gusty Santa Ana winds that plague southern California each year. Here, a Frankie Valli-style vocalist — bravo, Eric Michael Roy — sings of the fierce winds of change blowing through Rebecca’s life, which bring with them “whimsy and forest fires.” Good luck getting this one out of your head.

21. “I’m the Villain in My Own Story” (Season 1, Episode 14)

Here, Rebecca goes the Disney route for a tune where she realizes maybe she’s not the beautiful princess in her love triangle with Josh and Valencia… maybe she’s the cackling witch. The music on this one would slide right into the soundtrack of any Disney cartoon, it has fantastically self-aware lyrics that touch on one of the series’ major themes… and Rachel Bloom’s evil witch voice is just impeccable.

20. “First Penis I Saw” (Season 3, Episode 7)

Donna Lynne Champlin has given us more than a few memorable tunes as Rebecca’s trusty pal Paula, but none can top this upbeat, ABBA-esque tribute to her first real boyfriend… and, well, his distinctive genitalia. (You never forget your first, right?) Bonus points for Paula and her bandmates singing into cucumbers and eggplants in the “Suggestive Vegetables” aisle.

19. “A Boy Band Made Up of Four Joshes” (Season 1, Episode 3)

Along with playing lovable dummy Josh Chan, Vincent Rodriguez III is one hell of a dancer, and he gets to show off all kinds of moves in this charming boy-band number, where he — well, four of him, really — reassure a smitten Rebecca that she can let all of her childhood traumas go. (They are licensed mental health professionals, after all.) It’s sneaky emotional, too; that moment where Rebecca hugs her younger self and dances with her gets us every time.

18. “We Tapped That Ass” (Season 2, Episode 4)

Josh and Greg team up for this snappy tap-dance number where they exchange notes about their, uh, intimate encounters with Rebecca. The lyrics are jam-packed with naughty wordplay (“On the ottoman, you took a lot of men…”) and double-entendres that we’re surprised made it past the CW censors. They even finish on her chest… of drawers, you sickos.

17. “Where’s the Bathroom?” (Season 1, Episode 8)

God bless Tovah Feldshuh. As Rebecca’s supremely judgy mom Naomi, the Broadway veteran unleashes a whirlwind of passive-aggression while visiting her daughter in this rapid-fire tune, demanding to know where the bathroom is while still dishing out backhanded compliments. (“You’re looking healthy/And by healthy, I mean chunky…”) She even judges Rebecca’s bathroom once she gets there! Anyone with a Jewish mother — or any mother, really — can relate.

16. “I Go to the Zoo” (Season 3, Episode 3)

We can’t stop giggling every time we think about this supremely goofy Drake-inspired slow jam about… Nathaniel’s love of going to the zoo? (Hey, it makes him feel better, alright?) The silky smooth beats are a strangely fitting accompaniment for Nathaniel’s ode to his beloved zoo animals. (“My favorite’s probably the cheetahs/But I ain’t f—king with no zebras.”) Just another hyper-specific, hyper-hysterical Crazy Ex tune that we’ll probably hum every time we go to the zoo from now on.

15. “The Sexy Getting Ready Song” (Season 1, Episode 1)

Right away, in the very first episode, Rachel Bloom let us know what to expect from Crazy Ex with this sultry, silly chronicle of all the plucking and scrubbing women do to get ready for a date. (The back-up singers are there to help Rebecca get into her shapewear, at least.) We couldn’t agree more with the rapper Nipsey Hussle (RIP), who has a cameo midway through: This is some “nasty-ass patriarchal bulls—t.”

14. “Let’s Have Intercourse” (Season 2, Episode 11)

Scott Michael Foster joined the Crazy Ex cast late as cocky corporate guy Nathaniel, but he made a great first impression with this Ed Sheeran-esque ballad in which he gets very specific about what he’d like to do with Rebecca. It’s not terribly romantic — he just wants to “see what [her] nipples look like,” really — but the admittedly gross lyrics make for a hilarious contrast with the lilting, sensitive-dude guitar. And the ballroom dancing’s not bad, either!

13. “Settle For Me” (Season 1, Episode 4)

A song for guys and gals everywhere hopelessly stuck in the friend zone, Greg tries to convince Rebecca to forget Josh and give him a shot with an elegant, old-school number complete with tuxedos and gowns. (“Like two percent milk or seitan beef, I almost taste the same!”) As with a lot of Crazy Ex songs, the buoyant music and snappy dancing help to mask the crushing sadness of the lyrics. So twirly!

