#which is super duper shitty but like could be far far worse

[tinyorangepotato]

I've been thinking and I got pretty lucky with my family

[sortyourlifeoutmate]

“If it has turned its attention our way once more then we are naught but food for the gods! Food for the gods!”

I know the ship sailed on this years and years ago but I still infinitely prefer the Oldcons. And I have reasons for this.

Ahem.

You see, the Oldcons, as they were, serve as both a foil to the Tyranids and to Chaos, and also sit as another existential threat in the 40K universe (as though there needed to be more).

I’ve thought about this much more articulately on my walk to work but I’ll do my best to vomit my thoughts out here, for the edification of no-one.

(This worked out way longer than I initially thought it might, so I’m putting in a cut.)

SETUP

The basic schtick of the Oldcons - and I can’t remember how much and how little of this passed over intact in the retcot, quite a lot as I recall - was that the Necrontyr, a long, long, long fuckin’ time ago, were on a planet dying a lot. They had super-good technology but their sun basically fried them to death, so their lives sucked.

Then one day they met the Old Ones, classical precursors of the 40K universe and Those Who Shall Not Be Seen. The Old Ones were basically immortal and liked to cruise around space through their webway, seeding life and generally just being precursors.

The Necrontyr got mad about this because, well, they were bitter and angry that these guys got to live forever and they didn’t, so they had a war. That’s maybe an oversimplification but a war did happen.

Now the Necrontyr had super-good technology, as said, so did very well for themselves all things considered, but the Old Ones had access to the webway and mastery of the warp and basically just ran rings around the Necrontyr and kicked the shit out of them so much the war fizzled to nothing and the Necrontyr were pushed to one podunk corner of the galaxy to sit and get even angrier.

The Old Ones pretty much forgot about them at that point.

Meanwhile, the Necrontyr had been studying stars. This was partly because, as they had a somewhat rocky relationship with their own sun they kind of hoped they might have found a way to make their lives less blighted and shitty, and partly on the off-chance they’d find something useful to go fuck with the Old Ones.

The former didn’t work out, the latter most certainly did.

To cut a long story short they found the C’tan, star gods. These ancient, ancient, formed-at-the-start-of-the-universe entities that lurked around old stars feeding off them.

For some reason the Nectrontyr immediately knew that this was a key turning point? I don’t know. Guess they knew they were powerful somehow (they were).

But! Since the C’tan at this point were just enormous, planet-sized diffuse clouds of energy they couldn’t really relate to the world as the Necrontyr were aware of it. They needed bodies. And so the Necrontyr built them bodies, using the same super-duper living metal they used to make their super-duper spaceships.

This was one of those points where things - already not great - started getting worse.

The C’tan (in a process you shouldn’t think about too hard) poured themselves into these fancy-pants new bodies and in the process got a new, different understanding of the world and how things worked. And they liked it. To quote the codex:

“As the C’tan became ever more manifest with the focusing of the their consciousness, they began to appreciate the subtleties and pleasures of both matter and life. The close weaves of dancing particles enthralled them and the deliciously focused tickles of electromagnetism leaked by the mortal bodies of the Necrontyr about them awoke a hunger in the C’tan quite unlike the one they had sated among the raging torrents of stars.”

As you might not need me to tell you that last part is kind of important.

So these star-devouring things had bodies now, and were basically gods. They could do all sorts of reality-bending shit (don’t look into the hows or whys, they just can) and they got a real taste for being the object of adulation for their mortal subjects.

The next part always kind of confused me, but here we go.

So with their super-duper technology and ships that could cross the galaxy in the blink of an eye and their own GODS walking around and willing to pitch in, the Necrontyr were ready to get the war started again, but before they did the C’tan came to them with an offer.

The offer boiled down to “Hey, do you want indestructible, eternal, metal bodies so you can be our servants forever? You’ll totally get to kill the Old Ones!” The Necrontyr leapt at the chance but - surprise! - they weren’t told the whole story. While they did get their shiny bodies, they also basically had the whole essence of their species devoured by their ravenous gods, almost all of them ending up as blank, hollow shells that existed only to serve and a slim handful retaining only a glimmer of their former selves.

Why this always confused me was because there aren’t many details provided about the process, what it involved and why it was even the C’tan who floated the idea - they’re not the ones who made all the technology, after all, were they? Why weren’t the Necrontyr the ones who cooked up the ‘transfer ourselves into everliving bodies’ plan? And what was it the C’tan ate? Their souls? Or just their vague ‘life energy’?

(This ‘What is it C’tan actually eat?’ question is another one that always bugs me, but I don’t think it matters especially - souls or the bio-electrical energy of living beings they eat people one way or another and that’s what counts.)

So the Necrontyr are now the Necrons, the C’tan have vast legions of unkillable, implacable, mechanical doomtroops and technology the likes of which can be scarcely imagined. The war kicks off again, and this time the Old Ones are the ones getting their arses handed to them. They’ve still got the webway and their warp magic but the C’tan and their Necrons are more-or-less unbeatable in the real, physical world.

Things get worse from here.

The Old Ones are pushed into a few isolated spaces and barely hold onto these. Meanwhile, elsewhere, everywhere else in the galaxy the Necrons and the C’tan are in charge and they run the place about as well as gluttonous, capricious gods who feed on life itself can be expected to run the place - that is to say, badly. Planetary populations are harvested to sate the hunger of the C’tan, whole species made into cattle, etcetera.

And even that’s not enough! Not enough to satisfy the C’tan! So greedy are the C’tan that they start turning on one another, eating each other even as the war continues.

It’s worth bearing in mind for later that the C’tan don’t need to do this. They just want to do this.

The Old Ones, with their backs to the wall, start getting desperate. They start engineering species to act as living weapons in the war, species that can use the warp given that it’s their main edge. This is where Eldar come from, explicitly, and I think it’s also implied this is where psychic potential got put into humans (Necrons also put the Pariah gene in here, but I don’t know if that’s still true).

Oh, and Orks also got invented. Maybe. It’s less clear but I like to think it’s true that they made the Orks towards the end and never got around to finishing them properly. But that’s me.

So now you’ve got a galaxy teeming with life, all of it tapping into the warp in a millennia-spanning, apocalyptic conflict for the fate of the galaxy itself. This is when the warp starts getting bad, because it’s being fucked around with so much. Beforehand the warp was actually fairly sedate, but now since it’s being swung around like a big stick for years and years and years it start getting messy. It starts getting angry. Nasty things start appearing in it.

The C’tan have a plan for this, it should be said, and that plan is to seal off the material world from the warp. Completely. What this would mean in practise is unclear but as far as they were concerned it would just fuck over the Old Ones and that’s what counts.

And then things get WORSE.

Enslavers appear. You may have heard about these. Weirdo warp beasts. Possess those with psychic potential, melt their bodies down into gristly flesh gates that more Enslavers can come through, enslave everyone to make this easier and defend against threats that might want to stop it, repeat across whole population across whole planet, repeat across whole system, etcetera.

EVERYTHING STARTS TO DIE.

The C’tan have eaten themselves down to a nub at this point and there’s only a handful of them left. The Old Ones are basically done too, the webway is breached, their uplifted races are in disarray, shit’s fucked. Across the galaxy Enslavers are just wiping out whole populations, everyone and everything is dying.

But the C’tan don’t really care. The Old Ones have lost at this point and that’s the only thing that really matters. That all life is dying out is just a passing thing, they can ride that out and come back later. The C’tan plan to settle in and have a nap. In a few million years the Enslavers will be gone and the galaxy will have produced new life and they can get restarted on their ‘Seal off the warp, feed on life forever’ plan.

And, millions of years later, 40K happens.

That’s it in broad strokes.

OLDCONS

If you followed any of that congratulations. 

The practical upshot is this:

A) The Necrons are an undying, soulless race of borderline indestructible machines that are the slaves of the C’tan B) The C’tan are immeasurably ancient, star-eating beings given physical form by the the Necrons and who really, really, really like having physical form C) Neither the C’tan or the Necrons have anything to do with the warp other than not liking it. They are NOT PSYCHIC, they have zero presence in the warp. It has nothing to do with them other than being an obstacle.

Now I’ll tell you why I like this and why I think they serve as a good foil to a couple other factions in 40K.

GOALS

Broadly speaking, every faction in 40K has their own little motivation, right? 

Orks want to fight forever. The Imperium basically wants to survive and kill everything that looks at them funny. The Tau want to expand and spread their philosophy. The Eldar want to cling on for just another day please just another day (and also fuck chaos and Necrons). The Tyranids want to eat everything and then leave. Chaos wants to sunder reality and just sink into a mire of mindless chaotic indulgence forever, maybe, kind of, whatever it’s chaos.

And so on.

The Necrons (as a faction) I always liked to think of having some distinct lines that run close to some of the others, but don’t cross over.

So let’s, uh, talk about that.

CHAOS

Necrons are associated with sterility, lifeless sterility. They are associated with order - serried ranks of mindless machines marching in lockstep across the surface of dead worlds; towering, silent monoliths of black stone built to sever the material world from the immaterial, to eliminate variables and ensure that everything runs as desired for eternity.

In this they’re fairly obviously set against Chaos.

Chaos! The Chaos gods! Beings born from both the unrelenting, brutal psychic warfare of the War in Heaven (as the war between the Old Ones and the Necrons was called) and from the constant, churning wants and desires of the countless beings in the galaxy.

The Chaos gods are distinct, separate beings but they are also intimately tied to the souls they were born from. They’re individuals, yes, but they’re individuals born from very specific things. They have purviews, they have domains. They are - and are for - these things.

Khorne is as much an incarnate desire for bloodshed and furious anger as he is also a sapient entity who happens to enjoy those things.

If you can follow that?

By contrast, the C’tan existed first. They weren’t born from the desires of mortals, they were just there, sucking on stars until they were put into bodies. They exist separately from mortals. They don’t need mortals, they just want them so they can eat them.

The Chaos gods, for all their cruelty (the extent of which is the result of the War in Heaven is kind of an open thing), want and need mortals. They need mortals to act in certain, often contradictory ways. They need mortals to be chaotic, to give into their desires, to want things.

The C’tan need mortals to eat them. And that’s it. Maybe to do things they don’t want to do, but mainly to eat them since, hey, they’ve got the Necrons if they want stuff done anyway.

So while the Chaos gods would, ideally, like a galaxy overrun with (appropriately enough) chaos so that the endless roaring conflict can generate a lot of that sweet, sweet tumult they thrive on, the C’tan want a nice, quiet galaxy where they can eat in peace.

Order and Chaos, see? Foil!

Oh, and of course the other part about Chaos being All About the warp while the C’tan are All About the physical, real world. Gods both, but on the flipside, yo.

Tyranids

Now I’ve mentioned a lot that the C’tan like to eat people, and you might (rightly) be thinking “Hang on, eating people? Isn’t that the schtick of the Tyranids?” and, again, this is one of those things where they run close, but don’t cross, and in an interesting way.

See, the difference is in the approach. Or something.

The Tyranids are ravenous, the C’tan are gluttonous. To put it simply.

The Tyranids come in a great, all-consuming swarm to strip worlds completely, down to the bedrock, just everything. They do this world by world, system by system just across all of space. They leave nothing. And their hunger won’t ever let them stop, they’re always pushed forward by it. Their hunger is their defining characteristic. 

The C’tan specifically eat living beings. They savour the flavour. What’s more, like I said before, they don’t need to eat people. They could easily go back to being sun-sucking energy clouds and get by just fine. The point is they don’t want to.

See? Ravenous versus gluttonous. The Tyranids are pushed by constant hunger to devour everything and have no future planning beyond moving on to the next meal, the C’tan want to arrange the galaxy so they can a specific thing without interruption forever.

So that’s the difference. The Tyranids would leave the galaxy utterly stripped and barren and dead because of their hunger, while the C’tan would have the galaxy turned into an eternal farm-stroke-slaughterhouse-stroke-whatever because of their desire to eat.

TO SUM UP

Chaos: The galaxy as an anarchic maelstrom of reality-bending madness forever

Tyranids: Eat everything move on.

Necrons: A sterile galaxy, severed from the warp, everything in it as food for the gods, forever

IN CONCLUSION

I know why they did what they did. The Necrons did come across kind of bland. 

Their only characters were two C’tan (one of whom didn’t say anything), all of their fluff was written from the perspective of other factions (like the Tyranids, actually, but again that’s another reason to change them around) and there was just kind of a...sterility, I suppose.

Appropriate, really.

And while I like that - indeed, it’s the whole reason I like them, as you might have picked up on - I guess others didn’t, and it didn’t really give the writers anything to work with. 

So now they’re basically a fallen alien empire that wants to reclaim its glory. The C’tan have been jobbed out and the Necrons have leaders with personalities now, internal factions, competing interests, the capability of having plans beyond SERVING THEIR HUNGRY GODS and so on.

Which I can see the appeal of, I really can. And they’ve also left in Oldcons after a fashion, saying that some are still like that, but that’s a sop for me - it’s all or nothing.

But it’s all water the bridge now anyway, no going back. I just liked them the way they were. Oh well.

The new fluff for the flayed ones is dumb though, I hate it.

Or do I like it? I can’t remember.

[athena1138]

Y’all really didn’t catch on that Taka and Sumi were gonna turn on Alucard from the minute they walked up? Really? I’m not saying it’s not shitty and I’m not mad and it didn’t go way, way worse than I expected, and Alucard doesn’t deserve a happy and healthy poly relationship, and the fact that he’s another LGBT character brought to ruin through an LGBT relationship doesn’t piss me off to no end, but I wasn’t surprised at all, not by any means. 

Taka was literally holding on loosing an arrow, which he has proclaimed many, many times throughout the season that he’s very proficient with. “For cover.” (or whatever Sumi said.) Right. They totally weren’t going to ambush him or anything. Which, alright, maybe they weren’t. Maybe they WERE just going to talk. 

It wasn’t immediately suspicious to anyone else that these two just kinda... showed up. A month after Dracula died. Looking for his castle. A castle which has been rumored to have untold magical secrets and abilities including the power to move? 

Maybe I’m just a pessimistic bitch. That’s fair. It’s true, too. I most certainly am, and I’m suspicious when it comes to my favorite characters. 

