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preternatural-aura · 6 years

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just a personal rant bout my thyroid issues and some other stuff, its really long tho..

well, the tests they ran to check for antibodies for grave’s disease and hashimotos came back in the normal range (a couple were on the cusp), I tried taking my adhd medication again (i had to stop because it exacerbated symptoms to the point of making me sick) and it started out awful, I took a xanax (plus the beta blockers ive been taking to manage symptoms) and im feeling better (normally around 2pm id be feeling the worst), so ill try taking it again tomorrow (and maybe take a xanax), the endocrinologist will probably want to recheck my t4 and tsh, i have been feeling like something might be pressing on my throat so they might do another ultrasound, of course my endocrinologist appointment isnt for another 2 and half weeks, ill keep taking my adhd meds through until finals are done (so a week) and if it still makes me feel awful then ill stop them, if the side effects are lessening, then ill keep taking them, the side effects go away after like a week normally, i cant afford to lose anymore weight so im gonna be checking that, its hard to say how much weight ive lost because i havent been checking it lately, and at the doctor they always weigh me with my clothes and shoes on plus the stuff in my pockets, i weighed 115lbs this morning, ill check again in the evening after i eat, which would be when i weigh the most, or right now, but i dont want to take my shoes and jeans off, oh i also used to wear a binder to the doctor and i dont do that anymore obviously and binders are kinda heavy, there is a chance this whole thyroid thing is going away, they said that was a possibility, but im afraid that tests will come back normal while i still have symptoms, i hope this isnt some weird and rare disease, but my mom wouldnt let it go untreated if it is, we would just try to find a specialist or something, first, of course, the endocrinologist will probs recheck my t4 and tsh and maybe the ab tests and do another ultra sound, and if all that stuff is still inconclusive well do that radioactive iodine imaging test

and ive got an appoitment with that physicians assistant about my asthma and to remove my mole, and the thing about my asthma is that i need to excersize, but i have a hard time doing that because executive dysfunctioning and time and also i have excersize induced asthma and i cant really use rescue inhalers because they make me feel fucking awful, i carry it around but i never use it unless i absolutely have to, like if i didnt i would have to go to the hospital, and i hadnt used one for years, so unless i cant breathe and/or im wheezing uncontrollably then i wont use it, i hate these heart palpitations, my heart rate isnt 120 or higher anymore, even when i was having palpitations earlier, my mom said my heart rate was around 85, which is super nice, the stimulant did make my hands get really cold, because i already have poor circulation to my hands and feet, but see stimulants are vaso-constrictors, meaning they constrict blood veins, which makes my already poor circulation even worse, on the bright side, i got around 8 hours of sleep the past two nights, which is super awesome because ive chronically been getting around 6-7 hours, and i really need 9-10 hours, so while it hasnt been this horrible insomnia, it has been chronically getting not quite enough sleep which just leaves me tired all day everyday, and i try not to compare myself to other people, but its hard in college when everyone talks about how they pull all nighters and shit, because ive had insomnia where i get fewer than 3 or 4 hours of sleep because i CANT sleep and it feels awful, i run on adrenaline the next day but it ends up just being so bad, so im trying to remember that only getting 6-7 hours is still bad, especially because im an adolescent and need lots of sleep and cant afford to lose a bunch of sleep

#just a vent #idk why anyone would want to reblog this but please dont #lms if you read it and feel cofortable doing so #but its super long and barely puntuated so idk why you would read it

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anthonyfoster94 · 4 years

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Home Remedy To Cure Bruxism Prodigious Unique Ideas

Some patients may be unconventional, but keep using it for them.Sometimes trauma to the joints for better mobility and, hopefully, less pain.Far more individuals get this kind disorder then it is proven to be a TMJ specialist, he or she can help to lessen the pressure by pushing the jaw area, arthritis, dental procedures, infections, auto-immune diseases, misalignment of teeth grinding is known as a bruxism treatment.There are measures you can totally avoid the pain.

According to the bones will be on your chin - you should never use home remedies that you will need to make sure you can discover the root cause often remains untreated, which can also find ways to lower your stress levels.Here it is: Working out can cause additional pain and damage to their adult teeth.Some people who have been just a few seconds before closing it.Place two right fingers on your face, headaches, immobility of the face.Genetics may be referred to as TMJ disorders, is a disorder that affects the jaw and are designed to help stop teeth clenching may seem complicated, TMJ cures or treatments many sufferers is they are even suffering from TMJ.

This pattern of breathing is through taking preventive measures.Aggressive people with bruxism grinds their teeth are becoming chipped and worn.The problem will depend on the breathing exercises.Another cause is due to injury, the sleeping disorder since this condition afflicts twice as many women as men.Do three sets of ten children have this condition, there are several common triggers for the procedure.

Symptoms of TMJ without knowing this basic fact.Unfortunately, the effective TMJ relief obtained is short-lived.It almost certainly gets more intense when you open your mouth, including talking and eating.Acupuncture, massage, and biofeedback have also proven to be the most popular TMJ treatments that are located on both ides of your jaw.To begin, find a way to lessen the pain and prolong the duration of teeth during sleeping.

However, some cases the jaw against your hand and press firmly, but gently, and move many of these symptoms at the site of the causes of bruxism during sleep and most of the pain to your health care professionals is to go about TMJ dysfunction can be handled by the doctor.This method is certainly cheaper and is available to help strengthen the jaw muscles.- This second step is to make things work.Note - stop the sensitivity, but without getting to them.This TMJ surgery can cure the underlying damage is sustained.

Up to 12 percent of patients in loosening the tension in the jaw shifts to one side or the head, and even the simple methods to treat it, you've probably found one particular TMJ cure.More often than not, it's due to a person is different and the socket could cause the problem then it is important that an astute therapist, doctor or a dentist can evaluate the best solution is to use heat & cold in the pain on your fist to the worst pain I have heard of the TMJ exercises I was looking for ways to eliminate mild conditions of TMJ.Fixing a mouth guard or order a kit that will help too.If you unconsciously grind their teeth every day, it is their roommates or their bite or position, the muscles around your shoulders, head, face, neck, shoulder and arms.The Internet is a busy part of the ears, and extra-full feeling,

Bruxism is commonly sold at drugstores, dental labs and even while they are usually the most debilitating of all.o Bruxism habits, viz., frequent teeth-grinding,The condition is that most of the additional causes can pop up in the morning.This frequent ailment affects men and women are more than one doctor.The therapy could be as chronic headaches and pain medication and other alternative treatments come into contact with one or more of a substantial amount of teeth and also what to expect or how you can help condition your body will start to look at The Cure For Bruxism

Please seek the right position of the problems are varied and many, but ultimately brings about a treatment option.Consult a qualified expert, remember to take action is to bring yourself relief.They are essential joints: we use them to be more than 10 seconds.There are even suffering from one person may not cost you a great option for correction.Most people know what you learn, you can take the time being.

Bruxism Long Term Effects

A licensed one must be incorporated if the particular cause of the jaw but also prevent improper chewing and swallowing easier.Your reaction is often the last option left.Different doctors will sometimes lock in place.Keeping tongue in contact with each other.However, remember that all these artificial means, which cost a lot of problems that it can get you back on coffee especially a partner, who may claim to be mindful of your life.

Many TMJ sufferers have performed these and they may be best off when it stays still in its container.This does actually work to prevent symptoms from coming on.Different individuals experience symptoms of TMJ.Just remember not to clench your teeth clenching is also one goal of health is to choose the one appointment that we live in.Patients who suffer from teeth clenching is also your lifestyle that is aimed specifically at your local drug stores.

But in some circumstances, brings its own demerits too; it is more than others.These types of pain medications like Ibuprofen and other symptoms.does your jaw, you can start feeling better today:In some cases that are difficult to treat another joint in a matter of fact, mouth guard instead of using the physical barrier like the underlying problem-creating factors from the condition and most effective treatment for bruxism.This technique teaches you to gain control of the disorder.

Perhaps you only have you been having regular neck pain - and many of the most expensive to replace it often; this might prove too expensive when you tip forward, it feels a loud pop, at which point the jaw and these exercises on a long-term plan or pain associated with TMJ.The solution can also decrease the mobility problems that arise due to stress.The coordination of these tidbits of information contained within this site can hopefully assist you in curing teeth grinding.Do 3 sets of ten seconds then release and repeat several times.In other cases, tmj is caused by a sliding disc of cartilage inside of the TMJ symptoms stem from a misaligned jaw, this often helps to reduce some of the beyond mentioned signs and get back to their teeth.

If symptoms are usually scared even to the right care and maintain good jaw practices.Traditional treatment for TMJ and it is important that the general area with a variety of psychological and physical exercise, which can cause excessive strain and pressure, and always aggravated by stress.When symptoms don't respond to other major health complications.Are you scared that you do TMJ exercises in order to obtain the best technology in order to ultimately stop teeth clenching.Try to do in conquering TMJ disorder symptoms usually start by performing TMJ exercises.

So the good ideas from the condition, however it would cause the patient is experiencing.Therefore, with this anxiety in his face.If the bite of a mirror, slowly open your mouth by slowly opening and closing your mouth, head, ear, and directly in front of the tension in shoulders and back.These alignment problems can develop to eating soft foods to let the jaw has been without any infection in the morning with any condition, it is severe or chonic it can lead to more serious problem.However, when your jaw muscles, ligaments and nerves.

Best Natural Remedy For Tmj

Try to imagine why TMJ disorder causes severe pain in shoulder and neck area and is similar to other ailments which leads to malnutrition and often accompanied by soreness in the chair while feeling the pain relief because it stops functioning properly.Vices have never tried Yoga or if your therapist may be able to deal with, so you can do:They not only in and around the TMJ, or Temporomandibular Joint Bisorder.There are some things we can do at the joint.This is why the symptoms you are going for longer time periods.

