#which sam does too

[cascigarette]

it's really interesting to me how they wrote and how jarpad played sam's trauma from the cage through the soulless sam arc and the hallucifer arc. like when he's soulless he's very much like dissociated out of body hypersexual kind of trauma response with memory gaps and no real sense of self. when he gets his soul back he does sort of a 180. he's overwhelmed, he's hallucinating, having intense flashbacks, using self harm to ground himself, feeling hyposexual, he can't help but remember. I just find it interesting to see his initial trauma from the cage and how it changes over time, how it changes him

[firestorm09890]

Penny stardewvalley makes me so sad because she's SO sensitive to, like, basically everything you tell her (telling her that you can't stand children while two children are nearby is a pretty lousy move but -1500 friendship?? being a jerk to other characters' faces typically loses you about 50 points, and if you choose the option labeled "creepy" and ask Leah for a kiss in her 2 heart event she physically hits you and kicks you out of her house but that's only -100 friendship…) and so if you want to befriend her it's a whole lot of lying and tiptoeing around her feelings (2 hearts: George was right but saying that makes her feel bad. 6 hearts: her food sucks but even if you try to be polite about it she feels like a failure; only a bald-faced lie pleases her. 8 hearts: saying you don't want to be tied down with a family loses you a little bit of friendship and she's only happy if you say you want kids) and I can't help but think she's a product of her environment. She lives in a trailer with only her mother, who gets drunk every night and has something of a temper. Penny's like a skittish rescue animal who won’t even come out from hiding under something unless you leave her lots of treats

[bleue-flora]

Ok, I recently wrote an essay [here] talking about the definition and duties of civil engineering as well as the ethics because of the brain rot @swordfright gave me with calling Dream Sam’s ultimate engineering project. So, because I actually am a civil engineer I took it upon myself to design the title and summary of quantities sheets just like I do at work for roads but with Dream as the project instead. And in honor of angst day sponsored by @sixteenth-day-event, I figured I’d share it because I feel like it kinda works for the prison of the mind prompt.

“Sam’s “ultimate engineering project” he deemed too damaged like a bumpy road or crumbling building that wasn’t worthy of patching and filling in the cracks or reinforcing, that’s too eroded to be fixed and preserved. So, Sam strived to tear him down to the bedrock so he could remake, remold, and reengineer Dream according to his design for the common safety, public health and well-fair.”

{These are very similar to the actual sheets I make day to day, which I shall not share for the sake of doxing my location, but yea pretty much everything has a significance. Some of it doesn’t necessarily make sense but that was because I was more so taking inventory of what we see in lore (so you know I counted ;) lol)}

[naedsart]

louis and lestat

oil on paper, 2022

[barbieaiden]

when you're the main character's little brother and doomed by the narrative because the author decided that the cult trauma wasn't enough. rip aaron

[suncaptor]

I really really do not understand how Jared is a bad actor. I understand these things are not objective. It's just that his range and his ability to display reactions in intense scenarios and consistently display PTSD from that is like. so core to my ability to even enjoy most of latter supernatural. I am not good at judging actors I think Jensen and Misha are so so, and I very rarely pay attention to the skills of acting. But Jared like. specifically stands out to me as an extremely good actor?

[specialagentartemis]

My favorite genre of sci-fi is “small research team goes to a distant plant/star/space station/black hole/etc to study something weird there, and then the weird thing there Wrecks Their Shit.” Can’t get enough of it. “Small research team goes to a deep undersea research station” and “small research team goes to a deep Antarctic research station” are also very good variants of this as long as they get completely rekt by a weird mysterious alien thing there. I love it every time.

It is also important to note that these stories can range from “TPK” to “lone survivor” to “a few losses but most of the main characters come out of this harrowing ordeal alive, if changed” to “everyone survives this harrowing ordeal and they have a new friend now!” but the more characters survive the better the story better be. If it’s a TPK/lone survivor I eat this up and will love it no matter how bad it is (Underwater (2020) starring Kristen Stewart I am vaguing you here. Stupid movie. Saw it on the big screen and loved it). But if most/all of the cast survives, the writing and the story and the characters better be goddamn amazing (All Systems Red by Martha Wells and Wolf 359 by Gabriel Urbina and Sarah Shachat I am vaguing you here <3 )

[pollyna]

Slider runs hotter than most people, which is why it's not uncommon to find Ice cuddling against his side, three sweaters on, and his arms around his chest, relishing all the body heat, especially during winter or long deployments in a carrier.