But y’all didn’t feel that tone shift when they were walking through the woods after being shown the Belmont hold? The way they were happy and light in Alucard’s presence but the second he was gone they were all dour? They mentioned how he was lonely, but they said it in a way that made me feel like they weren’t just pitying or sympathizing with him. They said it like... idk like it would make it easier, almost. I can’t accurately describe what I felt especially given that it’s been a few days, but I know it set my hairs on end. They weren’t just, “It’s so sad, he’s so lonely, we should just stay here, I wish we could stay here.” 

And then let’s talk about their thirst for power. The entire season, they’re hounding him with questions about the castle’s abilities, about the magical weapons, about everything they think can make them more powerful. For their country (city? I don’t exactly remember and I’m running on 3 hours of sleep,) sure, I’m not totally doubting that that could be their reason. But Alucard is taking it slow, far too slow for their liking, and they even say that they think it’s because he doesn’t want them to leave, and that upsets them. The fact that they ask about the castle moving so many times (at least 3-4 that I can remember, but I was also doing my taxes while I was watching so I wasn’t playing super duper close attention) shows how little they believe his genuineness. 

And sure, they were like. Playing and laughing and flirting with him. Maybe they even really did like him a little bit. But that doesn’t mean that they weren’t gonna betray him. They could’ve been doing it to get close to him, to drop his guard and catch him vulnerable because they’ve seen first hand how good of a fighter he is and he IS part vampire and they know he can fuck them up if he really wanted to as he shows them multiple times. 

I’ve lost my train of thought now. (I’m at work.) 

My point is, I don’t think this was bad writing (other than.. yknow... how it happened, and it being another violent act against an LGBT person on TV.) It just wasn’t blatantly obvious. 

[warmau]

{Special} College!AU Kun

*tw: there is a lot of mention of alcohol in this one   find college!nct (here) + hs!au dream (here)

major: aviation engineering 

minor: n/a

sports: almost took a yoga class once, does that count? 

clubs: was part of cooking club which shocked just about everyone - especially the culinary majors because why was an engineering major cooking better than them - people who actually wanted to be chefs so unfortunately he got banned,,,,,,,joined photography club instead 

on the outside, kun is probably the most unremarkable college student on campus

he attends his classes, does his work, hangs out with his friends, and never really causes any kind of drama or ruckus 

in a lot of ways he just ,,,,,,, sort of exists

and people only take notice when he’s in the background of things - like that time his roommate lucas broke the shared showers

and lucas, sopping wet in just his towel, was explaining to campus police that he “didnt break anything” the water just magically started overflowing

and kun had to step in, handing lucas a much needed pair of pants and tell the officer that the drains had been busted for weeks. it was only a matter of time till this happened 

or when mark confessed he really had no idea how to write a resume and kun was like

“here, take my word document template including a bunch of fake things i embellished about you, but not really because you are a great person!”

mark with tears in his eyes: th-thanks bro

basically, kun is the unsung hero of his friends

he’s always got their back - and he’s always there to support him

but he’s never like in the limelight 

on the outside only of course

the reality is, kun works outside of taking classes. 

to everyone on campus it’s a night shift stocking a local store in the college town downtown

but in reality, kun works as a bartender 

when he was a freshmen, he had found a online video of a bartender mixing drinks - but adding a magical flare to it

whether it was setting the drinks on fire

building pyramids out of glasses

or pouring drinks that swirled around and changed color

the video had fascinated kun, and he decided to see if he’d be any good at the job

turns out - he was

he had always liked being in the kitchen, working with food - working with drinks was pretty similar

each had its home ingredients, and each took its time to prepare

and with his job at the bar - he could be somebody else

he wasn’t just the college kid in the background

he could entertain, he could laugh, he could have fun and stop cleaning up his friends problems 

instead he could make other young strangers happy with his drinks and his magic

the only problem was this kun,,,,,,,,,,was far removed from regular kun

and keeping the secret did make kun feel bad

from his friends to his fellow engineering peers

everyone just thought “oh he’s going to his job at the store! he’ll probably study there and get into no trouble - it’ll be bland!”

when in reality he was doing just the opposite 

but at the same time,,,,kun felt like there was no way to connect the two. no one would believe he had this other,,,,,vibrant side

plus - he was juggling school and this job pretty well

his dream had always been to fly and fix planes when he was older 

so he took up engineering 

it came naturally and unlike a lot of people he did enjoy studying 

but there was time for geeking out about plane parts in his classes

but also still putting on his bartenders vest and striking smile for his nightime shifts

to everyone around him, kun was always there to be that encouraging buddy

that person who had the answers when you needed them 

because he himself never got into trouble 

ten would always clap kun on the back and go, “you need to party more! let loose! but not too loose - remember what happened to johnny last saturday?”

and kun would just laugh and agree

all the while thinking that his friends just didn’t know 

the closest anyone ever came to suspecting was when kun had a menu pulled up on his laptop of new drinks from the bar

and taeyong had went “what’s that?”

kun had broken into a cold sweat, trying to think up an excuse 

only to sigh of relief when taeyong switched the tab aimlessly to a youtube video kun had been watching about pilot safety tips

you ,,,,,, only knew kun as the bartender from your favorite place to drink after a tough test or a shitty day on campus

that’s because you went to college in the part of the city that kun worked in

so to you - kun was an enigma 

he was the striking smile and the crazy magic tricks 

and the smooth talking, sociable bartender who every person literally fell in love with for their first hour at the bar

you didn’t know about the kun who was quiet and plain

and to be honest, if someone told you kun was the last person to be noticed at his campus

you’d think they were lying - or being plain rude

because no matter how many times you’d been to the bar, no matter how many other boys have been around you

have talked to you

tried to wind you out from your bad mood

the only person who ever made you feel better, aside from the drink in your hand was kun

and to be honest you didn’t even go there to drink anymore 

you went there for the small talk with kun

even five minutes of just college kid banter with him was enough to make you forget your shitty professors and your three essays all due in the same week

but,,,,,,,,you’re pretty sure it’s the same for everyone else

kun’s job means he has to be nice to you

he has to be charming, inviting, and ever so handsome 

that warm feeling you get in the pit of your stomach whenever he smiles or his hand brushes against yours

you’re sure he’s got that spell cast over everybody

afterall - how could anyone ignore someone like kun?

and what makes it all worse is the fact that your little fascination with him absolutely grows into a crush

when you’re seated at the bar, looking at the beer you ordered - thinking about how intro to nuclear biology turned out to be the WORSE choice for an elective

when someone slides in to the seat beside you

smug look on their face and all

“how are you doing tonight? you’re far too gorgeous to be looking so gloomy.”

the pick up line makes you almost roll your eyes

but you look up at the person and shake your head instead

“i like being gloomy, college was made for that.”

instead of warning them off - the person seems to think your sarcasm is an invite to stay and chat

then they think its an invite to order you a drink

even when you tell them your bottle is half full

kun comes over when the stranger waves their hand

he looks picturesque in his little satin vest, the bow-tie and big glimmering eyes

“a drink for this beautiful angel to my left~”

the say and you reach out before kun can turn around

“i,,,,,dont want it. thank you.”

kun’s expression doesn’t falter, he just nods and glides his way over to another customer 

for a second,,,,you feel a little bit hurt

when you’d stopped him - you were hoping kun would read the pleading look in your eye

begging to somehow be saved from the awkward advances of a total random straner

but kun had a job to do, it’s not like he was going to be the knight in shining armor you wished he would be

“why’d you say no to a free drink?”

you look up at the stranger

“i know why you’re buying it for me, and im flattered - but im not interested.”

the once cheap kindness on their face twists into hurt pride

suddenly you’re not just annoyed,,,you’re a little worried as they lean in closer 

but before they can whisper whatever it is that they’re thinking they pull back 

yelping in pain, they look over to where a smiling kun on the otherside of the bar

has slammed a glass hard onto their hand

“ow! why they fuck did you put that shit on my hand!” 

the stranger winces, pulling his red hand up to his chest protectively as kun lifts up the glass

kun’s smile never even changes

but his eyes are darker than usual, sparking with some kind of emotion you’ve never seen from him

“oh, oops. i must have not seen your hand. you should go to the bathroom and ice that.”

the stranger grumbles, throws some more curses you and kun’s way and then disappears into the crowd

you turn and kun tilts his head as you stare at him in shock

“you - you didn’t have to do th-”

kun shrugs

“what? it was a genuine mistake.”

but he winks an then goes back to taking orders

and you sit there, feeling the warmth in your stomach that you usually get around kun turn into a blossoming blush on the insides of your heart

it’s that incident that makes you fall head over heels

you think it’s a little juvenile, in love with the handsome bartender

but you’re in college you’re allowed to be a little juvenile - after all these are the last four years till you’re living in the adult world 

but even still - you know kun just sees you as another regular 

another college student with your woes, and you’re sure he has some of his own

you daydream that he must be some kind of cool major like music or philosophy 

or something prestigious like pre-law or pre-med

how he must walk around on campus with an entire entourage of smitten students wanting him to notice them

how he probably dresses super stylish 

how everyone only looks at him and is super duper jealous or in love - 

that must be how kun is like at school

because that’s what he’s like here 

can you imagine the shock when you end up on kun’s college campus - visiting with your club to give a presentation in the science dept

only to see kun

wearing plain black pants,,,,a button up flannel,,,,,a messenger bag you’re sure he’s had since middle school

and glasses

sitting in the corner of the quad - quietly 

reading an,,,,,,,engineering textbook

surrounded by absolutely no one

passed by like he,,,,like he isn’t even there

you nearly triple take just to make sure it’s really really him

and one of your club members jokingly tells you to stop or you’ll swivel your head right off 

i mean there’s no way right,,,there’s no way the bartender i know,,,,,is that boy sitting over there? so,,,,so unnoticeable,,,

after you leave - the only thing in your head is the image of kun hunched over his book like that 

you keep trying to figure out an explanation 

and as you’re sitting in your room you just think - why am i broading about it? i should just ask him.

the thought makes your heart stop,,,,but you decide that if anything ,,,, this all makes kun more approachable 

more attainable 

but you shake that thought off and when you find yourself on a friday evening at the bar again

watching kun pour shots that turn from a clear white into a misty, fragrant pink 

you wonder how someone can just do a 180 and become someone completely new

you’re jealous - it must be a talent

kun’s shift comes to an end at three

and even though you think it’s a little corny that you waited - even a little creepy actually

you just can’t help but want to know 

and when kun sees you, he doesn’t seem at all concerned or annoyed

instead he smiles and waves

“it’s so late, it’s dangerous going home now.”

he warns and you feel your stomach do a flip

his first sentence out of his mouth isn’t why are you here? what do you want? it’s the need to show worry and empathy,,,,like is he seriously just the best person on earth?

you smile weakly, “kun - can i ask you something?”

he nods slowly, looking at you with what seems the most pure gaze in the world

“i,,i saw you - a couple of days ago. you were reading a engineering  textbook. is that your major?”

everything seems to drain right out of kun’s face

his smile vanishes like melting wax off a candle

and you instantly feel like this is it - that you could die of embarrassment and shame in this moment

when in a quiet voice he goes , “yes”

you don’t know what else to say - so you blurt out what you’re thinking

“do you not like it? you sound so sad,,,,,”

kun pulls suddenly at the bow-tie around his neck 

“i like it alot. it’s just,,,,” 

he stares dejectedly at the ground in the darkness of the night

“it’s just it doesn’t fit who i am here - right? it’s boring.”

you gape, unsure of what he really means

“you know me as the bartender here, as the happy and outgoing magician of drinks or whatever but in reality,,,that’s an illusion”

he shrugs

“im very plain. i like engineering. i like planes. and i dont really like to stand out. isn’t that funny?”

before your mind can tell you to pause, you reach out and grab kun’s cold hand

his wide eyes meet yours as you shake your head

“it’s not funny, and it’s not an illusion. this job is one part of you - but the other part of you is too. engineering is so interesting, it’s unexpected - but it’s cool and one day i would really like if you -”

your voice trembles - you’ve never really confessed to anyone before this

“i would really like if you told me more about it!”

kun doesn’t say anything for a bit 

so much so that you panic, letting go of his hand and whispering a feeble apology

but then he steps closer to you 

and you don’t know what he’s going to do next until he puts his hand slightly over your head

confused, you look up - noticing finally that it has started to rain

and kun is shielding you from it 

“im fine you don’t ha-”

“it’s late, it’s raining, the right thing is to make sure you stay dry and take you home.”

you feel your entire body burn up in a blaze when kun says that 

and you feel even more hot when he pulls you gently into his side as you walk down the street, you nervously giving him directions to your dorm

and when you finaly get there 

the RA simply looks up from her phone with a shrug

and you turn to thank kun again

“i dont work wednesdays. would that be an ok day for you?”

he says and you blink

“wh-what do you mean?”

he grins, “you said you wanted me to tell you more, could i take you out on wednesday?”

you do meet kun that following wednesday 

you sit in an obscure little cafe for lunch as kun pulls his textbook out of that beat up old messenger back 

and opens it up to a page of a diagram and tells you

“it may bore you, but this is my favorite model for planes. there’s a lot of technical stuff, but it’s my fathers favorite too.”

you know kun is keeping everything short - always limiting himself from saying to much

in some weird way you can feel that he thinks he’ll only annoy you with it

but you lean in, holding your cup of tea excitedly with both hands and urge him with a smile to never skip over the technical stuff - you want to know everything

and kun isn’t used to all this attention on him

the suave and experienced bartender playboy you thought he was is nothing close to the reality

he still plays little magic tricks

pulling coins from behind your ear and making a napkin on the table float

but they’re nothing flashy, they’re nothing crazy

they’re,,,,,,,more natural - just like kun

and it’s the little things that you learn about him that make you realize that you might have had a crush on bartender kun

but you could really fall in love with the real kun

the way he moves so he walks closest to the road when he’s with you

how he puts your hand in his pocket as you’re on the way back and the ac in the bus is a little too high

how he swiftly catches the side of your hip when you almost trip on the stairs 

and how he does it all without even thinking about it

helping and taking care of others is so,,,,,,,,in kun’s nature 

and he does it without any expectation of recognition or praise 

he’s the real definition of humbleness

so much so that 

when you stare at him, eyes flicking between his lips - up and down for nearly a minute straight on your third little date

he has to ask, literal permission

“is it ok if i kiss you?”

