#which is silly bc i dont have to choose between two places

[kisses4lao]

Ok so I was thinking about a smut with a leech and wanted to ask you to do (i love how u write)

What about a AFAB!reader that likes to open her mouth and sometimes you do it without realizing it.

I read somewhere that eels have it like an invitation to mate or something like that (dont remember so much)

And about if is jade or floyd… well, both are my favs so I cant choose. What works better I guess

EEK TYSM!!! I feel as tho floyd would fit this better bc jade is a smart boy, probs knows that humans just open their mouths wide for random shit but floyd

...

Hes a lil stupid when it comes to these things(I love him I swear)

10/10, would fuck in the VIP room again

-floyd probably lmao(also the name of the fic)

♧CW!!! fem reader, breeding kink yas slay, unsafe sex(wear condoms kids), degrading(? Floyd calls us a slut for yawning around other men but he loves us 🤞), little to no foreplay hes too hawny, semi public sex, pwp?, mentions of jade but light, none that I can think of right now but floyd is such a silly little goose(im terrified of him)

NOT PROOFREAD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

♧ you were originally here to study.

Seeing as your boyfriend, Floyd, was nowhere to be seen. Sitting in the mostro lounge while waiting for Floyd to be on break was a normal occurrence.

Since it had been awhile with slight glimpses of him taking care of customers, you decided to start studying on your own. Opening up a text book and starting to read and take notes, Jade comes over with your order.

"Apologies for my brother taking so long. The customers he has are being seriously rude, we're trying our best to have him not squish them." Jade says as he places your tea on the table in front of you.

"How long will he be?" You ask as you take a small sip of your tea. Jade rests his chin on his hand as he closes his eyes, seemingly in thought.

"Soon." He simply says as he walks away.

Although odd, you've gotten used to Jades strange behavior. As you were about to return to studying, you spotted Floyd waiting on the table across from you. He shoots you a smile before turning back to his customers.

You took that as a sign to go back to studying. Flipping open your text book, you begin to take notes again. As you get further into the book, your eyelids begin to feel heavy. Resting your head on your hand, you start to close your eyes for longer periods once blinking.

As you began to drift off to a light sleep, you felt yourself yawning as you began to shift in your chair.

Having finally settled in a comfortable position, you begin to get lulled into a peaceful sleep by the surround sound of calming music in the lounge.

Drifting off, you get woken up by a sudden loud noise. "Boo!" It was Floyd, creeping up behind you just to scare you awake. Playfully punching his chest as you complain about how you just fell asleep, he takes your hand, leading you off somewhere.

"Floyd, where are you taking me?" You say between giggles. "Somewhere, it'll be fun, I promise." He says as he gives you a wink.

He leads you to the VIP room, which usually isn't occupied by anyone, like now. Just the two of you. He turns around to lock the door, he turns back to you, eyes widened with an unpleasant look on his face.

"That thing you did out there, I cant believe you did it infront of other men. Do you understand what they may think now? Think im not your boyfriend? Think I dont treat you well enough?" Confusion. All you felt in the moment was pure confusion.

"Floyd, what the fuck are you talking about? I was just studying, nothing happened." You could tell he was getting frustrated. "That thing! Where you opened your mouth wide!"

"You mean yawning? The.... thing people do.... when they're tired?"

"You can't do that around merfolk." Oh. Oh? This seems like something you can tease him on.

"Oh? And whys that, Mr eel boy?" You say as you chuckle. Somehow, floyd got even more pissed at this, he slammed both your arms above you and against the wall behind you, eyes still wide, and very much angry.

"You don't understand what you're doing. You're making a mating invite by doing that, what if the other merfolk saw? Or worse, what if Jade saw?"

"Floyd im sorry okay, I didn't mean to, seriously-" you were cut off by him smashing his lips onto yours, you fed into it, not resisting in the slightest.

He began to sink his head down to your neck, making soft bites on it and licking up the semi bloody aftermath. "If you want to act like a slut, then I'll fuck you like one." He says before digging his open hend into the flesh of your thigh and biting down on your collar bone.

You choke out a groan at the sudden pain as floyd slowly kisses the bite, making it feel more pleasurable than anything.

Once hes done, he looks up at you. "You're okay with this, right?"

"Yeah, just don't do anything stupid." You're able to say between puffs of hot air. Giving you a smile, he hooks his finger under the strap of your panties, taking his other hand off your wrists. Sliding down the peice of fabric while biting off his glove, he starts to suck on your neck as he begins to work his fingers into you.

Taking his thumb and rubbing it over your clit as he slowly sinks two fingers inside you. You moan out as he begins to curl them in you, sucking on the bite mark you made earlier.

"F-fuck... I cant take it anymore." Floyd groans out as he unbuckles his belt. Lining up his thick cock with your hole, "You're sure you're okay with this, right?" He says one last time in a panted breath.

"Yes just... don't do anything stupid-" and you were cut off once again by him doing something stupid.

He thrusts his whole length into you at once, earning a low, throaty groan from him as you were just trying to find stability. He takes both you thighs and wraps them around his waist, being able to hit much deeper in the position.

Mere seconds later, all the pain you felt turned into pure, absolute pleasure as he started fucking you against the wall.

Filling the room with moans of utter bliss from the both of you, having Floyd come completely undone after minutes. "I'm gonna fill you up so fucking good- make everyone know you're mine- have those other eel bitches know if you're gonna be a slut, you're gonna be mine, understood?"

You're barely able to make his words out as you start to feel lightheaded from the pleasure. His grip on you tightens as you feel him twitch inside you. "Fuck, im gonna-" he was cut off by a powerful moan as he came inside you, slowing down his pace in the process.

Floyd slowly sinks down to the floor as he places you down on it, leaving you for a moment as he grabs a wash cloth. He starts to clean you in silence, waiting for you to say something. You were too tired to speak, however.

Once you're clean, he makes himself presentable again as he picks you up and walks you back to your table. Once he sets you down, he walks off and brings back a bottle of water and some snacks.

"Dont worry, they're on me." He says with a wink.

As he turns to walk away, you grab onto his sleeve to get his attention. He leans in close to hear you over the bustling crowd. "Floyd, I didn't get to fini-" he places his index finger over your mouth.

"Now, now, I didn't forget my dear, I promise. If you're good today then I'll double it tonight, hm?" And with that, he walks off and returns to his job where jade and azul kept yelling at him for bailing.

As you sit in silence while occasionally looking over at Floyd, he makes eye contact with you while being yelled at. Going back to you table, you realize something, your tea has gone cold.

Oh dear, whoever will you call over to replace it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/n: i had no clue how to end this fic wiwhwihsiwow im going insane

[tidalcreek]

tumblr user @tashimione i would love to.

