#who cares about *cancelling* emojis??

[angelsonthesideline]

💋🙈 are both in my frequently used and pretty much live there

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Musician Age Gap AU Pt 8

"I cannot believe you told my wife your date was with *Lena Luthor*," Alex whispers mid-yell, "before you told me!"

"Would it have changed your recommendation?"

At that, Kara hears Alex pause to consider.

"No," comes the final response. Then, "Did it work?"

Kara flushes-- she'd certainly gotten the reaction she'd been looking for. She just isn't sure she wants her sister to know that they hadn't fully resolved that desire.

"Well enough," Kara returns, settling on an incomplete truth. She'd explain the rest later... eventually.

A muttered curse issues over the line. "Jesus. How did this even happen? Wait-- what happens now? Esme said her next show is in, like... 16 hours, in Denver."

Kara smiles into the phone. "We stay in touch."

She's already received a picture via text, showing Lena with a tongue-out wink and a playful peace sign. Another photo had revealed a sticky bun, with a note that Lena had gotten Jess to swing by Noonan's on the way to the airport.

Though the sight of the sticky bun had made her hungry, the selfie made her pause to absorb the image. From the relaxed tousle of Lena's wavy hair, to the ray-bans hooked on the collar of her shirt, and the luxury of the private plane lurking around the edges.... she wonders if Lena realizes just how far she's letting Kara in, allowing her to see Lena in so personal a setting.

Kara's response had been simple. "Fly safe."

It had earned her a floating heart emoji and a promise to touch base upon landing.

"That's it?" Alex asks, pulling Kara back to the present.

Kara huffs a laugh. "What did you expect? She wasn't going to cancel half a national tour for personal time with someone she only met two days ago."

"Well why not? You're worth it."

"You're only saying that because you're my sister," Kara counters. "Besides, I don't want that for her."

Seeing Lena on stage had proven it's something the woman enjoyed. She thrived on the experience of it, and so did the thousands of fans who came to see her.

Which is why, a few hours after Lena's first Denver show would have concluded, Kara is surprised to receive a call from Lena. They'd facetimed when she'd landed, so the lack of video is her first clue that something isn't right.

"Hey," Kara greets, pressing the phone to her ear as she wipes sleep from her eyes. She'd meant to stay awake to check in herself, but not even a book had been able to keep her from dozing off.

"Hey."

Lena's voice is somber. It's such a difference that a wave of concern wakes Kara the rest of the way.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

There's a short pause before Lena responds. "Nothing."

"How was the show?"

"Fine. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be calling so late. I just... I wanted to hear your voice." Lena pauses again. "Is that weird?"

"No." Kara listens closely to the quiet that follows, as though it might give her some insight into what was happening on the other end of the line. "Lena..."

"Could you... talk to me?"

"About what?"

"Anything. Just... so I can listen."

Kara's brow furrows. She fights the impulse to dig deeper, to push to find the why. She doesn't need to know. Lena has asked for what she needs-- and it's something Kara is able and willing to give.

"Did I ever tell you that I didn't always live in National City?"

Lena hums a negative, prompting Kara to continue.

"I'm actually from a town up the coast. Midvale. I miss it sometimes. The stars mostly. In high school, I had friend named Kenny, and we would take his telescope to the old barn, and we would chart the skies together..."

Kara goes on, relating many and more of the troubles she and Kenny had gotten up to in those days. She was careful to steer clear of his murder, and the bullying they'd both experienced. Lena needed distraction, not more heartache.

As she speaks, Lena hums occasionally, sometimes even giving a chuckle. When the sounds of her following along peters out, Kara pauses to listen if Lena notices the stop. When no reaction comes, Kara smiles to herself.

"Lena?" she asks softly. "Still there?"

No answer comes, but when Kara increases the volume on her phone, she can hear the steady inhale and exhale of sleep. Kara listens for a few heartbeats more.

"Sweet dreams, Lena."

[pfhwrittes]

child free!reader thoughts that have been bubbling away in the brain soup document below the cut.

kyle garrick x gn!reader but with appearances from john price, john mactavish, simon riley and the beloathed brandon (who i've shamelessly stolen from @dragonnarrative-writes)

tags/warnings: pregnancy mention right at the end of the fic (not the reader character), fluff, vague allusions to eating at restaurants (non descriptive).

(banner by @/cafekitsune)

child free!reader who has "child free, that means i don't want kids - not even yours!" as the first line on their dating profile.

child free!reader who goes on a date with john price. he's charming, polite and funny. john tells you early doors that he misread your profile but he didn't want to be rude and cancel the date on short notice so he hopes you don't mind sharing a meal with him. you don't mind as he's good company and takes care of the bill like a gentleman and apologises for wasting your time. you part ways amicably and both wish each other well with the dating scene.

child free!reader whose next date is with john mactavish. he says he doesn't mind if you call him johnny. he's good company and makes you laugh so hard that other people in the restaurant look over at your table. you're having a great time but he brings up his flatmate simon an awful lot. you end up gently suggesting that maybe johnny would prefer to take simon out for dinner instead. johnny gapes at you like a fish for a minute before realising, that yeah, he really would. you exchange numbers at the end of the date and ask him to keep you in the loop with how things go with the mysterious simon.

child free!reader who goes on a date with brandon. it's a crap date. he's late, doesn't apologise, presumes you want to head back to his place and gets annoyed when you pull the brakes on the whole thing. brandon then tells you that he doesn't care any way as he has to pick up his kid from their mum's house in the morning. you leave him to foot the bill and call johnny on your way home to complain about how crap the date was and how you should never have agreed to go on a date that your friend vouched for.

child free!reader who goes out to brunch with johnny and simon the following weekend. you spend a good portion of the brunch watching johnny lean up against simon with a little smile on your face and waggle your eyebrows knowingly when simon steps outside to smoke a cigarette. when simon rejoins you both, you tell them how you're considering deleting your dating profile and embracing singledom forever. simon makes you promise to keep your profile for at least another three days which is weirdly specific but you agree.

child free!reader who gets a message on the dating profile from kyle garrick two days later. you're pretty blunt about not wanting kids and how you won't change your mind and neither are you looking for some short term fling. despite that, kyle is friendly, funny and a little bit flirty over messages so you agree to go out on a date with him. he's even prettier in person than in his photos. kyle is flirty without being pushy, asks you questions about your hobbies without prompting, and he admits that it was simon that gave him a gentle push to message you when you explain that a friend stopped you from deleting your profile before agreeing to go on a date with him.

child free!reader who agrees to go on a second date with kyle after he tells you that he got a vasectomy at 21 because he knew even then that he never wanted to be a dad.

child free!reader that messages the group chat you have with simon and johnny absolutely gushing about kyle's eyes, arms and smile. johnny replies with endless eggplant emojis and simon sends a singular thumbs up.

child free!reader that after four fantastic dates (and one mind blowing night together) decides to delete their dating profile after kyle sleepily mumbles into your neck about wanting to be exclusive.

(and a little bonus scene that i just can't scrap)

child free!reader who goes as kyle's plus one to john price's wedding a year later and you both laugh yourselves silly when you tell your boyfriend that you went out on a very nice date with the groom once upon a time. you toast the bride with matching flutes of a non-alcoholic mocktail as she rests her hand on her very pregnant stomach at the sweetheart table she shares with her new husband.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Quick word about DJenks tweeting the song "Candle in the Wind" (famously about someone dead before their prime) - there's no reason to think that DJenks would be teasing bad things. When we first got the news of the cancelation, it came with a prompt and thorough post letting us down easy. DJenks has shown nothing but love for this fandom and the renewal campaign - if he wanted us to stop, he would've said that, and he didn't.

Instead, he used a song that he's tweeted before about Lucius, pretending to mourn a dead character when we all knew he wasn't actually dead. Not saying it's anything, but it's not nothing. There's no reason to think that a creator, especially one who seems to care about the show and its fans as much as DJenks does, would try to tease bad news.

We're alright. He tweeted one song that he's used in connection with the show before and some emojis. He did not say anything of substance. No need to panic.

[mixvyu]

Parfum d’étoile - episode fourty-one

scaramouche x reader smau

previous | masterlist | next

You weren’t late this time.

