#which means after driving/kicking out like 4 juniors/seniors when i was a senior....

[bsaka7]

how have i not gotten over getting kicked off my xc team over two years ago LMAO. it literally is insane how much this weighs on me lol and it pops up the most random times. i've literally done a sprint triathalon, 2 half marathons (including a PR), ran my second fastest ever 5k time w/out 5k specific training, and a marathon in the time since so it's not like i'm missing having a running life and it's not like i was really into the "team culture" lol. it's just the shame i guess.

[tassium]

#TAYLOR SWIFT APPRECIATION LIFE

PART 2 - Fearless 

(click here for part 1)

So. This was supposed to go up yesterday. But then work ate my soul. And THEN it was supposed to go up this morning.... and I slept half the day after how tired I was from work eating my soul.

So! My timeline is all sideways but I’m GOING TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN DANG IT.

Without further ado, let’s get into @taylorswift‘s sophomore album.

1. Fearless

This! Song! I love this this song so much, oh my gosh. It opens perfectly - that drum hit and then that iconic guitar riff, which bleeds into TWO lead guitar pieces and then her VOICE comes in and just. Aaaah, I am a heart-eyes emoji over this song, honestly. I love the way it builds, the way it goes from, like... yeah, all the instruments are involved in the first verse, but they kinda kick it up a notch for the turnaround into the second verse, and then... the chorus hits. The drum build into the first chorus is so fun, but it’s not my favorite one - that title goes to the drop at the end of the third verse. The drums behind “capture it, remember it” are the best thing e v e r.

This song for me is absolutely all about the instrumentation, if you couldn’t tell. I like the lyrical content, and I think Taylor delivers a great vocal performance, but the production overshadows all of that for me. This song is definitive dancing-around-my-bedroom countrypop for me, and I think it is the ideal way to kick off this album.

2. Fifteen

I have... kind of a love/hate relationship with this song. I always have, thought I have to stay I’m a LOT less bitter about it than I was when it first came out. I won’t go into the gory details of it, but suffice to say that 15 was the age when I kind of... self destructed a little (it was the Disorder finally rearing its ugly head) and I was super bitter about the idea that for some people being fifteen meant ‘feeling like there’s nothing to figure out’ and first dates and meeting new best friends when I was like. Literally falling apart at the seams.

BUT! Now that I’ve grown up and started to come into being A Person with a metric ton of perspective dumped on me along the way, I think this song is really cute and endearing and nostalgic for a life I didn’t have, but in a good way. ESPECIALLY is this true when I listen to “in your life you’ll do things greater than dating the football team” and remember that this album came out a year after Taylor won the horizon award (”definitely the highlight of her senior year” oh my god don’t get me started about that speech)

And you know what? Time really can heal most anything.

3. Love Story

This album is just packed with iconic guitar leads, and I love it to pieces. This track is another excellent example of Taylor’s habit of building a track from softness into something a little more intense. I love her vocals on the second verse especially (that little oh-oh! in the middle just fills me with an unexplained joy) and then... there’s the fiddle turnaround into the bridge, which. If you read part one of this series, you know I have an obsession with those. (And it comes back for the play down to the outro, which. yes, good, I’ll take it.)

I’m something of a Romeo and Juliet fanatic, so maybe that’s part of what draws me to this song, I like the idea of a happy ending to the concept - Marie Kondo says throw it out if it doesn’t bring you joy, so. You know.

4. Hey Stephen

*Dreamy sigh* god I love this song. It’s such a feel good jam, and there are parts of it that I just find delightful, even though objectively they would drive me crazy in another setting (that electronic church organ sound in the background is one of them). And then! Taylor is just! so cute! that GIGGLE at the end of the bridge. Gosh. Who legalized this?

I think my favorite vocal thing that Taylor does in this song is the last post-chorus that leads into the actual final chorus and the way she leans into it. And if I was pressed to a pick a favorite ‘ad-lib outro’ thing, it would be this one.

5. White Horse

This song is such an interesting track to have on the same album with Love Story - they’re just total opposites and I think it’s an excellent choice of alternate narratives. (And yes, I’m aware that Romeo and Juliet isn’t technically a fairytale, shhhh)

I don’t have particularly strong feelings about this song until the bridge, because I love the bridge so so much. Honestly this song feels like a more mature version of Should’ve Said No (and if you read the first part of this series you know how strongly I feel about that song so...) Because it has the same sort of “you say you’re sorry but it’s too late for that” feeling to it.

Overall this track is an excellent example of lyrical storytelling - especially that “small town there in my rearview mirror disappearing now” is such an evocative lyric. I don’t have hierarchies for any of Taylor’s albums, but if I tried, I think this track would settle comfortably in the upper middle.

6. You Belong With Me

I. Love. This. Song.

It wasn’t until this listening to the album, actually, that I realized how much of this album contains more mature versions of the messages from the first album. Like, tell me this song isn’t like a more assertive version of Invisible or Teardrops on my Guitar. This feels like Taylor looking back at those experiences and saying ‘hold up, i’m not letting this happen again, get BACK HERE and let me tell you how I feel!’

But. Listen. We need to talk about this music video. This music video is like the ultimate coming of age ten movie condensed into 4 minutes. Tell me I’m wrong.

Never in my life have I felt so connected to Taylor Swift than during that dancing-in-her-bedroom scene. that’s exactly the kind of shenanigans I STILL get up to to this day. (Also, I will fight anyone who says they don’t love the Junior Jewels shirt.) I vividly remember seeing this video for the first time and thinking that having the Other Girl played by a brunette version of Taylor was just. Brilliant. And of course we have the classic scene of the girl entering the school dance and stealing away the boy for the happy ever after - still not sure why he would have that piece of paper with him, so I’ll just chalk it up under suspension of disbelief.

...But, really, Taylor.... who holds books like that?

7. Breathe

This song fills me with such a melancholy feeling - not that I’m complaining, because I love this song to pieces. It’s permanently connected to one of my friends, because we recorded a cover video of this song at about 1am the night before I left the first time we met in person.

I love love love Colbie’s harmonies on this song - a whole lot better than how I felt about some of the male harmonies on the tracks from Taylor’s debut.

I don’t have a lot to say about this song, but that doesn’t mean I love it any less. I like the more stripped down quality to the song, even though it’s not really that stripped down - all the same pieces are there, it’s just all in how they’re applied.

8. Tell Me Why

Once again, what an arrangement! I love this song for the lyrical content, yes, but this is another song that I love for the instrumentation more than anything.

Speaking of the lyrical content, though, this song is a look at a surprisingly toxic sounding relationship for Taylor’s usual topics. A lot of the things about this track sound like classic abusive tactics - though I don’t think that’s exactly what she’s trying to portray. This song doesn’t even have to be about any kind romantic relationship in the first place. It could just as easily be about a toxic friendship (god knows I’ve had enough experience with that to know just how applicable this song’s lyrics are)

But to talk about the music as well, real quick, just. The fiddle opening!! and the drums!! and the tasteful small additions of steel guitar! and Just. so much about this track that I love. Is it just me or does it seem like this album has a much more driving backing track on most of the tracks than we saw on the self titled?

9. You’re Not Sorry

It’s fascinating to me that Taylor paired this song with the previous track for her album lineup - they’re very similar themes - but this song seems... angrier, almost. That’s not quite the word I’m going for, but I don’t know what word I AM going for, so it’ll have to do.

I just. need to talk about Taylor’s vocals on this song. This is another one I would love to hear Taylor perform with her current vocal abilities, because I feel like it would be absolutely outstanding. There are spots in this track (’tired of being last to know’ and ‘there’s nothing left to beg for’ in particularly) where she leans into them a little bit, but I feel like given just a little bit more, they could really knock it out of the park.

10. The Way I Loved You

I have... mixed feelings about this song. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike this song, and I think it builds really beautifully, but... It’s just not one of my favorites. I just don’t have particularly strong feelings about this one either way. I’ll still sing along to it in the car just as intensely as to any of them, and there are moments of it that I like - the almost military beat in the second verse and her strident delivery of “he calls exactly when he says he will” is a very nice piece, but... overall, it’s just not my favorite.

11. Forever and Always

THIS SONG HOWEVER. heck man. I love this song. I will go ham for this song anytime any day. There are so many good choices in this track - the drumming is brilliant and I think Taylor’s vocals on this song are better here than on the previous track, which makes it kind of refreshing.

Favorite parts include the bassline in the first verse, the way everything drops out from behind “coming down to nothing” except for the drums, and the “you didn’t mean it baby, I don’t think so” instrumentation, which builds up into the solo so well - and then we get the bridge. which is. just. stunning. I have no other words for it. 

I love this song!!!!

Bonus commentary from the platinum edition:

The piano version of this song is so much more heart wrenching than the standard version. Her delivery is so much softer (those soft high notes are my favorite), there’s a lot more hurt in her voice, and I love her harmonies over her own vocals. Beautiful. Especially the bridge, those harmonies and her delivery of those lines... I get chills every time.

And. Listen. It’s called the piano version, but the strings added onto the second half is such a good choice. A++

12. The Best Day

Okay, so. Listen. This song is absolutely every bit as saccharine as people say it is, but I really think it’s entirely a choice. From my perspective on it, it’s supposed to read as if it’s got the point of view of someone much younger than Taylor’s, what, 18 years at the time of release? I love the line “I’ve got my big coat on” because that’s SUCH a great choice for a line about a five year old.

Now I just. Need to talk about my FEELINGS about this for a second.

u g h god this song kills me every time. From hearing other people talk about this song, it seems like it doesn’t hit you as hard if you aren’t a daughter or if you don’t have a good relationship with your mom. I am privileged enough to have a great mom, just like it seems Taylor does, and so I can barely listen to this song without crying through half of it.

Then again, that might just have more to do with the fact that I’m a total crybaby.

13. Change

WHAT AN OPENING. I will never not love the way it just blazes into life from the word go and then goes a little softer for the verse, as if giving you a moment to breathe before it throws that chorus at you. There are some incredible examples of instrumentation choices in this song (it all comes back around to the drums for me, I don’t know what it is)

And then there’s that one note - which, comparatively speaking, isn’t really impressive, but it certainly blew me away the first time I heard it. The build-up to it is so well done, with the quiet bridge-y bit leading into the explosive drop into the full chorus and then that instrumental outro-- be still my heart.

Time for the bonus tracks! All six five of them. >.>

14. Jump Then Fall

I love this song. This is tied to a friend of mine as well, primarily because of the line “I realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard”, which is also my favorite line in this song.

There’s a quality to the instrumentation at the very beginning of the song that makes me nostalgic for the days of recording tracks off youtube and ending up with these horribly compressed versions of them - even when i’m listening to it on spotify part of me questions if I have a corrupted mp3.

I can’t not smile while I listen to this song, especially to the second verse - “I like the way you’re everything I ever wanted” is the cutest thing ever and if you disagree, get out of my face.

There’s something so youthful and fluttery and cute about this song, it makes me feel as if I really am the one with this unbearably huge crush on someone in the best shivery way possible.

15. Untouchable

I didn’t know until I was listening to @stateofswiftpod (and yes i’m going to continue repping them because. amazing.) that this track is a COVER. I was blown away because... okay. Listen. I looked up the original version and... Taylor worked magic with this track. The original really is just... an average to mediocre pop punk song, okay? It’s exactly the kind of vibe I’d normally be into but then it just. doesn’t hold me.

But Taylor’s version is just Stunning. Her vocal delivery is spot on, and the final chorus makes me so happy, with the alteration of the melody. Honestly, her mind. To think that she listened to the original song and heard the potential for this piece of musical art just blows me away.

16. Come In With The Rain

This isn’t one of my favorites - honestly I have no strong feelings about any of the remaining bonus tracks - but there is something about the message of this song that hooks me. The idea that you’ve been wishing and hoping and thinking about something so much for so long that you’re just. tired. Too tired to keep worrying about it, so you just leave the path for it open and let yourself focus on something else.

17. SuperStar

This song also kind of fascinates me. The concept of Taylor as the fan instead of the star, set at possibly the very last point in her life where she could realistically sing the bridge - “I’m invisible and everyone knows who you are” - is just... there’s something about it, you feel? It’s like a time capsule from that exact time of Taylor’s life, and it’s wild to think how many people feel like this about her now.

18. The Other Side of the Door

I’ve elected to ignore the obvious read of this song where it’s just. Young failure to communicate and unhealthy relationship dynamics.

Here’s my take on the song: It’s about that feeling where you want things to go like a 90s teen movie, but that ideal teenage experience isn’t real, it’s all fictionalized for those exact movies. And you know that’s the case, you know that it’s all too good to be true, but you’re still kinda salty about it.

Side note, I really like the delivery on the ending lines, with the way it kind of contrasts against the music behind it.

Roll credits, we’ve made it to the end of another album! I don’t know about you guys, but I need a break. So I’m gonna do that, and we’ll be back with another review after a word from our sponsors.

Next up: Speak Now

[lostinthe-pines-blog]

Senior Fear Ch. 4 - Heading Home

TAGS: (I’ve tagged anyone who followed my last multi-chapter Chris fic. Please let me know if you’d like to be removed.) @jared2612  @katurrade @annekebbphotography @emerald-bijou @jellybean-marshmellow

Kicking off my first day of @chrispowellappreciation by sharing my next chapter of Senior Fear. I’m so excited to share more with you all this week! Follow along with @maxattack-powell and @regrettingnathan and I during Chris Powell Appreciation Week! I can’t wait to see what you all submit! 

This is a multi-chapter story about Autumn with the Hartfeld Gang. Halloween quickly approaching they attempt to celebrate. As they begin their senior year the dynamics will change like the weather, will they be able to face their fears, both commercial and literal?

NOTE: This is a fictional story based on Pixelberry’s Choices App. *Books The Freshman, The Sophomore, The Junior. I am not affiliated with Pixelberry nor do I own the rights to their original characters or story-lines. This story will alter certain story-lines.

Three thick sweaters and he could still feel the cold chill of the autumn air, the brightest color of leaves had already left the trees, only the dying brown leaves remaining, and they were  hanging on by a thread. The dying plants paired with the chill in the air matched the exact feeling Chris had inside. The only reason he’d wanted to stay at Harteld over the weekend was because he dreaded this exact moment. He felt like everything was moving in slow motion watching MC load up the car with far more items then they had arrived with; a product of his mother wanting to send them all the supplies they might need.

MC made trip after trip in and out of the house, everytime she went back in Lily had something else to hand off to her. She wasn’t sure if Chris wanted or needed anything he wasn’t really here right now. She could see him and he was here physically but mentally he was zoned in on something else. This wasn’t the first tome MC had seen him this way. He’d focus his mind similarly before a big game, or an important final. After she loaded the final bag into the car she stepped beside him lacing her fingers through his own. She felt the gentle twitch as the touch knocked him out of his mindset.

“Hey.” Chris spoke with a breath turning his fixed gaze on hers.

MC offered him the smallest smile, she could feel how badly he wanted to stay. “Hey” she was searching his eyes to find him something to look forward to. “Are you ready?” she asked knowing he wasn’t. “We’ve gotta get back, we’ve got midterms to study for and a party to plan!” she added a cheery tone hoping it would help. “I’m going to go say goodbye to your mom, maybe you want to start thinking about talking to AJ?”

Chris nods releasing his hand from hers and turning on his feet back inside the house. His body language almost angry, but she knew he was only disappointed. Chris headed into the makeshift bedroom that his mother had created in the office on the main floor until AJ could walk up the stairs to her own again. “Hey, AJ.” he said staying strong behind his weak emotions. “MC and I are heading out soon.”

“Do you have too?” she didn’t look at him when she talked, she knew she’d cry. She was young but she understood her emotions and she didn’t want to be ashamed of them now.

“Yeah bug, I’ve got too.” he said kneeling down in front of her, “But you’ve got mom, and Kyle.” he added with a smile “And you get to miss a whole week of school!” he added trying to twist this into a positive. “MC and I we’ll be back for Thanksgiving, that's only two months away.” Chris continued to have a basic and saddening conversation with his young best friend before pulling her into a gentle hug

MC paced around the kitchen as Lily sat with her signature coffee cup staring at the young girl who was mostly family now.

“Worried about something?” Lily asks out of her calm demeanor.

“I mean… yeah.” MC laughed with nerves in her voice. Watching Lily pat the seat next to her MC quickly followed suit and sat beside her.

“Speak.” Lily instructed with a heart warming smile.

MC was almost compelled by the mother figure in the room, she told her everything now. “I’m worried about Chris, AJ means so much to him and we both know he lets sadness stay with him for too long.” she started while Lily was quick to respond

“The nice thing about my son is that while sadness is always with in him, his happiness is often much stronger. Give him something to look to and he’ll come around.”

MC nods knowing Lily is right, but that alone wasn’t what  was worrying her. “After college, what’d you do?” MC asks now

Lily looks to her lap now, “I dropped out of college, I followed Frank after his graduation and I moved here. I became a mother, and I’ve been working odd jobs to make ends meet ever since. Why do you ask MC?” she questions now.

“I don’t know what I want to do, where I want to go, but I know…” she holds her tongue nervous about speaking of her and Chris’s future to his mother,

“You know what?” Lily asks in the silence.

“Oh… I know.. I want Chris to be apart of whatever comes next. But I think that scares me. You see all my life I’ve been set up to go to college to learn, to build a career but I’ve never been set up to fall in love.” she admits blush forming on her face.

Lily smiles at the thought of it, “It comes out of nowhere doesn’t it?” Lily laughs. “A piece of motherly advice?” she asks the young daughter like girl before here.

“Sure!” MC smiles easgerly.

“It might be a bit bias here but you’re not the only one worried about the role love will have in you next year, when Chris and I spoke he was scared too...” she smirks admitting to having a similar conversation with her son the night before “But, this is the best kind of fear, because it’s mixed with the strongest of passions. Trust in your love, and yourselves. Be honest and trust him.” Lily takes MC hand gently. “We would be the lucky ones to have a girl like your join our family.” she adds watching MC’s face flush pink.

“Trust.” she repeats, she does trust Chris already but she knows trust will contiue to be a huge part of her life this year. She’d learned the hard way her junior year what dishonesty could do and she didn’t plan on making that mistake. It could have lost her Chris but he was better than her and he followed her threw her dumbest mistakes. “Thank Lily, and thanks for letting us come down for the weekend. He misses you guys.” MC lets her gaze fall on Chris whose now walking toward them.

“And we miss him” Lily answers quickly before reaching to hug her eldest son. “Drive safe, text me as soon as you get home” she demands.

“Of course” Chris answers staying in her embrace for a bit longer, he’d always been a family man and this moment would be no different.

As the two of them said their goodbyes MC offered again to drive, to let Chris sleep and rest for his week to come. The car ride was long but it allowed Chris to dream and to prepare for their months ahead. There wasn’t much conversation in the hours on the road. He leaned his head against the window and listened to MC’s quiet voice sing along to the mix of songs playing randomly from her phone. Life was so simple in this moment, but as the car parked back at Hartfeld reality would have to set back in. Arriving late in the evening on Monday night Chris trudged inside carrying his and MC’s bags while MC brought in the miscellaneous items Lily had sent them with. Upon entering the apartment they were both shocked as their tired eyes perked open.

“Oh my god…” MC smiled setting things down in the corner, she knew Abbie’s artistic handy work when she saw it. Their apartment opened to a livingroom that shared space with the kitchen, along the wall was a hand drawn tree complete with autumn leaves. The leaves blew in the drawn wind, which was really just swirls of color and pattern. Each leaf represented something. As MC stepped past Chris to get a closer look she reached her hands to him to bring him to her side. “Look… they’re memories.”

“Third day in the freshman dorm, Chris Powell ate my left overs. I was so angry I didn’t have a lunch to bring on my long day at class. But he ended up with food poisoning and with out him I would have been down for the count the entire first week of classes. I’m always gonna thank him for that.” -Abbie

“My favorite thing about MC is that she never wants people to be mean to one another, that she stops it the moment it starts happening. Even if it’s playful. As freshman I would mock Kaitlyn for never folding her clothes but MC was always quick to remind me that Kaitlyn’s choices were her own creative decision. I don’t know what I’d do with out her constant kindness.” - Tyler

“Chris and MC have always inspired me, they work through everything together and they know each others strengths and weaknesses as well as they know their own. They are so completely opposite from one another and yet they mold together so perfectly. I’m lucky to call myself their friend. Despite my jealousies in the past I wish them only the best and I miss them every day.” - James

“Look..” MC says pausing on the note from their former friend. “Even James has a leaf” she giggles. James had graduated almost two years ago, he’d stuck around to work at the school but after taking offers in Los Angeles he decided to move. They didn’t hear from him much anymore, but someone had made the effort to get this note from him. It meant a lot to her, and Chris too.