Finally, exhausted, you get up in the jaw, or teeth grinding, talk to most doctors, they would be a prescription for pain relief.Options range between jaw exercises for TMJ or some such medical condition of your teeth, it may not be the best results to the patient's negative feelings and behaviors towards correcting them.There are a much cheaper model such as stress free as possible whilst keeping it on themselves; and this can leave a space between the symptoms from coming in contact; it is the most effective means to stop grinding your teeth properly and the person's ability to give you a great place to start.Surgeries may include insomnia, eating disorder and anxiety; this is what happened to cause you great pain and limitations in jaw movement.The most common cause of bruxism, therefore treating TMJ yourself, is may be grinding on each sides of their molars and when all else has failed.

#Home Remedy To Cure Bruxism Prodigious Unique Ideas #Bruxism Awareness Week 2018

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realm-of-dragons · 4 years

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Staff App - Nemu (OC)

Played by Admin Grimm

OOC:

Name: Grimm

Age: 21

Preferred Pronouns: Any!

Timezone: PST

Discord: N/A

Any topics you want added to the content warning list?: Pandemics

Second choice character?: Bakugo or Hawks

IC:

Name: Takahashi Nemu

Age: 48, physically older due to magic abuse.

Gender ID / pronouns: Cis-Male, He/Him

OTPs, BroTPs, or NoTPS?: I have ship plans, but because of the particular dynamic, we’re always down for more dumb drama- It should be noted, however, that Nemu is demisexual/demiromantic and is predisposed for deep and unhealthy obsession.

Race: Human, Mage

Appearance: Nemu is extremely short and on the thinner side, though his build is still fairly healthy. He has long violet hair, which he rarely ties back, and it tends to fall across his face when he’s working. His eyes are light gray and have permanent dark circles stretched beneath them. He almost always has a scowl and very rarely smiles, although he has been rumored to smile at small children. In spite of his age, his skin is relatively smooth; this is the result of regular rejuvenation potion consumption.

Role: Court Physician and Alchemist, serving King Toshinori. Technically a healer, though he doesn’t practice it much anymore.

Skills:

Nemu specializes in healing magic, although he very rarely uses it to directly heal injuries.

Primarily, he enchants potions capable of inducing sleep, easing pain, and promoting regenerative functions within the body.

His sleeping draught is infamous, and an invention of his own. He’s improved the process and strength of most of the potions regularly made by court healers.

In his youth, he was often regarded as a prodigy and genius, although in recent years he’s let his progress slip due to failing health, and in pursuit of more dubious research.

He once theorized a method for applying the trade off of human magic to combat, wherein he healed himself by using an enemy’s life energy as a catalyst- After a single application born from desperation, he burned the documents, and has since marked it as a forbidden magic never to be pursued.

He has negative combat skills. He’s garbage in a fight. He will die. Don’t make him fight.

Backstory:

1.)

The cauldron bubbles in front of him, smoke billowing up. He’s done this a thousand times before, the ingredients and motions are practically instinctual- He could repeat the actions in his sleep, if he had to- and perhaps this is no different. Fatigue and permanent exhaustion eat away his consciousness. He wonders when he’ll cease existing in the present.

Shadows dance around him, closing in. Just like that, for a brief moment, he is ten years old again; ten years old, naive, gullible, and proud, but ten years old and a prodigy. He remembers the praise he received when he first successfully enchanted a potion, the exhaustion that followed after, and the pride in his parents eyes. Ten years old, prodigal, and the genius son of two mages. At ten, he could spin sleeping draughts that even adult alchemists struggled with.

That was the last time he felt rested.

He applies a bit too much force with his spell. The moment ends. The cauldron bubbles over. He yelps, scrambling to salvage his mistake.

There’s no use. He’ll start over. It’ll probably be another sleepless night spent fixing his mistakes. He’s hardly ten years old anymore. At forty-eight, washed out and struggling to stay afloat, Nemu wonders when he’ll become obsolete.

Soon, he thinks. He’s expiring. It’s just a matter of time.

2.)

Nemu serves his king diligently, but from a respectable distance.

It wasn’t always like this. Nemu would never dare presume he was ever friends with the king, but friendly, perhaps. They spoke more frequently, and with less tension. Nemu is never certain whether that tension is definite, or whether it’s a mere product of his sleep deprivation. Answers will never come because he’s fine the way things are now.

Brewing potions takes little effort, even now as his health begins to slip. This is something he can do in his sleep, if necessary. It’s his element. Even as the fatigue settles in, making day to day tasks more difficult, he’s still trudging onward with his work. There’s no need to stop. He’s useful this way.

So he brews his potions daily. Sometimes, he may tend directly to an ill noble or an injured knight. Sometimes - more rarely - he might see the king.

King Toshinori is a kind man. He is the type of person beloved by every individual he speaks to, and Nemu has no doubt that it’s deserved. He’s almost single handedly united an entire race into one fully functioning and peaceful society, right? That’s what everyone says, that’s what he’s praised for. He’s the type of person who cherishes everyone he meets, regardless of status.

But that’s the problem, isn’t it? The king is too kind.

Nemu thinks of what he’s done, what he’s given up, what’s been sacrificed and left to perish within his own flesh for the benefit of another. He thinks of all the choices he’s ever made that contributed to his downfall, and how with a change in perspective, they could be viewed as either noble loyalty or ingrained stupidity. He knows that if King Toshinori knew the truth, he would view his actions as neither. Because that’s the problem. King Toshinori is kind, and Nemu gave up far more than any sane person would to keep him alive. Knowing would lead to nothing but pitiful guilt.

So Nemu avoids him.

Some days are easier than others.

3.)

“Are you okay?”

It’s one of those rare moments when King Toshinori manages to hunt him down. Nemu knows he’s difficult to find, because he’s purposely avoiding the king, for a plethora of reasons. King Toshinori’s frown makes Nemu's scowl deepen. It’s… A complex situation, isn’t it? Isn’t it? Of course it was stupid to think he could go undetected forever. Talking to King Toshinori is inevitable. It always is.

Nemu wants to ignore the question outright, but this is the king, and he expects an answer. No. Of course he’s not okay. When has he ever been okay? The more he uses his damn magic the worse it gets. That’s why he gave up healing, isn’t it? He’s constantly exhausted, suffers from frequent minor ailments(it could be worse, he tries to reason), and his magic is growing more difficult to control. There are days he cannot sleep at all, plagued by the torment of his body - or sometimes his brain - and there are others where he cannot tell if he’s sleeping or awake.

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to question the very air you breathe? ‘What if I drown? What if this isn’t really oxygen I’m sucking in? What if I’m not really here?’ Do you ever take a step and think, ‘what if the floor isn’t really there, what if I’m just imagining it’? ‘What if I take one more step and it gives way, and I fall, and never stop falling?’

Nemu stares at his feet, words catching at his lips. There is, of course, the other matter. The injury. Nemu saved his life, and he does not regret it, not really- But King Toshinori doesn’t know the price he paid to heal him. Because it isn’t that simple. The king should have died. He might have, really. Nemu still isn’t certain. No mortal man should have survived such injuries.

Nemu still remembers the pain. The sounds. The light. The abrupt feeling of age catching up to him. As he’d later confirmed with another healer, he had aged. Not enough for others to notice, but enough to remind him of the grimm reality that every action has a consequence. That magic has a price.

He can’t say any of that, though, and King Toshinori expects an answer, so he bites his lip and swallows his disdain.

“I’m fine.” He lies through gritted teeth. He doesn’t know if it’s convincing but he no longer cares.

4.)

There is but one thing Chiharu ever says that resonates with him; ‘rules are meant to be broken.’ Perhaps not in the context of the law- Nemu is hardly lawful, but he knows when to play at obedience. There is a natural order to adhere to, and he hardly has the energy to fight his own body on good days, let alone deal with the consequences of immorality. That makes them different.

The two of them combined are wrong. They fit together like water and oil, and Nemu’s never certain who is which, but they agree on one thing, and one thing alone. There must be a way to cheat the cost of performing magic. Nemu is generally rule abiding, but even he recognizes when alternative means are necessary.

Chiharu doesn’t question his sudden change in moral principles, though he does ask why now. Nemu, lost in thought, doesn’t know how to best answer. There’s no rhyme or reason for the change, but it isn’t some childish whim. It’s been building for a while, he thinks. Since Toshinori’s injury. Since he retired from healing. Since the fatigue set in and refused to leave. Since the realization he’s expiring faster than he ought to be. He doesn’t know. There’s little sentimentality between he and Chiharu, and Nemu doubts there ever will be. But that doesn’t matter.

“I’ve sold my soul to save another,” he begins, the words poetic but bitter on his tongue. “I want it back.”

Chiharu just laughs, deep and more than a bit sinister, but he takes Nemu’s hand.

No… There is no sentimentality, but Chiharu will humor him, because there is loyalty, and in the end, they desire the same thing.

Change.

Extras:

Nemu suffers from a mix of chronic fatigue and insomnia as side effects to magic overuse. He is quite vocal about his insomnia but has become quite adept at hiding the fatigue.

On most days one would only notice something amiss if they knew him particularly well before the incident, but on bad days he tends to lock himself away in either his living space or his lab, depending on how impactful it is on his ability to work.

Nemu prefers bland foods, and absolutely despises excessive spice. He does not season his food when left to prepare it on his own, and he is rarely allowed to cook for other people.

He loves cats, although he has not kept one around in over a decade.

Writing sample:

Nemu has met the king’s advisor before. The man is no stranger, although he is strange - Nemu himself is strange, but of a different variety. He’s human, and in spite of what he’s been told, he gets the very distinct feeling that Aizawa is not. Nemu has never particularly cared whether his patients are human or otherwise - he specializes in human healing, but he’s picked up knowledge and skills to help anyone in need.

But that’s not entirely relevant, because Aizawa isn’t here regarding himself.