IN MY ARWEN UNIVERSE aragorn and arwen are lesbians and arwen is much more involved with aragorn’s plot because they are a dream team. tolkien knew arwen was an underdeveloped character so he literally cant blame me for this! for simplicity im going on what i would change about the movies so im also bound by that format and i am actively trying not to think about how long this post is gonna be. BUT what that au would look like is:

we still meet arwen for the first time in the 'ranger caught off (her) guard' scene, and arwen still takes frodo to rivendell because i think that's cool of her. this sets up a very collaborative and equal relationship between aragorn and arwen that will continue throughout the movies (i saw a post recently about how the scene where they discuss getting frodo to rivendell changes everything you thought you knew about aragorn from the beginning of fotr, and shows you she's Not actually a mysterious loner and she does rely on arwen as much as arwen does on her. which is a VERY sexy take)

arwen is at the council of elrond-- she doesn't join the fellowship but she's involved! she has a stake in this. also i think that she and legolas should have a silly little friendship

elrond gives anduril to aragorn in rivendell. i love the rotk scene as much as the next person but im changing this bc a) ive never liked that it makes aragorn's worthiness hinge on whether or not she has anduril, instead of her being given it at the beginning of the journey and having to grow into the kingship as she carries the symbol of it at her side. and b) the movie scene messes things up for this au so to rivendell it goes

we still have the scene where arwen gives aragorn the evenstar but with different dialogue-- we're gonna b spending more screentime on this dynamic so we are NOT going to knock out all their backstory with one scene. in fact we are not even going to let them talk about arwen choosing a mortal life-- elrond can allude to that in a side conversation with arwen before aragorn leaves rivendell, but it's not a choice that she's actually made yet

moving on from rivendell through the end of fotr, we have a flashback or two w material from the tale of aragorn and arwen so we know whats going on there (love story of all time). this is where we get actual setup of arwen's Choice that's going to drive her plot, and also more emotional setup of aragorn's kingship and her reluctance about it (we fit 'all that is gold does not glitter' in here perhaps?)

in the first half of two towers we have a couple more flashbacks or scenes to set up arwen's plotline in tt/rotk. we move the arwen/elrond tension from rotk to tt, but stop short of arwen Making Her Choice; instead she and elrond fight and she takes the army to helm's deep without his permission (knowing that she's only postponing her decision)

like i just think it would be neat if arwen came to helm's deep like pj was going to have her do. she can fight! if they were gonna add elves to that anyway she could at least have caught a ride from rivendell with them. she shows up leading the army and we have an aragorn arwen reunion and she makes friends with eowyn and she kicks some ass. she has a thranduil botfa moment of seeing all the death around her and contemplating Mortality, which sets up her rotk arc

rotk: in place of elrond bringing anduril to aragorn, we have an aragorn arwen scene where arwen decides she has to go back to rivendell and take the ship to valinor. it is heartwrenchingly sad and we all cry but we don't blame arwen for fearing death and we love aragorn for letting her go. aragorn takes the dimholt road and arwen sets off back to rivendell

now we have parallel scenes-- aragorn in the paths of the dead and arwen riding alone across the westfold. this is where arwen has her vision of old aragorn with their son (they can have lesbian biological kids fuck you). it's all extremely dramatic and a big moment on 2 fronts: aragorn claiming her title and kingship for the first time to summon the dead, and arwen realizing she's making the wrong choice and turning back around. both of them making choices that they can't unmake!

on the way back to the rohirrim arwen runs into ghan buri ghan (hi king) and secures the army's passage through the druadan forest (and to justify taking up screentime with this, the druedain probably join the rohirrim and go to gondor even though that's not really the point of them)

anyway arwen rides to gondor with the rohirrim and fights on the pelennor fields; aragorn gets there with the army of the dead; they reunite on the battlefield after the fighting ends and it is the most justified high romantic drama youve ever seen. this is where we finally get i would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone. and we parallel this with merry and pippin's reunion bc gay rights

i havent seen the extended editions in a while so i dont remember exactly what happens between pelennor and the march to the black gate. i think it's mostly houses of healing + aragorn looking in the palantir? anyway arwen is there

arwen rides to the black gate with everyone else and flies her own standard of evenstar thank you very much :) i think it would also be fun if she fired a warning arrow at the mouth of sauron instead of aragorn killing him (since thats like. a war crime?). in my mind arwen is the fiery one in the arawen dynamic and she's more likely to react impulsively to the mouth taunting them with the mithril shirt

anyway arwen charges the black gate with the others and the rest of the movie wraps up as it normally does except for arwen appearing at the coronation (instead she just finally gets to see elrond again which is great). and you get to be happy for aragorn and arwen with some EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT behind it because youve had THREE MOVIES of their backstory and intertwining arcs instead of the bare minimum scenes! this is so much and im deeply sorry i have lesbian arawen disorder!!

[vampireqrow-moved]

um its my birthday so wait until 12:01am pst to block me if u hate this post 🥰🥰

long story short the pansexual label is redudant and actively harmful (its far from the worst problem bisexuals face but it is one issue) and i dont hate anyone who identifies as pan because A) those ppl are bi like me and B) i used to identify as pan myself.

if thats enough for you to block me and make a callout post for me then i cant stop you but pretty please either read this whole thing or just wait a few minutes for my bday to end 🥰🥰

anyways im kicking off this point with some personal experiences bc i love to talk to myself. i got introduced to the pan label at maybe 10ish years old, and started identifying with it pretty much right away. i heard about it before bisexual and it was pitched as attraction to all genders and of course trans people. i was of course a trans ally! i had trans friends! i was trans also but hadnt figured it out yet! the way i had heard of it, there was no bisexual, there was no need for bisexual, and identifying differently was excluding trans people, which I was certainly against. being bisexual was trans exclusionary and why would i exclude trans people? the 'hearts not parts' slogan was thriving around this time and i genuinely said it and meant it.

as i started to become more online, mostly through roleplaying websites and tumblr here, i started hearing of bisexuality. it was supposedly an older term, so older people still used it, but it was common knowledge that pansexual was the better, inclusive label and younger people should adopt the new inclusive language instead of the old and transphobic words like bisexual. /s

and then bi and pan solidarity was all the rage! pansexual wasnt erasing bisexuality, why did anyone ever think that? bi and pan were two separate and complete identities that were valid and had to be respected or youre a mean exclusionist. and an asexual person, hearing people labelled exclusionist always meant they were excluding people from the lgbta community who rightfully belonged, denying peoples lived experiences, and generally telling people theyre wrong about their sexuality because theyre too young. and all of those things were bad and had hurt me, so it would be ridiculous to change labels and support "pan exclusionists" because they were just as bad as ace and aro exclusionists, and they were all the same people. or so it seemed to me at that time.

then, 'hearts not parts' began getting called out for blatant transphobic by insinuating that pansexual was the only identity that loved people for their "hearts" and personalities instead of those gross gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and even straights who only saw people for their "parts". (STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE NOT OPPRESSED. I AM MERELY POINTING OUT THAT PANSEXUALITY WAS SHOWN AS ABOVE ALL OTHERS.) many pan people, including myself, began to denounce the slogan and insist pansexuality wasnt transphobic, there had just been a coincidence that a transphobic slogan was everywhere and a huge part of people's explantions of and associations with pansexuality. hint: it wasnt a coincidence.

from my perspective, this is when i began to see people discussing dropping the word pansexual. that seemed to be a huge step from getting rid off a transphobic slogan, and these people were just meanies who hated microlabels. and i like microlabels! as a genderfluid person, and someone who has friends who use specific aro and acespec labels, ive seen how people can use them to name specific experiences while still acknowleging their presence underneath umbrella terms like aromantic, asexual, nonbinary, lgbta, and for some people, queer.