You were in front of your door gripping the fabric of your clothes in one hand and holding your phone in the other, waiting for him to text.

You turned your phone off then right back on to check the time.

3:32pm

Scaramouche’s classes ended at 3 and he texted you to let you know he’d stop by his dorm room to change but he was awfully long.

You started to think he might’ve stood you up and that you looked utterly stupid standing there.

As you started thinking that, he suddenly texted.

You could only see so much of the text on the notification that was displayed on your screen but you could read the words

‘Sorry, lots of things happened so I’m not…’

Your stomach dropped and you didn’t even want to read the rest of the text message but you were way too curious to not do so.

‘Sorry lots of things happened so i’m not gonna be able to pick u up rn but i’ll be there in less than 20 i swear’

You sighed in relief and your thumbs flew over your keyboard to text back.

´Dpn’t start a rext like tjat beo u scaref me… its finr tho i was gonba be late 2 neways.´

That was a lie.

´Good i feel less bad now’

He added a crying emoji at the end of his sentence, something out of character for him. You couldn’t tell if it was supposed to express relief or if he was making fun of you.

The cold air made your fingers shaky and it made it hard to type correctly but he didn’t seem to pay any mind to that.

You’ve been standing outside for almost 40 minutes now. The weather was awful and it even looked like rain would start pouring at any moment now. You felt like moving from your spot would be like giving up on him like standing in lines for something you’ve been waiting for all week and then chickening out and leaving your spot out of weakness but you got tired of standing there and sent him a text before even thinking about it.

‘Hey uh i’m not feeling that good laybe we should cancel ?’

You regretted it as soon as you sent it but he already read it so it was too late to unsend

‘? Are you sure??

You closed your phone as soon as you saw his reply, not wanting to answer or to face what you did but you realised he would see the read sign and that there was no getting out of this one.

‘Nvm i can manage haha!! I just need to take a pill i’ll be good’

You lied again.

Scaramouche replied almost immediately.

‘If you’re not feeling well we can do that another day i wouldn’t want to force you’

You clenched your jaw. You never understood his mood swing, how he could clown you one second then be the most caring person you’ve met the next it was almost annoying.

‘It’s okay!! I’m already ready anyways i wouldn’t want to waste a good outfit lmao’

Now it was your turn to use a crying emoji, still not sure of what it was supposed to express.

‘Ok :(‘

You chuckled at the frowny face. That too was out of character.

After ten minutes, there were still no sight of him.

You felt like every person that walked passed knew what situation you were in and were just pitying you and god it made you feel like shit.

Maybe waiting at home would’ve been smarter.

Just as you thought that a car you recognised pulled up.

You got up abruptly, opened the door in one swift movement and threw yourself on the passager seat without even looking at who was inside the vehicle.

You let yourself sink into the seat, sighing happily as the warm air hit your skin. And just as you thought you couldn’t get more comfortable you heard his voice

"Hey, so sorry i’m late i hope you didn’t have to wait for too long." Scaramouche said

You finally looked at him for the first time today

He was wearing black baggy pants but you couldn’t tell which top he decided to put on because of the coat covering it.

"It’s fine don’t worry. ‘Was just a bit cold."

"I have a jacket in the back, do you want to borrow it ?"

"Yeah i’d love to!"

He reached for the back seat without looking and pulled out a white jacket.

He handed it to you without a word and put his hand back on the steering wheel when you took it from his hands.

You put it on quickly and felt a tad bit disappointed when you recognise Kazuha’s signature cologne on it.

It wasn’t Scaramouche’s.

" So ? Where are we going ?" He said, finally breaking the silence

"Uhmm I’m not sure anymore… Do you want to go to the aquarium ?"

"Uh sure if that’s what you want"

"You don’t really seem enthusiastic."

"Fishes aren’t my thing to be honest, but if they’re yours…"

"What’s your thing then ?"

"I don’t know."

You let out a long sigh

"You’re not helping me ! Just pick a place and we’ll go !"

"You were the one that was supposed to plan it ! Why do I have to choose ?!"

God you forgot how annoying he could be.

"Ok, ok. What about the zoo ?"

"It’s like an hour drive, though…"

"The arcade ??"

"I don’t have any coins."

"The museum ?"

"It’s a bit boring isn’t it ?"

"Ok just kill yourself." You let out a sound that could only be described as a growl "where do you want to go ?"

"Anywhere is fine" he stopped the car engine realising that decided where to go was going to take longer than intended

"Anywhere is not fine ! You don’t like any of my suggestions."

"I mean, yeah they suck but if you want to go then we’ll go. Everything is fine if you’re here."

"Don’t try to romance me, asshole ! My suggestions are great !"

"I already went to all those places a thousand times so it’s not really interesting frankly."

You mumbled an almost inaudible ‘sorry rich boy’ before sighing for the thousandth time

"What about that library/coffee shop at the mall ? They opened like a week ago."

He turned to look at you so fast you thought he’d snap his neck

"They’re open?! Why didn’t you tell me that before ?! Let’s go !" He said restarting the car.

★

You took a seat at one of the few tables that were in place at the back of the library.

You hoped to use that face to face moment to talk to Scaramouche more before having to tell him that you like him even thought you don’t know him as much as you wish you did.

But that hope quickly died down when you saw that he did everything but stay in place.

He seemed to love books more than anything because he was going from aisle to aisle grabbing some of them so that he could read the back and either putting them back where they belong or nesting them under his arm.

After 20 minutes of that he sat down in front of you, pushed his cup aside and put down the 7 books he had picked up.

Some were novels, some were mangas, some were comics. The genre also seemed to be very different from one book to another.

"I’m so happy they restocked, i’m going to read all of them as fast as possible." He said, taking a sip of his coffee and making a funny face when he realised it was now lukewarm.

"So… you like books, eh ?" You laughed, not finding anything else to say to start a conversation

"Yeah, books are great."

"What’s your favourite ?"

He leaned even more into the backrest of his chair

"Uhm… if i had to say one it would probably be…"

He clicked his tongue not really knowing what to answer

"Oh ! The house of leaves is a super cool one ! I love it !" He exclaimed in a ‘obviously why didn’t i think of that one before’ voice.

"Oh really ? I never heard of it i should check it out."

"What’s your favourite ?"

"Uhm… I don’t really know"

He nodded.

If the entirety of the date was going to be this way, it was going to feel painfully awkward.

★

The walk back to the car was awkward as well even after the many attempts that both of you had at making conversation.

Scaramouche looked as good as ever even though he still didn’t discard of his coat and you were dying to see what was underneath and what kind of outfit he managed to pull together this time.

While in the parking lot, you noticed a few people staring at him and it almost made you feel proud.

"You feeling ok ?" He asked as soon as the car doors closed " you shouldn’t have forced yourself to come if you were feeling bad."

"I’m fine. It’s fine." You sighed "i’m fine."

"The more you say it the less i believe you." He laid his palm against your forehead "well, you don’t feel hot so that’s great." His hand traveled from your forehead to your cheek.

´If you keeps touching you like that, I might start feeling hot.´ you thought but didn’t dare to say out loud.

He looked at your eyes then your lips then your eyes again and you hoped to God he’d just kiss you but instead he took his hand off your face and rested his head back into the car seat headrest.

"So ? Where are we going next ?"

"Uhm…" you checked the time. It was already pushing 8pm "we could go eat."

"Sure that’s fine by me. Where ?"

"I’ll let you pick" you said trying to sound gentlemanly but knowing it was only because you had no idea what to pick and judging by his face, you didn’t fool him.

"We could go to a japanese restaurant."

"Don’t you already eat japanese at home ? It’s a bit boring for you isn’t it ?"

"It’s fine i haven’t had it in a while and i miss it. I’m doing this for me mostly."

You knew he was lying.

"I saw some leftovers when i went over, though ? If you want me to try it just say so." You teased

All he did was hum before starting the car engine."

★

Unlike what you expected, you weren’t face to face with him but instead sitting next to each other at a sushi bar.

"I haven’t had sushi in forever." You clapped your hands, excited for the huge free meal you were about to get.

"I could eat those forever, i’ll never get tired."