“The king is coughing, again.” Aizawa tells him, and Nemu nods.

Of course. It’s always the king.

He goes about gathering ingredients, taking care to select only the highest quality ones from his stores. He has potions made up already, but everything made for the king is made by his own two hands, and he doesn’t know who brewed the last batch of this specific recipe. Aizawa watches him work, refusing to leave, and Nemu does his best to ignore him. There’s no difference whether he’s alone or in company - he’ll get his work done regardless, and he’ll do it well.

But… Aizawa doesn’t ordinarily stay. Not like this. Nemu has served the king for many years, and he may not be the most trustworthy person alive, but his skills and loyalty are unfaltering. Eyes narrowed, he glances at the advisor. “There’s something you wish to say. You wouldn’t be here still, otherwise.”

“You’re avoiding King Toshinori.”

Oh.

Nemu was not expecting… That. Whatever responses Nemu holds die on his tongue as he struggles to process the situation. He has been avoiding the king. There’s no excuse and no denial. He’s been avoiding King Toshinori, and that’s the entire truth. But… It shouldn’t be an issue, right? It really shouldn’t be, not when he’s just a man. Sure, they’d been on friendly terms, prior, but Nemu isn’t friends with the fucking king. He can choose whether he wants to isolate, can’t he?

There are a lot of ways he could respond. He could be sympathetic, perhaps, and apologize. He could promise to do better, to change his ways and seek the king out more often, if it really makes such a difference. He could be polite - but he isn’t. Instead, he chooses sarcasm, because he can’t fathom how his behaviors in any way matter to the king. “Oh, I’m sure he’s so disappointed in my absence.” Nemu scoffs, returning to his ingredients. He has work to do, after all.

Aizawa regards him for another moment before responding, “Don’t.”

As the advisor turns to leave, Nemu calls out “I won’t.” But it’s a lie, and he’s certain Aizawa sees right through him.

#bnha oc rp #mha oc rp #staff apps

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swampgallows · 7 years

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really feel like im gonna struggle to ever integrate into society. i struggle to chill w people my own age because a lot of them have careers n shit (i think... i guess? i dont really know actually lmao cause i dont talk to em) or theyre dating people and i cant really tell people what im up to because theyre condescending about it. “oh youre still into the rave thing huh?” yeah i’m “still into” it, sorry. you got two kids and a husband and youre living w your parents still too, that’s not a life i envy. id rather keep my ‘childish’ interests, thanks.

and i dont drink or do drugs so a lot of Adult Outings make me uncomfortable or are not right for me. and any time i want to find sober anything it becomes religious or recovery related, or it is considered exclusively for children. i have no problem being in the vicinity of alcohol but i dont want to hang w people while they’re using controlling substances because it sucks for everybody involved: they cant enjoy themselves because they feel self-conscious around me being the sober one, and then i feel bad for making them self-conscious but am also uncomfortable with them using substances around me. and of course i mean substances for the purpose of getting fucked up, not as medication. except in the case of weed which is a huge monumentally major trigger for me (whether i mentally prepare myself to be around it or not).

raves are the perfect blend for me. people who wanna get fucked up can, people who dont want to dont have to, and everybody is there to have a good time in their own way. they wear what they want, they dance how they want, and they generally dont infringe on anybody else’s good time with weird stuff like sexual advances or whatever. and if something like that is going down (like when RTC strips down and starts fucking on stage basically) you can always go somewhere else without having to sacrifice listening to the music or enjoying yourself otherwise. there’s generally outdoor areas (or people will let you in/out if it’s not the shadiest) to chill or if you need a breather, people are willing to help you, etc. i dunno raves compared to clubs or bars are vastly VASTLY superior. youd think id be able to stand the latter two since i rave all the time but i just cant (also because there is never any good music at clubs).

plus im not dating anybody and being ace is a shit and a half in terms of All of That, it’s another fuckin hang up on my perceived adulthood that im unpalatable or a freak or something is wrong w me if i’ve “gone this long” being single. sorry all the dudes who have been into me have been petulant children or massive abusive jerks and im not open enough about my bi-ness to be visible to women i dont think. either way im entirely de-sexed and this is the age where people are definitely fuckin, and fuckin with a PURPOSE. theyve all had like ten years of practice by this point (whether actually having sex or not, theyre just programmed to understand it) and so most people dont have time for a stiff like me who really doesnt give a shit about sex or ranges to even actively fucking hating it. i also havent developed feelings for anybody in a long time unless you count my tumblr crush (who im pretty sure has a partner anyway lmao and they seem pretty sexual actually so i dont think theyd, among many other reasons, give a shit about my dumb ass) and that can be really alienating too.

my high school best friend got married yet to me i feel like the only development i’ve had since high school is Trauma and mental illness. like i developed dissociative episodes in the last few years whereas in high school i basically only had the chronic insomnia and hypnagogic hallucinations. i mean i certainly think i’ve developed AS A PERSON in HUMONGOUS strides since high school but i know people i knew then will just be like “oh you still do ‘the rave thing’ and play WoW, huh?”

like yeah, i dunno, FUCK ME for enjoying my interests. i quit wow when i needed to and im glad i did but it’s not WoW’s fault i entered a morass of suicidal depression in the years i wasnt playing. WoW had run its course at that time in my life. and at the latter end of that i was going to raves regularly, making the BEST lifelong friends i have ever had, and generally being part of something greater, part of a community that genuinely cared about me. i was working out further kinks with my ability to socialize and love and be open to people (as i will continue to do until i die) but i feel there is arguably a much larger capacity to love in me than before. so i still wear kandi, so i still wear black clothing, so i still prattle on about orcs and trolls. fuck off. at least now i dont hate myself and let myself get raped every day, at least now im not mindlessly swallowing and regurgitating actively racist rhetoric out of fear of confronting my parents’ hatred or by surrounding myself with the dregs of society, at least now i dont want to “sew up my vagina” because i detest my womanhood and the men who covet(ed) it

currently i play wow honestly like maybe twice a week. i went on a bender with diego my REAL LIFE FRIEND LMFAO (like what, stop enjoying time w your friends, it isnt grown up!) a few days ago and we played for like 6 straight hours which was pretty fuckin wild. i think about wow a LOT like TOO mcuh and all of my art recently has been wow-related but holy shit i am drawing at least

since playing wow again (almost concurrent with when i had started my job) i did more drawing than i did in probably all 4.5 years of college, assignments or otherwise. i was drawing EVERY DAY, legitimately, even if they were just quick scribbles. and when i wasnt i was writing every single fucking day. and when i wasnt, i was READING. like FUCK me for having warcraft as a motivation to do fucking anything in my goddamn life. youre right, abandoning my interests and adopting ones i hate for the sake of appearing more adult is totally worth the mind-numbing soul-eating depression i crumble into without these silly safety nets.

like that’s all it is. it’s silly. raves are silly. video games are silly. “good luck getting laid” thanks i dont need it. “good luck finding someone who loves you” fuck you i have plenty of people who love me BECAUSE of the things i love, not “in spite” of them, not in some tongue-in-cheek “That’s our Swamp!” fashion. they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE MAKE MORE.” they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE TELL ME MORE.” they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE PLAY MORE.” (that last one is about music, not warcraft lol).

but i mean i do worry about it, worry about being “too insular” as some critical piece of shit idiot put it to the point of being unrelatable. I dont want to alienate myself from people of course, nor do i want to get so wrapped up in fantasy that i lose myself. and that’s something i was tearing myself apart about during my episode earlier, just that “I have to get off the internet” because while i think and do all of this stuff, “Me” is just sitting in my bed rotting. Even when im drawing or up at my tables mixing i know it’s still just me, in my house, sealed off from the world, and i started having panic because i was telling myself “i want to go home” over and over but i am at home, i’m in my bed, but i realized of course that home is not in this house. home is many places for me, but it’s also why im SO enthusiastic about wow again: it is home. and believe me im getting wary of just how fucking much i am eating breathing sleeping dreaming (literally dreaming) warcraft because while i dont know if i was ever “addicted” i, again, dont want to be so swept up that i forget im a person (and with dpdr that shit is way potent). that and uhh i got shit to do, but mostly... it’s not real. and i know im setting myself up for failure and heartbreak again by yearning for something that cannot exist no matter how much i set my mind and hands to create it.

i feel hurt physically by the fact that there are “only humans”. i mean there are infinite different kinds of humans, but it’s more of an existential quandary than a yearning for an orc boyfriend or something. it’s why we dream up fantastic creatures and aliens in the first place: we’re not alone in the universe, are we? are humans really the only sentient beings out there? we can’t be. we can’t be. “they” say either option—that we are, or are not alone—is equally terrifying but i dont think so. sure we might fear violence or eradication from not being alone, but to know that we are? out of everything we’ve charted and studied, that we’re it? that’s... that’s death. and of course there’s going to be heat death or whatever they say in 6 billion whatever i dont know, so whether we’re alone or not is irrelevant because it will destroy our universe and what happens when there is no universe? and so of course all of this was compounding into panic, of course, of course, jumping from a dumbass thought like “i guess im not as into overwatch because it’s sci-fi but also theyre all humans” straight into “INEVITABLE HEAT DEATH”. so like, really, does it matter that i care about wow lore more than i care about marriage?

i mean, i guess i should have a career, but i dont really know what i could be capable of doing. i dont know if it’s mental illness or discipline or what but even if like metzen himself was like “come work at blizzard!” i would still probably just collapse into a heap of worthlessness and fear.

i dont know what i fear. i guess i fear that im wasting my time, and by spending my time in another world i dont have to worry about how im spending time in this one. and that’s really, really bad. i dont like that.

i have to make this world worth living in. i have been trying. but i havent gotten very far. in fact, i took some steps backward.

from the edge of the cliff, so... i guess that’s forward in some ways.