pansexuals dont do that. they dont label pansexuality as a specific set of experiences under the bisexual umbrella, they see themselves as a separate identity, and even if they started to, the history of biphobia and transphobic undeniably linked to the existence of pansexuality in enough to stop being worth using. but i digress. pansexualitys shiny new definition that many people cling to is that pansexual is attraction to all genders. bisexual is two or more genders.

which. frankly? doesnt make any sense. my guess is that its supposed to be inclusive of nonbinary genders and those a part of cultures who historically have not had a binary gender system in the first place. i cannot speak for the latter group, but as a nonbinary person, its not inclusive. anyone can be attracted to nonbinary people. literally anyone. theres no way to know if everyone you meet is nonbinary or not. whether or not a nonbinary person reciprocates those feelings and is interested in pursuing a relationship is completely up to the individual, regardless of the sexualities of the people involved.

bottom line is that you cant number the amounts of genders someone can be attracted to, thus rendering those definitions pointless. people can be attracted to all kinds of people regardless of gender, even if they are gay, a lesbian, or straight. all people can date thousands of nonbinary genders if all people involved are interested and comfortable with it. numbering the genders you can be attracted to diminishes the post of nonbinary, as it is not a third gender, it simply any experience not fitting within the western concept of the gender binary (if the person so chooses to identify as such. if you cant tell already, the nonbinary experience is varied between every single nonbinary person.) important to note also that no widely accepted bisexual text defines bisexual as attracted to exclusively two genders or even the "two or more genders". i know this is used a lot but please read the bisexual manifesto. its free online i promise.

some people also claim pansexuals experience "genderblind" attraction while bisexuals feel differently attracted to different genders. this is very nitpicky for whats supposed to be two unconnected idenities, but thats only part of the problem. this definition is also not in any widely accepted bisexual texts, and bisexuality has never excluded those who experience genderblind attraction. i am in fact a bi person who experiences genderblind attraction. this does not mean i am not bisexual. it simply means i experience bisexuality differently than other bisexuals, and thats wonderful! no broad communities like bisexuality are expected to all share the same experience. we are all so different and its amazing were able to come together under the bisexual flag.

last definition, or justification i should say, is that yes these definitions are redundant and theyre the same sexuality, but people prefer different labels and thats okay. i agree in principle. people can define themselves as many things like homosexuals or gays or lesbians or queers or even other reclaimed slurs, while still not labelling themselves under the most "common" or "accurate" labels.

but pansexuality isnt the same as bisexuality, which may sound silly but hear me out. it has been continually used as a way to further divide bisexuals, who are already subject to large amounts of lgbta discrimination. "pansexuality was started by trans people who were upset with transphobia within the bisexual community! it cant be transphobic OR biphobic!" except of course that it can and it is. to say that trans people cant be transphobic is absurd. transmedicalism is right there, but thats not what im getting at. all minorities can have internal and sometimes external biases against people who are the same minority as them.

pansexuality was started as a way to be trans inclusive at the expense of labelling bisexuality as transphobic when its not. transphobia is everywhere, and bisexuals are not exempt. instead of working on the transphobia within the community, the creators of pansexuality decided to remove themselves from it to create a better and less tainted word and community, and the fact that pansexuality is intended to replace bisexuality or leave it for the transphobes goes to show a few things. pansexuality and bisexuality are inherently linked because the pan label is in response to the bi label. due to its origins, it is inherently competing with bisexuality and it cant be "reclaimed" from its biphobic roots. pansexuality is not a whole, separate, and valid label. its a biphobic response to issues within the bisexual community.

to top off this post, heres something a full grown adult once said to me. in person. she was my roommate. "i feel like im pan because im attracted to trans people. trans women, trans men, i could definitely date them. but not nonbinary people because thats gross and weird." she saw pan as trans inclusive and defined herself that way as opposed to bi which is shitty!

also a little extra tidbit about my experiences identifying as pan. i saw myself as better than every bi person. all of them. even my trans and bi friends. whenever they brought up being bisexual i would think to myself "why dont you identify as pansexual? its better and shows people you support trans people." because i was made to believe bisexuality didnt and was therefore inferior. thats the mindset that emerged from my time in the pansexual community. i am so sorry to all of my bisexual friends even if they never noticed. i love you all and hope you have a great day. this also goes to any bisexuals or people who identify as bi in anyway, such as biromantic or simply bi. love you all.

ummm yeah heres some extra reading i found helpful and relevant. here and here. also noooo dont disagree with me and unfollow me im so sexy 🥴🥴🥴

[sol1056]

Do u think the bad writing in VLD has been rife since the 1st episode? Or is this a new devt in S3? I've always thought the writing has always been oversimple since the start. I fucking hated that finger counting bit just about as things were getting serious and that was the pilot. And things always got resolved in like 1 episode. Like hello? They were able to bond and form Voltron in 1 episode? (1/2)

I dont get ppls expectations abt the show which for me has always been unsophisticated and juvenile albeit still entertaining. Maybe its just a case of BNFs headcanons being mistaken for canon by fandom bc of the long periods bw seasons. (2/2)

I feel like this is actually two questions, so I’m going to answer the shorter one (ahaha yes this is a short answer!) here, and get into the measure of writing quality in a separate post. 

When it comes to BNFs, I’ve gotten reasonably good at identifying their personal agendas masquerading as analysis. That said, yes, the long gap definitely gives time for head canons to percolate, and I’m not entirely convinced that this works for this kind of story. (Or alternately, that this crew of EPs/writers realize the extent to which one-season drops radically alter the viewing experience, and how storytelling methods need to adjust.) 

Truth is, I had zero expectations for VLD. I remember the original and let’s just say, I’ve moved on. On the other hand, my exposure to AtLA’s tonal shifts (from serious to ham-fisted comedic in nothing flat) meant I was used to gritting my teeth through tin-eared comedy-attempts like meat thermometers or finger-counting. 

And then there’s issue of unsophisticated or juvenile storytelling.  

I am probably not the only person here who’s been spoiled by Japanese storytelling, since most anime from a decent-enough production house will integrate levity and gravity pretty seamlessly. I think American productions’ humor isn’t an issue of skill, but symptomatic of deeper problems. 

The first, and biggest, is that American animation struggles to be seen (and by extension, seeing itself) as a valid form of storytelling. Animation is treated as a soap bubble (no lasting impact on the popular culture landscape) and cotton candy (inconsequential, mindless consumption). I can almost guarantee you that any writer or VA involved with VLD is probably asked semi-regularly, “when are you going to write/act/work on a real story?’ 

With that dismissal in mind, those radical tonal shifts (from serious to juvenile) can sometimes be a sign that creators are too-aware of this mindset, and too-afraid of being mocked for treating this like it’s a ‘real’ story. So humor is used as a wink at the audience: don’t worry, we’re not getting carried away and thinking we’re doing shakespeare, we totally get this isn’t worth taking seriously. 

[I hate that, by the way. Respect your goddamn story or find another job.] 