You downed the 4 makis you grabbed on the moving tray as soon as they were in front of you.

Before you could even grab something else, a green plate of three tempura was gently placed on top of the plate you just cleaned.

"Are you trying to shut me up ?"

"How’d you guess ?" He smirked half jokingly. "Try those next"

"If you insist !"

You took a bite out of it but before you could have a second one you suddenly felt like somebody was looking at you.

"What ? Were you planning on eating those or something ?" You didn’t have to stare back at him to know that it was his eyes that were gazing at you.

"No, no."

You took a second bite but almost choked when you felt his cold palm on your cheek.

You pulled away startled and uncomfortable by the sudden cold.

"What’s your deal, dude ?" You said, feeling your face heating up.

"Just checkin’ to see if you felt less warm than earlier."

"You said I didn’t feel warm at all earlier."

He looked away staring down at the plate of sushi he helped himself to previously

"Checking to see if it feel warmer then, i guess."

"God, you’ll be the death of me one day."

★

"You should take me out more often."

"Just so you can use me and drain my finances ? No way, i’m never doing this again."

You were leaning against the car, trying your best not to cough as the smoke from the cigarette Scaramouche lit made it’s way through your nostrils.

He seemed to noticed, telling you at least five time that if the smell was bothering you, he could open up the car and you could enjoy all the clean air you wanted but you so desperately wanted to stay close to him.

"Do you smoke a lot ?"

Scaramouche brought the cigarette to his lips, nestling it between them before inhale deeply. He brought it back to his side before releasing the breath he was holding, creating a cloud of fog in front of him.

He took so long to answer you thought he didn’t hear

"Not really. Tonight’s just a great night for a smoke." He finally said.

"How so ?"

He turned and glanced at you before looking up to the sky.

"The sun is setting, the sky is a mix of purple and orange, we’re in an empty parking lot talking about trivial stuff, it’s a friday night. It’s great for a smoke."

You giggled "When did you become so poetic ?"

He sat down, back against the driver’s side door and you did the same.

He put his cigarette out on the floor and rested his head on your shoulder.

"Are you tired ?" You asked, trying to stop your voice from cracking

"Yeah. Just a bit. Do you want to go anywhere else ?"

"No, not today."

Silence installed itself, a non awkward one this time. Only the sound of the wind let itself be heard and the few screams and giggles from the skatepark not too far.

"I love you, kuni."

He straightened up instantly

"What ?"

"I think I do ? Have feelings for you, I mean. I’m pretty certain."

"Wait… Huh ??"

You got up before he could even make sense of the situation

"Today was nice. I live not too far so i’ll walk. Thank you for driving me around." If you had the guts you would’ve kissed his forehead

You fled before he even had the chance to speak.

Extras !

• car seat headrest reference

• "erm i don’t like sushi 🤓☝️" WELL TOO BAD 👎👎

★彡Taglist! [open]

@gekkow-deactivated20230703 @aemiko @veekoko @kichiyoshi @scaramouchelover4ever @sukunasrealgf @lxkeeeee @kunisblog @yukiipc @brfrtbrt @simpforsubmissivemen @featuredtofu @fanfictionenthusiast @beriiov @lyzisbitchingagain @bluebelony @ryomiye @reinoodle @bananasquash @mikukksks @sakiimeo @kitanablades @pennyluvr @sakurapeach @crystalsguitar @feiherp @deluluangell @gracefulace200 @apinu @elernity @st4romii @cayl33n @ahseya @yelleloww @prettiestgirlxoxo @yoichiislovie @silly-ez @helix-frscr @morima2137 @boxedbest @serossidechick @yuraasia @xirthia @anastaxiah @angeilix @gyuhairclips @mikalei @yuuichilover @kacelah @sketcheeee @beebotea @keqing15 @yourmotherslover420 @m00mie-m00 @kyon-cherri @jkcryzzlis @im-inlovewithy0u @milceslv @certaindreampost @meowmeowmau @nnasv

[the-lonelybarricade]

Feysand Holiday Fic Recs

A collection of holiday-themed Feysand fics for you to enjoy while snuggled down beneath a big, cozy blanket with a cup of hot cocoa!

Spicy fics indicated by a 🌶️ emoji

Please make sure to spread the holiday joy and kindness by leaving kudos and comments on any of the fics that you find and enjoy from this list 💕

One-Shots:

Modern:

The Holiday (🌶️) by @velidewrites - When two sisters with a terrible taste in men (or is it?) decide to swap houses for the holidays, they don't expect to fall in love.

Dada by @julemmaes - Rhysand and Feyre have tried everything to make their little boy talk, now they can only wish for a Christmas miracle

Home for the Holidays by @darling-archeron - Feyre and Rhys have been best friends for years. And Feyre knows that's all they'll ever be - friends. When Rhys brings her to his family Christmas party, she realizes that not everyone has the same impression of their relationship.

Going Home by @darling-archeron - When Feyre's flight home is cancelled, she finds herself stranded in Chicago on Christmas Eve. Luckily, she runs into a familiar face at the airport.

Christmukkah by @live-the-fangirl-life - When Feyre can't celebrate the holidays with her family, Rhys decides to help

Merry Christmas, Feyre Darling (orphaned) - Feysand Fluffy Highschool AU fic

Don't Be a Jerk (It's Christmas) by @the-lonelybarricade - When the group in the corner of the cafe are being too loud for Feyre to study, she decides to take matters into her own hands.

A Letter Never Sent by @the-lonelybarricade - Rhysand was assigned as Feyre's secret santa—again. But after nearly confessing his feelings to her last Christmas, he'll be making sure not to put his heart on his sleeve this year. Or; Rhys accidentally gives Feyre the wrong Christmas letter.

A Letter to Satan (🌶) by yafan92 - When Feyre sends a drunken letter to Santa on Christmas Eve, she doesn't realize that she actually sent it to Satan, who shows up willing to grant her Christmas wish.

Feysand Holiday Fluff Fest by @nomattertheoceans - A series of 31 holiday prompt fills for December 2019

All I Want For Christmas Is You by dr_woodsprite - Rhysand and Feyre’s first Christmas.

A Very Feysand Christmas by @librarian-of-orynth - Feyre and Rhys buy, and then decorate, their Christmas tree.

Merry Christmas, Darling by whimsicallydrifting - Rhys and Feyre are celebrating their first Christmas together as a married couple, and Rhys decided to be romantic and take care of all the preparations: tree, dinner, and decorations. It didn't go exactly as he'd planned.

False Identity (🌶️) by addiewritesthings - One night at a bar, recent divorcee Feyre Archeron is approached by a beautiful dark-haired man who wants to know her name. Only the name she gives him isn't her own.

Canon:

In the Spirit by @noirshadow - the Inner Court confronts their biggest enemy to date - Dry January.

Winter Solstice with Nyx by JAWhitethorn - This is a fluffy, happy story about Feyre & Rhysand celebrating Solstice with the Inner Circle and Nyx, when he is almost five years old.

Solstice Lights and a Scared High Lord by Littlelionman15 - Rhysand thought it'd be a good idea to put himself under the christmas tree as another winter solstice present for Feyre, but things don't go as planned, and the possibility of a new haircut comes in play when Feyre has to help him get out.

I Am Lost And Led Only By The Stars by highfaelucien - The first Christmas after the war and Feyre is disappointed when Rhys can't make it back from the Illyrian camps due to a violent snow storm. Rhys decides to throw caution to the wind and do whatever it takes to get back to his mate in time.

Christmas at the Cabin by @illyriantremors - The entire squad goes to the cabin in the mountains to spend a week together at Christmas. Mayhem and shenanigans ensues.

Seven Days of Solstice by @msfeyredarling - On Feyre’s fiftieth, Rhys decides to celebrate Feyre following the seven days of the winter solstice.

Secret Weapon by addiewritesthings - Feyre returns home one evening to discover exactly what Rhys and Nyx have been up to all day.

Multi-Chapter (all completed):

Modern:

A Christmas Prince by @separatist-apologist - When reporter Feyre Archeron is sent to the small European Principality of Aldovia to cover the upcoming coronation of Prince Rhysand, she's mistaken for a royal portraitist. Deciding to lean into the lie in order to get a better story, Feyre is caught up in the drama and politics of Rhysand's life with no way out that doesn't betray them both.

