drybrushdriftwood

[englishmagic]

Ugh. You know when you experience the most amazing piece of art in your entire life and then you wake up and realise it was in a dream and you have not a shred of the talent and budget to realise it in real life and the dream is fading so the whole concept is about to be lost forever

[ncisfranchise-source]

NCIS 21×02 “The Stories We Leave Behind” is an episode about memories, and about how sometimes the only way to keep someone alive is to tell their stories. This applies both to David McCallum’s Ducky and to the case-of-the-week. But it also applies to anyone we’ve ever lost, and most people who are reading this have lost someone at one point or another. Loss is, sadly, a part of life. We cannot avoid it. We can, however, control how we remember the people we’ve lost.

Just as we can control how we tell their stories, and how we live our lives after they are gone. Because life, well …it goes on. And legacy isn’t just stories, it’s well …people.

The episode is, of course, a tribute to both McCallum and Ducky, but it’s also an episode about the NCIS team of today. Sure, Ducky has been around for over twenty seasons, and he’s worked with absolutely every character that has ever been a part of this show, but the flashbacks and even Tony’s presence at the end don’t overwhelm the hour — and they shouldn’t. NCIS 21×02 “The Stories We Leave Behind” can and does honor McCallum without forgetting which characters carry this show now.

There’s no better way for the show to do that than focusing the hour on Jimmy Palmer, if nothing else because there is no character that better exemplifies the spirit of Ducky better than Jimmy Palmer. Just like our dear Ducky, there has always been more to Jimmy than meets the eye, and just like our dear Ducky, Jimmy is the one character who will, sometimes, come up with the unexpected Hail Mary solution to the case.

And, if anything, as we say goodbye to Ducky, what remains, and what is reinforced in this episode is just that. There were multiple pictures in Ducky’s office, of different versions of the NCIS team. Once upon a time, we thought this show could not go on without the original team. And yet, it did. And then there was another change. And another. And here we are, in Season 21, and the show is still going strong.

Not just that, it’s fair to say the show is thriving. It’s endured change, and it will continue to endure because it carries the lessons and the spirit of those characters who have left. The good memories, the lessons, those stay. And if it hurts that some people are gone, that’s okay. We endure the pain because it’s a small price to pay for some of those characters we know and love to have peace.

Goodbye, Ducky. Goodbye, David McCallum. We shall miss you. But we won’t forget. You’ve taught us better than that.

Things I think I think:

The way I wept at the opening scene. Even though I’d already watched it.

When Jimmy says “Ducky.”

The way he doesn’t even take Ducky’s pulse.

The flowers from the New Orleans office! And the LA one! And the Hawaii one!

And the conversation about how to celebrate him hit me hard too.

Does getting chased through the woods count as a first date?

The know/knew moment is such a poignant thing because it happens. It happened to me.

Loss is, in some ways, universal.

I’m crying again.

But really, who doesn’t have a junk drawer?

Cracking up on the inside was kinda funny.

“We tell our friends we love them through our actions.”

When Kassie tells Jimmy she loves him? No, I’m not okay, this episode is too much.

“Change is the essence of life.”

TONY!

Okay, that made sense. And it made me cry again.

As great as it was to see Tony again — and as much as I would have loved to also see Gibbs (or, you know, Ziva), I’m glad it was only at the end. The episode worked very well as it was.

But also, Tony, some updates? How’s the family?!?!

[aion-rsa]

Doctor Who: Perfect 10? How Fandom Forgets the Dark Side of David Tennant’s Doctor

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As recently as September 2020 David Tennant topped a Radio Times poll of favourite Doctors. He beat Tom Baker in a 2006 Doctor Who Magazine poll, and was voted the best TV character of the 21st Century by the readers of Digital Spy. He was the Doctor during one of Doctor Who‘s critical and commercial peaks, bringing in consistently high ratings and a Christmas day audience of 13.31 million for ‘Voyage of the Damned’, and 12.27 million for his final episode, ‘The End of Time – Part Two’. He is the only other Doctor who challenges Tom Baker in terms of associated iconography, even being part of the Christmas idents on BBC One as his final episodes were broadcast. Put simply, the Tenth Doctor is ‘My Doctor’ for a huge swathe of people and David Tennant in a brown coat will be the image they think of when Doctor Who is mentioned.

In articles to accompany these fan polls, Tennant’s Doctor is described as ‘amiable’ in contrast to his predecessor Christopher Eccleston’s dark take on the character. Ten is ‘down-to-earth’, ‘romantic’, ‘sweeter’, ‘more light-hearted’ and the Doctor you’d most want to invite you on board the TARDIS. That’s interesting in some respects, because the Tenth Doctor is very much a Jekyll and Hyde character. He’s handsome, he’s charismatic, and travelling with him can be addictively fun, but he is also casually cruel, harshly dismissive, and lacking in self-awareness. His ego wants feeding, and once fed, can have destructive results.

That tension in the character isn’t due to bad writing or acting. Quite the contrary. Most Doctors have an element of unpleasantness to their behaviour. Ever since the First Doctor kidnapped Ian and Barbara, the character has been moving away from the entitled snob we met him as, but can never escape it completely.

Six and Twelve were both written to be especially abrasive, then soften as time went on (with Colin Baker having to do this through Big Finish audio plays rather than on telly). A significant difference between Twelve and Ten, though, is that Twelve questions himself more. Ten, to the very end, seems to believe his own hype.

The Tenth Doctor’s duality is apparent from his first full appearance in 2005’s ‘The Christmas Invasion’. Having quoted The Lion King and fearlessly ambled through the Sycorax ship in a dressing gown, he seems the picture of bonhomie, that lighter and amiable character shining through. Then he kills their leader. True, it was in self-defence, but it was lethal force that may not have been necessary. Then he immediately topples the British Prime Minister for a not dissimilar act of aggression. Immediately we see the Tenth Doctor’s potential for violence and moral grey areas. He’s still the same man who considered braining someone with a rock in ‘An Unearthly Child’. 

Teamed with Rose Tyler, a companion of similar status to Tennant’s Doctor, they blazed their way through time and space with a level of confidence that bordered on entitlement, and a love that manifested itself negatively on the people surrounding them. The most obvious example in Series 2 is ‘Tooth and Claw’, where Russell T. Davies has them react to horror and carnage in the manner of excited tourists who’ve just seen a celebrity. This aloof detachment results in Queen Victoria establishing the Torchwood institute that will eventually split them apart. We see their blinkers on again in ‘Rise of the Cybermen’, when they take Mickey for granted. Rose and the Doctor skip along the dividing line between romance and hubris.

Then, in a Christmassy romp where the Doctor is grieving the loss of Rose, he commits genocide and Donna Noble sucker punches him with ‘I think you need somebody to stop you’. Well-meaning as this statement is, the Doctor treats it as a reason to reduce his next companion to a function rather than a person. Martha Jones is there to stop the Doctor, as far as he’s concerned. She’s a rebound companion. Martha is in love with him, and though he respects her, she’s also something of a prop.

This is the series in which the Doctor becomes human in order to escape the Family of Blood (adapted from a book in which he becomes human in order to understand his companion’s grief, not realising anyone is after him), and is culpable for all the death that follows in his wake. Martha puts up with a position as a servant and with regular racist abuse on her travels with this man, before finally realising at the end of the series that she needs to get out of the relationship. For a rebound companion, Martha withstands a hell of a lot, mostly caused by the Doctor’s failings. 

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Series 4 develops the Doctor further, putting the Tenth’s Doctor’s flaws in the foreground more clearly. Donna is now travelling with him, and simply calls him out on his behaviour more than Rose or Martha did. Nonetheless the Doctor ploughs on, and in ‘Midnight’ we see him reduced to desperate and ugly pleas about how clever he is when he’s put in a situation he can’t talk himself out of.

Rose has also become more Doctor-like while trapped in another reality, and brutally tells Donna that she’s going to have to die in order to return to the original timeline (just as the Doctor tells Donna she’s going to have to lose her memories of travelling with him in order to live her previous life, even as she clearly asks him not to – and how long did the Doctor know he would have to do this for? It’s not like he’s surprised when Donna starts glitching). Tied into this is the Doctor’s belief in his own legend. In ‘The Doctor’s Daughter’ he holds a gun to Cobb’s head, then withdraws it and asks that they start a society based on the morals of his actions. You know, like a well-adjusted person does.

What’s interesting here is that despite presenting himself as ‘a man who never would’, the Doctor is a man who absolutely would. We’ve seen him do it. Even the Tenth Doctor, so keen to live up to the absolute moral ideals he espouses, killed the Sycorax leader and the Krillitanes, drove the Cybermen to die of despair, brought the Family of Blood to a quiet village and then disposed of them personally. But Tennant doesn’t play this as a useful lie, he plays it as something the Doctor absolutely believes in that moment, that he is a man who would not kill even as his daughter lies dead. It’s why his picking up a gun in ‘The End of Time’ has such impact. And it makes some sense that the Tenth Doctor would reject violence following a predecessor who regenerated after refusing to commit another double-genocide.

In the series finale ‘Journey’s End‘, Davros accuses the Doctor of turning his friends into weapons. This is because the Doctor’s friends have used weapons against the Daleks who – and I can’t stress this enough – are about to kill everyone in the entire universe. Fighting back against them seems pretty rational. Also – and again I can’t stress this enough – the Daleks are bad. Like, really bad. You won’t believe just how mindbogglingly bad they are. The Doctor has tried to destroy them several times by this point. Here, there isn’t the complication of double-genocide, and instead the very real threat of absolutely everyone in the universe dying. This accusation, that the Doctor turns people into weapons, should absolutely not land.

And yet, with the Tenth Doctor, it does. This is a huge distinction between him and the First Doctor, who had to persuade pacifists to fight for him in ‘The Daleks’.

In ‘The Sontaran Strategem’ Martha compares the Doctor to fire. It’s so blunt it almost seems not worth saying, but it’s the perfect analogy (especially for a show where fire is a huge part of the very first story). Yes, fire shines in dark places, yes it can be a beacon, but despite it being very much fire’s entire deal, people can forget that it burns. And fire has that mythical connection of being stolen from the gods and brought to humanity. The Time Lord Victorious concept fits the Tenth Doctor so well. Of all the Doctors, he’s the most ready to believe in himself as a semi-mythic figure.

Even when regenerating there’s a balance between hero and legend: the Tenth Doctor does ultimately save Wilfred Mott, but only after pointing out passionately how big a sacrifice he’s making. And then he goes to get his reward by meeting all his friends, only to glare at them from a distance. His last words are ‘I don’t want to go’, which works well as clearly being a poignant moment for the actor as well, but in the context of Doctor Who as a whole it renders Ten anomalous: no one else went this unwillingly. And yet, in interviews Russell T. Davies said it was important to end the story with ‘the Doctor as people have loved him: funny, the bright spark, the hero, the enthusiast’.

It’s fascinating then, that this is the Doctor who has been taken to heart by so many viewers because there’s such an extreme contrast between his good-natured front, his stated beliefs, and his actions. He clearly loves Rose and Donna, but leaves them with a compromised version of happiness. They go on extraordinary journeys only to end up somewhere that leaves them less than who they want to be, with Russell T. Davies being more brutally honest than Steven Moffat, who nearly always goes the romance route. Davies once said to Mark Lawson that he liked writing happy endings ‘because in the real world they don’t exist’, but his endings tend towards the bittersweet: Mickey and Martha end up together but this feels like they’re leftovers from the Doctor and Rose’s relationship. The Tenth Doctor doesn’t, as Nine does, go with a smile, but holding back tears.

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It’s a testament to how well written the Tenth Doctor is that the character has this light and shade, and with David Tennant’s immense likeability he can appeal to a wider audience as a result. It’s not surprise he wins all these polls, but I can’t help but feel that if the Doctor arrived and invited me on board the TARDIS, I’d want it to be anyone but Ten.

The post Doctor Who: Perfect 10? How Fandom Forgets the Dark Side of David Tennant’s Doctor appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[juniperusashei]

2021 Top Books

10. Gathering Moss by Robin Wall Kimmerer The only author to appear on my list twice (last year was Dworkin), Kimmerer’s work continues to be extremely influential on my life. Gathering Moss is “more of the same” as Braiding Sweetgrass, but this time all about moss. Despite that, I liked it enough to put it on my list, and this is mostly because of the essay “The Owner,” which despite being nonfiction is more poignant than most short stories.

9. Medea by Euripides (translated by Anthony Podlecki) I was not expecting to like Medea as much as I did, but I was already really attached to her character after reading the Argonautica. It’s sort of like an ancient version of Midsommar… cathartic feminist horror that’s somehow written by a man!