“i thought the staring at your lips would give away the answer to that one.”

for a while you still cant believe you’re actually dating kun 

but you start to put together that you’re not dating the kun you daydreamed about 

although you still think he’s literally irresistible in his bartender uniform

and he looks more than charming at his night time job still

you’re dating the slightly wallflower-ish kun who much more than ever makes your heart dance and not just your stomach feel warm

but every last part of your being 

you’ll still drop by, watch him do his job perfectly, watch everyone in the room fall in love just like you did

but kun never takes it beyond the bar

the only person whose hand he holds, the only person who he calls his wonder in his native min, the only person who gets to see him shed off all this dazzle and become comfortable 

is you

and kun tells you that he remembers watching you get hit on by that stranger whose hand he almost nailed to the bar top 

and how he’d sensed from the beginning that something was off and if he’d been more daring he would have dragged the dude out the door himself

which surprises you because,,,,,you thought that that moment was just kun being kun

that he’d done it for millions of other people in unwarranted situations and although kun admits that he’s casually saved a couple of people from awkward converstion

you had been the first person he,,,,,,had slammed a glass down on someones hand for 

“no one else has ever really evoked that out of me,,” he says one afternoon as you’re sitting between him and a pile of books he’s dragged out of the library

you giggle and kun looks at you all cute and confused

while you tell him that it’s nothing, he’s just - full of surprises

kun and you dating does surprise the rest of nct

notably lucas whose like “bro you are my roommate,,,,how did i not know you were getting spicy with someone”

you: “did he just say spicy?”

kun, deadpan: “that’s just lucas.”

doyoung grabbing lucas by the year: “apologize to them for calling their young beautiful love spicy right now.”

sicheng in mandarin to kun: “but ,,,,, are you two spicy,,,,you know-”

jkjkjkjk

but after the initial shock wears off,,,,you become a natural part of the group

you sort of stay in the sidelines watching nct get up to no good

with kun at your side, shrugging it off and telling you that when you’re both needed to save someone - you’ll be there

but secretly, for kun, it’s finally such a relief to have someone there with him

even if he’d always been content with being the quiet, always comes to the rescue at the last minute kind of friend

there had still been times when he hadn’t even been able to bring his own problems to the table 

but now, with you, he can do that

and you’re probably the only one in the world to ever see kun get stressed

so much so that when you tell taeyong you’re thinking of maybe getting kun something to distract him from all his worries

taeyong chokes on his rice and goes, “he-he’s worried about something?!!?”

(moral of the story is you teaching nct to pay attention to kun’s pains sometimes - mark apologizes profusely for almost an hour about not doing so)

but no really, finally for kun there’s someone who not to be a total cornball

but someone who puts him first - just like he puts everyone else

and to be honest it’s nice to be taken care of 

also you’re cute. you’re cute when you’re taking care of him. or when you’re not taking care of him. or when you’re right in front of him. or when he’s getting distracted looking at your photo which he made his phone background in class. basically you’re very cute

kun tells everyone you’re very cute

there are many ways to say cute in different languages and kun might just learn all of them just so he can call you cute

also, aside from telling his friends about your relationship - you also end up taking them to the bar

to see kun in action

and although it kind of makes kun a little shy, all of nct nearly fall off their chairs when they see him get into the groove

johnny even claims, in a bit of a tipsy manner, that kun really is the coolest of all of them huh - taeyong you may have your perfect face but kun is really winning oh shit im going to fall dow-

ten, the designated driver thanking you and kun when you have to drag taeil down from atop the bar stage after the tenth time of singing “what is love?”

but anyway back to your relationship with kun

he really is such an attentive person, it’s just part of him to pick up on the little things

he knows your habits, he knows your likes and dislikes 

you dont even have to tell him where to put his hand around you - he knows that you prefer your waist over your shoulders

he knows that you hate milk in your coffee

he knows that you’d much rather wear his green hoodie than the red button down jungwoo got him for christmas 

he knows when you’re mad before you can even say anything, he knows you’re about to cry before the tears even fall

and you’re so amazed he soaks up all this information and remembers it about you

because it makes you feel completely and utterly loved

people who otherwise don’t know much about kun like to assume he’s kind of closed up

that he doesnt pay attention, that he’s off in his own world

but that’s not true - not at all

and even though kun always pulls you into his arms, nose settled in the crook of your neck

murmuring that there’s nothing in the world he wants then to be here alone with you 

you sometimes want to pull him up and have the world realize who he is 

how great he is 

and how much you love him

also can i just say that he’s so sweet that when you first end up staying the night kun’s hand trembling on the buttons of your jeans

he looks up, eyes blown out and his hair a mess from making out just to go

“stop me now, i dont want to keep going because if i do i think i might really become addicted to you.”

LIKE HE LITERALLY SAYS THAT 

and had it not been for you just really wanting him - you might have burst out into tears and hugged him close because he’s so cute

(you know after he was all shy like,,,was it ok,,,i haven’t done this much,,,,,if i can i will impro- *you shut him up with a lot of kisses*)

sometimes you’ll still swing by the bar for a drink on a bad day, but instead of it you swing by

and kun signals to the manager for his break

only to meet up with you out back

and ask you whats wrong, even though he knows what you actually want

which is to kiss his face

and he lets you

(has had to fix his bowtie a LOT more since he started dating you) 

(also had to start carrying a comb with him because gosh darn it you keep messing up his hair)

you know that kun is good at making drinks, but when he cooks some of his home favorite meals

you take one bite

get up

and go over to smother him in more kisses

“you are husband material, you know this right?”

kun tilting his head with his chopsticks in his mouth: “i dont think i am.”

you getting up again to give him even more kisses: “god i love you”

kun doesn’t talk much when you guys hang out with his friends which is like totally normal 

and you’re ok just cuddling into his side, watching the rest of nct make a fool of themselves

at the movies or at the park or wherever

but one day kun is like “guys wanna see my new magic trick?”

and everyone is like hell yeah

and youre like ? wonder what it is, he didn’t show me this one yet either

and then kun just goes 

“right now ill show you guys my ENTIRE universe. wanna see it?”

and all of nct is like huh

and doyoung is like snorting like there’s no way to shrink the universe down or something like what are you going to pull out a tiny globe keychain out of your pocket-

kun pointing directly to you

“there it is. my entire universe.”

nct: dead:

you: literally going to faint

kun: thank you. no need for a standing ovation. 

[ncomiis]

i pulled an all nighter and this happened

— flashback: creative writing class. beginning of junior year.

naomi sits patiently at her desk, waiting for the rest of the class to fill in so that the creative writing class could begin. she was really excited for this since writing has been a way for her to let all that darkness within her out. it was a form of therapeutic expression. so far she recognizes a few faces. the blair maxwell was sitting a few seats away next to her beau daniel taupo  ( whom naomi has had a crush on since middle school but has made no attempt in telling him because hello; he was dating the blair maxwell ) then brother and sister duo bryce kings and damaris lennox sitting in the front row. so far, they’re the only students in the classroom and naomi can tell this class is going to be small. she wasn’t sure if she liked that. just then, her best friend verena enters and naomi smiles, waving her over.

“ you’re in this class? no way! it’s going to be so much fun. how was your summer? we didn’t hang out as much as i wanted us to. my dad and his family went on a cruise so i was left housesitting. which i mean, is whatever i don’t even like the bahamas.  ”  she shrugs her shoulders, rambling to the other girl and too busy trying to play catch up that she doesn’t notice when cristian ramos (  cleveland high school’s bad boy slash heartbreaker ) and his friend enter the room and take the seats directly in front of them, as if there weren’t other empty desks littered around the room.

the smell of cigarettes hits her hard and she cringes, wasting no time in tapping the stranger   cristian’s friend ) on the shoulder,  “  you stink.  ”  naomi boldly says, interrupting their conversation and raising her eyebrows as he turns around.

“ and you’re annoying.  ”  the words fall from his lips so swiftly yet heavy and naomi sits there, a little stunned. 

“  i’m sorry, what?  ”

“  deaf too, apparently.  ”

naomi snorts and looks over at verena, giving her a who is this and why is he talking to me like that look. vee just shrugs and looks down at her notebooks, going back to ignoring the interaction all together. she’s about to reply when the teacher walks in and begins to introduce herself to all eight of them; setting the class into motion.

— time jump to after class.

“ and he has a name. micah. very fitting.  ”  and once again, naomi interrupts whatever he’s doing as she leans against the lockers that lined their high school’s hallway.

“ naomi, or should i say cry baby. please don’t flood the hall with your crocodile tears. ” micah looks so unimpressed as he shuts his locker closed and gives her a bored look.

“ i’m not— are people still saying that about me? ” suddenly, she’s no longer interested in telling him off but more into wanting to finding out what her peers have been saying behind her back.

“ yeah, they also say you grow a tail when there’s a full moon and that you have a daniel taupo shrine in your room. is he your favorite member of one direction?  ”  the end of his lips quirk up into a smug smirk and she frowns, crossing her arms against her chest. she can’t lie, there’s a slight pink tint coating her cheeks at the mention of the ginger haired boy.

“ you still stink. ”  and with that, she turns to walk away from him and that embarrassing conversation.

“ and you’re still annoying.  ”

naomi laughs to herself slightly, remembering the first time she met micah byeon. the memory feels like it was lifetimes ago. a time where things were normal in her life. no kids, no ghosts, no murders, no serial killers. just an angsty teenager trying to graduate from high school. her laugh slowly fades and she’s in silence, laying in the backseat of her car where she’s been sleeping for the past few days; too embarrassed to ask any of her other friends if she could crash at their place and too broken to go back home.

she thought that the pain would go away a few hours after the big fight and that maybe, just maybe, she’d be able to return the following day where they’d make up and forget any of it ever happened. but naomi isn’t dumb, she knows that simple i’m sorry’s wasn’t going to fix the mess she and micah had made. it wasn’t going to fix them. if anything, the pain has only gotten worse and no one knows she’s hurting. she briefly mentioned it to daniel the night of, but she didn’t tell him the whole thing. he didn’t need that on his conscious,

not now and not ever.

letting out a small sigh, she sits up and ignores the headache, climbing into the driver’s seat and turning the car on. she sits there, emotionless and pretty dead on the inside as she thinks of what her next move is going to be. the party she and verena had planned was slowly creeping up and she was in no mood to attend, let alone dress up for it. with everything going on with her and micah and zach; the last thing naomi castillo wanted to be is festive. but alas, she had to go. it was her party after all, and she didn’t want to raise any red flags within the team. she wanted them to at least have one night where they could have fun.

— flashback: becoming roommates. end of senior year. high school.

“ i’m in. ”

naomi’s eyes move from the textbook in front of her and up to meet micah’s, a confused look on her face.

“ what? ”

“ i said i’m in. you sure you’re not deaf?  ”

with a roll of her eyes, she bookmarks the page and shuts the book, waiting for micah to further™ explain himself.

“ your craigslist ad. for a roommate. saw it last night and thought why the hell not? i can’t afford to live in the dorms.  ”  

naomi’s face lights up and she lets out an excited squeal,  “ oh my god? yes of course. yes! this is going to be so much fun. i found the apartment about a month ago and it’s like, right near campus. i expected it to be super duper expensive but it’s not. and it’s really nice. ugh, i can’t wait to decorate for all the holidays! do you celebrate christmas or do you do like do hanukkah because—  ”

“  i regret this already.  ”

this time, her laugh is mixed with a few sobs as she begins to cry, head resting on the steering wheel. how could they let it get this bad? they were supposed to break the cycle their parents had so selfishly created. they were supposed to be stable. they were supposed to be happy.

“  oh god, micah… what did we do?  ”  she says to herself, replaying the argument over and over in her head.

“ you’re the one who decided to fuck a serial killer, and you’re the one who decided to have his kids. no one told you to do that shit, and ava and noah sure as hell didn’t ask to be born. all of that? that’s on you. you’re the reason you have twins right now, and you’re the reason you’re so motherfucking tired. whatever the fuck it is that you’re so upset about? frankly, it’s probably your fault, too. ”  she lets out a cry, hitting her palm against the wheel

“ i don’t care what you want. ” another cry, another hit.

“ i don’t need to project my shitty childhood onto them naomi, you’re already giving them a one. ”  this time the hit is harder and the cry is intense.

“ get out of my apartment.  ”  and finally she breaks down again, feeling her chest shake as the sobs come out stronger and stronger, vision blurring as the tears pour out.

things weren’t supposed to go like this. they were supposed be different. where the hell did they go wrong? silverwood? each being too broken to fix the other? or was it because they depended on each other far too much? the pressure, the weight was too much for these broken birds to handle. one of them had to snap first.

wasn’t it funny that they both snapped at the same time?

the seconds that pass feel like hours but naomi is finally able to semi recover from her breakdown. taking a few deep breaths, she wipes the tears away and reaches over for her water bottle, gulping down the whole thing before tossing the empty plastic into the backseat.

putting the car into reverse, she backs out of the parking lot of the hq and onto the main road, making her way towards last place she should be at the but the first place she finds herself going to.

her dad’s house.

— time jump.

the argument made naomi realize a lot of things about herself. the main being that she was her mother. there were no similarities, no, they were the exact same person. from their mood swings to the bedridden depression to the way they treated their kids. naomi had always been preoccupied with trying not to be like carson that she didn’t even realize she had become alejandra. the realization hit naomi hard and still, she doesn’t know how to react to it.

at first she was very confused but slowly, it all began to make sense. the reason why she and her father never got along, her fervour heart, why her brother ran away the second he turned eighteen, her inability to keep her emotions in check. it all screamed her mother and it was right in front of her the entire time. how could you be so blind, naomi? all the years you spent asking why things where the way that they were;  the answer was in the mirror, staring right back at you.

taking a deep breath, naomi enters the familiar neighborhood and she slows down once the house is in sight. her palms begin to sweat and she feels a ping of fear shoot up her spine as she pulls in to the driveway.

you can do this. no you can’t. yes you can.

after fighting with herself for a few minutes, she finally cuts the engine off and steps out the car ( first making sure she looks and smells presentable ) walking up the steps to the front porch and knocking on the door.

she knows he’s home, his car is parked out front. she doesn’t see jacqueline’s which eases her nerves slightly. she wanted to confront her dad alone and not in the presence of the woman who helped ruined her life.

naomi’s train of thought is put back on track as she hears the door unlock then open, revealing the man of the hour.

“ naomi? what are you doing here? everything okay? where are the twins?  ”

things have been weird with her dad since he was attacked by mayer all those months ago. he doesn’t scold or nag on her as much as he used to. don’t think he doesn’t do it though; because he does. about two weeks ago he called only to tell her off for buying the wrong medicine when noah got sick. mortin, naomi. the name is not that hard to remember.