Once Bitten, Twice Shy by @the-lonelybarricade - "You didn't put up Christmas lights so my friends and I decided to decorate your lawn for you"

Silent Night by Lyetta - When a spare of the moment decision sends Rhys down the riverside path, his life is turned upside down by a beautiful woman in need of help.

Home for the Cold Spell by @thegloweringcastle - When faced with yet another birthday alone in her hometown, Feyre decides to gift herself the thing she needs most: an escape. Things go well; she explores new places, meets new people, and finds a muse in the most arrogant (and beautiful) man she's ever met. 

[the1975attheirverybest]

Pure Comedy

A/N: I think its about time I wrote this one.

Warnings: nuance. If thinking triggers you, skip this one.

----

Matty lit the extra joint that he had left for her, taking a first drag, like a quality assessor, before passing it over to her.

"Do you ever wish that I wasn't so...infamous?" he asked sinking back into the couch, resting his head on her shoulder, with his own joint in hand.

She glanced at him briefly, smiling, "Nah. I love having a rockstar boyfriend."

"I know you do." he giggled. "I said 'infamous,' though. Like....known for being a- 'walking intrusive thought.'" a faint smile flashed, fleetingly, across his face.

She hummed, thoughtfully, considering his question. Matty brought the blunt over to his lips.

"No, you know what? I really don't." she shook her head, the motion prompting him to move his head off her shoulder and sit back.

"that's good."

She turned to look into his eyes, "I know you. Knew what I was in for when I went out with you. The information was disclosed in the girlfriend contract."

He chuckled. "Was it?"

"In big bold letters 'WILL GET CANCELED. NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.'"

"Hmm." He hummed in satisfaction, his foggy eyes zoning out as hr looked in front of him.

A moment of comfortable silence pass them by before Matty spoke again. "Good...that's good." he affirmed, reaching over and pulling her into his arms. "Would hate for you to be affected by it, or like, have people in your life give you shit or something." he kissed the top of her head as his arms squeezed her tight.

"Oh, that doesn't really happen anymore."

"It doesn't happen anymore?!! as in...it's happened in the past?"

she exhaled a puff, "mhm, a while ago, though."

Matty pulled himself away from her, looking aghast, "When?! Why have you never told me?"

"It's- yooo don't just un-hug me like that" she whined, grabbing him by his t shirt to pull him back in. "It's not that important. I can't remember when– maybe after a podcast, or a twitter thing, or something..."

"That's not very specific."

she laughed, accidentally inhaling the smoke and going into a coughing fit. "Does it - uhmm- really matter when it happened? it was like....a few months after we got together. a couple people I knew from college." She cleared her throat, watching as Matty got off the couch and walked across the living room to bring her her water bottle."

"thanks," she took a big gulp. 'Anyway, yeah, I wasn't, like, close with these people or anything. They sent me an article that the Sun had written about you -- i mean, if they're stupid enough to take that bullshit disgrace to journalism seriously then I don't really want them as my friends anyway-- and asked how I associate with you, and I told them where to shove it."

Matty held back a smile, "And...that didn't bother you? or cause you doubt?"

"Cause me doubt? no, not really. Bother me? maybe a bit, but, like, who cares what they think, you know?"

His tense shoulders relaxing as he sat with her words for a moment, Matty sighed loudly. "And your, like, real friends? never said anything to you?"

She smiled, "they have."

"What?! Why hav-"

"You wanna see the texts? I'll show you..." She pulled the phone out of her pocket, scrolling through a group chat exchange for a long minute, "Ah, here it is!"

"This one says, Matty getting banned from Dubai, with a bunch of like emojis and stuff. Is he alright? have you spoken to him?, and I told them that, yeah, I'd called you and you're alright and that you'd already been in Japan by that point."

Matty nodded, recalling the incident.

"So, Francis was like Oh, good! So I can fangirl without feeling bad about it cuz WHAT A FUCKIN BALLSY MOVE!!! And blasting the pride flag?? respecttttt. Ellie replies with Wait, when did that happen? I'm about to get off work. Have I missed something? I explained it to her and she said 'bout to blast 'Loving Someone' with the windows down omw homeeee. with a bunch of hearts and pride flags and stuff."

She handed Matty her phone to look at for himself. Smiling, he nodded and gave it back.

"You've been googling your name again, haven't you?"

"to be fair, when am I not googling myself?"

She giggled, shaking her head. "it's a toxic habit. you really gotta quit it, you know?"

"hmm."

She could tell, from the look in his eyes, that his mind was elsewhere, and she knew why.

"The way I see it is, like, the people who try an cancel you once evry fortnight fall into one of two categories: first, the people whose identity is so intertwined with performative call-out culture that your disruption threatens their sense of who they are; and, second, the people who are like 'oh its repetitive, its immature, i wish he'd just stop and be himself this is bad for him."

"Right."

"the first group...well, its not really even about you. It's just that their thinking is 'either you're down with woke culture and you must examine and call out every little thing, or you're a vile, selfish person who needs to be treated like the villain that you are.' You, my love, don't fit into either one of those options. But there is no room for that in their black and white thinking....like, it scares them to think that....they have to abandon their fundamental beliefs about what it means to be a progressive, or like, an advocate for change. And if they can't think of themselves as that, then that means that they don't know what to think or believe anymore."

Matty had been listening, impatiently, waiting to interject. "and you've never wondered if maybe they're right? that you're just blinded by my life changing dick and angelic voice?"

She laughed, hitting his chest playfully. "sure, I have. before I agreed to commit to you. And, look, i'm not unsympathetic to these people. it's scary, the state of the world that we live in. we all wanna be part of the solution. you're suggesting that maybe this solution isn't really effective, and that persisting with it is a waste of time. You're existing in this third alternative where you say 'there are better ways maybe. have we tried something new?' and thats uncomfortable. like, they do genuinely believe in their way of things. of course they're gonna be upset when someone shakes things up."

"That....is true." Matty shifted in his seat, crossing his legs.

"The second group- well, I guess I get where they're coming from even if I don't think the same way. When they tell you to shut up and sing, or when they wish you would 'just be yourself,' they're not actually asking for authenticity. They're asking for mindlessness. They don't want to have to think. To doubt or double-check or dig deeper into what they see you doing and saying. They just want total entertainment forever. Straight from the court jester to that sweet, sweet dopamine center in the brain."

Matty hummed in agreement. "I get that way sometimes. Its why I watch-"

"Porn?" She grinned at him, slyly.

"I was going with 'trash tv' but...sure, porn too. It's escapism, it's turning off your brain....relaxing."

"Right, and there's nothing wrong with that. But that's not who you are, Matty. You don't make escapism. You couldn't even if you wanted to. It's not in your nature. Fuck, if it were, you wouldn't get into these bi-weekly cancelation cycles. I think you'd be miserable if you tried to shut the fuck up."

"I know, I know. And I don't usually bother- I just-" "You're human. you make mistakes. That's authenticity. not...easy jokes and purity."

"Purity?" Matty's eyebrow quirked.

"Mhm. Purity is for suckers. Art doesn't exist without ambiguity."

" expensive price to pay as an artist."

"yeah, but like you are an artist. You're incapable of being happy doing anything else."

Matty's chest welled up, tears in the corners of his eyes. It was beautiful, being known so intimately by her.

"God, I'm pretentious." He quipped,

"Your heart is in it. That's what matters. Makes it not pretentious."

"Right, yeah. If only we weren't literally getting high and having this deep conversation right now."

,

[i-spaced-sorry]

Creepy Guy

Requested? No. This is based off an experience that happened to me recently, but I changed it up a bit to match the One Chicago Universe. In this Halstead sister works at a bar, but it’s not Mollys.  TW: Creepy guy, pet names I guess. 

Jay Halstead x Halstead!sister

“Can I ask you something?” you asked while taking a seat on your brother’s couch. 

Pausing the game that was on TV, he turned to you and replied, “sure! What’s up”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, when you opened them, you saw concern looking back at you. 

“I know this was creepy and wrong, I don’t even know what I’m asking or saying, but I think I just need to tell someone I think” you started to fidget. 

