#who insisted that trans men can't be drag performers

[just-your-average-tangerine]

I am, once again, amused by how much transphobia against trans men from within the queer community is based in denying our transness while simultaneously using our agab against us.

[goodmode]

really annoys me that a lot of my old art inspos that I also looked up to for their identities keep coming out as transmasc. like they can do whatever they want im just being a petty little hater. it was just important to me to see someone i could look up not only for art but for my own personal identity its late and im not the best at explaining but it meant a lot to see that being a masculine woman was just allowed. to be a cis woman who wanted to be seen as just some guy while also being a woman.

it feels that maybe being a masculine woman is wrong in a sense when half of the people i watch state that it was used as a bridge for them to find their identity (again fair enough power to them hope theyre doing well im just being a little hater) and the other half on my goddamn recommended on tiktok/youtube shorts state that being a masculine woman is just, attention seeking mental illness. maybe im wrong and a bad person, everyone i used to heavily relate to their experiences in femininity no longer express it in a way that i can see as inspirational and its trouble finding people i can relate to as closely again. sorry im not sure if this was ment to be shared on anon or not byt im paranoid of being cancelled if i misphrased this i wanted to go to sleep an hour ago

you're not a little hater i think you are just frustrated! and that's understandable.

i struggle a lot with the idea of femininity as a whole because having grown up Under That Roof i find it very difficult to reconcile "i am a daughter and that is important to me" with "i am not a Feminine Girly Girl though". in the end that made the most sense to me when i tentatively crossed over the line and said "maybe i'm not a girl at all. maybe i'm a daughter to my parents, and not even a girl at all to everyone else?"

i grew up as an awkward tomboy, rejected femininity and tried to present more "masculine" without really understanding why i was expected to present either way. i usually look at it this way: for a long time i WAS a girl. and some part of me still is that girl who grew up like that. so women's issues will always be important to me, and the idea that women should be allowed to present themselves however they want ("masculine" but still a woman, for example, fits here like a glove!) is especially important to me.

i have friends who grew up assigned male, too, and the idea that men can't even put on a dress without someone going "omg She must be trans" is ALSO hurtful believe it or not. (see drag queens and also the wider ongoing discussion on gender vs presentation vs the binary). it feels like no matter where you sit, someone is going to insist you have to be something. everyone is very excited about gender but sometimes people can be a cis man and wear Feminine(C)(TM) clothes and sometimes it's a cis woman wearing a suit or t-shirt and jeans and refusing to perform the Tits Manifesto and that's still a ciswoman if she says so.

for me that pressure manifested as going "fuck this i'm nonbinary i am not interested in gender" and sometimes that includes deliberately manspreading when i can see someone is trying to interpret me as female. or hunching to hide the tits. but i don't think i'm transmasc and i don't really want that label on me. i just don't think of myself that way - i'm nonbinary and i don't WANT to "present as masc" or "present as femme". i just want to present in a way that cuts people off when they try to box me in. nipping it off in the bud. culture of No Not Like that.

what i'm saying is:

i still (and will always, and am constantly reminded because i don't "pass" well) remember what being a woman is like. and let's be honest, so does wider society, because most people are still operating on "awww you had a baby is it a boy or a girl?" terms, and then Assigning Stuff depending on that.

but rejecting that assignment doesn't always mean having to transition. i had to scrutinise this concept a lot over the years, and i still scrutinise it now. am i nonbinary or am i just a woman who is so, so, so, sick of being expected to be a woman?

for me, the answer has become "i'm not going to look at it too hard, and i'm most comfortable when i introduce myself as Nil Zero None Gender. so i guess i'm nonbinary."

for other people who grew up as women, the answer may be something else, like: "i'm a woman and being a woman doesn't mean having to twiddle my hair and giggle and That's That On That"

i was born in the early 1990s and grew up not knowing what a trans person was. the word "transgender" didn't hit my vocabulary until i was about 16-17. i saw rocky horror and thought it was a one-off weird film that someone just made up from their head. omg a man in women's clothes? made up [laughcry emoji] (i loved the film anyway and looking back now, it's hilarious that all i knew was cisgender and yet i still Felt The Film So Important To Me)

so i think a lot of people grew up not having a choice. and now there's a choice, a lot of people are going "oh my god thank goodness" and taking that choice. i think the large numbers of transmascs could be partly helped along by the sheer relief of not having to Perform Girl any more (take this with a pinch of salt i'm only one person).

but this doesn't (and shouldn't) detract from the experiences of women who were assigned You're Woman and still consider themselves women. because this is 2022. women face their own issues (inequality, pay gaps, discrimination) and this has been going on for a truly archaeological timespan and it needs to be addressed, with or without the transgender discussion. preferably with! because we are stronger that way and can make better and more nuanced points by referring to the way trans people are treated.

i don't quite know how to end this post but - it IS frustrating that the presentation of your gender (woman) feels like it's being minimalised, as if people are jumping ship like rats escaping a sinker. i understand that feeling completely. but the Woman Battleship is not actually sinking, i promise!

i think what you need to do is find other cis girls/women like you, (like. preferably who support trans rights and aren't bigots and understand there is a wider scope here), and try to connect with those women. because they are out there! and i do NOT doubt in the slightest that that frustration is present in them too. i think the more you discuss it (while - PLEASE - still keeping kindness to transmascs in mind, they really are just experiencing something you don't experience yourself, it's not that deep and maybe it's helpful to sit back and go "not for me but aight") - the more you'll feel comfortable with your presentation and understanding of yourself as a woman.

women's rights are still being shat on. i won't beat around the bush here. it still sucks to be a woman. and transitioning helps an individual to come to terms with their own self, but we are all still going to have to fight the same fight because the fight is still there. an employer isn't going to give you the same treatment as the male employees just because you look like a woman with some beard scruff, unfortunately. people like you (cis woman) and me (no gender) and transmascs (transmascs) have to link arms in this matter. we know the same trouble and it still hurts and it's still raw.

so i guess the full tl;dr is: i was a woman once and it sucked and that's why i want every cis woman to know that i understand and cannot ever stop understanding. there are Expectations on women and if i ever see a woman EVEN POLITELY asked to "wear a skirt please. women have to wear skirts for this" i will start biting. women don't have to perform anything for anyone. women are women who are women because they are women. anyone who thinks there has to be a performative element can die mad