12. “We’ll Never Have Problems Again” (Season 2, Episode 10)

Who’s ready to disco? This relentlessly peppy dance track is a hilarious examination of the comforting lies young lovers tell themselves about their future — “No more ups and downs/It’s just ups and ups and ups!” — and it also happens to be ridiculously catchy. Besides, any song that gives Heather an excuse to “Soul Train on outta here” is a keeper in our book.

11. “Friendtopia” (Season 2, Episode 6)

Most musical comedies would be happy with a note-perfect Spice Girls parody, but Crazy Ex had to take it several steps further: Rebecca’s cheerfully sinister girl-power jam is actually a full-on military manifesto, with her, Heather and Valencia plotting to take over the world. (“All agriculture will be diverted/Into making us rosé!”) You’ll never hear the term “squad goals” the same way again… and you better like watching Hocus Pocus.

10. “Remember That We Suffered” (Season 2, Episode 10)

In true Jewish mom fashion, this jaunty dirge is eager to remind listeners that the Jewish people have had a rough go of it for, oh, a few centuries now — so don’t enjoy yourself too much! It’s the perfect distillation of morbid Jewish humor, Tovah Feldshuh continues to be this show’s secret weapon — and bonus points for including the legendary Patti LuPone and her even more legendary voice.

9. “A Diagnosis” (Season 3, Episode 6)

One of the least comical Crazy Ex songs, but one of the most emotionally resonant, this triumphant showstopper sees Rebecca celebrating the fact that she’s been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder after years of struggling with her mental health. We’ve been struggling right along with her, so it’s cathartic to see her so full of hope here, and Rachel Bloom’s vocals positively soar. A beautiful tribute to a major turning point in Rebecca’s life.

8. “Love Kernels” (Season 2, Episode 1)

We all know Rebecca could live for days off a single compliment from her beloved Josh Chan, and she puts that poignant desperation into song here with a Lemonade-esque torch song. It’s probably Crazy Ex‘s most sweepingly ambitious music video, with plenty of costume changes — our favorite is a tie between “sexy fashion cactus” and “hamster slurping from a water bottle” — but of course, it openly acknowledges how wildly expensive it must be, too. (Hi, Broom Darryl.)

7. “It Was a S–t Show” (Season 2, Episode 4)

Greg’s farewell lament to Rebecca sheds light on a frustratingly familiar romantic situation: They liked each other a lot, but they knew full well they were just terrible together. (“Chernobyl, next to us, looks like a campfire/Hurricane Katrina was just bad weather…”) Like many great Crazy Ex songs, it’s hilarious and heart-wrenching, all at the same time — and man, Santino Fontana can sing, right?

6. “You Stupid Bitch” (Season 1, Episode 11)

Crazy Ex has had four different theme songs, one for each season (we’re partial to Season 2’s “I’m Just a Girl in Love,” for the record), but this ballad is truly Rebecca Bunch’s theme song. Deeply scathing and cleverly meta all at once, Rebecca harshly chides herself for all of her many mistakes… and not for the first time. (Her audience knows every word!) It’s a stunning depiction of the self-hating voice inside all of us, and probably Rachel Bloom’s best vocal performance of the series to boot.

5. “JAP Battle” (Season 1, Episode 13)

Yes, Rachel Bloom can rap, too: This hilarious hip-hop showdown between Rebecca and her sworn frenemy Audra Levine — a pair of Jewish-American princesses, you see — is a treasure trove of cutting insults (in Yiddish, of course) and references to tony New York hometowns. Guest star Rachel Grate proves herself a very worthy opponent as Audra, and the mean-mug faces that Darryl, Paula and Josh make as Rebecca’s backup crew are just priceless.

4. “Don’t Be a Lawyer” (Season 4, Episode 3)

Burl Moseley’s Jim has been a background player for most of Crazy Ex‘s run, but he hit it out of the park with this spotlight number: a sizzling ’90s R&B throwback jam about the perils of pursuing the legal profession. The vintage fashions and dance moves are perfectly on point, and the lyrics are quite persuasive, actually: “The job is inherently crappy/That’s why you’ve never met a lawyer who’s happy!”