Coming to crouch in front of you, Jay looked up at you, “Hey, it’s alright, what’s going on”

“So, I was coming home from work the other day and it was going great! The regulars were there, it wasn’t so busy with it not being Baseball season yet, but afterwards” you began, while looking everywhere but at your brother. 

“Y/N, do you need a ride?” asked your coworker Kyle. Kyle was an older guy - 30 - who had started working at your bar a few weeks ago. He already had gained the trust of everyone who worked there and all the customers loved interacting with him, since he always had wild stories. 

“Uh, I already called an uber” you replied while tilting your phone in his direction to show proof. 

Motioning for you to walk to his car, he stated, “come on, I’ll take you home. It will be faster and cheaper than an Uber.” 

Nodding, you quickly canceled your ride and hopped into his passenger seat. 

****

“The ride had started out chill. He started asking me about how long I’d been living in Chicago, what area I lived in, ya know so he could drive me home, and kept going on about how it was definitely cheaper to get a ride from him than to pay a stranger half a night's tips just to get home.” you had added, while starting to play with your fingers. 

“What happened next” prompted Jay, while shuffling to sit on the end of the coffee table rather than crouching on his knees. 

“So, Y/N, are you looking to move anytime soon?” Kyle asked abruptly. 

Laughing, you replied, “Actually? Yea I am! I’m looking in the Bridgeport neighborhood mostly.”

“Well, sweetheart, I’m actually looking for someone to take care of my plants in the coming weeks. I have two free rooms available in my house. Rent would be hella cheap and all you would have to do is keep my plants alive.” 

Looking out the window, you replied, “I’ll think about it” although you knew good and well you wouldn’t be taking him up on his offer. 

“Okay doll, I need to know when to make a turn to get to your place” he added while continuing to drive. 

****

“As the drive went on he kept shifting between driving and verging on flirting” you stated. And this time when you spoke, you looked your brother dead in the eyes. 

For half a second you saw the fire flame emoji flash in your brother’s eyes. Before he blinked and his green eyes stared back at you with concern. 

“Can you maybe, tell me a little bit more about how he flirted with you? Was it just calling you the pet names and asking you to move into his house?” This was starting to feel like a witness statement, if your knowledge of cop procedural shows and having a detective as a brother was anything to go off of. 

“No, he said other stuff too, like -” you started. 

“So, do you have a boyfriend?” Kyle blurted out while at a stop light. You could feel his eyes on you when he asked the question. 

Looking down at your phone to see how much longer you had to sit in this car with the creep, you replied, “No, and you’ll turn right in 3 stop lights” god you should have just taken the Uber. 

“We are going to discuss this!” He began while starting to drive again. 

“What do you mean you don’t have a boyfriend, you're gorgeous.”

Laughing uncomfortably, you replied shyly, “If I knew the answer to that, I would have one by now” god when would this end. 

“You’re so beautiful and is it weird for me to be attracted to you”

“Eh, sort of,” you said quietly.

The two of you then sat in silence, when Kyle spoke again, “how much further til I have to drop you off”

You began trying to tell him, when he cut you off and asked to see your phone. You passed it over. 

***

“What happened next, Y/N/N?” Jay asked when he noticed you paused in the middle of telling the story. 

“He started guilt tripping me, because it was further than he thought it was to take me home.”

“Guilt tripping how?”

You closed your eyes and breathed, when you opened them you began to curl in on yourself. 

“He started saying how I needed to now go out and get a drink with him because he took me this far home. He even said I now I had to take care of his plants. And he just kept complaining about how he wished he knew it would be this far when I got in the car. But the thing is he felt so cocky and sure of where I lived when I mentioned it to him in the parking lot at work. He kept getting mad when I started apologizing and telling him he could just drop me at a bus stop and I could bus the rest of the way home.”

When you paused again, Jay hugged you and asked, “What was his response to that?”

“He said and I quote, sweetheart, a 5ft1 pretty girl like you shouldn’t be riding public transportation late at night.” you began to get riled up, “I’m not naive! I’m not stupid! I’m 24 god dammit!  I know to be careful of my surroundings! I’m just not a rough around the edges jaded person either! I give people the benefit of the doubt and… and…” and before you knew it you were in tears sobbing. 

You hadn’t told a single soul what had happened that night. Nothing sexual happened but it was creepy as hell and all you wanted to do was bury it but it kept popping up in your subconscious. 

When you finished sobbing and were just reduced to tears and sniffles, Jay spoke. 

“First of all I’m so sorry that happened to you. That should have never happened.  I think you need to tell your boss about this though. Especially if he is well liked and respected by customers and coworkers. And I’m not saying that because I’m a cop, I’m saying that as your brother too. What he did was super inappropriate and creepy and that should not have happened.”

You sat there taking in what Jay was saying, “but, I got in his car though. I made that choice. I could have chosen to take an uber, but something in me thought he was a good guy”

Jay could see how you thought this was your fault and he hated that. 

“Listen to me, this was not your fault! You hear me. He offered to drive you home and you had evidence to back up your theory of him being a nice guy! So you did nothing wrong. You copy?”

“Copy”   

read on AO3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for writing a story? ✨ (emoji so I can find this easily)

So around a year and a half ago, as part of a drama exam me and a group of four others had to devise a piece to act out for the exam.

Me and two others who were the actors (the other two did the set and music) ended up really liking the story and characters we were creating for the project and all wanted to expand on the story we'd created for the exam.

The three of us me (currently 16 NB) and the other two who I'll call Alex (currently 17 M) and Rowan (currently 16 NB) made a discord server for the three of us to talk about the characters we'd made together and share ideas for how we'd develop them if we turned the performance we were writing into a story/book series.

This was a lot of fun and at first I really enjoyed discussing ideas about the characters we'd created but after a while I started to find myself disliking some of the others' ideas more and more and wanting to write the series on my own.

I never acted on that though because the three of us were all passionate about our ideas and the characters so the idea of writing my own version felt wrong when the others wanted to write the story too as a group.

Now since then, Rowan has stopped talking to both me and Alex. I haven't heard from Rowan since May and honestly I don't really want to hear from them again because since we stopped talking I realized our friendship really wasn't very healthy for either of us. During this time they deleted discord but their account was still in the server.

Alex had disappeared offline since January but recently returned five months ago. We caught up and at first we talked about our ideas, the characters and how we wanted to turn it into a book series again, during this we kicked Rowan's account from the discord because neither of us spoke with them anymore. After a while we stopped talking much about the characters and our ideas and just started talking about random things. But last week Alex left the discord unannounced and I haven't heard from him at all since.

Now, I know Alex might return sometime like he left and returned before and I know this is pretty soon but while he's gone and since I'm no longer in contact with Rowan, I've found myself wanting to try writing the story myself with complete freedom to write the story I want to write and not have to use the others' ideas that I don't like.

It wouldn't feel so wrong anymore since they're not still there discussing their ideas or talking about how we should all write it together as a group but I do feel a little unsure if this would be an assholeish thing to do. I mean, I'd be writing about the characters we all created together, using the base story idea we all created for the project and I don't know if Alex will return or not yet.

So, would I be the asshole if I wrote the story by myself?

Additional info.

Idk if any of this is relevant but it might help with the judgement/I feel like people would ask for info about this stuff if I didn't add it.

The ideas I disliked were mainly to do with the development of a certain character, a ship that really would not make any sense and Alex wanting to add in a talking magical dinosaur to the plot of what was meant to be a story set in the modern day real world.

We never actually tried to write the story as a group before, we just talked about it.

None of us see each other IRL anymore.

I have got ADHD and autism.

There wouldn't be anything nsfw in the story.

None of the characters were based on any of us.

There are a lot of reasons why mine and Rowan's friendship wasn't healthy for either of us but to give a few reasons we didn't really care about each other's interests (like fandoms), would consistently cancel on hangouts with each other or would get into arguments over stupid stuff and not talk for weeks only to go back to being clingy with each other when we started talking again. Looking back, it was definitely an unhealthy friendship for both of us.

What are these acronyms?