When humor is used organically, it works. Lance trying to create a cheer and Keith not getting the point is both awkward and kind of adorable, as a way to characterize how out-of-sync they are. But humor like meat thermometers signal not-taking-this-seriously, and you can tell, and that’s what makes it so jarring. 

And the reason you can tell is because the writers’ contortion is right there in the script. Hell, you can even see it in the way the VAs handle it, too. 

Allura: And it’s a good thing it wasn’t because it took you… Coran? Coran: Seventy-five degrees. Oh, sorry. No, this is a meat thermometer.Allura: However long it was, it was too long.

You could simply remove Coran’s entire line without changing the scene. It’s an aside, with no integration. And if you listen to the VA delivery, there’s a half-beat and the next line carries on as if Coran never said anything. There’s no reaction. It’s literally wasted breath, wasted animation.

To me, that’s a sign the writers were trying to juggle that tension between ‘this is for kids, it means nothing’ and ‘this is a crucial scene to establish stakes’. So they throw in silliness to satisfy the first, but integrating that humor would elevate it out of that wink-to-audience mode. Done right, comedy is as much serious business as drama, and both require seeing the story as more than insubstantial, forgettable cotton candy. 

The most important thing to remember is probably this: even if these writers believe in their story and want to do right by it, they’re still up against a powerful corporate structure that sees cartoons as nothing more than an elaborate way to sell merchandise. To that corporate overlord, a writer’s measure of success – people showing up at writer panels at cons, a vibrant community of fanfic and fanart and fanlore, fan questions on podcasts, basically so many people embracing the story, the characters, the world – means absolutely nothing to the corporate overlords if no one buys the merchandise. 

Let me reiterate that, in bold, so the bottom line is clear:

A stupid story with flat characters and cheap animation that sells a bajillion lunchboxes or gunpla or whatever will always be judged ‘more successful’ by the corporate overlords than any story that doesn’t move merchandise, no matter how well-told or beloved by the fans. 

To a good writer, the story is an end in itself. To the corporate overlords, the story is wrapping paper around the check they get every month: watched once, torn away to get the good stuff, and quickly forgotten. When you combine American popular perception of cartoons with corporate overlord agendas, it’s damn near a miracle we’ve gotten even scraps of any good from VLD, and that’s an entirely separate issue from whether the EPs/writers can create a good story in the first place.

(Meanwhile fandom collects every bit of the wrapping paper, saves it, cuts it up, tapes it back together in a completely new shape, and then gets into flamewars over whose reconstruction was the best.) 

One last note: I am, at the very least, pleased that the VLD casting director chose seasoned VAs with substantial chops. AtLA gave itself extra trouble by choosing VAs for their age rather than skill (oh god that was painful until they leveled up). VLD hasn’t made that mistake; even when the script stays serious, a bad VA can still ruin it with a wink at the audience and undermine a scene’s emotional heft. The VLD VAs have done a fairly good job of not dropping to that level, and in a few places I do think that’s what’s kept me watching even when other elements are substantially under-par. 

[rqs902]

.

LOL MTY AS MA ZHENNAN IM CRYING HAHAHHAHAHA the rap with the hat covering his face and the running around im ded. i appreciate da xi and rainbow’s silliness too but i think mty was just so extra and was so out of his normal sleepy looking state LOL

im just laughing at how much tyler is laughing at everything LOL

aw just seeing tyler’s outfit makes me think that yingge and ruiyang have had a big influence on him haha yingge really looking out for him like an older brother by arranging to have cake to celebrate tyler’s birthday 

L O L liao juntao is comforting szb by telling him to not mind the haters bc he shouldnt care about them, he doesnt even know who they are. and then the next second being like “你就說你愛不愛你哥哥” and being like “HE NEVER SAYS ITTTTT” SMH HAHHAHAHA hes the dorkiest older bro that you can rely on to give you encouragement when you’re down but also will no doubt embarrass you beyond belief in public 

hm :\ i see they tried to address the zhang yang issue concisely. i mean, i guess its better than them completely ignoring the fact that there was an issue. but it seems like they painted it as zhang yang having anger / emotional control issues and they were about to force him to leave but xiao zhi and yang runze begged them and zhang yang felt regret and sad so they let him stay. and he has since started to open up about his feelings more. this feels like such a sterilized retelling of what happened, i still dont really feel like we can actually understand what happened. but from xiao zhi, yrz, and zhang yang’s weibo posts they all insist that theyre being treated well by the show and not to worry, bc zhang yang’s got his feelings sorted out soooo idk but i wouldnt be surprised if that was something they had to do to get tencent to let zhang yang stay on the show tho

surprisingly, or maybe not so surprisingly considering his younger age and personality, yrz’s post is the most direct and he basically just simplified it down to them having worked hard on their composition but the tencent crew told them to change it and zhang yang got frustrated and angry. it got recorded and leaked and blown up so much that zhang yang felt really bad about it afterwards. 

we’ll probably never really understand everything that happened, but i guess all we can do is be grateful that tencent forgave him (bc he probs does not want a career of being blacklisted by tencent... seems like career suicide) even if there was or was not fault on both sides. im really hoping he feels alright. especially bc their group is doing so well on the show, its a good opportunity for them to gain more fans. 

it is so hard to keep track of these kids’ demographic info bc its not on the show’s wikipedia page or anything so i struggle to keep track without a collated place to look up info, but if i remember correctly i believe yrz is like 18? zhang yang was born in like 97? and xiao zhi 95? (could be wrong) but if that’s true, xiao zhi is like 25..... can we talk about this real quick? bc it must be a lot for someone like yrz being 18 to be going through all this, but it also must be real difficult for xiao zhi, can you imagine? trying to be the oldest bro, trying to keep them together, comforting and encouraging, responsible and depended on, and can you imagine the amount of 包容 he must have? and the fact that he didnt even want to be with zhang yang at first but has grown to appreciate him so much and the fact that hes the least popular one out of their trio, but is also the one keeping their whole team grounded? wild. i mean all that considered, i think im starting to be a xiao zhi fan. and a big part of it is the way he performs on stage, so free and with such enjoyment, but honestly this whole thing is a part of it too. 

lol xu yang telling xiao huang straight up “are you really happy? you said you dont get much screentime and now you’ve been separated from xiao li” -- BIG OOF. too real. omg that directness just hits you like a ton of bricks. rip

man i wish xiao huang and xiao li could reunite but also xiao li getting zero screentime when they flash to hyt’s group right after? sad. 

o i heard about yyg leaving the show but i didnt realize it was because he has an injury o gosh i hope he’s okay...... i thought he would’ve left bc he wanted to, but this feels more like hes being forced to, like he has no choice and he didnt actually want to leave his friends :( i was in disbelief that he’d just leave his friends, so i guess this makes sense, its just more sad. 

tbh watching the elims so far, i only cried when yyg was talking about how he couldn’t feel his legs but he still didnt want to leave his friends behind. even when the kids who are leaving were announced, it didnt leave as big of an impact, but maybe its because of the way they announce them all at once. the reshuffling... i feel like its true that things havent been easy for qiang ge, but i also feel like he mightve said he wanted to reshuffle bc it would make jym look less like the bad guy if two of them brought it up instead of jym alone. i guess it kinda makes zk look sad as a result though. 