Chris looked around the room skipping over a few leaves with notes and memories attached. His eye caught by one that included a photo. It was of Zack and Chris on the Hartfeld Football feild. “Oh, I didn’t know he even had this photo.” Chris laughed calling MC to his side to read the note.

“The start of sophomore year, fresh off of my breakup, Chris found me out by the fields having a full on panic attack. I’d been so stressed about my love life during Freshman year I’d fallen behind, I still hadn’t really come to terms with the effects that coming out had on my relationship with my parents and I was already crushing on a new boy even though I knew I shouldn't. I was going absolutely crazy. He ditched all of his football friends to stay with me. He gave me advice I’ll live by for the rest of my life. He told me, to be unapologetic-ally me, to let life jerk me around if it hand to but to never change who am because of it. I came out of Sophomore year so much happier than before because I followed his advice. That night Chris and I talked for hours, and we’ve never talked that way really since. But I always know that, that version of Chris is there if I need him. I would never approve of anyone with MC except Chris, because Chris is the kindest and most passionate person I know. - Zack

“I didn’t even know about this…” MC said looking to her blue eyed lover. “Did this really happen?” she questioned knowing that Zack wouldn’t lie.

“Yeah, I was finishing up running a few plays with the guys when I saw him just outside the athletic buildings. I’m not sure what had him over there but I knew something was off. It was a Thursday night, Zack was usually by your side working on homework or watching a movie. He was a mess, just blubbering and talking endlessly. I think he just needed someone to listen you know…” Chris laughs off his embarrassment that this letter brought. He’d never liked being complimented. He didn’t think that kindness deserved compliment. That kindness should be expected from everyone and given to everyone.

MC laid her head on Chris’s shoulder reading again the letter her best friend had left for her boyfriend. “He’s right you know.” she speaks lacing her fingers through his. “You are the kindest and most passionate person.” she repeated the heart felt words on the paper cutout on the wall. “This room is a kindergarten arts and crafts project.” she laughs “But our friends did it for us because we mean something to them. You mean something to them. You give so much of yourself to us and we have all be lucky to be apart of your incredible life. Me most of all”

Chris looks down sheepishly trying to accept the compliment “MC, these memories arent just of me. They are for both of us, but there are some just for you. I try to put my best foot forward I try to be there when I’m needed but it doesn’t always work that way. You see, you’re the opposite you don’t try.. You do. You are always there always listening and always helping. You think it’s going unnoticed but it’s not. Take all of last year for instance. You jeopardized so much of yourself for all of us, to protect all of us.” Chris leaned down and kissed the top of her head following the art on the walls with his eyes. It didn’t stop in the living room it went down the hall in to their bedroom door.

MC pulled Chris by the arm walking down the hallways and opening their room. There was nothing out of place, the room looked spotless. Different then the way MC had left it. In the process of her packing MC had left clothes and homework everywhere. Looking at the room now, he friends had cleaned. It was all still there, but it was just piled nicely. On the bedside table there was a mix of Chris and MC’s favorite flowers with an envelope attached. Chris sat on the bed and pulled MC to his lap as she opened and read the letter.

“Dear Chistopher and MC Powell…” Mc stopped rolling her eyes and feeling Chris’s laughter in his chest. This letter was immediately recognized to be written by Zack. The friend who’d been pushing MC and Chris to marry since the end of freshman year. Ignoring the new change in her own last name she continued reading.

“No ones Senior year should start out as rocky as yours has. We decided to get together to celebrate you both. First we want to let you know that the Halloween Party has officially been taken off your hands. Kaitlyn’s been secretly planning it the whole time anyways. Secondly, we wanted you guys to know just how much you mean to us. Abbie created a mural of the fall season and we included all the memories. Fall will always remind me of Hartfeld and the memories we’ve made and will continue to make. There’s no need to thank us because we’ve done this in thanks to you both. We left you some flowers, because we know how much you both love them (yes Chris you too) MC you are lovelier than a rose, and Chris you are brighter than a daisy. Out little family would be nowhere without you both. This fall is for you guys, because you have both made the last three years for us.”

MC place the letter back on the bedside table. It was a short and sweet but it was enough. This was more than the welcome home she thought they deserved. She didn’t fear the end of the year anymore. She knew everyone would go their separate ways but they would all come back together through out the years. They had to. They were a family. 

“Hey...” she spoke softly turning in Chris’s arms to look at his face, remembering the pain it had held over the weekend. “Welcome home.” she smiled 

“Welcome home.” he responded softly feeling happy there next to her in the small space they had created together. 

[zoemurph]

to have a friend, chapter five: $98

on ao3 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

happy birthday to myself heres a mess of a chapter thats literally ALL over the place but i do what i want

ive been watching the gbbo cause ive been super sick and now i will now project as i do with everything else. speaking of which, everything thats been mentioned happening in school in this fic has happened!! that applies to this chapter too!! isnt public school fucking wild

warnings: anxiety, anxiety/panic attack, some suicidal thoughts, let me know if any other warnings should be added

enjoy!

“Do you usually walk home?” Evan asks, following Connor out of the school.

“Yeah.”

“Do you not— do you drive?”

Connor gives Evan a weird look. “Why?”

Evan shrugs. “I don’t— I mean, most people drive. That’s a thing. That teenagers do. Jared drives. A-Alana drives. Um…most of our senior class drives, e-even if they don’t have a car. The juniors drive. Some of the older sophomores drive—”

“And are incredibly annoying about it,” Connor interrupts.

Evan ducks his head. “Not as annoying as the freshman.”

“God you’re right.” They stop at a stoplight and wait for the walking light to turn. Connor runs a hand through his hair. “I have my license, but I’m not allowed to drive right now.” Evan frowns. “Why not?”

Connor takes a step off the sidewalk and looks down the road. “Come on,” he says, motioning for Evan to follow. He takes long strides as Evan rushes to catch up. “Parents. Mom’s worried about me driving high or hurting myself. Larry’s worried about the car.”

“O-oh.”

Connor furrows his eyebrows and glances down at Evan. “Don’t worry about it, Hansen. I don’t care what he thinks.”

Evan nods. “Right. Right, duh. Of course you don’t.”

Connor shakes his head. “By the way, did I mention that my mom thinks that you have a really garbage immune system.”

“She does?” Evan asks in surprise. “W-why?”

“Word vomit.” Connor makes a face. “My bad.”

“I mean…” Evan pulls on the straps of his backpack. “That’s not— Anxiety can like…really screw up your immune system? Um…stress is bad for you. And I’m…always stressed.”

Connor snorts. “No shit.”

“Yes shit,” Evan mutters. “Cold season is a ni-nightmare.”

“Drink more tea,” Connor suggests.

“Wow, never thought to try that before.”

Connor laughs. “Okay, fine. I’ll let you suffer on your own then. Have fun being sick.”

“Being sick is the worst .” Evan steps closer to Connor to avoid a puddle. “B-because if you’re sick you miss class and then you miss work and everything starts piling up and then you have way too much work to do and then you’re failing out of school.”

Connor is quiet for a second before he says, “I don’t know, I skipped most of school last year and I’m still here.” He tilts his head as he looks at Evan. “I think you’ll be okay.”

“Okay is relative,” Evan murmurs.

“Anyway I wanted to warn you in case my mom starts shoving fucking…vitamins or a ridiculous amount of citrus fruits at you.” Connor steps onto the street as the sidewalk ends and casually walks in almost the middle of the lane. “She can be really…”

“Worried?” Evan suggests.

“I was going to say aggressive, but that word is nicer.”

“Hm.” Evan can’t really remember the last time his mom really fussed over him. It sometimes happens in quick bursts when she’s home, but she’s never home enough to really worry about him. She refills his meds when he needs more, she leaves him money for dinner, she pushes the scholarship applications. He can’t really imagine her trying to get him to take vitamins or eat oranges or anything like that.

Evan shakes away those thoughts and focuses on the walk to the Murphys. It’s nice. The trees have started to change color with the turn of the season and it’s starting to get colder. Not too cold, but cold enough that he has to start bringing a sweater to school. They’re only three days into October, but Jared has already started yelling about Halloween.

Evan looks at Connor out of the corner of his eye. It’d definitely be too weird to ask what Connor is doing for Halloween. He’s probably going to go out and get high or something. That’s what most teenagers do on Halloween, right? Go party and take advantage of illegal substances?

Evan will probably just leave out a bowl of candy on the steps and watch TV. That won’t be too bad. Or different from what he’s done for the past few years.

“Mom’s really into seasonal decorating,” Connor says when they get to his house. He nods to the autumn wreath hanging on the front door as he pulls out his key. “There’s a fine line between classy and tacky and I don’t think anyone in my family knows where it is.”

Evan smiles. “I think it’s nice.”

Connor huffs. “You would.” He opens the door and bends down to pull off his boots. “I’m home!” he shouts as he leans against the wall to undo the zipper. “Evan’s here too.”

Evan toes off his sneakers and moves them next to Connor’s boots. Connor had slipped him fifteen dollars this morning instead of ten and asked if Evan was free after school. Evan never does anything other than homework and therapy, and therapy is a Wednesday event.

Cynthia pokes her head out of the kitchen as they pass it. She smiles at Evan. “Hello, Evan! Are you two hungry?”

Connor looks to Evan and Evan shakes his head. “N-no, I’m good but th-thank you!”

She nods. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Let’s go.” Connor leads Evan up to his bedroom. He tosses his backpack onto the desk and kicks a few things on the floor into what is sort of a pile of things against a wall. “I’d apologize for the mess but I don’t give a shit.”

Evan wonders if it’s weird not having a bedroom door. It seems uncomfortable. “I-I don’t mind,” he promises.

“Cool.” Connor bends down and picks up a mug from the floor. He looks inside and makes a face before putting it on the desk.

“What’s that?” Evan asks. And a better question is probably, should Connor wash it or just throw it out. Sometimes it’s not worth it to try and save dishes and the best option is to just toss them with whatever disgusting thing is growing in or on them.

“Paint water,” Connor says. He pushes the mug further away from the edge of his desk. “It looks like puke. Probably need to clean it.”

“You paint?” Evan asks in surprise.

“Not really.” Connor pulls out the desk chair and then leans against the edge of his bed.

Evan hesitates before he sits down in the chair. “I-I didn’t know you liked art.”

“I don’t. Art is the fucking worst.”

Evan blinks. “Uh…okay?”

“It’s hard ,” Connor almost whines. “Like…what’s the fucking point?”

“I don’t know,” Evan admits. “I’ve never really…done it outside of elementary school art classes and those were… I mean, we drew shoes that one time? Do— do you remember that?” Their art teacher had brought in a giant shoe because her husband’s company made custom shoes for basketball players, whose feet were so big they couldn’t buy shoes in a normal store. Now he wonders if the shoe was that big or if they just seemed big to second graders.

Connor furrows his eyebrows. “Yeah…yeah I think I do. She made us take off our sneakers and put them on the table. And Josh Powers threw his at Marcus and hit…who’d he hit?”

“I think it was Rachel,” Evan says slowly.

Connor narrows his eyes. “Which…which one?”

“The…redhead?” Evan sometimes forgets how many kids in their grade have the same names.

Connor groans. “ Which redhead?”

“You know multiple redheaded Rachels?” Evan asks, mostly just amazed that Connor knows people in their school beyond people he interacts with.

“It’s not as bad as the Olivias,” Connor points out. “I remember there were three in class in fourth grade.”

Evan snorts. “In third grade I had two of the Zacharys, two Hannahs, and two Joes.”

“ God .” Connor sits down on his bed. “Thank god the other Connor is in Zoe’s grade. I refuse to deal with that shit.”

“Elementary school was— it was…something.”

Connor nods. “Yeah. Lots of things were thrown.”

Evan doesn’t mean to, but he starts laughing. He claps his hands over his mouth and stares at Connor with wide eyes. “I’m sorry!” he says, voice muffled by his hands.

Connor rolls his eyes. “It’s fine , Hansen. I said it. And there was a lot of things thrown. Shoes. Dodgeballs. Printers. Bats. Rocks—”

“Tables at the principal.” Evan says.

Connor stares at him. “Wait what?”

“Uh…” Evan rubs the back of his neck. “Fourth grade. We had a project where— we were supposed to make an earthquake proof building out of whatever the teacher gave us and we— Well we made our own construction companies up? It was part of the presentation and one of the kids in our group didn’t like the name we chose and he started getting really really mad and the teacher called the principal and when the principal came in he threw the table and the project at her.” He meets Connor’s eyes. “Um…you-you weren’t the only one to uh…maybe have some anger problems? When we were growing up?”

Connor crosses his arms. “Growing up? Just growing up?” Evan would be nervous, except for the smile at the corner of his mouth.

“You never threw someone into the chairs in the cafeteria and beat them to a pulp,” Evan whispers.

Connor straightens. “You saw that?!”    

“Part of it. Heard more of it. Jared got a video.”

Connor whistles. “Shit, man. Sometimes I wonder how I’m the school freak when we have shit like that go down.”

Evan laughs nervously. So yeah, some guy in their grade sent a kid to the hospital for making a move on his girlfriend, and there were a group of girls who got into a fight at the mall, and some other kid who got suspended for bringing a knife to school and doing knife tricks during class. But still, Connor Murphy has always been the one everyone is afraid of. “I th-think it’s the black clothing and long hair? M-maybe?”

“You can jump on the haircut train with Larry,” Connor says, shaking his head, “but I’m not cutting it.”

“I like it.” Evan feels his ears burn. “It’s— it fits you.”

Connor stares at him before smiling slowly. “Thanks.”

Evan ducks his head. “Um… Can you— could you show me…any of your art?”

Connor sighs. “I guess.”

“I— You don’t have to! If you don’t want to you shouldn’t— I didn’t mean to pressure you into—”

Connor stands up and reaches for something on his shelves. “Hey, Ev, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. The world won’t end if you look at shitty doodles.” He grabs a spiral bound sketchbook off the top of his bookshelf. “Don’t expect anything actually good.” He opens the sketchbook and flips through it. “Here.”

Evan takes the sketchbook from Connor. The right page is filled with a bunch of drawings. A few are half finished, others barely made it past a rough outline, but a couple are more complete. In the corner there’s a drawing that’s been completely scribbled out with such intensity that Evan wouldn’t be surprised if Connor broke the pencil while doing it. On the left page is a profile someone with a strong nose and a rounded jawline, staring ahead with a blank look in their eyes.

The contrast between styles is almost incredible. Evan looks between the quick, looser, and more cartoony style and almost realistic sketch in amazement. The way that the person’s hair is tucked behind their ears and there’s soft shading on their neck, like Connor was afraid to do anything more.

“Wow,” Evan breathes. “These are really good.”

He looks up to see Connor giving him a funny look. “I’m paying you to be my friend. You don’t have to be a kiss up too.”

“I’m not,” Evan promises. “You’re good.”

Connor scrunches up his nose and takes the sketchbook back. He holds it up and tilts his head as he looks at the pages. “Okay…yeah I’m not seeing whatever you’re talking about. Just shitty doodles and a bad attempt to draw someone I saw in a waiting room.”

“I like them.” Connor lowers the sketchbook and Evan shrugs. “I don’t know anything about art, but you aren’t bad at it. I can tell you that.”

“Okay,” Connor says slowly. “Okay.”

Evan shifts uncomfortably in the silence. He doesn’t really know where the conversation is supposed to go from here. Maybe he should just—

“Do you have a Facebook?” Connor asks suddenly.

Evan furrows his eyebrows. “W-what? Why?”

Connor closes the sketchbook and throws it on his bed. “My mom was getting on my ass for not being friends with you on Facebook.”

“Who uses Facebook?”

“Moms,” Connor says flatly. “Wine moms.”

“Is your mom a wine mom?” Evan asks, looking over his shoulder into the hallway.

Connor shrugs. “I don’t know what she does all day. She could be a wine mom. Probably needs to be considering I’m her son. Anyone would need alcohol to deal with me all the time.”

Evan snorts. “You aren’t that bad.”

Connor smiles. “Okay. Whatever you say.”

Evan walks to the bathroom, furiously picking at his cast as he tries to keep his steps normal. His heart is racing and everything is wobbly and he feels like he’s about three seconds away from crying or throwing up. Or both. He can never tell.

He goes to the third floor bathroom. It means climbing the stairs — he hangs onto the railing like a lifeline — but it’s also usually empty. He needs an empty bathroom right now, he can’t lose it around other people, he can’t do that, he can’t be that kid who had a meltdown in front of half the senior class.

Part of his brain tells him half the senior class can’t fit into the boys’ bathroom.

The other half is spiraling faster and faster and faster.

He shoves the bathroom door open with his shoulder and stumbles into the handicapped stall as the lights flicker on. At least he knows no one else is in here.

Evan barely gets the door closed before he’s collapsing against the wall of the stall and sobbing as he tries to catch his breath. His knees are weak and he’s trying not to slide to the floor because it’s the bathroom it’s the fucking boys’ bathroom in a high school it’s probably the most disgusting floor ever but his legs are shaking and his hands are shaking and everything is shaking—

He scrubs away hot tears as they roll down his face.

Fuck .

He doesn’t even know what happened. One minute, he was in english. He wasn’t great but he was okay, and that was normal. And then someone was talking and Evan started getting lightheaded and there was a heavy weight in his chest and he managed to raise his hand and ask to go to the bathroom and sound somewhat normal and leave the classroom sort of calmly but now he can’t breathe he can’t breathe.

The walls are closing in around him and everything is getting smaller and smaller and crushing him under the weight of the world. Evan can’t do this. He can’t.

He pulls at the edges of his cast.

He could’ve— he should’ve—

Evan takes a shuddering breath and presses the base of his good hand against his eye. He wants it to stop he wants it all to stop.

“Evan?” someone asks softly

Evan inhales sharply and jerks away from the wall of the stall. He stumbles over his own feet and crashes into the wall, hitting his shoulder hard. “W-what— wh-who?”

“Uh, it’s just. It’s Connor. Are you…?” he trails off.

Evan’s breath hitches as he tries to force himself to calm down. He focuses on Connor’s boots, he can see them in the space between the stall doors and the floor. There’s something stuck in Evan’s throat and it’s making it hard to breathe and think.

“I recognized your shoes,” Connor says after a few seconds. “I was, uh, trying to get out of international relations, cause that class is…bullshit. I hate it.”

Evan forces a watery laugh. “R-right that’s— I heard it’s-it’s for the uh, the kids who want to take AP Gov but that’s— I can see why you might—” He takes a shallow breath. He can do this he can do this.

“Hansen, is there anything I can do?”

Why is Connor even here? Why is he trying to help, why would he want to help a disaster like Evan? A lost cause and constant disappointment who can never amount to anything and will never do anything worth remembering— not worth remembering not worth trying for not worth anything. He’s just an invisible speck lost in a crowd of millions of people and he’s drowning between all of them and can’t keep his head above the water.

“Hey,” Connor says, “is it okay if I touch you?”

Evan can barely even tell he’s moving, but Connor touches his wrist very softly so he must have nodded or something. Connor gently pulls Evan’s hands away from his face. He doesn’t know how Connor got into the stall but his head is spinning and his thoughts are a muddled mess.

Evan chokes back a sob and blinks away tears as they well up in his eyes and blur his vision. Connor is searching his face with furrowed eyebrows and a concerned look in his eyes and Evan just wants to curl up in a ball and have it all stop .

“What can I do?” Connor asks softly.

Evan shakes his head. Nothing, there’s nothing. He’s decided he’s okay with everything ending in this bathroom. Because everything hurts and his brain won’t stop why won’t it stop ?

“Um… shit . Hold on.” Connor lets go of Evan’s hands and Evan inhales sharply. “I’m-I’m not leaving,” Connor promises. “I’ll be right back.” He unlocks the stall door and Evan focuses on the sound of his boots on the floor because he can still barely breathe and he’s not sure how to hold on to reality.

“Just locked the door,” Connor says, stepping back into the stall. He shuts the door and slides the lock closed.