3. “The Math of Love Triangles” (Season 2, Episode 3)

This is probably the pinnacle of the classic Crazy Ex formula: Start with a spot-on recreation of a classic song genre — the ditzy-girl tune, a la Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes — and add a brilliantly meta twist to it. Here, a dolled-up Rebecca wants to understand the elements of her love triangle with Josh and Greg, but keeps getting adorably confused by all the “man math,” and Rachel Bloom’s over-the-top breathy vocals make it all even funnier. Whee, a swing!

2. “Let’s Generalize About Men” (Season 3, Episode 1)

The genius of this Pointer Sisters-inspired toe-tapper is that it’s both a “yas, queen” girl-power anthem and a parody of those anthems, pointing out the flaws in painting all 3.6 billion men on this planet with the same broad brush. (“Let’s take one bad thing about one man/And apply it to all of them!”) It’s catchy enough that you could fool us into thinking it actually made the pop charts in the mid-’80s, and the twist ending, when Paula remembers that her sons are also men, is maybe the most brutally funny punchline of the whole series.

1. “West Covina” (Season 1, Episode 1)

Could Crazy Ex-Girlfriend‘s very best song also be its very first song? Yes, we believe it could. Rebecca’s dizzingly romantic ode to her new hometown — and the guy who just happens to live there — manages to set the tone for the entire series: delightfully clever (the visual gags at the start still make us giggle) and heartbreakingly earnest all at the same time. There’s a giddy, go-for-broke magic to it, and it all builds to a massive dance number featuring dozens of extras and one giant pretzel, as if to say, “You’ve never seen anything quite like this on TV before.” And they were right: We hadn’t… and we never will again.

Did your favorite Crazy Ex song not make our list? Sing it out in the comments below.

Source: https://tvline.com/2019/04/01/crazy-ex-girlfriend-best-songs-list-music-videos-watch/

[immykidsmanager-blog]