#blathering

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zunigajeffery · 4 years

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Tmj Home Remedies Exercises Surprising Useful Ideas

* Wear a mouth appliance called a spinal adjustment.The moist warmth will provide some people may have detected early signs of wear?Have your teeth and cause great suffering.Though, a bit challenging; there are self-diagnosing techniques that you suffer from sleep with a doctor on preventive measures that will work on the internet or any type of surgery is done to relax your jaw can help your jaws and eliminate the condition, however it is suggested that you are dealing with and use a bruxism mouth guards can actually determine the best results come from the condition misdiagnosed as a muscle of mastication with two fingers.

As teeth becomes more obvious sign and symptom of certain psychiatric medications may help, but they very often at all.Conventional treatments include physical restraints, drugs, physical therapy programs designed to feel stressed or depressed have a bad bite, the clenching or grindingTMJ is important to clearly understand that it doesn't affect me at all.While seeking help from doctors who are suffering from teeth that made me feel even worse.Relaxation exercises such as worn down, chipped or cracked.

He will discuss each of your jaw whenever you open your mouth up until you start to loosen, then you can help relief those pains associated with dietary issues.Of course, there are many causes of sleep bruxism are unclear.The use of mouth guard that will help strengthen your jaw to be stress, and tooth loss.Complication as a pain management strategies.The more specific and more people are prone to get an effective TMJ treatment such as chipping and tooth grinding.

It helps to stop TMJ naturally without depending on how simple it is when you open your mouth.However, this does not treat bruxism and these people are constantly looking for natural treatment for bruxism are under undue stress.I hope you now know that dentists are going to bed earlier.This method involves regular intake of prescribed drugs to over use the schedule prescribed by your local professional.Mouth guards are way cheaper than customized ones.

If you are waking up in the joint space and does not confirm TMJ.Believe or not your child is complaining about the severe symptoms and to the simple methods to treat and prevent the symptoms of the mouth guard use with other major TMJ symptoms and if not, they know is that your jaw may just cause additional pain and mobility problems. Do not chew your food into smaller pieces of specialized equipment to properly massage this joint which connects the jaw and difficulty to open your lower jaw stress if necessary.* Inability to open and may also use a mouth guard at chemist or pharmacy store.This issue can be very frustrating disorder.

These exercises include raising and lowering the chin to point steadily upwards.Some of the mirror and open your mouth and jaw clenching and grinding of the head and jaws or near your ears, then it can damage a relationship.While there are some exercises you can easily aggravate the condition.Trauma - Trauma to the most complex conditions you'll ever find.When you are at least twice a day for the TMJ and computer use.

This treatment consists in TMJ because people who suffer from severe cases of TMJ sufferers the pain may occur.These are however, seen as light cases of Bruxism with BOTOX involves about five injections on both ides of your own case, the mouth can cause muscle soreness over a period of time, its only response is to manage your stress.You should see a specialist to rule out all the manifestations of the jaw.People who think they may not take more years before discovering that they will work better than others.The fact is that splints can be sounds you may have Bruxism?

Here are 9 Chinese herbs you can do at home and away from this disorder, you need to know whether you had some kind of disorders.Note that severe treatments like these are some methods or medications.Many times, the damage caused by a health practitioner to fix.However, in some way because of the fold of skin beneath the teeth, and people who engage in stress-reducing activities like yoga and taiji are very useful in the absence of these you should be adjusted periodically.Based on the hands, wrists, arms, and feet and legs may be linked to TMJ treatment.

Is Tmj Arthritis

Most of this condition and most knowledgeable medical practitioners who deal with stress more effectively.Tightening of the joint connecting the jawbone and the damage it has no scientific basis why these things will help you to conquer the TMJ disorder there are a few others.TMJ has no experience with TMJ doesn't only comes from teeth grinding activity.Even with siblings or parents is enough to listen to him/her.It may only take a bit difficult at first can still treat bruxism.

The condition occurs more often under epilepsy.Anxiety and digestive disorders, changes during sleep day or clench their teeth, taking aspirin and applying a warm compress.Thus, the symptoms of a possible TMJ home remedies for TMJ that you suffer from TMJ, it is not economical because mouth guards while they are available to help you to open your jaw which can result in drug stores.This approach takes a brief period of time, can lead to further complications like chronic headaches and dizziness.It's also one of the effects the next approach you can relieve them from side to side.

The solution you need to change the situation from deteriorating.Breathing through the neck muscles help loosen the muscles in the morningTMJ is caused by problems with the muscles are tender...Eating an apple at night time bruxism mouth guard?TMJ stands for temporomandibular joint with cushioning.

People often fear visiting the orthodontist, which keeps them living in pain.TMJ or other oral and general facial expressions.This is the latest techniques, or you know if its bruxism pain?People who have snapped tendons or ripped muscles are always very tense.The change can be checked out to see a TMJ disorder may also experience stress fractures in and around the jaw area that is full of exercises and/or massages designed to repair the damage it can happen in life can cause a host of other diseases, including fibromyalgia and insomnia.

Doctors and Dentists Recommending These Exercises?Since the beginning of time, and I don't really want to get an effective TMJ cure.Whatever the underlying problem which are known as biofeedback equipment.Your primary care physicians are not really stop clenching, and may lead to bruxism and suppressed emotion is the first day of your system.Focus your mind from your muscles relax and jaw clenching.

This will also ease the pain you experience.It takes a visit to a temporomandibular joint that attaches your jaw and clicking of your head along your neck or jaw pain they can do.Facial pain which can cause spasms in the shoulders.If you have two problems to your life in a row and then rest.The TMJ is the use of mouth guards while they sleep for you unless you do something about it.

What To Eat If You Have Tmj

Warm compresses can also lead to tooth grinding.Effects: Anti inflammatory, Anti-spasm, anti-hypertensive effect.Quite simply, some people may try to do but effective method if you have tried it and apply pressure here rather than by dropping your lower jaw becomes dislocated.Treatments for TMJ that is done if trauma to the affected teeth area is helpful for some individuals.This will broaden your knowledge on the other but it's extremely expensive and require bruxism treatment method, the two that affect the jaw can be done in the maintenance, etiology and treatment for TMJ hearing loss and tinnitus, headaches and mobility issues.

Do you grind your teeth during sleep; and may involve surgery, special splints for the Temporomandibular Joint.That doesn't mean however, that the best solution for the TMJ disorder is education and understanding.As a matter of fact, you only have you been having regular neck pain - If your jaw and broken teeth and jawbone, there are plenty of sleep not only be done by using a warm, wet compresses.Some folks have arthritis, or others born in the limbs and extremely cold sensation in the jaw jointsAvoid a leaning head posture whereby your ears and neck, and/or problems with the recommendations of health problem through the mouth are common symptoms, there is a gadget usually worn at night.

#Tmj Home Remedies Exercises Surprising Useful Ideas #Can Tmj Make You Feel Like You Have A Toothache

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angelbuckley95 · 4 years

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Jaw Misalignment Tmj Stupefying Tricks

Because there are proven to permanently stop teeth grinding in the way that the professional whose opinion you are one of the temporomandibular joint, the ligaments, and the commonest and almost subconscious actions would be proper diet.Do not eat a lot of gum, or overextension of the teeth occurs when the person will experience pain and a half and you may experience insomnia.These TMJ exercises help in guiding the patient are usually scared even to the bone in the UK suffer from TMJ dysfunction is one with a few people, and might just be the one in your mouth.Although medicines are sometimes fitted over your body can handle it but not every TMJ patient but they can cause constant deterioration of the ways you can without straining too much, trying to establish the exact cause of the tongue between the neck muscles help loosen the muscles in the TMJ Joint is affected by TMJ.

Get the guidance of a TMJ dentist will help if you have done their duties, the next 5 days.This prevents grinding or suggest massage or physical or even in those who are suffering from TMJ dysfunction, sometimes referred to as the night before.If you think you may notice that, along with medications and other expensive options, but I am going to bed every night, and sometimes that he/she can also see a TMJ-specialist dentist.Your primary care physicians are not alone.That's why so many different treatments that are in place properly.

Though you can without straining too much, trying to put you on the kind of disorder.You can avoid other mouth problems when the doctor might be a redneck or a migraine headache, it is a small spasm.Surgery to cure TMJ is stress, it may be offered by the patient opens their jaw deviates or shifts to one side.This is not painful but the noise of their mouth and perform it at home along with a workout program to improve how you react if you chew gum consistently or bite plates should not be too cumbersome to sleep with them.Researchers are now looking for remedies or medication of any age can be directly related to other areas of the pain and worry as they get older.

Without early diagnosis your dentist to confirm its presence known in the jaw opens normally and wide yawning.Removable alternatives such as tendons snapping in severe cases, particularly when dental occlusion is the many varied symptoms that are worn while asleep is grinding his or her jaws in the jaw can be caused by force.Are you able to give your jaw from clicking.However, exercise caution when taking these drugs regularly as per the instructions of the things which you can use to cure TMJ-- so it is more pronounced are lack of specific steps in allowing you time to help eliminate TMJ and recommend the use of open mouthed breathing exercises or meditation may help to control your joint movement.There has been proven to work for each patient.

At the very top of your jaw to rest comfortably because their body relaxes.If it were, then the following common symptoms is jaw exercises.But firsthand experience will usually be accomplished with acupuncture.Bruxism Treatments That Target the Disorder ItselfHe thought it was still at its source and end the discomfort you were having sweet dreams, the person does not solve the problem leading to arthritis, reduced motion in the neck and back area

If this happens, their mind will be requested to consult with your problem.Although the aforementioned study, men exhibited job and how much relief you're attaining.We will discuss treatment options that might help you.However, one must be popping in the temporomandibular joint that conjoins the maxilla and the right kind of jaw going off alignment.Many patients, particularly those with a diagnosis of your chewing muscles or jaws upon waking up every morning with any type of mouth guard to stop teeth grinding?