“  i finally get it.  ”  she ignores his questions, instead letting her statement stand in place of an answer

“  get what? you’re really starting to worry me.  ”

“ why you left mom. why you left us.  ”  

he goes silent and his eyes divert from hers, she notices the shift in his attitude.

he opens the door and motions for her to come inside and she does, turning to face him as soon as the door closes behind him.

they never talk about it. they never talk about her mom or her death or him leaving when they needed him the most, no. the only thing they talk about is how bad of a mother naomi is and how irresponsible she is as an adult. any time she’s ever tried to bring it up, he either gives her some bullshit answer of how things were hard for her to understand and that she’d never get it.

but boy was he wrong.

“  naomi please don’t do this now…  ”

“  it’s hard taking care of someone who feels all at once then nothing at all. it’s hard to love someone like that, huh?  ”

silence.

“  i loved her.  ”

“  i’m sure you did.  ”  words come out flat,  “ especially with how much you talk about her.  ”

“  you don’t understand naomi—  ”

“ but i do, dad. i do understand because i’m going through it right now. i’m hurting like she was and i walked away like you did.  ”

and for the first time since she was a child, carson shows emotion towards his daughter. not sternness or disappointment, no, he shows something she’d never thought she’d see him express.

empathy.

“  what happened to my little girl?  ”

“  my mother died, my brother left and my father stopped loving me.  ”

“  i never stopped loving you naomi.  ”

“ then why did you push me away? why did you choose jacqueline and matthew over me?  ”  voice cracks as the questions pour out, heart racing a hundred miles per hour as she anxiously waits for him to reply.

his jaw tightness and she knows she’s hit a spot but she doesn’t care— it’s time for the two of them to finally sort this shit out like the adults that they were.

“  you reminded me so much of her. i couldn’t do it. i couldn’t go through that again.  ”

“  oh fuck you, carson.  ”  

“  naomi vienna castillo—  ”

“  you’re my first heartbreak, did you know that? because of you i have problems with getting close to people because i’m scared that they’re going to leave me like you did. you were a selfish asshole, you only thought of yourself and because of that mom killed herself and lukas left!  ”

“  i tried fixing things. i was by her side at every waking moment. i took her to the doctor i got her the help she needed but she refused to take it. she liked being that way. she loved watching her family fall apart— ”

“  please, don’t—  ”

“  no, no,  ”  her shakes his head, interrupting her,  “  you want to come to my house and tell me that you know what it’s like but you don’t know. you really don’t. the crying, the screaming, the—”  things begin to get intense. naomi has never seen her dad this way and honestly? it’s frightening.

“  the sleepless nights. the mood swings. the leave me alone’s and the please don’t leave me’s.  ”  she finishes his sentence, and that stuns him.  “  i told you that i know what it’s like. and it pains me that i walked away just like you did. for the past month i’ve been feeling the same exact way she was. i couldn’t stand being around my kids, i ruined my relationship with zach and i left micah. this family has a problem with walking away when things get tough and i’m tired of it, carson. i’m sick and tired of it i need you to finally man up to your fucking mistakes and make things right. ”

“  what do you want me to say? i’m sorry? fine. i’m sorry, naomi. i’m sorry for leaving you and your brother with that basket case…  ”  naomi doesn’t listen to the words that come after that, no, instead her mind takes her back to the argument and how she had used the same word to describe herself. it all feels surreal, how things just keep coming back in a full circle.

— flashback: police station. after silverwood.

naomi sits in the police station, away from everyone else. they’ve just been rescued from silverwood and were currently waiting for the ambulance to arrive so that it could take them to the nearest hospital. she sees everyone reunite with their families. daniel’s parents are crying and checking to see if he was okay. damaris and bryce are with some of their family member’s and vee is also with her parents, deep in conversation but with their arms around her. even blair’s dad was here, hugging his daughter with a relieved look on his face. the only people missing were micah and cristian. micah had left with the first ambulance that was on the scene since his condition was the worst of them all ( apparently mayer had stabbed him in the church and he had lost a lot of blood; which worried the fuck out of naomi ) and cristian was currently being questioned.

she had been approached by some of the other parents and even some police officers, asking if there was any family that she wanted to contact to let them know she was fine.

“  no, there’s no one.  ”  she answers,  “  i’ll be okay.  ”

“  … and i told you to stay away from that micah boy. i told you he was bad news and you didn’t listen. you just had to let him move in and look at you now, having episodes like alejandra and coming to my house in the middle of the day throwing a fit. you asked why i pushed you away, well here’s why, naomi. here’s why.  ”  she opens her mouth to say something but the words come out, instead she stands there, defenseless to his words.

there’s a long pause. long enough for carson to know that he’s about to fuck everything up with his next words. 

“ i don’t regret leaving, naomi. it wasn’t a mistake. ”

her throat tightens at the confession and she feels like she’s having an out of body experience.

“ mom... mom killed herself because of you and you... you don’t care you just left... you killed her.  ” she chokes out, feeling the room spin around her as she came to the realization that carson castillo was the true villain in her life.

not mayer. no. her father.

and as if on cue, mayer appears next to carson and this only causes her to stumble back slightly.

“ oh, naomi. this goes deeper than you thought, doesn’t it? both of the prominent men in your life are killers. one offinig your own mother and the other, slowly chipping away at you until you meet the same fate as her. ”

“ s-shut up please, ” she cries out, covering her ears and shaking her head.

“ what would it take, naomi? for you to end it all. for you to jump and fly. fly away from your fucked up life. because there’s really no way to fix all of this. you should just put yourself out of your own misery. ”

“ PLEASE. ” she cries out, dropping to her knees.

“ what’s wrong— ” her dad begins to walk closer to her

“ g-get away. stop. ” she stretches her arms out, causing carson to stop in his tracks.

“ she looks just like you. your mother. very beautiful, the two of you,” mayer kneels beside her, ghostly fingers comes out to caress the spot on her neck that’s been hurting ever since she’s been seeing him.

naomi winces.

“ i know ava’s going took like both you and her. let’s hope she doesn’t inherit the crazy that comes with the castillo women.  ” he speaks, tone of voice as calm as her.

“ but if she doesn’t get it from you then she’ll definitely get it from her daddy.  ”

— flashback: hospital. after silverwood incident.

“ jesus christ naomi. ” carson walks into her hospital room, jacqueline hot on his heels as they stand at the foot of her bed.

“ what are— how— who— ” naomi’s confused, she never told anyone to call them to let them know where she was. in fact, she was very specific on making sure that they didn't find out. well, not yet at least.

“ daniel called us. are you really this ignorant? you didn’t even call. i was worried sick. see i told you, i told you this was a bad idea. ”

“ dad... ”

“ and you did it anyway. this is so typical of you naomi. when are you going to realize that your stupidity has consequences? this was all fun and games in high school but now you’re a full grown adult and you’re still doing this shit.  ”

“ yeah, dad i’m fine. my leg is broken because i got it caught in a bear trap. a serial killer tried murdering me and my friends in a town crawling with demonic ghosts, i was kidnapped by a set of cannibal twins and oh— i’m pregnant. but no, don’t let my problems intervene with your lecture. please, continue.  ”

the room falls silent and the tension becomes so thick and awkward, it’s like a mirage.  

“ you’re pregnant? oh my god, just when i thought things couldn’t get worse. ”

naomi looks down as she feels the tears forming in her eyes.

“ oh, here come the waterworks. ” jacqueline’s annoying voice cuts through the air and that is enough to let a few tears fall.

“ dad i can— ”

“ who’s the father? ”

the question catches her off guard and naomi has not had enough time to come up with a lie for it, so instead she stays quiet.

“ answer me. who is it? is it micah? i’m going to kill his punk ass— ”

“ it’s daniel. ” as soon as the words leave her lips, she regrets them. naomi knows how much her father hates micah and he would follow through with his words of killing him if she admitted to being pregnant with micah’s kid. thankfully she was not but she was too ashamed of telling him the truth. plus, she knows how ‘fond’ carson is of daniel, so his reaction would definitely soften at the news.

“  does he know. ”

“ no. ”

“ are you keeping it? ”

“ dad…  ”

“ are you keeping it? ”

“ i don’t know. ”

“ we’ll talk about this when you’re home. ”

and just like that, he leaves. no tears, no hug, no kiss, no i’m so glad you’re alive, no anything. naomi castillo almost died and it didn’t even phase her father.

naomi stands from her spot, mayer’s energy gone completely but still feeling the tension between her and her father.

“ coming here was a mistake. i knew that but like a dumbass bitch i still came. i still tried giving you a second chance. because that’s who i am—  i try to see the good in people. but there’s nothing good left in you anymore, carson. frankly, i don’t think there ever was anything good to begin with.  ”  she snaps back into reality, looking at him straight in the eyes as she speaks.

“ naomi— ”

“  you’re dead to me, dad. ” she says the last word with such hatred and intensity, she wants him to know that she means it. that she’s finally done with him and all his emotionally abusive bullshit.

not waiting for a reply she pushes past him as she walks out the door, much like she had done to micah days earlier, and gets into her car, ignoring the fact that he was calling after her and following her.

“ don’t do this, vienna. you’re going to regret it i promise you. i can’t lose you too. ” and she laughs, finding it funny ( even though it isn’t ) that he was even saying that. just a few minutes ago he was telling her off, not even bothering to give her a proper apology, blaming her for how fucked up she was, being the heartless person she knew he always was. and now he wants to play the grieving father?

fuck. that.

she cranks the car up, putting it in reverse. she sees him standing a few feet away from the car and she rolls down the window to say:

“ you lost me the day you left. ”

— flashback: hospital. seeing micah for the first time since silverwood.

“ micah … micah where is he?!  ”  naomi frantically looks around, trying to see if she can catch a glimpse of her best friend. it’s been days since they were rescued from silverwood and naomi has no idea what his condition has been or where he was. there’s a panic within her and one of the nurses tries to calm her down, informing her that if she kept freaking out like this, they were going to sedate her.

“ no you don’t understand, i need to know where he i— micah.  ”  as soon as she sees him walk through the doors, naomi gets up and runs over to him  ( well as good as she could with the boot around her broken leg ) , wrapping her arms around him. she tries not to squeeze him too hard, knowing he’s probably still recovering from all the wounds silverwood has left on him. but she holds him tightly enough for him to know how happy she is to see him.

“ you fucking idiot, you scared me. ” she says through her tears, pulling back to inspect him, seeing his face was bruised and bandages on his arm.

“ i scared you? not the ghosts or lunatics in silverwood? ”

“ fuck off, you know what i meant. ” she pulls him in for another hug, so glad to see that he was okay.

naomi wouldn’t know what to do with herself if something had happened to micah. if she lost him. they’ve been ying and yang for so long, that she feels so deeply connected to him, more than she has with anyone ever. he was her rock as she was his. they kept each other from floating away into the abyss that was the world. they kept each other from being chewed up and spit out. micah byeon has had such a powerful impact on naomi castillo and her life that she really would not know what to do if he were to go away.

she loved him.

sniffling, she catches whiff of hospital all over him and she cringes.

“ you stink. ”

pause.

“ and you’re annoying. ”

[miasswier]

miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no 51

51: Laryngitis

Written by: Ryan Murphy Directed by: Alfonso Gomez-Rejon

Overall Thoughts: It was really hard for me to rank this one below “Bad Reputation”, largely because this episode has held a special place in my heard for a really, really long time. “Jessie’s Girl” was basically the song that made me fall in love with Glee, and this is the episode that made me fall in love with Kurt and with Mercedes. It’s very special in my heart. That being said, it’s not as funny, and there are several things that I take issue with that lowered it’s ranking. Still though, I really do like this episode. A lot.

What I Like:

Kurt and Mercedes getting prominent storylines!!!!!! I wish this happened every episode, honestly.

The conversation between Quinn and Mercedes. It’s nice to have that bit of continuity with their friendship (even though it gets totally dropped like, what… four episodes from now?)

Puck saying that he’s human garbage. He’s not a favourite character of mine, but honestly, same.

“Get ready Black girl from Glee whose name I can’t remember right now” JFC

Barely any Will! And the little we got actually wasn’t bad! I really appreciated him telling Kurt that he shouldn’t lose sight of who he is just because it’s easier to be someone else.

“Who is that guy?” BRITTANY

Mercedes quitting the Cheerio’s. It’s honestly such an amazing moment, for her and for the show.

Mercedes telling Puck that she doesn’t like him when he’s bullying others, and that she doesn’t think he likes him either. You know, it’s really interesting how Puck and Mercedes have like, two episodes in which they interact, but she actually is a very heavy influence on his life. She tells him what he needs to hear, and he tends to get his shit together after he’s heard it.

They walked a really thin line in this episode of making Kurt’s dressing straight and acting straight almost comedic, which it can be, but whether or not that comedy is offensive depends on what side of that thin line you sit on. For me, it was funny because it’s so obviously not who Kurt is, and he’s very clearly forcing himself to be someone he’s not. So, it’s funny, but it’s also heartbreaking. At the same time, you could just see it as “Kurt’s too gay to ever play straight” which is just lame and gross. It really depends on how you look at it. Based on what Will tells Kurt, and how this story develops I definitely think it’s meant to be the first one, but like I said. Thin line.

Brittany telling Kurt that she likes getting her armpits kissed. When I watch season one Brittany I just think “what the fuck happened in season 4? Why did they kill Brittany?”

Burt telling Kurt that he doesn’t need to change – that his job is to be himself, and that it’s Burt’s job, as his parent, to love him how he is. I also liked that Burt cancelled his thing with Finn when he realized how bummed out Kurt was. They did a good job on this show of showing their relationship go from nearly estranged to incredibly close. It’s a treat to watch.

Finn telling Rachel that he’s tired of her feeling sorry for herself. Because YES. I especially appreciate that it came in an episode where Finn is obviously trying to get with Rachel. I know some people may disagree, but calling your SO out when they pull bullshit is really important to me. Plus, I always appreciate when people remind Rachel that she’s an actual human being who has an affect on other people’s lives.

“Okay, you just said like, ten offensive things”

What I Don’t Like:

Rachel saying the words “every song I sing in here is a solo” as if that isn’t exactly what she’s fought this entire season for. Fuck off, Rachel. This is exactly what you wanted. Don’t complain when you were a total diva 10 episodes ago because you wanted exactly this. Christ.