8. The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood I’m a bit embarrassed that it took me this long to get to this classic, but Handmaid’s Tale definitely lives up to the hype. It’s amazing and depressing that it was written in the 80s, because so many parts of it perfectly encapsulate today’s political climate. But hey, they say the best dystopian writing describes the present instead of the future!

7. Ways of Seeing by John Berger The most mindblowing thing about this book was that it was written 50 years ago, in 1972. Ways of Seeing is one of those books that everyone’s heard of even if they don’t know it… Berger was so ahead of his time, predicting everything from the idiocy of NFTs to providing a framework for Laura Mulvey’s theory of the Male Gaze.

6. Cassandra’s Dolls by @wonem​ This book is special because I am the second person in the entire world to have read this. I’m not just extolling it because it was written by a close friend, even if I didn’t know him I would love Cassandra’s Dolls because it fills the slice-of-life post-apocalyptic niche that I’m always on the lookout for! Somewhere between Hayao Miyazaki and Andrei Tarkovsky, definitely keep an eye out for this book because it’s going places…

5. The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro I’m a long-time Ishiguro fan, but my complaint was that all of his books deal with the same themes of memory and loss. It’s almost a cliché at this point! But The Remains of the Day might be the origin of that cliché. It’s definitely the best work I’ve read from him so far… elegant, tragic, and at times surprisingly funny!

4. 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami Like Ishiguro, I’ve read lots of Murakami. Sputnik Sweetheart will always be my favorite because it’s so personal to me, but I think 1Q84 is his best. They could take place in the same psychosexual dream-logic universe (as could Kafka on the Shore and The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle) but 1Q84 is the most straightforward exploration of those themes. It’s also probably the longest book I’ve ever read, at over 900 pages, but it went by breezily.

3. Right-Wing Women by Andrea Dworkin I know Dworkin made it on my list twice last year, but I’ve definitely decided this is my favorite of her books, her thesis if you will. It very succinctly deconstructs the misogyny of the right wing, and how the left has failed to respond to it. I’m reminded of the Dumbledore quote… "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends."

2. Devotions by Mary Oliver Devotions is Mary Oliver’s de facto Collected Works, though a few were missing. I read a poem every morning and night, which took 6 months. Her work will always be so special to me, and it was so grounding to start and end each day with a moment of meditation with Mary. I’ve been trying to branch out and read other poets since finishing this one, but nothing hits quite the same way.

1. Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer Big surprise! Braiding Sweetgrass was actually the first book I finished last year, meaning I haven’t read most of it since 2020. Maybe it’s time for a reread? But I honestly think about this book at least once a day, it’s informed my life so deeply scientifically, politically, spiritually, and philosophically. This is the closest to religion I’ll get.

For fun, here are the 5 worst books I read:

1.     The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin

2.     Too Like the Lightning by Ada Palmer

3.     The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin

4.     Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami

5.     Squee’s Wonderful Big Giant Book of Unspeakable Horrors by Jhonen Vásquez

Is it telling that the top 3 worst are science fiction? Maybe I’ve grown out of it… And Murakami has the dubious honor of being in fourth place on both lists, I promise I didn’t plan this! But for real, if you’re reading this thanks for reading to the end, and as always if you have any suggestions feel free to send them my way! Also: CHECK OUT my 2020 top reads HERE.

[iatheia]

EDA reviews Part 5 - books 38-46

Previous part 1, 2, 3 & 4

38) Casualties of War - a lovely story. In form and in function it is pretty much identical to the previous story, and even reveals pretty much the same info verbatim. The plot is similarly nothing outstanding, from ~5 minutes in you can tell pretty much exactly how it is going to turn out. That said, it has a much better atmosphere than the Burning, and Doctor’s characterization is also much stronger. Nice and relaxing, if a bit gory at times, and veering off towards supernatural by the end. 8/10

39) The Turing Test - Wow, these stories keep getting better and better! It is overwhelming and exuberant. Only a handful of books have even attempted to get anywhere near close into the Doctor’s psyche as this one has. Moreover, it has multiple narrators, and all three have a very different relationship with the Doctor, you get into the different facets of his persona, multiplicity of his character. You have a dashing and breathless romantic whose mere presence sweeps you off your feet, a reckless hero, an enigma, at the same time, there is a rather selfish and cruel streak as well. He is a manipulator, someone who knows more than he should and willing to use this knowledge to achieve his aims, willing to play people against each other and show a side of himself that they would be most accepting to see. It is never to the degree of Seven, this behavior is all Eight through and through, the core of his characters never sways, it’s just viewed through a different lens. The previous novels have established these facets, but more on accident, due to lack of consistency between different writers, picking one and going with it. But this is the first one I feel they were actually explored in full, though, certainly, there will be other stories to tackle this in the future as well (Caerdroia in particular comes to mind). An outstanding story through and through. 10/10

40) Endgame - Hot off the heels of the previous one, another fun story - or, at the very least, something that would have been a gem if it had managed to sustain the energy it had at the beginning. Doctor’s claustrophobia and depression were very poignant, and, as much as I loved Stranded already, it does make me look at that story in a new light with a newer appreciation. And, on top of that - this book is funny, the Doctor evading spy agents with ease is the comedy of errors. That said, in the second half there is too much runamock it’s a bit repetitive, not very well organized, they needlessly cross the ocean so many times, the situation at a given location is resolved the second the Doctor shows up on a scene, and it all ends in deus ex machina. The authors note says that the original draft was submitted unfinished, and boy does it show. Still, I had fun with it. 8/10

41) Father Time - It is hard not to notice though that some of the novels come in pairs (or trios). The Burning and the Casualties of War had a lot of overlap. Turning Test and Endgame were both based on political intrigue. And now, Endgame and Father Time, both feature some mysterious entity that know the Doctor from before, with him not knowing who they are. They are even called similarly, “The Players” and “The Hunters”. When these overlaps are so close to one another, it does rather stick out. This ark is not the first time this happened, obviously, there have been a number of stories before that makes you pause and go “wait, you’ve just done this in the previous book, too”. It’s probably more to do with how quickly the books are released one after another, so as the writers discuss some ideas, they end up being in several places....

That said, the first third of the book had me singing its praises. After going through the five stages of grief, and battling against the depression of the previous novel, the Doctor is finally reaching acceptance of his situation, and possibly nurturing hope for the future. It’s exactly the type of a fluffy story I have a weakness for. But then... you have a time skip, which gets all the pacing torn into shreds. Not only the conclusion of the first part is too abrupt, everything falling into pieces as if by accident, but also, none of the things that happened in the first part (or most of the characters that were introduced) matter for part two. It turns into a chess match play by numbers, moving characters across the board almost without any transition in service of “plot”, without much of consideration for their head space, keeping everyone rather ooc. The change in visuals is very abrupt - it’s hard to accept the Doctor as a millionaire business consultant living in a grand mansion, new family situation or not. It’s not just at odds with his bohemian persona, it also begs a question, if he is so famous, what do the UNIT and Torchwood are doing about it? And also, *sigh*. You have a sixteen year old girl, who, in the previous chapter, just been ten. And you decide to spend the next two chapters on little else than musing how “she hasn’t been interested in sex, even though she is SO HOT”, only to decide that she is interested now, actually. It comes across more than a little fetishistic, and the story continues to follow her around with the male gaze. I’m not here to follow sexual exploits of minors - not in a Doctor Who novel. It is utterly unnecessary, doesn’t add anything of value to the plot, not character driven, and made me lose pretty much all of the good will I had from the first part of the story (and I had a lot of it, because the start of it was basically perfect). In the third part, it just turns into a discount Taken story, somehow managing to lose any cohesiveness and suspension of disbelief, and fizzles out in the end. 4/10

Amnesia watch: #7. It’s a bait and switch - the Doctor was just pretending, but I’m counting it anyway.

42) Escape Velocity - I wonder, how much sponsorship did various fast food places paid for this novel.... 

And we are back with Fitz. I didn’t really say it before, but it was really rather a dick move leaving the Doctor all alone for over a century. I mean, it worked, narratively speaking (more on that later), but, still, in an option between traveling through space & time BUT leaving them alone for that long, without any idea who they are, without any network of support, letting them slowly go mad, only being there for the fun bits, versus staying with them to help them through it all, you are kind of a bad friend. Sure, Compassion was in the driver’s seat, but Fitz didn’t exactly protest all that much, did he? And why 20th century earth? If the conditions for Doctor’s maroonment was that he had to stay somewhere for over 100 years while the TARDIS repaired itself, then any other technologically advanced era that didn’t have two world wars would have sufficed? And, psst, Doctor, your adopted kid has a space armada. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind giving you one ship that would allow you at least space travel, you didn’t have to spend last 11 years on Earth - you could have went traveling, TARIS in tow on that ship, and only checked in at the deadline.

Also, I get it, memory loss is a traumatic experience, and the Doctor isn’t human, and there is a sense of wrongness. But, he has lived on Earth for over 100 years. In that time he had more memories and experiences than any human alive. After a while, this entire thing of “I don’t know who I am” should start wearing a bit thin, don’t you think?

This rant aside, the book is a bit play by numbers. A lot of unnecessary runaround, traveling from London to Brussels and back several times for no particular reason. A rather boring “aliens invading earth” plot that left me checked out for a vast majority of it. Nothing bad about it, but nothing stands out about the plot either. But, it did have several heartfelt emotional scenes - the long awaited reunion, seeing TARDIS interior again, the finale. They were fairly brief, and it’s a bit of a pity they weren’t savored for a bit longer, instead letting the plot get in the way, but the little that was there was nice. 7/10

43) EarthWorld - I was hoping to enjoy this book a bit more than I ended up, I usually am quite fond of Rayner’s works, but I guess it is one of her first books. It’s a bit monotone, landing on the side of quirky, whether it was suited for a scene or not. Also dwelling on the past quite a bit, invoking the imagery of Unearthly Child, War Games, Greatest Show in the Galaxy in a rapid succession, for no specific reason, and then dwelling for quite a long time on several previous novels in a not entirely organic way. Instead of using this as an opportunity so start afresh now that we’re finally back in the TARDIS, it feels like it is focused more than ever on recapping how they got here, especially as the previous novel offered a way out by letting Fitz forget most of the previous “ark”. There were a lot of lovely character moments - but some of it did feel overly gratuitous. Still, it’s a decent book, even if it doesn’t quite reach full marks 8/10.

44) Vanishing Point - Easily the best Steve Cole novel of the ones I’ve ever read and/or listened to. This is the fresh start to the team adventures that I was hoping for. The alien world is interesting, with great worldbuilding (which is actually kind of rare in the novels). A lot of exciting imagery. The characters are a joy to behold. Not just the trio, but the secondary characters too. The first half of the book is basically perfect. It... kind of fizzles out in the second half, never really delivering on its set up in an entirely satisfying way.

A big part of the difficulty of suspending disbelief, though, was Fitz’s leg. I twisted my ankle once. I could barely walk for several days afterwards (so it having happen at a beginning of a trip was Awful), it took months for it to fully heal, and even now it feels more wobbly than the other one. And a colleague of mine ended up getting a special boot, because she keeps twisting her ankle (always the same one). Fitz had twisted his ankle, and then he was shot in the leg. And he is running about mountains and waterfalls almost immediately. 8/10

45) Eater of Wasps - You have to give it to Baxendale, he has a very particular style. Everything described so masterfully you couldn’t help but imagining every single detail, like painting a picture before you. Even though a significant portion of it is body horror that is described exactly as lovingly as the British countryside. Never before has the title been this appropriate. Very careful in setting up the conflict and tension between the protagonists. 10/10

46) The Year of Intelligent Tigers - This story is just nice. Another one with incredible visuals and incredible feelings behind it, exuberant and overwhelming, like a hurricane. The ending is particularly strong. This is peak Eight - a force of nature, alien and unknowable, and yet, you can’t help but being swept off your feet. Stories like this one is exactly why he is the platonic ideal of who the Doctor should be.

Overall impressions so far: This was like a breath of fresh air. The “stuck on Earth all on his own” ark was not only beautifully executed, but it was also badly needed. The last time I was complaining that few novels actually did anything with Eight - he would react to the plot, but never really be affected by anything. And at the heart of it was the issue that the writers, through trial and error, did come to a consensus about who he should be, but rarely took time to actually get into his head - they started out somewhat flat-footedly, and then got swept up in other things. Here, though, they were forced to slow down and focus his undivided attention just on him, what makes him tick if you break him down to the barest essentials - so even after reuniting with the TARDIS and the companions, his portrayal is all the stronger as a result. Rather than merely reacting to the world at large, he is now an active participant.