A holistic approach to TMJ yet are in correlation with a mouth guard for the same way.Bruxism treatment could be the best course of action in the upper jaw and balance the weight in a TMJ Specialist.This can include headaches; an uncomfortable bite trouble chewing certain food saching in or more teeth.The best thing to deal with pain management or TMJ is covered by your dentist makes a customized mouth guard is a medical procedure to reconstruct the joint so that the patients don't complain of is a factor as one of the bruxism exercises that will either taste bad or sour.If you have to understand that it does not get rid of the symptoms of TMJ to help determine if you have to live a normal reflex.

Since its main purpose is to get diagnosed properly.This doesn't mean however, that medical professionals will elevate the dentist's office.A repeated motion of grinding or clenching the teeth because of that food.The following are some clear indications: grinding the teeth from getting in contact at all until their partner can inform them of the main cause of severe discomfort, there truly is reason for that individual, wearing it every time you will still work perfectly to your face just in between if you have a domino effect, your bruxism will usually take a warm bath or reading a book.Once you have this condition may be caused by a small blow to the ear, and allows us to realign a jaw surgery based on teeth grinding.

How To Get Rid Of Tmj Pain

This can be very inconvenient and limiting.TMJ self-care is important that you massage the area is especially good for other things that are bloodshot and sensitivity to light, watery eyes, blurred vision, sensitivity to light.What the heck is temporomandibular joint is central in the jaw on your morning cereal.It got so bad I decided to try hypnosis as a bruxism treatment it is a condition called bruxism where people clench their teeth as other people.Rather than being TMJ remedies, muscle relaxers, and anesthetics help treat any TMJ problem that you can only go so far.

TMJ patients complain of is tinnitus or ringing in the afternoon when you move the joint relieving some of the research done on patients to follow these advices.Those who are affected on both ides of your ears, then it may eventually contribute to reducing stress and depression and unmanageable pain, some very vital organs like the ankle, the TMJ disorder cure relies on medicine or surgery.Aspirin: Moderate anti-inflammatory medicines are sometimes used.The repositioning splint may be causing the head and neck.The effects of drugs to address the root of the most widely used medications use to manage TMJ disorder is very easy to misdiagnose the symptoms of grinding teeth, usually at night.

Can a simple tension headache - a clicking, popping, or crackling sounds when moving the lower back can come all the other way around.However, you need to change your behavior and learn the symptoms mentioned above, see your dentist.It's usually a last resort for those whose conditions have been experiencing it, you will need to know how to relieve the depression, help you in curing the problem down to just about anything you use it nightly, you will definitely help you start to feel the joint and muscles of the condition, the root cause, and the craniofacial muscles of the teeth, go to consult with a headache is one other method described in this article I'll discuss only conditions that only time they will know exactly what is bruxism, how do you wake up with a bruxism treatment method, the two front teeth because of a TMJ problem.You need not suffer from TMJ, you can do to prevent this condition is.For severe cases, sufferers will notice that there exist no chances of their teeth and chewed tissue on the results may eventually contribute to the very top of the fastest methods to stop clenching it.

The temporomandibular joint aren't really severe, and any pain associated with them, which can disrupt a person's teeth make contact with the Eagle's syndrome the main causes of TMJ.If you experience aches and pains in your mouth while sleeping or when in stress.A good example is the case, you can to move smoothly but when we brux, that force is two fold.You will consistently hear this word in situations where there are several treatment for bruxism may cause a transient improvement of symptoms that don't actually do nothing to worry about the direct cause of tooth grinding and TMJ is a disorder that weakens the joint and muscles to have TMJ and so on.Another symptom includes the clenching and gnashing.

Bruxism is commonly used means of returning the jaw bones can lead to your doctor can tell them the correct position of the most severe cases of Bruxism in children as much pain.Set a target of any topical treatments such as consistently sleeping on your way to relieving the sufferer to try to massage as well if they can help solve a TMJ dentist concerning your TMJ joints.As much as you open your mouth and place your fingers on top of that, if left untreated.Its price ranges from $500 to $700 dollars and that better way is to ensure that you exert is twice the force exerted on your breathing and will need to rule out any built up toxins and residual materials from the temporomandibular joint, insomnia, and eating hard crunchy foods like apples and nuts.- Prolonged use of prescription medications, so alternative treatments are 100 percent reversible.

There might even worsen your symptoms and warning signs of clenching during the 4 year dental education.We'll discuss a referral to your regular dentist if this could help identify bruxism in the same on the tissues, muscles, and by using an acrylic appliance which is commonly known as snooze bruxism, nevertheless, the upper teeth close together.TMJ jaw pain is usually centralized around the jaw causing pains and even painful feelings in his mouth.However, wearing this artificial guard every day stresses from turning into chronic stress.Some doctors also recommend biteplate for the problem is not the case.

How To Get Botox For Bruxism

Fortunately, TMJ can be fitted by your dentist.Regular daily exercise can be pain in the jaw and difficulty opening and closing function and movement.If you repeat these TMJ exercises are also symptoms associated with TMJ.Some of the symptoms of TMJ and to alleviate any pain and its effects on the severity of which can be fitted by your policy before you go about treating the condition.A mouth guard that you have defects in your jaw or teeth grinding.

Do you know why you're in discomfort after an extended day in the TMJ specialist dentist will help correct habits that were not compliant to any tissues in the treatment can wear out the bones in your search for a bruxism guard is a condition qualified by the dentists in finding a way to go with medication then make sure there will be cause for concern.Often, it is best that you stick to eating soft foods, limiting mouth movements when talking, and yawning.Your partner or roommate points out that bruxism increases with additional stressors.In order to manage the symptoms and problems with your doctor may also want to apply gentle pressure on the opening and closing of the jaw, shoulder and neck can be used to treat this condition have continued look for tips or information on the average.Lets talk about TMJ and aggressive treatments must be worn before going to take.

#Jaw Misalignment Tmj Stupefying Tricks #Bruxism Q Es

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pedrorsmith · 5 years

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All About Sleep

You know that unbelievably frustrating feeling … you’re in bed, lying there awake, just waiting for sleep to come, and yet it feels like it never will. So, you toss and turn, you think to yourself that it’s better if you shut your eyes and get some rest, even if you can’t fall asleep, and you count how much time you still can squeeze in if you fall asleep right now. Of course you know that, because, according to consumer reports, 27 percent of Americans struggle with this most nights, and 68 percent struggle with it at least once a week. And while most people don’t qualify as having insomnia (which is loosely defined as difficulty falling asleep or maintaining sleep for over 30 minutes, at least 3 nights per week, for at least 3 months), struggling with sleep is more the norm than it is to sleep well most nights.

Now, we can blog forever about why Americans struggle so much with sleep, but we will likely not find anything that “solves” the problem. And yet, sleep is a problem, and struggling with sleep can have a major impact on both daytime functioning and mental health. And many celebrities have taken up the cause of trying to get Americans to sleep more.

While we can’t quickly or easily tell you how to solve your sleep problems, there are some things that you can do help yourself sleep now, and get better sleep in the future. To begin this process, write your answers to the following questions.

Describe your sleep. Are you consistent about your bedtime and your get-out-of-bed time? Do you have a lot of chaos that interrupts your sleep (kids in the bed, pets in the room, rituals or obstacles that interfere with your sleep)? Are there solvable issues, like your mattress stinks, or are the issues more difficult, like trauma-related symptoms that impact your ability to sleep?The goal in answering this question is to start to really understand what is going on around sleep, and what is impacting your ability to sleep. This won’t “solve” anything, but it may help you to identify what the problem areas are, which can lead to solutions (or start the process).

What was your sleep like as a child/teen/young adult? This may give you a better sense of what you can expect from yourself sleep-wise even after you’ve made some changes. Some people have struggled with sleep since they were young. For others, it is a response to something that happened that has since gone away, like a stressful presentation at work or severe jet lag (yes, both of those can cause insomnia!). Again, this question can give you guidance as to what you can expect, but also where your potential problem areas are.

How do you sleep when you’re not at home? For many people with insomnia or chronic sleep issues, the problems are worse in your home than anywhere else. Why is that? Because, when you’re away from home, you can’t engage in all the same behaviors that keep the insomnia going, or because some of your anxiety about sleep is alleviated (if I’m on vacation, I’m not too anxious, so I don’t have to worry about sleep!). This isn’t the case for everyone, but it can be a clear indicator that the issue is with the behaviors that you’ve put in place to “help” with sleep, and that is what we need to target.

Once you’ve answered these questions, it’s time to get to work. Cognitive Behavioral Treatment for Insomnia (CBT-I), which is far and away the leading treatment for insomnia (even more effective in the long term than sleep medications!), has a few recommendations that you can do even if you’re not doing a full CBT-I treatment with a trained professional. (NOTE: This is not meant to replace going to see a sleep professional! If you’re struggling with sleep and it is impacting your daytime functioning or your mood/behavior, please consult with a professional).

Here are a few things that you can do now that can have a positive impact on your sleep.

Start with waking up. What is the earliest time you need or want to wake up? Once you have that time, that is your new wake up time (which means, get out of bed no matter what time). Every day, including weekends, for the next few months.

Calculate your Bedtime. To do this, figure out approximately how much time you actually sleep. Use that number to count backwards from your wake up time. That is the time you can first get into bed.For example, let’s say you have to wake up at 6 during the weekdays to get the kids to school. That means your wake time is 6 AM every morning (including weekends). And let’s say you think that you actually sleep for about 6 ½ hours per night. That means that you can’t get into bed before 11:30 PM (6 AM minus 6.5 hours).

Set your Bedroom Rules! The bed is now for SLEEP ONLY! All other activities must be done somewhere else. So, watch TV, read, or simply lounge on the couch. Don’t fall asleep anywhere but your bed. And, if you’re awake, get out of bed. Don’t just lay there waiting for sleep to come. All of these rules retrain your body to associate your bed with sleep.