[camilaxmartin]

gonna put them emoji’s again💀😭 so it would be: 🥑🍬🌸🐝🎨🍄

I love using these TOTALLY USEFUL emoji’s so I picked em🥰

you don’t use avocado/bee/mushroom everyday? what are you even doing?🙄

BUT ANYWAY

🥑: you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

probably @bunnylove1 and @blookyag, idk why tho honestly, just getting the vibes they’d help somebody out with hiding the body💀 (it’s a compliment, i swear-)

🍬: post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character:

okay uhh- (don’t cancel me plz) i respect with my whole heart that alastor is asexual and (?) aromantic but i don’t get the hate people receive when shipping him with someone? as far as i know being on the spectrum means he can still date? like i know, he doesn’t show any interest in that but if its just for a silly au or for a cool drawing then what’s the fuss about? i’m not talking like about erasing that part of him because that’s a big no no for me, but like…? respecting it but still having fun with his character? i saw a great tiktok explaining my thoughts exactly so maybe i’ll link it here if i can find it (add the link here later camila:) (besides all that i project a lot of myself onto alastor (still debating if im aromantic or not) and i want to explore myself with his character (if i can even phrase it that way) so all the hate and shit really bother me, you know?)

(another thing more about whole thing not a character is that “whatever it takes” is in my top 4 songs and i don’t get the hate it gets?? i love this song?? it’s so great?? two latina (?) girls singing together?? cmon??)

🌸: do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them:

i do actually! i have a dog and three rats:) (also had a rabbit but he died not so long ago and he was like my whole world so i got a tattoo to remember him, i’ll add it as well just because i can)

🐝: tag your biggest supporters and say one nice thing about them:

@kimmyisachiisaiakuma - ugh of course?? like in my head we are already besties fr fr, what can i saaaay😭 idk i love you and how supportive and just friendly you are!!:) and god of course, i love your art?? but i’ve already said it a thousand times??? so here’s one thousand first??

@bunnylove1 - just how supportive you are towards my stuff and how with exactly one request i felt like we also became besties? maybe it’s just me but yeah😭

@blookyag - liking my every post and responding to every single one of them!!! she’s a treasure, really. i’m surprised someone cares about my rambling this much💀

@informist - i’ve noticed that she’s also reacting to a lot of my stuff and she’s so quick with it like?? idk it makes my heart jump okay? i love attention from people even when it’s just my stupid rambling😭 (#iamanattentionwhore 😗😗)

@rougecreator1 - liked a lot of my posts as well, and somehow i feel like they enjoy my stuff? idk tho?😭😭 yeah just noticed interactions in my activities:)

@riveramorylunar - i feel like we were more active on each other’s accounts when i was still in my lady lesso era, but idk i really liked you then and i still love seeing your stuff pop up on my main page:)

and of course, all of my lovely anons who send me their ideas that i can’t wait to write!!:)

🎨: link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it:

okay so like it changes every day?? but for now i must say this one:

click!

why? simple. a. brokerdoll b. the marvellous style? c. i want to draw like that d. just… just look at it okay? e. lesbians.

(and a special mention for THIS as well, as it’s the first time someone ever drawn my oc and besides the fact that she looks so pretty here it’s just… idk i just love it okay, she stole my heart)

🍄: share a headcanon for one of your favourite ships or pairings:

let’s start with the fact that i even have a favourite account for all the headcanons about brokerdoll which is @vypridae (adore all the hcs, really)

buut! my personal headcanon is:

• carmilla didn’t really expect to fall for velvette, i mean in my head she just saw her as so… respectless and dumb and stupid and careless and carefree and wild and free and pretty- wait

yeah, so in my head velvette was the first to initiate anything and at first carmilla was like “ha! no way, you stupid girl” but then she started to think more and more about velvette as the time went on and one day she just got along the fact that she might be attracted to the young overlord and somehow… went with it? like she didn’t make a big deal out of it… but velvette definitely did, despite the fact she was actually the first one to say or act on her attraction in any way.

(i need to write more headcanons for them, they’re literally eating up my brain)

[maaaad-woman]

sincerely, if you are not a vienna ticket holder you have ZERO authority to police the feelings of fans who waited OVER A YEAR to experience the show of their lifetime and see their favorite person perform, after watching so many people experience it. fans who spent thousands of euros coming to see her. we KNOW its not her fault. NOBODY in their right mind is blaming her. all we want is SOME acknowledgement. a heart emoji, literally anything. THAT will cause more violence? that would put people in danger? its been a week and i see ZERO reasons for why there wasnt anything said. i gave everyone the benefit of the doubt but i cant help but feel disappointed.

and for people saying the fans got notified immediately by taylors team of the cancellation and about the refunds; we dont want refunds. we dont want an official taylornation announcement. we want to hear from HER. and now shes performing like literally nothing happened. i dont know what to think anymore and i literally dont care about the shows anymore. im happy for people who got to see her and want everyone to be safe and enjoy their time. but i need a break because it feels like a punch in the gut everytime i see 5 MAGICAL WEMBLEY NIGHTS!!!! SEE YOU SOON!!!!

this is my opinion. and my feelings. dont hate on me, dont shit on me, if you dont agree scroll past. i need to get it out.

[legallyacceptibleurl]

this shit infuriates me to no end

this isn’t a callout and there isn’t anything wrong with this post in and of itself, let me gripe

ID: screenshot of a post reblogged by @jewish-kulindadromeus

@sinothetimes: “while l'm on a roll of no longer giving a shit, I also think it's stupid to pretend that the rise in antisemitism, while terrifying, is a bigger issue than the active genocide being perpetrated in Gaza. like, the hate and the potential for things to get worse in the future is incredibly horrible. the fact that most like well over 100,000 gazans have been murdered in the last year is inherently worse because those people are dying right now. this is not saying stop talking about antisemitism but that is me saying if you use leftist antisemitism as an excuse to turn your back on the ACTIVE GENOCIDE youre kind of a shitstain.

End ID

what really grinds my gears is when someone like a-dinosaur-a-day/jewish-kulindadromeus/zygodactylus has the gall to act like eir’s not part of the problem.

EDIT I FORGOT TO ADD A CUT

ID: a set of screenshots showing @jewish-kulindadromeus reblogging from @shofarsogood, @starlightomatic, @notyourgoodjew, @tributary, @jewishlivesmatter, @yidpunk. End ID

(eventually i will have posts about all those blogs, but these take a long time to make because of the image descriptions but i will not skimp on accessibility. but if you know these blogs you know)

it’s good to have issues with how people use talking about antisemitism as a reason to ignore the genocide, but clearly ey doesn’t care too much about people doing that type of shit. a post here and there about how ey doesn’t believe in violence and reblogging a couple gazan donation posts doesn’t cancel out the much much more frequent posts reblogged from people who would like everyone to stop talking about the genocide pretty please

like it rings so fucking hollow when a few days later ey goes and reblogs this (on eir other blog)

ID: a screenshot of a post that @zygodactylus reblogged from @jewish-rock

@anshelsgendercrisis:

an image of the meme of two spider-men pointing at each other. one of them has the text “ppl who use "zio" as a slur for jews” and the other one has “ppl who use "pali" as a slur for palestinians”. the text of the post says “get it bc ur both extremist assholes who are making things worse.”

@transmascpetewentz: “radical antizionists (handshake emoji) kahanists

literally their entire ideology other than whose side they happen to be on”

End ID.

again it’s not the post itself (stupid as it fucking is), it’s the poster or rather who ey reblogged it from. this is @jewish-rock on the same day that @jewish-kulindadromeus/zygodactylus reblogged a posts which ends with “if you use leftist antisemitism as an excuse to turn your back on the ACTIVE GENOCIDE youre kind of a shitstain.”

ID: two screenshots of a post reblogged by @jewish-rock

@jewish-mccoi: “Can we talk about how fucked up it is that Jews and Israelis have no safe spaces online? And if we dare complain, we're told we're whining and other groups have it worse.

And no one seems to either notice or care. The pro Palestine movement is infested with antisemitism. Leftist spaces are infested with antisemitism. It's impossible to engage with the pro Palestinian movement because to do so, they demand you denounce Israel's existence and make you be their token Jew. Like no? The fuck gives you the audacity?