Evan takes a deep breath. It catches and it’s shaky and bad, but it’s slow and he needs— he has to slow down his heartrate. He’s supposed to be doing deep breathing exercises, it’s not supposed to get this bad.

Inhale through the nose for five. Hold for five. Exhale through the mouth for five.

Evan gets through two cycles before his mind freezes and panics and stops. He takes a few short breaths, gasping for air.

“You’re— it’s going to be fine,” Connor says. “It’s… There’s only like twenty minutes left of school, Ev. You’re going to be okay.”

Evan just wants to lay down. To lay down on this disgusting bathroom floor and curl up in a ball and sleep and never wake up. He could just melt into the floor and stop existing and that would be so much better than this. He closes his eyes and tries to focus on breathing a little slower but he can’t, he can’t.

“Do you…do you want me to leave?” Connor asks slowly. “I can go. I was just trying to get out of class. So I can—”

“P-please don’t— don’t leave,” Evan chokes out. He reaches out blindly, trying to find Connor with his eyes still squeezed shut.  

Connor takes Evan’s hand and squeezes it lightly. “Yeah, sure. Not going anywhere.”

Evan just holds on to Connor’s hand and tries to breathe. Tries to find some semblance of calm in his mind. He doesn’t think he ends up being successful, he thinks his brain just got too tired to keep being so anxious.

When it doesn’t feel like his lungs are getting crushed anymore, Evan loosens his grip on Connor’s hand. “I-I’m s-sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry that you— that you had to deal with me.”

“I wanted to help,” Connor says. “I promise.”

Evan can’t meet his eyes.

“There’s only a few minutes left of class.” Connor takes a step away. “Do you… Are you walking home today?”

Evan nods. He doesn’t like the bus. It’s still warm enough out that he can walk to and from school. It’s better than being on a loud and crowded vehicle that goes over potholes too fast.

“Let us bring you home,” Connor says.

Evan frowns at the floor.

“Zoe doesn’t have practice today,” Connor explains. “Just… I don’t know, can you let us drive you home? So you don’t have to walk?”

“I’m— you don’t have to,” Evan mumbles.

“Yeah, but I’m offering.”

Evan wants to say no, he really wants to say no. He can’t take advantage of Connor like that. But he also just wants to be at home as soon as possible. “O-okay.”

“Thank you.”

Evan glances up at Connor. Connor is running his hand through his hair.

“I’ll…meet you by your locker?” Connor pulls his phone out of his pocket. “Are you…”

“I’ll be fine,” Evan says softly. Connor doesn’t look convinced, but Evan doesn’t have the energy to convince him right now. “I’ll… My locker. Yeah.”

“I’ll see you in…like three minutes,” Connor promises. “You can do a fucking countdown if you want. But I’ll be there. I swear.”

Evan nods. He digs his nails into the palm of his hand as Connor unlocks the stall and leaves the bathroom. It takes him a few more moments to figure out how to move his legs.

He still feels slightly off balance and wrong. He takes his time on the stairs, letting the bell ring and students rush around him in a sea of half known faces. He hesitates outside his english room before he ducks inside to grab his backpack. He stammers out an apology to his teacher, saying that he got sick, and she just tells him to feel better and make sure he does the reading for tomorrow.

He has to climb the stairs again to get to his locker.

Connor is there, waiting for him, staring off into the distance. As Evan approaches, Connor’s eyes snap to him and he stands up straighter.

“Zoe’ll meet us by the band room,” Connor explains. He glances from Evan to the lock. “Here I can open it.” He opens the lock quickly and Evan just forces himself to stay standing and breathing.

Connor takes books from Evan as he pulls them out of his backpack and then closes the locker as Evan puts his backpack on.

Connor glances around the halls and then takes a few quick steps to the elevator and hits the down button.

“We-we aren’t supposed to—”

“Fuck it,” Connor interrupts. “Stairs are bullshit.”

The elevator doors open and Connor pulls Evan inside, hitting the close doors button until the slide shut. Evan grips the straps of his backpack tightly. If anyone sees them using the elevator without a pass, they could get yelled at. He can’t deal with that today.

They stop on the ground level and the elevator doors open and Connor takes Evan’s arm and pulls him out of the elevator before reaching in and hitting the close doors button again. “Come on,” he murmurs, leading them toward the music wing.

Zoe is leaning against the double doors of the band room, a guitar case strapped to her back and her saxophone case at her feet. She looks up from her phone at them. She does a double take when she sees Evan, eyebrows furrowing.

“Can we go?” Connor asks shortly.

Any concern vanishes from her face as she rolls her eyes. “It’s going to take us fucking decades to get out of the parking lot at this point but whatever.”

“S-sorry,” Evan mumbles.

She shoots him a look. “Don’t worry about it, Evan. It’s just— it’s kind of messy getting out of here. It’s not your fault.” She picks up her saxophone cause. “Haul ass, Connor.”

Connor mutters something under his breath as he follows her.

Zoe leads them to the back corner of the parking lot where a silver SUV is parked. Evan finds himself thinking that if Connor were allowed to drive, they’d be able to park in the senior lot and would be closer to the school.

Zoe unlocks the car and looks to Connor and they have some sort of silent conversation before Zoe pops the trunk and loads in her instruments. “Hop in, Ev,” she says. “The car won’t eat you.” She slams the trunk shut.

Evan pulls open the backseat door and climbs in, dumping his backpack on the floor. To his surprise, Connor slides in on the other side, and not into the passenger seat in front of him. Connor tosses his bag into the passenger seat before buckling in.

“I’m apologizing now for Zoe’s music choices,” Connor says, leaning closer to Evan. “She’s on an early 2000s kick right now and it’s really fucking annoying.”

“You’re really fucking annoying,” Zoe says. She pulls the parking pass off the mirror and shoves it into the sunglasses holder. “What’s your address?” she asks Evan as she puts the keys into the ignition.

“I’ve got it,” Connor says.

Zoe meets Evan’s eyes in the mirror before shifting the car into reverse. “Okay.” She turns up the music and twists around to wait for an opening in the line of cars waiting to get out of the parking lot.

Evan blinks in surprise as Check Yes Juliet blasts from the speakers.

Connor groans.

“Just help me get out of here, asshat,” Zoe says.

Connor turns to look out the window. “You’re good with cars coming in.”

Zoe squints at the line of cars and backs up as soon as the smallest opening appears. Someone behind them honks their horn and Connor just rolls down the window and flips them off.

“And now we wait,” Zoe mutters, once she’s gotten the car into the endless line of other cars attempting to get away from this place.

“This is why I don’t drive,” Connor grumbles.

Zoe scoffs. “Okay. Sure.”

Evan rests his head against the window as they slowly move through the parking lot.

“Is this Jordin Sparks?” Connor asks when the next song comes on.

“You might be judging me,” Zoe says, “but you’re the one who recognized Jordin Sparks.”

The car is warm and Evan is so tired that it’s hard to focus. He finds himself thinking that it’s sort of nice that Connor and Zoe are arguing over something so mundane as music, even if that’s just the surface level of a much deeper problem.

Evan doesn’t fall asleep, but he does drift off. He hears Connor and Zoe talking softly, but doesn’t process any of the words. When the car stops, he blinks slowly and sits up. He squints out the window and at his front door.

Oh. Cool.

“Thanks,” he murmurs as he unbuckles his seatbelt and grabs his backpack from the floor. He opens the door and climbs out, careful to find solid footing on the driveway.

“No problem,” Zoe says with a soft smile. Her eyes dart to Connor. “You staying here?”

Connor looks at Evan. He raises an eyebrow.

Evan nods. He doesn’t…he doesn’t think he wants to be alone right now. But Connor doesn’t have to know that. If Connor asks, Evan will just say that it would be weird if Connor left him after being worried or something. Something about friendship.

“I’ll tell mom,” Zoe says. “Now get your ass out of my car or I’ll drive away with you.”

“Fuck off,” Connor mutters.

Evan digs through his bag for his house key as he walks up to the front door. He pulls it out of the pocket and unlocks the door.

Connor flips Zoe off before stepping inside. Zoe flips him off as she backs down the driveway.

Evan pulls off his shoes and leaves them by the door. He drops his backpack on the couch as he passes the living room and wanders into the kitchen. He almost forgets Connor is with him until Connor leans against the kitchen table.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly.

Evan almost laughs because that really is the worst question. Instead, he opens a cabinet and holds out a box to Connor. “Cheez-its?”

“Did Jared buy these the other day?” Connor asks, taking the box.

“Uh…yes.” Evan feels his ears burn. “I— He bought a lot of snacks. We, um, still have pizza? If you want any?”

“Have you eaten today?” Connor asks.

Evan blinks a few times. “S-sort of? Lunch, I-I had some lunch. You?”

“Just breakfast.” Connor puts down the Cheez-its. “I’ll take a piece if you do.”

Evan feels like he might lowkey be being played, but Connor needs to eat. “Okay,” he says. “Want it warm?”

“Yeah sure.”

Evan focuses on getting the pizza out of the fridge and onto a plate and then into the microwave. As he watches the pizza slices spin, Connor digs through the kitchen drawers.

“W-what are you…?”

Connor holds up a knife and fork victoriously. “We’re good.”

“Are you… Since when do you eat pizza with silverware?”

“I’m not a caveman,” Connor says sagely. He reaches past Evan to pull open the microwave door a second before it beeps.

“You’ve never used it before?” Evan takes the pizza out and takes a slice before handing the plate to Connor.

Connor snorts and sits down at the table. “You’ve only seen me eat pizza like three times, Hansen. You don’t know me.”

Evan slowly pulls out a chair as Connor cuts up his pizza. “Yeah but…before you were eating it backwards. Which was— why were you doing that?”

Connor points his fork at Evan. “Used to make Zoe mad.”

“I-I guess that’s…valid.” Evan eats his pizza slowly as he watches Connor eat his piece by piece. He doesn’t really understand, but that’s okay. He glances at his half finished piece of pizza before he mumbles, “You don’t…you don’t have to, um, pay me for this.”

Connor lowers his fork with a weird triangle shaped piece of pizza still on it. “It’s fine, I can still—”

“No,” Evan interrupts firmly. “I— I wanted you to be here. I asked you to. It was my choice so you— you don’t have to give me anything. That’s… It’s only fair.”

“Are you sure?” Connor asks slowly.

Evan nods. “If-if you try to pay me, I’ll just give the money to Zoe to sneak into your room. O-or she could just take it. And then there was no point in giving it to me.”

Connor looks at him with an expression that Evan can’t decipher for a few seconds before shrugging and saying, “Okay” before going back to his pizza.

Evan isn’t entirely content with the answer but it’ll do for now.

—«·»—

“Here,” Evan says, taking the remote from Connor and opening Netflix. “Th-there’s never really anything good on TV.”

“Sweet, thanks.”

Evan doesn’t really know how they got to this point. They finished eating and Connor offered to leave if Evan wanted him to, but Evan shook his head and then somehow…they ended up on the couch.

“The Great British Baking Show?” Connor asks, reading the title of the first show under ‘Continue Watching’.

“Oh, um…” Evan plays with the hem of his shirt. “It’s…a nice show? It’s not— other cooking shows are a lot more stressful? And intense? This one is… It’s a lot nicer. It’s kind of funny and they have nice bakers usually.”

Connor gives him a half smile. “You like baking?”

Evan rolls his eyes. “We both know I can’t bake for shit.”

Connor laughs. “I know, it’s just funny how you like to watch people bake but burn mac n cheese.”

“I never burned mac n cheese,” Evan mumbles.

“Do you mind?” Connor asks, gesturing to the screen.

Evan shakes his head.

Connor goes to the beginning of the season Evan had open and restarts the first episode.

“Oh there are going to be lots of measurements that I do not fucking understand,” Connor says.

Evan smiles and leans back on the cushions of the couch. It’s nice to watch something where he already knows the outcome, and Connor has some pretty amusing commentary to add to the whole thing. It’s kind of funny how fast Connor decides who his favorite and least favorite bakers are.

As Connor watches a technical challenge where no one has any clue what the hell they’re doing, Evan feels himself drifting off to sleep and he can’t find the energy to stop himself.

—«·»—

Evan wakes up slowly. His eyelids are heavy— his whole body is heavy, actually. There’s still thick cobwebs of sleep left in his brain that haven’t been dusted away and they’re making it very hard to regain consciousness. This usually happens after really bad days that involve some sort of meltdown, but all it ever does is make Evan want to go back to sleep.

He turns his head to press his face more into his pillow. Something tickles his nose. Something like…hair?

Evan groans and sits up, squinting at the bright screen of the television. Connor turns to look at him and gives him a crooked smile.

Oh.

His pillow had been Connor’s shoulder.

“S-sorry,” Evan mumbles.

“It’s fine,” Connor promises. Their arms are still pressed together and Evan really doesn’t care to move right now. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Fine. Uh…how long was I…?”

Connor glances to the screen. “Maybe two and a half hours?” Evan’s eyes go wide. “It’s fine, Ev. I’m okay with being used as a pillow. You needed the sleep and I got to get through a few more episodes of the show. Win win.”

“Win win,” Evan repeats softly. “Do you… Are you leaving soon?”

“Do you want me to?” Connor asks.

Evan is a selfish person. He knows exactly what he’s doing. And he hates himself for it.

“Not yet.”

[luchalabor]

TL, DR

I have nothing to do at work so I am going to try and write an obnoxiously detailed “about me” post to talk about the things that are important to me right now and why.

I was born June 14th, 1988 in Miami, Florida, which sucks because that means despite hating Nazis I have “1488″ in my birthdate when I write it in MMDDYY format.

My dad’s an immigrant from Havana, Cuba who came to the United States in 1959 in the first wave of immigrants to the US after the victory of Castro’s revolution. Growing up in Miami I was fed a steady diet of nostalgia and longing for a country that my dad’s family left voluntarily, without really explaining WHY they left. It’s only now after I put together all the stories about how they had a farm and my grandfather owned a boat that instead of having their property nationalized they... left it behind? Makes sense. 

My mom’s a wasp from Nashville, Tennessee. English is my first language and that’s what we speak at home. However, my dad made sure I always took Spanish as a class in school, and living in Miami meant knowing spanish was a functional necessity of everyday life. I was fully fluent by the time I finished high school and got a 5 on the AP Spanish exam. My grammar is super correct but you can tell from the slight imperfections in my accent that I’m not a native speaker.

When I was in seventh grade, I began studying Japanese because my middle school randomly offered it that year. After that year they stopped offering it so I studied with a private tutor all the way through college, where I majored in it along with Mandarin, which I started in college. I really hate the word “fluent” because I can’t, say, read a legal contract in Japanese or Chinese, but I would say I have advanced proficiency in both languages and can understand movies and TV without English. Usually if someone sends me a screen grab and asks “what does this say?” I can tell them.

Ever since college, acquiring languages has become a hobby of mine, especially since I discovered Duolingo. French still eludes me, but I’m functional in Portuguese, and trying to become functional in German.

I’ve been a wrestling fan since 2002. That’s right after the end of the Monday Night Wars and when it stopped really being cool to watch wrestling, but one day I was flipping channels and saw the Rock cutting a promo and I was hooked. I was 14 and I was amused by the fact that he said “sammich.” 

Like most of my interests, it turned into an obsession and I decided I wanted to actually be a wrestler. I joined my school’s wrestling team freshman year of high school, and that was the first time I became anything resembling an athlete as I had been a little fat kid most of my life until that point.

In 2005 some guys who had mostly been backyarders but had some professional training opened up a pro wrestling school in a warehouse in Little Haiti, so that was when I started learning how to take a bump and do it like they do on the TV. After a few months an actual professional by the name of “Soul Man” Alex G took over training us, and eventually he began just training me and a couple of other holdovers at Coastal Championship Wrestling’s Bodyslam University in Coral Springs.

I had my first professional match in July 2006 in an empty municipal gymnasium in Daytona, Florida and got paid $20. It was the first time I had gotten paid for any kind of work.

I stopped wrestling basically because I went to college. Dartmouth is in Hanover, NH, which wasn’t really close to any schools where I could keep wrestling. I tried to keep in shape, but at some point I realized I was 5′6″, 160 pounds, and nowhere near able to do all the same flips and jumps as the wrestlers my size who made it to TV, so I eventually gave up. I ended up finding another passion soon after, anyway.

I was home on a long break between my freshman and sophomore years of college right after having studied abroad in Japan and China for 5 months. Going from that hyperstimulating environment to being at home where none of my friends were because of differences in schedules and my family beginning to unravel as many do when the kids leave the nest, I had my first depressive episode. So I sat down and wrote my first jokes.

I began doing stand-up comedy at school in spring of 2008. We had a club and we’d preform in frathouses and local pizza places. If anything, it was a kind, gentle comedy womb in which to mature into a competent joke-teller. My first performance in front of an actual audience of strangers was in June of 2009 at the Comedy Studio in Cambridge, MA, which apparently as of this year no longer exists.

Stand-up gave me something to actually feel passionate about in college. I had absolutely no idea of what my post-college career plans were going to be with just a Chinese degree beyond vaguely teaching somewhere. After I caught the comedy bug, though, I knew I wanted to get into performing and writing. I joined the humor magazine at school, I spent the whole summer between junior and senior year performing in Boston. The only grad school I applied to was for a writing and producting for TV master’s program in NYC, and thankfully I got it.

The masters program was for two years from 2010 to 2012. At the end of the program, I wrote a half-hour animated TV pilot called “The 100 Deaths of Mort Grimley.” At the same time, Amazon Studios had just begun accepting TV scripts, so I submitted it. To my surprise, they actually optioned it, and then I was approached by an agent from William Morris Endeavor. I thought my writing career was off to an instant kick-start!

It wasn’t. I spent the next year hanging out in New York doing odd jobs while the script lingered in developmental hell. Eventually I decided to make the jump and move to LA thinking that being closer to the studio and my agent would help things move. 

Within a few months of moving, Amazon dropped the pilot from development, and my agent stopped picking up my phone calls. That basically brings me to where I am today, working in post-production to pay the bills and trying to make something else happen in the showbiz sphere.

I’ve kept doing stand-up for the 4 years I’ve lived here in LA, but doing stand-up here is more exhausting than NYC because you have to make more deliberate plans to go to a show or a mic because you have to figure out traffic, spend the time and the gas to drive, then you STILL might not get pulled out of the bucket. On top of that, at least in NYC everyone who does stand-up wants to BE a comedian, and they treat their stage time like it’s valuable. In LA you have to sit through a string of beautiful actors who were told to do stand-up by their agents struggling to figure out what to talk about when their set is only 3 minutes.

I discovered improv last year mostly because I got a job that was paying me better money, so I could finally afford it. I’m enjoying it but it sucks to feel like another white middle class nerd in an art form that feels like an exclusive white middle class nerd club.

Like most people who are privileged enough to realize the world was already shit, the 2016 election got me motivated to give more of a shit about politics. I liked Bernie at first because it felt like he was talking about racial issues in a frank way that hadn’t been discussed by a major party candidate before, but then got frustrated with his lack of specifics regarding HOW he was going to “break up the banks,” etc. It then finally hit me that any candidate working in the Democratic party would always be subservient to capitalism and never go as far as I wanted them to go. So then I finally relented and realized I was a socialist. I joined my DSA local in July after RL Stephens had been elected to the NPC and it felt like it might become more of a revolutionary organization instead of just a bunch of tepid reformists. So far, I have experienced a mix of both that has been frustrating. After a bunch of drama from both the national org and local chapters, I’m considering leaving and joining PSL instead. I want to work with an org that won’t make it difficult to build coalitions with other orgs and make marginalized people feel safe and welcome.

So there I am! I still have an hour before my next meeting, so wasting all this time still wasn’t enough! Boo!

[doctor48md]

AKB48 49th Single Senbatsu Sousenkyo: Post-Mortem

Depending on who you ask, last night was either the best Sousenkyo in 48G history, or the worst, or in my case, a little bit of both. Starting from the atrocious beachside weather, down to the final speech in that concert hall in Okinawa, the events of the past 48 hours were so polarizing, that it made Dai Sokaku Matsuri 2014 look like a birthday party. This is the first time a 48G event has left me with so many more questions than answers. As much as I try to make sense of the numbers, I am still left in this state of confusion. But let’s try to see if we can find the order in this chaos.

1. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results

Look, you’ve proved your god damn point. Enough is enough. Stop kicking us when we’re already down.