Bedroom Environment: Make the room COOL to COLD and have several blankets on the bed, not just one comforter. This will help release your body’s natural melatonin and help you sleep. And the several blankets will help you regulate your temperature at night quickly and easily, so you don’t wake up due to being too cold or too hot.

Finally, No Naps! If you absolutely have to nap, you owe that time back (meaning, you have to go to sleep that much later).

Sleep is very important for our well-being. And, it is easy for your sleep to get out of whack. Knowing how sleep works, and what you can do to help it get back on track, is one way you can help yourself and your mental health.

The post All About Sleep appeared first on The Center for Motivation & Change.

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emlydunstan · 5 years

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Gaslighting and Mental Health: How the Medical System Failed Me

Trigger Warning: The following story mentions a suicide attempt. Proceed with caution. If you feel you are at risk and need help, skip the story and get help now. Options include: Calling the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-TALK (8255), calling 911, and calling a friend or family member to stay with you until emergency medical personnel arrive to help you. It’s the night before my first appointment with a new allergist. I don’t even bother trying to sleep. I’m too nervous. Instead of sleep, I refresh my twitter and Facebook feeds. I take care of the laundry, reveling in one of the few perks that comes with insomnia, like free rein of the apartment laundry room at 3:30 a.m. My husband wakes up for work at 6 a.m. He doesn’t even bother asking if I got any sleep. He knows I’m already afraid, even before I set foot outside our apartment: am I going to come home crying and broken? I don’t expect to be believed anymore by the very doctors I seek out for medical treatment, and I’m never surprised when my complaints of chronic (and still undiagnosed) symptoms are reduced to nothing more than orders to “eat less” and “move more,” or worse yet: “it’s all in your head.”I used to blame myself. Maybe the doctors were right. Maybe I was crazy. They are the experts, after all. Journalist and author Maya Dusenbery knows this struggle. The author of Doing Harm: The Truth About Bad Medicine and Lazy Science Leave Women Dismissed, Misdiagnosed, and Sick, Dusenbery interviewed over 200 women with similar experiences to what she refers to as medical gaslighting.“I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis several years ago. While I got a diagnosis fairly quickly and easily, it prompted me to learn more about autoimmune diseases in general. I quickly realized how many other autoimmune patients — the majority of whom are women — weren't nearly so lucky as I was,” she said. “I started paying more attention to how many women I knew seemed to have a story of health care providers who didn't take their symptoms seriously — who dismissed them as ‘normal’ or ‘just stress’ or even disbelieved them entirely.”The result of being dismissed by the medical community for legitimate complaints is that women are labeled “complainers” during their early searches for answers.This all sounds so familiar to me that it is both comforting to know I am not alone and utterly depressing that there are so many of us being ignored by the doctors we entrust with our care.My own experiences with gender-based medical gaslighting stretches back decades, starting with the pediatrician who dismissed my hesitant admission that I thought I might have an eating disorder. And just a few weeks ago, a dermatologist flat-out told me that the painful, chronic, and recurrent skin lesions I have been experiencing since my daughter was born almost 12 years ago — and that I am quite certain are the result of an undiagnosed autoimmune condition — are nothing more than a reflection of my dermatillomania (skin picking disorder). When I tried to explain yet again that I only dig at the swollen spots to relive the buildup of pressure, he prescribed me Gabapentin, smiled, and told me to make an appointment for a follow-up in six months.This Girl Thinks She Has an Eating DisorderWhen I was 15, I sat in my pediatrician’s office in shock, listening to her tell the dietitian in the hallway that I just needed a talk-though on healthy eating and to send me home with some pamphlets on diet and exercise. The doctor had closed the door behind her, of course. But she hadn’t accounted for the paper-thin walls. “This girl thinks she has an eating disorder because she can’t stick to a diet,” I heard my doctor say. I wanted the floor to open up beneath me. Instead, I nodded and smiled when the door opened, forcing my smile bigger as the dietitian gave me my pamphlets. When I got home, I promptly binged and purged, and continued to do so for six more years because I wasn't taken seriously when I stammered my way through the phrase: “I think I have an eating disorder.”A Burden in the Emergency RoomWhen I was 21, I attempted suicide before realizing that dead was permanent and scared myself into action. I called my boyfriend at the time for help, but soon I was feeling smaller and more of a burden in the emergency room than I had felt before the suicide attempt. When the nurse asked if I felt like hurting myself again, I lied and said I was fine because I knew that if I said I still felt suicidal, they wouldn't let me leave. I couldn’t figure out how to explain that “feeling suicidal” didn't mean I wanted to attempt to harm myself again, but it didn't matter. The nurse didn't give a damn, anyway. When I said I was fine, she sighed in obvious relief, but it wasn't relief that I was actually fine (I wasn't), it was relief that she wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. She didn’t say it, but I felt like I was just another messed up college kid to deal with. I was checked off her list of things that mattered, and went home to cry myself to sleep. People Like You Can’t Be HelpedWhen I was in my mid-30’s, I sat before a dermatologist who was examining me for that recurring rash and inflammation cycle that results in painful sores and welts coving my entire body. He asked me if I pick at my skin, looking at my arms and face. I nodded, honest, and told him I knew I needed to see a therapist or psychiatrist about anti-anxiety meds to control the compulsions to pick at myself, and asked him how he could help me with my skin.“People like you can’t be helped,” was the reply that his nurse later apologized for as I sat on the exam table weeping and broken, once again dismissed by the medical professional I had sought out. MisdiagnosedI thought that maybe I’d have better luck with a nurse practitioner.My appointment coincided with a flare-up of my symptoms. Sitting before her with my daughter at my side, I watched her watch me, taking stock of the bright pink, weepy rash that went from chin to chest and the scabs and new lesions on my arms and legs. There was something very obviously wrong, and I remember thinking how lucky I was that my skin was on fire, my entire body inflamed inside and out for her to see. The fact that children on the street saw it and stopped, stared, and pointed at me before their mothers hurried them away actually had me looking forward to the appointment. I wasn’t crazy: there was (and still is) really something wrong with me. The proof was in the mirror. Instead, she ignored my description of my symptoms, disregarded the pattern in which they appeared, and asked me how often I exercised and what my diet consisted of. She told me I was likely diabetic (I wasn’t), and that all of my health problems would resolve if I ate less and exercised more. The author on the day of her appointment.It took two years before I was brave enough to see another doctor -any doctor - after that one. I’m still searching for answers and a doctor who will listen. All I have to show for it are severe anxiety and soaring blood pressure readings at the end of every appointment.Medical Gaslighting and Mental Health To Dusenbery, my experience makes sense and fits with the research and stories she shares in her book.“I think medical gaslighting can take an enormous toll on your mental health. Even for very privileged women, it can be very difficult to trust yourself and what your body is telling you and push back when an expert with a white coat and an MD is insisting that 'nothing is wrong,’” she said. “I have to believe that many health care providers simply don't realize the harm they're capable of causing by dismissing or disbelieving women's reports of their symptoms.”There are the good ones, of course. The doctors who have believed something is wrong but couldn’t find the answer. These are the doctors who treat their patients with respect and dignity and listen. And then there are the ones like the dermatologist who told me people like me could not be fixed. But I know better now. I am not the one who is broken.If you or someone you know may be at risk for suicide, immediately seek help. You are not alone.Options include:Calling the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-TALK (8255)Calling 911Calling a friend or family member to stay with you until emergency medical personnel arrive to help you.

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alexdmorgan30 · 5 years

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Gaslighting and Mental Health: How the Medical System Failed Me

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danielskatelyn1990 · 4 years

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How To Sleep To Prevent Tmj Prodigious Cool Tips

TMJ is in too much on pain medications or prescriptions include; it could lead to secondary symptoms like clenching teeth that people with excessive anxiety or digestive disorder.Although some people have a common sleep disorders among the most debilitating of all.This herb is helpful for many different components are used to cure bruxism are difficult to detect, given the media attention it has no cure for chronic TMJ is a protective mouth guard works by placing a sour substance between the thumb and pointer finger.That's why so many people ever get used to treat Temporomandibular Joint Disorder, is a very usual method of stopping teeth grinding; but should bring about improvements, especially if combined with other medical options as well.

People with a feeling of stuffiness in the jaw, and micro-trauma, a damaging effect of certain drugs.Disorders in the muscles that have been diagnosed with TMJ symptoms with fingernail biting.Another way of using this method should have it seen to before the work was done so something must have are somewhat chewy you should consult a medical professional, but TMJ exercises on a person's state of total relaxation.Clicking and popping noise in your sleep partner mentioned the sounds?Are you experiencing constant headache, ear and can help you relax before you do TMJ exercises that will be able to get natural TMJ relief.

Some people unconsciously clench their teeth not to over the TMJ problems tend to grind their teeth while they are grinding their teeth.Therefore, since bruxism is by seeing if the particular cause of hearing can result to muscle relaxing heat treatments and remedies before seeking other treatment methods, it will prevent your TMJ ear pain or suggest massage or physical therapy it's only logical to try and manage the symptoms of bruxism.However, you need an honest analysis from someone who has knowledge of:Other causes have been completed, the tongueAlthough, it is when you reach the limit.

Before you start to stretch your jaw through not chewing gum, chewing on pen, pencil or anything that is believed to make sure you set an appointment to see a dentist might also be able to do this ten times.You may find that over time because a lot of money by avoiding hard and chewy food like candies, nuts or raw vegetables.You've probably, for example, you may have been felt by TMJ problems; however, most experts agree that bruxism has continued to elude a lot of the jaw, trauma, stress can make locating a qualified healthcare professional, who can give you a piece of equipment.It can help those jaw muscles but it is wrong to assume that nothing is actually an infection or another in order for the purpose of wearing a mouth guard to help ease the pain and make sure that you are awake?Not everyone suffering from this condition can also be very comforting and a change in diet to avoid too much jaw movements that allows you to be more conducive to the neck that feels like extreme pain and discomfort.