for one thing, these kids are pretty lucky at least the show doesnt force them to be or stay together. the judges made a suggestion and they were allowed to say no. 

i feel like hyt is just picking kids based on their personalities and i cant say thats a bad thing, but it is interesting that everyone else on his team is gonna sing besides himself then lol 

ljt’s team picking jym? i feel like theyll have a lot of emotions, but maybe if they all respect ljt enough itll work out 

i can see xy being with wx’s team. xiao zhi saying wsh isnt his first choice but he’ll do it for his team to be happy, im a bit concerned, esp bc tbh wsh isnt gonna help them get more votes but i guess theyre not thinking about that. xiao zhi was the only one who didnt even walk over to get wsh, even tho he was the only one that was supposed to, as f-man. we’ll see how this goes... but again he didnt want to pick zhang yang at first and apparently thats worked out well so 

hmm qiang ge’s hesitation being labeled as a sign of lack of confidence, well hes been unconfident that people want his instrument for this whole show, but now he’s also scared that he’s going to be forcing people together against their will. the whole thing between wjy and muji... literally wjy tries to appear like he doesnt care, but muji obviously cares a lot. and the fact that they literally asked muji in front of wjy if he’d be ok with working with wjy, of course muji’s gonna say its fine bc what kind of terrible person would he be if he said no to wjy’s face? ugh obviously theres something going on but qiang ge seems like hes optimistic that he can be the go-between and fix whatever there is, but thats a lot to ask for from a child his age. and then mty also? qiang ge wiping his tears for him was touching but also telling of their relationship dynamic. qiang ge is really signing up for a lot... seems a bit idealistic, but hes popular so hopefully he’ll be okay. LOL wjy awkwardly asking muji if he’ll be okay and muji saying it will and qiang ge running to get in between them. oh man. we didnt get to see it that much but if i remember correctly, wjy just tries to do too much and muji is like no stop and then struggles to get wjy to listen. 

oh rip i feel like the kids who were leftover were some of my favorite kids.......... like da xi and rainbow and even ruiyang and tyler and samhar, i was looking out for them :( im just amazed they eliminated people who have made such a unique stylistic impact on the show. but i guess they werent popular enough. also sad that yyg probably feels guilty that his leaving meant his teammates got eliminated but they also feel guilty that he stayed behind for as long as he did even though he was suffering. 

hm not gonna lie this ep was not as emotional as the snzm elims for me, and i do feel like its prob in part bc im still more invested in snzm and the kids there, but also in part just the way the elims were structured, its not as big of an emotional impact for me. announcing the kids who got eliminated at first all at once, and then the rest are just the rest left behind after the kids choose teams again. its a bit rough bc you know they have to take the instruments into consideration too, not just friendships, which i think made the saving segment of snzm so emotional. it was raw friendship and they struggled so hard to choose, and it was framed as “saving” versus here its just reshuffling. it doesnt hit you as hard that those who dont get chosen are leaving until they start walking away. its interestingly different. its discouraging that kids i liked a lot were eliminated, but theres still a few left that i care about so ill keep watching for now...

[mybabbbbee]

The firsts

First meetup: 7th July 2019. I was pissed off already abt alot of things and didnt at all wanna marry a doctor. Our conversation was very casual. I was the one who talked for the most part.

First time we sat together on one couch: 21st July 19 when it was our baat pakki ki rasm. I tried my best not to touch him.

First time i met him in niqab/on duty: 31st Aug 19 i was in my gynae OT and telling a friend abt how he is in anesthesia nowadays and yikes! There i saw him. He was soo focused on work. So i had to approach him and have a confused conversation. Later worry for 2 days doubting if he liked me or nah.

First gift: 11th Aug 19, we went to their place a day before Eid ul Azha. He had brought gucci perfume for me from Dubai. Mom also gifted him some clothes and a perfume.

First time i heard him play guitar: 11th Aug 19 everyone insisted him to do so. He played alot of songs out of which i knew some. GOT theme song, ab tou aadat si he, bachana were my fav.

First time he held my hand: 24th Aug 19 on our engagement when he held my hand to put the ring on. Lasted for barely 10 seconds and my hands were cold af.

First time he served me food: that too on our engagement. Served me rice.

First time he texted me on my number: 26th Aug 19 i asked aunty for more pictures and he texted me the link. And also asked me to thank ma pa for the watch. Also he made a laughing emoji at the end and i wanted to ask him does he laugh too 😯

First time i added him on snapchat: 28th Aug 19 cuz i was worried he isnt texting me. So he viewed all my stories hehe. And also posted his two days later. He has a score of 65 and i have 44k 🙄

First time i fantasized about him: 4th Sept 19 i was depresses bcs of messed up clg routine so i worked out and took a shower at midnight and afterwards just laid down naked in bed. And then i started thinking abt him and well that was my first orgasm right there.

First time we had a proper conversation: 5th Sept he was sick so i texted to wish him speedy recovery. Dont know if he was in a good mood or if he is always like this. We were talking abt our engagement and he said "tbh there was a lot to compliment" and afterwards he sent me a picture of us and said he liked it. He also asked me to meet him at clg. Not bad right? Couldnt stop smiling the whole time tho.

First time we added each other on facebook: 6th Sept. I set a condition that he'd put an engaged status. I thought he wouldnt but he did. He asked me to do the same too.

First time he made a heart in our conversation: 6th Sept when he called me Ms. SuperSweet. I havent made one yet.

First time he told me he gets horny thinking about me: 8th Sept the day we met and later that night he told me how crazy i make him go. And that he dreamt that we had a little pillow fight and ended up kissing. Gosh its getting hot in here. Also he started making kiss emoji. I havent yet 🤷‍♀️

First call: 15th Sept he was very worried if he'll be able to talk properly or not. It went well. Loved how he laughed.

First sexting: 15th Sept after the call he was soo in the mood so couldnt say no. Felt hot aff. Also had an orgasm.

First time he said 'i love you' on call: 21st Sept when i called him to say goodmorning and he was so caught off guard. And happy. It was a two minute call and i didnt realize he said it untill we dropped it. He said it again later that night.

First time he tagged me in a meme: 21st Sept. It was about money heist.

First time he called from work: 25th Sept. He had to call the night before but he was too tired he fell asleep..i was a lil pissed off so subah he called me from OT, there was some strike going on so he was free..and we talked for like 10 mins. I loved his voice.

First time i heard him having hiccups: 28 Sept we were on call he had a sore throat and then he started having them i made him drink water and distracted him and it worked. We talked for almost three hours.

First time we exchanged some naughty snaps: 1st Oct we were sexting on sc for the first time and i knew i couldnt control myself so i sent him some snaps of me with low neck where he could see my curves. He sent one out of shower too.

First time he snapped me his boner: 5th Oct we got rlly wild, he had two orgasms at night and then i woke him up with a nice bj and he cummed twice again.

First date: 9th oct it was a formal date awkward in the start but turned out to be great. He got me flowers and held the door for me and pulled the chair out, not in the start though but lol it was cute. We talked abt silly things and some serious ones. About making vows to each other. We laughed like mad and took some pictures. He got me gajras in the end and helped me wear them and then he held my hand and we kept it like that till the end. He teased me a lil and gosh it gave me butterflies for a moment. He makes me feel like im perfect, flawless.