The companions are great. There is nothing particularly special being given to Fitz to chew upon, but his presence is always welcome, especially with him being as mellow as he has been back in Autumn Mist. What is it about the Doctor that attracts so many companions with an acute case of praise kink, I wonder? Anji is also interesting, and I love seeing what’s being done with her. She slots in perfectly, delivering so sorely missed snark Compassion had in her pre-Shadow of Avalon outings, all the while having a rather unique relationship with the Doctor - acknowledging his eldritch horror moments, being one of the few who does stand up to him. Especially after the last couple of books, I’m curious to see where this goes and how it continues to build.

The books themselves are a significant step up to what was there before, which got pretty joyless for a short while, alternating between mediocre to awful. In this batch, tough? Sure, there are some weaker offerings, but even there there is at least one stand-out scene that makes the book. Even if the plot isn’t exactly the most revolutionary thing in the world, it is being made up with solid character work. Honestly, for any new readers I would recommend just starting with #37 Burning and going from there - at least so far.

[onefenix]

17 Short Fic Recs

I’ve been mostly a fandom lurker for the past five months (since the Game of Thrones Series Finale). Since then I’ve been reading some of the best fanfiction I’ve ever read. I’ve been a part of some very small fandoms before and can say the J/B fandom is lucky to have many very talented writers. I wanted to make a list of my favorite stories so far for J/B Week, but life… so here it is now. I’ll try to be brief (I anticipate I am going to fail at this) and not spoil the stories.

These are all stories with less than 14k words. The division between short and long fics is a bit arbitrary but necessary due to the length of this list. I am sure there are better ways to classify these stories that I may get around to later on.

Sorry in advance for the overuse of words such as beautiful, perfect and spectacular, the Jaime/Brienne fandom writers are that good. Also, English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes.

I’ve tagged the authors whose handles on Tumblr I know. If you wish to have your tag removed or added (I’d love to follow you!), let me know.

You can find a long fic rec list here.

41 Nights and a Day by rhye

This one reads like a collection of drabbles, one for each day Jaime and Brienne spent together in Winterfell. It’s lovely and intimate and we get to see them discover everything about each other in this new facet of their relationship.

no sweeter innocence (than our gentle sin) by sameboots @agirlnamedkeith​

This is a short post S8E3 episode one-shot. It’s a story about loss and comfort. Jaime taking care of Brienne and being tender with her always does things for me. This story is poignant, beautiful and much better than what the show gave us in episode 4.

A Whole City Suffers by Mussimm

A Whole City Suffers is a collection of seven post-canon ficlets, one for each of the deadly sins. Each ficlet is a wonderful dip into Jaime’s mind. It is part of a really creative series called Works and Days which include the seven heavenly virtues from Brienne’s POV which is a fantastic companion to this one.

The Stranger Catches Us All by Miss_M @miss-m-calling​

This is a very bitter-sweet short story. Jaime and Brienne’s personalities and loving relationship are perfectly captured in this Post-Canon short story where they worry about their future.

Ball and Chain and Golden and True by Miss_M @miss-m-calling​

These two stories were in my reading list for quite a while. Reading the description only I wasn’t sure I would like, but boy am I glad I decided to give it a shot. In this story, Brienne is a cop who has to arrest and repeatedly interview Jaime Lannister. The level of the uncontrollable, contained sexuality in this is off the charts, but somehow the story manages to also delve into the trust and intimacy between Jaime and Brienne.

Mercy in You by Miss_M @miss-m-calling​

I love a story where Jaime and Brienne are in an established relationship but are still learning to navigate it and eventually, they have to confront those lingering fears and insecurities. That is beautifully handled in this story. The characterization in this piece are fantastic. Miss_M is very true to both Jaime and Brienne��s characters.

A Woman's War by Lady_in_Red @ladyinredfics​

I can’t say a lot about this story without giving away the plot. It is a wonderfully written and moving short piece. The two chapters in this go beautifully together and Jamie's love for Brienne shines through in both of them. Lady_in_Red  manages to pack a lot in, but the story flows quite naturally.

He Wants (he wants) by ShirleyAnn66

This is one is, I believe, the shortest story in this list. However, it does a perfect job depicting Jaime as a character and dissecting all of his flaws and insecurities. I particularly love that the story touches on the book version of his parting with Tyrion.

Catch Me if I Fall by JustAGirl24

I’m starting to think most short stories I love are more than a little sad. This story has a modern setting. It’s angsty but beautifully written. Please heed the warnings before reading. I love that the story doesn’t shy away from describing how a couple copes and manages to get through dark times together.

Spoken to Skin by SandwichesYumYum

This is a Pennytree to Stoneheart one shot. I love how from the very beginning Jaime knows Brienne is lying but his trust in her never waivers. Brienne is quite hurt at this point and Jaime is incredibly soft and tender with her. The tension and intimacy in this piece are superb.

Salt Wife by Lady_in_Red @ladyinredfics​

This is a post ADWD story where Jaime is banished to Casterly Rock with the constant threat of Daenerys’s wrath. The story is perfectly paced and structured. It reads like being inside Brienne’s head and the ending (however bittersweet) never fails to make me smile.

Same Old Auld Lang Syne by Lady_in_Red @ladyinredfics​

I said it in the long fic rec, but I’ll repeat it here: Lady_in_Red is a true MVP. This story has a modern setting. After a  very volatile relationship with Jaime, Brienne seeks stability with Hyle. This story explores where Brienne is almost six years later in a beautiful, heart-wrecking manner. Also, the short glimpses of songwriter!Jaime are to die for.

A Love Song by ozmissage

This one is very angsty. We are in Jaime’s head as Brienne suffers from amnesia. It’s amazing how even with her lack of memories ozmissage’s Brienne feels so in character. This is a very original, moving story. Each sentence hits right in the feels.

the battlefield between us (isn't here tonight) and no war is enough (to keep me from you) by robotsdance

This is late Season 7/Season 8 Secret Marriage AU. It is incredibly romantic and written in the most beautiful style. I’m so on board with this version of events. The wedding could not be more fitting for Jaime and Brienne. Jaime and Brienne being already married in the dragon pit scene? Yes, please. And the knighting scene is absolutely breathtaking. I love that Jaime's feelings for Brienne shine from start to finish.

once it ends (so it begins) by nubbins_for_all

This is probably a post S8E3 story. It is a great exploration of both Jamie/Brienne as a couple and Brienne and Sansa’s friendship. Brienne has to open up and manage to put her feelings into words in order to be there for Sansa. Every little scene between Jaime and Brienne serves a purpose and is beautifully written. The dialogue in this is honest, teasing and funny and it’s a joy to get to see Brienne learn to verbalize her wants and needs and feelings. 

Madness by RoseHeart

This is a Quiet Isle story. It has almost every Jaime I love: worried/caring!Jaime, jealous!Jaime, and exasperated-because-Brienne-doesn’t-see-how-much-he-loves-her!Jaime. The story is very indulging and filled with every trope and post-ADWD hope of any Braime shipper but it is beautifully executed. 

A Keeping of Oaths by lodessa @lodessa​

This is a Season 8 fix-it. This story gives a much more satisfying ending for almost every character. It’s fluffy and hot and funny but still manages to realistically explore Jaime’s feelings of unworthiness. It has some great Bronn, Aunt Genna, Daenerys and Jorah appearances.

[nichester]

Review: Extraordinary You

Media Type: Korean drama

Genre: Satire, Horror, High school rom com, sageuk (yes it is all of these genres just roll with it)

Summary: A typical high school girl starts experiencing memory loss, and feeling out of control of her actions. As it turns out, she’s not a typical high schooler, but a character in a manhwa--and not even the main character! Will she be able to change the story, or will she be trapped in the role the writer assigned her forever?

Why you might care: You love meta jokes, stories about stories, debating the concept of free will and predestination, and love conquering all

Why you might not care: You like a show to be what it says on the package, and would be disappointed by a high school rom com that took a sharp turn into existential crisis. You’re tortured by ambiguous endings.

Trope Bingo! Reincarnation/past lovers (it counts!), love triangles, love conquers all, high school romance

If you liked ___: If you’ve already watched and loved this show, and are trawling the tag trying to fill the void, I recommend watching the first season (better as a stand-alone season!) of Westworld, another show that tackles these same questions.

~Spoilers and overall thoughts under the cut~

This was by far tumblr’s favorite drama of 2019, and for good reason! I also loved it, and have very few criticisms, as well as some points where I think the drama went above and beyond all my expectations.

Plot:  The plot was engaging, high stakes, and excellently paced throughout the whole drama (I felt it sagged a little as it entered the final third, but that resolved again by the end of the show to finish on a really tense pair of episodes!). The writers didn’t sit on new plot developments until they wore them out, but instead kept the drama moving, while still giving the time and space for us to see the characters react to the plot (a crucial element that is often neglected when people try to write a fast-paced story!). The ending left a lot unexplained, but it felt like open-ended questions rather than plot holes, and I have no doubt the writers knew exactly where they were going from the beginning.

Central character(s): Eun Dan Oh is wonderful! Very much the main character, she holds this whole crazy story together with her incredible and varied performance. By turns funny, earnest, frustrated, devastated, optimistic, frightened, and head-over-heels in love, she feels as real as you or me. The actress is charming and charismatic, and I can’t imagine someone watching this drama and not falling in love with her. More importantly, Eun Dan Oh is a central character in the eyes of the plot. She drives the changes in the story, and the other characters revolve around her and her indomitable will. All of them are changed by her, and all of them are better people for it. Her own character arc is more subtle, since she doesn’t really change her opinions or beliefs much from the first few episodes (at least once she becomes aware of her set up). Instead, her journey is about finding the strength and courage to stay true to herself despite the increasingly painful barriers that she encounters on her way to self-actualization. The writers and actress together did a fantastic job with a character who is easily one of the best parts of this drama.

Romance: Here is where I felt the story was the weakest. This is personal taste, since I think it worked very well for most people, but I never fell in love with Haru the way so many other people on tumblr did. (This is NOT to say I thought she should have ended up with Baek Kyung--for obvious reasons that would have been Bad). It’s just that Haru had too little defining his personality and identity outside of Dan Oh for me to latch on to him--I cared about what happened to him exclusively because I loved Dan Oh, and she cared about what happened to him. For a romance to work really well for me, I need both characters to be fully developed people with outside interests and personality, and for a lot of reasons that made sense in-universe, Haru was not. However I was a big fan of the way the romance intersected with the other themes in the story, and I thought the writers did an excellent job integrating it that way.

Side characters/side plots:  I loved so many characters in this story, and almost all of them were engaging enough to carry a show on their own! I’ve seen the idea of a second season focused more on some of the other characters, and I would be over the moon about that. Do Hwa, Joo Da, Baek Kyung, and the Dried Squid Fairy had stories that were as poignant and engaging as those of the mains, and they had their own arcs which were executed with skill and grace despite their more limited screen time. One thing I would have liked to see more of would have been interaction between the secondary characters and Eun Dan Oh, which tended to fall away once the romance really got going. It’s a testament to how great the actors were that I missed seeing their friendship so much!

Integration of secondary roles with protagonist’s story: This is a point where I feel that if a drama can’t succeed, it should cut the stories entirely. This show in particular does a really good job making its side plots not only engaging, but crucial to illuminating the themes of the story. Joo Da and Do Hwa’s story contrasts with Eun Dan Ho and Haru’s, and both of them are contrasted with the Dried Squid Fairy, as we see different people react to impossible situations.  Their plot lines are carried throughout the whole show, and are concluded in ways that enhance the climax of the protagonist’s story. The drama would feel incomplete without these elements, which is far more than could be said for most drama subplots!

Tone: Now we come to my favorite and most elusive element of a show. If the show doesn’t hit the right notes for me here, I often just can’t love it no matter how good other elements are. On the flip side, I have watched some real messes just because I can’t resist a show with a strong sense of atmosphere and tone (Hong Sisters I’m looking at you)! Here is a place that Extraordinary You faced considerable challenges and pulls it off effortlessly. They needed to balance the light-hearted comedic moments with the darker, genuinely horrifying underbelly of the world they had created. To add even more complexity to the situation, they needed to communicate the different layers of story to the viewers visually and tonally. (One element I’ve commented on which was a real stroke of genius was changing the lighting in the “stage” to be darker and colder than the lighting in the “shadow,” communicating to viewers which type of scene they’re watching, but also conveying the themes of the show by making the scenes where the characters are puppets more tense than the ones where they are free to be themselves.) Simply put, Extraordinary You excels at tone. It is a masterclass in visual direction and balance, and never dropped the ball in this area, no matter how dark the show got.