I'm tired of walking on eggshells around leftists for fear of being called a colonizer or a genocide apologist because guess what??? It doesn't fucking matter what I say, you're gonna do it anyway, because I'm an evil Jew!

I could talk till I'm blue in the face about cease fires or how Hamas is purposefully putting civilians in harms way, but the second I do, people are like "oh you mean Israel. Israel is the problem." Actually, you fucking black and white thinker, ISRAEL IS NOT ALWAYS THE PROBLEM. Israel has done fucked up things. So has every fucking country on earth. But the news is dominated by "Israel is awful" and "wipe Israel off the map." Why do you think that is.

IT'S ANTISEMITISM. It's just that simple. Really fucking is.

And because the movement keeps flooding Jewish tags on tumblr with antisemitism, I am gonna tag this so the "river to the sea" people ACTUALLY ADVOCATING GENOCIDE can have their safe spaces (Jew free spaces) interrupted. I'm tired of taking the high road.

You all would rather side with terrorists than Jews. That's how bad the leftist problem with antisemitism is. Terrorists who admit to using rape and murder and torture ON CIVILIANS as tactics. That's how much you fucking hate us.

Well, tough fucking luck. We're here and we're not going anywhere. Am yisrael chai, fuckers.”

End ID.

at most mildly perturbed by people using leftist antisemitism as an excuse to turn their back on an active genocide, not enough to unfollow them though

i find it so fucking spineless. be mutuals with & follow a shitload of zionists who have spent the last 11 months downplaying and trying to distract from the endless massacres in gaza, who try to discredit any and all efforts to help people who are fenced in & bombed. but claim moral righteousness by every now & then going “war is bad you guys, can’t we all be friends, i don’t support either side i support peace”, thinking that absolves you for supporting those people

[helloliriels]

Sleepless in London (Pt.8)

Read it on AO3 (still catching up to AO3 before I post the next new chapter Tuesdays/Thursdays)

.

The vibe in the clinic had shifted the next day.

John felt it.

Stepping out of the downpour and into the waiting room lobby, John brushed the moisture off his shoulders and ruffled his hair … looking up, only to see three of the receptionists tittering and whispering in a highly conspiratorial mode, as they watched him … keenly.

“Hi, Wendy, Carla, Sam.” 

He nodded, trying for casual in his greeting … but couldn’t help the knot forming in the pit of his stomach.

He walked a bit faster to his small office and quickly shut the door.

He needed to breathe.

.

Coffee with Sarah had been nice? Somewhat uneventful, the morning before. She smiled a lot. John had to get used to allowing himself to smile. And even allowed himself to laugh … a carefree chuckle that slipped out. 

He eyed her shyly after he stopped. Feeling oddly self-conscious.

She wasn’t even looking. 

She was watching a pedestrian street dancing across the way … oblivious … that his world was shifting. Taking this enormous step into the dating world again … She was younger. Pretty. Her hair long had just a hint of red in the sunlight … Strawberry-blonde. That’s what his mom used to call it. Harry’s hair was the same color. 

They had walked back to the clinic together. 

.

After thinking about it all afternoon, he had decided - he might shake himself out of his comfort zone further … and even ask her if she’d like to try dinner sometime? Possibly a walk in the park? Tomorrow evening? He didn’t figure it would go anywhere. And he wasn’t sure that he wanted it to.

Sarah had escalated it to Netflix and Chill at her place … And John suddenly realised that … perhaps that wasn’t so bad? … perhaps … it would go somewhere … ? Should he really be afraid of that?

But now that everyone at the clinic knew that John was coming over to her place … that was … well. That was different.

.

A recently widowed man … after ONE coffee meeting with an acquaintance … accepting an invite over to her place … 

Jesus. He was an idiot!

.

He made it through the day somehow.

Acknowledging anyone who interacted with him, but only just. Ears beet red. 

He could hear their whispers.

He wished he had a jacket on, so he could flip up his collar, and avoid them completely! 

He didn’t know if they ALL knew about the date? Or if they’d somehow finally discovered the radio program? But either way … he felt it wasn’t good.

Practically sprinting from the office after his shift, he heard the ping. And peeked at the message:

.

. SARAH M  6:35 PM 

. You still on for tonight?

.

John hesitated, half a second … before replying:

.

. JOHN W  6:37 PM 

. Trouble finding a sitter.

.

Then added:

.

. JOHN W  6:38 PM

. Hate to cancel on you. Owe you another coffee, sometime?

.

He placed a little emoji smile with a perspiration drop at the end of his message, and felt pretty good about having handled his smooth escape … 

When he felt the next message ping in his pocket:

.

. SARAH M   6:43 PM 

. I have the perfect sitter! 

. She’s available tonight!

.

Sarah instantly sent him a name and number to a complete stranger.

Shit. He hadn’t avoided anything!

John began drafting a prompt reply:

.

. JOHN W   6:45 PM

. Do you know her well?

. Do you trust her?

. Do I know her?  

.

As he typed, he was second guessing the whole proposition!

He shouldn’t have invited her for dinner. He should NOT have said yes to her place! And most of all …  he couldn’t put Rosie in just anyone’s care!!!

Sarah’s reply made him stop spinning:

.

. SARAH W   6:51 PM

. Front desk? Five months now?? :)

. You know Sam?

.

Oh. Right. Samantha.

She had been one of the tittering few this morning … 

Damn it. He really had no excuse that would not look incredibly insulting to either … or both of them, now.

.

. JOHN W   6:55 PM

. Thanks. I’ll Give her a call.

.

(Story continues beneath the cut ...)

John arrived nervously at Sarah’s place. 

Rosie had been left, happily settled in with Sam at their flat. And despite his misgivings at the nose ring and hoodie that took him momentarily by surprise … She was a very competent - and he recalled, organised  - adult. The other ladies in the office followed her filing system, or else.

He had only just managed to stash away all of the letters, before she arrived. And now he stood … 

Staring up at Sarah’s building … 

It took a moment to ground himself. A deep breath in.

This wasn’t a big deal.

It was just dinner,

.              A movie …

.

Two hours. 

That’s all he was allowing himself. He would make an excuse to go home in two hours, either way.

He psyched himself up … 

. … and pressed the buzzer.

.

Sarah was popping open a bottle of red. They had just shared an amazing spaghetti bolognese and Sarah was going on and on about something or other, when she startled him back to her attention.

.        “I was waiting for you to ask me out,” she said, blithely, “I wanted you to ask me out - and I thought you never would!”

Her smile was too big. It made John’s heart hurt. She wanted him to be enjoying himself.

He smiled, blinking. 

She thought he never would …? 

She was right, of course. What was he doing?

This wasn’t fair to her.

.        “Sarah … I-” he started,

But she was laughing and pouring another glass of wine for him,

.        “And then you did!”  she raised her glass to toast and clinked.

.

They binge watched some episodes of 'The Office' and laughed at the resemblance of John to the Tim character. Sarah fell asleep on his shoulder after a few more glasses. Never once asking John about his life or his child … or anything real.

He sighed.

She was nice.

She was young.

Too young, probably … There would be no shared experiences, no understanding of the shell shock and the grievous wounds of war … No understanding of the occasional drive John had to do something reckless … something dangerous … not that the life of a GP would ever bring that side of him to life again.

He suddenly felt very old.

.

When he woke her to say goodbye, she invited him to stay, tugging on his arm. Her dress was tight. Hugging her hips and breasts. Showing off her lovely features. Her hair was messy and soft, and oh-so-feminine … and her room was so close …

But he thanked her politely and managed to head on his way home, like a gentleman.

Thinking … 

.           Maybe he would feel less guilty, if he went out with someone not at work?

.           Maybe he would wander around for a while and clear his head.