The Day Acting Made Her Cry

The Day Acting Made Her Cry. I’ll never forget it because I cried too. I can actually count the times on one hand when I’ve cried as an adult so I won’t soon forget this one. I’ll call it the turning point or in writing it’s the inciting incident. The moment when everything from this day forward will be influenced by that one Friday afternoon. Acting is a beastly burden at times and there are moments when you should rightfully ask yourself: “Would I be happy doing anything else?” If it’s “no” then keep reading. I’ll get to why we cried eventually… When other parents look at me with that squinting judgement and ask “Do they like it?” but what they really mean is… are they doing it because they want to or are you forcing them into it? That’s when I counter with “acting is just their soccer.” It’s just their after school extra curricular activity. Or instead of soccer I might insert “violin” or “lacrosse” or whatever said parents own “little Jimmy” is in to playing these days. So instantly they tap into the hopes and dreams, successes, and disappointments involved in whatever type of “soccer” or “golf” these parents devote their evenings and weekends to. I also love it when they ask how much money they make doing it. I would never ask them how much they make at their job. Why when it’s a child is it suddenly not tacky? So once I’ve normalized performing for them this friendly “stop and chat” often morphs into…“Do they have agents?” “So and so told me my little Jimmy is so cute he should go into modeling or acting,” and just like that I’m expected to cough up all the connections and referrals I’ve spent a lifetime cultivating so that her “little Jimmy” (who dresses like a garbage pale kid BTW and cries when his french fry is too hot) who has no interest in ever going into an audition room without Mommy not to mention the fact that you (this inquisitive parent) has absolutely no intention of ever following up on any referral appointment I stick my neck out to get for you. Sorry I didn’t mean to Dixie Carter you there I’ve gotten plenty of referrals myself and I wouldn’t be anywhere right now without them. Nepotism and favors are what keeps the world turning, but I can tell if someone is serious about the business and not just being nosey. It’s not that easy to just suddenly be an actor, especially if you’re not already involved in some aspect of the business. My brother-in-law worked indirectly with Taylor Swift’s father. They were in different offices but under the same financial firm so they would run into each other from time to time. People would say that he was a total dick and no one should ever bring up Taylor in his presence. This was because I guess at a cocktail party once some acquaintance casually asked him for a referral over a passed tray of pigs-in-a-blanket, which I assume went something like “you know my little Jimmy wants to be a country star too…” which was then met with a “swift” “Then you and your whole family should uproot yourselves from your job, school, friends, family and move to Nashville.” This guy I’m sure melted into the carpet on the spot, because this dad would never even consider this path, but Mr. Swift was absolutely right. It doesn’t just happen overnight and no one else is going to do it for you. If you want to be the parent of a child actor or country singer it will become your new full time job. When I wanted to be an actor I moved to New York City. That’s where the acting happens. If you want to be like “Ta Ta” then move to Nashville. That’s where the music happens. When my kids were babies I pushed that double stroller of theirs up and down subway stairs, onto freight elevators (because it was too wide to fit through the doorways of pre-war buildings where the castings were happening). I signed them up on acting databases that alerted me when something was right for them and paid the monthly subscription fees, I self-submitted them for all kinds of go-sees and low paying buyout acting jobs.  Anything I could get my hands on I did to ensure they were seen and when they booked I gave the agents I wanted weekly updates on whatever little successes they had. Eventually they would start freelancing with those agents and when they began booking with them they were signed. After signing it definitely took some of the pressure off of me. Because we were now with reputable agencies I could rely on them that the opportunities they were sending us were also reputable. I no longer had to vet the work solely on my own, but that doesn’t mean my job stopped. Just because I didn’t have to seek out the work I still had to have the follow through. With more success comes more opportunities that you have to show up on time for, be dressed the right way for, know your material for, and juggle everything else in your life for. I mean you still have to walk the dog and make dinner! You have to sacrifice and push through the crowds to get to the front of the line. This doesn’t happen because someone gave little Jimmy a referral. Jimmy has to really want it and you have to want it for him. The sacrifices have to make sense financially and emotionally. I read an article about parents that move their teenage daughters to New York City for the summer in the hopes of getting modeling work. They rent an expensive and tiny Manhattan apartment for their whole family to live in while the daughters go stand in line for low paying modeling gigs they probably won’t even get. Their cork sandals melting into the hot New York City blacktop all for a chance that (even if they book it) won’t come close to paying for that tiny rental. Is it worth leaving the rest of your family in Schenectady to go somewhere without emotional support while you compromise your families financial security? [Because your daughter’s college money may be what’s funding this fools errand] No freekin’ way! This is not unlike the annual February trek out to LA actors used to put themselves through for pilot season. For you noobs… pilot season is that time of year when the networks cast all of their potential new fall shows, most of these (if you are cast) won’t even make it to production let alone actually air. Luckily now since everything is digitized this fast paced feeding frenzy for actors can be done on either coast with self-tapes or if you’re lucky enough to get a face to face with NY casting. So back to why we cried. No it wasn’t because of a self-tape, which can make me crazier than Amy Klobuchar throwing binders, but it was a pilot season casting session. I get it… casting directors are pushed to their limits as much or more than actors are during this season but it was really the way the whole thing was structured that had us asking ourselves: “Do we like it?” The circumstances were laid out for us before we even accepted the audition so it wasn’t like I wasn’t told, but here’s the deal…the kids would go in and get a possible callback on the spot for a session a few hours later. Fine. Then there would be a possible second callback on Monday with the producers. Fine again, but really I should have considered this a little harder for my “Little Jimmy.” I think because Olivia saw her entire acting peer group at this audition she built it up in her mind and the pressure started to mount. In a lot of ways it was great because she got to reconnect with old friends that she doesn’t normally see. This call was for the “who’s who” of NY kid actresses, the ones in her age group that really take it seriously and want to be there. “Do they like it?” Yes. These are the kids that like it and are probably pushing their parents more than the parents are pushing them. So when we walked in we were passing girls (and Moms) from Olivia’s acting class humble bragging and acting annoyed that they had to kill time and come back later for callbacks.  