Theme: A lot has been said and written about Extraordinary You’s themes, so I’m not going to try to cover everything (especially now so long after the show aired!). What I found so impressive about Extraordinary You was the way in which the acting, characters, subplots, and directorial choices served to explore and enrich the themes of identity, memory, and free will that are discussed in such depth and complexity in this show. Importantly (to me) they didn’t end the show on a hopeless note, despite the hopeless situation they had created. None of the issues are handwaved away, but the message that I got was that love was worth the struggle. Even if there’s no guarantee or even possibility of a happy ending, it’s still worth it to try. I love a show about the importance of love, in all its difficulties and complexity. It was clear from the first few episodes that the writers and PD came into this with something to say, and they executed beautifully. If you have any interest in these themes, (and somehow missed this show in all of the overwhelming hype for it) please check this out! You will not be disappointed.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

War of the Realms Strikeforce: Land of Giants Thoughts

This was recommended to me and I’m rather glad it was.

 I’ve said before that the best Marvel Team-Up story was in fact...Spider-Man vs. Wolverine. The intended irony of course being SvW executed MTU’s intentions better than any MTU issue itself ever did.

In a similar vein this story is perhaps the best New Avengers issue we’ve ever had, at least as far as Spider-Man was concerned.

Don’t get it twisted, I’m not saying this type of story should be the norm for Spider-Man, either in its setting or tone. Nor that New Avengers should’ve written Spider-Man like this every issue.

But in New Avengers Spider-Man seemingly existed 99% of the time to provide (bland) quips or ‘funny bits’ and otherwise to be a body to throw against bad guys along with everyone else. Little exploration of his character occurred, little use of his personality bouncing off of anyone else’s defined personality occurred. It didn’t help he often was in settings and stories Spider-Man doesn’t really belong in.

This issue weirdly follows in New Avengers footsteps as far as making Spider-Man the ‘funny guy’ and putting him in a setting he doesn’t belong in.

But unlike New Avengers stories this story goes further with that, brings in a dash of Spider-Man’s actual personality beyond being the quipper and embraces it’s premise.

As an ongoing this would probably suck. If this was in a main Spider-Man title it’d probably suck. If it was indeed outside of Spider-Man’s main title but still impacting upon him somehow it’d probably suck.

Because this issue is an odd duck in that it’s Spider-Man’s story but is not a Spider-Man  story if you see what I mean.

Allow me to clarify.

A Spider-Man story traditionally is street level, grounded, personal, revolves around more relatable issues and the like. You see where I am getting at.*

This story is nothing like that. Spider-Man’s primary relationship is with a talking flying horse for God’s sake!

However because the story is from Spider-Man’s POV it is in essence his story.

And Taylor (of the current FNSM run fame) does a deft job with the assignment.

By making this a one shot that isn’t even labelled as a Spider-Man story it alleviates expectations from readers. It in essence makes it okay we are seeing a story about Spider-Man talking to a magic horse queen.

It also helps that the whole story doesn’t take itself too seriously. Unlike Bendis’ brand of quips for quips sake, inserting them into serious situations where they didn’t belong, Taylor hits what I call ‘the One Piece sweet spot’.

One Piece is a popular manga/anime franchise from Japan. It is an epic adventure full that strikes a deleicate balance between something of a gag machine, an action thriller and a heartbreaking tragedy.

The gags allow you to accept the absurdity of something like Spider-Man, Cap, Wolverine, Luke Cage and Iron Fist riding flying horses to fight Frost Giants. By rights this isn’t really the best setting or type of story for any of these characters but the gags allow you to go with it.

But there is just the right amount of pathos and gravitas and action at the right moments for there to be a level of genuine emotion to resonate with you.

You go from:

“Oh my God Spider-Man is befriending a talking flying horse queen. That’s so absurd it’s awesome”

To:

“*sob* The talking flying horse queen died. I’m so sad right now”

I think the secret ingredient holding this together is the fact that

a)      It’s Spider-Man himself who’s the focus character and

b)      His narration is a framing device, specifically one addressed to MJ

Spider-Man is a less gritty character compared to Luke, Danny, Steve or Logan. Of them he’s the least likely to kill and the least likely to be described as a warrior (though he is one of a fashion).

He’s the most like us basically, thus this specific setting, in spite of it being so far removed from traditional Spider-Man fare, works well to emphasis the relatability at the core of the character.

He doesn’t want to fight in a war. He’s the least at home there arguably. After all Cap and Wolverine are clear cut veterans. Danny is a trained warrior and Luke knows what it is to grow up trying to survive desperately.

This isn’t in disparagement of Peter, but rather it places him in a more sympathetic position, akin to a soldier far from home, not wanting to be there, uneasy about his presence on foreign ground, unsettled by the violence of war and trying to keep going by focussing his memories on his ‘girl back home’. Taylor found a way to bring in the ‘normal Average Joe’ aspect of Spider-Man into a setting where by rights it has no place, a setting which doesn’t invite ‘Peter Parker’ but rather just generic superhero Spider-Man.

That’s another way in which this story is weirdly connected to SvW actually. In that story Peter was also unsettled by violence, ruminating on MJ and thrown off kilter by a new unfamiliar setting and gets an up close look at death. Of course death is no stranger to Spider-Man, but a death amidst battle is a little different to something like Gwen Stacy or Uncle Ben’s death.

There is another connection though, and as obvious as it is to spell out...it’s Wolverine. This story could hardly be called a Spider-Man/Wolverine story but this story does bounce them off of one another very well. Wolverine is something of a shit stirrer who messes with Spider-Man and doesn’t wholly take him seriously (in character for him). Spider-Man is meanwhile uses him as the straight man to his humour. But there is an element of respect between them with Wolverine clearly empathising with Peter’s grief over Arctorius. This adds up, not only because Logan has seen much death in his long life, but because he has a kinship with the animal kingdom and understands all too well the loss of a comrade in arms.

So does Cap, who also shows a little empathy after Arctorius’ death. Indeed Peter and Steve’s relationship, whilst it doesn’t go as far as it could, is done quite well because Peter’s respect and admiration for Cap is clear cut and Cap gets what kind of person Peter is. Him recommending a shield is a small, obvious, yet very nice moment between the two that in a way speaks volumes.

Luke and Danny don’t share much with Spider-Man in the story but along with Logan and Cap are great inclusions in relation to Spider-Man.

Cap and Logan are soldiers who in a way are larger than life. You could see them as older brothers to Spider-Man but one who looks after you and the other likes you but trolls you too. Danny and Luke meanwhile are more street level guys like Peter. Any of these guys wouldn’t be bad options for a Spidey team up story and all are out of place in this setting. But when put together their ‘out of placeness’ works.

Helping things along is that the action is decent enough, Spider-Man’s shield attack being the clear cut highlight.

Arctorius is of course the highlight though. In a few pages Taylor makes you invest in this ridiculous concept and character and buy her relationship with Spider-Man. Thus her death and the issue’s end is poignant and resonates nicely, sad as it is.

As a final pro, Spider-Man is referred to as a jester.

This is actually a decent way of reconciling Spider-Man into a high fantasy setting. I prefer JMS’ idea of Spider-Man as the ‘trickster’ but jester works well. Even Thor in older stories has observed Spider-Man’s humour is a mask for his insecurities and Arctorius’ labelling him a jester isn’t derisive. He’s a jester warrior.

Now it ain’t perfect.

I’m no Iron Fist expert so I don’t know how fair this is, but I feel Danny was written a bit too comedic in this story to the point of being out of character.

Additionally when it came time for everyone to list of their berserker rages Spider-Man’s fell flat. It’s played off as Spider-Man is just too nice and wholesome to have such rages when there is a clear history of him having them. Death of Gwen Stacy anyone? In isolation it was a decent if predictable joke, but it’s not true to Spider-Man’s history. You could always No. Prize it but I feel it came off more like Taylor not remembering or thinking through the dialogue.

All in all I highly recommend this issue as a fun detour. It deserves your money more than League of Realms.

 *Now there can be exceptions like the JMS run, but he was wise enough to temper the magic and mysticism by grounding it in more a more relatable setting most of the time or connected to more clearly defined Spider-Man topics and subject matter. For example a mystically empowered villain abducted children to the Astral plane prompting Spider-Man to go there and save them. Sounds out of place right? Well yes but the villain in question is a common crook who got lucky, he’s abducting Peter’s underprivileged students, Spidey needed to do regular street level investigation to figure out the guy’s game and saving the kids made him miss a date with MJ.

[emzymakesbelieve]

not to be fake deep but let's talk about all your old walt babies that you haven't mentioned (because i love the hainline's okay and you and all your kids and i miss you

Send me an old muse and I’ll gush about them.

oKAY SIT DOWN AND BUCKLE UP, KIDDOS.

(I love you, too, sweet pea.  *smooch*)

Frank Hainline

So Frank is a prick, to start off, but he’s my prick and you’re not allowed to trash talk him without my say so (which of course you have because he’s A PRICK).  He was the kind of kid who wore an anarchy symbol on his jacket but never actually did anything to represent or invoke anarchy.  He’s also a gigantic slut and can’t keep his pants zipped for longer than ten minutes.  Fidelity is not this man’s middle name (*CoUgH* illegitimate child he never knew about).  He definitely wasn’t ready to become a father when Victoria got pregnant (and more or less trapped him into marriage), but by the time baby Penelope came, he devoted every ounce of energy he could to making sure she had a good life, and the two of them actually grew very close.  He passed away from cancer when Penelope was about ten.

Norma Hainline

Penelope’s eldest.  The two most important things you need to know about Norma are that she’s a dancer and she’s gay as a maypole.  Her main focuses are tap and ballet.  She loves old Hollywood - she got her start watching Singin’ in the Rain and Fred & Ginger films - but definitely prefers to live in the here and now where she can express herself both as an artist and as a lesbian.  The dance world, much as she loves it, is a crusty old institution that needs to break some pointless rules and get over itself.  She is also Grade A Mom Friend Extraordinaire™.  Her love language is definitely acts of service, particularly making sure you’re eating and sleeping well and taking your medicine on time (though turns out she’s a terrible patient herself).  Much to her frustration, her two closet friends - Noah and Nick - are both more or less bent on self destruction and driving her completely bonkers, but she loves them just the same.

Francis Hainline

Francis, the third eldest, has no business being in this family with how shy he is, but nevertheless.  Definitely the black sheep of the family, but his siblings defend and support him with everything they have.  (Well, Kath usually does it with a lot of sarcasm, but you can tell she loves him.)  He’s a total hipster and has a special love for anything that was built before the year 2000.  His prize possession is an old camcorder that uses real VHS tapes, so naturally he becomes a film student.  I envision him growing up and working as a cinematographer and eventual director of poignant indie films and documentaries - stuff with lots of lingering, fly-on-the-wall shots.  Also, special shoutout to Seraphina, the love of his got dang life.  Those two gave me so many freaking cavities with their cuteness.

Kathleen Hainline

So Kath is a mess, but that’s just par for the course in this family, I suppose.  She’s the baby of the family and has always felt like she’s living in her sister Norma’s shadow.  She’s a bit of a wild child, but certainly not to the extent Victoria was.  It’s all just a cry for attention, trust me.  She wants to feel needed, she wants to feel wanted, she wants to feel special.  And anything that takes the attention of the people she loves off of her needs to die, plain and simple.  She’s best friends with Daisy and is technically endgame with Jonas (though we really didn’t get to write them that far), so here goes a prayer candle for my lovely Becca.

Dory Novak

As you can probably guess by the name, Dory is based on that delightful blue tang we know and love.  In the Walt universe, she developed her short term memory loss after an accident that killed her parents, and was adopted by Marlin.  She loves swimming and her family and especially anything combining the two.  She’s a freaking sweetheart who is actually pretty hard on herself, and it was so heartbreaking to play her in any kind of stressful situation because five minutes later she would still be freaked out by have no idea as to why (looking at you, Scream event).  Also, Scooby liked her a lot and I felt so freaking blessed???  She ends up becoming a social worker and helping kids in the foster system like her.

Charlie Harper & Jenny Harper née Parkington

I never got to properly play Dory’s parents, but here’s the fast and skinny on them.  Jenny was a shy bookworm who never thought boys would be interested in her and (for the most part) had made peace with that theory.  Charlie was a jock who was head over heels for Jenny but never knew how to communicate it without being a sleaze.  Eventually, he manages to ask her out, she says yes, and they pretty much become attached at the hip.  She comes to his basketball games and swim meets decked out in the school colors and cheering like a maniac.  My guess is Dory came a little earlier than they were expecting, but not so early that it would be considered scandalous - probably when they were almost finished with college or something.  Dory became their world and they spoiled that little girl beyond belief.  Unfortunately, both of them were killed in a car wreck when Dory was very little.