First time we held hands: 9th Oct he got me gajras on out way back..then he helped me wear them and held my hand all the way back home..he tease my hand a little and made me crazy. So crazy.

First time we tried call sex: 12th Oct..not entirely though. We just stayed on call and heard each other moan..i felt more closer to him and God it was hot.

First time i wore black with him: 16th Oct it was our second date. He loved the attire, complimented me the whole time.

First song we listened to together: 16th Oct when he was driving me back he played laiyan laiyan and we both were totally in the feels. He said he might play it on our wedding.

First time we made a streak: 16th Oct we decided it on our date

First kiss: 24th Oct we were in car and just madeout for like 10 mins..it was good. Got me wet. Wanted to make his bday special.

First love note: 24th Oct gave him a funny bday card and a note along with it. I hope he likes it.

First birthday celebration: 26th Oct one day after his bday we had a fam dinner after which we cut the cake and i gave him shirts and a perfume.

First time i sat on his lap: 29th Oct he picked me up from a friends place and we were in the backseat making out..i humped against him the whole time.

First time somebody walked in on us: 29th Oct while making out a guard approached us but kher we ran away just in time. He was so concerned id be worried.

First movie we watched together: 30th Oct joker.

First time he felt my boobs from inside my shirt: 30th Oct on our last date before he went to rwp. I felt his cock up too.

First time he gave me a letter: 30th Oct. It was the best day.

First video call: Nov 11. During his 48hr long urology call.

First tcs: 7 Dec. He got his first pay so sent gifts for me.

First time we went shopping: 26 Dec. Got a gift for Abdullah's engagement. And for mama's bday. We both are so easy. Non picky.

First time i made him cum with hj: 26 Dec. He got sooo hot afterwards. He fingered me too.

First event we attended as a couple: 28th Dec. Abdullah's engagement. Although he wasnt there for the most part but i loved how everyone related me to him.

First time he fed me food: 24th Jan 2020 on our nikkah when i wasnt eating and saying i wont unless he makes me..so he did infront of everyone.

First time he gave me a shoulder massage: 24th Jan on our night date hehe

First long drive: 27th Jan had to go to my to be ghar met ammi had a sitting with my mua had lunch then and went back

First halal kissing: felt soooo goood with no guilt. Damnnn i love to kiss him so much. So much sawab loool

First hickey: 27th Jan he got a little hard on me when he was close to his orgasm..and i totally loved it

First time he sucked my nipples: 27th jan 🙈

First grocery shopping: 27th Jan he bought me stuff for my new washroom 😁

First rain date: 27th jan it rained the whole day ❤

First night together: 1st feb after my rukhsati. It was the most magical night and his touch felt soo goood. Sleeping naked with each other and teasing was such a turn on.

First time he served me food: 24th jan on our nikkah hen we were on stage and i couldnt eat bcs of my nails and then he made me.

First time i felt protected with him: 1st feb while our valima shoot was going on and the sun was getting on my face so he stood between me and the sun to put me in shade.

First night at my parents: 2nd feb after our valima. We opened our gifts played ludo and had aloot of fun in bed. Also went to fun city in my desi newly wed clothes.

First meal post-sex: 1st feb he made me a whole plate of biryani at 4am.

First time we ordered food in bed: 4th feb. The burgers were yummm

First time he did my hair: 5th feb while i was getting ready to go downstairs. He just loves side parting.

First time i cried infront of him: 6th feb i just missed my homies so much so i turned away and pretended to sleep and he found out i was crying and became mama bear. It was so good to be in his arms i wont choose another place to be at ever. Then i read their letters while he caressed me all this while.

First time we had real sex: 7th feb just a day before umrah. He was kind of worried he wasnt getting hard enough to go inside so he got some pills and then we did. It was painful for me but i just wanted to get over with this and it was a happy feeling to know we’re finally not virgins.

First oral: 1st feb on our wedding night. Probably the last too

First orgasm: 2nd feb and the following week was full of it

First umra together: 8th feb it was the best time together. How we did tawwaf and saee and made each other recite duas, prayed together, taught him how to bargain,ate alot of yumm food.

First time he made me watch ertugrul: 12th feb

First time he got me jellies: 13th feb while we were going for madinah ziyarat.

First stay away from home: 1st march i went to rwp where he was doing his hj. Got an army mess arranged for me. Stay was great.

First monal date: 3rd march weather was awesome altho he was a little pissed off at me asking to take pictures again and again.

First fight: 3rd march later that night he wanted to have sex but i wasnt wet enough and he started blaming me and saying ive turned him off. It made me cry and confront him abt his behaviour earlier too. He kinda took it seriously and kept saying sorry the whole time and also said “this is the first and the last time i made u cry”. We stayed up till late sharing our thoughts talking abt our future.

First friends hangout: 4th feb his room mate invited us for dinner. Pizza was good everything was until they started talking abt the ex idk why i felt bad. Didnt talk the whole way back.

First bday together: 20th march he gave me a surprise by coming straight from his call for a day.

[stinkrascal]

Ok so I was thinking about your sims again 👉🏾👈🏾 and um ok so ik you said tarek's love language is romantic acts of service, but what about the others? Also like what would be their ideal first date? And how would they react to other people flirting with their partner? Like ik vlad would commit a murder, but what about brie 👀 ?

i actually listed all their love languages here!! but ideal dates?? jealousy??? OMG!! im gonna ramble so hard!! so i’ll put all this under a cut :’)))

vlad - a) vlad’s ideal date would be like... an idyllic picnic in a field, listening to soft music, chillin in the sun n eatin fruit n drinkin wine :-) all that sappy shit!! b) u know vlad. he will unalive u if u disrespect his wife. the truest simp. but anyways yes he is a very jealous person, sometimes it’s a little excessive and brie has to yell at him, to which he eventually realizes that he’s being unreasonable and he’ll step back. he really doesn’t try to be that way, sometimes he honestly just can’t help it. since he was alone for centuries, he’s extremely over protective of his family and can find pretty much any reason to dislike any man who so much as glances in breanna’s direction. his jealousy never stems from fear that breanna will cheat on him, but more so from his belief that pretty much every man on the planet is trying to bed his wife LMAO lowkey breanna loves the attention :’))

breanna - a) honestly, she’s very easy to please. just get takeout n get in bed n smoke a bowl n watch movies with her n she will be happy! ;w; b) brie is surprisingly not that jealous, like if someone finds vlad attractive shes like... well of course? look at him? Lmaoooo. unless someone poses a significant threat to their relationship, she doesnt see a reason to get worked up. like she knows how hard vlad simps u know, this man canonically KILLED her ex-boyfriend to be with her so like? she doesnt feel any reason to get upset if someone finds vlad attractive, bc she knows at the end of the day her husband is crazy obsessed w her and her alone so like <3

lucien - a) winery art galleries!! u know like where you go to art exhibits that have wine tastings!!!! sometimes they have those cute delicious tiny little cheeses that r just so good n fancy!!! going to that, then maybe takin a stroll around the park in the evening, then ending the night w a home-cooked meal. b) hes a touch possessive, but its all in good faith :’) if someone flirts with his WIFE he only feels it necessary that he puts them in their place and lets them know that she is, in fact, MARRIED!! like vlad, a true simp