The fact that they brought in a paraplegic man for one episode just so that Rachel could feel good about herself and Finn could tell her “see, you could have it worse!” While I do appreciate that they actually hired a paraplegic for this role, it does feel really shitty that they only brought him in as a “look at this super-crip who OVERCAME! If he can do it then you, an able bodied person, can too!” It just felt like a very poorly done PSA that fell super, duper flat. And again, I just feel really gross about the very obvious “things could be worse” vibe they were going for. I don’t know. Watching it just made me really uncomfortable.

The fact that the first song Mercedes and Santana sang together was about fighting over a boy. Give me a fucking break.

The weird through-the-curtain shit with Rachel changing. It’s creepy, and not sexy at all. It actually makes me really uncomfortable.

While I understand that they have time constraints and stuff like that, I really wish they could have extended that scene with Burt and Kurt at the end. Because the thing is that what Burt said to Kurt, about wishing he could take him to football games and talk to him about girls? Is actually a really hurtful thing to say. And just saying “that isn’t what I meant” and having Kurt be like “I know” didn’t feel like enough for me. I wanted them to talk it out more. I wanted Burt to say “yes, I wanted those things, but I don’t anymore, and I know it seems like I do because I’ve been spending so much time with Finn, but you’re my son and I love you just the way you are. Going to musicals and talking to you about Carole while you tell me about what guy you have a crush on is our version of taking you to a football game and talking to you about girls, and that’s more than okay for me.” Maybe not in those exact words, but you know what I mean. I just felt like he said something that actually really hurt his son, and then they both glossed over it.

The fact that Kurt, who is openly gay at this point, had his first on-screen kiss with a girl. It just really sits wrong with me.

Songs:

Jessie’s Girl: This is the Glee song for me. When I think about Glee, I think about Jessie’s Girl. This was the first ever Glee song I downloaded, and it rose to #1 of my Top 25 Most Listened in a day. Even with the creepy curtain changing thing, I still adore this song. Like… I can’t even properly express how much. This song is the one that made me fall in love with Glee, okay?

The Lady is a Tramp: I’ve always felt like the only male singer who can hold his own with Mercedes is Artie, but Puck does a damn good job with this one. I’m not really a fan of this song in and of itself, not really my style, but it’s still a fun number, and they sound good.

The Boy is Mine: I’m so angry this is the first time we really hear Santana sing. And that this was Mercedes and Santana’s first duet, and really their first real interaction. This song is awful. Not the vocals, which are obviously out of this world, but the message. The two girls in this song are fighting over a guy who is cheating on them. For fuck’s sake. I hate that there were like, barely and female-female interactions in this whole season that didn’t somehow involve hating each other because of a guy. Ugh.

Rose’s Turn: Kurt first official solo! And he kills it!!!!!! I love this song and this performance. It’s absolutely fantastic.

One: I literally always forget that this song exists. It’s such a standard Glee number that it never sticks. It’s not like it’s bad or anything, it’s just… it sounds like a repeat of every closing song of every episode so far this season. I’m tired of it. I tune it out. I just don’t care.

Final Thoughts: While this episode is very special to me, it lost points for it’s obnoxious ableism and misogyny + the creepy curtain scene. I love it, but I was definitely more critical of it this time around than I have been in the past (usually I basically just watch for Jessie’s Girl and Rose’s Turn).

[fae-fucker]

The One: Chapter 21

America and the other girls goof around all cutesy and even the queen gets to join, the poor useless bitch. 

BUT THEN!!! DUN DUN DUUUN! America gets called away to meet with Clarkson and Maxon.

I swallowed. Every awful thing ran through my head. My family was in danger. The king had found a way to punish me quietly for all the ways I’d wronged him. He’d discovered we’d sneaked out of the palace. Or, perhaps worst of all, someone had figured out my connection to Aspen, and we were both about to pay for it.

You heard it right here folks. The thought of her and Aspen getting punished for breaking the law is WORSE than the thought of her family in danger. 

OUR HEROINE. OUR SELFLESS PROTECTOR OF THE PROPLE. 

I hate her so fucking much and everybody who likes her is a sheep brainwashed by KCass.

Luckily for Americunt, it’s something to do with the Italians, and America thinks that Clarkson found out about her super secret super epic super politically savvy super strategic deal with Nicoletta. 

It’s not. 

It’s even dumber. 

“We have been trying to make an alliance with the Italians for decades, and all of a sudden the royal family is quite interested in having us visit. However”—the king picked up the letter, searching for a specific section—“ah, here. ‘While it would be more than an honor to have Your Majesty and your family grace us with your company, we hope that Lady America will also be able to visit with you. After meeting all the Elite, we can’t imagine anyone following in the queen’s footsteps quite like her.’”

The king raised his eyes back to me. “What have you done?”

Suddenly, a huge burning skeleton burst in through the wall. I screamed and instantly pooped myself and almost fainted. 

“SHE DID NOTHING!” the terrible spooky skeleton screeched and pointed a scary bony finger at me. “SHE’S THE AUTHOR’S PET, AND HER MEAGER EFFORTS ARE REWARDED WITH EXCESSIVE PRAISE! SHE, ALL OF YOU, WILL PAY FOR THIS NONSENSE!” 

Then the skeleton killed all of us. THE END. 

I fucking wish. Anyway, the king continues with his praise. We all know it’s meant to be read as badass, so don’t even fucking argue with me, KCass.

“Then how did a girl of no means, no connections, and no power manage to get this country within the reach of something it’s been trying to achieve for years? How?”

In my heart, I knew that there were factors here that he was oblivious to. But it was Nicoletta who had offered assistance to me, who had asked if she could do anything for a cause she wanted to support. If he’d accused me of something that was actually my fault, his rising voice would have been frightening. As it was, he came across like a child.

In response, I spoke quietly. “You were the ones who assigned us to entertain your foreign guests. I never would have met any of those women otherwise. And she’s the one who wrote, inviting me to come. I didn’t beg for a trip to Italy. Maybe if you were simply more welcoming, you’d have had your alliance with Italy years ago.”

AMERICA IS SUCH A BADASS!!! EVERYONE KNEEL IN FRONT OF HER GREATNESS AND KISS HER FEET TO SHOW YOUR SUBMISSION!! 

Seriously though, this is fucking dumb. I can’t even be assed to take it apart because we already know this is sloppily put together “politics” constructed in such a way that America’s bare minimum and idiotic stumbling are seen as clever and calculating. What I will complain about is the fact that Clarkson says that they “need” the Italians because they’ll open a lot of doors for Illéa. 

Again, you don’t need FUCKING FRANCE, but Italy is apparently super powerful now? You know there’s a reason people are scared that France will leave the EU, right? Does KCass have relatives in Italy or some shit? What is this nonsense? 

Anyway, apparently they can’t kick America out now because it’ll upset the Italians, so the king wants to bring all the girls to Italy so they can get to know them better and forget all about the totes badass rebel sympathizer America. 

Because apparently, you can just do that during a war, idk. I feel like KCass forgets the whole war thing until it’s needed for a dramatic line.

The king looked at Maxon, venom in his eyes. “Are you declaring your choice right now then? Is the Selection over?”

My pulse stopped altogether.

“No,” Maxon answered, as if the very thought was ridiculous.

BUT WHY?!?!?!? WHY DOESN’T HE JUST END IT?! WHAT IS KEEPING HIM FROM CHOOSING AMERICA RIGHT NOW?!?!?!

I’m so tired.

The king says America has to prove herself trustworthy before Maxon can choose her, which goes against literally THE WHOLE ENTIRE SETUP THAT RELIES ON CLARKSON HAVING ZERO CONTROL OVER MAXON’S CHOICE.

KCASS, DID YOU EVEN THINK ONCE WHILE WRITING THIS? 

Anyway, Clarkson wants America to read some shitty propaganda to tell the castes to calm their shit, which isn’t the dumbest idea he’s had, but don’t you think IT’S A BIT TOO FUCKING LATE TO START PULLING THIS NOW, WHEN THE REBELLION’S ALREADY HAPPENING AND PEOPLE ARE GETTING MURDERED?!

WHY DIDN’T YOU THINK OF DOING THIS FROM THE START?!

I’m so tired.

“The lower castes tend to get unruly from time to time—it’s natural. But we have to subdue the anger and squash the ideas of usurping power quickly, before they unite and undo our great nation.”

“BEFORE”?!?!?!?! “BEFORE”??!?!?!??!?!??!

IT’S ALREADY HAPPENING.

Maxon stared at his father, still not fully comprehending his words.

I’m glad Maxon’s still reliably stupid. 

The king was planning to divide and conquer: make the castes absurdly grateful for what they had—even if they were being treated like they didn’t matter—and tell them not to associate with those outside of their castes, for they certainly wouldn’t understand the plight of anyone outside their own.

I love how this is framed as some sinister epic final attack when it’s like Dictatorship 101. 

This is so sad and pathetic. So obviously written by a white middle class American woman who has no fucking clue about how politics or dictatorships work and clearly she didn’t even bother looking it up. Who needs that when you have BOYS.

“This is propaganda,” I spat, remembering the word from Dad’s tattered history book.

Baby’s first Politics. 

This is laughable.

They argue about ... fucking basic propaganda tactics like it’s some epic political stategy and I’m just kind of tickled. The king spouts some evil dictator crap, that’s still like super duper basic and idk supposed to make us dislike him, and America has a huff and puff about how she refuses to read the stuff.

Clarkson finally does something mildly competent and actually clever and uses America’s only weakness, BOYS, against her. He says that if she doesn’t do it, it proves that she doesn’t love Maxon.

“Do you? Do you love him at all?”

This wasn’t how I was going to say it. Not at the end of an ultimatum, not for business.

The king tilted his head. “How sad, Maxon. She needs to think about it.”

Do not cry. Do not cry.

I’m cackling, this is hilarious and pathetic at the same time. Though I hate that this book is successful and that idiots adore it and praise it as clever and feminist.

“I’ll give you some time to find out where you stand. If you won’t do this, then rules be damned, I’ll be kicking you out by Christmas Day. What a special gift that will be for your parents.”

“Rules be damned” YOU’RE KING! YOU MAKE THE RULES!! AREN’T YOU ALREADY BREAKING THE RULES BY NOT ALLOWING MAXON TO CHOOSE?!

Uuuuuugh.

She angsts herself out of the room but Maxon doesn’t let her off that easily. He catches her and makes it aaaaalll about himself again.

“What the hell was that?” he demanded.

“He’s insane!” I was on the verge of tears, but I held them in. If the king came out and saw me that way, I’d never live it down.

Maxon shook his head. “Not him. You. Why didn’t you agree to do it?”

I looked at him, gob-smacked. “It’s a trick, Maxon. Everything he’s doing is a trick.”

“If you had said yes, I would have ended this now.”

Incredulous, I fired back. “Two seconds before, you had the chance to end it and didn’t. How is this my fault?”

“Because,” he answered, his whole demeanor urgent, “you are denying me your love. It’s the only thing I’ve wanted in this entire competition, and you still hold back. I keep waiting for you to say it, and you won’t. If you couldn’t say it out loud in front of him, fine. But if you had simply agreed, that would have been good enough for me.”

“And why would I when, for as far as we’ve come, he could still push me out? While I’m humiliated over and over again, and you stand by? That’s not love, Maxon. You don’t even know what love is.”

BUT WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEE?!?!?!?

NO WHAT ABOUT MEEEE!!!!!

BUT MEEEEEE!!

NO NO MEEEEEEEE!!!

Can a Selection fan just ... contact me and explain to me why they like these selfish, cruel, self-absorbed, entitled, petty, small-minded characters? And think of them as good people? Are we really that easily manipulated as a species? Or are the tweens reading this really this fucking stupid?

Let’s just hope they grow out of this bullshit.

I stormed away. What was I still doing here? I kept torturing myself for someone who had no idea what it meant to be faithful to one person. And he never would, because his whole concept of romance revolved around the Selection. He wouldn’t ever understand.

Did I just... read that with my own eyes. 

Does America have some serious brain damage?

HE LITERALLY JUST SAID THAT HE’S ALWAYS WANTED ONLY YOU, AND YOU’RE THE ONE WHO KEPT CHEATING ON HIM WITH ASPEN!!

HOLY SHIT.

This book somehow keeps getting dumber and dumber. It’d be almost impressive if it didn’t cause me immense psychological pain.

She tries to run away again but he grabs her and forcefully holds her there. Romance. 

He sighed. “I know that you spent years pouring yourself into another person who you thought was going to love you forever; and when he was faced with the realities of the world, he abandoned you.” I froze, taking in his words. “I’m not him, America. I have no intentions of giving up on you.”

I shook my head. “You can’t see it, Maxon. He might have let me down, but at least I knew him. After all this time, I still feel like there’s a gap between us. The Selection has forced you to hand over your affection in slices. I’ll never really have all of you. None of us will.”

When I shrugged myself free this time, he didn’t fight me.

Fuck this book. 

[3wishes-rpg]

Xia Catch-Up Q&A's

Follows are all of the backfill Xia Q&A questions, behind a cut as to not destroy anyone's feed.

• What is your character’s patronus?

Gan, her Chow Chow dog. Oh, you mean, he is real and is not a Patronus? EVEN BETTER. Xia will reward him for being so beautiful and handsome and loyal with tons of hugs and also leftover pork.

• How does your character react to sudden and unexpected hugs?

Like a lot of people, it depends on the context. She is used to catcalls and weird people propositioning her, so if she thinks you are a creep she will shriek and cry in public, and chances are the creep will get beaten up (the people in her neighborhood are quite fond of her, and will not abide by people who make her sad.).

If you are NOT a creep, and are perhaps a strong or beautiful or dashing or etc, it is not unlikely for Xia to accidentally swoon or ‘lose her footing’ around them.

If you are a friend she is going to hug you, a lot. She will cling off of you dramatically, like you are a tree in a windstorm. She wants cuddle puddles. She wants it now and will hug Gan if nobody else hugs her. The need for friendly touch is super real for her.

• What incredibly dorky thing does your character do while thinking that it’s actually super cool?

Xia………...makes fanart. She draws her favorite celebrities, usually musicians or actors, on little porcelain cups with very small brushes, and then coos over them. When she meets Sousuke she is going to cry because she left her cup of his at home, and would have loved to have his signature on it. Would he please sign this paper, and she'll just transpose it later?

If a crew of people went over to her house for tea, just saying, the tea cups might be a bit weird.

• What is the craziest thing your character has done?