One of her besties was also waiting longer because she had been called back too. In other words everyone but a few were told to come back later that evening for the second round. Well Olivia sadly was one of those “few.” My heart sank even though I acted like none of this matters and if she had gotten the callback I probably would have had no problem with the way it was all set up. Under my breath I would have muttered “see ya suckers” so that Olivia couldn’t hear and went out for a snack to kill time. I’m horrible. Normally when you go in for an audition you don’t hear about a callback and you don’t get told on the spot that they are not interested in you. I felt like this was a dirty way of doing things especially when kids were involved. I understand that this can be a business full of rejection but usually that rejection doesn’t happen right in front of your face. Maybe casting had been rushed and needed to type out kids on the spot for the producers the next business day, but it was one of those times when actors were treated like cattle and I saw it in my daughter’s eyes which made me sorry that I ever agreed to this. I felt like one of those awful stage parents that are willing to put their children in compromising positions to fulfill their own dashed dreams. I’m often reminded of that Sacha Baron Cohen film where he’s interviewing parents to see if they would be okay with their children being set on fire to get a part in a movie. Am I one of those parents?!!!! What am I willing to put my kids through? Is it worth it? Is it worth getting hurt once in a while in order to set them up for the future? To not come out of college with debt like I did, to not have to live in the projects like I did, to not have to struggle like I did. Is this how parents of soccer players and ballet dancers feel? Are these tears just because of our kind of “soccer?” Very often being an actor makes you part of a group that is willing to do almost anything for a part, which can make you an easy target for scammers, predators, and even the occasional casting director that likes to feel superior due to the hordes vying for their attention. I don’t mean to malign casting directors. Some of them are lovely people and close friends but some (just like in every profession) are deplorable human beings and you would do best to deal with them as little as necessary. One of those "deplorables" gave me the "YOU'LL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN!" line when I said we couldn't do a job if a car seat was not provided in the 15 passenger van that was taking Lukas to set. Well long story short we got the car seat and we've continued to work in this town (many times with that same casting director ;) A few years ago when my son was 4 he was in the final casting rounds for what was about to be a huge Oscar nominated film. In a decrepit Korea Town casting office, filled with what looked like yard sale furniture and a strange pilates contraption, we waited forever for his turn to be seen (once again) by casting and to finally meet the film’s director. While there, kids that came in way after us kept going in. It happened over and over again until I finally asked how much longer this little 4-year-old would have to wait. They told me they were seeing people at their appointment times and that we were there too early. After showing her the time that I had been given by our agent she called Lukas in after a few more boys. The truth is that if I had not said something we would have probably waited another hour which totally undermines the readiness and energy level of any actor let alone a little kid. Sometimes you have to suck it up and be at the mercy of whatever whims casting is feeling that day. Who knows I wouldn’t have been surprised if the whole casting team had come out for a quick pilates break while we watched! Ultimately he was probably a little young for the part because the boy and the Mom carry the entire film, but sadly I felt that the whole casting experience (which had been great up to this point) was suddenly tainted because they lacked empathy for the young talent they had asked to see. REMEMBER CASTING ASKED TO SEE YOU!!! Also keep in mind this was not a cute little movie this was a serious drama where the kids were expected to come in and deliver an extremely emotionally raw performance. This is when you get on that Korea Town elevator afterwards and you mutter “fuck them” under your breath so hopefully your 4 year old won’t hear. Fortunately casting needs you as much as you need that part! They truly want you to be right for it, which boggles my mind why they feel the need to knock down your confidence every once in a while. I think in elementary school all the hall monitors must have become casting directors. Empathetic or not they are a necessary cog in the pre-production machine. They are a conduit between the producer and the household names that attract financing and critical caché to a project. It’s a chicken or the egg scenario… you can’t finance your film unless you have a star and you can’t have a star without the money. But the casting director can be a liaison and a buffer between the actor and producer and that actor’s bulldog agent who’d just like to see a payday. The casting director is also a master at scheduling and logistics. They know everyone! Who’s doing what when and where. If you want Hugh Grant for your film your casting director will let you know he’s doing a play in London during that time and is unavailable, but maybe you could approach Colin Firth instead??? I’ve been on both sides of this delicate dance. Being an actor is like being an employee, which can make you feel powerless, while producing, writing, and directing you’re more like the business owner. So whenever possible always create your own work, which isn’t as easy for child actors. Being your own master feeds your creativity during the down time when no one’s calling. It gives you the opportunity to wear many hats so you see the business in all these different lights. The casting director is just another employee. They want to get paid too. They are not your boss but someone you can collaborate and partner with no matter what side of the table you’re on. You’ll find out which ones are going to be your biggest cheerleaders and those are the ones you’ll hire or even co-produce with when you go after Hugh Grant! So lesson learned again, again, and again. I’ll think twice before I put my kids in a position where anyone on set, or at an audition is abusing their power. That doesn’t mean that you suddenly become difficult to work with it just means that you look out for yourself and your people. I’m my kids manager and just because the opportunities that are coming in are vetted by your trusted agents and other gatekeepers doesn’t mean your work is done. Again your sacrifices need to make sense and should never undermine your confidence and self worth.  Until we’re all replaced by robots the actor still has immense value, so remember that when you walk through that casting director’s office door. So maybe that’s the turning point. This is our life, our career, and it doesn’t just happen to us. We make it happen and we decide when it’s worth it, so let’s say “yes” to yourself and feel empowered enough to set limits and say “no” to the things and people that make us feel bad. If we can’t make these changes then maybe we take a break and get a new and fresh perspective.