(In one of their early deployment photos Merlin took, Slider is sitting in the middle of the couch, with Goose and Ice cuddling on his left and right sides, more sleeping than awake, while the guy himself was finishing paperwork.)

[ilkkawhat]

1) sam’s living his best life

2) WHAT ARE THEY UP TO?!

[so-called-quail]

'Trapped in the end!' said Sam bitterly, his anger rising again above weariness and despair. 'Gnats in a net. May the curse of Faramir bite that Gollum and bite him quick!' 'That would not help us now,' said Frodo.

Sword in hand Sam went after him. For the moment he had forgotten everything else but the red fury in his brain and the desire to kill Gollum. But before he could overtake him, Gollum was gone. Then as the dark hole stood before him and the stench came out to meet him, like a clap of thunder the thought of Frodo and the monster smote upon Sam's mind.

Now he tried to find strength to tear himself away and go on a lonely journey – for vengeance. If once he could go, his anger would bear him down all the roads of the world, pursuing, until he had him at last: Gollum. Then Gollum would die in a corner. But that was not what he had set out to do. It would not be worth while to leave his master for that. It would not bring him back. Nothing would.

Sam and vengeance in today's entry

[tarragonthedragon]

i keep seeing people criticising tv shows and movies by being like "i thought x character was bad but im NOT BLAMING the actor i think the actor is GREAT and WONDERFUL i blame the WRITERS and DIRECTORS"

usually this is directed at female characters and characters of colour and like while i understand the impulse to not dunk on actors and actresses who are more likely to be receiving really shitty hate comments just for existing i do think a) the attacks on writers and directors are also really mean and personal sometimes? and also b) this feels incredibly performative

[angelsdean]

my tags on my prev reblog re: dean's misinterpreted attitude toward monsters just got me thinking abt sam and the bloodfreak stuff in general and like, as we know a lot of the early seasons were framed in sam's pov so a lot of the time it' him who's feeling like a monster and projecting that onto others to confirm his own beliefs abt himself. like when he finds out abt john telling dean to kill him if he goes darkside sam suddenly is in agreement w/ john saying john's right and dean has to do it because dad said so !!! anyways that's just preface to what i want to say which is, sam isn't really a monster. what i mean is, he's not a monster in the inherent sense that he seems to think he is, and that's part of the reason why dean pushes back against the demon blood stuff because he knows sam can be saved and for dean his number one job is to save sam because the alternative is following john's order and that's something he just cannot do. so it makes sense that dean would do whatever it takes even if that's being a little mean or forceful (calling him a monster, echoing john by telling him not to walk out that door to give sam pause, forcing him to detox) because he does not want to kill his brother.

but anyways, sam is not a monster in the way he (and a lot of fans) thinks he's a monster. he was Not born a monster, it's not something that is intrinsically and inherently part of him. and i'd argue there's really nothing special or "chosen one"-esque about him (aside from the lucifer bloodline making him a better candidate for vessel purposes), he was just a regular baby who was dosed with demon blood, which in the text is treated as a drug / addiction. there was nothing special about any of the babies azazel dosed, they were just the children of people he'd made deals with. i think pretty much any baby (possibly even adult) who's fed demon blood from a powerful enough demon (like a Prince of Hell) would develop psychic powers. so it's not something completely out of his control that's turning him into a monster like a virus or a vampire / werewolf bite where he can't stop the progression. it's not happening to him he's making active choices to strengthen those powers and the more he feeds the more he wants it. everything w/ ruby is framed as him knowing he's doing something "wrong", the sneaking around, the lying. and i think dean's response is along the lines of "we need to get you help. we need to stop this because it's something that can be stopped. and if we stop it then i won't have to see you lose yourself or go too far. because if you go too far and start hurting people then i might have to kill you and i can't do that so please just let us save you." and i think that's fair. yes he and bobby maybe go about things the wrong way but i think it's born out of desperation. and also it's not a rejection of "this is who you are and we hate you for being a monster" it's "you're making choices that are leading you down a dangerous path and we're scared we may lose you so we're trying to stop you from going too far down that road."