Marlene Novak

Dory’s first kid, adopted.  To sum it up nicely, Marlene’s a hot mess because she was never able to come to terms with the fact that her birth mother didn’t want her.  I tried to start this whole plot where she ran into her birth mother just out in the wild and that made her get even messier, but I think I was just throwing crap on the fire to see what blew up at that point.  She also has a…flirtatious arrangement, shall we say, with her friend Viv.

Lyle Novak

Dory’s second kid, also adopted.  *sigh*  Lyle, Lyle, Lyle…  He’s a cutie, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like I didn’t give his character enough punch?  He just seems kind of blah now that I look back at him.  I have a history of being super self conscious about my male characters if they don’t have like a Super Archetype personality for some freaking reason, and Lyle is definitely an example of that.  He’s a little shy, but not so shy that it’s endearing, and he’s also a little courageous, but not so courageous that he actually gets crap done.  He’s a little complacent, looking back on him, which is kind of the opposite of how I wanted to play him...?  I dunno.  Maybe I’m being too harsh on myself.  HE’S CUTE.  LIFE GOES ON.

Cinderella Tremaine

To the surprise of absolutely no one, I’ve actually played a Cinderella counterpart in a few different groups, but let’s just talk about how I portrayed her at Walt.  French transfer student in America (I changed her to straight up American after a point) who loves animals arguably more than life itself and tries her best not to cry over things she can’t control.  She’s also daydreamy as FRICK.  Loves to get lost in her own imagination.  If she’s not engaged in conversation or work of some kind, I can guarantee you her conscience isn’t even on this plane.  Also, can I just shriek about the superhero AU version of her where she was a counterpart to Zatanna and literally became her own fairy godmother?  Because I think about that far more than is probably healthy.

Emmett Tremaine & Johanna Tremaine née Cartier

Same thing as Dory’s parents, just gonna give you a quick lowdown.  Johanna came from a fairly well off family in France (distantly related to those guys, but far enough away that it doesn’t really count), but her parents thought she was an absolute embarrassment.  She was never afraid to speak her mind when it came to things like etiquette and politics, and she had a fabulously wild imagination.  She never stopped believing in fairies, ghosts, gremlins, things like that.  Emmett was that quiet nerd dreamer type, very much obsessed with travel and history.  And like I need to spell it out for you, but they were LUDICROUSLY in love with each other.  Like, nauseatingly so.

Robby Tremaine

Robby is Cindy’s son I whipped up real quick one next gen when I was going crazy and wanted to snatch Nick Robinson’s beautiful face.  He’s a hardcore farm boy who doesn’t mind a little mud behind his ears and super environmentally conscious.  Not just recycling and veganism and all that, but he will go off on you about sustainable farming and animal raising, and how the hydrogen fuel cell is the way of the future.

Taige Bailey

Based on Terk from Tarzan, Taige is a super jock, total butch lesbian, and altogether DUMBNUT.  Like, GOD she’s so stupid sometimes because she just barrels into crap with reckless abandon and doesn’t think things through.  Dear God, she will PUNCH you if you so much as look at her funny, just ‘cause she feels bored.  And she walks around like she’s God’s gift to creation, but she’s just a little twerp.  But she’s my twerp.  (Huh.  I’m just now realizing how similar Taige and Pen are.  In a weird way, Taige is like the tomboy version of Pen.)  Here, you can imagine me lighting a prayer candle because I never got to play her against her two best friends and I’m SAD.  Y’ALL NEVER GOT TO EXPERIENCE THE TOUR DE FORCE THAT IS T CUBED.  Also *cough* she and Vitani may have had a *coUGH* flirtationship.

I would also put Taige’s parents on this list, but they’re so hardly even developed that it’s not really worth mentioning them.  I only know their names: Lamarr and April.

Jared Bailey

Taige’s only child, Jared’s still trying to figure out what masculinity means to him, what with being raised by two women and all.  He can get a little “dudebro alpha male” sometimes, but he’s also that kid you definitely want to have your back when things get rough.  He’ll help you with your homework, teach you how to shoot a three-pointer, and walk you home when it’s dark like the gentleman he is.

[monsterleadmehome]

Reylo Fic Rec Masterpost

Since I’ve been asked a couple times for fic recommendations, I decided to create a master list, which I’ll (hopefully) come back to and update. This is by no means comprehensive, but they are works I’ve thoroughly enjoyed and wanted to share. You can also always check out my bookmarks page on AO3.

I have updated these with ratings, but be warned they are mostly M or E. Smut not your thing? Check my smut-free recs here! Remember to mind the tags! 

*Indicates WIP

Let’s start with some little known fics. These are all under 100 kudos as of June 19, 2018. Make sure to leave a comment and/or give kudos if you read!

Ties That Bind* by @phoenixsolo -- Rated M. This fic is wonderfully written and jumps between multiple POVs. Also some great Poe and Wedge Antilles interaction which is fun. 

Holonet Mail by MelodeeKS99 (not sure of tumblr) -- Rated T. This is the cutest You’ve Got Mail AU one-shot but still takes place in universe. Ben and Rey are both smugglers. Guys, it’s adorable.

A Veil of Smoke* by @binarysvnrise -- Rated M. ASOIAF AU that is just masterfully thought out and so well-written. NO LONGER ON HIATUS. 

come and knock on my door* by jadeddiva -- Rated T. This is a really cute modern AU where Ben is a programmer at a startup and Rey is his college student neighbor. They meet because both their roommates have kicked them out to have sex.

every inch between us becomes light years by @spookykingdomstarlight -- Rated M. A beautiful one-shot that is both super sexy and sad. It hurts, but in a good way.

Cloudbusting by @bratanimus -- Rated T. Beautifully written and short. Just read it.

In-Universe Fics:

Sword of the Jedi series by @kylorenvevo -- Part 1 Rated T, Part 2 Rated M. Are you even a real Reylo if you haven’t read this? J/K, but seriously this was one of the earliest fics I read when I fell into the Reylo trash bin, and it is a masterpiece. AU where Rey and Ben grew up together at the Jedi Academy. It reads like canon novels. Not kidding.

Crossroads series by @gizkasparadise -- Part 1 T, Part 2 E, Part 3 T. This is an emotional rollercoaster in 3 parts. It’s got angst, it’s got the pre-TLJ Force Bond, it’s got memory loss, and some really kickass supporting characters. I just love it so much.

You’ll Be the One to Turn by @postedbygaslight -- Rated M. This is THE post-TLJ fic you need to be reading. It’s still a WIP at this point, but it’s sure to be completed soon, and like I told Posted before, if EP IX winds up totally letting me down, this will be the only version of events I accept. It is insanely well-written, gripping, and emotional. Just read it. 

Infectious by @dvrkrey -- Rated E. Also known as the sick!fic. It’s a poignant hurt/comfort post-TLJ imagining with a beautiful first time love scene. This one has a special place in my heart.

In The Early Dawn of Happiness by @corseque -- Rated E. GAH! This is beautiful and touching and even though it’s a reylohardkinks fill, it’s so much more than that. It is profoundly sweet, and if we’re lucky, there will be another chapter. 

landscape with a blur of conquerors* by @kylorenvevo -- Rated E. I’m assuming if you haven’t heard of this fic, you’ve been trapped on Ahch-To with Luke for too long. The arranged marriage AU with plenty of Hapan couture fashion to keep poor Kylo occupied.

Across the Stars* by @nite0wl29 -- Rated E. A Beauty and the Beast AU set in-universe (on Chandrila!). Rey falls for Kylo without him ever taking the mask off, and I think that’s beautiful. It’s got all the best elements of TFA, TLJ, and BatB. This one also should be wrapping up soon.

Songs of Innocence, Songs of Wisdom* by @cosmo-gonika -- Rated E. Another post-TLJ fic that has been blowing my mind. It has some mystical Force elements and some steamy scenes with Rey and Kylo. It does a really great job of showing where our star-crossed lovers are still not on the same page (but hopefully they’ll be there by the end!). 

The Descent of Ishtar by @assortedfruitsnacks212 -- Rated M. This is a trippy post-TLJ fic that is super mystical and really intriguing. It’s so well-written, and I might have to light a fire under the author to get her to update this because I NEED MORE.

Id by @dreamsdescent -- Rated E. A smutty one-shot where Rey fulfills Ben’s darkest fantasy. It’s hot. Do yourself a favor and read it.

Mood Lighting by @raven-maiden -- Rated E. This is based on the closeup of the MF captain’s quarters in Solo. It is a beautiful one shot with humor, soul, and (yes!) smut. Can’t believe it’s her first fic! 

World In My Eyes by @mygrandmathinksimsassy -- Rated M. Apparently I had been sleeping on this post-TLJ gem? It’s 96k words and recently completed, so you can settle down with this on a rainy day. Beautifully written, really sexy, and has a happy ending! I loved it.

AU Fics:

Blades Crossed by @the-reylo-void -- Rated M. A really amazing figure skating modern AU a la The Cutting Edge.

Stranger Than Fiction by @daxwashere -- Rated E. Seriously? Probably my favorite modern AU ever. Ben Solo is an author who needs to give his main character a love interest; enter Rey, his muse. It deals with some pretty real shit while also being incredibly full of heart (and some hot smut!).

Left Handed Kisses by @ever-so-reylo -- Rated E. The fuck buddies to lovers AU I never knew I needed. Rey is an Assistant District Attorney and Ben is a criminal defense lawyer. It’s hot, it’s sweet, it’s got lots of emotional constipation - you won’t be disappointed.

In the Name of Magic series by @waterlilyrose -- Part 1 E, Part 2 E, Part 3 T. The Hogwarts AU of my dreams! Kylo is a Snape-ish professor in Slytherin and Rey is a Gryffindor professor (of course). It’s great because it incorporates everything you love about Hogwarts, but focuses on the teachers instead of the students. Luke is Headmaster and Leia is Minister for Magic and there’s a very special painting of a snarky muggle that steals quite a few scenes. I absolutely adore this fic.

Dark Horse by @womp-rat-fever -- Rated T. This was a gift to me that I won in a tumblr giveaway. It is the Outlaw!Ben / Sheriff!Rey AU you never knew you always wanted! It’s a one-shot but it’s packed with action and pretty hot, too. I also made a playlist for it here.

The Promise by @nerdherderette -- Rated E. Wow. This is the most enthralled I think I’ve been with a one-shot. It’s 13k words, but reads like a 500 page historical fiction novel. If you like The Count of Monte Cristo, this is the fic for you.

Bedroom Hymns* by @drnucleus -- Rated E. Modern AU where Rey is a psychologist and Ben is an architect. Healthy BDSM where Rey is the Dom and Ben is the sub (although they haven’t quite gotten that far in the relationship yet). This is just really smart and eloquent. I’m a fan.

Fire Away* by @reylolujah -- Not rated. Disclaimer: I’ve only read the first chapter of this, but it’s SO GOOD. Laser tag AU with a really funny and great set up. Excited to see where it’s going! (I have it on good authority that we’re getting a half-naked Ben in a forthcoming chapter.)

A/B/O Dynamics:

Yes, I finally needed to add a section just for a/b/o. Sorry not sorry because I love it now. These are all E, for obvious reasons.

Your Pretty Little Heart by @ever-so-reylo -- modern AU where Ben and Rey are both doctors. And both terrible at admitting their feelings. It’s hot and super-well written. A good starter a/b/o fic!

Hunger* by @benperor-ren -- a canonverse a/b/o that picks up after Crait but with Rey in heat and Kylo coming to her aid, *wink wink nod nod*

Algorithms* by @grey-orchids -- the only first person POV fic I’ve ever enjoyed. This one is done so well it almost subverts the trope? Rey is a feminist and an IT person at a tech company run by Kylo. She goes into heat and things get interesting. *waggles eyebrows*

Summer Heat* by @isharan -- slow burn a/b/o you say? Yeah, and it hella works. Rey goes to spend the summer at her granfather’s cabin in Canada and is drawn to the outcast alpha Ben. It’s soooo good.

the thick of it* by @dvrkrey -- so steamy. It’s got hunter!Rey and lead alpha of the pack Kylo and Dothraki vibes for sure. Just check it out, you’ll like it. ;)

No One But You* by @faequeentitania -- a canonverse a/b/o started for Reylo week that started as mostly smut and now has plot! It’s really engaging and I’m excited for the last few chapters!