Usually she is super-obedient when she is at a job, and will dutifully hang out with the servants in case her client needs a touch-up during the party. But there was one party she was at where her absolute favorite Selan singer was playing! So Xia did the most radical, face-changing makeover on herself she could manage, and snuck into the back of the party to see her idol sing. Xia’s worries and anxiety got the better of her about 20 minutes in and she snuck back, but she cried the rest of the night at home because she got to see her favorite!

• What are some of your character’s weaknesses?

Xia is super duper poor at introspection or self-evaluation. Because she thinks so poorly of her abilities, she is late in realizing how useful she could potentially be. She also frightens very easily, and right now is far more likely to be a liability than a help during tense times.

This all limits her creatively as well - she holds herself back from creating a lot of the colors and the art that really happens in her mind, because she thinks that people will find her strange. Xia will be really encouraged if Meilan ever brought back art from our world - out where Meilan lives, people make all sort of strange and wonderful art without reservation! There is even a place called “deviant art” that stores millions and millions of pieces of art for everyone in the world to see. Isn’t that splendid?

• What’s your character’s biggest secret?

This will be hard for her to articulate to the other Suzaku, but Xia really thinks the Governor of Hongnan, Tan Yawen, is a wonderful woman, and would not want to see her hurt. Even though Xia gets so nervous whenever she goes to the Governor’s mansion, Governor Tan has been nothing but kind and encouraging to Xia. There hasn’t been anyone in the world who makes Xia really feel like she can do anything. So even when it turns out that Governor Tan uses some less-than-noble governing techniques, Xia still would not abide by the Suzaku hurting her.

1) What parts of your character’s personality or livelihood do you think reflects their patron deity?

The cornerstone of Xia’s character is the word “passion”, specifically the passion you feel when you are honing a craft you really love. When thinking about Hotohori’s power to be good at any one thing, I had thought it would be ironic if the Hotohori’s chosen skill was a creative passion that would at least seem 100% useless in the context of a war and rebellion. It has to do with a lot of the stuff we deal with in real life - I am really passionate about writing, but it is ‘useless’ compared to the skills I have that pay the bills, so you almost feel guilty about your passion. I imagine the Suzaku-sponsored lesson behind Xia is - do what you love, and the rest will work itself out.

2) If your character could pick any Star Warrior to be based on their power, which one would the choose? (they can’t pick themselves if they ARE a Star Warrior, that’s CHEATING)

Without a question, Tokaki’s teleportation skills. The summer days in Rongyang are THE WORST and so sticky and makes her makeup all gross. If she could just BOOP from one place to another, it would be so cool! Plus she could just pop into whatever theater show or concert she wants to see!

3) If your character could live anywhere else in the Three Wishes world, where would they like to live?

Xia rather likes Selan, and really likes it whenever a wealthy patron takes her that way. The people are just so beautiful and elegant there, and she thinks the towers are so pretty. She loves looking at the rainforest during her train ride through. And those mecha polo athletes! Talk about HOT. She has probably actually fainted in the audience during a match.

• IF YOUR CHARACTER WERE AN ICE CREAM SUNDAE WHAT WOULD THEY BE? (damn you Sage)

Grilled peach sundaes with praline sauce - the kind with vanilla ice cream scooped into actual grilled peach halves. One of Xia’s family nicknames is Peach, so she needed to have a creative sort of peach sundae to go with it. http://sprinklesomefun.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Grilled-Peach-Sundaes-This-Sundae-is-to-die-for.-Topped-with-Buttle-Brickle-Ice-Cream-Prailine-Sauce-Whipped-Cream-Toasted-Pecans-and-a-Rainer-Cherry1.jpg

• Does your character have any guilty pleasures? (nipped this from Ingrid!)

Xia is exactly the kind of person who is like “you know what, I had a hard day, I’m going to treat myself!” EVERY SINGLE DAY. It is like she has to reward herself for surviving any given day. Xia’s obviously guilty indulgence is food - she loves custards and tarts and red bean paste treats the absolute best. Her second big indulgence is her rotating door of paramours - on a particularly hard day she might be desperate enough to go door-to-door between them until she finds one down for ‘comforting’ her.

The only indulgence she actually feels guilty about is her Secret Stash of makeup. A lot of the makeup she has was purchased, but there is a secret special stash that she has made herself. Like, grinding-her-own-minerals sort of making. But this hobby is expensive and time-consuming, and so the makeup she creates tends to be so Special that she almost never uses them. These include some unorthodox colors and mixes she is afraid to use because they are so weird, like a dark green lipstick with gold leaf flecks, or a neon yellow eyeshadow. But she loves them, they are her Precious.

• Hogwarts House. Not even a question. This is perhaps the most indulgent prompt of all. Everyone wants to know.

Hufflepuff. She likes the idea of living behind the kitchens. And Xia doesn’t realize it, but she is an incredibly hard worker, and has been her whole life. So she fits in well as a Hufflepuff.

• Likewise, what nation and bending style from Avatar fits them best? This one is indulging my own curiosity, and it kind of goes with the HP question!

This is hard, but I think she would be an Earth Bender artist. Oh shit, specifically, she is an Earth Bender who does the makeup for the Kyoshi Warriors.

• FINALLY, think of a time your character’s wants have conflicted with their needs, and do tell.

It hasn’t happened yet, but Xia actually doesn’t want to leave home to adventure around with Team Suzaku. Her life has been a bit of a whirlwind in the last year, but finally she is doing what she loves - instead of a shitty job, she has a great job that she manages herself, and the money to both continue her creative work as well as her mom and grandmother’s. Xia love Team Suzaku, but she is also afraid that she is going to suddenly lose everything she’s gained. And worse, what if her family gets hurt in the meantime? So that will be a hard deal for Xia - she needs to go traveling to protect Meilan, but she wants to just continue her life as it is.

Well, and the hardest part is going to be telling the Governor that she needs to take time off. The Governor may not accept her resignation, after all.

• What is your character’s favorite beverage?

There is a very new sort of tea in Hongnan now, white tea, and Xia totally loves it! She particularly loves white tea when it has floral infusions, like floating petals or rose water. Additionally, Xia really REALLY loves ice, and will drink just about anything that has an ice cube or two in it.

• How do they feel about alcohol and other mind-altering drugs?

Xia likes herself some alcohol, particularly the HARD STUFF. She dislikes sake and wine, and shoots straight towards hard-hitting drinks like baijiu (vodka) or peach liquor. She is more tolerant to alcohol than her sweet personality implies, and she gets rougher and more forward the more she drinks.

Drugs aren’t really her bag, but she sympathizes with people who go that way. It’s hard for Xia to resist the urge to drink more than she already does - day-to-day life is just so stressful, so she gets why people use drugs just to try to get away from it all. Specifically, I think Xia would be a good, non-judgmental friend for Yuhan to have regarding her drug use.

• What is your character’s preferred form of entertainment? e.g. radio, books, pooh sticks, destroying ant hills?

Xia loves her radio and would like to be buried with it when she dies. When she is at home, usually she is painting or practicing makeup, but she always has her radio running. Xia loves listening to radio dramas (to the point where she gets really pouty and sad if she has to miss an episode) and she loves listening to music. When Xia is outside, she loves playing with Gan, which is anything from throwing sticks to racing to just napping in the shade. She also gravitates towards street performers, and can sometimes spend hours watching people in the plaza perform.

• Is this character extroverted, introverted, or somewhere in between?

Xia leans very strongly towards extroversion. She really thrives around other people, and wants nothing more than to make the people around her happy. She is chatty and can effortlessly make small talk, and likes to gossip with her friends. Even in social situations that make her nervous, like doing the Governor’s makeup, Xia expresses her nervousness by chattering even more (the Governor must find Xia’s chattering endearing, or else she is very good at zoning out). Only in the absolute worst of her anxiety will Xia shut up completely.

• How do they deal with situations counter to their socialization preferences? i.e. how does your introverted character deal with crowds/social events; how does your extroverted character deal with solitude?

Xia is capable of being alone for hours at a time when she is working, but even then she likes to hear the voices on the radio while she works, or have Gan sitting on her feet. If she was REALLY alone, like “I have to walk a day alone in the countryside”, she would get freaked out and anxious, but also really jumpy and needy for socialization again. She would dive into the arms of the first familiar face she sees.

(If/when Xia starts wandering around with Team Suzaku, she is going to miss her friends and family at home very much. To their bewilderment, she’ll even be morose and quiet! It is going to take a little bit of time before Xia can think of them as a replacement family.)

Based on these suggestions, I want to hear about AT LEAST two times your character has been wrong (ha ha, only two?) in the past… or COULD be wrong in the future! How wrong? Anything from slightly wrong (”should’ve taken a left turn” ”okay so dolphins are mammals NOT fish”) to WHOLE WORLD VIEW WRONG.

You know that phrase, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take? Those are the kind of mistakes Xia tends to make.

1) In school, the only subject she was good at was calligraphy, and unsurprisingly she was REALLY good - some of her work is still at her public school as part of a student mural. She probably had teachers who tried to encourage her to keep up with calligraphy and even specialize in it in later school years - but Xia at the time was more concerned with making money to help out her family, and didn’t pursue calligraphy because she didn’t see how it could be lucrative. But she could have saved herself a few years of shitty retail had she continued study and taken a job as a transcriber.

2) Xia has made a few mistakes in her makeup artist career - even though her god power makes her really good at styling, it doesn’t make her immune to stupid mistakes. The worst was when a client was at a masquerade and instead of a cloth mask, Xia suggested a mask made of flower petals that would be glued directly onto the client’s face. While the flower mask ended up looking beautiful and stunning, at the end of the night Xia removed the petals to find her client’s face underneath bright red and swelling. Turns out her client was allergic to rice, and Xia uses rice-glue as her go-to adhesive. Xia cried and refunded her client and even though the client thought the stunning flower mask made up for the subsequent rash, Xia still feels horrible and any job she has done for this client afterwards has been at a deep discount.

[thecorteztwins]

@askprofessorx  SO I'M REALLY SORRY THIS IS A BIG FUCKING INFO DUMP but these are my muses and my ideas for what we could do with them and Charles