gen - a) skatepark at night, long past closing time. its oddly serene, despite the faint threat of being caught. gen personally finds the parks lingering smell of cigarettes and weed very comforting. b) they r passive-aggressively jealous. they say theyre not a jealous type, but if the girl theyre talkin to is talkin to someone else, theyre like... ok. 😒😒😒

carlile - a) chiefin big rips then going to eat at a buffet....... he will eat so many frog legs like so fucking many!! then goin to see a movie in one of those big movie theaters and seein like a marvel movie or whatever. just somethin trite and theatrical with many, many explosions. b) not aggressively jealous, but his insecurities can sometimes get the best of him in arguments and sometimes he projects his fears that tarek will leave him for someone else, which isnt good u know but like :(( what can u do

nikolai - a) waking up with the sun and traveling to the largest museum he can find, followed by brunch at some hole-in-the-wall café tucked away in the city. the long drive home is spent listening to low-quality psychedelic indie rock, and when he and abigail arrive home, they nap for at least three hours. b) nikolai’s not really a jealous type, and abigail’s pretty clingy, so he doesn’t really have a reason to be jealous. although, when he's severely provoked, he’s prone to that tone of voice where it sounds as though you can’t choose between screaming, or crying.

klaus - a) perusing the local record shop, buying as many used vinyl he can possibly fit in his book sack, and listening to the new purchases in the dim-lit light of his bedroom while talking and napping in between. if he’s really into you, he’ll sing your favorite song—he might even play it on the guitar, too, if he can remember the chords. b) again, not much of a jealous type. most of his relationships have been nothing more than flings anyways, so he doesn’t often have the attachment to someone that would make him jealous, seeing as his relationships are often not exclusive.

anastasia - a) a long, early-morning walk through the aquarium, taking an extra long break to observe the sea turtles swimming about their tanks. she’ll gladly share all of her expansive sea turtle facts with you, if you promise to buy her a stuffed animal from the gift shop. afterwards, strolling downtown to shop in all the antique stores, then ending the date with lunch at her favorite restaurant. pls just let her talk your ear off and she’ll be satisfied. b) annie’s actually REALLY possessive, especially over her friends. she’s the type of person who will get offended if anyone else tries to say vaughn and caspian are their best friends, because, no? those are HER best friends? she’s never had a boyfriend before, but she can imagine she’d be just as possessive, if not more possessive, over someone she loved romantically. she takes from vlad :’)

ilya - a) he is literally like 1 yr old. he doesnt go on dates silly. when hes old enough to go on dates his dream date will be committing arson together <3 so romantic b) im sure he’ll be jealous af when hes older unless i forget u know we’ll see whenever he ages up yeah!!!!!!

bonnie - a) moving all the furniture in the living room, turning the radio up extra loud, and dancing to old-timey music!! then cooking a nice, healthy meal at home and watching reality tv while doing face masks. maybe ending the night w a nice bath fit for two <3 b) especially with her pregnancy, she’s been VERY jealous lately!! small things can trigger her jealousy, and sometimes she finds it difficult to be her usual, rational self when those feelings arise. luckily, it’s very easy to talk her out of this state, so she gets over these fits of jealous relatively quickly ;-;

 tarek - a) driving out into the forest, setting up tents in the middle of nowhere, and snuggling tight beside the crackling fire while watching the night settle. then waking early the next morning to go for a small hike towards the natural lakes scattered about. if carlile is too tired to walk, tarek simply carries him. :’)) b) level-headed as he is, jealousy doesn’t come to him often. it would take a lot to provoke him, and his relationship with carlile is so secure that he doesn’t really feel there’s a need to be jealous

abigail - a) midday trips to the mall with nikolai’s credit card in hand as he shamelessly lets her pick out anything she wants from any store she can possibly enter. she’s always sure to pick out a few outfits she’s certain he’ll love :’)). then going to get smoothies, yes nikolai’s paying for the smoothies too <3 b) abigail is extremely jealous, though she’s desperately trying to ease this habit. especially with nikolai moved to britechester, living with a female roommate, her jealousy often gets the best of her, and believe me when i say it isn’t pretty. she’s prone to dramatic outbursts, and she’ll even feel the urge to enact revenge (aka, cheat on you) if she feels you’ve truly cheated on her. she has to see and speak to nikolai often to have peace of mind, but even then, she often has her moments of insecurity. :((

caspian - a) watching some indie art film at a drive-in movie theater, binging on over-buttered popcorn and gas station hot dogs. if the weather allows for it, then he’ll lay a blanket out on the bed of his truck and lie back with his date, gazing at the stars, rambling about nothing. b) he’s a jealous type, but he doesn’t like admitting it. the truth is, though, it kills him to see someone he cares about with someone else. its just that he doesnt know how to express those feelings, so he often just shoves them away as if they dont exist at all. ;n;

vaughn - a) listen to him perform at one of his concerts, then let him fuck you in one of the bathroom stalls. a true romantic, i know. b) most of vaughn’s relationships are no-strings-attached anyways, so its rare for him to get jealous over a relationship thats already open to begin with. even when he did have partners in the past, he was never the type to be overly protective of his significant other

cooper - a) ok idc about cooper HAHA so like idk nobody is taking this man on a date anyways who cares. idk smoke a bowl with him in his car then go eat at a fancy restaurant that sounds like a very cooper bauer date to have yeah ok we’ll go with that b) he gets jealous but like in a baby way u know. if he thinks you’re into someone that isn’t him he’ll just bawl his eyes out and be like WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! IS IT BECAUSE IM ONLY 5′6″!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes cooper it is because youre only 5′6″ im sorry short king

wolfgang - a) going around his neighborhood late at night and poking holes in all the tires parked in the streets. yes, that’s super illegal. no, he doesn’t care. yes, this is considered a date for wolfgang. keep up. afterwards, maybe he’ll sneak you up to his bedroom so you guys can watch rick and morty... cuddle. b) i feel like im gonna spoil something if i answer this fully. so. lets just say. Yes he is very jealous :)

[meanderfall]

//puts chin in hands and stares at u adoringly, for the cute questions: 1 - 6 - 13 - 15 - 42 - 74 - 91 - 120 - 128 - 133 - 136 - 144 and 147!!!

ajflsdhfalkhf adri you spoil me rotten!!!! Thank you my love!!!