The glaring futility of this battle was obvious from the very start. Admittedly, I came into this year’s Sousenkyo carrying the same hesitation I had after last year’s results. I already knew it was going to turn out this way, yet for some reason, there was this tiny glimmer of hope that maybe, maybe things could still be a little different this year. Just maybe, we would somehow be able to overcome the almost-10,000-vote lead Sashihara had on Mayu?

Of course, though, as with all lofty ambitions and unrealistic goals, this dream came crashing down around Mayu and her fans, after which the ruins caught fire and burned away into the ashes of oblivion.

Maybe I’m just projecting here, but you could see it in her eyes, even before she got up from her seat. The disappointment, the frustration, the exhaustion, and worst of all, the realization that no matter what she did, there was no way she would ever experience victory ever again as long as the immovable object that was Sashihara Rino existed.

And that’s when it came. I’ve seen my fair share of graduation announcements before, but this is the first time where I truly felt a sense of anguish behind it. Again, maybe I’m just projecting, but when the words came out of Mayu’s mouth, they felt… heavy. It felt like she was finally giving up, her spirit battered and broken after years of fighting this godforsaken battle.

Of course, we should also take a step back and look at what this means in the grander scheme of things. With Mayu now making her intentions known, the challenges that lie ahead for AKB48 are clear. Team B’s manpower crunch is a priority issue that needs to be settled quickly; the solutions are there already in the form of our Draft picks and Kenkyuuseis, they just need to be executed in a timely, efficient manner.

2. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over… oh

Speaking of insanity, we can’t forget the one moment that’s currently blowing up the Japanese Twittersphere. An idol? Getting married? While still in the group? Talk about absolute madness!

I’m personally of the opinion that there’s no true right or wrong way to deal with a scandal, but this one really takes the cake in terms of its potential fallout. Sutou Ririka really made one hell of a gamble last night. #20 UG position be damned; she had bigger things to worry about. Bunshun was loaded and ready to fire, but no way was she going to let them pull the trigger. Before the S-bomb could even be dropped, she detonated it prematurely, going nuclear with a shock announcement during her speech that threw the audience of members into absolute chaos. Admittedly, she left us more questions than answers, with a chain reaction across the group that left members, staff and fans bewildered, and even a few visibly pissed off seniors. No doubt NMB48 is currently locked-down in full damage control mode right now. We’re expecting a press conference within the next 24 to 48 hours to fully explain the situation, but until then, someone needs to go and prepare the popcorn machine.

3. Flight of the Ibis: The Rise of NGT48

Now for the more macroscopic phenomena. The entry of an entire legion of junior members from Niigata brought with it an interesting break from tradition: NGT48, despite this being only their second Sousenkyo, would end up securing just as many spots as their seniors in NMB48, and even securing a Kami7 position extremely early on in their lifespan.  Their overall rank share sports an impressive improvement of 11.25%, from 1 to 10, taking away positions from all the other sister groups in almost-equal proportions. That aside, though, the rest of the rank shares hold steady from before – AKB48 maintains plurality thanks to new entrants and promising juniors from Team 8 and their team of Kenkyuuseis, while both SKE48 and NMB48 focused their efforts more on pushing their existing rank-ins into higher positions across the board.

Back to NGT48, though; A shake-up in their hierarchy may very well be on the cards, considering how differently the management-back pushes performed in comparison to their peers. While Takakura and Nakai managed decent positions in the Undergirls tier, Kato fell way behind, only just managing to hold her position in the Upcoming Girls tier. In comparison, we have Row-2s like Ogino Yuka and Honma Hinata breaking into Senbatsu with vote leads numbering in the tens of thousands. One can’t help but wonder where this will leave the three frontliners in the months ahead.

4. AKB48’s Senbatsu Problem

For AKB48, however, despite securing a majority in overall rank share, their performance at the Senbatsu level leaves something to be desired. With only 4 native members in Senbatsu, being surpassed by SKE48’s 5, this is AKB48’s worst Senbatsu rank share of all time. The exit of several high-profile members from Sousenkyo this year (Kashiwagi, Shimazaki, Muto, Kojima H.) meant that we would be losing a huge share of votes in lieu of pushing in junior members at the lower tiers. Making matters worse, Mukaichi lost a whopping 12,000 votes to crash out into the Undergirls tier; while it’s still a Center position, some might wonder if this is an ominous sign for her career in the near future.

So what does this mean for AKB48? I had foreseen about two to three years ago that this would eventually become an issue sooner or later, so my personal opinion is that AKB48 should just ride it out. Juniors like Mukaichi, Okada, Takahashi J., Kato and Kawamoto have shown promise; they just need time to build up their fanbases to match those of their sister group seniors and peers. Maybe next year we’ll start to see more results on that front, but until then, resources still have to be invested into expanding their respective individual profiles.

5. The Sousenkyo Arms Race: Compressing the Curve

 Black bars denote drops in vote-for-rank, and white bars indicate increases.

With the year-on-year trend of voter swings towards the lower tiers, we see a further definition of pre-existing voting patterns this year. Votes-for-rank at the Next, Future and Upcoming Girls tiers continue to climb steadily, with correspondingly-significant increases in the vote requirements for those tiers. On the other hand, votes-for-rank at the Senbatsu and Undergirls tiers continue to drop significantly, reflective not only of the shift towards voting for junior members, but also the exit of all the big names at the top driving voters away from those tiers.

The overall result is a compression of the curve; it is becoming increasingly difficult to rank in in the first place, but for those who are already in the game, making your way up the ranks is becoming significantly easier given the decreasing vote-for-rank requirements at the higher tiers. Members and fans would do well to take note of this ongoing trend, should they wish to take advantage of it, or at least to be able to plan their voting strategies accordingly.

What now?

So, was this the best Sousenkyo in 48G history, or the worst, or even a little bit of both? You decide. The results seem to point towards a mixed picture: 48G’s juniors are certainly proving their worth and living up to their promises, but one can’t help but be worried at the direction we’re heading, especially when we consider the complicated situation our higher-tier members must face in the year ahead. Things will undoubtedly be difficult for 48G and its leaders. It is up to the members and Management to reassess their chances, and to do what is necessary to weather the storms ahead. The bad weather at Okinawa was merely the start of their problems.

As for me? I think I need a break. Starting tomorrow, 19 June 2017, I am placing this blog on indefinite hiatus. Between the exhausting, hectic work schedule of a house officer, I find that it’s becoming increasingly difficult to do what I usually do on this blog. I’ll come back every few weeks to say hi, maybe make a post or two, and answer any asks that may come my way, but I doubt I’ll be able to put up lengthy essays like this anymore in the near future. No point continuing, since it seems like I’m talking to a wall everytime I do so anyway.

I deeply apologize to all my followers, old and new, (especially the few that joined over the past few days). I will keep this blog online, my ask box will remain open, and every post that I have ever put up will still be searchable via the appropriate tags. I just cannot guarantee that any new posts on this blog will be as in-depth or as content-driven as before.

[rtirman-blog]

17        From Girls to Glory

When I was a junior in high school, physically, I was a little boy, and gutless when it came to girls. I remember sitting in a car with my dream girl, Linda Larriar, fearful of moving. Today when I think about it, she may have been as scared as I was.  All I could think about was putting my arm around her and attempting to kiss her. I was overcome by fear knowing she would throw me out of the car if I made a move. Actually, I was frozen, not knowing what to move or how to move it. We sat in her dad's car for over two hours. The kiss never happened. However, I did get to kiss Linda...the following year. 

I had a date with Nancy Jones, a girl who was smaller than me, to attend a Halloween party. My best friend, John, was taking Linda to the same party.  I told him about my undying love for Linda. Since he didn't really have the “hots” for Linda and he thought Nancy was cute, we traded dates without consulting the girls. Little did John or I know that Nancy had a crush on me. She was looking forward to spending time with me.  As for Linda, she was happy with the swap because she liked me more than John, or (now as I write this) maybe she hated Nancy.

I can't say I had the greatest time at the party. We ducked for bobbing apples and other Halloween games of the day, of which I have no recall. During the entire party, I was obsessed with how the end of the evening would go. Would I have to kiss her? Oh, I wanted to, but would I have the nerve?  What would she think of me if I try? What would she think of me if I didn't try? Would she think I was queer? (gay meant happy, in1953). That was a lot to think about.  Probably it is responsible for my present amnesia about the party games.

 Nancy was pissed the entire evening. Linda was having a great time. Finally, we left for home in John's car. He dropped Linda and me off.  I assumed he would be driving to his "death" with Nancy. I lived about 5 blocks from Linda's house. So I would walk home after I said my amorous goodnight to Linda.

 Anyway, we get to her front door. The light was on- definitely a sign her parents could be lurking behind the curtains. We stood face-to-face.  Well, I might have been on my tippy-toes. Our faces were magically drawn to each other…closer and closer…ecstasy was near! And then, there was a head-on collision! Our noses clashed. Ouch! It looked like I needed to turn my head and go forward…there could be no retreating…which way do I turn my head?…to the right...No, she's turning left…left-bang noses-right-bang noses-left…stay left…AHA…our lips touched.  She pressed her lips so hard on my mouth, I thought my teeth would cut through my skin. This girl REALLY likes me!

 All of a sudden she got her arms around me…OMG, she's giving me a bear hug…and it is painful. So here I am with the girl of my dreams- she's squeezing the life out of me, and I can't breathe because her lips are pressing as hard as a trash compactor. Oh, it was agonizing! She had her knuckles digging in to the small of my back! As I look back on it, there was no time to worry about an erection…God knows what she would have done with that. The irony of it all is that I kissed the girl of my dreams, it was my first real romantic kiss … and it was an horrendous ordeal. 

 After that night and through my teens, I kissed more girls, but not that many of them. Although I didn't understand much about girls and relationships, I think I was looking for love…not sex. I was certain no girl that I thought was beautiful would ever give me a chance. I "suffered" many lonely moments. I never, ever, felt comfortable around girls. There always was fear and challenge.  I was 5'1" at the time of my HS graduation. I went through my freshman year at college not yet physically mature. I was convinced I would never grow and never find love.

 The annual Red Cross, Seniors versus Faculty, basketball game was about a week away and I was getting pumped.  This would be my chance to show everyone that I should have been on the varsity that year. Mr. Terry should not have cut me. It happened on the last day of tryouts. There was no questions about it, each time I got to show my stuff at practice, I did pretty good.  I was sure I was going to make the team.  At the end of the practice right before he chose the players who made the team, Mr. Terry had us sit along the small wall that went the length of the court.  Mr. Terry was standing at center court talking to us.  He wasn’t looking my way, but I could hear him pretty good.  “I’m proud of all of you boys and how hard you’ve worked to make the team,” he began.  “This is a very difficult decision I have to make.  Some of you are seasoned ball players. But if I have a freshman of equal ability, I must choose the freshman for the development sake of the team”. . . and in the same breath I could hear him say, “Sorry, Rich.”  He didn’t look at me when he said it and I wasn’t sure he said it – maybe I imagined it.  

But then he turned toward me with a sorry look, and everyone else was looking at me.  I walked directly across the gym floor straight for the locker room without looking back.  I couldn’t believe it.  I was a better basketball player than most of the guys who made the team.  I think Mr. Terry just thought I was too small.  I was small But that didn’t mean I couldn’t play basketball.    

 Ever since I learned to play basketball, I’ve been tops at it.  I remember a shot I took against the Columbus grade school team.  They had the best 5th - 6th grade team in the town.  I can remember that I didn’t start because I was a 5th grader, and I can’t rightfully say who won the game.  But I do remember that shot to this day.  It was late in the game, and I was on the court.  I got the ball outside the right side of the key. I dribbled down the side almost to the end line and then moved to my left toward the basket.  Their center reached up to block the impending layup. I let the ball go underhanded and under his arm. That ball just went up and over the rim.  SWISH!  I could hear everyone cheer.  I knew it was a great shot.  It must have impressed them plenty.  

 Playing basketball was just natural for me.  My specialty was lay ups.  If I got the ball inside, watch out!  Off the backboard, and into the basket!  I played basketball about every night the gyms were open.  Usually each night one of the grade school gyms was open.  Since my mother wasn’t around and my father worked nights, my brother, Mickey, and I would be at whatever gym was open.

 At some point in my career, a Roger’s father organized the Freeport Eagles to compete with teams in the area.  It wasn’t a league.  It was just playing other teams who wanted to play against the Eagles.  I was on the team, but I didn’t start.  I should’ve started.  But since Roger’s father was coach, Roger started.  

Now that absolutely pissed off my brother Al.  He decided we ought to organize our own team.  He could coach us, and Mickey and I would be on the team, and we would be starters!  We recruited several other guys and made a team.  Since Al was an avid fan of Easy Ed McCauley, of the St. Louis Billikens, we became the Freeport Billikens.  I can remember us buying iron-on letters and pressing “Billikens” across our t-shirts. We made our own uniforms.  

 We played the Eagles three times that year, and whipped them each time.  Those games were very satisfying, and they pumped me with pride. It was a great rivalry.  I remember our last game.  It was close.  During the third quarter, I was getting a rest on the bench.  Al was getting aggravated because Jimmy Morrow, the Eagles’ center was scoring too many “goddamn” points.  He signaled Mickey to do something stupid to Morrow that would get Morrow so angry he would, in return, do something stupid.  The plan was to get Morrow thrown out of the game. Mickey just couldn’t get himself to do something dirty to Morrow.  After all, they were friends off court.  In fact, we were all friends off court.  But now, we were on court and Mickey was doing nothing.  Al was getting furious.  I told Al that I’d do it as long as nothing would happen to me.  He assured me that he wouldn’t let a soul touch me.  So back into the game I went.  As soon as I got my chance, when the ref wasn’t looking, I hauled off and punched Morrow in the stomach.  All hell broke loose, and Jim came after me.  But before he reached me, Al was between us.  Al let Jim know that if he even tried to lay one hand on me, that he’d kick his ass.  Now, Jim didn’t get thrown out, nor did I.  That’s because the ref didn’t see the infraction.  But the incident must have shaken up Morrow… his game went to shit, and we won it.  We must have played 12 games that year, and I was the second highest scorer on our team. I knew I was good.  Now, the Annual Red Cross Game was my chance to show everybody in the junior-senior high school, including the faculty, that I should have been playing for the varsity team.

 The week before the game, Mickey and I visited just about every homeroom in the whole school 7th-12th grades.  Mickey was a big football star, and the students really liked him.  Together we pumped up the entire school.  We wanted a big crowd there.

 There were about 20 seniors who showed up for practice.  The rule was that everyone had to play.  So we divided up into four teams.  I was on the 4th quarter team.  The idea was that as long as we could stay even with the faculty through three quarters, we’d come in and mop the floor with them in the 4th quarter.  

 The day of the game came and students were beginning to pile in.  We were warming up at one end of the court while the faculty was at the other end. That gym was one of the biggest on Long Island.  It held about 1,000 seats, and just about every one of them was taken.  I never played before such a large crowd.  It was scary and exciting. The game got underway and so did the faculty.  They showed no mercy on our 1st quarter team.  We began worrying that if they got too far ahead, we’d never be able to catch them.  The faculty dominance continued into the 2nd quarter.  All of us on the bench were complaining to our student coach that we had to change our strategy.  We needed our best five ball players in there now, or it will be disastrous. Naturally, I was one of the five best ball players.  We called a time out.  Mickey and I and three other guys went in to bring us back into striking distance. The students were cheering because they knew the best ball players were coming in to change things. You know something? This wasn’t like “Casey at bat”, who disappointed the crowd. We started to pound them.  I made three lay-ups in a row and I got fouled attempting another one. I went to the line aware of all the students watching.  I could feel tension all over my body as I let the first free throw go-SWISH and the crowd went nuts.  I bounced the ball and lined up the second free throw with just as much tension in my being. I let the ball go, and again—SWISH and the noise of the crowd.  We were catching up, and I was a huge part of it with my quick eight points.  Mr. Terry, the varsity coach, was the referee. I’ll bet he was saying to himself “I should have put Richie on the team.  Wow, did I ever make a mistake.”  

 While I was standing near the sideline waiting for one of my teammates to shoot a couple of foul shots, Freddy Feldman was near enough to me to let me know I was playing a hell of a game. Freddy was about the best basketball player on Long Island, and he never paid much attention to me before.  So I knew I was close to hero status.

The faculty was getting more frustrated and aggressive.  I stole the ball. Before I knew it, there were at least four faculty members fouling me to get the ball back.  Mr. Terry wasn’t blowing his whistle, but they were fouling me at will to get the ball back. The students were screaming.  Finally, the whistle!  “Jump ball,” called Mr. Terry. “Jump ball?  I was fouled.”  How could he have called a jump ball?  The students were booing loudly.  I should have been at the foul line.  But the call was made, and we started walking toward the center court.  Mr. Terry was walking beside me.  He had the game ball in his hands.  As calmly as I could, I asked if I could just see the ball for a second.  He handed it to me.  Ha- a mistake on his part! I punted that ball straight up high toward the top of the gym. Actually, that ball didn’t go straight to the top of the gym, but went straight up to a window 30 feet above the gym floor.  It didn’t break the window because the shade covering the window got in the way.  In a flash, that shade rolled up with a bang! The students went bananas.  The cheers were deafening.  I have no memory as to who won that game.  

I got thrown out of the game.  I took the same walk I took the day when I didn’t make the varsity team.  I could hear boos of disapproval over my ejection, but I was too ashamed to look back.  I didn’t prove to anyone that I should have been on the varsity. I think I proved the opposite… I was a hot head, and I proved it that day.

[vote-loki]

List of things my family did before I went to the mental hospital that made my anxiety way way worse because I feel the need to publicly shame my family since I’m mad at my mom for saying my phone causes all my health problems and my dad for similar reasons:

1.) my mom consistently told me I was faking absolutely everything. Every massive screaming panic attack I had when I was literally rubbing the skin on my arm raw, since I rub my arms when I get anxious, was just me faking. The migraines and stuff I get three times a week, she told me I faked those (because she used to get nine and that’s much more realistic and obviously not anything I could inherit) and that I was doing everything to get out of school

2.) spent the entire summer telling me I could do online school and then took me to enroll at a physical school. I had saved the money for the first few online school payments (I planned on getting a better job after my summer one ended) on my own and was working at a job that treated me like shit for it and when she did that I like weird panicked and stopped saving money and blew through it.

3.) when my mom called the school and had them block my car in with the school cop after my dad said I could go home which triggered a second panic attack and the assistant principal at my school had to watch me drive heave on the pavement and rub my arm to bleeding before he called my mom to tell her he sent me home

4.) after that incident I decided I couldn’t go back to Staley and my mom told me if I didn’t go to Staley, not even if I transferred to a different school in the district, that I would be forced to sell ALL of my instruments (20 of them are mine personally and this one is particularly mean since she knows I’d never be able to afford to buy them all back and a few of them belonged to family members who’ve passed), and I would have to start paying her rent, she’d take my car and phone AND I’d have to quit my job (which hello how would I pay rent?) none of it made sense and when I explained this to her she said she’d never said that

5.) everytime I’d panic, no matter where I was or why I was panicking I’d call my mom because I just wanted to talk to someone and couldn’t think well enough to remember to call anyone else but instead of talking to me she’d start fucking screaming at me and when I confronted her about this she said “well your anxiety triggers mine” okay? And your reaction to anxiety is to call your child a faking bitch and tell her that she doesn’t deserve to feel better? Likely. Those are direct quotes btw she really called me names when I was at my mental lowest!!!!

6.) I once texted my dad a full explanation about why I was so upset once and it was really long and he chastised me for sending him anything and said to talk to my mom, after telling me I could just talk to him since mom didn’t react well to me when I was upset and I told him this and he responded “I’m not reading that book. I don’t care that you’re upset.”