[thecloserlook]

The Essentials Kit If you love Brian Regan like I do, you can't hear that and not immediately think of his airport bit about the essentials kit they hand you when you lose your luggage. "Oh THIS is essentials kit. Well what was all the crap I was packing?" Anyway, here are a few things that I have found to be "essential" whilst living here, and have made this experience sweeter and easier. 1) Consistent (not constant) Communication From Home I have a posse that keeps my phone blowing up, and its the best. The group texts with my girl siblings and my mom take up most of the storage on my phone (with the constant picture sharing, videos, and reactions). My soon-to-be sister Erica has been inundated as well, and its been a wonderful education for her into exactly what she is getting herself into. Also, my bff Kate is constantly up in my grill for deets. I love that. I love that she is persistent and she pursues me. It is so meaningful to have her as a lifeline to my normal life and to know she will be there when all this ends and I'm trying to find my way back into my old life. Kate, and other amazing friends, have been kindly sending me encouragements throughout our stay here. I took a hiatus from reading through Facebook after the election. I won't lie about it, it was depressing, and that was the reason I stopped. I couldn't handle reading through the hate and hostility, knowing I was miles away from really being of any help or comfort. So cutting that lifeline has been hard, but I find it gives me more reason to reach out and text or call people individually. If someone is on my heart, I just contact them directly, not scroll though their posts to catch up. Which, now that I think about it, sounds stalkerish... I don't want to spend my entire time here electronically bound to my home state. But having some interaction to look forward to every day from home makes this new world not so foreign. 2) Weekly and Monthly Skype/FaceTime Sometimes texting is not enough. Once a week, both of our parents will face time us, and read bedtime stories to Tristan. It has had a dramatic affect on him. He looks forward to seeing them. He really engages with them and what they are saying. And he brings them up in conversation often because he feels like he sees them often. Maintaining that bond has proven to be one of the sweetest gifts since moving here. We also love our 911 Skypes with Joe and Wendy Stigora- who listen to our struggles and counsel us from afar. And anytime a friend is available to just catch up, we love getting to talk in real time. 3) Coordinating Play Dates If there is one thing I could pass on to the moms of the next PC class, it would be to work with the other moms around you to creatively bear the burden of entertaining our kids. Sometimes it is just as simple as trading off whose toys are being played with. One thing that has been a real ACE up our sleeves are the various "passes" we each have purchased that we spread around. It's like a game of Pit. We all have cards and trade cards to benefit from each other's memberships. I take people to the zoo with me every time I go. People take me to the Science Center, or the YMCA pool. I told the group about the Polar Express event at the library. Someone else coordinated a trip to the Fire Co. If we find something fun to do in the area, we spread the word. If there is a good deal on clothes or food somewhere, we share it. No one here is on an island unless they choose to be. Just this weekend I will be displaced from my home for two days while they fix our bathtubs. I will be house hopping and car sharing, coordinated by six other families. It takes a village, and mine rocks. 4) Good Food I have taken this opportunity away from PA to practice some homemaking skills I don't feel are my strengths (there is an endless selection). One of them is cooking. With a smaller budget, I want to be creative, organized, and manage the money wisely. And I want to EAT GOOD FOOD. Here are some of my favorite recipes I have tried so far: {When In KY, Use Bourbon} - Bourbon Chicken (I roasted it, not smoked it) http://amp.timeinc.net/myrecipes/recipe/bourbon-smoked-chicken?source=dam -Food Court Bourbon Chicken (great crockpot recipe) http://www.kitchentrials.com/2016/04/26/bourbon-chicken/ {Must Have Chinese Comfort Food} -Lo Mein (I usually double the sauce, and excuse the language in the title) http://damndelicious.net/2014/10/03/easy-lo-mein/ -Mongolian Beef http://therecipecritic.com/2015/08/slow-cooker-mongolian-beef/ -Chicken and Cashews (I've tried two or three recipes and this was my fave) http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/cashew-chicken/ {Cold Winter Comfort} -Guinness Beef Stew (I made the box Cheddar Biscuits from Red Lobster) http://hostthetoast.com/guinness-beef-stew-with-cheddar-herb-dumplings/ -Beef Bourguignon (I've always wanted to try this, and it did not disappoint! I served it over my creamy mashed potatoes, recipe below) http://theanswerisalwayspork.com/julia-childs-beef-bourguignon/ {Sides That Stand