(this is going under a read more bc holy shit)

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

I’m pretty sure it was when I met up with one of my friends after her class in summer school?? we just sat down together and like held hands while we talked. And I think that was the person bc tbh it is entirely likely i’ve held hands with my younger siblings between then and now (I guess i might not have a specific memory about it bc i havent seen my siblings in like 2 weeks ;;A;;)

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Honestly, I love passionate people, the people who adore things and others with everything they have, and people who are clever (which doesnt mean being good at school), and those who are a little bit snarky and a lot silly (well silly at the right moments i guess, there’s a time and place for everything!!! //whispers professor oak taught me that). People who take themselves too seriously aren’t for me.(Also, on a more “oh that’s really hot!” level, competency?? at anything, just having something you are really good at, and just how focused they are and absorbed in what they’re doing, and the concentration, all those things are so attractive omg) 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

YES

AND IT’S SO UPSETTING BC IT NEVER HAPPENS, NOBODY EVER PLAYS WITH MY HAIR OR SCRATCHES MY HEAD OR ANYTHING WHERE IS MY PHYSICAL AFFECTION I NEED IT SOMEONE COME OVER HERE AND CUDDLE ME

15. What good thing happened this summer?

oh god, i have the emotional memory of a gnat. This summer… was pretty terrible tbh, but a good thing that happened was the time I spent with you?? like overwatch (and I finally started to enjoy playing it!!!) or when we watched rvb together (and drace!) and then the next day when we spent like six hours listening to music, that was fantastic! Besides that, I’m happy I’m getting closer with @anthcny-stark and @theaussiedragon too, and like! those two days I spent with my older brother and we just hung out and watched stuff together and my younger siblings! We binge-watched things together and had a blast!!!! so i guess a lot of good things have happened this summer, it’s just hard to remember when life in general is awful.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Depends! And it’s hard to tell because I’m a pretty quiet person in general. Pretty sure most of my family would assume that I’m snarking in my head, but I would say most of the time when I’m quiet, I’m just spacing out, just staring into the distance with my mind blank. Other times I could just be exhausted or have a headache. Though, if I’m with a group of friends that you know I’m usually comfortable and loud with and I’m not saying anything, I’m likely going through some kind of depressive spiral where I feel like nobody would actually miss me if I was gone and even if they did, I could be easily replaced and basically I’m not really important to anybody, and I could disappear and they wouldn’t really care.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

Two. The stuffed fox and a unicorn that has not left the box I put it in when we moved. (I had???? a shitton of stuffies but I gave them away when we moved bc I had never mastered the art of sleeping with stuffies so they were mostly a nuisance when they were in bed with me, and like I get stupidly and easily attached to anything so of course I loved them to death, but really my comfort object has always been my blankie, who is now ridiculously tiny for my size and I basically ball up and cuddle with when I sleep if I need that comfort.)

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

No. I think I would only feel that way if I was angry and I’m not angry about anything atm so no.

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

I used to be! Had a nightlight and everything. Now the only thing about the dark I’m scared of is the possibility of walking into something. I actually really like the dark (well as long as it’s in an environment I know lmao dont knock me out and put me in a pitch dark basement in the middle of nowhere)

128. Would you change your name?

If I could find a name I liked and felt a connection to, ye! My name is just… cumbersome and unwieldy to the tongue and it’s… pretty hideous tbh. I don’t know how to put it, ever since I was a kid, I always felt like my name was unique but not in the good way. It stuck out like sore thumb, and was stupidly long, and like, I would look at it and recognize as mine, like felt a connection to it? but it wasn’t a fun connection. It’s like those moments when you look at yourself in the mirror and it’s like you’re realizing that that’s what you look like to other people, that is your physical form, and there’s a weird disconnect between the two, and it’s fucking weird.

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

adri you hate me dont you, do you have any idea how hard this question is!!!!! how am i supposed to choose??? (the answer: I’m not. I’m choosing all of them. All of my favourite lyrics right now. I hope you’re happy adri)

“Oh everything’s a messAnd all these sorrows I have seenThey lead me to believeThat everything’s a mess” Dream by Imagine Dragons

“Happiness, feels a lot like sorrowLet it be, you can’t make it come or goBut you are gone - not for good but for nowAnd gone for now, feels a lot like gone for good” Happiness by The Fray (the part that really hits me is italicized)

“Make my messes matter.Make this chaos count.Let every little fracture in meShatter out loud.” Jupiter by Sleeping At Last

“Stitch by stitch I tear apart.If brokenness is a form of art,I must be a poster child prodigy.Thread by thread I come apart.If brokenness is a work of art,Surely this must be my masterpiece.I’m only honest when it rains.If I time it right, the thunder breaksWhen I open my mouth.I want to tell you but I don’t know how.” Neptune by Sleeping At Last

I can’t pick a favourite so, all of Saturn by Sleeping At Last. All of it.

“Much too tired to try,Much too stubborn to quit” Hit or Miss by Sleeping At Last.

“maybe distance is the only cure?Far away from hurt is where healing occurs.But all you really want to do is make them proud,Don’t you? don’t you?It must be so hard, in the mess you’re always cleaning up,To believe in the ghost of unbroken love.But I promise you,The truth is that you’re loved. so loved.” Silhouettes by Sleeping At Last

“Cry heart, cry yourself to sleep, cry a storm of tears if it helps you breatheIt helps you, if it helps you breathe” Homesick by Sleeping At Last

“Show meHow to struggle gracefullyLet the scaffolding inside of me be strong enough to hold this tired body upOnce more […]

So I will try, try, try to breathe‘til it turns to muscle memoryI’m only steady on my kneesBut one day I’ll stand on my own two feet

And I’ll run the riskOf being intimate with brokenness […]” Son by Sleeping At Last

“They say don’t let them inClose your eyes and clear your thoughts againBut when I’m all alone, they show up on their own […]They say “Just push them down, just fight them harderWhy would you give up on it so soon?” […]

Life is pain, life’s not fairSo angels please, please stay hereTake the pain, take the fear” Inner Demons by Julia Brennan

“Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever didLooking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kidAnd I’m still standing after all this timePicking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind” I’m still Standing (the cover by Taron Egerton)

“I feel fine enough, I guessConsidering everything’s a mess.” Pinch Me by the Barenaked Ladies

“I’m not expecting to grow flowers in a desertBut I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime“ In a Big Country by Big Country

(yes i know about 90% of these is SaL, but they have some of the best lyrics ever???) (also true story, the moment i read the question, i forgot every song i ever listened to lmao)

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Unless it’s a hot and/or humid night and I need the airflow, the door is closed. Leaving it open makes me feel vulnerable?? (and that’s true throughout the day as well, if my door is open it’s bc I’m feeling open and wouldn’t mind people coming in to talk to me). Not to mention I usually sleep naked.

Fun fact! In the old house, I would sleep with the door open (mainly in case my cat wanted to come sleep in bed with me), but what ended up happening, bc I’m a paranoid and suspicious fuck, I would immediately awaken whenever someone would go to the bathroom (bc there was only one bathroom (for seven people!) and it was right across the hall from my room), and I would look to see who it was (which often resulted in awkward eye contact) before rolling over and going back to sleep. According to one sibling, the fact that I was always awake when they went was “really fucking creepy”. (I DIDNT DO IT ON PURPOSE THOUGH!!!!! I WOULD HEAR FOOTSTEPS AND AWAKEN, NOT MY FAULT!!! the worst part is that I can sleep through anything else. Cat sleeping on my face? no problem. Thunderstorm? Can’t hear a thing. My cats duking it out with an owl, which apparently woke up the entire house? sleeping like a baby.)

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Sorry, I read the question and started drooling. Um, definitely have to go with milk chocolate. (White is a close second! Dark chocolate is too bitter for my tastes.)

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars. (I do not like peanuts in my dessert. Or nuts in general.)