7.) I asked my dad why he constantly sided with my mom about things (like when I was 16 and she kicked me out for a month because I told her she couldn’t do my laundry, that’s a story. Or when I was fifteen and she beat me with a wallet, another story) and why he let her scream at me when I was panicking and why he let her threaten to take away my things and even things they provided that I didn’t care if they took away and he said “she’s my wife and she’s the adult so I don’t care what you’re defense for yourself is even if it is correct. She’s right”

8.) when I went to enroll in my senior year I kept threatening to do things that would hurt or threaten my life at school while we were there if my mom didn’t take me home and she didn���t put me in the hospital till almost October because I was clearly just “being dramatic”

9.) the last time my mom threatened to take away my things, including all my clothes and bed sheets most of which I paid for, and the only stuffed animals I still really have which is a big pillow I’ve had since birth and a pink hippo me and my great grandma both had that my aunt Kathy bought us when we thought my grandma was gonna die in the hospital but she didn’t die for like ten more years (you understand why that would be upsetting for her to take), I took 100% of everything out of my room and dropped it in hers and told her if she wanted it she had to find space for it because she couldn’t store her things in my room and she got so mad she called my grandma and they both said “she didn’t say that that isn’t what she meant” and got pissed at me for doing that, but like why were you threatening to take my fucking clothes away Bitch? My grandma showed up at our house even to help me put things back in my room and couldn’t understand why I was upset since my mom hadn’t said she was taking any of my things. She had. Explicitly.

10.) my mom called my grandpa to come physically drag me out of bed during a panic attack while my dad was out of town, my grandpa got there and saw what was wrong with me and refused since clearly I was upset, I was crying and asked him if he knew the time because I was late for school and needed to get up and get ready but I was too upset to just then and he gave me a hug and left my house after telling my mom to let me be, and so my mom went in and tried to lift me out of bed so hard it bruised me, and then my dad got home cause his flight had come in and the airport is close to my house and he went and screamed at me for panicking and didn’t understand why I was so upset that she’d grabbed me and was mad that I was missing school. I was already panicked I didn’t need to be grabbed and yanked because I was running late to school

11.) I’ve no idea if this actually happened but in an attempt to make me go to school my favorite sister who did very little wrong actually told me that my oldest sister wasn’t going to let me see my nieces ever again if I didn’t graduate from Staley. Both my sisters after my oldest either dropped out or flunked out of college, one of whom worked part time at sams club at the time and the other worked as a waitress. My oldest sister tho thot “well the two sisters that dropped out of school are fine but fucking Cassie wants to do online school so she’s a bad influence.” I’ve no idea if my oldest sister said that but it literally fucked me up so bad

12.) none of my grandparents, including the grandma and grandpa who live up the street from us and were already mentioned, did anything to help or stop my parents from doing what they did because I was am only eighteen, and was seventeen when all that happened and so they weren’t bothering to ask for my side since my parents are the adults and just assumed the narrative of me constantly screaming at my parents and being incredibly rude was true. It was to a point, because I get black out when I panic bad enough and would text my mom big long messages about why I was upset and then she’d start screaming at me and I’d tell her “you’re no fucking help don’t sit there and be a fucking bitch if you aren’t going to fucking help” I know that cause texts but I also don’t remember sending those and have profusely apologized. But my mom would only show them that text and not the text where she was screaming at me and playing the victim and turning it into “so I’m just the worst fucking mother ever huh?” Like I didn’t say that I said I’m upset stop turning the attention to you and please help me calm down

13.) got me a therapist that refused to see me after I got violently ill and called to reschedule an appointment the day before the appointment and then didn’t get me another therapist

14.) literally let me take two ssri’s at once and when I got seratonin syndrome (which can fucking kill you) didn’t take me to the doctor for a week until it was obvious that something was actually wrong because, and I quote, “well Cassie you have such a history of making things up I didn’t even know you weren’t lying.”

15.) again, saying I lied about all of my health issues. I have anxiety & depression, and migraines. Tied to the anxiety is ibs but that’s stomach issues. My depression probably would’ve developed on its own but. The anxiety, especially at school, was because I was missing so much school with stress induced migraines, my junior year I almost flunked out because I had teachers flat refusing to give me homework because they thought I was skipping, teachers never called my parents to ask what was actually wrong, they never asked me what was wrong, they just assumed I was skipping class when I was really sick. That coupled with depression and stuff caused me to develop really intense anxiety around going to school because no matter how hard I tried my teachers weren’t going to let me catch up and so while I did have anxiety before, the migraines didn’t help the situation. All of those issues are on my medical records too. I have been diagnosed with those issues. But I made them up. Obviously.

16.) didn’t take me to the hospital until I said “I’d rather be dead than feel this way.” I said way way way way worse shit before that but they told the doctors they were trying their hardest and that that’s why they brought me in.

Genuinely there was much more but the only person in my family who I have no memories that make me start crying to recall from August to October of 2018 with are my sister Cayla and her mans because they both had a lot of issues with school and never told me anything upsetting outside of letting me vent and offering advice when asked.

A lot of these things are said in favor of me and I still love both of my parents but you have to realize that even as the child in this situation I didn’t deserve anything they were doing to me. They could’ve sat down and talked to me and told me I wasn’t doing online school instead of letting me think I was. They could’ve been caring or not told me I was lying 24/7. Like idk how to paint my mom texting me, there are actual records of her saying directly, “you have to give me all of your things if you don’t do this and I will make you wear one outfit every day. You have to pay rent and sell all your instruments, because none of them can stay in the house. You also have to quit your job, but if you can’t pay rent I’ll kick you out.” In favor of my mom. I don’t know how to say that in a way that makes her look good without 100% denying that she did it. Which is what she did. A lot of the stuff that happened that I didn’t mention doesn’t sound bad but it just builds up and stuff. Like this is a really long post but I’m really upset because I’ve been waking up early and not sleeping well so no sleep which makes me upset and while everyone is asleep right now (I’m on vacation in Minnesota but everyone else in the room is asleep) I’m making a post about this because this morning my dad told my grandma I didn’t actually have insomnia, I had a phone addiction and wouldn’t admit it and he took some digs at me in the car when he thought I couldn’t hear and I’m still really mad about it.

Also I did graduate from Staley so I guess I get to see my nieces still.

[daresplaining]

The Legendary Rosalind “Razor” Sharpe

Caption: “Rosalind Sharpe... mother, lawyer... gun owner... the last not being that great a surprise when you consider just what kind of mother and lawyer this ruthless fury in Gucci is...”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #374 by Joe Kelly, Ariel Olivetti, and Ed Lazarelli]

    We wanted to do a Mother’s Day-themed post, and since we’ve already highlighted Matt’s mom, Foggy’s was the next obvious choice. He was raised by his step-mother Anna Nelson, but sadly, she is all but absent from the comics. There simply isn’t enough information about her for us to write anything worth reading. However, his biological mother is a whole different story, and-- in our opinion-- one of the coolest characters in Daredevil. 

    Make fun of Matt all you want for conjuring an imaginary twin brother out of nowhere, but Foggy has pulled far more family members out of thin air than his partner. It takes years for Matt to learn that his friend has a sister, and even longer for him to realize that Anna Nelson is not Foggy’s birth mother. When high-powered attorney Rosalind Sharpe calls the newly-reestablished Nelson and Murdock law office with a job offer, Matt is not expecting Foggy’s emotional reaction-- or the implication that the two have met before. This takes place mere issues after Foggy’s revelation that Matt is Daredevil, so it’s amusing to see the tables turned like this. After all this time, Foggy's earned the right to have some secrets of his own.    

Matt: “Listen. We have to talk about Rosalind’s offer. How well do you really know her?”

Foggy: “Oh, um... gee, not as well as I’d like to... I mean, I’ve known of her for a long time... and she is one of the top lawyers in the country! Truth is-- she’s the reason I became an attorney in the first place.”

Matt: “Really? You never mentioned that before, Foggy... never mentioned her before... Why do I get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me?”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #354 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

    Rosalind’s offer is straightforward and, on the surface, pretty flattering: she wants Matt and Foggy to join her firm as junior partners. Foggy is ecstatic, his best friend less so. Rosalind is a controlling, no-nonsense person, with an iron will and sharp tongue to rival Matt’s own. The two grate on each other from the start, and Matt is less than interested in working for someone so willing and able to verbally kick his butt. However, there’s a catch to the offer: Rosalind is really only interested in Matt, and if he refuses, Foggy loses the job too. Unwilling to disappoint his friend, Matt grudgingly accepts.

Rosalind: “You two are a package deal: the Blind Barrister and the Dumpy Defender. Get too big for your britches and Foggy... fill in the blank...”

Matt: “For now, I’ll consider your counsel on this matter. I won’t make a habit of it. (Tell her off! Tell her off! Tell her off!) Thank you, Rosalind.”

Foggy: “Our senior partner just blew past me like a hurricane at a trailer park. What’d you do to get her so steamed?”

Matt: “Just a difference of opinion. Nothing a swift blow to the head wouldn’t settle...”

[Daredevil vol 1 #358 by Joe Kelly, Pascual Ferry, and Ian Laughlin]

    As may be clear from this maneuvering, Foggy’s relationship with his mother is... complicated. Since this is Matt’s comic, elements of his life are reflected in the characters who surround him-- and in many ways, Rosalind’s situation is similar to Maggie’s. Like Matt’s mom, she realized soon after giving birth that being a mother wasn’t going to work for her, and so she left-- divorcing her husband and going off to pursue her legal career. In a world of media that contains so many dead mothers, it’s refreshing to see two women who the narrative has allowed to leave their children and live full, separate lives on their own. 

    However, unlike Maggie and Matt, Foggy and Rosalind have always been aware of each other. Rosalind has never been warm and fuzzy enough to try and reach out to her son while he was growing up, but Foggy possesses a massive amount of respect for her. This manifests in his eagerness to work with her, his desire to meet her very high expectations, and his general willingness to put up with her pushing him around and occasionally insulting him. For Rosalind’s part, her motives are always hidden behind several layers of schemes and cynicism, but we do know that she cares about Foggy to a degree, and seems to welcome the opportunity to spend some more time with her son-- if only to whip him into respectable shape and annoy his step-mother.  

Anna: “You abandoned him, Rosalind! You didn’t raise him and you certainly never cared for Foggy!”

Rosalind: “I certainly never cared for that nickname. Why you allowed Franklin to be saddled with it is beyond me. True, I wasn’t ready for a child when I had Franklin, but I hope to make that up to him now... while there’s still time to undo the damage that’s been done.”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #360 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

Foggy: “Now listen here, Rose--- you may be my mother, but I’m a grown man and if I want to see Liz I will and you can’t stop me so don’t even try and if you do I’ll-- Hup!”

 Rosalind: “Franklin, if you want to see Ms. Osborn so badly-- please do. I won’t get in your way. It’s about time you stopped letting me push you around. If I’d known it was going to take someone shooting at you to do it, I would’ve aimed a gun at you myself-- long ago!”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #364 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

    Yes, Rosalind is a Grade-A jerk-- and proud of it. But this cynicism and ruthlessness makes her a fearsome attorney, and has been cultivated over years of fighting her way into a traditionally male-dominated field. She has made so many enemies over the course of her career that she trusts her own judgement far more than anyone else’s, and no amount of danger phases her. As a young attorney she made her name representing a local mob boss. When she decided she didn’t want to get pulled into criminal underworld, and tried to fight her way free, the mob boss in question was so impressed that he let her go. We mentioned her similarities to Maggie, but Rosalind also embodies echoes of Jack Murdock-- a good person caught in a bad situation, from which she-- unlike Jack-- was able to escape. 

Grippo: “Rose... Rose is like a flame, see? Ya hold it in yer hand.. it goes out or ya get burned. If she’d ever given in to the life I wouldn’t feel this way about her-- but Rose never lost the fire... never stopped fightin’. You ever know someone like that?”

Matt: “Once. A great fighter. He didn’t make it out.”

Grippo: “Just shows how special Rose is. One in a million.”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #362 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

    Rosalind expects the very best from the people around her, and celebrates and acknowledges those who have the same drive and courage that she values in herself. She develops a soft spot for Karen Page, impressed by the way she was able to rebuild her life after her drug addiction. Karen has mixed feelings about Rosalind-- both annoyed at her manipulation and disrespect for Matt and Foggy, and impressed by... pretty much everything else about her.   

Karen: “--can’t believe you’re able to eat, Rose! Maybe you didn’t notice, but someone just tried to kill you!”

Rosalind: “I’ve already put it behind me, Karen-- and I never look back! I see that same spirit in you. The drive and common sense we possess are too often conditioned out of women, don’t you think? My power is considerable, Karen. If you ever have a problem I will gladly help you in any way I can...”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #362 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

    This offer of friendship also extends to helping Karen get revenge on Matt for being a jerk-- in classy Rosalind Sharpe style.     

Karen: “Rosalind, when I said I wanted to vent... I just expected to talk--”

Rosalind: “Talk is cheap. Jewelry is not. What fun is it dating a lawyer if you can’t charge presents to his account when he does wrong by you?”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #371 by Joe Kelly, Ariel Olivetti, and Christie Scheele] 

    The Sharpe, Nelson, and Murdock (Matt’s name is always last. Always.) period of Daredevil comics is wild and crazy and far too short. Eventually, Foggy gets framed for assaulting a woman, and Rosalind-- unwilling to be associated with the resulting scandal-- fires him from the firm. Matt then quits, disgusted by her lack of loyalty to her son. The next time Rosalind shows up, she’s facing Foggy from across the courtroom, defending the Kingpin from a murder accusation. (She’s not crooked, but she’s got no problem defending crooks.) Since then she has been sadly absent from Matt and Foggy’s lives-- though she does take the time to show up at both of Foggy’s funerals.

Ben: “While the Sheriff’s Deputies are busy with Power Man and Iron Fist, Foggy’s mother, Rosalind Sharpe, slips under their radar... but not Matt’s.”

Rosalind: “--got him killed, you bastard! You got my boy killed!”

Ben: “It’s uncharacteristic of Ms. Sharpe to show so much emotion. But funerals aren’t normal places, and you never know what you’ll see.”

[Daredevil vol 2 #83 by Ed Brubaker, Michael Lark, and Frank D’Armata]

[Daredevil vol. 4 #5 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, and Javier Rodriguez]  

    (We love Waid and Co.’s run, but we’ll forever be disappointed that we never got to see Rosalind’s reaction to learning that Matt is Daredevil and that he faked Foggy’s death. Just imagine...)

    The nice thing about deeply entrenched series like Daredevil is that we can be assured that there will always be more. There will always be another story, a new run, and the chance for shelved characters to return. Someday, someone’s gonna bring Rosalind-- the most badass lawyer and best/worst mom ever-- back as a series regular. We can’t wait.    

Rosalind: “There’s an old expression, Daredevil-- ‘Don’t look back... someone might be gaining!’ I’m not blind to the dangers-- but I refuse to live my life in fear. I thought, of all people-- you would understand that.”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #362 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

[michaelreaderreblog]

Sons gonna rise

Story by Supernaturallyhockey

HighSchool!AU

AN: This is the first part and second part will be added in a couple of days. And right now Im working on my stuff, so that should be up sometime this evening. Im very fortunate enough to be posting these fic

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Word Count: 2,271

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"Hey Michael get up!! Mom and dad are waiting down stairs for breakfast" Lucifer knocks on my door to wake me up.

I don't want to get out of bed, I would rather stay in bed all day but have no other choice or else Lucifer will come back again. Lucifer is home from College for the weekend

"Castiel, are you up?" I knock on my younger brothers door.

"Yeah come on in, what's up Michael?" Castiel asks me as I walk into his bedroom and lay flat on his bed.

"Could you go down stairs and tell mom and dad I'm not feeling well." I look up to the ceiling not facing him.

"Michael what's wrong" Castiel asks me while sitting at the foot of the bed that's when Gabriel comes into the room lands on top of me and rolls over to my left side.

That kid is getting heavier by the day if you ask me.

"Big bro here is suffering his first heart break and can't get the images of Anna Milton and Dean Winchester doing the ugly last night" Gabriel says while I lay there glaring at him but that doesn't help to make Gabriel shut up.

"Oh Michael I am so sorry, Anna was really" Gabriel cuts off Castiel

"A whore and a bitch yeah I know." Usually I would cut off Gabriel for talking bad about Anna but didn't have it in me.

"I wasn't going to say that, I was going to say she is tedious and vile. Michael I don't know why your so broken up about her, think about it more of a favour" Castiel advises me while I lay there but he is right, I just thought something real was there.

"Ladies come on mom and dad are still waiting" Lucifer says but I'm not going to bother with a retort.

"Fine, lets go Gabriel. Ill bring something for you after I finish with breakfast" Castiel closes the door, he always had a good heart.

I lay there in my own pity but I'm allowed one day to myself and I don't see why not it would be today since its only Saturday, no football practice till Monday.

Fuck Monday, the day I have football practice with Winchester. Fuck it I’ll just go, no point in hiding. In a few weeks I will be graduating and go on to college. I didn't know how long I was laying on my brothers bed until he came into the room.

"Here mom said to give you this bagel and OJ" he says while setting them both on his night stand.

I sit up to take the juice to take a sip. When the cool liquid hits my throat and quenches my thirst.

"Thanks, and thanks for covering for me to. I just want a day for myself" I look to Castiel and he looks at me while he tilts his head sideways which I think he looks like a 4 year old trying to understand what I'm telling him.

"Have a day to yourself, you mean by hiding in my room from mom and dad good job with that" I couldn't help but laugh at the idea and he has a bright smile on his face.

I spend the entire morning having a conversation with my brother, this is what I needed to hang out with him. I rarely do but he is good company.

"Hey you want to join y/n and I while we go to the record store?" Castiel asks me to come along with him and his best friend since day care and who happens to be Deans younger sister.

I wouldnt mind spending the day with her since I have taken a liking to her and cant help feelings.

"Um yeah I don't see why not I mean I haven't gone out to get some new music lately" I accept his offer and I get off from his bed to take a shower.

"Good I’ll send her an IM to let her know" He tells me while I walk out his room to come into mine to have my toiletries ready.

CJS25: hey I thought I would let you know I invited my brother Michael to come along with us to the record store. Hope that is ok

TheNrmlWinchester: Michael? Hhmm weird. I don't mind the more the merrier :D

CJS25: yeah I know but Smaug practically ruined him so I just want to do something for him since he is my brother after all. Wouldn't you do the same for yours?

TheNrmlWinchester: ohh yeah I heard about that. Walkers party right? Well don't worry I'm totally kicking his ass right now, Dean not Sam. Sam is a harmless nerd.

CJS25: right like your not any nerdier haha

TheNrmlWinchester: hey Im the way cooler nerd than Sam. Anyways I got to get ready and ill text you when I'm done. Later Clarence :p

CJS25: oh god! Yeah see you later snow flake :)

While you log out of your instant message account you wonder why Cas has called you snow flake, you would need to ask him that later. As of right now you needed to let Dean know that he is a dick, douche, asshat and what Cas always says assbutt for sleeping with Anna and Michael walking in on them and basically ruining him and Lisa poor girl doesnt know what she is in for. Stupid Dean you mutter to yourself as you walk out of the room.

*********************************

"Y/N!!!! Hurry up I need the bathroom." Dean pounds on the door almost knocking it out of its hinges.

"SHUT UP!! GO PUKE OUTSIDE!!" You yell back to Dean and hear him mutter something as he rushes down the stairs and your sitting there taking your time getting out of the shower.

“I think I'm done torturing him for the day” You mutter to yourself as you walk out of the bathroom and met on the other side is your dad.

Oh boy you were in for it now but you see a smile slowly forming

"That's my girl teaching your brother a lesson for staying out late” Dad says to you and he sounds proud for it.

"Of course. As the youngest it's my job daddy" you smile to your dad to peck him on the cheek to get to your room to finish up.

"Ok, now time to text Cassie" you mutter to yourself as you pick up your phone, slide the screen, put in Cas' number

"hey I'm ready. Meet up at our usual spot?" After you sent the text you walk out of your room to head down stairs to wait for text back from Cas.

You reach the kitchen to find Sam putting the dishes away and Dean washing the pots.

"What's up turd face and turd nugget" you tease your brothers when you enter the kitchen.

"Niblette" Sam retorts back.

"Where you off to?" Dean asks from the sink.

"I'm going to hang out with Cas and Michael today" your phone goes off after telling your brothers who you will be hanging with.

Cas: actually Michael is going to drive and we will be there in a few minutes to pick you up. Ill let you know when we are outside.

You: ok sounds good. By the way Dean looks skittish after I told him and Sam I will be hanging out with Michael to :) I'm still kicking ass by the way.

Cas: Haha. Maybe you can finally tell my brother about your feelings than :)

You: maybe you can finally ask Meg out :)

Cas: I hate you

You: I know I love you to

After you sent your text you had a smile on your face telling Cas off after he mentioned your feelings for Michael but it was only a crush it wasn't like you stood a chance with him.