The Acolytes on this blog refers to Fabian Cortez, his sister Anne Marie, and their teammates Chrome and Delgado.At the beginning of the 90s, Magneto had basically retired and fucked off to live in space alone on the humbly named Asteroid M. Then all of a sudden, four mutants show up on his doorstep being chased by SHIELD agents and proclaiming loyalty to him. He lets them in. Three of them are sincere in their claims, but their leader, Fabian Cortez, has a plot. He starts manipulating Magneto, pushing him back into villainy, into doing things that scare the hell out of humans (like collecting fucking MISSILES) because "self-defense". This leads him into conflict with the X-men, who until now he'd actually more or less made peace with, and he sustains grievous injury from Wolverine. Psychologically, this makes him feel that much more isolated and rejected, making him that much more prone to Fabian's manipulation...and physically, he now needs to rely on Fabian's healing powers. Things get worse as Fabian also uses his ability to boost other mutants powers, because it's established that Magneto's powers are to blame for his mental imbalance, so more power equals more crazy for Mags. Fabian's plans all come together when Magneto gathers Xavier and the X-Men aboard Asteroid M, intent on brainwashing them to his side, and the governments of the US and Russia, motivated by Magneto's actions, decide that Asteroid M, and all those upon it, must be destroyed. Fabian, knowing this because THAT WAS HIS PLOT, gets in the only escape pod, leaving the others to die. The X-Men are able to escape, and offer a way out to Magneto and the remaining Acolytes, but Magneto chooses to stay, to use the last of his abilities to hold the asteroid together so the X-Men can make it to their ship...and the other Acolytes choose to stay with him and die at his side. So, why did Fabian do this? Why did he want to get rid not only of the X-Men but also his supposed "leader" Magneto, and his own team, his own sister? Power. Fabian had made Magneto a martyr now, instead of someone who abandoned his cause, and he used his name to rally a cult of new Acolytes, far more bloodthirsty and genocidal than the original squad had been...with himself leading them, of course. These new nasty Acolytes did a LOT of awful things, but Fabian got his when Magneto returned from the dead (typical!) bringing a super duper powerful mutant named Exodus with him who gave Fabs the boot.  Fabian flees to Genosha, kidnaps Luna (Pietro's daughter) to use as a human shield/hostage, demanding that Pietro, Wanda, Crystal (Luna's mom), and the Avengers all protect him from Exodus and Magneto or else he’ll kill Luna. He also gets the Genoshan mutants on his side (damn, this guy is charismatic!) and rallies them into causing a civil war so he can use the chaos to hide. Yeah, seeing the country “awash in a raging river of bloodshed!” is just to save his own slimy hide. What a charmer. Anyway, the good news for Fabian is that Magneto is braindead at this time due to Xavier finally whipping out the telepathic big guns on him after he ripped Wolverine’s skeleton out. The bad news is that Exodus is alive and well and shows up, kills Fabian. But Fabian doesn't stay dead. He comes back to caught more trouble, first with manipulating Joseph (Magneto's clone) and then when Magneto gets his mind back and becomes ruler of Genosha, Magneto comes back to recruit Fabian onto the Genosha cabinet (because as shitty as Fabs is, he's a good politician) and to be his personal battery since his powers are now depleted. Fabian starts secretly working to backstab Magneto AGAIN but then when Magneto's powers fully return, Magneto kills him. It mostly sticks this time. Mostly. He does show up during Necrosha though (an event where another villain mass-resurrected a bunch of mutants, of which Fabian was one, but that was a temporary thing) I play Fabian and the other original Acolytes as having been resurrected by unknown means (that's...not uncommon in Marvel tbh) Chrome, Anne Marie, and Delgado don't remember that it was Fabian who was responsible for their deaths, and have resumed their lives as terrorists with him as their teammate and leader. Naturally, Fabian doesn’t want them finding out the truth, and thus does everything he can to keep them from finding out Magneto is alive and at large, lest they seek him out and he tell them what really happened. Fabian himself also wants nothing more than to leave supervillainy at this point and have a normal life, not because he’s seen the light and turned good, but because he’s tired of getting beaten up and dying. Unfortunately, he doesn’t dare run for it, as he (rightly) believes his sister would kill him as a traitor if he did, and he doesn’t think he can escape her by murdering her again either, since he’s learned nobody stays dead (but he still doesn’t want to go through death again himself because IT’S HORRIBLE) With that setup, we've got the enemies deal down pat. Anne Marie will try to kill Xavier on sight. She can't be talked to or talked down. Chrome, it's possible to engage, and Delgado is actually unlikely to try to hurt Xavier UNLESS Xavier is getting in the way of something they're doing. As for Fabian...he might well try to get Xavier to help him out of this mess. Convince him to wipe the Acolytes minds, or rewrite their memories so they think Fabian is dead, enabling him to escape them before they can find out it was him that betrayed them and Magneto. In an XMCU verse, none of this would have happened. I'd picture it instead as Fabian and the others being fresh Brotherhood recruits, with Fabian having all these schemes in mind to betray and usurp Magneto, but not having done it yet. We could have a plot where they capture Xavier, or the X-Men have captured them, or things like that. Finally, in Evo, they're not terrorists yet, they're just teenagers. Fabian and Anne Marie are a couple of mutant kids, and they're not bad either! So, possibly students. They've actually got their powers perfectly under control more or less, and are quite comfortable with them, but they're interested in meeting others like them...and, frankly, Anne Marie needs to be taught responsible use. Because she's growing up with the ability to control the minds and emotions of other people and no one can tell her "no" on anything and it's not that she's evil but she doesn't have a concept of things like telepathic ethics and telepathic consent so she's kinda super dangerous despite being a sweetheart with no malicious intent. I do the 616 verse a lot so I'd actually be more interested in the XMCU and Evo options? I haven't seen any of the films after First Class, but your About section says that's where your default verse is, after FC but before DOFP or XMA. Over on @mypralaya I've got Haven, aka Radha Dastoor, she's a villain who showed up in seven issues of X-Factor during the 1990s. She's a woman who from an early age felt a calling to help ease the suffering and pain in the world, and worked in the streets of her native India helping the poor, caring for the sick, etc. Great person, total saint. Unfortunately, she fell in love with some cad, he knocked her up and then left her. Then things got worse, because a top-class demon known as The Adversary (demons = pretty regular things for the X-Men to deal with in the comics, actually) possessed her unborn child and started feeding her some major lies. Fast forward twenty years. She's still secretly pregnant, eternally in her first trimester. Her child is a mutant, and she can access its immense powers. She also believes it speaks to her with a divine voice, but that's the Adversary, who has made her amass a cult dedicated to spreading chaos and destruction in hopes of bringing about the Mahapralaya, a sort of Hindu apocalypse after which a beautiful age of painlessness and peace and joy for humanity will come, ending suffering forever. But Haven herself was still a really nice woman who advocated for mutant/human peace as a public figure (international best-selling author + lecturer) and in fact greatly admired Professor Xavier. But the whole "secret terrorist cult causing mass suffering" brought her into conflict with X-Factor, despite her desire to have them as her friends and allies. There's no shortage of bad guys with good intentions in the X-Men, but Haven was especially unusual in that she was a pacifist villain. She actually never attacks the good guys, even when they attack her. In fact, she tries to help them---she rescues Polaris from government agents, she heals Wolfsbane of the Genoshan brainwashing she underwent as a slave, and tries to heal Multiple Man of the Legacy Virus (X-Factor blames her for his death when she fails) We're told her cult is doing all these horrible things offscreen, but it's kinda hard to root against her when she barely even threatens anyone onscreen. Her story ends when the Adversary decides it's time to be reborn into this world and Haven...does not survive that in canon. I decided that she does, because I felt she deserved a better ending. In XMCU, demons don't really fit with the canon, so she could be a human or a mutant. Either way, not a villain, because not being influenced (and I don't really play her villain incarnation anyway, I'm more interested in what comes after) so not an antagonist, but more likely a friend or staff member? I feel like the "inspired by Xavier" thing would also be different, because she's in her early 40s, so she'd be older than your Charles, and that could be neat to explore. I mean, hell, maybe she could be a mentor figure to him, or at least a colleague in the same field (mutant/human relations) I'm guessing that it's rare for him to even meet a mutant who is older than he is, since he and Erik and the original X-Men/Brotherhood are kinda the OGs in the XMCU aside from Apocalypse. Then there's Shaw @sebastianshaw He's not a Kevin Bacon Nazi, he's not concerned with mutant supremacy, he's just concerned with money and power, to the point he'll happily throw other mutants under the bus to human bigotry if it makes him a profit. Seriously, this guy built SENTINELS for the government because it made him money, he gives no fucks about species solidarity. As for the Hellfire Club, rather than being a proto-Brotherhood, they're a worldwide social club for the wealthy elite. Most of its members (which includes the Starks, the Worthingtons, and the Braddocks) are just that, regular super-rich people who wanna hob-knob with other super-rich people at fancy parties, but behind closed doors, the Inner Circle that runs in (Shaw, Emma, etc.) are mutant bad guys bent on political and economic domination of the world. This has brought them in to conflict with the X-men several times, the most notable of which was the Dark Phoenix saga, in which the Hellfire Club recruited the telepath Mastermind to brainwash Jean into their service, resulting in her becoming the Dark Phoenix and the resultant horrors that followed, which ended in her death. Shaw's not liable to just attack Xavier, he's more like Delgado in terms of "I'm not after you, just don't get in my way" but there's still room for conflict there, as well as standard "good guy and villain have a chat" things like Xavier does with Magneto, with none of the affectionate history there. Shaw's shown to put himself on the same level of mutant influence as the likes of Xavier and Magneto  even if he's way overestimating himself (I mean, he's got a lot of economic/political influence on the world but he doesn't influence mutant culture like Magneto and Charles have, he's too private/on-the-down-low as a mutant) and to have opinions on that, as well as the typical 'thinks the heroes are fools wasting their powers' gig. He's also shown to be immune to Charles' telepathy, probably due to the same Hellfire Club technology that keeps Cerebro and other psychic stuff out of the building's walls, and even without it he's trained enough in telepathic resistance he was able to give Emma a very hard fight in trying to telepathically 'get' him.  So Charles can't just tell what he's thinking which makes for a more...normal/even conversation. Not that Charles goes around reading everyone's mind but like, Shaw is a bad guy, so it would be understandable if he tried just to be sure Shaw wasn't up to something, but he can't, so like...he's in the more normal person position of not being able to be sure. Also, he and Charles met in 616 before Charles formed the X-Men and before Shaw joined the Hellfire Club, but the details have never been revealed beyond that Charles embraced him as a friend and that the same young mutant (Tessa/Sage) saved both their lives, but Shaw rejected Xavier’s path and went his own way. In Evo, it's pretty easy to just introduce Shaw and the Hellfire Club as new foes on the scene, probably initially posing as a benign group with similar goals to Xavier, complete with a school of their own for young mutants (Emma Frost ran one in her Hellfire days in the comics) In XMCU...it's more complicated/difficult given the existence of Shaw there, but since that Shaw's real name is Klaus Schmidt, it's not impossible to say he stole this Shaw's identity or something, possibly along with taking/copying his powers via some kind of scientific experiment (since he doesn't display these abilities when he met young Erik) I also play Shaw's son @shinobixshaw and Fabian's son @malcortez. Shinobi is a 616 canon too, he "killed" his dad (Shaw got better) and took over his position in the Hellfire Club...and then proceeded to do nothing except drink and party and be lazy. Shinobi is not a serious threat in any way, even if he thinks he is, and thus really cannot make a decent antagonist, but he can certainly be annoying in his stupidity and arrogance and drunken shenanigans. Malcolm, on the other hand, is not from 616. He's from the Marvel Zombies universe, but has canonically access to a machine that can take him to other dimensions, including, oh, say, the XMCU! So it's perfectly plausible for him to be able to pop up in the mansion or wherever as a fish-out-of-water who needs help getting acquainted with this world. He's technically a villain in his own world, but his goals of "rule my village" won't really apply in any other world, he's just interested in his own home, not anyone else's. So he'd be more like a...very confused guest than anything else. 

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 9: “I'll Be a Fucking Pawn For Y'all If It Saves My Ass" - Carson

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHEN WILL THINGS ACTUALLY GO MY WAY?  NEVER. :/  

This sucks so much, y'all are awesome for getting Kait to her SECOND win.

That could've been cleaner. Yikes.

This vote obviously put me in something of a weird position. I was never going to vote Kait because of our alliance. And yes, I firmly believe she'd side with me over the alleged Malay-cult. She and I have been closer than a lot of allies I've had in these games so far. We're in lockstep, we're keeping each other sane, and we're not even talking exclusively strategy. The best alliances are formed by people who like each other's outlooks and attitudes, right? That's me and Kait right now.

I was also never going to vote Jack or Lydia because of our awesome Thotse quad with Wes. And I was not likely to vote Steffen unless there was a critical mass going his way. That left us with Ruthie (immune,) Carson and Jakey (on Kabru with me.) So, shit.

Anyway, I told MJ I might try to protect Jake if I could because they both want to work together. But the momentum started swinging his way, and it became even more locked in when he started targeting Kait. His best play would've been to target Steffen or Carson, and even then I'm not sure he could've rallied the votes. 

Not wanting to be totally screwed on Kabru after a blindside, I didn't really engage with Jake too much. He came to me asking me to vote with him, almost as a last resort I feel? We hadn't talked since the swap, and he only came to me at 6:30, even though I know for a fact he was talking with others throughout the day. He told me he had Ruthie, Jack and Steffen locked in. I knew the latter two just weren't true. So rather than give him false hope, I checked with the latter two that their votes hadn't changed, then told Jake the votes weren't as locked in as he thought. 

And he, somewhat predictably, lost his shit. He didn't want to accept that, telling me that if I voted for him, he'd stay... that my vote was the difference maker... that I was too far up Kait's ass to see it... that I needed to grow a fucking backbone... that I'm pathetic.... that I'm terrible at the game...

Yeah, I've played enough games by now to know nothing good comes from engaging in someone who's resorting to personal shots. So I disengaged. And I think Jake may have forgotten there's a second game going on, in his blind rage? As a multiple-time pre-juror, I know for a fact that it's so not worth getting upset over. Shit happens, the game doesn't break your way. But attacking people over it accomplishes exactly nothing. From what I hear, it sounds like I got off easy too. Apparently he ripped hard into Carson, Kait, Lydia and Jack too.

I don't like when people are sore losers. I don't like when people go for personal shots in a game that's meant to be fun. But I especially don't like when people do both of the above to my friends. Fuck that noise. Any chance of me wanting to work with Jake on Kabru went out the window with that, and I'm sure he feels likewise based on that vote. If it makes sense, I might vote with him as a matter of necessity, but he's not long for this game if I have my say. Bye Felicia.

Normally I would've been more upset about the vote being delayed a few hours, but between the extenuating circumstances out of the hosts' control and the fact that Jake still would've been in the One World chat anyway, nothing noticeably changed. So, fuck it, what's two hours of waiting?

Anyway I like slither.io. It's not my best game, but I enjoy it. Can't wait to put up a high score and show Jake that he's not God's gift to competitions. "Oh mind you I’m the best competitor on this tribe. Not tooting my own horn, just looking back at past performances."??? Like, fuck you? One unnecessarily long endurance run in an early comp doesn't mean we should all just bow down to your *~clear challenge superiority~*. Different people are skilled at different things. 

I'm so glad nobody responded to his diatribe in the OW chat. The last thing he needed was to be enabled. His perspective is just that – HIS perspective. It's clear he doesn't really have a grasp of how this game is playing out, or else he might not have been the one to go last night.

Gage is super duper cute! But he never responds to my messages, so I am super duper not happy about that! Like, Gage, please. C'mon, Gage. Get it together. C'mon. I sent him what I did in the adventure, and you know the response I got? It was a riveting, rambling silence. Like...? What!? Didn't Gage WIN once or something?? How did he manage that??? Did he sleepwalk there, or were the other people in the final tribal council just that bad? I am completely befuddled.

Oh MJ really just threw me under the bus eh? I can't believe I got the full Olympics experience in one night. Choke.

Oh not me getting one of the highest scores on both my tribes for a flash game!? What a foreign concept. 

safe in both games, so i have time to work on RELATIONSHIPS and read my book on how to win survivor so i can win this!!!!

please help

mj and pat treating me like pawns for the adventure! love it.

ill be a fucking pawn for yall if it saves my ass but an idol or something WOULD be nice.

In other news, Jimmy is the bee's knees. Yes, he is! He is so very cool! Yes, he's hip!

me and kait on call

i think theres an imbalance of trust between mj and i.

i trust him wholeheartedly as hes my only close ally, but he sees me as expendable from what i get from our conversations. he barely responds and i obviously seem to be of lesser priority? but idk maybe im just paranoid, but im holding on for dear life

me pressuring mj into sending his screenshots of his latest chats and seeing almost all of them are about the game! how iconic.

LISTEN I REALLY WANNA KILL THE OA TONIGHT. LIKE I WANT OWEN TO LEAVE. i'm just in this STUPID FUCKENING SPOT in the middle of jenn and jimmy and LOGI-WAN????????? IS LEAKING SHIT TO JENN THAT I WANT JENN OUT ??? OR SOME SHIT LIKE WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT SDGJSDKLSD;  GOD. 

i have more to say but i will wait for after class but i'm still like i legit don't know what i wanna do

i'm gonna need a pair of cargo shorts for all the people logi-wan thinks i have in my pockets!!!

Sorry that I've been kinda AWOL but it's because I've been feeling pretty shitty about my position in the game as a whole. I'm very lucky to have Matt in the game who is always willing to have strategic conversations that I know will provide me with a secure outlet that's not going to make my position even worse. I told him I planned on making a fake idol but idk if I'll go ahead with exposing that I have an "idol" to my tribe due to current changes in circumstances that I'll talk about later. Jakey's exposing of the tight Malaysian core alliance has made them change their tune which I'm really happy about because I'm sure I'm the target tonight (thanks Owen, you suck), but thankfully Jimmy exists and wants to work with me to pull off some move because the Malaysian's are going whack and he is thankful I saved him all that time ago back in Easter Island? I- I didn't do that much except kill my own game but thank you for willing to switch shit up! 

It looks like their might be a chance I will stay tonight, however there are several different stories being played out on this tribe. Logan told me flat out it's me. However Jimmy told me Logan approached him and Jenn to vote out Gage? I don't get why when clearly Gage showed him loyalty? I'm not complaining cuz it means the vote would not be on me. But I think it's gonna be on me since Jenn reassured that it probably was. So it would come down to MJ voting with Jenn/Jimmy over Owen/Logan. Alternatively I could be a total bitch and expose a plan if I'm totally unsure what to do, or 10 minutes before tribal I could post my fake messages and idol that I found to hopefully send them into a panic and switch their votes off me and onto someone not me. It's a tough position to be in cuz I don't want to reveal I've an idol and for it to backfire somehow, but also how it may look untrustworthy to my alliance if I "had" an idol and didnt "play" it. So hmm. I'm concerned because Gage seems to be going after Logan now but is trying to get Owen? I fear this is where it could blow up. 4 of these people are going to both tribals so it's a very tricky situation. If the plan falls apart, the votes might just all fall back onto me because I'm the "easy vote". I have to see what happens and make a calculated decision before tribal that will work in my favour.  