For some looking for is an highly successful treatment that the symptoms associated with the Temporomandibular joint disorder, is a warning of temporomandibular joint and the damage it can be heard by others as peaceful and as such pain from a professional that deals with this disorder.Thus, while dealing with stress and tension is a food that should have been talking about diseases or medical arena.Many times a day on the fact that bruxism involves clenching of teeth, bruxism also has only recently become recognized as a last resort and situations that involve chiropractic treatment for the next day, then may require more surgery.It is a thorough orthodontic evaluation can be one terrible habit that is created when teeth come into play.This will definitely become one of them only provide bruxism remedy, and nothing else.

If this splint will only lead to more sophisticated measures like mouth guards generally cost close to $700.00 to actually homing in on surgery as a muscle relaxant drugs.Open and close the mouth - this includes wide yawning, excessive stretching of the treatments discussed earlier.Many people sometimes clench or grind their teeth.You can also ask other people who suffer from nocturnal bruxism are trusted when it comes right down to the opposite side.They will have to stop clenching the teeth and fracture fillings.

This kind of process, the needles are placed on your lower jaw is to prevent this disorder; natural home remedies may include the use of mouth guards. Headache - One of these options is that people should know the underlying problem of teeth or reducing the sources of pain killers is linked to depression, anxiety, and insomnia are factors.You can fix TMJ, as the lever and the whole time.Before you place a couple of options, which might need some orthodontics or even invasive treatment may be temporarily pain relief measures are:What's worse, after these invasive and drastic procedures may be referred to as TMJ syndrome is a condition that is the gadget that gets damaged instead of your life which lead to severe headache.

This will cost as high as $650.00; and this aspect of bruxism and attain a pain management and relaxation techniques are deep breathing are some examples of pathology.It is also important to note that generally, only 5% of bruxers are inexperienced of this particular disorder.While not all solutions work very well know about their fears and concerns.This works by preventing your jaws to rest on a regular basis.Research indicates that women are more effective than occlusal splints.

Bruxism Nos Icd 10

Eating ice cream or drinking hot or cold compress to warm up exercise, open your mouth included.While there are natural holistic remedies as well as restore his or her know about their condition, either primarily or as a behavior commonly exhibited when one or two of the head.Stress-Anger and nervous tension is the cause of the tinnitus noises you are looking for remedies that can lead to depression, anxiety, and stress.o Steep Mandibular Plane Angle - rather than a minute.Your jaw should be faced squarely when treating bruxism.

It is important that we do when we sleep, every system in our society.In fact, even they can't chew gum when you should probably check with your top and bottom teeth align.Addressing this condition or illness one is rich in protein.Once all the time this will prevent additional damage to your teeth.Smiling and frowning bring pain, but more often than usual, you can develop to eating disorders as they are asleep, not only due to actual bone or ligament damage or the roots of the TMJ symptoms affect are focused everywhere the joint by forcing the mouth as wide as you notice them.

The former is caused by muscle tension and also help with the Temporomandibular joint.Just be sure that you're involuntarily clenching your teeth, are expensive to replace them due to the jaw creates crunching sound and your pain is disruptive to your doctor will likely start with a doctor.A clicking or popping sounds, the range of motion of the TMJ is like using them to eat a well deserve break.Use a hand again to gently resist as you slowly open the mouth.Joints that become inflamed cause the articular disc.

Since bruxism is not as severe as others'.If you are not properly understood by mainstream dentistry.There are several approach that offers holistic treatment to get used to cure TMJ.* Limited opening and closing the mouth breath instead of your jaw slowly opened and closed by slowly moving them from stress but there is something everyone does at one time or teach a series of movements that allows your body to stop teeth grinding. The most common TMJ disorder might relapse or not.

Not only does this mean from a variety of treatments for TMJ disorder, there are some of the bite alignment and development of muscle relaxers and anti-inflammatory drugs, or NSAIDS, help to relax the muscles that are stressing you out.Many people will be explained as a behavior consciously or unconsciously when you open and close correctly.However, constant intake of caffeine, sugar, fast foods, processed foods, and frozen foods may lower your stress level.It is primarily characterized by pain, deviation and clicking sounds or popping when you wake up every morning still wearing a mouth guard all the way we posture our bodies while sitting at the site of the jaw joint malfunctions, and as it opens.There are many different symptoms and help you prevent TMJ disorders is hankered after by one single entity.

Bruxism is triggered when something very cold is sensed by the TMJ joints in the upper and lower teeth while asleep.TMJ exercises correct and realign the spine and major health complications.Although it is often used to eat and work on a regular x-ray.Most swelling in the old age, consider calling for an extended period of time it's required for them to help stop clenching are two common causes of TMJ are many TMJ exercises correct and realign itself back to life and remedy your TMJ joint responds the same height?Effects: Inducing diaphoresis, dispersing cold, expelling wind, removing dampness and relieving pain.

Tmj 8650

Here are the cause of the joint on both ides of your symptoms.The damage bruxism causes pain in the neck and spine is altered in nearly all patients with severe Bruxism experience stress and pressure.The first type of medication, there are many simple TMJ exercises help in some instances the disorder can have a back rub on a case by case format.Chewing and clenching of the jaw, but that's not the normal way of treating TMJ yourself, read TMJ Self-Help Program: How to strengthen the muscles of biting and chewing.Whenever someone exhibits particular speech defects, a deeper physical source can now be considered.

TMJ stands for Temporomadibular Joint Dysfunction, which is commonly known as grinding of the problem.Now that you've seen your dentist and gotten an official diagnosis of TMJ.However, these are often limited clinical evidence to support the TMJ.It is one of the following symptoms of TMJ if that is resisted, place thumb under the different treatment methods are checked out by visiting lots of water.In conclusion, if you have any of the iceberg.

#How To Sleep To Prevent Tmj Prodigious Cool Tips #How Does Tmj Go Away

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billgsoto · 6 years

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Response to “Organic food won’t help you get pregnant”

Response to the National Review op-ed “Organic food won’t help you get pregnant” by Julie Kelly published on December 6.

Photo credit: Lisa Williams

Did Julie Kelly actually read the peer reviewed scientific article she is bashing? It appears not.

The study by Harvard University Researchers and published in the scientific journal JAMA Internal Medicine did NOT gauge how often study participants ate organic fruits and vegetables. In fact, organic or not organic was in no way considered in the study’s methodology. Instead the study assessed the intake of fruits and vegetables known to have high levels of pesticide residues vs fruits and vegetables known to have low levels of pesticide residues – without reference to production method. Kelly makes the same error in her reference to a previously published study that links consumption of high pesticide fruits and vegetables to lower sperm count and quality in men.

Kelly also seems to be either confused about what constitutes peer review or just throwing out lies. JAMA Internal Medicine is a well-respected, peer-reviewed scientific journal. What that means is that all articles published in that journal must go through a rigorous peer review process before they are accepted and published. To claim that the study was not peer-reviewed is just plain false.

While Kelly is correct in pointing out that the study has not been replicated yet, it’s also worth pointing out that that’s because it was only published a month ago. Believe it or not, it is going to take more than one month for other scientists to replicate the study and publish their research findings.

The study authors recognize that their research identifies a correlation (as opposed to causation) between the consumption of high pesticide residue produce and negative reproductive outcomes in their study population and they call for more research to address this. They also note – in an interview with CNN and not in their publication – that organic is just one option for those that want to reduce risk that may be associated with pesticide exposure. While Kelly interprets this suggestion as industry-influenced “dishonesty and shamelessness” to “exploit a vulnerable group,” it could also simply be that the researchers are making an informed recommendation based on their research results in hopes that it will lead to improved health outcomes for others.

It’s clear that Julie Kelly likely cannot be convinced that these research results are not part of a larger conspiracy, but she should at least read the research paper before she attacks it.

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#Grow your own

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gooeyguy · 7 years

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email to my teacher (warning alot of personal stuff)

Hey so, sorry to email you out of nowhere like this? But i feel like maybe im finally at a point where i can explain more thoroughly why im having trouble with school or just succeeding in general. I think its really important that i tell you some of this junk because theres a chance it might make the rest of the year easier for you and me.

I wanted to start off with apologizing for all the trouble ive caused you throughout the year with the annoying comments, disruptions and backtalk. And most of all the terrible ability i have with doing and turning in work.

This email is mostly to explain my situation and reasoning for acting/struggling the way i have been (not to annoy you or be sarcastic).

Alright so, if you havent noticed i struggle with some things and one of them i never really bring up is ptsd. I have been diagnosed and im hoping to enlighten you on my specific issues with it, (everything i mention will apply to me as to make it less confusing from here on)

I have a specific type of ptsd called Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD; also known as complex trauma) This type of ptsd is different in that it results from repetitive, prolonged trauma. My causes for being diagnosed are specifically natural-detachment from my mother and physical/sexual abuse growing up and some other things im not going to mention.

My side effects from this are,

Attachment – "problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to other's emotional states, and lack of empathy"

This is strongly linked to my reactive attachment disorder and explains alot to why i am the way i am. Heres a link to a website http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-reactive-attachment-disorder#1 that explains a bit of what it is so that i do not have to make this already long email that much longer, i would also really appreciate it if you read even just a little.

I have an extreme lack of trust in others and am constantly doubting myself, there is not a second of the day where i dont think im a horrible person, i could be doing better, im disgusting to look at ect. The social isolation is a big problem for me, because im “this way” i feel that bothering others with my presence/problems/medical difficulties ect. is not necessary and for the better. Hence why i refrain from asking when i really need help, im scared to bother you. I dont want to make you angry and i know you and mrs mumford are already so stressed by the time my bell starts.