Hawthorne House by @strawberrycupcakehuckleberrypie -- I recently binged this and it is sweet/hot/amazing. Rey works at a B&B in Savannah, Ben Solo is a guest during a hurricane.

Oh and since people have also mentioned it, I will link to my works here at the bottom:

Dawn of the Rebellion series -- Rated T parts 1 & 2. This started as a one-shot I couldn’t get out of my head, then got a multi-chapter second part added on by popular demand. It’s my EP IX imaginings and it’s full of soft Reylo. There is a smutty epilogue in the works.

Truth Be Told* -- Rated M. The Alias AU I started for the RFFA exchange and am now taking too long to finish. If you like espionage and UST, I’ve got you covered!

smutty one-shots (all E): Chariot (modern AU) | Training Day (canon-verse) | Code 288 (Brooklyn 99 inspired) | Careless Whisper (80′s AU)

That’s about it for now, but I’ve got about 5 pages of “marked for later” fics I need to dig into, so keep an eye out for this list to be updated!

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Gintama, Episodes 16-18

How’s about a couple more for the road? In which you thought this meme was dead because the episode aired like 5 years before the meme was even a thing, but it was me, Dio! Oh, and one of my least favorite tropes manages to actually be really funny this time around, so that’s something.

Old Regrets

You know, it’s becoming an odd trend with this show that literally every session I watch gives me both a new thematic thread to pull on and explore AND a new kind of comedy to praise. At some point, you figure the well’s gotta run dry. But it it ain’t gonna be now. Because this crop of episodes added a powerful new dimension to Gintama’s exploration of reclaiming/abandoning the past: the regrets of the elderly. It’s first explored in a more comedic manner through the now-disgraced former assistant to the Almighty Prince Majin Bu (yes, that’s what I’m going with), whose firing has made him realize how unsure he is of where the path of his life is truly leading, and it works in a surprisingly poignant message about finding what you want so late in life amid the impossible-to-effectively-translate puns (as well as another gut-bustingly funny instance of the show breaking out the yodeling music unexpectedly). But the real meat of this theme comes in episode 17; with the tale of the genius inventor who lost his son to the war.

Gengai’s struggle is a fascinating portrait of a man trapped the things he wish he could change. He wants to tear down the new regime in vengeance for his son’s death, even though he knows it won’t really solve anything. He tries to fill the void with the robots he builds, even going so far as to make one to take the place of his son, but the joy of creation that first got him into the craft has long since been squeezed out by hatred and sadness. In the end, he doesn’t have the strength of will to fulfill his son’s request and build robots with joy again; he can only build to destroy. Like Gintoki and everyone else, his past is constantly nipping at his heels, torturing him with what-ifs and maybes. But unlike everyone else so far, he’s too old and beaten down to see a brighter path; all he can see ahead now is revenge.

The Black Beast of Vengeance

Which brings us to the surprisingly epic face-off between Gintoki and the former comrade who, as he put it ,finally polished Gengai’s fangs enough for him to start biting: None other than Dio Brando himself! Because that was totally his voice actor giving life to that eyepatch-wearing motherfucker. And my god, they couldn’t have picked a better smarmy bastard for this role. His chilling speech about the “black beast of vengeance” that drives people like him and Gengai to destroy reveals so much about the hopelessness and anger that boils and ferments long after the bloodshed of conflict is officially over. In some way, every character in this show is driven by that beast. By their failures and missteps, by their losses and regrets, they either fight back against the system or they stew within it until they explode.

Except Gintoki.

Gintoki has burned through the nihilism of the black beast and come out the other side fast enough to change it into white. He doesn’t see a hopeless situation with only one option; he sees all the ways he can still fight for what he knows is just in an unjust world. And with his newfound friends having recently re-awakened his samurai spirit, he’s not about to let some jackass 80s glam vampire wreak havoc indiscriminately. And he’s not going to let Gengai succumb to that anger.

Which leads to one of the most evil scenes I can recall in recent memory: Gengai’s robot son can’t bring himself to fire upon Gintoki in the same way his true son rejected his father turn toward war machines, allowing the silver-haired samurai to strike him down. Upon which, with his “dying” words, he tells his father the exact same thing his real son said before heading out to die in the war, that he deserves to be a happy tinkerer finding joy in the creation of new things and fuck me sideways with a corkscrew how did this goddamn show almost make me cry in the same episode wherein Kagura dispatches a massive robot with a battle cry of “DOMESTIC VIOLENCE”? Slowly but surely, Gintama is coming into its own, and I’m really damn excited to see how far it’ll go.

Also, it gave us the Joseph Joestar vs Dio standoff we never got, and god bless them for that.

NANI?!

Yet as good as this theme work was, it’s actually the comedy side of things that impressed me more this time around. Specifically, episode 18 managed to wring a fantastic episode of goof and guffaws out of one of my least favorite anime tropes: pervert shit. If you’ve read any of my other binges, you probably know I looooooathe when female characters are sexually harassed for the sake of “comedy”. I think it’s disgusting, degrading, and almost always used for the audience to get off on their humiliation. Long story short, I consider Mineta to be the devil’s anus. So the idea of an episode focused around a panty thief who steals women’s underwear and gives them to gross bottom-feeding excuses for men was, shall we say, not exactly appealing on the surface.

But this time, it actually worked. Nearly every joke made me laugh. And I think a big part of the reason why is that literally everyone is in on the joke. None of our protagonists are humiliated, physically or otherwise, over the entire course of the episode. They’re all allowed to trade sexually charged barbs with each other, regardless of gender, and the result is that no one ends up feeling victimized by the comedy other than the blathering robber himself and the men he supposedly represents. The point of the comedy isn’t to make light of sexual harassment or exploit it for cheap pandering; it’s to give every degenerate otaku who considers women’s autonomy beneath them a kick in the teeth, a more sardonic take on the same concept End of Evangelion mined for its now-infamous masturbation scene. And to cap it all off, it’s Otae, the nominal “victim” of the thief’s escapades, who gets the final blow in to take him down, with a battle cry of “don’t underestimate women!” Admittedly, Gintama hasn’t always handled this kind of material so tactfully (the assault scene in episode 3 is still a sore spot for me), but I’m really damn impressed that they managed it at all. Kudos, show. Here’s hoping you can keep it up.

Odds and Ends

-Rofl at that guy trying to light his lighter with a cigarette

-askdjhadskhasd the dramatic “changing glasses” lighting

-The scene of everyone asking to be driven to ridiculous places was another great example of understatement in action, all done without breaking the scene’s current mood. I giggled like a maniac.

-”Because you and I are the only ones in this show with cloudy eyes.” pfft

-”No, you look at least manager level.” Christ, he reminds me of Joseph so freaking much.

-”Shinpatchi’s the one who’s really suffering! He’s showing off that he can’t sing in public!” Ahh, karaoke night.

-”I just forgot, I have to make curry.” SUCH. A. JOSEPH.

-That was a cool shot with the fireworks illuminating Dio behind Gintoki. Scary as fuck, but cool.

-”An ancient spirit who punishes biker gangs that ruin festivals!” askjadshadsa

-Okay but why the random Jamaican stereotype tho

-”Wait, wasn’t that a key part of today’s story?” RIP Stefan. Your time was short, but meaningful.

-”I’m risking my life and panties here!” Clearly, these two things are of equal importance.

-”If you’re scared, then go home!” “THIS IS MY HOME!” rofl

-Otae bonding with everyone over their shared bloodlust? Very aesthetic.

-”Baagen-Daaz!” Get. Out.

-”You think such descriptive abuse would make me flinch?” Proud of you, Kondo.

-THESE FREAKING LAND MINES OH MY GOD

Man, it’s really cool to watch this show build on itself with every session. Here’s looking forward to more good times to come!

[mwsa-member]

The Wolves of Helmand by Frank Biggio

MWSA Review Pending  

Author's Synopsis At turns poignant, funny, philosophical, and raw—but always real—The Wolves of Helmand is both a heartfelt homage to the Marine brotherhood with whom Biggio served and an expression of respect and love for the people of Afghanistan who ultimately trusted, shared, and appreciated their purpose.

Ten years after serving his country as a U.S. Marine, Captain Frank “Gus” Biggio signed up once again because he missed the brotherhood of the military. Leaving behind his budding law career, his young wife, and newborn son, he was deployed to Helmand Province—the most violent region in war-torn Afghanistan—for reasons few would likely understand before reading this book.

Riven by conflict and occupation for centuries because of its strategic location, the region he landed in was, at that time, a hotbed of Taliban insurgency. As a participant in the landmark U.S.-led Operation Khanjar, Biggio and his fellow Marines were executing a new-era military strategy. Focused largely on empowerment of the local population, the offensive began with a troop surge designed to thwart the Taliban, but was more importantly followed by the restoration of the local government and real-time capacity building among the withdrawn and destitute Afghan people.

The Wolves of Helmand is unlike other war memoirs. It takes us less into the action—though there is that too—and more into the quiet places of today’s war zones. Yes, you’ll read of our Marines’ stealth arrival in a single night, our advanced weaponry, and our pop-up industrial village command centers. You’ll read, as well, about the ambushed patrols and the carnage of IEDs. But you will also read of the persistence, humility, ruggedness, loneliness, tedium, diplomacy, and humanity of our Marines’ jobs there, which more than anything else reveals the magnitude of even the smallest victories.

Completed years after the author’s return from his mission, The Wolves of Helmand is most of all a decade-long self-examination of a warrior’s heart, conscience, and memory. Whether intended or not, Biggio’s deep reflections and innate honesty answer every question you’ve ever wanted to ask about life and death in war—and even questions you probably never thought to ask.

What calls a warrior to duty?

What makes, sustains, plagues, and even breaks a warrior?

These are bigger questions than the ones impolite society pokes around when a veteran returns home—Did you kill anyone? Did you have to go? Why would you fight for another country? Why were we even there?

Yet the answers to those queries are here, too, in this thoughtful memoir that will make you think about war, family, love, and loss.

ISBN/ASIN: 1948677644, 978-1948677646

Book Format(s): Hard cover, Kindle

Review Genre: Nonfiction—Memoir/Biography

Number of Pages: 288

[hangonimevolving]

Beyond the beyond.

It has been a season of heartache and life lessons around here.

My last post was about my dad’s coronary bypass surgery, which obviously was a very nerve-wracking and sobering experience for our entire family.  I am happy to report that today, about 7 weeks post-surgery, my father is doing well, is getting better and stronger each day, and has even returned to his work, which he loves and which keeps him going in life.  I am grateful for this.

But amidst my dad’s recovery from a life-altering illness and surgery, my family has experienced another shock and heartbreaking loss.  

On October 2nd, less than 3 weeks following my dad’s discharge from the hospital, my beloved uncle Marley was rushed to the hospital for difficulty breathing.  I wrote about Marley in my last post, and how prior to my dad’s heart attack and hospitalization, I was actually more worried about him because he has been in declining health for some years, and was looking pretty frail when I last spent significant time with him in August.  During my visit home in September to help my dad recuperate, I spent many days with Marley, who was instrumental in helping my mother get my dad to the ER when he initially showed signs of illness, and helped connect my dad with the cardiologist and the vascular surgeon who would eventually see him through his LAD stunting and bypass procedures.  Marley was there to support my mom through it all emotionally, and to provide a listening ear and his own professional connections when needed, as well as important doses of humor and good spirits whenever they were warranted.  So it was a huge punch in the gut to hear that after all the kind and generous help he’d given us in a time of need, that he was now suffering with shortness of breath and needed to go to the hospital.  

Marley was admitted to the ICU immediately and put on a CPAP machine to help him try and breathe more effectively, but unfortunately it wasn’t enough to help him, and it soon became clear that he’d need to be intubated and put on a ventilator.  He, his wife and daughters, as well as my mom were all present throughout these medical decisions and conversations, and it was a heartbreakingly emotional experience because it was fairly clear that if he were to go on the ventilator, there was a real possibility he’d never come off of it.  Marley has suffered for many years from interstitial lung disease, and was now being diagnosed with some sort of pneumonia or infection that was making his scarred and damaged lungs even more ineffective at breathing.  

About 24 hours after his admission, Marley was sedated and tubed, and placed on the vent.  Thankfully, his wife and younger daughter (both physicians and residents of New Orleans) were at his side throughout, and his elder daughter (a psychologist) was able to fly down from Washington DC to see and speak with her father before he was tubed.  Everyone was beside themselves, but they knew the only chance he had for recovery was to be intubated and put on mechanical ventilation, so that his body could conserve energy to try and fight the infection and recover.

