#and that i cant do everything by myself and that i hate myself and i hate this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rapidhighway · 3 months

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guy who's been everywhere and knows everyone

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic #sth #god i needed to draw something different im stuck and i hate everything i draw #i dont have the the theee energy or whatever i cant get myself to work on my art and it sucks #and idk what to do about it #ughhh #im just making ugly doodles that i hate and i feel even worse please sonic help meee save meeee #art #fanart #digital art

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icewindandboringhorror · 23 days

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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?

*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)

*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)

(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )

(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)

#polls #tumblr polls #I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup #the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli #section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff #so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just #blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most #neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol #I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me #but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T #I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee #person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times #But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol #And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly #When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one #sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it #Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something #Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and #coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single #coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to #have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus #make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as #possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get #to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol

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xenomorphicdna · 11 months

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On the string propaganda

Heeellll yeah

Bestie is an entire PLACE

I look at those guys and let me tell you the soul of that thing ain't just in the puppet, it's in all the neurons carrying the thoughts and emotions, it's in the power rails that serve as the heart. All the memories in the memory conflux and all the numbers we see flicker across displays, the flux condensers, the puppet; a little avatar.

No way these massive machines see life the same way we do. They have their own experiences and senses and things they hold dear. A world we can't imagine, a way of living we couldn't even comprehend.

I could never tear an iterator apart to be just a puppet. Who am I to decide how's life supposed to be enjoyed or perceived?

You treat your creechurs however you want- I ain't gonna dictate that. But damn, hearing the thrums and buzzes of the linear systems rail? They are alive with so much power, these mechanical beasts are exactly what they should be.

#sorry im just a really passionate on the string believer #you cant tell me that these massive structures kilometers wide capable of things we cant even image would look at something thats #thats comparable to a speck of dust and be like #yes i would like to rid myself of practically my entire body to be that tiny #this aint no “if i were a supercomputer i'd be sad i couldnt see the sky like i do now”#thats only because you have something to compare it to #if i were to suddenly loose everything to be just some microscopic creature i'd be miserable but only because i know what im loosing #id be loosing the ability to think like i do now id be loosing the ability to enjoy the things i do now #i dont know what life is like as a microscopic creature but i wouldnt be willing to give up my life as i know it now #and i think with iterators are the same #just how different is their life from ours and what things can they see that we are missing out on?#give up everything comfortable and known and for what??#to feel the sun? they absolutely have various temperature sensors #see the sky? those overseers were made to see things those visuals are in 4k #other animal comforts?? what about computer comforts??#what makes a lil creature happy may not necessary make a massive supercomputer happy #sorry big rant in the tags um just wanna say this is no hate to anyone who wants their creatures off the string #these are fictional beings and you do whatever makes you happy take them off the string set them loose yess enjoy little robots running #around be happy i love reading ya alls off the string shenanigans #rain world #iterator #drawins #oc veil of dreams #rw talk #rain world oc #iterator oc

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moonlume · 7 months

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tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything

#man i started tagging this and i cant even bring myself to do it. hashtag art hashtag illustration hashtag capitalism.#sorry to be sadposting... tumblr is the only place i can admit ive actually been really really struggling with my love for art...#i should be grateful. i should be thankful for the fact that i can do art as my job. i shouldnt be whining about it like this.#but theres a hole in my soul where my joy for creating used to be and i dont know how to fix it. i want to love to draw again.#its been like this for probably over a year now and i dont know what to do. i cant abandon everything ive been working on for 7 years.#im also unemployable. so its not like i would dare to quit moonlume...but i just want to find joy in it again...#but capitalism has dug its wretched claws into my skull so badly that everything has been feeling incredibly soulless. i hate it.#anyway. might delete this later. its unprofessional but this is the one website where i can let go of professionalism for 5min and be human.#i dont hate what i do and i really am thankful..i just i wish i wasnt so stressed about making everything look good and perfect and sellable #but at this point its subconsciously connected to my survival that every time i think about drawing i stress myself out before i even start #ugh idk. neither here nor there. cant quit but dont feel connected to my work but cant change what i do or i will alienate my audience 👍

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grzybjek · 1 year

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Stuff that I wont finish and doodles that arent worth posting on instagram. Enjoy these tumblr i love tumblr

#i literally can post whatever I want and i dont feel anxious about it #i love sharing my art even if its unfinished ans i dont like it #i cant bring myself to finish anything recently by thr way. im awfully art blocked #i literally think everything i make recently is so bad and i struggle with the simplest drawings. idk what to do anymore honestly #but i had fun drawing these things today #not to mention like other 30 sketches i made today that are just outright BAD and i hate them

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skunkes · 10 months

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i have soooo much more i cld say abt him, and have explored more thru other doodles, but quick summary of talon's whole deal, which is subject to change still as he's only almost 2 yrs old as an oc