It could be game over, or game on. 

So like, I want Gage to go home. He is going to both tribals like Jenn, Jimmy, and Owen. Lydia and Owen are in the minority in Game B, so I'm thinking they're going to be easy boots because Gage is close to Kait. Well, I don't want that to happen, obviously. They're both my allies. But I'm also on good terms with Jenn and Jimmy, so I don't want them to go. Kait isn't an option because Kait isn't going to both tribals, and no one wants an angry, scorned Kait in the game. That's like leaving a provoked bear in the game. No thanks! Plus I'm good with her, too. That leaves Gage, and he made it super easy for me to want him gone by not speaking to me at all, lol. I sent you the receipts of my adventure, the least you can do is respond! Rude!!! Anyways, yeah, Gage should go. Also, he is trying to target me, I guess? Which is also not cool. Good Guy Gage is going down.

please god

WHOA I WON THAT IMMUNITY HUH!!!!!! im honestly not that worried if we lose just bc ik i have mj ruthie and matt on my side no matter what and that would at least tie it. but basically i tried to go on call with owen and kait to smooth over some relationships... i rly intended to work with owen if he would let me but he went and told kait the one piece of information i told him which was that i heard that lydia and kait made a deal to stay.. owen u rly know how to piss me OFF huh

i had a pretty good call with kait and i hope it was enough that if mj did keep me if we lose on tribe b, she wouldn't flip her shit and come after mj. mj is literally the saving grace of my game and ill do anything for him in this game. if that means i gotta be fake with kait and pretend like i wanna smooth things over and work together then ill do that. anyway ruthie is a legend and will win this season bookmark THAT

I've been laying SUPER low.  Like, I apologized to Kait and told her I was close to voting her out because she scares me as a player or whatever, but that I really wanted to work with her because we didn't get a chance to work together in Trashy, and then I also threw in how my good friend Ashley Sarah liked playing with her so much when Kait was catfishing in Canaries and hopefully we bonded a bit.  SHE FREAKING TERRIFIES ME but if working with her keeps me around longer, I'm all for it.  I'm not going to try to make anymore big moves for awhile because as much as I want to, I don't want to piss off the rest of the people in the tribes.  

My goal now is to stay close with Steffen, Steve and keep talking to Pat because he's just so nice.  He's genuinely the nicest person playing in my opinion.  I'm also going to stay close to Jakey, he's my number one, and I'm going to stay close to Carson as well, and just try to stay on his good side and stuff.  I don't want to take Carson to the end, there is no way.  As much as I love Steffen I'd rather not take him to the end either.  Jakey I could see, going all the way with but we both have to stay in order for anything like that to actually happen.  

I don't know if I made the right choice in putting my foot down about voting Jimmy over Gage. Every option seems bad in my opinion, but I think I've made it pretty clear I want Gage around, just to turn my back and vote him next time... I don't know. This will probably bite me in the ass somehow, like maybe Gage is lying to me and Lydia will end up going, or idk god knows what will happen....

Nobody has really talked to me since I went to dinner at 6:30... So part of me just feels like I'm getting clocked on both tribes. Either way, I guess I'll see what happens. 

I don't want this to be the end, really, and I don't know if it's smart to try and take control in a game where everything spreads like fire and is painfully obvious. I just gotta keep crossing my fingers, huH!

Time off???? from this game????? A concept! I don't know what to do with my hands.

gage is leaving????? maybe.... even tho i'd prefer owen leaving but... everything is so risky and shaky at this point im so KJDFHJKDHS NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN 

This may be my last confessional! I decided against playing the fake idol card because I didn't want it to blow up the plan currently in place. If it goes how I hope I should survive but I've still got low expectations. Secondly, I'm a bad explainer of things and I didn't want to get caught out and laughed at because I made a silly idol. It's a card I'll keep in my pocket if I survive. If not, I'll be thankful to those who tried to keep me in the game and I'll wish my allies luck in surviving. But fingers crossed and all the other stereotypical survival things to say. Lets goooooooo

I guess Gage is coming for me, so I had to switch my vote against him. If he knew how much I'd been doing to protect his ass, maybe he'd think differently.

It's a shame when people's stupid decisions prevent others from doing the right thing. Oh well! STUPID.

I had three calls the hour before tribal with Jenn, Lydia, and Owen and they were all concerned with getting Gage out, and then he gets voted out unanimously in both games. I'm glad all that time I spent trying to get him out wasn't wasted. Bye-bye, Gage! Don't target me next time, okay?

Whew I am so happy I survived but extremely sad that it came at Gage's expense. I really would've loved to work with him because he's honest, caring, charming etc. He's just a all round good guy and buddy. I'm also interested that suddenly I'm making a whole pack of new friends? Kait (although drunk) is talking to me for the first time since day 1 and secondly Owen has found his voice to chat to me! So I'm very interested to see what position this could put me in. I'm also shook that Matt thought my idol was real? I told him it was fake before I made it gdfihgkol. Maybe I should pull it out if it's convincing enough! Also I'm surprised Lydia came to me and goes "you're welcome". Um. I'm not sure you swung the vote on my tribe to Gage considering there was talk of it being him at lunchtime today? Like. I'm crediting Jenn and Jimmy for that one so sorry this isn't Port Royal and I'm a different player. Just cuz I'm in a shitty position doesn't mean I'm not beginning around for whatever scraps I can find. I HOPE this tribal is  turning point for me, but you hosts are sending us all to tribal again so I'll probably get taken out as the easy vote, but I trust Jenn/Jimmy to at least tie it for us.

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 2-3

New content, woo! I haven’t snarked chapter 3 before, so this will be fun!

Chapter 2 

Turns out that going into hyperspace didn’t do anything to actually get them out of trouble, which makes me wonder how exactly they’ve managed to get away before if their equipment is so obviously shitty.

Update: As previously stated, the engines are now “too hot” to go back into hyperspace. The rest is still dumb, though.

The approaching ships were just behind them. Two black seekers, angular and sharp, and in between, a giant tracker ship. A monster in the sky.

Well, it’s not really “in the sky” now, is it. Just like there is no day or night in space, which I can’t believe I missed in the first chapter.

Update: The seeker ships are now “Explorers.” Idk why they made this change, but I guess they realized that the names were too similar.

Andi also gets a random flashback to when she saw the “Tracker” ships being announced at the “Academy” and we find out that she’s always wanted to fly. Great, not cliché at all, 10/10.

They’d outrun worse before, but something in Andi’s gut told her this wouldn’t be easy.

How? How did they outrun worse before if they’re struggling to outrun these basic bitches now?

Update: This line has been removed.

“Three of them, coming in from the south. Get to your stations, and prepare for immediate engagement. We’re going dark.”

“Going dark” apparently means that they activate some metal shields. We also find out that their ship is … made of glass? And when the shields “activate”, they somehow, for some reason, lose all light? Except there are windows, so they’re not actually going dark?

Several problems with this, and keep in mind that I’m not a fucking rocket scientist, but still:

I know Sasha is a huge fan or Throne of Glass but … seriously? THEIR SHIP IS MADE OF GLASS?!?!??!!??!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!!

The way it’s written implies that before the shield closes over the ship, their ship is transparent, because Andi mentions “going dark” despite there being three “view ports” that weren’t there before? Just … why?

And what kind of ass-backwards engineering is this? Is there a huge space saved for just the shields when it’s folded up? What if something gets stuck or the mechanism malfunctions, are you just without a shield now? If the ship is so fragile that it needs extra shields, why the FUCK would you build it out of glass? I’m assuming the glass is SUPER DUPER HARDCORE, but apparently not hardcore enough to withstand a single hit? Then maybe don’t build ships out of glass? Now you’re carrying extra weight just because you chose your aesthetic over practicality and your stupid ship is literally made of glass. And it wouldn’t actually impact the weight or speed of the goddamn ship anway, since the shield is there whether it’s folded or active, so why the fuck isn’t it just on all the time? In fact, I would argue that it would fuck with the ship’s balance more when it’s folded, so you’d have to try to compensate for that instead of building the shields as PART OF THE ACTUAL SHIP, or build the goddamn ship out of metal so you don’t need BOTH A GLASS HULL AND EXTRA SHIELDS. Did they not have anything else “science-fiction-y” for Andi to do so they put this dumbass detail in?

Christ.

Update: There’s no update. They added that the glass is impenetrable but they still apparently need shields.

I’m so done with this and it’s only chapter 2, holy shit.

Andi almost passes out from exhaustion and thinks about some deep and edgy shit again before being pulled back to reality.

Update: There’s a mention of a “Spectre sigil” in the flashback and the Mass Effect vibes that Lira brought are now even stronger. We also find out that Andi is originally from Arcardius, like that Valen bloke. 

“Fike, Andi.” Breck’s voice was deep and throaty. “You didn’t say they were Patrolmen. Godstars, we’re gonna be space bits.”

[…]

“Gilly’s on Harbinger, I’m on Calamity. Permission to engage?”

This dialogue is pure gold.

I’ll point and laugh at Calamity, but all I can think of when they mention Harbinger is ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL and THIS HURTS YOU.

You’re right, Harbinger, it DOES hurt me.

Update: “Godstars, Andi.” Breck’s voice was deep and throaty. “I can see the sigil now. They’re Arcardian Patrol. We’re gonna be space bits.” 

And then Andi felt it.

The lurch.

The bump.

A knife of rage sliced through her. “Those bastards just shot at my ship.”

For a supposedly badass space pirate, you sure do seem surprised.

A bunch of knives of rage are slicing through me as I’m reading this.

“Take them down!” Andi commanded. “Go faster, Lira.” She clenched the armrests, leaning forward as if her body could help her ship pick up speed.

“I’m trying,” Lira said. “We haven’t refueled in weeks, Andi. At this rate, we’ll burn out. We’ll have to lose them instead of outrun them.”

“But without the cloaking system, we’re flying loose as a…”

Lira stopped her with a grin fit for a murderess. “I wasn’t talking about cloaking.”

MURDERESS.

MURDERESS.

M U R D E R E S S

M̪̭̘̗̱͍̟̑̇̐̉͊ͥͭ U R̰͉ D̸̖͖͍̞͚̖̔̔͋ͭͪ̆ Ẹ̒ͩ R͓̦̰̞̼ͧ͝ E̠̙̬ͬͣ͗ͪ̾̐̄̕ Sͩͯ̌͑ Ṣ̡͓ͪ

Update: They removed “murderess”, thank god. Instead, it says: Lira stopped her with a sly grin. “I wasn’t talking about cloaking.” 

So they blast off, again, and Lira seems to be planning to pull ye olde Let’s-Fly-Through-An-Asteroid-Belt-To-Lose-Our-Pursuers trick. Andi freaks out, which makes no sense. There’s no way they haven’t pulled this before, but I guess we need excitement so throw all logic out the fucking window.

I should also mention that IRL asteroids are extremely far away from each other, so going through an asteroid belt wouldn’t be like a tight car chase across a busy market in your average Hollywood piss-yellow Foreign Country. I won’t hold this against Shinsay though since a lot of famous space opera type things pull this too, but it’s worth noting still.

It was then that the ship’s mapping system came on, a cool female voice who guided their path, a comfort in the darkness. But today, the system’s words filled Andi with a cold, trembling dread.

Ah yes, don’t you guys find comfort in the dulcet tones of yous sweet sweet GPS? Why the fuck would you say it gives you comfort and then go UM EXCEPT NOT NOW. You did this in the previous chapter with the stars, too. Like what’s the point of establishing something one moment and then saying the exact opposite the next?

Update: It was then that Memory, the Marauder’s mapping system, came on, a cool female voice that usually guided their path, a comfort in the void of space. But today, Memory’s words filled Andi with a cold, trembling dread. 

Why did they name it ...

Lir raised a bare brow. “Have you no faith, Captain?”

Yes, she’s hairless, we get it. And this really does read like fucking Throne of Glass, except Throne of Glass at least could hide its awkward dialogue behind the “it’s old-timey” excuse, here it just makes no sense.

Andi loosed a breath, and ran her fingers through the ends of her purple and white braid.

Ah, so it wasn’t the space po-po. It was the fashion po-po, coming for Andi and her bad aesthetic.

Update: Andi loosed a breath and ran her fingers through the ends of her purple-and-white braid. 

Or maybe it was the grammar po-po.

Andi tightened her harness, silenced the prox alarms, and settled back as Lira pushed navigated the Marauder toward the Gollanta Asteroid Belt.

The Graveyard of the Galaxy.

The place where ships came to die.

Oh man. How exciting. I wonder if they’ll make it. It’s already the second chapter of the book, anything could happen!

Update: Andi asks Memory to play some classical music, because this is a cheesy action movie now, I guess, and it makes Andi “deep.”

Chapter 3

We seem to be in the POV of someone named Klaren and it’s “year twelve”, whatever that means. It’s all written in italics but I’ll just keep to my format.

THE GIRL WAS BORN TO DIE. 

In darkness she stood with her palms pressed to the cold glass of her tower. She was alone, protected as all of the Yielded were, staring out at the Conduit below. Swirls of black and silver and blue. An endless, starlit sea.

And uuh ... Yeah, that’s about all you need to know about this chapter, tbh. 

Also, the Conduit? A hairless blue space babe named Lira? A Spectre sigil? Harbinger? Y’all. Come on.

I honestly doubt Shinsay have played Mass Effect, but at this point it’s hard not to suspect it. 

This girl is one of the “Yielded”, who are people who do weird shit, I guess, and she’s locked up in her tower and wants to know what it would be like to be free for one day and make her own choices and all that jazz.

Anyway, she sees the sunrise and smiles because pretty! 

If her dreams were true, then someday she would use this smile for greatness. For glory. For the hope of her people.

Today she stood watching, far above the Conduit, as the red sun rose.

Cool cool.

I love the way this chapter absolutely breaks the momentum built up by the previous chapters and how it’s not even in the current timeline and doesn’t really give us any relevant info. 

It’s great.