Days went by, and sadly, Marley did not show enough signs of improvement to be taken off the vent.  About a week later, another blow came - Marley suffered a stroke on the right side of his brain, which while not disastrous since he is right-handed/left-brained, was still a significant blow.  His left leg and arm were knocked out, unable to move, and it was clear that he would only have a chance of recovery of his leg if he were to heal completely from the lung issues and then engage in a rigorous course of rehab.  But that wasn’t happening.  The average length of time that a patient can be intubated and ventilated is about 10-14 days, and the window was soon approaching where decisions would be made.  The family considered placement of a tracheostomy which would entail a more permanent tube inserted directly to his windpipe from his neck, which would allow for the removal of the tube in his mouth.  He would remain on the ventilator machine this way.  But in doing this, he would also have to get a PEG to allow him to receive nutrition; he would not be able to consume food by mouth.  The risks and effects on quality of life of these different procedures and medical accoutrement are considerable.  Just when all of these options were being considered, Marley found a way to communicate, even while intubated and ventilated.  He made it clear to the family that he did not want to live any longer under these conditions. 

Hearing him express this sentiment was like a knife through the heart - but we all understood his feelings as well.  Marley is himself an experienced physician, a world-renowned expert on Parkinson’s disease with over 50 years of time caring for patients, and he knew exactly what he was talking about.  The way he lived his life, the joy and spirit that he always exuded, and the humor and cheer that he spread around him came with a very incisive, often irreverent honesty about his opinions on things.  On MANY, many occasions, he had shared with me and everyone close to him that he would never want to live under such circumstances.  So we all knew that he wasn’t making this decision in the spur of the moment or under duress; this was truly the way he felt. 

The entire family literally flew to his side the day after he made his wishes clear. Every single one of us, his nieces and nephews, traveled from around the country to visit Marley in the ICU and say our goodbyes to him.  It was pretty much the most gut-wrenching thing I’ve ever endured - but there was no way we could NOT go.  He saw each and every one of us, communicated with us with his eyes and mouthing words, held our hands, and we lavished him with hugs and kisses, hand squeezes, and lots of loving words.  For my part, I took a 6 am flight on Saturday, October 11 and Lyfted it with my sister directly to the hospital, spent a few hours with him, then Lyfted it back in time for a 9:45 pm flight home to Florida.  It was quite a day.

Marley was extubated at 10 am on Sunday, October 13, 2019.  He died around 7 pm, surrounded by his wife and daughters, and made comfortable by a wonderful team of palliative care physicians and professionals.  

Around that same time, in Miami, Dr. Spouse and the kids encouraged me to take a walk outside, where we were greeted with this sight.

Marley was cremated on Friday, October 18, and a number of rituals and ceremonies were performed by his wife, daughters, and my uncle R, in accordance with Hindu tradition.  I was not able to be present for these events, but later that evening, Dr. Spouse, the kids and I all flew into New Orleans for the weekend.  

The memorial service was held on Saturday, October 19, and I don't know exactly how many people were in attendance, but if I had to guess, I’d say it was a few hundred.  He was so loved, and by so many - members of the family, the Indian community of New Orleans and other parts of the country, his community of colleagues and friends locally, and dozens of patients from his Parkinson’s support groups all came to pay their respects and offer their condolences to us all.  It was a bittersweet experience, to see how many folks shared our grief.

My aunt and cousins asked me to be the MC of the memorial service, and I don’t think I will ever be so deeply honored in my life as I was, to perform this duty in my uncle’s memory.

We arranged for the kids to be watched at my parents’ house in New Orleans during the memorial - my two kids along with my sister Rithers’ kids H2O and NiNi,, and my cousin Neets’ daughters S and M.  Later that evening, Marley’s wife, my aunt Shreeks, hosted the entire family at a gathering at her house, where an Indian community member and friend who owns several restaurants in the city had generously donated dinner for us all.  Shreeks and her daughters had requested that each of us come to the dinner prepared with a few funny and lighthearted videos of our kids, so we could have a short and hilarious film festival after dinner to help lighten our spirits and take our minds off of our grief for a few minutes.  It was a poignant gathering - the last time we’d all been together was back in August, only a few short weeks earlier, for Marley and Shreeks’ 50th anniversary party.  It was hard to believe that we were now sitting there without him.  But we did our best to enjoy each others’ company and carry on with our family traditions of joking and laughing together - I think we all can agree that its what he would have wanted.  

In Hindu ritual tradition, the thirteenth day after a person’s death is highly significant, and a number of important rituals take place on this day to honor the person’s journey from a member of the living family, to the installation of that person in the panoply of ancestors that watches over the family as guardians and protectors.  I wasn’t able to be present in New Orleans for this day, Friday, the 25th of October, but it was at the forefront of my mind when I went to bed the night before, and it was the first thing I thought of when I woke up. As soon as my eyes opened on this morning, I was aware of the fact that the sun had already risen, yet it was raining heavily.  I jumped out of bed and ran to the double doors in my bedroom that open up to my backyard, with its pool deck overlooking the lake behind our house.  And I was greeted with this sight:

All these rainbows.  I’ve never seen so many, in such vibrant color, in such a short time.  But here they are.  Each time I see one, I think three things:

1)  Oh, how beautiful.

2)  I’m going to miss Marley.

3)  Man - there he goes again, championing the liberal agenda.  You do you, Marley!  Love ya!  :)  (Marley was a bleeding heart liberal, a registered Democrat, and a kindred political spirit and role model to me)

Of course, the fourth and most poignant thought I have, and one that I hope is true - I imagine that Marley is being greeted in the Heavens by his parents, my grandfather and grandmother, and his sister JM, who tragically died in 1973 at the age of 24 during childbirth.  My grandmother and JM were both avid producers of kolams and rangolis - the South Indian artistic tradition of decorating the home’s threshold with colorful rice flour patterns, as a means of welcoming people into the house.  I imagine them both in the heavens, making spectacular kolams to welcome Marley home.  

My aunt had asked me to help find a meaningful passage or excerpt from the Buddhist to be read at the memorial service.  Although ultimately, the decision was made to read another excerpt, this one had really spoken to me about Marley.

selected excerpts from the Buddhist “Dhammapada”, book 26: The True Master

Wanting nothing With all your heart Stop the stream. When the world dissolves Everything becomes clear. Go beyond This way or that way, To the farther shore Where the world dissolves And everything becomes clear. Beyond this shore And the farthest shore, Beyond the beyond, Where there is no beginning, No end. Without fear, go. Meditate. Live purely. Be quiet. Do your work, with mastery.

...

Like water on the leaf of a lotus flower Or a mustard seed on the point of a needle, He does not cling. For he has reached the end of sorrow And has laid down his burden.

...

He wants nothing from this world And nothing from the next. He is free. Desiring nothing, doubting nothing, Beyond judgment and sorrow And the pleasures of the senses, He has moved beyond time. He is pure and free. ... Desire has left him, Never to return. Sorrow has left him, Never to return. He is calm. In him the seed of renewing life Has been consumed. He has conquered all the inner worlds. ... In him there is no yesterday, No tomorrow, No today. Possessing nothing, Wanting nothing. He is full of power. Fearless, wise, exalted. He has vanquished all things. He sees by virtue of his purity. ... He has come to the end of the way. All that he had to do, he has done. And now he is one.

I am writing a longer and more personal essay about what Marley has meant to me throughout my life.  It is filled with memories and episodes involving him from throughout my childhood, adolescence and adulthood, and really speaks to his wit, sensitivity, humor, intelligence, and trust that he had in me, and all his nieces and nephews, at a time when men of his generation and from his background were not necessarily known for their ability to engage with kids in an emotionally intelligent capacity like this.  I will definitely post the essay here, but I am going to try and get it published online somewhere else that might have more reach to speak to those who have been touched by Marley’s life.  I will update about this.

But for now, here are a smattering of pictures of Marley from the last few years - walking me down the aisle at my wedding along with his brother, my other uncle R.  Holding 3-month-old Vev.  Engaging both my kids with funny monkey videos on his iPhone just last summer.   Together with his siblings - my mom Ajima/VJ, my uncle R and my aunt VT.  Goofing around with my grandma, his mom J, before my cousin’s wedding a few years ago.  I imagine the two of them sitting on a sofa together somewhere up in Heaven, joking around and laughing, the Saints game probably on in the background.  At least, I hope so.

Marley - I am going to miss you so very much.  I am not sure how we are going to go on without you.  You were my uncle, and like another father to me - but you were also my mentor, cheerleader, comedic guru, and friend.  I will love you forever.

[jinandtonics]

YA Book Recs

@evens-naesheims​ wanted some YA book recommendations, and I’ve read a lot of them, as well as a few essays on them too. So these are just some of the ones that I’ve read over the years that I liked. I’ve also included links to free ebooks. Don’t click on the big ads though, there are text links that are smaller!

Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky

This is a pretty popular book, but for a reason. It handles mental illness as well as normal teenage stresses pretty well, in my opinion. The film is also very good! “The critically acclaimed debut novel from Stephen Chbosky, Perks follows observant “wallflower” Charlie as he charts a course through the strange world between adolescence and adulthood. First dates, family drama, and new friends. Sex, drugs, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Devastating loss, young love, and life on the fringes. Caught between trying to live his life and trying to run from it, Charlie must learn to navigate those wild and poignant roller-coaster days known as growing up.”

Noughts and Crosses (series) - Malorie Blackman

This is one of my favourite book series of all time, and is what got me into reading to start with. One literature degree later, and I still adore it. The first book works perfectly as a standalone story in my opinion, but I do really like the others too. There’s also a BBC miniseries in the works, and I’m excited.

“Two young people are forced to make a stand in this thought-provoking look at racism and prejudice in an alternate society. Sephy is a Cross - a member of the dark-skinned ruling class. Callum is a Nought - a “colourless” member of the underclass who were once slaves to the Crosses. The two have been friends since early childhood, but that’s as far as it can go. In their world, Noughts and Crosses simply don’t mix. Against a background of prejudice and distrust, intensely highlighted by violent terrorist activity, a romance builds between Sephy and Callum - a romance that is to lead both of them into terrible danger. Can they possibly find a way to be together?”

Two Boys Kissing - David Levithan

David Levithan writes a lot of stories about gay boys, but this is one of my favourite ones because it has a little diversity. Though the emphasis is on little, because most of the characters are white expect one black minor character and one that is ever-so vaguely hinted at being Korean. And bisexuality isn’t mentioned once. But apart from that, it’s very good and deals with a lot of different aspects of being a gay teenager.

“New York Times  bestselling author David Levithan tells the based-on-true-events story of Harry and Craig, two 17-year-olds who are about to take part in a 32-hour marathon of kissing to set a new Guinness World Record—all of which is narrated by a Greek Chorus of the generation of gay men lost to AIDS.

While the two increasingly dehydrated and sleep-deprived boys are locking lips, they become a focal point in the lives of other teen boys dealing with languishing long-term relationships, coming out, navigating gender identity, and falling deeper into the digital rabbit hole of gay hookup sites—all while the kissing former couple tries to figure out their own feelings for each other.”

I’ll Give You the Sun - Jandy Nelson

I read this book a little while ago. It does fall into some stereotypes at times, but overall it’s a nice read and it deals with a lot of different aspects of growing up.

“Jude and her twin brother, Noah, are incredibly close. At thirteen, isolated Noah draws constantly and is falling in love with the charismatic boy next door, while daredevil Jude cliff-dives and wears red-red lipstick and does the talking for both of them. But three years later, Jude and Noah are barely speaking. Something has happened to wreck the twins in different and dramatic ways . . until Jude meets a cocky, broken, beautiful boy, as well as someone else—an even more unpredictable new force in her life. The early years are Noah’s story to tell. The later years are Jude’s. What the twins don’t realize is that they each have only half the story, and if they could just find their way back to one another, they’d have a chance to remake their world.”

Annie on my Mind - Nancy Garden

This is one of the best books that deals with queer female teenagers, and it does it really well. It was written in 1987, so it was pretty groundbreaking for the time (no dead gays!) and has a genuine and believable relationship between the two main characters. I’ve been struggling to find good YA literature that has queer girls in it, so please let me know if you come across any! “This groundbreaking book is the story of two teenage girls whose friendship blossoms into love and who, despite pressures from family and school that threaten their relationship, promise to be true to each other and their feelings. The book has been banned from many school libraries and publicly burned in Kansas City.”

Slated (series) - Terri Terry

This suffers a little from Dystopia Trilogy Syndrome (I’m looking at you The Hunger Games and Divergent) as in the last book was a bit of a let down, but I remember really enjoying it when I read it a few years ago. I would recommend it to British readers. It’s set in the UK, and deals with the way that teenagers are punished by the UK justice system which is a large issue in the UK, less so now.