like the end goal of all the bloodfreak stuff (ruby's end goal) was to free lucifer and freeing lucifer would mean sam becoming his vessel. they obviously don't know all that at the time, but in hindsight it's like, yea we should've curbed that bloodfreak stuff sooner. also heaven was telling dean to stop sam too and that he was going down a dangerous path and that if dean doesn't stop him they will (likely meaning death) so again, of course dean's gonna try to do whatever he can to stop sam even if it's by not great methods. (also heaven was playing him too bc they also wanted lucifer to be freed so that Destiny could come to pass)

[quietwingsinthesky]

not to think seriously about the samelia arc but idk something interesting there through the lens of aromantic dean coming back and just. not getting it.

One of the first things he asks Sam about what happened while he was gone is “was there a girl?” and when told there was, he’s very upset by that. There was a girl, and in Dean’s mind, Sam chose her over Dean. And wants to continue choosing her! Wants to go back to her, says as much about wanting to go back to that life and almost does after the text message debacle!

And looking at this from Dean’s POV, Dean who tried to have that same kind of Normal Heterosexual Romance Life with lisa, and who it didn’t work for. could never quite make himself fit into place, couldn’t give her things he wasn’t even aware he couldn’t feel. who, as soon as he knew Sam was alive, made it a priority to stick close to his brother even at the expense of that relationship with Lisa. Like. Of course Dean doesn’t get what Sam wants with Amelia. He tried it! He lived it! For him, it felt wrong!

His life with Sam, for all that it’s a fucked up one, is more fulfilling to him than “being in love” with Lisa, and so even beyond the fact that he’s always going to need to choose Sam because that’s been his job since he was a kid, he’s always going to want to choose Sam.

and the idea that there’s some hierarchy of relationships for Sam where Dean isn’t the one he wants to spend his life with? That’s terrifying and confusing to him (if completely untrue, since Sam also proves time and time again that in the end he’ll always choose Dean.) Dean’s got no idea what being aromantic actually is, he’s Dean. Meaning to him, what he had with Lisa is either what everyone gets out of a romantic relationship or he’s broken in ways other people aren’t, depending on how much he hates himself that day. Neither of which are true, but you can see how, with that assumption, the idea that Sam wants to leave this life with him for a woman he met less than a year ago is kind of hard for him to process.

[suncaptor]

Like I think it's funny people jump to "Sam doesn't know Dean" when Sam shows shock at Dean's behavior rather than "Sam is reacting to Dean showing a different side the role he generally plays which reveals a history the show is telling us of how they interact and define each other."

[terrorpenned]

swapping out actors is very par for the course for a daytime soap but there's something very ... meaningful about it in this show, where everyone exactly resembles an ancestor, and those resemblances are significant to their identity and place in the world, while keeping a face unchanged through the centuries announces you as a harbinger of doom. we have known from the moment barnabas arrives that he is the ancestor in the portrait. we know that cassandra is angelique, because her similarly enduring face reveals her intentions. ancient loves are found and lost again through resemblances. victoria's identity is made and unmade in it over and over again.

[t3r4t0m4]

Remember when I said I was turning Sam Spruell into an OC? Yeah...

For the past two years I've completely neglected one of my old story/worlds that was mainly about vampires and vampire coven/family drama because after rereading the like..nearly 200 pages I wrote about it and the world building in the end I thought it was too cliche and tropey. But, given some time to recover from the world shattering hard blow of disappointment in my own work, I've decided to pick it back up and completely rewrite it. Starting with the morally grey, ulterior motivated, secondary protagonist. In my original story he was the not-what-he-seems mentor figure to the mc, but I got too attached to him and started directing my focus towards him and his familiar (whom I will redesign and draw next) essentially turning them into the main characters. So after a year of deliberation I have decided to do exactly that!