#which is not smart but im here crying ont he verge of an anxiety attack because i hate that this is life right now
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#i hate this i hate this i hate this i am spiraling#my mom is supposed to help me do my 2nd round of PT every night because my brother helps me do the first#weve been doing this every night#i texted her the same time i always do#she said she was asleep and to ask my little brother but he does too much he helps me every day and does a lot and helps me with showering#i told her to tell me when she gets home so i can do things earlier or just know so i dont wait til too late because i have no idea#she said she was home since 5 as if that was consistent?#as if i was supposed to somehow know when she didnt tell me and i didnt see or hear her at all?#she even stopped calling me on the way home from work so#how the fuck am i supposed to know#so she tells me to ask my little brother but i am not he does way to fucking much for me already#my mom tries to get out of doing everything if she fucking can that is how she has always been and will volunteer other people to do shit#so im doing what i can without anyones help#which is not smart but im here crying ont he verge of an anxiety attack because i hate that this is life right now#and that i cant do everything by myself and that i hate myself and i hate this#i want to fucking kms because i cannot handle being like this#and god am i so fucking tired of having suicidal thoughts but not acting on them because then i feel like a coward who cries wolf#fuck everything#i hate ffucking life
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