“Kyla’s memory has been erased, her personality wiped blank, her memories lost for ever. She’s been Slated.

The government claims she was a terrorist and that they are giving her a second chance - as long as she plays by their rules. But echoes of the past whisper in Kyla’s mind. Someone is lying to her, and nothing is as it seems. Who can she trust in her search for the truth?”

Books I’ve yet to read, but have been highly recommended: - Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli  - Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz - It’s Kind of a Funny Story - Ned Vizzini 

I hope this helps people and pls let me know if you have recommendations because I always need more books.

[lifeofaliterarynerd]

We Need Diverse Books: Mental Health Awareness month

All the Bright Places - Jennifer Niven // When Finch and Violet meet on the ledge of the bell tower at school, it’s unclear who saves whom. And when they pair up on a project to discover the “natural wonders” of their state, both Finch and Violet make more important discoveries: It’s only with Violet that Finch can be himself—a weird, funny, live-out-loud guy who’s not such a freak after all. And it’s only with Finch that Violet can forget to count away the days and start living them. But as Violet’s world grows, Finch’s begins to shrink.

Kat and Meg Conquer the World - Anna Priemaza // Kat and Meg couldn’t be more different. Kat’s anxiety makes it hard for her to talk to new people. The only place she feels safe is in front of her computer, playing her favorite video game. Meg hates being alone, but her ADHD keeps pushing people away. Friends. Her boyfriend. Even the stepfather who raised her. But when the two girls are thrown together for a year-long science project, they discover they do have one thing in common: their obsession with the online gaming star LumberLegs and his hilarious videos.

The Rest of Us Just Live Here - Patrick Ness // What if you aren’t the Chosen One? The one who’s supposed to fight the zombies, or the soul-eating ghosts, or whatever the heck this new thing is, with the blue lights and the death? What if you’re like Mikey? Who just wants to graduate and go to prom and maybe finally work up the courage to ask Henna out before someone goes and blows up the high school. Again. Because sometimes there are problems bigger than this week’s end of the world, and sometimes you just have to find the extraordinary in your ordinary life.

Wintergirls - Laurie Halse Anderson // Lia and Cassie are best friends, wintergirls frozen in matchstick bodies, competitors in a deadly contest to see who can be the skinniest. But what comes after size zero and size double-zero? When Cassie succumbs to the demons within, Lia feels she is being haunted by her friend’s restless spirit.

Finding Audrey - Sophie Kinsella // An anxiety disorder disrupts fourteen-year-old Audrey’s daily life. She has been making slow but steady progress with Dr. Sarah, but when Audrey meets Linus, her brother’s gaming teammate, she is energized. She connects with him. Audrey can talk through her fears with Linus in a way she’s never been able to do with anyone before. As their friendship deepens and her recovery gains momentum, a sweet romantic connection develops, one that helps not just Audrey but also her entire family.

Every Last Word - Tamara Ireland Stone // Samantha McAllister looks just like the rest of the popular girls in her junior class. But hidden beneath the straightened hair and expertly applied makeup is a secret that her friends would never understand: Sam has Purely-Obsessional OCD and is consumed by a stream of dark thoughts and worries that she can't turn off.

I’ll Give You the Sun - Jandy Nelson // Jude and her twin brother, Noah, are incredibly close. At thirteen, isolated Noah draws constantly and is falling in love with the charismatic boy next door, while daredevil Jude cliff-dives and wears red-red lipstick and does the talking for both of them. But three years later, Jude and Noah are barely speaking. Something has happened to wreck the twins in different and dramatic ways . . until Jude meets a cocky, broken, beautiful boy, as well as someone else—an even more unpredictable new force in her life.

Saving Francesca - Melina Marchetta // Francesca is stuck at St. Sebastian’s, a boys' school that pretends it's coed by giving the girls their own bathroom. Her only female companions are an ultra-feminist, a rumored slut, and an impossibly dorky accordion player. The boys are no better, from Thomas, who specializes in musical burping, to Will, the perpetually frowning, smug moron that Francesca can't seem to stop thinking about. Then there's Francesca's mother, who always thinks she knows what's best for Francesca—until she is suddenly stricken with acute depression, leaving Francesca lost, alone, and without an inkling of who she really is.

The Impossible Knife of Memory - Laurie Halse Anderson // For the past five years, Hayley Kincain and her father, Andy, have been on the road, never staying long in one place as he struggles to escape the demons that have tortured him since his return from Iraq. Now they are back in the town where he grew up so Hayley can attend school. Perhaps, for the first time, Hayley can have a normal life, put aside her own painful memories, even have a relationship with Finn, the hot guy who obviously likes her but is hiding secrets of his own.

The Sky is Everywhere - Jandy Nelson // Seventeen-year-old Lennie Walker, bookworm and band geek, plays second clarinet and spends her time tucked safely and happily in the shadow of her fiery older sister, Bailey. But when Bailey dies abruptly, Lennie is catapulted to center stage of her own life - and, despite her nonexistent history with boys, suddenly finds herself struggling to balance two.

Will Grayson, Will Grayson - David Levithan & John Green // It's not that far from Evanston to Naperville, but Chicago suburbanites Will Grayson and Will Grayson might as well live on different planets. When fate delivers them both to the same surprising crossroads, the Will Graysons find their lives overlapping and hurtling in new and unexpected directions. With a push from friends new and old - including the massive, and massively fabulous, Tiny Cooper, offensive lineman and musical theater auteur extraordinaire - Will and Will begin building toward respective romantic turns-of-heart and the epic production of history's most awesome high school musical.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky //  Follow observant “wallflower” Charlie as he charts a course through the strange world between adolescence and adulthood. First dates, family drama, and new friends. Sex, drugs, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Devastating loss, young love, and life on the fringes. Caught between trying to live his life and trying to run from it, Charlie must learn to navigate those wild and poignant roller-coaster days known as growing up.

It’s Kind of a Funny Story - Ned Vizzini // Ambitious New York City teenager Craig Gilner is determined to succeed at life - which means getting into the right high school to get into the right job. But once Craig aces his way into Manhattan's Executive Pre-Professional High School, the pressure becomes unbearable. He stops eating and sleeping until, one night, he nearly kills himself. Craig's suicidal episode gets him checked into a mental hospital, where his new neighbors include a transsexual sex addict, a girl who has scarred her own face with scissors, and the self-elected President Armelio. There, Craig is finally able to confront the sources of his anxiety.

When We Collided - Emery Lord // Jonah never thought a girl like Vivi would come along. Vivi didn’t know Jonah would light up her world. Neither of them expected a summer like this…a summer that would rewrite their futures.

My Heart and Other Black Holes - Jasmine Warga // Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness.  There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone.

[jennichante]

10 Books I love

As 13 Reasons Why is such a hot topic, I figured I would share some books that I personally. Note: I also love 13 Reasons Why and read it twice but I wanted to show some other books.

1.  Willow by Julia Hoban Seven months ago, on a rainy March night, sixteen-year- old Willow's parents drank too much wine and asked her to drive them home. They never made it. Willow lost control of the car and her parents died in the accident. Now she has left behind her old home, friends, and school, and blocks the pain by secretly cutting herself. But when Willow meets Guy, a boy as sensitive and complicated as she is, she begins an intense, life-changing relationship that turns her world upside down. Told in an arresting, fresh voice, Willow is an unforgettable novel about one girl's struggle to cope with tragedy, and one boy's refusal to give up on her.

2.  Some Boys by Patty Blouny Some girls say no. Some boys don't listen. When Grace meets Ian, she's afraid. Afraid he'll reject her like the rest of the school, like her own family. After she accuses Zac, the town golden boy, of rape, everyone turns against her. Ian wouldn't be the first to call her a slut and a liar. Except Ian doesn't reject her. He's the one person who looks past the taunts and the names and the tough-girl act to see the real Grace. He's the one who gives her the courage to fight back. He's also Zac's best friend.

3. The List by Siobhan Vivian It happens every year before homecoming -- the list is posted all over school. Two girls are picked from each grade. One is named the prettiest, one the ugliest. The girls who aren't picked are quickly forgotten. The girls who are become the center of attention, and each reacts differently to the experience. With THE LIST, Siobhan Vivian deftly takes you into the lives of eight very different girls struggling with issues of identity, self-esteem, and the judgments of their peers. Prettiest or ugliest, once you're on the list, you'll never be the same.

4.  Hate List by Jennifer Brown Five months ago, Valerie Leftman's boyfriend, Nick, opened fire on their school cafeteria. Shot trying to stop him, Valerie inadvertently saved the life of a classmate, but was implicated in the shootings because of the list she helped create. A list of people and things she and Nick hated. The list he used to pick his targets. Now, after a summer of seclusion, Val is forced to confront her guilt as she returns to school to complete her senior year. Haunted by the memory of the boyfriend she still loves and navigating rocky relationships with her family, former friends, and the girl whose life she saved, Val must come to grips with the tragedy that took place and her role in it, in order to make amends and move on with her life.

5. Cut by Patricia McCormick A tingle arced across my scalp. The floor tipped up at me and my body spiraled away. Then I was on the ceiling looking down, waiting to see what would happen next. Callie cuts herself. Never too deep, never enough to die. But enough to feel the pain. Enough to feel the scream inside. Now she's at Sea Pines, a "residential treatment facility" filled with girls struggling with problems of their own. Callie doesn't want to have anything to do with them. She doesn't want to have anything to do with anyone. She won't even speak. But Callie can only stay silent for so long....

6.  It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini Like many ambitious New York City teenagers, Craig Gilner sees entry into Manhattan's Executive Pre-Professional High School as the ticket to his future. Determined to succeed at life-which means getting into the right high school to get into the right college to get the right job-Craig studies night and day to ace the entrance exam, and does. That's when things start to get crazy. At his new school, Craig realizes that he isn't brilliant compared to the other kids; he's just average, and maybe not even that. He soon sees his once-perfect future crumbling away. The stress becomes unbearable and Craig stops eating and sleeping-until, one night, he nearly kills himself. Craig's suicidal episode gets him checked into a mental hospital, where his new neighbors include a transsexual sex addict, a girl who has scarred her own face with scissors, and the self-elected President Armelio. There, isolated from the crushing pressures of school and friends, Craig is finally able to confront the sources of his anxiety. Ned Vizzini, who himself spent time in a psychiatric hospital, has created a remarkably moving tale about the sometimes unexpected road to happiness. For a novel about depression, it's definitely a funny story. (Sadly, he ended his own life in 2013)

7.  Forever . . . by Judy Blume Is there a difference between first love and true love? Judy Blume’s groundbreaking novel about teen sexuality has a fresh new look. The bed is brass, covered with a patchwork quilt, and “nice and firm,” Michael says, “in case you’re interested.” Katherine is interested. Katherine and Michael are in love, and Katherine knows it’s forever—especially after she loses her virginity to him. But when they’re separated for the summer, she begins to have feelings for another boy. What does this say about her love for Michael? And what does “forever” mean, anyway? Is this the love of a lifetime, or the very beginning of a lifetime of love? (was banned from many schools due to its detailed depictions of sexual intercourse, implications of the homosexuality from Artie, and because the protagonist, Katherine, uses birth control. Criticism of the novel often comes from religious groups and pro-abstinence groups who consider the use of 'the pill' unsuitable.)

8. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky The critically acclaimed debut novel from Stephen Chbosky, Perks follows observant “wallflower” Charlie as he charts a course through the strange world between adolescence and adulthood. First dates, family drama, and new friends. Sex, drugs, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Devastating loss, young love, and life on the fringes. Caught between trying to live his life and trying to run from it, Charlie must learn to navigate those wild and poignant roller-coaster days known as growing up. A #1 New York Times best seller for more than a year, an American Library Association Best Book for Young Adults (2000) and Best Book for Reluctant Readers (2000), and with millions of copies in print, this novel for teen readers (or “wallflowers” of more-advanced age) will make you laugh, cry, and perhaps feel nostalgic for those moments when you, too, tiptoed onto the dance floor of life.

9.  Just Listen by Sarah Dessen To find the truth you’ve got to be willing to hear it. When she’s modeling, Annabel is the picture of perfection. But her real life is far from perfect. Fortunately, she’s got Owen. He’s intense, music-obsessed, and dedicated to always telling the truth. And most of all, he’s determined to make Annabel happy. . .

10. Define "Normal" by Julie Ann Peters This thoughtful, wry story is about two girls--a "punk" and a "priss"--who find themselves facing each other in a peer-counseling program and discover that they have some surprising things in common.