On Their Own) -Pineapple Pear Salsa (grab a shovel for your mouth) http://carlsbadcravings.com/teriyaki-chicken-tacos-with-grilled-pineapple-pear-salsa/ -Melissa's Smooth Taters Boil water and a few strips of bacon on the stove. Peel and roughly cut Yukon potatoes. Add them to boiling water and let cook until soft to touch (use a fork). Sift potatoes out and place into a blender. While the blender is running, add ladles of the boiling water into the potatoes, until the texture is thinned and smoothed like a milkshake. Put mashed potatoes into a large bowl and add one brick of softened cream cheese, a small container of sour cream, 1/3 cup of heavy whipping cream (optional). Stir until blended. To season, add Montreal steak seasoning to taste. {Get Healthy Soup} -Best Chicken Soup Ever (use whatever noodles you like, and it's good with or without the heavy cream) http://carlsbadcravings.com/white-chicken-lasagna-soup-recipe/ {Pasta Please} -Steak and Spinach Pasta http://www.girlgonegourmet.com/pasta-with-steak-and-spinach/ -Cajun Chicken Pasta http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/cajun-chicken-pasta/ 5) A Library Card There are plenty of days where we keep things chill, and having magical worlds at our fingertips help the hours speed by. Especially when our possessions are so limited here, it is wonderful to "own the world" for a day and then give it back (and know we don't have to store it!). 6) Carine Mackenzie's "My 1st Book of Questions and Answers." Someone at the PC was using this and we stole their idea. It is an excellent starter kit for teaching theology to the young mind. It has opened up a whole new world of dialogue for Tristan as he begins to process things more deeply and comprehensively. 7) Scripture Memory I am a singer by nature, and music is a common force of our household. So finding ways to incorporate that into our day is vital for me. There are a lot of kids-songs out there, but I find that it takes a unique gift to put scripture verses into singable melodies. And in all my searching, I keep coming back to Steve Green's Hide 'Em In Your Heart, and GT and the Halo Express. I grew up listening to them, and I just can't improve on their catchiness. I hear Tristan constantly singing them when he is absentmindedly doing something else. He knows so many verses now that he references them often throughout the day. "What's many mansions? What does it mean to be children of God? What is a shepherd? What is a soul? How can a joyful heart be good medicine? Will God always forgive us?" He asks me so many good questions as a result of these memory verses. They are on Spotify and YouTube (or you can purchase them on Amazon). The other tool I have loved is The Kingdom Chums "Top Ten." It's an old cartoon on YouTube. But it is a very winsome and easy to follow musical on the Ten Commandments. And again, Tristan and I sing them when we reach an applicable moment for instruction. 8) Go For Gold We won't really win any awards this year, so we are going for "most visited student of the year." We love that almost every month so far we have seen someone we love from home and shared a meal with them. Family, friends, pastors. We are well loved. And we are so grateful for those connections. We have more visits lined up until we leave, and I think it's safe to say that we will have had a guest or two every month we attended for the year. Too bad we don't have a bigger place! 9) Support The Locals If you are going to eat out, don't pick a chain. And I'm not saying that because I am a food snob. I'm way less concerned about where I eat, and more focused on who I get to eat with. BUT, I will say that anywhere you sojourn, try to embrace the unique opportunities there, especially when it comes to cuisine. This also includes festivals or town events. There are so many good places that are cheap, and you won't find them anywhere else in the world. Date nights don't happen often, but when they do, we try to make them count. 10) Make The Most It's easy to be torn between "get to know everyone" and "I'll only be here for a short time, I don't want to make the transition any harder." But I'm so glad God pushed me out into the community. I know that my crying will be louder and longer when I move back home, because I have met so many wonderful people. But I also know that the Kingdom of Heaven is going to be so much more familiar to me. I know so many saints I didn't before! If you see someone you want to have a conversation with, just go and ask. The worst that could happen is they say "no thanks." And that's fine, you aren't going to be here forever anyway....you won't have lost anything. I have had so many meaningful conversations with pillars in the faith, that walk it out in fear and trembling, in this community, and I have gleaned so much wisdom. If I see someone doing something I admire, I go over and ask them about it. I want to make the access I have here count in as many ways as it can. And I want to know that everywhere I go, I take more and more people in my heart with me.