Michael is a senior and will be going off to college soon. You were a sophomore in high school along with Cas, while your brother Sam is a junior and Dean a senior.

"Michael?" Both of your brothers say in unison.

“As in Michael Sinclair?” Sam asks as he puts the pot in its rightful place

"Yeah what's wrong with that?" You ask back to your brothers while glaring at them

"Nothing, I'm just surprised ok." Sam says holding up his hands in surrender.

You look to Dean but cut him off before he says anything.

"Dean I don't care what your going to say. You did what you did and that's done just dont tell me you are dating Anna" you say to Dean while he has a surprised look on his face.

"No, not dating her, it was a drunken mistake. I feel bad ok and I just feel bad ok. I mean I don't even know how to tell Lisa" Dean says in defeat.

"Well you figure that out on your own and I don't like what you did to Lisa plus I really like her, just grow a damn pair and tell her before she finds out from someone else. You know how school is, one thing happens and spreads like wild fire" you tell Dean almost yelling at him.

"Fuck, yeah yeah ok" Dean says in defeat and takes his phone out to call Lisa to hang out or something. Your phone goes off

Cas: we are outside

You: ok coming out

You tell Sam to let your parents know who you will be hanging out with and he nods.

You grab your house key by the door and head outside to Cas and Michael. You get into the back seat.

"Hey Cas, Michael" you say while closing the door and buckling your seat belt.

"Hello y/n" Michael says looking in the mirror

"Hey y/n" Cas says turning his head and you smile at the both of them.

"Y/n give me your iPod, I would rather listen to yours than mine or Michaels" Cas says while he reaches out for you to hand over your iPod, you reach into your shoulder bag to grab it and give it to Cas.

"Hey my music isn't that bad" Michael says looking offended over to Cas, you sit in the back seat giggling.

"Cas what's wrong with your music?" You ask Cas

"I don't have mine, forgot it on the table on the way out" Cas says while turning on the blue tooth and plays Modern Man by The Arcade Fire.

"Plus you always have the better music, why do you think I give you my iPod to add music" Cas says turning to look at you.

"Again what's wrong with my music? And y/n what kind of music do you have on your play list anyways?" Michael asks Cas again and looking to you about your play list.

"Your music contains rap music that shouldn't be called music at all plus when did you even start listening to rap music anyways? You had better taste before you started dating Anna. Oh my god she got you into it didn't she?" Cas talks about his taste of music while Michael has a smile on his face but fades at the mention of Anna.

"Yeah some of it and the rest just were catchy afterwards. So where are we going first?" Michael looks to Cas and to you.

"Let's go to Cain's Cafe first" you say from the back seat as you lean forward to make sure Michael or Cas heard you.

"Uh I don't know, what if" you cut off Michael before he can even finish his sentence

"Don't worry about it, I'm pretty sure everyone else is still sleeping trying to recover from last night" You tell Michael reassuring him or try to put his mind at ease.

"Y/n is right Michael plus I really want a caramel iced cappuccino especially from Cain's cafe" Cas agrees with you while you have a smile on your face.

"Yeah ok, how come you two weren't at the party last night?" Michael asks out of nowhere looking between us as he parks in front of the cafe.

"I would rather hang out somewhere else far away from my brother. Thank you very much" they both laugh at your comment.

You and Cas were at Ash's party and you bumped into Lisa and Rachel and hung out with them all night while Cas was flirting with Meg all night. It's been forever he has had a crush on her and you always wondered why he never asked her out but you hope it would be soon.

"We were at Ash's party last night, Andy pulled out his stash and almost got everyone high with the brownies he made. Y/n didn't you have a brownie?" Cas asks as we get out of the car to walk inside.

"Castiel you go inside while I have a talk with y/n" Michael cuts you off before you could even answer Cas's question and he nods than heads inside to seat himself at a table to wait for us to come inside.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" You turn to look at Michael

"I just want to thank you for allowing me to hang out with you and Castiel. I hope we have days like these from now on well if you don't mind" You were shocked to hear Michael say this but couldn't agree to all of it because you wanted to know how Cas would feel if his brother would hang out with us from now on.

[thelillykane]

logan/lilly head canons for if she had lived 💛

1. Lilly finds out Aaron’s been taping her without her consent, which pisses her off beyond all fucking belief. What makes her even angrier is when Aaron tries to kill her for taking them and this one fucking deputy from the sheriffs department tries to say that it’s her fault (Keith fires him, almost immediately, but that doesn’t make her any less livid). Her parents don’t say that it’s her fault in so many words, but it’s clear from the way they act even more like assholes to her that they think she kinda had it coming. Lynn and Trina don’t really like her either anymore, which makes sense, even though Lynn doesn’t like her almost on Logan’s behalf and that’s just dumb because Logan’s already making jokes about it. 

2. “You can cross sleeping with an oscar winner off the bucket list.” Is the first thing Logan says when she wakes up in the hospital. 

According to Veronica, Logan hadn’t left the hospital since she’d been admitted and was seemingly angrier about the fact that neither Lilly nor Duncan had told him Duncan had epilepsy, despite the fact that they’d known each other since they were five. Veronica also says that Logan’s the one who found the tapes hidden in the vent. Veronica admits that they watched them – slipped away in all the chaos of the department having to rush three people to the hospital and trying to secure the crime scene – because she says they wanted to make sure they were important before bothering Keith and/or invading Lilly’s privacy. 

Logan doesn’t say anything. He just keeps sleeping in the chair next to her bed and holding her hand and he grins at her all the time like full, soft grins that light up his whole face and he kisses her on the cheek and plays with her hair and tells her stupid jokes and he’s just there. 

3. They don’t get back together. Lilly’s memory of the day leading up to the attack is super fuzzy, but she can remember Logan’s note with almost perfect clarity. Once she’s feeling up to it she rips him a new one for having the audacity to break up with her in a hand written note of all things and he just shrugs all sheepish and he won’t look her in the eye, but surprisingly it sticks. Or, maybe it’s not surprising considering that yeah she’s fucked his abusive dad and Logan’s seen the evidence firsthand, but. 

4. Lilly starts volunteering for the nearest Planned Parenthood. Volunteering turns into being on the board, which turns into attending seminars in Washington D.C. as a Youth Advocate, fighting for an end to abstinence-only education, emphasizing the need for enthusiastic consent, fighting against rape culture and slut shaming, and fighting for broader lgbtq representation in schools, include sex ed focused on wlw or mlm sex, not just heterosexual sex. 

She realizes she wants to do this as a career, for the rest of her life, sometime in the middle of junior year, which is a problem because she’d only half-heartedly applied to San Diego state and that school so does not have a good enough women and gender studies program. Thankfully, Veronica Mars is a badass (and yeah her parents are rich), so by the skin of her teeth she gets into Amherst College which is supposed to be one of the best programs aside from the Ivy’s and she’d die before going to an Ivy League school. She’s surprised, deciding to go to a school away from California (all the way in MA, no less), but Logan picks her up and spins her around when they open the letter so she decides it’ll be good. 

5. Logan gets emancipated his senior year. Lynn wants to leave California and move back to Tennessee, so she signs the papers and Logan buys his own house out down by the water. Lilly visits for the first time over her winter break and it’s perfect. Only three bedrooms so it’s not over the top (which Logan always hated about his childhood homes) and it’s full of large windows and natural lighting and Logan painted each wall in his garage a different shade of green just because he could and if they’re really quiet they can hear the sounds of the ocean and the air smells like salt all the time. 

It happens almost by accident, but it’s late at night, they’re lying on the floor staring up at the stars through the skylight, they might’ve started and finished a bottle of wine together, they’re holding hands and her legs are tangled up with his because they’ve never kicked the habit, the sound of the ocean is so soothing and calming and then he’s kissing her or she’s kissing him and then they’re making love (not sex. with logan it’s never just sex. it’s quality, orgasm-inducing, her legs are weak for days, love making). 

Understandably Logan kinda freaks out when they’re done and locks himself in his room but yk she lives at his house when she’s not a school so she sleeps in one of the spare bedrooms and when she wakes up Logan has made thick cut french toast with fresh strawberries and orange juice and they sit out on his back steps, sharing the same blanket because it’s january and fucking cold and they agree that they’re doing too good, Logan’s going to Hearst in the fall, she’s kicking ass at University, and yeah, it’s still too weird and too fresh to derail everything by starting up again. Logan says they owe it to themselves to make it and be happy as individuals and not worry about fucking each other up. They, obviously, don’t tell Veronica or Duncan or anybody what happens. 

6. They’re each a few years out of college, Logan owns a business and also a non-profit organization for abused kids (he didn’t want any of the money Aaron left him after he bit it in jail, but he also didn’t like any of his charity options so he ended up creating his own. Him and Trina haven’t talked since), she’s working as a community organizer at Planned Parenthood , submitting resumes to non-profits, etc.. They fly to different states all the time to attend meetings and rallies and to visit Veronica completing her Masters in Criminal Justice at Rutgers, but when they’re not flying they live at Logan’s, more often than not sleeping in the same bed (again, they never kicked the habit. They don’t want to). They’re skyping Duncan one day – he’s doing some fucking overseas thing in Australia, the asshole – when Duncan asks if they’re dating again. Asks it super casual like they’re all thirteen again and Logan and Lilly have broken up and gotten back together again eight times already and it’s only noon on Tuesday and Duncan’s trying to figure out if this is what the rest of the week is going to be like and if he’s going to have to (offer to) share his bed with Logan if they’re not back together by the end of the night. Lilly’s expecting Logan to freak out, or deflect and call Duncan an asshole, but he just kinda smirks, gets all evasive like they used to when they were kids, just because they knew it pissed Duncan off whenever they didn’t give him a straight answer. Duncan’s groan comes through the computer, but he doesn’t say that he thinks it’s a bad idea, and Logan just keeps on smirking. 

7. “You know, if he’d just asked if you wanted to make a sex tape, this whole mess never would’ve happened.” 

They’re driving from the airport to Veronica’s school when Logan brings this up. For the first time. In seven fucking years. Slash for the first time ever. She studies his posture but his hands are relaxed on the wheel and he spoke with a sort of practiced ease, like he’d been meaning to say this for a while and only just remembering. 

“But, you know, it was statutory rape either way.” 

She’s rolling her eyes before she’s even really processed his words. “Was it statutory rape when you were fucking Kendall Casablancas?” 

“Hmm, technically. But that was all consensual.” 

“Well, fucking your dad was consensual for me.” 

“I know.” 

She twists in her seat to stare at him fully, and Logan’s positively fucking beaming next to her, but his eyes are back on the road and he doesn’t say anymore on the topic. 

8. “I have a secret. A good one,” Lilly gushes the second she gets Veronica alone, Logan wandering off somewhere to buy them all icees. “Logan’s in love with me.” 

“That’s not a secret,” Veronica responds, not even bothering to look up from her phone. 

“Yes! It is! I mean, god, Dorkus, Logan’s in love with me.” 

“And you’re in love with him. This is not earth shattering.” 

“I think we’re going to try dating again.” 

Veronica sighs, finally pulling herself away from composing the worlds longest text message to Wallace, and looks Lilly in the eye. 

“Honestly, Lil, you two live together and everybody knows you two slept together when you first came down from college. We’ve al just been waiting for you guys to clue in.” 

When Logan comes back with the icees they walk flanking Veronica on either side and she spends half the day glancing at him from under her eyelashes and the other half trying not to burst out giggling when he glances under his eyelashes at her. 

9. The plan was that when they were done visiting Veronica she would fly directly to Chicago for a conference and he would fly back to California for a meeting with his board advisors, but instead they both end up canceling their plans and booking two flights to Tennessee. Lynn’s hair is shoulder length and slightly curled from the humidity and after she gets done hugging Logan for no joke ten fucking minutes she surprises Lilly by giving her a hug as well. 

In the middle of copious amounts of sauce slathered pasta and glasses of chardonnay, Lynn asks them bluntly how long ago they started dating again. 

“Recently. I wanted you to be the first to know. Well, aside from Ronnie, but she knows everything. Are you…mad about it or…”

“Are you happy?” Lynn asks simply, and Logan doesn’t stop smiling for the rest of the night. 

// 

They make love – marathon love making in the shower, on the floor, in the bed, on the grass out by the pond where they went spontaneous it’s-three-am-and-the-humidity-is-killing-us skinny dipping, on the kitchen table even though the wood is super old and won’t stop creaking don’t break. I swear we’ll make this worth your while Logan had promised the table, whispering against her thighs as he ate her out for the first time since high school – all night in Lynn’s yellow painted guesthouse and they keep murmuring under their breath how much they love each other until they remember yeah, it’s not a poorly-kept secret anymore, and they start shouting LILLY KANE LOVES LOGAN ECHOLLS, LOGAN ECHOLLS LOVES LILLY KANE at the top of their lungs until Lynn personally knocks on the door and tells them to shut up. 

10. She thinks they’re both a little nervous about it given their revolving on-off status in the past, but even when they were broken up for six hours, or she was fucking Weevil, or mad at him for kissing Yolanda, she always knew that in her future she was with him. She knows Logan always felt the same. 

Hardly anybody is phased by them getting back together, and the one time someone does try and give them shit Logan punches the guy so hard that it breaks the asshole’s jaw. Everyone leaves them alone after that. 

A year passes, then two, then three, until one day they wake up and feel like getting married. 

They plan it in about a week, keeping it small, for now. (She knows Logan’s lying when he says he won’t one day want a big elaborate wedding. Boy is a hopeless romantic who has been planning it since they were SIX). They get married on the beach near their house with just Veronica, Duncan, Lynn, and Keith in attendance and when they exchange their vows they talk about being together forever and then finding each other and being together beyond that and they talk about love and how they’ve been loving each other since they were children and how it just gets more breathless and delightful with each passing day and when they priest finally pronounces them man and wife, two souls and beings and whatever merging into one, everyone is crying. 

They don’t make love on their wedding day. Instead, they lay side by side on the floor underneath the skylight, Lilly still in her dress and Logan still in his tuxedo, and they hold hands with their legs all tangled up together as they giggle and name the stars after one another. 

[jonasmaurer]

73 questions

Hey friends! Happy Thursday! Hope you’re enjoying the week. 

It’s been a fun and crazy one over here. The girls have had half-day camps, Liv auditioned for dance team, the Pilot has been flying nights, and madre’s birthday was on Tuesday! We got together for a *small* family dinner (we joke that we’re just a small party of 28), and ate Mexican food, cake, and sang “Happy Birthday” to the amazing lady who gives so much to everyone in our family.

 My fave picture from the night! 

(The cake was from Whole Foods bakery and so so good.)

Workout-wise, I’ve crushed every day this week. Sunday, we filmed Summer Shape Up videos (the party starts June 24)! Monday, I hopped on the Peloton bike for a 30-minute ride, Tuesday was barre, Wednesday was a BODYATTACK class On Demand (my link is good for 21 days FREE of the amazing Les Mills workouts), and today and tomorrow are off since I’m traveling to Chicago for a blog trip. I’m looking forward to catching up with Anne and Julie, and meeting some new blogger friends. I’ll be sure to share some of the adventures on IG stories!

I originally planned to post this one while we were on our cruise, but since internet was a bit sketchy – and I blasted through the ship’s plan in a mere 24 hours – I didn’t get the chance to get this one published. I originally saw this survey on my friend Ashley’s blog, and then Julie’s. I loved reading their answers so much, so I thought I’d join in the survey fun. 

1.  What’s the best thing that happened to you this month? Taking a Disney Cruise with the fam! 

2. What’s your favorite game? We don’t usually play board games at home, but our favorite games is a hide and seek and tag hybrid. I hide, the girls try to find me, I jump out and go “AHHH!” and they scream, I chase them around until I tag them, and then they hide. 

3. When are you most inspired? Mid-morning, usually after I’ve had breakfast and survived the school drop-off. 

4. If you could teach one subject in school what would it be? Math

5. What’s your favorite beverage? LaCroix 

6. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? A friend from the gym sent a text message while the Pilot was deployed and basically gave me a pep talk. She said she was proud of me for doing so well with work stuff and solo parenting. It was very unexpected and really made my whole month. It was a great reminder to let other people know when I’m inspired by them or think they’re crushing it. 

7. What is your favorite birthday cake? Yellow cake with chocolate buttercream

(That was my bday cake last year!)

8. What is one thing you still have from your childhood? A photo album that my mom made for me when I was 4 and we’d taken a trip to California. I was with all of my aunties, my parents were still married, and my uncle was still alive. Our dog chewed around the edges of it when I was younger, and the small plastic photo album contains quite a few happy memories from being a kid.

9. What is your favorite movie? Love, Actually

10. What is something you can’t do? Play the flute even though I faked it for an entire year in 5th grade. I could do all of the finger work, but no sound would come out. So I just pursed my lips and acted like I knew what I was doing. 

11. Window or aisle seat? Aisle so I can get up a thousand times if I feel like it. 

12. What makes you laugh no matter what? P makes the most ridiculous faces that make me laugh every day. We get a kick out of zooming in on photos that she’s in, because you never know what you’re going to get.

13. What does creativity mean to you? Free from any perceived restraints or judgments. 

14. What are your favorite lyrics of all time? “Look around, look around, how lucky we are to be alive right now.” I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of Hamilton.

Or hanging out with Betsy  

15. What is your favorite holiday? Thanksgiving

16. What’s heavily played on your music playlist right now? “Far Too Good” by John Smith. 

17. If you could raid one woman’s closet who would it be? My friend Annie’s! Whenever she posts Instagram posts, I want her outfit and her shoes

18. Must have purse item? Color Intense lipstick in at least 3 shades

19. What did you want to be when you grew up when you were 12? On Broadway

20. What is something you will not be doing in ten years? Wondering where the heck we’ll be living in a couple of years. It’s so crazy to be able to know and plan where we want to live. 

21. What is an important life lesson for someone to learn? Your gut instinct is always right.

22. How do you start your day? Scrolling through my phone with one eye closed.

23. Would you ever live anywhere besides Tucson? Yes! We’d love to make it back to San Diego one day but love being in Tucson for now.

24. What is your favorite dessert?  Anything super chocolaty.

25. Is there a dessert you don’t like? Creme brûlée is gross.

26. It’s brunch! What do you eat? Eggs, breakfast potatoes, turkey sausage, and a mimosa because brunch without cocktails is just a sad breakfast. <— words of wisdom from Prep & Pastry

27. Where was the best vacation you’ve ever taken? Positano

28. Favorite Disney animal? Stitch

29. What is a book you are planning on reading? “Educated” is downloaded on my Kindle but I haven’t started it yet

30. What did you read most recently? “Where the Crawdads Sing” and loooooved it

31. Favorite solo artist? Michael Bublé for life

32. What is something you’re tired of? The Instagram algorithm. They want to turn it into a “pay to play” platform, which was the downfall of Facebook

33. What’s a city you wish to visit? Paris

34. Heels or flats? Wedges

35.  Where does one go on a perfect road trip? To Sedona. It’s just an easy drive from us and has an incredible energy.

36. What do you do on a rainy day? Try to find indoor activities to entertain the kiddos! We’ll do art, visit a museum, go rock climbing, or see a movie

37. What’s your favorite exercise? Spin, barre and BODYPUMP are tied

38. What was your worst subject in school? English which is a hilarious thing since I write a blog for a living

39. What is your spirit animal? An otter. I want to spend the day in the pool, floating on my back, eating salad

40. What do you usually eat for breakfast? A giant egg patty and either oatmeal with almond butter or a brown rice tortilla

41. What do you usually eat for dinner? We change it up every night but some classics are salmon, sweet potato and salad, Harney Cobbs, or sushi roll bowls

42. Cooking or Baking? Both!

43. Favorite baked good? Cookie dough on the bottom, Oreo’s in the middle, and brownies on top

44. What is something you wish you could be good at? Organizing photos on my laptop. It’s a hot mess

45. Skiing or Surfing? Paddle boarding 

46. First celebrity crush? JTT — Jonathan Taylor Thomas — I became a vegetarian for him when I was 8

47. Most recent celebrity crush? Aaron Tveit. I love his voice!

48. What color was your prom dress? Junior year it was bright pink and senior year it was light purple and silver

49. How do you manage stress? Try to do the most challenging/inconvenient item on my to-do list first

50. What do you do to relax? Read or cook

51. Age when you were first kissed? 12

52. Place you were first kissed? Playing “spin the bottle” after musical theatre class

53. Favorite fashion trend of all time? Low-top sneakers with dresses

54. Best fashion advice you’ve ever received? If you have to convince yourself that you like it, you’ll never wear it, so don’t buy it

55. What is your current favorite piece of clothing that you own? These embellished sandals. I wear them all the time and am constantly asked where I bought them

56. Shoes or Bags? Bags! I love a good crossbody

57. How do you know if you’re in love? When you know, you know

58. Television show you’ve binged on recently? The Bachelorette! We’re almost caught up for the season

59. Who do you turn to when you’re sad? My mom – she always knows exactly what to say to make me feel better

60. Leather or lace? Lace

61. Vintage or new? New

62. What is your Kryptonite? Chocolate or guacamole

63. What are you most enchanted by? Surface level: Moms on social media who have 18 children, homeschool, are all matching in neutral clothing with zero stains, and elaborate mermaid braids in their hair. Deeper: I’m beyond enchanted with Liv and P. They surprise me, make me laugh, and make my heart explode every single day. I often find myself wondering how they’re so darn amazing?