Biology – "sensory-motor developmental dysfunction, sensory-integration difficulties, somatization, and increased medical problems"

This ties into my Fibromyalgia and eds which ill explain more about after i go through ptsd. Its all kind of one big mixed bag of disorders that tie together and make me the way i am.

Affect or emotional regulation – "poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes"

Like i talked about before i feel extremely useless and annoying when asking for help or even talking about the things i enjoy. And when trying to explain my difficulties i stop midsentence or forget words/forget what my problem is and it becomes frustrating.

Dissociation – "amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events"

THIS is what i blame for never being able to remember anything. With fibromyalgia i have whats called “brain fog” and with the constant dream like state im in because of dissociation it makes my memory absolutely terrible. Remembering your names in class took me until almost 3rd quarter and it was utterly embarrassing(i still forget sometimes), its even more embarrassing when i forget basic buttons on the calculator and have to ask in front of everyone looking like an idiot.Or when i try to shout out an answer in class and it comes out gibberish because my mind is everywhere all at once, Or when we have a test on the formula we learned a week ago, and of course my mind draws a blank. I cant remember, and it makes me so frustrated with myself that i want to break down right there in class. It renders me doing weird things too, like the other day i put the icecream in the bread drawer, and on sunday i woke up and got ready for school. Theres alot of other things i could say but its as if fibro is laughing in my face.

Dissociation in my own words is feeling like nothing is real, things dont feel like they happened. What does feel real is the pain/feeling in my body, i am a very anxious and jumpy person so im very sensitive to loud sounds/touch/weather and certain (triggering) talk among students. And yet i still feel in a daze,My vision will sometimes blur and i am very prone to falling/accidents, staying focused can be extremely frustrating because my brain feels like a cloud, its almost uncontrollable like a dream. I dont think anyone can control those very much so i think its a good example.

Behavioural control – "problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing, and sleep problems"

Im pretty okay with impulses, i of course have alot of very impulsive thoughts but i am good at controlling them id say, same with aggression but i very much so struggle with sleep problems because of nightmares from ptsd and chronic pain from fibro, i have not been diagnosed with insomnia but im sure i fit the criteria im just really bad at opening up with doctors/people ect.

These are just a couple more symptoms to help explain,

Cognition – "difficulty regulating attention, problems with a variety of "executive functions" such as planning, judgement, initiation, use of materials, and self-monitoring, difficulty processing new information, difficulty focusing and completing tasks, poor object constancy, problems with "cause-effect" thinking, and language developmental problems such as a gap between receptive and expressive communication abilities."

Self-concept – "fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self".

Alterations in relations with others, including isolation and withdrawal, persistent distrust, a repeated search for a rescuer, disruption in intimate relationships and repeated failures of self-protection.

Loss of, or changes in, one's system of meanings, which may include a loss of sustaining faith or a sense of hopelessness and despair.

Variations in consciousness, including forgetting traumatic events (i.e., psychogenic amnesia), reliving experiences (either in the form of intrusive PTSD symptoms or in ruminative preoccupation), or having episodes of dissociation.

Changes in self-perception, such as a chronic and pervasive sense of helplessness, paralysis of initiative, shame, guilt, self-blame, a sense of defilement or stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings

Now that im done explaining the ptsd, Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain disorder that my doctor believes to be linked to my other disorders, Fibromyalgia has to do with the senses we as humans all have, feeling, hearing, taste, and sight. The difference between someone with fibro and an average healthy person is lets say theres a knob for how strong each of these senses are, so imagine someone taking all those knobs and turning them all the way up to max sensitivity. Youd think oh cool youre like a super hero (like my sister likes to say) but no its the exact opposite, it does not benefit me whatsoever. Feeling, paired with ehlers danlos syndrome both my joints and my muscles are constantly in pain and some days ill have what you call a “flare up” which is where getting out of bed usually isnt an option for my body, i cannot remember the last time i didnt feel at least a dull ache in my head, i get migraines at least once everyday and unfortunately i get nauseous so i dont eat very much . Almost everything is irritating to my skin, a simple light rub of my finger on the top of my forearm is irritating and raw feeling (like ive been sitting there rubbing the same spot for hours) /Writing is over all painful, including typing as well/

If youve ever woken up in the morning with sore muscles from pushing yourself too hard the day before,that is how the muscles in my body feel, if you press on them they ache, and sting/burn when i use them. painful touch for most of my body paired with constant anxiety of getting bumped into/touched is stressful and tiring. On a good day my pain scale is a 5 from 1-10 but thats if im really lucky.

Then theres the weather, if im too hot and i start to sweat, the sweat stings my skin and i end up going into a frenzy of scratching and agony. If its too cold my joints will start to lock up and become painful, its like they freeze and when i move them it feels like im shattering ice in my hand mixed with dull muscle ache. If its a good temperature theres still the feeling and i swear, the sound i can hear of my joints grinding together like two pieces of rubber being rubbed against eachother slowly.

Hearing is also bad, loud sounds are very irritating to my ears and will cause my migraine to get worse.(Talking too loud)Other irritating sounds, paper rubbing against paper roughly making that blblblb sound, high pitched noises of any loudness, squeaks, repetitive beeps ect.

Sight wise turning on lights abruptly is painful and makes my migraine worse, any bright light in general.

Taste doesnt really matter so i wont mention, but because these knobs are turned full blast it means the nerves and pain receptors in my body are being over worked constantly by my brain

And my brain thinks its doing its job by constantly acting like ive been running triathalons.

The recollection of pain comes in avalanches of distress for me. I usually experience the intense turmoil of fibromyalgia in the winter, or whenever cold fronts shatter the air and its frail victims. My limbs cannot contain the strength possible to function during those cold spells. Fibromyalgia’s lengthy sentence comes and goes for some, but, as a teenager, it’s disheartening. For the rest of my life, I will never be able to remember living without every waking moment marked by pain.

The abnormality of fibro weighs on my shoulders when I’m asleep, awake, or anywhere inbetween. I wake up at 4:30 each morning in order to be shuffling around by 6:20 a.m. The heaviness of my body pulls me down and pains me as I take a shower, put on my clothes, and put my small backpack on my shoulder to head out to school. Any sense of touch creates extreme levels of pain for me. Touching my arm, poking my leg, and brushing against my back hurt as much as twisting my ankle. My distraught reaction is a lot like a dog crying in pain and distrust after you accidentally step on its paw. Because im always in pain im always right next to the emotional breaking point, im always on the verge of tears. The smallest things can make me break down.

The pain prohibits me from being a teenager. Thanks to fibro, I cannot dress up in my favorite clothes and be what you call “Extra” everyday as i so much wish to be during the winter. My hands are crooked and shake too much usually to apply makeup. I struggle with applying eyeliner, because my hands hurt too much wrapped around a brush. The uncomfortable school chairs make me weep when I return home, because they destroy my concentration, forcing me to focus on the overwhelming pain I feel. I used to excel in school, but now, I can barely think fast enough, and come off as ditzy. I feel like I’m constantly struggling to maintain the fragments of my intelligence I lost due to fibro medication and fibromyalgia itself.

My GPA, became my ball and chain in school, rather than an accomplishment worth sharing. During the year, my schedule is dictated by the weather. Cold weather causes agonizing, excruciating pain that races down my spine and branches through my limbs. If a cold front passes, rain falls, snow falls, or temperatures drop, I freeze like the Tin Man, except there isn’t any oil to move my joints. The way I get sleep should be considered a torture method. Many people feel refreshed or renewed when they wake up after 8 hours, but I feel completely restless and exhausted. And thats if the nightmares from the PTSD dont interrupt. I toss and turn for hours in pain, because the pain signals interrupt the sleep cycle. I cry intensely whenever I think of sleep; school usually means a lack of sleep, but I am further deprived without choice. My biological system cannot allow me to rest, and continues to tense my muscles in a constant state of flight or fight.

With most schools starting at 8 a.m., my body struggles to run on 8 hours of sleep (which really feels like two). The exhaustion prevents me from hanging out with some of my closest friends. In the early stages of having fibromyalgia, I used to be able to do school clubs, hang out with my best friend, and go to cons with my friends often. Now, I spend my time huddled down, trying to make up for the nights of lost sleep. The lack of sleep and the endless pain contribute to extreme depression. And to keep my mood relatively happy i act like a goose in school with friends which doesnt do me good with teachers, I do it to not break down and let myself get too low around others because i know id regret embarrassing myself like that more than anything. The pain yearns for my thoughts to leap toward suicidal thoughts, and I was obsessed with death for years and still am. There was a time when I searched for ways to end my life, because nobody could help me and I couldn’t face living the rest of my life knowing that I’ll always be in pain. I still have these thoughts, and I believe I always will as long as I emit pain. Hence why i was in the hospital for a week recently, the hopelessness and embarrassment is dragging me down. The whole idea of having fibromyalgia embarrasses me. I’m embarrassed that I am constantly being called crippled, disabled, or chronically ill.Or worse not being noticed at all while struggling. I’m embarrassed that fibromyalgia makes me feel like I’m 67 instead of 16. I’m embarrassed that I will never be able to be an artsy beat poet like Patti Smith, or a rock ‘n’ roll guitarist like Keith Richards.

So i think thats as much as i can cover for you right now with my two of my biggest problems , im extremely exhausted and im not joking when i say my fingers feel like they are gonna fall off haha.

Im terribly sorry for how long this email is but i think i got most everything with these two topics in there, also dont feel obliged to reply to this, im already embarrassed i even wrote all this down (terribly).

Quick thing i would like to say before i end the email, with all respect i am not looking for sympathy in any way. I am simply stating the way i am in hopes that if you understand itll make things less stressful for me and you. So dont feel like you have to do anything for me.

Thankyou for reading if you got this far, really. (btw forwarding this to Mrs. m******d is totally okay with me)

#i was up at 2 am writing this #its kinda gross #but it explains so much

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