Still catching up to Ao3 before I post the next chapter! (Ohmygod, this takes forever to edit and post on Tumblr!!!) 🤣 I need moar coffee ☕️

@johnlocky @fluffbyday-smutbynight @chinike @rhasima @mydogwatson @kettykika78 @mxster-jocale @cupidford @meetinginsamarra @peageetibbs @calaisreno @7-percent @john-smiths-jawline @anyway-kindness @swissmissing @inevitably-johnlocked @totallysilvergirl @kittenmadnessandtea @topsyturvy-turtely @safedistancefrombeingsmart @colourfulwatson @holmesianlove @kabubsmagga @peanitbear @copperplatebeech @tiverrr @pocketwatchofmycroft @mutedsilence @2smach @loki-lock @daltongraham @amyreadsandstresses @raina-at @discordantwords @gregorovitchworld @bluebellofbakerstreet @sarahthecoat @reveling-in-mayhem @masterofhounds @missdeliadili @mysterythecat @iamjustreading @midgemao @ileenhaddockhawkins @storytellingdreamer @fuckcannibals @cortinita @a-clithridiate-in-my-heart @salmonsown @angelinlibrary charlies-storybook starrla89 quickslvxr janiesprings janetm74 tinchensblog myriath iwlyanmw youcouldcallmegus lilithcroft dragonnan stellacartography

[moonjxsung]

STAR IM DEVASTATED so i have a priv twt acc right w some irls and this stay from stayville req-ed me a long time ago and i was soooo happy that i was mutuals w someone from stayville and i THOUGHT everything between us was cool? but today they unfollowed me and removed me as a follower and im devastated i dunno why they did that :((( i don't think they had a problem w me saying nsfw stuff cuz they previously tweeted things like "cancelling someone over saying smth nsfw abt an adult is stupid" and also ive seen them interact w nsfw minsung posts so i dunno if me tweeting smth like "i wanna suck flxs cock sooooo bad" couldve made them wanna break the mutual??? i dmed them too and i was like "heyy is there a reason you don't wanna be moots w me anymore </3" and not even minutes later they turned off their message perms and im devastated. its STUPID bcs they'd barely interact w me Sure but it felt nice to have a stay be my friend on my priv twt that's usually just for my irls and i </3 it's ironic that they did that too bcs just earlier today (before they broke the mutual) i noticed that my followers went down (i have a very low amt already. like. 25. not even joking) and i tweeted "yall dont wanan be friends w me anymore </3" bcs like. my followers are QUITE LITERALLY only my irls + a skz writer so i was (i think rightfully??) alarmed that the number went down!!!! man im just Sad about it and SIIIGH i know i shouldnt care so much bcs at the end of the day they're just a person online but the least they could've done was dm me back and explain why and GHFSDDSJHFKJADDSDSAAAAA you get me!?!! also im sorry i dropped this on you randomly feel free to ignore LMAAOOAOAO can i be 💫 anon? thank yew <3

(Adding 💫 to the anon list!!! Also fun fact that’s my favorite emoji of all time. Slay)

I feel like I’m the LAST person who should be giving advice abt this bc one of my mutuals and a very good friend of mine who I’d been talking to every day randomly blocked me on everything this week after me literally being there to console this person for every little thing and playing into this pretend homoerotic friendship we had even though she was clearly looking for another boyfriend and would get mad if I even called another girl pretty (???) I wish nothing but the absolute best for her but like…. The double standard is WILD. to not provide closure to a months-long friendship is just genuinely a very mean spirited thing to do imo.

(If she’s reading this, best of luck with everything and I hope you know I cared for you a lot more than you think I did. I distanced myself because you were clearly looking for someone to fill a void in your life that I could simply not fulfill, and I didn’t want to lead you on, nor be kept around like I wasn’t allowed to talk to other girls either. Regardless, I hope you know I used to sleep with my phone on full volume in case you called, and I deleted a page worth of poetry in my notes app for you I meant to deliver on your birthday. I also deleted your number so I have zero way of contacting you, but I will always be here if you need me. Take care and I love you always, I hope you still see me when you look up at the moon)

It’s not the first time I’ve lost an internet friend to the magical world of blocking, but fortunately the attitude I’ve developed towards it is that none of this is real!!! These are people on the internet miles away you’ve never met irl and they have no real impact in your life whether they remain following you or not. I’ve lost internet friends nearly a decade ago that I don’t even remember anymore. Better ones will come along!!! Especially stays! This fandom has so many beautiful remarkable people who are actually worth following and they wouldn’t cut you off like that. Sending so many positive vibes your way and I KNOW that the universe will send you some better mutuals. In the meanwhile I will be your internet bestie and I would never unfollow you for nsfw content or without some form of an explanation. And I also want to suck Felix’s dick. 🩷🫶

(I love you, don’t be so hard on yourself!!!! You’re wonderful, angel 🩷 anyone would be lucky to be moots with you)

[kerryweaverlesbian]

Character Ask: Jo! (you know i have to) <3

Hehehe hi Ally!!!! @lesbianjoannaharvelle I'm just gonna do the answers that I think I have interesting things to talk about for 😇

First Impression: I do naurt remembar....shrug emoji...I met her over 10 years ago....

Now Impression: GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY. Butchest a girl can be without twitter cancelling her.

Favourite thing about her: she's ANGRY!!!!!!! I love an angry woman! The world is against her and she's against IT.

Favourite interaction: her and Ellen during their deaths (MORBID) just like. That's her mommy 😭

A character I wish she interacted with more: we were ROBBED of a Jo Bela episode. I think if it was one of the seasons where they tried to care about women then they'd have met. Someone who wants to leave her family and someone who had to destroy hers, the clash of aesthetics, Jo telling her "you shoot like a girl" and Bela telling her "don't tell me - your daddy taught you everything you know. guess he didn't know all that much then." [Btw if the jobela concept intrigues you, read my jobela heist fic lol]

I also think. This is entirely self indulgent I have no justification. She should have met Hannah and taught her how to be human and be taken very seriously and find her abundantly charming. And they should kiss. The dean mirror and the cas mirror can have some sapphic destiel mirroring together. As a treat.

A song that reminds me of her: !! Strange Girl by Laura Marling:

I love you my strange girl,

My lonely girl,

My angry girl,

My brave!

I think of Jo EVERY time. Because I do love her my strange girl my lonely girl my angry girl my brave... it's a song about a mother trying to meet her kid where she is and support her even when she's worried about her getting hurt (you're changing all the time, and it starts to blur the line, that's supposed to keep you safe!) which naturally reminds me of the Jo and Ellen relationship

An unpopular opinion: I think she'd have a MUCH harder time intergrating into a friend group or a big family than fics tend to consider. The people she hangs out with on a regular basis: 1. Her mom 2. Ash 3. Random drifters at the bar. That's it that's the list. We know she was alienated in highschool, so she hasn't learned how to exist in a group setting long term.

How is she likely to feel if she was swept into a big party with all of the Winchester's friends in a place she isn't in control of? Territorial, jealous, ignored, out of place. She sees her mom getting along with people just fine, and Dean (her mirror!! Her idol and her equal!) being lavished with positive attention from all sides. And Ash is zonked out with the stoner club* and it reconfirms to her that she's just a loser. Like. I think she'd get to a place of enjoying a big group! But it would take work. She's also Not Like Other Girls so that'd take some working on too lol.

*Ash, Pamela, Meg and Castiel (if they can get him away from Dean long enough)

Favourite picture: I'm putting it below the cut because. It's a little scary.

It's a beloved book club memory from our [me and ally's] beloved @gwasgy about our [me and KK's] beloved snail 🧡

[beauzos]

Not to make it obvious that I’ve thought about this before but George Armstrong Custer would be a social media addict who constantly does numbers and got famous from prank videos that are actually super fucked up but because he’s funny and charismatic and because he's friends with a bunch of way bigger creators for some reason (and eventually loses all of them because he talks shit about all of them behind their backs the second it benefits him) he has a sizable audience and then eventually you find out he’s like super fucking racist and he gets cancelled on Twitter and he uses it to get onto Fox News and Daily Wire and start grifting money from conservatives and then spends the rest of his days as a has-been right wing grifter that gets retweeted by Elon Musk and bots on Twitter and constantly flexes how rich he is despite being tens of thousands of dollars in debt because he has a gambling addiction from those online slot sites and because he keeps dumping his and Libby’s life savings into crypto and NFT schemes and he pretends like he doesn’t care that he gets clowned on and ratio’d constantly and spams laugh-cry emojis when people criticize him while Libby has to calm him down because he’s legitimately enraged when people make fun of him and then he dies during a prank and no one feels bad for him