64. What is your biggest strength? Hustle

65. What is your biggest weakness? Stressing over all of the details

66. What are 3 words to describe living in Tucson? Picturesque. Hot. Eccentric.

67. Cutest thing on planet earth? Baby koalas

68. Favorite color? Peach

69. Best first date idea? Something active, like a low-key hike, followed by dinner and drinks

70. Favorite time of day? Late.. probably around 9 or 10pm. I enjoy the quiet and downtime

71. What do you first notice about someone when you meet them? Their smile 

72. What’s your guilty pleasure? Take a jar of almond butter, sprinkle chocolate chips into the jar, scoop out with a spoon

73. Favorite band? I wouldn’t say I’m super into bands at the moment and my music taste is all over the place. Back in high school, I was obsessed with Dashboard Confessional

That was a fun one! I always love surveys because it gives me the chance to get to know you all better.

So, tell me friends:

When are you most inspired?

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? 

What’s one thing you cannot do? 

Cutest thing on planet earth?

What do you do to relax? 

Or pick any of the questions above and share your answers below! 

Have a lovely day.

xoxo

Gina

  The post 73 questions appeared first on The Fitnessista.

73 questions published first on https://olimpsportnutritionde.tumblr.com/

[buddyrabrahams]

10 potential March Madness sleepers

College basketball is in full swing, which means most eyes are on the power conferences. As the big boys battle one another, they attract almost all of the nation attention. For mid-major clubs, it can feel like they are toiling away, giving their best efforts, and all without being seen. Then when March rolls around, everyone who picks a bracket stumbles back into boxscores and stats trying to figure out which small school teams are worthy of pulling off an upset.

But I have a counter-proposal. Why wait until March? Why not check in with the best teams in the conferences that aren’t catching tons of attention right now?

Here are ten teams below the surface that are quietly building a case to be this year’s Cinderella story.

10. Hofstra

It may be hard to trust the Pride, given they have played the 316th-toughest schedule in the nation this year. That being said, they’ve taken care of business. Hofstra recently had a sixteen game winning streak snapped with a loss at Northeastern. The Pride hold a two game lead atop the Colonial Athletic Association standings, thanks in part to a top-25 offense in the nation.

Hofstra leads its conference in scoring, field goal percentage, 3-point shooting, and has turned the ball over the fewest times. They do all of this while also leading the nation in free throw percentage, making the Pride a tough beat in any close game.

Senior guard Justin Wright-Foreman leads the way, scoring nearly 26 points per game. He sinks 41 percent from outside the arc on almost 7 attempts per game.

Hofstra would be a high, high seed if it can earn the CAA’s bid to the Big Dance, yet would be pesky and troublesome for any opponent.

9. San Francisco

Cinderella runs are often built by teams that have a defined style. San Francisco fits the bill to a tee. The Dons run an efficient offense that rarely turns the ball over. Everything San Francisco tries to accomplish starts with the ball in the hands of point guard Frankie Ferrari.

The Dons love to use Ferrari in a Steve Nash-type role, running him off screen after screen, looking for the right driving lane or kick-out. Ferrari controls the ball tightly and always seems to know exactly who is open and how to get a pass to the right person. Charles Minlend adds 15 points per game, working off the ball and finding space to score.

The Dons already have two wins over lower level Pac-12 teams this season and gave Gonzaga a run for its money in their first meeting. San Francisco may have to sweep every non-Gonzaga game the rest of the season to earn an at-large bid.

8. Utah State

The Aggies succeed by doing what they do well and doing it very well. In his first year with the program, head coach Craig Smith has preached the fundamentals, and his team is responding. Utah State ranks among the top 15 teams in the nation in assist rate, sharing the ball to find the best scoring option. Junior Sam Merrill leads the way with 19 points and 4 assists per game.

Defensively, the Aggies have been incredibly strong, especially in the paint. Utah State allows the 4th-worst shooting percentage from 2-point range and is the 2nd-best defensive rebounding team in college basketball.

Those numbers lead to an elite defense that would perform in a tournament setting, perhaps well enough to steal a win.

7. Murray State

Any team that has the misfortune of drawing the Racers in the first round of tournament play will spend an inordinate amount of scouting and planning time on just one player. Ja Morant is being talked up as a future top-five NBA Draft choice, and deservedly so. The sophomore point guard can do it all, thanks to freakish speed and leaping ability.

Defenders in the Ohio Valley Conference have had little luck staying in front of Morant this season. He’s drawing 7.8 fouls per 40 minutes in conference play, best in the OVC. He also leads the conference — and the nation — in assist rate. Morant is a gifted passer, with his eyes up while making his lightning quick spurts through the defense.

Many Cinderella teams struggle to handle the athleticism from their high-major opponents. Morant will have the opposite effect, challenging any opposing point guard to slow him down and keep him penned out of the paint. When double-teams swarm on Morant, the other Racers can find scoring chances and spurn a run through the first few rounds of the Big Dance.

6. VCU

It’s been nearly a decade since Shaka Smart preached his Havoc defense and led the Rams to a Final Four. VCU has moved on, more than once, and is a far cry from the same program.

And yet, the Rams are still relevant and still succeeding with defense. VCU ranks 8th nationally in defensive efficiency, thanks to forcing difficult shots all over the floor. Opponents are shooting just 26 percent from outside the arc, good for 3rd-worst in the nation.

Offensively, VCU succeeds with balance. The Rams have four players scoring in double-figures on a nightly basis. That kind of attack is difficult to gameplan for and can cause serious headaches for defenses.

5. UCF

Just a few years removed from being fired at Stanford, Johnny Dawkins has built something intriguing in Orlando. The Knights have two players scoring more than 15 points per game on the perimeter in BJ Taylor and Aubrey Dawkins, Johnny’s son. Inside the paint, 7-foot-6 center Tacko Fall causes trouble for every opponent.

Fall is far from the most polished big man you’ll see, yet his massive size makes him a weapon. He leads the nation in effective field goal percentage, thanks in part to 81 percent shooting at the rim. Fall has posted the 7th-best free throw rate in the nation, with many defenders finding no other way to keep him away from the basket. On the other end of the floor, his height and wingspan makes him an elite rim protector. Fall averages 4.6 blocks per 40 minutes and ranks in the top ten nationally in block rate.

With scoring guards and the size to contend with a high-major opponent, the Knights basketball team could overturn the apple cart in the same way the UCF football team has in recent years.

4. Wofford

Part of finding a Cinderella is about finding a team with the blueprint for an upset. Sometimes a mid-major is good, but just doesn’t have the style or substance to beat a more talented squad. Wofford is the kind of club that is built to pull off an upset when they peak. The Terriers shoot the 6th-best 3-point percentage in college basketball, at 41 percent on almost 27 attempts per game. Despite being a slow-paced team, slowest in the Southern Conference, Wofford scores efficiently. The Terriers score the most points per game and have hit the most threes in the conference.

This effort is led by Fletcher Magee, who fires up 11 threes per contest. In four years at Wofford, Magee has hoisted more than a thousand 3-point shots and made 43 percent from outside the arc. His ability to sink a shot from absolutely anywhere opens avenues for his teammates within the Terrier offense. The biggest beneficiary has been Nathan Hoover, who shoots six threes per game and is making 46 percent of those attempts this season. Meanwhile, Tray Hollowell and Storm Murphy both attempt three triples per game and are hitting 42 percent and 50 percent, respectively, on the season.

Needless to say, Wofford can get hot and in a hurry. The Terriers are built to put pressure on a high-major defense. Even with a higher level of athlete guarding them, Wofford’s shooters will find the room to get looks from long range. If they start sinking them, the Terriers can beat anyone.

3. Vermont

The Catamounts were on the precipice of being last year’s biggest Cinderella. If they’d been able to earn a bid to the NCAA Tournament, the Catamounts would have been one of the scariest double-digit seeds in the Big Dance. Entering the America East Conference Tournament, Vermont had won 20 of their last 21 games, after opening the year with a four-point loss against Kentucky at Rupp Arena. Clearly, Vermont would have made for a worthy Cinderella.

In order to earn a bid, Vermont hosted their conference tournament title game in front of a packed crowd. Unfortunately, the Catamounts had their hearts ripped out by a buzzer-beating game-winning shot that sent them to the NIT. Instead, the UMBC Retrievers celebrated as America East champions before completing the biggest upset in tournament history the next weekend.

This year, Vermont returns without last year’s leader, point guard Trae Bell-Haynes. Instead, they are led by one of America’s most productive college basketball players. Junior forward Anthony Lamb is averaging 21 points, 7.8 rebounds, 2.1 assists, and 2.3 blocks per game on the season. He is a throwback player, capable of bullying defenders on the post. Lamb also adds a modern touch to his game, stepping out to hit 36 percent of his threes.

Lamb is surrounded a capable set of role players, including a set of three brothers who average more than 26 points and 10 rebounds combined between the three of them. Pulling off an upset requires an extra something special, so the chemistry between the Duncan brothers could be a perfect spark in March.

2. Lipscomb

After reaching the NCAA Tournament as a 15 seed last spring, Lipscomb returned nearly three-quarters of its minutes played. The Bisons have their eyes on the Big Dance again, with no plans of being a 15 seed or exiting the tournament without a win.

To date this season, Lipscomb has been one of the most impressive mid-major teams in America. The Bisons have just four losses: two to Belmont in games decided by four and two points, a four point loss at Louisville, and a loss at Clemson. In the non-conference, Lipscomb proved itself worthy of a glass slipper in March, sweeping a trip to the Dallas-Fort Worth area with back-to-back wins over SMU and TCU. Lipscomb also routed the very talented Vermont team we just highlighted.

The Bisons play at a high-octane pace, the 11th-fastest in college basketball, which has them scoring the 8th-most points per game in the nation. Opposing teams have been unable to keep up, with Lipscomb ranked in the top 20 in defensive efficiency. Any high-major slated to face the Bisons would struggle to handle their tempo and would need to slow down senior guard Garrison Mathews, who averages just shy of 20 points per game.

The only thing holding Lipscomb back from a run in March is a challenge from within the Atlantic Sun Conference. Liberty ranks 61st in KenPom and stole a win at UCLA earlier this season. The Flames figured to be a challenge for the A-Sun crown. The teams have already met once and Lipscomb won by 20 on Liberty’s home floor. The Bisons looked poised to charge into March without letting any obstacle slow them down.

1. Buffalo

We’re still more than a month away from the Big Dance, but you can already feel the buzz about Buffalo being the hot upset pick. The Bulls have just three losses this season and boast wins at West Virginia, Syracuse, and against the aforementioned San Francisco team. They also carried one of the ten most experienced teams in college basketball into this season, bringing the momentum of a first-round upset of Arizona from last season.

The Bulls’ success is built on stingy defense. Only one team in the nation allows assisted field goals less frequently than Buffalo, which forces teams into unwanted jump shots. Buffalo gets teams to play at the 10th fastest tempo in the nation, which leads to rushed decisions and poor shot selection.

Everything offensively is led by senior CJ Massinburg. Of any player mentioned in this entire list, Massinburg has the best chance of being a household name in March. In the Bulls’ second game of the season, he sunk nine threes, scored 43 points and grabbed 14 rebounds at West Virginia. It was one of college basketball’s best individual performances of the entire season and one he’s primed to recreate come tourney time.

Shane McNichol covers college basketball and the NBA for Larry Brown Sports. He also blogs about basketball at Palestra Back and has contributed to Rush The Court, ESPN.com, and USA Today Sports Weekly. Follow him on Twitter @OnTheShaneTrain.

from Larry Brown Sports http://bit.ly/2MUz2YM

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Premier League: Cardiff City 2-1 Wolves

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Premier League: Cardiff City 2-1 Wolves

Artwork by @chapulana.

What on earth can you say about that? Neil Warnock’s Cardiff side came from behind to beat Nuno Santo’s Wolves in South Wales on Friday night as Wolves’ dismal run continues. Since playing Crystal Palace at the beginning of October, Wolves have scored once from open play in six games. Prior to the Huddersfield and Cardiff games, the problem for Nuno’s side had largely been down to not having enough conviction in front of goal, however, over the last 180 minutes of football that they’ve played, new problems have started to arise. Rather than not being good enough to take the chances, Wolves are now not creating many chances of note. Of course, credit has to be given for Cardiff and Huddersfield for restricting Nuno’s side, but it seems to be the same problem at the moment.

Wolves struggle to play their free-flowing football against teams that pack the midfield and Friday night was no different as Warnock went to three at the back to counter Nuno in what was a 3-1-4-2 formation. The central midfield triangle of Joe Ralls, Aron Gunnarsson and Harry Arter had the upper-hand over Neves and Moutinho for the majority of the evening as seemingly most midfields do when it’s a three on two situation. That’s not a dig at Neves and Moutinho, not by a long shot as the system is failing them, all the same, changes will be made for the Chelsea game after Neves picked up his fifth booking of the season. We will revisit that later.

Team News

Nuno made a couple of changes as Adama Traore was brought in for Ivan Cavaleiro and Romain Saiss was brought in for the previously ever-present Ryan Bennett. While nothing official has come out from the club, one can only imagine that Bennett had a slight knock which is why Saiss replaced him as the Cardiff game was meant for someone like him. To be fair to Saiss, he did put in a good shift, even if he did pick up what is his mandatory yellow card. Traore was Traore, he excites and frustrates in equal amounts and despite a couple of glimpses, he didn’t look that threatening.

The hosts replaced Greg Cunningham with Junior Hoilett and Kelvin Harris with Josh Murphy. Looking at the scoreline, it’s fair to say it worked a treat and despite going a goal down to yet another goal from a set piece, Cardiff, on the whole, looked like the better side.

In this tactical analysis, we will look at how the three goals were scored, an example of how Cardiff’s midfield was superior and maybe a couple of other bits and pieces chucked in for good measure. Without further ado, let’s get cracking!

A Fine Start For Wolves

In the preview for the game, we looked at Lewis Dunk’s goal for Brighton against Cardiff a few weeks ago and noted that it came about from an outswinging freekick. Nuno finally seems to be reading the previews (I’m joking) as an outswinging corner created the opening and only Wolves goal of the game.

Following good work from Traore down the right, Moutinho delivers the ball to the near post.

Wolves finally recognised Moutinho’s inability to get any real distance on his corners as Jimenez moved to the near post before rising highest and having an effort well saved by Neil Etheridge in the Cardiff goal. The eventual goalscorer, Doherty is being marked by Gunnarsson. Not for long.

Doherty reacts quickest to Etheridge’s save.

Etheridge does fantastically well to get down and save Jimenez’ effort, nonetheless, he is let down by his defence. Gunnarsson has a hold on Doherty, but when the Irishman breaks free, there’s not enough time for the Icelandic midfielder to recover and Doherty puts it into the roof of the net. 17 minutes in and a goal to the good, things were looking good for Nuno’s side. Historically, this season, Wolves don’t lose when they take the lead. That’s a fact. Asides from draws against Arsenal and Man City where Wolves had taken the lead, Wolves always win. Not this time. Hence the slight panic which is emanating from Wolves fans on social media.

Gunnarsson’s Revenge

After Conor Coady deflected Harry Arter’s rasping drive wide, a corner was delivered into the box which was headed out to the edge of the area by Willy Boly. It’s there where we join the action.

Shape? What shape?

Wolves try and press the ball after Boly heads it out. That’s fine, although the lack of positional shape left in the area is extremely apparent. Coady orders Doherty to push up which there or thereabouts leaves Gunnarsson offside from the looping ball and everyone seems to think that’s the end of the problem. Wolves completely discount for any midfield runners and that’s where the problems begin.

Most of the defenders have the same idea.

Is there an argument that Patricio is being blocked off? Probably. Are there bigger questions that need answering? You bet. For starters, why is Rui even coming off his line? If he’s going to come off his line, he has to make sure he gets there as it’s too much of a critical scenario to not do so. He should clear the player in front of him out the way and take it from above Morrison. If not, he should just stay on his line as Morrison is hardly going to score directly from there, not with Saiss in relatively close quarters.

A Defensive Disaster Class

Secondly, Doherty, Coady and Saiss all have the same idea once Morrison wins the ball in the air. Get back on the line and cover Rui. Nobody bothers to close down Gunnarsson who has got a criminal amount of room in the penalty area. So much so, he has time to take a touch on his chest before scoring a scissor kick. What’s that all about?

Lastly, there’s Willy Boly. After winning the initial header, he doesn’t get back to a jog, let alone a sprint. The ball goes over his head, he turns around has a stroll back, watches Gunnarsson chest the ball down and score. All while maintaining his walk. I mean, seriously? At least try and get back. Nobody is going to criticise Boly if he sprints back and Gunnarsson scores, but the fact of the matter is that he didn’t and it’s quite frankly inexcusable. Then again, the same could be said about Neves, who is too busy appealing the block on Rui and also Vinagre. Boly is the closest though so he should take responsibility.

In summary of this goal, all of the three that went to the line shouldn’t have all done the same thing and Boly should have just done something. Not good enough.

Another Set Piece, Another Goal Conceded

There’s something about defending set pieces that Wolves really don’t like doing. A free-kick from just in front of the halfway line ultimately results in Cardiff’s second goal. A cross into the area doesn’t really cause any damage, so we will join the action on the other side of the pitch after Hoilett brings Joe Ralls into play.

Doherty and Hoilett are circled for a reason.

Ralls’ left foot swings the ball into the box, nothing much seems to be happening from it, though. The danger is pretty much over, or so the relaxed state of the Wolves defence would have you believe. Let’s fast forward a few seconds and see where we are.

Saiss blocks the attempt before it all unravels.

Going back to Doherty and Hoilett (circled), you can see that Doherty has now decided to watch the ball rather than his man. Gunnarsson has also left Gibbs-White for dead on the edge of the area which is worrying in itself considering Gibbs-White had only just come off the bench. Essentially, what happens next is the block from Saiss goes into the path of Hoilett and he bends one in the top corner.

Keep that one out.

Right, take absolutely nothing away from Hoilett here, it’s a wonderful, wonderful strike which was fit to win any game. Nevertheless, there are a couple of question marks that can be raised once again. The split second where Doherty is watching the ball is paramount as Doherty would have got the block on the shot. Secondly and being uber critical, does Rui lead with the wrong hand when he tries to save the shot? He tries to save it with his right-hand, yet his left-hand would have had a greater reach.

Individual Errors Cost Wolves Dearly

Regarding the goals, you could atone some of the blame onto Rui for the first and maybe the second. Boly can’t be let off with the first goal, Doherty can’t with the second. I’ve lost count of how many times Doherty has been at fault yet he continues to play because we literally don’t have anyone else that can play there in the senior squad. When Jonny returns from injury, it’ll be interesting to see if Nuno persists with Jonny on the left and Doherty on the right or whether Jonny will slot in at RWB.

Before closing off, we’ll take a look at an example of how Cardiff’s midfield three easily turned over possession. From this single image which I’m about to show you, you get an idea of how Cardiff crowded out the two Portuguese midfielders and won the game. Yes, there were other mitigating factors involved in Cardiff beating Wolves, however, it was first and foremost won in the midfield.

Crowded out.

As mentioned earlier, Ralls, Gunnarsson and Arter worked really well as a triangle and the above example is one of the numerous times where they worked in a trio to win the ball back. From there, they win the ball back and then press the Wolves backline, using manipulative passes to keep the ball away from the baying Wolves. To repeat an earlier point, this is the second game on the bounce that this has happened and Wolves have now got the joy of welcoming Sarri’s Chelsea to Molineux tomorrow.