#oc text #obvs sparse description of the events bc i dont mean for it to be gratuitous #even if i decided to explore it further in some medium the focus wouldnt be gratuitous ykwim #not that there werent awful stuff within that but my focus with talon is also more exploration of like #even stuff that isnt a big deal (which it wasnt at first) can effect someone greatly #and then once it does get a bit worse the focus is still more on the effects of how he views himself and the aftermath #AS WELL AS LIKE. well. did i do this to myself? i went back. do i deserve this?#he's a lot like me and the reason i like the self insert dynamic is bc he thinks of cheye as Me If It Didnt All Go Horribly #bc ive not gone thru the Extreme but i have had interactions with ppl who very enthusiastically thought i was ummmm underage!!!#while they were already being creepy toward me and making me nervous abt my safety !#so this isnt ''he's umm 400 but looks 12 bc i want to do weird shit with him 😏'' dude drawing him Fed makes me so sad sometimes...#we're also weird eating buddies <3 #and grief buddies <3 he actually further spawned out of my need to deal with a lot of family members passing away in such a short time #severe death phobia buddies...#i still dont know how he really feels about his Old Wrinkly Form btw all i know is he feels safe in it #as much as id love to sway toward ''he thinks he's hot like that. because he is.'' i also dont want to convey the wrong message wrt this #form being due to....disordered eating caused by Issues. ykwim #though! he can shapeshift quite well when he's fed and maybe he'd choose that form willingly if he ever got. Past everything #he does hate that he never gets to actually age...! he wishes he cld age normally like a mortal...(still scared of dying though)#but we cant knoww for certain yet ykwim. maybe he'll let me know soon.#my issue with talon other than i suck at plots is well he has too many of my issues. and. idk how to solve them.#he's growing with me.#oh and have we noticed he's mean to me when *im* being mean to me...MANY such metaphors #ok goodnite

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haunted-xander · 1 year

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This started as just a redraw of an old Chiluc comic except I got carried away so. here ya go!

#chiluc is so so so complicated to me #diluc hates the fatui and everything they do and stand for but when met with someone who does everything for those he cares about hed cave #and childe knows what hes doing is fucked up but doesnt care enough to change paths and he doesnt get how diluc can look past that #bc diluc is angry and justifyably vengeful yet he treats childe like hes normal #despite bring well aware of what childe does and his stance on it #and it confuses him so much it makes him uncomfortable #bc diluc has rigid morals that he wont budge on yet can still look childe in the eyes without wanting to kill him #its a big ol 'wtf why do u like me stop that. thats weird. im weird and bad and fucked up u cant like that.'#and 'why do i like this guy hes everything ive dedicated myself to eradicating yet i cant bring myself to do so without express reasoning'#its a MESS #childe #tartaglia #ajax #diluc ragnvindr #chiluc #genshin impact #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art

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diaryofanirlprincess · 2 months

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When no one sees the obvious cries for help<<<

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autisticlee · 1 year

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is it an autistic experience to ALWAYS be the one in a friend group who gets left out, alienated, secretly disliked, then kicked out of the group?

#autistic #autism #actually autistic #autism things #asking autistics #i want/need a friend group but it ALWAYS GOES BAD!!!!!!!! AND ITS SOMEHOW ALWAYS MY FAULT?! idk what im doing wrong. people suck.#but i need people and i hate that about me. why cant i split myself in half a few times #or learn how to do group activities alone....like playing tennis. going to the amusement park ive wanred to go to since i was a kid.#drive alone on long trips where i will fall asleep but talk to myself so i dont or something. walk on the park trails alone where people #get kidnapped and stuff when alone. go to a convention and cosplay a group of characters alone. one for each finger....#if you cant tell im being sarcastic. and doing a bad job. sighs. i hate that i have to do everything i need/want a group for alone because #i cant make friends or make groups keep me in them. assuming because im autistic and they hate me 🙃#eother that or im a piece of shit and dont realize it!!!!! how am i supposed to know when no one tells me!!!! 😭😭😭😭#so is it actually me and my fault or is it because im autistic and people just do this to us for some reason #autism stuff

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castielsprostate · 3 months

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killing myself i can't do this anymore

#i can't i can't I can't I can't I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE #printer hate #EVERYTHING I TRY IT DOESN'T FUCKINK WORK WHAT THE FUCK #GLOSSY SETTING? NO #MATTE SETTING???? NO!#ANY OTHER PAPER?? IT BASICALLY TELLS ME TO KILL MYSELF #KILLING MYSELF #AROGH

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martyrbat · 2 years

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[ID: an uncoloured drawing for a panel next to the publicized version. They're both from the comic Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #194. In them, Batman is shown from the waist up. He's looking at Jim Gordon, who's off panel, with a penitent expression after being accused of something he secretly did do. He has his palm pressed against his chest and is blocking the bat emblem as his other hand is clasped ontop of it. In the initial drawing, there's a halo floating above his head as well as several tiny hearts mixed in with the lights that surround him. In the publicized panel, the hearts and halo has been removed and two speech bubbles have been added. He's in front of a terra rose background and is starting to say, “Jim, I don't even know what you're...” But Jim cuts him off, saying, “Stop it. I'm tired of this.”

The third photo is a description of the drawing from the artist's (Seth Fisher) website. It reads: This is another page that the DC editors changed: no halos or hearts around Batman, no matter how (disingenuously) contrite he is. In the final edition, the halo and heart in the center bottom frame have been excised.]

#happy sad boy sunday !!!#this counts because he's getting broken up with and because im sad bc they removed the halo and hearts #included the link to the website on the word too :3 in case any of u wanted to see his unpublished work too #deleting a big ol rant that no one cares about but basically:#hate seeing how much creativity and personality gets edited and removed despite it being the artist's job & how you have rememberable #and remarkable art. i get the editors got an important job but at the same time at what point do you allow art and personality to exist #just to make comics more fun to read/look at instead of basing everything on a capitalistic stoic reputation that #youre responsible for creating?? turning batman into a symbol of unwavering compassion and empathy and the reminder theres always stars #even on the darkest night if you remember to look up. him going from being a symbol of hope and humanity to being a character #that cant fucking have a heart or visual compassion out of fear they cant market him more or ruin that fragile reputation.#they make editing decisions based on it as a product instead of it as a character/story or an artform and god does it show.#happy sad boy sunday bc shutting down artistic freedom and expressionism for capitalistic reasonings is making me want to shoot myself 🥰🥰#c: batman: legends of the dark knight | i: 194 #crypt's panels #batman #posts from the crypt

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narmothewraith · 2 months

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How I imagine myself (aka want to be)