Final Thoughts

Four out of the Wolves back five had a pass success rate of under 70% which tells it’s own story. Cardiff’s overall pass success rate was actually worse than Wolves’, but it’s not as big as a part of Cardiff’s game so therefore it shouldn’t be taken into that much consideration from the Bluebirds point of view. Chelsea will line up with a three in midfield against Wolves and it’s quite a simple equation. If Wolves keep playing with the two in the middle, Chelsea will win. If Wolves change their system, maybe they’ll have a chance. Cardiff, on the other hand, travel to West Ham and will be hoping they can make it two wins on the bounce.

Dendoncker’s absence from the 18 on Friday raised a few questions and if he doesn’t feature against Chelsea despite Neves’ suspension, you have to wonder why on earth the Belgian was signed in the first place. Nuno deserves time at Wolves and anyone calling for him to go should give their head a wobble. Saying that, if Wolves fail to win any of their next three, questions should be asked.

Until the next time.

If you love tactical analysis, then you’ll love the new magazine from totalfootballanalysis.com – 118 pages of pure tactical analysis covering topics from the Premier League, Serie A, La Liga, Bundesliga and many, many more. Get your copy today for just £4.99 here!

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6 Things Hollywood Always Gets Wrong About Being A Teenager

Presumably, every single writer in Hollywood was at some point in time a teenager. At the very least, they probably inject themselves with teenage blood in order to keep their organs strong and their skin moist. So how in the world do they know nothing about them? It’s … it’s the cocaine, isn’t it? Well, whatever it is, pay attention, writers. We’re about to help you out …

6

All Teens Are Totally Free To Interrupt Gym Class Or Practice

Teen movies like to portray gym teachers and coaches as sadistic disciplinarians who must win at all costs, yet they’re also super OK with anyone walking onto the field and interrupting things. Movie football practice has to stop every three minutes for each player’s girlfriend to walk onto the field and have a long conversation with him. In The Duff, the protagonist goes right up to the quarterback as he’s running drills.

Lionsgate Films“Hey! Star athlete in the middle of a play! Let’s talk about science class! No, YOU get the hell off the field, COACH.”

In 10 Things I Hate About You, a male student interrupts an all-girl archery class without anyone telling him he’s not allowed to just show up there for so, so many reasons.

Touchstone Pictures“Sup? You in class? Being watched very closely by a protective gym teacher as you shoot a dangerous weapon? Cool, cool.”

In Superbad, Seth has no problem completely ruining the gym class soccer game to talk to his buddy. People seem a little annoyed, but not to the point of anyone kicking him out. The PE teacher barely manages an irritated “Come on.”

Columbia Pictures“No, YOU come on! Movie school by-law 48B states that if I want to ruin a soccer game, you can’t do a goddamn thing about it!”

Once you notice this, you’ll see it everywhere. In Juno, about 30 seconds into the movie, everyone’s favorite quirky preggo hipster interrupts a track team’s cross-country practice to talk to her baby daddy, and the rest of the team continues as if nothing matters. Sandy in Grease tries the same thing, and can’t seem to understand why Danny won’t talk to her, despite the fact that he’s obviously in the middle of track practice.

Paramount Pictures“Sandy, I need to get a mustachey blowjo- I mean FINISH PRACTICE.”

5

All Teenagers Take The Same Classes, Everywhere

While pop culture would have you believe that teenagers spend all day making sex bets and hatching revenge schemes in response to sex bets, the truth is that they spend most of their time sitting in class. Literally, everyone who has ever written a script should know this and be able to get this fundamental element of teen life right, but much like the teens of today, they just can’t even.

Real high schools have level systems to separate students by academic ability, if not AP or honors courses to further separate our future leaders from the future opioid addicts and pyramid scheme victims. Movies and television are always sorting characters into jock, nerd, and slacker roles — which would absolutely have different schedules — and then throwing them all into the same class and hoping nobody notices.

Teen shows will have the smartest kids in school taking the exact same class as the pothead four grades behind and the lineman about to get kicked off the football team for failing lunch. For instance, in Boy Meets World, Topanga winds up being the valedictorian, yet she’s in class with Cory, the idiot, and Shawn, the wisecracking slacker. Even toward the end of high school, they have the exact same classes. Is this a Philadelphia school with only one classroom’s worth of students?

ABC Studios“Psst! Topanga! Who is this ‘Biology’ girl everyone is talking about? Is she hot?”

On Saved By The Bell, Jessie is an obsessive overachiever who resorts to speed pills to study longer, Kelly is an airhead cheerleader, Screech is more like a chimpanzee than a human, and Zack is a sociopath who would break up an administrator’s marriage in order to get out of class. And yet there they are, all in the same room.

Universal Television“Welcome to All the Math 1.”

Daria is in the same class as the cheerleaders and football players, who are portrayed as being so stupid that she can barely manage to feel contempt for them. Which must suck for her, because she’s learning the same things at the same rate they are.

Paramount Television“Class, please open your All the Math books to Chapter 4: Beginner and Advanced Math.”

Mean Girls also apparently takes place in a school with only one math class. Cady is “really good” at math, while Aaron is “kinda bad” at it, and yet they are in the exact same class, junior year. Should a mathlete like Lindsay Lohan really be sitting behind the handsome boy who has to count on his fingers? What’s she going to get out of that situation, other than HPV?

Paramount Pictures“Teacher, the answer is 1 over cute butt to the dreamy eyes!”

Read Next

5 Common Sayings That Mean The Opposite Of What You Think

In The Duff, Bianca is great at science, while Wesley is a jock with grades so bad that he is academically ineligible to play football and might lose his scholarship to Ohio State University, home of this tweet. By the end of the movie, he can’t get a grade above a B+, even with Bianca tutoring him every day. How could they possibly be in the same class? She should be in AP physics with all the other nerds, and he should be collecting bugs and guessing the names of rocks. The point is, this isn’t a frontier classroom by a pig farm– teachers don’t throw all the kids into one room and read to all of them from the same Bible anymore.

4

Cool Kids Love Carpooling

Hip teens are all about their spicy memes, Tide pod lunches, and sharing one vehicle between large groups of friends. Hollywood thinks that nothing screams cool like the environmentally friendly practice of carpooling, especially if you’re a teenager heading to and from school. TV teens are, like, so totally concerned about their carbon footprint that they cram into cars like they’re Bangladeshi buses.

Warner Bros. Television“One Tree Hill? They should have called it One Car H-“ “I will crash this car, Melissa. I will do it. I would love to do it.”

And it’s not like we are talking about friends aimlessly cruising around together. No, this trope is specific to the school commute, which all movie teens love. They act like driving to five different houses at the crack of dawn to pick up everyone for first period fills them with the raddest, most tubular joy.

Paramount PicturesThat girl’s probably mean because she’s been operating a door-to-school shuttle since 5 a.m.

This strange phenomenon happens in pretty much all teen-centered media across the decades, from Fast Times At Ridgemont High to 13 Reasons Why. Which is odd, since real teenagers think carpooling is about as cool as unregulated gun ownership.

Universal PicturesThe only way these guys managed to visit three locations and smoke a pound of weed before school would be if they were trying to make it to school two days ago.

3

There Is An Unlimited Amount Of Time Between High School Classes

Movies and shows think the time between classes constitutes about 70 percent of the entire school day. In a real school, you usually get five minutes to walk three minutes’ worth of distance. It doesn’t leave a ton of time to have profound conversations or gather together for bully ambushes. But in fictional high schools, like the one in Boy Meets World, you can style your hair, witness the beginning, middle, and end of a relationship, and give yourself a haircut. All between classes, with no one expressing any sense of urgency.

Their school gives them 90 minutes between periods. They know you always gotta look fly.

In Riverdale, they have time to trade long monologues and accuse each other of elaborate murder plans while still presumably making it to their next class.

“Can some of this intrigue wait until after school? I only have 40 more minutes to make it to Beginner/Advanced All Math. You know this, because you have it too. So do all of you. Hey, why did we even switch rooms?”

2

Teenagers Are Always Having Consequence-Free Food Fights

In a movie or TV show, all it takes to turn a room into a war zone is for one character to yell the words “FOOD FIGHT!” It’s as if movie teens have been waiting their whole lives to get covered in cafeteria food — objectively the worst kind of food. Try to think if there’s ever been a time in your life when that proposition interested you, much less enthralled an entire room full of carefully styled teenagers in their favorite outfits.

20th Television“Tee-hee, look at us ruin thousands of dollars’ worth of musical equipment!”

That last picture is a property-destroying riot from Glee, in an episode about several of the senior Glee Clubbers coming to terms with how they’ll soon be leaving the only school where everyone expresses themselves through song and dance. They halfheartedly attempt to recruit their replacements, and somehow, moments later, it is the goddamn food Purge.

“I’m going to miss this place, you guys. Wait, I have an idea! DESTROY THE FUCKING SCHOOL!”

In Vice Principals, two rival educators are trying to kill each other, and their angry presence sparks a massive food fight. So it seems that any chaos, whether it is life and death or plain silly fun, will ignite the volatile powder keg that is teen lunching.

We see these inexplicable, random fights break out over and over in films like Matilda, Max Keeble’s Big Move, Whip It!, Valley Girl, and Animal House. They also happen in shows like Lizzie Macguire, Boy Meets World, The Suite Life Of Zack And Cody, and even Power Rangers. Just because you defend the world from Lord Zedd does not mean you’re above trying to destroy a bunch of children with handfuls of chili.

Saban BrandsWhile they threw cake, 40,000 people died in a TurbanShell attack.

Picture the aftermath of a real school food fight. You’d have to spend at least a couple of hours covered in caked-on rotting food, all mixed together to form the exact recipe for vomit. You have to go home and explain to your parents why your best pants are ruined, your phone is filled with mashed potatoes, and your books have been soaking in melted Jello. The cafeteria is a legitimate biohazard that no school budget is prepared to deal with. Now try to picture the trouble you’d be in. Well, in a movie, nobody gives a shit.

You can create a tornado of garbage, and there won’t be a single consequence. Five episodes of Glee should have been them singing sad songs in detention after they destroyed an entire cafeteria. There should have been a scene in which they begged their principal not to press criminal charges with a Salt n’ Pepa song. You can’t simply decide to start a landfill where you stand because someone screams “food fight.” It absolutely does not go well when it happens in real life, as we see time and time and time and time again.

1

Teenagers Love To Hang Out Before Heading To School

For most of us, a school day started with a very unwelcome alarm, followed by a tough decision between personal hygiene and more sleep. Once you finally got ready and maybe ate something, you got on the bus or in the car with as close to zero seconds to spare as possible.

In movies, teenagers are always hanging out at their friends’ houses, meeting up in arcades, or stopping by the home of an elderly mad scientist of no relation to play guitar. High school has an average start time of 8:00 a.m., and most people take around 11 to 30 minutes to get ready. So even assuming you live next door to your school, you’re getting up at 7:48 at the latest. What kind of meth addict teenager gets up and does more than zero things before 7:48?

In a movie, that’s totally normal. Bill and Ted, two slacker kids failing out of school, managed to get up early enough to get together and then write, produce, and perform a music video before school.

Orion PicturesIt’s as if time travel movies don’t care about linear time.

Here’s a clip of Michael Cera and Jonah Hill in Superbad, both awake so early that they have time to share their masturbation fantasies while buying a slushie before school.

Jonah Hill, in particular, always seems to be up in time to run all his errands before his first class. He’s just a goddamn go-getter. In 21 Jump Street, neither he nor Channing Tatum mention how fucking early it is when they go pick up a new car before their first day as undercover high-schoolers. How the hell do movie teenagers manage to fit in a whole day before 8 a.m.?

Columbia Pictures/MGM StudiosIt’s as grand a mystery as 27-year-old Dave Franco being cast as a real, non-undercover high school student.

Diego Rivera is a film student from Chile. He’s sometimes funny on Twitter. Jordan Breeding also writes for Paste Magazine, the Twitter, himself, and is taller than literally every teenager.

You only wish you had an alarm clock as powerful as these kids’.

Support Cracked’s journalism with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more ways Hollywood sucks for teenagers, check out 5 Horrible Life Lessons Learned From Teen Movies and 5 Weird Things That Teen Shows Think About Actual Teens.

All the cool kids are following us on Facebook.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_25504_6-things-hollywood-always-gets-wrong-about-being-teenager.html

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The Numerical: If Saquon Barkley is on the field, Penn State is a title contender

Also: the biggest overachievers and underachievers, and let’s find something nice to say about Tennessee!

1. Saquon Barkley makes Penn State so hard to upset.

The biggest story to me heading into Week 4 was the likelihood of a top-10 upset. Five teams took on rising teams on the road, and the odds of all five winning were basically 1-in-3.

It almost happened. Alabama basically closed the door on Vanderbilt in about eight seconds, and Washington needed only about a quarter to get settled in in a 37-10 win over Colorado. But USC and Michigan had business to take care of in the fourth quarter, and Penn State needed every second to take down Iowa, 21-19.

For most of 60 minutes, this was taking shape as a "one of those games" upset. PSU more than doubled the Hawkeyes in snaps (99-45), yards (579-273), first downs (29-11), and nearly time of possession (39:39-20:21), but the Nittany Lions simply couldn't knock the Hawkeyes out. They missed one field goal and had another one blocked. They had drives end via either punt, fumble, or turnover on downs at the Iowa 32, 39, 40, 45, and 48. This was a protoype "stuff happens" loss.

Iowa took a 7-5 lead with 33 seconds left in the first half. And after PSU scored twice in the third quarter, Iowa scored twice in the fourth, and after Akrum Wadley's second long touchdown — a 35-yard run to pair with his 70-yard reception earlier in the quarter — PSU had to go 80 yards in 102 seconds to save their national title. On the 102nd second, Trace McSorley fired a seven-yard touchdown pass to Juwan Johnson.

Game-winner aside, however, this was a Saquon Barkley showcase. He ran around and jumped over defenders and finished with 40 combined rushes for 305 combined yards. Eight other PSU skill position players combined for 24 touches and 215 yards.

Penn State’s plowed through three lesser teams (Akron, Pitt, Georgia State), but despite spending plenty of garbage time on the bench, Barkley's share of the PSU offensive load has been astounding.

Here are the top 20 running backs in combined carry rate (the percentage of a team's carries he has taken on) and target rate (the percent of a team's passes intended for him).

Among these 20, only two players are within 180 yards of Barkley's combined production: SDSU's Rashaad Penny and Stanford's Bryce Love. Barkley is PSU's leading rusher and receiver, and if he's on the field, Penn State is a national title contender.

2. At least Tennessee has its pass rush!

Randy Sartin-USA TODAY Sports

Colton Jumper

Tennessee was disappointing in a narrow win over UMass on Saturday, and the offense has now scored just four touchdowns in its last 27 drives. The defense is allowing at least five yards on 45 percent of opponent carries (120th in FBS).

Despite the loss of star end Derek Barnett, however, UT is still getting after the quarterback. Their passing-downs sack rate of 17.5 percent is tied with Washington State's for tops in the country. Senior linebacker Colton Jumper has 3.5 sacks and 5.5 TFLs to lead the way.

UMass quarterbacks Andrew Ford and Ross Comis attempted 15 passing-downs passes on Saturday; they were sacked five times and completed just four of 10 passes. Net yards on those 15 attempts: six. The pass rushed saved Tennessee’s bacon.

Washington State doesn't wait till passing downs, by the way. The Cougars are also seventh in standard-downs sack rate, and they are a healthy 37th in stuff rate (run stops at or behind the line). Boise State is the only opponent they've faced with a pulse so far (though after the Broncos' blowout home loss to Virginia, you have to wonder about whether that heart rate is in a healthy range), but Wazzu has treated bad teams like bad teams.

3. Big play watch: Oklahoma State vs. Penn State, Week 4

Each week of the season, I take a look at the two offenses I’ve proclaimed as the most fun in college football. They are terrifying from a big-play perspective, so I’m grading each week like a round in a 12-round fight.

Through three rounds, OSU had won two rounds with one draw. This week, PSU got one back.

OSU's problem in its 44-31 loss to TCU wasn't a lack of big plays. Twenty-three of the Cowboys' 73 snaps gained at least 10 yards (32 percent), five gained at least 21, and there was the obligatory bomb from Mason Rudolph to James Washington.

PSU gained 10-plus yards in only 20 of its 99 snaps (20 percent) against Iowa and had only four 20-yarders.

But judging is objective. OSU lost, and PSU won. Round 4 goes to the Nittany Lions.

4. Overachiever watch

Photo by Loren Orr/Getty Images

Virginia dominated on the blue field.

Each week, I’m also taking a look at the performances my S&P+ ratings didn’t see coming. S&P+ had another great week at the office, hitting over 60 percent against the spread for the third time in four weeks, but it still swings and misses.

Here are the five biggest stunners of the week:

Western Illinois over Coastal Carolina — projection: CC by 13.6 | result: WIU by 42

Utah State over SJSU — projection: USU by 5.3 | result: USU by 51

Alabama over Vanderbilt — projection: Bama by 20.1 | result: Bama by 59

UCF over Maryland — projection: UM by 4.8 | result: UCF by 28

Virginia over Boise State — projection: BSU by 11.7 | result: UVA by 19

This was a weird week for road teams, which went 30-28 overall and produced each of these drastic overachievements.

The win over Boise State moved Virginia to 3-1, and S&P+ now gives the Cavaliers a 73 percent chance of reaching bowl eligibility. Hell of an early job by Bronco Mendenhall.

FBS conferences in order of performance vs. S&P+ projection

Big Ten (+1.33 points per game)

Big 12 (+1.31)

Pac-12 (+0.52)

ACC (+0.35)

Mountain West (+0.27)

AAC (+0.12)

MAC (-0.06)

Conference USA (-0.49)

SEC (-0.85)

Sun Belt (-1.01)

The Big Ten and Big 12 are still pretty far out ahead of the pack but got reeled in a hair. And as S&P+ adjusts, these numbers should all regress toward the mean.

S&P+ underachievers (min: 3 games)

East Carolina (-26.3 points per game below projections)

Coastal Carolina (-20.4)

Missouri (-20.2)

San Jose State (-18.4)

UTEP (-18.3)

Oregon State (-16.7)

Florida State (-16.6)

Temple (-16.1)

Bowling Green (-15.4)

Baylor (-14.9)

Missouri head coach Barry Odom had some things to get off his chest following his Tigers’ third straight loss by at least 18 points.

That is a tired and stressed-out man right there.

S&P+ overachievers (min: 3 games)

Purdue (+20.0 points per game above projections)

Fresno State (+19.8)

Air Force (+19.0)

Duke (+18.7)

UTSA (+15.7)

Wake Forest (+15.5)

Mississippi State (+15.0)

TCU (+14.1)

Texas Tech (+13.0)

SMU (+13.0)

Again, these numbers should sink back toward zero as S&P+ adjusts, but I wanted to single out UTSA for a second. Frank Wilson’s Roadrunners have been dynamite, beating Baylor and taking down Southern and Texas State by a combined 95-31. S&P+ favors them in every remaining game and gives them an 18 percent chance of finishing 10-1 or better.

Wilson might not be long for San Antonio if he keeps this up.

Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

Frank Wilson and UTSA are looking great.

5. Gunner of the Year Watch

Out of pure curiosity, I’ve been tracking special teams tackles this year. Maybe we’ll give a pretend award out to whoever has the most of them at the end. Winner of the award gets it named after him.

Your fake award watch list at the moment:

USF's Nate Ferguson remains a major contender; the junior cornerback is the only player with more than six special teams tackles, and opponents' average returns when he is involved are only 5.7 yards per punt return and 20.3 yards per kick return.

BGSU's Nilijah Ballew, a 6'3 senior, has five ST tackles, and opponents are averaging 3 yards per punt return and 10.5 yards per kick return when he's involved.

Notre Dame sophomore Julian Love is up to five St tackles, and the two punt returns he's stopped have combined to lose four yards.

Baylor freshman Jairon McVea has 4.5 tackles and has been involved in a two-yard punt return and four kick returns averaging 16.8 yards.

BC's Isaac Yiadom remains a player to watch, with 4.5 tackles and opponents' averages of 3 yards per punt return and 21.3 yards per kick return.

STAY TUNED. SALUTE THE GUNNERS.